Longest Novel: Fall of The Republic
by morgan kingsley
Summary: In 2020, a middle age author, living too deeply in the past, decides to write the story of what really happened to him and his friends when he was younger, and it becomes a story that travels around and covers several peoples lives and struggles to the end point. A AU of seasons 1 - 4 that take place in the United States. Crossover with several other series for one overall universe
1. Prelude

Prelude

In the year of 2020, there was a forty six year old author who had been just sitting in his living room. Staring at the computer screen, honestly and deeply debating what the hell was going on here. He was honestly unsure of where he was going to be taking his career next, and that was the thing that had scared him the most. The fact that he truly had no idea how he was going to be getting people to really understand his deep and fearing ambitions on what was going on here.

The man had been deeply unsure of what he was even going to do to get people to see that he was not really even totally scared of the idea of writing, as much as just scared on where he was going to be taking this story for the most part. There was that huge part of him that he was feeling like he needed to find a way just get through with the fears that he was having, and that he was going to need to finally let the story that he had went through be told, and then everybody could finally understand his side of the deal for once in everybodys lives.

The strange thing was that he did not even blame those who did not believe in him. Unless if he had gone through the story himself, well the events that would lead to this story of his life, then he was going to be able to try and deny that it ever happened as well. He knew that he had to pretend like he was able to see where they were coming from. They were probably just being practical people, and not really knowing what he was actually having as personal demons so to say behind him. But then again, there was that part of him that feared that if he did tell the true story he went through, people would be accusing him of lying, and just trying to turn the story to be fitting in his own personal perspective.

Then he was thinking that maybe he could go on and try to just tell the truth. If people listened to him, and took him seriously, that would be great, and then progress could be made. But if not, then he was just going to have to find a way to be getting them to see that he was not messing around. But then again, even if they did not believe in him, they would still be reading his story. Reading his life. Understanding what he had went through. Part of him was feeling like that was already a start to have.

As he was sort of thinking about that, thinking about what he was going to have to say to people to understand what he was feeling, then he was thinking that this was just going to be the best challenge of his life. To truly relive the truth once and for once, and this time do it in a way that he was going to feel like he was going to be proud of it all.

Then with that, he had finally felt like he had made the choice on how he was going to be able to continue this whole thing. He was going to be calling his friend named Joe, and he was going to try and see what this slightly older man would try and expand his mind on this whole thing. When you would consider the fact that the man was twelve years old when this whole set of events happened, the fact that Joe was even seventeen was already a giant step up in the idea of having great memories that really made him understand what was going on here.

That, plus the fact that he had always seemed to be the easiest to contact with, due to their relatively close radius of two hours driving made them much easier to get in contact with. Even the next closest, who he had stronger communication with when it came to these events, was still another three hours away from Joe. The whole thing was going to be a bit hard for him to really understand. That was something that he always placed into perspective when considering where to go here.

He was placing the number in his phone, just trying to brace himself for the verbal ass whooping he had silently been dreading from the second that this plan was coming to mind. He knew from the moment that he had started his plan that no matter who he would reach to first, they were going to just tell him that he was fucking insane, and that he had really gone off the deep end, and that he needed to at least try and consider what he was getting himself into.

But the thing was that he was not a kid anymore. He was not even a young man. He was not a new author trying to get into the swing of things of writing. He was a forty six year old man, who had been married, had a kid who was already going to be starting school soon, and was now well into his writing career and teaching at the local community college career. The whole point to this thing was that he was he was not needing to have people tell him off.

So with that, he placed the phone to his ear, and then he was thinking about what to be feeling here. He was just truly unsure of what the heck he was even going to tell Joe to get him to understand that this idea was not suicide. That this idea was finally actually onto something. But then again, he was feeling like almost none of what he could even say was going to make much of a difference. But he had felt like no matter what, there was something he would have to do. The phone answered on the third ring, and then Joe jumped straight to the point.

"Look T.K., I am rather busy right now with my own thing, and I can't spend too much time here. So if you need some help, I would be more than willing to give it to you. But I think we need to see what is actually going on here." He was saying, and T.K. was feeling like this was going to be a suicide attempt. But in a way, this whole thing was just going to be a bit rough to really tell him. That he was going to be coming back to terrible events that should have been left behind, all because he just wanted some fucking idea of putting some terrible memory at peace in the end.

"I was wanting to help with making me write the story of what we went through when I was younger. Well, I had made the choice on doing this. But to be honest, I feel like I just need to finally put this aside in a way that I feel like I can be having some peace with. But I can't do them alone. I need some help. I need your help here." T.K. had said, and then he was feeling like Joe was not going to be brushing this whole thing off as some silly ambition a person would have, and actually take him seriously, with hindsight, time and age all being a perspective to play here.

"Why would you be thinking that something like this is a good idea? I mean, you have been going on and talking about how we should never be going through and doing now, and now you are here, suddenly acting like this is the right choice." After Joe had told T.K. this, that was when he was really wanting to see what the heck was going on with T.K., to make this seem like a good idea in the first place.

"Listen, I think that you are probably going to try and tell me a thousand reasons as to why I should not be doing something like this. You are going to be telling me that I should have thought about my position much better. But to be honest, I don't really care. I am going to be feeling like this is the one thing that would be making me feel like I can finally have some peace." T.K. said, and then he was wondering if Joe was going to want to have something to say now.

"But T.K., are you thinking that you will really be finding peace with telling yourself to go through all of this. I think you need to actually think about the fact that whatever you are saying is fucking insane. Whatever you are going to try and accomplish by doing this is not really going to be helping you here. I think you know this much more than you want to actually admit." Joe said, and then T.K. shook his head, not really wanting to argue with Joe here.

"No, I am quite frankly not in the mood to debate with you right now. I know that you are will try to find a million excuses to try and make me feel like this was a terrible idea. But I don't really care. I have a goal in my mind, and the only thing that you can do to make a difference is if you either stay or go. Regardless of what you are doing, I will not be making an argument here. I will just accept what you are feeling, no matter what. But I really need your help, to help put some peace with this." T.K. said, just wondering what Joe was going to be saying here.

"I don't like this. I think that this is going to be a terrible idea. But I guess that maybe you are already going to be making your mind up on this. I just wish that I knew that you really did think this out. That you cared about what we were dealing with, and not just fighting for yourself." After Joe said that, that was when T.K. was feeling like he needed to just jump right to the defending himself here, since he did not want to deal with Joe just acting like he was a piece of shit now.

"Listen, I know that you are not going to understand me. Please, just understand that I have nothing but the best intentions in mind here. I think that this is the best that I can do though. I need to know what the hell I can do to finally know what is happening here. And I am going to just make people understand that this story did happen. Even if they brush this off as fiction, they will at least have the option to be going around and making their mind." T.K. said, and then he was wondering what Joe would want to say at this comment now.

"If you don't want to help, then please don't force yourself to come. But on the other hand, please do not try and get me to stop what I am doing here. I think that you are going to have to just accept the fact that I am going to be on my own right now. Like it or not, this is the way that I am going to be working with my career now. So please, just make up your mind." T.K. said, and he was not caring how blunt and rude he was going to be coming off here.

There was a clear silence for another couple of seconds, before Joe was finally feeling like he needed to answer what was going on here. He was feeling like there was just no real reason to be trying to deny T.K. the idea of getting some help. "I know that you are going to be doing this anyways. That is the main reason I am saying yes. Besides, I know that I have been having some things going on here that I need to make peace with as well. This is my best and maybe only chance."

Several seconds passed that felt like a couple of minutes before T.K. was able to finally come to terms with the answer that Joe had given him. In a way, now that he had been given an answer, part of him was feeling like he was not really sure what he had wished for Joe to say. To be keeping him out of the pain of the memories, or to be giving T.K. extra clarity. Both versions of the answer would have given him genuine clarity there.

"Are you sure that this is going to be what you want to do? I mean, if you want to just place this whole thing behind me, I would try to understand where you are going to be coming from. I just think that maybe we need to try and consider everything out a bit more." T.K. said, now feeling like he was going to try and get a heart at this.

After T.K. was saying this, there was another two seconds or so of silence before Joe was giving him the next answer. "I am going to be doing what I can. I mean, I don't think that something like this will work. But I don't care. I think that as long as I at least try and make it better for us. Or for myself. I think that this is the best that I can do." Joe said to T.K., and then he was feeling like this was the worst comment he could be making here. The one thing that he was just wishing to never discuss any further.

"When do you think that you are going to be coming by?" T.K. asked, thinking that this was his first and only chance to turn back, and that if Joe did not do this, then that was going to be his fault. T.K. was thinking that maybe he was just going to need to get Joe to finally see that this was not a bad idea. But in a way, all of this stuff was making him feel like there was no real certainty that he was having to any of this.

"Probably in about three hours or something. Maybe four. I doubt that it will take any longer, even in a bad night. But seriously, I just think that I am going to be needing this entire drive to really think on what the hell we are going to be doing. To be getting any form of a start on this stuff." Joe was telling T.K., and as this was happening, both Joe and T.K. had felt like there was no real need to come up with any further discussion to this now.

"I think that maybe this is fair. I mean, after all, I am dragging this whole thing onto you, and I am very sorry for something like this. I mean, you probably did think that this whole thing was just going to be gone forever, and then like a total asshole, I just could not keep it alone." T.K. said, and he was feeling like what he had said was going to be making Joe feel better. Make him feel like maybe T.K. was not really making a big mistake by any of this.

"I think that you doing something like this, opening up about something like this, is showing that you are not a bad person. I think that the worst that you are being right now is just slightly misguided. I think that I need to give you a chance though. I doubt that you would be doing anything to purposely make things even worse for those around you. I think you need to just think about what is going on here is all." After he had said that to T.K. there was some level of uncertainty here.

"I guess that something like this might be fair. I mean, I am not really doing anything wrong. I mean, I would say something like this at least. You know, I just think that the worst thing that I am doing is just digging up some bad memories here. But I really need to start to consider every single possible idea here." T.K. said, and then he was feeling like he was going to fall into some form of loss here. No matter how he was going at this.

"No matter what is going to be happening, I think that you should be given credit for at least trying to do something that you feel like is right. That is something that I think is very easy to appreciate." After Joe had said that to T.K., there was something at the back of his mind, just tired of the pain and the misery of never talking to somebody about this. This thing with T.K. was going to at least be a start. It was going to be something to keep him going on here. Having a talk with T.K. was going to be making him feel like he at least was going to make a difference.

"I need to be heading out now. You know, to sort of get on the road. Do not get too far without me. I think you should get as far as you can before I get there, but don't do anything that you feel like you can't really accomplish. That is the main reason you called me over in the first place." After Joe was saying that to T.K., that was when T.K. was rolling his eyes, feeling like he was needing to not be lectured by Joe over this, and then T.K. was just telling himself that he was doing what he had felt like was right, and that maybe he needed to consider that a bit more.

After the call was done, that was when T.K. was feeling like he was just needing to find something to do to make him feel like he was not going to be totally lost on everything that was happening. To be making him feel like he was going to have at least some form fo a starting point to be keeping this whole thing together. He was looking at the pictures of his family, thinking of the life he was now going to have to start to be going through.

The pictures consisted of stuff like his wife, and various pictures of her, such as dates they had gone on, their wedding, and some other things that he often times would be forgetting about, and those were some other things about what he was going to just need to really fully consider about what was actually going on. There was one memory of his with her that he was able to always be proud of, and just feel like he was going to keep at the back of his mind for the rest of his life.

That was when he had first met her. A moment and a memory that he had felt like was going to be keeping him going every single time he had felt like he was wanting to give up. He had known there were many moments when he was just wanting to go on and give up on everything. Well, give up on everything relating to his career. That one single moment of discussing with her had finally made him feel like he could go on and actually make a difference.

He had known that this whole thing was just too much to really comprehend. The fact that he had laid his entire life in a way on one single moment that had happened ten years ago, and was nothing more than a simple discussion in the grand scheme of all things to discuss.

But the longer that he had always looked at this picture, and he was doing all of this, the more that T.K. was just thinking that to help give him some stupid motivation on this whole thing, he would just one a time where he could be able to reflect on what he had done that day. As a way to be making him know that he was going to just have some form of an idea on what he was doing and some form of an idea of thinking that what he had done was right.

T.K. was smiling as he was placing his legs on a table, trying to think about how this was going to keep him knowing that life was not totally out of mind. He was just feeling like everything was going to be coming together. T.K. had felt like one of these days, he was just going to have to find a way to not be forcing himself to think on these things every time he had wanted to have some form of a happy moment in his life, or happy motivation.

There was almost some form of obsession he had over this. Even he had been willing to admit something like this. He might not have any desire to go on and admit something like this, but there was no way that he was going to be lying over something like this either. There was no way that he was going to just try and fully find a way to pretend like what he was doing actually had some form of justifiable way to bring this mindset of his together.

Maybe in a year or two, when this whole thing was done, then he was going to finally know that what he was doing was going to be fine. He would be able to have some memories that could help him be happy. But until something like this was going to work, there was just no way in hell that he knew what could be able to replace the feeling he was having here.

T.K. decided that one more time to go through this was healthy enough, and as a result, he was just trying to go back and remember the thing he had seen. As he was going back to those memories, he was thinking more and more on what was going on at that conversation. A decade ago, when he had walked down the street, and simply saw her looking simply a bit sad over what was going on, for some random reason:

...

The memory started when T.K. was walking down a side walk with some boxes that he was carrying. He was just minding his own business, getting his stuff ready before his first day of teaching at the school he was hired at for Creative Writing. After about five minutes of walking with the box, there was a point in time when he had felt like he needed to place the box down to take a bit of a break to just let give his arms a rest.

He placed the box down, and then he was just letting his arms have the moment, and he looked to his side just for a moment, not really thinking too deeply into it. As he was looking, he had seen that there was a girl sitting on her front steps. She was looking like she was about nineteen or something like that. She was looking right up at him, and she was getting a look of mild confusion on her face. Because she did not know what he was doing, and felt like she needed to know.

"Hey, what is going on? Why do you have those boxes with you?" She was asking T.K., and then he was looking down at the box, and then he was smiling for a split second that this girl was showing a mild amount of interest in what he was doing. Then he was shrugging as if thinking that his answer was going to be a bit anticlimatic for all intents and purposes.

"Well, I am going to be getting this stuff to my car. I brought them from my storage house, and I will be using them to start my first day of my new job." T.K. answered, scratching his head, as if unsure of what he was even going to say now. He had felt like there was no real need to find anything else to say here. He was just thinking that maybe she was already going to lose interest, and since she got her answer, he would pick up and head out again.

Right as he was about to get ready to head on out, that was when the girl was calling out to him once again. "What is your new job anyways? Or are you too scared to admit it?" After she had asked him this question, T.K. thought about it a bit more. Just wanting to get out of here. Then again, he was thinking that since she was being nice enough, there was literally no need to be rude to her on anything that was going on here.

"I am getting into a teaching career at the community college and use that as extra revenue for the main career that I have. You know, which is pretty much just me writing for a living." T.K. said, and he was just wondering what he would even want to be saying now. He was feeling like maybe as long as he was going to keep himself together, he would find himself almost enjoying this conversation, and she might be feeling the exact same way as well.

"That sounds exciting. What types of works do you publish?" After she had asked him this, T.K. actually had thought about it for a moment. In a way, he was thinking so much because he really had no idea what the heck the main focus in his career were. That was something that he had felt like was kind of embarrassing to admit. But he was thinking that he had just needed to try and find an honest answer that could be able to appease the truth.

"Well, I mainly just write whatever is exciting to me at the moment. I have done a little bit of every genre, just trying my best to be branching out and placing my feet in the water. You know, it is just the best that I can do here. I never really have a consistent style that I stick with. Don't want people calling me sell outs." T.K. said, and then he was just thinking that he needed to be done with this statement.

"What types of works would you suggest if I were to read your stuff?" After she asked T.K. this, that was when T.K. had actually was kind of shocked at the way she was approaching him a bit, and then he was sighing a bit, as if feeling like he just needed to come up with a good answer. Considering the fact that he had no idea what would be a good first one for somebody of her age.

"Probably some of my early works. Not really all that good, but they are easy and you can probably read them in a week or something. I think that if you really wanted to get a good start on this, you should just try that." T.K. had said, and then he was wondering if she was still interested in any of this, but he was just telling himself to be ready for any answers she would want.

"Oh alright. I was just a bit curious. What made you decide that you needed to go into a college career in the first place?" After she asked him that, T.K. thought about it a bit longer. There was no real good answer to that. Nothing like selfish or anything. It just was not really anything he thought deeply about.

"To be totally honest, I am not too sure. I think that I just wanted to try and get some extra money because I don't make a ton. As well as the fact that I feel like everybody else has an imagination that they should be willing to try and go to express. I think that expressing something like this is the best that we can really do." T.K. had said, and then after he was done, he was wondering what to even say now.

"I plan on taking some classes there soon. You know, since my parents wanted me to go out and get some form of education. I just don't really know what I would be taking though. I mean, I don't really even though what they actually offer there." After the girl was telling T.K. this, that was when T.K. had felt like he needed to try and help her out. Considering the fact that she was seeming to really need some help here, and that maybe this can be his first moment.

"Well, I think that maybe you should find out what you are really interested in right now. Do you have any specific interests that you have?" T.K. asked, and then the girl was smiling, as if finally having an answer to that question. She was looking like she was almost glad that somebody she was talking with had even a mild amount of interest in learning what she was doing.

"I was planning on going on and maybe trying to become an officer or something. I always had an interest in working in that field. You know, going out and trying to make a difference in the world by protecting those who needed it the most out of anybody." After she had said that to T.K., there was a look of interest in his eyes. As if he was feeling like he wanted to see where this could be going towards now.

"Well, that is a really noble goal of you. I mean, I never really wanted to go on and become an officer. I feel like the police here are just a bit hard to trust. I don't really know if I could ever be able to fully trust anybody after all that I went through when I was even younger than you." T.K. answered, and she was clearly looking very interested in what he was talking about here. Wondering what he was even scared to speak of.

"What happened when you were younger than me? I heard about some bad stories of officers and stuff... But for you to lose your entire faith in the force... That just seems a bit much." She said, and then T.K. was forced to think about it for a bit. He really had no good answer to that question. That was the one thing he was really hating to even think about. The fact that he was having to talk about the way that he had whatever little respect he had for them in such a swift motion.

"Trust me, if you really wanted to know the truth of what happened, that would be a story too long to make it worth it. We would be here for so many hours that you would be bored. Plus, you would not even believe in me." T.K. was saying, and as they were looking at the girl, he was wondering what she would be saying now. If she was going to try and find a way to be fighting him on this whole thing.

"Well, I wouldn't know if you don't give me a chance to listen to your story." After she had said that to T.K., he was wondering how else he was going to be able to get himself out of this whole thing. He was just going to be thinking about how cute it really was that she was thinking that she would be able to be ready for such a heavy load of bullshit. It was something he was almost able to respect about her. The fact that she was clearly looking like she would be ready for whatever was going to come up next.

"How about this... If you want to know what I went through so badly, I might be tempted to write a book about it, and one of these days, if the book is made, then we can be able to see if you would believe in me now." T.K. said, and then he was looking right at her expression, trying to decide what she was feeling to this whole thing. She was almost looking like she was kind of enjoying the challenge that T.K. had presented to herself.

"I would love to do that. And I might be able to see what is bothering you so much." After she had said that to T.K., she was wondering what was even going to be happening now. She was clearly looking like she had felt like the talk was over, and that she had wished to maybe see if she would be able to get to know what this man was like just a little bit more.

"What is your name anyways? I mean, how can I be able to know if I have one of your classes or that I can read your stories unless if I know who you are?" She asked the man, and then T.K. was just sort of feeling like he had wished she was not being so serious about this whole thing. Knowing that she was actually wanting to know this a bit more, he had felt like he just needed to get it over with.

"T.K. Shioda. I have been sort of just writing all of these stories to kind of get away from the stories that I have been dealing with in my own personal life. I think that maybe I am just too scared to even comprehend the idea of going forward on all of this." T.K. had admitted, she then he was looking at the girl, wondering what she was going to be saying to him now. She was just thinking that he was being ridiculous. And maybe she was right.

"So I guess it would be kind of ironic what it would be like if I desire to keep this story away from me, but then I finally write it out for the people to see. Then nobody would be able to escape what I have been going through. I don't know if anybody would be able to deserve something like that." T.K. said, and then he was hearing the girl ask him a question that he had actually felt like was a genuinely good point.

"But if you put the story out there, and just let the people read it, and they can make their own opinions of it, then I think you would be able to finally put this whole thing together. I think that maybe your way of getting out of this is just to be starting to put everybody else through it. Even if you might not want to do that." She said, and then she was looking right at T.K., wondering what he was going to try and tell her now.

"I guess that maybe I will consider this a bit. I mean, I think that there is a good point that you have." T.K. said, and then he was thinking about the fact that if he had wanted to speak more, he was going to have to be thinking harder on what to be saying. Since she was clearly making him have to think on everything much more than he had wanted to admit. That was something that he was thinking he was going to just have to really be ready for.

"Hey T.K., do you think that I will be able to see you across the campus throughout the year? If we do, then would you be fine with going out and maybe having a coffee or something?" After she had asked T.K. this, that was when he was shocked at the fact that he was probably being asked on a date at that moment. There was nothing wrong with that, and he probably would have asked her eventually, if they continued to talk, but he did not expect it to be that low key.

"Yeah, I would not mind doing something like that." T.K. said, and then he was wondering if this was actually going to go somewhere, or if it was just a possible idea that they were bringing up. Sort of unsure of what to be going through with. The girl smiled, and she was thinking that maybe she was going to slowly learn the truth of his life bit by bit this way.

"My name is Catherine. I hope to see you around sometime." After she had told him that, T.K. nodded, actually agreeing with her on this. Actually thinking that if she was really wanting to do this, then perhaps the two of them were going to be able to get something that would be really great for both of them. Then with that, he was picking up the box, and was ready to be heading out now, after he would get the last word in.

"Well, I hope you have a great day, and that you have a good school year. You know, if we never see each other again." T.K. said, and then after he had said that, he was gone, and he was off doing his own thing. Then he was just sort of wondering what it was going to be like. He was just thinking that whatever was about to happen next was going to be making him feel like life was going to finally come together for him.

...

After T.K. was done thinking about the one thing in his life that he had really enjoyed, T.K. was just standing up, thinking about what he was really going to be doing. He had felt like no matter what he was going to do, he was going to be needing to find that perfect starting point. That perfect point to be able to get his readers to actually want to listen to him, and to want to actually be able to take what he says into a form of valid consideration.

After he was just trying to find a good place to start his story, and as he was thinking about all of the options in his mind on where to start, he had been feeling like he was going to have a good starting point on where to be going here. He was thinking about the fact that he was going to try and actually get to have a good starting point with the story that he felt like he had needed to start to spread around to those who would be willing to listen to him.

He was thinking that the story of how one of the major people in this series even learned about this so called digital world would have been a good starting point to go off of here. There was not much that he was feeling like he was going to be able to get out of this, but he was feeling like he needed to at least consider what he was going to be setting himself up for. There was just something about this story that he was feeling like he needed to really get to know.

The more he was thinking deeply about this, the more that he was thinking that this was going to be the best starting point to go off of. So with that, he was just standing up, and he was pulling out a cigarette in his pack that he had been currently working on. As he was grabbing the cigarette, he was placing the cigarette right in his mouth, feeling like he had just needed to take in the moment, and just be pondering what was happening there.

He was smoking it a while longer, to start to really give himself a small level of clarity in mind. Knowing that the longer that he had thought about it, the better he was going to be having a good position to work off of here. The more that he was thinking about the best way to be telling the story, the more that he was starting to think of something else. Something that he had known he would need to accept, even if most people around him were not going to not get it.

When he was done with smoking his cigarette, he was feeling like he had a good idea on where he was going to start. The narrative that he was going to be getting himself to would have been a bit much. It would have been a lot of stuff for him to be taking in. But at the same time, there was just something that T.K. knew was going to be a huge road to go down.

T.K. went to his room, and once he was inside of his room, he was just thinking about some of the stuff that he had kept throughout all of the years that he usually used to get some form of a memory on the stuff he had gone through. Something that would be able to give him a head start on proving with people what he had gone through was not a lie. Or a starting point in making the story he had wanted to tell be able to finally come on through.

T.K. knew that he had needed to get something in this room to be helping him out here. He was seeing that there was something on his book shelf that he had not looked on in a really long time. Something that he had truly hated to go on and look for. But at the same time, it was the truly best place to start the story that he was going to be telling. It was the only way that he had felt like he would be able to truly get right to the point. To truly make people see that he was not really on a wrong path. But to be honest, there was just something that he had felt like he needed to look into a bit more.

He had grabbed the black book that he had never really looked into. He read it one time from start to finish, when he had first gotten it, and he had been trying to finally have some peace with everything that happened around him, but the whole thing did not really work out that way. If anything, it had been getting much worse. It had started off well enough, but then went down hill fast. Then after he had read it, he had placed the notebook down, and never touched it again out of fear of what was going to be happening next.

As he had looked at it for a bit, he was shaking his head for a bit. He had known that he had just needed to read it one final time, to really get a good starting point for how he was going to make the universe around him try to feel a bit more alive. He was feeling like as long as he was going to tell the story in a decent fashion, and almost brought some genuine integrity to this, then people would be able to really see that he was actually going to keep it all safe and together.

He was walking back to his room, and then he was just slowly rubbing the black journal, and the entire time that he was doing this, there was a small part of him that had wondered if his wife had read it after all. As he was thinking about that, and if she had done this, there would be two parts of the thing that would really be going on in his mind. And both of which, he had felt like was a valid question to be having at his mind.

The first reaction he would have was betrayal. The fact that she would have read something that was not hers, and that he had kept to himself as well as possible. The fact that she would have gone around, and read something that was given to him, and therefore was his personal property. He had felt like if something like this were to happen, he would be kind of fucking pissed.

But the second reaction, and the one that he was also thinking would be a valid one, was one of him just feeling like maybe he had deserved something like this. The fact that he had felt like he should have gone on and talked with her better, and that he should have just tried to be more open with her, and not be brushing her off for the way that she had been feeling here. On one hand, he would have wished for her to leave his stuff alone. On the other hand, she would have been valid for wanting him to just tell her the fucking truth here.

Then he was sitting down on his chair where he was having his desk. The entire time that he was looking at the cover, there was something that he needed to tell himself. Something that he had felt like he needed to be ready for, no matter what else was going to be going on. He was just telling himself that if he was going to have to deal with all of this, then he would have to find a way to find the story to be told in a decent fashion.

There was going to be a bit to tell going from this journal alone. As he was thinking about the journal, he was thinking that he was never really going to have a good answer. T.K. had known that he needed to be taking this easily, and that nothing else even mattered anymore. But then again, T.K. was just trying to find a way to make the man who had wrote this journal to feel like he was not only doing it well, but telling it in a fashion that would be seeming to be mostly genuine. He had no idea how something like this was going to go, but he did not think that there was any way that he could be able to play around with it.

He had felt like the only way he was able to accomplish something like this was just to be writing the journal the exact way that he had been reading it on the notebook. He did not know what the hell he was going to do to really accomplish the idea of making the journal seem truly exciting. But he had felt like there was no need to do that. As long as he was being honest, and was not messing around, and just told people the story the way that it was meant to be told, then everything would be just fine. That was the one thing that he had needed to do.

In a way, he was thinking that being honest was more important than being exciting. Sure some people might be bored of what he was doing, and might be bored of the story pretty quickly. But those who would read it, and just actually go on and give it a chance, would finally know that what he was saying was true. That was the best thing that he had felt like he would have been able to get out of this. Just being honest, and not be making any bullshit up to sort of make the story just more fun. After all, the experiences that were detailed in this notebook were not relaly fun either, and pretending like they were fun was just insane.

T.K. was placing the journal down on the desk, and he was opening it up to the first page, feeling like he had just needed to focus on what was happening here. He was feeling like no matter what was going to happen, he had just needed to be taking this whole thing calmly. Then he was turning on the computer, thinking that Joe was right.

Joe was right in the way that he was not going to be there for a while, so there was no need to be hiding the story to just himself for the time being. He would just get as far as he can, and as he was doing that, he would start to feel like he was going to be able to make some peace with what was going on. He was just going to see what he would do before Joe showed up. Besides, even if Joe could be spared a good couple dozen pages or so, then that was a couple dozen pages that he would not be forced to live through again, which would be his way of sort of taking some amount of the pain away.

As he was thinking about that, there was almost a small part of him that was feeling like he had actually done something right. It was small and silly, and did not really have any real weight on the grand scheme of things, but he had felt like he just needed to try and make the story work out. He was wondering how Jow would be feeling if he had seen that T.K. really did get a good part of the story done. Although granted when the whole thing was done, T.K. was feeling like they were be dealing with several thousand pages, which would be a nightmare.

But despite what was going on here, T.K. was just wondering if maybe the story was going to be something that Joe would just be sort of sad over. After all, they both went through this whole thing together, and that the nightmare was in a way shared across both of them. Neither one of them were able to truly escape what had happened. And that was just something that was both scary and almost kind of exciting.

The fact that both of them had gone through this stuff, and that there were millions of people who were never going to have a chance to learn the truth. In a way, T.K. had felt like there was something almost special to all of that. The one thing that he had felt like would have kept him going was just the fact that he was going to be sort of finding a way to capture how special the whole nightmare could have been. Or in a strange way, how special the nightmare actually was in its own messed up way. As much as T.K. hated to admit such a thing.

When the computer had been loaded up, and he was able to get right to the point of things, he had started up the new blank document. There was just a few more moments. A couple of seconds where he was able to still brush this whole thing off. Brush this off as if this was a terrible idea. In a way, T.K. was strongly considering one final time to be getting out of this. To just pretend like he had never even considered this whole idea that he would just be able to turn back here.

And if it weren't for the call that he had given Joe, and the agreement they had made, he would have done this. As he was thinking about that for a bit longer, there was something about what was going on that was almost a little bit funny. But then after he was thinking about that for a moment, to just get out of this, he was shaking his head. He had talked to Joe, he had contacted the man, and people were now aware of what he was going to be doing.

After he had remembered the situation he had for better or for worse gotten himself into, he has shook his head. Then he was thinking about what he was getting himself into. Then he was just starting to place in the title of the work. A title that would seem confusing to the average person, but virtually anybody who was there, who had witnessed what had happened, would get it. And not only just get it, but get it much too well.

As T.K. had thought about what he was going to be talking about, he had nodded, feeling like this was the best starting title. "Fall of the Republic." After he had wrote that, he was smiling, thinking that at least he had now gotten a start here, and that the longer he would work on this, the better that it would have been. Then he was just thinking that there was no better way, and no better idea on how to spend his time, than just to be getting right to the story.

After he had thought about that for a while, he had started to basically write the authors notes at the start, to sort of be able to make his peace with some of the things without getting into the details too much. So he was just telling himself that at least he was giving a lot of people the respect that they had deserved, after all of the decades of having nothing being given to them. Almost like they had lost out on what had truly mattered in the first place. The story was the one thing that he had felt like would be able to bring everybody on all sides and perspectives together finally.


	2. The Final Son

-Todd Jr's POV August 22 2020 8:33 pm- Hi, my name is Todd, and I guess you can call this a shared journal that me and my siblings are sharing. I am the oldest of eleven siblings, as of today, with my parents bringing in the last one, who was just born a few hours ago. Honestly, by this point, I don't really even know what to be exactly feeling about it all anymore.

I guess that maybe we can start at a more realistic pace. So I am twenty years old, and I have sort of been the voice of reason for many of our siblings this whole time. Not too shocking, considering that I was the first one, even if it can get kind of tiresome. But I would not want to admit that out loud, since despite everything going on, I do still love my siblings.

My father was an extremely late starter when he became a parent for the first time. He had me at fifty years old, which means that in just a little more than two months from now, my father will be turning seventy years old. That's just crazy in my mind. Then you have my mother, twenty seven years younger, and feeling like both her and him, also named Todd, have been getting far too old to continue, so they both agreed right then and there that this was the last one.

As you know, I am the oldest, and I am still living at the house. Currently, I am unemployed, although I do think that I am going to be able to rectify that one soon enough, thankfully. I have been just watching as everything had been forming over the years, and despite how much I dislike to admit it, I never had a serious relationship. Not too shocking, since a grand total of zero people want to be associated with the man with ten younger siblings.

My second sibling is Gabe, turning eighteen on October 2nd. He is a senior in high school, and is trying to just pretty much spend most of his next time just getting the final ten credits needed to graduate (out of fifty in total required). He has also never dated anybody, but he does have quite a bit of friends, so I guess that in a way, that does balance out, as opposed to mine three or four.

Josiah is the next one, at fifteen years old, and is trying to make a spot for himself with his music taste. I mean, for somebody his age, he really is pretty good. I think he genuinely can be able to make it if he focuses enough. And that is something that truth be told, I am jealous of. Unlike Gabe and I, he had dated a few times before, the most recent ending only about two weeks ago.

Seth is the fourth oldest, at eleven years old. The gap between Josiah and Seth being the largest one out of any of the individual siblings. He is really trying to be making a big name for himself in his class for the comedy area. So I guess that in some regard, he is very much the same as Josiah. I guess that I never thought much about it until now. Although I do feel bad for him, with his lack of friends here.

Jack is fifth, at nine years old, and really enjoys sports. Honestly, that is just so strange, seeing him out there in the front yard, practicing on a daily basis. I mean, he really is dedicated to trying to make this whole thing work out. I am honestly kind of impressed with how much he just wants to genuinely make it all work out.

Then you have the middle one, Lydia, at just seven years old. Lydia is the middle and only girl out of all of us. She was adopted, which is something that all of the older ones tried to decide to either hide from her forever or as long as possible. We felt like in a way that was for the best for her. I was just wanting to make sure she never got too uncomfortable.

Henry is the oldest of the younger batch of brothers, at five years old. He is one of the very few people that I know who was born on January first, and this is something that he really enjoys bringing up to other people. As if his birthday is something to be bragging a lot about. I guess that I can't really judge too much though.

Dylan was the first of the two twins, at just three years old. Barely even old enough to have much of a personality of his own. He just likes to do a lot of dirty stuff, and get really dirty. That is pretty much all that I knew, and all that I cared to really know. Although when he gets older, that will obviously change.

Drake was the slightly younger of the twins, born sixteen minutes later. He is much cleaner and calm of the two. I mean, I always felt like he was just trying to not be like his brother because maybe there was a small part of him that might have been slightly embarrassed by this whole thing. That being said, I was not going to say anything.

Calvin was the second to last one, at two years old. He still is in the same room as mom and dad, and I think that he will probably remain that way for another two or something. He hardly talks, and when he does talk, there is always something that he clearly has in his mind, and just wants to actually really consider. I mean, sure he was just two, but for a two year old, he must have had a brain.

And now we have Ridge, the one who was born today, and the one who was brought home today, and the final son. He is the one that we were all really excited for, since we all knew that there was going to be an end, and this was it. I think most of us were just wondering when the last one would show up, rather really than if there was going to be a last one. So I guess that to some extent, this was a good thing.

Also, I will make one thing very clear, when we start getting to the much younger ones, do not be shocked if much of the narration is up to date like a adult way of speaking. I am compiling these entries, and I am going to try and make them semi read able and coherent, and that is why they all will have a sort of adult way of speaking, as well as a relatively clean prose. If some mistakes show up here and there, then I'm sorry, but I tried.

When my parents were back, my father was looking right at me, and I was seeing that he was on the verge of just falling right asleep. I would not really blame him if he was like this. But I figured that I would try and find one final time to talk with him for the night before he was planning on heading right to sleep.

"Hey dad, how are you tonight?" I asked, looking right at him, and then he glanced right up at me, and I was seeing him looking like he really had nothing to say right now. "I mean, if you are too tired to speak, then I will leave you alone." I said, not wanting to sound mean, but I was just unsure how to be reacting right now.

"I'm fucking tired honestly. I mean, I have no better way to explain it than that. I just want to take a moment to rest, and just think deeply about what I am going to do to make your siblings have a good and free life." He said, and looked right up at me, wondering what he was going to even say now.

"Are you going to be trying to hang out with some of your friends tonight? I mean, just make sure that you do not stay out too late without letting us know if you do." After my father said that to me, I nodded, feeling like I had no real reason to object to something like this.

"Yeah, I have some people that I want to just tell about the delivery. I mean, I think that they were aware that there was going to be another one, but I just wanted to go along, and relay the news to them that it is official now." I said, and then looked right at him, wondering what else I was even going to say to him now. If there was anything to say.

"Well, I mean, I guess that when I was your age, I did a lot of things that I just wanted to do for my friends. I wanted to just enjoy every moment that I had. You know, not fall behind, and not do something that I regretted." My dad said, and then he was starting to look slightly more attentive on what was going on, and looked like he was paying more attention.

"I would have a lot of fun when I see the woman you decide to bring home and have a relationship with." He told me, and then I winced at that remark, unsure of what to tell him that I did not have a girlfriend. I had no idea how to really get one now, since I had barely hung out with many people, and was sort of all over the place.

"I plan on getting a job soon. I have seen some places that are currently hiring. I think that I might try and find a place soon, and when I do, maybe I can find a girl there. I don't know. It is the best thing that I could hope for." I said, and then I glanced right at him, wishing that I had something else to say, but decided to just keep my remarks alone.

"Well, I think that mom and I are going to be very excited to see who you meet up with. I would love to see a grandkid at some point in my life." After dad said that to me, I was sighing, and looked right down on the ground, feeling like what he was saying was just on par with guilt tripping. I had wished he never said something like that, to never make me feel like he was throwing me under the bus.

"I am sure that one of us will be able to do it. I would not be too worried about that. I mean, I have no reason to believe that there won't really be one of us that would do that." I said, and then I was looking right at him, hoping that he was going to be seeing my bluff.

"I guess that part of it is my fault. But I mean, if I never have a chance to see something go through, then part of me will really feel slightly let down." My dad said, and then after he was done saying that, he was clearly looking like he had no real reason to continue, and he was looking like he was willing to move on.

"I love you guys. I will find something someday. Trust me when I say that." I said, and then I was looking right at him, hoping that I could hold my end to the promise. If I had said something and then it turned out to be false, then that was going to be a issue. But right now, I was feeling like he had enough time for at least Gabe or Josiah or I to have had one.

I was hoping that I was going to actually mean it. "Well, I will be heading out now. I will see what I can do about getting that job, and I will let you know." I said, desperate to let the growingly more uncomfortable conversation end, so that way I did not feel like I was going to be needing more and more pressure mounting up for any of us.

As I was out of the house, I was figuring that I would go on and see Chad first. He lived much closer, and I was thinking that he would be easier to discuss with the reveal. I was thinking that when I would see him, the two of us could be able to just talk for a while and just generally mess around, and not be too worried about anything going on right now.

As I was heading towards Chad's house, I was thinking about what he always felt like when more and more siblings were being brought to the house. I always knew that he was just thinking that my parents had started to go over board, and he was feeling like my parents needed to have some form of self control. I would agree, but I didn't want to say anything.

I was also wondering something else. I was wondering if my siblings were going to these labyrinth parties. I mean, I knew that my siblings were always into those things, and I was feeling like there was something going on with that. But I felt like maybe they just liked the idea of just not giving a fuck after that awful sound showed up.

God, I fucking hated that sound. There was no better way to describe it to be honest. I was feeling like the person who had created that grinding noise needed to fucking just find something else to do. I was feeling like there was certainly some form of logging business going on when that would go off.

However, something else confused me. You know, I was wondering what the hell was going on, making that noise happen in the first place. I mean, I was wondering if it really was logging or something else. The main reason I wondered this was the erratic pattern of it setting off.

It seriously set off at the most random times, such as sometimes being every several months, and then down to every few weeks. Like there was a period of time when for about three years, it went off every two months on the dot. Then it went off like once every five or six months for about three times, and then after that, it went off like three times in one month. And then there was a year where it went off one time, 2013 it went off on June 7, and that was literally it. Then the next year, 2014, it went off a record of twenty two times (January and May being the only months it did not go off twice, and only once). This year it has set off four times. February 18, April 21, June 11, and July 28. As you can guess, none of it made any sense. But there has never been a single year in my entire life where it did not go off at least once. Not a single fucking one.

As I was getting closer to Chad's house, there was another thing that I was wondering about, although I did not want to admit it out loud. I was wondering what had happened with that grinding noise that tied it with the missing girls in town.

That was also a very usual thing. Almost every time that this thing went off, about one to two weeks later, a girl would go missing in this town. The youngest was only eleven that I remembered, and the oldest was thirty nine. Usually the age range was seventeen to twenty two. I just found it really strange, but I had my own theories on it.

Eventually, as I was putting all of these thoughts around in my head, that was when I was getting closer to Chad's house, and I was hoping that maybe he and I could talk about it for a bit, and he might be willing to help me just think of some things that I could have said to make some sense out of it all.

When Chad answered his door after I had knocked on it, he was looking right at me, tired, and looking like he had been doing shit all fucking day. I was wondering if it was best to just leave him alone, and let him be doing his own thing. As I was thinking all this, he was stopping me.

"Don't worry. I just have been thinking about a lot of things, and I was just unsure of how to be going at it all. But if you wanted to hang out for a while, then I am more than willing to do so." After he had said that to me, I was sighing, and felt like I needed to come up with something to say if I was to make this whole thing work.

"I was wondering if you had some suggestions on what to do tonight. My parents brought home my younger brother Ridge. Let's just hope that they are done after this one, and they mean it." I said, and then I was thinking about what I had said, and thinking about what the hell I was even talking about when looking at him. Chad sighed, thinking that it was a miracle that it was all over with finally.

Before I would even have a chance to say a single word, I was looking right at Chad, and I was going to open my mouth when the noise that I had been talking about just came up. The grinding noise went off for about five minutes or something, and during the entire time, it was dead silence with the town. Not a single word was uttered in the streets during the time.

"Oh shit, that just happened again. I was actually thinking about it just a moment ago. I guess that maybe I just jinxed it." I said, trying to be funny about it, but in my mind, it was no laughing matter. The whole thing was just annoying, and I wanted it to end.

"Dude, what the hell is it anyways? I mean, it makes no sense. But I guess that this means that there is going to be a labyrinth party coming up. Do you think that you might be interested in going to that this time?" After Chad asked me this, I was looking right at him, and I was feeling like what he was asking was going to be a bit hard to answer, but I was aware he was being fair.

"Well, I am not going to be wondering for too much longer. I just want to know what it is so badly. But I guess that maybe doing something like looking into it might not be a very smart idea." I said, and then I was thinking about what it was going to be like if I was actually going to try and go through with this idea. I was sighing, and could not believe myself.

"Honestly, I am just wondering if people are even wondering anything of it at all, or if they do not really even care all that much. I mean, I guess that it is not that big of a deal, but this whole thing really makes no sense." Eventually, Chad looked like he was already willing to move on from it.

"Are you wanting to know what the noise is about? I hate to admit, but I feel like I really just need to know what it is, or else I am going to be going insane." I was telling him, and I knew that he was not going to be a big fan of me saying stuff like this. He was just wishing that I would not be acting like this all the time.

"Well, I am going to just see what the hell my parents might say on it. My dad has lived here since he was twelve years old. Surely he must know something here." I said, and then I was shrugging, thinking nothing of it, and thinking that if he knew, he would tell me, and if not, then he wouldn't. Simple as fucking that.

"I think that maybe your father would be the one to check if you must check one of them out. I mean, that man is a genius, and I would not be surprised if he knew it. But there is a small part of me that just knows that it really is not all that important to look into." After Chad said that, he was shrugging, and as much as I was hating to admit, I was wondering if perhaps he was right in what he had been saying, and that maybe I was looking too deep into something so small.

With that, I was then thinking about what we were able to talk about, that made the whole thing seem just a bit better for us all. "So now that we know what the hell we are getting ourselves into, what the heck do you really think is happening?" I asked, and then I was just wanting to pretend like I was not really too focused on that, when I was aware that I think we both knew that something like that was bullshit.

"Well, I am interested in going to the labyrinth party this time. What about you?" Chad asked me, and then I was sighing, thinking that as much as I hated to admit it, I did want to see what it was like, and I was going to want to see where this was heading.

So with this, I was just feeling tired, and wanted to see what else I might be able to discuss in the long run here. "Yeah, I am going. I think it might be tomorrow or something. I do want to go, as much as I hate to admit it." I admitted, thinking that it might be good for me in terms of meeting somebody for my own sake.

…

-August 23 2020 11:22 pm- I was getting ready for the labyrinth party coming up. I was unable to fucking believe the fact that I was doing this. I never really got the point of it, and often times found them stupid and over the top. But I guess that I was just desperate to be doing something that I felt like would have given me some form of a chance at being cool.

I mean, if I really was getting a job soon, and if I was going to be putting money on the table, one fucking night left of being over the top and stupid was going to be fine. I mean, it was just ging to be one more night. Everybody would be able to live with that. I was feeling like the only thing that could be a issue was if I met people who hated me.

And as selfish as it was for me to admit, I was feeling like going to the party was going to give me a chance to possibly get a girlfriend. I was feeling like I had just needed to try and really make something work with her. I was thinking that if I would be able to get a woman to actually like me, then it would be the change in the world.

I was thinking that if I could get somebody to date me, then I was thinking that my parents were going to be making fun of me forever. They were never going to be letting it go, and I was not going to be super excited for something like that.

Honestly, I was just thinking that the chances of a woman liking me enough for this would have been less than ten percent. I was just telling myself that I was going to just try and see what I might be able to get out of this, but that it was not even going to matter. In a way, I was just feeling like that I was still able to dream, even if it was unlikely.

I felt like as long as neither Chad nor Dan made fun of me for not being super popular or cool, and not going out to more of these, then I was feeling like maybe that would have been fine enough. I was just thinking that in a way, I was going to have to really make the point well.

I mean, despite the fact that I refused to admit it, I was feeling like maybe I really did make a fucking mistake not bringing my popularity up by going to these parties earlier. I had started to feel like I should have gone to more of these, and actually have a chance to be happier with my life.

I was wondering if maybe this was me going back to my childhood state, or if this was me finally admitting that I was looking at life from a totally shitty perspective, and that I just needed to finally do something that was for myself for once. Yes, I know my words make no sense. But my mind was all over the place.

All that I did know was that if I was going to be going on this party, I was not going to be letting anybody know what I was planning on doing, and that I was not going to be letting anybody know that this was virtually my way of trying to recapture my entire life. I was feeling like doing this was literally the only way that things were able to be done.

When Chad was getting close to me, to go on to the party, he was looking at me, and I knew from the way he was looking at me, I was seeing that he was clearly wanting to show me that this was him being proud of me for the fact that I was wanting to try and do something that was not going to be just staying at home all day or anything like that.

"Dan was telling me that you were planning on going to this party and stuff… I did not know if you were telling the truth. I just thought that perhaps he was just saying that to get me to be thinking that you had something in you to be adventurous." After Chad said this, I looked at Chad, and sighed at the fact that I really had no idea what to say.

"Well, honestly I think that the idea of me going out to parties is the one thing that I never thought that I was going to be doing. I think that part of me just wants to stay at least somewhat out of the range of controversy." I said, and then I was laughing at this, wondering if he was going to be buying what I had been saying at all, or just thinking that I was just saying this to make him feel differently.

"I guess that I also thought that if my younger siblings found out what I was doing, that they were going to use this as a chance to basically convince my parents that they should be allowed to do stuff like this, and I feared many of them were far too young for that." I said, thinking that something like this was a terrible excuse.

Even the way he was looking right at me was showing me that he was having a hard time fully buying what I had said. I was sighing, and I was thinking that perhaps I really did need to just drop the act, and just admit that it really was not something for me, at least at first.

"Dude, I think that you don't need to fucking lie about it. I mean, I really don't care all that much what you were feeling or doing. I was just finding the whole thing to be odd is all." After he had said that to me, he was shrugging, and then I was sighing, feeling like perhaps I was needing to think of what he was saying, and just think about what we were getting ourselves into.

"Yeah, I guess that I am just being a bit antsy. I just have no idea what I am going to do when I get out there, and I go on a party that I have no idea if I am going to enjoy or not." I said, and then I remained silent, and I was feeling like regardless of what was happening, I just needed to be looking at things slightly easier.

"Do you think that perhaps you would have enjoyed them if you have gone to them earlier? I mean, I do believe that if you have gone to these earlier, and if you had finally just sort of went at it all and stuff, that things might be entirely different." After Chad told me this, I was sighing, and I was wondering what he was even going to try and accomplish as he was saying that to me, but I decided to remain silent.

"I mean, I might have. I think there is no real reason for me to not think that I might have." I said, and I decided that the honesty and the real look at life was going to just keep this whole thing up. I was wondering if Chad was going to tell me about some things that he was planning, and if he was already aware of some fucking evil master plan or some shit like that.

"Well, I guess that maybe we can go on and just pick up Dan. He has somebody who he is taking on a date with though, so I think that you probably need to just be prepared for if he is going to be more focused on that than anything else." Chad told me, and as we were getting along to get Dan, I was then thinking of something that I knew he was not really going to want to talk about. But I didn't care.

"Do you know who the missing person was this time around? I mean, I feel like there is something that makes me really want to know." I said, and then I was looking right at him, and the way that Chad looked right at me was showing that this was literally a discussion that he had never wanted to have. In a way, I guess that I did not really blame him.

"I never thought about it too much. I don't think that I have heard any news report on it. Do you think that you might have an idea?" After he had asked me this, I was sighing, and I was wondering what we were getting ourselves into by even mentioning this.

"I think that I would like to know who it was at least. You know, maybe to see if there is something that I could do to make things a bit easier for that family. Only if I knew them, obviously." I said, and then I was feeling like I just needed to drop the subject right now if I was not wanting to mildly annoy my friend right now.

"Todd, I think you are aware just as well as I am that something like this has literally a zero percent chance of actually happening." After Chad had said this to me, I was not wanting to have him tell me this, but I was aware deep down that he was right. I was well aware of the fact that no matter what I wanted to do, there was nothing that I could do about it.

"I know. I guess that I just like to try and believe that what I am doing actually has some form of real life meaning." I said, and then I was laughing, and thankfully for both of us, this entire debate was ending when we were getting closer to where Dan had lived, and I was feeling like when we were going to pick him up, his reaction and his joy was going to be enough to save us both here.

Once Dan was coming down with his brown haired girlfriend, or date I should say, I was seeing him looking like he was just so happy to be finally pulling something like this off. I was telling myself that perhaps this was the one thing that I needed to remind myself when I was trying to talk about happiness here.

"Hey guys, how are you doing today?" After Dan asked this question, I was stopping, and I was thinking about it for a second. I was thinking about what he was able to do to keep himself up in such a good mood today. I was feeling like he certainly was just carrying himself like this because of the date.

"We were just wondering when you were going to be ready. Todd and I have been waiting for you for so long." After Chad said this, Dan was looking right at me, and I was seeing him looking like he was having a hard time buying it right now. He was feeling like if he was going to get me to talk about this stuff better, then he was just needing to play along.

"I was going to be ready for this long before Todd even considered the idea of going. I have been waiting for this one for such a long time, with my date and all." After Dan had admitted this, I was nodding, now aware of the fact that this was something that he had been planning for a very long period of time. I looked at Chad, wondering what he was going to be saying to this.

"How long have you been ready for something like this?" I asked, and I was just looking at him in a way that was showing him that I did not care if he had been waiting for a while. I just wanted him to be honest about it, so that way I could just shrug it off, and move the fuck along. You know, just to sort of get over it.

"I was kind of wanting to do something with it, and I was excited to see some friends again and stuff. But I never really was thinking super deeply about it." Chad said, and then I was looking at the girl who was with Dan, and I was seeing from the way that she was looking right now taht it was having a good chance she was already tipsy, and that me talking with her was virtually never going to fucking happen.

"Do you know the person who had went missing last?" I asked, feeling like maybe asking her a question directly would get her to react. When she looked at me for a moment, I was seeing from the way that she was acting that this was not going to be happening. With that, I was sighing, and told myself not to think too much on it.

…

-August 24 2020 12:18 am- I was at the house where the party was going to be, and when I was sitting in the car for a few seconds longer, I was thinking about just leaving, and pretending like I had some important things to do. But I wanted to claim something for my life even more, and that outweighed literally anything in my mind.

"Fuck it, we're here now, and we are going to have the time of our lives." I said, and this was something that I was mainly saying for myself, to try and get myself to believe it in. However, as I was saying this, and I was actually thinking it, I was believing that I was telling the truth after all. So I was getting out of the car, and my friends were already down the pathway.

When I had actually gone inside of the building, I was seeing that about forty people or so were already in attendance. I was sighing, and I was thinking that maybe I really did not predict the popularity of these enough.

I was looking around, and I was seeing quite a few people that I went to school with in the area. I was seeing many people who I had not interacted with since high school, and while it had only been two years, I was just so happy to be seeing these people again. Knowing how much fun I really did have when looking back.

So with that, I was thinking that I could adapt into one of these enough. And even though I knew that I was not legally old enough to drink or anything, when I was seeing some of the alcohol in the area, I was thinking that I might as well just have one or two shots, just to see what people were having here. I was just happy to finally let loose.

"Hey Todd, haven't seen you in a while." The voice of a girl said, and I turned around, and when I was looking at her, I knew her as the pizza delivery girl. "How has it been lately?" She asked, and then I was smiling for a bit, glad that a woman wanted to speak with me. A nice woman, who was wanting to be nice at least for the time being.

"Hey Bebe. Not much. Just coming here to this party upon the suggestion of my friends. I guess that I wanted to go to one anyways, but was always scared of being insensitive." I said, and then I looked right at Bebe, happy to see her again. I remember having a couple of classes with her in high school, and she was always relatively polite with me.

"Don't worry about it. People are not really worried about that stuff. You can pretty much do whatever you want, and nobody would care all that much." After Bebe said that to me, she was looking at me for a few seconds longer, clearly trying to think of something to tell me right now.

"Hey I know that this might be a bit random, but do you maybe want to go out for some dinner tomorrow? You know, just to hang out and catch up. Hardly got to know you in school besides the pizza girl." I said, and I knew that I was sounding strange, but I was just wanting to give her a choice, and I was just wanting to give something like this a chance, and see if it might work out for the best.

"Yeah, I guess that something like this could be a lot of fun. I mean, I never really got to get to know you, so I think that maybe we could catch up on quite a bit." After she had told me this, I was sighing, and I was just glad to be knowing that perhaps maybe I was able to make something work out after all.

"It really is good to see you again." I said, and then this time I was sincerely meaning it, and I was not just saying that to appease her. I was wanting her to understand that in all honesty, it was great to finally get to know her a bit.

When I was done with that whole thing, I was seeing Bebe looking really happy. Seeing her like this when we were talking was the best thing in my mind. I was just so glad to finally see somebody look like they had really wanted to know me for who I was.

So when I was thinking about the agreement that I made with her, I was looking around and I was seeing some other person that I had not seen in a while sitting down on a table in the room. When I saw him there, and saw him looing depressed as shit, I was feeling like I just needed to see what the issue was, so I sighed, and went over to him.

I had no real reason to want to speak with him, and I was feeling like he was probably not going to want to speak with me, since he didn't know who I was. But I was just telling myself that he was going to be willing to let me know more if I could just speak with him, and talk to slightly appease the feelings that he was having right now.

"Hey, how are you tonight?" I asked, and then I saw him looking right up at me, and when I was seeing him, I was seeing that he was not looking happy at all. In a way, I was thinking that I needed to just try and pretend like we were not here. But this man was the one person who I felt like I could connect with, and that was why I just needed to get to know him a bit better.

"I'm doing alright. But I feel like you should not waste your time talking to me. You are not going to be getting anything out of it." He said, and then that sudden abrasive matter was getting to me for a second, and I was feeling like I just needed to know what the issue was. I was thinking that if I could get to know him, things would not be so bad.

"I remember you from school. You're Travis, right?" I asked, and I was wondering what the hell the purpose of this whole thing really wasl. I was wondering why I was trying so damn hard to get to know him right now. But then he was just looking like he was having a level of confusion in his face, which I did not blame him for.

"Yeah, you're right. Weren't you the guy with like a million siblings?" After he had asked me this, I was sighing, feeling like that was going to be the way that everybody knew me as, and that the sooner I accepted this, the better that I was going to be. Even if I was wishing to have a slightly different reputation.

"Yeah, that was me. I was just seeing that you weren't looking all that happy right now, and I was just wanting to see if perhaps you were thinking about something." I said, and then he was looking right at me, clearly unsure of what he was even going to tell me right now. But he was also looking like he did not want to cause a big issue.

"The fact that people are here, celebrating these terrible things, and not a single person cares for the fact that there is somebody who went missing. I guess that in all honesty, I am not helping the narrative too much by being here. But it makes me mad." He said, and then I was looking right at him, wondering what the hell I was going to tell him now.

"I think you would feel better when you know that there are several people here who do not like what is happening. Several people here believe that what is going on is wrong. But we have these parties as a way to sort of just not think about it too much." I said, looking right at him, and I was hoping that he was going to enjoy what I had said.

"If people were sad over this, they are doing a terrible a job showing it. But I guess that people are not wanting to hear it." Travis said, and then he was taking a fast shot of a drink, and from the way he was looking at the table, I knew it was not the first.

I was in a hard spot because while I agreed with Travis, I knew that this was a party, and in all honesty, now that I was here, and now that I was enjoying myself, I was wanting to actually not ruin it by having this discussion. I was feeling like I needed to talk to him about it later though.

"Maybe we can talk about it later. I think that we can be able to really get some things discussed here, and you know I think that maybe we can both learn some things here." I said, and then I was looking right at him, and I was seeing travis having no fucking interest in me trying to butter him up this way.

"Maybe in a couple of days, when I actually think about it more, I might be able to come to you." he said, and then the way that he was looking at me was showing that even if he was wanting to do more, he was aware that getting me along into something that I was not going to enjoy was just not going to be the besy way to go at this.

"Thank you for being nice about it. I do want to just consider things a bit better before I make any real mistakes." I said, and then I was looking right at him, feeling like no matter what Travis was going to tell me, we were going to have a big fucking road ahead of us, and that neither of us could really accomplish much.

"I am not going to try and get people to actually listen to me. Nobody fucking cares about me anymore." Travis was telling me, and I was wondering if he had been wanting to look into this on his own or if he was just wanting to pretend like things were fine enough. But I was just really feeling like a fucking mad man.

"I will be seeing what I can do here, and I will see if there are any people I can just hang out with tonight, but we can talk about this later, and I think that we will both have a lot of things that we want to talk about it. So don't worry too much about this." I said, and then I was feeling like if I did something else, he was not going to be happy with the 'lie' or anything like that.

"I guess that maybe we can see what we can do. But I doubt that it will really matter." After Travis said this, I was just thinking about what my Travis had been saying, and I was wondering if he was really just broken on this whole thing. I was feeling like something must have surely happened for him to be like this, and despite everything going on, I was feeling really bad for him. It just reminded me of what it was like to be broken.

"It will be fine enough. Everything is going to be good. I mean, many people here are having these thoughts as well. I mean, I know for a fact that I have had many areas of uncertainty to be totally honest." I said, and then I was looking right at him, thinking that no matter what we were going to discuss, Travis was going to try and find a way to make me guilty for something that was not even all my fault.

"You would never know what it was like, with all of your siblings, and all of the times that you can just meet up with the, and not be worried about life." After he was saying this to me, I saw him actually kind of pissed at me right now. I was seeing that he was really not in the mood for me to try and talk to him about this when I clearly had no clue.

Despite being fucking pissed with the way that he was acting, and despite feeling like he was not giving me nearly enough credit, I was finding it in myself to maybe slightly concede that he was telling the truth, and that was something that I was willing to own up to. "Well, I hope that you can give me a chance to enlighten me." I said, and I was not going to sound very nice about it, but I did not care at all.

When I was done talking with Travis, I was sincerely wondering what the issue was, and I was wondering what he knew, and if perhaps he was hiding something from me because he was scared that I was not going to actually listen or something like that. But despite what was going on, I just genuinely had no real clue.

But as I was going along with the party and stuff, I was just sort of minding my own business, and I was seeing some of my friends just actually enjoying themselves, such as Dan and his date making out in the corner of the room, and I was laughing when I had seen this. I was then walking around, and saw that Bebe was still in the area, and I was wondering if maybe I just needed to try and connect with her a bit.

"Hey, how are you right now? You look like you got a lot on your mind?" I asked, and then she was looking right back up at me, and I was seeing her looking like she had no idea on what to be telling me. She was almost looking like she was scared of what I was wanting to talk to her about. "Don't worry, I was not meaning anything by it." I said, hoping this would ease her a bit better now.

"Honestly, I just wished that I brought some pizza here or something. You know, I think that if I had done something like this, and I was able to help liven up the mood a bit or something, then I would be able to just really feel like I have a spot here." She said, and then I looked at her, and I was smiling for a bit, and I was thinking that liven up the party was not a huge issue now.

"I think that the guy dancing on top of that table is going to already take care of making this a more lively mood." I said, and I was pointing to the dude who was just trying to do a dance like from lord of the rings on top of a tablehere. As he was about to get down, the table started to crack, and I looked at her to not have to witness this.

"Well, I guess that you might be right. I just thought that when I could be here, that I would have contributed more, and I would have felt like I was setting myself up for a better position." After Bebe told me this, she was shrugging, clearly not thinking anything of it at all, and clearly not even remotely giving a single shit at all. I was just happy to see her looking fine again.

"If you want to go and deal with the pizza, then perhaps we can hop out of here, and grab some, and I think that most people woul never notice that we were gone." I was suggesting, hoping that she was going to take it, and I was hoping that she was going to want to maybe go on a one on one date or something.

"I doubt that anybody is really going to care all that much about it. I guess that I am just being a bit unsure of what to do right now." After she had said that to me, she was sighing, and clearly had no idea what to be discussing right now. In a way, Bebe was just looking happier by being here with all these people.

"I wonder if there is going to be any weed in the area." I said, and then I was looking right at her, and she was looking at me, as if that was the funniest thing in the entire world. I was feeling like she was just needing to tell me more. But I shrugged, deciding against it now.

"Maybe we can go look for some, if you really want to smoke some weed." She said, and I was seeing that the look on her face was just one of too much amusement to be saying anything. But she was clearly looking like she was not wanting to really smoke anything. Was more in it for the story than anything else. And I guess that this is the story of how I met my girlfriend…

…

-August 25 2020 4:32 pm- I was getting ready to be going on a date with Bebe, and when I was placing on my shoes, and just getting the money ready, I was just feeling like the fucking date with her was going to be the change that I had needed in my life. Gabe was looking right at me, looking amazed that I was actually going through with this.

"I never thought that you were actually going to be going on a date in the near future. I am honestly kind of impressed." After Gabe had said that to me, I was seeing him looking totally out of the loop right now. I was smiling, and started to laugh at him when he had said that. I mean, I did not blame him after all.

"Honestly, I just wanted to do my best to something like this feel earned and natural. I think that when I go out, and when I just get to know her, I will honestly be happy." I said, aware of how fucking vague I sounded really was. But I just wanted to make Bebe know that I was a team player now.

"You know, I just thought that you were going to try and go through with some strange idea of never dating again. But I guess that maybe that isn't true." Gabe said, and then I was looking right at him, and I was wanting to tell him that something like this was not true. But this was just not working.

"It was not a issue of not wanting to date, as much of an issue that I did not want to go through even more heart breaking break ups." I said, and I was remembering the one time that I did get something sort of going with a girl back in junior year of high school. I did not want to fail a different person again.

"Well, I think that your thing with that girl was just doomed from the start, and I think that there is no way that something like this was going to just be handed to you." After Gabe said this, he was looking right at me, and I was just seeing him clearly looking like he was trying to take my side on this issue.

"Well, I mean, that was like three years ago. I guess that you could argue that being still on this whole thing would be fucking embarassing after all. I guess that maybe I just need to start to put these things behind me." After I told him this, Gabe was just shrugging, as if almost like he had no real investment in this anymore.

"When you start senior year in a couple of weeks, I really hope that you don't let simple things like these get too much in your way. I think that you need to just try and find a way to not let a relationship ruin some things that are really not that important." I said, and then Gabe gave me a super confused look.

"Bro, I don't think that I will need to be worrying about that too much. I think most of the school year is going to be on zoom or some shit like that." Gabe said to me, and then he was shrugging, and I was thinking that perhaps he might have been right. I was wondering how much this whole Covid thing was going to be still in our face.

"Yeah, I guess that I did not think of that. I guess that if you do have a chance of going to a physical school, then I believe that you need to just remember that school and relationships are going to be a bit of a impressionable issue to deal with." I said, and then I was feeling like I had no real need to discuss this now.

"Honestly, I am going to just see how things are. I am not going to be making a big deal out of it though. But I hope that my friends are going to make my school year at least slightly more interesting." After Gabe said that, I was thinking that I still needed to get ready for my date with Bebe, and that I was wasting my time here.

"I really think that seeing Bebe is going to be one of the best things that I can do for myself. I mean, I remember the few times that we interacted in school, and she was always a nice person. Extremely selfless, from the couple of times that we interacted." After I told him this, I was then thinking of the fact that I kind of ruined my chances of making her be a good friends of mine later.

"Do you think that a friendship really would have been possible at the time?" After he had asked me this, I looked right at him, and I was then thinking that despite how annoying that it would be for people to tell me that things would not work, I was just thinking that maybe he was telling the truth right now.

"I think that it would be worth it if I had at least tried. I mean, I am not going to be too worried about it right now. But that does not mean that I would not have minded seeing what I could have accomplished." I said, and then I was just getting ready to be heading out. I was really just not in the mood to see how bad things would have been.

"I mean, I know that you probably have a good idea what you are doing right now. So I guess that maybe I am just being too in your face about this for no real good reason." After Gabe said this, he was clearly looking like he did not believe in what he was saying, but was just trying to be sounding natural here.

"I will tell you how the date goes after I come back. I believe that everything is going to be fine. I think that I just need to remember that in all honesty, it is just a date, and that it is not going to be all that big of a deal." I said, and then I was shrugging, thinking that what I was saying was making a whole lot of sense.

"Alright, I will be paying attention, and I will be rather interested in hearing the results." Gabe said, and I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to see what I was going to say now. I was just shrugging, and I was just thinking that perhaps Gabe was wanting to talk longer, but decided that it was not worth it.

"I mean, I think that as long as I am not a total dick, everything will be fine." I said, and then I was thinking that what I had been saying was not even true. But despite what was going on in my mind, I was thinking that Bebe was not going to be angry at me. I was thinking that in all honesty, the worst that would come was slight disappointment.

"If you say so, then I will not be getting in your face about it too much." Gabe said, and then he was looking right at me, and I was seeing him looking totally out of it. He was almost looking like he had lost any interest in this discussion, and that even trying to be talking about this any longer was going to be a bit boring for him.

"Well, I really am going to leave now." I said, and then after I had told him this, I was walking out of the room, and I was going to be seeing what Bebe was going to be like with me. I was wanting to just make sure that the date was going to be perfect. This date was going to have to be perfect if I was even going to forgive myself.

Once I was in the car, I was then thinking that maybe my parents were going to be super proud of me. I was convinced that my parents were wanting to know everything that I was doing, and I was wanting to make sure that she would not be fucking pissed at me. I loved my parents, and I wanted to make them happier.

Eventually, I reached her house, from what she had told me at the end of the party, and I was feeling like I just needed to get myself ready for whatever she was wanting to do. I was feeling like no matter what we were going to do, Bebe was wanting to make things a lot better for us all.

I was feeling maybe Bebe might have forgotten all about this whole thing, and she was going to tell me that we needed to not be doing this. I was feeling like this whole thing was going to be the worst thing ever. But no matter what we were doing, I was thinking that I just needed to give a fucking ten out of ten performance.

Bebe was going to probably have some really high standards for me, and while I was able to respect her a while, and while I knew she was going to be nice to me, I was just telling myself that maybe she must have known what I was actually feeling right now.

Eventually I got out of the car, and then I was walking to her door, and I knocked on it quietly, not wanting to make the others that were living in the house bothered by my hindrance. Eventually, she was answering the door, and she looked right at me happily.

"I didn't forget the promise that I made to you." I said, and then I was looking right at her, and she was just looking truly excited for the date that we were going to have right now. I was then thinking that maybe she was wanting to show me something, and to be honest, knowing what she was going to show me, I was really happy to do this all.

"Well, I was expecting you to not actually come along and do it. I would be more than happy to do this." After she had said that to me, I was then thinking about what we were doing now. I was then walking to my car, as she was walking at my side as well. I was then wondering if Bebe had anything that she needed to tell me.

Once I was inside of the car, and I looked right at her, I was then feeling like I just needed to find something to tell her, and I was then thinking that maybe Bebe was not going to have much to tell me in the first place. "Hey Bebe, do you have any plans that you have for us? I mean, you can tell me anything you like." I said, trying to be patient with this whole thing, and to win her over a bit.

"I mean, I never really thought too much about it. Part of me was wondering if you were really even willing to hang out with me here?" After she had asked me this, I looked right at her, and I was seeing her looking just looking like this whole thing was hard to believe, and I was wondering if she liked me.

"Well, I mean, I was just telling myself a bunch of advice on how I could be getting ready for this whole thing, and I figured that I would want to make sure that I didn't fuck it all up." I said, feeling like maybe being honest was the only way to get at this.

"Todd, you did not need to worry so much about this whole thing. I mean, you were worried about something that is not all that big of a deal." She said, and then I was looking right at her, feeling like nothing that I could tell her would be making her feel any different. I was thinking that she was just not wanting me to put her on a pedestal.

We eventually went on for a while longer, and I was seeing Bebe wanting to speak with me about some other things, and I was just looking right at her, clearly wanting to just talk for a while longer, about some important things.

"Maybe we can go to the local diner." After she had told me this, I was looking at her, and I was actually thinking about if I had actually gone to that diner or not. In all honesty, I had no idea if I had, and that was starting to confuse me.

"Yeah, maybe we can go and check it out." I said, and then I was looking right at her, and she was smiling for a bit, and then I was starting the car up, and I was starting to head out, and I was driving down the street, feeling like maybe if I could talk with her for a while, then everything would have been fine.

"I mean, I don't know if I have ever been to one of those diners before. I mean, I was wanting to figure it out. But I guess not." I was shrugging, and I knew it was not that important. But I was desperate to just have a discussion with her right now.

We drove along for a bit, and Bebe was telling me what she had thought on it. "Honestly, it had a lot of really great options there." After she had told me this, I was looking right at her, and she was thinking about what we were going to be able to do to make it all better for us. Eventually, we were getting near the diner, and I needed to think on what to even discuss now.

We got out of the car, and I was telling myself that I needed her to have a chance. I was smiling, knowing that as long as there was a small chance this date would work out, that I was still going to have a chance to just relax, and be with my new friend. I was feeling like I just needed to still remember to be polite.

We sat down in the second closest booth to the door, and then Bebe was glancing out at me. "Todd, you look like you are thinking deeply about something." After she had told me this, I was looking right at her, and then I was realizing that what I was doing was probably a bit strange to her, and that I needed to knock it off.

"Oh sorry, I just started to realize how fucking not ready I am for this. I am so out of my fucking league that it is crazy." I said, and then she was laughing at me, and I was looking right at her, and I was wishing that this was not the attitude that she was going to be having right now.

"I thought that you might have gone on some dates or something when you were in high school. I could have swore you had something in junior year." She said, and then I was giving a very weak nod at this.

"But that did not go well, at all. And it is something I often times like to try and pretend never happened." I said, and then I was looking at her, as if hoping that she was going to be able to respect my wishes on this. I knew that it might have sounded strange to her, but still.

"I mean, I know that people like to just not be reminded of bad stuff like that. I mean, I never really got it. But I guess that if it makes you feel better…" She said, and then I was nodding, and then I looked right at her, feeling like maybe we could find a way to talk about something else.

"Do you have anything that you like to just forget about?" I asked, feeling as if this as a good way to start a conversation, hoping that she had actually wanted to talk about that, and that I was not just totally misreading her on this. She shook her head, but I could tell she was not done with her response.

"I don't really have anything like that. But I have an older brother that did that often when he lived with me. He often times made it very clear that he did not want things to be brought up, if he was feeling like the subject was going to be something he would not be very proud of." Bebe said, as I gave her a quizzical look.

"You have siblings? I never knew of them." I said, feeling like I could be honest about that, and then I looked at her, and she was shrugging, as if feeling like she had no real interest in discussing them, for some reason or another.

"I think it is because they are both so far apart from me in age. An older brother and a younger brother. Both exactly ten years apart from me." She said, and then I was kind of shocked at the realization that she had a thirty year old and a ten year old brother. And then I was just trying to find a way to keep the talk up longer.

"Yeah, I never had to deal with any issues like that. Given the fact that all of my siblings, when looked at individually, were still somewhat close in age." I said, and then I was thinking about how that was nice at least. That while the difference with Ridge and I was huge, the difference with me and Gabe, and even me and Josiah to some extent, wasn't as bad.

"I don't even know why my parents thought it was so smart to be doing that. You know, I think that they were just wanting to keep up the idea of having somebody they could connect with…" Bebe said, and then I was thinking that maybe that was what my parents were doing as well, when I think of it.

"Perhaps that was what my parents did as well. You know, I think that maybe they had just wanted to connect with us still, and they were desperate for some form of attachment, and therefore was willing to do anything for it. I guess that maybe when I think of it that way, I do kind of feel bad for it." I told her, thinking of what it must be like to not want to separate from the family image.

"I mean, I know that when I am older, and if I have kids, I think that I am capping it at one. I mean, I know that people like to have a big family, but after what I went through, I am done with it. I just want to focus on life." I said, finally feeling like I was being responsible for saying the truth of the matter.

"I guess that I never really thought much of it. I mean, I would understand one or two, but they would need to be somewhat close in age, that way I don't get any surprises, and I can just focus on them both as they grow older." She said, and I felt that was fair.

"I suppose that makes sense. I mean, I guess that I would not want any giant surprises when dealing with a family on my own and stuff. I mean, I just wish that my parents might have thought about that a slight bit." After I told that to her, Bebe was nodding, not sure what my parents were doing.

"And besides, I mean, if I were to do something like that, I want to move out first. Which I have only recently started to look at as a genuinely realistic chance." I said, wishing that I did not need to say that to her, but I was feeling like the honesty might win me some points when talking to her.

"Do you think that moving out is going to be hard, given everything going on lately?" She asked, and I knew that she was talking about Covid, and I was wishing that she was not going to bring that up. But I also knew that her bringing it up was sure to happen someday.

"Yeah, I mean it is possible that I might be able to do it for another year or so, but I might as well save up until then. I just want to be ready for when it happens. You know, actually have a fucking plan here." I said, and then I was shrugging, thinking that if I had a plan, and if I was able to keep going here, then perhaps this whole mess was not going to be as much of a mess as I was making it out to be.

"Todd, do you feel like you want to leave?" She asked, and then I was nodding, feeling like sooner or later, I was needing to do something like this. I needed her to be able to see where I was coming from, and I was going to do whatever it took to make sure that no matter what, I was going to do what was best for everybody.

"You seem like perhaps you have been thinking deeply about this lately. I mean, I guess that with a large family and everything, you have been very focused on just doing what you think is best." She said, and then I was nodding, thinking that maybe she got me better than I was giving her credit for so far.

"Yeah, I think that with everything that was already happening with my family, thinking about this was the only way that things could be done." I said, and then I looked right at her, and I was hoping that no matter what I told her, she would accept my life choices, and not be trying to play too deeply into a narrative.

"Well, just make sure that whatever you do, you feel like it is something that you have been thinking long and deeply about, and that you are truly ready for it all." She said, and then I was nodding, and then I was thinking that maybe we were needing to just go along, and that maybe this was going to be more than just a casual date.

…

-August 27 2020 5:48 pm- I was finally ready to be placing in my job application to the video store about two miles away from my house. I just wanted to go there mainly because I was wanting to go to a place that was at least somewhat close to this place. I was just tired of staying here, and I was just tired of always being looked like by a weirdo for no reason.

Yes, because a person who is watching his siblings and often times is unable to do things such as look for a job because of how fucking complicated his life is can be so much fucking worse than people who get addicted to drugs or get involved in like some sex ring. I mean, come on.

Anyways, I was still riding high on that date with Bebe a couple of nights ago, and I was starting to honestly feel like maybe I could try and contact her again, and maybe I could see what she was feeling, and maybe if we talked for a while, the two of us could be able to connect for a few minutes, and just see how we were both doing. I was starting to hope that maybe we were going to be in an official relationship soon enough. I wanted her to know that no matter what was going to happen, I was going to do whatever we could to work out.

I parked near where the video store was, and the entire time that I was sitting there, and wondering what to do, I was having doubt in my mind. You know, always telling myself that these things were not meant to work out at all. I was thinking about what was going to happen if I went through with this.

I was just hoping that my parents were going to be able to hold on to the kids for a while when I was actually going to be on the clock, and I was reminding myself that I still did need to set aside about a quarter of my earnings for mom and dad, that way I could be able to still contribute to the house, and make them feel like I was not just going to be out of it or anything like that. I did not want them to be feeling like I never cared.

So with that, I was grabbing my paper application, and I was thinking that if Covid can give me one thing it was the fact that those people in virtually any business were going to just love working with me, and they were going to give me whatever I had wanted and needed. So I was feeling that I might get the job first try.

When I was inside of the store, I was seeing a guy in his later twenties with a bunch of acne sitting down on a chair, with some weed rolled up as cigarette on his ear. He was looking right at me, clearly not looking all that interested in what I was going to say.

"I have a job application to give you." I said, and then as I was handing him the paper, he looked up at me, and I already saw him booking much more interested in what I had said, and almost looked like I had just kicked him in the nuts or something crazy. He coughed, and then started to speak up again.

"How can somebody actually be crazy enough to want to work here? My god, I wished that I had more respect for myself." He said, and then he was looking right at me, and I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to say more, but decided against it.

"Well, I was mainly just needing to have some place to work. You know, just to get myself some money and help out my family." I said, feeling like maybe he was already probably not going to be all that interested in this anymore, and was already doing his own thing. I placed the paper down again, and then thought of what to say.

"If you are willing to take me in, just call my number on the paper." I said, and then I was just feeling like I was able to leave it alone, and that I thought that I did not need to say anything else at all. To be honest, the way that this was going, I was wondering if I was just making something out of nothing, or if this guy really did not want me.

"I bet that our boss will be willing to. I mean, nobody ever applies here. If he had any sanity, he would either close the shop or hire anybody who applies." The guy said, and then I was thinking about what we were discussing. I wanted to talk to him, but he was clearly looking like he had already lost interest here.

When I was out of the store, I was instantly starting to convince myself that I needed to find something better to be doing, and that I was just needing to pretend like what he was discussing was not all that strange after all. I mean, I was wondering what his boss was like if he was talking about him that openly.

I was just sighing, and felt like there was a good chance that he was possibly not going to be keeping his job much longer with that talk going on. I was then shrugging, and felt like I could call Bebe up, and see if she was wanting to talk for a bit. Just to see how she was doing.

When I was calling, I waited for a while until the voice mail came, and the recording said "Hey, sorry I can't answer the phone right now. I am most likely on the clock and will get to you as soon as I am on break or off work." The voice mail ended, and when I heard that, I was then wondering if I needed to talk at all.

"How are you tonight? I just applied for that video store near by, and I really hope that I get the position. I can talk to you more about it later if you would like." I said, and then I was shrugging, and hung up the phone, feeling like I had done all that I needed, and that I did not need to keep talking at all. So with that, I was ready to hang out with some friends.

I started to drive towards Dan's house, and I was going to see how he was doing with that girl after the party. I was sort of interested in seeing what he would have to say about her. I mean, it was none of my business, but if he was wanting to do something with his friends, then perhaps he could at least tell me what was going on. And maybe I could offer him some words of encouragement or something vague.

When I was parking the car, I was hearing a notification going off, but I did not pay attention to it, and I was getting out of my car, and I was going to be seeing what my friend was going to try and talk to me about. I knocked on his door, and waited for a few seconds.

Dan eventually answered the door, and was looking right at me. He was clearly looking like he was not really all that worried about anything. I was seeing him looking like he was just sort of wanting to get all of our questions over with. "So how are you today?" He asked, and I was shrugging for a moment.

"I'm doing okay enough. I placed a application with the video store earlier. I went on a date a couple of days ago, and I have been trying to make something work between the two of us." I said, and I was well aware that he was not going to actually believe in what I had been saying. That being said, he was actually sort of interested.

"Oh shit, that's awesome. How was it?" As he asked me this, I was nodding in agreement, knowing that what I was finally getting was really fucking epic, and I was glad to know what he was believing in here. But then I was looking right at her again, hoping to find something that we could discuss here.

"I mean, we just talked about our families and stuff. Not that great of a first date I guess. But to be honest, I guess that something like this is to be expected on a first date with me of all men." I said, laughing at this, and then Dan was looking like the second question he was going to ask was much more important.

"What is her name?" She asked, and then I was looking right at him, wondering if he was actually going to be friends with Bebe, or really have a strong opinion on this whole thing at all. I was sort of wishing that he would leave me alone. I was just wanting her to like me, no matter what it would take.

"Bebe. She was somebody that we went to school with, and she is super happy with me so far. Or at least that's what I believe so far. I just want to make her happier, and I want to make her feel like our date is going to come together." After I told Dan this, he was taking a moment to actually think about who Bebe was, and then he was piecing it together.

"Do you think that you plan on making a long term relationship with her work?" Dan asked, and then I was nodding, feeling like there was no reason to not at least try and make this whole thing come together. I just wished that he was not going to be making fun of me too much here.

"I think that I should try at least. You know, I think she might be a perfect person, and I want to do what it takes to make sure that even if we break up, that at least she goes out with a good impression, and she knows it is not her fault." I was then looking at him, hoping he was fine with this statement.

"Well, good luck on this. You know, I believe that it has been far too long since you have tried to actually get yourself out there. I think that by now, it is time that you do at least try. At least in my opinion." After he had said that to me, I was wondering if this whole thing would work out.

"I would agree with you that it is about time for me to finally do something that I know that I will enjoy. I love hanging out with people, and I want to just make this whole thing work out." I was saying, and I was thinking about how hard this whole thing was going to be, and I was then thinking about what Bebe was like.

With that, I was feeling like I could finally get one step closer to making it all work out, and i was feeling like no matter what my friends thought, I was finally getting what I had needed. I was finally getting what was going to be right for me. And that was all that I could really think would turn things around.

"Todd, what are you going to do if you really feel like you are going to get Bebe to think that you both have a chance to make it all work out? I mean, I want to help you out, and make you know that there is a chance that everything can work. But I think that perhaps we just need to actually make it all work for the best." After Dan said this to me, I was looking at him for a few seconds longer, unsure what I could say to this.

"I am just going to make it very clear that I am going to view her as a fucking equal. I am not going to be doing a damn thing that will make her feel like I am not caring for her at all." I said, and then I was thinking that just treating her as a equal was the only thing that could fucking matter at all.

"I mean, go ahead and do that, but don't be too obvious about it. I think that there can come a point where if you are too obvious about it, she might be seeing through the act." Dan said, and then I was not wanting to be rude to him, and I was thinking that his heart was probably in the right place, but I was not wanting him to say that.

"It is not going to be a act. I mean, for all I know, she might be a better person than I am." I said, and then I was looking right at her, feeling like perhaps if I was more direct like this, then everything would have been fine enough. But at the same time, this whole thing was just hard to truly comprehend.

"Just do whatever you can to make things go along decently enough. I mean, I just wish that I could help you out, but I think that you already got a good grip on this whole thing, and I am going to respect what you are doing here." Dan said, and then I was seeing him just feeling like there was not much that he had to say beyond this.

"Well, I am just glad that I finally decided to try and put the past behind myself. I think that I am kind of over it. I am tired of beating myself up for things that are not even all that big of a deal. I mean, I know deep down that people are just thinking that there is only so much that I can be thinking about something that happened back in the day." I said, and I was thinking that the girl that I used to be with is sort of becoming more and more of a distant memory.

"I mean, it wasn't even all that bad of a break up anyways. I think that some times you got to just put things behind you, and that everything is going to be decent enough. I doubt that this girl even cares what happened back in the day either. I think that honestly after a point even she would be thinking you took it all too far." I did not want Dan to tell me this, but I was feeling like perhaps he was telling the truth.

"I think that I was just feeling like it was all my fault. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't. I guess that it does not even fucking matter anymore. I am just going to fucking focus on Bebe, and I will make sure that no matter what mistakes I made back in the day, I am not going to be making those fucking mistakes again." I said, and then after I was done with this, I looked right at him, as if feeling like what I was saying finally was going to put me on a certain level of peace here.

"Well, I think that if for nothing else, no matter everything that I might say, I can respect how much you actually want to help her out, and make her genuinely happy right now. I think that no matter what you do now, I can just look at you, and I can finally say that you are going to get a bit of a grip on this whole issue.

"I guess that maybe if there is one thing that my father did teach me properly, it is how to treat a woman properly, and that is something that I can be able to at least try and work out." I said, and then I was feeling like I could finally just leave this whole thing alone once and for all.

…

-August 27 2020 10:09 pm- I was in my room that night, and I was just trying to get ready to be relax for the rest of the evening. There was virtually nothing left to do that night, and I was wanting to go online or something when there was somebody walking by. I was confused when I was seeing that it was Lydia out of all of them. I was standing up, wanting to tell her that she needed to go to bed.

"Hey Lydia, what are you doing up so late?" I asked, trying to be sounding patient with her. As I was asking her this, she looked right at me, and I was seeing her looking a bit embarrassed that I was confronting her like this. I was sighing, wishing that she was not feeling so worried about speaking to me like this.

"I was just wanting to see if you actually managed to get the job?" She asked me, and then I was looking right at her, and I was feeling like this was going to be a bit out of nowhere. But I decided that I was going to not be showing her what I was thinking, and that perhaps I was just needing to speak with her for a bit, and be polite as possible.

"I don't know yet. I will know eventually. I am going to just try and focus on making sure the girl that I had been trying to go on dates with actually feel like we are going to have some real connection here." After I told her this, she was looking at me, and I was seeing her looking proud to hear me tell her that I was actually wanting to make Bebe happy.

"Well let me know if you get the job or not. I would love to see more of the movies that the town has for rent." Lydia said, and then I was thinking that the movies were probably going to be a bit boring to her, and I was not wanting to tell her this. But I was just thinking that this was not going to be going super well.

"I will let you know if there are things that you might like." I said, and then I was thinking that we could finally put the conversation to rest, and we were going to just focus on what we were actually doing right now. I was thinking that perhaps Lydia was actually wanting to do something to do to make these discussions a little bit less boring.

"Thanks Todd." After Lydia told me this, I was seeing her walking along to the living room, and I was sort of forgetting about the fact that I needed to tell her to go to bed. In all honesty, I was kind of wanting to just talk with her for a while longer, and I was wishing that maybe things would be all fine enough.

"So Lydia, what type of things would you even want to be watching in the first place?" I asked, feeling like maybe if I was civil enough I could actually get her to just tell me a bit more. I was then thinking that no matter what Lydia was going to tell me, I was just going to have to find a way to get her to go back down.

I wanted to make Lydia happy though, regardless of what was going on. "So Lydia, I know that you like to watch some movies and stuff, but I never knew what your preference really was. Do you like to talk to me on this?" I asked, thinking that as long as I pretended to be able to get her to talk, then sooner or later she would be willing to go down.

"Oh not that many types. I am sure that maybe if you look for me, everything will be fine enough." After she had told me this, I was then sighing, feeling like I just needed to find something to say to make this discussion actually seem like it was going to be helping me out right now.

…

-August 29 2020 4:19 pm- I was getting a call on my phone, and while I was slightly annoyed at this prospect, I was opening it up, and the number looked slightly familiar, so when I answered it, I was realizing that it was the number of that video store finally reaching out to me. "Hey are you Todd?" The voice asked, and I confirmed.

"Is there something that you needed?" I asked, feeling like there was a good chance that he was not going to be accepting me, and that I was just needing to accept it right now, and then that way we would be able to move on, and I would start to look at finding other places that I could look for.

"We were looking over your application, and we were wondering if you were willing to take a training course next Wednesday the second? And you can start on Monday the seventh?" After the guy was asking this, I was thinking about it, and I was thinking about how I can get still about one more week or happiness and innocence.

"Yeah, I can do that. Thank you for being able to give me a chance." I said, feeling like saying this was going to be the best way to flatter him, and make him feel like I was going the right thing right now. I was feeling like this whole thing was going to be a rough job, but it was going to need to be done for my own family.

"Thank you for your interest in working at our store. We hope that we will be able to work together for the long term." The voice said, and then I was sighing, feeling like that statement was not going to really work out. I was not wanting to be a bitch to him though, so I was remaining silent, and felt like I just needed to keep my preference silent.

"See you on Wednesday." I said, and then with that, we both hung up, and I was sighing, feeling like this was going to be the best thing that we could do right now. I was just hoping that this whole thing was going to actually work. I was scared of what people were going to do when they found out that I did get the job.

I was laying down on my bed, and I was feeling like maybe one final hang out with my friends, or with Bebe would be fine for my self before I go out and do something like this. I just wanted to have some fucking free time before my life was effectively given to these people. I know how dramatic this sounds, but at the moment it seemed like a relatively valid thing to be feeling.

I was telling myself that my friends were needing to just help me out when they could, if they knew what I was personally feeling right now. If they knew what I was going to do, then I knew that while they would be proud, many of them would question why I went for a video store.

I was getting up, and I was telling myself that I was just needing to go on and see her again soon enough. I was feeling like no matter what was happening, Bebe was just going to be happy to see me, and I was genuinely convinced that she was going to be the one most happy to be seeing me working hard.

I was getting my shoes on, and I saw that Josiah was in the middle of his room, and he was doing some stuff like writing music score, and I was laughing at the fact that this was the one thing that he was always doing. I mean, no matter what is going on, I always see him busting out something in there,and to be honest, I am actually kind of impressed that he was able to just focus on what he was feeling like would have been his life calling.

I was getting in my car, and I was driving down for a while, and when I was getting close to where she had lived, this was when something really strange happened. Somebody was coming up to my car, and when I was looking at the rear view mirror a bit, I was initially wanting to get the fuck away. But then I saw it was actually Travis.

I was shocked more than anything else that he really was going to be going through with talking to me all the time right now. I was feeling like he really was wanting to go through with this whole thing. I had to try and just figure out what was even going to happen.

He was knocking on my door when he could, and despite the randomness of the whole thing, and how strange I was finding it that he was wanting to do this now of all times, I was feeling like it was going to be a big mistake for me to not try and just see what he was planning. I opened the door, and he was getting inside.

"Hey, do you remember our conversation a few days ago?" After he asked this, I was tempted to lie, and tell him off. But I was feeling like something like this was going to be getting us nowhere, and that I was just needing to let him have his moment. After I nodded, he was sighing, and decided to just tell me what was in his mind.

"I'm more shocked that you could, considering the fact that you were drunk as a kite the whole time." I said, and then I looked right at him, willing to see if he was going to challenge me on that claim. He was sighing, aware that I was correct on this, and he was clearly not wanting me to rub it in or anything like that.

"Okay, okay, you don't need to make fun of me too much over it right now." He said, and then he was looking right at me, and I was seeing that this was not the way that he was wishing that we could be going through with this. I sighed, feeling like I needed to be more respectful.

"What are you wanting to talk about?" I asked, wishing to hear his answer, and I was hoping that regardless of what he was going to tell me, that this was something that I would have actually been ready for. I was not going to be in the mood for him to suddenly tell me that he had made some mistake or something.

"I was wanting to talk to you about the fact that you were telling me that you cared for the things going on down here, and that you wanted to know what the truth of the town was. I was wondering if you were actually telling me the truth." After he had asked me this, I was looking right at him, and I saw that there was no way around it at all.

"Yes, I am wanting to know more, and I am very curious to see what is happening here. But I am not going to get myself killed over such a thing. I am scared of what it would be like if I do anything too crazy." I said, finally feeling like if I was honest with him, he might be able to respect that a small amount. Maybe he could try and find some bullshit comforter.

"Honestly, no matter how many times I try and pretend like what I am doing is natural to just pretend like things are fine, I feel like I am making a big fucking mistake by not looking. I feel like I am doing something terribly wrong." He told me, and then I was sighing, feeling like this was not the time to be having this debate. I was just telling myself to just focus on the current discussion right now.

"I mean, I do care about what is going on. But I guess that you are right. The fact that I do know that I have a family, with brothers, and a sister, is something that is always keeping me from going all in. I mean, deep down I know that I should be looking hard at this, but that is going to be really hard for me to do, and I might as well just be honest about it." I said, and looked right at him, hoping that he could appreciate my honesty at least.

"But when you see everything that is going on here, are you seriously going to just brush it off, and pretend like nothing is going on? Are you seriously going to act like there is nothing you need to concern yourself with?" After he asked me this, I was sighing, and despite how much I was wishing to not admit it, I was feeling like he might have been right.

"I get why you are wanting to know more so damn badly. I do too. But please actually look at it my way. You know that I have ten younger siblings. I need to make sure that they stay safe, and I need to make sure that the younger ones do not get in danger, and that they are going to have a proper chance to be having a good life here. And if that means I have no choice but to ignore things that are a big deal to me, then I guess that this is it." I said, and even I was aware of how fucking shallow I was sounding really was.

"Todd, I know that you want to keep your family safe, and I do respect that. But think of it in my way for once. Think about what it would be like if your family isn't safe because there is really much more to this than you could ever expect? You know, maybe something will happen to your siblings, and there was something you could have done, but failed to do so with." He said, and then I was pissed at him trying to throw me under the bus, because I knew he was right.

"I guess that something like this is indeed possible. I am not going to pretend like it is not. I will be real when I say that. I will be real when I say that things could always happen to those that I care most about. I am not going to act like nothing is happening." I said, and then I looked at the man, wondering if this was going to satisfy him a bit.

"I think that if you want to truly make a real fight, then perhaps we are going to have to look at everything going on here. But I guess that maybe you probably understand that a bit." After Travis was saying this to me, I was looking right at him, feeling like I needed to keep my calm.

"I am going to just have to focus on what can make things good with my family. I mean, if you have something to show me, and if you want me to look for some clues with you in some spare time here and there, I guess that I can do this though." I said, and then I looked right at him, feeling like I was going to slowly appeal to him by wording it this way.

"I will do just that this time. I have some places that you might be interested in, if you are willing to check it out right now." After he had said that to me, I was looking right at him, feeling like he was needing to have a good place to show me, and that he better not be bullshitting me right now. Or else I was going to be livid.

"Alright, if you really think that there are some things that I need to give a chance to, I will do just that. But I really feel like these places have to be a good starting point, or else I will have to just start to go my own way. You know, just to get back to my own thing." After I told him this, I was feeling like I was making my point enough to Travis, and he was finding a loose piece of paper that he was already writing on.

I will give him credit for one thing though, and that he was not afraid of what people were going to be saying to him. He was not afraid of voicing what he was feeling like needed to be done. And the thing was that I agreed with him one thousand percent, but I was just needing to remember my family, my friends, Bebe, and my own future.

I don't give a shit how selfish it is, I need to focus on making sure that the people in my life are safe. If they are not, and I go crazy with this, and they get hurt, it is all my fault. These people needed to be taken care of by me, and I needed to focus on that, in order to have any chance. And I was hoping that people would get that. And that honestly, if Travis was like this, he had nobody in his life to help him here.

"Alright, if you feel like this is the best way to go at it all, for your sake and your family, I will not stop you. But at least give these places a look. If you give them a look, and you come to think that they are still not worthy of making a big deal out of them, I will give up and concede defeat. But until then, please just try." After Travis told me this, I was sighing, and I was feeling like maybe this was for the best.

"Okay, give me one week to give all of these things a go. Send me your number, and I will text you all of my opinions as they go." I said, and then I was sighing, feeling like no matter what was going to happen, this was going to be fucking annoying, and I was not going to want to be doing this. But I was feeling like maybe he really was telling the truth here.

I was unable to even comprehend the fact that I was setting myself up for something like this, and that I was actually pretending like this was something that I felt like could even be remotely worth looking at and stuff. But for fucks sake, I was thinking that if any of this could suddenly make sense now, it was worth a go.

I was then seeing Travis looking like he was looking slightly better about this all, and that he was almost looking proud to have seeked me out, and proud to know that I was not going to be bullshitting with him anymore. I guess that maybe he was tired of the lies, and tired of the uncertainty that were plaguing him now.

So with this, I was telling myself to just focus on making things right, and no longer making him feel like I was not going to care for what was happening. "Thank you for listening to me, and thank you for actually taking me seriously when the whole thing fucking counted." After he had said that to me, I was just seeing Travis looked like the weight of the world was gone.

With this, Travis was getting out of the car, and I was looking at every place on the list, and when I was looking at it, I would be lying through my fucking teeth if I said that I did not at least consider stopping what I was doing and looking at these places. I was feeling like maybe there was a level of truth here, and that I just needed to check it out.

I was then thinking that Bebe would have some things to say on this whole thing, and she would be having quite an opinion here, for lack of better term. I was thinking that perhaps that I should talk with her first, and just get to know her for a moment longer, and then I would give this a chance when it was all done.

As I was walking to the door, I was wondering what in the fucking hell I was even doing right now, and why I was trying to pretend like everything was all fine and dandy. They were not, and I was never even going to be able to get away with pretending like such a thing was the truth. I had so many things to deal with right now.

When I knocked at her door, I was sighing for a moment, and she was showing up, looking both excited and concerned for me. I was seeing that from the look on her face, she clearly saw that entire thing, and was wondering what the issue was right now. "Todd, what the fucking hell was that just now?"

"I was dealing with somebody at the party from a couple of days ago, wanting to talk to me about some things going on right now." I said, and I was looking right at her, and I was hoping that this answer would suffice enough. As she was looking at me, I saw her looking like her mind was running at a million miles per hour.

"What would Travis even want to do with you anyways?" She asked, and then I was shrugging at this, thinking that the question was a valid one, but I had no idea what the heck we were even going to be doing talking about it right now. "I mean, he seems like a guy who always has different motives here."

"Yeah, but maybe those motives are good right now." I admitted, feeling like the idea of saying that Travis was correct, and we were all wrong was something that I just felt like needed to be said. I was just hoping that my assumptions were not wrong about this man.

"I am not going to get into the whole thing. I know that if he wants to talk with you, and not me, then it truly is none of my business. But I was just curious was all." She said, and then I was nodding, feeling like what she was saying was making perfect fucking sense. But that all being said, I was feeling so fucking lost right now.

"Yeah, I mean, even I don't know what his main goal at the end of the day is. All that I do know is that I want to be happier than I ever have been before." I said, and then I was looking right at Bebe, and I was feeling like I needed this challenge. I was needing for her to be happier, and I was going to just focus on what I could to make it all work out.

"Well, just make sure that if you are going to do something, that you make sure you actually want to do it. Don't feel forced to do something because everybody is telling you to. I think that something like this is the worst way to really go at it." After she had said that to me, I was nodding, thinking that she was right on this, as usual, and that I needed for her to always be the voice of reason here.

"Thank you for talking to me at least. I am going to just do everything that I can to make sure that nothing I do is something that I do not feel comfortable with." I said, and then I was thinking that saying that was going to be a terrible lie, and I was thinking that every time that I was lying to her, I was needing to go back on what I was doing, for her own sake. But I guess that maybe I was just getting deep in it all.

"You're welcome. If you want to talk about something, let me know, and we can see what to do right now." After Bebe told me this, I was glad to know she was at my side, but also glad to know that no matter what, we were focused on the things I wanted to talk on now.

…

-August 30 2020 11:04 pm- When it was very late at night, and I was feeling like everything was starting to calm down a little bit, I was seeing that Seth was sitting down, and he was looking like he was working on his usual comedy routine. While I had nothing in theory against him working his mind out in creative exercises, I was feeling like what he was doing was never going to get anywhere.

I mean, I knew that this was none of my business, and that I needed to just let him do his own thing, but part of me was well aware that he had deserved better, and that he was not even giving himself a chance to try and see that for what it was. But I decided to remain silent on it.

That all being said, I sure as hell was going to try and see how he was feeling. I was going to see if he was really going to need something, or if he was going to be fine on his own. "Hey Seth, how are things with you and your skits?" I asked, feeling like as long as I at least pretended to be feeling like this was the way he was needing to do things, then perhaps he would talk with me.

"They're alright honestly. Just focused on making sure that the jokes land and stuff. I am certain that you get it. But I am not going to bore you out of your mind with the details. I mean, if I listened to somebody else tell me about them, then I personally would be going crazy." Seth said, laughing a little bit at what he said.

"Well, don't do anything too exciting. I mean, I know that you probably have a lot of ideas in your head. Just don't do anything that might get people to make fun of you at school." I said, and this time, I was trying to sound helpful. But there was no way he was going to be listening to me, considering how I was coming off.

"I mean, everybody does silly stuff all the time, I doubt that what I would be doing would be any worse than anything you and your friends are doing." After Seth said that, I actually had to think about it for a solid second. I mean, in a way, I guess that maybe he was not all that wrong. Even if I hated to fucking admit it out loud.

"I mean, maybe that is true. But maybe that is also why I am worried about what would happen if you fall down that rabbit hole." I said, hoping this counter attack was going to get him to be thinking for a moment, and it was going to be getting him to actually think that what I was doing was making total fucking sense.

"See, I know that I can find a way to break your poker face." Seth said, and then I was sighing, feeling like the way he was saying this was going to be the worst way to be going at this, and i was just telling myself to be focused on the point that I was wanting to make right now, which was to give him a chance to turn back now.

"Todd, you are taking this stuff way too seriously. No wonder why you never got a girlfriend until recently." Seth said, which shocked me. Not because of the comment itself. Seth was capable for those type of come backs when he was in the mood, but the fact that he already knew that stuff, and I never told him.

"Why the fuck are people talking about my dating life behind my back?" I asked, and I was genuinely mad at this idea, and I was really wanting to know who the one doing this was. I was feeling like maybe I needed to relax. But at the moment, I could not.

"I wasn't meaning anything about it. I just heard from Gabe that you were going on a date, and Josiah mentioned how you haven't dated in a while." Seth said, holding up his hands, trying to get me to relax, and he was clearly looking like he was not wanting to make a big deal out of it. As I was seeing him like this, and I was seeing him clearly worried about this, I was sighing, and I had felt like maybe I was needing to be having a small amount of pity for him.

"Sorry, I know that if what you are saying is true, it was not your fault. I just always get up and arms when I hear people talking about me, and I have nothing to say about it." I said, sighing, feeling like I needed to give him some fucking patience, and that I was just needing to remember that he was dong his own thing, and that he was just always the one for the ride.

"Well, I do think that maybe if it really is going to be a big problem, maybe you can talk to Gabe and Josiah about it. I am sure that if you explain that you are not into them talking like that, surely they will both understand." Seth was saying, and I was feeling like he was a nice and innocent kid if he was feeling like something like this was the truth.

"Yeah, I guess that I can always do that. I mean, I do not want to be totally a dick about it." I said, and then I was looking right at him, hoping beyond god that he was not going to be feeling like this was the way that I had been. If he had felt like that, then I was feeling like I just needed to not be doing things a certain way anymore.

"Hey Todd, is it true though? Since we are talking about it, are you actually dating somebody?" After Seth asked me this, I saw him looking like he was pleading for me to tell him the truth. After a moment of thought, I was sighing, and I was nodding, feeling like maybe this was going to get people to talk about it less, if I just confirmed it.

"Cool. I mean, I was wondering when something like this was going to happen. But I knew that none of this was my business, so I decided to be saying nothing about it." After Seth had said that to me, I was seeing him shrugging, clearly looking like he was already mostly losing interest in this for the time being.

"Well, I just wanted to make sure that I was ready for it. I think that when I see Bebe, and we hang out, I am ready for her, and I am ready to just see what the two of us can be able to do." I said, and then I was shrugging, feeling like maybe the longer that I was saying something like this, everything was going to be fine enough.

"Honestly, I just feel like I am happy with her, and I feel like when I think of a good relationship, that is the thing that I feel like is a good fucking sign. When you are happy with what you have," I said, looking right at him, and I was hoping that he was going to be finding what I was saying to be cheesy and stupid and lame. But I just wanted to be honest.

"Well, I hope that if you are really feeling this way, then she does treat you with the respect that you want, and the respect you feel you deserve." Seth said, and then the way that he was saying was showing that he was just trying to pretend like he knew what he was talking about, and while he did not, he was just trying to find a way to get out of this peacefully.

"I will do whatever it takes to make sure that either it works, or if it fails, then I will just break it off with her, and that I can move on. But I feel like she deserves a fucking chance. And thank you for showing some interest in the subject." I said, feeling like maybe saying that was going to win him over a bit more, and that by saying something like this, I could get him to think that maybe I was not a asshole, or whatever he might be thinking. Which I knew was just being a bit worried, but still. I wanted to just be careful.

"Todd, don't get all sappy with me right now." Seth said, and then I was looking right down at him, and I was feeling like that comment just kind of ruined it. I was feeling like maybe the two of us were going to be onto something. But I guess it was not that big of a deal in all honesty.

…

-August 31 2020 1:19 pm- I was getting ready to just go out with one of my friends again, or to see Bebe, or just to do something else out of my time. I was putting on my shoes, and had some nicer clothes on, and as I was heading out, I saw Ridge in his crip for the first time in nearly ten days.

I stared for a few second, and the entire time that I was looking, part of me was just shocked that it had been ten days since he was born already. I was shocked to be thinking that he had already been around for nearly two weeks, and I just nearly really even paid much thought to it at all. I mean, I saw him around here and there, but I never really thought on it too much. In all honesty, I just felt like being that way was kind of wrong.

I was sighing, and I was walking out of the house, finally feeling like I was needing to just try and reach out to the kid at some point. Sure he was still literally nothing more than a sleeping baby right now, but in a few months he will start talking, walking, and doing his own things. When you are that age, literally every single day is a big deal, and I was not there for much of it.

I was tired of feeling like I was failing my family though, since that feeling was just a bit much, and I was feeling kind of tired of hating myself for just not knowing every thing that my family has been doing. Eventually, I was telling myself to fucking relax a bit, and not be making a huge deal out of much here.

When I was out of the house, I was walking towards the park that was nearby, and in a moment, my mind had started to turn towards something else entirely. Something that I hated to even fucking suggest in my mind. Getting to know the truth of what Travis was suggesting to me. I needed to know what Travis was wanting to talk to me about.

I had a terrible feeling that if Travis knew what was happening here, and if he was serious here, and if he was really wanting to help me out, and help me save my fucking family, I needed to give him a chance, and I needed to listen to the insane stories that he was telling me right now.

I was looking for the first bench I could find, and then I sat down on it, and then I was feeling a bit longer, telling myself that this was something that better fucking be worth it. I was not going to be happy if he was showing me something that had literally no fucking connection with anything at all.

When I sat down, I was looking at all of the places that Travis had wrote down on the notes, and then I was looking at all of the places that I had felt like I might be a bit more comfortable with looking at. The longer that I was looking at all of these notes, the less certain that I was going to be when going forward at any of this.

I was seeing that one of the places was that fucking tree house. When I first saw that, I was not too shocked and I was thinking that perhaps I could go there soon enough, when I was feeling like I had gotten the point. But for the time being, I was seeing there was a place that was in the middle of town that I never thought would have been related to anything.

Despite the things going on in my mind, I was feeling like perhaps I could just see why Travis was thinking that this was a place that we needed to look. I was sighing, and told myself not to be fucking annoyed at him at all, and that maybe I could go to this area. The main reason I was confused was that it was abandoned. Like I had not seen anybody come in years to that area, in or out at all.

I was shaking my head, and I was convinced that if I went there, then everything was going to be a waste of time. But I was also having a million things running in my mind, and I was telling myself that I just needed to fucking take the risk. Maybe if I was alone, and Bebe did not see what I was fucking doing, or anybody else, then I would have gotten away with it all together.

So as I was telling myself this, I was getting up, and I was going to give this one place a look, and if there was something there, I would tell Travis what I thought, and see if he was satisfied with this answer. If he was having something he wanted to say and debate, we would try and talk about it later.

I was feeling like if my friends were aware that I was doing this, they were going to be finding it strange, and they were going to tell me not to waste my time with this. I did not disagree with them, and I was thinking that they were right. But at that moment, my friends were just probably actually enjoying themselves, and not getting involved with these insane ideas.

I started to walk there, and the only thing that I was telling myself over and over again was my desire that this man was telling the truth. I was hoping that with all of this time, and this obsession of his, that he would have at least figured out some form of a starting plan with this right now. But I was telling myself not to get too comfortable.

I was thinking that perhaps if for nothing else, if I could just go there, and if I really did feel like Travis was wasting my time, or that he was picking up dead ends, I would just tell him, and I would be honest with what was going on. I wanted him to feel like he could talk. But I needed him to be clear that I was not playing.

When I was getting closer to being there, I was also telling myself that perhaps I was just not being fair enough for him. Maybe he really was thinking that everything that he had found was making total sense, and that in his mind, he really felt like he was like a prophet on this whole thing. It would have been a lie, but maybe in his mind, it was not one.

But when I was getting close to the area, I was shocked at what I was seeing. I was seeing a place with a construction working truck across the street, and two guys talking with each other, and I was wondering if perhaps this group of people were going to try and break it down, and that maybe they had known what Travis and I discussed. It was then and there that I thought that maybe he was onto something after all.

…

-September 1 2020 1:34 am- I was about to go to bed that night, and really was feeling like clocking out was the best thig that I could do when I was getting a last second text, and I had felt like that I needed to just answer this one, for both our sakes. When I saw it, I was not shocked to see that it was from Travis.

"Did you hear what happened today?" Travis asked, and then I was feeling like he was talking about the one building that he suggested that I go check out, that I never went and actually looked at. But I refused to bring that up, wanting him to feel like I actually was a team player.

"Yeah, I was seeing a few people working construction near the area." I said, feeling like that was going to be good enough for him. Maybe that enough would make him feel like I went there, and that I knew what I was discussing. There was a moment of silence a bit longer.

"There was a bit more to it than that, I think." Travis said, and I was clearly able to tell that he was not wanting to say anything, in case that I was not really ready for this. I knew what he was wanting to do, and that he was just wanting me to fucking say shit. So I sighed, and decided that I would hear him out.

"What happened? Are you willing to fucking talk with me? I mean, if we want to work together, you need to just fucking be honest." I was borderline willing to snap at this man, but I was feeling like as much as I hated to admit that Travis was the only one who knew the answers to the shit going on right now, and that I needed to just pretend like there was nothing going on right now that was even remotely pissing me off right now at all.

"I was getting to that Todd, please give me some fucking time to gather my words." Travis said, showing some emotion for the first time in the few days that I knew the man, and I was feeling like he was not going to be playing by my way anymore, and then I was feeling like maybe I was just needing to respect that a bit more.

"There was an explosion from that area, according to what I heard." After Travis said this, I was suddenly stopping, and everything that I was thinking and feeling earlier was suddenly becoming halted, and I was wanting to then know his every word.

"I think that I heard a really loud noise earlier tonight, but I never made the connection." I admitted, and I was feeling kind of stupid to not realize that it was a fucking explosion. I was sighing, and had felt like maybe I was needing to actually hear him out after all.

"Okay, so I guess that maybe I was underselling this whole thing after all." I said, not even wanting to admit it, and not even wanting to think about what Travis was going to do with the power of that statement. But at the same time, I was feeling like honesty was the only way that both of us were going to progress.

"Now are you starting to really fucking get it?" After Travis asked me this, I was sighing, and I was not at all wanting to say something, in fear of what he would do, but I was thinking that maybe he was putting me to a corner.

"Maybe I fucking am." I said, and then I was feeling like the honesty of that was going to be the best thing that I could fucking do, and that I just needed to fucking find a way to get along with him, before he was going to tell me that I was suddenly wrong for how I was earlier.

"Well, I think that maybe if you want to help out now, I think that now is the time that we start to do things to really fucking get it into high gear. No more excuses. I think that we need to really just see if there is something that is being hidden or not." After Travis told me this, I was then thinking that maybe we were going to need to be logical here. But I think that he was really refusing to think this out.

"Okay, so maybe you are right." I said, finally feeling like being honest was the best way that the two of us were going to fucking live through this whole thing. "Travis, if you really feel like you got any ideas on what to do, please tell me on what you are feeling." I said, and then I was thinking that while supporting his beliefs, and wanting to fucking roam around like a fucking dumb ass was the last thing that sounded appealing to me, I was just needing to be honest.

"Well, I think that if you want to show me that you are not messing around with me anymore, that you need to check out all those places I suggested. You know that if you look there, maybe we might be able to find some clues." He said to me, and then I was sighing, feeling like this was literally the last thing that I wanted to do. But I needed to be a team player, no matter what.

"Fine, I will do just that, and I will fucking see what I might find there." I said, and then the prospect of ever going beyond just that was scary to me, and something that I was not even wanting to strongly consider. But I was feeling like this was the only way that the two of us were ever going to form any form of a working relation here.

"I would also highly suggest not letting a single fucking person know what you are doing. If you let anybody know what you are doing, they will surely try and find a way to get involved, and pretend like they are making a fucking difference." After Travis told me this, I was actually thinking on that for a moment, and I was conceding that one deep down.

"Yeah, I think that must agree with you on that one." I texted back, thinking of the prospect of literally any of my siblings coming along, and finding out what I was doing. If they had come along, and found out what was happening, then everything would have been terrible, and everything would have been ruined. I was thinking that such a thing was just not allowed to happen at all.

"I mean, no matter what all that I have said, I do not want to have your family get involved with this. I would rather have you flat out not get involved at all in this than get involved, and end up hurting or killing your siblings. I would never forgive myself." Travis said, and then I sighed in relief that entire time.

Hearing that was the best possible thing he would have said to me, and the only thing that was making me feel like I could respect where he was heading with this. I was glad that no matter what was going on in this world, and this town, that he was always going to put my family above literally anything else.

I was sighing, and then I was feeling like no matter what was happening, and no matter what I was wanting to do, I was feeling like there was no way in fucking hell that I was ever going to to be in a good spot here, and that Travis was going to be up to something, if I was not careful enough. I mean, I was wanting to help out Travis, and I was wanting to have him feel like he was going to have a chance to be able to reach out to me, but it was going to be hard.

Travis and I needed to be working together hard if we were actually going to make some plans and progress right now. Travis was having things that he was aware of, and his plans were going to be dangerous, but they were going to be all that I had right now, and I was always needing to remember this.

When I was getting ready to go back to sleep again, this was when Gabe was speaking to me, and then I was looking across the bed, and I was looking right at Gabe, wondering what his plans were right now, and I was wondering if he was needing to actually talk with me. In all honesty, I was wanting Gabe the fucking hell out of this discussion, for his own sake. "How are you right now?" I asked, feeling like I could talk for a bit here.

"I just saw that you looked like you were in a really serious mood right now, and I was wondering if there was something going on that you were needing to discuss." He said, and I will not fucking lie, I did consider for about ten seconds or so, and I was feeling like maybe I could rely on him for a while, and see what he was saying.

But then I was feeling like if something happened to him, then I was never forgiving myself, and I was never going to be feeling like what I had been doing was worth it all. So with this, I was shrugging, and pretended like none of this was even all that big of a deal. "Trust me, Gabe, everything is going to be fine. I will survive." I said, and then he was looking like he did not believe a fucking word of what I was telling him. Not that I could fucking blame him.

"I feel like you are really in that mindset that when there is something serious going on, you just hate the idea of talking to other people, because you feel that you need to be the one who takes care of things." He said, and then I was letting out a dramatic sigh, not in the mood for this right now.

"I just have no real mindset to talk about this stuff right now. I am just trying to fucking figure out what I want to do, and I feel fucking confused. I will figure it all out soon enough. I just need to actually have a plan right now." I said, and then I was shrugging, feeling like this would satisfy him for now.

"I mean, I just want to make sure that whatever I am doing, that it is something that is done after great consideration and time put into figuring it out." I said, finally feeling like this type of comment would suffice, and make Gabe feel like he was sort of able to get it. I was not really having a hard time against talking with him, but I was not wanting to talk about this.

"Todd, how much do you feel like you will be able to have a grasp on what is happening around you?" Gabe asked, and I was feeling like he was just trying to talk with me, and just trying to get to know how I was feeling. I was tired of this discussuion. But I was not wanting to say such, to not anger him or anything. I was tired of everybody acting like I was just being a fucking idiot.

"Well, I am just going to do what I feel like will help out you guys. I mean, I got hired recently at the video store, and I am just focusing on making sure that I do not let that get thrown out of line. I just want to make sure that no matter what happens, I can stay there and get some money for you guys." I said, just thinking od how money was the one thing this family did not have enough of at all.

"You do not need to be worried about doing all of that. I am sure that even mom and dad would not want that to be something you are fearing right now." Gabe told me, and then I looked right at him, trying to act like what he was telling me was true. I knew deep down that this was not. But I was wanting to give him a level of doubt.

"I feel like worrying about that is going to be the only thing that I can really do. I mean, I have been seeing how this house has had a terrible time keeping up with the demands that we are all having. I mean, I feel like mom and dad did a decent job given what they had. But in the grand scheme of things, I feel like I could do so much more." I said, feeling like what I had said was a fair enough way of looking at it.

"Well, just whatever you do, remember that things are always going to be good with all of us together." Gabe said, and the way he was saying this was making it seem like he was genuinely wanting to make sure that I had a chance of actually having a smaller chance of being happier here. I was thinking that deep down, I could appreciate that.

"I will try my best, I guess." I said, and I was meaning it when I had said that. I was not sure that I could convince myself. But I was feeling like I could pretend like I was happy. I was pissed at the way that my family was like with me being a good and caring brother. I was just then telling myself that Gabe was actually feeling like there really was nothing important going on. If he was feeling that way, then I was really going to have a rough time speaking with him now.

"Anyways, I hope that you enjoy working at the place that you got hired at. I just think that you better not be too worried about what we are feeling. I mean, it will only be a few months before you and I are going to be heading out of the house, and when we leave, there will only be nine people here instead, I guess." Gabe said, and I was thinking that the longer he was talking, the more even he was understanding how insane the whole thing was, and I was glad to see him actually putting it in perspective.

"I mean, I don't know about enjoying or not enjoying. But I guess that maybe working there will be good. I mean, you are right about there only being nine people left when we go. But nine people is still a huge amount. Especially when most of them are not even more than just a couple of years apart in age." I felt like that last part was rather important, bringing up how hard it was going to be for the family to eventually not have a lot of worrying about.

"Yeah, I guess there is that as well. But I think we need to remember that we can't fucking do everything here. I mean, I think even you understand that there is only so much that we can do about this, right?" Gabe asked, and then I was feeling like no matter what I was going to say, and no matter what I was wanting to say, he was never going to see my perspective.

"Yeah, you are right, in that we can't really change much of it. I think that in all honesty, that is the thing that makes me fucking crazy. The fact that even if I give forty to sixty bucks a week, that is nothing in the grand scheme of things. I mean, I think that the reality of that is always going to be brutal. Knowing that I am having no way of really making a fucking difference." I said, and then I was sighing, not wanting to talk about it anymore.

"Well, I think that in all honesty, as brutal as it may sound, maybe mom and dad should have thought about this earlier. I think that there is only so much that we can really say or do before it really all comes down to that. You know, the fact that in all honesty, there is no real point in beating ourselves up for something we had no power over." Gabe was sighing, and then he was looking at the ceiling at the end of this.

"Well, good night. I hope that you do not do anything too exciting." After he said this to me, I was then thinking that eventful was going to be the better word for what Travis was going to have me do. I was thinking that eventful was going to be the only way that I was going to come close to describing what was happening here.

"Yeah, you too. I think that I will be mostly fine." I said, and I was thinking more and more about what I was saying here, and I was thinking about the fact that if I even dared to say anything else, then I was only going to be making things much worse for all of us. But I was choosing not to bring this up, for his own sake.

I was then thinking about what it was going to be like to work with Travis. I was feeling like working with him was going to be the only way that things were going to be accomplished at all. I was thinking that Travis better has some fucking good ideas here, and that if he did not, then I was going to just be on the verge of ending this partnership. I was thinking that he better be told of this before he got too complacent.

I was then looking at the phone one final time before I was about to head to sleep, and the entire time that I was staring at the phone, I was wondering if Travis was going to be an actual ally, or if he was going to be somebody that was going to be a enemy. I was thinking that no matter what, I was needing to be careful with him.

Travis was going to have a long way to go if he was feeling like we were going to be fully working together. I was thinking that soon enough, we were going to have a good discussion about both of our values, and we were going to both have a understanding. I was thinking that surely, if the two of us talked longer, the better both of us were going to be.

I was thinking that despite everything that Travis and I had just said to each other, that if we worked together, and if we were actually going to make a difference, I was certain that the two of us were going to finally come to a final understanding. I was thinking that there was no way that he did not have a clear idea on what was meant to actually be done. So with this, I was sighing, and I was getting ready to face him.

But even beyond him, there was still all my other siblings, and there was still all my friends, and there was now Bebe in the equation. I was thinking that while I was needing to protect them, and be happier for them, that I was going to have to at least consider what things would be like if they knew what I was doing. Maybe we could work together in such an event. And as much as I hated to admit it, I could talk with dad…

…

-September 7 2020 12:19 pm- I went ahead and read a couple of the entries that Gabe has written down after I told him about this notebook, and the fact that I was slowly wanting to turn it into a family experiment. And oh my god, either he has lost his mind, or he really had found something that is beyond any form of reasonable description, and either way that does worry me.

I was just trying my best to pretend like none of this was a real issue, but now I am wondering if he really is going to be doing something that he might regret, with looking at those files and trying to talk to that fucking facility. I think that the very idea with trying to speak to those people was a terrible idea.

Eventually, I was thinking about what it would be like if I could get Josiah to hear about what I was doing, and if he might have a fucking opinion on this whole thing. I was feeling like I had no real desire to be bringing him into any of this, and I was feeling like he deserved so much fucking better. But at the time, I was feeling like it might have been the only way.

I guess that this does give me one fucking answer though. The fact that when I see somebody else doing some of the exact same stuff, I can see just how insane it really is, and I can see how much of a terrible idea it can be. So I think that now that I have that in mind, I think that I might be able to start to realize that it is time to put this whole thing to the side.

That being said, if my friends or family did get in danger, I would start doing something without a single fucking seconds thought. But for now, I wanted to give Gabe a chance, and see if he really was off his rocker, or if he was actually wanting to do something for us, and that quite possibly he really was having a method to all of his madness.

As I left the house, I was seeing that Josiah was talking with Gabe, and I was thinking about how much nicer it would be if I was still relatively innocent like Josiah was at the time. If he had no idea what was happening, and that everything just seemed fucking normal here. If it just seemed like a regular old conversation, and not anything really too strange at all. And as I was dialing up Bebe's number, I felt like it was time for one other thing.

And that was just trying to speak with her, and trying to make it all right. You know, just seeing how she had felt. You know, actually getting to know her. I think that doing something like this was all that I can do, and I was just wondering if she was willing to take the idea, and run with it at all. I was just secretly hoping that she would understand that all that I had ever wanted right now was to see her smiling. As strange as that was sounding, I was just wanting to make sure that nothing was happening to her.

"Hey Bebe, I was thinking about stopping by, and seeing how you were doing right now." I said, and I was feeling the text might be casual enough to where she would never noti


	3. The Lost Blade

-Gabe's POV September 1 2020 10:12 pm- I was told about this journal that Todd wants us all to write in and stuff. I don't really think that it would be a smart idea to be talking about everything we dealt with in a way that people can be able to learn about it. But I will admit that there are some stuff going on here that I guess I could vent on about at least, so I will go along with it.

So it was going on earlier today, when I was planning on hanging out with one of my friends. I was mainly doing it to capture some time with them before senior year of school, and another part of me was just wanting to make sure that they were safe after the stuff that had gone down with that explosion and stuff. You know, I just wanted to make it all safe.

There was something that was taking the things Todd had been doing the previous days that made me feel like maybe Todd might have known what was happening, and I was just feeling like regardless of what the hell he was going to try and tell me, that I just needed to see what his issue was. But I decided that I was not going to bother him too much on this.

I was wanting Todd to just fucking talk with me, and help me out with this whole thing. But as I was heading down to Michael's house, where I was hoping we could gather up with Carly, and we could all just make sure that we were fine, I was seeing some glowing light that was really confusing me the entire fucking time.

I wanted to pretend like the fucking glowing light was no fucking big deal, and that we just needed to relax a bit. But the entire time that I was heading there, I was tired, and I was wanting to fucking just see what they were feeling. When I would talk with them next, maybe I could tell them about the glowing light that I had seen, and learn what they were thinking on it.

So with that, I was starting to walk to the forest and I was just telling myself that it was only going to be a small visit, and that things were all going to be fine. I was convinced that there was going to be no issue with checking this out for a moment or two. I was seriously thinking that everything would have been fine. The entire time that I was walking there, I was telling myself that chances were very likely that I was just over thinking it, and that it was not that big of a deal in all honesty.

The only thing that was running in my mind over and over again during this walk was that I was needing to try and just make some peace with the fact that some people were not even going to be all that interested in what some glowing lights were, and I was feeling that in all honesty, I should not have been interested either.

The entire time that I was walking down the forest path, feeling like I was just needing to be calm and collected. I had genuinely felt like if I was going to just see what was happening there, I was telling myself over and over again that I was going to just find out what Todd was hiding from me. Which I was feeling like was the most important thing we could do.

I was wondering what Todd was even worried about right now. I was just thinking that perhaps if I could talk with him, and get him to be totally honest with me, then I was going to finally feel like the two of us were going to have a true connection. I wanted a tangible connection and one that I was going to really feel like could have been able to bring us together. Maybe we could work together, and make this whole thing less terrible.

There was also the part of me that was wondering if any of this even fucking mattered or not. I was thinking that speaking to him was only going to make things a bit harder, when I was being realistic, and that he was not going to want to work with me. I was convinced that he was going to tell me off, and tell me that I was just looking at this whole thing way too deeply. I hated it, but I was expecting this.

In the end, I was feeling like I was never going to be fully satisfied with myself, and I was never going to think about what I could be doing to make life better. My entire life that I had been living so far was a really confusing one. Pretending like nothing was even fucking happening, and pretending like nothing that I had seen in the past even fucking mattered at all.

I was telling myself that I was needing to realize that no matter what I had been wanting to do, and no matter what I was thinking that I needed to do for the best presentation of my family, I was just needing to stop pretending like what I had been seeing back in the day was fake. In a way, those fucking monsters were sincere, and I think we all knew this deep down.

The only time that really made me unsure of what to be thinking was the time that I was hanging out with those fucking guys back in that summer. But I guess that memories were all floating by, and that with each passing year, despite how big the events were, I was getting older, and I was starting to more and more forget about what I was feeling. This was something that I was used to, but that did not mean that I was happy for it.

Eventually, I was in the middle of a barren open area. As I was looking around the area, I was just wanting to try and find something to do that would actually get me some fucking ideas on what was happening. But there was something about the center of the clearing that gave me a unsettled feeling.

So with this, I was getting down on one of my knees, and then I was starting to unbury something from the ground. I could feel something down there, and the entire time that I was bigging, the more and more certain that this was where I had needed to go. I was feeling fucking happy for finally feeling like I was seeing the thing that gave me uncertain doubt for such a long period of time.

I was digging for nearly three minutes or something, and the longer that I was going, the more and more that I was convincing myself that I was just going crazy, and that nothing was really happening. The more that I was convincing myself that I just needed to be taking this whole thing more seriously, and not be treating things so fucking jokingly.

Eventually I was feeling my hand hitting something, and this was when I was feeling like I would finally find something that was going to be giving me more context. I was pulling out what I was touching, and then I was looking at something cylinder when I was finished, although it was covered up.

I was then feeling like even if this was having nothing to do with earlier, that this was going to be worth the fucking find, and then I was unwrapping the thing from its wrapping, and I was telling myself that by doing this, I was going to find out what people were actually so fucking scared of for no real fucking reason.

When I was holding the rod, it had looked exactly like something like a lightsaber from the star wars movies. I was confused as hell from what I had found, and I was thinking that maybe I could just see if there was a button on it that I could be pressing, to see if this really was like a lightsaber from those movies, or if I was letting my imagination run wild now.

I saw a red button on it, and knowing full well what I was going to do, and knowing full well what I had found, I pressed the button, and saw the giant blue blade coming out from the rod. I was hoping for a green one, since that was my favorite color, but the idea of finding a real one of these at all was still exciting, and the color after a few seconds seemed to entirely leave my mind, I stared at it after I brought it to a upward position for nearly ten seconds before turning it off.

Once I had turned it off, I was sighing, and I was well aware that there was a chance that if somebody found this, that they were going to possibly use it for something bad. I was then thinking that in a way, when I was going to have it with me, that I was just needing to keep it with me, and keep it safe from what people were planning to possibly do with it. I was then wrapping the blade up, and placed it in my pocket.

I was walking down the pathway of the forest, and I was feeling that by getting out of the forest, I might have been able to hide for a while longer, and I might have been able to just keep this whole thing together. The entire time that I was walking down the pathway to get the hell out of here, I was well aware that I just needed to find a way to not only show this to Todd, but get him to believe that I was doing the right thing by using this to fight.

I wondered if listening to Todd was the only thing that was going to save me from whatever I was going to do. I was thinking that if Todd was going to be here with me, then we might have been able to figure out what the hell people were having, and then hiding from here. I was then feeling like no matter what Todd would have said, even he would have been more willing to help me out, if he was aware that I was actually going to be having some good intentions.

I was thinking about Todd, and I was thinking that maybe he might have known about some other stories that dad used to tell him. I was convinced that perhaps dad might have been able to help me out with this. I was thinking that he probably heard all about the monster stories from decades ago, and I was thinking that perhaps if he was wanting to help me out, then this would have been the only thing that could have made any fucking difference.

I was eventually getting out of the forest, and then I was feeling like maybe Michael might have been more supsective to the idea of hearing out my ideas, Maybe hearing me out, and hearing what I was thinking, he might have finally taken me seriously, and while I was not wanting him to be annoyed with me, and be angry at the fact that I was acting so strangely, I needed to let him hear me out.

I was thinking that as selfish as it was for me to say, that I wanted Carly to be the last person in this. She was needing to fucking hide from the truth. I was thinking that hiding her from the truth was going to be the only way that I would have kept her fucking safe. It was wrong to be like this, and even I knew this, but I did not care.

The closer that I was getting to his house, I was thinking that this was going to be a fun investigation if for nothing else, and that was the thing that made me so fucking sure that I was not going to be doing anything wrong. I was going to just tell him what I was thinking, and what I was wanting to do, and if he was not wanting to help me out for whatever reason, then I was going to have to just accept that fact once and for all.

The faster that I was getting convinced that this was going to be a really good idea, the better and better that I was feeling like I was a good fucking bullshitter. Then I eventually reached his house, and then I was knocking on his house for a few seconds. When I was done, I was staring up at the sky, and I was telling myself that I was ready for it all.

When Michael was anwering the door, he had looked right at me, and I was seeing him looking relatively uncertain on what I was doing, and that since we did not really make any agreements to hang out, the whole thing was just a bit strange. So I was thinking of something I could talk to him about, and we could connect for a while longer.

"Hey Gabe, how are you today?" After Michael asked me this, I shrugged, not having much to be thinking on this. I was thinking that just talking to him for a while was going to be the best thing that I could do. "I mean, you look like something is really bothering you. Plus, it is super fucking late in the night, and I think that you clearly just want to show me something."

"I am doing alright, but I have something that you might be really fucking interested in seeing." After I said this, I was seeing Michael looking at me as if feeling like I was needing to fucking not reel him in too much. But then he was sighing, and then he was telling himself mentally to just fucking give me a chance, and see what I was thinking right now.

"Are you worried about something?" After Michael asked this, I was getting inside of his house, rather forcefully, and I was feeling bad for it even at the moment. When we were inside though, I was looking right at him, and I was placing my hands on his shoulder, which was making it very clear to him that I was not messing around here.

"What the fucking hell is going on? I mean, you are starting to worry me now?" He asked, and then I was sighing, and I was just telling myself to fucking comprehend how silly this was probably looking to him, and then I was thinking of the best way that I could say this, and make him actually think that I was not going crazy, like a fucking mental asylum.

"I found this when I was in the forest, and I tried it out, and it actually works." I said, and before he was going to say no, and try and get to know what I was thinking, I was bring out the fucking blade from my pocket, and I was seeing him looking kind of confused, but he was remaining silent, wanting to give off at least some impression of respect when hearing me.

"What the fucking hell are you talking about? How did you find that? How are things like this even real?" After he has asked me, I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to just try and get it, but I was seeing that his mind was literally fucking reeling from this entire thing, and I did not blame him at all.

I turned the blade on, showing him that this was indeed real. As I was done with this, I was looking right at him, and I was seeing him finally calming down, and then he was looking right at me, and I was just thinking that no matter what he was wanting to do, I was needing to be respectful, and I was just needing to work with him on all levels.

"Wow, I never thought that I would see a fucking lightsaber. Like a real one. But what are you going to do about it? Do you think that perhaps with this, you might be able to do something with it?" After he asked me this, I was sighing, and then I was looking right at him, feeling like the next part of my answer was not going to be something he would want to hear. But I was thinking that I might as well be honest with him.

"I have no idea. What I am going to do is just look to see if the legends of the town are true or not. I mean, surely some of them must be. Look at this. Look at it. I am certain that at least some of this is true." I said, and then he was sighing, feeling like what I was saying was just wrong. But at the same time, I saw him just looking like he was trying to be calm, and not be telling me off.

"Gabe, that is going to get you killed. I hope that you understand this. You are going to be getting yourself killed if you even think of doing something like this. Please fucking think of that. But that being said, I would be lying if I was saying that I was not at least somewhat interested in what you were going to find." He was eventually sighing, and felt like the truth was going to come out. Then with this, I was sighing, and then was just trying my best to comprehend my friends caring for what I was doing.

...

-September 4 2020 12:31 pm- When I was sure that noboy else was awake that night, I was feeling like I just needed to do something that I never really wanted to do. And that was doing my fucking homework, and making sure that I knew all of the fucking clues on what was actually happening here. I was just telling myself that no matter what the fucking hell was happening, my siblings needed to stay out of this.

I was feeling like even if I was not the smartest cookie in the shed, I was smart enough to know that getting any of them involved in what I was doing, and what I was wanting to do, was just a fucking selfish and stupid move. So I was going to keep my cool, and pretend that they were all safe.

I had no idea if that plan was going to be very effective, and if it was going to fucking make any difference in the way that they were going to feel if they had known the truth. But I was going to feel so much fucking happier for pretending that they were going to be in a good spot. So I was going to just see what I can do now.

The only thing that I was not so sure about was if I was needing to try and bring Carly in on this. I was feeling like if she had known, we could work together, and we could fucking actually be a team. But at the same time, if she had known, she might have told me that she wanted nothing to do with my fucking plans now. She was going to act like I was taking things too far, or making something out of nothing.

And for all I fucking knew, they were right. For all that I knew on the other hand, something really could be happening here, and something could have been actually going down, and something could have been happening without a single one of us fucking know, and this was just a giant fucking mistake now.

The one thing that I was fucking certain of was that I was needing to make sure that my family would not see that if I was not careful enough, this would turn into something that I was obsessed over. Something that I just needed to get my shot of. You know, in a way, I guess that if I was not careful enough, I would treat it like it was fucking heroin.

Wow, I think that maybe I am taking the comparisons to a bit of a over the top degree, and even I must admit that. But whatever, I am just trying to sort of make my point that there is more to this than I will want to admit, and that I am willing to make it all fucking work out in the end.

Eventually, I was reaching the town library, and when I was there, I sighed for a moment, and I was just telling myself to go right in, and do what I can to find out what I can. And when I was done, I was going to leave, and I was going to just finally start to have more of a grasp on what I was doing. All that I just needed to do was fucking focus on the main goal.

When I was telling myself one final time to just not do it, I was shaking my fucking head, and told myself that I was needing to do this for my own mental sanity, and I was walking right inside. So as I was looking around, I was just seeing that there was nobody behind the counter. That was a bit strange to me, but I guess that maybe he or she was fucking busy.

So I choose not to think too much on it for the time being, feeling like my conclusion was a relatively perfectly valid one. I was going to the counter though, for a couple of second, thinking that maybe if somebody saw me, they could have come to me by then. When that did not happen, I was feeling like I was needing to just give it a fucking rest, and I started to wak to the one section of the library I new migt help me out.

The archies explaining all of the details on missing people in the town. I mean, I was feeling like surely at least one of two of those places were going to give me the fucking clues that I had wanted. I was just needing to buckle down, and just decide that I did want to read the material. I did want to read it, and I wanted to understand it. I wanted it so fucking badly.

I was thinking that it was rather strange that the files were here in the library though, and that was entirely because of the fact that the mayor and other people were rather proud of the fact that this information was never really going to ruin the fact that tourists were coming to the town, and making it a site that people loves to see. But by doing this, it was going to help drive people away.

If they knew all about the people who were gone, and all the people that were never coming along, people would have bolted from this town so fucking long ago. That was a fucking fact. People would have made it a priority that nobody was ever going to have a fucking visit, or a consideration for this place, fucking ever.

I was wondering how powerful advertising was then. You know, to hide something as big as this, and to hide it in a way that anybody could have seen it, and would have if they looked, and choose just not to do something like this. The whole thing was literally making no fucking sense to me. But I guess that at the same time, none of it mattered.

As I was grabbing some files from just last year, a lady called out to me. This scared the shit out of me for a couple of seconds, and then I saw her, and was seeing that she was having a relatively serious but polite look on her face. "Is there anything that you need?" She asked, probably entirely assuming that I was doing this because of school. I was thinking about what to say then.

"No, not really. I am just sort of looking at things that had some form of interest to me. You know, just things that I have wanted to know about. I think that I will probably be fine." I said, and then I was looking at her, and she was clearly not looking too into what i had said, and thought that maybe I lied a small bit.

"What person in your age range actually has a interest in things that happen in this town years ago? I mean, that seems like something that would never even cross some of your peoples minds to save your life." She said, and then I looked right at her, and the thing was that at the moment, I did not disagree with her. But I was needing to just pretend like I was not thinking too much on it, and she was being silly right now.

"Well, I think that those people are just not wanting to come off and give off that impression of being obssessed." I said, and then I was sighing, thinking that I just needed to be leaving it alone. She was never going to really fucking get it. I mean, with Lydia always having a ssmall chance of being another person to go missing, I would be insane to not be looking at it all.

"I think that you are severely underestimating my knowledge on the subject. But if you want to look at this stuff, then there is nothing that I would do about it. I mean, I do applaud your interest in the subject, or whatever reason that is." She said, and then she was finally willing to leave the subject alone. I was just thinking that if she would leave me alone, then everything would be the best thing for me.

"Thank you, and if I find something that I might need your help on, I will see what I could find." I said, and then I was sighing, feeling like something like this was going to be for the best. Just making it look like I was willing to at least make it seem like I was willing to give her a chance. With this, she was leaving me alone.

Eventually, when she was finally fucking gone, I was sighing in relief, and I was fucking over the discussion, despite the fact that we never really even had a chance to start it. I sat down, and I was ready to finally fucking work, and see what I was finally going to pull out some shit with this. I was pulling out things from the year 2019 and 2020, given the fact that those just happened.

I was seeing a note saying "Pheobe Jarret next person gone in growing list of people." The name reminded me of her. I only knew her vaguely from like middle school, and even then we barely talked about anything with each other. I was thinking that she probably forgot I even existed. Which was not strange since for a brief second, I did as well.

I was feeling like i just was going to have to remember if we ever even interacted once in our entire lives. I was thinking that we probably shared words like hello and have a nice day, but in a actual discussion, I think that perhaps we did not have anything remotely close to this. I was shaking my head, looking at the date, and was just trying to find a common connection there.

June 12 2020, slightly less than three months ago. I think that she was most recent one. But then I was remembering the grinding noise from slightly less than two weeks ago, and I was thinking that maybe I was going to keep all of this in mind. I was thinking that there was a small chance that surely somebody else might have been missing, and that I just needed to try harder.

I was then thinking about some questions that maybe I could ask the lady at the counter again. I was walking towards her, and I was just hoping that no matter what was happening, she was going to try and reach out to me. "Hey, I do have a question for you after all." I said, wanting to pretend like I could find a way to get her to listen to me for a second.

She was looking up at me, and the way she had looked at me was showing that she was actually kind of shocked that I was wanting to hold on with this. "I was wondering if there was any reports on the whole Pheobe Jarret case that happened a couple of months ago?' I asked, hoping that she was actually going to be listening to me. I was just hoping that no matter what she was feeling here, she would have actually listened to me here.

"No, I never heard anything about it, which is surpirising since people usually get at least one or two clues by now." She admitted, and I was shocked that she was genuinely willing to talk with me at all about this. She was happy to talk with me, andif I could listen to her tell me more clues, I was needing to see what she was keeping to herself.

"Sorry for wasting your time. I just thought that there would have been something from this." I said, feeling like I was wasting her fucking time this entire time, and I was feeling like I was just being a fucking waste of time. I was feeling like no matter what I was thinking, I was just beeding to be careful. I was telling myself that this woman was only wanting to pretend to help me.

"I mean, I never thought that you were actually going to ask any questions about this. I thought that you were just going to be only pretending to want to know stuff." After he had said that to me, I was then thinking about what we were going to discuss right now. I eventually was then gathering myself up once again, and then I was looking right at her again.

"Anyways, I will continue to see what I might find now." I said, and then I was finding myself trying to find out what I was going to accomplish right now. I was going to just really pretend that what people were thinking of people like me, and people my age in general, which was just a bit too much to actually handle.

I was walking to the area again, and I was then telling myself to actually look more at the information again. I was thinking about what the article was saying could have actually had something to help me out. I was thinking that there must have been at least some fucking information here. No matter what I was feeling, I just needed to look.

When I was done, I was seeing a fucking paper with a note on it. I was confused at the fucking note, and I was just trying to pretend like the note was not strange. But when I could have fucking sworn that I never seen something like this, I was just going to have to read the note. Which confused me when I was seeing it directed for me. I placed it in my pocket, thinking that i would read it when I was in my house tonight or something.

I was telling myself that when I was going to be reading this note, I was going to see if it was going to fucking help me ou at all, which I was genuinely feeling like was just never going to fucking be the case. But you know, I think that I was just thinking that I was going to have to pretend like someting like this had a fucking chance of happening.

...

-September 4 2020 3:36 pm- I was getting ready to hang out with my friends, and I was thinking that as long as Michael was still aware of what I was fucking doing, then the two of us were going to have a good plan, and we were actually going to be making things work out for the best.

I was thinking that at least until it became a situation of no choice, that I was not going to be telling Carly about what I was doing. She needed to not know the truth for as long as fucking possible. The longer she refused to know the truth, and the longer she was away from what was happening, the better that things were going to be.

But despite everything going on, I was telling myself that perhaps when I was going to be seeing Carly again, and I was going to see how she was presenting herself, she would have possibly had a chance to see that I was wanting to fucking make things work out. I was wanting to fucking keep her safe. But if keeping her safe was to bring her in this, then I was willing to change my plan.

The only thing that even remotely fucking mattered to me was just trying to figure out what that note was trying to accomplish. I mean, that note was really getting to me. The longer that I thought on that note, and the longer I was really spending on it, thinking deeply about what I was being told, the longer that I was sure that it was not a fucking hoax, and somebody did want to meet me.

I was taking out the note, and I was wondering if maybe I was just over reacting, and if the note really was not meant for me. Despite what I was thinking, I was willing to admit that something like this was rather possible. Something like this really could have fucking happened, and I was being stupid for not thinking that maybe something was there, and that maybe I just noticed it for the first time. Even though I had a feeling this was not true.

"It is clear why you are reading these notes. Clearly you want to try and find out some clues on this town. That is not going to work. Do not even bother trying to make something like this work. You know that you will never find something, and your attempts are going to fail. Every attempt at trying to help these people out has failed miserably." The note was starting to say, and I was feeling like this was just a terrible way to be writing to somebody, and I was feeling like I was needing to ignore thie.

When I shoved the note back in my pocket, I was finding myself genuinely pissed at the whole thing, and I was just telling myself that perhaps this person was having some attempts at finding something, but they themselves failed. Or they were trying to put me in a situation where I did not feel right to continue this whole thing. Surely they were going to feel like they were super successful, and that they were going to laugh at me for falling for it.

I was wondering if maybe Todd or Josiah had any ideas on what to be saying right now. Considering the fact that they were old enough to have dealt with their missing share of newly missing people, and i was convinced that neither of them would have tried to hide from me if they knew that I was genuinely wnating to help out a bit better.

I was then thinking that maybe Michael would have some clues, and I was going to just figure out what they might want to tell me, if they were going to want to tell me anything at all. And if they did, then I was going to just tell them that this was for personal interest, and that I had no desire to be doing something that I was certain wwas only getting my friends in danger.

I mean, I do admit though that I am just so much more interested in that sword blade that I had found earlier. I was wondering if it was something related to a secret experiment, and that was why nobody had wanted to check into it. The only thing about this whole investigation that was kind of worrying me was that if some other people found out what I was doing, they might actually want to do something about it.

Eventually, I was reaching Michael's house, and I knocked on his door, and when he had answered, and I was seeing him looking like he was having virtually no interest in pretending like I was here for something other for what I was going to be here for. I was feeling like maybe this whole thing might have been for the best, and I was just thinking that maybe he was wanting to get this whole thing over with.

"Are you wanting to talk about what you had found a couple of days ago?" After he asked me this, I was looking right at him, and he was clearly looking unsure of what he was wanting to accomplish. I was tired, and I was just wanting him to at least pretend like he was going to have some fucking ideas on what to do.

"Maybe a little bit. But at the same time, I was just wondering if you were holding up well or not tonight." I said, and then I was sighing, feeling like I was just needing to pretend like what I was discussing with him was going to be fine. I was just feeling like no matter what he had said, neither of us were going to stall this discussion for too much longer.

"I am doing alright enough. I mean, it is not that big of a deal. I mean, I am just sort of wondering if what we had found was real or not. The whole thing was justs trange, and I know that I didn't imagine it. But I just feel like there must have been more to it." After Michael was saying this to me, I was then seeing him looking like he was wishing that I could pretend like nothing was happening.

"I guess that maybe none of this really makes any fucking difference. I just wish that I could be fine right now. I think that when I know what happened that placed that down there, I could have made everything just be put behind my back." I said, and then I was shrugging, feeling like I just needed to leave the whole thing alone. "I mean, I am not going to try and connect it with all the missing people, but knowing my luck, I would not be shocked if they were connected."

"I mean, maybe somebody had just made one, and they thought that there was not all that much to it, so they buried it." Michael said, and then I was looking right at him, and I was feeling like the chances of this happening was just really fucking small. "I mean, I guess that it could be a suggestion that I would make."

"I mean, if somebody made a fucking lightsaber, not a single fucking person would be hiding it. I think that this idea is just not going to fucking be realistic." I said, and then looking right at him, and the longer that I was staring, the more that he was looking like he was actually considering what I had said. Even if he was not a big fan of me acting like he was stupid.

"I guess that maybe that is true. I am just trying to find a way to make some fucking sense out of this whole thing. I mean, surely I think even you must understand where I am coming from right now." He was telling me, and then I was looking right at her, just trying to find a way to be making some fucking sense out of the insanity of this.

"Yeah, I guess that may understand that you are just worried about how things are and stuff. I mean, I am sort of able to see why people care so much about these simple little things." I said, and then I looked right at him, wondering what the heck I was even going to be saying now. I was pretending like if we were talking longer on this, then I would feel like this was not going to be all that big of a deal, and we were fine.

I was just wishing that maybe I could have made Michael feel like maybe we were going to be focusing on some things that were going to be much more important for the most part. "So Michael, I think that perhaps maybe we can go along and see if there really is something happening right now, and if maybe there is somebody who would know about the creation about these energy swords." I said, trying to find a way to make sense out of this.

"Well, maybe if you feel like there really is something happening here, then while I may think that actually looking at this might not be a good idea, I have nothing to say to stop you. I guess that I will just want to have you be safe mostly." After he had said that to me, I was thinking about the comment 'mostly'. I think we all knew that something like this was never fucking happening.

"Yeah, I get it. I think that the idea of perfect safety is just going to be impossible to accomplish." I said, feeling like the honesty was going to be the best thing we could do. But seriously, I just need to see if perhaps I can find something at the library. I wanted to find something there. That did not fucking work." I said, and then he was looking at me, just looking fucking confused.

"What did you fucking do in there?" After Michael asked me this, I was sighing, feeling like maybe this discussion was going to be hard to have since in a way, doing this might have been exposing that I was getting a bit fucking insane, and that I was honestly starting to get obsessed right now. "What were you in the library in the first place?"

"I was just thinking that if I looked hard enough, I might have seen something that could have given me a couple of pieces of information. You know, I was just trying to find something that would have made me feel like I was doing something smart. Who knows, maybe there was some news articles on it." I said, almost realizing how silly I was silly as I was speaking right now.

"There is no way that there will be something about people creating crazy weapons in the news papers. I think that even you must surely understand that if you wanted to find something, that it would not be in a paper that everybody could read." He said, and I was shrugging, thinking that this was not entirely true, but I was in no mood to argue with him.

"Think of it my way. I mean, nuclear weapons and shit have their stuff reported. That is stuff that appears on papers for everybody to read. There is no fucking reason for this to not be one of those things." I said, shrugging, and I was hoping that Micheal would have at least reluctantly conceded where I was coming from.

But as I had said that, and I was seeing that his mind was still running for things to say. To run for things that he would have been able to say to make it seem like nothing was fucking happening, and that perhaps I was just looking too deeply into it all. Which I admit was just him trying to not deal with any of the issues of denial.

"I just thought that it was worth a check. It really all comes down to this. But I think that maybe you guys might have something that I might want to see." I said, and then I was looking at him, referring to him and his friend group, and I was seeing that he was able to piece together that this was what I meant.

"I think that the idea of Carly or I having something that can help you out is pretty crazy. I mean, I am just as lost as you are on this whole thing, and I think that your best bet is going to just work hard, and look hard at things. I mean, I am sure that you will find something eventually." He said, and then he looked right at me, as if feeling like what he was saying was making a lot of sense, and that surely I could get it.

"Yeah, I guess that you're right. Sorry for being so fucking pushy I guess. I will probably move on soon enough. I mean, I kind of know deep down that this is not really going to be all that fucking worth it at the end. I mean, i am alread feeling like I am fucking going crazy from all of this uncertainty going on right now." I was shrugging, hoping that this comment could make him feel slightly differently to this whole thing.

"I think that if you want to know something, that there are some people who you can try and reach out in contact with. I mean, surely even if the library doesn't help you, which I mean it could, then I think that maybe you can go out and reach out to like the history people." Michael said, and while I was thinking this comment was rather fucking vague, and did not really fucking help out at all, I was thinking that what he was saying made sense, mostly.

"I guess that I can see what I might be learning here." I said, and then I was shurgging, thinking about those fucking missing links, and as much as I hated to admit it, I had never once fucking thought about asking the people at the fucking history sites. But then there was something else that I was considering. Something that just recently passed my mind at that very moment.

"I wonder if that strange science research facility might have something that I might be able to use." I was shrugging as I had said that, thinking that what I suggested made a decent amount of sense, and that maybe even Michael might be able to concede to this one. He was remaining silent for a second longer. As if actually trying to process it all.

"I mean, I would not place very high hopes on it, but I guess that maybe you could try it out. Surely there might be one or two people there who will be willing to help you out if you were nice enough about it." He was not sounding too sure, but I was seeing him considering it for a bit.

"Yeah, exactly, that is my fucking point. I mean, maybe there is somebody there. I will go check that out soon." I said, and then I was thinking of something that I could tell him that would make him feel slightly better about all of this, and I was feeling like this comment, if I was honest, was the least that I could do, to make him feel like I was not going fucking crazy.

"If I do not find anything after going there and trying tonight, or if I am straight up not even able to fucking do something, I will give up tonight. I will leave it all alone, and I will never look into it again." I said, and then I was feeling like this was the perfect offer that he would not turn down. He was looking like he was really unsure of what to say to this. Almost relieved in his own way.

"Alright, if you really mean what you are saying, and if you really do leave it alone, then I will let you have your little thing, and I will leave you alone." Micheal said, and I was thankful to see him at least pretending to understand, and at least pretending like this was not a big deal to him at all. I was feeling like that was all that I had needed right there.

"Hey Gabe, I know that this whole thing may not be making much sense to me, and I might not really get it all that much. But if you really do find something there, and if you really do feel like you are going to be finding something important there, then I will support you in what I can." After Michael told me this, I was feeling so fucking glad to be knowing that he was there for me on this one, at least for now.

"Thank you or helping me out. Thank you for the promise. It really does make me feel so much fucking better." I said, and then I looked at him as if feeling like I just needed to try and say something else, and that if I failed to find something to tell him, he was not going to feel like I was being very sincere. But he did not say anything, and I felt that this was my way of being let go for now.

"The only thing that I do not want at all from this is putting Carly in danger If you can promise to keep her out of this entirely, and make sure that she is going to be able to stay safe, and stay happy, then I will be fine. I mean, I don't really have any like romantic feelings or anything, but I do not want anything to happen to her that might get her in danger." Michael said, and I was nodding, thinking that it was a point of agreement that the two of us could have on this, and I was glad that we could see eye to eye on this issue at the very least.

...

-Sepetember 4 2020 11:32 pm- I was aware that what I was doing was fucking insanity. Do you know think that I was smart enough to figure that one out on my own? I mean, even I think that maybe I went a bit over the fucking line when I was thinking about all of this stuff. But the one fucking thing that I did know was that I could not control myself.

I was thinking that I could just get right inside, and when I was inside, I would see what I could learn, and see if there was somebody who was willing to have peaceful discussion with me. If they were going to do that, then I would not have to do a single fucking thing that was going to be a big issue. I was just thinking that all that I needed to do was focus on what was ahead of me.

You know, I was just feeling like that if I was smart enough, and I was able to position myself well enough, then everybody who would have known me would have been able to respect the way that I was going to be playing this game. Respect the way that I was going to be taking this upfront approach, and fucking just try and make it feel like what I was doing made sense.

All that I did know that I needed was a fucking idea of who I was going to be working with on a team, and who I was going to just have to put away, and not be helping out. I was thinking that despite what I told Michael about leaving this whole thing alone if I had found out nothing, I was deeply aware that something like this was just not fucking happening. It never was, and probably never fucking would go down like this.

The only real issue that I had here was the fact that nobody was going to be fully aware of what I was actually wanting to do. People were probably thinking that I was just doing something for school, since senior year was so fucking close, and they were not going to get in my business here, which was going to be a short term plus. But I was needing to either find something before I was exposed, or give up before then.

I did not know which one of those two were going to happen. But if I did not accomplish one of them at least, then nothing that I wanted to do would have made any fucking difference. Nothing that I could have fucking even dreamed of doing would have amounted to a damn thing. I mean, people act like I do not know a lot of things like this. But I am smart enough to figure out when the cards are totally fucking stacked against somebody.

I was finally creating a game plan after several minutes, and when I was done having something that would feel like it was not totally off the rails, I wrote it all down in a journal, and this was when Todd was coming along, and I was placing the notebook down on my chest, and I was feeling like chances were really good he was going to want to read it.

"Hey Gabe, what types of things are you working on?" Todd asked, totally not thinking at all on what I was trying to do. I was feeling like this was gods way of giving me a chance to just get out of this one decently enough, and I came up with a load of bullshit on the spot, hoping he would buy it.

"I am just working on a heist story. You know, try something else out for once. I never got much into the whole writing thing, so I figured that I might as well give it a chance." I said, and I was really hoping that he was willing to leave it alone at this. The way he was looking at me clearly showed he was not really sure what exactly to tell me right now. Almost like he was wondering if I was lying to him here.

Either he did not see through me, or he was willing to at least pretend like nothing was going on, since he was just shrugging at this. "I mean, do what you want to do. I mean, it really is none of my fucking business what you are interested in." Todd said, and then he was looking at me, and I was seeing looking like he was wanting to have me behave enough to where he did not have to change that set of beliefs. If it was going to keep my activity on the down low, I would not dare risk it.

"Trust me, we are both good. I mean, I think that this story is just going to give me a chance to just relax, and just think about what I am doing." I said, feeling like saying something like this was going to make him feel like we were going to be having a nice discussion. The entire time that I was trying to speak, I was sincerely feeling like I needed to have perfect responses.

"Gabe, seriously, it really is none of my business. I was just interested for a second. I mean, people can do what they want to do with their own time, and as long as they are not making a big deal out of it, I have nothing to judge you for." He said, and then he was laying down on his bed, and i was seeing him pulling his phone out of his pocket, and I was feeling like this was my cue that we were good, and that I was safe for another while at the very least.

...

-September 5 2020 11:01 pm- I was finally feeling like my progress was going to be ready to go, and I was just feeling like no matter what my fucking siblings would tell me, at the very least at Michael would be willing to pretend like I was just doing something like hanging out with them for the time being.

As I was about to head out of the house, I was seeing Josiah looking really busy at work, and I was seeing that when he had seen me, that he had clearly wanted to fucking talk with me for a while longer. He was feeling like he just needing to see how I was doing in the first place. I was tired of what everybody wanted to tell me. They were clearly going to try and pretend like I was going to be doing something stupid.

"Hey Gabe, what is happening right now?" After Josiah asked me this, I was looking at him, and I was just feeling fucking tired of this whole thing. I was thinking that in my mind, I was just not really in the fucking mood to be hearing what some people were going to be doing if they had known what was going on in my fucking mind. "I was just a bit curious."

"I was just going to be checking something out right now. I feel like I might just want to see what is happening right now." I said, feeling like there was absolutely nothing that I could have tried to make this whole thing feel a bit differently for me. I was thinking that maybe Josiah was just needing to leave me alone for the time being.

"I guess that it is not that big of a deal. Is there something you and your friend are doing that I might be interested in?" He asked, and then I was looking right at him, and I was feeling like I had no fucking interest in this whole fucking thing. I was wondering what the hell he would have even tried to accomplish about this right now.

"I mean, I think that there is nothing going on that you might even fucking care about. It is not that big of a deal honestly." I said, trying to pretend like I was all fine here. When I was staring right at him, and I was seeing Josiah looking kind of bored. Like he had wanted to say something. "I really don't know why you would be so interested in this whole thing anyways." I said, not even interested in this right now.

"I don't know. Just things that Todd had said got me slightly curious. But I know that in all honesty, that it is none of my business." After Josiah was telling me this, I was wondering what the hell we were even going to accomplish by keeping this whole thing up any longer. I was then going to leave the house, having no interest in this anymore.

I was then leaving the house, not even remotely interested in this discussion right now. I was then walking down for a while longer, and I was going to go to that facility, and despite what I was personally feeling, none of this even fucking mattered anymore. I was just thinking that maybe this look was going to be enough to end my interest once and for all.

I was thinking that Carly was just never going to know the truth, and my refusal to let her know more was going to fucking be enough for her own sake. I was thinking that maybe Carly never knowing the truth was going to be something that could have been considered the only good saving grace. I was feeling like what Carly would have said would have been kind of aggitating. But in a way, I was just not even fucking caring anymore.

I was getting close to the facility, and I was thinking that if they could at least answer me what the grinding noise was, or what the radio station was, and that by doing this, I could have made the fucking peace with what was going on right now. I was thinking that maybe I was going to just go up the pathway, and see what the station was. I was thinking that maybe when I would go there, the biggest question could be answered.

I was feeling like the fact that I was going to radio station, and I was feeling like I was needing to go back to that tree house in that forest. I had not been there for years. You know, the tree house had not even been in my mind for yeas, and I was thinking that as strange as it was, there must have been at least one or two things that I might have been able to really recall from this.

I was thinking that maybe when I was going to see the tree house, I was going to just find a couple of jokes that were going to make it all make sense. I was wondering if Michael was going to finally find a way to give me some advice, if he was going to find some real clues on what was actually going on in the first place. Eventually, I was seeing the facility close by, and I was just staring at the facility for as long as possible.

I was then just walking across the street, just trying to find some peace with all of that was even happening. The only thing that I was going to have to do was just bullshit my way out if they were not going to help me. I was thinking that surely I could come up with some good excuses if I was trying hard enough. Not that it would have really been a issue, but I was never going to be one hundred percent sure in the end.

Right when I was getting inside, I was seeing that there was a lady behind the front service counter, and she was shocked to see me there. I was wanting to just bolt out of there the minute that she was looking at me, and then I was just telling myself that I had a right to be here, and that I was just being a big fucking baby about this, and that I just needed to go up to her, and ask for some simple questions.

"Hey, I was needing some help with certain things. Would you be willing to help me out right now?" I asked her, feeling like maybe just being straight forward about it might be able to help me out for a bit. The way she was looking at me clearly looked like she was feeling like what I was doing was just so fucking strange, and wished that I was not even going to be here right now. Which I felt like was shitty customer service. But then again, this wasn't a normal business.

"I promise you that I do not plan on being here for a very long period of time. I just want to go on and look around for a bit. I have some questions about this town, and things going on, that I feel like might be answered by some people who work here." I said, and I was feeling like the way that I was asking this sounded strange, even to myself. But I was just needing to play low, no matter what it was going to take.

"Guests are usually not allowed here under any circumstances." She said, and I was seeing that she was sort of going back to her same level of general composure. I was still just really unsure what the issue was in the first place that made her so fucking worried in the first place. I was feeling like what she was doing was just beyond strange, and I was not really in the mood to be arguing with her on this.

"What is the issue? Is there something going on?" I felt like pushing my luck on this was not a good idea, but I was feeling like if this was the way that things were going to be, that I at least deserved to know what the fucking issue was, and I deserved to at least have a fucking idea why they were being hard on me.

"Honestly, it is just lab policy. It is something that is considered very special if you ever have a chance to be able to question the workers here on anything." She said, and I was seeing her looking like she was hoping that something like this might have appealed to me enough. To be honest, it came nowhere close to this, and was leaving me with more questions than answers.

"Are there ways that I can set up appointments here?" I was asking, just thinking that the longer that I was really aiming at this, and the longer we were going to talk in this fashion, the more she was going to be feeling like she had no real choice but to just cave in, and at least give me a chance here.

As I was about to try and argue another thing with the look on her face gettng ready to give me something on the lines of another no, a voice was calling out to us, and I was feeling like this was either going to be my savior, or my killer. "If he wants to asks his auetions so badly, why not let him have his chance? I mean, what are the worst that they will be?" The guy asked, and he was looking right at me, as if feeling like he was wanting me to take advantage of this.

"Thank you very much. I promise that I will be rather quick. I mean, I only have a few things that I want to know. But I had a feeling that you guys might know more about it than anybody else." I said, and I was hoping that mild flattery would win him over. I was wanting to make him feel like we were going to find some form of common ground if I had just picked apart hard enough.

Eventually, I was following him, and he was looking right at me, just trying to find something to say. "So young man, what really is your interest in the subjects that we study here? I mean, none of this seem like stuff that people your age would even care about. So I am just trying to understand." He said, and then I was thinking that maybe he was going to use me as a subject, and I was sighing, in the fact that I was starting to realize that I was going to be duped by this guy.

"Well, I was hearing that you guys knew about everything that happens in this town, and I was aware that you might have some things that I would consider very good information. I was wondering if something like this was a good approach. Praising them, whiile also not seeming to be over the top or insincere about it. He was shrugging, as if feeling like I needed to go deeper.

"The truth is that we just do whatever we can to solve as many cases in this town as possible. We feel like everything has a real answer here, and we feel like if you have something that you want to know, that perhaps we will already have some things that you would be wanting to know." He was saying, thinking that as long as I was still talking, as long as we did not seem to be losing sight here, everything was going to be fucking great. "So what types of things are running in your mind?"

"Well, I was wondering if you have any clues about the location of the radio station, and what might actually be going on up there?" I asked, and I was feeling like even I was aware of how strange the question must sound to any normal person. But at the same time, I was convinced that there was no way these were normal people.

"Well, I think that you might be very shocked to learn that there is actually not that much business that goes up there anymore. After the station suffered from some very serious issues back in the distant past, the station has been mostly viewed as a terrible economic position, and is only really there is partly a historic piece." The man said, and there was something about the way that he said it that made me refuse to believe him.

"I think that there is probably more to it than just that. I mean, with all of the stuff that gets talked about it when dealing with its history, and most of it's issues, I feel like there surely is something hidden there." I was saying, and I was hoping that he was not going to be annoyed with my pestering on the issue.

"The truth of the matter is that there is hardly anybody around who has taken a great enough interest in using anything with it." He said, and I was just thinking that maybe he was hiding the fact that perhaps the science facility was using it for their own purposes. I mean, in a way, that did make some fucking sense. As much as they might deny it, that was something that I was feeling like was a legit idea to go with.

"The only thing that I really just want to know, is the fact that this place has been here for literally fucking decades, and now that we are aware of the fact that this place has not been used for most of that, and you are saying at no point in time has anybody been even remotely interested in going on to see what might be going on up there? I mean, I think you might understand why I find that hard to believe." I said, and I was thinking that if I was pressing him harder, he might just tell me the truth, or he was going to admit that he was having me on a fucking string here.

"We just try and do our best to make sure that we take every factor into consideration. I sincerely tell you that if you want to help us find out the truth, then you are totally welcome to do so. But many people have tried to purchase it out, and tried to make it their own thing, but have been failing to really accomplish this." He said, and then he was sighing, hoping the discussion can end.

I was almost there. I was feeling like I was close to something, even if we were not there yet. "I mean, I am just wanting to go up there, and maybe if I can go up there, I might learn some things about this town I might like." I said, and then he was looking at me, a flash of fear in his eye, and that was when I knew that I fucking got the guy there.

"I would highly suggest against that. If you go in there, and you ended up getting hurt, then there will be so many legal troubles that the issues would not even begin to be describable. I think that the only way that this whole thing would turn out is just with one big law suit." He said, and then I was looking at him, appaled by the fact that he was saying this right now.

"Listen, I know that there is a level of fear that can go on in here. But imagine what it must be like to grow up in a place where literally nobody fucking tells you the basic things going on?" I asked, and I was looking right at him, and I was hoping this small comment was going to be sticking to him for a bit. I was feeling like it was the only thing that I can do.

"Well, I mean, I guess that I can't stop you from going there. I think that if you truly believe that you want to go there, then I will let you be doing whatever you please. But I think that you need to plan out your excursions, and I think that you need to keep in mind the possible effects of what you do in mind." He said, and this time, almost any pretense of being kind and caring was gone, and he was entirely replacing it with anger and annoyance. I was thinking that I was needing to listen to him for a second longer before I pissed him off any further.

"No matter what happens, I do appreciate the time you took into seeing me. Please do not worry about what I might be doing. I have been thinking about this for a while. I want to make things all fine here." I said, and then I was sighing, and then he was feeling like he was calming down as I was about to head out. He looked like there was more to say here.

"I am saying this right now because what is happening at town should not be your business. You need to just remember that these issues have been taken care of for years, and that everybody is fine right now." He said, and I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to say something else, but just remained silent. I was nodding, not in the mood any further, and when I was leaving, I saw a almost menacing look on his face, and I was seeing him reaching down to his pocket and grab something out. Right then and there, everything went from annoyance and confusion to fear.

…

-September 7 2020 11:33 pm- I had started to settle down, and I was finally starting to fucking calm down, and I was feeling like more and more that I had been thinking about this, that maybe I really did need to give this one a fucking rest. I hated what fucking happened, but I hated what I was getting myself into, no matter how else I was trying to describe it all.

I was thinking that despite all that I was saying right now, that there was a thing that I was just trying to fucking figure out. I was needing to fucking try and see if there were more people who were willing to talk to me, and that maybe this man was just fucking pulling my fucking leg. I was feeling like this man was a fucking guy who was just trying to keep his secrets hidden, which I fucking hated more than anything else.

I fucking hated the fact that this man just probably felt like I was a fucking idiot, and he was feeling like it was just super fucking funny to be seeing me running around, and not fucking finding a single fucking clue, when that was all that I fucking wanted. So when I was thinking all that in my mind, I was just thinking that I needed to be respectful about how I was heading at this.

I was thinking that despite what I was wanting to admit, that maybe I had really been had. But I was telling myself that no matter what was happening, and no matter if I had been had or not, I was just needing to remember that maybe people were always going to tell me that I should be doing things differently. I would never even dream that he was the man behind this all. But he was a man who was willing to let it all slide, which was just as bad.

I would just be respectful about the next time that I was going to meet with those people, and the next time that I would speak with them, I was going to pretend like I was not going to be losing my fucking mind. Despite the truth of what I had been feeling, I was just thinking that I was needing to look for more true and irrefutable evidence. I was thinking that maybe I did deserve to give the guy this much. You know, give him a chance.

I was wondering who would have been willing to hear me out at all, and who was going to even tell me that they were really actually fucking imagining what I had been doing. They were going to tell me that while I might have been having a couple of good points, that I was just being too fucking hard to myself on this. That I was just going to just need to really at least bring it all together before I made conclusions.

In my honest opinion, it was hard not to be making conclusions, and I was feeling like if people were going to tell me off, I was needing to show them the blade, and when I was going to show them the blade, surely at least one of two of them would have actually listened to me, and not be acting like I was being a bit of a fucking loser.

Sorry, I know that if anybody is reading this, they might not like all the swearing. But my mind is going crazy, and I just have a impossible time even pretending like I had a filter right now. I guess that maybe I am just trying to act like this is all making sense, but in all honesty, perhaps none of this really had been making sense. None of this was going to be making any sense, and that was all that even mattered now.

I was getting out of my house, and this time, I was not even going to keep a mind on the control of what I was doing. I was going to be making a scene, but I was going to be making my point, and I was going to make sure that everybody was going to keep Carly and the others out of this shit. I mean, I was aware that Carly deserved something of the truth. But in that moment, there was absolutely nothing that I could do about it.

As I was walking along, I was getting ready to just try and pretend like what I was doing had been totally justified. Eventually though, before I was even able to find something that could have given me a excuse that what I was doing was wrong, there was a person pulling their car over. I was confused as to what this person was doing, but I knew that this man was wanting to talk with me. Given the fact that he made a clear effort to park next to me.

Once he had parked, this was when the man was rolling down his window, and then I was looking right at him, and I was feeling like there was no way that I was going to be able to get away with this if I was wanting to pretend that I never saw anything. If I had done this, he was going to instantly see through the shit, and I was just thinking that neither of us deserved it.

"Can you come inside, and we can talk for a bit?" The man asked, and when he asked me this, I was feeling like my entire mind was running at a million miles per hour. What did this man think was even worth speaking to me about? But I was then feeling like maybe he knew some answers to the questions that I was having in my mind, and that I just listen to him for a while.

I was thinking that despite all of the possible good that could have come out of it, that I just needed to be realistic, and that I needed to remember that this was a fucking terrible idea. That none of this was making any fucking sense, and that any person in the world with brain cells would have told us to not be doing this. But despite all of this, I decided that I needed to take the risk.

Once I was inside of the car, and I was looking right at him, I was seeing the man looking like he was shocked to actually see me go through with it, and he was shocked to be seeing me not actually try and run away from this. Then he was sighing, and felt like he needed to just start to speak with me.

"What are you wanting to talk to me about?" I asked, and I was seeing him looking just wanting to make sure that nothing was going to be exposed if I was going to try and talk with him. So with this, he was placing his fingers at his face, and then he was pulling something out of the glove compartment.

"My employer wants you to sign this. It is a non disclosure agreement, and that you must never tell anybody what we are going to be discussing right now." After he was telling me this, I was sighing, and I was feeling like this was a fucking terrible idea. I was not even going to be able to talk with him at all, and he must have known this, because there was no way that I was going to constantly lie to people every time that I spoke with them.

"So say on a purely hypothetical level, what if I did not agree with this idea?" I asked, and I was then feeling like saying something like this was a terrible idea, and even I was well aware that I was just not needing to say anything at all. I was needing to just not act like a total fucking idiot. But then he was sighing, and was trying hard to find something to say now.

"I think that my boss will not be willing to let something like this pass. He will kill you probably. The only way that you might be able to get away with this is if you walk out of the car right now." After the man told me this, I was then looking at the road ahead of us. I was scared out of my fucking mind and I was wondering what to even be saying now.

"Just give me a simple yes or no, but do you guys have any idea what is actually happening in the town at all?" I asked, and then he was looking like he was actually wanting to decide if something like this was a question that he would be allowed to answer. So he was just remaining silent, and I was just feeling like nothing else could matter.

…

-September 8 2020 2:46 pm- As much as I would not like to admit it, I basically skipped pretty much everything about school, and I was not really even all that worried about it. I was just more focused on something that I had felt like would have actually been a bigger deal. And that bigger deal was making sure that I knew what the source of this blade that I had seen was. I was feeling like maybe I could go on and maybe explain to my father what I had found.

I was calling up Michael's phone, and then I was wondering if he was willing to listen to me. I was thinking that perhaps if he was going to talk with me for a while longer. As I was waiting for the dial to finish up, Michael had answered the phone, and then I was thinking of what I could say to actually make him listen to me.

"Hey Gabe, what is on your mind around now?" After he asked me this, I was glad to hear that at least he was still sounding like he was in a decent mood. I was feeling like as long as he was in a decent mood, that the two of us were going to be able to connect for a while longer. "Did you do anything on your first day of school?"

"Fuck no. I probably should. I would rather suffer through the homework and get it over with than to suffer another year here. But I guess that I still have nine months to deal with that." I said, and then I was feeling like what I had said was just kind of strange. I mean, I was not actually believing that I was able to fucking talk about the school year right now, when I was not in the mood to talk about the school year at all.

"But I was going to that facility a couple of days ago, and I was just trying to see if I could gather some information here." I said, and then I was thinking that saying this to him was just going to be pissing him off. I was feeling like perhaps if Michael was wanting to berate me for my choice, that he just needed to get this over with, and not even pretend like he was supportive of this whole thing.

"Gabe, did you really think that you were actually going to find anything at all? Do you really think that those people were willing to actually act like they were going to give you anything?" Michael asked, and then I was sighing, not really in the mood to hear him constantly saying this.

"Okay, I get it. You were right. The guy refused to tell me anything. The entire time that I was talking with him, he was not giving me any fucking clues. But there was something that happened after I was done that you might be interested in hearing." I said, and then Michael was remaining silent for a moment longer, choosing what to feel.

"What happened?" Michael caved in, thinking that he would rather know the truth than to be lying, and pretending like there was nothing of interest here. "Do you feel like this is actually going to be something that will put us in danger." After Michael was telling me this, I was feeling like I was just needing to be actually considering what to feel.

"When I was about to leave, as if on fucking cue, the guy was placing in a call, and he was trying to get in contact with somebody. I was seeing this happen, and I was pretending like I did not notice, but I could swear that the man was seeing me looking at him, and I saw him giving me what was on par of a death glare. I mean, I think that something is happening right now." I said, and then I was shrugging, feeling like I was just needing to make some peace with this.

"Gabe, I think that for once, you really might need to just leave this whole thing alone. I mean, I get why you are wanting to fucking know why there is something about this. But I think that you are actually getting deep in this, and that you might have to consider your spot here." After he had said this to me, I was feeling like I had just needed to consider what he suggesting.

"I know that you are probably right. But there was also a guy that tried to talk with me last night." I said, and then I was wondering if Michael was going to scream at this, or just be taking it slowly, and accept what he had heard. "I mean, when I was talking with him, he was telling me that there was stuff he knew, as long as I signed a non disclosure agreement."

"Did you sign it, and did you learn anything at all?" After he had asked me this, I was sighing, and I was feeling like he was only asking a relatively fair question, and that he was having every right to fucking know what I was actually feeling now. "I mean, if you did, could you be breaking the fucking law?"

"I did not sign the agreement, and as far as I remember, I did not even have the discussion with him on any of this." I said, and then I was shrugging, and I was feeling like I was going to be leaving the subject alone, as long as he was not preassing any further with what I was feeling.

"So Gabe, do you feel like that now that you have people who are getting on your business on this, that you might really have some ideas on what is happening? Do you think that you are going to just give up that thing that you found, which might be for the best?" Michael asked, and while I did not want to say anything, I was considering it for a brief moment. But then I was remembering what things could have been if I did do this.

"I fucking can't. If I try and do something like this, then I am only going to be making things so much fucking worse. I think that if I try and give the man something, and if I try and give people what I found, then they will only be using this. So I feel like I just need to leave this alone. I think that I need to never even consider letting somebody have it." I was feeling like Michael was going to hate what I did, but that maybe he was going to see where I was coming from as well.

"I guess that as much as I hate to admit it, that you might be onto something here. I guess that maybe you are right here." Michael said, and then he was sighing, thinking that he was just going to have to find some things better to say. "But if you feel like there is such a certainty that something is happening, that maybe you might need to go on and leave it all behind?"

"I am not going to even fucking try and figure out what that guy is trying to speak to me about. I mean, I think that after all of this, maybe it might be best to leave it alone. I will still keep that thing I found in the forest, and I will still keep it away from people who might want to use it. I think that might be best. But aside from that, I am going to be doing my best to just move on." I said, and then I was shrugging, thinking that there was nothing I needed to say now.

"Well, I guess that if you just leave it alone for a while, then things might be fine, and you might be able to just give people a random feeling of uncertainty, and they might be willing to leave it all alone." After Michael was saying this, I was shrugging, feeling like I was needing to keep calm now.

"Thanks for talking to me now. I think that it really is best to just finally get this whole thing over with, and remember that there are some fucking fun events that we can just focus on. Even though I guess with Covid, not much can be done." I said, thinking that I was just needing to not even bring up that issue, but it was hard given our living situation.

"Thank god you're putting safety first." He said, and then I was sighing, feeling like if I did not do this, then I was only making things worse for everybody, and while I was never really anybody who made things better, I was never wanting to be a guy who just made people feel scared or wrong.

"Well, talk to you later." I said, and I was feeling like maybe if I was going to be honest, and if I was happy, then the entire thing would be over with. I was tired of being scared, and I was tired of having nothing to work with. I was done with this, and I was so tired of everything.

As I was looking at the ceiling of my room, I was walking out of the house a few minutes later when I thought about how fucking insane it all had been. I needed to just leave things alone, and I was aware that people were not going to be patient with this, and to be honest, I was feeling like this whole thing was just something that was a big fucking mistake right now.

Honestly, the whole issue was something that I should have never even brought up. I wanted to know shit, and I was trying to know shit, and by a result of this, I was only making things so much worse for everybody involved. The whole entire thing was going to be impossible to really move on from, but it was something that I needed to at least try and do.

I was tired of this whole fucking thing. And I was thinking that maybe I could just go to hanging out with some people, or just atch some mindless movies, or do some mindless shopping. I mean, I was thinking that as long as I was doing literally anything, things would have been fine. And I was thinking that my family would want this from me.

When I was getting close to the facility again, I was just deciding to ignore it, and pretend like I never went there, and I was wondering that maybe if I perhaps did this, and just pretended like nothing was going on, everything would have been fine. People would have not paid me a second mind, and I would just hang out with friends for a while longer. I was thinking that now it was finally time to meet up with Carly again. Since I had not done so in a while, and maybe it was fine now of all times.

I was thinking that if Carly was not going to enjoy the information I told her, that this would have been the true sign that I made a terrible mistake. I was hoping that if for nothing else, at least she was going to be willing to let things slide, and pretend like what I was doing was perfectly normal and fine.

Yeah fucking right. Even I was well aware that something like this was going to be fools fucking gold. But I was guessing that maybe I was just wanting to keep up the hopes that things were not going to be all that rough if we were just getting along. Regardless of if that was true or not, I guess that I would have to see her first.

Eventually, I was getting close to where she was living, and I was feeling angry at the way that I had been going through this whole thing. I then just decided to knock on her door, and then when she had answered the door, she had lookeed right at me, and I was seeing her looking fucking shocked to be seeing me here. I was feeling like after the last several day of not seeing her at all, that maybe this was fair.

"Hey Gabe, how are you doing?" She asked me, and then i was thinking that maybe she was not going to be having a big issue with this. I was sighing, and i was just telling myself that for her sake, she was just needing to have me work with her, and not be acting all shocked and sonfucsed and stuff.

"I am doing alright enough. I am just trying to find something that can keep me busy. I have been rather bored mostly." I said, and then I was shrugging, just trying to be funny about it all. The way she was looking right at me, was showing that she was aware that perhaps there was more to this than I was wanting to admit.

"Well, if you are here, and you are just trying to keep yourself busy, then I guess that maybe we could try and hang out for a bit." She said, and then I was seeing her looking like she was slightly warming up to the idea, and once I was here, and once her initial shock was over with, that perhaps we would be able to hang out, and just enjoy our time.

"Yeah, sorry that I have not taken the time to go on and hang out with you lately. I mean, I guess that I could have always just taken the time to go on and see how you were doing. But I was always just getting distracted, and I was just never really taking things too seriously." I said, thinking that as long as I was polite, and I was reasonable, and as long as we were working together, the two of us were going to put it aside, and not worry on it at all.

"It's okay Gabe. It really is not that big of a deal. I mean, you were probably rather fucking bsy with your own thing. I think that you are just needing to not be so hard on yourelf." She said, and then I was thinking that if she was aware of the truth, she would not be saying this at all. She would be stone cold if she was aware of the truth. But I was remaining silent now.

"Anyways, so have you been up to anything exicting lately?" She asked, and then I was thinking that this was where things were going to be coming to a head. Do I lie to her, and make her not aware of what I was dealing with, or do I stall out, and just keep up the bullshit? I really did not know at all.

"Probably nothing that you would be interested in." I said, and I was feeling like that was mostly true, and I was thinking and hoping that she was actually going to buy into it. I was thinking that maybe if I was going to preface this like that, then she might be able to actually not get angry at me if she did find out the truth.

"Alright, I guess that I will leave it alone." After she had said this, I was looking at her, and there was a moment of uncertainty that was going on in my mind. The way she was looking at me made me briefly wonder if she had already known, and she was just trying to be respectful about this whole thing. I would not put it past her, and that was the thing that was scaring the hell out of me.

"Well, I mean, I just like to do random little things here and there. And I think that if I try and explain them all to you, that sooner or later, you might lose some interest in it." I said, trying my best to be sounding casual and calm, and the longer that I had been working on it, the longer that I was thinking that surely she would buy into the fucking bluff.

"Anyways, so what do you think that you might want to do?" She asked and I was feeling like by now she was just trying to lighten up the mood, which I was totally cool with, and I was feeling like doing that would have helped me feel like things were slightly less awful to be dealing with.

"Maybe we can just hang out, and if you want to do something, maybe we can see if our classmates got some special event that we can jump in on to start our senior year." I said, so fucking glad that the torture was almost over, and I was thinking that in just about nine months, I was going to be out of that area, and I was never going to have to deal with anything like this anymore. I was probably not going to college, so the biggest thing that could challenge that was at least tempomarily behind me.

"Yeah I guess that this could be a lot of fun." She said, and she was letting the possibility of something like this being actually fun and cool running in her mind. Then she was looking right at me, and I was seeing her looking like she was wanting to possibly ask me something. But she kept it to herself, and did not mention anything. Which I did not know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. But it did make me feel better for now.

...

-September 8 2020 6:29 pm- Carly and I were sitting down on a bench in the middle of the down town area, and I was justthinking of the stuff that had been going on the last few days, and I was telling myself that it might be best to just come clean, and admit everything that I had been doing. And if she was goig to be angry, and if she was going to want to tell me to fucking stop doing all of this, then I would accept that, and hope that we could make up.

"So Carly, I was wanting to just talk to you for a bit, and maybe see if we could clear some things up, and get it over with." I said, and then I was looking right at her, hoping that beyond all hope that I was at least looking at this from a somewhat good perspective. She was looking right at me, as if confused what I was saying.

"There was something that I found a couple of days ago, and I was just wanting to know more and more about it. I was wanting to fucking know all about it. But I guess that I was just looking at things too deeply. And I was making some big fucking mistakes." I said, and then I was looking right at her, hoping that she was not going to be reacting all that awfully. Instead, she was looking confused for now.

"Gabe, what are you on about? Did you do something awful?" She asked, and then I was thinking about what she was asking, and then I was thinking normally for a second longer. I was actually thinking about if I was doing anything 'awful' and when I was looking at it in a certain way, I wasn't too sure.

"I guess that I would not say awful as much as just incredibly stupid." I said, and then I was looking right at her, hoping that she was not going to be having too much of an issue with what I was saying here. The way she was looking at me was showing that at least for now, she was having virtually no fucking issue with this.

"So you know all those myths and shit about monsters?" I asked, and I was well aware of how strange this whole thing must have sounded to her, and I was seeing from the look on her face right away, that she was feeling like I was clearly just trying to be funny to her. I was sighing, and felt like I just needed to go with this now.

"Gabe, those are stories from the past. You know, things that people thought that they saw. There is nothing but lies to them. I think that even you know this by now." After she had said this to me, she was looking right at me, and she was clearly looking like she was wondering if I was even going to be listening at all. I was shrugging, and I was thinking that this was her answer, right then and there.

"I would want to pretend like those are exactly what you say, stories of the past. But something came up, and there is no way that I am able to pretend like they are anymore." I said, and then I was looking at her, and she was clearly showing me a level of confusion, and borderline loss of interest, if I was to keep this up.

"I found something in town recently that I think will totally ruin this entire theory, and prove that at least parts of these stories are real." I said, and then I was looking at her for a few seconds longer, and she was sighing, and she was nodding, as if letting me have a chance to explain what I had been meaning.

"If you want to know more about it, I can show you sometime later tonight, or tomorrow." I said, hoping that she was going to be fine with this offer, and that the faster thats he would accept the offer, the faster we could have this discussion, and the faster that we were able to get this whole thing over with.

"Sure, I mean, I am kind of curious what has been driving you so insane right now with this." She said, and then I was looking down, not wanting to hear that. Feeling like hearing that was the worst thing that she could have said. But then with this, I was nodding, feeling like in her mind, this whole thing was making no fucking sense, and that in my mind, if I was the one listening to this, then I might be the one looking like I had been told a story that was making no fucking sense.

"Just make sure that no matter what you find, you do not tall to anybody outside of our friend group on this. Keep this entire thing to us, and we will be all fine and stuff." I said, and then I was looking right at her, and she was clearly looking like what I was saying was just fucking insane, and that I was going to need to suddenly start making sense, or at least just come clean right now why I wanted her to keep this secret.

"Okay, if you say so. I mean, I don't really get the point. But if you are so worried about it, I guess that maybe I will leave it alone." Carly said, and she was almost looking like she had wanted to find something else could discuss here right now. I was then seeing Carly looking as if she had so many fucking things that she had desired to say, but had no way of being able to say it.

"Gabe, are you being honest with me right now?" She aked me, and then I was looking right at her, and I was wondering what she was meaning when she was telling me this. I was sighing, and I was thinking that I deserved something better than this. I was many things. I was a crazy dude, I was a idiot, and I was often times a man who needed to actually think with his mind than his heart. But I was not a liar, no matter how much I wanted to be.

"I mean, I wish that I was lying to you right now. That would be making things so much easier. But I can't lie to you, no matter how much I wish that I was." I said, and I was looking right at her, and I was hoping that she was not offended by what I had said. I was thinking that since my point was now made, we could be able to move on now.

"Shit, it must be really bad if you wish that you were lying." She said, and then she had looked at me, and I was seeing her looking like she was wishing to say more. She was clearly wanting to ask a couple of other questions, but knew that I was probably not really in the mood for it at all.

"Now that you are starting to understand it a bit better, are you willing to take it a bit more seriously?" I asked bluntly, and I knew as soon as I said that I would regret it. But at the moment, I was not going to be taking any shit. At that moment, I was just wanting to see where her loyalties lay, and see if she was wanting to actually help.

I could even see the look on her face looking clearly attacked as I was saying this, and the moment that I was telling her this, I was wondering what my issue was, and I was wondering if I should even be given the right to be friends with her. Or if I was just being given a honor that should have never been mine. But then I was thinking of what to do here at the moment.

"Sorry, I was just in a heat of the moment. I said something that I should have never said." I said, and I was hoping that this was going to be enough to make the point that I never wanted to do anything to hurt her feelings. She was slowly nodding, as if feeling like maybe that apology would have to do.

"But as I was saying before hand, this is not a lie. I wish that it was a lie, and I wish that I was just messing around with you, but that will never be the case, no matter how much I try to make it so. I just think that I need to find a way to make this whole disaster a little bit less awful." After I said that to her, I was looking right at her, hoping that now that I made my apology, we could move on and work on something better here

…

-September 9 2020 4:29 pm- I had been thinking of the best way that I could reveal what I had found to Carly, since that was now the only thing that really mattered. Once I was done revealing it, and when we got it over with, I was thinking that surely we were going to be on good terms again. But then again, after I was done with the reveal, how was she going to react to the truth of these weapons and stories?

I mean, that was the main reason I wanted to be hiding the truth from her. The truth was going to be brutal, and I was aware of it. I was somebody going through it all, and I was somebody who had to deal with it on a daily fucking basis. And when I was considering this very strongly, I was thinking about if this was why dad never told my other siblings and I. Because of how fucking insane this whole thing was sounding.

But then I was telling myself that he did not mean to have this be something he never told us. I was thinking that maybe he was either not aware, or he was just doing his own thing. I was convinced that perhaps I was giving him too much shit. I was needing to give him more credit than he was getting.

When I was sitting down on at my front steps, this was when Michael was walking up to me. When he was seeing me, I was seeing that there was a small part of him that was just wanting to get this whole thing away. He was looking like he was thinking that if we must talk about this, that we must just do it real quick, but that he was aware that none of us were wanting to discuss it at all.

"Hey Gabe, how have you been lately?" He asked, and I was just seeing him looking like he was wanting to so badly put it all behind us. I was then looking at him, and I was seeing that he was just desperate to be hearing my side of the conversation. I was then smiling, thinking of recapturing what was once had.

"I am doing alright. You know, just trying to get something in my mind about senior year." I said, thinking that for both our sakes, I was going to lie about the actual stuff that I was thinking of. Then I was thinking of what to tell him now. "Hey, do you have anybody that might like to hang out with us?" I asked, trying to make it seem like the two of us were going to be able to talk on something we might enjoy more.

"Oh yeah, senior year. I guess that I could have some people that you could be able to hang out with, if you are interested in such a thing." After he had said that to me, he was smiling at me, and he was wanting to see what I could have done now. "But whatever you want to do just make sure you bring up none of that stuff to them"

"Okay, I get it. I mean, I think that you do not have much to worry about with that anymore." I said, and then I was looking right at him, and I was seeing Michael looking like he was feeling so much better for everything that had been going on, and that now that we were not talking about that other thing, we could pretend to be in a decent mood.

"I am sorry that I have been doing stuff that you are not very comfortable with." I said, and then I was shrugging, and I was thinking that the longer that he and I were talking, and the longer that I was going on and appeasing him, the better that everything was going to be.

"But in all seriousness, who do you think that you would like me to meet?" I asked, and then he was looking right at me, and I was seeing him coming back to some form of a normal stature. "I mean, I want to spend at least some time in my senior year doing something that I know that I will be able to enjoy, and not worry about everything going on." I said, and then Michael was looking super fucking impressed with me right now.

"Yeah, go ahead, and be shocked at me wanting to do something different with my life…" I said, and then I was looking at him for a second longer, and I was wondering what else we were even going to be discussing in the first place. I was then trying to find something that Michael was going to help me with.

"What is making you look at things so differently this year?" Michael asked, and I was feeling like that was a valid enough question. I was feeling like I just needed to give him a fucking chance, no matter how much the whole thing was going to be relatively hard to deal with. "I mean, stuff like this was impossible to imagine you doing back in freshman year."

"I think about all the stuff that I have been missing out on, and I fucking hate having nothing ahead of me. I am just tired of always being in the fucking middle. You know, I think that when you deal with stuff like this, and when you deal with the idea that people are always doing stuff that you should be doing, but that you are too fucking scared to have the fucking courage to do so, I think it makes a lot of sense." After I told Michael this, I was feeling like I could leave it all alone, just wanting to move on.

"I don't know. I mean, I know you are not liking me bringing this thing that I found up, but I am going to for the sake of making my point. You know, I think that maybe just seeing that brought up some awareness that I was needing to have I was starting to realize that I want to have a life that I love. And if these things really are happening here, that might be hard." I said, thinking that the honesty was all that mattered now.

"Okay, I think that you made your point. I just thought that it was strange was all." He was saying, and then he was looking right at me, and then I was thinking of the fact that our idea of having a big friendship, was going to be a fucking big ass goal. One of these days, I was going to help Michael out with his own things.

"Hell, I am even planning on starting to date somebody this year." I said, and then I was looking right at him, and I was now seeing Michael looking fucking shocked at the fact that I was saying this. But when he was accepting what I had been saying, and when he had been thinking of what I could have been meaning now, I was then seeing him finally calming down, and there was that part of him that was thinking of how to get me ready for one.

"Are you telling the truth on that? If you are, then that would be great, and I think that almost everybody here would feel like it would be time for you to at least try and make something like this work." He was saying, and then I was standing up, and I was feeling like there was virtuall no fucking reason to continue thid discussion. I was feeling like we had both made our points, and that we were not needing to be beating the dead horse anymore.

"Yes, I am telling the truth. I think that after all of the missed chances, and after all of the annoyance that I had to deal with, that I am done with this. I am going to just fucking try and capture some good times with my friends." I said, and then I was thinking that there was virtually nothing that I could do now. We were walking down the road, and then Michael was looking like he was clearly wanting to say something else now.

"So, Carly was telling me that you were planning on telling her something. She was rather confused by the whole thing, and she was clearly wanting to talk to you about this before you forget." Once Michael said this, he was looking like he was wishing to just see if this was true. But he was aware that this was none of his business.

"Yeah, I was planning on telling her the truth of what I found. But for now, I am starting to already second question myself, and I am already telling myself that something like this is a bad idea." After I told him this, he was looking right at me, and I was seeing that Michael was just wishing to not be too bothersome with his fears.

"Why do you keep being afraid to just tell people what is going on? I mean, it is really not my business, so I need to be leaving you alone. But for now, I am just feeling like I am needing to try and make some sense out of it." When he was done speaking this, I was feeling like this was the closest to attacking me that he was getting, and I was feeling guilty.

"I am just afraid that if I do something like this, then people are going to be not wanting to hang out with me anymore. I mean, such a thing would be fucking terrible, and I would hate it." I said, and then when I was done speaking this, I was feeling like there was virtually nothing else to say at this rate.

"I guess that maybe something like this makes some sense. That being said, I just wish that I could be able to talk to you about these things better. I mean, I just think that not speaking the truth, and not letting people know if going to be a big fucking mistake." Once he was telling me this, I was seeing him looking like he was just wishing to be seeing where I was coming from. "I just think that if I look at things normally, I can sort of see it both ways."

"I guess that maybe there is a small amount of truth to this. But there is nothing that I can fucking do about it. I think that you are aware of this." I said, and I was aware that he was not going to be seeing my point. He knew that I was just bullshitting, and making excuses. I knew this, and I knew that I was needing to be giving him a better treatment now.

"Do you believe that if you are going to talk to Carly, that she genuinely might not want to be friends with you? I mean, I don't want to consider it, but I guess that maybe there is a small chance that something like this can go down." After Michael was telling me this, I was seeing him shaking his head, and I was seeing him wanting to think that Carly was better than this.

"I mean, I think that it is not super likely. But I think that I am going to have to consider the ideas of this happening. And that is the only thing that is in my mind. All of the ideas and outcomes that I am just really getting ready for." I was saying, and then I was shrugging, thinking that there was officially no more that I needed to be saying to this now.

When we were getting near the high school, I was looking right at Michael, and then I was feeling like I was just needing to at least consider where he was coming from right now. I was wanting to see what his evil plans were. But I had no idea how to do this.

"What the hell are we doing, going to the school again?" I asked and then I was seeing him looking like he was not wanting to have me attack him too much. He was then looking at the building, just thinking on what to do right now. "Sorry, I just don't really see the point of it." I said, and then I was thinking about what to do now.

"I was thinking that maybe we could go on and meet some people here, and that if you look around hard enough, you might be able to make some friends now." After he was saying this to me, I was seeing him truly unsure of what we were going to do now. I was truly unsure of what the hell was even the point now.

"I mean, I doubt that anybody will be here on their own free will. But I guess that if there is anywhere we can look, this is a place that could make sense." He was saying, and he was truly unsure of what his point even was now. So he was just willing to remain silent.

We were walking along, and there was almost nothing that I even felt the needed to say now. The entire thing was just sort of confusing. I was wanting to pretend like we were doing alright, but I was just thinking that we were taking things a bit too seriously. I saw that there was a small group of people in the track area.

"Okay, I guess that I was wrong about this one." I said, and then I was seeing Michael smiling, as if always getting some form of satisfaction in knowing that he was right on these things. I was sighing, and I was feeling like he was not needing to rub this whole thing in my face anymore.

"Why don't we try and hang out with them? I mean, please don't try and be strange about it all, but I am sure that they are willing to talk with you." After Michael said this, I was feeling like the man was trying too hard to get me to do something, and I was wondering if he was actually having some plans here. But I was refusing to say anything at all.

"Yeah sure, I guess that we might as well just see what is going on." I said, and then I was thinking that maybe the man would want to talk with me. I was thinking that Michael might have known these people earlier, and that was the main reason he was wanting to have me do this in the first place. And that if it was anything else they would not have been even remotely having a interest in it at all.

As we were going to those people, I was feeling like michael better be telling me the truth, or else I was going to be looking like a fucking idiot, and I would be furious with him. But I guess that maybe he might have wanted to help me out. That was the only thing that was keeping me calm, and not having any fears here.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" The small group asked me, and then I was stopping, and I was thinking that the question was a great one. I was then looking right at Michael, and I was then wondering if he had been thinking about this at all. He was looking at me, as if feeling like maybe he can do this part of me.

"We were planning on going to hang out at the track, but it looks like you guys are already here. If it is something that you would prefer we do, we can go right back, and we can leave you alone." After he had said that to the other group, there was a small moment of silence, and I was feeling like this was a waste of time.

"Well, I guess it all depends on what you were doing." One of them said, and then as I was thinking about just leaving, when one of them was calling out to me, and he was pulling me out of this whole thing. I looked at him, uncertain of what to say.

"Did you know about Bridgette?" The guy asked, and I remembered who she was, since we went to school together. I was not getting the point of this though, so I was looking right at him. Most of his friends seemed to collectively roll their eyes at this, and were not very excited for the fact that their friend was bringing this up again.

Despite this, I was looking right at him, and I was feeling like I just needed to at least hear his story out, and see if he was going to actually tell me anything. After I nodded, he was taking that as a cue to start talking again. "So she was the one that went missing a couple of weeks ago. I don't know how well you guys knew her or whatever, but I thought that maybe you might have wanted to know." He said, and after he had said that, he was looking at Michael and I, as if waiting to see our reaction to this.

"Shit, I was not wanting to know about who it was." I said, and then I was looking at him, now suddenly aware of the fact that with a life tied to the grinding noise this time, there was really no way that I would have been able to get away with this. I was now brutally aware of what her family must be going through, and that was a fact of my life now.

"How do you know this?" I asked, trying to be civil about this, and aware that he was probably meaning nothing by it. But I was just needing to know what the hell the connection was, and I was wanting to see if he was bullshitting me or not. The next response ruined any doubt, and I was hating it so much.

"She was my neighbor. I know a lot about it." He said, and I was hearing a minor tint of annoyance to this, as if he was not wanting to have people question him for what he had known. I was not wanting to make him feel like this, I was just feeling totally unsure of how to be going at this whole thing, and I was wanting to have some more clues now.

"Sorry about that. I am sure that you probably knew her pretty well." After Michael said this, trying to console the guy, in case he was needing it, the other guy was brushing it off, as if thinking that such a thing was not needed. Like he had made his peace with the whole thing already, and was now just a relayer of the message.

"I think that just telling everybody I can is able to help out with this whole thing." He said, and I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to try and say more, and he was just trying to be making it look like he was doing well. But the entire time that he was thinking on it, the more and more that he was feeling like there was nothing for him to say.

"I mean, for all that I know, she might have had some friends who never knew the truth, and that they are just needing to know, for the sake of making peace." After he was saying this to me, I was seeing him looking at his friends, and I was seeing that on the look on his face, that he was already kind of losing interest in this discussion.

…

-September 10 2020 10:29 pm- I was tired and everything that I had been thinking about was basically telling me that whatever those people were wanting to tell me about with that one girl who went missing recently, I was going to just have to see what he was feeling. Maybe if I was going to speak with him for a while, he might be able to describe to me what the girl was like.

I was then seeing that Todd was looking like he was having the time of his life talking with Bebe right now on his phone, and I was sort of jealous of what he was able to accomplish, and I was telling myself that once this whole thing was starting to wear down a little bit, I might be able to try and find somebody that I might want to have a date with.

I was standing up, and now at this point in time, I was just sort of tired of everything, and I was not wanting to be in the same room as what my brother was doing, and the fact that my brother was always so fucking happy, and that no matter what was going on, nothing I could do would change this. I wished that he would like me more, and I wished that he would have told me more.

Once I was out of the room, and I was getting near the fucking front door of the house, I was seeing that both of my parents were really happy, and that they were both sort of just getting along with the fact that they were truly making their family all work out. I was sort of really taking in the fact that they were meaning it this time when they say that they were done having siblings this time. Just the certainty on their face.

Eventually, I was walking out of the house before either of them would know what the heck I was doing. I was sighing, and I was starting to feel like if there was a chance that I was going to make my parents and younger siblings happy, and make them aware that I was not wanting to make anything happen to them, I was just going to do whatever the hell I would to make things better for them. And I was going to be proud of it all.

I would try and see if Michael was willing to talk with me now, knowing what we had witnessed. I was sort of feeling like maybe that was going to be a bit strange, and part of me was thinking that even if he was wanting to talk with me, he was not going to be doing it so soon, and that he was going to want to have some time pass before he was feeling like he might have the courage to actually go on and see what the real issue actually was.

As annoying as something like this might have been, I was sort of seeing where he was coming from, and I was sort of willing to admit that he was having a level of validity to be feeling the way that he had been. That was the only thing that I was sort of telling myself over and over again, as I thought on it better.

I was feeling like if for nothing else, I might as well go on and see what the hell this guy from earlier was going to do. I was remembering the phone number he handed me before we left that day, and I was feeling like I just needed to go on and give him a fucking chance. I was pulling out the phone, thinking on what to say in the text.

"Hey, it's Gabe. I was wanting to see if there was anything that you were willing to tell me about the stuff that you knew with that girl you said went missing recently." I said, and then after that, I was sending the text, and I was already starting to think on how fucking silly I was sounding with this, and I was telling myself that I just needed to be thinking about what I was going to accomplish by having this discussion in the first place. I was wondering if he was even wanting to give me a chance at all.

I was starting to remember those guys who were trying to pull me over, and trying to kill me, and force me to not tell anybody a damn thing if I actually found out more truth of this whole town. I was well aware that they were clearly just trying to hide something, and I was desperately hoping that they were not going to hide from the bullshit in the first place.

Maybe when I was at the school track, people might just be thinking that I was some radom teenager doing some random stuff, and might not be thinking on it at all. I was feeling like that would have been the best thing that I could have actually accomplished. There was virtually no other way that I would have accomplished something such as those guys leaving me all alone. I wondered if they would have suspected that I was just hiding though.

I was reminding myself that I just needed to chill the fucking hell out if I was going to be going at this whole thing now. I was shrugging, not even thinking that what I was feeling would have been all that reasonable. I was thinking that in a way, I was just kind of being a asshole, for no real reason.

Once I was at the track field, I was looking around, and seeing that there was nobody around at all. I was so fucking happy to know that when I was alone, there was some level of relative certainty to the fact that I was just thinking that I was being a bit too harsh with this. I was shaking my head, and I was wondering what the heck this guy would have said in the first place.

"Oh hey, I was not expecting you to actually want to talk to me about something like this. I never thought that you would have had any interest..." There was a silence after that, and I was thinking that I was just needing to have a better idea on how I was going to speak any further. I was shrugging, thinking that maybe if I was going to try and talk with him, I was needing to have a polite way of continuing this.

"Sorry, I never got your name, I don't believe... Would you be willing to tell me your name?" I asked and I was thinking that perhaps once I was getting to know him, and see what he was trying to accomplish, maybe he would just tell me, and then we could have a real discussion. But the longer that I had been thinking on this, I was wondering what he actually knew.

"Yeah, my name is Jackson. But now that we are here, do you have any real interest on getting to know some stuff about her?" Jackson asked, and I was uncertain if I was actually wanting to know more about her, or if I was just wanting to know more about if he was aware of what was going on with this town. I was just feeling like once I knew if he was going to give me some clues, I would finally make some real progress.

But I was feeling like if I was going to have any fucking chance on getting to get him on my side, I was going to have to pretend like she was the only thing that I cared about. Which was not the truth. But I guess it did not really matter. I was thinking that if I would go through some relatively boring information, I could be able to get to something much more interesting, and something that I was needing much more.

"Yeah, sure, if you are willing to tell me about her or whatever, you can. I thought that you barely knew her?" I asked, and then I was feeling like I was just needing to see what he was wanting to tell me. I was starting to feel like perhaps he was lying to me. Or at least not showing me the entire story.

"I never got to know her as much as I would know somebody who was going to school with me. But I talked to her sometimes." After Jackson told me this, I was thinking that he was a strange guy, and I was feeling like perhaps he was needing to step back on his fucking story, and that if he was lying, he just needed to confess, and not be giving me any more bullshit. But then I was telling myself that I needed to give him a greater chance here.

"Alright, sorry. I guess that it is not really all that important what you were saying. I was just thinking that I needed to see what you could say." I said, thinking that maybe I could have left it alone at this, and almost felt like I might have needed to leave this whole thing alone. I was tired of this, and I was just wanting to get this whole thing over with.

"Well, she was telling me about some people that she had been seeing lately, and some people that she felt like were making her uncomfortable. People that she was thinking were wanting something with her." Jackson said, and then I was actually shocked by this, and I was feeling like I was needing to know more about what he was thinking here. But then I was looking over my shoulder, and I was seeing one of those cars coming along again.

"Do you know anything about the black cars in town that sometimes come along?" I asked, not even caring who out of nowhere it was sounding, and I was hiping that he was willing to just tell me what he had known, if anything at all. I was feeling like maybe I was just needing to fucking stall this whole thing out longer. These people were some of the only people that actually still scared me, as silly as it might sound to admit.

"Not really. What does that have to do with anything?" Jackson responded less than fifteen seconds after I had sent him the question, and then I was standing up, and I was starting to walk along, and I was just thinking that maybe getting away from here would have sufficed enough. I was smiling at how smart that I was actually being right now. I was actually thinking that maybe this guy would not know what I was doing, and would not actually try and stop me, or try and see what I was doing.

"I have been seeing them a lot lately, and I think that they are starting to think that I am onto something right now." I said, and then I was thinking that perhaps he might be thinking that what I was doing was strange. The only thing that I could accomplish right now was just getting my mind off of the fact that these cars were onto me again, right when I was talking with somebody now.

"What the hell would they even care about with you?" Jackson asked, and then I was feeling like what he had asked was a relatively innocent question, and that I just needed to try and pretend like what he was asking me was not all that strange right now. "Gabe, is there something that you are hiding from people?"

"Not at all. I am trying to figure out some of the things here, and i just feel like talking with people here might be able to help clear some confusion up right now. I just feel like those black cars are at least somewhat related to this." I said, and then I was thinking that perhaps if I was going to get him to listen, he was not going to be too angry with me.

Before another text was able to be read or sent, this was when the car was getting close to me, and I was wondering what was worse. Compiling with him, and just listening to him, or telling him off, and just walking further and further away. I was thinking that neither one of them were going to be worth it.

I was then feeling like with the first, all that I needed to do was pretend like I was oblivious to this, and that I just needed to tell them that I had nothing, and then they would have left me alone. But with the second, they were going to get really into my business, and try and figure out why I ran away from him in the first place. And that was even fucking worse than anything else.

When he was looking right at me, and I was seeing him just looking like he was really happy to be seeing me atcually not try and get away, and that he was seeing me work with him for the time being. He was feeling like with the way that he was talking with me, that he was going to break through to me.

"Hey Gabe, I was wondering if we could be able to talk with each other for a little bit?" After he asked me this, I was sighing, and then I was getting in the car, and then I was staring at him. I was feeling like I just needed to talk with him, and that with talking to him, maybe he was not all that bad of a guy, and he would be willing to speak with me why he was accomplishing this at all.

"What the fucking hell do you want?" I asked, and I was not even caring what he was going to be telling me, and I was not even caring if he was going to be pissed at me for reacting at him like this. I just wanted to go home, and I was just wanting to see where this was going to go, and I was going to make it perfectly clear that I was not messing around here.

"I was just wanting to see if you were having any interest in what we were researching, and I was wondering if perhaps I could be able to help you out right now?" He asked me, and then I was looking right at him, appalled that he was asking like this, and I was aware that he was clearly on the intent on just luring me over, and pretending like he was going to be my ally. Which fucking pissed me off more than anything.

"Do you think that you will be able to help my colleagues and I on some information gathering that we have been going on lately?" The man asked me, and I was feeling like that was going to be a rather tall order, and that I wanted nothing to do with this. I was feeling like he was asking for the one thing that I wanted absolutely nothing to do with. "I mean, I am sure that you would want to know about this town, right?"

"I would like to know more. But I am not going to be getting into fruitless adventures if I am not sure of my own personal safety of it as well." I said, feeling like what I was saying was a fair and objective answer. "Listen, I mean, I understand that you probably feel liek you are doing something of good faith, and I understand that you are wanting to possibly help me out on some regard. But I just have a feeling that the two of us have different ways of going at this, and I think that our ways are never going to be fully aligned." I said, just thinking that if I worded it enough, we were going to be fine.

"Well, I am sure that my boss will be able to helo you out find something that can appeal to both of us. But if you are having no interest in something like this for now, and you have already made up your mind, I will respect your choice, and I will relay the message to my boss." After the man was saying this to me, I was feeling like there was something that I was indeed wanting to know more about. Even though I was hating to admit it.

"What if your boss like? Do you think that if I tried hard enough, he would be willing to work with me?" I asked, feeling like as much as I hated to admit it, that maybe I could find something to do to work with him, and I would feel like maybe I could be able to find something that was going to give both of us at least some level of common ground now.

"I think that if you want to go on and see what he is like, and see if you can work with him, you are going to have to fucking meet him in person. I think that meeting him in person is the only way to fully grasp what heis true intentions are." He said, and then I was looking right at him, and I was well aware that this was something that I wanted nothing to do with. I was seeing that in the look on this mans face, that he was using this as one final attempt to lure me into whatever they were doing.

"I will think about it." I said, lying through my teeth about it. But I was feeling like the lie was going to have to do, and that maybe he was going to be able to buy it for the time being, which would be wonderful.

"I think that my boss would be very much willing to hear your concerns out if you are willing to give him a chance." After he had said that to me, I was looking right at him, and I was feeling like I just needed to debunk that bullshit right now. The way that he had said that with such fucking confidence pissed me the fucking hell off. There was no way this guy was going to support me, no matter what was happening.

"I know that you really want me to do thism and I am not even sure why you care so much what I am doing here. I feel like I should have the choice to not do this if I have no real desire to do this. But I guess that maybe this is all a matter of opinion." I was telling him, and then I was looking out the window, thinking that now that I had started to speak my point, he was going to surely respect at least some of it a bit better.

"I guess that for tonight, this might really be the best that I am going to get. I am a bit saddened by this, but I will respect where you are coming from." After the man said that to me, I was seeing him looking like even he was just sort of accepting the fact that there was no way that any changes were going to be made. Then with that, he was looking ahead at the road.

"All that I can say is that I hope that one day, we will be able to bury this feeling of anger and confusion, and we will be able to work together, and make things better for us all. I wish that you can be able to give me this much." After he had said this to me, I was then thinking of what he was wanting to tell me. I was thinking that I was needing to give him some more credit if this was the way that he was looking at things.

"I think that something like this is very much desired with all of us. But I guess that for now, we do not need to be going any furthr on this. Thank you for understanding where I am coming from. Or at least pretending to understand it all. It makes me feel like there is more to this than I gave you credit for." I was saying, and then I was thinking about what my friends and I were going to do once we were home.

I left the car, and I was not even giving this man a chance to speak with me longer, and I was going to be making it very clear that as long as we were going to be far away from each other, the better we were going to be getting along here. I was taking out my phone, and I saw a message from less then thirty seconds ago.

When I saw the message, and I was heading home, I was taking a second to think about the mistakes that I had already made. "Hey Gabe, did something happen to you? You haven't responded in nearly twenty minutes?" After I saw that Jackson sent me this, I was sighing, and had nothing to say now.

"I was talking with the guy who was in one of those black cars." I said, and then I sent the message, feeling that if I refused to go any further on this, then he might have been able to leave it alone. I was feeling like he did not need to worry himself with anything else, and I was thinking that in a way, I was actually doing something right now.

I was half way to my house again, when Jackson was responding again. "Are you sure that was a good idea, after all you said?" The question was coming off as sounding sincerely scared, and I was wondering if maybe he was already caring more about this than he was wanting to admit. I was laughing at this prospect, but I refused to admit it, since I knew that he might not want to really hear it at all.

"I guess that it was something that I felt like I had to do." I sent the text, and then I was leaving it alone for another few minutes, and i was thinking that if I stopped this right now, and did not mention anything else, then I might have been doing better. I was thinking that staying away from Jackson, and this entire conversation, was going to be giving me some time to actually be thinking about what I was getting myself into. I was telling myself to please fucking be smart about this whole thing for once in my entire life. If such a thing was even possible.

Once I was getting close to my house, I was wondering if any of this was going to be making any real sense. I was wondering if this man was actually really aware of what I was feeling, and if he was actually finding some enjoyment out of me being scared, and if this was something that he was wanting to witness. I was wondering if maybe this was all part of the fucking plan.

Eventually, I was near my house, and then I was thinking about what possible group must have even been running this whole thing. I was thinking that if I was going to figure that one out at least, then perhaps I might have been able to make some fucking game plan, and that maybe I might have been able to figure out if any of this was dangerous, or if I was just being a big fucking over dramatic dude.

When I was going inside, I was then seeing one final message from Jackson before I decided that I was going to go to sleep. "Are you thinking that they might be onto you? If this is actually part of something?" After he asked me this, I was sighing, and I was thinking that no matter what he was going to tell me, he was going to not be fully satisfied with me, and he was going to feel like I could have come up with a better response.

"I guess that I just have to wait and see. You know, I guess that I want to just see what to do now. But I think that I might need to really put this aside. I mean, school does exist after all." I was done with this, I was sighing, and then I was feeling like that was all that I needed to say. All that I wanted to say, and all that I felt like I could have said in order to fucking make my point when going forward at this whole thing.

Once I was done, i was seeing that there was Josiah sitting down in the main family living room, and he was looking like he was working on his music. I was sighing, and I was feeling like I was needing to pick up on something like this myself. You know, just to distract me for a while longer. But I was wondering if distractions were even for the best, considering all that I had fucking known.

He was looking at me, and I was seeing that he was clearly wanting to ask something, and that he was clearly wanting to know more, and see if perhaps I might have been honest with this. But then he was sighing, and I was thinking that perhaps he was going to just give up on the this whole idea. Knowing that it was not even going to matter anymore.

"Why were you out so late?" Josiah asked, and then I was thinking about the question he asked, and even I was wondering if I was going to have a valid answer. I mean, all that I did was get myself in trouble. I mean, part of me was wanting to investigate more, and part of me was just wanting to pretend like I was finding something out. But I think everybody knew what I was wanting and I could get was totally bullshit.

"I guess that I just needed a night walk." I said, thinking that while this answer was stupid and he was not going to buy it, I was thinking that maybe he was going to fucking listen to me, and he was going to actually want to leave it alone. I was seeing that from the look on his face, that his mind was really fucking reeling with ideas on what to say.

"I guess that I don't need to know anything too much. I mean, it really is none of my business." After he had said that to me, I was shrugging, and I was pissed at the fact that I had done all of that, and then learned nothing at all. I was feeling like I just wasted so much fucking time wanting to do something, and then got none of it done.

"I think that one day, I might be willing to tell you more. Depends on how much I get in the mood for this." I said, and then I was feeling that something like this could make him leave me alone. I was tired of this, and I was tired of people feeling like they needed to know so much more, when in all honesty there was no need to.

"Alright. I mean, I know that none of it is really going to matter." He said, and then he was shurgging at this, and at this point, I was seeing that he was clearly finding this whole thing strange. I was sighing, and I was feeling like I just needed to really strongly work on my social skills, to not be making him think that I was being stupid.

"Just don't anything too stupid. Don't want to have to repeat senior year, right?" I heard him ask, and to be honest, him asking me this question was just going to be the one thing that I was going to have to think deeply about. I mean, I didn't want to. But I guess I was letting the prospect of it sink in for a bit.

"Yeah, I sure as fucking hell have no desire to do something like that." I said, and then I was shrugging, pissed at this story, I was pissed everybody wanted me to be doing stuff some certain way. But I was sure as hell having no fucking desire to be doing school anymore, and that was the only thing that I was relatively certain of right now.

So with that, there was no reason to talk. We were willing to leave it alone. I was feeling like I was we were just going to focus on what was going to be making school work out better for us all. You know, with us being in high school for a year together, so whatever I did this year was going to impact him the next three years.


	4. Musical Ambitions

-Josiah's POV September 12 2020 10:25 pm- So I guess that it is my turn to be writing down some of my thoughts when going at this whole thing. But you know, I guess that maybe it is not really going to matter all that much. Honestly, I don't know what either of my older siblings is up to, and to be honest, I am not even all that interested in getting to know much of this. I am just wanting to explain some of the stuff that is going on at school lately, while I try to make a proper adjustment for Freshman year.

The first thing I would like to discuss was after school yesterday, when I was just playing on my guitar for a bit, and trying to just make some musical tunes. As I was trying to play around on the guitar for a while, I was wanting to see if maybe I could get some people to be interested in what I was preparing. And I was wondering if perhaps I could make some friends while going at it.

This exact thing started, as when I was playing, a guy with blonde hair and a green shirt started to walk up to me. I was wondering if he was planning on just simply asking some questions, or if he was wanting to actually get to know me a bit better. I had no idea which one I would rather have it be. But I was feeling like whatever he was wanting to discuss, we could make a real discussion.

When he was sitting down, he was looking at the guitar, and I could see that he was clearly having at least some questions in mind right now. "Hey, what type of guitar is that?" After he asked me this, I was looking down at it. Despite how much this seemed like a normal question, I was thinking that it was just a bit strange.

"Just a electric one. Six strings, so can't be a bass." I said, after I took a couple of seconds to really look and check it out. I was sighing, and then I looked at him, hoping that this was all that he had wanted from this. I was then looking at the guy right in the face, and while I was not wanting to look strange at it, I was just wanting to see what the fucking point of this even was.

"I barely play any normal music myself. I would like to go out and give it a go, but I am always worried about what people are going to be saying about my abilities." After the guy said this, I was sighing, and I was thinking that perhaps he and I were having that small piece in common. So I was looking at him, trying to find at least something to say to motivate him.

"Well, you do not really need to worry about people just enjoy your music. If you enjoy the work that you are doing, then just do whatever you want." After I was telling him this, I was wondering if he was actually a fan of music, or if he was just a guy who was casually into this. If it was the latter, it might be harder to connect, but I would have to try.

"I mean, sure, but I mean, it would be really exciting to have at least some people enjoy what I am doing. Will make me feel like I am not wasting so much of my time at this." After he was telling me this, he looked right at me, and I was seeing him looking like he was hoping that I could consider what he was saying here at least, and not just shooting him down right now.

"Dude, relax. I am not really all that worried if you are not interested in this stuff. I mean, if you don't care for the musical arts, I am not able to do anything about it." After I was telling him, and then the guy was refusing to be saying anything else, and I was thinking that perhaps I was trying too hard, and I was thinking that I had needed to just sort of leave it all alone. So I was seeing him clearly taking a couple of moments to think harder now.

"What's your name, by the way?" He asked, and by now I was feeling like he was just trying to find a way to make this conversation feel at least sort of justified. I was laughing at this, and then I was thinking that I might as well let him know. I mean, it was not like he was going to have anything against me for being related to such a large family.

"Josiah. I have a large family, and I am the third one in line." I said, and then I was wondering if he was even caring, or if I was just randomly spitting out random facts that he would not have needed to know given the context. But I was thinking that perhaps if I could find a way to make him feel like we were going to get to know each other better. "What is your name?"

"Simon. I don't have a large family, as you might put it. I have a sister named Sam, who is a few years younger than me. But that is all that I think my parents will ever have." Simon said, and then I was laughing at that prospect of even being remotely certain on this, since that was what I was feeling when I was seeing my parents having more and more kids.

"Trust me when I say that there is no way that you can be even remotely safe that people will be done having kids. I thought that my parents would leave things alone right now, but they kept having another kid every couple of years, and to be honest, the whole thing is fucking insane." I said, and then I was looking at him, wondering if Simon was going to listen to me.

"I guess that maybe that does make some sense. But do you really believe that everybody is going to be doing the exact same things that your parents have been doing? I would assume that not everybody would be like this. At least, I am guessing." After Simon was saying this, I was shrugging, thinking that this was making some sense. So I was then wanting to change the subject to something slightly better.

"I think that even assuming that something like that would happen would just be a case of me being really close minded, and not even pretending to actually keep a open mind with." I was saying, and then I was shrugging, not even thinking about things anymore. I was feeling like this was just going to be something that I just needed to focus on right now.

"So Josiah, what is your family like when you think about all your siblings?" After Simon asked, I thought on it, and I was feeling like there was nothing that I really needed to say. You know, just thinking that talking on it was stupid. I was tired of fucking dealing with any of this now.

"I mean, they are fine enough. You know, I just think that they are all interested in their own things, and I have no fucking spot trying to get them to be doing their own thing, and I think that something like this would be rather fucking rude." I was shrugging, and then I was thinking that maybe my siblings had no real goal in mind, beyond what they were wanting to do with school.

In a way, I was just trying to keep this conversation going for as long as humanly possible, I was then thinking of what I had wanted to even fucking talk about now. "So Simon, what are the things that you are interested in, if you are not really somebody who is all that into the music scene?" I asked, still just trying to keep up some form of a possible friendship going.

"I never said that I was not into music. I just said that I was not into the whole idea of presenting my stuff at school. That being said, I guess that some of the things that I am interested in are some relatively scary movies." After Simon was saying this, I was seeing him looking proud of what he had said, and then I was looking at him, just tryingto find more of what to say to keep up a conversation with him.

"What types of scary movies have you watched, that made you get so into them?" I barely knew anything about these said movies, but I was wanting to give him a chance, and I was wanting to see if I might have wanted to see any of them. Which might not be possible, but I wanted to still see.

"I mean, I like stuff like Halloween, and I thought that the two IT movies were really good. I mean, I was thinking that the movie would not have been all that good, but I was mostly satisfied with what I had seen. That being said, I was just feeling like maybe I had been a bit harsh on the film before we even had a chance to see them." After he was saying this, he clearly had nothing else to say on this.

"So Simon, what part of those movies were really exciting?" I asked, and I was genuinely curious, and i had no intention of trying to make fun of him, which was not the impression I was wanting to give. But I was worried that he was going to be getting this impression. But I was seeing him looking relatively unsure of what to be saying now.

"I think just the fact that I was expecting them to not really be trying all that hard, and when I saw that they actually had a decent plot line, and a really great cast of actors for their age, and I just wanted to see what the movies were like." After he had said that to me, I was then feeling like there was nothing that was needed to be said now.

"So do you think that you and your friends are really into those movies?" I was asking, and I was not sure what his friends were like, and to be honest, I was not really even all that interested in this, and I was just wanting to see what he was wanting to say. I was just wanting to get to know him, and see how well we would get along now.

"I mean, I don't have a ton of friends, but the ones that I do have here have very mixed opinions on this whole thing, and I am not really able to get them to change their mind here. I mea, as long as they enjoy the stuff that they like, part of me wonders what common interests we really have." After he was saying this, I was seeing him looking like he was just trying to have something to say to make this funnier. But at the moment, it was hard to be taking it super serious.

"Do you think that any of them would be rather into the music scene? Sorry if what I am constantly asking might be sounding kind of annoying?" I asked, and he was going to probably tell me that being annoying was just not in my blood. I guess that maybe he was just either never having a different mind set than me once or he was desperate for friends.

"I mean, I guess that maybe you might ask them if you ever meet them. But I mean, I have no idea what the heck is going on here. But if you are genuinely interested in getting to know them, sure you can try." After he was saying this, he was sounding totally indifferent, and hardly even seemed like he was caring.

"Want to go on and try and hang out with me outside of here?" I asked, and then I was thinking that maybe doing this might have been a decent idea, and that way we can get the hell out of here. I was feeling like this was the best way to get out of it. So with this, I was standing up, unsure of what to do now.

"Sure, I mean, I guess that there is not much that we are accomplishing by staying here." He said, and then he was shrugging feeling like there was not even all that much he was wanting to do by staying here for any longer. With this, we were walking out of the school, and i was just trying my best to be finding something to change his perspective here. Not that it was going to be super easy to go at this.

"So Simon, what do you like to do when you are done with school every day?" I asked, trying to find a way to be making this whole thing work out. I was feeling like I was just needing to at least pretend like I was not thinking about music, which was not true. But like I said, if I was willing to at least pretend, everything would be fine. I was hoping that maybe Simon even really cared too much.

"I like to go around, and just see what places this town like to offer. You know, since I heard that there are a lot of great places in town, and I was just wanting to see how much of it was true." After he was telling me this, I was shrugging, feeling like maybe I was just having a different perspective than he did. After all, if he was wanting to enjoy this town, there was no reason to not let him have a choice here.

"So what are the things that you have heard too much about?" I asked, and I was pretending like maybe if was willing to hear what his stories were, I might be willing to debunk or confirm some of these. I was thinking that maybe I just really need to hear out his entire story.

"I heard a lot of rumors about people who go missing. I mean, I know that you guys might not feel too comfortable talking about this. Since it is a rough subject. That being said, I really am just curious to see what is happening." After he had said that to me, I was sighing, and I was thinking that maybe I just needed to not tell him any of this, since it was all a bit of a rough subject. I guess that none of this was going to be making a single fucking difference.

…

-September 16 2020 1:50 am- I was wanting to go to sleep, and I was feeling like it would be really best if I went around and did something like this. But that was just going to be hard when I was having so many fucking things in my mind. I was feeling like I just needed to go on and finally see what Simon was feeling about the idea of possibly going on a music show with me. I was not wanting to make it sound forced or whatever. But I felt I could at least offer.

I was pulling out my phone, and I was thinking that worst comes to worst, he was not going to respond to the messages, and I was feeling like I was going to have sort of wasted my time this whole way. "Hey Simon, are you still awake?" I asked on the text, feeling like I would give him a chance one way or another.

I was looking over at Seth, who was fast asleep on his bed, and I was feeling like whatever he was doing on his own time was just something that I wanted to see. I wanted to see if I could help Seth out with making some friends at school. But at the same time, I did not want to make him feel like I was forcing him to do things my way.

I was sighing, thinking that maybe I was already wasting my time when I was getting another text, and I was looking and saw that it was indeed from Simon, which made me feel nice knowing that at least it was not from some random person. "What are you wanting to talk about?" He asked and then I was thinking on it for a moment longer, unsure what to say.

"I was wondering if perhaps you were wanting to go on one of those talent shows in a band or something? I know that you said you had no real interest in music, but I was feeling like I would still offer." I sent the next text, thinking that he was going to reject me, but that I could have at least tried to see how it would be.

"Do you think that the show could be fun?" He asked, and I was unsure of what I would say about this, and I was sort of taken aback by the question. I was thinking that perhaps I should have seen this one coming. But at the same time, I was tired, and I was just thinking that he would have given me a simple yes or no.

"Yeah, I feel like it really could be a whole lot of fun. I mean, if you have no interest in it though, I am not forcing you into it though." I said, and I was feeling like this was going to be the only even remotely decent way of going at this. The only way that I would say it in which he would not be pissed off at me here.

"Well, if you feel like it is something that you genuinely want to do, I will help you out as much as I can. I mean, I feel like something about it does sound kind of exciting." He was saying, and then I was sighing in victory, feeling like part of it was now taken care of before I even needed to worry about it at all.

"Hey by the way, I know this might sound random, but is your younger brother Seth?" He asked, and I was shocked at this, but I decided to not say anything, and I was feeling like he was just trying to pass by casual conversation, so I went along with it.

"Yeah, he is my brother. Is there something going on?" I was asking, slightly scared that something happened, and he was being made fun of, or being totally treated like shit by his classmates for no good reason. I was having a lot running in my mind.

"Well, that is really funny, because I think what I am about to tell you might be sounding totally crazy to you." He said, and I was feeling like I was just needing to see where this was going. I was needing to hear his side of the story, for my own interest.

"What is it?" I asked, and I was no longer feeling like he was in trouble, and I was just feeling like if there was something my brother did that was genuinely funny, then I was actually wanting to know. I wanted to know if my brother really did have something up his sleeve after all.

"My younger sister Sam totally has like a thing for him. She never stops talking about him, and I didn't think on it at all until I heard the last night. As soon as I heard that last name, it caught on, and I realized instantly the big connection." He said, and then I was laughing at this, knowing that Seth of all people had somebody liking him.

If fucking Seth of all guys had been able to get a girl to have a interest in him, I was wondering if everybody in the world could have been able to accomplish this. But at the same time, I had no desire to say such a thing out loud, since I did not want to offend him at all.

"That's really fucking funny honestly. I never thought that he would have accomplished it to be honest. I thought that he was dead on arrival." I said, and I was feeling like being honest about it might have helped ease the tension here. Part of me was feeling like maybe if I was able to snoop along more, I might have gotten Simon's help on getting the two together as well.

"I just thought that you might have been interested in it. I mean, I was just sort of not thinking about it, and then I remembered the name, and then it was all fucking coming together." After he was saying this to me, I was then laughing, and then I was just shaking my head, feeling slightly jealous, but then I was remembering that it was all in my power to make it all fucking work.

"Well, I will see if maybe he might be interested in something like this." I said, and I was thinking about how I never really learned if he was into guys or girls. I mean, I never once thought on it, and I was thinking that it was no big deal. But at the same time, I was slightly curious. After all, he was getting old enough to start forming ideas.

"Well, I guess that it is not that big of a deal. I was just thinking that you might be interested in it. I mean, if he wants to check something out here, that is entirely up to him. I just think that maybe if he starts to get hit on by her, then don't say that I did not warn you." He said, and then I was thinking about how odd that text was. I was thinking that if anything, Seth needed to be ready, and that I did not need warning.

"Trust me, if anybody needs the heads up, it will be him. Maybe I can see what he might want to say. Regardless, thanks for letting me know. Personally, I think that it's fucking hilarious." I was finishing, and then I was thinking that now that the initial shock and annoyance was gone, and I was thinking on it all, I was thinking that this was fucking perfect, and that I needed to savor every single fucking second of it.

"Anyways, so thanks for the offer on the band. I will think about it. I mean, it does sound kind of fun at least. So I will give it a chance probably. Only if you still feel up for it later." After he was telling me this, I was sighing, and I was just thinking that no matter what was going on, Simon and I were starting to get a real friendship going here. I was needing to take care of it, and I was needing to earn his trust, and by doing so, then things were finally going to fucking be making some fucking sense in general.

"Good night. Sorry for keeping you up for so long. I did not mean to create any problems." I said, and then I was feeling like doing such a thing, and admitting this was going to be making him feel a while lot better. Despite everything going on, I was just trying to be careful going forward.

Eventually, I turned off my phone for the night, and I was feeling like at least some fucking sleep would be greatly appreciated, and that this was the only thing that I would want more anything in the entire fucking world.

...

-September 16 2020 3:45 pm- When school was done the next day, I was still feeling some form of uncertainty at the fact that Seth had somebody who had a huge ass crush on him. The whple thing just felt so strange, and I was honestly fucking jealous, and I was not even going to pretend like I wasn't. I just sincerely had no idea how he was able to pull something like this off, when he was such a strange fucking guy.

I just never even thought that he would have been interested in getting people to like him. In all honesty, all of these things that were popping in my mind were the only things that had been popping in my mind were just the uncertainty of why the hell I was even so worried about this in the first place, when I knew that my older brothers were running around like chickens with their fucking heads cut off.

As I was playing a couple of songs for a few minutes, Simon was sitting down, and he wa slooking right at me, and I was seeing that there were a couple of things that he was wanting to talk to me about, and I was feeling that I just needed to lusten to him for a while. "Hey Josiah, I was wanting to talk for a bit, if you were down with that." He was saying, and I was totall fucking cool with that.

"Yeah, what were you wanting to talk about?" I asked, just pretending like I wasn't wanting to see what he was wanting to talk about. I was pretending like I was only mildly interested in it all. He was looking at me, and I was seeing taht he was wanting to talk about random things.

"So have you ever thought about what your house will be like with your older siblings probably heading out at some point? You know, since Gabe is a senior, and Todd has a job now." He said, and then I was thinking it was a random one, but I decided to go with it.

"Honestly, I just want to see if they are going to be leaving. That being said, if they do go, then I am certainly going to just do my best to make sure that the younger siblings are going to be safe. You know, the fact that they are goig to at least have a chance to be able to have a way of living a decent life without their two oldest ones around." I said, and then I was trying to think about how life would be like if things were going to be getting a bit more complicated.

"Well, do you feel like they want to make sure that you guys are going to have a peaceful transition period? I mean, I just try and imagine what it will be like when I leave, and I think that there will certainly be at least some open ended period." After Simon was saying this, I was confused as to why he was thinking so much on this now.

"Honestly, I just try and think about what I would like to do on my own time. I mean, I am just happy to know that my siblings are all doing their best, and I think that when I see the way that they are looking like they are enjoying either school or their time home, I know that there is not much that I can fucking do about it." I said, and then I was thinking about what they were probably doing right now, and I was wishing that I was with them, having my own fun, and my own time.

"So Josiah, do you feel like you might try and get like a weekend job and try to help them out? You know, make sure that they are going to have extra revenue?" After he asked me this, I was shrugging, not even wanting to debate that idea right now, and to be honest, I felt the question was mildly pointless.

"I think that I am going to have a lot of shit to do with school and stuff, that even if I wanted to do such a thing, I would be distracted. That being said, if there is really a good gig that I might enjoy, I will fucking take it." I said, and then I was thinking about what type of place would have to do that for me. To be so fucking good that I will have to just drop everything that I was doing, and just fucking go for it. I was feeling like that was just not going to be popping up anytime soon.

"Well, I was just curious. I mean, it is none of my business, but I know that when people try and talk to me about stuff, I think that most of them are kind of shocked that I never at least looked for stuff." Simon said, and then I was shrugging, thinking that it did not even matter all that much, and that I was really not worried at all.

"I don't really care what you do with your time. I don't even know why people would care so much about that in the first place. It is really none of their business anyways." I said, and then I was thinking that maybe I could have just left it all alone, and not even bring it up any more.

"I don't even know why I brought it up. I guess that I was just mildly curious was all." He was shrugging, and then he was thinking about what to be doing now. "So what are you planning on doing tonight? Work on music?" He asked, as if feeling like there was no need to be even asking. Almost as if feeling like he was sort of wasting his time bringing it up.

"Don't worry about it. I would rather talk about this than deal with my youngr brothers trying to write a bunch of annoying comedy or talking non stop about sports." I said, having very specific jabs at Seth and Jack, and I was feeling like this might be the only place in the world that I might get away with this statement.

I was tired of everything, and I was tired of feeling like nobody was going to be taking me seriously. That being said, I was feelig like I was just needing to be fair here. I mean, I was feeling like several people were doing far fucking worse. So I was just not going to be making a giant deal out of it.

"So Josiah, why do you feel like you need to hang out with them at all if you are hating the idea of speaking to them so much?" He asked, and as much as I hated to admit this, I was feeling like it was a valid question. I was not wanting to be saying anything on it at all though.

"I guess that maybe there is a slight interest that I have in the subject. I mean, tehy are my brothers after all. I do want to see what is best for them, no matter how much it can sometimes drive me up my nerves, what they are always talking about. But to be honest, I would rather have a somewhat decent friendship with them than nothing at all." I was shrugging, thinking taht i was needing to leave it all alone now.

"So you are mainly doing it for family loyalty? I guess that in a way, that does make some sense." Simon was saying, unsure if he was truly buying it, but at the same time, he was feeling like he was trying to at least see where I was coming from.

"Yeah, I guess that you can say that. I guess that I just want to see my family happy, no matter what it might be, and no matter if I have no interest in hearing out their crazy stories or not, I just want to see them do well." I said, and then i was shrugging, thinking about what such a thing would indicate. But I decided not to say anything on it at all.

"Honestly, I just think that when I see that they are all having some fucking form of ambition, and here I am, not really doing much, and just acting like I have something going here, I feel so fucking confused. I want to perform a album, but have no real idea what I want my material to be over." I was saying, and then looked at him, and I was seeing that he was clearly looking out of the loop when I was saying this all. So I was feeling like I just needed to stop, and leave it alone.

"Well, if you feel like you need to make an album, but you feel like you have no idea where to be going with it, maybe you can try and get your family to go on and help you out? I mean, surely they might be willing to give you some clues on how to be going at it." Simon suggested, and I was looking at him, and I was feeling like this was never good enough at all.

"I am sure that they will want me to be looking for my own answer, and be doing things my own way, and I doubt that many of them will be willing to give me advice on how I am doing? I am going to have to keep that in perspective." After I had said that him, I was feeling like if that was true, then maybe I was over rating how much my family cared for me. I was aware of how silly that sounded. But right then and there, I did not care.

"That just feels like a shitty ass answer, and I feel like there is so much more to this than you admit. But I think that maybe if something like this is trly the case, then is there a chance that maybe there is not nearly enough that your family is doing for you after all." Simon asked, and I was not thinking he meant anything of it, but I was truly unsure what to tell him.

"I mean, I have nothing agianst my family, so I really think that I want them to prove me that this feeling of certainty is correct. You know, I think that they at least deserve a chance." I was shrugging, and looked at Simon, and I was feeling like I was needing to at least try and pretend like I was seeing it his way. But for some reason, it was fucking impossible to be doing right now.

"Alright, sorry for even mentioning something like this. I just thought it was worth mentioning, but I think that maybe I need to relax, and just look at things slightly differently." He was saying, and I was feeling like he was just clearly saying this to get me to calm down. I was sighing, and I felt really bad for the way that I was acting right now.

"I don't know. I guess that maybe I am just at unease. I mean, I know that you are probably trying your best, and that you want to try and give me some feeling of being better at this. But who knows. I guess that maybe I am just sort of unsure of what to even feel anymore." I was saying, and I decided that maybe saying that was going to be making him feel differently now.

"Well, I think that regardless, it is always best to be talking with people if you feel uncertain about things. You know, just to sort of make it feel like you know what is going on. I think that you need to do something like that going forward anyways." He was saying, and then I was thinking about it all, and I had been thinking about what I was even wanting to say now.

"Anyways, I just think that when I go out, and I see my family doing their own thing, I just feel like maybe there is more credit that I need to give them than I have been. I mean, after all, my fucking younger brother is having the time of his life, and he is getting a girl to like him in the process. And here I am, acting like what he is doing is just fucking stupid. At least he is getting praise for being who he is." I was saying, thinking now more than ever that maybe Seth knew what he was doing in his life now.

"Do you think that you are going to try and see what Seth would tell you on these cases, or do you feel like you are sort of aware of what you want to do now?" He asked me, and then I was shrugging, as if having no fucking idea of what the hell we were going to be doing now. I was feeling tired, and I was feeling unsure of why I was suddenly acting like he was my model, when this was not the fucking truth.

"Anyways, I just think that maybe when I talk all of this shit aboiut him, and then he does this, I feel like maybe there is some validity to this whole thing, and that is the main thing that I am mainly coming from. It is just something that I feel like I am needing to look more and more at." I was saying, and then I was just thinking that maybe I could leave it alone now, and that maybe I made my point, and would be able to leave it all alone.

"There is nothing else to it. All that I can say is that when I have a chance to go on and talk with Seth again, I can actually ask him how he gets the courage to go around and actually do what he wants to do. I mean, maybe when he tells me what is going on, I can sort of see things slightly differently, and I will see what I can do to change things up for the best for myself. Because I really want high school to be worth it." I said, thinking about high school, and how hard this was going to be.

"I believe that this is one thing we can all agree on. You know, just fucking enjoying school, and making it not the biggest hell in the entire world. But I guess that I will see how things are. But you know, I think that if for nothing else, we can get some fun out of it. So you know, now that we are here, what are your basic goals?" Simon asked, and I was feeling like that was a genuinely loaded question, and that there was no fucking way that I was going to be able to answe that as best as he was wishing probably.

"I think that aside from having fun, I just want to get out of this alive. I just want to get out of this feeling like I had at least some fucking experience that was actually worth it." I was saying, and I was thinking about how hard something like this might have been. I mean, that was the big statement, and I knew that there was not much to go with this.

"One of these days, I am going to just look back at this though, and I know that I am being a emotional train wreck." I said, and I was just trying to be funny about it, but I was thinking that there was probably at least a mild amount of truth to it, as much as I was hating to admit it. But I was focused on making it work now.

"Well, when that day happens, if I still know you, I would love to see that scene. I think that it could be a lot of fun." Simon was saying, and I was feeling like maybe he was not meaning to give it any sort of context, and that he was just trying to be funny. So I decided not to say anything.

"The one thing that I do know is that I am glad that I already have a better head getting into this than either of my two older brothers ever did. I think that maybe they were not having a good set of goals, and I think that maybe that was going to be their issue." I was shrugging, thinking that there was not much that I could say to it besides that.

"There is only one thing that I am certain of right now. The fact that I do actually feel really good on this. I feel like I have something ahead of me that I never once had. I have a feeling of just feeling good. I mean, I look at things real, and I think that things are going to be hard, and i remember that as long as I have some friends, and i get to do my music, it will be fine." I was saying, and I was getting closer and closer to my house, where I could just relax then.

"Do you think that your family will be cool with me coming by?" Simon asked as we were getting close to my house, and I was unsure of why they were not going to be, and I was thinking that this was a stupid question. But I decided not to say anything on it, thinking that it was just his way of trying to be polite.

…

-September 18 2020 12:38 am- I was tired of everything being about my fucking family. I mean, yes I know how fucking selfish this whole thing is sounding, and I am just being a bit realistic when I am saying this. I was wanting to be my own man, and I was wanting to make that whole thing very fucking clear. But I guess that maybe I was just having a tough time going at this.

That being said, I was wanting to fucking know what the hell the issue was that my brothers, especially Gabe, had been getting into. I was feeling like maybe I could have tried and talk with him about what he was getting himself into. I knew he was not going to be listening to me, and I knew that he would pretend like I was pushing him too much. But I needed to try harder than before.

As I was sitting in my living room, I was seeing Gabe starting to come towards the exit of the house, and when I was seeing him doing something, I was just seeing him looking tired and he was looking fucking terrified of whatever was going on. "Hey, what are you doing?" I asked, as Gabe looked right at me to see what I was wanting to ask.

"I just have been seeing you having a lot of issues lately, and I guess that maybe this whole thing has been confusing the hell out of me." I was saying, and despite how much he was clearly wanting to find something to me to tell me off right now, I was feeling like he was going to just tired and probably knew that lying was not going to help out at all. Then he was sitting down, and he was staring right at me, just thinking of what to tell me.

"Well, I just wanted to see if there was a lot of stuff that I had heard about the town that were actually true or not. I mean, I know that none of this is something that be considered very realistic." Gabe was telling me, and I was looking at him, as if just clearly had nothing that I could have said that would make them comprehend anything at all. "I mean, I thought that some of the legends might have been true, which was the only reason I wanted to really look."

"Gabe, what the fucking hell are you talking about? I mean, none of this is making any sense at all. I mean, why were you even having something like this to begin with? What fucking legends are you even trying to look at right now?" I was sighing, and then I was just clearly having no idea what I was even believing right now.

"Honestly, I just saw a couple of things that I never really thought could do anything but fucking confirm what I had been hearing. You know, I just wanted to see if the things that I found were isolated instances, or if they were all connected. I guess that I can just leave this whole thing alone though. I mean, speaking it out loud, I guess that some of this is sounding a bit strange." Gabe said, and then he was clearly having nothing that he even wanted to consider.

"Well, I guess that maybe I will have nothing that I can say that will be making any sense out of this. So even if I were to try and push this issue further, I will never even get any of this to be comprehended. I guess that I will just leave it alone." I said, and then I was looking right at him, wishing that he could have taken some pity out of me right now.

"I don't think that you should even want to know what is happening. I mean, I think that even if you want to know more and more of the truth, then you will just feel like you are wasting your time. So I am asking you for my own sake, to leave it all alone." Gabe was saying, and this was just confusing the hell out of me, so I was refusing to even fucking say anything now.

"Honestly, I have no idea what is going on, and I had nothing that I wanted to even know at all. So I will just leave it alone." After I was telling him this, the two of us were just having a silent fear in our emotions. I was scared of what the hell my brother was getting himself into, and Gabe was clearly scared of what he was getting into, and I was seeing that he was clearly having nothing that he had wanted to say at all.

"But Gabe, I mean, I know that none of this is any of my business, but I am genuinely curious as to what the hell is going on, and I was wondering what you were even trying to accomplish here." I was just trying so fucking hard to know more, and that was all that I was really caring about. Maybe Gabe would have helped me out further. But Gabe was clearly having something that he was trying to accomplish, and as much as I wanted to not know more, I was feeling like I really had no choice.

"Just things that mom and dad told me about when I was really young, and I was always brushing them off as fiction, and at the time I was feeling like there was nothing else to this. But then I was hearing so many fucking things that they thought I needed to just never know. And it was something that I saw in the forest. I will be leaving it at all." After Gabe was done telling me this, I was just shrugging for a while longer, and had no idea what the hell this even mattered.

"What were you doing in the forest in the first place?" I asked, feeling like this was the best question that I could have asked, and then he was shrugging, and I was seeing that no matter how professional and kind he was being here, there was no real reason he did what he had done, and he had nothing he even wanted to say about this now.

"Well, I was thinking that I saw some fucking glowing light, and I decided that I would go on and fucking see what the glowing light was. I was heading on towards it, and then I was getting right inside, just clearly unsure of what to do." After he was telling me this, I was just clearly unsure of what the hell we were doing. "Once I was inside, I was looking around for a while longer. And then eventually I was finding something that was finally giving me some real suspicious."

"Alright, I guess that I will be leaving it alone for now. But I guess that we have nothing else that we even need to talk about." After I was telling him this, and then I started to stand up, and I was clearly having no desire to speak on this further, and now I was just wanting to get the hell out of this. I was feeling like this entire conversation was just a bit stupid, and as I was then looking right at Gabe, he was just clearly wishing that we never had any idea what we could have discussed.

"Hey Gabe, just stay safe no matter what the hell you are doing. I guess that maybe you can just do whatever you want. I mean, I have no idea what the hell we are even doing. And I think that I just need to focus on school and my music, but I will not force you to do anything else." I was then feeling like I just had no idea what the hell I even wanted to discuss in the first place. If Gabe wanted to be doing something stupid and strange, it was his own choice.

"I will stay safe. In all honesty, I have no real interest in going further at this in the first place. I guess that you might not get it at all. So I will leave it alone." Gabe said, and then I was staring right at him, and I was wondering why he was wanting to leave this whole thing alone. I was feeling like if he was wanting to know more, he did not need to leave it alone.

"Gabe, why would you want to stop looking if you were so interested in knowing what is happening in the first place." I asked, and Gabe was staring right at me, and he totally looked bored out of his fucking mind. He shrugged for a while longer, and I was wondering if I was going to have able to get any clues on what he was feeling. I was just going to let it go, and I was thinking it was best to go to bed.

When I was inside of my room, and then Gabe was starting to stand up. Once he was going to the door, finally feeling like he was just glad to finally be leaving it all alone. Once he was out of the house. And this was the one thing that I was just needing to follow him, and I knew that I would regret this. But I did not really even care. I just needed to see if he was safe.

He closed the door, and I was feeling like I just needed to wait a few seconds longer before I would start to follow him for a while longer. I then walked out of the house once I was convinced he was at least several yards away. Then with that, I was looking around, and stared at the night sky, feeling like if we were caught, we were both going to be in so much trouble.

I was almost finding some amusement out of this, and then with that, I was starting to continue for a while longer. I was walking for a while longer, and I was feeling kind of pissed that Gabe was lying to me, but at the same time, I was feeling like when I was going to see how scary it was, I would start to truly get how bad this whole thing really could have been.

Then with this, I was kind of annoyed with the fact that Gabe was just doing something, but I was feeling like I was just not giving him a fucking chance. I was thinking that if something really was happening, he was needing to fucking tell people about this, and then maybe with telling me this, everything would have made some more sense. And then I would have started to try and help him out for a while until he was going to figure it all out.

When I was following him for a while, I was seeing that Gabe was just standing in the middle of a side walk for a few seconds, and I was wondering what the fucking issue was. I was feeling like I was just needing to get him to tell me the truth of what was actually happening. Seeing him like this was just scaring the absolute shit out of me.

I was hiding behind a tree the entire time that this was happening, and the longer that I had been standing there, then that was when Gabe was just not even really having any issues with this. He was sort of clearly having something of a plan going on here. I was wanting to stop him right now. But I was really just thinking that if I mentioned anything, he might be making things much worse, and he was going to to tell me he wanted to just not speak to me anymore.

When he was done standing there for a while longer, I was seeing him walking along again, and then I was then continuing to follow him, and I was doing it at a much slower pace, feeling like if I was going at a slower pace, then I might have been able to get back home in case if I needed to. And if he was walking back, I would use that built distance to get back faster, so that way he would never suspect me at all.

With each passing minute that was going on, I was seeing Gabe just clearly tired of things right now, and I was going to try and confront him one more time. I was going to fucking force him to tell me more. But I was thinking that this was the one fucking thing that if I said this, I was going to ruin any chances of trust we had now.

I was seeing him getting closer to his friends house, and when I was seeing him near where his friend was living, I was sighing for a moment longer, I was sort of believing that I would have left this whole thing alone. In a way, I was fucking glad that I never had to be talking about this any more. I felt like I could just let him hang out with his friends.

The only way that I knew if my friends were going to be willing to hear about this was if I was feeling like my brothers were in genuine danger right now. I knew that in a way, it was not worth the fucking risk, but I was feeling like it was going to be something that I could just refuse to even bring up now.

I was then just thinking that maybe Gabe was having something he was wanting to do with his friends, and then I guess that I could just have left it all alone. I was then feeling like I was going to have to remember that if for nothing else, he was going to be safe. Gabe was going to be safe, and Gabe was going to be just doing his own random thing, so I was going to be perfectly fine.

I was then thinking about what my parents were going to do if they found out what I was doing now. I was thinking that my parents were going to be fucking furious with this whole thing, no matter what the issue really was. I was then thinking that no matter what this whole thing about Gabe telling me about legends was going on, I would just be calm and collected. I was just going to tell them I wanted him to be safe. But that being said, I was feeling like something like this was just not going to be considered good enough for them at all.

...

-Sepetember 18 2020 2:32 pm- I was still being bothered by what I had seen last night with Gabe, and while I was telling myself that chances are that something else was happening here. I was genuinely thinking that I was needing to be a bit more careful. I had no idea how else I could describe it besides that. I was feeling like I needed to see what Gabe was doing, and this time, i was going to be much more forceful about it.

I was shaking my head, and to be honest, I was getting kind of annoyed with everything that had been going on. I was feeling like I had just needed to see what Gabe even wanted right now. I was feeling like if Gabe was wanting to just hide something from us, then it was probably not my fucking business. But I supposed that none of it mattered at all.

Then with that, I was willing to talk with Gabe, and just ask politely. But then after I started to think about this for a while longer, I was feeling like there was virtually nothing that I could have asked him right now. So I was starting to feel like I was going to have to leave it all alone. And that was all that I fucking cared about. I was not going to do something I knew that I would regret.I was not fucking stupid after all.

When I was starting to get ready for school to be over, that was when I was seeing Simon calling out towards me. When I saw him coming towards me, I was then looking down on the ground, feeling like I was just needing to leave it alone. I was thinking that perhaps when I was going to just talk with him for a while, I might as well see what he might be willing to tell me. Not that any of it really mattered though.

"Hey, I was wondering how you were doing. You look like you got something on your mind right now." He was telling me, and then I was looking right at him, feeling like what he was trying to say here was that I was looking like I needed to lighten the fucking hell up, and not be too annoyed here.

"Not much to do right now. I guess that I ust have a lot of things that are bothering me right now, but mainly with my siblings. But I decided that I would leave it alone." I was telling him, and then he was looking at me for a moment. This whole thing was starting to make Simon look a bit more uncomfortable. So I was just remaining silent for now.

"What the heck is your issue with your siblings? I mean, I guess that it is none of my business, but come on..." After he was telling me this, I was sighing, and then I was feeling like I could just go on and leave it all alone. I was then rubbing my eyes, just kind of tired of everything. In all honesty, I was feeling like I had should just keep him out of it.

"I just don't think that it is going to make much of a difference anymore. I think that for your sake, I might be leaving it alone." After I was telling him this, I was seeing Simon just looking a bit tired, and I was seeing him looking like he had wanted to say something else. But decided that it was not even going to matter at all. "Well, I was wondering if there was something that you wanted to do to hang out for a bit?" He asked, and I was feeling like that was a decent idea.

"Yeah, sure I guess that we can do that, if you want to." I said, and then he was looking slightly excited for a moment, and I was feeling like regardless of what he was thinking, we were just needing to find something to make this discussion at least somewhat better. "Do you have any ideas of what we can do?" I was feeling like I was needing to play along as long as possible.

"No, not really. I guess that maybe we can go to my house for a bit. If you are fine with that idea." Simon said, and I was remembering what my parents had told me, in that as long as I was safe, and as long as I was getting my credits at school, I was virtually allowed to be doing anything that I was wanting. When I said that to Simon, I saw him looking a bit more happy about this, so we were starting to walk for a while longer.

"Do you think that I might be able to go on and see what Sam is like? I mean, I just got curious when you were telling me that she was having a thing for my brother Seth. I mean, it is none of my business. But still, I just am curious to know a bit is all." I was saying, and then I was looking at him for a few seconds.

"Oh don't worry about it. I mean, she might not want to talk much about it in the first place. She might just want to reject any ideas and notions that this is what she is like." After Simon was saying this, he was shrugging, and I guessed that this was just because she was embarassed to admit things like this.

"I guess that it really is not something I need to be worried about. I supposed that mabe I was just jealous that I had somebody who was liking my brother, but nobody likes me. I guess that maybe I should have found something that could help me feel better." I was shrugging, thinking that maybe saying something like this would make him feel a bit differently.

We were walking along, and I was feeling like maybe this whole thing was going to be sounding silly. He was not going to be very interested in this. So I was feeling like I was needing to see what if Simon was going to just find some way to be bullshitting me for a moment longer. "So Josiah, are you feeling like you wish to go on a few dates with some people?" Simon asked me, and then I was just shrugging, not too bothered by this.

"Honestly, I have no idea what the heck I want or feel. I guess that I am too worried about it all." I said, and then I was feeling like I just needed to find a way to make this whole thing differently. "I just feel like when I see that, I will have to see what the heck is going on." I was shrugging, not really all that worried about it, thinking that just saying this might have made things slightly different for us all.

"Well, I am sure that over the years, something will come up. So I will just suggest letting it slide." After he was telling me this, I was feeling like I was needing to keep this whole thing up for a while longer. "But Josiah, I think that you just can just work on your music. I am sure that the music performance might get somebody impressed." Simon told me, I was feeling like the only thing that could make this whole thing work out was just going to possibly work out.

"I guess that maybe something like this can work. But I guess that I am just needing to see what things are like before I make any fucking judgements here." I was sighing, feeling like I was gong to have to have to find something to bring this whole thing. "But I think that I will have to just make sure that I will put in as much effort as I can here." We were walking along for a while longer, sort of just needing to let it all go for a while.

"So Josiah, what type of music do you even feel like will be making people actually want to connect with you? I mean, I am just curious, so that way you don't go up there, and then you start to make a performance, and then it is revealed that it looks like maybe nothing actually came out of it." Maybe Simon was actually wanting to help me out for a while longer, so I just needed to keep things together.

"I mean, I need to be thinking about it for a while longer. I mean, I guess that nothing I will be saying might make any difference, but I guess that I just want to be at least slightly realistic when going through with this." I was saying, feeling like maybe Simon was gong to push for more information. But I guessed that nothing else would make any fucking difference.

"I think that on one hand, people might appreciate the honesty a bit more. On the other hand, I just think that maybe the lack of honesty, and creating something that I know that I will not like might be able to get people to have more mass appeal to this." I was saying, just thinking that I could have just gotten this worked out if I was trying a bit harder.

"I think that you are thinking too much into this. I think that you probably need to fucking relax." After she was telling me this, I was sighing, and I was going to have to try and be a bit more careful when I was speaking to him now. I was standing up, and then I was then holding my guitar as tightly as possible. But I was just not even really in the mood for any of this. I supposed that maybe I was needing to just try and make him see where I was coming from a bit more right now.

Once we were getting close to where Simon's house was, I was looking at my family, and this time, I was feeling like maybe I could go on and just see what he might be wishing to tell me, and I was feeling like I was just needing to give him a chance right now. "So Simon, did you enjoy meeting some of my siblings yesterday?" I asked, wanting to see what he was wanting to say.

Simon was looking like he had nothing else to say, so he was just shrugging, and i was thinking about how that was playing the exact opposite of what I was hoping, but I refused to say a damn word, not wanting to make it a deal. "I guess that some of my siblings can be a piece of work, if you do not know what you are getting yourself into." I said, trying to make the whole thing seem at least somewhat funny now.

"I mean, I think that they are not actually all that bad of people. But I think that sometimes, they might be a bit much." Simon said, and I was sighing, thinking that I just needed to see what the issue was. I mean, I just wanted to see if he was at least wanting to get to know them a small amount more.

"Honestly, I just wanted to see if you would like them or not. But I guess that this whole makes at least some sense. At this rate, I mean, I think that there is nothing forcing you to like them." I was shrugging, and I was not even all that worried about this anymore. "Honestly, I think that we just might need to find something else to be doing now."

"Well, now that I am thinking about it a bit more, I think that Lydia is kind of a interesting girl. I mean, she was looking always really confused about seeing me though. Does she not know what it is like to have people visiting here?" Simon was saying, and then I was thinking deeply about Lydia a bit. Then with that, we were walking inside, just trying to find something to do now to make this a bit different.

"The only thing that I think I might have some regrets for is the fact that I just need to have some interactions with Todd's new girlfriend, but the whole thing is strange. I just think that the idea of him getting a girlfriend like that was rather off." I was feeling like I just needed to be slightly careful when going through this. I was needing to not let Simon think that maybe I would like Bebe.

"Why do you have a interest in his girlfriend? I mean, have you ever interacted with her even once? I just find it kind of odd that this is the thing that you are super worried on?" Simon asked, and I was still feeling like that was a perfectly fair question, and that he was just asking a question that he was feeling like if he went hard enough, I might be able to give him a honest answer.

"I mean, she just seems like a nice person, and I thought that maybe if I tried hard enough, she would just sort of make me understand what is such a great quality of my brother. I am just wanting to know." I said, and I was aware of how fucking rude I must have sounded. Basically saying that my brother did not deserve something like that. But I was sort of just trying to make my point clear though.

"Well, whatever you are doing, I guess that it is none of my business. I mean, as long as your brother is willing to talk with you, and tell you about her, I guess that I will just let you guys be doing it all." Simon said, and then this time, we were really inside of the house, and then I was thinking about what we were actually getting ourselves into. I was feeling like I just needed to think about our hang outs going forward.

"I also just kind of wonder if maybe I could be able to get some free pizza if I get on her good graces, and not treat her like a dumb ass or something. Since she works at the local pizza shop." I said, and then I was feeling like what I had said was a bit strange, and I was thinking that maybe that would just never happen. Bt a man could fucking dream about free damn pizza.

"Well, I think that doing something like that would never happen, since she probably does not want to break store protocol." He said, and then I was nodding, thinking exactly that, and I was thinking that maybe I was just needing to be a bit more realistic when I was going at this whole thing. As annoying as being analytical might be.

Once inside of the house, I was seeing a relatively large living room, although not nearly as big as the one that was at my house, which was the only large part about my house. As I was looking around, I was seeing that there was nobody inside the house, or at least nobody who was outside of their room wandering about. "Do your parents go to work often or something?" I asked, just trying to find something to keep the discussion up.

"Yeah, my dad is always out doing something. Only comes by during the nights, when Sam is usually asleep. I barely speak to him when he is home, because I go to sleep soon after anywways. And mom usually comes home a bit earlier, but only by a couple of hours. They expect both Sam and I to be old enough to get ready for school and stuff." After he had said that to me, I was nodding, thinking that I really did not need to have him tell me more, since I felt like I got it.

"Alright, I was just curious was all. But I guess that it really is not my business. I was just thinking it was strange how nobody was here. What time does Sam come home?" I asked and I was feeling like my interest in Sam was a bit strange, and that I just needed to focus on the fucking hang out. However, I felt it really was only fair that I was just trying to get a scope of the moment.

"She usually hangs out with her friends for a hour or two after school, before she comes home. But I guess that maybe she is just a bit more social than I am here. I just have a hard time finding some people to really connect with." After he said that to me, he was sitting down, and he was feeling like now that he stated that, he did not need me to rub it in or anything, and I was not having any intention to. But I refused to say that.

"Do you feel like you could possibly make some friends who might be willing to hang out with you after school if you looked hard enough?" I asked, thinking that as strange as I was probably sounding with this question, I was just sort of wanting to know what he had been feeling.

"I mean, I am kind of doing that right now, right?" He asked, and then I was slowly nodding, not thinking much of it at all, and then I was just thinking about school, and I was tired of school. "But Josiah, how many friends do you have that you usually hang out with after school?" He asked, and then I was sighing, and I was feeling like that was a valid question, and I was wishing that I had a better answer for him right now.

I was then thinking about how much I was wishing to have him not ask me questions like these, as they sometimes made me feel down about what the hell I was actually doing now. "Only a couple here and there. But to be honest, it oes not bother me as much as you might think." I said, and then i was feeling like that was a fucking lie, but I did not want him to be seeing that there was a level of weakness that I was having right now.

"I guess that the ones you do have might go on and meet me soon." He said, and then I was thinking that this was a decent enough assumption, so I decided that I was going to be leaving it alone, and that I was not going to be commenting on things that I felt like were not even all that important anyways.

"Yeah, I am sure that they would be fine with getting to know you. So I am not going to be all that worried about it." I said, and then I was shrugging, as if sort of thinking about what was even fucking happening now, and I was feeling like virtually nothing that I would say can make the entire discussion any different for us all.

"I just feel like when I go around, and I just see all the social groups already decided before the school year even starts, I do get a bit jealous, and I do wish that I had been here longer, to make this whole thing seem a bit less hard to come to terms with." He said, and then he was shaking his head, as if feeling like he had nothing else that he was going to say on the matter now, so he was going to leave it all alone now.

"Anyways, now that you have been here for a couple of weeks of the school year, what are you feeling about Wayside so far? I mean, do you feel like you are getting attached to the place so far?" I asked, feeling like maybe as long as I focused on that instead, I might make this discussuin a bit easier for both of us, thankfully.

"I mean, I like it enough. I don't really think that it is all that bad of a place. But I feel like I do wnat to sort of get to know it, and see what it all has to offer. I feel like doing that might be the only way to make me feel like I am really getting a good impression of the place." He was saying, and then he was shrugging, as if having nothing else that even remotely want to speak on the matter any further. So I decided that I was going to just give it a rest, for my own sake.

...

-September 19 2020 12:21 am- When I was getting inside of my house, I was seeing that Todd was looking like he was talking with Bebe on his phone. I was feeling sort of happy for him, but stopped the second I saw him because I knew the moment he saw me, that there was something he was really wanting to talk to me about. And to be honest, I was in no mood for this right now. "Josiah, what wwere you out so late doing tday?" He asked, and I was wonderingw hay he even cared so much. I mean, I wasn't doing anything dangerous, and it was a fucking weekend. So by default, I was allowed to do anything that I fucking wanted, and he was getting in my business no fucking reason. Which to be honest, was kind of annoying.

"I was just hanging out with some of my friends. I was wanting to catch up with them after not seeing them all summer. You know, just trying to make some plans for the school year." I was saying, thinking that what I was saying was natural enough, and I was hoping to god that he was going to be leaving it alone, since I was not really in the mood for anything of this right now.

"I am just worried about what was going on. I mean, you usually did not stay out this late, no matter what the cause is, and I am just wanting to make sure that you are getting yourself into something that you might end up regretting." Todd said, and I was seeing from the look on his face, that he was not entirely convinced that I was actually not up to something. I was feeling like he was needing to get off the war path, if he was wanting me to be in a good mood.

"Todd, you do not need to worry about me. I am fine. I am doing good. I am just hanging out with people. Trust me, I would not be stupid enough to do something that will not be safe. I mean, I am somebody who actually knows what I am getting myself into sometimes." I was saying, and then I was looking at him, and I was wondering if he was going to try and contest me right now.

"Well, just remember that no matter what is going on, that if you ever want to talk to me on some things, you can. I just think that there are a couple of things right now that are worrying me a bit, and I just want to make sure that you are all fine before I move out." He was saying, and then I was looking at him, confused at this whole thing. I did not know that he was already planning on leaving or anything.

"Are you seriously planning on moving out soon?" I asked, and then I was just feeling like as long as I got some grip on what was happening, the two of us could work together, and the two of us would be happier, and then I would be more forgiving of him being a bit of a strange dude, when talking to me right now.

"I would not say soon, but when I have a decent supply on money, I do want to leave this place. I mean, you guys need to be free of every person possible. And even beyond that, I do have some goals in my mind that I really do want to get to. I want to you know, get a head start on things that I feel like I might really want to get into." He said, and then he was looking right at me, smiling his tooth grinning smile, and then I was shrugging at this.

"I am guessing that you are just worried about how the much younger ones are doing? You know, Ridge and the others?" I asked, feeling like I was just needing to find a way to talk about this, and not make it seem like I was pestering him. Todd was staring right at me, and then he was slowly nodding, as if thinking that I was getting it right on the nose.

"I mean, they are at least part of what is going on in my mind, I am not going to lie. But I am worried about what things are going to be like if I never take the moment to just move out, and if I never take the chances in my life. What is I end up really regretting it all? You know, I just want to see what I can be able to accomplish." He said, and then he was leaving it all alone, and then I was thinking that I got it now, and that he could let it all go.

"Hey Todd, well whatever you plan on doing, just make sure that you get it done... You know, I want to make sure that you have a life that you feel like you can be proud of." I said, and then I was seeing him nodding, as if feeling like he was just needing to sort of not need me to bring it up any further. I was then thinking about how much it was going to be strange to see that one day, Todd will be leaving, and that was all that was constantly running in my mind.

"Well, I am not going to come up with a plan if I am not one hundred percent sure that I am going to go forward with it. You know, that would be terrible, to come up with plans, and then stop because I felt like I did not want to go through with them." Todd said, and then I was laughing at the dude, and then I was tired of him being so in tact with the way he was looking at things, but I was thinking that maybe since he had a five years head start on me, he was always aware of what he was wanting to accomplish before I had any ideas.

"Yeah, I guess that maybe that does make some sense. I mean, if you are not sure what you are doing, and you feel like you might flake out on something, then you are not going to be very smart if you turn it all down." I said, shrugging, and then I was thinking that perhaps I got his point. I was thinking that maybe I was seeing his perspective a bit better.

"Yeah, exactly. I just wish that maybe I was finally feeling like I had more plans earlier. But I guess that maybe that is all something that I will have to own up to later, and something that I am just going to have to accept. But one thing that I do know that I am going to do is that I am going to just find some friends who will be willing to listen to me go through this all." I was shrugging, and I was feeling like I was just needing to leave it all alone now.

"The one thing that do know right now is that I am going to see what Bebe might want to see me accomplish. I mean, I have grown to care about her a lot in the weeks that I have known her. I think that just seeing how much she already has her life together, it makes me feel like I can brings together, and see what I can do differently." He was saying, and then he was looking like he was not wanting to really say anything more on it, since he was not sure how I was going to react, and if I was going to be brushing it off, or supporting it all.

"Well, I think that if that is all true, then this Bebe girl might really be something special." I said, and then I was seeing the look on his face, and he was nodding as if to confirm that this was exactly the word he was using to describe her. I was wondering if I was going to have a true chance to get to know her one day, and I was feeling like if I did, then it would be a really good moment, and I would get to see if Todd was full of shit or not.

"She is special, and she does have a lot of things that she has ahead of her, and I think that when I look at it all, I just want to go on and support her on her goals. I think she deserves that at the very least. And when I think about how much I can help her out by doing this, then I will see what it will be like to have things as planned out as she does." He shrugged, and then I was seeing that he was already looking like he was virtually done speaking about it now.

…

-Sepetember 21 2020 2:57 am- I can promise you one thing. I was feeling like I was just needing to find something to do that was going to make me feel like I gave it a good run. I was thinking that even is my music failed, as long as I was making some real friends, than maybe I did some things right. I was thinking that something like this was just not happening.

I was then seeing that for some reason, Seth was stirring around, which I guess was a bit hypocritical for me to not be all that cool with this, when in all honesty, I was staying up at nearly three in the morning. I guess that maybe I was just needing to head to sleep right now. But I was wanting to see if Seth was wanting to speak at all, and see if he was wanting to just tell me what he was feeling.

"Hey Josiah, why are you still up this late?" Seth asked, and then I was looking right at him, and I was not even really wanting to say anything at all. I was aware that he was not going to understand what I was doing. But then again, I was wondering if I was going to understand. I was not even caring what he was feeling. I was thinking that he was probably going to be the more sane person here.

"I guess that maybe I am just thinking of something. Not all that big of a deal. But don't worry all that much about it." I said, and then I was staring at him, wishing that he was going to be heading to sleep. I was tired of this conversation already, and I was not wanting him to pretend like I was actually interested in what he was saying, and that he was having any real contribution here.

"Well, I guess that maybe it is not any of my business, but it certainly was strange..." After Seth said that, he was looking like he was just wanting to leave it alone. I was already seeing that he was losing any interest in what was going on here, which was something that I was wanting to celebrate. But then when I was feeling like I could leave it alone, he was saying something that just dragged this on again.

"Are you sure that you are going to try and go on and perform at the talent show?" Seth asked, and for some reason, when I was hearing him say this, I was rather fucking annoyed, and I was wanting him to stop even mentioning this. But then I was looking right at him, wanting hm to be letting it all go. "I mean, I guess that you might not want to talk about it though."

"Yeah, I mean, I do want to perform you. You know, I think that this is the least that I can fucking do. But I mean, I doubt that anybody is going to listen to me." I was saying, I was staring at the ceiling, and I was feeling like I was going to have to ask another question that he might be willing to listen to me on.

"Hey Seth, I think that I might have something that you might want to talk to me about..." I said, and then Seth was shuffling, and he was clearly at least having something that was putting this discussion back to some form of life. I was needing to hear his point, and I thinking that maybe he really did have something for me.

"What are you wanting to talk to me about?" After Seth asked me this, I was sighing, feeling like maybe I was just needing to be as careful as humanly possible right now. I was just thinking that he would never listen to me. But at the same time, I quite honestly did not even care.

"Honestly, I was wondering if you had something to say about what our older siblings have been up to? You know, if you have noticed how off that they are being? I guess that maybe Gabe at least really is up to something." I was sighing, thinking that maybe I just needed to see what he was going to say to this.

"I mean, Todd is probably just doing all the work he can, and is out with Bebe often. So I would not be too worried about something like this. But Gabe, that one is a bit strange, I can admit. I think that Gabe might actually be onto something..." Seth admitted, and then he was looking right at me, and I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to ask another question for a moment.

"I just want to know what it is. I mean, all he does is stay out all day, and he looks beat up and just out of it when he does come home, and usually he is only back for a couple of hours even then before he is either getting ready for school or out again." I was sighing, and then I was feeling like saying all of this was going to be a waste of my fucking time, and that he could not get it.

"Well, I would let him do what he wants for a while longer. But for now, I think that he might just have to be doing things on his own. For better or for worse." After he had said that to me, he was looking at me, as if wondering what I was going to say now.

"I guess that I can wait and see. I guess that I am just be a bit worried is all. You know, that he might actually be doing something dangerous, and that us not looking into it will be making him in a even worse spot. Although I don't know how that can even be possible." I was saying, and then I sighed, as if wanting to continue, but was utterly defeated.

"Honestly, I doubt he would even want to talk about it, so I feel like you might be wasting your time even trying to get him to respond. Just being realistic when I look at things here." After he had said that to me, I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to say more, but felt like he had already said enough.

"Yeah, you're probably right... I don't know. I guess that I just don't want to see him doing something that he is going to really regret. I mean, I see how he is all the time, and I see how much he wants to just be happier, and I see him trying to do something good with his life. I do not want him to throw it all away..." I said, and then I was sighing, truly at a loss of words now.

"So Josiah, what would you consider to be a sign of something that you need to worry about?" After he asked me this, I was looking at him, and I was feeling like no matter what I was saying, I was going to be making him call me out for bullshit, or something like this. I was not in the mood, but I was totally ready for something like this.

"Well, I don't really know. I mean, I have seen it so often these last few weeks, I am not even sure if I have any real idea what to be fearing anymore. But I guess that none of it really matters." I said, and then I was looking at him, wishing that I had an idea what we were actually getting ourselves into. "But I mean, I feel like whatever is going on, if anything, there will be one of those signs rather fucking quick." I was saying, and then I was shrugging, and I was aware of how insane that I might have sounded. But for now, I was sort of just not even caring anymore.

"Yeah, well whatever it is, I am sure that the answers will be coming along just fine. I think that you are going to see that everything will be fine soon enough." Seth said, and then I was seeing him looking like he was wishing to have something better to say, but in all honesty, was looking at a loss of words here.

"Well, thank you for taking the time to at least listen to what I was wanting to say. I mean, you might not have any real affect here, and I know you probably don't really even care what I am thinking right now. But to just have a chance to finally vent out some of this, really does make me feel a lot better." I was saying, and then I was looking at the growing heavy eyes once again, and I was aware that maybe it was time to give it a rest soon.

"I was wanting to ask you something Josiah..." Seth asked, and then I was sort of feeling like I was going to have no choice but to give him a real ass response here. I was then feeling like this was going to be a hard one then. Since I was having a hard time with doing that to him.

"If you were to start going around, and doing stuff like this, and doing things you own way, are you going to be in denial of the idea that you are doing stuff strange, or are you going to own up to it? I just want to know if the rules apply." After he had said that to me, I was thinking that what he was saying was a minor attack, but I was not too sure either.

"I guess that maybe I will have to see what I am going to be like when I get there. I mean, I guess that I can see it going both ways." I said, and then I was feeling like the honesty might be something that he might have respected, and I was feeling like he was not wanting anything else.

"I mean, I guess that Gabe might be thinking he is being totally normal, and that there is nothing wrong with what he is doing. Maybe he is right..." I said, thinking on the idea that I was pulling something out of my ass, and that I was just making brash assumptions.

"Well, I see..." Seth said, and I was seeing that part of him was looking like he was not very excited about all of this. "I mean, I guess that I just sort of wanted to know where the standards were." He said, and then I was truly feeling like he was judging me now. I was feeling like the idea of my brother judging me like this was a bit scary. You know, the idea that he was feeling like I might do something wrong one day.

"We will all be fine. I am assuming that nothing will even come up to where I have to be worried about something like this." I was saying, and I was feeling like what I told him was just not true, and that he was going to still be worried over this. But at the same time, I was just trying to be making him feel better under any case.

"I mean, I doubt that you have any real ambitions to be doing anything dangerous. I am not worried about that. I am just more worried that you might end up doing something dangerous, and then end up regretting it because you never realize how dangerous it all really is." After he said that to me, I was thinking about it for a moment longer, and I was feeling like no matter where I was going to stand on this, I was going to be giving him a answer that he was never going to be happy with.

With that, I was hearing him starting to doze off again, and I was feeling like this time, he was really going to be heading to sleep, and that I did not need to worry about those questions anymore, and that was something that I was going to be happy for. Knowing that I did not need to worry about how he was going to judge me.

I was then sitting up, and then I started to think about what the man was telling me, and I was thinking about if Seth was actually appreciating any of this talk that I was having about my siblings, and going around, saying all of this stuff, and then going around, and then not really meaing any of what I was saying. I was wondering if he felt like I was a liar or something strange like that.

I mean, for all of the stuff that I said about the kid, and all of the things that annoy me about him from time to time, I do not want him to hate me. I do not want him to feel like I am not a man of my word. I mean, doing something like that, and getting him to think that way, was going to really fucking suck, and I was not ready for that.

But that all being said, I was just thinking that I was needing to just not be making any more excuses, and that I was just needing to be thinking about what I could do to make things a better social circle between us. I was thinking that it was the least that he deserved, and the least that anybody else that I fucking knew deserved. I was certain of that one at least.

But then with that, I was just telling myself that as much as he might be judging me right now, and as much as he might not like all that I am doing, he does not hate me. He might just be worried that I am doing something that he does not approve of, an dthat one day, he is scared it will get me killed. But that is going to not be a real big issue any time soon.

One of these days, he was going to be getting into high school himself, and he was going to follow his own interests, and he might be wanting to do things that nobody else will fucking get, and things that nobody else will approve of. I mean, it is the way of life. But I guess that in a way, that is something that we are all going to have to get used to.

God, maybe I was being harsh on him this whole time, and maybe I was needing to give him another chance. But that was something that I was going to deal with when I was getting there, and something that was neither here nor there. It was something of a more long term idea.

...

-September 22 2020 2:18 am- I was feeling like school this year was going to be rough, but at the same time, I was not even all that worried about anything anymore. I was not really in the fucking mood for just waiting around, and doing nothing right now. I was wanting to go out, and I was wanting to just do something, to make my day feel like I was accomplishing something.

I was wanting to fucking force Gabe to tell me what the hell was happening, and I was going to make him understand that this was not a fucking game anymore. Maybe he was going to understand that this was not a joke anymore, but when I would do this, he was going to take it as an attack. But at the same time, I was just not even caring anymore. Maybe he was going to listen to me if I tried hard enough.

When I was looking, and I was seeing that Gabe was in his room, and I was already seeing his shoes being put on, I was thinking that perhaps I was going to try and see what he was going to tell me. Maybe he was already getting ready to leave, and I was just thinking that maybe as long as I was polite here, he would tell me everything.

When he was getting out of the room, I was then looking right at him for a second, and I was feeling like I just needed to try one final time, and see if he was going to tell me more. "Gabe, do you have any idea what you are doing? Do you think that you will handle it?" I asked, and then he was looking right at me, as if annoyed as hell at what I was saying.

"Why are you up right now? Just to try and get me to own up to something? There is nothing I am worried about. You know, I am just trying to do some studies right now..." He said, and then I was looking right at him, as if feeling like I had needed to speak up longer.

"There is no place in town you are going to be studying at in two in the fucking morning. I mean, I am not a fucking idiot, and I know what is happening." I was saying, and then he was looking right at me, and I was seeing him looking like he was wanting me to just fucking stop. As if he was wanting me to leave things all alone for his own sake.

"I am going to go to the library. I feel like I can tell you that. But that is all that I am willing to admit." He said, and then I was looking right at him, as if just trying to find something to say, to make it all seem to be better. "But I think that I would not really want to talk about it too much longer."

"Okay, if you say so. I guess that I really do not get it. But I guess that I have no reason to try and stop you from doing what you want." I said, and then I was shrugging, as if feeling like I was going to have to find something to say to make him feel better. "I mean, I just want to know what you are really interested in."

"I mean, I think that I might be interested in telling you guys what I am looking into, but only if you are really caring here." After he was saying this to me, I was then sighing, I was thinking that what he was telling me was going to just make me rather uninterested. But I was feeling like I just needed to know what was bothering him now.

"Why do you want to spend so much time studying something? Is this related to what we were discussing earlier?" I asked, and then he was sighing, as if thinking that this was the worst posible question that I could have asked him. The way that he was looking at me showed that he had no interest in hearing this.

"I think that this is something that you would not be interested in, so I am not going to waste my time on this. You know, I just think that maybe if I find something, I can finally convince you that what I am feeling here is finally fucking correct. But I guess this is all one big fucking waste of time." Gabe was saying, and I was just wanting to speak further, but then he was looking just like he was wanting to sleep now"

"I mean, are you feeling like you are even getting something here?" I asked, and then I was looking at him for a second, and then he was just looking totally unsure of what he was wanting to tell me right now. I was seeing him sighing, almost looking kind of exhausted.

"Honestly, I just fucking think that when I look at these things, and I see that there are some things that I might have figured out, and some things that are just really fucking getting me interested, I just think that I need to give it all a chance." After he had said that to me, I was seeing him shrugging, and I was seeing him just not even caring.

"Alright, I do not need to worry about this anymore. I think that you are making your point. I mean, I think that I might fucking refuse to understand this, and I think you are going to do the same thing." After I was saying this, I shrugged, and I was feeling like I was just thinking that I was going to leave it all alone. I was thinking that whatever Gabe was doing, and whatever he was scared of, that maybe it was for a good reason. Maybe I was needing to respect his wishes.

"I mean, I think that one of these days, I guess that maybe the whole thing is going to probably be coming off as a waste of time for me. I mean, even I fucking know this. I am not as fucking stupid as some people might make me out to be. I think that I can fucking figure out when something is going to not work." Gabe said, and then he was sighingm as if feeling like he was having nothing else he was going to be saying at all.

"Honestly, I just think that you might need to be safe. But I assume you already know this. You are probably somebody who knows what you are getting yourself into. Maybe more than you want to admit that you do." I was saying, and then I sighed, as if feeling like I was needing to not press him any further on the issue, since he was never going to listen to me anyways.

"Regardless, I am just sure that nobody is ever going to be taking me seriously anyways. I think that I am going to just have to do whatever I fucking can to make sure that I am going to find out all that I am looking for, and be sure that I am ging to really know what I am accomplishing." Gabe said, and then he was placing his hand on the door, as he was looking right at me for a few seconds longer.

"Honestly, just make sure that if you are going to do something, that you are going to keep it in a way that nobody is going to get in too much danger. You know, I have no issue with you wanting to play around and stuff, but I don't want you to get too hurt." I was sighing, and then I was just feeling like I was finally going to be leaving it all alone once and for all.

"Josiah, I know that everything that I am doing is probably just coming off as stupid and random for some people, and that nobody supports me deep down. But I know what I am doing. I know what I want to fucking do, and I am going to make it work." After he had said that to me, I was seeing him looking like he was already no longer in the mood for it.

"Gabe, if you keep this up, and don't end the discussion, I am going to want to force you to tell me more. So for both our sakes, I think that it will be best to leave it now." I was saying, and now I was just meaning it in a playful manner. He nodded, as if feeling like he was totally fine with doing something like this, and headed off. I was really just needing to know what the hell he was up to, for my own fucking sanity. But tomorrow, I would go into it.

…

-September 22 2020 11:23 pm- I then got up, and I was feeling like when I was going to be finally seeing what my siblings would do, I would just feel like a idiot. So in a way, I was just feeling like I was just going to need to be doing my own thing, and in a way, when I was thinking about it, I would not appreciate it if my siblings were going to be going on and trying to push their feelings and fears all in my face. I would wish that they would leave me alone now.

I was sighing, and I was fucking pissed that my siblings were so fucking happy for everything going on. So when I fully comprehended what I felt like I would feel like in a way, I was feeling like maybe I was just needing to leave them all alone, in order to not really come off as a bit of a hypocrite or anything like that.

So no matter what the hell I was even feeling now, I was just going to try and live my own life, and I was going to be hanging out with my friends, and I was going to just do my best to be leaving it all alone once and for all. But something was happening as I was heading to the door, and then I looked back and I was seeing Lydia, looking kind of scared and worried for me.

I loved Lydia as a sibling, but I was in no fucking mood to be hearing her telling me how I needed to behave. "Josiah, what is going on? You looked scared out of your fucking mind." She was saying, and then I was sighing, thinking that she did not need to be saying anything like this. She was just trying to force me under the bus.

"I am just going to be playing some fucking music. You know, just trying to not worry about what the hell my siblings are doing. They are never going to be taking me seriously, no matter what I fucking say. So I am going to not even try and speak to them here. I am just going to work on something that I know that I will want to do." I was sighing, ad then I was feeling like I was just needing to leave it all alone for the time being.

"Why can't you just get along with your siblings?" She asked me, and then I was looking right at her, and I was shocked at what she was saying, and I was feeling like I was going to have to try and understand what the point of this even was. "I mean, they are all doing their own thing, and they're just busy." She was saying, trying to make me feel better.

"I do want to get along with them. I mean, I don't want to get into a fight with them all, but I think that something like this is just not going to fucking happen. You know, I think that I need to try and just respect their space." I was saying, and then I was placing my door at the knob, and was getting ready to just leave.

"I mean, in a way, I think that I would want to have the exact same thing done for me if this was happening. But I guess that something like this is just entirely impossible." I was saying, and I was just thinking that I could finally leave the subject alone, and no matter what I was going to tell Lydia, I was unsure if she would get it, and in a way, part of me was not even caring anymore.

"Alright, if you say so, I will leave you alone about it now." She was saying, and then I was sighing, and I knew that she was just wanting to help me along now, and I was wanting her to feel better. She was just scared for me, and I was wanting to help her out now. But she was never going to truly listen to me. "But Josiah, are you going to be safe right now?" She was asking, and then I was nodding, thinking that I had genuinely no desire to not be safe, as she said it.

"Yeah, I am going to be safe. I think that there is no reason for me to be worried about anything else." I was saying, and then I was looking right at her, as if thinking that either she was going to buy what I just said, and believe in me right now, or she was going to be acting like I was one of the worst idiots who had ever lived. "I just wish that I could have made it all better for you guys. That this was not an obsession. But that is probably not possible.

"Good. I do not want to have you do something that is going to be hurting you. That would be so sad, to see something happen to you." Lydia said, and then I was then thinking that what Lydia was telling me was going to just make me feel like I was doing so many wrong things, and I was not really in the mood for anything like this anymore.

"Lydia, just keep this between us. Can you be able to do that for me?" I was asking, as if feeling like something like this could have been our little secret. As long as she was willing to play along with me. If she was not willing to do this, then I was going to be fucking screwed. But for now, if it worked out, it was all going to be good.

"Yeah, I can do that. As long as it is something that keeps you safe, I can do it." She said, and then I was smiling, as if feeling like what she was saying was going to be a massive let down if she was aware of the truth. But for now, I was sighing, feeling like she was just going to be fine if she had never known more.

I was out of the house, and I was thinking about what Lydia was telling me, and I was thinking that she was never going to understand the deep issues of what she was saying to me, about keeping me safe. I was thinking that the idea of me being safe was not impossible, but it was going to be much harder than she was ever going to fully understand, for better or for worse.

Eventually, the only person that I was thinking who was going to knoww what was happening might have been one of my former teachers. I was thinking that they would never go on and help me, but I was feeling like perhaps if I was just patient enough, and if I was listening to them for a while, and showed them genuine interest, they might actually give me more.

So I was walking down for a while, and I was just thinking of things that I could have said that would have made my questions fair, and seem like I was being interested in this, while also not making it look like it was an obsession for the way that I was going to be speaking of the issue. I was then wondering how many of them would have even been alive in the mid to later eighties, which was when the stories Gabe and my parents told me about were happening.

I was then thinking that I was needing to go on and find some of them that were at least alive at the time, and then talk with them about where they had grown up. I was thinking that in all honesty, I had no interest in the monsters or the stories themselves, and that I was just needing to see if what Gabe and Todd told me was possibly real. Since if dad was not the only one mentioning them, perhaps that there was something to this that was true.

I was aware that maybe my brothers were possibly just pulling my leg. I mean, it was possible since they were older siblings and stuff. But in all honesty, if they were not messing with me, and if there was something actually explaining what the hell the things in town were actually about, then I might be feeling like this whole thing might have been worth it.

I mean, I was always scared on what the things in town were. I mean, there must have been a reason for all of the missing people, and there must have been something going on that made these things make some fucking sense. I was just needing to know the stories on those, and when I would know, I could be happy, and I was going to feel like I could make at least some peace with that all. Which was not possible, but I was wanting to just give myself a benefit of a doubt.

...

-September 23 2020 2:39 pm- When school was wrapping up, I was thinking that I might just go straight home. I felt like maybe I could just work on my songs for a bit, and then I would go home. I was really having no desire to be doing anything else, since doing something else would virtually be putting other priorities first. So I was just thinking that I was needing to be careful.

As I was sitting down on a random table near the exit of school, that was when Simon was coming up to me. By this point, I had grown used to his presence, so I did not really feel the need to be saying anything, and I was just working in my material for as long as possible. "You look like you are rather busy. What type of music are you working on right now?" He asked, and then I was looking right at him, shocked that he had actually wanted to know.

"Honestly, just something to pass my time. You know, just trying my best to be working on some tunes that are going to be nice and casual enough to where people might be more willing to just sort of turn their mind off to it." I said, and then I was looking right at him, and I was feeling like I was just needing to find a way to bring him along for the subject in a better light. Since I was feeling like he might have wanted to talk about other things.

"Do you think that this is the music that you are actually going to perform at the talent show, or do you think that you might be going on and show something else that people might be more curious about." After he was asking me this, I was sighing, and the honest truth was that I had no idea what I was even going to believe in anymore.

"I don't know what my fucking classmates are going to want. You know, they might all be wanting something else, and they are all going to be annoyed if they do not get exactly that. You know, I think that I am going to just have to remember that if I ever do go up, and if I ever do go and perform." I was sighing, and I hated the fact that I was saying this, but I was understanding the truth of the fact.

"Well, if you do no know what your classmates are even going to want, then I guess that there is no point in wasting your time trying to give them that, and that you might as well go after things that you want..." He was saying, and I shook my head, as if feeling like it was more complicated than that. Even though I truly knew deep down that it was not. And that I was being ridiculous.

"Hey Simon, what type of music are you even all that interested in to begin with?" I was asking, and then he was looking at me for a few seconds until he was sighing, and then I was seeing that maybe he was just partially embarassed in the idea of admittingw hat type of music that he was really into.

"Just some stuff that show up online. You know, I am not really all that fucking interested in any specific genres. I can't remember the times when I was last really into genres." After he was saying that to me, I was sighing, feeling like he was not really helping me out at all, and I was wishing that he would have pretended to give me something. I was feeling like without any idea on where to start, I was going to have to find something else.

"Well, I guess that I will find something eventually. That being said, I think that Seth might be a bit interested in doing his comedy skits, and I am sue that he is making soem great fucking progress. You know, I want to tell him about the thing that your sister has for him. But I guess that I am worried that maybe it might be getting to his head all the time." I was siging, and I was thinking that I could officially leave him alone about it now.

"Honestly, I think that she would be feeling like the most embarassed girl in the entire world if he ever went on to the truth. I think that she might try and deny it even if he was wanting to talk with her for a while." After Simon was telling me this, I was then nodding, feeling like I could have finally left it all alone going forward.

"I doubt that it is going to actually matter all that much in the first place. But you know, I think that maybe Seth is going to probably need the motivation to keep him going. You know, I just think that without anything to help him going on, he might be feeling like there is virtually nothing that is going to be going in his favor at school." I was saying, and then after this was said, that was when I was feeling like there was something Simon wanted to tell me.

"So Josiah, I was wanting to ask you a relatively important question. Well, maybe not important, but something that I am curious over." After he was telling me this, I was looking right at him, and for once, I was fucking scared. I as feeling like I just needed to take him totally serious now.

"What is going on? You know, I am just kind of unsure if I can help you out. But if you really need to know, I will do my best to answer you." I was saying, and he was looking sincerely unsure of what the heck we were even doing now. "If it is related to all the things going on in town, I will not be able to help you all that much, as much as I hate to admit it."

"Do you now anything about the grinding noise? I mean, I just feel like I want to know a little bit more about that." After he was saying that to me I was sighing, and I was really not in the mood for something like this. I was seeing him just looking somewhat tired here.

"I mean, I don't know much of it at all. I just try to ignore it as much as I can. I mean, that is probably the best thing that uou can do with that. It is rather annoying, but it is mostly harmless, from what I figured out." I was saying, and then I was sighing, and I was feeling like this was all that I needed to be saying at all, and I was seeing that he was still looking unsure.

"I guess that in all honesty, when you hear something enough, it is not that big of a deal. I mean, I was just kind of curious mostly. But I know that it is probably not going to be much of my business here." He was telling me, and then I saw him looking like he was wanting to say so much more, but decided against it this time.

"What else are you curious about here? I feel like there is still more, from the way that you are looking at me here." I was saying, and then he was sighing, clearly feeling like there was nothing that he needed to hide anymore. "I mean, I just feel like I need to know a bit."

"Honestly, I was wondering why so many people go missing at such high rates. I mean, don't you think that something like this is a bit strange. You know, I mean, after all of this time, there is just something that I think we need to be careful on." After he was saying that to me, I was looking right at him, and I was wishing that he was going to be more careful here.

"I would not be mentioning some of this stuff out loud. Some people do take this really seriously, and there are several theories going on here." I was sighing, and I was aware that he did not mean anything, and that he was just doing his best to be making me feel better.

"Well, I was just asking a basic question..." Simon was saying, and I was just seeing the look on his face looking like he was entirely uncertain of what the heck was going on right now. "I mean, I just assumed that with something like this happening so often, there are some things that are making a lot of sense." After he was saying that to me, I was just thinking about what we were even going to say.

"Sorry, I know that you are just probably as curious about this whole thing as everybody else, and I do not blame you for that right now. But that all being said, I am scared out of my fucking mind out of the things that are happening here, and I am scared out of my fucking mind on knowing what could possibly go down." I was saying, and then I was shrugging, feeling like I had nothing else to say now.

"In all honesty, I am just kind of curious, do you actually have any idea what is happening at all? I mean, I am just kind of interested in getting to know what is even happening." Simon was telling me, and then I was feeling like absolutely nothing that he could say could have made me feel any fucking differently. But maybe that was just sort of fucking impossible right now.

"Do you know any of the people who have gone missing? A simple yes or no would be fine here." After he was saying this to me, I was then thinking about it a while longer, and I was wishing that I had absolutely nothing to say here. But I guess that when I was looking at him, my face was betraying me, and Simon was just looking down, unsure what to tell me.

"Yeah, I do know who some of them were. I wished that I never did though. That would have made things so muh easier." I was saying, and looked directly at him, and I was seeing him looking like he was just wanting to have a better way to present his argument right now.

"How much did knowing that person really affect you going at this?" Simon asked me, and then I was sighing, as if feeling like maybe I could have just left it all alone. No matter what I was wanting to do, and no matter how much I was wanting to brush this whole thing off, I was just feeling like I needed to be honest with him this time.

"I mean, it did make the first couple of weeks after what had happened sort of hard to be living through. You know, just going to school, trying to pretend like everything was fine, but nobody giving a shit after the first few days. I mean, I sound really fucking rude when I say that, but I guess that this is exactly how I feel here." I was saying, and then I was shrugging, as if thinking that there was literally no way that I was getting out of this.

"Do you feel like you could have done things differently this year if she had never gone missing, or were you never really close with her?" Simon was asking, and I was feeling like him asking this question to me was going to really suck, and I was going to hate telling the truth. I was feeling truly uncertain what I could have said here.

"I never really got to know her all that well. I should have treated her better, and I think that maybe that is a part of it. You know, hindsight I guess. I guess that maybe if I was with her and her friends better, then things would have been so much fucking better. But for now, I think that maybe I am just sort of playing the guilt game for no real good fucking reason." I shrugged, as if annoyed that I was doing this, and I was seeing Simon looking like he had wanted to say more, but did not at all.

"Honestly, I just think that maybe I could see where you are coming from. I mean, I never would have really understood that perspective. As strange as that is, I guess that maybe I am being a bit selfish here." Simon said, and then I was seeing him truly looking unsure of what to tell me right now. I was seeing him looking truly conflicted here.

"I do think that as I get to know more people though, I will be feeling very fucking different. You know, I think that things like this type of empathy might only be coming up if I am in a position like this myself. But I think that I can assure that I want nothing like this." After he was saying this, he was shrugging, and I was shocked at him trying to take this whole thing so fucking seriously.

"Honestly, if that happens to you, I think that you should not be too worried about what people are going to be saying. They are going to be doing their own thing, and you are going to be fine." After I was telling Simon this, I was finally feeling like in this regard, I could let the truth of reality be showing to him, and maybe something like this might get him to see how unfair things could have been.

"Why do you think that so few people care? You think that with all of these things happening, people would be at least somewhat curious on what is going on here? I think that this whole thing is just making no fucking sense at all." After he was saying that to me, I was shrugging, wanting to find something else to say, to make it just coome off as better here.

"I think the reason that so few people care is because they are just getting to the point where people are not even thinking about it at all anymore. I think that this is the best that you can really explain it." I was tired, and I was feeling like this honest response might be hurting him, but I was thinking that the faster I could tell Simon this, the better that things were going to be here.

…

-September 24 2020 3:08 pm- I was thinking all about what Simon was saying, and I was remembering what it was like when I was in his spot with some of my friends. I hated to admit it, but I was feeling like his emotions were relatively valid here. I was feeling like I just needed to respect his position, since I was there once.

I was thinking that as much as I hated to admit it, I was needing to go on and just talk to Simon, and see what he might be able to tell me, and see if perhaps we might be able to work together for a while longer, and put things to a rest.

I was sighing, feeling like maybe I was just thinking about what I could have done to make things differently. I was just thinking about some of my friends that had gone missing, and I was thinking about what they would have been like if I had virtually just given up on wanting to know what had happened. If they had known the truth, they might have been fucking furious. Or I guess I should say that their families should be furious.

I was wondering why Simon had decided to bring that up. As selfish as it had sounded, I had wished he kept his fucking mouth shut, and that he would have just given it a rest. I was sighing and stoof up, and I was rubbing my hair a bit. I was thinking that maybe I could go on and actually see what their parents would have said. I just felt like going on and giving them a chance was the only thing that I could have done.

As I was about to head out, I was seeing Gabe just hanging out with his friends, and the thing was that it was indeed looking like he was enjoying himself, but that at the same time, he was looking like there was something that was truly bothering him. I was sighing, and as much as I hated to admit it out loud, I was feeling like maybe I was sort of seeing where he was coming from. Maybe what he was feeling did make some sense.

I was thinking that since he was indeed enjoying some time with his friends, I would leave him alone for the time being, and I was not going to be saying a single fucking thing to him. I was walking out of the school, and I pulled out my phone and I was seeing that I had gotten a text from Simon. "Hey, sorry for trying so hard to be getting my personal views brought to you. I know that it might have been really rude to do this." The note said, and then I was sighing, truly unsure of what I was going to say.

"I guess that you might have been right. I just really do not want to deal with the mistakes our school is making." I was saying, and I was thinking that perhaps what I had been saying was making at least some form of sense. I was placing the phone down, not wanting to think on it too much,

"I know. That doesn't mean that I wasn't being a bit hard on it. I guess that I just wanted to know some things, and I was feeling like I was just needing to know more." After the text said this to me, I was sighing, and I was feeling like I was just wanting to go on and leave it all alone. I was feeling like nobody was going to fucking understand what I was doing.

"Do you think that you are going to try and look and find something here? I mean, I know that you don't want to talk about it, but have you ever been curious enough to look?" He was asking more and more on the texts, and I was feeling like I was just going to have to deal with what he was asking. I was thinking that he was needing to give it all a rest.

"I guess that there are some things that I have wanted to do. But I really do not feel like this whole thing is actually going to be all that good of a plan. The one thing that I wish that I did was just help my friends have a chance of coming home. I feel like I could have at least done that." I was saying, and then I was putting the phone down, and I was thinking that if he was wanting to talk about this further, he was going to have to try and actually speak to me here.

As I was trying to keep my composure, I was wondering what Simon was thinking, and I was feeling like there was a good chance that there was somebody who went missing, and that this was somebody that Simon actually was sort of starting to like, and seeing her gone was getting to him a bit more.

I was sighing, and I was slightly laughing at this, and I was thinking about how this was not fucking funny. But at the same time, I was just thinking about what things were like, and I was doing my best to be making things go in a lighter mood, and then I was seeing him coming right up to me. As I was seeing him, I was seeing him clearly looking like he was wanting to speak to me.

"Hey Josiah, are you going to be having some plans today?" He asked, and I was seeing him looking like he was not wanting to be making things too obvious, but given the way he was presenting himself this whole time, I was thinking it was super obvious that he was wanting to speak to me about some things, and I was just wanting him to get it over with.

"No, I don't have any plans. I was wanting to speak with you though. Since I know that there are some things that I know you are wanting to really just discuss. I mean, I am not going to try and get you to stop. That is something that I know is going to be pointless. But I do want to sort of bring some form of cautionary sign here." I was saying, and then he was sighing for a few seconds, tired of speaking about this.

"Sorry if I pushed this whole thing a bit too far..." He was saying, and in a way, with the way he said that, I knew that he was actually being sincere about his apology, and I was thinking that maybe him seeming sincere on this might have helped me feel a bit better about this. But I just needed him to listen to me.

"You did not push this too far. I was rude, and I was really fucking regretting the way that I was acting here. But I think that perhaps we need to just fucking talk about some things that you might be curious. You know, I think that I might be able to just make this whole thing seem at least a bit better." I was saying, and then I was shrugging, as if thinking about what I was feeling now. I was wondering if he was just going to be glad to see me not giving him any bullshit.

The two of us were walking down the side walk, and then I was wondering what he was going to tell me if he was going to feel like he had every right to ask me more questions. "Honestly, I just think that when I try and bring some things together, and think about what had been happening, but that something like this is just fucking impossible. I just am kind of tired of everything."

"Do you know anybody who went missing? How did it go on and affect you?" Simon asked, and I was feeling like he was just trying his best to be helping me out. I was wondering if he was feeling like talking about this was suddenly going to make me not want to refuse anything. But I was shrugging, and I was thinking that maybe just being honest with him might have gotten him to want to talk with me, and earn his trust.

"Yeah, I know one. I will tell you all about her if we go to a place that is far away from school. Maybe Mezmers. It is the local burger joint." I was saying, thinking about how long it had been stuck around, and then with this, Simon sighed, and he was clearly looking like he was just glad to be taking this chance to talk with me. So with that, we were going to speak for a while, and the entire time that we were walking there, I was sort of feeling like I was just needing to speak to him as much as possible.

Once we were sitting down at Mezmer's, and we ordered some generic food, I was looking at Simon, and I was seeing him looking like he was genuinely just wanting to ask me some questions about what was happening. I was feeling like I was having no idea what I was going to do to get out of this. But I was thinking that the only thing I could do was just be honest with him.

"So, do you actually know anybody who had gone missing? I mean, I know it is none of my business, but I feel like I might be able to help you out, feel better, if you are willing to talk to me." After Simon was telling me this, I was seeing him looking like he was just trying his best to be looking composed here, and not be throwing me under the bus.

"Yeah, I do know a couple of people who were actually mostly friendly to me, and I felt like their case always just sort of puts a really sour taste in my fucking mind." I was saying, and looked at Simon, as if wondering if he was willing to even pretend to be able to understand what I was trying to say right now.

"Who was she? If you are willing to talk to me about this, what was going on?" After Simon asked me this, I was sighing, and I was feeling like I was just needing to be honest with him. I was seeing that Simon was genuinely trying his best to be helping me out as much as possible. I knew it was not possible, but I could work with him here.

"Her name is Amanda. It had only happened about five or six months ago, and I was just trying to put it all behind me. You know, I just wanted to act like she was not having anything happen to her. But I guess that maybe something like this is going to be impossible, for better or for worse." I was saying, as if what I had said was just the worst thing in the entire world. But I was doing my best to just help him get some context.

"Did you ever find out what had happened to her, and do you feel like you could have been able to help her out for a while?" After Simon was asking me this, I was sighing, and I was staring right at him, and I was feeling like something like this was just literally impossible to explain. But I was feeling like as long as he was willing to listen to me, I just needed to give him everything that I was feeling comfortable with explaining. Then again, I was laughing at this idea, not sure what I was even comfortable with at all.

"I never found out what happened to her. But I will be honest, and I will say that I do want to know what happened to her. I wish that I was able to fucking know what had happened to her, since if I had gone on and learned the truth, then I might have been able to give her some fucking closure. I might have been able to give her family something." I was sighing, and I was feeling like what I was saying was a waste of time.

"I mean, I wish that I was able to give you something better. But trust me when I say that no matter what I wish to say, I can't accomplish anything. But I feel like there was something that I did wrong..." I was saying, and then I was shrugging, as if feeling like I had made my point, and that I could be able to just leave it alone now. "The one thing that I do know right now is that I wish that if I could have been able to find her, I would have just made that the only thing that mattered."

"Do you think that you could have been able to find some clues to her location? Did you at least try and look for her? I am not judging you or anything, I am just trying to find out what I can say to go forward with this." After he had said that to me, I was sighing, and I knew that nothing I could say would satisfy him, and I was aware of this.

"I think that I will never be able to find out any fucking clues at all. I think that the idea of finding clues to her location would be basically tantamount to going insane. That being said, I did try. I did try and see if there was something that I could have done to help her out." I was saying, and I was thinking that I could just leave it alone now.

"What did you find when you were trying to find her?" After he asked me this, I was shrugging, and I was feeling like maybe I could try and find a big load of bullshit to make it seem like I did so much to bring her home. But that was just not really all that true. I only really tried for about a week, and I was scared of how he could react if he knew this.

"I only really tried for a while, and I was wanting to see what I could have found. But I gave up after a certain point. I could have gone further, but I was just being fucking childish here. I just basically decided that I wanted to capture my life for a while again, and I did not want to sacrifice myself. I know that what I did was wrong, but it felt right at the moment." I was saying, and I was wishing to just have him get his lecture over with, so that way I did not have to deal with any guilt here.

"I guess that I could be able to understand that, even if I am not looking like I want to admit it. I mean, I guess that maybe you just felt like you were needing to place yourself first." He was saying, and I was feeling like that was the worst way he could have said it, but it was the fucking truth.

"Honestly, I guess that maybe in a way, as much as I hate to admit it, maybe I was not taking this friendship with her as seriously as I could have here. But I think that this is too much for me to admit. I mean, I did like her, and I did view her as a decent friend." I was shrugging, and I was feeling like I might be able to just leave it all alone, and be good now.

"Josiah, I never wanted to make you feel bad when you were talking with me. I should have just left things alone. I am really fucking sorry, and I should probably just stop bringing it up." Simon told me, and then I was seeing him looking like he was feeling so fucking bad, and I was feeling like as much as I was wanting to be annoyed at him, I should have just treated him well.

"I never really meant for anything like this. I was just trying to find a way to answer your question honestly. As annoying as something like this might be. I mean, I think that maybe the honesty might have been the best way to be going at this." I was shrugging, and I was thinking about what the heck to do, and I was ready to just fucking quit right now.

"Josiah, do you think that you are going to want to find her again, or are you going to be leaving it alone?" After he was asking me this, I was sighing, and I was pissed at this discussion, because I was now going to be forced to make a choice on what I was feeling was important. I was aware of what was important, but I was just thinking that I needed to try harder to be finding a real response right now.

"I think that maybe I should give a honest attempt once again. You know, just try and find a way to make it all work. I wish that I could have found her again, and I think that I do want to find a way to make her family feel happier again. Even if she is dead, then you know, the answer might be able to give her some feeling of relief. Knowing the truth, and having a chance to grief." I was saying, and I was unsure of what the hell I was even saying now. I knew that it was true what I said, but that did not mean that I was supposed to like it.

"If you do not feel like you want to go through with looking around for this, then there is no reason to force you to do something like this. I guess that maybe I sort of just need to accept the fact that maybe I will let you be doing the thing that will be working for you." After Simon was telling me this, I was looking right at him, and I was wishing to finally go on and sort of make him feel like he was willing to still go on and get to know me.

"The worst part of this whole thing is the fact that deep down, I think that I do want to know what happened to her. I mean, I wanted to know when it first happened, and I still do want to know. There is nothing that is changing the fact that I want to know the truth as much as damn possible. Nothing in the world will be giving that whole thing a change. But I think that it is a matter of if I will have the courage to finally fucking look into it all." I was saying to him, and then I was shrugging, as if feeling like the way that I could talk to him here would make him open up further.

"Josiah, how do you think you will be able to find her? I mean, I think that you are going to have to try and be realistic when looking at this whole thing. If you do not feel like you have any fucking clue what is happening, then I think that either you will let the police just look into it, or you are going to have to talk to her family here, and I have no idea how much they will be willing to deal with this." Simon told me, and I was not really wanting him to say something like this, since I knew that this was fucking impossible to accomplish.

"I think that there is no way in hell that I will be getting the police to help me. I think that if you knew what the police were like here, the idea of them finding the girls or whatever will be fucking impossible. Honestly, I will not want to make you get too worried here, but I think that you just need to understand what I am feeling here." I was sighing, and then I was shrugging, and I knew that I was needing to find a way to make him feel better now.

"I mean, do you feel like if it is somebody who has a lot of evidence, that they might be able to go on and help you?" After he was asking this, I was feeling like at this point, he was just trying to force me to find something to work with him here. So I was just sighing, and I was feeling like I could just be able to go on and leave it alone.

"I mean, I have seen everything that is happening here, and I wanted to try and act like things that are differently, but something like this is just a fucking huge goal, and I wish that I was able to be more civil about this, but I refuse to try and force myself to be giving them a chance when I know what they will tell me." I was saying, remember what the previous history was like, and I was fucking pissed to think on it.

"Have you tried and speak with them before? I mean, come the fuck on... There is no way that there are no police that are willing to talk with you. Or maybe this is just me speaking from a optimistic point of view." He was saying, and then I was seeing him give a slight chuckle here. It was not funny, and I was feeling like he knew that, but that he was just trying his best to be making this whole thing work.

"As much as I hate to admit it, but you really are looking at it from a optimistic point of view. You know, i just wish that I was able to go on and look at things differently, but maybe that is just not going to fucking work." I was sighing, and then I was shrugging, as if feeling like I was having virtually nothing to even tell him now. I was feeling like I had made basically my entire point.

"Well, no matter what we are going to be doing here, I think that perhaps her friends will be willing to help you out. I mean, srely she must have some friends who went to this school, that are going to be willing to help you out. I would assume, at the very least..." He was telling me, and I was seeing him looking entirely unsure of what he was even feeling here.

"I guess that maybe something like this is true. I mean, I think that you are right. As much as I want to pretend like what you are saying is wrong, so I could avoid it, I think you are probably corrrect here." I was saying, and then I was shrugging, as if having virtually nothing that I could even wish to tell him. I was just thinking of who I would be going on to be speaking to.

"Honestly, are you going to try and talk to them here, and are you going to try and make sure that you see what they are going to be feeling now?" After he was asking me this, I was sighing, as if I was having no way that I was going to be arguing with this at all. But I was feeling like he was just trying to help me sort of become a hero in my own stories, as silly as this was.

"Yeah, I think that starting tomorrow, as much as I hate to admit it, I could go on and speak to some of her friends, and maybe when I see them next, they might actually want to help me out, or be willing to listen to me. They might actually be willing to work with me here." I was saying, and then I was shrugging, as if having nothing that I was even wanting to say now, and I was just thinking that I was needing to just look at things differently now.

"Good, I will help you if you want it. I mean, I am sorry for just trying to sound pushy, but with all the people that I hear this about, I just feel kind of scared now. I just want to make sure that I did not move to a cult like town." After he was saying this to me, I was sighing, as if not really in the mood to be hearing something like this right now. But I was shrugging, and felt like I was needing to be glad to hear him have some fucking passion here.

"I mean, I guess that when you put it that way, I can't blame you for wanting to know. I mean, I think that there are some things that can be giving off the impression of a fucking cult." I was shrugging, and then I was aware of the fact that Simon was wanting to probably push me to give me as many details as possible, and I was not too sure if I was going to want to hear it at all.

"I would be rather interested in knowing what is giving off the impression of a cult. Only if you are interested in telling me though..." After he was saying this, I was seeing that he was clearly wanting to find something to keep the talk up longer, and I was seeing that deep down, I was just wanting to help him out.

"Well, in all honesty, I think that if you want to know more about that stuff, I will tell you everything that you want to know. But only when we are in a more secluded place. That is some stuff I really do not think we should be speaking of out loud." I was saying, and he was sighing, as if giving up on this argument for the time being.

"Dang it, I was wanting to see what you could have told me some things. But I guess that maybe I can wait for a while longer." After Simon was saying this, he was shrugging, as if finally conceding defeat to this whole thing. "Well, I guess that maybe I can always look into it myself, if you are too scared about this whole thing. But I will not force you into something that worried you." He was saying, and then I was shrugging, as if having virtually nothing to say now.


	5. The Talent Show

-Seth's POV September 26 2020 11:34 pm- Let me tell you before I really get too started here, I was wanting to do that fucking talent show so fucking badly. I was wanting it more than anything else in the fucking world. I mean, I was feeling like I could have made it feel like I was doing something good, and something right by being here.

The only fucking scary thing was if people were willing to actually want to give me a chance. I think that the fact that I did not know if people were even caring about that was what was making it so much worse for everybody involved. I was sitting down on my bed, and I was just trying to make some good jokes on my papers here.

I was staring up at the ceiling, and I was sighing in annoyance, as if feeling like there was something else that I could have said, something else that I could have done, but was failing to draw up a single fucking thing now. I was wondering what Josiah was doing, since he was not home, and I was wondering if he was hanging out with friends or something.

I was remembering that it was entirely up to him what he was doing, and it was not my choice. If he was wanting to do something strange with his friends, I was feeling like I was just needing to remember that it was his choice. But I guess that I just wish that he was not making me feel like I could have done something, and that I could have performed well, when he was always working on his own stuff.

I was getting out of my bed, and I was walking out of my room, and I was aware that if my parents saw that I was out of bed this late at night, at my age, I was going to be getting in so much fucking trouble. They were going to be fucking pissed at me for just not staying asleep.

But I was feeling like there were so many things that I had wanted to fucking do. I was feeling like maybe if I was outside of the house for a while, sort of just hanging out, then everything would have been fine. You know, I was just trying to literally do something to make myself not bored out of my fucking mind here.

Once I was out of my house, and I was sitting down on the chair that was right near the front door, I was sighing, and I was staring at the night sky. I was just going to be in so much of a great mood when I was going to be going to school next. I was starting to finally feel like this year was going to be the fucking year.

This was going to be the year that I was going to be making a name for myself at school. You know, I was ready to fucking make some friends, and I was ready to be making people see that I was funny. The fact that I was taking this seriously. The fact that I was working hard on my material, and that I was not just doing it as a phase.

I was not wanting people to be thinking that I never cared anymore. I was tired of people acting like I didn't care, and I was wanting people to know that I would do everything in my power to make the shows work out as well as possible.

I sighed for a few seconds, and I was thinking about how I was just tired of always being the laughing stock, always being the guy that people just thought that they could be making fun of. You know, I was just feeling like I needed to have a genuine fucking chance to be turning this whole fucking thing around.

I was sighing, and I was thinking that I was just needing to be patient when I was talking with people about what I was thinking right now. I was smiling at the prospect of people finally seeing that maybe I was no longer riding in my older brothers shadows. That was the other thing that I was always pissed off by. The fact that people never fucking took me seriously.

The only thing that I was scared of admitting was that maybe I was just flat out not fucking funny. That the fact was that I really was just going to be making people think that I was trying too hard. I mean, I was feeling like I had some funny jokes. But when some people were pretty much telling me that there was nobody who liked me, I was just thinking that maybe I did make some mistakes at this rate.

I was shaking my head, and I was just trying to tell myself that I was too worried about this. Even if I was not funny, at least I was being honest about what I was enjoying. At least I was being real with it, and if people did not like this, then they were the ones that had a problem. They were the ones who refused to express themselves.

Eventually, as I was telling myself this, I was sighing, and I was feeling like I needed to not be lying with myself. I was telling myself that I was going to be like this, and I was telling myself that I was going to be happy with the way that I was, when in all reality, I knew that I was going to be pissed with this stuff, and that I was going to be lashing it out.

I was shaking my head, and then I was about ready to just go to sleep, or at least head back to my room, when I was seeing that Josiah was coming up, and I was feeling like I might have been able to see what he was doing, and see if he was willing to just be honest with me.

"Hey Seth, you're up late. What is going on?" After Josiah asked this to me, I was sighing, as if feeling like I could lie about this for now, and I could just lie to him about what I was feeling, but I guess that I could be real with him now.

"I am just thinking about my plans to be making this the year that I can finally just be happy with my school year. I think that I can finally just make myself feel like I can capture at least some respect here." I was saying, and then that was when Josiah was looking like he was having no idea what to be telling me right now.

"I was not wanting to tell you because I was afraid of the fact that it might get to your head, but there are people who do seem to genuinely like your style. People who think that you really are funny, from what I heard." He was telling me, and then I was sighing, and I was just looking at him, having no desire to be hearing him put me in a good mood.

"Are you sure? Is this a joke that you are trying to ull on me right now?" I was asking, not really sure if I was ready to be hearing this reveal. I was feeling like there was a chance that he might have been lying to me, and was just trying to see how I might react here. "Honestly, I do not want to be getting my hopes up, and then have them be dashed..."

"I would not be fucking with you. Do you know how messed up something like this might be? I mean, I like to tease you guys often, but that is something that I could never fucking do to you." After he was saying this to me, I was seeing him looking like he was just wanting to make me feel better, and I was feeling like he really was just wanting what was best for me. Or he was willing to at least work with me here.

"I mean, I look at you, and I see how much you are struggling at this, and with that, there is now ay that I would just be making jokes to you, and there is no way that I wold be pulling your leg like this." After Josiah was telling me this, I was then looking down on the ground, and considered the propspect of a persn who was actually liking my comedy and stuff. I was laughing for a second, and then looked right at him.

"If somebody really does like me out there, then oh my fucking god, that will fucking be the greatest thing in the entire world right now. I mean, I just want to make it so that way people know what I am feeling, and they know that I really do want to make these jokes work out, and I want to be a good friend." After I was saying that to him, he was sighing for a few seconds, and had nothing to say here.

"Seth, I think that you are making the right choice on going to that talent show. I mean, I know that you really want to get people to see that you are somebody who does take your stuff seriously, and that you are somebody who wants to make people just enjoy your stuff. I think that this is the only way that you might be having that work out." After Josiah was telling me this, I was sighing, and truly had no idea what to be telling him.

"Honestly, I guess that I was always just scared that people were not going to be really into what I was trying to present. I always felt fucking scared, and I guess that I just thought the idea of this working out, for anybody at all, was just a fucking false hope. But I think that I am going to go up there, and I am going to see what I might be able to perform, and I can see what they would go on and tell me here." I was saying, and I was finally thinking about my chances on making people see that I was serious.

"Well, I think that if you were always scared of something like this happening, then I guess your uncertainty does make some sense, but you do not need to be so worried over something like this. Trust me, I think that the only thing that people wished you did not do so much of was just making everything into a joke. Not the jokes themselves." Josiah told me, and while I did not want to concede that he was onto something here, I was feeling like he was really trying to help me out, so I sighed in defeat.

"Alright, I think I got it. I suck, and I need to try and find a way to not suck as much." I was saying, and then I was looking at him, and he was looking like this was not at all what he was trying to say. But he was just feeling like there was no point in even trying to change what I was feeling here.

"I was not wanting to say that to you. I was just trying to help you. You know, I was just shocked when Simon was telling me that his younger sister might be liking you. I was thinking that it was just sort of out of nowhere. And I think that you should just sort of take this as a victory, and just sort of wor your way here." After Josiah told me this, I was shaking my head, and I was thinking about the new prospect of this working, and I was feeling like I was going to be on top of the fucking world here.

"Well, whatever you do now, just good luck on it, and we will be seeing where you can go with this. I will do my best to support you, no matter what is happening. You know, I just think that when you go up there, and you present the stuff that you are into, I just feel like maybe I should have been like that earlier. And in that regard, I have no right to try and criticize you." After he was telling me this, I was sighing, and I was really not in the mood anymore.

"Maybe I am just too stubborn for my own good. I don't know, but I do not want to go down without a fight, I guess." I said, and then I was looking right at him, and I was wondering if he was going to be taking the time to even try and process this all, or if he was just sort of on his own midnset right now, and that I needed to leave it alone.

"If being stubborn leads to this, then I guess that maybe being stubborn is not all that bad of a thing. Anyways, I am going to bed. I think it might be best if you do the same." After he was saying that to me, I was sighing, and I guess that there was a chance that what he was saying was true enough. I was thinking that it was only a matter of time before I got in some trouble for being out for so much fucking longer than I should have been.

"Yeah, I mean, you are probably right. I just wish that I could find something better to be talking about here." I was saying, and then I was shrugging, not thinking too much on it, and I was thinking that since our points were made, that maybe once I was inside of the house, everything could be better.

"Hey Seth, sorry for always being hard on you with your stuff. I mean, if you enjoy these shows, than I have nothing to say with stopping you. You should be having as much fun as you possibly can when you are this young. And I do respect something like this. So just have fun, and just do what you want, and don't let anybody stop this." He was saying, and then I was nodding, not even sure what I was going to say now.

"I mean, it is nothing too big of a deal. You just need to fucking relax. I mean, I just wish that I was able to have some friends who were interested in helping me out here. I think that when I don't have something like this, that is where things are going to be the worst part of it all." I was saying, and then I was smiling, and I was thinking that I might be able to leave it alone, and not be thinking about what he was feeling.

...

-September 27 2020 4:18 pm- I was sitting down near the park, and for once, I was feeling like I might be able to have a fucking life back, and I was feeling like there was a chance that I could truly be happy. With all that Josiah was telling me, and all that I was going to be trying to accomplish when I was going to school again, and with the show coming right up, I was just feeling like I was on top of the world.

As I was sitting down, and I was just working on some notes, I was hearing somebody sitting down, and I was not thinking all that much on it, and I was just doing my best to be leaving it alone. When he was done sitting down, I glanced right up at him, and I was noticing that it was somebody my age, which made it not as strange in my mind that he was sitting right down.

"What are you working on right now?" He asked, and then I was looking right up at him, and then I was sighing, as if having nothing that I was wanting to tell him. I was thinking that he was probably not really all that interested in knowing more, and that he was just trying to make some small talk. "Is this your first time here?"

"No, not my first time. But it is the first time in a while." I was saying, thinking that I might as well be honest with him, and just try and see if that he was going to be getting the cue that I was not really wanting to be talking about this all that much. "I am also working on something for the school talent show."

"What are you going to be performing at the show?" He was asking, and then I looked right at him, having nothing that I could tell him. I was sighing, and I was thinking that with the look that he was giving me, that he was wanting to actually know more, and that he was not just trying to get in my business for no real reason. So I was thinking that I could work with him here.

"I am going to be doing a comedy show when I get up there. You know, just try and see if some people might be liking my stuff. Nothing too serious." I was looking right down at the papers again, and I was not even thinking that I was needing to say anything else. I was feeling like I had done everything I wanted. The guy was looking like he was trying to decide what to say now.

"Why are you wantig to play some comedy shows? I mean, I just don't really get it. It never really is something that i would choose to be doing." He was saying, and I was seeing that from the look on his face, he was genuinely trying to understand my perspective. He was genuinely trying to form a discussion with me.

"I mean, I just enjoy seeing what people find funny, and I am enjoying just sort of making people know what is going on in mind. I mean, there is not any way that I would just be willing to not have some people hear what I am really up to. I don't need to have people worrying about what I am doing right now. You know, I just want people to hang out with me, and have a good time." I was saying, and then I was then thinking that I could have left it all alone now.

"Honestly, I was just thinking that the idea of comedy is a bit strange. You know, I just never really have any interest in anything like this." After she was saying this to me, I was looking right at her, as if feeling like I was just needing to see where she was coming from. But then I was sighing, and I decided that I was going to be leaving it all alone.

"I mean, it is something that I have been super into since I was a young kid. You know, it was just something I fucking wanted to finally show people that I had some level of general happiness. I think that these comedy shows are the only thing that give me any thing related to being happy." I was saying, feeling like if I had spoken any further, he was not going to want to speak any further. But I was not wanting to make him feel strange here.

"So do you feel like these shows might be able to get some friends to help you out here?" After he asked me this, I was nodding, and I was feeling like if what Josiah was telling me was true, then I might have been able to have something of a friendship going here. But I guess that maybe he would have never really understood what I was going to accomplish now.

"I mean, I think that there might be at least some people who live at this town who might appreciate what I am trying to accomplish. You know, I just think that I am going to have to really fucking earn my way into any form of popularity here." I was saying, and I was smiling, feeling like this was a challenge I wanted to live up to.

"You are taking his way too seriously. I mean, I thought that you would have just been brushing this whole thing off." He was telling me, and I was sighing, and I was feeling like this entire discussion was just making me fucking worthless right now. No matter what we were going to say, this was just never going to be helping me move forward. "Anyways, since we're here, what is your name?" After he asked me this, I was sighing, feeling like I was having no real choice.

"My name is Seth. I am the fourth oldest sibing in my family." I was saying, and then the way that he was looking at me clearly showed that he knew with my wording, that I was nowhere near the last one. That look on his face was showing me that there was no way that he was not going to be wanting to know the truth behind how many fucking siblings that I had. "I can tell that you are wanting to now more about what my family is lie. I mean, everybody that I talk to wants to know all about that first."

"I'm sorry, I guess that it is just hard to not be interested in something like this when that is what you say when you first meet somebody." He was telling me and then he was sighing, as if feeling like he was just needing to try and be polite with me, and sort of talk to me about himself or a bit. "My name is Manny. I am the only child in my family. So you are not needing to worry about that if you go on and hang out with me at my house." I was shocked to be hearing him willing to even go on and give me the chance to go on and hang out with some people like him and his friends in the first place. I was feeling like I was just needing to go on and see if he was wanting to actually hang out with me, or if he was trying to be nice to me here.

"So, are you feeling like you might be willing to go on and hang out with me? I mean, with the way that you were saying that, makes me kind of curious" I was saying, and I was feeling like the way he was hearing me say this was going to be making him feel like I was just being boring right now. But at the same time, I was just not even caring anymore.

"I mean, if you are willing to give me a chance, then I could be able to see what I might be able to accomplish." After he was saying this to me, I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to say something else to me, but he was shrugging, as if thinking that he was going to just remain silent now. "So anyways, you were telling me about all of your siblings, and I was just curious if you were willing to tell me more." He said, and then I was sighing, feeling like I just needed to get that over with for my own sake.

"Yeah, I have a few of them. I mean, no matter how much I want to try and brush this whole thing off, that is the main thing that my large family is known for. I have nine brothers, and a sister, who is right in the middle. As crazy as something like that is to admit." I was sighing, feeling like I was going to find something else to be saying to make him feel like he was going to be more interested with where this was going.

"Do you like any of them" He asked me, and then I was sighing, and I was feeling like I was just needing to think about what was happening. I was feeling like he might want to hear me being real with him, even if he was not wanting to hear me rant about things like this. But the thing was that they were not all that bad.

"I just hate how when I look at them, I see them all doing so many fucking things that are so fucking successful. You know, they are all having a life of their own that they can be proud of. I am still having something that I know that I need to prove with people that it is something that works. You know, I feel like that is why I want to make this work." I was saying, as if feeling like I had nothing else to be saying now.

"Well, I think that they are probably not going to care all that much what you are wanting to do. If you are doing something that you enjoy, even if everybody else laughs at you, then as long as you want to do something, then does it really matter?" He was asking, and then I was looking at him, and then I was sighing, I was feeling like there was nothing else that I wanted to say at this rate.

"You know, I just think that if things were that easy, and if I was able to easily just look at things that way, then I would have made things better for us all. I think that maybe I just am too worried about it all. I do want to play that show, and I do want to make things work out with the show." I was sighing, and I was having nothing else to say now.

"How many people do you think are going to want to hang out with you when you finally finish that performance?" After he was asking me this question, I was sighing, and I was feeling like there was virtually nothing else to say, and that I was just wasting my time now. But I wanted to make it all work out.

"I think that if I can earn even just one or two friends, it will fucking be worth it." I was saying, and then I looked right at him, as if feeling like like the way that I could speak to him was going to be making him feel like I was having some fucking form of composure here, and that I was having no fucking grudges on what was happening.

"I guess that this does make some sense." He was telling me, and then he was shrugging, as if willing to finally leave the subject alone, and then we were just then looking like both of us were wanting to find something else to say. I was seeing from the way he was looking at me that he was really just wanting to know more about what was happening in my mind.

"So Manny, how many friends do you have around school? I mean, if you do not have that many, then I guess that perhaps we could make something work here." I fucking told him, and then he was sighing, as if feeling like maybe he was having no right to be giving me these talks, when I was about to expose something to him. "It's okay if you do not have that many. Everybody has to start somewhere." I was just wanting to make him feel better here.

"I have people that talk with me, and are nice to me, but that is all that I have. You know, people that just do not want to really hang out with me outside of school." After he was saying this to me, I was seeing that Manny was wanting to say something else, and that he was really just wanting to continue this discussion, but did not have any idea what to be telling me now.

"Well, if you want to hang out now, and just enjoy some time out of school, we can." I was saying, and the way that I was saying this made Manny look like he was not too sure, but that he would rather be doing this than nothing else. So with this, he was nodding, and then he was smiling, and I was seeing him looking like he was glad at the prospect of a new friendship.

...

-September 29 2020 12:56 am- I was waking up for a bit, and when I was waking up, I had started to think of what I was even trying to accomplish. I mean, in all honesty, the idea of doing this show scared the shit out of me. Becaue I had no idea if I was going to be doing something that would make this whole thing work. And just because Manny was willing to be nice to me did not mean that I was going to be on a good fucking streak with making this show actually pull together.

I was smiling for a bit, and then I was telling myself to just fucking sleep, and then plan out my fucking day a bit better. You know, actually come up with some fucking ideas on what I was going to be doing for school later, and that I was just needing to be pulling these things off later. I was thinking that I was needing to just tell Manny that I was going to have to be thinking things through much deeper. But that was going to be fucking rough.

I was then standing up, and I was remembering the fact that he was seeming to not respect the school system too much, and I had felt like I might be able to take advantage of this. I was tired of the that part of me was feeling like I was needin to have full respect for the system, when in all reality, nobody was wanting to do something like this either. I did not feel like I was needing to do something else when nobody had any desire to be doing this as well.

I was walking out of the room, and I was thinking that maybe I could go on a small walk or something, and I was aware that this was going to be fucking insane, and that my parents were not going to be happy with what I was doing. They were both going to be telling me to tell them what I was doing.

If they were going to be telling me this, I was going to tell them that in all honesty, my siblings had no fucking respect for the system as well, and I was just thinking that as long as I was back within an hour or so, then I might be able to get away with it. If I was gone for a super long time, then it was going to be a issue. But not at the time. I was then just telling myself to just go with it, and just be happy.

As I was walking along the streets, when I had gotten out, I was wondering for a bit if the stories that Josiah were telling me about the fact that there was a girl who liked me were true. I was feeling like if what he had said was true, then he was just going to have to tell me how I could be able to be friends with them. And if this was a lie, the I was gong to ask him to just fess up to it, and just admit that he was pulling my fucking leg.

I was telling myself that I was just needing to go on and talk with Manny, and I could be able to see if he was having at least some friends that were going to be willing to give me a chance. If that was the case, then I might be able to see what they could have been like, and if they were willing to be friends with me.

I was wondering if Manny really did have any friends, or if he did not. I was not going to be too shocked one way or another, and I was feeling like if he was having some friends, then I could just be polite about it, and see what was happening here. I was wondering why I was even caring so much what his friends were, and I was wondering if he was even willing to call me a friend at all, or if he was just bullshitting with me.

I was feeling like maybe if I was going on to talk to Manny a bit, he was going to be feeling like I was just wasting his time. But I was remembering what it was goig to be like when school would start up tomorrow, and I was going to perhaps just see what his opinions on this whole thing were. I was thinking that if Many was not a big fan of hanging out with me, I would rather have him just be honest about such a thing than try to be my friend or something like this.

The only thing that had scared me when I was going to be hanging out with them again, was that I was going to just have to at least pretend like what I was doing was normal, and that I was going to just have to pretend like what I was doing was not going to be a massive fucking waste of his time. I was hating the idea of thinking that nothing I was doing was going to be considered exciting or cool in his eyes. But that was just going to be something I would have to deal with as I was going through it all.

I was also wondering what I was going to do if I was going to go on and meet up with Josiah, and if I was going to maybe see if he was lying to me, or if he was telling the truth. I was kind of feeling like if he was lying to me, I would have the worst way of going through school now, since I was going to be not only dealing wih a bad joke, but a bad joke that raised my confidence beyond what the hell it should have been.

I was feeling that even if Josiah was wanting to mess with me, he was not going to be this mean about it. I was feeling like Josiah was going to be at least somewhat willing to help me out, and only make jokes that he was feeling like I might have wanted to hear. I did not know if that was true, but I was getting my hopes up.

I knew that Josiah was going to be a friend of mine, and I was wondering if maybe the two of us were going to do a good job while going at that talent show, and I was wondering why I was not wanting to do that talent show, and I was thinking that despite everything going on, we really did have one thing in common, as much as he might refuse to admit such a thing.

The only thing that I was thinking Josiah was wanting to do when we were going to this show was just find a way for him to be the big man, and for him to be the one who would be getting all of the credit for the stuff going on. Even if we were working together, I knew that he was going to be the one getting all the credit, and it was going to be my fault.

...

-September 29 2020 7:35 pm- When I was done with school that day, I was hanging out with Manny again, and I was feeling like maybe I could go on and find a way to be making this friendship just be more and more something that could totally work out. I was aware that Manny was possiby not wanting to hang out with me, or anything like that, but that was something that I was going to be working with as we were heading along.

So as I was hanging out with Manny, I was feeling like I was needing to go on and just see how he was feeling, and see if there was something that was in his mind that he was wanting to say, but just felt like he was needing to keep it together. "So Seth, do you think that you have any real plans on what material you plan on presenting while you are at the talent show? I mean, that is going to be fucking impossible to appease everybody." After Manny was saying his to me, I was nodding, as if feeling like what he was saying was perfectly obvious, and that he was not needing to be saying this, since it was making too much sense.

"Well, I know that I am not going to appease everybody. But I do hope that when I am up there, and I show people what is going on in my mind, that they might be seeing that I am really trying my best to be making these shows work out. I mean, I would rather fail at these shows than just not even try, since if I do not even try, then I will never even fucking know what will work or not." I was saying, and I was feeling like what I was telling him was going to be fucking worthless.

"So Seth, do you think that if it does not work out, then do you feel like what you did was going to be a waste of time? I mean, do you feel like your school reputation is going to be thrown away if it all fails? I am just kind of curious to see what you might believe." After Manny said this, I was feeling like he was clearly just trying to get me to admit that something like this was a terrible idea, but that was not something I was wanting to admit for the time being.

I was wanting to just see what to even say that was going to be able to satisfy his query. I mean, I was hating the fact that he was wanting to force so much out of me. But at the same time, I was just not even caring. "I mean, I think that with the fact that we will be here for another seven years, if this fails, it will only be around for another couple of weeks." I was saying, somehow feeling like this was the truth.

"Anyways, I was wondering if you were having any friends that you might be thinking would like to go on and hang out with me. I mean, I know that something like this might be a bit out of nowhere, since I just want to know if I am going to be doing something with you guys soon enough." I was saying, and the longer that I was staring at him, Manny was looking entirely unsure what to tell me right now.

"I guess that you might go on and see some of the people that I casually talk with at school. But in all honesty, I would not be too worried over something like this. That being said, there is a girl named Becky who is sort of like you. She might be somebody who you will want to give a chance." After Manny was telling me this, I was siging, and I was thining deeply about what he was saying, and I was just thinking about what we were going to accomplish here.

"Thanks for the suggestion. I will see what I might be able to do when I hang out with her. Although I think that I will just be careful here, since I do not want to try and befriend her, and then turn out that she hates me." I was feeling like the mere idea of something like this was going to suck, but I was reminding myself to not be too worried about it.

"She is a prettty relaxed girl. Honestly, I think that you just need to be remembering that she will be happy to have anybody who will want to go on and hang out with you. I know that something like this might be hard to imagine, but the fact is that not everybody is going around, wanting to ruin your life." Manny told me, and then I was sighing, as if feeling like what he was saying was not even going to be settling in all that much anymore.

"Yeah, I think that I am going to want to try and hang out with her. And maybe if he does want to hang out with me, she might be thinking about ways that she could be able to help me out with my show." I was saying, and then I was sighing, as if aware that something like this was just not a good idea. But you know, Iw as wanting to just imagine what could be working out that was in my fucking favor.

"I guess that something like this might happen. You know, I think that when you are are a much more relaxed guy. You know, when you talk about how you are going to be failing all the time, part of me wonders if you are just going insane or something like this." After Manny said that, I was sighing, and I was feeling like what he was going to tell me was going to be making me feel so much fucking worse.

"Yeah, I mean, in all honesty, the worst that might happen is that I might be making a strange attempt at a friendship. That being said, I am not going to be too worried about whatever is happening. So I will just see if you might want to go on and actually help me out at the show." I was saying, and I knew that he was not going to like the fact that I was bringing this up again, but that was just something that I was going to have to accept, for my own sake.

"I mean, I guess that maybe I could try something like that. I think that you know that you are not going to think that any of the stuff that I said is going to be very funny. But I think that I will just try and help you out from the back side." He was telling me, and then I was looking at him, trying to find sometjing to tell him, but just had no idea.

"Yeah, I guess that something like this is true enough. But in all honesty, I am just going to want to see why people do not want to give this stuff a chance. I mean, I know that it is not something that you are interested in, but do you have something that you consider to be a bigger interest?" I was asking, and then Manny was looking at me, and I was seeing him looking like he was truly having no idea what the hell he was going to be telling me.

Almost as if what he was telling me was going to be totally embarassing, and that he had no desire to be telling me something that I was going to just constantly laugh at him over. "Well, I just kind of like the idea of dark stories and stuff. You know, the stuff that you might read online. I like those ones, and if I had something to go on and be into, I might do soething like that." After Manny told me this, I was sighing, and I was feeling like that was something I would never do, but I could see why he was going to be liking it.

"I guess that you might be making a lot of stories that you are kind of proud of?" I asked, and I was feeling like maybe the way that I was asking him this might be sort of putting him offhere. But I was feeling like I just needed to see if he was willing to show e some of these stories. If he was, then maybe we could work together here. He was shrugging, as if feeling like he might have something he would show me after all.

...

-September 29 2020 11:02 pm- As Manny and I were getting ready to go on and wrap up for the evening, and I was sure that my parents were going to be at least slightly worried about what I was doing, and why I was gone for so long, I was just telling myself that none of this was going to even fucking matter right now. I was feeling that Manny was probably wanting to find other thinga that he was wanting to tell me. But for the time being, we were all keeping it to ourself.

As I was getting ready to leave, Manny was calling out to me, and I was seeing that there was something that he was wanting to tell me, and I was seeing that it was something that he was clearly just wanting to get off his chest. I was scared on what this was, but I was feeling like I needed to listen to him, and give him a chance to explain to me what the issue was.

"Hey, would you be fine with going out, and just going to your place for a bit? There was a couple of things that I was wanting to ask you, and I think that maybe you would probably know what is happening." After he was saying this to me, I was sighing, and while I was in no mood for this shit, I was willing to do this, if it was going to be putting him in a good mood, and if it could build some trust between the two of us.

"Yeah, I can see what I would be able to tell you. Although to be honest, I don't know if it will b every much." I was saying, as if to just try and make sure that no matter what he was saying, if I was unable to help him out, he was never going to be too let down over this.

"Well, I was wondering if you knew why your brothers are constantly thinking that they might be able to find something here, when there really is nothing going on here at all." He was telling me, and then I was looking right at him, and I was feeling like this was going to be a sensitive topic, and part of me was feeling like that was surely why he was bringing it up.

"What are you wanting to know?" I asked, as if feeling like maybe if I was not too sure what he was discussing, he might be able to just brush this off, and decide that he was wasting my time, and I was thinking that something like this was going to be the greatest way that we could be able to have both of our feelings established.

"Well, you were telling me about all of the things that your brothers are doing, and you were telling me about how worried that it is making you, and I was wondering if you would be able to tell me what was going on. I am just slightly curious is all." After he was telling me this, I was sighing, and I knew that this was going to be a rough discussion, as much as I wanted to get out of it.

"Oh shit, I mean, I think that they are purposely trying to not tell me this shit because they know that if I get to know the truth, they will be actng like I am getting to know too much, or they might be forcing me to work with them here." I was saying, and I was sighing, more annoyed at this than I was wanting to admit. I was hoping that it would hide relatively well here.

"Do they seriously think that what you are going to want to do would be putting you in danger" After Manny asked me this, he was sighing, and I was seeing him looking like there was nothing that he was going to be getting out of this by lying or anything like that. So he was just taking a momet to proess what he would ask next.

"I mean, I would be more worried about them. They are always just going around, and they are just being fucking stupid all of the time. None of them seem to probably understand that what they are doing is not going to be helping them out at all." I was saying, and I was not going to be shy about the fact that I was feeling like all of my older siblings were up to something, and I was not going to be shy about the fact that in the end, what they were doing really pissed me off.

"I have been just kind of curious since I was hearing stuff about the town, and I know that you probably have no idea what is happening, but I was wondering if you perhaps had a way of being able to get them to tell you what was going on." After Manny ws telling me this, I was shrugging, as if thinking that if they had known, then they were going to just try and hide it away as some form of gossip or some shit like that.

"I mean, I think that if they know what is happening at this place, then they would probably have told some of their friends by now, and I think that with that, gossip could go around, and nobody is going to fucking hide what is happening. So I think that the chances of us knowing is fucking lost." I was saying, and I had no idea if that was a good thing, or if it was a bad thing.

"I mean, I know that it is none of my business, but I guess that I just got too curious to not wan to know at least some things." After he was telling me this, I was shrugging, and I had no idea what I was even going to be saying now. All that I did know was that I just wished that whatever was going on, this was never going to be getting in the way of us hanging out and stuff. That he was no going to be letting this be a deciding factor.

"Honestly, I guess that none of this is going to be making a difference. I think that everybody probably already knows something, and that I am just getting myself interested in nothing important. The only thing that I do know is that I just hope that my siblings are not going to be forcing me to do anything that I had no interest in. Or else that might get me kind of pissed here." I was shrugging, and then I was thinking that I might be able to just leave it all alone now.

"Do you have any idea if one of our classmates will be the next one who is going to be going missing?" He was asking me, and then i was sighing at this question, and I was feeling like that was a eustion that I was never going to be able to properly answer, and I was hoping that he was not going to be expecting something big from me. I was not wanting that to happen to any of my classmates, no matter what they thought of me, and i was going to be making it so that way nobody would be feeling this way.

"If that happens, then I guess that I would feel absolutely terrible for that fucking family. You know, I would not want to even consider something like this. You know, just the fact that something could happen to my classmates is kind of shitty." I was telling him, and I was hoping that Manny was not going to be too worried about something like this, and I was hoping that he was never going to be needingt to bring that up again.

"I know that it is a bad thing to bring up. I just thought that it was something that needed to be discussed. You know, just in case something could happen. But I guess that we will not have to worry about getting there until something like that happens." After he was telling me this, I was shrugging, and I felt like I could go on and leave it all alone.

We were getting close to my house, and then Manny was sighing, and I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to say something, and I was feeling like I was just needing to be giving hm a chance. "So Seth, sorry for bringing all that up. I guess that I just really wanted your opinion on this whole thing. But I guess that maybe I could have left it all alone." He was saying, and I was feeling like I did not need to say something, and that I could leave it all alone.

...

-September 30 2020 1:32 pm- I was feeling like maybe as much as I was going to be hating the idea of doing this, I was thinking that perhaps I could talk with Josiah about what and just seeing if he was willing to tell me anything that had been going on in the family and stuff. I was feeling like surely he might have been willing to tell me something, if I was polite to him about it. You know, as long as I was making it seem like he had the need to tell me.

I was not wanting to deal with him brushing this whole thing off, and pretending like nothing was wrong. I was wanting him to fucking understand that I was needing to just know what the issue was. Maybe he was going to actually be willing to treat me with some fucking respect. If something like this was even possible. But I guess that maybe I am just looking at this a bit too hard.

When I was getting up, I was seeing that Josiah was finally getting ready to be heading to sleep, and then he was looking at me, and I was seeing that there was something on his face that was clearly showing that he was terrified of what the heck was going on here. He was clearly just wanting to get to know what the issue was to make me be gone for so long.

"Seth, what is going on here? What is making you stay out so late? You're only eleven. You should not be doing something like this." He was saying, and I was shocked to be hearing him genuinely having something of a worry here. I was feeling like if this was going to be the way that he was acting here, I would just have to be trying to get along with him as much as humanly fucking possible.

"I was just hanging oit with some friends. Trust me, I have no desire to be going on and doing shit that you guys are doing. I would never go around, and be acting like a fucking idiot." I was saying, and I was not even remotely giving a shit if he was going to be offended by what I had said to him. He was looking slightly offended in what I had told him. But then he was sighing, as if he was almost expecting something like this.

"Alright normally I would try and argue with you right now. But deep down, I know that something like this is probably true and honest. I just want to make sure that you do not follow this path as well. That is the fucking truth. I do not want to see you follow down the path that your older siblings are going on." After he was telling me this, I was staring at him, and I was shocked at him, as if feeling like maybe I was just needing to see what hewould have told me now.

"Shit. I was not expecting to hear you tell me something like this." I was saying, and then I was looking down for a few seconds, feeling like there was virtually else that I was going to accomplish with talking to him now. "Josiah, I was not execting you to admit that you were just doing all of this for us." I was feeling like if I was done saying this, then he would be buying that I was just wanting to make him feel better.

"So Seth, I know that if you are telling the truth, you were just hanging out with your friends, and I was doing the exact same thing when I was your age. I guess that if this was the case, then I need to be leaving you alone, and not treat you bad. But at the same time, I just want to know that you are not going to be looking around, and trying to do something you will not be capable at doing." After he was telling me this, I was looking at him, and I was seeing him getting a face that was on par with begging me to listen to him this time.

"Okay, you know, I had no desire with doing something, and I thought that you and the others were the ones going around, and just being insane. But I guess that we are both just wasting our time saying this." I said, and then I was looking right at him, wanting to just find something else to tell him, but in all honesty, nothing else fucking mattered.

"I guess that maybe you might have known that my friend might have been trying to tell me what was going on in his mind with this stuff." I was saying, and I was aware that none of what I was saying was very well put together. But at the same time, I was just trying to be making him feel better. He was just looking like there was something that he was wanting to tell me, although I was seeing that there was a small part of him that looked very fucking unsure of what to tell me.

"Thank you for being patient with me. And I find it really cool that you got somebody who is willing to hang out with you. You know, I never fucking thought that you would have tried to do something like that. But my god, seeing you actually do something that you can be proud of, makes me know that I want you to do well at that fucking talent show. I want you to just fucking kick ass." Josiah told me, and I was wanting Josiah to be telling me something else, and I was seeing Josiah then looking like he was wanting to find something else to tell me.

"Do you think that the music will be able to finally get you some more friends of your own?" I was asking, and then Josiah was looing at me, and I was seeing him looking like he did not want me to be giving him anything of that tonight. I was smiling, and then I was feeling like I might be getting to him a bit better. I was thinking that if I was trying hard enough, he might just try and get to know a bit better.

"I have been making some friends lately. You do not need to be worried about me right now. Just have some fucking fun, and I will be doing whatever I can to make sure that my friends and I are doing whatever we can to just be in our top mindset." After he told me this, I was then sighing, and I was thinking that maybe we had just needed to be leaving the situation alone, and that we were sort of getting our points across.

"So Josiah, I hope that you do well on the show. I think that you probably know that. Just make sure that no mater what is happening, the show is the best that you can make it." I was saying, and then I was staring right at him, and then I was feeling like maybe if we were to talk longer, our points could be expressed more. But I was feeling like we did not need to do that anymore, so I went to bed, and was ready to sleep.

...

-September 30 2020 1:09 pm- As I was sitting around in lunch that day, I was just thinking about what Josiah and I were talking about earlier, and I was starting to think that in all honesty, I might be able to trust him, and that in all honesty, I was not needing to worry about what Josiah was going to be feeling right now. I was just thinking about what it must have taken for him to be saying stuff like this, and to not be feeling like he was giving me total bullshit.

I was then getting my back pack out, and I was telling myself to just fucking work on the notes that I was trying to master, and I was thinking that if I focused on the songs, and I did not get too far away from the main focus, then the day would go by quickly, and that I was going to possibly get this whole thing done with as fast as possible.

I saw Manny coming towards me, and when he was sitting down, I was seeing him looking like he was just trying to find something to say, to sort of just break the mold of this conversation. "So Seth, what are you working on this time?" After he asked me this, I was looking right at him, as if feeling like he was going to try and bring up what had happened eaarlier, and he was going to try and apologize for bringing that up, when it was not something he was needing to worry over.

"Just some notes. Nothing too important. Probably nothing that you are too shocked by." I was saying, and I was feeling like I was just needing to know what he was wanting to talk to me about. I could not get it out of my mind that the entire time he was looking here, there was something that he was just wanting to address really badly, and I was justw anting to get it over with.

"So I was wanting to talk to you about the stuff that I was bringing up earlier, and I was wanting to let you know that I went way too a, and that I was sorry for forcing that situation on you. You deserved so much more than me trying to throw your siblings under the bus." After he was saying this to me, I was sighing, just wanting to not debate it too mch, since I was already moving on.

"It's okay Manny. I was never thinking that you were trying to do something like that. You know, I was just thinking that you were curious about something, and you are right in wanting to know what is going on." I was sighing, and then I was staring right at him, wondering if he was going to be affected by what i was saying at all, or if he was not even caring.

"I guess that I was just curous to know if you were also wanting to know what was happening to your family. I mean, I know that what your siblings are doing is none of your busness, usually. But you know, I was just thinking that you would have tried to force something." He was saying, and then he was sighing, and I was seeing him looking like he was done speaking of this, and I was as well.

"I just think that if I wanted to get to know what was happening with them, they would not be too patient with me, and they would be telling me that I just needed to be dealing with my own things. And I guess that what they say would be valid enough. So I am not going to be trying too hard on this." I was saying, thinking that if I was going to push them at all, then they were going to be losing the respect that they were able to get for me.

"Yeah, anyways, do you kow if the are going to be even up to something. I mean, for all that we know, maybe they literally have nothing going on, and we are just talking about something that is not even happening." After Manny told me this, I was then thinking that there was a pretty good chance that this was true. That we were just pretending like something was happening, when in all honesty, nothing was even going on.

"All that I know is that I am just glad that whatever they are doing, they are willing to keep it to themsleves. You know, that is something that I think I have to appreciate. I mean, as long as they never try to make other people deal with what they are doing, and they keep their stupid ideas to themselves, then who am I to judge what they are doing." I was saying, thinking about what we were going to do if my siblings were going to try and force me into something that I never wanted here.

"Is your brother Josiah going to still be going on and making that performance with you?" After he asked me this, I was taking a second in my mind to get used to the subject change, but in all honesty, after everything that had been discussed, I was so fucking happy to be hearing them talk about literally anything else, that I could not have cared less.

"Well, I am petty sure that he will do something like that. There is no reason for him to do something else. You know, I just believe that everything is going to be all about him though. You know, I just always have a fucking fear that he is going to be going up there, and everything that I could have for me is thrown away. I would hate that so much." I was then just thinking about what it would be like if I was just going to be used by my brother.

"So Seth, do you really feel like your brother doing something like this will be affecting your social standing when you are at school again? I am not going to lie, I think that you are over looking this a bit. You know, not everybody wants to fucking just take credit for shit their younger siblings do." Manny said, and then I was just telling myself that I knew he was correct, and that he was just wanting me to be realistic for once in my life.

"Yeah, I guess that when you put it that way, maybe it is a bit strange that I am acting like this. I mean, I doubt that we are even going to be perorming in the same show regardless. I doubt that Josiah would be having any matieral that would directly compliment my stuff regardless. So I guess that maybe I just need to be thinking about that for a bit." I was saying, as if thinking that for once, when I was thinking about everything from a mildly logical perspective, that maybe I was going to have to be cutting my brothers some slack, just to have a good presentation here.

"Do you know if Josiah is going to be having some of his friends going there to help him out with the performance, or do you think that he is going to be all on his own here?" After he was asking me this, I was shrugging, and I was feeling like I was certain that he was having at least some people who were going to be going along, and wanting to do this show as well, and that I was just lying to myself for even worrying about that at all.

"Trust me, the chances of nobody going on and helping him out is not happening. I mean, he has so many friends with him, and he is doing a lot of shit to be helping him out. I don't really care though, I just want to make sure that whatever he does, he does it in a way that can help both of us out." I was shrugging, and then I was feeling like there might have been something that Josiah was already discussing with his friends, while he was hanging out with them. I was just thinking about what I could do to help Manny out, feeling fine here.

"So you were telling me tha you were a fan of the story telling stuff. What do you do when you are working on that story? I was asking, as if feeling like maybe I could be getting him to just open up with me here. I was seeing Manny looking embarassed to be admitting something like this, and I was wondering what the issue was here.

"Well, my stories are not that good, and they are not something that I think should be presented to the school. You know, if something like that were to happen, I am almost certain that I would be getting in a lot of trouble. And it would be fucking sad." He was saying, and I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to do more, but that he was just wanting to be realistic when he was looking at all of this, and that he was not wanting anybody to cheer him up when it was impossible.

"Oh come on, there is no way that it is any wore than all of the stuff that people make about sex and stuff. You know, I think that people are just wanting to focus on that stuff a lot." I was saying, and I was thinking about the comedy that I was making in my own free tme, and I was using that as a reminder that I was correct here.

"I know that because I write a lot of material like that, and it is something that I am pretty sure would be getting me in trouble if my teachers ever saw all the notes. And my parents would be very let down by it as well." I was saying, and now I was thinking that maybe he could find some of it funny, and that Manny clearly would have wanted to know more now.

"Well in all honesty, I think that what I make goes deeper than just bad sex jokes. I think that the school would not be thinking that what I was writing was very child apprpriate. Even in the standrds of people our age looking into stuff that is considered such in the first place." He was telling me, and then I was sighing, and I was not even sure why I was having this discussion in the first place. "Although I don't know if you would understand it at all."

"I wonder why you feel like I would not get it. I mean, there is probably nothing all that hard to understand." I was saying to him, and then he was looking right at me, and I was seeing that he was wanting to try and say something that was going to be sounding like he was taking control of this discussion, but he was sighing, as if already giving up on the prospect of this happening.

I was thinking that if I did not want to piss him off, I was needing to fucking stop, and I was needing to respect the fact that he was clearly having no desire to be speaking on this at all, even if I was wanting to know so fucking much of it. Even if it was something that I was dying to fucking know. "Would you be interested in telling me what the basis for this all was?" I was asking, as if feeling that was fair enough here.

"I don't really know. I just make a lot of jokes that re related to what I think is happening at the town, since I feel like doing something like this is my only way of being able to express the fact that I do not want these things to be bothering me all that much." He was saying, and while I did not get it, I refused to be making a ordeal out of it all.

"So you just turn to dark humor when you feel like something iI guess that if you feel like the dark humor is the only thing that will help you out, then I will not be making fun of you too much over it." I was saying, and I was just mainly saying this in order to feel like I was not too hard pressed to be getting him to tell me everything.

"I guess that if you really want to explain it in some fashion, you could be able to say that. But it is something that I never really tried too deeply to be thinking of right now." After he was saying this to me, I was seeing him looking as if he had felt like everything in his mind was just trying to decide what he was wanting to be saying, and if he was wanting to let me know everything, or if he was going to just keep this to himself.

"I mean, I know that there are probably not many things that are going to be that big of a deal, and I am sure that everybody in the town had some idea what is happening if they were looking hard enough. I know that I want to know what is happening, but I also know that I have no desire to be trying to figure it out either. I mean, I will be saying all of this, and then I will never spend a minute looking at things myself." Manny said, and then I was laughing at the self awareness of this.

"Honestly, as long as you understand that about yourself, and you do not try and lie to yourself about it all, then I think that not many people will be angry at you. Just have some fun foing your own thing, and everything will be fine enough." I was saying, and then I was wondering if he was wanting to try and debate that, or just leave it all alone now. I was thinking about what it would be like if my brothers were going to be going on, and telling me how I should react to all of the people who were going missing, when they had no idea themselves.

"So Manny, would you be fine with showing me some of the stuff that you worked on? I would be interested in giving it a chance." I was saying, and I was honestly meaning that, and I was hoping that he was not going to be feeling like I was just lying to him and stuff. Manny looked entirely unsure what the the heck he was going to say here.

"I guess that if you really want to know what I have been working on, I guess that I can show you. But I do not know if I would be willing to do something like this yet, since I have a lot of stuff that I need to compile together." After he was telling me this, I was sighing, and I was feeling like no matter how much I wanted to know more, I was having no fucking spot telling him to go on and rush things up and stuff.

"Yeah, that is going to be really fucking awesome, and I would love to see what you are ptting together." I was saying, and then then I was thinking about how much fun it would be if we both worked together to try and make our vision worked out. Manny was looking at me, and I was seeing taht from the look on his face, he was just thinking that maybe I was taking this whole thing too seriously.

"Seth, ny stuff really is not that good. I know that first hand, and I think that you need to relax if you think that you are going to be finding something out of it." He was telling me, and then I was thinking that maybe he was underselling himself, and I was wanting to be making it clear to him that I was not going to be too worried on this at all.

"Manny, I know that sometimes the works we make are going to be terrible, but I think that as long as you like to hang out, and as long as you just try and see what you can be capable of, I think that you will see that things are not as hard as you expected." I was telling him, and I was thinking that if he knew my history, and what he knew of me, he would know to be taking me seriously.

"Well, I do suppose that perhaps you know better than most people who go around on this. So I suppose that I will be listening to you." He was saying, and I was then nodding, as if thinking that saying stuff like this was going to be making him aware that I was truly wanting to make him understand that it was fine to mess things up.

"Thanks for sort of telling me that. I do not know if I fully believe in it as of yet, but I do appreicate the fact that you are just at least trying to act like you can make things better here." He was sighing, and then I was thinking that as long as we finally got that over with, I was then thinking about taking his advice and seeing what friends I was going to be making now. Now that I had the same discussion with Manny like fifty times, I was feeling like we had made our points enough.

"Well, we have been here long enough, and I think that we can just go along, and see what we can do now. You know, I think that if we stay around here for too long we might be getting in trouble with our teachers. Although I guess that they might not be all that worried about what we are saying." I was saying, and then I was thinking that if we were to get talked to by the teachers, my parents were going to know the truth, and then everything was just going to be made so much fucking wrse.

We were getting up, and we were heading to our next classes, and I was thinking about wy I had wanted to know what Manny had been working on for so much. I was thinking that in a way, my obsession was a bit strange, and even I was wondering what the heck I would have seen if I did read the stuff. They were not going to ge al that interesting, but it was for something that I felt like could have been able to help Manny out breaking out of this shell.

...

-September 30 2020 6:10 pm- As I was heading home that day, I was then trying to think about all that was going on, and all that I had discussed with Manny, and I was thinking about what it was going to be like if we were to try and make something work out with him and his stuff. I was feeling relatively ready with my stuff, and I was no longer worried about that anymore. I was worried about if he was feeling like he could ever trust people to know what his projects were.

I mean, I was then thinking that it was not my business, and that I was just needing to fucking relax for a while. But as I was thinking about all of this stuff, I was thinking about the shell that I was still in I mean, I was not all that open about what I was working on either. I was slightly more open than he was, but that was all that I could say here.

As I was heading closer and closer to my house, I was seeing a girl who was close to my age at the park as well, and then I was feeling like maybe there was something that happened to her. I mean from the way she was looking, I was seeing that there was something that deeply bothered her, and I was then thinking that I was going to have to tell her that I just wanted to see if she was doing alright.

"Hey, is there something going on here?" I was asking, and then I was seeing her looking up at me, and she was looking out of it, and I was seeing that maybe I was just needing to be more careful about what I was saying now. I was thinking that I was needing to just leave, so I was starting to head on out for a bit.

"Don't worry about leaving. I am sorry. I just have had a lot on my mind lately, and I am just kind of really mad at something." She was telling me, and I was feeling like there was no way that I could help her. But I was thinking that if she was willing to be this honest with me on this, I could be able to give her a chance here.

"What is it?" I was asking, and I knew deep down that I was going to be way out of my league, but I was thinking that I just needed to do this under all circumstances. I was thinking that in a strange way, my entire future was riding on the fact that I was needing to be there for this girl, and show her that I was willing to be helping her out. She nodded, and then I was sitting down next to her on the swings, and I was thinking about what I might be able to say that could show her that I was wanting to help her out as much as possible.

"I had a sister who went missing a couple of weeks agao, and I still am not fully over it. You know, I shouldn't be. But you know, after a rate, people that you go to school with sort of feel like you are just taking things way too far." She was telling me, and I was sighing, thinking about what she had just said. I knew that I was totaly out of my league, but that I was needing to just fucking listen to her, and that I was needing to see if she was possibly wanting to talk with me.

"Oh shit, I never thought that it was going to be that. Sorry about that. That must be really awful." I was saying, and then I was looking right at her, and I was hoping that she was going to by my bullshit weak condolences. I was hoping that she was not going to be offended by not giving her any more. I was just thinking that no matter what we were going to tallk about today, that the two of us were going to be on thin ass ice.

"Thanks. I mean, I know that everybody says that, but I think that there is something about you, that is a bit different from the others. I feel like you are a bit more sincere than the others, and I feel like I could listen to you when you say this." She was telling me, and then I was sighing as if feeling like she was not supposed to be saying that to me, or else that was going to be pulling a big burden on me.

That being said, I was thinking that when I was going to be looking at her, and I was seeing how uch help she was going to need, I was thinking that if we went to school together, she was going to have to get a friend, and I was going to have to at least try and be there. "The truth is that I just always get scared if that is to happen to my younger sister Lydia. You know, if something is going to happen and one day, I wake up, and she is not even home anymore. You know, I just think that there is no way that I could describe it all.

"I think that these things are ideas that you never really fully ponder, and understand what it all feels like until it happens to you in person. I mean, I never thought I would understand what it was like to deal with my sister gong missing until it had happened. And now that it has happened, I just know that people are going to want me to pretend like I am in a good spot. Which is gong to be fucking impossible." She was saying, and I was nodding, and while I was feeling like I might not get it fuly, I was feeling glad she was willing to talk to me here.

"I'm sorry. I was not trying to ddo anything like a 'I know what you are going through.' I know that I will never get it. I just feel like there is nothing that I will fully understand. But in all honesty, I just hope that mabe we could be able to talk about this, and see if perhaps we could help each other out, and I could help you out." I was saying, as if feeling like maybe telling her this was going to help win her over.

"Thanks for trying to be helping me out here. Thanks for doing your best to be supportive of everything going on here. What is your name?" She was asking me, and then I was sighing, and I was feeling like if this was the start to a frindship, you know that it would be something that was actually going to fucking matter, and not something like a random comedy show that nobody was gong to remember in more than a week or two from now.

"I'm Seth. What is your name? Maybe you can go and meet some other people that I have been hanging out with, and you can sort of see if you might enjoy hanging out with them.' I was suggesting, as a way to make sure taht she was having a social circle going forward, which might help her with the missing girl and stuff. She was looking up at me, and I was seeing from the look on her face that she was well aware of the fact that I was doing my best to be helping her out, which was something she was able to appreciate.

…

"My name is Becky. If you want to make fun of it right now, go ahead. I mean, people do it all the fucking time. You know, people always just want to be making it the funniest thing in the world." After she was saying this to me, I was sighing, and I was just thinking that there was virtually no way in hell that I would be able to fully describe this entire thing.

"Honestly, there is more to what a person is like than a name." I was saying, and to be honest, this whole thing was just seeming like the natural response, and I was feeling like there was nothing else that I could say to her that could fully win her trust. I just know that when the name was clicking in, with what Manny told me earlier, that this was going to all come together somewhat.

"So Becky, do you know a guy name Manny. He is somebody who I have been hanging out with for a while, and he was telling me about the idea of me going on and meeting you. I guess that he doesn't need to arrange that anymore." I was telling him, and she was looking like what I was saying was rather funny, and that I was just starting to make her feel more welcome here.

"Yeah, I know him. I have hung out with him a couple of times. Not a bad guy, but I would be wondering why I would be the first person that he would suggest that you would go on and hang out with." She was saying, just genuinely sounding lost on everything going on here. She was clearly just looking like she wanted me to tell her a couple of things. "But Seth, do you think that he might like me a bit?"

I was shocked at that one, and I was having no fucking idea how to be responding, and I was just telling myself to fucking focus on what was being presented to me. Then with that, I was looking right at her, and I was thinking of what I wanted to tell her, if I was wanting to be entirely honest.

"I honestly have no idea. I mean, he might, and I think that if you want to know, it might really help you to go on and ask him. But I do not know." I was saying, and then I was looking at her, and I was hoping that she was not going to be too bothered by what I was telling her. She was sighing, as if thinking that there was nothing else to say now.

"Well, thanks for being honest. I think that he's kind of a cool guy, but I barely know anything about him. So I could be totally wrong." She was saying, and was then nodding, as if thinking that no matter what was going on in my mind, I was just needing to be playing along with this, and not be relatively annoyed that the chances of anything with her were already being thrown out of the fucking window.

"I think that if he knew that you were possibly looking at him, he might be willing to give it a chance though. So I think that you can have that to look forward to." I was saying, just trying my best to be making it seem like I was going to be calm and composed, and that I was going to be helping them all the way through this. But then I was having something in my mind that I genuinely wanted to actually know.

"Do you know if your sister was possibly seeing anybody? I mean, there is a chance that she might have been dating a guy, and that something happened to her due to that." I was saing, and I knew that when it came to statements like this, I needed to be careful, but I was feeling like I was just needing to give her honest ideas here.

"I guess that maybe something like this might be true. I don't know what she would be up to though, so I would not be too worried over something like this." She was saying this to me, but then with that, I was rubbing my eyes, and I was needing to make her happy, and I was neeing to just find something to say now.

"I mean, I do not want to be making it seem like your sister knew what was going to happen. But I would be lying if I was saying that we can't look at all the ideas. And for better or for worse, this is one of those ideas on something that could happen." I was shrugging, thinking that no matter what she was going to tell me here, that there was going to be a part of her that was going to be seeing where I was coming from deep down.

"Yeah, I will sort of see where this is coming from. I just feel like that there is something bigger to it all. I mean, I think that there is no way that she was just dating a random guy, and then one day, that guy was going to be the reason that she went missing." She was taking a long and deep breath, and then I was thinking about what to be telling her now, to sort of break the tension of this whole thing.

"Honestly, I think that no matter what is going on, I am going to be keeping every fucking idea together, and I am going to hav eto try and see what I can do when it come sto my younger siblings being safe. Epecially my youngest one, who is only a little over one month old." I was saying, and then there was that other part of me that was shocked at the fact that it had already been a month since Ridge was born. That was just fucking crazy.

"That is probably wise. I think that the family will be able to appreciate that in due time. You know, everybody has a hero that they look up, and your younger siblings might be looking at you as that type of guy." After she was telling me this, I was sighing, and I was thinking that something like this was going to be rather bullshit, but I was willing to let her feed into something like this for the time being.

"You know, I think that the last fucking thing my younger siblings will be looking to me as is a role model. You know, I think that I can respect what you are trying to tell me. But I think that I just need to be realistic when I am going at this whole thing." I was saying, and then I was feeling that the certainty of this was too much, and it was all my fucking fault, and that was kind of getting to me a bit. I will not fucking lie.

"Seth, just because you might not think highly of yourself doesn't mean that your younger siblings don't. I mean, I looked up to my sister, and I thought she was a good person." Becky was saying, and I was seeing her clearly looking like she was just both going through memory lane, while also just trying to be making me feel slightly better. I didn't knw what to be feeling, but I was just going to be going through with it all.

"I guess that something like this can be true. I guess that I just always felt like people were looking at me as a fucking failure, and that this was all that I was able to be able to look at myself at." I was saying, and then I was shrugging, as if thinking that maybe when I was saying all of this, the truth might be something that when spoken, for both of us, could be driving a different level of truth to it all.

"I think that I wish that I could have told her how much I appreicated her company. You know, if I told her this, and if I was honest with her, and made her feel better, than I could have been a great sibling, and would have made this whole path much easier." She was telling me, and I was thinking that no matter what I was feeling about this, I was needing to just let her speak, and that I was needing to just hear her tell me everything.

"I guess that maybe I can talk to my older ones about something like this. You know, maybe when I tell them something like this, they might take something to it." I was saying, and while I was feeling like saying something like this was not going to be the best thing in the world, but it was something that I was going to just have to go on through. Surely Becky was going to be feeling better one day, if Manny and I were to support her.

"I think that they will probably just find it strange, and stupid, but I am sure that no matter what happens, in the end, you might be feeling better once you say something like this." She was telling me, and I was not wanting to admit it, but I was well aware that she was telling me the truth. I hated this truth, since it felt fucking basic. But in the end, I was thinking that no matter what we were doing, everything was going to be going on just fine now.

"Well Becky, did you and your sister get along too well at first, or is it only something in hindsight where you are starting to fully get it?" I asked her, and I was aware that this was going to be a terribly rude question, and she was not going to be liking the fact that I asked this one bit, but I was needing the truth to be explained here.

"I think that when she was around, it was a day by day thing, and that in all honesty, I was never really fully getting it at first. I mean, now that I know that there was something here, I could have had more. But for now, I guess that maybe I just fucking had no idea what I was thinking..." Becky was telling me, and I was seeing her looking like there was nothing else to be telling her.

"I was expecting something like this. I mean, I am rather much the same way. You know, right now, dealing with things right now, they can be a pain in my fucking ass, and you know, just something that I never want to deal with. But at the same time, I think that I just need to be a bit more open with approaching them here." I was telling her, and then I was sighing, and I had nothing else that I was going to be telling her that would change it all.

"I think that if I had known what was going to happen to my sister, and I had known that she was going to be going missing, I would have tried to make a real good relationshop with her." She was telling me, and then I was nodding, as if feeling like everything that she was saying was making total sense, and much more sense than I was wanting to say, and in that regard, I was wishing that she was going to just stop.

"I guess that in a way, I can thank you for telling me all of this stuff. It will give me a good perspective on what I can do to make this whole thing much better. I think that when I see them, the only thing that matters is seeing if maybe my siblings have any fucking idea what I want to do. And see if they are willing to go on and give me a chance." I was saying, thinking about what it was going to be like if they did not. But I was telling myself that they would.

"Do you think that your siblings have any idea what they are going to do when you are going to be doing things, such as hanging out with your friends?" Becky asked me, and the entire time she was asking me this, I was not thinking at all on it, and I was thinking that she was needing to relax, and that everything would have been all fine and dandy.

"Honestly, I will just tell them that these are people that I really want to go on and hang out with, and they are all people that I really repect." I was saying, and I was looking right at her, as if wondering if she was having something that she was wanting to tell me, and I was then just seeing her looking like she was having nothing else to say, so she was remaining silent now.

"I guess that I can just leave it at that. You know, I just think that when I make friends, I think that this is going to be something that I will remember that no matter what, my sister would have wanted. She would have wanted me to have some friends, and she would have wanted me to be happy, and I am going to be doing exactly that." She was saying, and then I was thinking that the way she was looking at this was rather mature.

"See, I think that when you see things from a different perspective, as hard as something might be to deal with at the time, it might be best to remember what you are having, and what you can take advantage of, and what you can take a chance with." I was telling her, just thinking that I could finally leave it all alone. I was thinking that maybe Becky would help me out, and that way, we could be able to get a level of attachment here.

"I mean, nothing will take away what happened to my sister, but I think that in a way, you do have a decent point. Or at least something that I can look at, and something that I will use to sort of just make me feel differently." She was telling me, and then I was looking at her for a few seconds longer, and I was thinking that the entire time we were talking, she and I were going to be great friends, and this was going to be something I needed to take advantage of.

"Yeah, I was never trying to say something like that. Sorry if you were getting that impression. I was just wanting to try and make it seem like things were not going to be all that bad, depending on how you try to take things in perspective." I was then staring ahead, and I knew that while this friendship was going to be hard, it was going to be worth it, and I would fucking love it now.

…

-October 1 2020 2:31 pm- I was still thinking all about the stuff that Becky and I were discussing, and now that I was certain that this was the reason that Manny wanted to know more about what my brothers were doing, I was feeling like I was just needing to confront him about him not just telling me straight out about what was happening. I knew that he did not need to do this, but I was just feeling like I needed to have more here.

When I was seeing Manny near by, I was feeling like I was just needing to go on and speak to him, and I was feeling like no matter what he was wanting to say, this discussion just needed to be had, and I was hoping that he was always going to forgive me, and that even if he was going to be feeling like I was forcing something onto him, he was going to be feeling better about the fact that at least I was willing to speak to him, and that maybe we were going to be making something work out, if for nothing else.

"Hey, can we talk for a bit? I feel like we need to discuss some things right now." I was saying, and then I was staring right at him, wanting to say something, and I was feeling like no matter what I was going to be telling him, and no matter what I was feeling I needed to tell him, I was going to just have to be relatively patient right now. "I know that there are some things that you want to discuss with the cases in town."

As I was saying this to him, he was looking right at me, and I was feeling like I was going to have to be going at this in a decent manner, and I was seeing him looking scared out of his fucking mind. "Trust me, I am willing to speak to you on this stuff now. Now that I have started to settle down for a bit." I was saying, and then I was shrugging, just thinking that I was needing to shoot it straight to him.

"What changed your mind on this in the first place?" After he was asking me this, I was sighing, and I knew that this was going to be a rough discussion, but I was thinking that by now, it was needed. "I mean, you seem to have a really different attitude about it all." He was rubbing his eyes, and then I was remembering everything that Becky was telling me, and all that I wanted to do to help her out here.

"I changed my mind when I was meeting somebody who was telling me about her sister." I was saying, and then I was staring right at him, and I was wondering if he was going to get the reference right away, or if I was going to have to be walking him through it a bit better. Not that it was a big deal.

"Are you talking about Becky? Did you meet her last night? How was she like?" Manny was asking, and I was seeing him looking relatively defeated, and I was seeing that he was just clearly wanting to be making the entire discussion at least go by somewhat easier. "I was wanting to introduce you to her, but I was scared on if you would be interested."

"I saw her when I was heading home yesterday, and when I met her, I was broken to be seeing her looking so fucking sad, and looking like she was fucking out of it. I was wanting to help her out, and I was wanting to make her happy. But I think that something like this was fucking impossible. So I just told her about my family a bit." I was saying, thinking that I would leave it all alone after that.

"Do you would be able to change the way that things are with her? I mean, I think that she might be needing some friends, and I know that I am not going to be a good enough person for her." After Manny told me this, I was actually thinking deeper about where this whole thing was heading. "I think that you might be able to invite her to be going on and playing at that show. She might not say yes or whatever, but I think that the offer might help..."

"I doubt that she would be in much of a mood to be doing something like this, especially given all that is going on. But I guess that you might be right, in that there is nothing wrong with approaching her for once. She might be thinking that she can't do something, and that she just feels like we are just sort of wasting time now. But you know, she needs some help." I was telling Manny, and I was thinking about how hard it was going to be to help that woman, and make her feel like she was having some chance to move forward.

"Look, I know that it might not be worth it, and that it might be considered a weak effort in the end, but I do think that she will appreciate the gesture if for nothing else. She might be thinking that at least you are trying to be making her social life better, and I think that something like this is going to be enough." Manny told me, and I was nodding, thinking that deep down, he might have been right, and that I was just needing to be taking things easier.

"Yeah, alright, I can see what I can do, and if for nothing else, I will see what she might want to tell me. If for nothing else, like you said, she might be able to appreciate the gesture. And if for nothing else, she might be thinking that I am trying to make a sincere friendship here, and that will be worth it all." I responded, and I was thinking that there was nothing else I needed to say at all.

"I know that she might just be thinking that deep down, we are pushing something onto her, but in all honesty, I think that something like this could be worth it. She is scared, and I think that she will always be afraid that maybe there is something about people reaching out to her that is just not real." He said, and then I was thinking about how awful something like this could have been. I sighed, thinking about what she would have said if she was here.

"If she feels that way, then I will respect her space, and I will leave her alone for a couple of days or weeks, and then I will come to her again, and I will explain to her that I have no reason to be bullshitting something, and hopefully she would be able to see my point." I told him, thinking that the longer that I was talking about this in a more direct matter, the more that it was going to be looking like I had some form of discussion together now.

"I never thought that you would have said that you were going to respect her space. I thought that you were almost going to say something on the lines that you would push harder, until she got the message." He was telling me, and then I was feeling like the fact that he was telling me this was going to be removing some hope that I had. But I did not want to admit it at all.

"Well, I think that I am smart enough to know that something like this would be a terrible idea. I might not be the smartest boy around, but I am smart enough to know when something is fucking insane." I was telling him, hoping he was not going to be trying to be disputing that point, even if it was to try and be funny.

"Okay, you made your point, and I will be leaving it alone for now. I do just worry that something is going on here, and I am worried that we are not getting ourselves ready enough in case things really are as bad as we fear." Manny said, and then he was rubbing his eyes, as if feeling like there was virtually nothing else that there was to be said now.

"I think that the idea of something coming up, and proving things to be even worse than we fear, is something that I will never even fucking ponder yet. I mean, for fucks sake, if that is actually going on, then I guess that I just will be blown away. But you know, I think that the only thing that I can accomplish is just trying to go out there, and at least pretending like I am a good fucking friend, and maybe not even pretending after a point." I was shrugging, having nothing else to be saying now.

"Well, are you already friends with her in the first place?" I was asking Manny, going back to Becky, given the fact that he was the first person who told me about her in the first place. I was feeling like perhaps there was something else he might have known, that he was just not fucking telling me. He was shrugging, as if unsure what to tell me.

"Well, I know her. I don't know if I would go as far as to say friends, but I can certainly say that I think she is a good enough person." After Manny was saying this, I was seeing him looking like he was slowly letting in the idea that she might not be having friends at all sink in. I was thinking that in that moment, he might have been taking things a bit too serously. But I was glad to be seeing him showing some awareness.

"I don't know if you need to be that worried about it all. Just wanted to see what you were thinking about it all." I was telling him, as if wanting to try and make him feel at least slightly better. Then Manny was just looking relatively unsure, and he was mostly just confused. "But in all honesty, I wonder if she thinks that you are her friend, and that she is just feeling like you are going to be somebody to be making this whole thing less awful."

"I mean, if she already thinks of me as a friend, then she must have some bad friends. But I guess that none of this is going to matter all that much. Honestly, I just think that I would be both surprised, and honestly kind of honored by something like that. As strange as something like this might be." Once he was done, I was seeing Manny just looking like his mind was running at a million fucking miles an hour.

"Don't beat yourself up too bad here." You know, I just think that maybe we are going to have to see what is happening." I was then thinking about what the hell we were going to be doing now, and then I was thinking about what Manny even would have been saying to her the next time she saw him. I was thinking I would tell him the last bit of our talk.

"If it makes you feel better, she seems to be having a liking to you. She seems to be thinking that you're a cool guy, and I think she wants to get to know you better." I was saying, and then the look on his face was just looking more and more shocked at something like this. As if he was just having a hard time buying it, but that if it was true, he was going to see if he could take the risk on it later.

"I would never thought that you would try and tell me that. I have a hard time buying that though. I mean, I am not the best guy in the world, and I think that maybe she would need to come up with a better lie." He was saying, and then I was sighing, thinking that if I said anything else, Manny was just never going to be trying to do anything else.

"I think that if you want to talk to her, and see if you can make something of a better friendship work here, I think that it might be relatively fun." I was then sighing, thinking that it was none of my fucking business what he was feeling, and I was thinking that I probably just needed to stop, and not really wanting to talk about it too much.

"Well, thanks for giving me the idea. I will see what I might do. I doubt that it will work, but I guess that I can get myself some hopes up and stuff." After he was saying that to me, I was seeing him looking like he was not wanting to speak about anything with Becky any further. "This whole thing is just kind of strange to me. I mean, I guess that part of me needs to be happy here. But in all honesty, I just want to make sure that this doesn't get any worse for her."

"So Seth, are you thinking about going on and getting into the dating scene?" He was asking me, and I was shocked, and I was having no idea why he was wanting me to be discussing thia at all. I mean, I was actually going to take the time to be thinking about it. That did not mean that I was having a response that I wanted to give him.

"I mean, I have no real issue about the idea. I have never been thinking too much into it though. I think that part of me is not all that worried here. You know, I think that I can come up with a better idea, but I mean, I don't really feel like I need to be rushing things, if it is something that I have no idea if it will work or not." I was saying, and I was wondering if anybody wanted to date me in the first place, and I was thinking that this was just a pointless fucking idea honestly.

"Seth, I think that you would probably have a much better time making something like this work than I do. I mean, I think that you have better social skills, and that you might be able to make something come together." After Manny was telling me this, I was shrugging, thinking that I was just going to let him be telling me this stuff that was somewhat praise like. Since I was just wanting to be hearing somebody view me as a decent guy.

"I guess that you could possibly have a point. I guess that maybe we could make something like this work a bit better." I was shrugging, as if feeling like I could just go on and leave it alone. "But what do you think is going to be happening? I mean, I know that I keep saying stuff like this, but I just think more and more that I just need to find a way to be making Becky feel better about what is going on, and this whole thing is just sort of getting to me again."

"I think that making her feel better is literally impossible. I mean, I would encourage you to want to try and make her feel better. I think that there is nothing with that. But I think that you just need to be calm and realistic, and that you need to try and just slowly go on and approach her for a while." Manny said, and then I nodded, and I was standing up, and I was just thinking about how I could go on and meet her up again. I was thinking that seeing she was probably just sort of doing her thing, and that she was not too invested with anything at all.

"I am going to try and see if we can talk to her. I think that if both of us go on and do it, and if we both try and see if there is something we can say to connect with her, this whole thing would go on and just be fucking perfect." After I was telling him this, I was seeing Manny looking like he was just letting this whole thing sink in for a while, and that he was just sort of letting the possibly of doing this seem somewhat feasible.

"Yeah sure. I mean, if you can find her, we can see what she might be saying. I think that the worst that can happen is that she might just not seem all that interested and stuff." After he was telling me this, I was nodding, and I was glad to be seeing him get it. But the one thing that was slowly getting to me was the idea of what Becky would have said if she was seeing us coming along, and trying to make her feel better. I was scared out of my fucking mind that she would fucking reject it.

You know, I just felt like the idea of her rejecting me, and telling me that we were not going to be her friends, and that I caught her in a moment of weakness, was getting to me. I was aware of how fucking stupid I was sounding. But at the fucking time, I was sincerely not fucking caring at all. I was wanting to just get it over with.

"God, I never met somebody who had one of their siblings going missing. I mean, it happens all the time, but I just never tried to be making this whole thing work out. I mean, I am going to possibly try and talk to Josiah about this. My third oldest brother, in case you don't know. He had a friend go missing recently, and I think he might get it." I was telling him, and I was wondering if he was going to be buying whatever he was telling me here.

"Do you think that Josiah will really get what it feels like. You know I just think that in all honesty, he will probably just try and mask what is going on here. You know, pretending like everything was all fine." After Manny was suggesting this to me, I was shrugging about this all, and in a way, I was feeling like I was just trying to make it seem like nothing was going on at all.

"I think that he better not be playing up the role this time. I mean, I am going to be trying to see if I could help him out, and if he is not going to be fine with this idea, then I will have no idea what to be telling him at all." I was telling him, and I was seeing that Manny was just thinking about what I was saying, and I was seeing that in his mind, I might have been setting myself up for some form of failure here.

"I think that no matter how much you might be feeling like your intentions are going to be valid, and I agree with you, I would not be surprised if he tells you to just go and fuck off. I think that people will just pretend like they are too strong for their own good, and I would not be suprised if your older brother tells you this." Manny told me, and I had no idea what to tell him, I was feeling like he was just wanting this whole thing to fucking fail at this rate now.

"God, I think you must want something like this to fail, oh my fucking god." I was saying, and I was mostly meaning it to be funny. I was not wanting to have him be feeling like he I was just pissed at all of this. But in the end, part of me was wondering if he was wanting to support me, or if he was just sort of secretly wanting this whole thing to crash and burn.

"No matter what happens, I am going to just be seeing if I could be able to reach out to Josiah, and I think that maybe the talent show will be the thing that does the trick. You know, I think that perhaps reaching out to him, and just getting him to talk to me about that show, will be the only thing that fucking matters." I was saying, and I knew that I was hinging a lot on this show. Almost too much. But in the end, part of me was just not even caring anymore.

...

-October 1 2020 5:24 pm- I was feeling tired, and I was thining about all that Manny and I had debated. In all hinesty, I was scared of what Becky would say. But that fear was dying the moment I was hearing her calling out to me. I was turning around, and I was seeing her just looking like she was wanting to find something to say. But that perhaps words were never going to be enough to describe what was going on.

"Hey Seth." She was saying, and I was turning around to her. I was seeing her trying her best to be looking happy, which was making me feel like perhaps I was getting to her somewhat, and then I was nodding, as if feeling like I was needing to give her a chance to tell me what the issue was. "I was wanting to thank you for helping me feel slightly better last night. I don't know how much it helped, but I feel like maybe I can have a real friend here." She said, and then I was nodding, feeling like it was the least that I could have done for her.

"I was just wanting to do whatever it took to make you feel better. You know, I wished that I would have helped you out. But I think that maybe just taling to you would have been enough. You know, I am sincerely sorry for everything that happened to you, and I wished that I could have helped better." I was sighing, as if just wanting to find something else I could say now.

"I think that knowing what you were doing, and seeing how much you wanted to help out, was already enough for me. I mean, you deserved to have a friend there to help you out though." She was saying, and I was wondering if that was her polite way of telling me that I did not entirely succeed in helping her out. I was looking down, wishing that I could helped her out. But I knew that I just needed to accept this.

"I mean, Manny was telling me that it would be best if we helped you out. I would agree with him. Since in all honesty, I just think that you need to have somebody there for you. And we are both worried about you." After I had said that to her, Becky was looking like she was having nothing to tell me.

"Well, I think that maybe he coud be a rather wise guy. I mean, I know how hard some of these things might be for you guys to hear, and I do npt blame you or anything at all, if you are unsure what to be doing now. But I think that the only thing that I wished I had was just the knowledge of knowing that things were never going to have to be getting much worse." Becky said, and as if almost on cue, that was when Manny was walking up to us, and I was seeing him looking sad about this discussion, and I was seeing him clearly feeling bad.

"Hey you two. How are you both doing?" He was asking, and I was shrugging, as if feeling like I was just having no real issues going on here, but he was looking like he was having a few things to tell us. But he was just thinking about just walking around, and that way we could be able to just see what we were going to accomplish together.

"We're doing alright. Do you want to go along and just hang out for a bit?" I was asking, and then he nodded, as if feeling that was the only thing that he was going to be happy for. With this, we were just walking along, and I was feeling like if Manny was able to talk to her nicely enough, Becky might be able to sort of become the third wheel to our tricycle.

"Yeah, sure, I think that it could be fun. You know, I was just wanting to see if you were holding up well. I mean, I understood what you were feeling here. I just had no idea how to be helping you out." He was saying, as if feeling like he was going to try and be careful, just like I had been, but he was wanting to make it clear that he was wanting to help.

"I think that when I hear about how everybody is just sort of going around, and having the time of their life, I do remember that in a way, I need to remind myself that what I am dealing with is a isolated case. And I think that even with that, things will not be so bad once I make some friends, that I can rely on." She was saying, as if feeling like she was wanting to just slightly target us a bit.

"I was wanting to ask you something..." I was saying, and then she was looking right at me, and I was seeing her looking more and more like she was just wanting to have me get right to the point. Almost like she was not really in the mood for me to be bringing up her sister once again.

Thankfully for her, that was not going to be the thing that I was going to bring up this time. "Do you want to go on and perform at the talent show with me tomorrow? I think that you might be able to have a good chance to just have something else distract you for a night or something." I said, as if feeling like I was needing to be careful, to make her feel like I was not pushing her on this, but she was not looking entirely convinced.

"I mean, it is entirely your right to be saying no. I was just thinking that perhaps it might be able to help you out at least a small amount." I was saying, and then I was looking right at her, just genuinely wanting her to be feeling like what I was saying could be breaking through now. "I just believe that everything going on here might be a bit much right now." I was thinking that in my mind, I had just needed to stop.

"I guess that I can give it a try. You know, I just think that even if this is not going to be all that great of a idea, I don't want to be thinking about this all the time, and I think that maybe we could work together here." After Becky said this, I was seeing her looking more and more like she was slowly getting used to this whole idea.

"Good, I will see what you might be able to accomplish here, and see what we might perform." I was saying, as if thinking that the way we could work together here was going to be the only way that we could even slightly come together at all. "So Becky, I know that this might be a bit of a random question, but do you have any interest in the comedic arts at all?" I was thinking about how I could be able to get her interested in this right away.

"I mean, I have listened to some shows on youtube. But I have never gone out of my way to try and perform anything myself." She said, and then I was nodding, as if thinking that what she was telling me was nothing too fucking shocking. "I know that this is your thing, and that you like to do that the most. So do you think that you might have any ideas on what you might want to say now?" I was seeing her just trying her damn best to give a calm presentation.

"I think that I am going to go and do things related to my family. I mean, they might not be in love with this idea, but I think that if I pitch it in a certain way, they will be unable to fight me, and they will enjoy what I am doing enough. You know, I am just going to be doing my best to just get them to all see that there is nothing vicious here." I was saying, and the entire time that I was telling her this, I was seeing her looking unsure what to be telling me here, and if she liked that idea or not.

"Damn, I was not thinking that you were going to do that. Oh my god, I totally just want to see that shit show." Manny was saying, and I was not sure if he was saying the idea of this was a shit show, or if the way they were going to react would have been it. But they were willing to go with me, and that was all that I had needed right now.

…

-October 2 2020 9:47 pm- I was really excited, but also mildly angry with myself at the same time. I was feeling like I was making some really big mistakes, and that was due to the fact that I was here at the talent show, when it was Gabe's eighteenth birthday. I was thinking that he was needing to enjoy his life as much as possible, and I was wanting to make him know that I was wishing him the best going into the next year. But at the same time, I was very clearly wanting to just fucking focus on the show, and I was wanting to make sure that no matter what was happening, the show was going to work out.

I was just sitting down next to Manny and Becky, and I was feeling like no matter what I was going to tell them, I was really just glad to be knowing that they were willing to be there to just support me and help me out. But in all honesty, I was feeling like there was just a lot of issues that I needed to just thank them for being there to at least pretend like they were wanting to help me. "Hey guys, I know that I barely know you both, and I know that you are just thinking that maybe I barely understand what I am going to do, but I want to help make this work out." I was shrugging, as if feeling like I was just needing to help them out.

"Don't worry about it. It seems like Josiah is finishing up his part of the show, and it seems like he and his friends are having the time of their life right now." Manny was saying, and he was looking right at me, and I was seeing him just clearly looking like he was wanting to make me feel better here. In all honesty, I was just scared, and I was wanting to run away. But for now, I was sure that I was wanting to just show people that I was serious here.

"I am going to just go up there, and I am going to fucking kick ass. You know, I have been wanting to do this for so long, that if I fail to go and show people what I want to do, people are going to just view me as a faker." I was saying, and then I was standing up, looking right at them, wondering what they were going to be telling me there. Both of them just looked like they were just hoping that I was not going to let them down.

"Well, if you feel like you are ready to just make this the best time of your life, then I think that you probably already got more dedication than you are wanting to admit." Becky was telling me, and then I was sighing, and I was thinking that what she was telling me was just extremely obvious, and that she did not need to worry about how I was feeling anymore.

"Thanks for just trying to help me out. I want to make this the best time of my life. You know, I am tired of feeling like nobody is going to be there to support me. And I just think that the only issue to this is the fact that I barely go out there and actually do anything of my own." I was saying, and then I was starting to walk along, and I was getting closer to the real stage, and let me tell you that I was getting fright here.

"Shit. Do I feel like I can really do this?" I was asking to myself, and then I was rubbing my eyes, and I was telling myself that I was needing to never let my guard down, and that this was the only chance that I was having. And the longer that I was watching, I was seeing Josiah looking like he was in the middle of a fucking just streak of kicking ass. Then when he was done, he was holding up his right hand after he played a certain note.

I was wondering if he had come into this with pure confidence, or if he had only come into this as a result of just letting the surge of creativity flow on through him. I was shaking my head, and I was well aware of the fact that there was no way in hell that I was going to be able to beat him. I was not going to capture the true fucking excitement that he and his base were having.

Seeing how much that Josiah was enjoying his show, and seeing how much he was just willing to do everything that he could to make it clear to everybody, I was remembering that even if I was never going to beat him, if I was able to capture that same spirit, then he and I were going to be putting up similar performances, and that was all that really mattered.

I got distracted as I was watching him in his playing by something that I was certain was going to be a much bigger issue. I was seeing that there was a man at the back of the auditorium, and I was seeing him eying us directly, and I was well aware of the fact that the man was going to possibly want to talk to Josiah or I, maybe even both. I was thinking that maybe he was somebody who knew what Gabe was doing, and wanted to see what we knew.

I was then thinking that I needed to let Josiah know about what I was seeing, and I was hoping that he was going to be taking me seriously, and not just brushing me off as a guy saying shit for the sake of a reaction. But then I was telling myself to just enjoy my time up there as much as possible, and not fucking worry about what he was wanting to do.

It was another song before Josiah was done, and when he was, he was walking up to me, and I was seeing that he was clearly aware of how unsure I was at this whole thing. Part of him was clearly looking bad at this prospect, and I was aware of why he was thinking I was this way. "Seth, you are going to do fine. People are going to just respect the fact that you are able to go up there, and just fucking enjoy yourself." After he had told me this, I stared at him for a second longer.

"I will be doing whatever I can. That does not mean that I know what I am getting myself into." I was sighing clearly feeling like whatever was going to happen was going to just be secondary compared to what that man was aware of. I did not understand much. But I did understand that I was needing to be fucking as careful as possible.

"Thanks, I might need whatever I can get there. But I think that whatever I might be feeling will be worthless if I have no idea how to truly present my stuff properly." I was saying, thinking that maybe if I was hyping up something like this, he was going to be totally oblivious to the fact that I was scared for literally our fucking lives and stuff.

"Well, don't take it too seriously, and whatever you do, just remember that I am going to respect the stuff you pull. I mean, I think that as long as you are true to yourself, and present the way that you want, that I will fucking just be happy for the fact that you are finally being yourself." He was telling me, and at this point, I was just nodding along, and pretending like he was getting through to me a while longer.

"Good luck." Josiah told me, placing my hand on my shoulder for a couple of seconds longer before I finally did leave him alone, and I was just telling myself to be taking things calmly and casually, and I was thinking that as long as I could just remind myself that I was taking this one day at a time, then everything was going to be making some more sense.

I was getting to the stage, and I was seeing many people looking like they were really not expecting me to be going up here. Almost as if they were expecting me to never go on through with my idea of showing people what my plans were. But as I was looking at their look of confusion, and I was looking at the way they did not believe in me, I was feeling like I was just needing to go further, and show people that I was serious.

I took one final deep breath, took one final glance at the guy who was watching us, and I was telling myself that for tonight only, this was my show, and that I was the only man that fucking mattered. That I was the guy that was able to show others that they needed to stop underestimating me.

"Hey guys, so I am sure that you guys just saw my older brothers great performance. I know that often times, he really just over shadows everybody with how good his material is. But there is more to this than I think many will expect." I was saying, as if thinking that this was my fucking chance to just start running with it, before anybody told me to stop doing it, and told me that I was being harsh of whatever.

"When is at home, and he is trying to get material ready for his shows, he often times has no real goal on what he is doing. I guess that you can say that he is into empty metal." I was saying, and then I winced at this joke, knowing how terrible it was, and I knew that nobody was going to find it funny. But sometimes he likes to perform metal music, and with him not doing much some days, the metal would be empty.

Almost nobody laughed at that, and then I was thinking that this was nothing too shocking at all. "Well, I think that I have a slightly better one. So my parents have a bunch of boys and that they do not have many girls at all. You know, I think that if you look at how the odds are stacked, and how much one gets focus than the other, you can truly call our family its own war on women." I was saying, and this one actually got a few people laughing, knowing what the reference was.

Seeing even just a couple people laugh at this was giving me a extra boost in motivation. "You would think that with everything going on today, most people would be worried about getting Covid. I think that I would respectfully disagree with that. I think that the real issue that my family has to worry about is the idea of having a baby flu." I laughed at that one, thinking that I was getting a bit better at this, and that one actually had about a quarter of the audiecnce laugh at that.

"You know how some people talk about the idea of comedians giving bad jokes, and how they are laughing at you, and not with you. Well, you know, many people go on and do bad on purpose. And they very cleverly hide it, and do not want people to know the truth. So in the end, I would say that they are getting the last laugh." I was feeling like this was going to be a possible method to be having people give me a break if they were going to be talking about how bad I was. I could just go on and say that I was purposely being bad here.

"I sometimes see all these people running around on the school track, and they are not going on and actually trying to get on the team. And then when I see something like this, I'm like thinking to myself "chill the fuck out bro, you're not fucking forest gump. You're not running from the police. It is not that big of a deal. And people are just going to be looking at you like you are a idiot." I said, and then I was laughing, and many people who were in my age range were laughing at the use of a swear word, and I was thinking that something like this could propel me a bit further along with what I was accomplishing.

"You know how some people go around, and they have this like psychic ability and stuff. Well I am not a psychic and even I am able to tell you that these people are going to be the next starters of the ponzi schemes. Stealing your fucking money for personal gain to make people think that you are a great dealer. You know, it is all in the illuminati." I said, and I was seeing some people starting to walk down the hall, to try and get me to stop the swearing, and at this point in time, people were just actually having to much fun with this, and that I was finally getting something done, even if I was not allowed to go further, I was finally planting that I was good.

Eventually, I was closing my eyes, and I was aware of the fact that no matter what I was wanting to say, and what I was wanting to do, nobody was going to be wanting to hear anything else anymore, and they were going to be making it very clear that none of this was going to be tolerated. "When I go up here, and I am in class, and I am hearing people talking about the importance of voting, and how much things can be changed by casting your vote, I am thinking to myself, "how gullible are people going to be when they hear that one person can change things?" You know that when you go up there, and you try to present yourself as the decider of something, it makes you come off as a guy who just wants to be self absorbed. You are somebody demanding for attention, and that is all that you want in life." I was saying, and then I was seeing the person getting on the stage, and I was thinking that maybe I could sneak one more in there.

"Some people say that there is no way that they ever would be lying. But when you think about it, if you know that somebody might be lying, and the person is probably pulling your leg, and you are saying that you are no longer a liar, then you are not just one. You are actually a spy by that point. You can go on and join the secret government, and save us all. The fate of the entire world rests on your shoulders." I was saying, and at this point, I was not even trying to get a reaction going, and I was just trying to sneak in as much as I could there.

"See you everybody. I am going to go home, and I am going to write up some material for next time, and I promise that I will be much better. I guess that you could say that I am going to catch you off guard." I dropped the microphone, and then I dabbed at the end, and that was the one that made everybody laugh, and I was getting off the stage before anybody could go and tell me that they wanted me to stop doing this.

Once I was away, and I was looking around to see if Becky, Manny and Josiah were around, I was seeing somebody placing their hand on my shoulder, and when I was looking up, I was shocked to see that it was not the staff member from earlier, and that it was the man who was trying to watch me and Josiah from earlier. Everything came flooding back, and I was scared out of my fucking mind. There is no better way to try and describe it.

"Do you know anything about what your brother Gabe is doing?" he was asking me, and then I was shaking my head, and I was feeling like he was just needing to fucking relax. I was never going to fucking know what he was trying to accomplish, and I was thinking that what he was telling me was just out there, and totally fucking hard to follow. But I was not wanting to piss him off.

"I barely even know what he does. I have no idea what is going on. I think that you might have to try and talk to him." I was telling him, and I was really meaning it, since I was not wanting this guy to be hurting me anymore, and I was feeling like if I could get out of this, I was going to learn what my brothers were doing, and I could just find out that way.

"Do you think that this is some kind of joke? Your brother is up to something dangerous, and if he is allowed to continue, he might be getting himself killed, or even worse, you guys." After he was telling me this, I was looking at him, fucking out of it, and I was thinking that he was totally just saying shit to be making me talk to him. I shook my head, feeling like I no longer had the patience to deal with this right now.

"I don't know what you are talking about. As I said before, I barely know what he is up to anymore. If I knew what he was doing, I would not understand it anyways. He barely speaks to us at all, and I think it is better that way." I was saying, hoping that if he would stop, he would see how fucking insane this really was.

"Even if you do not fully graps what is at stake, you need to go on and speak to him. Speaking to him might get you to understand what is happening a bit better. I will not force you to do something, but I guess that you are not going to be listening to me. Maybe I will have no choice but to be taking more extreme measures." After he was telling me this, I was looking right at him, and I was scared out of my fucking mind what he was meaning when he had said 'drastic measures' and I was feeling like I needed to tell my brothers what was going on.

"If you are going to be hurting them, then I will not be letting you have the chance. They are not deserving your pressure." I was then saying, and I was not even caring how much that was going to be putting me in danger. As he was looking at me, he laughed at this, and I was seeing him looking like he was just wanting to say something else, but decided against it.

"A meaningless effort. You know that I am stronger than you, and that if I feel like something must be done, I will do whatever it takes, and if that means that something happens to you, then I will not be taking a second to go on and accomplish this." After he was telling me this, I was pissed at him, and I was just needing to have him get the fucking hell away from me.

"I don't know what you are trying to make me understand, and I think that you will not get me there by just pushing me along. You might as well just give up." I was holding up my arm, and I was putting it in a way that was showing that even if I was almost certainly going to be losing to him, that I was willing to fight him, if there was no other way around it all.

"I appreicate your excitement, and I understand why you are happy to try and defend yourself against everything that is going on, but when you see me next time, just understand that almost nothing I am doing will be chaging the affect of the outcome. Nothing you can tell me will change the outcome. You know, I already know everything that is going on, and I think that all you might do is just delay the outcome, or even speed it up." As he was saying this, I knew that he was meaning what he had said, and I was aware that he was going to actually force what he wants on us, no matter what.

"I will never tell anybody about this meeting. I am not needing to be a genius to know that nobody is going to believe what I say anyways. I am going to just be wasting my time, and my effort." I was looking at him, and I was seeing him looking like he was mildly let dpwn by what I was saying. That I was not going to at least try.

"This does nothing besides prove my point. If you had fought, and if you had tried your best to be making it work, you might have won some respect from those that I know." He was telling me, and then I was sighing, and with that, he was heading away, and then I was angry, and I was not wanting to have him speak to me ever again. But I was aware that he was wanting that anger from me, and that I was letting him win right now.

As I was thinking about all that I had said, and all that I was needing to do, I was sighing, and then I was seeing Manny coming up to me, and Becky as well. The way that they were talking confused teh shit out of me. As if nothing had happened, and that they did not hear the entire conversation at all. Almost as if I was going fucking crazy for even imagining such a thing.

"Hey Seth, at least you had fun, right?" Manny was saying to me, and when I was thinking about it for a moment longer, I knew that deep down, I really did have fun, and that I was never going to need to let anything take that away. I was needing to remember that no matter what was going to happen, at least I was having them at my side.

"Yeah, I had a great time, and in all honesty, I was not even thinking that I was going to be getting as many people to laugh at my shit as I did. I think that I did a bad job, and that I was just going for it. But this time, if people are into it, I think that I might be able to get a good start here." I was saying, and for what was possibly the only time in my life, until then, I was actually having fucking some hope here.

"So, do you think that you are going to be giving it another go at some point?" He asked me, and then I was slowly nodding, as if feeling like I was going to have to just accept the responsibility that I was going to be taking, and that was the only thing that was going to be keeping this friendship up for any period of time.

"Yeah, I will do whatever I can to be making people understand that this not just something that is short term. I am going to be fucking going deep, and I am going to be fucking happy when I go up there, because I know that no matter how I perform, I am being myself, and that is all that I can fucking say here." I said, and then I was looking at Becky, and I was wondering what she was going to be saying here.

"So Seth, do you think that even if you are not one hundred percent into how you did, that you can be proud at least?' Becky was asking me, and then with that, I was sighing, as if thinking that there was going to be a lot more to that question than i would ever want to fucking admit, and I was hating that prospect.

"I think that I am proud in the way that I finally spoke out. I finally expressed myself, and I finally made it clear that I was no longer going to be dragged around." I was saying, and then I was nodding, feeling like there was virtually nothing else for me to be saying, and that if I tried to be saying anything else, they were never going to get it.

"Well, at least that you know now that you can do something like this, do you feel like you are going to be doing it as often as you can?" Becky asked me, and then I was feeling like that was going to be pushing it kind of. I was feeling like if that was something that was on the table, I would have been more than willing to do it earlier. But right now, I had genuinely no idea.

"I will see what I can accomplish. I will go up there, and I will certainly not be holding anything back, if that is what you are meaning..." I was saying, and I was hoping that this was exactly it. I was hoping that this was all that she had wanted to hear, and that she was not expecting me to say more.

"The one thing that I can be certain of right now, is that I do know that no matter what happens, I will have a true group of people who are going to get me through it all, and that no matter what, I do need to just not ruin it, if that makes sense." I was saying to them, and I was aware of how cheesy I was right now. But in the end, I was not caring anymore. I was needing my point to be made, and I was not scared anymore.

"Well, you do know that this is a start at least, right?" Manny said, and I was thinking that he was slowly starting to accept the prospect that this was going to be a much longer thing than a simple friendship that would last a weekend or two. He was nodding, as if thinking that no matter what was happening, he was just going to have to be prepared for it all.


	6. My First Crush

-Jack's POV October 10 2020 11:33 pm- The last few days, I was genuinely confused as to what the hell was going on with my older siblings. You know, in all honesty, the whole thing was just starting to get to me a while. I was thinking that if there was something that my older siblings were doing, I was feeling like they were needing to just stop being so fucking stupid when going at this whole thing. They were going to be acting like what they were doing was genuinely all fine and stuff. When in all honesty, it was not.

I was thinking that my siblings never really cared for anything that was going to be making things worse with the family. You know, we were all scared for them, and I was feeling like we were just needing to make that clear to them. I wanted them to just go back to hanging out with their stupid fucking friends, and doing their stupid fucking things, and just understand that we wanted nothing to do with what was going on them.

In all honesty, I was aware that I was being too harsh on them, and I was aware that as long as they were being relatively safe in nature, that things were going to fine enough, and that I was just needing to not be too much of a fucking asshole for them. I was thinking that I was going to be like this if I were them. And that was something I needed to consider.

But in all honesty, I did not even really care about what we were doing in the first place. I was going to be playing some fucking ball out in the front yard, and when I was done playing some ball, I would just pretend like what was happening was not all that big of a deal. We all knew that my sporting hobbies were never going to really have a chance to stick around to my school.

Once I was out of the house, I was starting to kick my ball around, and I was starting to just pretend like what my mind was saying was not all that important. I mean, Todd was in a relationship, Gabe was at school, Josiah was just enjoying a social life, and Seth was trying to be popular. I mean, I never understood the need for popularity, but he was being harmless about it all.

But even then, there was no denying that the men in black who were constantly running around, and trying to see shit, was a bit strange, and there was no way around that. I was feeling like there was something that those guys were hiding, and I was feeling like I was just needing to see what it was, and then I was feeling like maybe I could see if they were willing to be more open to me.

I wondered who those men in black were, and I feel like whoever they were willing to talk to among my siblings was possibly going to be putting them in some form of danger. I mean, I knew that something like this was just unlikely. But in all honesty, I was just not even fucking caring. I was going to be playing my own game here, and those men would never speak to me.

I kicked it around for a few more minutes, and I was feeling like maybe when I was going to be telling myself that they were never going to be speaking to me, I would never have to be scared again, and I was never going to be speaking to them again. I was thinking that if they left me alone, I would leave them alone, and everything would be fine.

I wondered however what the heck was going on that made them want to be speaking to my brothers in the first place. You know, that was something that was making me feel like none of this was making any fucking sense. You know, I just needed to know what the issue was with them, that would be making those guys want to just reach out to them now.

I knew that it was none of my business, and that I just needed to respect that, and that I needed to pretend like I was fine with this. But this was just going to be very easy. I was going to be wondering what was happening for the rest of my life, and every single time that I was telling myself not to be thinking about this too much, it was all going to be going in over my head.

I mean, I would rather get to know what was happening with those guys than get to know what the issue was with my father never fucking coming home. You know, he was always fucking gone, and I was feeling like he was just needing to give me the answers already. Surely he was not this busy all the time. In all honesty, I was convinced something was going on here.

You know, I was feeling like I just needed to respect his wishes, and that I was just needing to not be getting in his business at all. But at the same time, I was feeling like what he was getting himself into was a bigger deal than what my curiosity was, so I just needed to sort of accept that.

You know, I was feeling like I just needed to see what my parents were doing, since if I would do that, I would be feeling like I could be making some peace with this all. I knew that what my father was going to be doing was so much fucking worse than anything that those men in black were doing. In all honesty, despite how much he was never going to admit it, I was feeling like what he was doing was setting aside my family.

As I was thinking all of this, I was seeing that Lydia was up, and she was on the couch, and I was feeling like I might as well see what she was wanting to be doing. I rubbed my eyes, annoyed out of my fucking mind that I was doing something like this in the first place. I was feeling like if for nothing else, I might as well just see what she was doing. So I was walking inside, and I was going to just talk with her.

"Hey Lydia, what are you up to?" I asked, and then I was staring at her, and she was looking at me, and she was looking like she was having no real interest in this discussion, and I was feeling like I was just needing to possibly be nicer, and that by doing this, she might be aware that she was not in trouble. But that I was just needing to know what the fucking hell was going on.

"Just watching a movie. You know, since it is the only time of the day when I can watch what I want." She was saying, and for a second, I was confused on the idea that she was talking about the idea of watching in general, when I was aware that she would always just be able to watch with us. But them I was starting to fully get it.

"You mean just watch on your own, without making any chances of people just getting in the way, and forcing you to watch something that they want you to watch instead?" After I asked her this, she was nodding, and then I was sighing, feeling like there was no way in hell that I was going to argue with that.

"I guess that this does make some sense. You know, since I just think that maybe without having anybody go around, and forcing you to be doing your own thing, then you can enjoy the shows that you want. But seriously what do you even think that you would be watching that you would be interested in at this time?" I asked, just trying to pretend like I was getting the appeal.

"Not much. Just the idea of watching something without getting people to force me to stop is better than nothing at all." After she was telling me this, I was sitting down next to her, and I was feeling like maybe we would be able to watch something together, and she might be feeling like something like this could be done, and that she would not be having too much of a issue to this.

When we were watching for a couple of moments, I was then thinking about what I would be able to ask her. "So, out of the things that you have been watching on here, what was of most interest to you?" After I asked this, I was genuinely wanting to know, since I was feeling like perhaps she might actually have some really interesting answers that would enlighten me.

"I remember this one that was basically like watching a police chase sequence, and during the sequence, I was feeling like the places that I was seeing was related to Wayside, and you know, that we were both aware of." Lydia was telling me, and then after she was telling me this, I was feeling like maybe I was just remembering this for a bit.

"You know, I feel like maybe I did see something like this from a couple of years ago. But I do not remember it too much. What color were the cars?" I asked her, and I was seeing Lydia looking unsure, as if she was thinking that something like this was not all that big of a deal. "You know, I feel like if I know that, then I can be able to confirm or deny if this is related to what I saw." I told her, just thinking that I was needing to be as patient as possible here.

"I think one of them was a red car. I mean, I think that the one that was the main center of attention was red." After she was giving me that answer, I was feeling let down, since I was feeling like something like this was just showing that in all reality, we might not have been seeing the same thing. I was feeling like in all honesty, whatever the heck Lydia was seeing, she might have been seeing something that was forbidden.

"Was it on a channel with no name?" I asked, and then I was seeing her thinking about it for a few seconds, and she was actually stopping to really see if she was going to be able to piece it all together. "I remember that the chase was later mid day." I was saying, and she was nodding at that second part, as if to confirm this as well.

"Yeah, I think that it was indeed a channel with no name, and I can confirm that it was at the same time during the day." She was telling me, and then I was sighing, as if feeling like we were having something in common. But then I was feeling like we were going to be able to get a little bit deeper into this whole thing.

"Do you remember how the channel video was showing what ended up happening? I remember the video going into some form of a car parking lot that you would be seeing in air ports. So many open areas for cars, and not a single area was filled up." I was saying, and then I was sighing, feeling as if we were going to have to be discussing things further now.

"I remember that they were going somewhere, but I can't remember if it was something like this." After she was telling me this, I was seeing that our conversation might have to end soon, since we were seeing a person starting to walk along, and he was looking tired and bored now.

...

-October 11 2020 6:31 pm- It was in the middle of the day when I was practicing some basketball out in the school field. I was feeling like I needed to not be thinking about what the hell Lydia and I were talking about. You know, I was sincerely feeling like if I was falling into this disussion one day, then I was going to start to form an obsession, and then I would be just like the others.

I was just thinking that despite this, and despite the fact that it was not all that big of a deal, I was sincerely wanting to know what the fucking movie that Lydia and I were watching was. If I had known what that movie was, I would have gotten my interest over with, and everything would have been totally fine and dandy. Even though I was tired of how everything was going.

No matter what we were going to do, I was going to just tell myself to focus on the game, and that I just needed to focus on the practice, and that no matter what we were going to be playing, eventually Lydia and I were going to totally forget about how fucking awful that game was. And we were going to pretend like everything was just totally okay.

As I was playing around for a few more minutes, I was just not going to be thinking too deeply into all of this, and I was tired of the people who were going to be actually doing something dangerous, and had no idea what it was like to be so obsessed with something so small. You know, I was feeling like what I was doing was entirely wrong, and I was fine with admitting this.

I would be lying through my teeth though if I was saying that I did not feel like there was a small part of me that was wondering if I was being watched or something. I genuinely felt like I was being fucking watched the entire time that I was at this place, and I was wondering if this was what started the thing with my siblings. In all honesty, I would not be too shocked.

In all reality, the only reason that people would be watching me at this fucking school yard would be those people that were scared of making me get out of the school, since they would probably have to go around and clean it up. But unless if people were going to tell me this, I was not going to be too worried about any of that.

Eventually, I was telling myself to be happier, and that I was needing to remember that as long as I was practicing basketball, and making friends, then whatever the hell was on screen that day that Lydia was talking about, was just not going to be all that big of a deal. It was going to be fine.

Eventually, there was another person who was coming to me, and this was not the thing that was shocking to me at all that much. The one thing that was shocking to me was the fact that it was a guy who was my age, rather than a person who was much older, and probably would have been coming down here to tell me to get the hell away from here.

"What are you doing here?" He asked me, and then I was smiling at this idea, thinking that as long as he was nice and calm to me, he was going to be my friend, and he was going to be making me feel like I was actually a really nice guy. But I was needing to actually win him over. "I was going to be doing some practice. But if you are already here, I will just go home."

"You do not need to worry about me all that much. I was just trying to find a way to get some practice in before school starts. That way I could be able to actually have a chance to know how to play with some people to school." I said, as if feeling like the way that I could speak to him would be making him feel much better. I just needed to get him to feel like he was able to not worry all that much now.

"Hey, do you like to play basketball normally?" I asked, and then he was shrugging, almost pretending like he was not even all that interested in what was even happening at all. "I mean, it had been something that I had been rather interested in. But in all honesty, I was feeling like I was not really all that ready for this." I was shrugging, and just felt like I had nothing else to say now.

"Yeah, it is something that I do like to do on my own. But in all honesty, I am scared that basketball is something that I would never actually do all that good in. I mean, I am way too short." After he was telling me this, I was nodding, and I was feeling like that was a fair statement to be making here. You know, I was thinking about how I could help him out.

"Do you have any idea what you can be doing to make it better?" I was asking, feeling like maybe I could try and make him feel at least slightly better about this. I was seeing him looking like he was almost just not wanting to be discussinng this too much longer. He was almost looking like he was just wanting to reject any advances of me helping him out. But at the same time, he wanted to get some advice as well.

"We all all very short. Almost every one of us are going to have a long way to go in order to actually make things different here." I was telling him, and then he was sighing, as if wishing that he was just wishing that I was not going to be trying to make him feel better about all of this. But he was sighing, and almost acted like I was never going to be making any difference at all.

"Well, sure, everybody who becomes great at something starts somewhere. But do you feel like I am seriously going to be actually making any fucking difference here? Do you feel like I am actually having any chance?" After he asked me this, I was feeling like what I was talking to him about was fucking impossible. He was going to be making excuse after excuse, and this was going to just be impossible to actually work with.

"Hey, how about you actually give it a chance right now, and see what it is like?" I asked, and I was holding the ball out to him. I was then seeing him looking like he was debating this for a couple of moments. Then with that, he grabbed it, and was looking like he was now ready to give it a chance. So with that, he was shooting the ball to the hoop. He failed, hitting the wall instead.

"I would not be too worried about it honestly. Every single person sucks at this game at first. I still fucking suck at it. But I give myself a goal, and I always follow through with the goals every day." I said, and I was looking at him, as if feeling like what I said to him was fair enough. I saw him looking like he was having a question he was dying to ask me already.

"What type of goals do you usually make?" After he asked me this, I was sighing, as if feeling like he was not going to be letting this whole thing go. I was then nodding, and I felt like despite how much he was pushing me on this, that he was asking a relatively fair set of questions.

"I usually tell myself that stuff like 'I need to make at least five shots beefore I go home today'. Stuff like that. Things that I know that I can accomplish, but will have to take some effort." I said, and then I was walking back a couple of steps, and then I was throwing the ball through the hoop, and it was taking a second to work. But it did go through.

"Okay, I guess that something like this makes some sense. You know, that way you can feel like you are making at leeast some progress." He was telling me, and then I was throwing the ball to him, and then he was staring at it for a second or two longer, as if considering what he was going to do with it. Then he was nodding, ready to be throwing it and giving himself a goal.

"I think I will go with three shots as my goal today." After he was telling me this, I was seeeing him looking like this was fair enough, and I was thinking that if he was going to be genuinely wanting to accomplish this, he was going to have to work hard, and be taking it seriously. He was not going to get away with messing around and stuff.

He was throwing the ball, and it did not work, but he was getting it relatively close, starting to hit the background wall. I was glad to be seeing that he was not too angry with the way that he was playing. In fact, he was looking happy to be getting even that close after a couple of tries. So with this, I was getting ready for another shot, and this time, it was hitting the rim of the hoop, but decided to reject going in.

"So what is your name?" I asked, as if feeling like the fact that I had not gotten to know who he was after all of this time was strange, and that I was going to want to know about him as a person. As I was telling myself this, I was wondering if he was actually wanting to be a friend with me, or if he was feeling like this was just sort of pointless right now.

"Max. What about you?" He asked, and tried to make another shot, and he was not getting all that close, but I was thinking that I could appreciate the fact that he was trying. I grabbed the ball again, and I was feeling like I was willing to be giving it another try. So with that, I was wondering if he was just wanting to be my friend, or if he was just trying to pretend like e was liking me, to win me over.

"I'm Jack. Maybe you know who Seth and Lydia are? They're my siblings." I said, not even bothering to mention the others since they were all too much older or too much younger than me to actually have a real connection right now. "I mean, I would not be shocked if you don't know them, which is totally fine." I was just thinking that if he did not know them, at least I could be friends with them without being associated with my siblings.

"I don't know about Seth, but I think that I might know who Lydia is." After he was telling me this, I was shrugging, and I was thinking that out of the two, I would rather be associated with Lydia than Seth. Maybe he was just too famous for me, and that things were just sort of hard for me to actually enjoy in order to come here. I mean, he only started to get popular in the last few days. But I did not want to be making a deal out of it now.

We played for about an hour there, and we were having various switches of good and bad stuff, and he had almost actually succeeded a couple of times. As he was wanting to hang out with me, and he was clearly just looking happy for this whole thing. As we were walking home, I was wondering what I could say to Max to make him feel better.

"So Jack, did one of your siblings try to get you to play ball, or did you decide that you had wanted to be doing such a thing on your own?" After he asked me this, I was smiling, and I was going to be proud to tell him this next bit. As if he was going to just feel like I was being so fucking badass here.

"I love to be in a competition, and I know that I would never really see what my siblings are interested in. So I decided that I would play around, and just do my own thing. To help pass the time." I was saying, and I was feeling like there was virtually no other need to be speaking to him right now about how I liked to be playing.

"So you decided that if they were not going to be playing with you, that you were going to just still have as much fun as you possibly could, regardless?" He was nodding, and that was literally all that there was to it, and that if I were to try and epxlain it any other way, there was no way to get around it.

"I mean, I don't want to be making my days boring and shit, so I decided that I could at least do something, and that if I was playing around for a while, then in a way, it can sort of be my own thing. Which in a way, it was." I was saying, and then I was feeling like there was no need to be talking any further on this whole thing.

"Fair enough. I mean, I just think that some times when I see that people are doing really good at playing here, I just want to see if I could pull something out here." Max was telling me, and the look on his face was looking entirely just unsure. I was smiling, feeling like I was needing to see if Max was actually having any real plans right now.

"I just wish that I could be able to get some of my siblings to want to play with me. You know, since I think that they would enjoy it, and I think that if I could get them to see that I am just working hard. I don't want them to be feeling like I am just being totally lay right now." I said, feeling like I was just needing to sort of find a proper way to express how much I wanted to be having fun with my siblings, and I was feeling like this could have been great.

"You know, I think that maybe Lydia might. Just a hunch, I guess." Max said, and I was seeing him looking like he was feeling like that was a fair statement. I was shrugging, as if I was not wanting to force Lydia to this whole thing, since that would have been just so fucking forceful here.

"I mean, after Lydia and I were talking about earlier, I think that she might be too worried about playing shit with me." I was saying, and then Max was looking right at me, and I was seeing that I peaked his interest too much, and that he was just wanting to know what the issue was in the first place.

"What wre you guys talking about? I mean, I think that she seems like a nice enough girl, from what you were telling me..." After he had told me this, I was sighing, wishing that he was not going to be pressing this issue onto me too much. "I mean, I guess that it is not my business, but you are just getting me too interested."

"We were talking about a movie that we had seen, and I think that from the way that she was looking at me, and the way that we were talking about the movie, that she was kind of scared out of her fucking mind about it. I don't even know what we were reallu agreeing on. I saw it once years ago, and had no idea what it was." I told him, and he was looking at me, confused out of his fucking mind, and I was seeing that he had wanted to know so much more.

"What was so scary about a random movie? I mean, it was just a fucking movie?" After he was asking me this, I was sighing, and I was wishing that it was this simple. It was not, and I was scared out of my fucking mind that it was not. And if this was something that I was needing to accept.

"You know, I think that we might have actually been watching a crime happen on screen. Like a real life one. I think that this is just something that she was not ready for." I was telling him, and then he was just looking confused at this, and I was seeing that he was wanting to know. That being said, I was just feeling like there was virtually nothing to do now.

"Why would a crime be shown on tv? You guys are over reacting, if I have to be honest." After he was telling me this, I was sighing, and I was wishing that I believed in him, and in a small extent, I think that I was. But there was that small part of me that was feeling like there was much more to it than we were wanting to admit.

"I don't fucking know. I barely even know what we were actually looking at, so I mostly just ignored it. You know, I just thought that it was not going to be that big of a deal." I was saying, I was staring right at him, and I was thinking that Max could have possibly had some idea what was happening. I mean, I had no idea why I felt such a way. But I was feeling like I could give him a chance.

"Do you think that she might have been lying to you or something? Just to see what your reaction would have been?" After he was asking me this, I was shrugging, and I was feeling like he was just wasting my time right now. I was then thinking that even if he did not mean it, this question was basically suggesting that I was a fucking liar, or a fucking madman.

"I don't know if she was just not sure of what she saw. But if she was saying something like that, then that would mean that I am a liar. I saw that too, and that scared me the first time that I had seen something like this as well. You know, I was not too worried about it. But I guess that I had no idea what was happening." I was telling him, and I was seeing that Max was looking like he was not wanting to make me feel bad about anything else here.

"I guess that I do not have much else to suggest here. If you saw something like this, then I guess that there is not much else to it." After he was telling me this, he was shrugging as if having nothing else that he was wanting to tell me. I was just seeing him looking like he had wanted to find more to discuss. But just needed to leave it alone.

"Are you ever going to be interested in checking something out once again? Or do you think that you are going to be leaving it alone?" After he asked me this, I was shrugging, as if feeling like he was not needing to be asking me anything. I was feeling like the idea of looking around if just fucking impossible.

"I am not going to be wasting my time looking around. You know, if I tried to look around, and see what was happening here, people just would never believe in me. I thought that what I saw was a lie until she told me. And now that I know that it is not, I think that I want to just leave it at that." I was shrugging, having nothing else to say now.

"Fair enough. I just thought that you might have been wanting to go on and check it all around and stuff." After he was telling me, I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to say something else. But he was just clearly having nothing else on his mind/ "So Jack, what the heck are you going to do if people ask you more questions related to it, outside of the house?"

"Honestly, I have no idea what the issue is. I think that they just want to go around, and they would be going around, and spreading gossip about me and stuff." I was saying, feeling like there was virtually nothing else to be discussing with this topic. I was feeling like maybe Max was just going to possibly tell people.

"Are you going to be going around, and gossiping about this? I mean, if that is what you are wanting to accomplish, then I am not going to be very happy with this." I was saying, he was holding his hand up, and I was seeing him clearly looking like he was wanting me to relax, and that there was no reason for me to be feeling this way.

"It is just the fact that you started to ask me all of that stuff right after we started to meet up that made it seem incredibly suspicious." I was telling me, and then he was looking down, and I was seeing him relatively conceding defeat to this whole thing. But regardless, I was just telling myself to be happier here.

"Yeah, I guess that maybe something like this might make some sense. Sorry for the terrible timing of me asking this." After he was telling me this, he looked down, and I was seeing him looking like he had wanted to just brush this off, and pretend like nothing else was going to be all that big of a deal. "But I was just feeling like I was really needing to know right away." He finished, and I was feeling like we could just leave the subject alone.

"I mean, it is not going to be all that big of a deal. But do you have any idea what the hell is even happening here? I mean, have you been seeing things yourself? I just think that it could be a good discussion point." I was saying, and I was feeling like maybe if this was all being a discussion point, maybe I was going to start to see why my siblings were so fucking obssessed with something like this in the frist place, and I was feeling no more need to make fun of them.

"No, I have no idea what is happening. You know, I think that we are just making a big deal out of something that will not even really matter. You know, I think your siblings are just pulling your leg. I remember how you were mentioning an hour or so ago about how your siblings are just often saying random shit, and how you think they are just messing with you." He told me, and then I was thinking that the only one who might be willing to do that was Seth, and that for anybody else, either it was the truth, or they had no interest in speaking to me.

"I think that Seth doing that is totally realistic, but if anybody else does that, then it would be something just sort of way too out there." I was saying, feeling like what I was saying would not really get him too convinced. But despite how much I was not wanting to admit it, I was thinking that maybe what he was saying could have been true.

"Alright, you made your point. I was just trying to be putting a slightly different look when going at this all." He was saying, as if feeling like he was not even wanting to talk to me on this anymore, and despite how much I was wanting to not make him feel like he was being attacked, I was just thinking about what things were going to be like now.

"That being said, I do think that my father might be willing to use all of this stuff as a way to be getting me and my siblings scared to be wanting to look at something. That shit seems totally like something he wants to do." I was saying, and I was just trying to be funny about it. But in all honesty, I had no reason to believe that he was never going to be doing something like that.

"Wow, at least your father seems like he is willing to be having fun with something." After he was saying that to me, I was unsure if that was going to be the word that I would want to use. But at the same time, I was seeing that he was just trying to be making me feel better about this all. In all honesty, I was just thinking that dad was tired of all of our shit, and was going to just be giving us a lot of crap for it all.

"I think that dad having fun is something he might have been doing back in like middle school. Not even saying that in a way that makes him seem super strict. I think that he just has a hard time understanding that not everything is a big deal, and that we can just relax." I was telling him, annoyed that I was saying that. Not because of Max. But because of jst the reality of it all.

"How is your father like if you are so much happier with the way that my dad does it?" I asked, and he was looking relatively unsure of what to be saying here. I was seeing him looking like he had wanted to say something else. But then if he was going to speak more, then I was either not going to believe in him, or he was just going to be feeling like he was wasting my time. So we were just getting to my house, and we were ready to just hang out there.

…

-October 12 2020 11:03 pm- When I was just sitting around that day, I decided that I was bored out of my fucking mind and that I was just wanting to do something before I went on and got to sleep. I was just feeling like something was happening right now. Maybe when I would talk to Max again, he would have wanted to actually talk to me about something other than that car chase.

Despite what I was wanting right now, and despite the fact that I was wanting to get out of this conversation as much as possible, I was feeling like what Lydia had mentioned was just bringing up my curiosity way too much. I was feeling like I just needing to see what the issue really was. I was needing to go on and speak to her real calm about it all.

I was needing to just see what the hell she had wanted to know. I was thinking that if she was up again, she would talk to me once again. So I was getting up, and I was going to be walking up the stairs, feeling like maybe if I was with her, we were going to just make some form of connection clear once again.

As I was looking around, I was seeing that Lydia was in her room, still sleeping with the twins on the other side. Henry was still asleep in the room that I had shared with him. I was feeling like maybe I could go on and speak to him for a moment if he would be getting up again. But then I would just go up, and maybe see if I could have met him again.

Once upstairs, I was seeing that Seth was upstairs, and I was seeing that shockingly enough, he was just about to finish a hang out with a couple of his friends. I was holding my arms down, and I was just staring, trying to figure out what the heck that they were going to continue doing. "Hey Jack, how are you?"

As he was asking this, I was seeing that he was just clearly shocked that I was up at this rate, and I was feeling like I was just needing to respect him as much as possible. I was gulping, as if pretending like what was happening was perfectly fine and dandy. "I am doing alright. I just never thought that you were hanging out with your friends this late."

"It's all fine. We were just talking about silly things that we were seeing going on with our siblings, and other things at school. I would not be worried about it honestly." Seth said, as he was clearly seeing that I was having a million questions in my mind, and I was wondering what he was even wanting to ask me.

"I am not worried about it. Do you have any idea what is going on with the television lately?" I asked, and he was looking right at me, as if he was wanting to know if I was just lying to him at all. He was just clearly feeling as if what I was asking him was fucking insane.

"You know that I do not even watch tv that much Jack. Why the heck would out be feeling like I was the one who knew the answer." He said, and then I was looking down for a second, feeling like I was going to have to be careful with everything that he was going to ask me.

"Well, Lydia was telling me about something that she had watched, and I knew what she was watching. Although in all honesty, I feel like what she had saw was real and stuff." I said, and then I was seeing Seth just looking at me as if I was wasting his time. He was clearly looking like whatver was going on, he had just wanted this discussion to end as fast as possible.

"What do you mean? I mean, you do realize that you guys could have just watched a similar show when you were both younger." After he was telling me this, I was looking at him, for a few seconds, and I was feeling like no matter what was happening, I was going to have to just be slightly more careful right now.

"I know that it might not be sounding like a big deal, and I would agree with you. But what if there was something actually happening. Did you watch something about a red car being chased by the police?" I asked, and then I saw him looking at me, as if feeling like what I had just asked him was fucking pointless. But then he was sighing, as if feeling like he was just wanting to entertain me a bit here.

"No, I never saw something like this. But I remember when I was your age, and I saw some stuff on a un-named channel. But honestly, don't worry about it all that much. Just don't pay that much attention to it, and everything will be fine." After he had told me this, I was staring right at him, and I was aware that he was just perfectly walking into what I was wanting to discuss with him anyway.

"That is the exact channel that Lydia was talking about. A un-named one that would be showing a bunch of random material." After I told him this, he was just looking at me, and I was seeing him looking like he had known what we were talking about was either a waste of time, or something that he was going to be falling for perfectly.

"Guys, you need to not worry about this so much. We really do need to be heading out soon." After Manny was saying that to me, I was looking at him and the female friend that Seth had, who I barely knew, and I was feeling like I was just needing to find a way to speak with them. In a way that was going to be making me look like I was not being stupid and all that stuff.

"Sorry, I just felt like Seth would surely have known something going on here." After I had told him this, I was seeing both Manny and the girl were looking totally unsure of what to even be discussing in the first place. The entire time that we were speaking with each other, the more that I was feeling like I would never really resonate with them.

"Anyways, so Jack, you need to not be too worried about what is happening with what Lydia is saying. You know, she might just be giving you stories, just for the sake of the fun of it. She might have been saying to be making you feel better now." After Seth told me this, I was seeing him get a much more serious look on his face. When I was seeing him looking serious, I was scared out fo my mind.

Seeing Seth is one of those cases of when you know he really needs you just to knock something off. I was seeing him looking like he was just mentally begging for me to be leaving the subject alone for the time being. "I will stop talking about it. But do you know what the un-named channel was on?" I asked, and then I was seeing him looking like he was just wanting for me to be shutting up about this whole thing. He was clearly looking like he was just wanting for me to be stopping, before I ended up just ruining this entire thing.

"Jack, leave it alone. Even if that was something that was real, then clearly something is going on, and it is something that I think that just needs to be kept to itself. I am not really somebody who believes in shit like this too often. But I would stupid to not be believing this right now." Seth was looking like whatever remote idea of a conversation we were going to be having was now entirely over, and he had wanted us to leave it alone.

"Alright, you guys win. You can go on and leave now." I was saying, and I was feeling like maybe when I was saying shit like this, he might be leaving this alone now. I was seeing him looking like he was just relatively finished with the entire story. Seth was sort of looking like he had nothing else he was wanting to do now.

Once Seth was out of the house, I was feeling like whatever was happening was going to be putting me to a total level of unrest. I was feeling like whatever the hell he was going to do with his friends was going to be slightly building onto the fear of what was happening. I was not wanting to be making things any worse. But in all honesty, I was thinking something was going to go down real soon now.

I was sitting down, and the moment that I had sat down, I was thinking about how good looking the girl was, and I was feeling like something like this was a rather strange thought to be having. But in all honesty, she was kind of cute. I was wondering if maybe we could hang out sooner or later, just for a bit.

As I was thinking all of this, I knew that Seth was not going to appreicate anything like that. Seth was going to be telling me that he was not wanting me to be getting in the business of his friends. In all honesty, he was having every right to be feeling this way. Maybe if he was like this, then he was having every right to.

I was wanting to watch that movie again, and I was wondering if I could find the un-named channel. I just had a feeling that Seth was not going to be coming home any time soon, and that he was going to be not going to school. I was thinking that what he was doing was going to be a bit boring. And something that would only interest him and friends, so I was not that worried on it.

Maybe if Lydia had known what I was going to try and do, she would have helped me out. She would have wanted to be awake, to give me a starting point on where to go with this. But despite what we were going to do, and the intentions of this, I was feeling like the idea was not going to be all that different. I just wanted to make this work out as much as possible.

I turned on the television again, and I was turning the volume down a lot. As I was looking around, I was just looking for literally any fucking channel that was having no name. If I was going to find a channel with no name, and look harder after that, then everything was going to be all coming together once again.

I was seeing that all of my older siblings were all in bed, and then we were going to be making everything just turn out and make it all seem like everything was going to be just fucking pitch ass perfect. Eventually, I was finding something that was having no channel, and that channel had a rather interesting title.

I was seeing that it was titled 'Emergency Alert Do Not Watch'. As I had been looking right at it, I was considering for nearly an entire minute if I was wanting to go on and watch it. I was just thinking that this was a terrible fucking idea. No matter what I was wanting to do, I just needed to go on and watch it.

I was feeling like the part about not watching it was not going to be all that important, and in all honesty, I was feeling like that was just a way to be testing people if they are going to be insane enough to go on and watch it all. As I was getting ready for this, I was just telling myself that nothing else would even matter now.

As I was watching the broadcast, the thing started off with a guy smoking a cigarette for a bit in front of his car. He was looking like he was just wanting to just find something to discuss with a person. I was wanting to just get his business deal over with, for whatever reason it had been.

The cigarette taken about two minutes to smoke, and at first, this was the only thing that was being shown. Eventually, when he was done smoking the cigarette, there was another car that was starting to pull up. When he was seeing this car showing up, that was when he was opening up his own car door, and pulling something out.

Eventually, there was the guy from the other car getting out. He was wearing a black hoodie, and I was seeing that he was about five years or so younger than the one who was smoking the cigarette, but he was clearly still an adult. Probably twenty four or so.

"Did you get the money?" After he had asked the cigarette man this, that was when cigarette man handed him a briefcase, and I was seeing that both of these guys looking like they were on top of the world. As if finding something here was going to be benefitting their job position or their revenue. I was just wondering what was happening.

"Has she been dropped out to where she needs to go?" Cigarette man asked, and then hoodie man was just looking around for a couple of seconds, as if feeling like he was wanting to make sure that nobody was watching him. I was wanting to say that I was watching him, but there was something that would later make this point not even matter.

"Yeah, she has reached her destination. I got to admit though, I do feel somewhat bad for her family. It seems like her family really did care for her." Hoodie man said, and then he was looking down on the ground, as if feeling like he was just needing to say something else. But he was just not going to make things any worse at this.

"Well that is the deal with what is going on with our job. You can't force something to happen." After cigarette said this, he was clearing his throat, and at first, I was thinking he was just trying to get the tar from the cigarettes that he had smoked cleared up. Then he was talking about something that he declared 'much more important'.

"So the mayor has said that he needs to know your loyalty. And that he is worried that you have not proven it yet." After he had told me this, he was getting to the back trunk of his car. Then he was pulling something out. After a few seconds, it was clear that this was a man. An actual fucking human being.

"This man has been trying to figure out what is happening around town, and we figured that if you are truly loyal to our business, you need to take him out." He said, and then he took off the mask, in order to make it clear who hoodie man was going to 'take out.'

"Kill him. If you feel like you truly are with the program, you will prove your loyalty by killing him." Cigarette man told hoodie as he was taking out another one to smoke. Hoodie man was pulling out the gun he was given when he joined the forces, and he was putting the gun right at the mans forehead.

The man who had the gun right to the forehead was screaming. "You can't do this. Not after all we did together, and not after all the things that we agreed on. Why are you turning your back against everything that we did?" He asked, and then hoodie man was cocking the gun back, ready to fire now.

"Just because we agreed on the same things to do when we were younger, when there was less grey in the middle, doesn't mean that I must agree with you now. I saw the other way, and I understand that it was better." After he had said that, there was another moment of silence.

"All we did is going to be thrown away by your choice. Do you really feel like something like this will be worth it?" The man asked, and then hoodie man was sighing, as if wishing to not be having this discussion right now.

"Yes Buford, I do." Hoodie man said, and then fired the bullet, splattering the blood and brain matter on cigarette man's clothes. Cigarette man looked like he was on top of the world when he had seen that. Then he was looking right at hoodie man. "I worked with him before. His name was Buford Van Stomm. I thought that if we just went our separate ways, we could just be fine as former allies." Hoodie man said, and then cigarette man was just silent at this for a cigarette.

"He choose the wrong side and now all of his friends and colleagues are going to have to accept it." After cigarette man said this, he handed hoodie man one, and they both shared a smoke at this, and then cigarette smoke up. "You know, I never thought that you would do it. But you are truly in the program now. Until you die, you work for labyrinth."

After he had said that, hoodie man nodded, and they both got in their cars, and drove off, leaving Buford's body to rot. I knew that I needed to call the police on this. But when I looked down, I saw that the date this was recorded was December 7 2013. And if I was never going to help the man who just died get brought to justice, I would at least be able to learn the history of it all.

…

-October 13 2020 11:45 pm- I was honestly scared out of my fucking mind on what the hell I had seen last night, and I was feeling like nobody was going to even pretend that they were going to buy what I had been saying. In all honesty, this was going to piss me off. But I was used to something like this. No matter what was going on, I was just over it.

Maybe I could on and speak to Max about all of this. I was thinking that if I could speak to him, and I could get him to see that I was not lying to him about anything, then we were going to be making it all come together. As I was about to head out, and head to his house, to have this discussion, despite how late it was at night, Lydia had called out to me.

"Jack, what the heck are you doing?" After she had asked me this, I was looking right at her, feeling like this was making no sense. I was wanting to tell her that she was needing to be leaving me alone. But then I was sighing, and I just decided that I was going to have to let her just pretend like she was super worried on what I was doing.

"I am going to be seeing Max, and I am going to be giving him some answers on what I had been seeing so far today." I was saying, and then I was looking right at her, and I was seeing that Lydia was looking kind of scared of what I was saying. She clearly looked like she had nothing else to tell me now. Like she was wishing that I would just be safe now.

"Jack, it is almost midnight. I don't think that mom and dad will be letting you out this late." After Lydia was telling me this, I sighed, and I was feeling like she was not going to understand what I was doing. She was pretending like she was my fucking mother, when I barely even knew her.

"Lydia, I have to talk to him about what I saw yesterday." I said, and then I was thinking that this was the worst thing that we were going to discuss here. She was looking right at me, and I knew that she was wanting to ask me other things. But I was seeing her just looking like she was just sad at this all.

"What did you see yesterday?" After she asked me this, I was wanting to tell her off, and I was wanting to make her understand that I was wanting nothing to do with having this discussion with her. I was wanting her to be able to understand that I was wanting her happy, and I was wanting her safe. No matter what we were going to discuss, I was needing the safety of this discussion.

"Jack, what the fucking hell did you see?" She was clearly having no fucking patience with this anymore, and I was thinking that no matter what we were going to discuss, she was going to be clearly having a lot of issues with this. I was needing to make her happier. But there was nothing that would make her feel like I was actually fighting for her feeling differently here.

"I saw something that nobody needs to see." I said, pretending like I was going to be calm and collected here. She was seeing me looking like she was wanting to argue with me for a few seconds, but decided that she was just never going to be saying anything else. She was almost looking like she was wishing to just sort of leave it all alone.

"Was it the car chase?" As she asked me this, I was sighing, feeling like there was nothing that I would tell her right now. I saw her looking like she had almost never wanted to leave this alone. She had no respect for my wishes here, and I was going to have a very big lack of respect when talking to her on this now. She was never going to speak to me in a way that I would want to.

"No, it was something much worse. And that is all that you need to know." I was telling her this, and then she was looking like she was wanting to tell me something else. But that she was going to be leaving it all alone. So with this, I was then thinking that maybe I was just needing to tell her the truth. This way, she might be respecting me a bit better now.

"I have a feeling that I will see it sooner or later." She was telling me, and then I was sighing, hating the fact that she was telling me this. Lydia was looking like she was wanting to talk about something else. She was clearly looking like she was aware that no matter what was happening, none of this was going to be making any fucking difference. It looked like she was broken.

"I am going to be seeing him now. This time, I am going to be talking to him, and I am going to just make him understand that I want to make this whole thing work out with our family better." I said, and then I was thinking that nothing else mattered but the family. The family was the only thing that mattered, and I was aware of this now.

"Jack, you are making a big mistake not telling me what is happening. I want to see what I can do to help you out." After she was telling me this, I was seeing her looking genuinely scared out of her mind what was happening. I was feeling like no matter what was happening, I was just needing to be as reaponsible as fucking possible with her.

I was just leaving the house, and I was not going to be letting this discussion continue any longer, and I was feeling like the way that this was all going was fucking selfish, and I was feeling like I was just needing to give her more. She was needing more from me, but I was terrified over her, and I was wondering if Lydia hated me.

The only thing that I knew right then and there was that I was going to be making sure that I was going to just tell her that I was sincerely sorry for everything that had been happening. But that there was nothing that I could have done to be making her feel any differently now. I was needing to change the way things were now.

I was needing to understand that she was my younger sister, and that in all honesty, whatever was going on was going to be making it fucking clear to her that no matter what was happening, we were going to be changing what had been going on. I just wished that this was making more sense.

I knew that no matter what the heck Lydia was feeling here, and no matter what she was wishing to tell me, and no matter what she was wishing the discussion could have been, we just needed to finally make it seem like nothing else was going to be getting any worse. It was all just one big fucking complicated issue.

I was wanting to make Lydia know that we were going to be friends. I was wanting to make her understand that I would never let our disagreements get in the way of our friendship. I was going to give her all the respect in the world, and that was the only thing that I would say to you for sure,. Since I was wanting to be a good brother.

Max would probably tell me that I was just looking at things too deeply, and that I was taking things way too seriously. I was going to be pissed at this. But I was going to let him just be honest with me, if he was having something he needed to tell me. If he was needing to be honest with me, I would just let him lay it all out.

The only thing that I knew for a fucking fact was that I was never going to be bringing this up to my siblings. The brothers I mean. If I was going to tell my brothers what was happening right now, they were going to be fucking furious with me. They were going to probably never want to be speaking to me anymore if I told them what I saw last night.

I do not give a single amount of a fuck how crazy something like this might be sounding. I was thinking that I saw a man getting murdered, and if I did not help see the change out of this at all, then I was feeling like I was just needing to accept the reality of something like this now.

…

-October 16 2020 2:15 pm- I was just wanting to count down the minutes to go until I was done with school, and by doing so, just count the time before I could go home, and either try and make some more friends, or just practice all of my sports. At this point in time, I was hardly even thinking about that awful broadcast anymore. It had been a few days, and my mind had started to try and pretend like it either never happened, or was no big deal.

In all honesty, I was just feeling like whatever was happening then was seven years ago, and that there was no realistic way that I was going to be making a difference anyways, so there was no need to be so worried about whatever was going on now. I was just thinking that I could pretend like it was never going to have a serious impact on me.

The only thing that was worrying me still was if people were even going to believe if I told them what I had found, or if they were going to be telling me to stop making shit up. I was wishing that people would take my issues more seriously. But at the same time, I was just not even getting myself in the mindset that people were going to take what I had said with even the mildest amount of sincerity.

Eventually, I had also told myself that the only person who may have believed in me, Lydia, was not going to, and I was thinking that if Lydia was going to be finding what I said to be stupid and dumb and lame then there was no point in telling anybody. So with that in mind, I was going to just sort of either find out on my own, or just tell myself that it was no big deal.

I was wondering if Lydia had maybe seen something like this to. When it was more recent, and therefore was going to have a bigger impact, and she would have had even less of a understanding of it than I did. I was scared of that notion. But at the same time, I was feeling really bad for her, since I was thinking that something like this could have been true.

I mean, if she had seen something like this, then I would be in a strange position. On one hand, I would wish that she would have taken it more seriously. On the other hand, she was just a young girl, and even younger then, so the idea of her getting it would have been almost totally out of question and therefore I would have to adjust my standards to be fitting such a thing.

When school was getting out, I was walking down the hallway, and I was thinking that maybe I would try and see what Max was wanting to talk to me about. I was feeling like maybe if Max was just wanting to see how I was feeling, and if we were going to connect for a while, then I would tell him why I was so scared of what was going on, and why I was wanting to make things just not so damn hard to handle in the first place.

"Hey Jack, you look like you have been really busy the last couple of days." Max told me, and I was well aware he was going to be just wanting to hang out with me, and if we were going to hang out, he was going to just try and force me to tell him what the issue was here. He was going to try and force me to tell him what I had seen, and why it was affecting me.

"I have not been really busy. But I think that I found something that scares the fucking shit out of me. You know, I want to just sort of ignore it all." I said, and then I was thinking that telling him this was just going to make him not really listen to me all that much in the first place. "And before you ask, it has nothing to do with what I was telling you about. I could almost not even care anymore about something that boring and simple." I said, as if thinking that the car chase was the least of my worries right now.

"What did you find?" Max asked me, and I was just not wanting to talk about this. I was just starting to walk home, and I was feeling like playing basketball while having this discussion was just not going to work at all, and that I was not going to waste my time on something that I could not really handle. "It looks like you might not want to talk too much about it."

"Not want to talk about it doesn't even begin to cover it. I mean, you know, I think that if I try and talk to this about it, then you are just not going to be taking anything that I say very seriously, and even if you did, I would not want to be making this much worse." I said, sort of wanting to make it sound like I was having a calm and collected idea on what I was getting myself into. In all honesty, I did not. But I was just trying to pretend like I would know what I was doing.

"I think that you are not giving me enough credit." I was hearing Max say, and the way he was looking at me was clearly showing that in all honesty, he did not want to be thinking about what I was going to do, and that he did not want to be thrown under the bus at all. "Anyways, would you be willing to tell me one thing at least?" He asked me, and then I was thinking that one detail would not be the worst thing in the entire world.

"Sure, if you want to know something, I will tell you one detail." I said, and I was feeling like he better make the detail count, or else I was not going to be wasting his time on this. I was just hoping that it was going to be one of the easiest and least problematic questions one could ask me.

"Was it something that you actually saw on the television, and do you think that it was on the channel Lydia was telling you of?" After he asked me this, I was thinking about the question, and I was not sure what the channel was, and to be honest, I did not care, and i was thinking that something like this was not that important.

"I don't know, I don't really think that either Lydia and I were paying much attention to the channel. I mean, I guess that in all honesty, they might be connected. But who cares. And yes, it was indeed something on television." I was telling him, and I was feeling like I was just done with this discussion. Not that it even fucking mattered what I was thinking.

"Alright, I guess that I will leave you alone." After Max told me this, I was thinking that we would just leave the subject alone. In all honesty, I was not wanting to talk on this at all. But when I was thinking about everything that was going on, I was thinking that I better give Max so much more, in order for him to not be brushing things off.

"The only thing that I do know of is that I am never going to be looking at random channels on tv during the night, and that in all honesty, I just kind of feel like I might have been stupid for even thinking that something like this was a decent idea. But I guess that I am not going to beat myself up for it all.

"Sure, I guess that it makes sense. I mean, I wonder why Lydia was even doing something like this in the first place." After Max was telling me this, I was thinking that I just needed to be leaving it all alone. "I mean, I know that she probably did not want to be bored and stuff, but I think that something like this was a terrible idea."

"You know, Lydia probably wants to just have some fun, and if she genuinely thinks that this is something that is very fun, then I think that I am going to just leave it all alone." I was telling him this, I was thinking that if Lydia was going to be like this, then I was thinking that maybe she was going to have to find some better answers here.

"Do you think that your standards of fun are going to be totally different from hers?" Max asked me, and I was feeling like this was a total waste of fucking time, and I was thinking that there was no way in hell that I was even going to be thinking on what to be telling him right now.

"Obviously she finds different things fun than what I do. I think that even debating something like this might be stupid as hell. No offense, but I think that the answer is super obvious." I told him, and then I was thinking that whatever he was going to be feeling now, he was not going to be feeling like I was sort of attacking him right now,

"Well, you know, I was just trying to give off a decent option right now?" After Max said this to me, I was hearing him look like he was sort of unsure of what the hell he was wanting to tell me right now. He was actually looking like he was wanting to talk about some other things. But he was just sort of not even wanting to talk on this anymore.

"I'm sorry. I just felt like there was no better way to be answering the most obvious question that anybody could ask me right now." I was saying, feeling like I was just needing to make the point across to him. I was not wanting to talk about this anymore, and I was feeling like he was just needing to talk to me about literally anything else in the world. At least if we could leave this subject alone, then it would be all fine.

"Anyways, so Jack, do you think that if she might be needing to find some other hobbies, that you might show her what basketball might be like?" After he had asked me this, I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to just move on to a different subject as well, and I was feeling like I was just needing to respect his space when going at this all.

"I think that if she wanted to fucking play basketball, she would have tried already. I think that I am going to just be wasting my fucking time even bringing up this idea. But who knows, she might be into something like this." I said, and then I was looking right at him, as if feeling like whatever the hell he was hearing me tell him was going to be a bit of a let down. I had no idea why he was even caring so much. I was thinking that he was just wanting to possibly let her have a chance.

"Sorry, I guess that I was just wanting to sort of give her a chance." After he had said that to me, I was seeing him looking like something like this was a genuinely let down. I was feeling like whatever he was wanting to tell me, he might just need to tell me what it was, and then we could just sort of get this over with, and be done.

"Well, if she had known about this, I am sure that she would probably appreciate that notion." I said, as if just feeling like maybe if I was going to be making him feel better, then he was not going to be too offended by this all. I was feeling like this entire debate was dumb, and I was not wanting to tell him this. But one of these days, I would tell him that maybe Lydia was just simply not all that interested in this.

"Anyways, let's talk about something that I have been wanting to ask you. Since in all honesty, it has been all over my mind right now. I just want to know if you are liking anybody. I was wondering if you were liking a girl at school." I was saying, feeling like if I was going to tell him something else, but I was thinking that he was going to be making fun of me for knowing that there was a girl that I was thinking was cute, and he was going to just rub it in my face for the rest of my life.

"Oh shit, I never thought that you were going to be asking something like this." After Max asked me this, I was seeing him looking like he was not wanting to be talking about this all that much. But then I was thinking that I was just needing to sort of slowly win him over here.

"Honestly, there is somebody that I have been sort of liking, and I want to see if I would be able to get her to like me back. But I think that something like this might be really hard." After I told him this, I was just thinking that I might as well be honest about this whole thing. But then the way that he was looking at me, just made me clearly think that we were going to have a really fun discussion going forward.

"Do you think that you would be willing to tell me who the hell she is?" After Max asked me this, I was seeing him looking like he was just wanting so fucking hard to be proving me that I was not having the right to ask him this. I smiled though, thinking that I might as well just sort of see where this might go now.

"I think that I should never tell you, since this is going to be the worst thing to admit." I was saying, and then I was thinking that something like this was relatively hypocritical. At this point in time, I was just sort of wanting to admit that maybe I was wrong here. Then with that, I was seeing Max looking like he was sort of over this discusson, and did not want to be too worried over something like this.

"Oh, so you think that you need to go on and learn more about me. But then you are totally fine with not telling me and all of that." After Max was saying this, he was looking right at me, and I was seeing him looking like he was just trying to be funny about this whole thing. I was then thinking that I was going to have to either just drop it, or act like I was going to block this whole thing off.

"Sorry, I was just trying to make some small talk. If you want to go around and just let me know more about it all." I was saying, and I was just looking right at him, wanting to see if maybe the longer we were talking, the easier that things would have all been. "But seriously, just a yes or no... Do you think that you might actually be able to have somebody that you like?"

"Yeah, I guess that there is somebody who I would consider to be my favorite." He was telling me, and I was seeing him looking like he was just sort of sad to finally admit this. When we were done discussing all of this, I was seeing him looking like he was sort of needing to sort of drop the subject now.

"Damn, one day you are totally going to swoon her over." I said, and then I was smiling, placing my hands over my hand, and I was just feeling like this was going to be the most exciting thing in the world to be telling him. I was thinking that the longer that we were going to be talking, and the longer that I could just really make this whole friendship work, he was going to be buying into all of my bullshit right now.

"That is not going to happen. Nobody thinks that I am going to swoon anybody over. Well, nobody who is sane." Max said, and I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to be saying more. But that there was no need to be talking about this anymore. I was thinking that maybe one day, we might be having a better discussion here.

"Alright, if you feel like it is not going to happen, then I would feel very sorry for you." I was saying, and I was just thinking that I could just leave the subject alone. I was wondering what I would do to make him feel like he was not going to have the worst time in the world to be making something like this work out.

"Besides, I think that you have a better chance, with you being the basketball star in the school. Everybody is going to be thinking that you are the greatest player ever, and everybody is going to want to be just like you." After he was telling me this, I was feeling happy to be hearing him tell me this. Hearing him say this was going to make me feel like I was going to have a chance to take advantage of something like this now.

...

-October 18 2020 1:11 am- The only thing that I was scared of going forward, was making my crushes actually go on and like me. You know, I needed to make the things going on in town feel less and less overwhelming, and less and less like I was just losing everything going on in my life. I was tired of everything, and I was feeling like if for nothing else, watching that broadcast was going to be giving me something that I could talk about. I didn't want to watch it. But it would give me something.

I knew that I did not want to watch that next stuff. But I was wanting to just get this over with, and I was just wanting to see what was even going to present itself. If I could just see what the point of this was, then I would get to know if there was a chance that I might be learning what had happened to Bufford, and I was just wanting to make sure that nothing happened to anybody else who was close with him. Since I would not want that to happen.

I mean, I had no idea who he was, and I had no idea if I was even going to be safe going forward with learning this stuff. But I was feeling like I was just needing to know whatever the hell these men and women who must have known this and showed it to tv were fucking hiding. I was scared, and I was reminding myself not to be speaking on it.

I was aware that nobody was going to be buying what I had told them, and nobody was going to even pretend to care. I was thinking that I was not going to play around here. Those men who ere involved with this were going to be doing something to people who lived here, and I was just thinking about why I was even wanting to think that this risk was going to be worth it.

I was aware that if any of my older siblings were watching me doing this, and if they were actually aware of what I was doing, they were going to be pissed the fucking hell off at me. They were going to be yelling at me for bringing something into the house that should have never been brought forward. They were probably right. But I hated to admit it.

I sat down and I was turning on the television again, and as much as I was hating to admit it, I was letting this whole thing get to me, and I was slowly letting this whole thing to turn into a giant obsession. I hated to admit the truth of the fact that I was letting this get to me. But I guess that in some extent, I was just not even caring anymore.

As I was looking for this channel, I was feeling the annoyance of what I was thinking to Lydia coming back. I was feeling like the fact that Lydia had brought this up to me, and the fact that she was making me so interested in this was the whole thing that just made it all so much fucking worse. If she had never mentioned this, it would have never been an issue.

It took about ten minutes this time, and this time I felt like the channel was not even remotely related to the one that was showing up last time. But I was not wanting to make a deal out of it. I was thinking that maybe I had imagined that bit. So with that, I knew that there was clearly something that the people who knew this channel were doing behind our backs. Something about this was just really changing my mind now.

When I did click on the channel, I was seeing that there was a few moment of blank screen. The screen being totally blank for that length of time was just getting to me for some reason. I had truly believed that I had finally found something that was wasting my time. Or that I had found everything that I could, and that there was nothing now. After another several seconds, there was a man who was sitting down on a chair.

As he was sitting down on the chair, I saw him just staring right at the screen for several seconds. He was clearly just staring down something, and I was thinking the fact that he was not wanting to look away from this was just clearly showing that either he was finding something to enjoy here, or that he was not even aware that he was being watched. But with the posture that he was showing, I was much more feeling like it was the former.

"The reports have been filed in. Nobody has suspected anything else. There are some needs to increase the revenue of our business, and that is why we are proposing the idea of adding a bit of an extra cost to all future orders going forward?" After a random voice was saying this, the men who was sitting down looked up, and he was clearly looking like he was having no real interest in this subject at all.

"How much extra are you guys planning to add to the orders?" The man sitting down asked, and there was a look on his face as if showing that he was super happy to be hearing something like this, like he was wanting to take in every fucking penny that he would be able to take. "Or is this just a proposition that is not going to be going through?" I was feeling like this was the only moment that really mattered, and the only moment that I was needing to actually watch more than anything else.

"An extra twenty five hundred per shipment is going to be enough. And since one percent of every order goes to the employee, that is only an extra twenty five dollars per order for them." The voice who was trying to make a deal said, and then the boss was looking like he was kind of pissed at the way that this man acted like this was no big deal at all.

"Damn it. Soon enough, some people are going to want more and more money. But for now, I think that something like this might be enough." After the man who was sitting down on the chair was saying this, I saw him looking like he was relatively peaceful, and he was clearly looking like he had wanted to just keep the thoughts to himself. I knew that whatever this man wanted, he would take it. I was certain of this.

"Well, for now, it seems like we are not going to have a choice here. But I think that you probably already understand this. The only thing that I think we should be more careful of is keeping the parents in track. They might be starting to lose some interest in all that we are working with." After he said this, the man in the chair was almost thinking about everything that he was being told. I was clearly seeing him looking like he did not appreciate the commentary here, and did not want to be told how to be doing his job at all.

"You know that things are going to be much harder than you are making it out to be. We can't just keep giving and giving and giving. Sooner or later, they are going to be taking things, and there is nothing that we are going to be able to do about it." After the in the chair was saying this, he was sounding like his mind was totally out of it, and not even pretending to focus now.

"I always wondered how we were able to keep up this business for so long. I mean, you would think that sooner or later, somebody would be wise to what is happening." After the second person said this, the man in the chair was looking up, and I was seeing that he was sincerely pissed at everything he had just heard that other guy say. As if feeling betrayed.

"We were able to keep this business hidden for so long because we had our priorities stright. We understood what it was like to be losing track and focus on the task. I was very much the same way at one point in time, and I do not blame some others for being like this before. But trust me when I say that I am not going to be letting this continue." The man sitting down said, as if thinking about what he was going to do to make sure that this was going to never happen again.

...

-October 18 2020 5:08 pm- Thankfully speaking, the broadcast I watched last night was not nearly as strange as the one as the car chase, and not nearly as scary as the man who got killed. In all honesty, I was feeling like I had been taking this whole thing way too seriously, and I was now feeling like I was taking this whole thing way too far. Almost as if I was sincerely believing that the things that I had been watching was going to be getting me killed. I was now genuinely convinced of something like this.

The only thing that I was certain of though was that I was just glad to be aware that Lydia had not seen the one that I had watched last night. Or the one with the man getting shot. If Lydia had seen one of, if not both of those, I was going to feel like she was going to be losing her mind.

I was aware that no matter what Lydia was going to be doing, she was going to just simply brushing me off, and she was going to be watching those fucking films more and more. I was thinking that if Lydia was going to keep watching them, then I was going to be one hundred percent certain that she was going to be putting herself in danger. I knew that something like this was sounding strange, but I just was certain.

As I was getting ready to head out to hang out with Max again before school tomorrow, and just have a good moment, that was when right as I was about to leave, that was when I heard a voice calling out to me. I was turning around, and I was seeing that it was Seth. I had no idea what he was trying to accomplish, so I was just going to ignore what he was wanting to tell me for the time being.

"Hey, how are you?" I asked, not even wanting to talk about the fact that he was thinking that all that I had seen, and what I was wanting to tell him earlier was a fucking lie. That really pissed me off, and I was feeling like whatever he was wanting to tell me was only going to be making fun of me more.

"I just wanted to apologize to you." After Seth said that, I was actually confused, and impressed, and I was feeling like I was just needing to give him a chance. Maybe he was actually going to be taking what I said with more respect, and that if he was going to tell me something, I needed to at least pretend to give him the safe respect as well.

"What for?" I asked, and despite everything that had been running in my mind, I was not going to be lying if I told you that I was not entirely certain that he was not just pulling my leg. I was feeling like I was just needing to really take what he was saying more seriously now.

"The way I treated you at school some days ago. I know that you were just trying to find out what I knew about that guy, and that strange as showing. I know that you were just wanting to have some clues here. You deserve better than what I gave you." He said, and then I was just feeling like I needed to give him a chance now. I was feeling like whatever he was wanting to tell me, was just going to be a load of shit.

"Tell me one thing... Do you actually think that something like this might be true? Did you see something like this before? I mean, the thing really scared me." I said, and I was more referring to the car, and that the thing that scared me was the man who got killed. I wanted that mans death to stop being in my mind so much. But there was no way that this would truly happen.

"I don't know what you saw, and I don't know if you were telling me the truth. But the fact that some of my friends were telling me about it when we were done talking that day, and they seemed to be taking it more seriously. Then the way that Becky was talking to me about it, makes me convinced that she might have seen something like this." After he was telling me this, I genuinely had no idea what to be telling me.

"Do you think that maybe I could talk to Becky on it, and see what she has to tell me?" I asked, and the way that I was staring right at him, was making it very clear that I was not going to be taking this as a fucking joke. I had no real interest in taking this any further. "Seth, do you feel like you would want to try and see if there is something by watching some stuff?" I asked, and I was feeling like maybe if I could ask him this, he would actually want to help me out here.

"I am not going to be looking into anything like that. I am scared out of my mind on the off chance that is real. Besides, I want to do stuff like school, and have some friends. I have a real goal in life." After he was telling me this, I was unable to tell if this was a personal jab, or if he was not thinking too much on it at all.

"Come on, I think that if you see something like this, you might believe me." I said, and I was unsure why I was needing or wanting him to believe in me for so long. I was feeling like I just needed to get him to admit that something was happening. The only way that I could get this man to work with me was to basically beg. And I hoped that as my older brother, if he knew that I needed his help, he might be taking it more seriously.

"I do believe that something might have been shown. But I think that you can't really connect this to anything. You know, I feel like you can't connect this to the people who go missing or whatever." He said, and while I appreciated his honesty, I was not wanting him to be saying this. I was not wanting to hear him tell me that this did not matter.

"Stuff is happening at this town, and I think that it might be bets to take it seriously, and see what is happening." I was saying, and then I was feeling like maybe if I could be just speaking to him, and talking to him in a way that showed him that I was wanting him to know that this was something I genuinely felt fear on, I was going to make it finally work out.

"I never said that there was not stuff going on at this town. I just think that we need to be more realistic when looking at where this is going. I think that we just need to be fair. I mean, people go missing. What does that have to do with a random car chase that was going on?" Seth said, and I was feeling like I just needed to decide if I was wanting to tell him the truth right then and there, and just tell him what I was fearing, then he might know what was happening was much more serious.

"Do you think that there might be something of a overall business going on at this town? You know, with the missing cases." I was saying, feeling like maybe if I could tell him this, then Seth would see that I knew what was happening. I saw Seth looking down, and I was seeing him looking like he was having nothing he wanted to tell me. "Do you know what is up the mountain?" I was feeling like that was a valid question now.

"No, why would I be worried what is up the mountain? This is so all over the place that I think you need to relax, and just come up with something to actually focus on here." Seth was asking me, and I was feeling like I was just needing to be leaving this whole thing alone if he was wanting to have any remote respect for me.

"I just think that something could be there." I said, and then I was wanting to say something else. I wanted to be saying something to make him happier, and make him feel like I was taking this seriously, and that I was not a asshole. But at the same time, I was thinking that since he was not all that worried about this all, then why the heck was I taking it so damn seriously, and was I actually sounding insane this whole time?

…

-October 19 2020 5:21 pm- I was well aware of how much my interest in this subject was just dragging me down, and I was aware of how much it was probably coming off as a bit much to my family and friends. I was thinking that I just needed to let it go, and while I was glad that Seth was at least pretending to help me out here, and teach me what was going on with the help of his friends, I was accepting that maybe I was just needing to try and leave it all alone.

I did not want to force Seth and his friends into this, and I was thinking that if I was going to be doing something like this, they would have every single right in the world to not want to hang out with me. They were going to hate me, and they were going to view me as that retarded little brother, and they were going to have every single right in the world to be feeling this way.

That being said, the only thing that I wished that was given to me better was the confirmation that Seth and the others were going to not be brushing me off as a total joke anymore. If I could be given that at least, then I might as well be able to pretend like I was fucking making progress to my friends and family. My friends and family were the most important people that I could have been fighting for, no matter what.

I was walking out of my house, and I figured that if I could remove myself from the house, then I might be able to pretend like there was a small chance that at least I would not want to take the chances to be finding it once again. I felt like that was the only thing that I could have actually accomplished here. Right as I was about to leave the yard, I was hearing Lydia's voice calling out to me, and I was kind of annoyed and kind of grateful for this at the same time.

I was not wanting to hang out with Lydia since she was the one that brought this whole thing up to me, and she was the one who made things even worse. On the other hand, I was wanting to hang out with her, since she was the closest to me in age, and if the conversation must come up, I would rather have her do it than have Henry or one of the older ones do so.

I needed to remember the fact that Henry was almost six, and he was my roommate, which meant that it was only a matter of time before he tried to force me to tell him the truth. He was going to be rough with me telling him. But I was entirely unsure of if I could be able to tell him anything at all. I was just wanting him to have a bit more happiness here, that I might have gotten.

"Hey Jack, I was wondering if you were willing to hang for a bit?" Lydia asked, and I was feeling like that was the worst question she would be asking me, since I was feeling like whatever she was doing was going to be dragging me along to something that I was not really ready for. "Or are you going to be too busy for all of this?"

The way that she was asking me this was making me feel bad, and I was wanting to tell her something else. I was wanting to just pretend like I was annoyed with her, and I was wanting to pretend like I did not want her to be hanging out with me. But I did want her to be hanging out with her, to just have something to discuss a bit. In all honesty, I was going to have to really just hide what the fear in my mind was, and I was going to have to pretend like I did not fear anything, despite the fact that I was scared out of my fucking mind.

"Yeah, sure we can talk for a bit. I am probably going to try and talk to Max for a while. You know, just some stuff about basketball, or football. Just something..." I said, as if trying to make it seem like I was being a regular teenager, and that I was not scared for what was going to be happening at all. She was looking at me, as if clearly feeling like she did not believe a word of what I was going to be saying right now.

"Oh, I have wanted to get into sports for a while. But I feel like if I try to do it, I would be coming off as a failure. I do not want to be making you let down. But I just think that it would be so much fun." After she had told me this, I was smiling, and I was thinking that maybe if she was meaning what she had said, and that she did really think it was fun, I was going to have to give her a fucking chance now.

"Well, maybe if you are telling the truth, I might as well tell you what I think you could be able to do to make it all work out." I said, and then I was feeling like maybe if we could be able to work along a bit longer, and actually take something seriously, then she and I would probably even come up with some form of a actual plan here.

"I mean, it looks like something is making you a bit worried right now. I think that maybe we can talk about something here." After Lydia was telling me this, I was feeling like we just needed to talk about something, or that I just needed to lie, and then she would be feeling like she was going to be careful, and she was going to be safe. But she was needing to not worry about what we were getting ourselves into.

"Just some stuff that I saw. I don't really want to talk about it. I think that if I talk about it, then the whole thing just becomes a bit too real." I said, and then I was looking right at her, and I was seeing that she was super wanting to ask me something. She knew that I was needing to talk about it to somebody, and she was clearly wondering why I would not let her be the one who would talk to me on this all.

"Is it related to the channel I told you on?" She asked me, and then I was feeling like maybe if I was honest to her on this regard, she might not want to be looking into this anymore, and she might be learning that this was no longer a game. It probably never was a game in the first place. But I was now seeing it way too well that it was not, and I was not scared to admit that I got myself into something way too far.

"Yeah, it is all because of that." I said, feeling like I was finally doing something good by telling her the truth. I felt like by telling her the truth, the only thing that I would have been able to do that I would have considered a good thing. But in all honesty, I was just telling myself to put myself first once and for all.

"Sorry for telling you about it. I never thought that you were going to be having such a big deal out of it. I just thought that it would have been somewhat fun in all honesty." She was telling me, and then I was feeling like I just needed to find my way out of this whole thing. I was feeling like I was needing to just save her from something much worse, and I was just needing to be making my point the entire time.

"Don't worry about it. I just don't really think that I am going to be wanting to look into something anymore. I am so fucking done with it. I fucking hate this whole thing, and I think that I just need to get it out of my mind." I was saying, and I did not care if Lydia was going to be mad at me swearing. I was feeling like I was just needing to be making my point on this whole thing.

"Jack, you need to relax. None of this is real. You are taking this whole thing way too seriously." Lydia told me, and I was not wanting to hear any of it. It was much more than this, and she knew it. She must have been smart enough to know this, or at least try and suspect something like it.

"What if it is real though?" I asked, feeling like I needed to have her at least consider this prospect a bit. I needed to get her to understand that perhaps this was not a fucking game. I was feeling like she was not going to be taking it seriously enough, and on one hand, I did not blame her for not doing so. On the other hand, I was feeling like since she was the one that brought this upon me, I needed her to be honest with me.

"Then let the adults take care of it. We don't need to worry about it." She was telling me, and I was sort of mildly agreeing with her, but at the same time, I was disagreeing way too fucking much. I was feeling like if she was going to be like this, I needed to accept the fact that she was just not going to be my ally on this going forward. I wanted her to be happy. But I wanted her to be real with me here at the same time.

"Maybe that would be a good idea in any other world, but not on this one. Not on this one, trust me." I said, and then I was feeling like I was pushing my beliefs on her too hard, and I was feeling like I was just going to have to relax a bit. I knew that she was happy, and I knew that she was not getting it. I was wondering why I was challenging this mindset, and I was wondering why I would not just let herbe happy, and just leave the whole thing alone. Mabe if I were to do that, then she might be able to respect me a bit better.

"Do you think that Max believes in this whole thing anyways?" She asked me, and then I was looking at her, and I was not wanting her to be bringing up Max, since her doing this was just going to try and make me sound stupid, and be throwing me under the bus She was clearly just wanting me to look at things from a morepractical perspective. Which would have been great. But it could not realistically work out at all.

"I think that he will certainly believe in it if he saw the stuff that I did. I think that if anybody saw that shit, they would believe in me." I said, and then I was feeling like I was needing to respect her safety, and her patience, and her respect, and that I just needed to fucking stop for the time being. Maybe she would have taken it super serious.

But until she saw something like this, and until I had the courage to explain it, which I just did not have enough of, she would be forever confused, and she would be forever wondering if I was just making bullshit up. Maybe I was just needing to respect that part of her space a bit better.

Once we were getting to his house, I was glad that at least for the time being, we were able to put this whole thing behind me. I was thinking that maybe we could just hang out with Max, and we were going to just pretend like nothing was even going to matter all that much anymore.

"Hey Max, how are you doing?" I asked, trying to just speak with him for a while, and just trying to make it seem like none of this was going to be all that big of a deal. Max was not looking like he was bothered by the random visit, and if anything, he was still looking like he was just proud to be seeing us here at all, and taht he was wanting to hang ouy with me now.

"I'm doing alright." After Max told me this, he was looking at Lydia for a second, and I was seeing him looking like he was sincerely wanting to ask me what she was doing with me. Then with this, he was just telling himself to not be saying anything. Almost as if he was wanting to respect my wishes here or something.

"What are you going to do with us today?" He asked Lydia, as if feeling like he was just needing to respect the fact that maybe Lydia was having a genuine reason to be here, and that maybe he just needed to let that come on through. With that, Lydia was smiling, and she was rubbing her hair behind her head, as if scared of the way that Max was going to percieve her.

"I was wanting to just hang out with Jack, and he let me tag along. I think that it would be a lot of fun, and I think that he needs to stop being so worried about sppoky stuff." She said, and then Max was looking at me, knowing full well what she was talking about, and he was sort of giving me a look of 'let it go' but he was just not wanting to be super rude about it. I was shrugging, as if thinking that something like this was just never going to fucking happen, no matter how much I wanted it.

"Yeah, he talks about that stuff alot. You just sort of get used to it though. So I would not be too worried on it." I was not sure if he was saying that in annoyance, or if he was just trying to be funny, or being blunt. I was feeling like no matter what we were going to be dealing with, there was going to be a small part of him that was just hating this whole thing, and was not willing to truly hide it all. But maybe it was his lack of seriousness that was getting to me. The fact that he was not even pretending.

"I think that you should be blaming her. She was the one that brought this information onto me." I said, mainly to defend myself, and to make it clear that I was thinking that there was more to this than they were thinking. No, not that I thought. That I fucking knew, and that I was going to be making it clear here.

"I didn't know that you were going to be obssessed with this now. I thought that it would have been fun to just talk for a while. But do you want to watch them more?" She asked, and I was seeing Lydia looking like this was borderline a test. I was kind of annoyed with this whole thing, but I was wondering where this was going now.

"You watch that stuff every night, so you do not get to tell me not to be taking this too seriously. You watch it all the time, and you have way too much fun with it." I was saying to her, and she was looking like she was wanting to have me relax, and not be taking it way too seriously. But then with that, I was sighing, and told myself not to be so rude.

"Yeah I do. You know it. It's a lot of fun. But that doesn't mean that what I am seeing is true. I think and know that it is just a bunch of fake stuff. That does not mean that it is not fun to be looking at, and I think you need to calm down." Lydia was telling me, and I was feeling like I was needing to scream at her as she had said that.

"Well, what I saw was real. I know that what I saw was real. But I don't know if you saw the same thing." I said, and I was remembering the fact that we were having a bunch of different things to look into. "If you saw the same thing, you would not be messing around with me right now." I sighed, and had nothing else that was going to say, since I had felt like I had perhaps just needed to fucking relax for a bit longer.

"Relax Jack, I'm just playing with you. I am not worried if you believe what you saw was fiction or not. I am just more happy that you are willing to talk about it at all." She was saying, and I was feeling like the fact that she was wanting to having fun with this was something that I wanted to be happy with, and something that I wished that I had. But I could never have it, no matter how much I was wanting it all.

"Alright, if that is how it is going to be, then I guess that things are just something I can never look at. Never mnd me actually having my own look at it all." I said, and then Max was laughing at this, and him laughing reminded me of the fact that we were hanging out with him in the first place. So with that, I was relaxing, and I remembered that I just needed to put in a nice smile on my face, and remember that I just did not need to be taking it so serious.

...

-October 19 2020 10:25 pm- I remembered that in all honesty, people were just going to have to find out things their own way. I mean, I was able to respect the fact that it had seemed like Lydia was genuinely at least trying, and I was able to respect the fact that Max was not totally brushing me off as a loonie here. But at the same time, I was thinking that if they were more aware, if they were more accepting here, then none of this was going to be a fucking issue at all.

I was thinking that they were both deserving better than the unfair treatment that I was giving them, and that they were both feeling like I was just needing to remember things a bit different. I wished that I would do just that. I wished that I would just remember that none of this was going to be making any difference. But the fact of the matter is that no matter what people told me, I was going to be considering where to go from here.

I needed to really see if I could learn more about Bufford, and if learning more about his group of friends, was going to be making any difference. I had truly felt like speaking to those people, or learning their history, would have given me a start to making progress down the road. I felt like it would have been the start that I needed. The only thing that I needed was the sort of place to be able to even look at this in the first place.

I was just thinking that even if helping my older siblings was just not fucking real at all, and even if they were never going to accept my help even if such help was offered, I was just thinking that I could ignore that whole thing for the time being, and just look at something that I felt like I needed to do. Helping out my younger siblings going forward.

I was hoping that one of these days, either Lydia or Max would be coming around to helping me. But despite everything going on, I just was going to be a independent agent. I was going to be doing everything that I could to research as much of this as I could in libraries after school, or watching those shows. Sooner or later, the proper answer would come, and then I was going to tell people and show every single one of them that I was not going crazy. That I did see what I had saw, and that it was time to answer for what had happened to him.

I remember this one person who was in my class. I think her name was Abby or something. I remember her older cousin went missing when we were six years old, which was only three years ago. I was certain now more than ever that maybe something like that had to do with what happened to her. I was certain that this fucking business was entire responsible for it. Well, not business, but what I had witnessed.

As I was thinking all of this, when I was wanting to fall asleep, this was when my younger brother Henry was speaking out to me. I looked at him, and I was seeing him looking like he was just probably worried for me, and was wondering what was going on. As I was seeing him like this, and I was seeing him just wanting to say more, I was going to let him talk for now.

"Jack, you look like something is bothering you." After Henry said that to me, I was sighing, and I was just feeling like saying that this was bothering me was a fucking understatement of the damn century. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asked me, and then I was sighing, truly not wanting to do this at all.

"Just something that I saw on television, and nobody is taking me seriously." I said, and then I was seeing Henry looking like he did not get it, and I was thinking that I was not going to be shocked by something like this at all. I was thinking that I was needing to not be shocked by this at all. "I mean, I know what I saw, and I know that what I saw was real, and that nobody was making it up for anything." I was telling him, not even caring if he was listening to me here, and not even caring what he was wanting to say as an objection.

"How can you know if it was real or not?" Henry asked me, and for a second, I was thinking about this question, and I was thinking about how I could answer it in a way that was not going to be sounding like I was fucking crazy or what not. I was thinking that maybe I had been crazy. But for the time being, I was just not even worried on this. But maybe I was going to have to ring it in, and just try and find a way to truly answer him.

"I know it was real because the way that the people were acting was just too real. You know, it seemed like this person really was having to make the choice of his life." I said, and then I was just I was seeing him looking like he was still not getting it. I was not surprised, and I was thinking that maybe I was going to just have to find a way that I could explain it in a way that was not going to be too confusing to him.

"What were they acting like?" Henry asked, and I was feeling like maybe this was the part where either I fully let him in, or I reel it in back, and just think about what he was telling me. I was wanting to tell him off, but I knew that sooner or later, Lydia was probably going to tell him about how I was acting insane, and how she regretted showing me, and how I was needing to play it back a bit longer.

"Well, one of them was basically talking about this strange like business that he was involved with. I would not be shocked if he was the one running the whole thing. Even though he was denying it." I told him, thinking that this was going to be the easy part to understand, and I was feeling like I would be ine with letting him know that much. Not like he was going to be getting scared over that. "He was smoking a cigarette, so that affected his voice a bit, and that probably could add to his cover a bit."

Obviously, at nine, I did not understand that one single cigarette was not going to be the end of the world, and that he needed so much more to truly make a difference. But at the moment, I was thinking that maybe stalling it out was going to be making him lose some interest here, and that by doing this, I might be keeping him safe for a while longer.

"Anyways, so he was explaining to one guy who was sort of goth or something what it was like to be working at this company or what ever, and he was basically telling him that in order to be a part of the job fully, he was needing to do exactly as he was told." I was saying, and I was thinking about how I was down paying the whole thing to make it seem like he was just a generic villain or what not. Which perhaps he was, but I did not want to be saying it.

"What was he told to do?" Henry asked, and I was feeling like that was the one question I hated for him to be asking me. I was thinking that if he was going to ask me this, then I was going to have to grow a fucking pair of balls, and just tell him straight up what I had seen. I was not wanting to do that, and I was not going to hide this fact at all.

"I think that you do not need to be know the truth about this." I said, and I was feeling like maybe be lying to him, and just pushing him off, and treating him like he was somebody who was sort of a side part of it all. "I mean, I know why you would want to know, and I know that it might be too exciting to just not know the truth of. But I think that if you know, then you would never forgive me." I said, pretending like what I was doing was real smart, and borderline heroic. But at the same time, Iw as feeling like maybe if I just let him know the truth, he would not be too angry at me.

"But I still want to know. can you please just tell me." After Henry said that to me, I was seeing him looking like he was just not going to be letting this go at all. I was seeing him looking like he was not going to respect the fact that I was wanting to leave the whole thing alone for the time being.

"Fine, if you care so much, I will fucking tell you." I said, and I was feeling like maybe I was needing to respect him a bit better. But at the same time, I was thinking that he was just needing to not be too hard on me, and that I was just needing to do my own thing now. "I was seeing a man being told that he was going to have to kill somebody if he were wanting to be in the job any longer."

"I think that this man had some history with the man who was given the gun, and who was told that he was needing to shoot the bullet. He did not want to fire the bullet. You can see the man scred to fire the bullet. But you saw that the man was going to do it if it had meant showing his allegiance. He knew that whatever he was serving was more important in his mind than any legal issues." I was saying, and I was feeling like like I was just needing to leave it alone now.

"Why was he wanted to be killed?" Henry asked me, and I was shocked to be seeing him even remotely interested in this stuff, and I was feeling like I just needed to drop the subject. I was feeling like I was needing to be making it clear to him that this was something that was far too important.

"I think that he probably was wanted because he might have tried to expose the secret. You know, whatever that town business was doing, they were scared of being exposed, and they would be willing to do anything, include killing another man to hide it for a while longer." I said, and I was thinking about all that I just said, and I was thinking about what it was going to be like if what I had said was going to be carrying over later.

"So Jack, do you think that you do not want to know what is happening because if you do, then you might have to learn more truth here?" Henry asked, and I was feeling like for a five year old, he was pretty good at catching onto this. But I was not wanting to give him credit. I was thinking that by giving him credit, he was going to be laughing at me here.

"More or less, I think that is exactly it. I think that I just do not wan to learn more for my own safety." I said, and I was not caring how selfish it was sounding. I knew how selfish it was sounding, and in all honesty, I was not even caring at all. But in all honesty, I was wondering if maybe telling him this was going to give him a greater understanding of this fucking place in the future.

"So Jack, did the goth guy do it? Did he kill the man?" Henry asked, scared out of his fucking mind about what he was asking, and scared about the prospects of what was happening, and he was scared of what it meant if I was seeing a death. "Is that why you are so worried about it?"

"That is exactly why honestly. The man on the ground got a bullet out in his head, and he was left down on the ground. They just left his body there, to rot. They did not even take the time to remove him. And the thing that scares me is that there is probably much worse out there, and I never saw it yet." I said, and then I was sighing, and I was just thinking that the fact that I needed to consider that was coming true scared me shitless.

"Do you think that somebody might be coming after you?" Henry asked, and this was something that I was happy for, and something that I could brish off, and that was the only thing that I could be grateful for. "Do you think you will be the next one to get shot?" Despite my confidence, I was not wanting him to continue.

"I think that I do not need to worry about that at all. Thankfully. I am certain that people are going not coming after me. First off, this whole thing seemed entirely personal between the killer and the victim. Then there is the fact that this was made seven years ago." I said, and then I was feeling like that was the last thing that I needed to tell him to remember that this was true.

"Yeah, there was a date at the bottom, and it was a date that this was recorded. That is the proof that I need that this was real." I said, and then I was just feeling like a idiot for not mentioning this before, and I was feeling like the fact that I never used that as my argument was probably the only reason I could not convince them what was happening right away, and the reason why nobody liked it at all.

"Are you going to be letting other people see this? I mean, maybe Lydia might be interested in something like this?" Henry was telling me, and then I was looking right at him, and I was wishing that he was going to be able to see how crazy what he was suggesting was, and that he was just needing to fucking stop it right then and there. But then I was telling myself to remember how happy he was right now.

"Lydia already knows of this stuff. She doesn't believe in me about it. She doesn't understand why I believe it in so much. But I think that I just need to be keeping this away from her. She deserves better than this, and I think that if she was able to look at it as a hoax, I just need to respect something like this." I was telling her, and then I was noddingm fully aware and accepting of what we were getting ourselves into.

"Maybe I can show you tomorrow. You know, if you want to know more about this, I guess that this is the best that I could do." I was saying, and I was hating what I told him, and I was feeling like he was deserving so much better than what I was suggesting. But if he was wanting to know more, and was pressing for more, I might as well fucking let him have it.

"Cool. That would be so much fun." After he had told me this, I was seeing Henry looking like his mind was so excited for this. I wish I was as excited for this as he was, but that was something that was going to be impossible, and something that I wish that I could have accepted right away.

...

-Oct 20 2020 11:34 pm - When I was feeling like most of our siblings were asleep, I was feeling like if Henry wanted and needed to see what was happening, and see what I was talking about, I might as well just show him now, and get it over with. I was still thinking that this was a terrible idea, and that he was a fucking idiot for this. But for now, I was not in the mood for it.

"Henry, do you still feel like you want to see what it is?" I was asking, and I was hoping deep down he was going to be saying no. I was wanting him to just can this idea before we went too far with it. But I knew that look on his face, and that look on his face was showing me that he was not going to be taking no for an answer, and that I was just needing to accept the truth that this was something we were going to be doing.

"Alright, I was feelng like it was worth one final try." I admitted, feeling like I was going to be regretting this idea way too much, and that was something that I was going to just try and keep my fear hidden on. He was never going to understand why I was so scared of this, and he was never going to understand the one that I was seeing. He was never going to understand that I genuinely felt like we were going to be in danger by doing this now.

As we were going up the stairs, I was feeling like no matter what Henry was going to say, and no matter what he was wanting to do now, he was going to regret ever asking me this in the first place, and he was going to feel sorry for ever pressing me on the issue. Once he was going to be seeing the first one, which was probably going to be the worst one for him, then he was going to know that this was not a joke.

"Jack, what is the issue? I mean, it's just a bad show?" He was asking me this, and I was feeling like I had no idea what the hell we were even going to be doing. I was having no idea what the hell I was going to tell him. I had no idea if I wanted to tell him anything at all. We were sitting down in the living room, I was feeling like he was going to understand all too well what we were getting ourselves into. I turned on the television, and I was turning around for a while.

After nearly two minutes of this, that was when Henry was feeling like it was a perfect time to be a total fucking smartass, and was wanting to pretend like he was being super fucking smart here. "Are you sure that you did not dream this, and that this was actually real?" He asked me, and then I was feeling like there was too much at stake for him to be dragging me down with his commentary. I was thinking that I just needed to entirely dodge him off.

"I know that what I saw was real. Lydia was the one who was introducing me to this, and there was no way she was imagining it." I was saying, and then after a few more seconds, I was eventually seeing that the channel was coming along. I knew that this was the channel that we were looking for, and after a second, I was reeling back my excitement, and I was remembering to present myself well enough.

"This is the one that I found the first couple of times." I was looking at him for a second, and despite the fact that he was obviously trying to hide it, and the fact that he was hating to admit it, I was seeing that he was actually shocked that something was here, and he was clearly feeling like he was needing to take back his comments for now, and see what I was trying to show him now.

I was watching the movie, and I was seeing that on the broadcast, there was a guy who was around twelve years old skating around, and while he was skating around, he was seriously looking like he was the most happy boy in the entire world. As he was doing this, I was wondering if maybe I would be able to see the value of skating and stuff, and maybe I was thinking that I should be giving it a chance.

For a few seconds, I was seeing that the guy was just skating, and Henry was looking at me, as if wondering if this was a total prank. I was seeing that for the time being, he was already starting to lose some interest in this whole subject. In all honesty, I did not even blame him for feeling that way. But I was wishing that he was going to be taking this more seriously right now.

Eventually, as he was skating for a few more seconds, he was hitting a bump, and then he was landing on the ground, and as he landed on the ground, we heard the loud popping sound of his arm breaking, and he was screaming at the top of his lungs. I was looking around, and strangely enough, a few of the areas around the blonde boys (I believe) surroundings, I realized that I actually knew some of these places.

This both scared the shit out of me, while also made me interested. Aside from the thirty four year difference between then and now, as you can see with the July 30 1986 on the bottom right of the screen, I was seeing that these places were many of the same. I saw that the local gas station was there, which meant that the former summer camp was goin to only be about five or so miles away.

I was scared to realize that now there was no way around it, every single thing that I was watching was a historical footage tape of Wayside, and it was something that was bringing me together, and knowing that what I found was the biggest discovery of the town. And I was seeing the boy standing up, and grabbing the skateboard.

Henry was clearly looking like he was uncomfortable with what he had just seen, and I was seeing that he was not wanting to admit that this officially made him at unease. I was feeling like maybe I was needing to wrap his up, and that if something like this was scaring him, then I was needing to just let him be doing this on his own. But then I was going to be focusing on the main thing that we were watching. Which was figuring out this man was going to be doing.

Eventually, as he was walking along, just trying to keep the board and broken arm together. As he was walking along, there were a few police cars driving by a rapid pace, and I was seeing that they were going to be looking for something very important. I just think that the boy who was walking by was now more interested in this than anything else. You would see that look on his face when he was beaming up, and I was just wanting to see what he was going to do now.

As the by was following along, it took nearly ten minutes of real time passing by in order for us to see what was hapening with the police car. As we were watching the cars parking, I was seeing that the police officers were all looking like they were just sad over what was happening. And the boy was wondering what was going to be coming up next.

They were around a well, and while I was confused for a few seconds, I was seeing what was going to be coming along. I was seeing that they were going to probably pull a body out. I was seeing that Henry was clearly not getting it, and he was actually really interested in what was going on now. So I was feeling like I just needed to be quiet, and let it see where this was going.

A few moments later, my fears were proven correct when a the bucket of the well had pulled out a police officer who was brought down there, as well as a young girl who could not have been any older than fifteen. I was really thinking about what it would have been like to have somebody Josiah's age getting murdered and thrown down the well in our town thirty four years ago. Surely dad would know about what we were getting ourselves to do.

When the girl was brought down the ground, one of the officers was speaking to a mircophone, and the skateboard boy gasped at this, and I was clearly feeling like maybe he was just aware of who this girl was, and that maybe I was actually going to be seeing a huge part of skater boys life starting up. As if I was watching his origin story.

"Jeff is at large again, on his yearly streak." After the officer said this, I was confused who Jeff was, and I was confused as to why everybody was looking like he going to be the biggest deal in Wayside history. I was feeling like I just needed to see what the hell his issue was, and then we were going to start to piece at least one mystery together now.

As this was happening, I was shocked for what was happening next when the grinding noise had gone off, which gave me a answer on when one of the times it happened was, and if I was wanting to look into the history of this place, I would learn what was happening on July 30 1986, and see the history of the town at the current moment to lead into something like this happening.

…

-October 21 2020 4:46 pm- I was feeling like if I could go on and learn the truth of what these people were hiding with the grinding sound, and how the hell the case with the dead girl was solved, I was wondering if anything like this was my business. I mean, this happened thirty four years ago. I mean, I was sincerely doubting that anything here was happening, and that I was just taking this whole thing way too fucking seriously.

I was feeling like if Henry had known what I was wanting to do, then he was going to be telling me that I was fucking stupid. He was going to tell me that I was insane, and that I just needed to find something to do that was going to be making him feel like I was not getting myself in danger. I was wanting him to not be scared, since he did not deserve anything like this.

I was going to see if maybe I might be able to get Becky to want to talk to me. I knew that she was going to be thinking that me reaching out to her was going to be rather strange, and that she would not want to have me do this. But in all honesty, I was thinking that this was not even going to make any real difference at all.

While I would go on and see if maybe I could hang out with Seth, to go on and see Becky, I was just hoping that Henry was never going to be binging up what he had saw to Lydia. I knew that Lydia was going to be the only one that was going to be taking him seriously, and that Lydia was the only one who would not be angry at me for what I had shown him.

That being said, if he were to tell Lydia, then Lydia might go on and tell the others. And if she told the others, then I was fucked. I would never be able to accomplish anything at all. I would be having my older brothers getting angry at me because I was finding myself going down into some form of an obsession. Nobody was going to be very happy with what I was doing, and I was going to have to try and act like I was sorry for this.

In all honesty, despite what they would have wanted me to be saying, I would not feel sorry for what had happened, and I would never apologize for anything like this. I was going to be owning up to what I was doing, and I was going to explain that I had felt like I had no choice and that if they were going to be angry at me over this, then they needed to just let me go on and do my own thing.

Henry was going to not speak a word of this to anybody if he was wanting me to have a small amount of trust with him. I decided that I would show him what I had found, because I thought he would not talk. I thought that he was going to be the only one who would treat me with some respect. But I guess that if he was going to be like this, then something like this would just not be possible at all.

I was seeing Seth heading out, and he was getting ready to hang out with Manny and Becky. I was feeling like I just needed to go on and see how he was feeling. I was not only wanting to see her to get some info from her. But I was feeling like she was mildly good looking girl, and I was thinking that I was going to want to see how she was like, and if she would be friends with me.

I was thinking that something like this would sound insane. I knew that she was going to be telling me that I was not good enough for her, and that she was going to be looking at people her age. But if I could show her that I was sincerely thinking that she was kind of attractive, then I might be able to go on and win her over slightly more.

"Hey Seth, can I go on and hang out with you for a bit?" I asked, and then he was looking right at me, and I saw him looking like he had no desire to be speaking about this at all. I was feeling like I was just going to have to have a slightly better delivery on what I was wanting to do here.

"I know that you were planning on hanging out with Manny and Becky, and I thought that something like this could be a lot of fun, so I was wondering if I would come along with it." I saw Seth looking like he was just trying to be polite about how he was turning me down.

"I think that she might not really want to try and see you. I think that she might be just wanting it to be the three of us." After Dakota had told me this, I was sighing, and I was not wanting to admit that this was something that was sort of getting to me a bit. I wanted to show him that I could be capable of something like this. But I did not want to be pushy at all.

"Damn it, why would she not want to be seeing me? Does she thinking that I am a bit strange is all?" I asked, not wanting to admit something like this, but I was thinking that something like this was going to be kind of annoying him.

"She probably thinks that you are too focused on what the heck was going on with that strange broadcast. I mean, if I did not know any better, I would be thinking that you would be getting obsessed with something like this, and I would be wanting to see you give it a rest." After he was telling me this, I was wishing that he did not tell me this. But at the same time, I was sort of able to see what he was meaning.

"Seth, I know what I saw. I know that what I saw was really fucking scary." I said, and then I was looking down, and I was wanting to hide my relative annoyance on this whole thing. But I was thinking that with the way that this was going, just simply none of this would have been able to work out at all.

"I am not saying that you did not know what you had seen. All that I had said was that I just think that you need to find something else to worry about. You know that if you do not find something else that you can put your mind on, the whole thing is going to fucking eat you." Seth said to me, and I was seeing him looking like he had nothing else to say now.

"But she was the only one who was defending me at the moment. She was the only one who did not totally reject me, and act like I was insane." I said, and I was seeing him looking like he was just wanting to pretend like this whole thing was not getting to him right now. But that something like this was going to be impossible to even preted now.

"She was wanting to probably make you feel better. I would not be all that worried about it Jack. I think that you just need to try and think of how you must be sounding, and what you would be thinking if you were hearing other people saying all of this. You know deep down if you did that, you would be seeing where I am coming from right now, and you would get it." Once he was done telling me this, I saw him just kind of finally looking like he was finished with this now.

"Seth, I just want to see if either Manny or Becky would know if they would be able to give some form of context here." I said, and I was feeling like my friendships, family, and sporting life, were starting to go down because I could not go on and leave this alone. And all because I just wanted to know what Lydia was into.

"I can see what she might say. That is the best that I can do Jack. I wish that I could be able to go on and help you out better. But for now, I think that you might be best to just relax, and remember that things are not that bad." Once Seth had told me this, I saw him looking like he was just wishing beyond all hope that this would be the end of it, as he was walking out of the house.

"Do you know why Gabe was getting so obssessed with something for a while? Are these things connected?" I asked, feeling like I was getting closer to finding out the truth than he was wanting to admit. This was when Seth was looking down, and I was seeing him looking like he had sincere remorse going around. As if he was feeling truly sorry over what he had been wanting to say, but decided all against it.

"As much as I hate to admit it, and I really do genuinely hate to admit it, but I think that we need to let Gabe be doing his own thing, since I highly doubt he would be very happy with anybody getting into his business. Besides, in all honesty, I want nothing to do with it. Not after the bits that I have seen." He was telling me, and I was feeling like I was just needing to know what was happening here. I just needed to see what he could tell me.

"Seth, what is going on with him? What have you seen? Can you be willing to tell me that at least?" I asked, and I was feeling like if he was willing to tell me this at least, and not be hiding behind some bullshit, then I was going to be happy enough. I would at least feel like I was getting somewhere when talking to him then.

"I was getting interested in something like this early on, when it was no big deal, and it was a big mistake. That is all that I want to say. If I say anything else, I think that I might actually start to get scared once again, and I do not want to be scared." After he was telling me this, I saw him looking like he was wishing that I would take this cue, and not be making any issue with this now. I was nodding, and I decided that I was going to respect his wishes.

"I guess that it was a big deal then. I mean, you just are seeming like you want nothing to do with it, and even if I do not get it, I will let it go." I was sighing, not wanting to be speaking on it anymore, and then Seth was looking at me, as if feeling like what he was going to tell me next was going to be possibly making me feel slightly better.

"There is nothing wrong with being interested in knowing what our brothers are up to. I think that you are having a very bright goal ahead of you if this is what you want to do. That being said, I think that we just need to be aware of certain things that can go on if you press too hard." After he had said that to me, I was seeing him nodding, and looked like he had nothing else to say.

"Are you actually scared?" I was asking, and I knew that he was not going to appreciate what I was saying, and I was feeling like he was going to deny everything for a good minute or two... Or that was what I was thinking he was going to do. Instead what he had done was just lower his head, and then he was slowly nodding.

"Happy now? I am, and I think that if you continue to look into this, you should be too." He was telling me, and I was seeing him looking like he had wished that I could just drop the subject right then and there. And this time, he was looking like he was not going to be taking no for an answer.

Seth was walking out of the house, and as I was seeing him gone, I was wondering what he was going to be saying next. I guess that maybe he was having a valid point when it was coming to trying to learn more about this stuff going on. I was still thinking that watching was not going to be all that big of a deal. And that he was needing to relax with simply wathching.

I still wanted to talk to Becky about this, and I was feeling like this was going to be something that I could do in order to impress her, if I was ever going to be getting the chance to speak to her. But I was thinking that I could just play some ball, and that maybe shooting some hoops can give me some time to be thinking about what I was going to do to win her over.

So with that, I was outside, and I was looking at the basketball hoop, which I had not used in a few days. I grabbed the ball, and I was pissed at this prospect, and I was wishing that I had used it more often, and that I was not going to be so worried about what people were going to be saying about me for doing so.

I threw the ball, and I actually missed the shot. Not shocking, considering how much I had neglected taking my sports seriously for nearly two weeks now. I was thinking that the fact that I was finally getting back to this at all was more of a bigger deal than anything else. The fact that I was telling myself to just fucking try was the biggest thing that I could do.

I was wondering if Becky was going to be more impressed by my throwing skills, or more impressed by my way of being able to figure out the truth. Part of me was thinking deeply on it, and after a moment of thinking on it, I was deciding that maybe she was going to be more impressed with me doing good at ball, and that maybe I was just needing to focus on that instead.

As I was thinking all of this, that was when Max was coming up to me, and I was seeing him looking like he was actually kind of excited for something. I was feeling like I just needed to see where this would have been heading. "Hey Jack, I was wondering if you were wanting to hang out for a while." After he had said that, I was sighing, and I started to nod.

"Yeah, sure, I guess that I might see what we can do." I was saying, and then I was feeling like maybe the two of us were going to possibly enjoy the idea of just doing something different for once. I was feeling like maybe just hanging out with him might be able to get me to feel like I could do something else now.

As we were walking along, I was feeling like I might as well say something to Max, to make him feel better over what was going on. "Sorry for the way that I was treating you guys all in the last couple of weeks. I was just too interested in knowing more about what was happening here, that I could not let things go, and I was just needing to see what was happening."

After I had told him this, I was seeing Max looking like he was wanting to say something, to make things slightly different. But I was just feeing like he was never going to tell me anything else. "Jack, don't worry about it. I knew that you were going to want to talk about something else eventually. I knew that I just needed to let you be doing your own thing. And it would all end eventually." After he had said that to me, I was seeing Max looking like he had already forgiven me, and that he had no negative feelings.

"I just think that if I could have found something here, that could have given me some context, and given me a couple of answers, it would have been something that could have changed this all up. But I guess that something like this was just too much to really handle." After I was trying to come up with some bullshit excuse here, I was seeing him looking like he had not wanting to speak on this any longer at all.

"I mean, you were being innocent enough about it anyways. So when you put that in perspective, I could not be too angry at you over something like this. I just think that maybe you were going to see that there would have only been so much time to go before you would have understood why it was fucking insane." After he had told me this, I was shrugging, and I was wanting to speak about something else. And when this was happening, I was sort of realizing that something like this was all that really mattered. Just having a good friendship with some people.


	7. Friends

-Lydia's POV October 22 2020 6:07 pm- Let's just say right now that I sometimes have no idea what is going on in guys heads, and what they must feel like they need to hide from people all the time. I feel like each and every one of my older brothers, and probably what will be one day my younger ones, are just going around and acting like they needed to hide every single fucking thing that was going on in their life. To be honest, I was just thinking that this was their way of showing how manly they were.

But I guess that maybe despite all of that, I think that at least some guys are pretty good out there. Such as the fact that my older brothers seemed like decent people, and the fact that Bebe, Todd's girlfriend, seemed to have a couple of brothers of her own. I only met her younger one out of the two, and while I will deny it if anybody tried to ask me point, but I was thinking that he was actually kind of good looking. And I was thinking that maybe I could try and go out with him once or twice.

That being said, I did not want to be giving Todd that strange feeling of knowing that his girlfriend had a younger brother who was dating his younger sister. In all honesty, the whole thing just seemed fucking strange, and I was hating to be forcing her to go on through something like this. I was just thinking that despite what I was wanting to do, I would just hide what I was thinking, and not be making a giant fucking deal out of it.

So with that, I was just more focused on making some friends on school. I had been about six weeks into my first grade year, and while nobody was at all hostile to me, I was thinking that some of them were not wanting to exactly be friends with me, and some of them were people that I was indeed wanting to be friends with. So I was just sort of accepting the fact that maybe I was going to have to respect their space a bit better.

I was going to be heading home that day, and I was letting my emotions of going on and finding out who I could be making friends with, while also learning what the heck I could do to get Robbie Dan to like me, and then also just wondering what the heck was with my brothers, and what they were going through to make them feel like they were needing to give off this crazy manly impression. To be honest, the whole thing made no fucking sense to me, and I was just sort of taking it one step at a time.

In all honesty, if I could be getting one of those three to be happening any time soon, I was going to be happy enough, and I was not going to be having a huge issue with it. But I was just telling myself that the only one that might realistically happen was getting a friend. Since I had a feeling that Robbie Dan was not liking me, and I was thinking that my brothers were the most stubborn people on earth.

The one thing that I had wished that I could have done to make this whole thing seem to be less boring was just at least having a way that I could actually motivate myself to be doing the homework at school. You know, since I was having no desire to be dealing with that at all. Homework was so fucking boring, and I was only wanting to do it in order to not make my parents angry at the fact that I was brushing it off, whne it was the most boring thing in the entire fucking world.

As I was going to be walking home, and just not going to deal with anything too much for the next few hours, I was seeing a girl running by me, and I was calling out to her, to see what the issue was going to be. To just sort of see what the heck was going on, and I was wanting to see if I could be making her feel better.

"What is going on?" I asked, and I was not wanting to get her to be angry or annoyed with me, so I was finding myself begging my mind to just shut up, and not be saying something that was going to be making me regret it. She was sighing, as if looking like she did not even care anymore. She was probably thinking that she would rather speak with somebody than be bored and do nothing at all.

"I was going to be heading home. I didn't think that anybody was going to be here with me this late." She was telling me, and then I was thinking about a way that I could be able to talk, and dodge what she had said, and make it seem like I was not being rude or anything. Since I was feeling like if she was willing to talk with me right now, maybe we could hang out for a while. And maybe I could finally get one of those three taken care of now.

"I was just trying to find a way to motivate myself to do homework, but I could not care too much to do it. I was also just wanting to make sure that I did not have to be going home for a while longer." I was saying, and then I was feeling like what I was saying was a terrible idea, since I did not want her to be thinking that I was having a terrible home life. I did not. I just did not want to deal with my brothers being totally crazy, and social nut cases who refused to even acknowledge my fucking existence.

"Why do you not want to go home right now?" She asked me, and then I was sighing, feeling like I was bringing this one on myself, and that I was just needing to drop the subject as fast as possible, in order for it to not be all that big of a deal. "If you don't want to go home yet, we can go to my place, and hang out there." She was saying, and I was seeing her looking like she was sort of happy right now.

"I just don't want to deal with my older brothers going crazy, and not wanting to talk with me. I just want to ignore that for a while longer." I said, and I was feeling like admitting something like this was going to possibly get her to respect me a bit more. At least if I was being totally honest and real with her, then she was not going to have any chances of telling me off.

"What is your name?" The girl asked, feeling like that was probably a better starting point than just going on about nothing at all, and just making it seem like we were all best friends, when we barely had known a single fucking detail about each other." As I was thinking this, I was just telling myself to make as much conversation with her as I possibly could.

"I'm Lydia. What is your name?" I asked, and I was now finally feeling like I was going to have a chance to just truly make my life at Wayside not seem like it was going to be a total failure, and I was thinking that if I could take advantage of that, then school was not going to be fucking boring as hell.

"I'm Claire. Are you a first grade student. I'm first grade, and I think I seen you around before." She said, and I was nodding to confirm the fact that I was in first grade, and then with this, I was just telling myself that we were going to kick it off very well. The only issue with her was the fact that I had no idea how her parents were going to react here. React to me hanging out with her, I mean... But I was telling myself not to be too worried on it.

I was walking up to her. "I thought that school was going to suck, and I was not wanting to do it at all." I said, and I was feeling like being honest with her was going to be the best way that I could go at this. I was not wanting to be talkng all that much like life was this terrible thing. My brothers were not even bad siblings. I just did not appreciate the fact that many of them were always brushing me off, and acting like I was not needing to speak to them.

…

-October 24 2020 8:27 pm- I was so happy to have met Claire, since it was making me feel like I had a chance now to be getting a social life that I was wanting in school. I knew all abot how much better it would be to have friends, and how much it would be helping your standing to have some who were going to actually respect the stuff that you wanted to do. And I genuinely felt like I was connecting with Claire the entire time that I knew her, as strange and silly as something like this was sounding, I was feeling like our friendship was feeling real here.

Honestly, I was wondering what it was going to take to branch out even further. I had known that things were going to be really fucking serious if things were going to not be branching out all that much. But when I was meeting up with Josiah about it a couple of days later, he was seeming like he was really proud of me. As if he felt like this was the best news he had heard all week, which it may well have been.

"So Lydia, do you feel like school is going to be much easier now?" Josiah asked me, and then I was nodding, feeling like I just needed to make him as proud of me as possible, and I had wanted to make him know that in all honesty, I did not even think that something like this was going to be working out so well.

"In all honesty, I never thought that it was going to be working out as well as it did. I thought she was going to try and just brush it off, and that she might not really want to be friends with me. But now that I saw her, and I saw her giving me a chance, I feel like this is the only thing that I could want." I said, holding up my arms in excitement, and I was feeling like there was no need to be going any further with what I was saying right now.

"Do you think that she would like to meet us at some point? I would love to see how she is like if you think that you are already going to be good friends with her." Josiah was telling me, and I was feeling like maybe if I was going to give him this, and if he was going to meet her and approve, he might be willing to work with me here.

"She already was telling me about how great it would be if she was going to meet you guys for the first time." I said, and I was actually tellng the truth. She was talking about how fun something like this would be, and I was thinking about how fun it would be if she was going to be friends with them, and we could all be able to connect.

"I think that you just need to be careful, and not be expecting too much, but you need to just make sure that it all works anyways." Josiah was telling me, and I was wondering why he had said the last bit. In all honesty, the last bit was just sounding a bit jealous. I was not wanting to say something like this though in front of him, to not piss him off.

"I think that when I get to know her family a bit more, I just am shocked at some of the things that I already learned." I said, and then Josiah was looking right at me, and I was seeing that he was not getting what I had meant, so I was feeling like I could explain him what was going on here.

"Well, when I went to her house two days ago, I learned that she had two moms. I thought that marriage was between a man and a woman." I said, and then I was seeing him looking like he was aware that the sooner that we talked about something like this, the better that it would be, and the more that I would understand stuff like this in the future.

"Until five years ago, when you were only two, that would have been true. But in 2015, after a large amount of a movement for it, same sex marriage became legal in every state. People thought that it was only fair that every option should be open for every single person. So if one day, you turn out that you want to marry a woman, you would be able to do, and legally they can't do anything to stop you. Or if one of your brothers want to marry a man, the same thing applies." Josiah said, and while my head was blown over this revelation, I was not thinking about it too much.

"But Robbie is a man, and I want to marry Robbie, so it will not matter for me." I said, and I was not thinking much of it. I was seeing Josiah looking like he did not want to go into a giant thing with that yet, so he was nodding, and I was thinking in general, he was just happy to see me happy, that he was refusing to say anything at all.

"Well, if that is the case, then things will be very easy for you, and you will not need to worry about anything at all." Josiah said, and then I was nodding, thinking that there better damn right not be a problem wth the fact that I was liking Robbie, and the fact that I was wanting to be happy there. That being said, I was feeling like maybe he known more to it than he had wanted to admit, and that was where he was coming from.

"As long as you know what you are wanting, and as long as you are not too in his face about wanting to marry him, to make him feel better, than you are allowed to want anything that you want." He said, and then he was shrugging, and I was seeing that in all honesty, he was just thinking that this entire subject was just too strange to really consider.

"But yeah, going back to Claire, I think that it will be the coolest thing in the entire world if you could be friends with her." I said, thinking about what it would be like, and I was thinking about how much I was wanting to make it all seem like we were going to be getting this worked out. That being said, the only thing that I was not sure of is if my younger siblings are just simply not even caring what I was having with Claire and friends.

"I think that as soon as you can, you better start showing Claire to all of us. The sooner we all get to know her, and see what she is like, the better that things are going to be." Josiah was telling me, and he was clearly wanting to not be talking about these things to deeply. But the fact of the matter was that he was just thinking about what we were going to be getting ourselves into if it had turned out that some of my siblings did not like Claire all that much.

As I was looking at him, and I was seeing the look of uncertainry crossing his mind, I was feeling like what I was going to ask him next was going to be a fair question, and I was feeling like I deserved to have a real answer here. "Why the heck do you think that some of the others are not going to like Claire?" I asked, and then he was shrugging, and I saw that maybe he did not have much of a answer after all.

"I think that they might just be thinking that she might not be a good enough friend for you. But since we never met her, I think that we can never truly know for sure. That was why I was saying that it might be best to just introduce her as fast as possible, so we would all know what to say now." After Josiah was saying this, I was seeing him looking like he was feeling slightly bad about what he was saying. I wondered if he was against Claire, despite never meeting her.

"I guess that I can do something like this. I don't see much point to it, but I will do it." I said, and then I was shrugging, thinking that I might as well just drop the subject, and that the sooner that I dropped the subject, and the sooner that I had made it look like I accepted this prospect, the sooner that he might be feeling like things were going to go along just fine.

As we were talking about it, like on cue, that was when there was a knock on the door, and I was feeling like we should answer it, in case it was one of our siblings, parents, or friends. Since it was the weekend, I was figuring that anything was going to be possible, and I was thinking that despite all of this, mom and dad would not be too happy if I was the one who answered, considering the fact that Josiah was meant to be taking care of us right now.

When Josiah answered the door, he was seeing that Claire was standing there, and I was seeing her looking like she was actually just really happy to be seeing me here. I was wondering if Claire must have known what I was doing, and she was just wanting to see if maybe we were going to be able to hang out for a while. I figured that as long as Josiah was fine with it, and as long as he was not going to protest, there was no reason not to accept.

"Hey, Lydia was telling me all about you, and she was talking about how great of friends you were already." After he said that to her, he was feeling like if he had said anything further, he would be making the subject much more strange. So with this, he was just looking at Claire and I, as if trying to decide if he needed to stay here, to make sure things were fine, or just be heading off.

"We had so much fun a couple of days ago, and I think that maybe we could all hang out at some point." She was telling me, and I was feeling that would not be all that good of a idea, but I was thinking that maybe she was just really genuinely wanting to make things work out. And in that perspective, I was thinking that maybe the idea was not that awful.

"I am sure that sooner or later, we could be able to make something like this happen. It will all depend on how much time I have off soon." Josiah said, and I was wondering what he was meaning since every weekend was time off, and he was not having a job. So in all honesty, two days of every week he should be fine. Even if he was hanging out with friends on one of them, he should still have at least one day a week.

"Cool, I would be very interested in seeing how your siblings are all like. They all sound really fun." Claire was saying, with a giant smile on her face, and when I was seeing her like this, I knew that if for nothing else, she was having good intentions, and I was hoping that at least my siblings would probably be able to see that for what it was.

"Although Todd and Gabe are going to be very busy with their job and school ending and stuff." Josiah said, as if feeling like in order to make things better, they needed to all be on the same page. As long as they were all on the same page, then there was literally no reason to be scared for this. Claire was too young to be having grudges, I felt like.

"And Seth is always working on his stuff or hanging out with friends. He isn't having nearly as much fun as he used to." I said, annoyed at the fact that Seth was pretty much putting those friends of his above any of us. I was honestly pretty jealous, as silly as it might be to admit. I was wanting Seth to understand that we were his family, and I was wanting Seth to understand that we cared for him the most out of any of this.

That was when Josiah was looking right at me, as if feeling like he would not believe what he had just heard. I was thinking that for once, I had actually kind of made him angry, and I was wondering what the issue to what I said was. I thought that if anybody would have agreed with me, it would have been him.

"Seth is doing much better, and he seems to actually be happy for once in his life. There is no reason to be angry at what he is doing. I think that as long as he is doing well, there is no reason to be getting in the way of what he is doing." Josiah said, and if I did not know any better, I could swear that he was giving me the most firm tone that any of my siblings had ever given me. I was just sighing, thinking that he was needing to relax.

"I thought that you never even cared much for Seth anyways. All you do is complain about having to share the same room as him. You clearly as just saying this." I was telling him, and at this point, I was mainly doing it to defend myself, and I was just feeling like maybe he needed to own up to the way that he was acting to me, and the hypocrisy.

"That was before I saw him actually taking the time and the effort to be making a difference. Once he showed that he genuinely wanted the change, I had a different opinion of him, and I think that it is best to respect what he is doing, no matter what." He was telling me, and I was feeling like none of this was even making any sense at all.

"What made you feel like he was having a desire to change?" Claire asked, and knowing that this was the first time she ever really got to know of Seth in any fashion, she was feeling like this was a perfectly valid question. Josiah was sighing, knowing that being annoyed with her would not be fair at all, so he was going to answer her properly.

"Well, before the start of the school year, he would never do a damn thing for himself, and he would always be angry with the way that things were. This was when he was feeling like every single thing on earth was against him. He clearly had a new posture, and he now takes life seriously, and wants to enjoy the way he truly is." Josiah said, thinking that this was the only thing that needed to be said on the issue for both of us.

"I understand if you don't see it, and if you feel like I am just making something up. But I saw it for myself, and I saw the transformation slowly happen. That is why I am so set on this being the case." He said, and then he was sighing, thinking that he was tired of this discussion, and was hoping that all three of us were going to drop it.

"That seems like something to be proud of." Claire said, not thinking anything of it. I was feeling bad, knowing that I just got into a fight with Josiah over one of our siblings, and I was never thinking in my life that Josiah would have taken Seth's side over anything. I was wondering for a moment if this change he was speaking of really did happen.

"Sorry for that. Claire and I are going to be hanging down below." I said, and I was not wanting to be rude about it or anything, but in all honesty, I was wanting this talk to be done, and I was wanting him to know that I had no bad feelings towards him. I just wanted to make sure that things did not get any worse between us.

I saw with the way that he was looking at me that he was actually kind of regretting it all. I was seeing that in a way, he was wishing that he did not lash out in the way that he did. Or that at least not in the way that I was feeling like he did. I knew that in the end, we were just trying to have a good look on things.

Once I was done in the room, everything felt so much better, and I was feeling like I would be more comfortable down here, and that we did not need to worry about anything like what had happened earlier. Maybe Claire and I would make some plans, and we would actually have something going on to make ourselves more happy over everything. I knew one thing for sure... I wanted to make this friendship work out as much as possible.

...

-October 24 2020 11:38 pm- I was getting ready to be heading out with Claire, to politely see her going home. But as this was happening, I was seeing Jack going up the stairs, and I was clearly seeing that he had some form of mission that he was having right now. I was feeling like I just needed to prove to Claire that I was not lying about the heck was happening. I was not lying about the fact that my older brother had grown a fucking obsession, and that he was just taking things way too far.

As I was looking right at her, I was seeing Claire just looking totally unsure of what she was going to be telling me. "Claire, I know that you are not going to like this idea right now, but I think that we just need to fucking go in there. We need to see what Jack is doing." I said, and then I was seeing her looking like she both did not want to do this, but also at the same time did want to see this. She was clearly more interested than she had ever wanted to act like she was.

"Do you really think that it is going to be wise to be following him along, and just getting in his business?" After she was asking me this, I was seeing her looking totally fucking desperate to not do something that was going to be something that I might regret. I was nodding, almost not giving a single shit in the world.

"Yeah, I think that this is going to be much more important than anything else. I know that he might not be happy with what we are doing, but in the end, I do not care. I think that he is going to appreciate the frontness of it if for nothing else." I was saying, feeling like what I was saying was the truth. Claire was looking like she was just sort of struggling to make a choice, and she was looking at the twins, who were both fast asleep.

"So you think that he is going to be angry if he finds out what we are doing?" She asked me, and then I was thinking about what she was asking. I mean, I sort of got the point that she was making, and I did not want to admit that she was probably right. But at the same time time, this whole thing was just totally crazy.

"I think that if he is going to be angry, then I will accept the fact that he would have never found this if I did not tell him. You know, that might make him feel better." I said, and I was seeing her looking like she was sort of accepting what I was saying, mainly because she knew that there was no reason to argue with me.

"Alright, as long as you make sure that none of it goes to me, then I will be fine." After she was telling me this, I was seeing her nod a while, and I was feeling like this was all that really mattered. I was just wanting to find something to tell her to make it very clear to her that no matter what we were getting ourselves into, that this was something that she was going to be safe from.

As we waited another minute or two, we went up the stairs as well, and we were walking to the couch, and we hid behind it as Jack was already there, and we were as quiet as possible, to make him not know what we were doing. I was feeling like a fucking spy doing this. I was thinking that once Jack found out what we were doing, the stint would be over. But in all honesty, I did not even care if that was going to happen. As long as the truth was being shown, we were going to be fine.

Once Jack was finding the channel that he had looked for, I was seeing that there was a video that was being shown to him. The entire time Jack was watching, he had clearly had some form of a fucking interest in what was happening. I was looking down on the bottom screen and when I was seeing the screen, I had seen a date that was on the bottom. I wondered what the point of this date was, even though when Jack and I would talk on it later one time, he told me that it was the date that this had actually happened in real life.

August 24 2005, that was what the screen was reading. I was just shocked at how old this footage was, as this was far before most of us were even born, and this was when things were still relatively retro. I was seeing a guy with red hair walking down the street, and he saw a giant building. As he was staring at the building, he was holding out his arm, and he was starting to speak to it, which I was finding strange.

"We are now on sight. Should I just walk right in?" He asked and there was a second or two of a wait before the thing that was on his wrist actually responded. I was shocked to be seeing this, but I was thinking that since this was a show, and nothing too serious, despite what Jack might be claiming, I decided not to be saying anything on it. Although a very small part of me was telling myself to be taking it seriously.

"Remember what I taught you all this time. You need to just go in, and you need to be careful that nobody is able to suspect you. If they suspect you, then you have no choice but to pretend like you are not aware of what they are talking about. The only acceptable outcome is getting to the top floor. Any other outcome is going to indicate that all this time of training and planning was meant for nothing." The voice said, and the red haired guy was sighing once again.

"Yes T.K., we discussed this before. You don't need to worry about what I am going to do." After he had said that to the guy who was talking with him, that was when the person on the wrist watch was sighing, as if feeling like this discussion was one that he was expecting to have, though this was the exact opposite of what he was wanting to deal with.

"You know that if you keep up this mentality, if you end up getting yourseld killed, then there is nothing that I can do. I have been trying my best to train you all this time, and I just want to make sure that you are safe." He was saying, and the fear in the guys voice clearly made the red haired guy take back a moment, and think on what to say.

"Why did you feel like you needed to train me anyways? I mean, you knew nothing of me. You probably just assumed that I could have made it all work. But none of this makes any sense." The red hair guy was saying, and despite the extremely confident way he was speaking earlier, I was seeing all of that leave his voice. I was feeling like I was just going to be either watching something real, like Jack keeps saying, or this man was the best actor in Hollywood history.

"I knew that you and I had a common cause, and a common enemy. Both of us had something taken away from us, and I felt like it was the most important thing to do. I felt like if I did not help you out with what was happening, then life was going to be a giant mess." After he had said that to the red haired boy, that was when both of them were silent for a moment, and I was seeing red haired boy looking like he had wanted to say something else.

"I know that you had a lot riding on me, and that you want me to remain focused on the task. But knowing that he is with them, and knowing that he has been a part of it this whole time... makes me feel like I am getting myself ready for something that I could just never handle." The red hair boy said, and then the man on the wrist watch was actually thinking of what to say, since they had this discussion a hundred times. But he was that guys age once, and understood how it was like.

"I understand that it must have been really hard to deal with the fact that there was nothing that you could have done to prepare for that revelation. I understand that you feel like you could have done more. But the fact is that he made his choice decades ago. The only thing to do now is just focus on saving the one person who matters the most to you." The voice said, and there was some noises, which made the conversation had no choice but to end.

The red hair boy was running inside of the building, and I was feeling like I was about to start to watch a really exciting action movie. The way that Jack was looking though when he was watching made it very clear that he did not have nearly the same level of excitement. He was looking like he was taking every single second that was being shown as a research subject, and that he was needing to know what was happening. I wondered what his obsession was, which I think by now it was safe to say that it was.

As he was looking around, I was seeing him just taking a moment to get used to the fact that aside from people just doing their job, and not really paying much mind to anything, that at least for now he was going to be rather safe. But he was walking to the side of the right wall, that way he was not walking super in the spot light.

One person who was doing her work looked up, and she was looking like she was actually kind of scared of what she was seeing. Despite the fact that I had no idea what the issue was, and the fact that I was thinking what this guy was doing was perfectly fine and acceptable, I did not want to be making things too obvious that I was listening in on this. I did not want to piss Jack off if he had known I was watching.

Once he was reaching the elevator, that was when he was touching the button to go up the elevator. And this was when a voice on the intercom started to call out to him. As if the man had been expecting something like this the entire time. Whatever was happening, these two knew each other well, and they had some form of a history. So that was going to sort of be making things a bit more interesting to watch, if I may say so myself.

"Phineas, did you really think that by wearing that cheesy fucking white karate outfit, you were going to make me feel like I would not notice you? The least you could have done was wear a hoodie." The guy was saying, and he wasn't even sounding all that angry, just sort of more blown away at how things were going to be.

"If you would just surrender, and accept the fact that I have the vastly supperior supplies in every way, and that you have no chance of winning, then we might be able to work out a deal." The man was saying, as if feeling like he was not really in the mood to be saying this stuff, but felt like he was having no real choice right now.

It was at this point when the red haired boy, who I now knew was Phineas was starting to look around, and he was taking a long and deep breath. "I really do not want to be making things worse. I know that neither of us want to be making any issues out of this. So why don't we just discuss things in a relatively cordial manner, and we can work out an agreement?" After he had said that, the intercom voice started to laugh out loud at this statement.

"I know what you guys are like. You are willing to debate, and you are willing to work with us, but then when things do not go in your favor, you are willing to go around and start swinging your swords around, and start acting like it is the twelfth century again. The only reason why I don't have a guy coming down and shooting your head off is because we have a personal history, and I personally respect what you have overcome to get here." The intercom voice said, and he was sounding like he was sincere with what he had said.

"I know that if I accept your offer to go up there, and if I accept the idea that we are going to be friends here, you are going to use that trust, and you are simply going to be burying a knife in my back. I know too much, and you know that you can't let me go without risking exposure of the company. We both know what is at stake here." Phineas said, as if feeling like the longer they could talk, and the longer it would take for the elevator to finally come down, the better things would be.

"If I had needed to kill you, I would have done so already. In all honesty, I feel like there is something we can be able to work together on, and something that I feel like might be able to benefit both of us." After the intercom had told Phineas this that was when Phineas was laughing at the very idea that these two men were going to be working together, and not acting like they had been trying to kill each other this whole time.

"I have to hand it to you... You were a very smart man to be hiding your motives this long, and I would have never fallen for it. I feel like you did a great job doing that. But the fact of the matter is that you simply were never going to hide yourself forever. And once you stopped hiding yourself, I was able to see what the scheme was," Phineas said, and then he was sounding much less patient, and he was sounding like almost all of his respect was going away, and that he was not going to even pretend like he was having it anymore.

"I knew that you were a smart kid. I knew that one day, no matter how long I tried to be hiding it, and no matter how well we worked together when I did hide it, that you were going to know what I was doing one day. You knew that I was probably not going to hide forever. I just am kind of shocked that you found out the way that you did." When he was done saying this, that was when the elevator landed, and Phineas was placing hand hand on something that was to his side.

"I knew that you were going to do this. I will let you take care of this yourself. I hav eto get back to work, and if you manage to see me again, we can discuss more." After the man was saying this to Phineas, the conversation was over, and the door opened and it revealed three guys with police batons in their hands. Phineas was taking out what he was holding and pressed a black button, which showed something that looked like a blue lightsaber from Star Wars.

I was convinced there for a bit that this was fake, and that this was something that had a really good cast and crew. But when I would later learn what Gabe had found, and later learn what Gabe was just trying to hide from us this whole time, that was when things really changed, and that was when I realized that this was not nearly as much of a game as I might have been thinking that it could have been.

…

-October 29 2020 4:25 pm- As I was about to head home for the day, there was a girl that was talking to Claire, and I was feeling like I might as well see how they were doing. I was thinking that if I could find a way to make her seem like we could be able to get along as friends, then that was another person that I could say that likes me.

So I was walking up to Claire, and I was basically telling myself that anybody who was a friend of Claire was a friend of me, and I was thinking that if I was keeping up this mindset for the entire time that we were hanging out we were going to be fucking perfect. Once I was with them, I was sighing, and I needed to think of how to speak to them.

"Hey, are you friends with Claire?" I asked, feeling like as long as I was being nice to her, and as long as I was making her feel welcome, then the faster that this was going to be done. She was looking at me, and I was seeing that she was looking like she was both shocked and happy that I was willing to talk to her, and not just speak to Claire.

"We've been talking to each other here and there, and I guess that we can be friends now." After she had said that to me, I was seeing her looking like she was just kind of shocked that she was now getting to that point, where she was feeling like she would relatively safely be able to consider Claire a friend of hers.

"Are you the girl that she has been talking about this whole time?" Claire asked, and I was feeling like the way that she would tell me that would be leaving a lot of stuff hanging, and I was feeling like whatever she was wanting to say, I would just prefer for her to be saying it right now.

"I have hung around her a couple of times, so I think that I might be." I said, and then I was sighing, and I was just thinking about what the heck I would do if Claire had been talking about me behind my back, and if she was actually not being very nice. If she was basically saying rude things.

"Claire says that you are a lot of fun, and that you are really nice." She says, and I was sighing in relief, knowing at least she was not saying a bunch of terrible stuff about me, and that I was not needing to be so worried about stuff like this going forward. But then I was thinking about what to be doing now.

"Well, that's good. How long have you guys known each other?" I asked, refusing to let my excitement be showing too much, and I was thinking that as long as I was making it look like I was relatively composed, and as long as I was at least sort of making it look like I was keeping my stuff in line, then we were going to just have easy sailing now.

"About a week now. She has been just showing me around, and trying to get me connected." After she had told me this, I was nodding, and I was taking minor pride in the fact that I had known her longer. Then I was telling myself that she probably did not really care for anything like that, and that I was just needing to not be mentioning it.

"Do you guys think that you might want to go on and hang out with each other today?" I asked, thinking that I could this as a chance to break the ice, and I was feeling like maybe she was going to be feeling like perhaps as long as we were in this level of good terms, before things got serious, then everything could be great.

"Yeah, I think that maybe we could see how something like this would work." Claire said, and I was glad that she was the one to break the mold, and that we did not have to have the other girl basically decide if this was worth it or not. Maybe by doing this, we were going to both feel like it was going to be for the best of Claire to try and make something like this work out.

"Anyways, what is your name?" I asked, and I was thinking that the sooner I at least learned her name, the better we were going to be. She was smiling, as if thinking that the fact that I was reaching out, and trying to at least be polite was going to be the thing that was going to make her feel fine here.

"My name is Lisa. If I remember correctly, Claire told me your name is Lydia." She said, and then I was nodding, and now that the introductions were done, it was now a matter of finding something we were both going to actually be interested in, and not just totally bored by.

"Yeah. Maybe you could want to go around and show me some things that you are personally interested in." I said, trying my best to make it not go to my brothers, since while I had nothing against my family, I was feeling like that was going to be a terrible way to start a friendship with her, and I was feeling like she was not going to be super happy over it.

"Well, I think I can show you the park that I like to go to the most." She said, and then I was feeling like I might already know most of the parks here. But I was thinking being polite was the best way to go at this. I was nodding my head, and I was feeling like there was no real reason to be so unsure of what she was wanting to do. I mean, there was nothing too awful about her idea after all.

"What park in this town do you like to play at the most?" I asked, thinking that Lisa was going on, and I was feeling like maybe I was going to just sort of see what was going on in her mind. "My favorite park is the one that is a couplf of blocks away from Wayside school." I said, thinking of the one that was about half an hour away from my house. I wondered if this was the one that she had been thinking of as well.

"It's a relatively small one that is about two miles away from the school." After she had said that to me, I was confused on what this park was, and I was wondering if I had ever gone to this park before. I mean, I was feeling like in all honesty, I never had. But I was just thinking that maybe I needed to give her the chance here.

"Yeah, I think that maybe we can go on and see what the park is." Claire was telling her, and she was looking right at me, as if telling me that we just needed to make it work. I was seeing her looking like it was a terrible idea to reject her advance. I was thinking on it for a moment, and despite everything going on in my mind, wanting to know more, I was just thinking that maybe the only bad thing about the park was that it might be somewhat of a let down.

"I think that it could be fun to see what it is." I said, and I was not too sure if I was meaning what I was saying, and I was feeling like what I was telling them was just to make them feel better. But at the same time, I was feeling like maybe I did want to see what it could have been, and that I was just needing to give it all a go, and that in all honesty, I was just never wanting her to tell my siblings what we had found, and that this was something we could just hide.

As we were walking along, I was wondering if something like this was such a bad idea. I was asking myself in my mind why I was feeling like this was a bad idea. I was just thinking that for some reason, I was just having a hard time getting attached to some people here, and that I was just letting this get in the way of being happier with my friends. This whole thing was just something that was getting in the way of most of the dreams that I had wanted here. The dreams of being happy, and the dreams of doing stuff that I had fucking actually wanted to do. But I suppose that I could have said nothing else and that it would have been still making my point.

"So Lisa, you seem like you know something about this parks." I said, and then I was wanting to just know if there was some super epic secret going on, and I was feeling like I was going to fucking be working deeply into this. I was thinking that if Lisa had known something here, then I would want to at least have some fucking clue what that would have been.

"I never really been to the parks all that much, and I never seen anything too strange when I go to them, but I hear a lot of stories about them." After Lisa was telling me this, I was thinking that I just needed to know what the hell she was hiding, and I was feeling like maybe if she was actually going to tell me the truth, we could have been looking into something as well.

"Do you want to go on and know what is happening there? I think that something like this might be a whole lot of fucking fun." After I was telling her this, to try and lure her into this idea, I was seeing her looking like she was sort of just only kind of getting used to this all. As if she was feeling like this would have been a really fucking terrible jump to be making.

"Yeah, I think that if you are interested in something like this, we can go on and try to make it work." After she was telling me this, I was thinking that all we needed to do was just get Claire to be approving of the idea and if Claire was down, then everything was going to be perfect. And then maybe we were going to have a perfect friendship, something like a perfect fucking trio of non stop able ladies.

"So Claire, do you think that you could be down for something like this?" I asked, feeling like I was kind of being a bit of a dick for not asking her earlier. She was shrugging, and I was seeing her looking like she was still needing to just sort of see what was happening between Lisa and I, she was just looking like she was going to be happy that we were starting to look like we were getting along well.

"Yeah, I think that as long as we are all getting along, and everything is going well, then I will be happy with anything." After she was saying this, I was seeing her looking like she was just wanting to end this discussion before it truly had the chance to begin. I was feeling like maybe if her parents had known what my plans were, then they might be kind of angry at me, and they might not want to have her hang around me more. But I think that it was Claire's choice to be making here.

Once we were getting close to where the park was, I was feeling like all three of us had different ideas on what was going to be happening. I felt like no matter what was happening, if something was actually at this park, we were going to have to just find a way to know what it really was.

There was two swings, a small play fortress area for kids, and a small merri go round. I was confused at what I was seeing, and I was just telling myself that maybe I was just needing to piece together where I had seen this before. The more that I was thinking on it, the more I was convinced I had seen it somewhere. Which made me feel like I was starting to see how much I sounded like Jack when I said this.

"There are not even that many places in this park. Why would you even want to be going here in the first place?" Claire asked, and I was clearly feeling like since she was not thinking of things the same way I was, I was almost thinking that this was going to be fucking stupid to be trying to bring up anything, and that I was feeling bad for agreeing to come here on those terms.

"I think that there are more to this park than we make it look." Lisa was saying, and she was just looking at the small fortress thing. We were walking behind her, and both Claire and I were looking at each other, as if sort of agreeing that we just needed to play along with what she was saying, to be making her feel better, and make her feel like she was really onto something big here.

"What did you find?" Claire asked, and I was clearly seeing thats he was actually interested in what she was going to be shown. I was feeling like maybe I was needing to just see things from her perspective, and that maybe in her mind, it was a friend of hers feeling like she had found some cool secret, and that she was thinking we could all just play along, and see what was happening.

"I found this about a month ago. I thought that it was really cool." She said, and then Claire and I looked at each other, and I was seeing a small look on Claire's face, and I was nodding my head off. I was thinking that if anything could either confirm or deny the shit that Jack was saying, then I was needing to see what it was, and see if I could be able to show him prove or debunking.

We looked, and I was seeing some strange note on it that I could not really understand. "I thought that this was a special place. I thought I could hide. I thought I could run. Now this is just the last thing people will know me with. Mile Marker 128." After the note was done, I was looking at both Claire and Lisa, and I was seeing them both looking spooked, but for different reasons than me. Shit, was what Jack saying real, if this was on here. No way this was one big giant prank pulled by all of Wayside...

...

-October 30 2020 1:49 pm- I was still thinking about what Lisa had shown me. I was hating to admit it, but I was thinking that she was onto something here, and I was thinking that maybe I needed to go on and give it a look further. I was thinking that it would be a terrible idea to just pretend like what I had seen was not really there. But at the same time, did I really want to know?

Despite what I was not wanting to do, I was thinking that maybe I just needed to tell Jack that I was sorry. I knew that I hated the idea of admitting that he was not fucking lying. But doing so was going to be the only fucking thing that was going to give even a minor amount of ownership to the fact that I might be willing to see what he actually already did know.

I was thinking that if Jack knew that I was feeling bad for brushing him off this whole time, and that I was thinking something like this was a bad choice, I was just thinking that as long as I was at least willing to come clean with him, then he was not going to hate it as long as I was fearing that he could. But I just needed to come forward, and tell him straight up.

I was still wanting to hang out with Lisa though, and I was wanting to hang out with Claire, and I was feeling like doing this was going to be showing her that I was wanting to be friends, regardless of everything that had been going on. I just needed to be willing to put aside how much I was sounding crazy, for all of our sakes. I sounded crazy, to myself, which I guess was maybe how Jack must have been feeling.

I was wondering if maybe Lisa actually knew anything about the legends going around town. The stuff I had ben hearing about literally my entire fucking life. You know, I was just wanting to see if she had any idea what the heck to tell me. I did not want to tell her anything at all, if she really did not know the truth. If she did not know the truth of this town, then she was needing to be happy, and she was needing to be spared as long as possible.

Maybe Lisa and I were going to be having a fun discussion over that soon enough. Sooner or later, she was going to know, and she was going to force me to tell her something. I knew how I was with my older siblings, and I knew how she was going to be. So maybe sparing her was fine, for now.

The one thing that I knew that I was for sure doing, was just that I was going to be talking to Claire, and I was going to be able to learn from her, rather than Lisa, what Lisa had known, so that way, if she did not know the truth, then she did not need to know for a while longer, and I might be able to live in bliss ignorance for a while.

As I was thinking all of this, I was wondering if asking Claire was going to really even lead me to any results. For all that I knew, Claire might not know what Lisa knew or didn't know, so asking her was going to be a waste of fucking time, and I was thinking that maybe I just needed to come up with better ideas than just going around.

The one thing that I had knwon going forward was that Lisa was going to probably want me to respect her wishes if she was going to tell me to either not tell her more, or if she was wanting to know more, than she was going to want me to be flat out with it, and tell her as much as possible. I hated both ideas, and I think that both mentalities were terrible. But if I wanted to be friends with her, then it was the only thing that I could do.

When I was heading home, I was hearing Robbie's voice calling out to me, and then I turned around to be seeing him, and for the only time in my entire life, I was not wanting to see him, and I was just hoping that he was not going to try and force any shit on me. I was feeling like whatever he wanted to know, I just needed to tell him, and then be done with it. You know, just to pretend like I was doing alright or some shit like that.

"Hey Lydia, you seem like you are worried about something right now. Do you think that maybe I could help you out here?" He was asking, and then I was shrugging, as if feeling like if he was willing to try, then I was going to need to give him the chance. But for the time being, I was just thinking that he was going to tell me a bunch of shit that I already knew, or did not want to hear, and then he was going to be making me feel like a dick for when I lash out.

"Yeah, I guess that I am worried over a couple of things. I mean, I just wish that I could be able to feel like a proper friend right now to some people." I said, and then I was sighing, as if thinking that the more that I was talking like this, the less that he was going to feel terribly out of it, and the more he would want to talk. Since despite everything, I was wanting to be friendly with him.

"Lydia, as long as you are being polite, and as long as you make them feel like you are giving them a chance to be welcome around you, and you make them feel like there is nothing wrong with getting to see how you are like, then everything will be alright. You just got to make them feel welcome." After he was telling me this, I was sighing, thinking that what he was telling me was probably true enough, even if incredibly vague.

"But what do I need to do to know if I am being polite here?" I asked, and then I was looking directly at him, and I was seeing him sighing, as if feeling like he was not really in the mood for this type of discussion. He was probably feeling like I was just being a bit too serious right now.

"Well, just make them feel like they could be able to get to know you. Make them feel like you are actually trying to actually see what they are like, and make them feel like you are really doing your best to make them feel like they can open up to you. If they feel like they can open up to you, and feel like you are doing your best, then that is all that matters." He was telling me, and I was sighing, as if thinking that there was more to it than this. But I did not want to dispute him.

"I think that the only thing that I can give them is the feeling of just not feeling like they are in the wrong place. I mean, I want to be friends with people, and I want to make them feel comfortable." I said, and then I was thinking that something like this was not going to be very likely. I just needed to be happy, and I was thinking that as long as they were doing good, it could all come together and stuff.

"Lydia, you are a very kind girl. A lot of people in your grade are just really mean, and only care about popularity. You just seem to care about having fun, and that is something that I respect." Robbie was telling me, and then I was sighing, knowing that he was just trying to make me feel better. But I did not want to be pressing any futher.

"Thank you for the kind words." I smiled, and looked at him, and I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to not pursue this any further, since doing so was going to be making him feel like he was in a strange spot. But I was thinking that as long as he was at least trying to help me out, and as long as he was at least the most polite he could be here, I had nothing against him at all.

"Lydia, I know that you feel like you are trying to not be like your brothers, and that you want to be your own person, but there is nothing wrong with just always asking them for help if you are truly lost in the future. I mean, Todd might know something." Robbie said, and I was wondering if he was saying that since he was Bebe's boyfriend, or because he was the oldest.

"I will see if he even wants to give me any advice at all. For all that I might know, he might not even want to give me any clues." I said, and I was sighing, and I knew that the idea of Todd not wanting to help me out was probably not all that true. I think that something like this was just sort of doomer or me to be saying.

"I don't know what your brothers are like. I am just trying my best to help you out. That being said, I am curious to see how the heck your brothers are able to make friends so easily. It feels like they could all just make some within a few minutes. Not going to lie, kind of fucking jealous." After he was saying that to me, he was shrugging, clearly having nothing to say.

"I think that my brothers probably just have the experience of doing it far longer." I said, and I was sort of just omitting my much younger ones in this case, knowing that there was a zero percent chance that Ridge was going around and just making friends with a bunch of people. Such a idea would be silly, and I was more of just wondering how my younger ones were going to be doing compared to us all.

"I guess that something like this makes some sense. I mean, I think that as long as you just simply want to get to know their way of doing it, and you are nice about it, some of them are certainly going to be giving you clues." After he had said that, he was shrugging, and then he was just clearly looking like he had nothing to say at all.

"Well, as you said, it all depends on their view point of nice. I think that every thing all comes to how people look at things." After I was saying this, Robbie was sighing, and he was almost just feeling like arguing with me was going to just be making things impossible to be handling right now.

"Fair enough. But I think that you got to understand that for you, it has to be a combination of doing your own thing, as well as seeing what your brothers say. I think that it could be wise to sort of just try and put both together. I think that as long as you do both, then it could be fine enough.

"Sure, I guess that something like that makes sense. I think that you are probably more aware of how guys are like after all." I said, and then he was giving me a 'no shit' look, and I was smiling at this, and I was feeling like we were going to be getting along great after all. I just needed to make sure that he was still going to be nice enough to me going forward.

"Well, I think that there are some friends that I have had that might be able to give me some experience here." After he was telling me this, I was sighing, and I wished that maybe hearing Robbie say this, and say it in a way that was showing he was not even all that big of a deal, was going to make me feel better. But in a way, it really did not.

"Can I be able to hang out with your friends?" I asked, feeling like maybe as long as we were going to be working something out as friends, then the bigger my connection was going to be. The bigger my time here would have been. I was thinking that this was the best that I could have done. Maybe Robbie would have felt fine giving me some ideas.

"Well, I think that they might be finding it a bit off, but I think that as long as I am just clear about the fact that I think you are fine here, then we are going to be fine. But honestly, I think that outside of a few seconds, they will probably not care that much that you are wanting to see them." Robbie said, and I was wondering if he was just thinking the same thing that I was, and that maybe being friends with me was a good idea. If that was the case, then I was going to be feeling so good.

"I doubt that they care that much. I just hope that as long as we are all happy and dandy, then the only issue is making them feel like I could be a good long term addition." I said, feeling like that was going to be the only thing that I needed to worry about. If they were going to be feeling like I was only going to be there for a few days. That was going to really suck.

"I wonder if they even know that we are hanging out right now. That would be hilarious if they had just found out, and were freaking out over what we were doing. If they knew what we were doing, I can tell you right now that they would be freaking out. It would totally fucking be worth it." Robbie said, now finally showing a bit of a rebellious side to him, as if thinking that this was what he now just wanted to do.

...

-October 30 2020 10:25 pm- I knew that what Robbie was saying was right, as a man, he had known more about what was going on than I ever could as a girl. I mean, I hated to admit such a thing, but I was feeling like I just needed to try and pretend like everything was all going to be working out. I was thinking that if Robbie was going to want to give me more info, he would have done it, and that I just needed to be happy about what was happening.

As I was thinking about what I could say to Jack at least, to make him feel better, I was feeling like something like this was going to be fucking impossible. I was telling myself that no matter what I was wanting to say, and no matter what he was needing to hear me say, he was going to be feeling like I was letting him down a bit, and that was something that I needed to make some peace with in the end.

I was getting out of my bed, and I told myself to be a smart and happy woman for once, and I loved him as a brother, so just growing up, and growing a small pair of balls, methaphorically speaking obviously, and just admitting that I was making mistakes, was the only thing that I could have done that was going to be making some of this work out for the best.

I was walking towards him, and I was just taking a long and deep breath, and part of me was wondering why the hell I was having such a hard time just saying it. He was looking up, and he was seeing me, and I was seeing him clearly looking like he was having no idea what I was going to be doing. I started to nod, and just told myself to do something now.

"Hey Jack, I was wanting to talk for a moment." I said, and then Jack was looking right up at me, and I was seeing him looking like he had no idea what to tell me. I was just thinking that as long as he was polite at least, then everything was going to be good enough. "I mean, I know that we were having a bit of a dispute earlier, and I was just wanting to help you out a bit."

"What is going on?" He asked, and I was feeling like he had really no idea what was happening, and then I was thinking that maybe something like this was a good starting point. Getting him when he was clearly unaware of what was happening, and unaware of what I was worried over, this was about the best way to be making this whole thing go down.

"Well, the thing is that I know that I was making fun of the stuff that you were watching a lot, and I was just instantly brushing it off, and pretending like you had no right to be saying anything like that. But I feel like maybe I was just needing to apologize to you over that." I said, and then he was just clearly looking like he had no real investment in what I was saying, for better or for worse.

"I mean, the only thing that was really pissing me off about the way you were talking was the fact that you were the one who had shown it to me, so I was feeling like I deserved better than what I was getting. I felt like I needed you to at least hear me out, and not be brushing me off." I said, sighing, and feeling like maybe I was being a dick, but it was a way that I just felt like needed to have been done.

"I know that you feel like you deserved better than that, and you are right, you did. I was being a bit of a asshole, when you were not needing something like this. I guess that I was just scared of what you were meaning, if this whole thing was a true story." I said, and then I was shrugging, thinking about what to be doing now.

"I mean, what made you change your mind about this whole thing?" After he was asking me this, I was thinking about what I should him. I was thinking about what he was feeling, and I was feeling about what he was going to feel like if I was getting in the way of his watching stuff. But then again, I was remembering that technically this isn't his stuff, and he was just doing it on his own, and that he took it over.

"I was hanging out with Claire and a girl named Lisa. She was showing me to a park, and there was this note in the park that makes me know that maybe something like this is real." I said, and then I was shrugging, thinking that I might be able to leave it at that. I was hoping that I could leave it at that, and that he was not going to be too worried on it at all.

"What did the note say?" Jack asked, and by this point, I was almost seeing him looking more and more like he was just being super serious now. I was wondering why he was taking every single thing going on in this town super seriously. I was thinking about what Jack was wanting to tell me, and I was wondering if he was actually wanting to say anything at all, or if he was just genuinely curious about it all.

"It was saying something about how much the person who wrote it wanted to leave. I have no idea if it is the truth or not. I think that maybe it was just a joke." I said, and then I was shrugging, as if having nothing else that I wanted to say. At least until he told me something in return, and was opening up here.

"Was there something about a mile marker written on it?" He asked, and this was something that I was wondering if I could get away from saying. I felt like if he was hearing me tell him this he was going to be fucking acting like a terrified kid, and I was not wanting my older brother to be like this. I was just thinking that maybe lying to him might be for the best. Then I was sighing, and told myself he would know right away if I was.

"Yeah, there was. It was in the triple digits." I said, hardly remembering what the actual number was, and hardly caring. I was feeling like the fact that Jack was wanting to know something like this was odd, and that I just needed him to be taking things lightly, and not be a fucking let down over it all.

"Damn it. I was wondering if maybe we could have avoided something like this." He was saying, and then he was sighing, as if he was finding himself not even caring anymore. The only thing I wanted him to just do was come clean with me, and not be hiding what had been happening now.

"What are you talking about avoiding?" I asked, and I was feeling like I had every right to be asking him this. He looked at me, and I was seeing him clearly looking like he was having a deep debate on just spilling the beans, or just pretending like he was going to be able to act like he never said what he had just said, which was almost pissing me off.

"Honestly, it is something that I do not want to talk about. I think that if I told you anything, you would not even believe in me anyways." He was saying, and I was mad at him for saying this. He was acting like because he was the older one that he was going to just call every single fucking shot, and that he was having the right to pretend like I had no right to be at least curious what the heck was scaring him so bad.

"Okay, I guess that if it is going to be like this, then I will leave you alone." I was saying, and then I was sighing, and I was just trying my best to be nice to him, and be respectful of the fact that he was aware of what had been happening. And then here he was, acting like telling me one fucking thing was going to be a fucking hassle. God damn, I was wondering if Robbie was insane when he told me to just let him be him. But I was just telling myself to focus on the subject that actually fucking mattered at the moment, to make him feel differently here.

"Sorry, I did not mean to be making you feel awful. But I think that you just need to be letting some things be given a rest. You know, I think that you should really be following my advice on this one more than fucking anything." Jack told me this, and I was seeing him looking like he was seeing if I was going to want to challenge this, or if I was going to just be leaving it all alone, and that I was going to just be happy that he was speaking to me at all.

"Jack, what is happening here?" I asked, and then I was feeling like he was just needing to be straight forward with me on this, and that if he was goint to be giving me any more crap, then he was only giving me more bait to just leave and jump ship. I was wanting to respect his space, and respect his politeness, but he was going to be making something like this fucking impossible to be doing.

"Nothing really. Just a lot of stuff about people who go missing. I hardly know what is happening to, but I am just wanting to know myself. I think that this is the most that I can be able to give." He was telling me this, and then I was seeing him looking like he had really felt bad for just saying all of this, and he was feeling bad for brushing me off like this, but that he was just not scared of what he would do for me being safe. Or safe in his mind.

"Do you know anybody who went missing?" I was asking, feeling like it was a valid enough question, and I was just wanting to know if he was having a personal vandetta here. I was thinking that it was about the only damn thing that was making sense about the way that he was acting here.

If he was not dealing with something like that, then I was thinking that he had truly gone insane, and I was going to have to find something to do to make him stop what was going on in his mind. "I know people who know people. Like people that I go to school with. You know, that is why I care." He said, and then I was sighing, and I was thinking that the idea of a nine year old trying to take care of this was fucking impossible, and that he was just needing to get real here.

"Jack, you need to go back to your sports and stuff. You need to just go back and do stuff that you actually enjoy." I said, and then Jack was looking at me, and I was seeing him looking like he was laughing on the inside over what he had just told me. He was clearly feeling like what he had just heard me say was going to be one of the worst things that anybody could suggest.

"I have been doing stuff like that. I spend every lunch and an hour after school every day doing this. And on the weekends, I spend the last hour before I go to bed practicing. I know what I am doing." He was saying, and I was thinking that he was meaning something much more serious as he was saying this. I was thinking that whatever he was wanting to tell me, he was going tyo try and tell me, but he was going to do it when I was more ready to hear it all.

"What do you mean, by you know what you are doing?" I asked, and I was feeling like whatever he was wanting to tell me, he just needed to play it straight with me. The faster that he had told me what he had meant on that sentence, the faster that I could respect what he was doing on his own time.

"I am just getting ready for what I want to do in life. Sports help me do that, and sports help me for any possible contest that I will want to do. I feel like practice on this is key to everything." He was saying, as if feeling like what he had just told me was super fucking obvious. It was not, and I was not seeing how he was going to really feel like it did.

"Alright, I guess that I just don't get it." I was saying, and then I shrugged, thinking that I needed to just leave the entire conversation alone. If he was wanting to tell me more, then I was going to be letting this whole thing just be done with as fast as possible. But despite everything going on, I was wanting him to be feeling like he was just never going to have to be making a big deal out of all that was happening here. But he clearly did not agree, and I was just needing to accept this fact for what it was.

"It's all fine Lydia, you do not need to understand it. It is fine if you do not get it." After he had told me this, I was seeing him looking like he was actually feeling sort of bad for all that was happening, and I was wondering if he was having something that he had wanted to say, but was just sort of too scared to be doing it right now.

"Well, good luck on whatever it is you are looking at." I said, and I was just feeling like I just needed to have this conversation end. At this point in time, there was no fucking way this was making any sense. We were both going in circles, and we were both wasting our time on this. At this rate, I was just wanting to get this whole thing over with. I was just tired of bullshit, and I was never going to be making any issue with it.

"Thank you Lydia. Thank you for understanding." He said, and then I was sighing, and I fel like whatever was going on in his mind, he was wanting to just deal with it all himself, and I was scared of all that had been happening, and I was going to be letting him play his own games later.

I felt bad for having this discussion with him, mainly because I knew that Henry was right there, and that he was probably just thinking that we were going insane, and that he was probably wanting us to just leave him alone, and let him try and go on to sleep. In a way, I was feeling like when we were talking later, we needed to try and keep him in mind.

I was wondering if Henry heard most, or all, of that entire discussion. I was feeling like even if he had heard a small part of it, he was going to be feeling like we were just going crazy. He was going to be feeling like we were just coming up with totally random shit to be discussing, and I was kind of feeling bad over this whole thing. I was feeling like we just needed to respect his wishes on that regard.

As I was thinking about it, I was thinking that this discussion with Jack was probably going to be a flush out regardless, and I was thinking that in all honesty, maybe trying to have a discussion with him about any of this was going to sort of be a terrible idea. I needed to respect his wishes, and while that might be hard for me to do as a sister, I was needing to remember that he was the older sibling, so I was just needing to do what he was wanting here.

Maybe when I kept reminding myself that I was the younger sister, and he was the older brother, that I was going to be getting it in my fucking head that I just needed to be letting him play along, and do his own thing, and not be getting in the way of what he was doing. As I was telling myself this, I was smiling, and I was loving the way that I was going to be looking at all that was happening, and what I was going to be telling myself now.

I was thinking about what it was going to be like when Henry, the twins Dylan and Drake, Calvin, and Ridge were all older. Once they were getting older, and once they were aware of what was going on in their minds, and what they were wanting, that was when I was going to be very much like a fucking sister, and I knew that I was going to be getting in their business, no matter if they were wanting me to be doing it at all.

When I was thinking about what my brothers were going to be wanting to do, and what they were going to be feeling as they were growing older, and as I was going to be seeing them become actual men of their own, I was scared of what it was going to be like, feeling like I was needing to protect them all, but that in the end, eventually, due to how strong guys eventually become usually, they would in turn be the ones protecting me now.

I was sighing in annoyance as I was thinking about that, and I was feeling like in some ways, life could be unfair, and I was really cool with just pretending like things were fine, and that they did not need me, but what if things came up one day, and they were going to be needing me more than anything else in the world? How would I come along and protect them then?

I knew that I was looking too deeply into it, and that was something that I was going to be owning up in all honesty. I was feeling like it was the only choice that I had though, and that was the only thing that I was going to be saying in my defense if things were going to get hard here.

I was about to go to bed when I was seeing Jack walkin to me, and I was seeing that from the look on his face, he was sincerely feeling fucking terribly over what had been happening, and all that he had said. I said, and I was feeling like neither one of us were going to be working together at this rate, if this was going to be all we were going to do now.

"Lydia, thank you for talking to me. Sorry for not being more open to you about what is going on here. I think that this whole thing is just scary to me. You know, I think that this is the only way that I can describe it." He was saying, and then he was shrugging, as if thinking that there was no better way to say it besides the actual fucking truth to it all.

"I mean, I just thought that maybe we could find something we could be able to work with, by talking to each other, and just being open with each other. I do not know how much that helped though." I said, and then I was shrugging, thinking that saying something like this was going to be my way of owning up to what was happening, and owning up to the fact that in the end, as much as I was hating to admit it, I was going to be fucking lost here. I was going to have to be doing my own thing, to feel like I was creating a destiny I needed to follow.

"Well, I think that you are really nice to be doing this. I think that I wish that I was more like you in some cases. As much as i hate to admit it, considering the fact that you should be the one looking up to me right now." He said, obviously bringing the whole age thing up. I did not know if this was the way that I wanted him to talk to me, or the way that he needed to do so.

"Jack, you do not need to be mean to yourself." I said, and I was meaning it sincerely, feeling like if he was going to be like this, and if he was going to be acting like I was so much better than him, then he was not thinking about the things that he had been doing that was really good, and I needed him to be looking into something like that first.

"Sorry, I guess that I just could not help it that time." He was saying, and I was feeling like he did not mean much to his apology, and I was pissed at the fact that he was acting like this, and I was feeling like he was needing to just remember the fact that he was doing whatever he could, and that was all that even fucking mattered at all.

"Hey Lydia, do you think that I can go on and hang out with Claire some time? She seems like she is a nice girl, and I want to go on and see what she is like." After Jack had said that to me, I was looking at him, shocked that he was saying this, and I wanted to make him feel better here, and I was wanting him to feel like he had a chance of a friendship. But the way that this was all happening just felt too out there for me in all honesty.

"I think that she would be willing to give it a go. I mean, I really see no reason why she would not be." I said, meaning what I had said, but I was wondering if Jack was going to be buying it at all. He was looking down on the ground, and I was seeing him looking like he had to worry about something else now. He was almost looking like he had wanted to just tell me off, and that he was lying now. But then he sighed, and decided against it this time.

"Thanks for letting me know. That makes me feel a lot better, and makes me feel like I have a chance to actually be social." Jack said, and I was thinking that this was strange, considering the fact that he was friends with Max, and I was feeling like if for nothing else, that was some form of friendship and social life. So he was just needing to be giving himself more credit. But in the end, I just did not even fucking know how I was going to be saying this. At this rate, I felt like we made our points, and we could be going to sleep now.

-October 31 2020 7:45 pm- I was going to be going trick or treating with Claire, Jack, Seth, and Henry. As he was by far the oldest out of us, Seth was pretty much the one who was going to be forced to watch over us, and make sure that nothing happened to us. We didn't get the point of it, and I think that Seth was kind of pissed at it, but he was feeling like he now had an excuse to leave the house, so in a way, he was not too upset.

"This is going to be so awesome." Henry said, who decided to dress up as Kylo Ren in his Force Awakens outfit. I guess it was making since, as that was the first movie that he had ever seen, even before he had gone on and seen the other ones. Which was strange how he waited like nearly an entire year before he saw his first ever movie, as that was in late December, and he is a New Years baby.

"I hope that this is going to be the best trick or treat ever." After Claire said this, I was seeing her looking like she had never been o happy in her entire life. I was feeling like if this was something that she was super excited for, then I was going to be getting some extra happiness here. I was hoping that if for nothing else, Claire was not going to be minding hanging out with us.

"Guys, where are we going to go?" I asked, and then Seth was looking at us, and I was seeing that there was clearly a evil idea in his mind, and he was hoping that none of us were going to be making a big deal out of it. I was wondering if he had just simply not wanted to be here on this whole thing at all, or if he was just really trying his best to be playing with us.

"I think that we should be heading to this super awesome party down town. Josiah told me about the annual party two years ago, and I was wanting to go on it." Jack said, and in all honesty, with the way that he was saying it, I was feeling like this was probably something that mom and dad did not want us to be doing, but I did not want to be arguing with him here.

"Are you sure that we are going to be allowed to go there?" Jack asked, as if he had clearly known what Seth was planning on here. Seth looked right at him, and I was seeing that in the end, Seth was borderline not even caring all that much what people were going to be saying to him. Which was both a good thing, and a bad thing.

"I bet that Josiah is going to be there, and maybe even Gabe or Todd. At least this is not a labyrinth party we are talking about." Seth was saying, and I was feeling like the very mention of that thing was going to be making me feel uncertain. I mean, I knew what those parties were like, and I knew that mom and dad did not want us to go to those, under any case.

"What is a labyrinth party?" Henry asked, clearly not knowing what was happening, and feeling like he could be able to see if maybe he could go on one at some point. Which was the worst way we were going to be going at this discussion. I was feeling like now was the time to interject into this discussion.

"It is something to celebrate the griding noise going off. Since it is a relatively rare event, many people think that it might be fun to just sort of make a special event out of it." Jack explained, and I was feeling like he was clearly just not wanting to have this discussion any time soon. I was wondering if maybe it was a bad idea to be bringing Claire along for the ride, if she was hearing my brothers just argue with each other.

"Guys, I don't really think that we need to be having this discussion tonight. I think that we can just leave it alone." After I said this, I was mainly just not wanting to deal with the argument, at least for tonight, and thinking that if they wanted to have this debate later, that would be fine. But for gods sake, not in front of my friend.

"Yeah, Lydia is right. We can hold this off for later. I mean, we do not want to be making Claire feel uncomfortable." Seth wwas saying, having a small amount of regret in what he was saying, and I was wondering if maybe Seth was actually feeling bad, or if he was just saying this to be easing the whole situation for a while longer, and to be making it feel like it was nothing more than just a simple little innocent debate.

"Guys, I do not mind you guys talking about that stuff. It goes off every few months. I am used to it by now." She was saying, and then she was shrugging, thinking nothing else on it, and I was seeing her almosst just not even giving a single shit what was going on now. I was sighing, and I was feeling like there was the one argument that I had that could have made it feel like we were going to be getting out of this.

"Well, now that we are talking about it, it has been a bit over two months since the last time. I think the last time was the day Ridge was brought home, and that was on August 22. I wonder what is happening that is making people wait this long." Seth said, and that was scaring him more than the sound itself. I guess that when you are that used to it, not having it go off was something that was more scary than it happening.

"Are you seriously more worried about the grinding noise not going off?" Claire asked, and I was sort of able to get where Seth was going with it, even if I did not like it. I was just feeling like I would not have mentioned anything about it, since I was wanting to basically pretend like everything was going to be fine.

"I am not more worried about it as much as more curious. I will leave it at that. But in all honesty, I just wish that I would have at least some idea what the heck is happening, and that way I can figure out why everybody wants to know so badly." After Seth was saying this, he shurgged, having virtually no idea what we were going to be doing here.

"Well, what do you think that it might be?" Claire asked him, and then he was looking at her, as if feeling like she was asking for a really tall question, and then he was just sighing, and decided that he was not going to be getting in her business too much on what she had been feeling. "I mean, I think that it is just possibly some people working on their job?"

"I would not say that at all. I think that it is much more than that." Jack was saying, and sighed, and he was clearly looking like he had no real plan on what he was going to say here. "Seriously though, I think that Seth might be looking too deeply into it. Didn't we go over five months one time like just three years ago or something?" Jack asked, and I was not remembering it, but I vaguely knew what he was talking about, and it was actually four years.

In 2016, it went off on May 20, and then once more on October 27, which was dad's birthday. But from what Todd said in his first entry, in 2013, it literally only went off once the entire year. That is basically nothing at all, and it was around half way through the year as well, so I had no idea how Jack did not know of that. Maybe because he was only two at the time.

"Yeah, but I am used to it going off once every four to six weeks now. So it being over two months is a bit strange. I mean, I know that this is not the most important thing in the world, but I do want to know what the whole hold up is I guess." After he was telling me this, I was thinking that maybe Seth was just wanting to know more about it, and was feeling like speaking to us about what it was going to be like in the future was going to be a big deal.

"Guys, if we keep talking, we won't be able to go trick or treating." Claire said, and then I was feeling like out of any of us, I would have expected Henry to be the one saying this. But she was clearly feeling like this debate was not that important, and it probably wasn't, so we needed to put it aside.

Once we were outside, I was feeling like maybe I was just needing to pretend like everything was all fine and dandy. I was just thinking that whatever my brothers were on about with the grinding noise, we had made it clear that this was something we did not want discussed, and as long as we were hanging out, we were wishing that this would not come up again.

We were walking along for a moment, and then I was then thinking of something to say. "I wonder what Josiah, Gabe, and Todd are doing?" I asked, and I was not wanting to use this as a excuse to bring up the fucking party that Seth was wanting to go to, but I was feeling like it might be a good conversation point, and I was thinking that maybe there was a good chance that was the answer we were needing.

"I think that Josiah is probably just doing some music show. You know, he only cares about that fucking guitar." After Jack said that to me, I was seeing him looking like he was finding it more funny to imagine that than anything else. But at the same time, I was seeing Seth looking like he was still kind of jealous of the fact that we had rejected his idea. Which was insane that he was still on about that.

"I think that Bebe and Todd probably are spending this evening doing adult stuff." Henry said, and then I was feeling like that was going to be a good way to put it, since while I did not know much about anything like this, I was feeling like perhaps there was something deeper than what we were looking at here.

"Who knows what the hell Gabe is doing? I mean, he does a bunch of random stuff at this point, and I would honestly not even waste his time on trying to get him to tell us." Seth said, and this was another case of him sounding like he was breaking through, and was just showing more of his brotherly side, and that maybe there was more he was thinking about than the fucking party. I mean, he knew Gabe more than any of us, so it would make sense.

"I think that as long as he is busy, and he is enjoying his own life, then there is nothing else to be worried about." I said, and I was not really convinced. I was feeling like maybe I just needed to know that it was none of my business, and that was the only thing that I wanted to keep telling myself here. I was wishing that Gabe would be more open, but I sort of understood why he was not willing to do so.

We were going along, and as we had been driving along, that fucking black car that I usually saw passing by here lately was going by again. I was seeing this car once every week or so, almost always on Saturdays, which was just strange and I was wondering what the heck the car was doing. It never did anything besides just driving by and stuff.

"Do you know what the purpose of that car is anyways?" I asked, feeling like that was a fair enough question, and both Jack and Seth were looking at each other. This was looking like the one thing that was sort of uniting them in a relative fear. Not the car itself, but the fact that I had known of it, and the fact that I was wanting to try and see what they thought on it.

"I think that you do not need to worry about that Lydia. I think that they are just driving by on some important business." After Seth said that, I was thinking that I just needed to force something onto them this time, and that this time, I was not going to be taking no for a answer, and that they just needed to be straight forward for once.

"Sorry. I didn't think it was going to be bothering you so much." I said, and I was being sincere when I had said that. I was just thinking that these boys needed to calm down, and find something else to be dooming over, and that they needed to just understand that these type of things were not that big of a deal.

"You guys are sounding strange." Henry said, and then I was sighing, and I knew that he was just thinking that nothing was a big deal, and I was not really wanting to break his feelings here. He deserved beer than dealing with what we were dealing with. I knew that much about my fucking younger brother, and that was the only thing that I just needed to tell myself.

"Yeah, long story short, just don't be worried about it." Jack said again, and this time, he was clearly seeming like he was wanting to have the subject end, and that this time, he was not playing around nearly as much. I was then nodidng, and I was just telling myself that I just needed to respect his wishes. And if it was going to end this strange ass debate for a while longer, than I was willing to do just that.

"Alright, we can drop the subject for now." After I was saying this, I was just thinking that if it was scaring both Seth and Jack, that I just needed to fucking chill out with what I was doing, and I was not wanting to be making things any worse for him. And I was not wanting to be making things worse for my brother Henry, since he was still young enough and innocent enough to not fucking get what the heck was going on, and I just needed to make sure he did not have to deal with this.

"Why do you even care what is happening?" Jack asked, and I was feeling like that was a valid enough question, as much as I hated to admit it, and I was hating to tell them the real reason this was all getting to me. But I was just thinking that in a way, I did not need to say it, and that I could just leave it all alone. If we did not speak of it much, then it would have been okay enough.

"I just thought that it was strange how you guys were all scared, and that I was just sort of interested in knowing what it was like." I said, and then I was feeling like I could let it go after that, and that if we were to talk on this any longer, then it was going to just be a fucking idiot.

We were geting to our first house, and this was when the subject was dropping finally, and I was thinking that for all of us, this was a blessing in disguise, since I was pretty sure that none of us were wanting to talk on this any more, and I was feeling like if any of us were keeping up this discussion, then we were all going to be going fucking insane.

I was thinking that since this was Henry's first time, that we just needed to be letting him have the moment, and that he was needing to be happy for one day and stuff. In all honesty, I was thinking that if we were wanting to talk on this any longer, than perhaps we just could always fucking wait until a totally different day and then we could be happy about it.

"Trick or Treat!" Henry yelled when he was seeing the lady in her early thirties opening up. She was looking down at all of us, and she was seeing Seth for a second. She was smiling, as if she had seen him and possibly even Jack come by here once or twice, and I was feeling like maybe this was just a way of showing that maybe Seth did know what he was doing every once in a while.

"Oh you brought along more of your family this year." She was saying relatively excited, and then after that, this was when she was placing a piece or two of candy in all of our baskets, and that was the first trick or treat house that Henry ever did in his life, that I knew of, and I was wondering if he was going to be enjoying stuff like this in the future. If he was wanting to do more of this, and perhaps have it be his favorite holiday.

...

-November 1 2020 2:29 pm- At this point in time, I was seeing that Gabe and Todd were looking much more serious than they had been before. I felt like i was just needing to see what was going on. I needed to try and see if I could be making them feel better. But perhaps something like this was just not very realistic, given the fact that they were probably going to accuse me of being too young to understand.

The thing was that I sort of had a idea what was going on, and what was scaring them so bad, which was the fact that the election, or something like that was just two days away. They were feeling like something was about to happen. Something really big and something really important, and I just felt like I needed to have them at least explain what was so important about this.

From what Josiah told me, it is an event that happens every four years who will get to determine who the next President of the United States was. I did know who that was at least, so something like this was not too much to explain. Although as far as I remembered, something like this is just simply a label given to somebody.

The point is that I think people take it way too seriously, and I think that people just need to be relaxing. It was just something that happened once every four years, and I did not need to worry about it again aside from one night that day. But I guess that my siblings somehow feel like there is much more to it than that. They probably think that whoever the president is actually has some real affect on what is going on in this country, which I call a bunch of crap.

The only thing that I was not sure on was why somebody who would even need to go through this whole thing once every four years. That does not really even seem like that big of a deal, and I was just wondering if they were going through this procedure just to make sure that somebody doesn't become king or queen or something insane like tha.

I was thinking that maybe I could go on and see maybe Josiah or Seth and see what he might be saying. Maybe he might be able to fully get it. And if he was going to be polite about it, then I was going to be willing to hear their argument. I was thinking about what Gabe and Todd would have tried to say if I asked them to explain it. They were going to just be acting like it was out of my understanding, and that was something that in all honesty, I was really not in the fucking mood for at all.

But my thoughts were being cut short when I was hearing a voice calling out to me. I was looking up, and I was seeing that it was Lisa and Claire at our house again. I was feeling like maybe I could go on and see what they were wanting to tell me. Maybe they would have some plans to be putting my questions to rest for a while.

I was feeling excited to be seeing them though, and I knew that this was going to be the best thing that was going to be happening, so I was having no real issues with just doing what they were wanting. I walked up to them, and I was smiling, feeling like I was now going to be ready to just hang out with them for a couple of hours.

"How are you feeling today?" Claire was asking, and I was feeling like she was just referring to the events that were happening last night, and the arguments that had been coming up. I was finding myself not really in the mood to be having this discussion. But in all honesty, I was appreciating the fact that she was willing to speak to me at all on this, and do so in a way that was in front of her friends, so I just needed to be happy here.

The only thing that I did know to tell her was just the fact that in all honesty, I was just kind of wishing that this was going to be ending soon enough. I did not want to deal with my older brothers arguing about random things, and making Henry and his life worse, and I did not want to be hanging out with my two oldest ones when they were obssessed with this fucking election thing, as well as what was going on with the stuff in the town.

So in all honesty, despite everything going on, and despite the fact that I was probably needing to be doing other things, that were going to be more important, I just really did not care all that much, and I was wondering if maybe speaking to Claire and Lisa was going to give me a new appreciation for the fact that life in Wayside was really not as crazy as many people were making it all out to have been.

"Honestly, I feel like the next time I try and get involved with what my brothers are doing, I might just sort of be wasting my time doing this. They are really having no interest in helping me get it, so I need to leave it alone." I said, and then I was shrugging, thinking nothing of it, and thinking that I could leave it alone now.

"Why do your brothers argue so much anyways? That was so strange, and was honestly really starting to un-nerve me." Claire admitted, and I was feeling like if my older brothers had known this about what she had said, I was thinking that maybe I would need to just tell them, and maybe that might make them less inclined to argue in the future.

"I think that in some ways, it is literally a sign of them trying to show that they can be a real ass man or whatever. They feel like by making their case heard, and trying to get people to listen to them, they are true guys." After I said that, I was feeling like something like this did sincerely have at least a small part of it all, and I was just thinking that maybe I needed to be more polite on it. But I did not care.

"Well, next time tell them to be having their debates away from us." Claire was saying,a nd to be honest, I did not even disagree with what she was saying, and I wanted to say something like this to them. All that I just needed to do was make my voice loud and clear to them, and they were going to get it in their head that something like this was not going to be tolerated anymore.

"Do you know if one of them knew what was going on at the park?" Lisa asked, and I was feeling immense regret for her bringing this one thing up of all things, and I was feeling like she was just needing to keep something like this to herself. As it was going to get kind of annoying.

"The only one who might even pretend to want to talk about that stuff is Jack. He seems to be taking stuff like that way too seriously. I guess that I will just leave it at that, since I do not want to piss him off with anything about it." I said, choosing that my family ties were more important than any possible interest that I was having in the notes and stuff.

"Why does he seem to be the only one who might care for something like that?" After Lisa asked me this, I was feeling like her questions were just getting to be a bit hard to fully answer. I was thinking that I just needed to leave her alone, and that maybe doing this would be getting her to steer away from that awful discussion.

"Well, I just think that it all ties into what he has recently been into lately. I think that his obssession with those television shows, and those broadcasts are starting to eat him up too much, and he is refusing to be very practical on it." I said, and then I was thinking that I could leave something alone like that. I knew that one of these days, I was going to have no choice but to flat out ask them, and get to know the truth.

I was thinking that this was a terrible idea, and that this idea was going to be one idea that would end a bunch of friendships in my family, but at the same time, I did not care. "I guess that I will see what he might want to tell me later, if he wants to tell me anything at all." I said, and then decided to leave it at that.

"Anyways, so Lisa, you were making it seem like that was not the only thing you knew about here. Do you think that you would be fine with telling me more?" Claire asked, and I was feeling like she was fucking insane for even askng something like this, and I was feeling like she was needing to not be dragging this whole thing out any further. But at the same time, I just wanted to see if there was going to be real info shown.

"I know of a couple of places. But in all honesty, I doubt you would even care for something like this, and I know that you do not really believe any of the stories that I would tell you." After she had told me this, I was sighing, and I was not wanting to admit it, but I was wanting to know more, and I was feeling like seeing the truth was going to be the only way to make sense out of it.

"Do you think that you could tell us more anyways?" Claire asked Lisa, and I was seeing Lisa looking like she was thinking that this was going to be the best way to keep things for a while longer, and that as long as one of us was showing interest in this, then it was going to be going perfectly.

"I guess that I coukd. I mean, I do want to show as many people as possible that this is something that I do think can be a lot of fun if we just mess around with it." She said, clearly looking like she had no desire to be going any further with this. I was thinking that as long as she was still showing some doubt here, then it was only going to be showing a sign of how bad things might actually be.

"Where do you think we could be going next?" I asked, feeling like I had known most of the places in town, and if there was nothing going on, then we could just leave it all alone, and if there was nothing she had found, then I was thinking that we could be able to leave it all alone for a while longer.

"Well, I think that a lot of things have happened where the main school used to be." She was saying, clearly speaking of the thirty story school that we used to have here that was no longer in use. I was feeling like the fact that she was mentioning this place was showing me that she was not exactly playing around here, and that she really did know what she was going on about. It scared me, but I knew that I needed to take her more seriously.

"Oh shit, I think that you might be onto something here." I said, and I was hating the fact that she was, and I was hating the fact that this was something that I had found myself admitting, but I was thinking that if she was wanting to talk to me about something like this, and if she was feeling like something was going on, then we needed to at least give it a look.

This whole thing was something that I had wished to never discuss. "So maybe we can go there, and see if something is going on." I said, and then I was feeling like whatever we were going to be discussing now was going to be a very important topic. I was thinking that maybe Claire was not going to get it, but that I was clearly aware of the fact that maybe I was needing to speak to my dad about what was going on, and see if he was going to be giving me any actual clues to go forward on this.

"I think that maybe I can talk to my dad about when the school was running, since he went to school there at the time it was running. I wonder if he might know why it had shut down, and I think that maybe if he knows why, we can see if something is really going on." I said, and then I was feeling like something like this might be a terrible idea, and I was thinking that we were just taking this whole thing too far. But at the same time, I was just not even caring.

"Yeah, sure, but are you sure? I mean, how old is your dad to be able to have gone here?" After Lisa asked me this, I was sighing, and I knew that whatever she was telling me here was going to be a conversatin that should just not be had. I did not want to be going through another discussion of how old my dad was.

"I mean, he is much older than most of the parents we go to school with. But the thing is that he was a very busy guy when he was ounger, and I think that he just was always up to something, and could never settle down." After I was saying this I was feeling like I just needed needed to leave it all alone.

"Well, I guess that it is none of my business, so I'll leave it alone." After Lisa said this, I was seeing her looking like she was just feeling better about it all. I was then wondering if maybe Lisa was going to be bringing this up to other people that we went to school with. If she was going to be making a big thing out of it, and acting like it was some really big deal. In all honesty, I had hoped that she would not.

We were walking along, and eventually, as we were getting closer and closer to where the older school was, I was wondering what Claire was going to be saying to this. She was probably going to be wanting to talk about what made the school shut down. I was feeling like if she was going to try and force that info on me, then things were only going to be getting so much worse.

"Do you really feel like this is actually even all that connected to stuff that Jack watched or what is going on at the park?" Claire did eventually ask, and I was seeing her looking like she had just wanted me to be a bit more realistic now. I sighed, and I was feeling like there was no real answer that I would have wanted to give.

"I think that sooner or later, Jack will be watching one that connects. If the stuff he watches is real, then surely what happened to Wayside is going to have some connection here. You know that it makes sense." I said, and then I was thinking that if Jack was going to tell me one thing about the stuff he was watching, then maybe he had already known about this for some time.

"Maybe he already has known, and i think that maybe you can see what he is feeling here." Claire said, and I was feeling like this was her way of just trying to get out of the subject for a while longer. In s away I did not blame her, and in a way, I was thinking that what she was saying was perfectly valid. But I refused to admit it.

"Honestly, I think that just a simple look will not be all that bad. What is the worst that can happen?" After Lisa was saying this, I had felt like if she had been listening this whole time, it would not have been an issue. But for now, it was just kind of really confusing me that there was this debate now,

"I mean, even if something did happen, I doubt that Wayside would be the one fucking place in town that was being covered up." After I said this, I was feeling like what I said was probably not all that true, deep down inside, but I was thinking that there was a small level of validity to it.

"Yeah, I guess that you're right." After Claire was telling me this, I was feeling like the light of reasoning was coming through a bit better. I was thinking that perhaps we were all being smart here, and that we were not going to be making any rash statements. So with that, despite us not knowing, we were already almost there, and despite all that I was thinking, and saying it had seemed like something was going on. But not to the wa that they had been expecting, so there was that.

Once we were walking along, and we were seeing there was a set of three black cars in the area, I was feeling like we needed to get the fuck out of here as soon as possible. I was feeling like this was much more important than anything else going on. "Do you think that they are just having the same idea as us?" Lisa asked, thinking nothing of what was going on.

"I think that this is much more important than anything else." After I said this, I was starting to look back to the streets that we had just gone by, feeling like perhaps we were needing to accept the fact that we had made one giant set of mistakes here. But then Lisa was pointing towards one guy in the middle of this whole thing that looked much different from the other guys there.

In all honesty, I was kind of annoyed that she was doing this at first, and I was feeling like what she had been thinking was going to lead to nothing but them catching us, and therefore just making a giant fucking annoyance here. But then I was looking closely, and sort of saw what she was meaning.

This man was much younger than the rest of them, looking like he was only about Gabe's age, or maybe even a few months younger, and it was looking like he had basically bee running the show here. He had been wearing a regular hoodie, and had long black hair, and he was a really tall guy, about six five or so. The others around him were nearly six inches shorter than him, or sometimes even more.

The other guys were also dressed in almost exclusively black pants, white T-Shirt with a black top over it, a black tie, and then black glasses. They looked like they were officials of something, and I was feeling like maybe whatever these men were doing, it was far more important than just simply looking at the school. This guy with the hoodie also looked like he was trying to give them some clear orders.

"I need you to get rid of every single file that is in store here. If even one of them is leaked, then all the records that happened over fifty to forty years ago will be exposed, and the entire thing will be blown." The man said, and he was looking at a guy with a clip board, taking notes of what his boss said.

"If you must, bring them all to my fathers offices, and let him decide what to do with them. Once you have taken care of all the files, then you must change up the rooms, stairs, and make them able to be traversed again. Get rid of every single locker as we will be needing the space." The young man said, and I was clearly aware even at the age of seven that this was the sign of a construction project, and I was wondering what the point of the project even was.

"What do you want to do about the classrooms, and the way that the school is built, having a uneven structure on every single floor?" The one with the clipboard asked, and the young man seemed to be thinking about this a bit longer, thinking of how to go at this issue that even my father mentioned once.

"The classrooms can be used in a decent manner. Leave the rooms as they are, but get rid of all the desks, and make sure that the room is set up in a way that it can actually be used for proper work. As for the floors themselves, if you need to destroy some floors, and build it higher up or down lower, to create a more even space, then do it. Never leave a single one out." After the man was saying this, he was clearly thinking about how much of a issue this was going to be, and I was even hearing that maybe a small part of him resented this whole thing.

"Do you think that your father would approve of such measures?" The man with the clipboard asked, and then the man with the hoodie sighed, as if feeling like it was only a matter of time before this question was going to be coming up, and he was clearly having no desire to be having this discussion for even a second.

"My father will know that there is no other choice. If he doesn't like it, I will simply explain to him what the issue is, and why I did things the way that they were done. It is only going to be a matter of time before I take over the company anyways." He said, as if happy to be aware that this was the moment that he was going to no longer have to deal with anything tha would be considered even a small issue.

"But what if he doesn't? And you know that the company is not yours officially yet." He said, and then the man in the hoodie was looking right at him, and he was clearly angry at this. He was feeling like if this man was going to be talking about how the issues were handled going forward, then nothing else was going to even matter at all.

"I know that it is not mine yet. But I think that you are really taking a bigger issue than it is with the fact that I want to have these floors in a decent fashion. I was told by my father that we needed to make this school ground a better place for operations to be run. Not to be the same it once was. And I feel like this is the best way to do it." He said, clearly thinking that if this conversation was to keep up, then everything that needed to be done would have been entirely wasted over this simple discussion.

"We need to get out of here now." I said, and this time I was not going to be nice about it. I was scared out of my mid this time, and I was feeling like listening to these two guys talk about what was happening with Wayside any longer was going to be making things so much worse for all of us, and I was feeling like we needed to end this.

We were walking off, and this time, neither Claire or Lisa were arguing with us. Clearly she was feeling like we could finally just move on, and I was feeling like maybe I could go on and ask my dad what the heck is going on now. Maybe he was going to have something to tell me when I would see his mood here.

"What were those guys taking care of over there?" Claire asked me, and I was feeling like that was the worst way she could word something like this, and I was feeling like they were not taking care of anything. I was feeling like maybe in all honesty, whatever the heck we were doing with that conversation, and however we could take it, but it would just be a massive issue.

"I feel like we should just never speak of it. I am scared that something is happening here, and I think we should just be hanging out, and pretending like nothing is going on." I said, and this was when I was feeling like there was just no real point in talking about anything like this anymore. I was thinking that whatever they wanted to talk about, was going to be put off for later.

"Yeah, Lydia is right guys. If we talk about this, then those guys are going to know it was us. If they do not aleady." After Lisa was saying this, I was wondering if there was any way I could make this whole thing seem less awful, and be able to make them both feel at least a bit better. Aside from bringing up my brothers, which neither of them always seemed to be interested in.

We were walking along for a bit, and I was feeling like maybe when I could see what the heck this guy was doing, and see why he was wanting to ruin a old school of all places, then this was going to make more sense. He was a guy who had a clear goal, and that was all that I had known.

I was feeling like as much as I wanted to get out of this, and as long as I wanted to go without getting the guy into this, for reasons that I felt like he was going to pretend like he knew better than us, I was going to have to bring my father to this. Maybe he was going to give me the clues that I had needed, and that was all that I cared for.

…

-November 7 2020 10:40 am- I was sort of getting worried over Henry, knowing how much time he had spent dealing with that election, since in all honesty, I was feeling like everybody was constantly going around to him on it. I felt like he had deserved something better than to have everybody going on and trying to force him to give them every single update of the entire race. I was feeling like in all honesty, I was just needing to find a way to speak to him, to make him feel a bit better here.

Despite this all, and no matter what I was wanting to tell him, I had felt like this was sort of what he was going to be getting himself into when he was agreeing to be helping his brothers out on this whole thing. I sort of expected him to try and learn way too much, and then as a result, everybody was going to be feeling like he was the only one who can help him out. After all, we already had known who the winner was going to be.

I was going to be hanging out with Claire and I knew that this was the only thing that I had wanted to really do more than anything at all, and therefore, I was going to be sort of just kind of having my space a bit more respected. I was wondering if tehy had some other friends who might be willing to hang out with me, since I knew that they were probably not going to be enough to drag me through the whole school year. Lisa and Claire, mostly Claire, was a good starting point, but I had felt like I just needed to get more than just that.

When I was going to be seeingher, I was going to suggest that maybe we could go along and see what she was going to try and do. I knew that she surely must have had an idea on what we could have done, even if she was not wanting to be dealing with making new plans. I was just not that good at making new plans, and while I was fine with Lisa showing me that thing at the park, I was not wanting that to be the only thing we looked at. I did not want to be like Jack again, where we spent hours and days thinking about something that was literally out of his power.

That was one thing that I could be grateful for the election on. At least it had semed like Jack was sort of moving forward on that whole thing, and he seemed to be going on to other things. As much as I was not wanting to be hearing about it anymore, I was thinking that if the election could be able to divert focus away from that for a while, then everything was going to be better than normal. and we could just pretend like nothing we saw was that important.

Eventually, I was starting to walk on my way to where Claire lived, and I was seeing that she must have had an idea on what we were going to be doing, or that we should be hanging out, because of the fact that she was already heading my way, and I was seeing that she was just looking like she was wanting to eitehr tell me something, or for some reason was satisfied enough to just be seeing me at all that she did not even worry about what we were going to be doing.

"Hey Lydia, how are you doing today?" She asked, and despite the fact that I was not wanting to say great or anything, due to coming up with a different line, I was feeling like that was the only thing I could describe it with. Besides, I was sort of just wanting to talk about something else, and I was now in a mindset where as long as I was not thinking about the stuff with my brothers, then I was going to be happy enough.

"I am doing good. Do you have any ideas on what you might be wanting to do?" After I asked her this, she was sighing, and I was seeing her looking like she had wanted to say something else, but decided against it. I was sort of thinking that maybe she was actually having ideas, but had no idea what she was going to be telling me, and was therefore leaving it alone.

"I was wondering if I could ask you about something?" She asked, as we were walking away from my house, and getting closer to her house. I knew that something like this was going to be coming up, and I knew that she was just wanting to pretend like this was not happening. But I was smart enough to see through it, and I was willing to just answer whatever questions she had, if it had meant that she was going to be not giving off this strange presentation.

"Yeah, sure, what is it?" I asked, feeling like as long as I was going to be respectful to her, and as long as I was making it seem like I was going to make a real difference, then I was going to just sort of get going here. "I mean, I have no idea if I can help you, especially if it is about my brothers, but stilll..." I said, therefore now wanting to leave it alone.

"Well, I was wondering what you had felt about that guy who we saw when we were back at Wayside school nearly a week ago. The one who was giving orders and stuff." Claire said, and that was sort of random and out of nowhere. I was feeling like if she was wanting to see what I had thought on something, she just needed to be more specific on something that I was able to really make a difference on. But then I was sighing, and just felt like I needed to see what she was feeling here.

"I think that you might need to not worry about something like that. It is really none of our business what those guys were doing." I said, and I was feeling like I had just said that mainly to be making her get away from this discussion. She was clearly looking like she had wished that I could have taken this more seriously, but she was remaining silent here.

"I know that it is none of our business, but the fact that he was seeming like he was going to destroy the school or something like that, makes me wondering what his purpose was. I just sort of think that we might need to see what is going on here." After she had said that to me, I was thinking that this was going to be a waste of time and effort. But as long as she was going to be doing something that she was wanting to do, I guess that I needed to pretend like I was happy with this idea.

"Honestly, I think that the school was going to be replaced anyday sometime anyways. So I think that we might as well just leave the whole thing alone." I said, and while I did not want to be coming off as rude, I was feeling like this was the only thing that we could do, and still make it seem like we were having some form of choice here.

"But it is more about the fact that he probably has something that he will be doing with the school once it is all done. That is the main reason that I am scared what is going on here. I know that nobody uses the school anymore, but what will be be doing with it?" After she had asked me this, I was nodding, and I was thinking about getting focused on the main point though.

"That is something that I need to not worry on. I mean for gods sake, what will my father be thinking if he sees his older school being replaced with something that is only going to be making things worse?" I asked and I was then feeling like I was taking this much too seriously, and I was wondering why I was even caring so much what was going to be going down.

"I doubt that your father will really be caring all that much what people are doing to a school that he went to nearly sixty years ago." Claire told me, and then I was thinking about how long ago it had been, and when she was mentioning that perspective, as much as I was hating to admit it, I was feeling like maybe she might have been right, and that I just needed to let it go now.

"I guess that maybe that makes sense. I just think that he would be at least a little bit sad over something like this." I said, and then I was leaving it alone for a bit, thinking that as long as I was not defending it too much longer, then she might not be too worried on it in a perspective that I was just trying to explain away the fact that these guys can do whatever they want.

"That being said, it had been left alone for a while. Maybe they wanted to decide to give it something to do instead, such as replacing many of the areas in it, and then building a new inside. I think that it might be better than nothing." I said, feeling like we were going to make it a good argument with that. Claire was remaining silent, and I was seeing her looking like she had wished that I was going to be taking this more seriously than I had been, since in all honesty, I just did not see the point to any of this.

"I just think that maybe we should be at least somewhat worried on how he is going to be using it. For all we know, he might be having some plans that are going to be evil." Claire said, and I was thinking that the word evil was being far too generic, and that she was needing to be coming up with better material. But in a way, what if she was telling the truth, and that if this guy took the building over, it would be fine.

"I think that we might as well give him a chance." I said, and then I was sighing, thinking that it was only going to fair to do something like this. After all, he was our elder, and that maybe by him doing something like this, we could be able to let him go on and show us all that he was not going to be taking things for granted.

"Sure, I guess that I can sort of see where you are coming from, even if I do not agree with it entirely." She was telling me, and then I was thinking that it was mildly strange that she was more interested in something like this than I had been. I was wondering if maybe she was right, and if maybe I was needing to be taking this more seriously than I had been. If that was true, and I was just playing around, then maybe things were going to be much worse.

"Besides, what would he do with it?" I asked, and then I was feeling like this was going to be a good point. If I was going to be putting it this way, then surely she would be able to see why I was telling her that she was going to be making something out of literally nothing at all.

"Do what his father wants him to do, and if that's bad, then it's bad." Claire said, and then I was indeed remembering the fact that he was following his dads orders, and when I had remembered that, I was wondering what his dad might have been up to. If his dad was up to something, then perhaps we were going to indeed need to look further in it all.

"I guess that this is fair enough." I said, thinking about who was right between the two of us was literally going to be driving right down to what his father might have been doing. And if his father was going to be trying to do something wrong with Wayside, then I was wondering if he was just taking things over. You know, like those people from the movies who just want money.

"After all, his father owns Lazarus, which is a major company." Claire was saying, and after she was speaking more and more, the longer that the seeds of doubt had been coming in, and the longer that I was feeling like the guy who was at the school was just following orders. But then again, he was seeming to be a rather big authority figure. So in all honesty, I think that there was more to it than Claire or I were maing it out to be.

"I wonder what Lazarus even does anyways." I said, fully aware that this place was going to be the only place in all of our town who pretty much had sole say on what was happening, and that we were going to have to take this business more seriously if we were to be making any real progress here. "If we know what they are doing, then we could actually have a answer here."

"Maybe we can go on and ask." Claire asked, and I was thinking that this was a fucking terrible idea, and I was feeling like maybe we were going to have to just reel it back a bit, and pretend like we were not going to be getting ourselves into something that we might be regretting. Something that could be putting our lives at risk.

"Claire, I think that we just need to be looking at this a bit better. We need to just not be taking this whole thing too seriously." I said, and then I was seeing her looking like she was just kind of wanting to do something else, but was willing to quit the discussion for the time being. "I mean, if we mind our own business, isn't that better than anything else?"

"If you say so, then I will be doing my best here." After she had said that to me, I was seeing her angry at me, and I was wondering what her problem was, and why she had wanted to be doing something like this. The guy was moderately scary, and I had wanted her to be seeing where she was coming from was absolutely insane, even if she did not see it.

"Besides, I doubt that even if we were to ask dad around, he would be giving us answers. He might be telling us to be doing our own thing, and let him just be doing his job. Whatever the heck his job is." I said, hating my life, and hating the fact that Claire was wanting to take life to such a fucking scary extreme.

"In all honesty, I think that Lisa and all our other friends, will not want to be wanting us to take this as seriously as you are suggesting. If you try too hard to be getting into this whole thing, then they might be getting kind of annoyed with us." I said, and then I was feeling like we might as well just sort of look at it this way.

"You might be right there." She was saying, finally calming down enough to where she was finally looking like she was willing to see some form of logic of reasoning. This was the only thing that I had wanted, and the only thing that I had cared for. I was thinking that if our friends did not like this, they would not hang out with me anymore.

As selfish was it was, part of me was only caring for something like this. As selfish as it was, I was thinking that if we were losing friends over this, then my entire life would be fucked. I was wanting friends, and I was wanting to do good in school. That was the main thing that I had cared for, more than anything else in the world.

"I think that we just have a lot of stuff that we need to be worried about going forward. I think that our friends are going to be telling us that we are taking things way too seriously, and that would be really wrong for me to be saying this stuff about my brother Jack, but then not be looking at ourselves in the mirror going forward." I said, and then I was wondering if this was something that Jack was feeling earlier, and that maybe we just needed to give him more credit here.

"Do you feel like what your brother is doing is the same as what is going on here? I mean, your brother is just watching a bunch of random footage, and trying to make a meaning out of it. While what we saw was a real event, and we know that we did not make any of it up." Claire said, trying to just make me see it her way. But then I was sighing, and I was just having no real desire to continue going along here.

"Well, I think that making something out of a single conversation is not going to be any better than him making stuff out of footage that looks like it could be having damning evidence here." After I said that to her, I was feeling like I just needed to be realistic when looking at this, even if I was being harsh on it all, which I admit I might have been.


	8. The 2020 Presiential Election

-Henry's POV November 3 2020 12:55 am- I was getting up to go to the bathroom, and be doing my own thing, when I was seeing my oldest brother staring in front of the television, and I was seeing him looking like he was taking something very seriously. I was thinking that at this point, he might be needing to have somebody talk to him, and make him feel at least somewhat better here. "Hey, what is happening?" I asked, and then Todd looked right at me.  
As he was looking right at me, I saw him looking like he was just tired, and that he had wanted to end this whole thing. "I am really worried over something that is going to be happening later today." He said, and then I was having virtually no reaction here, since in all honesty, the way he was speaking was just sort of making me feel like I had no real way of getting through this all. "I doubt that you would really get how important what this will all be is, and I do not want to force it on you." My brother said, and I was feeling like he was needing to give me more credit here, and that maybe he was just needing to know that I had no real intention on making him feel bad.  
"I can try and help." I said, and then I was seeing Todd looking right at me, and I was seeing him looking like he was almost thinking that this entire dicussion was going to be a waste of his fucking time. He shook his head and then decided to start talking to me.  
"Honestly, I am not even all that worried over something like this. I am just dealing with the fact that the election is tomorrow, and that is going to show us who the president is going to be." After he had said that to me, I saw him looking like he was wanting to almost say something else, but he had decided entirely against it all.  
"Do you think that I might be able to help you?" I asked, feeling like this was going to be making him feel better. The idea of telling him that he can flat out let me know what the issue was, and then we could possibly work something out. I was seeing Todd looking like he was having nothing to say, but then there was a small part of him that was looking like he was seeing some value to what I had been saying.  
"Yeah, maybe you can..." Todd said, and then he was looking at me, and there was a slight smile on this face. "Would you be willing to let me know how it goes by writing down the events of it?" He said, and went to his room, where he was grabbing a notebook, and staring at me for a couple of seconds.  
"I guess I can. I don't get it though." I said, and then I was looking right at him, and Todd was just giving me this look that was basically saying 'please don't argue with me'. I was feeling like no matter what I was wanting to say, that Todd was going to be in a really bad mood, and that I was just needing to be making it at least slightly less bad at this rate.  
"Just do it, and write down all the states as they come in. Just make sure that no matter what happens, you tell the truth, even if you feel like it might be something I will not like." He said, and then I was looking at him, and I was feeling like even if I had no desire to admit it, that he was going crazy right now, and that he had needed to relax.  
"Sure, I will do that." I said, and then I shrugged, and then I was feeling like there was no other way that I could be telling him anything like this, and be having him feel even remotely slightly better. So with this, I was just thinking that as long as I was making him feel well, that I was going to be a good brother here.  
"As long as you keep it the truth, and as long as you let it just be known what happens as it happens, then there is nothing that I can do about it." After he had said that to me, I decide that I was going to just be leaving it all alone. "I am going to be dealing with stuff in my own time. Being with Bebe, as well as a short shift at my job. I will be just too busy to be seeing what is going to be happening and stuff." After he was telling me this, I saw him looking like he was having no real way to be arguing on this anymore, and that as long as I was just doing exactly as he was saying, then the only issue was going to be who was going to win.  
'Why do you care so much what is happening?" I asked, and I was not wanting to be rude on it, but in all honesty, I was just not getting the point, and I was feeling like if he was just going to tell me what had been happening, it would have been better.  
"I think that it is going to be making a issue on who is going to be the person solely responsible for making choices in this country for four more years, and I have no idea which one will be better at the job, and what I can even be doing about it all." After he told me this, I was sighing, and had no idea what to say now.  
"Yeah, I might be the only one who can do it." I said, thinking about what it was going to be like to make this whole, and I was wondering if what I said about being the only one who could do it. I was thinking that in my mind, I was just trying to justify the idea of doing this, and why he was coming to me. Which in my mind was saying that I was the only one who can do it.  
"If you are not too sure what is going on, and if you feel like there are some things you do not understand yet, just write them down anyways, and just see what you can do to make a difference." Todd said, and I was sighing, and I was feeling like even if he was not wanting to admit it, he was setting me up for a high standard, and I was feeling like maybe I was going to just have to see what we were even going to be doing yet.  
"Anyways, I think that as the years go by, then you will be wanting to know what is happening anyways, as you grow older, and you will see why these things every four years matter so much." He was just saying, and despite what he was telling me, I was sort of feeling like he was just saying a bunch of doomy stuff, and I was feeling like it was sort of above my pay grade.  
"If you say so." I said, and then I was thinking about what it was going to be like if what he was saying was true. I did not think that it was true, and I did not think that it was a big deal. But if this was the way that things were going to be, and if he was really going off of actual experience, then I was going to have to just be playing along for a while longer, and see what was going to be going down here.  
"Anyways, the fact of the matter is that I am just sort of feeling like there is too much to explain in a short amount of time, and you are too young to need to worry on it for the time being." After Todd said this to me, I was sighing, and the whole time that I had been thinking about what was to happen I was wondering what my siblings were going to say now.  
"Have fun with Bebe." I said, totally randomly bringing the subject to that, but I was feeling like maybe something like this was going to be something that could help him be happier, so in a way, I was feeling like I was doing a good job, and I was just wanting to make this discussion a whole lot less strange than it had been in all honesty. When I was bringing her up to him, I was seeing him looking like he was getting a whole lot happier, calmer, and more of a relatively composed state.  
...

-November 3 2020 4:00 pm- I was sitting down on the screen, and I was just basically forcing myself to be listening to what was happening, since in all honesty, I had no real desire to be going through this whole thing. But I was well aware of the fact that if I slacked off on what I was promising my brothers to do, they would be getting rather angry at me. The only thing that I was focused on was just getting the results down as it was all happening.  
"Welcome to election night 2020. Where we will be seeing who will be elected the next president of the United States. In this election, we will be having our current president Donald Trump running against Joe Biden, and we will be seeing if the president will be the second one to win two terms in a row, or if Biden will be taking over for the next four years." The announcer said, and then he was looking right at the screen, ready for it to load up something.  
"In order to outright win the election, one of the two candidates must reach an absolute majority of the electoral vote. And like in the 2012 and 2016 elections, that will be 623 votes out of 1244. In order to get there, both candidates must win enough states to have an combined vote be getting them over the top." The man said, continuing his speech that he gives at the start of every one.  
"The way that the electoral college is allocated, for those who only watch this every four years, is by how many representatives and senators there are in the state. Every single state has two senators, which is 100. Every state has a certain amount of representatives that represent their state depending on population, and in this case, one per 270 thousand residents. This gives us 1140 representatives, and DC has 4 more electoral votes." The man was then feeling like he needed to continue on with the next part of his speech.  
"After our census this year, there are another set of electors which will be representing the state, and from our early reports of population, it seems as if our electoral votes of 2024 and 2028 will be 1325, which will make the winning mark 663." When he was done with this, he was looking at the map, waiting for more to be coming along.  
"So far we have a few states closed up. We have Indiana, we have Kentucky, and we have Vermont all closed up. Soon enough, we will be seeing West Virginia, Virginia, and South Carolina closing. And while some states have closed, it is very important to go out and cast your vote this year. As it seems like this year will have the most ever." The man was sounding almost proud of this for once in his life.  
"The only thing that you would need to worry about in your involvement tonight is making sure that you cast your vote, and by doing so, you will be helping make your voice heard among one of millions of voters." The man said, feeling like there was not much to be going forward with.  
As he was saying this all, that was when Jack was walking into the room, and he was looking across the screen, as if thinking of something to be saying here. In all honesty, I saw him looking like he had wanted to make fun of me really badly, but decided that he was not going to be doing something like this.  
"What are you checking up on? I did not think you would be interested in something like this." He said, feeling like he might as well be honest about what was going on in his mind. In all honesty, I wish that I was never asked to be watching something like this either. But I was asked politely to do so.  
"Gabe and Todd asked me to be watching the election, to make sure that they can know what is happening before anything else comes up." I said, and then I was wondering if he had any real response to this. He was shrugging, thinking that this was going to be a bit out of his league or interest at all.  
"Well, as long as you are not going around, and making everybody else watch it with you, I suppose that I am not allowed to complain." He said, and then I was seeing him looking like he had wanted to say something else, but decided that for once, he was going to be keeping it inside.  
"I don't really care what is happening tonight. Barely anything has come in, and to be honest, the number system is odd." I said, and then I was sighing, thinking that I might as well leave it alone. I was feeling like I made my voice heard, and that I was going to just keep going on this if I felt like it was going to be important to do so.  
"I am mainly doing it to make sure that Gabe and Todd do not get angry at me." I said, feeling like it was selfish to be saying this, but that I might as well be honest with what I was saying. As long as I told the truth, you would not be too annoyed with what was happening, or my lack of response.  
"Well, I guess you might as well tell me who wins if that comes up." After he had said that, I saw him looking like he had not wanted to be saying anything else. But I was feeling like maybe with the two of us talking a bit better, than maybe we could have been getting along a slight bit better.  
I was looking at the screen, and I was wondering how these electoral votes, or whatever they were called, were going to be coming in, and if we were going to be waiting super long for them to be happening. It turns out at that moment, the guy answered my minds query.  
"We can now project that the state of Kentucky will be going to Donald Trump, with their 18 electoral votes. On the other side of the spectrum, we will be calling the 4 electoral votes to Joe Biden. This puts us at 18 to 4 so far, with Indiana fasting counting their votes, and if trends are keeping up, will be delivering a solid amount to Trump soon." The man said, and then I was sort of looking at Jack, who was almost appaled that he even stuck around for that bit.  
"I will let you know how it goes along soon enough." After I had said that to him, I was seeing him looking like he had no idea what to be saying to that idea. But he was shrugging, and decided that he was going to be letting it go. If it was something I wanted to do with him, I was going to do it, and I was certain that he had known of that as well.  
"Well, have some fun with this, I guess. But don't get too wrapped up in it all." After Jack had told me this, I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to be saying more, and that he had felt like he was needing to continue, but decided that he was going to be leaving it alone for the time being. All I knew at this rate was that Trump might be winning the damn thing.  
I knew that he was probably going to be hanging out with his friends, so I was going to be letting him have his own thing, and that he was going to just be too far gone to really want to be having this whole thing go along anyways. As Jack was heading off, I was thinking about what I was getting myself into, and why I even cared what I had seen too much.  
Maybe part of me really did have a bit of excitement on what was to come. So with that, I was going to be working hard to be watching the full reports. And when they were all said and done, then I was going to be telling them all the details. But as I was watching, I wondered if I had even wanted to be doing such a thing.  
All that I knew was that from the way the guy was looking here, and the way he was talking, that this was something that he did not take lightly at all. He was wanting to make sure that everybody knew the full reports, and was ready to be making it so that everybody fully got it, for better or for worse.  
I wished that in all honesty, the people who were watching this, and the people who had been going along with these reports, were going to be able to just give me some more details, and not be making me feel like we were heading nowhere at all. But for now, I was going to just sit back and watch it all.  
Electoral Count  
Trump 18 (1.44%)  
Biden 4 (0.32%)

...

-Nov 3 2020 4:48 pm- Right as I was seeing the screen once again, this was when the next projection had been made. It was for another couple of states that had been closed on nearly an hour ago. "We will now be able to project that President Trump will be winning the 9 electoral votes of West Virginia against Joe Biden. And in the opposite end of the spectrum, Joe Biden will be winning the 32 electoral votes of Virginia. These two states being called will be President Trump all the way up to 27 electoral votes, while Biden is now currently in the lead with 36." The reporter said, with two bars of different colors filling in a increasingly tightening grey bar. I figured out that stuff and what it meant instantly.  
"As per tradition for the last 72 year, ever since we started to have television, we will be placing in every state that the Republican candidate wins in the blue coloring. Every state that the Demoracts win is going to be colored in red. And on top of this, every time a state is called, the electoral votes of that state will be showing up on the top." He said, feeling like he would move on now.  
"We are seeing counts in Florida showing that they are roughly three fifths of the way through the counting of the ballots, and will be getting closer as the night goes on. Due to the stricter standards on COVID, many states have been doing mostly main in voting, and the votes were being counted every week in oder to get ready to start making early reports. These mail in votes are having their official reports being shown up first, to get many people a clue on what is to come." The man explained, and by this point, I had been totally lost now.  
At this rate, I was seeing Seth walking by, and he was looking like he was having the time of his life, and I was not wanting to argue with him at all. I was not wanting to be bringing up anything that he might be finding mildly annoying. But in a way, I was feeling like maybe I could be seeing where he was coming from. "Do you're actually fulfilling the promise?" Seth asked, only faintly aware what this promise even was, and did not want to be asking any more on it if I did not want to speak on it.  
"Yeah, I feel like I might be having no choice." I said, and then I was looking at the screen again, and despite what I was wanting to pretend like here, I was actually much more interested in this than I was letting on. I wanted to know where this was going to go. I mean, right now, the election looked so fucking close, and I was wanting to see where this was going to go.  
"How are you feeling right now?" Seth asked, and I was unsure if he thought I would have feelings on this, or if he was just wanting to see if I had been bored out of my mind yet. I was thinking that I might as well tell him the answer that might be blowing him away if he heard it.  
"I guess that I am just sort of wanting to see what the hype is." After I said that, I was seeing him looking like he was kind of happy to be seeing that at least I might have been taking it better than he had been. I was wondering if with his older age, and greater experience, if he was tired of even pretending like he was interested in this stuff.  
"The truth of the matter is that there is virtually none. This happens every single four years. You will be getting used to the fact that this is a load of shit no matter what. There is nothing about it that is cool or exciting. If you have to report this for our brothers, go ahead, but don't be thinking too much into it." He said, and then he was sighing, feeling like that was all that he had wanted to even say on the matter.  
"I mean, I thought it was cool the first time, but now that I know what the structure is like, and I know what people do, I just sort of want these nights over with every fucking time." Seth was saying, and I was wondering what the heck happened that made him hate it as much as he did right now. I was feeling like the whole thing was just strange, to be hating this much.  
"Do you know who will win?" I asked, and then he was looking at me, and then he was laughing at this question, as if feeling like he was wanting to be having more hope in it, but was finding the question utterly dumb in his own way. "Do you want to have one win?" At this, I was seeing him looking like he was virtually done with it all.  
"I don't give a crap who wins. Nobody is going to win in my books. I think that something like this is a giant waste of time, if I am being frank with you. None of it is going to lead anywhere, and everybody is going to be finger pointing. We just need to accept that it is no big deal." He was telling me, and I saw him thinking that we were able to leave it at that.  
"I think that it is a waste of time that Todd and Gabe want to know so badly. I think that they just buy into the hype of it all, without even seeing that there is no real reason that we should think that either of them are going to run things any fucking different from the others." Seth finished, and felt like he could leave it at that for now.  
As Seth was in the middle of his speech about the bullshit and stuff, that was when the next projection had been made. "We can now safely call that South Carolina will be going to President Trump. This will be putting President Trump up at 46 electoral votes. he is now leading against Joe Biden, who is still at the 36 we gave him earlier. At this point in time, we still have 1157 left up for grabs, which means that for now, it really is anybodys race to take." The man was saying, as if feeling like he was needing to at least pretend like he was not being biased here.  
"We will be seeing states such as New Jersey and Alabama closing soon. Once these states close in, many of which are almost assured to go to either Biden or Trump, we will be seeing the undecided vote counting down a lot less. In the popular vote, despite having far fewer electoral votes as of yet, Biden is leading by about a hundred thousand votes." The man said, letting the statistics run up for a while.  
"We will project that once the night is done, regardless of wheater or not he wins the electoral vote, Biden will probably be picking up the popular vote. This is very much in the same vein as 2016, where despite all of the shocks, and despite the fact that it had looked as such all night, then candidate Donald Trump did pick up a solid 1.7 million vote victory against former first lady Hillary Clinton." The man was saying, reminding those who saw this in the past.  
"In that election, Trump ended up walking away with a very good 752 electoral votes to Hillary Clinton only getting 492. While many of those states were close and could have put Hillary on top had they gone the other way, it is important to note like this time, Trump was very behind in virtually every poll in until the last fourteen days, when he had it as a tie." He said, and it was one moment where he was showing borderline impressed excitement over one of them.  
"I can't take this anymore. Go on and fucking watch it. I am done with this for the rest of the night." Seth said, and then he walked to his room, and I was wondering if he got in a fight with his friends, or if he was just seriously and genuinely that over all of the stuff going on here.  
As I was wondering all of that, I almost let it get in the way of my job, and I was letting the emotions somehow ruin the one thing that I was told that I needed to be doing. Maybe when this was all over, I was going to be asking him what the issue was, and why he was even wanting to be in a bad mood right now. But for the time being, I was going to just watch the show for as long as I could, to see where it could go.  
Electoral Count  
Trump 46 (3.68%)  
Biden 36 (2.89%)

...

-November 3 2020 5:48 pm- With the next calls of the race being made, this was when the race was starting to become ever so slightly more interesting, and I was wondering where this was going on. I was wondering if these states being called so fast was going to be the reason that Todd gave so much of a shit about it. The man was looking like he was glad to be getting these ones done with now.  
"Our next state projections will now project that Trump will win the 20 electoral votes of Alabama, the 13 electoral votes of Mississippi, the 25 electoral votes of Tennesse, the 13 electoral votes of Arkansas and the 16 electoral votes of Oklahoma. This will be bringing him up to 133 electoral votes. With most of his southern locked in states kicking in, we will be seeing where he will be needing to improve soon." The man said, and I was confused at this, since he already had so many locked in.  
"The 26 electoral votes of Masschusetts will be going to Joe Biden. Delaware's 5 electoral votes will go him, the 4 electoral votes of DC, the 23 electoral votes of Maryland, the 34 electoral votes of New Jersey, the 15 electoral votes of Connecticut, the 6 electoral vote of Rhode Island, and the 49 electoral votes of Illinois all go to Joe Biden. At this rate, we are looking at 198 for Biden, and 133 for President Trump." The man said, feeling like the race was going to be soon going into the landslide that it would become.  
"These are all states that have been considered by many to be clear walk aways before the night started. So I would suggest not reading into these at all, and just watching the next several states coming in. Florida has yet to be called, and when that state is eventually called, we will be having a good idea on who will win the race." The announcer said, and I was seeing Lydia coming towards me.  
I was seeing her looking like she was wanting to see what I was doing. "Hey Henry, what has been going on so far?" She asked, and I was seeing her looking at the screen, feeling like whatever was going to be coming next, the election was going to be taking a rather odd turn around.  
"With the way Josiah was saying it, I thought Trump was going to lose in a blow out." She said, and then she was shrugging, having no idea what to be saying now, and she was clearly feeling like she had no idea what to be doing with it. Eventually, Lydia had wanted to say something else, but that with what was going on, she was terrified of what Josiah was going to be like now.  
"Why do you think that this was happening? Or why did he?" I asked, and I was feeling like this was going to be giving me a clearer idea on what I was supposed to be getting ready for. Lydia was shrugging, feeling like I was sort of asking her a question that she had no real power in answering at all.  
"I just listened to what he had said. I think that if you want to know, let him talk to you on this." She said, and then she sighed, feeling like she was wanting to just leave the subject alone, and that this was something she was feeling like was almost too much to really handle.  
"Alright, I will do that." I said, feeling like I was willing to take the challenge, and that this was going to totally be worth my time and the effort. If he was wanting to let me know, and if he was fair with me, then it was going to be perfect for everybody involved. I was staring at the screen, feeling like maybe Josiah was just losing his mind if he was thinking Biden was going to walk away with it all.  
"I am honestly kind of impressed with how much you care about this so far." She said, feeling like maybe this was something that she had wanted to do, but had no real patience to be doing it. With that, she was looking around the room, and I was seeing her clearly just wanting to talk longer, but had no real interest here.  
"We can now project that Donald Trump will be winning the 26 electoral votes of Indidana, which will be placing him up to 159. With this state called, he is now about a quarter of the way to winning a second term. And with several more states that are considered safely for him coming up, he will be locking in many more before the night ends." The announcer said, and then he was looking at a much larger number that had been changing often.  
"Despite being down by 39 electoral votes for now, Trump is now gaining a small lead in the popular vote against Biden. As time goes on, we will be seeing if this lead will be holding, or if Biden will eventually be able to catch up, and take the president over. With states such as California to be closed, we expect that the margin will be relatively in his favor in coming hours." He said, and I was wondering what was so important about California to make it like this.  
"So I guess that most of the election is now over with, given more states are already done." After Lydia was saying this to me, I was wanting to believe in this. It would have been so much easier to be buying into that narrative. But given the way the guy was talking about it all, I was not really super sure. At least not as much as I had been earlier.  
"I will let you know how things turn out soon enough." I said, and I was wondering if she even cared about that, or if she was just sort of commenting on the election as a whole. In all honesty, if she was not really interested in this, I was feeling like maybe I just needed to be letting her just be having fun, and not be pressing this any further at all.  
"Well, don't be going around, and acting like it is the end of the world when it turns out that it looks like you wasted your entire night away." Lydia was saying, and I was wondering what the issue here was. I was sort of feeling like she was just wanting to say more, and that she was feeling the need to be doing so. But that she was also aware that I was making my position on this relatively clear, and not to be pressing it any more.  
"Alright, I will remember that." I said, and then I was thinking that for better or for worse, this was not going to be such a simple night. That being said, despite all that was going on, I was wanting to see where it would go, and I was getting more and more excited with each passing minute that I was actually going to be witnessing a historical event.  
Once Lydia was looking down, she was clearly looking like she had wanted to be saying more, but did not really know how she was going to be doing so. "Well, I mean, as long as you are enjoying what is going on, and you feel like you feel connected with it, then I have no real issues with it at all." Lydia was telling me, and I was slowly nodding, but despite my nodding, I was feeling like there was something to it that I was not really getting.  
"So Lydia, do you feel like there is something going on here?" I asked her, and she was shaking her head, feeling like if she had felt that way on anything, she would have been just thinking that I was a liar. "I mean, Seth was talking about how bullshit it was." I said, and I felt like saying the word was fine when I was directly referencing words other people were saying.  
"I don't think anything is going on. I just think that the night itself is boring as hell." She said, feeling like she might as well be honest about what she was feeling, and then she was just sort of feeling a bit lost here. "We all have differing ideas though, so I am not worried."  
As she had said that, she really did head off, and I was wondering what the next states that were going to be called would have been. I was thinking that we were going to be getting close to another few, and I was just wanting them to be done, so we could have been able to all move on.  
Electoral Count  
Biden 198 (15.92%)  
Trump 159 (12.79%)

...

-November 3 2020 6:41 pm- The next set of reports had been coming in, and the announcer was getting ready to just tell us what the status on the election was for now. "We can now project that the state of New York with 74 electoral votes, and New Mexico with 10 electoral votes will be going to Biden. This puts him up at 282. On Trump's side, we can project that Lousiana with 19 electoral votes, Oklahoma with 16 electoral votes, the 5 electoral votes of North Dakota, South Dakota with 5 electoral votes, Nebraska with 9 electoral votes, and Wyoming with another 4 electoral votes, will be going to Donald Trump. This brings him up to 217. It is now impossible for Trump to win over 1000 electoral votes, with Biden's result."  
Now at this point in time, most of the states had been called to at least some fashion, which means that more so now than before, the election had really started to experience a bit of a winding down experience. At least that was the way that I had taken it. "The states of Florida, Ohio, and Texas will be expected to give a winner soon enough, and as of yet, those states are all looking very favorable to Trump. Michigan, Wisconsin, Minnesota, and Pennsalvania, are too much too early and too close to call."  
I was wondering what the next states were going to be, and I was wondering when the calls were finally going to be going through. In all honesty, I just kind of wished to be seeing who was going to win now. Neither of them were even half way they needed to win. By this point, part of me was feeling like the whole thing had been dragged on for far too long, and I was now starting to lose some interest here.  
As this was done, I saw Josiah walking in, and I was seeing him taking a second to look at the screen, and when he had seen this, I saw him getting a very happy look on his eyes. As if this was the turn out that he was wanting. I was wondering if he was willing to tell me what it was that he had wanting. What he had by now been expecting to go down.  
"Hey Henry, do you think that Biden is going to win?" After he asked me this, I was looking right at him, feeling like there was not much to say here. I was looking at the screen for a couple of seconds, and I was feeling like no matter what was happening one way or another, he was going to be wanting a straight forward answer, so I was going to be letting him have it.  
"Yeah, I think he is favored to win." I said, not thinking about the other states to still be called, and I was just thinking about the current counts. In all honesty, I did not know if it was better for him to win, but that was what I was thinking.  
"That is good news for all of us. If he fails to win the election, I will be feeling like we might be having a huge set of issues to go through." After he was saying this, I was confused as to this all, but I decided not to be saying anything on it, and I decided that it was none of my business.  
"We can now project that Joe Biden will be winning the 21 electoral votes of Colorado. This result will be placing him at 303 electoral votess, which is slightly less than half of what he will be needing to win the White House." The announcer said, and the bar filled up with a slight bit more red, while the blue states mostly contained a paltry amount of electoral votes.  
"I am going to be telling my friends about to tonight, and I think that this will be a night for us all to remember." After Josiah told me this, I saw him looking like he was ready to be walking away with a look of pure joy on his face. If he had known what was to be coming up, I feel like he would not have been in a very good mood going forward.  
"Hey Josiah..." I said, and then he was looking right at me, as if feeling like he was willing to spend a small bit more time to just see what my point was. "What will you feel if Trump wins?" I asked, and I was feeling like the question was innocent enough, and then he was looking down, as if wishing that I never even mentioned such a thing.  
"I will not be very happy. I would be wondering what happened to our country to be leading to this." After Josiah said that to me, I was nodding, feeling like I needed to leave it alone, and that if I was going to be pursuing the matter any further, he would be getting a bit more annoyed with me.  
"I would also be wondering how so many more people would be willing to favor him this time, like the previous time. I still can't believe nearly two million more people voted for him last time." Josiah was saying, and I was feeling like eventually, I was going to have to learn what the issue he had with the guy was, and what we were going to be able to do about such a thing. But I decided that for now, I would be leaving it alone.  
"See you when you get him." I said, feeling like we were only a matter of time away from when Biden was going to get the other 320 votes to win. In all honesty, I was not really all that worried about who was going to win, so I would be just sort of letting it all go, and be fine with it.  
Once Josiah was leaving the house, I was hoping that he was going to be taking things well if Trump were to win. I mean, I am not too sure if he is going to win or not, but I feel like he might have had a slight chance to pull it off, and I think that it was going to be a giant mistake to be thinking that he was out of the race right now.  
Eventually I was looking at the map again, and I was wondering if I was thinking too deeply into it. I was wondering if the whole thing was over with, and I was thinking that no matter what I was telling myself, there was no real need to be even feeling like it was going to be something else than what we had been seeing.  
"It will be pretty soon when the western states will be closd, and there is a very high chance that Biden will be sweeping all of thos states, as those states have never gone Republican in decades. These states will be putting Biden extremely close to being the winner, but if Trump wins Ohio, Florida, Texas, and Iowa, he will still have a very real shot here." The man said, feeling like he was almost done with speaking about specifics on this all.  
"The state of Kansas has now been projected to go to President Trump's favor. This will be bringing him up to 230 electoral votes, which is still within shooting distance of being up to where Biden is. Despite the votes of these states going the way that they have, it is important to note that Trump is still leading in the national popular vote. Trump is cracking in at slightly more than forty million votes, while Biden is around thirty eight and a half million." The announcer said, feeling like he was ready to be sort of just getting through the next stages of this all.  
I was wondering what the next couple of states that were going to be called were. In all honesty, I felt like these next couple of states were going to be sort of wrapping up the night one way or another. Perhaps when we can finally figure out who will win. The only way Trump was going to be winning at this rate was if he somehow swept all of the swing states that had not been closed yet, and all the ones that he was currently leading in.  
I was wondering if Gabe and Todd were going to be feeling good about who was winning so far, since by this point, the results had been a few hours in, and we were finally seeing that there were some signs of it wrapping up. I mean, I felt like if one of them wwere happy, then both of them were going to be happy enough. That was all that I needed to tell myself.  
Electoral Count  
Biden 303 (24.35%)  
Trump 230 (18.49%)

...

-November 3 2020 7:45 pm- It took a long time for even just one more projection to have been made. It was only one state this time, but I felt as if some of these states were going to be just plucked off slowly now. "We now project that the state of Missouri, with 22 electoral votes, will be going to President Trump. This brings him up to 254 so far. As of now, neither candidate will be able to break the 1000 mark, as Biden can now only earn up to 990." As the annoncer said this, I was wondering what it would have to take in order for literally every single state left over to go on and be projected to Biden.  
Despite how much I was thinking about it all, I would later learn that many of these calls were sort of expected, and that there was no real shock to the fact that Trump had picked up these states. But I was wondering when the competitive states were going to start kicking in, since those ones, in their words, have not been coming through that much.  
As I was watching, Seth was coming back to the house with his friends Manny and Becky, and this time, I was seeing both of them looking like they were just sort of wondering what the current results would be. "How much longer do you feel like you will be looking at this?" Seth said, and then he was looking at the screen, as if wondering when this whole thing was going to be wrapping up, since he was sort of just more bored of this now more than anything else.  
"Probably another few hours." I said, thinking of how boring something like this was probably going to realistically be when we were going to be dealing with something like this for the long future. So as I was considering this, and considering if the boredom of it all was the main reason Todd and Gabe did not want to do this, then I was going to be admitting that it might have been relatively clever to be making it so that I was the one who was going to be watching instead of them.  
"Well, if you get bored out of your mind on this, then it is not my fault. But please, I do want to know now. You have stuck through so long and so far, that I feel like I just need to know." Seth was saying, and I was wondering if he was just doing this to validate my point, or to just make it feel like we were all fine now.  
"Sure, I will see what might be going on, and see what this is like." I said, and then I was looking at the screen again, and I was feeling like no matter what the broadcast was going to be, and then I was just then going forward with what was happening. The broadcast was going to be finally making sense of this all.  
"It is at this time that we can project another four states to be going to certain candidates. In Idaho, their 8 electoral votes will be awarded to President Trump. The 139 electoral votes of California will be rewarded to Joe Biden. The 16 electoral votes of Oregon will be going to Biden. And the 27 electoral votes of Washington will be heading to Biden. New Hampshire with 7 electoral votes will be going to Biden, much faster than they had gone to Hillary Clinton last time. Biden is at 485 electoral votes, and 262 electoral votes so far." The announcer said, and then I was seeing how much of the bar was now just filled with red.  
"Joe Biden is now much closer to winning the presidency than Donald Trump is. Biden will only need to win a couple more swing states to be capturing the deal, while President Trump will have to virtually sweep the rest of the states to emerge." The guy said, feeling like it was much more a foregone conclusion that Biden would be winning now.  
"That being said, even if Biden does win tonight, the result will not be coming along for quite a while longer. Trump is ahead in Florida and Ohio, and it is relatively expected that he will be picking up those two. He is leading in Utah, Montana, and Iowa, which will probably go to him. He is indeed leading in Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Pennsalvania, and Arizona. While it is unlikely that he will be winning all these states, if he can claim some of these, he will probably win as long as he wins the other states mentioned. So while Trump has a narrow victory, he does have one." He said, and then he was sighing, not having much to be saying here.  
I was feeling like the way he was describing it was making it seem like Trump might actually win the election, which there was no way in hell that was happening. I mean, the map was so red at this point that there was just hardly any real chance it will be coming to Trump. Sure, with the states mentioned, it would not be a landslide, but there would be no victory.  
Eventually, I was feeling like we were getting to the point where I was feeling like we able to wrap this up for the night. I was feeling like I could leave it alone... But what if Trump did win? What if the race was close? Should I at least stay around for a while, and see what happens? You know, something like this might be worth checking, just to be sure.  
So with this, despite the fact that I was feeling like there was no point in watching this any further, I was thinking that maybe we could watch this for a while longer, and see where this was going, and see if Trump could possibly come out at top.  
Electoral Count  
Biden 485 (38.84%)

Trump 262 (21.06%)

...

-November 3 2020 8:22 pm- The results were remaining at a relatively stagnant point at this rate, although one extra state had been called by that point in time. "We will now be able to project that President Trump will be able to win the state of Utah, and their 12 electoral votes. He will now be at 274 electoral votes so far." After the guy said this, another state filled up with the blue coloration, and what was strange was that depite the fact that he was so far below in the electoral vote, he was doing well in the state by state results.  
Eventually, Lydia was walking up to me, and she was having Claire at her side. I had only met Claire once in my life, and I had barely spoken to her on the one time that we did speak. I was looking right at her, hoping that if for nothing else, at least Claire was not going to be rude about the fact that I was watching this election.  
"Wow, that is a lot of states done." Claire said, glancing at the screen for a second, clearly much more surprised and somewhat interested in this than pretty much anybody else. As she was looking at me, and I was seeing that there was an excited look on her face, as if wanting to see where I was coming from.  
"So who do you want to be winning tonight?" She asked, and then I was shrugging. I had no idea why everybody was wanting me to be taking bets on who was going to win, and why everybody was asking me who I had been rooting for. I mean in all honesty, I barely knew anything about these two guys, and here I was, basically with everybody asking me who I was hoping would win the whole night. So it was just too strange to fucking handle.  
"I don't know. I am only watching this because my oldest two brothers want me to be watching this." I said, and then after I was telling her this, I was seeing her looking slightly bored, and having virtually nothing else to be saying right now. "I will just watch what happens throughout the night." I said, and then I was feeling like when I was making that more clear, then everything was going to be more fine than it would have been before.  
"I wonder if Gabe and Todd voted." Claire said, and then I was nodding at this one, knowing that I was able to confirm this one at least for her, considering the conversations that I had with both of my brothers. "I mean, they really have no no right to be this focused on what happens if they did not vote."  
"The two of them did vote. I can confirm this at least." I said, and then I was looking right at her, as if hoping that something like this would be getting her mind off of things for a while longer. Then with this, she was looking at the screen again, and then she was taking a long and deep breath, as if curious to see where this was going now.  
The reports had been coming in, and no other states had been called yet, and I was feeling like we were reaching a part of the night where things were going to be massively slowed down, and that nothing else was going to be coming along with it for the time being. I did not know if that was a good thing, or a bad thing. But in all honesty, I was just wanted to see where this was heading now.  
"Well, I hope that my moms are happy about how this night is turning." Claire said, and then I was wondering where she was heading with that. Plus the idea of the word 'moms' was a bit strange, and I was feeling like I was needing to just go back and see what the meadning of that was.  
As I was about to ask, Lydia was looking at me with a look that said 'I'll explain later if you just don't mention it now' and then with that, I was looking down on the ground for a split second, and I was then just focusing on what else the election was going to be giving us now.  
"Why do you think they could be happy?" I asked, and then she was looking at me, as if feeling like this was a better question that she was much more willing to answer me. So when I was seeing this, I had been thinking to myself that maybe Lydia was right about this one and that it was best to be leaving it alone.  
"Well, they spent all the time talking about how much better Biden would be for president than Trump. So I am assuming that this is their way of probably celebrating that the guy they like if winning." After she was telling me this, I was seeing her looking like her investment was relatively low, despite everything that was happening.  
"I guess that I will just see where this goes now." I said, thinking about the fact that I really did not want this to be a massive issue, and that I was just sort of wanting to see where this was heading before I made too much out of it. I mean, I knew Biden was likely to win, but the way that guy talked earlier made it seem like Trump had a off chance.  
"If I'm still here when we see a winner, can you tell me who it is?" She asked me, and then I was waving my left hand, and nodding, feeling like after hearing this asked to me a million fucking times, I was sort of used to it all. I was not really in the mood to be hearing anything else, so I was remaining quiet for now.  
Once Lydia and Claire were sort of moving on, and not showing as much interest in this subject now, I was taking a long and deep breath, and I was feeling like I was just needing to calm down. She was having every right to be worried over me, and I was telling myself that I was kind of being a bit of an asshole to not be letting her have more here.  
I was sighing, and I was feeling like if I got one more person who was asking me who I was thinking would win, and who I would want to win, I was going to be going crazy, and I would be telling that person to go just fuck off honestly. It was just getting at this point in time where everybody was talking about that over anything else at all.  
I was seeing that the states still have not changed, only the shades of the ones that had not been called yet, showing that those states were tipping leads to one person or another. In all honesty, I was almost really just considering at least taking a small nap or something like that. I was feeling like something like this would have been fine enough.  
I shrugged, and I was feeling like whenever the next set of states were going to be called, then everything would have sort of been coming together bit by bit. I mean, I was just more so wondering why some states were taking so much longer to call than others. I mean, they were all still states regardless, so it was not like anything was different about it all.  
"By this point in time, virtually every single state that was considered a safe state going into this election has been called, and it is now a matter of time of when the swing states will be called. The only safe states that will probably be called soon are Montana and Alaska for Trump, and Hawaii for Biden. But aside from those, every single state that is left to be counted and called is now a true battleground." The announcer said, and I was seeing that he was looking relatively glad to be seeing that the night itself was sort of wrapping up by now.  
I was seeing Montana was the only one of those three states that had even been closed by this point in time, and I was feeling like I was not needing to watch this state all that much. It was 6 electoral votes. So not all that bad, but still not nearly enough to be making a real deal out of it.  
But I was wondering of if Alaska and Montana were going to be the last states called for him. I mean, I was not expecting anything like that to seriously happen, but I guess that it was not out of the realm of ideas. The idea that he was going to pick up two more states, and it was going to be totally over with after that.  
"We can now safely project that Hawaii will be going to Joe Biden, bringing him up to 492 electoral votes. This puts him within shooting distance at the 500 mark. Most of the states that re left have a high enough electoral number to where virtually any state left over will be bringing him to the 500 mark. As for the 600 mark, we will be seeing when we get there, although with certain states having him as the lead, we will probably see a situation where he can pull through." The announcer said, and I was totally confused as to why he was suddenly acting like Biden was doomed, when just ten minutes ago, everybody was acting like it was a done deal, and that we were sort of just wasting our time now.  
I was then feeling like maybe with the way he was speaking, we were going to be in for a closer election than I was expecting, and I was telling myself not to wrap things up yet, so with that, I was just staring at the screen once again, wondering where this was going to be heading now.  
I was then wondering who my siblings were all wanting to pull through. I mean, I knew Josiah was pretty firmly Biden, and I was feeling like I was not even needing to be wasting my time asking that fucking question. That being said, I was wondering if I had any members of my family that were pulling it for Trump, since I was feeling like out of ten siblings, at least one of them was going to be going forward for him.  
Who the hell even liked these people though? I mean, I barely knew anything of them, so for that reason, I was feeling like maybe there was something about their appeal that I did not get. But for the time being, I was feeling like in all honesty, the whole thing was gong to be a sort of waste of my time.  
I was feeling like once enough time had passed to where people had sort of gotten over it, and that it is no longer a huge deal, I might as well ask them who they all voted for, and then by doing so, I was going to then see which way everybody swung, and then i was going to be super proud of my progress on figuring it out.  
The only thing that I was wondering about was if people were goingto be taking things like this way too seriously, and if they were going to be pretending like there was more to this question than the fucking president. I did not really give a single fuck who was going to win, and I was wondering why the others would be pretending like the end of the world was going to be on the line with whoever wins.  
Electoral Count  
Biden 492 (39.55%)  
Trump 274 (22.03%)

...

-November 3 2020 9:25 pm- It was at the point in time where I had stayed up way later than I ever woul have in a normal night, but it had seemed like most people knew what I was getting myself into, so they were willing to give me this one night. Not because they might have wanetd it, but because of the fact that they were needing the answers to be given to us.  
I wondered who the next person who was going to be trying to speak to me was, and what they were going to want to tell me. I was wondering if they were going to somehow pin point the blame on me if the candidate they did not want was the one who ended up winning. I was just a man who was speaking about what we were watching, and I was going to be the one who would get the brunt of it for not telling them that the one they wanted was going to be the one who was going to be coming out on top.  
Eventually, I was wondering if things like these were the reason that people who not wanting to watch this, and why I was the one who had been given the duty of doing so. Because I was to young to get it, so they were feeling like I was a safer option to be going on with. I would have been pissed, but I would have gotten it.  
I was feeling like maybe when the next results were going to be called, I was going to be feeling like I might be able to go to bed, if the results were going to Biden. If the results were going for Trump, and he was able to start to tip the race at least slightly in his favor, then I was feeling like I was going to be here for a while, for better or for worse.  
I wondered why there were only two options, and why the next place finishers were hardly getting any votes at all. I was feeling like it would be a bit interesting to learn about that, next time that I spoke with my family. They were going to probably tell me some dumb reason, but I was feeling like it was a fair question to ask them.  
I mean, I was wondering if the non Biden and Trump candidates were going to be able to net any electoral votes at all. I mean, the whole thing seemed at least somewhat possible, but I was just thinking that with each state that was called, I was needing to let those ideas die off a bit further.  
The announcer was looking back at the screen, and I was wondering if he was wanting to say something else, or if he was going to be remaining silent for a few seconds longer. I needed him to just tell us something about the state of the race, to give me at least some feeling of moving on now.  
"We now have several states to be calling for the president that will be helping his chances of winning the election. In Ohio, we project that their 45 electoral votes will be going to him. In Iowa, their 13 electoral votes will be going in his favor. And in Montana, their 6 electoral votes will be headed to him. This brings him up to 342 electoral votes. He is now also slightly more than half way on his way to winning." The annoncer said, and while I knew that we were in for the long haul now, I was just glad to be literally having anything be called now that I did not even care.  
We were seeing the bar going along a far more amount blue, and I was seeing that this election was probably going to be a relatively close one regardless of who was going to be the winner. That was the only thing that I was sort of excited for now. I was just waiting to see who was going to win, and I would stay until somebody crossed 623.  
The moment that one of them hit that mark, things were going to be different, but I was wondering if we were even going to be witnessing such a thing play out tonight, or if it was going to be going on into the future. That scared me, but also got my hopes up that I was not wasting my fucking ime with watching this. It was getting my hopes up that we had a real night.  
"It looks as if Florida and Texas will be close to calling in their winner, and if Biden wins both, he will win the night. If Trump wins both, he will be very close to having the same amount of electoral votes as Biden. If Biden wins one of them, he will not be at the point of winning yet, but he will be within striking distance." The man was saying, looking at the numbers he had left.  
"Biden is at 492. If he wins Texas, he is at 587. If he wins Florida, he will either be at 658 or he will be at 563. If Trump can pull off both of them, he will be put to 437 because of Texas, and Florida will then put him at 508, which means that by that point, he will be the one who is leading, and Biden will now be the one who will have to officially play catch up in order to win." The man said, and I was now starting to get hooked once again.  
"If Trump wins both of them, and is at 508, he suddenly has a path to 623. If he can pick up North Carolina and Georgia and Arizona, he will be at 594. If he can win both Minnesota and Wisconsin, he is at 639, and Biden will be at 605." The announcer said, and then he was going right on with his broadcat, when he was realizing that yet another call had been made so far.  
"Donald Trump as we speak has now been projected to win the 71 electoral votes of Florida. With that, the math has been corrected for me, and he is at 384 electoral votes. Not the position that I was making it out to be earlier, but he has a much more close race going into this than many of us were projecting that it would have been earlier." The man finished, and the bottom state of the country filled up with blue, and a 71 on top of it.  
"Trump is probably willing to celebrate this right now, knowing that he is much more in the race than many people might have been at one point saying that he was. If he can keep up this momemtum for the rest of the night, he will be in a very good spot for the rest of the day. While it is not official yet, he is probably going to also win Texas, which will put him at 479, nearly the same as what Biden is currently on." The man was saying, and he was sort of seeing the pieces of the puzzle coming together in a strange way.  
"His victory in Florida was rather pronouced, given the standards of modern day voting in the state. By the end of the election, we project that Trump will win Florida by about 4.5 percent. This means that one in twenty two votes on average from Florida decided to be choosing Trump instead of Biden." The guy said, and I was thinking about it in classroom standard.  
"We will probably not be expecting a concession from either Biden or Trump for another couple of days, and once we do get one, we will probably still be wanting to know if the victory is official or not. Around this point four years ago, eight, and twleve years ago, we were all getting relatively certain on who was going to be the winner." He said, and then continued one as if he was already still going.  
"The last time we had an election that took this long to fully project was 2004, when John McCain became the first Republican in 12 years to win over the White House after he defeated Al Gore. The results of the election had gone to him with 612 electoral votes, and 560 for Al Gore." As he sort of remembered that night, part of him was just telling himself not even to bring up what had happened four years earlier than that.  
"We do not project that the race will be that close, but given how things trend some times, and given how often things can change at a whim, it will not be entirely surprising if it turns out to be like this. Although even with that victory, Gore conceded defeat to McCain by the end of the evening, and said that he wished for the man to have a good admistration." As he was going on, I was sort of zoning out at this time, not that interested in this at all.  
As we were listening to this guy give a boring history lesson for a while, this was when I was seeing Todd coming inside of the house, and I was seeing that he was just much too focused on this, and only gave a slight look on the screen before he was just walking right out, and pretending like nothing else even fucking mattered. As he was getting in and out of his room, I was feeling like I just needed to get to know what he was up to, even if he was not too happy here.  
"Hey Todd, how are things with you today?" I asked, and then he was looking at me, and I was seeing him looking like he was just more happy than anything else to be seeing that i was doing my job. I was given a certain task by him, and I was following through with it, which was the only thing that he had wanted. So with that, he was feeling like he would respond.  
"I'm doing good. Going to be going on a date with Bebe. I promised her that I would let her have a day where we did not think a fucking thing about what was going to be coming along. I mean, a bit ironic for me to be like this, considering what I asked of you, but that was what she had wanted, and it is what I will give her." He said, and then I was feeling like I just wished that I would have been that dedicated to be making things work out.  
"Well, enjoy the date." I said, and then I was looking right at him, hoping that that Todd was going to be wanting to say something else. The way he was looking at the screen was showing that in all honesty, he had no real opinions on where to be going with this at all.  
"I mean, I think that the date is going to be making things much easier for me and her, regardless of who wins. I think that when we look at the overall stakes of this whole thing, it is going to be a bit hard not to be at least slightly concerned on where this is going to go. But I will not bore you to death of stupid election details." Todd said, and then I was feeling like I could retort him with this, as if thinking that it was a great some back.  
"I am already getting bored to death of these in the first place. And it did not bother you when you wanted me to do it earlier." I said, and then he was sighing, feeling like that was a good point, but he was wishing that I was not going to be playing like this, since it was not the best thing for him to be doing.  
"I guess that maybe you might be right on that. Sorry about that. But please Henry, you are already this far, please finish the job, and let me know what is to be coming after this all." After he was telling me this, I was slowly nodidng, feeling like there was not much for me to be saying. I was tired of this, and I was just wanting this whole thing over with. But I wanted them to be happy.  
"Don't worry, I want to know." I said, and I was seeing that there were only a few more states that had not been closed at all yet, and every other state had at least some red or blue lines on them, which was to show that they were still counting. "Do you have any idea on what things are going to be like, depending on who wins?" I asked, and then he was looking at the screen for a few more seconds before looking right at me, thinking on how to answer.  
"No, I have no real idea. I feel like if you want to know who is going to win, and how it affects us, you will have to see how it goes in the next four years. I did not think that when we elected Trump the first time the things would turn out the way that they had. I known that Gabe has his own mindset on what happened, given how much he talks about it all the time." After he was telling me this, I was shrugging, and I was feeling like we really had no real reason to be worried on this at all.  
"What do you think that Gabe things about it?" I asked, and he was shrugging, having no real wishes to be talking about that too much, since doing so was going to be making it very clear that he would be making things sort of just spill out, and he did not want people to know too much what Gabe felt about the president.  
"Well, I think that he should be the only one who tells people what he chose, since I feel like that is entirely his business." After he had told me this, he was looking right at me, and I was seeing him looking like he had wanted to say more, but just decided against it, and he was clearly angry at this whole fucking talk, and I did not know if I could blame him.  
"Well, I would want to know one day, given what we are looking at right now." I said, and then he was sighing, and I was seeing that he was clearly wanting to be saying more on it, but he no real wished to be creating any sort of uncalm air between all those who were around him. "Do you think I could eventually ask him?" He was looking at me, and shrugged, as if to give me a 'I don't know, try if you want' look, and then he was ready to be heading off again.  
Eventually, Todd was heading right to the door of the house, and at this rate, I was feeling like this next question was going to be vital, and I needed to have him be burtually honest with me. "Hey Todd, can you tell me something else?" I asked, and then he was looking at me, after his face was showing some minor annoyance that he probably thought he hid well.  
"Do you even know what Gabe is doing all the time? He seems to be gone all the fucking time. Do you think that he might have some idea on what is going on?" I asked, and then he was sighing, and I was seeing him looking like he had wished that I never aksed him this question, since doing so was only going to be making things much worse for us all.  
"I have no idea what the fuck Gabe is doing. To be honest, I hardly care. it is none of my business, and he is going to be shutting me down if I ask him anyways. So for that reason, I am refusing to be asking him, and I will fucking work with him to just make sure that he does not make things any worse though." After he had told that to me, I saw him looking like he had wished to say more, but had no real wished to go on now.  
"I think that if Gabe wanted to tell me what he was dealing with, I would just tell him to fuck off pretty much. He needs to understand that he can't be doing stuff that is this dangerous most of the time. But I guess that I have no real right to be saying anything like this." After he had said this, I was seeing that in his mind, even if he denied it, he hated what his brother was doing, and he was wanting Gabe to get it in his head that this was not good.  
"Sorry, I will leave you alone now." I said, and then I was looking down on the ground, wanting him to fucking relax, and that I was wishing that no matter what was going on he was going to understand that I was not wanting to make things any worse for him, no matter what the cause was.  
"See you later. I will be fine with whatever happens. I am not that worried about anything. I am more worried about how others are going to be taking it when it is all done." After he had said that to me, he walked on out of the house, clearly tired, and clearly just wanting to have me leave it alone, and give him some space.  
As he had left, less than a minute later, the next state projection came in that made the rest of the night fall into place, and this was the first real kernel that it could. "We will now be able to project that Donald Trump will be picking up the 95 electoral votes of Texas, which will be bringing him all the way up to 479 again. Trump now has a much more clear walk in to win the election, and will we will be seeing that the election going forward, especially with how states are running, that we are virtually neck and neck."  
Electoral Count  
Biden 492 (39.55%)  
Trump 479 (38.50%)

...

-November 4 2020 12:06 am- At this point, I was shocked at what had happened, since I was feeling like despite the somewhat early writings on the wall, I could not really be ready for something like this at all. "We can now project that Trump is within striking distance of winning a second term to the White House. Georgia will be sending their 38 electoral votes to Donald. President Trump will be winning the 37 electoral votes of North Carolina, and he will also be winning the 26 electoral votes of Arizona. At this rate, he is at 594 electoral votes. He is now only 29 away from winning the second term, and even if Biden wins, it will be by a true squeaker."  
I was feeling like if Josiah had seen this, and if he had known what was about to come, he would have been in a much more angry mood, and I feel like he would have never wanted to be speaking to several people who had voted for the president ever again. I mean, I had no idea what to be feeling here, so I was just more watching it play out all in front of me.  
"If he can sweep Wisconsin and Minnesota, which is looking like he will indeed be able to, he will be at 639, which will barely be enough to win, but it will be enough to win still. And there will be nothing that will be done about it. At this rate, several people in the Biden campaign are already seeming to be preparing a concession." The guy said, and at this rate, he was seeming to try and be as unbiased as humanly possible going on.  
As he was done saying this, Gabe was inside of the house, and I was seeing that he was limping, and clearly not in the best of positions, but I was feeling happy that he was home nonetheless. I was seeing that the way that he was looking as he was staring at the screen was one of relief. Much to the polar opposite of what Josiah would have been feeling.  
"I knew that he was going to be pulling through at the end. I was wondering how long it was going to be taking. But good god, I am glad to just know that it is over, and that we do not have to be dealing with the other way." He said, and then he was flopping down on the couch, as if feeling like he was wanting to be spending the last few minutes just sort of watching the final votes come in, and seeing the victory declared.  
"What makes you feel like he was the better option?" I asked, and then he was looking right at me, and I was seeing him looking like he was hating this question, and wanted nothing to do with it, but at the same time, he was feeling like the truth was something he might as well tell me, for my own personal sake and stuff.  
"I saw how he was running for the last four years. In my opinion, he has done a good job, and I feel like he has been able to capture what it is like to be a real leader. I mean, I do get why Josiah does not like him. There are some things that the man did that I dod not fully agree, but I feel like on the whole, he is the man that I want to be taking over for the next years." After Gabe said that to me, he sighed, and had nothing else to be saying now.  
"That being said, I know that going forward, seeing what is happening, and seeing how people have felt on it all, I am pretty sure that the Democrats are going to be taking it back in 2024. So I think that I better just get used to that fact before it happens." After he was telling me this, I was wondering why he was telling me this, when I did not get a single word of what was going on, and I was still relatively lost here.  
"What do they all stand for? The parties?" I asked, and then Gabe was shrugging, feeling like that was going to be a long discussion, and he was clearly looking like he was not fully ready for one quite yet. He was looking at me, and I was seeing that at the end, he was just clearly feeling like any need to be talking here was going to go nowhere.  
"I am not going to be going through that. Ideas change all the time. Even eight years ago, things were much different. Obama was a great president in my mind when he ran. I even still liked him through last time. I just saw that through both his and Trump's term, that there is much more to things than a simple party line. You can have a good president regardless of party." Gabe said, and then he was looking right at the screen once again, feeling like we could shut up now.  
"Why do ideas change all the time?" I asked, and then he was looking at me, and I was feeling like this was a valid question. He was sighing, and he had no idea of what to be telling me right now. I was seeing that no matter what he was going to be telling, the answer was going to be a bit underwhelming to hear.  
"I think that it is as simple as age. You know, the fact that with each passing year, you change your ideas, and you change what matters to you. I think that I will just want to be saying something more detailed. But that is all that I think that we need to get into." After he was telling me this, I was seeing him looking like he had more to say, but did not want to be saying it.  
"If that is the case, do you feel like Josiah will be changing his mind in four years?" I asked, and then Gabe was laughing his ass off at this idea. He was clearly feeling like something like this was just not happening, no matter what at all.  
"I feel like there is zero chance that he will be changing his mind. He has been so set on it for like three years now that I feel like we are going to be wasting our time even trying to talk to each other about it. I mean, I get it, but I think that he just needs to sort of keep it all to himself." After he had said that to me, I was seeing him looking like he had wanted to have more to say, but did not.  
"Sorry, I was just curious." I said, and then I had felt like whatever I said next was not going to be fully making him happy, and he was feeling like there was a long way to be going. But then he was shrugging, and I was seeing that deep down, he was not even all that worried.  
"Don't be worry about it all. I mean, you have every right to be knowing what your siblings are into. I think that if we were all like this, then things would be much easier for us." After Gabe said that to me, I was seeing that there was a genuine wish to be having more here, and there was something he missed about life before, but he was over it all by now.  
"Honestly though, I mean, as long as he lives successfully, and he is happy, then there is nothing more that I fucking want. I one hundred percent mean that. And I hope that no matter what happens in these four years, we can be able to work together here." Gabe looked at the screen once again, and I was seeing him looking like he had wanted to be saying more, but had no real need to be doing it at all.  
"Why do you feel like whoever the president is will not be making him happy and successful?" I asked, and then he was shrugging, as if having nothing else to be saying here. He was almost feeling like anything else at this rate was never going to be changing anything from now on. That the story was going to be flat now.  
"I think that it is more of a matter of if he will be letting it get in the way. I am scared that Josiah will be letting emotions get in his way. I mean, I sort of get why he would, but I feel like it will end so many things of his life if he is like this." After he had said that to me, I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to say more, but just could not.  
"I hope he does not let it get in the way." I said, and then he was nodding at this, and I was seeing him looking like there was nothing he would say in dispute with me right now. But Gabe was sighing, feeling like he was never going to be accomplishing anything else now.  
"Hey Gabe, sorry to change topics with you right now, but do you have something that you are up to that you do not want to be telling others? I mea, you seem busy all the time, and always hurt." I said, and then he was sighing, and looked down, and a small part of him was screaming to refuse to tell me a god damn detail. I was wondering what the issue was, since I felt like he was deserving better than this.  
"You do not need to know something like that. I mean, it is a rather hard series of events to explain, and I think if I tell you, things are only getting worse." After he had said that to me, I was seeing him looking like he had wanted to say more, but decided that there was no need to. He was shaking his head, and I was feeling like he was going to be alone now.  
"I want to be telling everybody what is happening, and I hope that nobody is angry at me for not saying it earlier. But for the time being, I feel like I just sort of am lost right now, and I feel like the battle is all of my own, to be honest." After my brother told me this, Gabe was feeling like the discussion was relatively winding down, for better or for worse.  
"Do you feel like Todd and Josiah at least will help?" I felt like trying to say something like that will be making some difference. Gabe shook his head, and I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to be saying something else, but was refusing to be commenting further, for his own sake, and for mine as well.  
"I wish that they could, but I think that something like that is just not fucking happening." After he had told me this, I was sighing, and I was annoyed, but I was seeing that he was never going to be having a different mindset on this, and I was sort of seeing him looking like he had hardly cared anymore for anything.  
"Why do you feel like they would never help you out anyways?" I was asking, and I was aware that I might be annoying the shit out of him with this, and I was already kind of feeling bad for that, but at the same time, I was not even fucking caring. I was feeling like I needed to be speaking to him normally, and I was feeling like no matter what was going on, I just needed to go on with this.  
"I think that they would be too busy with things that they need to focus on. I do not blame him, and in fact, if I was in their spot, and they were coming to me like this, I would be the same way as well. So it is nothing that I am holding against them." After Gabe said that to me, I was looking right at him, and I was wondering if he really meant any of this.  
I was feeling like it might be best for my own sake to be silent though, and that I was just needing to not be making him more annoyed with this. We were looking at the screen, just looking like we had almost nothing else to be even speaking of anymore. We were here for the results, so nothing else mattered.  
Projected Final Electoral Vote  
Trump 639  
Biden 605  
"We can now project what we have been looking like we were seeing come into play the last few hours, but we now know it to be certain. President Trump will be winning a second term to the White House. He has won Wisconsin, collecting their 23 electoral votes, and he ended up winning Minnesota as well, collecting another 22. He is now at the 639 as we were once expecting for him to be getting to. The states that put him over the top, North Carolina, Georgia, Arizona, Minnesota, and Wisconsin are states that barely voted for him, and he barely got over the top here. His weakest margin of those five were Wisconsin, where he won by 1.3 percent. Minnesota was the largest of those five, by a small amount, with a 1.8 percent victory." The man said, and then Gabe was sighing, more glad than all else to see it over with now.  
"It is looking more and more likely at this time that Biden will indeed win Maine, Nevada, Pennsylvania, and Michigan. Donald Trump will look like he is also going to be winning Alaska. If Biden wins the states mentioned earlier, he will be winning 7 electoral votes from Maine, 12 electoral votes from Nevada, 49 electoral votes from Pennsylvania, and 38 electoral votes from Michigan. Alaska only has 5 electoral votes, and is easily the smallest prize. These votes mentioned above would be enough for him to be ending up at 605 electoral votes, the most ever for a losing candidate." The announcer said, and at this rate, he was just sort of reading the numbers, and hardly caring anymore.  
"Well, there we have it. I think that we might as well call it good for now. Although it does look like Biden will at least win the popular vote, for all that's fucking worth." Gabe said, and then he was laughing, as if feeling like it was great that for once, that was not going to be going the way that it had needed to be. And then with that, he rubbed my hair, thanked me for staying, and then went to his room to sleep.

...

-November 6 2020 12:46 am- So after it had been officially done and over that Trump had won the second term of the presidency, my brothers all seemed to have gone through different reactions, although most of them did grow to some form of accepting that such a thing had happened, and almost all of them had sort of just made peace with the fact that Donald Trump was going to be leading the election for another four years.  
Despite what was happening, in a way, I was almost not even going to be all that worried over something like this. I was just sort of thinking about what it was going to be like to have a normal family life again. In all honesty, some of the people in this family had taken this thing way too seriously, and while I did not want to be rude about it, I was feeling like they had kind of needed to calm down, and that there was nothing that we needed to worry about on whoever was going to win.  
In fact, in a strange way, part of me was excited for this whole thing. Knowing that there was going to be the president for four years, and we had known at the night that it had happened. And unlike what I had been guessing the race had been relatively close, and there was virtually no real reason to be thinking that it would not have been a landslide.  
I remember that when the whole night had started, I was expecting this to be a night that Trump would just walk on through, and I was silly enough to be thinking that the whole thing was a waste of time. But I guess that this was what you got when you were feeling like in all honesty, you had known more about how things were done than you really do.  
I suppose that in a way, I was being stubborn, and I was sort of just wanting to sort of make it seem like I was not interested in what had happened, when in all honesty, I was far too interested. I was way too excited, and I had wanted to know way too much why the events happened the way that they had done. I was just hoping that in all honesty, Todd and Gabe would be willing to put away a level of the anger or excitement or whatever that they had been feeling, and just tell me how and why he got that second term. Maybe by doing this, then I could be able to sort of understand it.  
All that being said, I was feeling like maybe due to the fact that I had seen the whole thing unfold before me, and the whole thing just sort of turn into its own thing, I was able to sort of have some time to be thinking that maybe this whole thing was not really all that big of a deal, and that in all honesty, people took one or two things, and just tried to be sort of smart about it all, when I was the one who had seen it all.  
Once things had seemed to settle down somewhat, this was when Lydia was coming right up to me, and I was seeing her looking right at me. I was seeing that she was just wanting to suggest something, and to be honest, I was wondering why she was not wanting to just tell me what it was. "Hey Henry, I was wondering if you would like to hang out with Claire and I? You know, since everything is making you have a hard time lately, and I think that maybe you might just need to be having some fun." After she was telling me this, I was feeling like maybe she was finding the wrong person to talk to here.  
"I think that she would be finding me to not be nearly cool enough to hang out with. I think that you might as well be finding somebody else to go around and hang with." I said, and then I looked right at her, and I was feeling like if for nothing else, at least with the honesty, there was going to be no real social issues.  
"But I think that most of the others are not very nice, and you are really nice." She said, and then I was sighing, thinking that she was aware of nothing like how I was. But then again, I was just telling myself to not be saying anything, and that maybe as long as I was going to not be creating any issues, we were going to be doing well now.  
"I think that if you want to say that I was really nice, then you would be crazy. But I think that there is no real reason to be arguing with you." I said, and then I was sighing, thinking that as long as we were keeping this discussion up, she and I were going to never be reaching any form of normal discussion. And since I had no issues with Claire, I decided to stop being a piece of shit, and just go along with it.  
"Yeah sure, I will do it. I think that it might be fun." I said, knowing that it will be much later in the day, considering the fact that it was so early in the morning, and there was no way that Claire was going to want to meet us so late. Or at least, I was feeling like something like this would be making sense.  
"Well, yeah, I think that we will be meeting up at four or so in the afternoon. And we will be coming by after school, and pick you right up. Then everything is going to be fine." After she had said that to me, I sighed, and I was thinking that this was going to be the worst day of her life. She was going to be let down, and I did not even pretend that she was going to be expecting anything better than a let down.

-November 6 2020 9:50 pm- I was heading home after the time that I had with Claire and Lydia, and to be honest, I had having no idea what to be feeling about the whole thing. In all honesty, the whole thing just seemed like I was sort of just tagging along for their ride, and that I had barely really been a major part of it all. I hated to admit it, but I was sort of feeling like I was kind of worthless here.  
Once I was about to be heading down, I was seeing Lydia looking like no matter what I might have been feeling, she was on top of the world, and that in all honesty, this was something that she had wanted to do. And as much as something like this had bothered me, I was happy to be seeing her do well, that I did not want to be fighting it at all.  
"Henry, thank you so much for joining me and Claire while we went out to do these things." After Lydia had said this to me, I was seeing her looking like she had almost wanted to say something else, but did not want to be getting in our way here. "I mean, I know that did not have much of an idea what we were doing, and I feel sort of sorry for that. But to see you at least going along, and just doing what you could, was enough to make it all so much better."  
"I'm sorry if I was feeling like I was just kind of there, and not really in the right mindset for anything. I know that I might have been a bit of a let down. But I was sort of just seeing what was going to be happening in a way." I said, and then I was thinking that I could be leaving the subject alone, and that I did not need to be dragging this thing forward, for both our sakes.  
"Do you think that you might be wanting to come along and do more stuff with us in the future?" After she had asked me this, I was sighing, and I was really having no idea what I was going to be telling her here. I was thinking that while I did want to make things nicer between us, I did not know if I wanted to be going through that again.  
"I will see how it might be like. I think that this is the best that I can do." I said, and then I was thinking about how I was going to be leaving it all alone. I was angry at the fact that if this keeping up I was just pretty much their play toy. But at the same time, as much as I was hating to admit it, I had needed to just sort of go along for the ride.  
"If you feel like you do not want to be doing something like this again, I will accept it." She was telling me, and then I was sighing, and I did not want to be having this discussion right now. I was feeling like this was the exact opposite discussion that I was wanting here. In the way that it was just feeling like she was wanting to pretend like she was apologizing for something she did not really feel sorry for.  
"I will see. I mean, it's better to be with you guys than talking about the election." I said, feeling like at this point, any time that I heard people talk about it, I was just kind of annoyed, and I was not wanting to show that. But at the same time, it was fucking impossible not to be doing it. It was all people wanted to discuss with me now.  
"I guess that we can see what Seth might want you to do. Since Seth always seems to have ideas on what we can be doing." She was telling me, and in all honesty, I was not really in the mood to be hearing her trying to make me do stuff with my siblings. After the election, I was sort of done doing favors for them.  
"I will see if he will even want to do something like that. i doubt that he will really be all that interested." After I told her this, I was feeling like I was just needing to be honest. At least with being honest, and at least if I was just telling her the way that things were, she might not be too angry if I did flat out tell her that this was something that I had no interest in doing.  
"Anyways, I think that you should probably be doing something to get ready for bed." She was telling me, and I was sighing at the fact that she was still pretty much telling me how to be doing everything. In all honesty, as silly as it was sounding, I was kind of pissed that she was pretty much feeling like she had owned me.  
"Thank you, I guess." I said, and I was feeling like if I just ended this discussion, then it was going to be better for both of us here. So with this, I was walking along, and I was going to be heading to my room. I was aware that I might be speaking to Jack for a bit, and I was wondering how much I was going to be against such a thing. In all honesty, I was thinking about what it would be like if Jack was going to ever try to have a deeper conversation with me than anything related to sports, or what he had seen that day. In all honesty, despite what I was not wanting to admit, the whole thing with Jack was sometimes getting on my nerves.  
Once I was getting down stairs, I was wondering what life was going to be like when Jack was not thinking about sports all the time. In all honesty, despite how strange it was to tell him, I was feeling like he was going to have to be keeping it up as a part of who he was. Even if I was sort of annoyed with it, the whole thing was his to do.  
Besides, as strange as it was for me to admit, and despite how much I was wanting to pretend like he was going to be not good enough for me, I was feeling like as long as the guy was doing just fine, and as long as he was going to be making progress on his goals, then the whole thing was going to be heading along famously. I just needed to see what his interest in it was so badly.  
I was getting closer to our room, and I was feeling like it was going to truly make a difference when I was at least polite with him, and when I was going out of my way to just generally approach him. As long as the approach was harmless, and as long as the approach had something to do with what he was wanting to do, and having nothing to do with what people were thinking of his interests, then the only thing that I could do was just keep it all up for a while.  
At this point, despite how rude it was, I had hardly even felt like I was needing to pay a lot of attention to what Lydia was telling me anymore. I was feeling like if she had wanted to discuss with me something, and if she was feeling like I had been flaking out on her, I was going to have to have her tell me flat out in the future, and then I was going to be able to do more about it later.  
Eventually, I was feeling like despite how much I was refusing to admit it, I was kind of being a bit of a dick for no real reason, and I was wondering if what I was doing was really making any difference here. I was wanting to act like what I had been doing was making sense, and what I had done was going to change things up, but in all honesty, it did not.  
When I was in the same room as Jack, I was sighing, and I was feeling like being around here was going to be the only thing that I was going to be ready for tonight. Besides, I was feeling like I could be much more prepared for anything he wanted to discuss than anything that Lydia was wanting to discuss, since we had hardly talked until recently.

...  
-November 7 2020 11:06 pm- I saw Lydia looking like she was not in a very good mood today, and I was not wanting to say anything here, so I was going to be leaving her alone. I was going to be letting her do her own thing, and to be with her friends, if that was the thing she had cared about most. Besides, I was more interested in something with one of my older siblings.  
So with that, I was walking out of my bed, and I was going to be seeing what they were going to be saying if I asked him anything. I was aware that he might just refuse me, and tell me off, but at the same time, I was just not even going to care anymore. I knew that Gabe was up to something, and I was going to force him to tell me what he was up to. I was going to understand what was with him, and why he had wanted to just be acting like he was the big hero on campus.  
Once I was upstairs, I was looking around, and I knew that he was going to be heading out soon, and when I knew this in mind, I was going to be coming along, and hopefully he was going to not be giving me any shit. Hopefully he was going to be giving me the answers that I had wanted.  
It took about five minutes or so, and I was going to be making him pissed. But I did not fucking care. I was going to make him talk to me, and he was going to listen to me, and hopefully he was going to understand how much I was worried about him when he was here.'  
"Hey Gabe, what are you doing today?" I asked, and I was seeing him looking right at me. As I was seeing him stare for a couple of seconds, despite the fact that he was clearly wanting to look like he was glad to be seeing me, deep down I knew that this was the exact opposite of the fucking truth. He was going to be lashing out at me.  
"I am doing alright. I just have some things that I am dealing with. You know, just stuff that my friends told me about, and I am worried about them." He said, and then I was feeling like he was just giving me something that was much too big for me to handle. But at the same time, I did not care. I was going to make him tell me more.  
"Gabe, I am scared for you. I mean, you have been sneaking out every single night, and I wonder if you are doing something bad." I said, and then he was holding onto something in his pocket, and from the looks of it, he clearly looked like he was just losing any composure. I was wanting to leave it alone, for my own sake, but I did not care.  
"I am doing what I feel like is right. I think that I am going to be a good friend, and that is all that I can ask for." Gabe told me, and I was seeing him looking like he was hoping that I did not argue with him here. I was slowly looking down, and I was thinking that if this was true, then maybe I was going to be making things a big fucking issue if I did not simply respect his wishes, and did not really take the time to get to know him better.  
"What do you feel like is going to change it all?" I asked, and then I was looking right at him, and I was seeing Gabe looking like he was just sort of feeling glad that I was unable to understand, as it showed how innocent that I was still. But he was pissed off at something here. I was seeing him looking like he was just wondering if he needed to tell me anything else.  
"I feel like I have been getting smarter and smarter as time has gone on. I feel like more and more that I am the only one who understands what is happening around us, and that is why I am feeling like I need to be doing it." Gabe said, and no matter what I wanted to know, or what I felt like I needed to force him to tell me, I did not want to be creating a fight between us, and I did not know if he was in a good mood. So I was going to be leaving it alone for now.  
"If you need any help, just let me know." I said, and I felt like that was the only thing that I could be saying to make him feel better. He was sighing, and I was seeing him officially looking as if the whole thing was going to be a big lie and a big waste. I saw him looking like he had wanted to do something about it all, but just was against it all.  
"Are you going to get your friends to know what is happening, and have them help you?" I asked, and then Gabe was shaking his head. I was feeling like what I asked was a very valid question, and then he was just acting like he was going to be angry if anybody even so much as suggested that he was needing to do this again.  
"No, I think that they have known too much, and I think that if they know any more, then they will be losing everything. I gave up too much for them, and I am not going to continue this. They have things to live for, and I will let them have it." Gabe said, and I was just wanting to ask more, and get to know more, but I did not want to risk angering him for any reason.  
"I know that you are never going to understand what my job is like, and sometimes I feel like I do not know what it is like. But I feel like you do not want to be able to get it all. This is the only thing that I feel responsible for doing." After Gabe had said that to me, I was seeing him looking like he had wanted to say more, but refused to be giving into something like this, and refused to be making the whole thing much worse.  
"Just be safe..." I said to him, and then he was looking right at me, and I was seeing him looking like he had not even wanted me to be saying anything like this. But at the end, Gabe was just feeling like being safe was just impossible, and that he was wishing to never admit to something like it.  
"I will be safe. Do you think that I would be insane enough to be making any real issues here?" After he had asked me this, I sighed, and I was just thinking that I might as well leave the whole thing alone. He was going to be acting like he was better than me, and he probably was. But that did not mean that in any stuations, I wanted him to be admitting to anything like it.  
"How recently have you been doing this all anyways?" I asked, feeling like maybe if he was going to tell me the truth here, then I might be able to see what his feelings were here. I was going to be seeing how deep he had gone, and that if he was going to tell me anything else, I was going to be basically telling him to fuck off, and not be lying to me.  
"About two and a half months. About a week after Ridge was brought home. Wow, it really has been a while I guess." Gabe said, and I was seeing him letting the reality of this all sink in, and I was wondering what the hell the issue was. I was wondering if he had anything to say to this.  
"Why do you feel like you are the only one who can be able to do anything on it?" I asked, feeling like this was a fair question, and I was feeling like maybe he just needed to be giving me a honest answer on this, for both our sakes.  
With this, Gabe walked out of the house, and I was seeing him shaking his head the moment he was outside of the house. As he was shaking his head, I wanted to see if I could speak to him more. But I knew that I needed to just respect his space more, so I was going to be leaving it alone, for both our sakes. I was thinking that he was having virtually no respect for these talks now.  
I was sitting down, and I was looking down on the floor. I was wondering if maybe what my oldest brother said about these elections being more important than I gave him credit for was true. I was feeling like if this was the way that everybody was acting now, over something like this, then maybe Todd was having every right to be feeling sad and over it all.  
So with this, I was taking a deep breath, and I was telling myself to no longer be taking things as a joke. I was going to be hearing every single story that he had to tell me, and then eventually, once these stories were done, I was going to be ready for it all.  
I was wondering what Gabe was doing, and I was wondering if I could help him out. I was not wanting to be getting Gabe angry by asking him more and more. But at the same time, if he was going to be like this, and if he was going to be constantly brushing me off, then I just needed to grow a fucking pair of balls, and I needed to see what his plans were.  
No matter what Todd wanted to do, and no matter what Gabe was trying to do, these were still normal guys, and they were still needing to remember that there was not much that they can do about what was happening. That was something that I had hoped the two of them were going to come down to realize, sooner or later.  
If Gabe and Todd were like this all the time, I wondered how they were going to be making much progress on the things that were actually important. I was wondering if maybe Josiah or Seth had any idea here. I was feeling like since they were the only two that were living up there with us, I could see what the heck was going on with the two oldest siblings, by using those two.  
I was looking at the television, and for a few seconds, I was considering it. I was going to consider watching what the program had to offer. I was feeling like I needed to just sort of see where this was going to be heading.  
I was going to see if there were any broadcasts that I could find, that would bring things to a head. If I could learn them all, and if I was going to be following Jack in that regard, then perhaps this was all that I had needed to do. I was thinking that this was the only real option at the end.  
I was feeling like the broadcasts were going to finally make me get it. So for that reason, I was thinking that I just needed to absorb them in, and just take them all in for what they were. Besides, there was something that I wanted to finally figure out. I was going to see why Jack had cared so much over it all.

-November 8 2020 11:56 am- I was glad that I did not give into watching that program, and that I did not feel like I needed to fall for something like that. I was close to watching it though, and I was feeling like watching it might have been the only option if I was wanting to know what my brother was up to. But in all honesty, I was almost just not even caring what we were doing.  
I was wondering if Jack was wanting me to watch this stuff, or if he was feeling like I did not need to subject myself to this. That I did not need to be bothered with something he was entirely inflicting on himself. But at the same time, I had just felt like if we had a real plan here, and if we went through it all, then I was going to finally see where Jack had been coming from.  
One thing that I did want to do was see if he had been watching more of those. Since he watched so many of them, I was wondering if he was still going at it, or if he was sort of giving up on the whole thing. To be honest, I did not want to know what he was going to be doing. I felt like if he told me where his focus was, and if he was willing to let me see where this was all going, then maybe things had really gotten bad.  
One of these days, he was going to do it. I was just feeling like if he was wanting to make me see what the things in town were like, and why he cared so much, he was going to be doing it at some point, and that I was just sort of prepared for when the worst was going to be coming.  
That being said, I was happy for him knowing what it was like to actually maintain a level of respect for his family members. But at the same time, I wondered why Jack cared about the shows. I mean, there was only so much that you were going to be getting out of watcing these all the time. Or at least that was what I was thinking here. Of course I did not know the real truth.  
Eventually, I was getting myself up, and I was going to be just doing other things. I did not want to be dragging myself down by thinking of things that I had no real control on. That was going to just be impossible to really justify to myself. I knew that whatever was to be coming next was the fact that Jack was scared of something, and I was going to be seeing what it was eventually.  
As I had been thinking this all out, I was seeing Josiah walking by, and he was watching the fact that I was not really watching much television. That I was just staring at the screen, and that I was sort of just totally out of it. He was sighing, wishing that he had something to tell me here.  
"What is going on?" Josiah asked, and I was seeing him looking like he was wondering if he really could have been able to help me out, or if he was going to be just letting me do my own fucking thing. "I mean, I never seen you reject watching stuff before." I was then looking at him, wondering what I could tell him, and if he was willing to listen to me.  
"I was wondering something..." I said, and then I was feeling like maybe I could be able to leave the subject alone for the time being. Josiah was looking at the screen, and he was pincing the in between of his eyes, and I was seeing like he was going to just have very little patience for something like this now.  
"What were you looking at? What was worrying you?" He asked, and I was feeling like he might have been busy, and I did not want him to be feeling like he was wasting his time here, so I was feeling like I would just leave him alone.  
"Never mind, it is nothing important. You have plans." I said, and then Josiah was sort of clearly having nothing he was wanting to tell me there. Almost as if he was feeling like it was a bit random and insane that I was actually going to be saying something like this now.  
"Well, is it going to be told to me rather quick?" After he asked me this, I was then thinking about it. I was wondering if he had something else he was wanting to tell me, or just that he was wanting to be keeping up this whole thing for as long as possible.  
"I guess. I mean, I was aware of things that Lydia and Jack watch, and they showed me one, and I was wondering if they are real. Seth doesn't think so." After I said that, Josiah was clearly looking like he was feeling like I was speaking about silly TV shows, and that he was going to have to find a way to just break this all to me.  
"Most of those shows aren't real. They are just shown to entertain you guys." After he had said that to me, I was sighing, and then I was thinking about what we were going to be talking about if I was going to make him understand that it went deeper to this.  
"No it is like these broadcasts that are shown a lot in town, and Jack thinks that these things are real. He is focused on it a lot until the election." I said, thinking about how much he was barely talking about it here. I was wondering if he was getting annoyed with nobody taking him seriously, or if he was actually moving on from it and he did stop caring.  
"Well, I think that Seth is probably right. I mean, if these were true, then there would be no way the channel would not have been taken down yet." After Josiah told me this, I was considering this prospect, and I was seeing him almost feeling like this was a rather decent point.  
"Well, from what Jack explains, it is always on a different channel." After I said that, this was when Josiah was looking like he was a bit more interested in this, and that he was almost thinking about what it would have been like to consider all that he had said true.  
"Odd, but I think that you don't need to be thinking about it all that much." Josiah was saying, and I wondered how much he was even wanting to talk about this, or if he was not even really caring all that much any more. "If you believe that these things are real, then I guess that there really might be a lot of messed up things here."  
"Sure, I guess that it might be true." I said, and despite everything he had said, and everything that I wanted to tell him, I was feeling like either he was right, or he was at least far too stubborn to even consider something else, so bringing up more stuff would be a waste of time.  
"Might as well let you be doing your own thing." I said, and then he was smiling at me, glad to be seeing me letting this whole thing go. Josiah walked off, and I was shaking my head. I was feeling like he could have at least pretended to be taking what I had said more seriously. If he had done that, life would have been easier for us all. Like if he had listened to me talk about what we watched that might have been enough.  
I was looking back at the television again, angry at the things going on here, and angry at the stuff that I had been watching. Angry at the fact that I was just being brushed off all the time. Why did nobody on earth take me seriously? Nobody was listening to me, or even pretend to be listening to me. They just thought that since I was five, everything was all a big fucking joke.  
It was all a big fucking joke, to be real with you. It was all something that made me annoyed, and I hated it, but I guess that I was sort of expecting it now. I was sort of just glad that if for nothing else, at least unlike some other people, Josiah did not talk over me (yeah fuck you Bettina with the non stop interruptions fuck off).  
I was just wondering what his plans were, and what he was going to be doing with his own spare time. I was wondering who his friends were, and why the hell they were always hanging out. Since that was all that he fucking did, was just hang out with people.  
The only thing that I wanted to do was work with Josiah for a while when the time had been coming. I was walking around and I was seeing Gabe in his room, and I was feeling like maybe I just needed to be speaking to him for a few seconds. He was looking a bit tired, and I was wanting to see what was in his mind. "What is going on?" I asked, feeling like maybe I could just find a way to make them feel better now.  
"Not much. Just did my work, and got back a bit more beaten up than I thought that I was going o be." He said, and then he was sighing, as if feeling like he was going to try and pretend like he had more to say, but that in all honesty, he was just clearly tired, and I was feeling like I was needing to respect his wishes.  
"What were you working on?" I asked, feeling like maybe if I was going to be a bit pushy with him, he might be listening to what I wanted him to be doing. I wanted the truth, and I was going to be forcing it out of him. He was going to tell me what was going on, no matter what he might have wanted here.  
"I was just learning some stuff that I needed to look into. You know, I feel like when you are really busy all the time, you just feel like you need to get every fucking answer possible." He said, and then he was leaving it at this. I had wanted to know more so badly, and I was feeling like I just needed to know more, but I did not want to be making the issue any worse, so I decided that I was going to leave it alone for now.  
"I guess that maybe it was important." I said, and then I was shrugging, thinking that if I said that, then he might be feeling better here. He might be feeling like I was listening to him, and that I was no longer just making him feel like I was pushing him around. In all honesty, I wanted to know more, and I was feeling like the lack of knowledge was getting me crazy. But for now, I was going to just pretend like things were fine.  
"Besides, I feel like maybe I was just sort of needing the space. I needed the time. After hearing everybody and their reactions to the election, and seeing how much they all been feeling like things are turning around for the worst, I decided that I just needed to get myself away from all of the fucking lies." After he had told me this, I knew that I wanted to know more, but did not force it.  
"Do you feel like the man who is president is a good guy? Since he is winning a second term?" I asked, and then I was seeing him thinking about it, and then he was slowly nodding. As if feeling like now several days later, he might be able to speak about it, and not be getting me angry at him. Not that I was angry at him.  
"Yeah, I did. I feel like he did a great job so far, and I needed to award him with this." After he was telling me this, I saw him looking like he was a bit more calm and collected here. I did not know the specifics of it all, so I just decided that I was going to be letting him talk longer if he was wanting to do just that.  
"Do you have more hope in this country, knowing he might be getting a second one?" After I asked him this, he was nodding, and I saw that this was the first time that he had looked like he was glad over something recently, and that was the reason that no matter what was happening, and even if I was older, I was not going to be angry at him no matter what, since he was just finally looking fine.  
"I do have hope for this country. I feel like that so many people decided that he had done a good enough round to go at giving him a second one is the sign that I was wrong about this country." After Gabe was telling me this, I was looking at him, feeling like I just needed to hear what he was going to keep saying. As long as he was doing well, it was worth it all.  
"What would you have done if Biden won?" I asked, and then he was shrugging, as if feeling like there was not much to be saying there. In all honesty, I was seeing him looking like he could not care too much if Biden had won. I did not know if it was sincere, or just a show.  
"I would have accepted it. I would not have liked it, and I would have been feeling like it was a bad choice, but I would have accepted it for what it was." After Gabe said that, he shurgged, as if feeling like there was not much to be saying here. I was slowly nodding, feeling like I would be able to leave it all alone now.  
"Alright, I guess that maybe there is nothing else to do." I said, and then I nodded, and looked right at him, and I was seeing Gabe looking like he was almost considering it for a moment. Despite what we were doing, and despite what I wanted to know, I was feeling like maybe Gabe was a bit worried over discussing this.  
"Josiah does not seem as confident as you do. What is his feelings on it all?" I asked, and then Gabe was sighing, feeling like maybe we might be able to discuss something like that eventually. Since in all honesty, the discussion was going to be getting rather strange when discussing the prospect of why these two were so different.  
"He was worried about some of the things that Trump did these last four years, and I just think that he was scared. I mean, I don't get it. But if he feels a certain way, the I guess that either his views will change eventually, or he can have the right to exercise his views in four years." Gabe said, referring to the fact that Josiah will be old enough to vote next time.  
"Thanks for talking to me about this." I said, and then I was seeing him happy that he was able to be trying to get my perspective to be open here. As long as at least somebody was willing to hear his perspective, and as long as somebody was willing to hear him out, then it was going to be the best thing that we would have been doing now.  
"Well, I will let you be resting now." I said, and then I was nodding for a while, and I was wondering if maybe talking to Gabe was going to be giving me a different perspective here. I was seeing him slowly stand up, and I saw him looking as if he was wanting to do something, but in all honesty, he was just thinking about what it would be like to just rest for a while.  
"Do you know why you feel like you have to be doing this all?" After I asked him this, Gabe looked right at me, and this was when he was clearly looking like he was going be leaving it all alone. Gabe clearly knew that he was going to have to answer my question at one point in time, but that he was stalling it out for a while longer.  
"I feel like when other people are willing to see the truth, and see what the issues are, then we will do whatever it will take to be working together. But until I get people to actually listen to me, and not be treating what I say like a joke, then I will be sort of leaving it alone. But I also found something that I just feel like I need to know the truth of." He said, and I was wondering where he was going with that last bit.  
"So, what did you find?" I asked, and then I was feeling like I needed to just have him be more open about this all. I was seeing Gabe looking like he was wanting to debate between telling me or not. At least unlike the other times, I was seeing him sort of looking at the idea of saying something. I was seeing him looking like he knew where this was going to be going, and I was sort of happy for that. But once again, he rejected. But I did get him to think on it.

...

-November 9 2020 11:47 pm- I was seeing Jack getting out of his room, and I was seeing that he was going to be going up those fucking stairs again, and he was going to be watching more of those shows. I was feeling like I just needed to sort of give up any hope on him just not doing something like this in all honesty.  
I was feeling like maybe if I tried hard enough, he might be able to reveal to me some stuff that was going on, and he might be willing to tell me what he was doing, and if he had still felt nothing about what happened with the election. I knew he was going to say he did not, but at the same time, I wasn't one hundred percent sure.  
"Hey Jack, do you want to talk about some stuff?" I asked, really wishing that he was going to be giving me something this time. He was looking down on the bed and I was seeing that there was a small look of debate in his eyes. As if he was for once considering the idea of letting me know. But clearly he was choosing against it.  
"I feel like I am so close to the answer of the mystery, that I want to go deeper and deeper to it all. Maybe once everything comes together, I will feel differently. But for now, I just want to see it all." After he was telling me this, I looked down on the ground, feeling like I was just needing to not be saying a damn other thing, in fear of what he was going to be saying as a reaction now.  
"Whatever it is you are doing, don't look into it too much." I said, feeling like maybe saying that was the only way to be going at this in a way that was going to be making it seem like I was not pushing him too rough. He was looking at me, and I saw that he was not having much to be saying here.  
"I will certainly remember that at the end of the day, what I am seeing is probably not all that important." Jack said, shaking his head, feeling like the fact that he was conceding this was wrong in his eyes. I was aware that he was having a lot on his mind, but I was feeling like I needed to be looking deeper into this than I was doing.  
To be honest, the way he was going at it all was making me feel like he had too much of a mission statement in his mind. I mean, I did not mind it when he was mildly interested, but this was all just something that I was not sure on what to feel. But I was going to remain silent for the most part.  
Once Jack was getting up the stairs, despite how much I was wanting to speak to him here, I was reminding myself to be calm, and be collected, and that in all honesty, there was nothing else that even mattered anymore. He was done being nice and dandy about it all, for better or for worse, and I was finally accepting something like this.  
The only issue that I was having with it all was how the hell my older siblings did not think that it was ever smart to stop this whole thing, and not be getting in the way of what he was doing. Instead, they were just letting it go on. It felt wrong, and in all honesty, I was wishing that they would have seen that he was getting too deep into it all, and they would take care of it.  
However, despite everything that I keep saying about Jack, and despite everything that gets to me here, I did appreciate how serious he was taking something. He had a clear mindset on one thing, and he was going to be doing his damn best to be going through with it, no matter what the cost of it was going to become.  
I just wish that if he was scared on something, he would let us know, and that he was going to be saying it in a way that was easy for us to believe. The shows and the broadcasts was not the way to be going at this whole thing, and surely he would see that one day or another.  
I was wanting to say more, and I was wanting to do more, but I was feeling like no matter what I was going to be saying, and no matter what I could have said, not only would he literally have not heard it, due to us no longer being in the same room, but I was feeling like he would have just acted like it never mattered. So I was focusing on the idea of simply helping him if he had needed this to be done.  
I sat down on my bed, and I was thinking about what it would have been like to just go up there, and what it would have been like to just sort of see what he was in store for. I was thinking that if I did something like this, then the whole thing might have been a bit less hard for all of us. I wondered what he would have said if I did try and join in with him. If he would have accepted or just flat out rejected me.  
He was going to be on a set mission, and that was the only thing I knew what to bethinking about here. We were going to be on our own set of plans. But the one thing that I knew I was going to do was that next time we talked, I would ask him what he had seen recently, and I was going to see if that was going to be what would be finally opening him up a bit.  
I was thinking that even if he was going to be rejecting these advances, that I just needed to be getting up there. I was getting out of my bed, and I was going to be speaking to him, and I was going to be getting something out of him, no matter what he was going to say. No matter what he would want, we were going to be talking this time, and he would understand I was doing my best to be helping him here.  
I knew that if Jack was not wanting to be speaking to me, and if Jack was scared to speak to me on anything related to here, while I would appreciate the gesture, I was going to be standing my ground, and I was going to be seeing if he was going to finally make any real difference with this discussion now.  
Once I was up the stairs, I was looking around the living room, and I was seeing that like I expected, he was just looking intently on the screen, and he was watching some footage of something. As I was looking right at him, and not saying a word, in fear of how he would react, I was seeing him sighing, and looking like he had wanted to just say something else to the screen, but decided against it all.  
Then he was turning around for a split second, and he was sighing, and I was wondering if maybe I was just needing to say something to defend myself. He shook his head, as if feeling like at this point, trying to talk me down, or tell me that I was not old enough to get it was just not going to go through.  
"Yeah, I guess that if you really wanted to be watching this, you can do it." He said, clearly feeling like the faster that he finally agreed with this, the better that it was going to be. The better that it was going to look for both of us, and the better it would be for a general civil discussion.  
I was sitting down next to him, as he was clearly looking like he had known that fighting this was going to be a lost cause, and that if we were going to be getting along as siblings, and if we were going to be living together for at least nine more years, the fighting and the uncertainty needed to fucking die off.  
I stared at the screen for fifteen seconds, and this time, I was seeing a guy walking down the street, and he was looking around, as if trying his best to not be caught. When he was clearly feeling like he was going to be safe, he walked on right in, and he was holding something in his hand. As if he was doing a deal, or having something to defend himself with, in case things went wrong or whatever it was.

...

-November 11 2020 6:12 pm- I was seeing Seth showing up, and I was seeing him hanging out with that guy Manny, and I was wondering what the two were up to right now. I was feeling like maybe they were needing to just let me know what they were doing on a regular basic. I was wanting to be friends with them, and I was just hoping that they were going to be willing to let me hang out for a while longer, before telling me that they were done with this.  
"Hey, what are you doing today?" I asked, and then I saw Seth looking at me, and the way he was looking at me clearly showed that he was having no real opinion on what to be telling me. He clearly felt like I was just trying to get in his business over something that he had no real desire to be talking about. But then he looked at Manny, and he was looking like he was just figuring that maybe tellin me was not that big of a deal.  
"We're doing fine. We were going to be heading out to watch some movies. But we were needing to go on and get stuff." Seth said, and I was seeing him looking like he was hoping that we could have been able to leave it at that. So with that, I was just looking down on the ground, and at this rate, Manny was looking like he was just trying to find a way to be getting this discussion over with.  
"We don't really have any real plans. I would not be too worried about it." After Manny told me that, I saw him looking like he had been wanting to talk about something else. I was then coming up with a question that I knew they were not going to super happy with me asking, but I was still feeling like for better or for worse, it was worth the question.  
"What do you think of who won the election?" I asked, and then Manny was looking down to me, and I was seeing him looking more shocked that I was asking him this question at all than anything else. As if he was expecting somebody like me to be having no interest in something like who would be winning a national election.  
"I am not really all that interested in who wins. The whole thing is none of my business." After he had told me this, I was seeing Manny looking like he was wondering why I even wanted to discuss this in the first place. I was wising that I had a real answer, but in all honesty, I did not, and I was feeling like maybe I was being strange here.  
"Josiah seemed to be very interested." I said, and then after I had said that, Seth was nodding to that, having no right to deny something like this. In a way, he was finding the interest Josiah had to be a bit strange, and borderline stupid and lame. But he did not want to say such outloud.  
"Well, I think that Josiah was probably wasting his time having so much investment over something so little." Seth told me, with the anger in his voice coming on through again. I was wondering what his issue with this election really was. I was feeling like he had just needed to help state what it was, in order for people to be able to help him out or whatever, and not just be bringing everybody down for no real good reason.  
"I just think that maybe he is having one thing that he cares about. Maybe he is offended by all the tweets." Manny said, and then he goes to where Seth and Josiah's room was. I was wondering how things were between Seth and Josiah, given the fact that they were both looking at this election way the fuck differently and stuff. I was feeling like they needed to have some actual plans to go here.  
As Seth was about to enter the room, I was calling out to Manny, to see if there was something he was willing to tell me. "Do you have any idea on what the next four years are going to be like?" I asked, and then Manny was looking right at me, and I was seeing him looking like he was needing to cut it out with the idea that he must have had any clue what is happening. Even though it was just a innocent question.  
"Honestly, I think that anybody who tries to predict it is wasting their time. He will be out in four years anyways. Why rush it when there is no changing what happens? Just let it happen, and we can be able to change things up next time. Besides, he did win Minnesota, so a large group of people here liked him." After Manny told me this, I was seeing him looking like he was kind of not nearly as worried about this as Josiah, but having more feelings on it compared to Seth.  
"You seem like you care quite a bit on who won." I said, thinking about how strange it would have been for him to be reactng any other way, and I was wondering if there was some way that I might have been able to help him out here. Or if I was going to be wasting my time even trying to think of a way to make it work.  
"I did, but I also know how little affect it has on the long run. I know that it will be over with in four years, and I just need to remind myself that things are to be done one day at a time. So there is nothing to be too worried about here, when you look at it this way." After he had said that to me, he was done speaking here, and I was just seeing him kind of tired now. So he was finally going in to Seth's room, to be doing his own thing, and leave things alone.  
Once they were inside of the room, I was then feeling like they were probably just going to be relatively busy, and then I was just telling myself that I needed to let them be doing their own thing, and that if they were ever wanting to be hanginh out with me for whatever reason, then I could be going through all that as we were heading there. But for now, we were just going to be leaving the situation all alone.  
I was then wondering what to be doing if Lydia was going to be asking to hang out with me again. I mean, I was feeling like Jack was going to be hanging out with me and talking to me about what we were watchig. As I was thinking about what it was to be like to be talking with him on what he had watched, it was going to be a really long and dragged out conversation. He was going to be asking me what I had seen, and he was going to be making it very clear to me that he was not going to be taking no for an option, and I was going to have to just fess up to it all.  
I mean, by comparison, I would rather be doing what Lydia was wanting to be dealing with since at least with what Lydia was planning on doing, then we could ba making at least some form of a discussion that I could be getting used to. Rather than a discussion that was going to be making it very clear that he was not really wanting to even bring this subject up again, and he was hoping that I would do the same.  
As I was getting ready to be having this confrontation with him, I was feeling like the whole discussion was going to be the worst thing that we could have ever be going through. I was feeling like maybe if Jack was wanting to speak with me, here then I might be forcing myself to just see where this would have gone.  
Eventually, I was telling myself to be taking things less seriously, and that maybe when this discussion was coming up, I would be saying some bullshit to get myself out of this, and then he might be willing to listen to me. I was feeling like whenever Jack and I were talking about these shows, I was going to be offered to watch again, and then everything was going to be coming up again. And I was just hoping that we would be done with it sooner or later, for both of our sakes.  
So for the time being, I was walking down the stairs, telling myself to be getting this over with, and that no matter what he might have been feeling, everything that Jack watched was going to be relatively pointless for the time being.

The 2020 Election Reults

Final Electoral Count

Trump 651 (52.33%)

Biden 593 (47.66%)

Final Popular Count

Biden 78732666 (49.25%)

Trump 75328207 (47.12%)


	9. One Girl with Ten Brothers: Dylan

-Dylan's POV Dec 27 1993 10:00 pm- I was going to bed soon enough, thinking that my memories were just kind of hazy, and nobody would have really understood what the hell I was actually feeling right now. People were probably thinking that I was just some cute kid or something like that. Maybe in a way, I was, but there was something that I was doing that I knew was not going to be viewed as very cute to many people. The fact that I was wanting to so badly go out and actually go outside and play. You know, to actually do something that I knew was actually going to be at least sort of fun here.

I was wanting to finally go out there, and do something exciting for once. I did not want to be stuck here, when everybody was off doing their own thing, and was actually doing something they enjoyed. I had felt like maybe when they were going to do something out there, and basically play their own game at life, I was feeling like maybe I could have gone out and done something more exciting than anything I had done.

But despite what I had been feeling, and despite what I had been wanting to do, I knew that my parents were going to be pretending like I was not going to be ready to do something that could let me go out there and play for several hours longer and stuff. They were going to be pretending like I was too young, and as a result, that I was going to just be saying something stupid for even pretending to suggest that Drake nad I do something more than pretty much stay behind and at this house.

a way, I was having a bad feeling that they were never going to let me be happier. They were never going to let me do something that would have actually been fun. They were going to just treat us like we were unready little kids. But I was not wanting them to be feeling this way, and I was not going to really know what I was wanting to do. I was just wishing that maybe Drake and I were going to just have to share the boring misery of all of this together, and that was something that I had felt like was going to be able bring us all together in some form or fashion.

Despite what I was feeling, something about the idea of not knowing what was out there was actually kind of exciting. The idea of pretty much sort of just guessing what everything would have been like. I mean, I doubt that it would have been that easy, but I was sort of wishing that I could be able to understand what the answers here. And if I would get to know everything, then I would be able to just go along for the ride. And know what was making Lydia barely see us anymore.

I mean, every day up until about a month or so ago, Lydia would come on and see how we were doing. She would say hi to us, and she would grab us, and play with us, and she would actually make us feel welcome in a way. I had wished that she would have done more than what she had been doing lately, and due to what she was doing now, I was starting to wonder if Lydia actually cared for us, and if Lydia was wanting us to be happier in a way, or if she was just sort of doing her own thing without even giving so much as a second thought to this all.

I was seeing that Drake was pretty much already asleep, and that he was pretty much laying still like a rock. I was kind of impressed by how he was able to do that every night. Pretty much just sleep as if nothing was going on. I was wanting to know how I could be able to get Drake to show me his strange ways of being able to do this. But then I was shaking my head, feeling like I was just being a bit silly, and that I just needed to not be thinking too deeply into this right now.

I was thinking about what it would be like to go out and sneak up the stairs, and see what my older siblings were doing. Since they were always making so much noise here, and I was feeling like they were having so much fun all the time, that I was kind of jealous over what they were doing. I had felt like maybe I just needed to go on and get to know what they were doing, and then once I would know what they were doing, then maybe I could join along and play with them.

Sure they might have considered me too young to know how to play with them, but I was feeling like it was going to be worth a try. I was thinking that the worst that could happen was that they would pretty much just tell me that something like this was just not going to really work out too well, and they would tell us to sort of just end this whole charade. It would suck, and I would not really like it, but I would be able to get over it soon enough.

Maybe if they were going to be able to explain the rules of their games to me, then I would be able to sort of know what was going on, and then I would be able to sort of play with them better, and then I was going to finally feel like I was going to be fully accepted into their social groups. All that I had needed to do was just get them to finally reach out to me, and get them to at least act as if I was sort of able to know what the hell I was doing. And if they enjoyed my company, maybe we could have more of a fun time than they ever imagined.

I was feeling like if anybody was going to be accepting of telling me what they were doing, that it would be Lydia. I was feeling like Lydia would be cool with letting me tag along with some of her things. I just wanted to find the most likely person to be letting me do something like this. Even if the chances were not that good, I was feeling like I needed to just reach out, and see how well I would make something like this work.

In a way though, there was a small part of me that was feeling like I was needing to not even try to do something like this. If I even tried to get to know some information from them, they were probably just going to tell me to go away. And while I was aware of the fact that they were wanting to do their own thing, I was feeling like maybe if I was going to get Lydia to talk, maybe we would be able to work out something better for us.

I was wondering why mom and dad had the whole five years old rule for playing outside. I mean, Henry didn't go outside that much. In fact, the last few weeks to month or so was the first time that I had seen him do anything of the nature. And I was feeling like perhaps I was needing to just see what the heck he was doing. I was going to just try to get to know what he was doing, and when I would know the truth, I was feeling like I would be fine with putting it aside, and just leaving the case alone.

It was just the fact that all he did was watch movies every day for several hours a day, and I was feeling like if you tried to actually get him to explain why he liked these movies so much, he would probably just say that it was not a big deal, and that he likes to watch people get killed in creative ways. Kind of dark and disturbing, but I guess that as long as he enjoyed it, I was not going to be getting in his business on this whole thing.

Besides, I was feeling like maybe there was a small part of him that was feeling like the movies were the only way to be feeling like he was going to be himself, and while I don't think that I would ever come close to getting it, I was not going to be trying to be forcing anything onto him, in fear of the over reaction that he could be able to produce if I were to do this. And with that, I once again decided to just not be getting in his way on this.

Once I was at the living room, I was seeing that the only one who was awake was Seth, and when I was seeing him awake, I was seeing that he was talking on the phone with somebody. I was not needing to be a genius to know that what he was talking about was super serious business. That he was not really playing around with whatever was going on at all.

"I think that everybody in this house has gone totally crazy, and there is nothing even remotely resembling normalcy going on here. I feel like every time people talk about how insane it all is, they do not even realize that they are contributing to this." Seth was saying, and I was seeing him clearly looking like he was willing to hear what the other person say first, before he was going to be continuing this tirade that he was in the middle of going on right now.

"I mean, I feel like I need to let people be doing their own thing, and that I need to sort of just let them mind their own business, but good god, is it hard to do something like this. I wish that I were able to be taking this easy." After he was saying this to whoever was on the other side, I was seeing him rubbing his eyes, as if deep in thought on every single thing that he had been saying so far, and he was feeling like maybe he was needing to sort of pretend to understand where this guy was coming from.

"In all seriousness, I feel like maybe when I sort of see what the hell everybody has gone crazy over, I can perhaps pretend to try and make some difference. But in all reality, I do not really want to know what is happening here. If I learn what the truth is that they are getting into, I might be thinking that everything is blowing over." After Seth said that, he was sitting down on a chair finally, to continue talking here.

"I mean, yeah I do know some of the details on what is going on. But that does not mean that I am super interested in going any further in this. I mean, it feels like very few details that I do know are totally insane, and that people just need to take a chill pill, and sort of think about what they are doing." After Seth was saying this to the guy on the other line, I was seeing that he was clearly considering what he had been saying just now.

...

-Dec 29 1993 8:27 pm- I was really unsure of what I was going to be doing that day to make it less boring, and to get the day sort of over with faster. I mean, my parents were even around for me to do my once every week or so harassing of trying to get them to let me play outside or anything. I felt like doing this was the most exciting part of the day. Because at least with something like that, I was able to sort of have something that I could rely on that could make me pretend like what I was doing was not super boring. And there was only so much you can get out of toys.

My twin Drake was always too busy doing his own thing, playing with his own toys, that I could barely get him to pay attention to me on any regard whatsoever. In all honesty, I was kind of annoyed with the way that he was acting, and I was sort of wishing that he would just show some interest in hanging out with me or something like that. But in the end, I was feeling like something like this was just not going to be happening. And while it was kind of sucking, I was just wishing that he would at least be honest with it, and just tell me flat out in the start of this all.

But there was something that I had wished that I could be able to know that would maybe make this seem to be less hard for myself. I was kind of wishing to have Drake just tell me that maybe he would be able to find something else for me to do instead. At least if he was able to give me some ideas on what I could do instead of just sticking around to him like a sore thumb, then I would be able to branch out, and I would have a chance to not annoy him with anything like this.

But in a way, I was almost kind of wondering if his life was actually as exciting as I was wondering that it was. Maybe he was actually doing all of this stuff out of total boredom for his own thing, and that he was needing to do something on his own. I was kind of wondering what the chances of this would be. But then I was sighing, feeling as if maybe I was just needing to not focus on what my brothers were doing, and that maybe I just needed to try and do something for myself, if I was going to be making anything seem to be coming of more interest to this.

Eventually, I stopped thinking about it too much, knowing that it was none of my business, when I was seeing Henry coming along down stairs. I was seeing that he was looking like he was kind of busy, and I knew that if I was going to try and reach out to him, he would probably be annoyed as shit with me, and he would tell me to not be getting in his way about this. But at the same time, I was feeling like I just needed to try and see what was happening at this rate, and maybe if I tried harder, he would let me know, and maybe I could help him out in all actuality.

"Hey, are you really busy right now?" I asked, and then I was seeing him looking right at me. I was seeing that he was just trying to be patient with me, and I was seeing that he was clearly not wanting to be annoyed with me. But the way that I was suddenly approaching him, trying to get to know some stuff out of him, I was seeing that he was just wanting to sort of get this over with. And that maybe if he made his point clear, we could be able to get this whole thing over with.

"Yeah, I am busy. There is something that I have to take care of. Something with Jack." After Henry was saying this to me, I was seeing him looking like he was wondering if I was going to press him any further. I was feeling like maybe if he was going to be doing something like this, the two of us could maybe learn some information from each other. But the way that I was seeing him looking at me, and the way that I was seeing that there was a slight hint of annoyance, I was feeling like maybe I needed to be careful on what I was going to be doing now.

"Well, if you were fine with me coming along or something, maybe I can tag for a bit." I said, and I was just desperate to be doing something else with my time. As he was looking at me, I was seeing that maybe this was a mistake to even say something like this in the first place. But then he was sighing, clearly looking like he was not even in the mood to try and say more to me right now. But then I was seeing that Henry was clearly wanting to find something to say that would make me shut up.

"I am just playing detective with him. You probably wouldn't like it. Besides, mom and dad made it clear to us that we have to be at least five years old to go outside." Henry was saying, and I was seeing him clearly looking tired of this whole thing. I was seeing that he was wanting to say more. But that he was just not going to be wasting my time on this anymore. I was clearly wanting to know more, but I was feeling like his patience was going to wear out soon.

"Can I play along?" I asked, and then I was seeing Henry looking like his mind was on over pilot as he was looking at me at that moment. I clearly able to tell that there was no way that he was prepared for something like this. And I was feeling like maybe I could be able to get to know what was bothering him about such a thing. Then he was scratching his head, as if feeling like maybe he was going to be needing to just bail out of here as soon as possible, and make it look like he was able to do this without looking like a total douchebag.

"Maybe you can play along. I don't know. I think that this might not be a good idea. Please just understand that this is something that I think Jack might not be very supportive of." After he was saying this to me, I was seeing him looking like he was just wanting to get the hell out of here, and that he was needing to just wrap this up for his own sake. I was feeling like maybe I was just needing to be looking at a better solution to this whole thing, and that he was needing to just clearly plan harder in the future.

I was genuinely unable to see what the issue was, and I was feeling like maybe I was going to need to try and understand where Henry thought that this was a bad idea, and that maybe if he told me why this was a bad idea, I would be able to roll my eyes, be annoyed with this, but then get over it, and understand that maybe he was just wanting to have some time to his older brother, and have a good time.

In a way, I was almost feeling like it was kind of nice that he was able to try and reach out to Jack like this. And while I really wanted to play along, and while a small part of me felt the need to do so, I knew that there was that rule. So I was looking down, and then just trying to hide the small amount of tears that I did gather over something like this. Since even if I did get it, that did not mean that I had to much like it.

"If you want to go and hang out with him alone, go ahead." I said, and then I was wiping the tears up a bit. Then I was seeing that there was a genuine split second of regret on his face. I was seeing that Henry was clearly looking like he was not wanting to be dealing with this, and that doing this was rather annoying, but seeing me like this was something that he did not want much either.

"Dylan, I do not want to do this to you. This is really important. Trust me, I have no choice but to do this with just him." After he was saying this to me, I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to be thinking about what to say more. But then he was shaking his head, as if feeling like maybe he was just going to leave the subject alone.

"Well, have some fun." I said, and then I was just wanting to examine the look on his face. To see if there was going to be something that he was going to say to this now. As I was seeing him looking at me, I was able to see him almost looking like such a idea was going to be hard. But that he was going to just pretend like what I had told him was within the realm of possibility. As I was seeing him looking like he was willing to at least pretend like this was not a issue, he was standing up, and then he was looking right at me, and then he played with me for a split second.

He was doing that thing were you rub peoples hair on top of their face, and you were trying to do it on a playful gesture, but a lot of the time, it just ends up feeling weird, and you end up feeling like they just want to treat you like a really little kid. Which I guess that I was. But that did not mean that I wanted him to basically rub it in my face every single second of the day.

"If there is something fun, I might be able to tell you." Henry said, and I was seeing him clearly looking like he was just wanting to say more, and that he was kind of worried about what he was saying, but that he was just not going to be much taking the risk, in fear of what I was going to be saying. But in all honesty, I was just sort of keeping all of my thoughts to myself. I was seeing that he was just trying to be nice, and I was feeling like him trying was more important than anything else in the world.

So with that, I was just feeling like it as time to be letting him go, and that he really did need to head out this time. And that I was not even going to be stopping him anymore. Henry was then looking at me for a second as he was grabbing a bunch of random stuff to put in a small back pack, and then he was walking to the stairs, and then he was just thinking of one final thing he would be able to say to me to make me feel better.

"I can invite you to play along when you turn five, if you wanted. You know, to sort of make up for everything that is going on. Just remind me later." Henry was telling me, and then I was seeing him sort of looking like he was wanting to be leaving the subject alone, in fear of what I was going to be saying next. I was thinking that I would just leave the subject alone, thinking that maybe this was going to be good enough, and that I was going to need to make him keep his word.

Once Henry was outside of the room, I was feeling like this whole thing was just a bit of a fucking lie. I was feeling like maybe Henry was wanting to just tell me that, to try and make me feel better. I did not really feel that way though, and I was feeling like maybe I should just remain quiet about it though. I was feeling like if I were to say anything on it, my siblings would probably just be laughing at me, and probably be talking about me behind my back and stuff.

As annoying as it might have been, a small part of me was feeling like that if I had continued to look into this, I would have been going crazy myself, and I would have been sort of wanting to play their game, and then I would be getting way too deeply into it, and I did not want them to be annoyed with what I was doing. Even if I was feeling like what I had been doing was perfectly valid in its own right. But to be honest, I was unsure what the issue really was going to be here.

I was just telling myself that if for nothing else, I was always able to just focus on one main thing that I was feeling like could have tried to make me feel better. You know, feeling better about the fact that my siblings were clearly thinking that maybe I was just needing to be taking things way less seriously. As much as something like this would have been annoying to me, I was thinking that stuff like respect with age was going to be a situation that I was going to be dealing with in spades soon enough, and that I just needed to get used to it soon enough.

As I was thinking about that though, and I was thinking about what it would be like to have my family to actually try and treat me with respect, and take me more seriously, I was feeling like this was just going to be the highest order that I would have even dreamed of trying to achieve. I was just sort of telling myself that I needed to be taking this easier, and that in the end, there was no way that this was anything different from just a random game.

I was feeling like this did have to be a game, and that there was no way that my siblings would be playing with something without at least letting us know what was going on. They would have let us know what they were doing if they were actually going much different than what I was assuming. This was the one thing that I had been telling myself over and over again, and was slowly just trying to get myself to change my entire perception that I had been creating here.

I was up the stairs, and I was looking around, to see that barely any of my siblings were around. I was feeling like perhaps Henry and Jack were out now, so I should not really be expecting any time to try and see what was going on with them. But at the same time, I was starting to think about what the heck I would even need to be doing now. I was thinking that perhaps I would go on and talk to Seth about what I heard a couple of days ago.

I was feeling like reaching out to Seth, and seeing what the problem was, and seeing how I could help that bloke out, was going to be the only thing that I had felt like mattered at the end of the day. But despite what was going on, I was thinking about what Seth would try to tell me if I were to attempt to speak with him. He would probably be annoyed with me, while also finding himself hating what he just got himself into, since he knew that there would probably be no way he was going to get out of this.

But at the same time, I was thinking that I would not be able to try and get deep into this conversation, since to be totally honest, I had no idea what he was talking about with his friend at all. Most if not all of the stuff they were saying was totally nonsensical in my mind, and I was thinking that he was going to just brush me off if I tried to reach out to him, and as a result, I was going to be feeling like I would waste my time with this whole thing.

The main difference is that I truly had no idea what to be feeling when approaching these people, and I was thinking that they almost were sort of just sort of speaking words that I was not able to comprehend and that I would just need to let them be doing their own thing. As I was going along, and trying to mind my own business, I was seeing that Lydia was at the fridge, and that she was clearly looking for something. I was thinking that maybe I was going to be able to speak to her, and see what she was feeling on this. Maybe she would have something that she would be able to tell me to sort of get me to change my mind on this whole thing, or maybe she would actually agree with me, for better or worse.

But to be honest, the idea of either happening was a bit out of what I was wanting to consider, and I was feeling that no matter what was happening, I just needed to be happy to speak with her in the first place, and that I needed to just be happy that at least she out of all the siblings did not seem to be having a problem with seeing how I was doing on a normal situation.

...

-Dec 30 1993 2:15 pm- As we were getting near the new year, there was a small part of me that was just wanting everything to all be tied up in a nice bow. And everything to be all fine. I knew that it was going to be virtually impossible to make everything just sort of seem like it was all fine and stuff, but I was truly desperate for the idea of everything being alright. I was not wanting there to be any damn issues at all. Because in all honesty, I as just wanting this new to sort of be a new slate in a way.

I mean, 1994 was going to be the first year where Ridge was going to be with us every single step of the way, and I was just hoping that I could make him happier, and make his life easier at first. You know, make him feel like somebody was actually going to be there to make him feel like he had a actual family that liked him, and was there for him, and was able to actually go on and make a difference for him. I knew that I just needed to do my best to make him feel welcome in every way.

I had no idea how much of the year was going to be something that I could really enjoy, and I was silently dreading the idea that maybe my parents were still going to just baby me like crazy, and that there was no way that I was going to be able to do literally anything that can make my day more exciting or anything like that. I was just sort of tired of the way that they were treating me, but there was a small part of me that was sort of trying to understand what it was like if I was in their perspective.

I was sort of thinking about what it would be like to have eleven children, all of which had different ideas and personalities and stuff, and different life styles, and just so many conflicting ways that things can be done, that in all honesty, they were probably just uncomfortable with the idea of letting us do something without them knowing because they felt like they could be able to do something to help us out.

I still felt like it was extremely unfair that Henry was able to go out, and he was able to have the time of his life, and that people were allowing him to just go nuts, but I was stuck here basically forced to accept the fact that in their mind, I was a fucking baby still, and that I could not go out and actually do something that I knew would have been fun with me. And now I was here, just waiting day by day until I can play outside.

Eventually, as I was thinking about that, this was when Todd was showing up, and he was looking at me, and he was sort of wanting to just talk for a bit. "So Dylan, have there been any calls today?" Todd asked, and I was looking at him confused, as to why he was asking me this, and why he was wanting to know if I was the person that could have been able to give him the answer to this. I was looking down, totally unsure of what the hell I was going to be able to tell him, and if he was actually caring what my answer was.

"No." I said truthfully, and I was seeing Todd scratching his head, as if feeling like this was the one thing that he had never expected to hear, and that he was just thinking about what he was going to be doing now. I was just thinking about what the point of this even was, and why he was wanting to know what I was dealing with so badly. Then he was sighing, talking almost as if I wasn't even there in the first place.

"I was hoping that Bebe would have responded by now. She rarely doesn't respond for so long. I mean, I know she is probably busy, but she usually calls for at least five or ten minutes before she goes to work." After Todd was telling me this, I was totally confused as to what he was talking about, and I was feeling like he was totally losing me on this, and that maybe he was just needing to tell me something that I was able to actually comprehend. But I did not want to say that to him.

"Anyways, I hope you have a good day. I doubt that you will be doing anything too rough." After Todd said that to me, I was seeing him looking at me, but I was looking down, as if angered at him saying this to me, and I was just feeling like he was making it a jab or something, due to my younger age, and I was not really appreciating it.

"I can't go out anyways." I said, and then I was sort of wondering if he was going to be affected by what I was saying, or if he did not really care what was going on too much. Todd was just thinking about how he was able to possibly make me feel better, since he was aware of the fact that I was the one who was taking this whole five year old thing the most seriously.

"Yeah, you just have to wait one more year. I think you can be able to handle it. Besides, I doubt that mom and dad will want you to go out for New Year anyways, since that will be Henry's birthday." After Todd was saying that to me, I was seeing him looking like the idea of Josiah already possibly not beig there for the day was going to be rough, and that maybe he was just needing to sort of find a way to make this whole thing seem a bit easier for us all.

"But it is going to be so boring." I said, and then Todd was smiling at me, as if feeling like what I was saying was at least sort of funny, and that maybe he was going to try and see what I was feeling, if he was going to be expressing himself hard enough. But he was just sort of feeling like he was not even really needing to try, since I was not going to be listening to him anyways.

"Honestly, I think that you will be fine. I mean, when I was younger, the idea of waiting around was a bit annoying. But I don't care anymore. I just do what I want, and I will be happier when I work harder. I mean, if you meet Bebe, you will love her and you will think she is the coolest person you ever met." Todd said, and I was seeing that he was being genuine with what he was saying, and I was wanting to find a way to know what exactly he was going to do with this Bebe person, and if I could meet her again.

"Who is Bebe?" I asked, and then he was smiling for a second before he answered. I was feeling like maybe whoever she was, he might not have been lying when he was saying that I could really enjoy her. But then he was shrugging, as if he stopped caring what he was feeling right now.

"She is my girlfriend. That is somebody who you are in a romantic connection with. Somebody that you think and feel like you love. I know that when I see her, I feel differently, and I feel like she makes me feel a bit better about myself and others. I want to actually be happier with her, no matter how much that is going to take in order to get there." After Todd was telling me this, I was sighing, wondering what the heck I was going to say now.

"Can I get a girlfriend?" I asked, thinking that what he was describing was going to be awesome, and that maybe I was going to just have to see how I could make something like that even work. Even though I was much too young to understand that there was a lot more to that than I had ever thought, and that I just needed to be more realistic about what I was feeling at that moment. In a way, I was wondering if getting a girlfriend could have made me seem old enough to play outside.

"You probably will some day. But I would not worry about it right now. You know, just think about having fun here until then." After Todd was telling me this, I was thinking about what I would be able to ask him to learn more about this whole girlfriend process, and if maybe I could get some information by just simply digging around for a bit more.

"How did you get one?" I was asking, and I saw Todd looking like that was a rather funny question, and I was unsure as to why he was finding this one so amusing, but I decided that I was not going to really say anything on it, if it turned out that what he was saying was actually funny. Then he was sighing, as if thinking about how he was going to get me to believe in how simplistic the entire thing really was.

"It seriously all just started with me ordering a pizza, and her coming along, and letting me have it. Seriously, it was as simple as that." After he had said that to me, I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to see what I was going to be telling him now, or if I was just going to never believe what he was telling me. Then he was just shrugging, as if feeling like there was no real point in speaking on this any further.

"So if I order pizza, I can get a girlfriend?" I asked, starting to get excited once again, and then Todd laughed at this, and I was confused as to why this was so funny to him, since if it worked that well for him, maybe it was going to be able to go that well for me. Then he was just shrugging, as if feeling like maybe I was never really going to be able to understand how it was really. And that there was nothing wrong with this.

"I would not place it down to being that easy. You know, there are a lot of steps to it all, but that was the first one." After he was telling me this, I was looking down, kind of sad at the fact that he was telling me this, and if I was going to be able to see if maybe I was going to be able to show him that I would have been fine with this. But then he looked at me for a second, as if thinking on what he was going to tell me to get me back to feeling good.

"Just remember that everybody is going to be fine with you at this house. You will be fine, and soon enough, when you meet somebody you like, you and her will get along, and you will love her." Todd said, and then he looked at the time, and then he looked at me again. "I need to go now, but I hope that you remember that." After he was done saying that to me, he was heading out, and then I was seeing that he was just looking worried for something, although I did not know what.

As Todd was gone, I was then feeling like that was going to be the next mission of my life, was getting a girlfriend, and making her know that I enjoyed her, and loved her, and wanted her to be happier. I was feeling like this was the least that I could be able to do to sort of show her that I was not going to just be there to be kind of using her or something.

I did not know why I was caring so much about something like this, but in a way, I was just not caring what I was feeling. And I was feeling like maybe when I would get to know her better, she and I would be able to start to have a bond that I had felt like could have made us feel differently. But I guess that for the time being, the two of us were just going to have to wait a bit longer until we could meet each other, and I would have to wait a little bit longer before I could do what I knew was the right thing.

As I was starting to feel all of these things, and I was feeling like maybe the two of us really had a chance of connecting, I was just telling myself to be doing fine. I was thinking that maybe I would not tell Drake what I was doing, to make sure that he did not get a head start in this whole thing, and that I would beat him to having one, if he was even wanting one, and then I would be able to laugh at him over it for the longest period of time.

I was then just thinking about what life would be like when I got one, and I was thinking about the whole idea of them sort of being like the apple of eden, and that maybe if I wanted them so badly, I would have just looked harder, and I would have been able to get them when I went to school and stuff. You know, since my parents would have to let me out of the house for that, and I would be able to take advantage of something like this if I had wanted to go and make the best of it.

I was thinking of what it would be able like if I was able to get Lydia to help me out. You know, since she was girl, I was feeling like she would have been able to help me out here, and then afterwards, I would thank her for what she was able to do, and then I would be able to show her how much happier something like this, a simple gesture of kindness, would have been able to make me feel for the most part.

One of these days, I was going to make it work. One of these days, she and I would fall in love. One of these days, I would finally feel like I am going to get something that I had wanted in my time, and something I wanted with my life. It was going to be the one thing that I had truly god damn needed for my happiness.

...

-Dec 31 1993 6:47 pm- I was feeling like the new year was going to be the most exciting thing that we would be getting ourselves into, and I was so badly just wanting to get right into it. I was so happy to be in the new year of 1994. I would say happy birthday to Henry when I would first seem him, and then when I was done with that, I would be able to just put this whole thing behind me, and then I would just pretend like there was so much more to be living for.

I was honestly really looking forward to what was going to be happening now, and while I had no idea how well it was going to work, but to be honest, I did not give a crap. I was kind of wanting to put 1993 behind us forever, and then be able to see how much I would be able to make of 1994, and if I was going to enjoy the first full year with Ridge at my side, and if I could be able to help him feel like a properly integrated part of the family, and make him feel like he was going to be rather respected and cared for.

I was wondering what the hell the issue of the new year would have brought forward to me. I was wondering if I was going to hang out with my family longer and if Henry was wanting to be at my side. I was thinking that after all of this time, it was a fact that maybe Henry was just needing somebody to have him know that his next year was not going to be as boring and bad as the previous one, since he seemed to not enjoy 1993.

It was not my fault that this was happening, but I was feeling like maybe I could have been able to help him out feeling like he was going to be adapted into this whole thing, and I was feeling like perhaps once he was going to be made happier, then I would have done something sort of decent with my life for once. And I was just sort of feeling sad for him, knowing that people were always going to be spending his birthday partying, but never for him, and always for the idea of a new transition. He was never going to be feeling properly loved by most people here, and even I knew this.

And when I was sort of letting this whole thing come to mind, I was sort of thinking about what the hell I was even worrying about here. I was feeling like perhaps Henry was going to try and tell me that everything was fine, and that he was not worried about it, and that he was used to it, when I felt like only the third of those three would have been true.

I was standing up, and when I was going around, I was seeing that Drake was sort of playing with something that he probably got for Christmas, and I was wondering if there was a chance he would be willing to let me play along with him. I was really wanting to hang out with him, and see if he was going to be having something fun for me to check out. But I was feeling like something like that was probably not going to be working out as well as I had wished.

I was still feeling the wish to go on and talk with him for a bit, and see if he was wanting to maybe change how I was feeling on this. So I walked over to Drake, and then smiled when I was looking above him, and he looked up, and he was clearly unsure of what I was trying to accomplish here. I was seeing that he was probably just wondering if I was going to be trying to do something more profound here.

"Do you like the toys?" I asked simply, feeling like there was no real need to worry about something like that. I was just thinking that maybe I could get Drake to enlighten me on why he liked those type of silly toys over the more action packed and awesome toys that I liked to play with. He was looking at me, as if feeling unsure of what to say on this.

"They are so cool. So nice to play with as well." Drake said, and he was looking like there wasn't a slight bit of worrying that he was having over the fact that I was asking him this, as if he was not really thinking that I was trying to get something out of this. I was smiling at him, as if almost glad to know that if for nothing else, even if I did not like the toys, that he was not disliking the stuff that he got.

"Do you like your toys?" Drake asked me, and then he was standing up, looking like he was going to possibly try and play with my stuff, and even if I was not wanting him to do this, I was sort of feeling like as long as he was nice about it, and did not destroy it, I would really not need to worry so much about it all.

"I played with it a few times, and I like it so far." I said, and then I was feeling like maybe I could have given more time to play with them but with the fact that I was unsure of how the family was doing, and what they were doing, I was feeling like perhaps I just needed to try and worry about something else for the time being, and play more when I was feeling better.

"Are you excited for tomorrow?" Drake asked, clearly referring to new year, and I was thinking about it for a second or two. I was unsure of what I was going to be excited for, or not excited for. I was feeling like maybe I was just kind of needing to see if there was a girlfriend that I would get that day, and then I would be feeling like I got the gift that I had wanted. Still thinking hard about what had happened with Todd and I yesterday.

"Yeah, I am excited enough. Just sort of wish that maybe I could do more with it. I want to go outstide still." I said, knowing that until I finally got that done with, I was never really going to be feeling like I was going to get what I was wanting, and that I was going to be feeling like perhaps the days were never going to be as exciting as I was wishing, until something like that was going to be coming together.

"Do you think that mom and dad will want to do something with us?" Drake asked, and I was thinking about what he was asking, and while I was unsure of why he was asking, I was still feeling like the question was valid enough in its own right, but I was just feeling like we were never going to have the time or luck to all be together once again.

"I don't know if they can. So much stuff going on, and now Gabe and Todd leaving soon." I said, being able to be smart enough to sort of pick up on this alone, without needing to have somebody tell me what was going on. I was seeing that Drake was looking pretty sad over the prospect of our oldest siblings leaving. But I could not really lie about what was going on, and I was just sort of hoping it would go well myself.

"Do you think they will come by?" Drake asked, and then I was absolutely unable to answer that and be able to give a answer that I had felt like would have been honest. Since the idea of them coming back would have been what I had wanted, but I was unsure of if this was going to be the practical answer.

"They might." I said, and then I was sighing, angry at myself for not giving them more, and wishing that they had more from me, but I was thinking that they were needing to do their own thing, and help out in their own life, and that maybe part of that was just going to have to accept the fact that I was not going to be there for them forever, and that they were going to be off doing their own thing, without us at their side.

"Don't worry too much about it." I said, and I was looking kind of worried about my brother and how he was going to be taking this, and if he was going to want to be knowing more, or if he was going to be sort of leaving it alone after a while. "I mean, it's almost new year." I said, trying to get back into that level of excitement again, since I truly did want this year to be going well, no matter what was going to happen.

"I hope that Ridge talks." After Drake was saying that, I was thinking about that for a bit. By that point, he would have a little bit more than a year on his belt when we would be getting to 1995, and in a way, I was feeling like maybe he might have been able to say basic words, and that would have been a sign of what was going to come out of this. I did not really know, but in a way, I was just too excited to care what people thought.

"What will his first words be?" I said, kind of curious on this, and was sort of starting to play out all of the situations in my mind, and wondering how likely all of the choices were going to be. I was feeling like they were going to be rather dissapointing, but it was something that I was certainly wanting to sort of think about for a bit, and see how it was going to be working out. I wanted to see if he was going to mention us when we were in his first year.

"Something with food." I said, and then laughed at that idea, trying to be making this whole thing a little bit funny, and I was wishing that maybe Drake was going to try and say something better for him, but decided that maybe I was probably right, and as he was thinking about how much of a let down something like this would have been, I was seeing him just not even saying anything at all, and leaving it all alone.

"How many more will they have?" Drake asked, and while he did not really say what he was thinking exactly, I was feeling like I kind of had a idea where he was coming from. That being the fact that he was wondering when my mom and dad were not going to be having any more kids, and that they were going to just take a god damn chill pill with that. I had nothing against them, but it as a bit overwhelming.

"Probably another one or two. Mom and dad said they're done though." I said, and then I was sighing, thinking about how much it would be taking before they really did actually go along with that. Eventually, I was choosing to think about something else, and something that I was feeling like would have been a bit more interesting.

Eventually, I was seeing something out side that I was feeling like I had seen too many times to care, but every single time that I did see it, I was confused, and I was feeling the utter need to go on and see what it was. So I walked right towards the couch, and then I was sitting down the couch near where the window was, and then I was seeing that there was a guy under some form of a street light, and I was sighing, staring for a bit.

I did not know how much I triggered Drake with the fact that I had stopped talking to him so suddenly, and if he was going to be demanding that I tell him more. But when I was staring, I was just too busy to care what he was going to think, and I was just wanting to see what was going to be happening though. And if he was just there, and nothing was going on, I would be let down, but I had felt like I needed to have more of a idea where to go.

I was seeing that Drake was sitting there, and he was looking more confused than angry at what I was doing. He knew that even if we sometimes did not get along, I was never really going out of my way to be rude to him, and I was always sort of having a good reason to do this. Or that I was just trying to have a good reason to make it all work. Eventually, Drake was just looking like he was wishing to see if he could, and he was starting to walk a couple of steps over, but stopped for some reason.

I was seeing that the guy was smoking a cigarette, and he was currently taking a drag out of it, as if feeling like watching us was going to be the most important thing in the world. I was just wondering what was going to be happening next. He was going for a bit longer, and I was seeing that regardless of what he was doing, I was just wanting to know what he was planning on right now. Eventually, he was placing his left hand in his pocket, and with the way he was moving his hand around, I knew that he was going to be trying to get something out of it.

Eventually, he was pulling something like a small cell phone from his pocket. It was the first time that I had seen anything like this, so you would guess that I would naturally be interested in what this was going to be, but I did not want him to be thinking that I was going to do something, and I was wanting to be careful with this, feeling like he had something going on right now.

"What is happening?" Drake asked, and then he was probably just wanting to make sure that he did not have to see it, in case if I was scared, and in case if it was going to be a big deal. I was seeing that Drake was just wanting to see what was going to come out of this. Eventually, I was able to sort of find the words to be talking again, and just get something out of my mind.

"Just a guy outside. He's just strange." I said, and then I was feeling like that was all that I had needed to say. I was not wanting to say anymore regardless, and I was feeling like if I were to try and say more, I would just be sort of making it unclear why I was caring so much. But with this, I would have made my point enough, and he would be able to leave me alone for the time being, and let me stare longer.

"Don't stare at him." Drake said, probably just to get me away, as I doubt he really cared all that much what they guy was thinking about me. He was probably just wanting to see what we were doing, and I knew that it was probably something I was over reacting towards, but in a way, I was just not even really caring what the truth would have been.

"He's probably interesting though." I said, trying to find a way to keep going with this, and see if I could get something out of this. If I would be able to see if this guy was going to do something else. Once I would get my answer, I would leave it alone, and I would go off and mind my own business. But until then, and until I was able to just learn what he was doing, and why he was doing this, I was going to be going crazy. I would be needing my fucking answer, and just get it over with.

"I'll only look for a few more minutes." I said, and then I was feeling like maybe when I was done with this, I could just move on, and then not be looking like a total loser anymore, and then I would be heading on to hang out with Drake again. And I was feeling like it was rather interesting and annoying that this was going to be the last thing that I would be seeing in 1993, and not really something with our siblings or anything like that.

In a way, I was sort of wishing that we ended up having more, but I was feeling like maybe I was too worried over something that was probably not all that big of a deal. I was just looking at a odd guy, and I would leave him alone. He was seeming bored too after a while as after another two minutes or so, he was walking off, and leaving me alone for good, and then I was wondering what the hell any of that was for.

...

-Jan 1 1994 10:42 pm- I was feeling like I needed to make up for the fact that I had yet to say happy birthday to Henry today, since I was so taken into the idea of just having a good first day of the year. So when it was getting near my time to be going to sleep, I went right to his bed, where I was seeing that he was still up to something. Not too shocking since he was a guy who liked to stay up late anyways, and I had no idea what he was usually doing during those moments, but I was just sort of not really caring too much what he was dealing with.

"Hey Henry, how are you today?" I asked, and he was looking at me, and I was seeing him looking kind of annoyed with me, and I was feeling like there was a small chance that he would have been pissed at this whole thing. I was just seeing that Henry was needing to go easy on me at least until I was having a chance to speak with him first. "Happy birthday." I said, and then after I had said that to him, I was seeing him looking calm and unsure of what to be saying now.

"Thanks." After Henry said that to me, I was seeing him looking like he was totally unsure of what the hell he would have even wanted to say now. I was feeling like maybe I just needed to be more patient with him, and just see if he was wanting to rant at me, and then sort of just make his point heard, and then when I was done hearing him being like this, then we would be able to finally move on for good.

"I just wish that I had an idea what to do." Henry said after about five seconds, and had felt like I was not needing to speak with him anymore, and then when I heard him saying this to me, I was turning around, just confused where he was planning going with this, and I was sort of scared on what he was wishing to say now. Almost as if he was hiding something from me in a way, and I was just wanting to see more of where this was going.

"What do you mean?" I asked, and I was waiting for him to be more open with me, since I was feeling like this was possibly the most important conversation that we could be able to have, and I was wondering if perhaps he was wanting to talk with me more, but at that moment, he was clearly just too deeply into thought to even dare say something else at all. I was wishing to help him out, but if I was going to do this, I needed to listen to him.

"To help Lydia. She is doing something really important right now, and I want to help her out. It is the only thing that I can focus on right now." After Henry was telling me this, I was seeing him looking like he had wanted to say more, but was just clearly going to leave the situation alone. I was sighing in annoyance, wishing that I could know more of what to tell him in order to make him feel better about this.

"We had our differences, but when I see her going out there, and I see her in danger, I feel like I should be going out to do more." Henry said, and then I was seeing that he was just sort of out of his mind. I was feeling like whatever Lydia was doing was none of his business, and I was feeling like he was needing to get the hell out of this. But when I was feeling like telling him this, I was just sighing, feeling like it was too much for me to bear.

"Maybe she doesn't want help." I said, and then I was seeing him shaking his head, as if feeling like that answer was absolutely unacceptable, and I was wondering what his problem was, and I was feeling like maybe he needed to relax, and not be taking this so damn seriously, and that he needed to just Lydia be off doing her own thing. After all, she was his older sister. But then again, with him being my older brother, he was probably going to be acting like I was needing to listen to him more.

"I don't care if she wants help. I'm six years old. I should be allowed to make my own choices." After Henry was telling me this, I was looking at him, and I was finding what he was saying to be rather strange. I mean he had barely turned six, and he was going to be waving that age around as if it was some big deal. But I guess that it was really not all that big of a deal, but I was wanting him to find something else to say, that could change my perspective on this possibly.

"Henry, let her be fine." I said, and then Henry was looking at me, and I was feeling like I was doing nothing wrong, but looking at the way that he was glancing at me, and seeing how he was going to be taking what I had said, I was feeling like maybe I was going to have to be more careful on what I was going to be telling him now. Since he was sort of clearly on a mind of his own.

"I feel like helping her out is the only way that I can do this." After Henry was saying this, I was seeing him looking like he was one step away from having enough of this, and I was just feeling like maybe for my own sake, I was needing to be more careful with it now, and not be pissing him off any further.

"Do you think it will help?" I asked, and I was not even saying this to argue with him, because I genuinely did not know what he was planning on doing, and this whole thing was just a bit odd. I was feeling like maybe I just needed to sort of see what he was going to do to get me to sort of understand what I was supposed to be feeling a little better.

"I have to try at least. I want to be making her feel better. Not making her feel like nobody cares for her." Henry said to me, and then I was seeing him cross his arm. Only later on down the line would I learn the irony of what he was saying, considering the fact that he had really hurt her, by punching her in the nose that one time. But at the same time, he was probably just doing his best to sort of be making up for something like this.

"Do you think that she believes in you?" I asked, and I was referring to the idea of him being able to help her out. If she believed in him that he was going to be able to make a difference. As he was looking at me, I was seeing him looking sort of unsure of what to tell me, and I was feeling like I needed to see his perspective, when I was older, and when I was more in tune to what he was feeling in his own right.

"Maybe she does. I think it is worth it." Henry was saying to me, and I was seeing him just sort of looking like he was wishing to see what I was going to do to make it all work. "If for nothing else, at least we can talk." He was telling me, just trying to find a way to sort of make his feelings more heard, and I was just seeing him clearly kind of at the end of his wits, and that there was virtually nothing that he was going to say to really say more to get his point finished.

"Does it make you happy?" I asked, and I was seeing him unsure of what he was going to say. I was seeing that this was a big debate that he was having. That there was no way he was going to be able to respond to that very well, considering the fact that he himself had no idea how the hell he was going to be feeling, and he was having even less idea on how he was going to be happy, and I was feeling like this was a bit awful. I wanted Henry to do well, and I wanted him to live a normal life, for no real reason besides that he was my brother.

"It is something that might make me happy." Henry said as honestly as possible, and I was seeing his mind looking like he was running through the motions on this, feeling totally unsure of what he was going to say, and I was wishing to see what his plans were going to be, and if he was wanting to reveal what the point of this really was going to be. "Seeing Lydia happy makes me happy. I know that." He said, and then I was nodding, feeling like I did not need to hear any more of what he was saying, since I was feeling like there really was no point in trying to debate him any further with this.

"I have a year ahead of me. Need to do good." Henry said, and I was seeing him looking like maybe he was having a new sense of purpose. I didn't know if it was the fact that he was six now, or his birthday, or it being new year, or if I was so young that what he was saying sounded like confidence, but I was seeing him looking like he was really doing much better than I thought he would have been doing. And I was sighing, unsure of what to say now.

"Good luck." I said, and then he was looking at me, and I was seeing him looking like he was feeling like I should have given him more than just that, but did not need to worry about such a thing. That he was feeling like what he was going to say would have made no real difference. I was feeling like maybe if Henry was going to want to say more, he would have just told me right away, and I would have made some attempt to get this along better.

"I might need it." After he was saying that to me, I was seeing him not exactly smiling, but I was seeing that he was looking better, and that once he was going to be giving me that look, I was feeling like this was the only way that he would really know what I was going to be feeling now. I was nodding, just sort of wondering if he had any plans to make me feel better on this. I was wondering why I cared so much about what Henry was feeling now.

"Thanks for talking with me." Henry was saying to me, and I was sort of just glad that he was reaching out to me, and saying this to make me feel better in the first place. I was sort of wondering if he was having anything else that he was going to say, or if he was sort of feeling like he had made his point enough, and did not desire to drag the issue out any longer.

"It is the least I can do after brushing you off on your day." I said, and then I was wondering if Henry was going to be saying something else about how he had felt over the people sort of just not talking with him on his big day, or if he was feeling like he had made his point, and that saying any more on it was just going to be pissing him off, and that he was not even wanting to think about it any further, for his own sanity.

"I think that as long as people say happy birthday, I will have to be happy." After he was done saying that to me, I was seeing him looking like he was wanting say more, but was just sort of feeling lost at what he was wanting to say. He was clearly wanting to try and say something else, but was feeling like maybe if he was going to try and speak more, then there would be something that he was wanting to try and hide, in the fear of sounding weak.

"I guess that it might be the worst day to have a birthday." I said, and then he was slowly nodding, while also shaking his head. The fact that he gave me both answers was what confused me, and I was feeling like I needed for him to just explain to me what the issue was, and what the benefit was, so that way I could learn more of what he was actually feeling on this whole thing. Maybe Henry would help me understand if I was willing to actually listen to him more.

"It's the best day because it represents a new clean slate, and everything that year is part of that age. But it sucks because people barely pay attention my own personal part of it." Henry said, and then I was nodding, feeling totally unsure of what I was going to even try to say to make him feel better, and I was wondering if such a thing could have been possible. And if it was, maybe I could have tried to hear more on what I could say to help him out.

"Next year will be better." I said, and then Henry was looking at me, and I could see from his look that even he deeply doubted that, and I was wondering if he was going to be feeling like any birthday was going to be 'better' than the last one on this regard, or if he was totally not wanting to buy something like that. I wanted to try and make him feel differently, but I was feeling like something like this was just not going to fucking work, and that I just needed to let him sort of feel this way.

"Maybe it will be. Will require some luck for that to happen though." After he was telling me that, I was seeing that he was going to just leave it at that, feeling like he had made his point, and that going on any longer for this was only going to be making him feel like he was sort of going in a loop, and that I could probably not even get it, and that him talking with me would not get me or him anywhere at all here.

"Well, good night." I said, and then I was walking off, and then after I had made it about half a dozen feet or so away, I was then looking at Henry again, wondering what I was going to be able to ask him now, and see if maybe he was willing to enlighten me on this one, since I was feeling like maybe he would be able to give me a answer to this one at the very least. "What is Lydia looking into?" I felt like maybe if I knew what she was doing, then maybe the two of us could be able to team up, and work out with helping her, and then everything was going to be good.

"She wants to know about secrets. That is all you need to know." Henry said, and then I was looking down, let down at this answer, and feeling like I deserved so much more than what he had just given me. I was feeling like maybe he was going to need to finally give me something better. But if he was not going to give me any answers, maybe I would ask Lydia what was going on, and she would be able to tell me what was happening.

"Would she tell me?" I asked, and I was not even meaning this to make Henry feel bad. I was just genuinely unsure of what he was going to be saying here, and if he was going to be saying yes to this, then maybe I was going to have the next step of this journey later and he was not going to leave me alone. I was feeling like it was the least we were going to do to sort of come to some form of a understanding with each other.

"If you want to try to, sure..." Henry said, and I was seeing that there was something about my question that for some reason was deeply bothering him, and I was telling myself even that maybe I needed to just leave the subject alone, and that if I went any further on this, he was going to start to get pissed at me, and I was not wanting to make him want to snap at me or anything like that. If he snapped, then I was going to be feeling so lost now.

"She will be cool." I said, and then I knew that this was one thing that Henry and I would probably come to some form of an agreement on, since nobody ever denied the fact that Lydia was the second nicest out of all the siblings, next only to Gabe, who was basically a walking courtesy clerk when I would be looking back on it in hindsight. Which makes me feel like maybe that was both his biggest benefit, and his biggest weakness when he was out in the real world.

Henry was then laying down on his bed, and I was seeing that whatever was bothering him was going to be a much bigger deal than I was ever going to be able to look at. Even I knew that there was no real way I would help him out. Not really help, beyond the idea of simply just being nice to him and stuff. I was sighing, feeling like maybe when I was going to help him out, I was going to have to give it some time, and maybe soon enough, he and I would learn more about the issues that we were feeling.

I was walking up the stairs, and I was feeling like maybe when I was going to be out of this room, the more that I was going to be able to think about what I would tell my older siblings if they were worried. Maybe I would tell them about the 'secrets' that Lydia wanted to learn of. I was feeling like maybe I was going to be kind of able to get some good laughs out of it. I was feeling like maybe they would indeed actually find a small amount of humor to it, and that we needed to just take it easier now.

Eventually, I was feeling like maybe I was going to have to question another thing to myself. Something that I was feeling like was another valid thing to be looking into. If this was actually going to be worth it in the first place. If Henry was really even wanting to have anybody try and help him out. Maybe he did not want anybody to help him out, so doing this would have sort of just been a waste of time. But in a way, I just felt like I had to sort of know if I could make a difference to his entire outlook on this.

Eventually, I was sort of settling on the idea that maybe I just needed him be alone, and that I just needed to accept the fact that maybe he and I were just needing to be sort of doing our own thing, and that maybe he was really fine without me. I mean, I did not want to admit something like this, since I did not want to admit to letting him be alone, but I knew it was not that big of a deal.

Once I was upstairs, I was feeling kind of tired, and I was feeling like this was not a good way to cap off the first day of the year, but at the same time, I was feeling like I just did not even care anymore. If I was going to try and learn more about Henry, and what he and the others were going to be doing, I might need to see what I would do to sort of make it all come along finer and better for us all.

I was wondering what my older siblings were doing anyways, and I was feeling like maybe when I was going to be seeing how they were doing, everything with Henry was going to be the last thing on my mind, and then I would be able to just sort of put this whole thing behind me, and not even fucking think too deeply about this whole thing, for my own sake.

Eventually, I was seeing that for once in the last several weeks, Gabe was with us, and that he was looking really happy. I was feeling like when Gabe of all people was finally able to sit down for the first time since Ridge was brought home, and was able to laugh alongside all the others, I was feeling like maybe I could have been able to try and see how he was doing, and if perhaps the two of us were going to be able to get to know each other more, and perhaps the two of us were going to see why we were even doing what we had been doing.

I had no idea what to say, but I will say that seeing Gabe happy was the biggest relief that I had ever seen, and the one thing that instantly change the outlook that I was going to be having in my life. But then I was sitting down next to Gabe, and I was feeling like maybe the two of us could talk and get to know each other better, and maybe even try and hang out for a bit, to sort of get things a bit better.

"How are you?" I asked my second oldest brother, and then he was looking right at me, and he was seeing that it was me. When he was seeing me, and seeing that I was being sincere about my question, I was seeing that this was the one thing that he had really needed to hear me say to try and make it all differently. But then I was feeling like I was needing to find something else to say to make it all better for us.

"I am doing good. Just hanging out with my friends some times, and doing things with school. It can be a real pain in the ass, but it works out well enough." He was looking at me, and then I was seeing that he was clearly wanting to say more, but was hardly willing to say something if I was not really all that interested in seeing what he was feeling. I was feeling like maybe when I would see how he was doing, and what was bothering him so much about school, then perhaps I would be able to learn how I would be able to actually help him out.

"What about school sucks?" I asked, and then he was looking at me, and he was looking like there was no end to words that he would be able to have when it was coming to school, and I was feeling like maybe I could be able to see what the main issue to all of this really would have been. I was sort of feeling like this whole thing was just a bit strange, and I was wanting to see if perhaps I was going to see what Gabe would be able to warn me about for school later on.

"All the homework, the teachers are really fucking rude, and there is no sense of ending to it all. Even though I leave in six months, it feels like there is just no end to the level of bullshit." Gabe was saying to me, and I was seeing him looking like he was wishing to say something about it more, but that he was clearly feeling like that if he were to be doing something like this, he was not really going to be having a big fucking reaction to this.

"I mean, I think that I will have be fine with suffering for a few more months, but I am tired of it. I am tired of this whole thing, and I will feel like I am going to have to see what the hell the next few steps of my life are going to be, without having to deal with my fucking teachers trying to pretend like they cared for what I was wanting to do, and without having them go around and try to give me advice, when I know they are just doing it for the money." Gabe finished his rant, and then looked at me for a moment, as if feeling bad for how much he was going off at me for this.

"Are we okay?" I asked, and then I was seeing Gabe stopping what he was saying and looked at me the second that I was asking him this, and he was looking really worried about what I was saying, and I was feeling like there was that brotherly instinct kicking in, and I was feeling like he might not have gotten what I had felt, but that when I explain, he would be more willing to deal with it all, and that he would explain better.

"What do you mean? Everybody is doing alright." Gabe said and while he was saying this, I was seeing him looking unsure of what to tell me, and I was seeing him looking more and more like he was willing to do anything it would take for him to get me to feel differently on this. But then I was sighing, feeling like maybe I was going to have to make my case here.

"It's like everybody is in a mystery. And I can't join." I said, and then Gabe was sighing, as if feeling like maybe there was a level of truth to what he was saying, and I was feeling like when he was hearing me say this, I was going to be able to get him to enlighten me further on this. But I was feeling like Gabe would never talk with me. He was never going to hear my point, and that he would be acting like we were all safe and good.

...

-Jan 2 1994 12:36 am- When I was feeling like I was finally able to go to bed, I was feeling like maybe I could see what Gabe was doing, and maybe if I tried hard enough Gabe would be willing to hang out with me, and talk with me further, and see how I would be feeling on this whole thing. I had felt like maybe when I would see him, and see how he had felt, I would be able to make him know better on if we could hang out a bit longer.

"Hey, can you help me?" I asked, and then Gabe was looking at me, looking worried for a second, and I was seeing that whatever he was feeling, was not going to be pleasant, and I was seeing that no matter what he was saying, or what he was feeling, the two of us we were going to be making a giant issue here. Gabe was then just sighing, feeling like there was no reason to be holding me of any longer, and see if he would help me out here.

"Yeah, what is the issue?" Gabe said, and then I was sighing, feeling like maybe I could be able to just make my point, and not be hiding the way that I was feeling right now, and that maybe if we helped each other out, the two of us could be able to make some form of a difference here. I was starting to just explain what I was feeling right away, and not hiding it at all.

"I was seeing a guy outside, and he was wanting to examine the house or something. He scared me." I said, and then I was seeing him looking unsure of what the heck I was going to be able to tell him, and then Gabe was sighing, feeling like maybe when we were going to talk, the two of us were going to be able to just sort of help each other out longer. I was feeling like whatever Gabe was needing to know, I would say the best I could.

"What was he doing? Do you feel like there was something he was looking for? I can try and talk to him peacefully if I needed to." Gabe was telling me, and then I was seeing him looking like nothing that was going on was going well, and I was feeling like maybe I needed to just lie, and say something else to make this better for us, since this was a bit scary for all of us.

"I don't know. He was scary, but I didn't try to find anything out of him." I said to him, and then he was looking at me, sort of feeling like maybe Gabe was just never going to be able to give me any form of consolation. I was just feeling like maybe I was going to have to go farther and deeper than I did, and that maybe if we just talked on this a while longer, we could make each other sort of feeling like we were doing better.

"God damn it, this is just never ending. I thought that I would have been able to make something else work harder. I guess that maybe I can just see what he is needing, and them maybe he and I could be able to have some form of peaceful debate." After Gabe was saying this to me, I was seeing him looking long and hard into this idea, and I was feeling like maybe he was wanting to say more, but was too scared to.

"Thanks for letting me know." He said, and then was thinking about the fact that I was now dragged into something that was none of my business, and I was scared, and now he was going to have to learn how to be making this fight work for me, and make it seem like we were going to have a chance to work out better, and maybe I could help him out. Even if something like that was possible for me to do.

"Will you be safe?" I said, and he was looking right at me, and then he was shaking his head, and I was seeing that he was at least wanting to be honest with me, no matter how much I was not wanting to him to be. But at least with sheer honesty, I would know what I was getting myself ready for, and we would be able to prepare better for this whole thing.

"I want to be safe. But I think that safety is out of the option right now." He said, and then he was looking right at me, and I was seeing that if I was going to ask more, then he was probably going to be feeling like I was going to break him a little bit too early, and I was wishing that maybe I was needing to at least try and be more open minded to what was going on right now, and if he was having a plan of action.

"Can you come home?" I asked Gabe, and then he was looking like this was something that he was able to go on and give me more, and that maybe if I was going to be given this, then he might be able to get out of this fine, and that this was the only thing that I was truly worried about. It wasn't, but when I was seeing him looking like he was willing to at least think things out, I was just hoping that things could be fixed better.

"I will do my best. I feel like it is the least that I can do. But I doubt that it will really work." After he was saying that to me, I was seeing him looking sort of tired of this, and I was seeing that he was just going to do whatever he could to sort of get out of this matter, and make it seem like he was in control of his emotions, since maybe Gabe was going to be a hero at the end of this all.

"I am going to be leaving right now, and I am going to make sure that nothing happens to you." After Gabe was telling me this, I was seeing that he was clearly not handling this too well, and I was feeling like maybe I was needing to work harder to not be making him feel like shit, and that this was all my fault. I hated the way that I was treating him, and I was feeling like I should have done a bit more now.

"You don't have to go." I said, and then I was looking right at him, and I was hoping that he would take what I had told him to heart. As I was looking at him longer and harder, and seeing his range of motions, I was seeing him shake his head, as if feeling like what he had heard was not going to change how this was going to work, and that I was just going to have to work with him to sort of make the best of this that I could.

"I do have to go. It is the only choice that I have." Gabe was telling me, and then I was seeing that there was a part of him that was looking like he was sort of in denial of this all, and that he had wanted to say more, but was just unable to keep going with this, and that if I tried to say anything else, he was just going to not really feel fully into this whole thing, and like I was just never going to be able to understand how he had felt now.

"Just don't hurt yourself." I said, and then after he was done looking at me, I was aware that nothing I could say would make any difference, and that I was gone from this. The more that we talked, the less that I would be able to get him to want to speak with me, and the less that we were going to be able to actually make this work. I was just sort of sad for him, and I was kind of hating myself for what had happened, and what I had done to him, and I wanted to change the way that I was going to handle this all.

"Have a good night. You need to go to sleep." After Gabe was telling me this, I was seeing him looking kind of worried over me, and I was seeing that he was not going to be taking no for an answer, and that he was going to be making sure that I took this seriously, no matter what, and when he was looking at me like this, I was sighing, feeling like there was no point in fighting with him on this, and that I just needed to let him be doing his own thing without having me getting in his way on this so much.

Eventually, when he was looking at me, and I was seeing him looking kind of sad, and worried over me, I was seeing that this was just something that he was not wanting to spend any more of his time doing. And that soon enough, he was just kind of over it, and that he had wanted to have people treat him better, but that something like this was just not going to be happening, and that he was sort of just getting used to that fact himself, and that he was kind of getting over it.

I was seeing him walking off, and I was feeling so lost and confused, and I was just wanting to know so much more, I was needing to know so much more. But that trying to talk with him was just going to be leading me nowhere, and that if I was going to even try and speak with him more on this, he was just going to be leaving me alone, and he was going to be telling me that I was going to need to be off.

I was sitting down on the chair in the kitchen, and I was angry at myself. I was angry at not letting Gabe know that I needed him to stay here, and stay safe, and that if he was going to be out doing something like this, I was needing to have him sort of just tell me what the issue was, and that maybe we could be able to work together better. I just wanted to know how he was doing, and I was going to give him something to keep this all together.

But despite what was going on, and despite what I was wondering, and despite the fact that I had felt like maybe I could help him, I was sort of just making peace with the fact that Gabe might not have needed this. He might not have wanted this, and as a result, if I was going to try so damn hard, I was just going to be sort of wasting my time, and he was going to be telling me that I was being stupid, and I was just being a kid.

I was sighing, just letting it all go. I was aware that if this was going to keep up all year, this was going to be the worst year of my life. Sure when you are going to be turning four, that is not a very high bar, but right now, I did not know that, and to be honest, I was just sort of not caring. I hated what was going on, and that was the only thing that fucking mattered.

I was wondering if there was somebody that I had known that could have made this whole thing better, and I was feeling like maybe if I was going to get to know some people, and use some fucking connections, that I was going to be doing alright. I was feeling like maybe if I was going to work with Gabe, and work with him to know what I could do, then I was going to be doing alright. But maybe Gabe was doing alright. Maybe Gabe was doing fine without having people pester him, and that us doing this was only making this worse.

I was feeling like when I would sleep, I would let this whole thing take me off. I was going to be good. I was going to be happier. I was going to just feel like brushing this off would have been able to make me feel like I was not doing too badly, and then everything would have been fine. I was thinking about what I would do if Gabe knew what I was feeling, and how I would change the way that I was going at this, for his own sake, and his own prosperity.

...

-Jan 3 1994 1:10 pm- I had no idea what the heck I was going to be doing, since I was feeling like now that I was aware of the fact that Gabe was out there, doing something for me, and the fact that he had felt like it was his responsibility to make sure that we are all safe, and now I was just feeling like I was needing to just sort of make everything work together. I was wishing that maybe Gabe did not need to have the feeling that he was supposed to do all of this to try and make me feel better.

I was wishing that maybe I would be able to just try and see his happier. I did not know how something like this was going to be working out, but in a way, I was finding myself not really even caring anymore. I was also telling myself that he was safe in his own right, and that maybe if it was such a big deal, Todd would come in, and he would talk with Gabe, and the two of them were going to be able to work something out.

Now that I was thinking about that, and that I was thinking about what it would be like to make sure that they were both safe, I was sort of just telling myself that it was not that big of a deal. But maybe when I would see how Todd would react, and see if he was going to react at all, then perhaps he might be able to give me a gauge on how he and Gabe were connected, and how much they really were going to be able to come together in such a situation.

I had known that such a idea was probably sort of insane, but in a way, I was just not really caring. I did not really care if Todd and Gabe were going to be annoyed by this, and I did not care if they were going to understand it at all. I was doing what I had felt like could have helped my siblings be happy, and be safe. It was the only way that I was feeling like I would have made any form of a positive contribution to this house.

I was kind of worried about the stuff that was going on, and I was wondering if perhaps I would be able to get my parents involved in what I was fearing could happen. Maybe if I tried to talk with them, and if I tried to get them to feel differently, and if I tried to get them to know what I was feeling, then maybe we would be able to work together, and we would be able to sort of just have a clue on where we were supposed to go from here. And I would feel sort of proud of the fact that I was supporting my family in a very important manner.

When I was in the main room, I was seeing that Josiah was still making some music, although I was wondering why he was needing to when he already had his performance a couple of days ago. He had made his point, he had left his mark. He did not need to be trying so damn hard anymore, and I was feeling like maybe he was just going a little too deeply into this, and that after he made his performance, he was sort of taking this whole thing just a bit too far.

I was coming up to him, wishing to speak with him, and wishing to see how he was feeling, and I was just going to be seeing what he would have wanted to even get out of this. "Hey Josiah, what are you working on?" I asked, and then he was looking at me, as if sort of feeling like there was no real need to say anything else, and that he was just going to be letting me figure out what I thought of his music, and see if I was going to like it or not.

He was playing for a couple of seconds longer, and I was seeing that he was just sort of in the proper mindset to make everything work, and I was kind of curious to see how long this would last, and how much longer this soothing but also rough, this charming but also disgusting, tune would have kept playing. It was just a bit confusing what I had felt on this.

"Do you like it?" Josiah asked, and he was looking like this was something he was really proud of, and something that he was enjoying doing, and that he was wanting everybody to just know how much he liked getting himself into that field of music. "I have been working on it for a while, and every time I ask, there are varying responses from great to just bad to sort of indifference." After he had said that to me, I was seeing him looking kind of unsure of what to say now.

"Why do people think its bad?" I asked, and then I was seeing him looking at me for a couple of seconds, as if sort of unsure of what to be saying, and he was clearly thinking that maybe if he was even going to try and explain it to me, then it would sort of be going through my head, and I would be utterly confused, and I would not understand a single word of the context to it all. But I guess that maybe he was almost interested in enlightening me.

"Sort of gets people into the wrong type of stuff. Like drugs and sex and stuff. Or wreckless driving. Not really all that big of a deal to me, since I feel like people are going to make their own choices sooner or later anyways, and not need anybody to push them through it. But I guess that people just need to find a way to justify shitty teaching and shitty parenting." Josiah said, playing a few more seconds while I thought of what to say now.

"Are you into that?" I asked, hoping that him making that type of music was not a total metaphor for what he was into, and that he was not really doing anything too bad for himself, and that maybe the music was just that, a piece of his imagination that sort of represented something different than intended.

"Not at the moment at least. Maybe I will one day, but not now. I have no interest in basically selling my soul to the devil. Just because I play 'his music' doesn't mean that I believe in what he is trying to accomplish, and I think that even thinking that way is a bit silly to be honest." Josiah was telling me, and then he was laughing, as if trying to find something to say about it beyond that, but did not really feel the need to do this.

"Honestly, I think that if I wanted to do this, people would not be letting me hear the end of it, and that maybe I just need to let them know that I am doing whatever the hell I wanted. Besides, it's just music after all." After he was saying that to me, I was shocked to be hearing him of all people just saying that it was 'just music'.

"Never thought you would admit that." I said, laughing, and I was seeing him looking unsure of what to say. As if feeling like maybe there was no need to pursue this any further. Then after that, I was seeing that he was just clearly wishing to see how this was going to be heading now. "Do you want to play with friends?" I asked, thinking that the concept of friends was a bit strange to me still, but I was sort of wanting to see how it could be able to work out.

"I do play with my friends already. We make a lot of work with this, and I really enjoy doing this in the first place." After Josiah was saying that, I was seeing him clearly looking like there was nothing for him to be fearing, and I shrugged, thinking that maybe I needed to just let him play, and that if I talked more, and questioned him more, then his patience towards me was going to be running out, and that I was going to just be making him tempted to kick me out.

"Was the show a couple of days ago good?" I asked, and then I was seeing him looking at me, as if feeling like I was showing way too much interest in something as simple as one show that he had, and one song. And that maybe he was kind of starting to feel the mild annoyance of this whole thing come in. I never wanted to annoy him with this. I was just deeply interested in something like this. "I know you seemed to enjoy it." I said, wishing to see how this was even going to go.

"Yeah, it was good. It was just a bit longer than I was expecting though. You know, the fact that it was like all over the place. I mean, I think that perhaps I should have just done more to keep it more open to people to actually enjoy. But I guess that something like this is just not happening." After he was saying this to me, I was seeing that there was a small part of him that was wishing to say more, but could not find it in himself to do this.

"I was angry at people who would not show up, and who would not give me a chance. But I know that deep down, not everybody has to like what I am doing. I know that people don't have to like what I have been getting myself into, since it is just so fucking annoying to them. And I feel like maybe I could have at least tried to sort of see it in a different light." After Josiah was saying that to me, I was seeing him looking like he was having wildly mixed feelings on this whole thing, and that even trying to find more to say on this was just going to be driving him absolutely crazy.

"How many people didn't show up?" I asked, feeling like maybe he was needing to give me more of a total understanding on how he was feeling, and that maybe Josiah was needing to just have somebody try and listen to him ramble for a while longer, even if I did not understand what the whole point of what he was saying had been. I knew that he was wishing to hear more from me, but this whole thing was just a bit strange and confusing.

"Enough to make me feel like maybe people were just not really even caring anymore. That people just needed to sort of work on their own regard. But I guess that maybe I should not have expected most of my classmates to show up. Even thinking about that assumption now seems a bit silly." Josiah said, both annoyed, and amused by the way he was going at this. I was feeling like maybe he just needed to find something that could make him see that people were fine with his shows, and not wanting him to quit or anything like that.

"I like to play, and I am going to keep doing it, but I will be doing it for myself rather than trying to impress them. I would go crazy if I was going to try and impress everybody who goes to school with me, and I know that something like this would not even come close to happening." Josiah was saying to me, and then I was seeing him wanting to try and say more, but was sort of looking like he was kind of lost on all of this, and had no idea of what was going to be happening if he were to try and say more.

"How can you get everybody to like you?" I asked thinking that it was possible, and I was wondering if there was something that I would be able to do to help him out. He was shaking his head, and I was seeing him clearly looking as if even such a idea would have been insane. I was wondering why he was not wanting to try it out. Since he was talking so much shit about himself that I had felt like I needed to try and see if I could make some form of a difference.

But in a way, I was feeling like perhaps Josiah was just going to want to do something else without my help, or without anybodys help, and that he would have to sort of let himself run for his own right in his way. "Honestly, I just want to accept that something like that is literally impossible. There is no way in hell everybody is going to like me. Not even fucking close. But that is the part of me that just refuses to let go of the whole thing. But I guess that maybe in a way, that sort of idea of people just doing their own thing, letting themselves have their own opinion is something I have to get used to." He said, shaking his head kind of annoyed at the mere prospect of this.

"Josiah, why do you want to get them to like it?" I asked, and then he was looking at me, as if feeling like perhaps he was unable to understand what he was even going to be saying to get me to change my mind. Maybe he was just going to see that if I was to have a different opinion, I would have to go to school myself, and really experience it all. But until then, I would sort of just be left in the dust to his ambitions.

"Maybe one of these days, I will be able to give a clear answer to why I care. I mean, I just wanted to make sure that the people that I go to school with could be able to walk away with something, and be able to feel like I gave them something that they might enjoy. But until then, I am just sort of lost. I can't appease everybody. Even trying to do something like that would drive me crazy. So instead I am shooting for the next best thing. And you want to know what that is?" He asked me, and was giving me a look of genuine interest, and I had no idea what to tell him.

So I just simply nodded, as if feeling like I would let him have his turn to talk, and I would let him clear my confusion up, and then I would start to see what the issue was here. "Honestly, I just want to be there for myself. As long as I am happy with the way that I am going at this, it will have to be enough. I can't make everybody happy. So I am not even going to try to make something like this work. Instead, I am going to be making myself happier, and I will see if maybe my increase of motivation will change the way people look at me." Josiah was saying, and I looked at him, sort of looking like he was willing to see what I would have felt to such a thing. In a way, I did not know, or care, and I was just wanting him to continue his enlightening.

"Music is something that I feel like can be able to capture what I want to really convey in my life. It is the only thing that I feel like really will show people what I am into, and I have to just sort of go as far with it as I can. You know, to just never let down on the sincerity of my opinions and goals." After Josiah was telling me this, I was seeing him looking like he was wishing to see what I was going to be saying next, or if I could say anything at all.

"Can I be into something?" I asked, genuinely curious as to what he was going to be telling me, and I was seeing him shrugging, having a very mixed idea on what he was feeling right now, to such a proposal. But as he was looking at me, I saw him look like there was not much that he was needing to say, or much that he could say, since there was just no real end goal to his ideas.

"Yeah, I mean, there is no real reason for you to not find something that you enjoy. You just have to look into it, and you have to try things over and over again, and then eventually find the one thing that you enjoy." After he was saying that to me, I was seeing him sort of smiling at that idea, and I was just kind of curious as to what he was wanting to say now. Maybe he had more to say, but lacked the way of saying it, or thought that I was not ready for it.

"When I was younger, I had different goals than music. It was only really in middle school, in more in the last year or two, when I was getting into this. You know, because it was just something that had only shown up after I had tried virtually every other thing on the menu, and I was feeling like I had just needed to try and look into on my own." After Josiah was done with that, I was looking just sort of unsure of what the hell I was even going to get out of this.

"I was even into the idea of becoming a director at one point in time. As crazy as that sounds, and as impossible as it may be to actually comprehend for me to be into something like that, but it was the goal that I had at one point in time. I would have made an action flick that captured a metaphor for all the stuff that had happened in this town." After Josiah told me that, I was confused at what he was saying, and I was just wanting to know what he was meaning.

"I mean, when I was looking at all of the monster attacks, or what I was assuming was monster attacks, and I was seeing the mass hysteria, the people who went crazy and lost their ever loving minds over something that made no sense to me, I wanted to make a movie capturing that fear. I thought it would have been fun and that it would have been awesome. But I guess that something like this was just not going to really happen. Not that I couldn't do it, but I realized it just wasn't in my field in all honesty. It never had been, and it never will be." Josiah was telling me, and then I was seeing him looking sort of mixed on what he was saying, but was wishing to sort of keep myself more subdued.

"What monster attacks? Were they real?" I asked, and I was scared, thinking that if monsters were real in this town, and they were going all over the place, and ruining the lives of my brothers, and only making things worse, I was not really sure if I was ready for such a thing, and I was feeling like I just needed some form of a better answer, to sort of make me feel a bit differently than what I had been looking into.

"I think they could have been. If they were, then I would have no idea what to tell you. Just that you would need to be glad to not witness any of this, and that you were able to go away, and just find something of yourself to enjoy." Josiah was saying, and then he was just clearly wanting to play more, as can be shown when I was seeing him lightly grazing some notes as he was looking right at me, almost looking sad.

"I mean, I was only eight at the time. I was just trying to make some friends at town, minding my own business. You were not even born then, and my mother and father were sort of in the middle of getting ready to have Lydia at the time. Honestly, I was not really worried about that at all, as much as I was just worried about making my summer as fun as possible, and as much of a joy that I could be able to accomplish. I wanted to make this summer good. But then something happened, and something that I was never going to comprehend came along.

"It was all stopping when I was hearing my older brothers telling me about the big scary serial killer. They thought it would be the funniest thing in the world, and that I would have been scared out of my mind. You know what, they were right. I was scared, and I had no idea if they were telling the truth, and I had no idea if they were just saying this to pull my leg. But when they were telling me that they were not supposed to be looking into it, I was feeling like I needed to defy that in every way possible." Josiah said, and I was seeing him enjoying that memory, and savoring it for a moment.

"I could not leave good enough alone. I needed to know the truth. I wanted to know if these people that my brothers were talking about had been real, and I was just feeling like when I would learn the truth, and it could be done, then I would be able to come back home, and I would pretend like I did not see anything. You know, the perfect in and out operation, and then I would laugh at them when they would hear that I knew that the killer never happened." Josiah was saying, and at this point, he was kind of losing me, and I was wondering why this was related to monsters.

"So a couple of my friends and I, I think you know of Tyler at least, decided that we would go scouting, and that we would try and learn what was really going on, and see what the fear that my brothers were having and if it was actually justified in any real way, or sort of something that they were just hyping up for no real reason, which I would not have been shocked over, sadly." After Josiah was telling me that, I was seeing him sort of looking like he was finally reliving some memories that he was kind of happy with, and just needed a chance to go on and explain them all to me, and then I would see if maybe he and I had anything in common now.

"We were at this old house, and when we were going around, it was honestly the most exciting thing that we could be dealing with, and we decided that maybe that if there were really monsters here, we could be able to find them there, and that was what we were deciding to go in there. We went inside, and when we were inside, there was something a little bit strange about the whole thing. Something that I still don't fully get." After he had said that to me, I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to sort of see what was the house was really like.

"Once we were inside of the house, I was seeing that there was a small mini fridge in there, and my friends and I decided that we would go on and see what the fridge contained, and it had some small sets of beer, which was not too strange, although odd considering the fact that we thought it was impossible that somebody was here in the first place. Then we were seeing that there was a couple of stains on the wall, and even we were smart enough at eight to not touch them." Josiah was saying, and while the story was interesting, I would be lying if I said I wasn't sure on how much of this was real or not.

"We went around the house, and saw too old and gross looking sleeping bags, and I was confused at this, and even my friends did not know what it was. We touched the sleeping bag, to sort of have a way to figure out what we were dealing with, and it was just hard and rough, and other more gross adjectives that I could use to describe it. The point was that this was just not normal, and we had no idea what the heck we were getting ourselves into." Josiah said, finally taking a break long enough to look at me, and to see my confused face, and he laughed, as if in agreement here.

"Strange, right? Well, we never really went any deeper into this, in fear of what we were going to be finding, and I think that even if we were needing to, none of us would have wanted to get any deeper into this. I think we would have just let the subject die, and we would have sort of pretended like everything was going to be fine. But I think that when our brothers were seeing that we were gone, part of them felt worse for what was going on, and I was feeling bad for them feeling like they had to look for me, and had to take care of me." Josiah was saying, and I was seeing him actually looking kind of mad when he was saying this.

"When we were walking around, minding our own business, and just having some fun, that was when we were starting to see that maybe there was a level of truth to this whole monster thing. We were seeing something on the streets, and it was looking like a thing with a green cape and a pumpkin mask on. I had no idea what it was, but when I was seeing it, trust me when I say that I had a feeling that this was part of the answer we were looking for." Josiah said, as if wanting to see what he was even going to be able to say, to really capture the mood he was truly in here.

"Did you go after them?" I asked, and then I was seeing him looking like he was wishing to say something else, but was too worried to say anything in fear of what I would be reacting with, and even if I would be able to believe where he was coming from here. I just genuinely felt like I needed to know what the story was, but I was too scared that he would have tried to brush me off on this whole thing.

"I did try and see what they were like, but they were really fast. Like much faster than I could have expected. And when we were trying to see what it was doing, the things were just sort of not even playing attention to us. They were too busy just sort of trashing the streets apart, and making this whole town pretty much looking like we were going through a small term war zone. I really had no idea what we were getting into, and I was thinking that maybe if we looked harder, the two of us would have been able to find something to make it all work out." After Josiah was telling me this, I was seeing him looking like if there was nothing else to say, we were going to be sort of just going down a great and rough road.

"But you wanted to know, right? What was the secret of the house?" I had no idea how much of the story was true or not, and to be honest, I did not care. I just felt the need to know what was happening, and I was feeling the need to see if maybe he and I were able to go on and make more of a conversation from this whole thing. Josiah laughed, as if thinking that maybe I was giving him too much credit here.

"I never got to see the secret of the house, and to be honest, I don't think I would have wanted to. The whole thing was fucking creepy. You know, spelling doom, and making me feel like we were walking on incredibly thin ice. I think that when we were going to have to see what was there, I would have never been able to sort of move on." After Josiah was telling me this, I was seeing him looking like he was wishing to say more, but decided against it for my own sake.

"The house was just something that was on my mind, and something that I would have been interested in, but could never force anybody to learn about. I feel like if I was going to try and understand what we were seeing, then maybe anything that we once held dear to the town would have been thrown away. But in a way, I just feel like if I ever needed to go back into this, I would have gone on and been able to have a hear start on what to be looking into." After Josiah was telling me this, I was seeing him looking like he was just wanting to say more, but was feeling like there was no real need to say anything else, and that he would be able to leave it all alone now.

"I will leave you alone on this now. You know, just to sort of get this over with." After Josiah was telling me this, I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to say more, but felt like there was no real point in going any deeper than he had been. He had made his case, and that was all that he had needed to do. And now I was just wanting to see what the next stages of his plan could have been from here.

"Maybe I will tell my friends about it soon, remember the memories, and see what they say, and depending on what they say, we might be able to go on and learn more." After Josiah was saying this to me, I was seeing him looking totally mixed on what to be feeling here, but in a way, he was looking like he was wanting to sort of see what was going to come out of this.

...

-Jan 4 1994 3:24 pm- I was sort of feeling like the conversation with Josiah was making me feel a bit differently, and I was sort of just wanting to make sure that nothing was going to happen that would too overtly piss my family off with me looking so deep into this whole thing. Despite the fact that I had truly wanted even more information than I had been getting, I did not want to do it at the expense of pissing my family off, and making them wonder what the hell I was trying too accomplish. I needed to get on their good side first.

I was wanting to know what my family was up to, since I was feeling like doing that would have connected me, although when I was seeing that many of the members to be pissed off at the fact that I was doing this in the first place, I was wondering what the hell my problem was that I could not get into this whole business in the first place. Maybe I just needed to stop being so worried about what my family was doing. Maybe I just needed to remember that my parents were just wanting what was best for us.

But despite my mixed feelings on if I should be a good son or not, I was just curious about one bigger thing. One thing that I was feeling like would have been a valid question, if I was willing to entertain myself on this. What the hell was Josiah talking about when he was talking about monsters? Was he actually telling the truth, or was he pulling something out of his ass, just to see if he could scare me a bit, and see what I would be doing now.

I was feeling like he might have been doing that to pull my leg, but I did not think that it was going to be all that big of a deal. I was just scared of the fact that if he was not lying to me, or just pulling my leg, I was just scared on what the hell my siblings were up to, and I was wondering if perhaps they were going to try and make me more scared over nothing that was really happening in the first place.

Eventually, I was sort of keeping myself calm and collected, and I was sort of feeling like as long as I was not going to be making a issue on any of this, then there could be no monsters that would come along, and nothing would be making a big deal out of what was happening, and if there were monsters, I could just brush it off, and if there were monsters, I would have a chance to fight back. That was the only thing that mattered.

As I was sort of making peace with that idea, I was keeping myself calm and collected, and I would make myself feel like nothing else really matters anymore. I was thinking about what Josiah would have had to deal with if monsters were real, and in a way, if he was able to get himself through that, I was able to admire him more than I already had been, due to what he would have had to deal with in the first place.

As I was sitting down, I was seeing that there was that guy once again, and whatever slight amount of moving on I would have been able to accomplish by telling myself that even if he was there, it was not that big of a deal, had been totally thrown over the window, and now I was feeling like I needed to be ready for battle. I was feeling like whatever was going to happen now, I needed to just keep my family as safe as possible.

I had no idea what I was going to be getting myself into, and to be honest, I honestly did not care. I was going to be making whatever I can work out of this. I was needing to keep my family safe from this asshole, and whatever he was going to be doing next, the two of us were going to fucking fight, and I would make sure he was going down. Trust me, even at the time, even to three year old me, I was able to realize how insane I was sounding, and I was able to realize that nothing I was going to do would have made any sense.

I was feeling like maybe if I tried to talk with him, he might be able to explain to me what the issue was, and maybe if I was nice, I would tell him to go away, and then he would listen to me, and then I would be able to brush this off as one big set of strange events, and then I would need to not do anything else. I was standing up, and I was going to start to head on my way there, and I would try to peacefully resolve this.

As I was standing up, I was feeling somebody place their hand on my shoulder, as if trying to keep me safe. I had no idea what the hell was happening, but when I was stopping to see what my brothers would say, I was seeing that Seth was looking at me, as if feeling like he was wanting to make sure that no matter what else, I was not going to hurt myself because of this. I was sighing, just kind of annoyed with what he was doing.

"Do not go out there. You do not want to piss him off." After he was telling me this, I was seeing that he was wanting to be more serious on this, but was worried about what we were going to be doing. I was wondering why he was wanting me to go and let this man just make a big fucking display. But in a way, I was feeling like he might have been onto something here.

"He's no big deal." I said, and then I was seeing that Seth was not wanting to fuck with me on this, and that if I was even going to dare say something else like this, he was going to be mad at me, and he was going to try and force me to do something else with my time. I was then sighing, feeling like he was not going to be letting me do this, and that he was making his mind on this, no matter what I was wishing to tell him.

"Dylan, I know that this guy is up to something. You do not need to try and find out what. Just let a older sibling do this, or let him be off on his own." Seth was saying very clearly, and I was sort of wanting to make him see where I was coming from, and I was wanting him to be taking this easier, but I was feeling like if I even dared say something else, he was going to be getting mad at me, and he was going to be just not even wanting to hold back his annoyance.

So as I was looking at him, and I was looking at the man, and I was looking over and over again, I was just sort of wanting to fight with him on this, and I was wanting to make him know that he was being ridiculous, but I was not wanting to make him angry, and I was certainly not wanting to get him to feel like I was stupid or anything like that. So with this, I was just taking a long and deep breath, sort of giving up on this fight, and leaving the subject alone for the time being.

The man was not really doing much this time, and I was feeling like maybe if I just waited silent for another minute or two, I would have Seth's opinion confirmed, and that this was not that big of a deal. As I was feeling like everything would be fine, and that I was being a big baby over nothing, I was then sighing in annoyance, feeling like maybe I just needed to let the subject go, and that maybe Seth was always right on this, as annoying as this would have been.

"Fine, I will stop. He looks like he is not that big of a threat." I said, and then Seth was sort of looking like he did not agree with that, but was just glad to know that I was going to be leaving the subject alone, and that I was not going to be pursuing things too far, and that I was not going to hurt any of our chances on this, for both of our sakes.

Eventually, and not shockingly, there was a black car that was showing up, and it was picking up the guy that had slowly become a piece of my life, and I was seeing that he was not even looking at us, which meant that either he did not notice us, or he was pretty much testing us, and that he was not going to even dare say anything on the chance that we were actually going to be falling for whatever his big act was. And in a way, I guess that what he was doing was pretty smart. As much as I was hating this.

When he was heading off, I was looking at Seth, and I was feeling like maybe if I was nice enough about it, the two of us could be able to discuss what was going on, and he might be able to sort of help me understand what the issue was, and then I would be able to understand why he was so firm on making sure that I did not do anything too stupid. I was feeling like maybe if we talked on it, the two of us could agree on some regard, and be fine with this whole thing.

"Honestly, you really need to make sure that no matter what happens, you do not piss him off. He will ruin your life if you get him on edge, and he will make you regret ever coming along, and trying to see if you can help out. We would rather have you leave this alone, and let us take care of it than you go out, and try and be the hero." Seth was telling me, and I was seeing that whatever had bothered him was serious enough to where he was not going to be fighting with me on this, and I had wanted to know more, but I did not want to piss him further.

But I was feeling like there was something that Seth was owing me, and I was feeling like I had more than every right to try and vocalize this next part. "Tell me what the issue is." I said, and then I was seeing him looking more and more like he did not even want to talk about this any further. I was seeing that he was too scared to tell me what the issue was, probably on the fear that he would get caught or something, which was strange to me, but I did not question it too deeply.

"I seen him a couple of times. Not a pleasant story, and nothing you will want to get involved with. If you see that guy, just run." After Seth was saying this to me, I was feeling like my interest in the subject was going on through the roof, and I was needing a fucking answer. I was needing for him to try and give me something that I felt like I would be able to work out with.

"Did you talk to him?" I asked, and I was feeling like I was still in the form of validity, and that maybe he was going to give me some information that I asked him for, as long as he was feeling like maybe there was something that he could get me to understand, and that maybe if he was telling me this, the two of us were going to be on even grounds, and then I would never even want to try and oppose of him on this now.

"I did not talk to him. I talked with people that knew him. That is already more than enough." Seth was telling me, and then I was feeling like maybe there was a small part of me that did not even want to know more. That maybe if I tried to go further into this, the more that I was going to be going down a path that he would not want to discuss, and that maybe I was needing to just let the subject go, for his sake, which might have been a bit annoying for me to go on with.

"I met them, and they were really not nice. Like a lot harsher than you can possibly imagine." After Seth was telling me this, I was seeing him looking like he was not even daring to say anything else, and I was feeling like maybe I did not want to know more. I honestly thought that knowing more was probably going to be putting me in danger, and as much as I loved to play the role of detective, I was loving my safety even more, and that was the reason I was not going to keep asking.

"Seriously, if you were able to try and think it was a smart idea to get into this whole thing, then you will be ruining what our family has worked on so far." After Seth was saying that to me, I was seeing him just sort of looking like the conversation was going to be over after this point, and honestly, just to make sure that I did not piss off him too much, and that maybe he was actually telling the truth. I was thinking that I needed to give him a minor amount of greater respect.

"Alright, you made your point, You can stop now." I said, and then I was looking at him, and I was seriously wondering why he was even caring so much what I was feeling right now, and I was feeling like he was just needing to rub me off as just being the strange little brother who would not leave him alone, and then we were going to be able to move on, and pretend like nothing was happening. I was seriously just unsure of what was going on.

"Alright. Sorry for getting a little over board with this. I just wanted to make my point, and get it clear what I was thinking." After Seth was telling me this, I was seeing him looking like he was fine with this whole thing, and I was sighing, feeling like maybe I would be able to move on from this whole thing. I was just going off on my own, and I was thinking about what it would be like to deflect from what my brothers were telling me, and still going on to look anyways, just to see what I could be able to learn out of this whole thing.

Eventually, I was feeling like that if I were to do this, they might be lecturing me for no real good reason, and they might be acting like I did something terrible, and something wrong. But I did not really care. I was wanting to go on and learn what that guy was doing, and I was wanting to learn what was bothering my brothers so much, and I was wanting to be able to place this whole thing behind me, and then everything was going to be all fine and dandy, as if nothing ever happened.

Seth was starting to head on out, and when I was seeing him leave me alone, I was wondering if this was a way for him to try and go on and look without having to deal with me trying to make my opinions hard and stuff. I was feeling like maybe what he was going to do was just going to be his way of trying to keep me safe. I did not know what his issue was, or if he was having one in the first place, but I was still not having one regardless of what I was wanting to do.

Despite the great uncertainty that I was feeling, and the fact that I was sort of just looking into this too deeply, I was thinking that maybe I was just needing to leave the situation alone, and that if I was going to be leaving this situation alone, I would be able to sort of make this whole thing seem differently. I was thinking that perhaps he was just wanting to protect his younger siblings, and that in a way, he was not really doing anything wrong. He was just a guy that wanted to make his voice heard, and somebody who was wanting to make his point, and then once he did both, he was able to just sort of let the subject go, and be done with it.

I was feeling like what Seth was doing was probably not all that bad after all. I was sort of just telling myself to get over it, and that I was just needing to try and show a little bit of respect for him, since he was just doing his own best, and when I was telling myself this, and telling myself that in a rather genuine light, I was feeling like virtually all the hatred I was feeling had been going away, and that I was able to respect him in a way.

But if I went and found out what the truth was, and if I went on to learn what bothered him so much, I would be able to finally just place this all behind me, and then he and I could be able to play along, and just pretend like this was one big strange event, and then we could be good, and then I was feeling like maybe he would be a slightly worried older sibling, and then we can both move on with our lives, and realize that this whole thing was not worth any distancing between us.

Eventually, I genuinely believed in what I was doing, and I was genuinely thinking that this mindset I was gathering was a proper one, and I was thinking that maybe Seth and I were not really in such a bad spot But that did not mean that I was not wanting to learn as much as I could from this. I was just being smart enough to know when I was needing to place my interest aside, and when I was needing to go on and sort of be doing what was best for the family, since I did care about them in my own strange way, and in my own messed up way.

Maybe Seth was going to be a hero, and if he was going to be a hero, then I could say that I was wanting to be in the role, and that maybe we could have tried to make something work out between us, that could have made it seem like we were going to have a chance on making some amount of memories, and that if Seth was going to deny what I was able to play in his minor transformation, I would be feeling a little bit triggered on this whole thing.

But I was laughing, thinking that there was no way that Seth out of all of us was going to be a guy who tried too hard to have a sense of humor, and the guy who tried way too hard to be getting us to like what his stuff was, I was feeling like there was no way he was going to be the hero, and in a way, I was feeling like there was no way he was going to even try to be one. And I was thinking that maybe Seth was just going to be sort of a co start to the whole thing.

I was wondering if maybe Drake had anything to say on it, and if he was willing to talk with me on this, and if we were going to have something to share out of this whole thing. Maybe if the two of us were going to talk a bit on this, we could be able to sort of just find something that could make us feel a little bit less worried about this whole thing. I was feeling like Drake was just going to have to try and listen to my perspective if he wanted anything to say at all.

I was standing up, and then I was walking to the stairs of my bedroom, where I would see if perhaps I would be able to bother him, and if we would be able to talk for a bit, and see how things were doing, and then once that was over, the two of us were going to be able to walk back to our normal life, and we were just going to be acting like none of this was any form of a issue, which was not really true, but I was needing to just keep up the lie in a way.

When I was getting ready to head on down, that was when I was seeing that Gabe was sitting down, and he was drinking some kind of soda, which I was much too young to be so much as allowed to even touch without my parents around. But I was feeling like I just needed to find something to say to make him more aware of my presence. "Hey Gabe, how are you?" I asked, and then he was looking at me, and he was clearly glad to just see one of his siblings go out of their way to try and talk with them, and see if he was going to be doing well.

"I am fine. Just took care of some things, and did my best to try and talk with the people who I was worried about, and tried to come to some form of a agreement. You know, just to make sure that we knew what we were going to be dealing with, and that maybe we could be able to come to an agreement again, and be fine with this." After Gabe was telling me this, I was seeing him looking happier at this, and that he was almost proud of himself. As if thinking that what he had done was actually borderline heroic, and maybe it was, when I would know the full story.

But despite all that he was saying, and despite the fact that he was giving me no answers beyond this, I was feeling like maybe I needed to just try and learn more of what he was doing, and then we were going to be able to sort of put this whole thing aside, and we were going to be doing alright. I was just feeling like maybe Gabe was wanting to talk to us more, but there was just something about the discussion that was probably worrying him a bit more.

But I knew better than to try and stop him, and try to make him tell me more. So with that, I was stopping, and I was feeling like maybe if we just left the subject alone, the two of us would be able to just go on and do our own thing, and that maybe the two of us had sort of just gotten ourselves worried over nothing that was actually important.

With that, he was smiling at me, and I was glad to see him give me more compassion, and see him be willing to just show me some amount of love, and not be making me feel wrong for everything that was happening. "Hey, thanks for trying to help me out. Thanks for showing some concern. Makes me feel so much better." After he was telling me this, I was seeing him looking like he had no desire to say anything else, and that maybe we were needing to leave the subject off now. I was leaving him off, and I was seeing that he was just glad to know that he and I were able to get along for a while longer at least.

I was heading to bed, and I was going to be willing to discuss more things later, when I was feeling like I was able to be off on my own, and that I did not need to worry so damn much about what was going on, and that when we were going to be hanging out again, the two of us were going to be doing it in a much better light. And when I knew how much he was willing to do, and how much I was wanting to make him feel better, we were going to both be sort of there for each others side, when we were dealing with the worst of it all.


	10. One Girl With Ten Brothers: Drake

-Jan 5 1994 8:37 pm- I was sort of feeling like my twin Dylan was kind of brushing off everybody lately, and the thing was that even if this was annoying me, I did not think he was doing it on purpose. I think that maybe he was just up to something, and as a result, he was sort of feeling like he was just needing to deal with that most of all. And as a result, despite the fact that we were connecting relatively well, we were just having a bit of a drop off lately, and as a result, we were just sort of unable to actually know what was going on around us.

I was worried about Dylan though, and I was feeling like maybe I did need to try and find a way to go on and talk with me here, and see if maybe the two of us were going to be able to come to some form of understanding. But I guess that if something like that were to happen, then the two of us were going to be making a huge issue on something that could truly have been not really all that important, and I would feel like a loser.

I was seeing that Dylan was clearly up to something, and I was feeling like maybe the two of us were going to be able to talk for a bit, and maybe by doing something like this, we could be able to get some stuff cleared up, and then we could talk things out, and then sort of have a plan to get along with it all.

I saw him one day, when we were both in our room, and I was seeing him just looking at the ceiling, and I was seeing that no matter what I would tell him, or what I was wanting to say, he was going to sort of be off on his own, and that maybe I was just going to have to remain quiet, and I would have to see if he was willing to go on and speak with me. If he was wanting to talk though, you sure as hell bet that we were going to try and discuss ways that we could be able to come to some form of a understanding here.

Eventually, I was telling myself that I was just needing to accept the fact that he was not a huge fan of these conversations, and as I was telling myself this, I was sort of feeling sort of awful for it all, but I was just telling myself to kind of get over it, and that he was my brother, and that even if we were related, he was not forced to be polite to me. He was just forced to live with me, and that was the only thing that mattered.

I was holding onto the hope that he was going to tell me more, and I was telling myself that surely he was going to want to speak with me, and I just needed to wait for a bit longer. Eventually, Dylan was looking right at me, and he was wondering what to do, and I was clearly able to tell that my plans to pretend to lay low was just not going to be working no matter what.

"Hey Drake, can we talk?" Dylan asked, and part of me was glad to be heading him willing to do this, but I was telling myself to just keep it inside, and that I was needing to present myself in a way to make it look like I was being rather impartial on this. "I have been thinking something for a while, and I can't stop thinking about it." After she was saying this to me, I was feeling like I just needed to find some form of idea what to be doing now.

"Yeah, I was hoping you would." After I said that to him, he was looking at me, and he was sighing, feeling like he was just needing to get this over with, and whatever he was needing to say would be better if I had just said it. Eventually, Dylan was sighing, and I was feeling like I just needed to be as calm and respectful as possible, and just get this whole thing over with.

"The thing is that I am kind of worried about Gabe and the others. The older ones. They are always going out, and doing stuff, without having any idea of what to tell us. I feel like there is something that they are just trying to hide, and I am scared what that is." After Dylan said that to me, I was seeing him looking like he was really wishing that I would listen to him, and that I would not brush him off, or try to pretend like it was no big deal. Because it was a big deal.

"I wanted to just pretend like everything was fine. I wanted to pretend our siblings were just out having fun." After Dylan was saying this, I was kind of just wondering where the resolution of this story was going to go, and I was feeling like maybe he was going to need to be careful with this, because I knew right then and there that he was actually scared, and not in the over dramatic little brother way. Whatever he was going to speak of was worrying him badly.

"I was worried about them, and I decided that I would just try and see how they were, and there was a strange guy outside the window. You know, the one from earlier. But I saw him again, and Seth told me not to go see him. Seth was scared." After he had finished telling me that last sentence, I was looking at him, finally feeling like I needed to take this more seriously.

"He was telling me that the guy who was there was somebody he knew." After Dylan had finished that last part, everything was stopping inside of me, and I was feeling like where ever this was going to go now, I needed to give him my full intention. I needed to give him everything that I had, and make sure that he was doing alright. That he was also not lying to me.

"I was thinking that I could get over it soon enough. But no, not after that. Now I'm worried about Seth." After Dylan was telling me this, I was looking at him, and I was slowly nodding, as if feeling like I needed to accept the fact that maybe what he was saying did have validity to it after all, and that maybe I was being a bit of a fucking asshole for not listening to him earlier, and now I was feeling like I just needed to see what I could do to help him.

"Why worry about Gabe?" I asked, feeling like this was the more important thing, and the one thing that was confusing me. Why was he was feeling like he needed to be there for Gabe, when he was not Seth, and he was older than almost everybody else in the house. I was feeling like he was going to be able to take care of himself. But then Dylan steeled himself, and was willing to continue to speak with me, and explain to myself why this was the case.

"He was out one night. He was telling me not to go into it. He was scared when I told him. He seems to have some idea what is going on the most out of it all." After he was saying that to me, I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to see what I was going to be telling him now, but I was sighing, feeling like maybe something like this was just not happening. Maybe he was just never going to fully show me what the issue was. But from his looks, and his sadness, I did not want to test him on it.

"But do you think it matters?" I asked, and then I was looking at him, and I was seeing that he was looking a bit unsure of what the hell we were going to be getting ourselves into. But then I was feeling like maybe Dylan was just not wanting to talk about it anymore. So with that, I was sighing, and just not pushing him on this any further, feeling like maybe we were just going to leave the subject alone for the time being.

"It does. Anything that scares our brothers matter." After Dylan was saying that to me, I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to say more, but that in a way, he was clear that he was losing me, and then he was sighing, just thinking that maybe we were needing to let the subject go for now, and I was wanting to change it all, but I knew that something like this was just going to be fucking impossible in a way.

...

-Jan 6 1994 11:35 pm- I was about to go to sleep when I was seeing that Lydia was looking like she was going to be getting ready to do something without us, and that she was clearly looking like whatever she was about to do was actually kind of exciting. But I was feeling like I just sort of needed to see what the issue was with Lydia, and see if she was going to actually go along with me and work this out.

"Hey Lydia, what are you planning to do?" I asked, and then she was looking at me, and she was looking like she was not really wanting to say anything else, sort of worrying about what I was actually going to be doing. I was feeling like maybe if she was going to try and hang out with me, I would be able to try and make something closer to working out, and we could be able to feel like we were actually going to connect together on this.

"Not much. Just hanging out with friends. You know, making the most of it that I can." Lydia was telling me, and I was seeing her clearly looking like she was just wanting to see what I was going to be saying now. Or if maybe Lydia did not really actually want to try and connect with us. Maybe Lydia was just too excited to be doing this to be dealing with any of this. And I was wanted to see if we could go along and play with each other for a small bit.

"Can I come along?" I asked, genuinely wanting to see if this was going to actually work out. She was looking right at me, and she was feeling like maybe this was a bad choice, but she decided not to say anything that could indicate such a thing. She was just smiling at me though, clearly feeling like as long as we were happy together, that was all that was mattering. "I would really have fun." I said, and then she was looking almost kind of sad at this.

"I think that something like this might be out of the option. I don't know how my friends would like the idea." After she was saying that to me, I was seeing her clearly looking like she was actually kind of feeling bad for telling me this, but decided that if she was honest at least, then maybe I would sort of be able to get over it. Soon enough, I would be sort of be able to finally piece together everything that was happening, and how I would be able to win Lydia over.

"I think that when my friends might grow to like the idea better, then maybe you can come along. But for the time being, I would highly suggest against it." Lydia was sort of feeling this statement was kind of making her feel sad, and when she was feeling sad, I was going to feel sad, and I was wanting to see if maybe we could be able to find something else to sort of connect with each other in the mean time. But then she was giving me a slight hug before shaking her head.

"I have to be going now. I hope that you will be alright." Lydia was telling me this, and then I was seeing her looking like she was wishing to say more, but decided that maybe remaining silent, and just not making a issue out of this, would have been for the best. Eventually, I was feeling like it was finally time to be letting her go, as much as this was going to be the polar opposite of what I was really wanting.

"Good luck, and have fun." I said, and then I was seeing Lydia looking like she was never going to be letting these small moments go, as if these moments were giving her sort of the reason why she was doing something like this in the first place. I was just seeing her clearly looking so much better on any of this. But despite everything that I had been feeling, I had told myself that she was just sort of needing to be on her own, and that I was not needing to be getting in her business on any of this.

"I will have fun. Trust me when I say that. I will have fun for you, and I will remember what fun is really like for you, to make sure that nothing hurts." After Lydia was saying this to me, and I was just sort of confused, she was heading out of the room, and I was deciding that I was just going to be leaving the situation alone. I was just glad to be seeing her feeling like there was somebody who liked her, and somebody who wanted her to be doing well, that nothing else mattered.

Eventually, as Lydia was gone, and I was seeing that there was nothing to do, I was just sort of sighing, feeling like there was no way in hell that I was going to be winning the approval of Lydia, and that in a way, she was going to be feeling like I was just getting in her way, and that I was just going to be kind of annoying. I did not want to be annoying, but I was feeling like maybe if Lydia did not want to hang with me, I might have failed to do that, and failed much worse than I had ever wanted to admit.

I was sitting down on my bed, and I was feeling so sad over everything, and I was feeling just an overwhelming sense of dread when I was here, and when Lydia was always off to do her own thing. I mean, I knew that she was my older sister, and she needed to do other things, but my god, I was wanting to do some other things. I was wanting to make her feel better. I was wanting her to be with my activities every single day.

But maybe I was being immature about this. Maybe I was just being a bit selfish on the way that I was treating Lydia right now, but I could not help but feel that way. I was wanting to find a way to make her feel differently, and feel like I was not making a big issue. But now that I was here, and I was thinking about it, I was feeling like maybe I was just going to be failing on this in virtually every single regard, for better or for worse.

I had looked right at Dylan's bed, and I was wondering what the hell Dylan was doing. I was feeling like maybe if I was able to pester Dylan enough, then I might be able to get him to join me in this whole thing. But I was just kind of over what Dylan was doing all the time. I was feeling like Dylan was taking the outside stuff of this family way too seriously, and to be honest, I was kind of feeling like he needed to go on and worry about different things besides what our siblings are off doing on their own. I felt like if I tried to tell him that though, he might be offended by me saying such things, and would tell me off.

So despite everything that I had been feeling, and despite everything that I was wanting to tell Dylan, and everything that I was feeling like I could tell him to make him feel differently here, I was feeling like maybe I was not going to be getting him to change his mind on any of this. And that maybe I was just needing to be glad that at least my twin was still here, and that he was the only one who was not messing around with me.

Maybe when I would be around Dylan, and we were hanging out with each other, I would be feeling differently on this. I was wanting to know that he was always going to be at my side, and we were going to help each other. But I did not want to piss him off, or make him feel like I was clinging onto him or something.

As I was starting to realize that everything was just going to be rough without my siblings, I was feeling like I should have tried to do something better for myself. I was feeling like one of these days, I was going to have to finally just accept the fact my family was just going to be off on my own. But in a way, I was feeling like maybe my family wanted to make me feel differently about everything. I was just wishing to just kind of get this whole thing over with.

I was then standing up, and then telling myself to just get over my sob story, and just to try and do something about it that I was feeling like was much more important. I was thinking that my family did not really want to see me in a way, but at the same time, I was feeling like if I made my point, and made my case, they would want to see me, and then they would actually grow up and just let me in, and make me feel welcome.

I was feeling like maybe I was not needing to try so hard, and that maybe if I was wanting to make this work, I would have just gone on and make something else work out for my own benefit. I was walking around the living room, and I was seeing that Seth was cooking something to eat for dinner. To be honest, I did not know that Seth was able to go around and cook at all. Seeing him accomplish this was fucking shocking, but I did not want to admit that.

"What are you making?" I asked, and then I was seeing Seth look shocked that somebody else was awake in the first place. Then he was looking down at me, and then he was smiling when he was seeing that it was me of all of them, and then I was seeing him looking like he was willing to just go on and talk with me more, and see how I was going to adapt to this whole thing. I was feeling like maybe seeing Seth happy was something nice for once.

"Just a midnight snack. I have nothing to do now, and just want to eat something to make my day better." After he was saying that to me, I was seeing him looking better about this, and I was seeing him looking like he was sort of getting used to this, and like he was not bothered by me showing up, and speaking with him after all.

"Is it good?" I asked, and then he was looking at me, as if feeling like maybe that was going to be a hard question to answer, since he was looking genuinely unsure of what was going to be considered good or bad. Then he was sighing, as if feeling like there was just virtually no point in even trying to make me understand how it was at all.

"It might be. I never made it before. So it might be, or might not be." After he was saying that to me, I was seeing him sort of sighing, kind of feeling like there was no point in saying anything else. "Hey Drake, shouldn't you be in bed? I mean, you know, you are probably much too young to be staying up this late." He was looking at me, as if wanting to see how I was going to be reacting to this, if it was possible.

"I don't care. You are more fun." After I was telling Seth this, I was seeing him smiling at me, and then he was clearly looking like maybe he was not going to fight with that. After all, in his eyes, he was one of the most fun people that I had met, and he was feeling like he was willing to sort of let that fact sink in. But I was just sort of not really even caring. I was wanting to make the most of it that I could before he was going to push me along.

"Yeah, I mean, I just like to go out and do things that I know are more exciting. But I guess that people might not really care." After he was saying this to me, I was seeing him just trying to say more, but then he was feeling like there was virtually nothing else to say. "Honestly, I just want to make the most out of it that I can. But I feel like this is all that matters." Seth was just continuing his cooking, and I was wanting to make the most of it that I could here.

"How is school?" I asked, and then he was looking at me, as if feeling like he was not even wanting to think about what to be saying now, but I was seeing him just wishing to find more to say, but that maybe Seth was going to talk with me more, and that if we talked with each other longer, the more that we were going to be feeling like we were going to be happy in a way.

"It is boring as hell. I can't even possibly explain how much it sucks to go through that school. But every time I go there, I feel like I just sort of have no choice but to see how far we can go now. But I guess nothing really matters now." After Seth was saying this to us, I was feeling like I was just needing to sort of see how far this was going to go. I was wanting to see how long we were going to be able to talk and sort of keep this whole thing going before it would be all thrown away.

"Do you want to go there?" I asked, and even I knew how dumb this last question was, but I guess that I was just wanting to talk with him for as long as possible, and see what we were going to be getting out of this. Seth was looking at me, and I was seeing that he was clearly not even wanting to waste the time we were having with this debate. But I just had no idea what the hell we were even going to do now.

"I don't have any interest in going there. I like to go on and hang out with Manny, and that is all that I can do. I mean, having some friends are the only thing that even remotely come close to mattering." Once he was done saying this to me, I was seeing him say this to me, I was wanting to hear more from what it was like to be at school and stuff with friends, but I was not wanting to piss him off, since I knew that maybe he was taking this whole thing too seriously.

As I was sort of feeling all of this, I was just sort of wanting to say something else. But I was not wanting to go on and piss him off any further. I did not want to take any risk on this at all, since I was just feeling like maybe if I tried any harder, he was going to be sort of feeling like I was attacking him or something.

"What made you like hanging out with Manny?" I asked, genuinely feeling like as long as we talked, and as long as we were able to go on and connect, the two of us were going to be able to make everything perfect for each other. Seth was looking like he was genuinely thinking about the question that I had asked him, as if feeling like it was valid in its own way, as much as he might not have liked to admit that.

"The fact that he was actually willing to help me out. He treated me like an actual person, and I was able to appreciate that." After Seth was saying that to me, I was seeing him wanting to say more, but that it did not even fucking matter anymore. I was feeling like maybe if I was going to try and speak to Seth more on this, then it was just going to be a fucking waste of time, and there was going to be no real excitement that I would get out of talking about this with him anymore, and I would be sort of over it all.

"I was really desperate for a person to be willing to talk with me, and make me perform a good show and stuff. But I have nothing better to be able to describe this as. But in all honesty, I guess that none of this really matters anymore. I just wanted to make a name for myself, and Manny was able to help that." Seth was saying, and I was seeing him clearly looking sort of lost on what he was going to tell me now, and that he was just sort of feeling like there was no more point now.

"He made a difference. That is the only way that I can describe it. Maybe one day you will be like this." After Seth had said that to me, I was seeing him sort of looking at a loss of what to say now, and he was heading out to his room, sort of over this, and done with all the shit going on after he said good night.

...

-Jan 6 1994 1:30 pm- I was just trying to really comprehend the full meaning of what Seth had said to me, and I was feeling like it was the least that I could do after everything that was going on, and I was feeling like maybe I needed to try and see if I could be able to help him out feeling at least slightly better on everything. If I was even able to make my older brothers feel better on anything, and not just annoyed.

I mean, I knew that there was probably only a matter of patience that people were going to be having for me, and that sooner or later, that matter was going to be reaching its peak, and then they were just going to get angry at me if I were to even try and continue along down the path. And if I were to do something like this, they would be wondering what I was even trying to accomplish anymore. But in a way, I was just thinking about what I would need to do to have some fun in my own right.

I had been playing with some of my toys for a bit, and by this point, it had seemed like even Henry had finally moved on from his whole birthday, and he was sort of able to just pretend like it was not that big of a deal anymore. I mean, it was clearly a bit hard for him to admit something like this, knowing that in a way, he was no longer the star. But I was wondering how he was feeling about being six years old. In all honesty, I don't really know how many times I have met up with him this year so far.

But as I was thinking about this, and the fact that he probably did not even really plan on going out to see me too much, showed me that either we never really got along too well, or he was just sort of off on his own, and that he was never really taking the time to go on and hang out with me at all. I was sort of feeling like maybe I could have given him something simple, but decided against it, and decided that it did not really matter.

I was smiling, just deep in the thought about what my brother would be like with me actually being nicer to him, and what I could have done to reach out to him, and actually being a good brother, and maybe I could have tried to branch out and show that new feeling to the older ones, and see if Gabe was telling the truth about what was going on with that man. Since I had felt that I needed to hear it from Gabe before I fully jumped on the wagon of what Dylan was telling me.

I was thinking that this would be my next goal. See Gabe again, and see what I could learn from him, and see if he was willing to tell me the truth of the matter. Maybe if he did that, then I could be able to help him out in a way. I had wanted to help him out, but I was feeling like maybe Gabe would not see me in a while, and just not even know what I was wanting to do, and then probably be thinking that I was sort of just wasting his time in a way.

I then saw Lydia and when I saw her, almost everything that I had been feeling dropped, and I knew that I wanted to see her right away, and then see how I could be able to see if she was doing well. I was so happy to know that everything was fine. To know that she probably did enjoy hanging out with her friends, and that I did not need to worry about anything like this. "Hey Lydia, how were your friends?" I asked, and then I was seeing Lydia looking at me, almost forgetting about what we talked about earlier, and then shrugged, feeling like there was no point in not talking with me.

"They were good. They were really fun, and we had a lot of things we could do." After Lydia was saying this to me, I was seeing her looking like she was wanting to say more, but did not know if I was going to have any fucking interest in this at all. She was probably worried that I was going to hear her for a moment or two, and then just brush her off, and then just sort of invite her to doing something I wanted to do instead.

As I was looking at her, I was starting to feel bad for what I had been feeling, and then she nodded. "I loved it, and we were just doing the best that we could. I did some things that I doubt you would actually be interested in." After Lydia was saying this to me, I was seeing her looking kind of sad, and I was looking at her sadly, and I was wishing to find something else to say, to change how she was feeling. But I decided that maybe it really did not matter anymore.

"You can tell me." I said, and then I was seeing her looking at me, and she was wanting to find something else to tell me, but then after a moment longer, I was seeing her decide that maybe she might as well just go with this, and see what I could say, and see if maybe she would want to at least try and make me see what was so exciting about what she had been doing earlier.

"We were just trying to see what our older brothers were so into. You know, the stuff that is making them all go crazy. We thought they would have an answer." After Lydia was telling me this, I was seeing her looking unsure of what to say now, and I was feeling like I needed to learn more. I needed to see if she had actually learned something, or if it had failed. I was not wanting to push her on this, but I did not care. I just needed the answer as much as possible.

"They were acting like they had started to witness some big revelation, and I was wondering what was going on. So we decided to be looking into some of these things for a while. I guess that something like this is just not happening." After she was saying this to me, I was seeing her looking almost sad, as if she was clearly feeling like she had failed us or something. I did not know what she was feeling. "I mean, it is just something that I feel like could be a fun and recreational activity in the first place, but I guess it did not work out too well."

"What did you learn?" I asked, and then I was looking right at her, just sort of wanting to see where this was even going to go. I was seeing that Lydia was clearly just sort of lost on her own. I was feeling like maybe if we talked more, she would have finally started to open up a bit more.

"I think the main issue was that it was meant to be a playful gesture. You know, to have fun, and we were sort of coming along, and having a good time. I did not think that what we were doing was anything too awful. But it seems like maybe that was just not going to work. It seems like the town is going to have too many questions for us to find the answers to, and it is just going to be a bit annoying." After she was saying this to me, I was seeing her looking a bit sad, but I was just sort of scared, feeling like there was literally nothing to do.

"I guess that maybe it is just not really anything that we are needing to really learn the truth of. As annoying as it is to not know the answers I wanted, part of me feels like maybe there is a good reason to this." After Lydia was telling me this, I was then thinking about what to be saying now. I was seeing her just sighing, feeling like nothing else mattered. I was wishing to change her mind, and I was hoping to make her feel better. But as I was looking at her, I was seeing that nothing else really even mattered anymore, and that I was just going to be wasting my time on this.

Do you think your friends are having fun?" I asked, and then I was seeing Lydia looking at me, totally unsure of what to say to this, and I was feeling like no matter what I was going to be saying next, she was going to be thinking that in a way, I had been pushing her too far. I was kind of feeling bad, but I did not care. I just wanted to see where this was going to be heading.

"I hope they are. I really hope they are. I mean, I know that it might be hard to have some fun given the current context, but I think that people need to try." After Lydia was saying this to me, I was seeing her looking like she was willing to find more to say, but did not really want to say anything else, in fear of what I was going to be saying now. I was looking down, just unsure of what to say.

Eventually, I was looking at her, unsure of what the hell I was going to be doing now, and that was all that I really needed. "Hey Lydia, why are some of them not enjoying it?" I asked, and then she was looking at me, clearly not wanting to say anything else, and she was clearly looking like she was not wanting me to try and ask her any further questions on this. In a way to sort of hide the way she was feeling.

"I think that one of them is just too focused on other more important things. Some things that are going on with her family. I don't blame her for feeling this way." After she was telling me this, I was clearly seeing her looking a little bit sad, and I was wanting to say more, but did not really know what to try and tell her. I was feeling like nothing could be said. "I mean, in a way, it is all my fault, and I feel bad for her every single time that I see her, but I don't do anything about it, without making things worse for both of us in a way." After she was telling me this, I was confused what she was meaning, but I was just feeling like I needed to be quiet for her own sake.

"Why would it be your fault?" I asked, just truly unable to understand where she was coming from, and what her sentiment to this really could have been, and she was sighing, as if feeling like I was not going to be making this easy on her, and that she was feeling like no matter what the answer was, she just needed to say it, and sort of get it over with. I just really did not get what the issue really was, and I was feeling worried for her.

"It would be my fault because I should have done more, and I should have helped out, but I did not. I wanted to make her feel welcome, and I wanted to make her feel better. But that is just not happening. That is the exact opposite of what had happened." After she was telling me this, I was seeing her clearly looking like she was wishing to say more, I had felt like almost nothing could have been said, and I was feeling like I would truly never be able to get it, and I decided not to worry about it at all.

"She would not have known though. It is not your fault. Don't take it serious." I said, angry at her, angry at the way she was treating herself, and I was wanting to make her understand that this was not a big deal. As she was looking at me, I was feeling like I was just needing to do my best to try and make this work out in her favor. But she was sighing, and I was feeling like maybe I would never get where she was coming from. But I did not want to know where she was coming from. I wanted her to cut this shit out, and treat herself better and with more respect.

"Thanks for trying to make me feel better. But it is not working. I have my opinions on the matter, and that is all that matters." After she was telling me this, I was seeing her clearly looking like she had wanted to say more, and that she was wishing to try and make me clearly see where she was coming from, but that this was just not even working out. I was never going to change the way she was going at this, and I just sort of needed to kind of get over with it, and move on with my life.

"I think that maybe I should try and see how she is doing, and that might help." After Lydia was telling me this, I was clearly seeing her just over the subject, and I was placing my hand on her shoulder, and I was feeling like I just needed to make it better for her. "I mean, I feel like if I try to talk about it, I will be sounding silly just saying it out loud, and if I sound silly to myself, nobody will take me seriously." After she was done saying that to me, I was feeling like maybe I was needing to see where this was going to head, and I was just clearly worried for my sister, but unless she knew where this was going to go, and unless if she explained it to me, then I would never help her out here.

"Lydia, will you try and talk with her, and make things up?" I asked, and then I was seeing her looking a bit unsure of what to say now. I was feeling like if she had an idea on what to tell me, and I finally had an idea of what I could try and tell her to make a difference, then it could finally make sense, and everything would be much better for us all. To be honest though, part of me was feeling like I just did not care anymore.

"I might as well. I feel like I have to. It will be the only thing making myself feel better." Once Lydia was finished saying this to me, I was seeing her looking like she was actually thinking about that further. I was seeing that Lydia was wishing to sort of drop the subject, and I knew it was time for her to be happier, and that it was time for me to let this whole thing go, and just make her feel like she was having some chance of being happy.

"Sorry for talking to you about this." I said, and then I was seeing her looking fine, and that she was just glad to know that I was actually doing my best to at least be polite. It was the least that I could do, and I was feeling like maybe being polite was the only way that I could make her feel better. Lydia was just looking like there was virtually nothing she even could think of saying at that moment, and decided to not even try.

"I know that you meant well. I don't blame you." After Lydia was saying that to me, and she was hugging me for a second, and then I was looking right at her, and I was feeling like maybe Lydia was just too far gone to really enjoy this discussion and that was something that even if I wanted to try and prevent, I would not really make any difference on, and that I was just needing to accept what I had done.

"Thanks for being nice at least. I mean, you are a really nice guy, and that is all I feel matters." After she was telling me this, I was seeing her looking like she was wishing to say more, but was feeling like maybe if we were to talk further on this, then we were just going to be losing track on what was even mattering. I was seeing that Lydia was wishing to say something else to try and make me feel better about what we were doing, but decided that maybe there was nothing left we could even say now.

"It is the least that I can do." I said, and then I was feeling like this was the only thing that even mattered. I was then sighing in anger, at myself, and for being a terrible brother, and I was feeling like I should have been more for her, but just failed miserably to do something like this, and now it was all my fault that she was feeling terrible for what had happened.

...

-Jan 7 1994 8:18 pm- I was seriously just sort of having the entire conversation from last night run through my head, and I was having no fucking idea what I was going to be feeling right now. But I was feeling like I just needed to know what the hell was really keeping Lydia like this. I was honestly not even caring. As long as I knew how she was feeling, and I was feeling like I could help her, then I was feeling like I could be able to finally have an answer that would make it all better for me.

I was feeling like if I wanted to finally just know the truth, I was needing to just let her know. I was needing to get her to be honest with me, and I was needing to be able to get her to just tell me what was scaring her out of her fucking mind, and then when I would finally learn the answer, then I would be able to sort of see if I was going to have even a vague chance of being able to help her out. As crazy as something like this might sound, I was feeling like I needed to try.

I was scared for her sake, and I was feeling like as long as I finally got to know what the issue was, then I would be able to finally have some fucking answers, and I was going to show her that she did not need to worry so much about me, and that she was needing to finally take some time to make her self feel better, and that maybe if she was going to do something like this, then I would finally have some idea on if Lydia was truly fine or not.

I was sighing, telling myself that this was the next quest that I would have, was to reach out to her, and to see if perhaps she would finally open up to me, and if we were going to be able to help each other out, and make something actually make some sense. I was feeling like as long as we were going to help each other out, that was all that was literally going to even fucking come close to mattering in the grand scheme of things.

In a way, I was telling myself to just take things easily, and that maybe when I would see if Lydia had a answer for me, and if Lydia did like me, then everything was going to fucking finally be better for us. I was feeling like as long as Lydia and I worked together, and as long as Lydia and I actually helped each other out, and become better people, then I was feeling like I just sort of needed to take the risk, and go as far as we can. And maybe Lydia would actually like me a bit more.

But despite what I was telling myself, I was thinking about the one thing that I was going to never really understand. The fact that Lydia was sort of feeling like it was her duty to make sure that we were fine, and that we were safe. She did not need to feel that way. Sure, she was my sister, and she needed to try and make me feel safer, but she was sort of allowed to do things on her own without having to take care of us.

Eventually, I was seeing that Josiah was getting to the door of the house, and when he was doing this, I was feeling like I needed to try and talk with him for a bit, and see what he was going to do, and see if I was allowed to come along, or at least get a decent insight on what the plan was, and then depending on what his answer could be, we would be able to sort of find a way to connect after that, and talk for a while longer, and see if maybe the two of us had something we could discuss later.

"What music are you working on?" I asked, and I was seeing Josiah looking right at me, and I was seeing that he was looking mildly annoyed at the timing of this, but since I was innocent enough with my question, I was seeing that he also knew that he needed to at least sort of go along with it, and just let me know, and then we were going to be able to both move on.

"Just some stuff with my friends. Probably something like rock like usual. Nothing too different. I mean, I think that we do not need to really branch out too much. I mean, you probably wouldn't really be all that interested anyways." After Josiah was telling me this, he was looking at me, as if willing to challenge me on this, and see if I was going to try and find something to say to make him change his opinion on this matter. As I was seeing this, I was seeing him looking like there was no need to continue this talk, and like I was actually wasting his time in a way.

"Do you want to play some of that with me someday?" I asked, and he was looking at me, and he was clearly looking like this was not the way that he was wishing to take this moment. As if feeling like this was the last thing that he was wanting to deal with right now. Then with that, he was sighing, and nodding, as if he was feeling like maybe he was being a bit of a asshole if he was not going to try and tell me something else, to make me feel better about this all.

"Maybe some day. Depends on if you are interested in this in the first place. But I guess that maybe if you are, then we could see how this is going to go." After Josiah was telling me this, I was seeing him looking like there was something he was probably slightly interested in, but that he did not want to admit this, in fear of making this turn into a sappy moment.

"I really do got to head out now. You know, just to take care of this right now." After he was telling me this, I was seeing him a little bit sad when he was saying this, and I was seeing that perhaps he was wishing to do something else, but did not want to be saying anything else, as if he was worried that if he were to say anything else, I would tell him that it was not a huge deal, and then everything he was feeling would be thrown away.

"See you when you come back." After I said that to Josiah, he was nodding, feeling like there was nothing else to discuss, and that once we were done with this, we were going to be done with this, and then I was feeling like I was just sort of needing to see what the issue was to this. I was feeling as if maybe Josiah was going to be making a big deal out of something that was not all that important, and that I was just needing to see how I was going to make him feel a bit different about it all.

Once Josiah was out of the house, despite the fact that this was making me feel sad, I was feeling like I was actually still a little glad to see that Josiah was doing so well, and I was feeling like I needed to just make this work out as well as possible. I was wanting to help Josiah make this whole thing better for himself, but if I were to do that, then in a way, I was going to forget the main thing that I had felt like I needed to sort of be taking advantage of.

I was wondering what it would be like to be basically out every single day, doing something that was more exciting and fun then being like a loser stuck up and trapped in his house over nothing else besides his age. Then again, he was in my spot once, and that he was needing to grow to a certain age first, and I was feeling like maybe I needed to sort of just play it off like it did not matter to me, but that was virtually impossible.

Eventually, I was sitting down on the couch, and I was feeling like I needed to listen to his music, and that it would be the most exciting thing in the world if I was able to go and just see one of his performances. The performance was something that I knew would have been able to connect the family again. But I guess that it did not matter all that much anymore.

I was telling myself that Josiah was probably going to be fine on his own, and that he was sort of happy, and that I was needing to not interfere with this whole thing all that much. I was telling myself that maybe as long as I was actually going to be there for him, and show him how much I was wanting to be his friend, then I was feeling like Josiah would have been doing a small amount better. Even if Josiah did not want to admit my contributions to this.

I was telling myself another thing: What my brothers and sister were doing had been none of my business, and when I was old enough to do something like this, go out on my own, then it was going to be none of their business what I was dealing with, and I would not appreciate it if they were going to try and force their agenda onto me or anything like that.

As I was thinking about that, and I was thinking about my brothers a bit more, and I was just sort of going to take things a little bit more casually. I was feeling like as long as I was having that issue on my own, and that when I would be feeling like this some day, I was going to be making things much worse for myself. I was thinking that as long as I was keeping things differently, and as long as I was going to change how it was, it would finally feel like I would start to make some peace with it all.

I was telling myself that as long as we did not push each other too far, then everything would have been fine, and I would have been making some change to this all. I stood up, and then I was walking along, and I was seeing that Jack was talking with Seth for a bit. I was feeling like this was the strangest duo I would see with my siblings, and despite how much I did not want to admit it, I knew that I just needed to get over this.

Eventually, I was feeling like this conversation might have been too good to refuse, and then I was going to the side of the wall, and I was feeling like I just going to listen to what they were talking about, and seeing how they were doing, and then I would be able to finally feel like I was going to have some answers in my life. So with that, I was hearing them talk for a bit longer, although I did not know if I was going to get too much out of this talk now.

"Honestly, I think that the more that we are just going to complain about the way that our siblings are doing things, the more that I will be angry at them. I feel like they do not care for how we feel. Almost as if they are just sort of wanting to do their own thing, and that they do not know what it is like to be in their spot, and hearing them basically acting like they have to take care of us like we are damn babies." Seth was saying to Jack, and I was feeling like there was nothing but pure annoyance with what she was saying, and I was wondering what pissed him off.

"I think that maybe I just need to sort of help them out. But until they admit their mistakes, and until they are willing to help us out, I feel like this might be a bit much to handle." After Jack was saying this to Seth, I was seeing Seth clearly wanting to say more to try and maybe make Jack feel better, but at the same time, just could not force himself to even pretend like he was cool with anything happening at all.

"They are never going to listen to us. They don't care what we think. They want to use us, and they want to pretend like we have no valid opinions at all. Which just angers me that they clearly do not value what we are dealing with." After Seth was making peace that he was not going to say something to make Jack feel better, he was looking at Jack, wondering what he was going to say next, if anything at all.

"I guess that maybe I would be used to it by now. But I am not used to the fact that people just clearly think that I am too far down to be taken seriously. I know I make jokes a lot, and that most of the time, I'm not serious, but when it comes to my siblings, I am actually really serious, and want to be treated as such." After Seth said that, I was shocked to hear him upset at not being taken seriously, and then I was telling myself that maybe I was needing to be very careful with this from now on, to make sure he was not going to be angry at me either.

"Well, I think that maybe we should try and talk with our siblings what the problems are, and if we speak our mind to them, and help them understand what we believe, they will take us more seriously." After Jack was saying that to me, I was seeing that he was clearly just trying to be making Jack feel better, but that there was just a part of him that was feeling like maybe something like this was just not even going to be possible anymore.

"Thanks for talking with me about this. It makes me feel better honestly." Once Seth said that to his brother, I saw that Seth was clearly looking like there was no need to say anything else, and that if he even tried, he would be feeling like a fucking liar, and that there would be a huge derailment of his point.

...

-Jan 8 1994 2:18 am- I was just sort of getting over this whole thing, and I was sort of bringing myself to a level of understanding that I did not even really matter anymore. I was sort of feeling like almost fucking nothing even mattered anymore. I did not know if my family was needing or wanting my help anymore, and I was sort of just accepting the fact that maybe something like this was just not going to be working so easily, and as I was feeling like I was needing to let go of it, I was sighing, sort of just angry at myself. Angry at myself for trying so damn hard to make my voice heard.

In a way, I was feeling like I was only making things much worse for them all. I was feeling like everything that I had done was only going to get people sort of just pissed at me, and I did not want them to be feeling this way, and I was feeling terrible if they were going to be like this. Feeling terrible if they were actually annoyed with me. But at the same time, I was sort of telling myself that I was not a terrible sibling, and I was feeling like maybe they would have been able to admit that in their own right.

I guess that it did not really even matter anymore. I was feeling like if people really actually wanted to know what I was feeling, they would have tried and talk with me in the first place. They would have tried and make me feel a little bit more open and a little bit more accepted. But something like this might have been a bit rough to even consider.

I was feeling like I was going to just hang out with my family one day, and when I would hang out with my family, and see how they were doing, I would finally just sort of be able to be enough of a man to kind of get over it all. I was thinking that maybe if I was showing my siblings more of how I was feeling, the more that they might have been kind of annoyed with me, and kind of just feeling like I had been pushing this too far, and the more that their patience, if they had any, would have been out.

As I was feeling this all, and as I was sort of just making these thoughts all to myself, I was standing up, feeling like I did not even want to be talking with other people about this. I did not want people to try and tell me off. I did not want people to act like I was going crazy, and I did not want people to act like I was fine with everything, since I was not going to be fine with the way that I was thinking about everything right now.

When I was in the kitchen, feeling like I was going to be sort of find after a couple of moments of thought, and then after this was happening, I was hearing Henry calling out to me. As if feeling like he was able to catch me in the act of doing something terrible. I was looking right at them, and then I was sighing, feeling like I was just needing to see what I would tell him, and talk to him over. "Hey, I was wondering if you were doing alright. Since it seems like you are rather busy." After Henry was telling me this, I was looking at him, as if wondering if there was something he was trying to accomplish. I was sighing, feeling no point in lying to him about what I had felt.

"I am doing fine enough. I mean, I see everybody doing fine and stuff, and I am kind of jealous. I am kind of jealous of the fact that it seems like you guys are doing so fine, and that I am here, wondering what the main issue was." I said, and then I was seeing him looking a bit unsure of what to be telling me. I was seeing him almost like he was wanting to already get out of the conversation, like I had sort of put him in a corner.

"I wouldn't really worry about it. Everybody is doing their own thing. Just let them be fine." After Henry was telling me this, I was seeing him looking totally confused at what the issue was, and I was glancing at him for a second or two longer, feeling like I would not say anything, and that I would just let him sort of try and tell me off. I did not want him to treat me like what I was saying did not matter. But in his eyes, it probably did not, and I would not lie to myself about it.

"It's just annoying to see everybody busy and off doing their own thing." I said, and I was meaning what I had said to him, and then Henry was looking like he did not even really want to respond to me, and that he was just letting me sort of be annoyed with myself, and that eventually, he would come in and talk to me about what he was feeling on the issue. But I felt no need to continue, so that came sooner than later.

"Everybody is just thinking that they can be fine. It's nothing shocking." After Henry was telling me this, I was seeing him looking at me, as if feeling like this is something that I should have expected by now. But I did not know what to be saying right now. I was feeling like there was a better answer to what was going on, and I was wanting to know more of what he had felt.

"But I wish people were more nice about it." After I had said this to Henry, I was seeing him looking differently on this, as if he was almost wanting to say something in agreement or to fight, but decided not to say something. I was angry at this whole thing, and I was thinking that I was just going to sort of leave the situation alone. "How are you with it?" I asked, feeling like I just needed to get him to open up with me a bit more.

"People are never going to be nice when they feel like they need to make a point. If people were nice about it, then they would be losing it. They would be losing the point, and everything would be made pointless." After Henry was saying this to me, I felt like I needed to try and say more, but decided not to say anything on it, and that I just needed to shut up. I wanted to hang out with Henry, and see how he was feeling. But he had made his point, and that was all that mattered now.

"But would being nice hurt?" I asked, and then I was seeing him looking like he had wanted to say more, but decided against it. Maybe he was feeling like I would not have enough of a grasp of reality to hear his statements. Maybe he was right, but this whole thing was actually kind of pissing me off, and I was wanting him to have a chance to sort of enlighten me on what to think on this whole matter at hand.

"Maybe it would. Maybe being nice would require a emotional connection that can't be made. I would not worry about it too much. But do what you can, and just have fun. Don't worry about what people say." After he had said that to me, I was seeing him looking like he was wishing to say more, but was not daring to, on the idea that I was going to go further on this, and that I was going to make him sort of be forced to talk longer, and talk further, and then we were all going to be going in loops.

"Maybe you know what it is like to make a bond." After I was saying that to him, I was seeing him looking at me, and I was seeing him clearly looking kind of bad for me, and I was seeing that he was wanting to find something better to say, but was just worried about my reaction, and was worried on if I was going to say something he would not really be ready for.

So as he was saying this to me, I was seeing him sort of ready to just let the subject go, and I was feeling like this was the best that I was going to get out of any of this. "I sometimes know what it is like to make a bond. But that is the best that I can say. And sometimes I do not even remember how important those bonds are." After Henry told me this, I saw him look at me, as if willing to challenge me on this.

"Seriously, I need to go bed now. I mean, I know that you probably want to continue this going on and on and on, but I can't lie to myself either." After Henry was saying this to me, I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to say something else, I was seeing him just sort of looking like in a way, he was not going to speak out anymore what he was feeling, and that in a way, he had already made his point.

"Sorry, I will see you later." I said, and then Henry was nodding, as if there was a small part that had silently been dreading this fact, and like he was not wanting to admit it, but he was going to just do whatever he was going to be able to do to get out of this conversation the nice but easy was. I was not wanting to make him angry at me, but I was feeling like the way that he was acting right now had been a bit much, and I was feeling like he was allowed to feel a certain way about me without being a fucking dick about it.

As he was heading off to his room, I was feeling like I just needed to be taking this easily, and I needed to be taking this in a way he was not going to be mad at me, and that if he was going to show me what he was feeling, he could have at least be a bit nicer on this, and then I would have helped him out a bit more. But at the same time I was just wishing to find a way to make myself feel differently on this, and not be dragging this out any further.

I was sitting down on the chair, and then I was looking at the screen, and I was feeling like I was needing to be taking this seriously, and that I was needing to be more respectful for him, and when I was feeling that, I was just telling myself to be taking it more seriously, and that I was needing to actually not just brush off everything so easily, and just be making a fucking joke on this. Since I knew that there was probably something of validity here.

I was smiling though at one thing. The fact that my brothers were just talking with me in the first place. Them talking with me was always something that I enjoyed deeply, and it was always something that I was willing to take advantage of no matter what the fucking route to that would have been.

…

-Jan 9 1994 3:25 pm- I had sort of given up on trying to figure out what the main issues with my brothers were. If I were to do that, I think I would have been going crazy, and I feel like I could not have really made such a thing work out in the first place. I was stuck here, and I was going to have to accept the fact that they were probably not wanting anybody to get in their business in the first place. They were probably better without me constantly being worried about them, in their own way.

So as I was feeling that way, and I was feeling like I could come to some form of acceptance with that, I had been looking at the small group of them who were still inside of the house after school was let out. Seth and Jack were already home, and it was looking like Lydia was going to be coming soon, due to the fact that she always came in later than them by about twenty minutes or so ever since she began to hang out with Claire.

I was feeling like I would try and talk to them, see how they were doing, see if I could be able to get along with them for a bit, and make them feel like I was going to get into their niche well. But at the same time, there was a part of me that was feeling like this was just not going to happen, and in a way, I would be wasting my time even trying to make such a thing come close to happening.

So with that, I was just looking at the window, and I was hoping for Lydia to return, since I was feeling like no matter what the case would have been, I would have been able to say hello to them, and get them to feel welcome, and maybe Lydia would give me one of her nice hugs, and then I would feel like I was being loved yet again. If such a thing was even needed to be affirmed. Although part of me was wondering something a little bit silly.

I was wondering if I was her favorite sibling out of them all. I was feeling like if I was not her favorite, I would be a bit sad, and I would feel like I needed to try a bit harder, to make her feel like I would be able to connect with her a bit better. But despite how much I was wanting something like that, to be her favorite, part of me was wondering if that even really mattered all that much at the end. I was wondering if I needed to be her favorite.

I mean, as long as she did not publicly say that I wasn't, and that she preferred another one, then I would be able to go under the narrative that I was, and that would have to be a good enough thing for me to go off of, even if it was something that I would have to be playing a little bit with.

Eventually, I was seeing Gabe coming out of his room, and when I had seen that, I was looking at the strange bulge inside of his pocket. One that I would later realize was much more than just a simple fucking wallet or something like that. I was feeling like I really wanted to see what the bulge was, and that I was going to just need to see if I could be able to convince him to tell me about it a bit, and then if he was not ashamed of it, then maybe I could see what was so special about it all.

I was feeling like if I was able to learn about that, and learn what he was doing, and what had started to make him transform from a guy who was always willing to be at our side every day, to just being a guy who was barely coming in and out of the house, then I would feel like at least part of my mental interest would be going away, and part of my confusion would be just brushed off now.

I was walking towards him, and when I was in front of him, I was tugging at his leg. I did this a couple of times to make sure that I got his attention, and he was turning around to look at me, and I was seeing that he was having a clearly mixed feeling of seeing me here. As if he was just trying to understand what I was even trying to accomplish here. "What are you up to?" Gabe asked, and I was seeing that he was wanting to not sound annoyed, but I was seeing that maybe he was just failing to do something like this.

"I was wanting to see if you were doing good. I never see you around anymore." I said, and then Gabe's look went from being annoyed to being kind of sad, as if he was aware of something like this, and he was now starting to let the weight of that sink in. He was sighing, as if feeling like maybe he was just needing to try and find a way to make me feel differently about this.

"Honestly, I wish that I could have been able to see you guys more often. That is probably not going to happen though. I wish that you never had to deal with the stuff that I was dealing with." After Gabe was telling me this, I was seeing him looking like he was wishing to say something else, to try and make me feel a bit better, but that at the moment, there really was nothing else to say.

"I mean, this is very important. Don't worry about it. I am going to make sure that everything gets taken care of, and then we can go back into doing our own thing." After Gabe was telling me this, I was seeing that part of him was just desperately hoping that I would buy into what I was saying, and I was thinking about what the hell Gabe and I were even going to be getting out of this.

"Can you tell us eventually?" I asked, and then I was feeling like I just needed to see where this was even going to go. I was wanting to make Gabe feel like there was a choice, and that he did not have to lock himself into this. I did not know if such a thing was even possible, but I did not give a fuck. I was feeling like I just needed to get him to listen to me.

"This is not going to work out, I will have to keep this information to myself, and you are just going to have to accept it. One way or another, you are just going to have to accept this." Gabe was saying to me, and I was seeing him looking like he was really not in the mood to be messing with me here. If I even dare to say anything else, then I would annoying him.

"But what about the older ones?" I asked, and then I was seeing Gabe looking a bit unsure of what to tell me. I was seeing him looking like he was wishing to just leave me alone, and I was feeling like if I dared to say anything else, he would not go out of his way to try and act fine with this, he would be showing me that he was over it, and that he was wanting me to do something else with my time besides pestering him all the damn time.

I was almost feeling bad for this, and I was feeling like maybe I was just needing to get over it. "Sorry, I will leave you alone." I said, and then I was seeing that he was looking like that was the main thing that he had needed for me to tell him. He was looking like he was finally getting close to accepting everything, and that maybe when Gabe would find all the answers out, and when he would finally bring it together, then we would know what to be doing.

Eventually, I was seeing Gabe giving me a tight, unintentionally, but comforting hug, and then when he was letting go, I was seeing him looking right at me, and then he was smiling a small bit. "I appreciate you caring though." After he was saying this to me, I was seeing him looking a bit better about what he had said and then he was standing up, and walking out of the house. As he was doing this, I was sighing, feeling like I could have been better, and I could have done more, but felt like it was going to be the best that I was going to get out of this, and just needed to accept such a thing.

As Gabe was finally gone once again, I was feeling like I had needed so much more, and like I wanted so much more than just a simple hug. I was feeling like a simple hug would have been the worst outcome, because I do not know how sincere it had been, and I had no idea if he was feeling like he just had to say that to me, to make me feel better about this whole thing.

I was feeling like if I was going to finally get him to open up, and finally get him to talk with me, that would have been all that I wanted. All that I had needed. But I was just sort of confused as to this now. I was feeling like when I would see Gabe again, I would try much harder, and I would force him to tell me more. Or as close to force as I would be able to when I was a younger kid, and barely anybody took me seriously.

I had no idea how much something like this would have required true grit and determination, but I did not care. I was feeling like if I needed to talk with Gabe, I would have been just saying that he was making me feel sad for not knowing how close he was to safety. I was going to tell him that he needed to have a greater connection with me, to sort of make it feel more genuine to how I was. Despite what I had been feeling, I just did not even care anymore.

I had tried to understand what the issue with this family had beem what the main thing everybody was even trying to accomplish was. I was feeling like if I did not know what the main goal behind this was, then I would have gone crazy. I was feeling like Gabe really was a decent guy, who felt like he was doing the right thing, but he was lacking the methods to get there, and I was feeling like the lack of proper methods was the main thing that was dragging him down.

If he would just tell us what the issue was, and tell us why he was lying, then I would have felt better about it all. I would have felt better about what I was getting myself into, and I would have felt better about not doing anything to help my brothers out. Which I was feeling like had been my grave mistake at the end of it all.

But despite what I had been feeling, there was something else that I was not wanting to admit but I knew deep down inside was probably the truth. And that was the fact that I was probably just simply not the sibling who could have helped out. I was only three years old. How the hell would I have been able to make any fucking difference? In all reality, deep down inside, I was aware that I was being a fucking idiot. I was being too brash.

But that did not change the fact that I had wanted to do something, the fact that I had felt like doing something was the best thing that I could have done. I was feeling like if I had some fucking route of plan, and some way to show Gabe that I was not lost and not going to make things worse, than I feel like maybe I would have had a leg to stand on. But I needed to first find something that was going to be considered anywhere close to a plan, and then once I would do that, I would have to find a way to try and come through with it, and not look like I was in the wrong path.

I was feeling like none of this even fucking mattered anymore though. I wanted to help my brothers, and that was the only thing that was on my mind for the longest time. How the hell would I have helped them, and how the hell would I have gotten them to see that I was willing to push my own boundaries for them. In a way, I was feeling like I needed to be more rough with Gabe and the others if I wanted to make my point.

Sure, I was the third youngest, and some people would barely consider me to be more than a baby, but I don't care. I don't give a fuck what I was feeling, and I don't care what they were feeling. I was wanting to be making them see that I was not a boy that I could be messed with. I then wondered for a moment what the others who were older than me even thought of me in the first place. Or if they were willing to be thinking about me much, and not feel like I was sort of just wasting time.

Despite what was going on in my mind, I was then thinking about something else. The fact that even if they were a bit much to handle, my siblings never showed any sign of contempt or anything towards me. In fact, usually the opposite. They usually always showed signs of caring for me, and wanting to make me feel better, and make me feel like I was there, and I was a man who mattered. It was just that sometimes it was hard to focus on me, considering the fact that I was on the younger end of the spectrum. It was a totally different mindset they were playing with here.

I was telling myself that my siblings were just doing the best that they could given the situation, and as I was telling myself this, and as I was telling myself that I needed to remember where they were coming from, and what they were doing, I was sighing, and I was starting to feel like I was going to have to try and accomplish this more often for all of our sakes. And that I would just have to stick with Lydia for a while longer.

As this was happening, I was seeing Henry looking at me from the kitchen. As he was doing this, I was seeing that there was a look on his face as if to sort of indicating that I needed to get used to this feeling, and that I needed to get over it, and not be upset about it anymore. And when I was seeing him like this, I was sighing, and just shook my head, almost not even caring.

I eventually was just wanting to make Henry know that I was not too worried over such a thing, but in a way, I was just not even caring. I was telling myself that when I would see Henry again, and talk with him, the two of us could talk about what it was like to be brushed off by the older siblings, and maybe he must have at least gotten what it was really like.

But as this was happening, and I was trying to find something to say, I decided that I was not even going to bother with this anymore. So with that, I was walking to the kitchen, and then I was going to just see how he was doing, and then we could talk about it. I did not know if we needed to talk in the first place. I did not care though. Part of me was just wanting to see if I would have been able to pester him.

There was one thing that was crossing my mind though, and that was the fact that I truly had no idea what Henry was feeling. I had no idea if he was used to something like this, or if he was just sick of it. I was feeling like he was probably sick of it, and that he had known this whole thing longer than I ever could have, and that to have me upset about it was almost kind of rich now.

I was wondering what Henry was having to deal with, being the first of the after Lydia siblings, and probably being treated as nothing more than a slightly annoying kid as a result. When I was starting to realize for the first time that what he was dealing with might have sucked as well, I was sighing, feeling like maybe I just needed to keep what I was telling myself in perspective more, and that maybe when I would do that, there was going to be a small chance that I would feel almost like we were together in a way. I had no idea what Henry was dealing with, and I just sort of needing to get over it, and I just needed to let it go, and not push my luck any longer.

…

-Jan 10 1994 5:25 pm- I was wanting to pretend like there was no real issue to what was going on, but I could not stop fucking thinking about what was inside of Gabe's pocket, and I could not stop thinking about what it would be like to just finally know the answer, so I would be able to move on with my mind, and just think about issues that I was feeling like would have been more important, and issues I felt like I would be able to possibly get to know more about.

But despite what I had been feeling, I was telling myself that maybe I was just going to need to think a bit harder about what it would be like to actually earn his trust in the first place. I was feeling that I needed to do something like this before I would even come close to having him feel like he would be able to actually be upfront with me, and that we could work out in a way. I was feeling that I could make more of a indent with Henry, and see what he was feeling.

As I was feeling this, there was something that I was sort of just wanting to get a better answer to. I was wanting to see if Henry knew what was going on, and if he was even actually able to open up, and talk with people, and not be sort of like a weird fucking mummy-like person. I was thinking that Henry needed to just do something better than just being angry and not talking with anybody, and just looking like he was wanting to snap at any second.

Maybe if I could get him to open up, and see that there was something he could do here, and that maybe talking with me would not be so bad, then perhaps the two of us would be able to kick it off, and then the two of us would finally feel like we were able to just bone a bit stronger. So with that, I decided that I was going to give it a try, and that maybe when I would see him, and talk with him, the two of us would be able to know each other more, and that the two of us did not need to worry about what everybody else was feeling about us.

But first I would need to get him to agree with the idea of talking to me. I was feeling like doing that would have already been a rough first test, and that him wanting to talk to me would have already been something that I would have to consider an achievement in my own right. But I was not thinking about that as I reached up to him, and then I spoke a greeting to him, and then he was looking at me, and I was seeing that he was looking kind of shocked to see me there, and was getting back to his gloomy self.

"I was just getting ready to do something. What were you wanting to talk about?" Henry asked me, and I was seeing him looking a bit worried to see me, and I was seeing that Henry was just trying to look normal, and that he was trying to make it look like he was having a minor amount of patience to this, but the more that I was looking at him, the more and more that I was seeing that he was just not able to make it look like he was able to accomplish anything like that. I was looking down, aware that I needed to get to my point as fast as possible.

"What were you going to do?" I asked, and I was seeing that Henry was giving me that exact same look that Gabe had given me earlier, and I was seeing that whatever I was getting myself into, I was certainly not seeing their bright side. But at the same time, I did not give a shit. I was wanting to see if maybe I could help him out, and I was going to do whatever it took to get there, even if I was going to be annoying him to get there.

But despite what he was looking like, and despite how he was feeling, he decided to talk a bit longer. "I was going to play outside." After he was saying this to me, I was seeing him a bit annoyed about this whole thing. I was seeing him looking like he had wished to say something else, to get me away. But that there was a part of him that knew that even he could not be able to hold any negative feelings with talking to me.

"How is it like to play outside?" I asked, and he was looking like maybe what I was asking was just going to be a bit more annoying than anything else, but when he was thinking about what he was going to tell me, and he was clearly thinking about what it would have been like to properly describe the feeling, he was smiling, and thinking about how lucky I would have been one of these days, when I was five.

"It is nice, and it is a lot of fun to just mess around. You know, just not caring. Doing something you enjoy. I think that this is the best that I can say." After Henry was telling me this, I was seeing him looking a bit unsure of what to tell me now, since I was feeling like he had already voiced how he had felt, and that saying anything else would have been a waste of time.

"Do you want to have friends with you?" I asked, and I did not want to be saying that to piss him off. I was feeling like I just sort of needed to see what he was going to say, and if he was going to be mad at me. I was seeing that there was a level of annoyance that he was getting with people telling him about his lack of friends.

"I already have people that are nice to me. That is all that I need." Henry was telling me, and then he was looking like he was wanting me to leave him alone, and that he was just sort of wishing that he did not need to be reminded of this stuff all the time. I was seeing that there was a small part of him that looked kind of sad at me right now.

"Do you like to be with them?" After I asked this, I was seeing him looking a bit differently at that second question, as if feeling like that was a more valid one, and one that he would have been willing to answer. I was seeing him wanting to possibly talk a bit longer, but at the same time, there was no real issue to what was happening, and I was just wishing to see what Henry was really dealing with.

"Yeah, I do. They are not the most exciting people, but they are nice. They make me feel welcome, and they make me feel like they actually do like to listen to me." Henry was saying to me, and there was a part of me that was feeling like I just needed to let him feel this, and that I just needed to not be pushing what I was feeling to him any further, and that if I did that, I would only be making things even worse for him.

Despite what was going on, I was seeing Henry looking like he was having a rather conflicted feeling to all that was actually going on now. "Well, have some fun. Sorry for keeping you stuck." I said, and then I was seeing Henry looking right at me, and I was seeing that maybe we were just going to have to try and make some of this work out better for us. I was seeing Henry just looking almost kind of conflicted on the whole idea of actually enjoying something, and if such a thing would have even been a bit possible. So with that, he was sighing, and not saying anything else.

"See you later. Thanks for talking to me." After Henry was telling me this, I was seeing that there was a small hint of sincerity to what he had been saying, and that was the main thing that made me feel better about what was going on. Seeing Henry actually at least giving me some form of fake approval, was the only thing that I could have wished for when talking with them.

Eventually, I was seeing him walking along, and I was feeling like there was no real issue to what was happening, and I was feeling like maybe when I would see Henry again, and when I would talk with him, he would tell me what was so good or bad about these friends, and I was telling myself to try and keep a relatively open mind, for his sake, and to make him feel like I was not trying to make things worse.

I sat down, and then I was thinking about what Henry was doing, and what it was like to have the right age to play outside. I knew that it was only a year and a half away, but that feeling inside, that wish to just do it, and just have some fun, was killing me. I was wanting to get out there so badly, and I was wanting to enjoy the fresh air so much. I did not care how selfish the whole thing was seeming, and I was not caring what people were going to be telling me.

I was telling myself that being upset about it all was not going to be changing the whole thing, and that I just needed to be doing something else with my time. That maybe if I came along, and joined like Todd or something, on a hang out with Bebe, then maybe I would be feeling like I was getting something at the very least. It was not going to be much, but it was going to have to do, and I was going to have to have to see what Bebe would do to make me feel more welcome in her social circle.

I was feeling like this Bebe girl was going to be the nicest person ever, no matter what anybody could be saying about like Lydia or anything. I mean, Lydia was good, and Lydia did seem to always have a sense of sisterly protection to her, but I was feeling like if I was to get on Bebe's good side, then everything would be great, and everything would be coming together just the way it was meant to come together.

I was getting up, and I was feeling like I needed to try and see how something could have worked out. I was telling myself that I just needed to give of a fucking great presentation, and that I needed to just make it clear that I wanted her to feel happier with seeing us. I did not give a single shit what people were saying. I was thinking that Todd would have probably met a really nice person with Bebe, if she did not reject me, and that by feeling like this, maybe she would have been really happy to hear me say something like this.

Once I was up the stairs, I was seeing that Todd was just standing out of the front door, and he was clearly looking like he was waiting for something, and I wanted to see what he was doing. So I was walking towards the direction of the door, and I was feeling like I would bother him for a moment, and that this would be fine in his eyes, after a couple of moments.

I was looking, and saw that Todd was doing something on his own. I was seeing that he was looking decently well considering the situation, and then I was standing next to Todd, and I was feeling like I would need to know what I was going to be planning to say now.

"Hey Todd, how are you?" I asked, and he was looking right at me, and I was seeing him looking a bit unsure of what he was going to tell me, almost as if scared that whatever he was going to say, I would not fully process, and not understand how he was going to get me out of this. "I heard about Bebe, and she sounds awesome." I said, and then I was feeling like I did not need to say more.

"She is awesome. That is the best way to describe it. I mean, I think that next time she comes by, which is soon, and she will see you, and maybe if she likes you enough, and you present yourself well enough, she will let you hang out with us." Todd was saying to me, and hearing him tell me that was all that I needed to hear to feel like my motivation was over the top. My excitement to be seeing the famed Bebe was all that mattered.

As he was saying this to me, I was seeing him looking like he was wishing to say something else, but in a way, was feeling that it wasn't all that big of a deal. "Todd, does Bebe like us so far?" I had felt like this question was a valid one, and I was feeling like maybe if he was going to tell me that this was not the case, then I would be able to be ready for something like this before I set myself too deeply into this.

"She thinks you guys are cool, and she wants to hang around you." After Todd was telling me this, I was feeling like this had been enough for me to feel like we were going to be heading to a level of happiness. "I mean, in the couple of times she has socialized with you all, she seems to be fine with you guys, although she seems to kind of think that maybe Henry is a bit odd." After Todd said that, I nodded, feeling like it was hard not to feel that way.

"Which ones has she met so far?" I asked, feeling like that was probably the most valid question that I would be able to ask him. He was looking at me, sighing, and feeling like maybe if he was wishing to have this discussion, he would have set aside more time to try and talk with me now.

"Pretty much all the ones before Lydia, and I think Henry at least of the ones after her. I don't know if she has met Lydia though." Todd said, and then he was almost feeling a bit unsure of where to keep the talk going on for a bit longer.

"Does she like them?" I asked, and I was aware that I kind of asked the same question already, but I did not give a shit. I was wanting to see what Todd was going to say, and I was wanting to see if perhaps he was actually having a big story he would be able to give me now.

"She thinks that Gabe is rather nice, and does seem to be a easily socialable person. She respects the determination that Josiah has to fulfill his field, and she sort of seems like she can kind of respect the fact that he will probably fill it up. I think she thinks that Seth is a bit of annoying on some of the jokes, but I think deep down inside, she also appreciates his kind and out there sense humor on the whole. She seems to feel bad for Jack, knowing what it is like to want something she might never have." After Todd was saying this to me, I was seeing him looking like there was no more to even say.

"Honestly though, I think she just sort of wants to make sure that nothing that happens is going to be making him feel awful. I think that Jack is the one she would be most willing to connect with, at least temporarily, and make sure that he gets on the team, and then maybe when that is all done, she will feel like she can be able to move forward." Todd was telling me, and then I was seeing him almost looking like he was wishing to say something else, to change the perception of this discussion, but sort of decided that maybe nothing else mattered.

"Do you think Jack is going to make the team?" I asked, feeling like this was a valid point of discussion, and then Todd was looking right at me, and then he was sighing, sort of confused on what to tell me, and he was clearly just wanting to make me feel better, but did not know why I cared about Jack so much.

"I think that Jack might make the team if he tries hard enough. I think that he just has to put in his best effort, no matter how much time passes. You know, if he does not make it, I will try to let him remember that there is always next year, but to be honest with you, even I feel like that is going to be a petty ass consolation." After Todd was telling me this, I was seeing him looking like he was wishing to say more, but could not do it.

"I mean, I think that he has placed in a lot of time and effort into this, and I think that this is enough to make a difference. I think that maybe if for nothing else, this can sort of change how it works." After Todd was finished with his statement, I was seeing that maybe the idea of Jack not making it to the team would have been sort of sad, but he would not change it.

"I wish that he was not so worried about what everybody thought of him. If he would not be like this, and if he was himself more, then the issues would not be there. I feel bad for him, but I feel like he is too worried about some of the more superficial story here." After Todd was saying this to me, I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to say more, but decided not to say anything about it for a moment.

"Do you think Jack will be happy if he makes it to the team?" I asked, and I knew that this question was going to be pointless, but for some reason, I was feeling like I was needing to just hear what his affirmation could have been, and I was feeling like maybe I just sort of needed to see if maybe Jack was going to be alright in his own right.

"I think he will be acting like he had been on top of the world, sort of just wanting to let it all sink in. I think that the sport team is the only thing will come even close to making him feel right, and I will try and support him here." Todd was trying to say, and I was feeling like maybe if Todd was going to say more, he would have said it by now, and not been brushing me off here.

"I think that even if I do not full on get it, and I do not fully feel like being on the team is important, I am going to try and help him make it, and that is all that I can get out of it." After Todd was telling me this, I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to say more, but decided not to say more on it.

"Todd, I think he should be happy, and he should make it to the team, and by doing so, he can make it work." I was saying, and I was feeling like the prospect of Jack making it onto the team was easily the more important thing to be doing, and I was feeling like virtually nothing else fucking mattered, no matter what people would have said.

"His happiness is going to be fucking impossible, and I feel like I just need to get over it. I want to see him doing well, but he is not even giving us a chance to help him out. Almost like he had this idea in his mind that he needs to prove it to us that he can handle this, and that he is going to need to find a way to change how it is going. But I guess that it does not really matter." Todd was telling me, and then I was seeing him just sort of looking like there was nothing to discuss now.

"I think that him being happy is worth the try at least. If he doesn't get what he wants, then nothing can work out the way it is supposed to." I said, and then I was holding my hands up, and Todd was looking at me, as if feeling like he was almost agreeing with me, but decided that he was not going to say anything else about it. He was just sort of fucking over it.

"I mean, I think that maybe he just believes that nobody supports him, and while I think that this is not true, I feel like I can't change what he believes, and that I am just going to have to accept what he says. I am going to have to just accept the fact that he believes in this whole thing." After Todd was saying this, I was seeing him looking sort of over this shit, and that there was no real need to continue speaking any longer.

As he was telling me this, and before I could even dream of trying to find more to say, a person just parked their car, and it was not the person that Dylan was telling me of. I was seeing that it was a girl with black hair, and looked to be close to Todd's age. When I was seeing her, Todd instantly lit up, and he was looking like this was making him on top of the world. As he was looking like this, I was smiling, knowing that this was the girl he had been waiting forward to seeing.

"We can talk about it more. Trust me, I have a lot of stuff to think of." After Todd said that to me, I was seeing him looking a bit unsure of what to say now. He just looked like he was sort of happy to know that no matter what was going on, Todd was always going to have somebody who was going to make him feel good at his side, and then he walked inside of the car. I watched for a couple of seconds, and then I sighed, and then left back in the house.

As Todd and Bebe were heading off, I was telling myself that I would meet them later, and I would show her that I was a good guy later, and that soon enough, they were going to be on top of the world, and that perhaps I just needed to let them know that I was going to support how happy they had been, and that this was the only thing that truly mattered for me, was the fact that I knew they were doing good. That they were going to be keeping together a level of happiness at least for now.

…

-Jan 11 1994 3:21 am- I was getting up in the middle of the night to go use the rest room, and when I was done with that, I would be going right to bed. Or at least that was what I was feeling like I would have been able to do. But as this was happening, I was seeing that Todd was hanging out with Bebe at that moment, and I was feeling like I just needed to see what he was doing, and if I was going to be able to come along and join. I was also wondering why the hell they were up so late.

As I was having all of these questions sort of flowing together at that moment, I was walking towards them, and I knew that there was a chance that they were going to be kind of annoyed with me, but that after a moment, they would probably going to get over it, and that they were just going to let me tag along for a couple of minutes, and then when I would be tired, I would go to bed, and they wouldn't have to deal with me anymore anyways.

I was feeling like I might as well just sort of see what the hell they were wanting to do here anyways, and I would see if they were going to be pissed to see me around. I doubted that they were going to be making a huge issue out of it. I was just telling myself this over and over again as I was walking to the area. When I was seeing both of them doing this, I was feeling like I might as well break into the conversation, and make it seem to be sort of worth it.

"Are you Bebe?" I asked when I was close enough, and then both of them looked down, and saw me, and I was seeing that both of them were sort of looking a bit annoyed to see me here, and that they were both wishing to avoid this type of conversation. But with that, they were clearly getting over that moment and they were clearly willing to at least given the presentation that they were fine with having me here for the moment.

"Yeah, I'm Bebe. I met Todd a few weeks ago for the first time since high school, and we're just sort of connecting again. I think that this is the first time we met." Bebe said, and I knew that she was just trying to be nice, and Todd was feeling like he had to play along, but at the same time, I was feeling like maybe he was really not going to be a huge fan of this whole thing.

"Todd told me about you." I said, feeling like I did not need to lie or hide the truth. And that maybe she would kind of enjoy that fact, and that she might be willing to see if Todd was talking about her fondly behind her back or something. I was feeling as if anything, what I had done would help out.

"I was telling her about how you never really met the others yet, and that they might like to get to know you." Todd was saying, and I was seeing him sort of looking like he would defuse this situation if he was just focused on the end product enough, and then Bebe was nodding, and she was looking like there was nothing wrong with what he had said. "I just told him about some of your first impressions of the others as well."

"He told me you hate Henry." I said, and I was feeling like I would be able to use this as a way to get a head start on Henry, and make her like at me more than at least one of them, and by doing so, there would be a chance where we would be able to have a greater connection to this. Bebe looked at me, as if unsure of what to say now.

"I would not go as far as to say that I hate him. I just think he's really odd. And I think that maybe he cares a bit too much about death and stuff." Bebe was saying, as if trying to make it seem like she did not really have a issue with him, and then when she was done saying that, Todd gave me a glance, as if trying to figure out what the hell I was even trying to accomplish with any of this at the moment.

"I mean, I think that he is probably the one I will have a harder time connecting to compared to the others, but to say that I hate him might be a bit much." After she was done saying that, she sighed, as if feeling like there was no need to say anything else, and that she had felt like she fully made her point, and would be able to sort of just move on from this whole thing. Then I looked at her, kind of wondering what to say now.

"Is Todd cool?" I asked, and I was not even meaning it in a bad context. Bebe was looking at Todd, and after a couple of seconds, she nodded, and I was happy to see her sort of looking like she was willing to accept Todd as that, and that maybe there was more she was going to get out of hanging out with us than she had probably wanted to admit.

"He is a really nice guy. I mean, total polar opposite of what he was like in high school, and truly seems to care about every single one of you." After she had said that, she nodded, and I was seeing Todd looking like he was glad to see her admit his improvements as a brother and as a person, and that he had come a ways on his own right.

"Sorry to bother you." I said, and I was feeling like I was not really wanted, and as a result, I was feeling like I was just needing to pretend like I was not going to be making a huge issue out of this, and that I was needing to just go away. "It's nice to see you guys so happy." I said, and I was genuinely meaning what I was saying, and then I was seeing Bebe looking like she was glad to hear me telling her that.

"Don't worry about it. Nice to see you looking like you are so happy. I mean, I never really understood what it was like to have such a large family. I never really knew if you guys were ready for such a thing, but it seems like you guys are able to handle it mostly." After Bebe was telling me this, I knew that she was not meaning anything bad by this, but at the same time, I was feeling like there was a small part of her that was looking a bit unsure of what to be saying, as if she was wishing to sort of see what her family could have been like if she was in our shoes.

"You get used to it." Todd was saying, and I was feeling like he was probably going to have more validity to saying that than virtually anybody in the family, considering the fact that he had been dealing with this ever since he was two years old, and was probably sort of over it by this point. Although it had seemed like he had sort of just wanted a bit more. "I mean, I sometimes wonder what it would have been like without everybody in the family, but it is not that huge of a deal."

"Hey Drake, how do you like having such a large family?" Bebe asked, and I was seeing her looking a bit unsure of what to be saying now, and I was clearly able to just see that she was really wishing to see how I was going to incorporate myself into this conversation, and if I was able to really have any insightful statements. To be honest, I think that if she was expecting anything from me, it would be impossible.

"It's fun. I'm sometimes scared if I'm anybodys favorite or not." I said, and then I was looking down, feeling like a bit of a loser when I was saying this, and I was seeing Bebe looking a bit unsure of what the heck I was going to be saying now. I was seeing her sort of wanting to just sort of question me on if it really mattered how much I was everybodys favorite or not. "I just want to be the top brother." I said, and then I was seeing Bebe looking a bit unsure of what to say now, and I was seeing Bebe just kind of off.

"Everybody likes you. That should be enough for you to be happy." After Bebe was telling me this, I was seeing her looking like there was nothing wrong with what she was saying, and I was seeing her almost looking like she was just wanting to see what the hell Todd would have been saying to this. He was giving me a faint smile, and I was feeling like I needed to at least try and remember what she was saying, and not let her down as a result of this.

"Yeah, you're really cute." Todd said, and he was feeling strange for saying that, as if wondering what he was going to be doing with his life now that he had just called one of his brothers cute, and he was feeling like he had sort of needed to just find a better way to say something like this, and not be sounding like a total weirdo. But then after he was saying this to me, I was looking at Bebe, wondering what I was going to say now.

"Thanks." I said, and then I was looking at Bebe, and I was seeing that she was probably starting to lose a mild amount of the patience that she was having for the situation, and that even if she did not want to say it to not make me feel sad or angry, she was probably clearly wanting me to head out, so that way she would be able to be with Todd again, and she would be able to hang out with us later on, and not make any issue on this.

"Well, good night." I said, and then I was looking at both Todd and Bebe, and I was seeing that even if neither of them wanted to admit it, that this was probably the best thing that I could have said, and that now they were going to be able to love on each other, and show each other how much they really were wanting to be together, and that I was sort of ruining the moment by getting in the way of it all.

As I was starting to head on out, I was seeing Todd looking at me, and I was seeing him looking a bit unsure of what to say now. "Hey Drake, just don't let anything bother you too much. All of us like you. That should be enough for you to be happier." After Todd was telling me this, I was aware that he was meaning well, but I was unsure of what to tell him, and I was feeling like maybe he was trying a bit too hard to make me feel better about this all. I still nodded though, knowing he meant well.

As I was out of the living room, I was telling myself that they were telling the truth, and that they would not dare lie to me, and that I was just taking this too seriously, and that I was needing to relax a bit longer. As I was telling myself that, and I sort of reminded myself that I did not need to be anybodys favorite to still be happier, I was having a wild mix of emotions, and part of me was feeling unsure of what to be sort of thinking about that idea, and if I agreed or not.

...

-Jan 12 1993 7:47 pm- I was sort of forgetting all about the encounter with Bebe last night, and was remembering that she was just probably trying to spend some time with Todd, and that I was only making things much worse for them, and that I was needing to just be at their side, and that I needed to find a way to sort of remember that what she was saying was probably right. She was most likely telling the truth about me being loved.

I was feeling like I was just needing to find a way to make them both feel like they were right in telling me that things were going to be fine, and that I did not need to worry too much about what they wanted to deal with. I was not needing to worry too much about the fact that they were just trying to be alone, and that I was only making things harder for them by not doing that at all. And that this was just their uncertain reactions in a way.

I had also needed to remember that at least I wasn't like Gabe, who was pretty much ruining the entire family because of his interest in finding some strange answers to something that was probably not even going to be all that big of a deal. But I was also feeling like maybe I needed to just give Gabe a bit more credit, and that maybe he really did not know what he was going to create when he had been doing this.

I was scared out of my fucking mind out of Gabe's antics, and I knew that it was probably not that big of a deal what he was doing, but that did not mean that I had to be really in love with the idea as well. I mean, he was probably going out there, and he could have been doing some drug deals for all that I knew, and that as a result of what he had been doing, he was putting his family in danger, and that it was almost selfish.

I knew that maybe I was being a bit harsh on him, but in a way, there was another part of me that was just not even caring what anybody would have said. I was thinking that if Gabe was going to be going out, and if he was going to be doing all of this stuff, then he was not going to be immune to people telling him about his mistakes, and what he had needed to do to make a difference.

As I was thinking about what Gabe was doing, and in a way, wishing that despite my previous statements, that I could have been in the know how, and being a hero with him. But as that was happening, Jack was showing up with a basket ball, and I was seeing that he was looking decently happy, and nothing like the sad guy that Todd and I discussed that's probably was just recently. Which made me wonder what was happening now.

"I am going to be playing some ball out in the front yard, if you wanted to watch." Jack said, and I was feeling like maybe my mom and dad would not be so worried about the no outside rule too much when I was with my siblings, and when it was in the yard, so I was feeling like maybe I was just needing to take the risk, and as a result, I had nodded, and decided to at least give it a try.

We were heading out of the house, and when we were both outside, I was feeling like I might be able to make some small talk with him, and see what he was wanting to tell me. "Hey Jack, how are you doing?" I asked, and then he was looking at me, and he was clearly looking like he was not wanting to deal with that type of discussion, and that he was sort of wishing that I did not try and force him to do something like that.

"I'm doing alright. I think that I might have made it on the team." Jack was telling me, and then I was sighing in relief, knowing that a large part of my worries on what he was doing was now going to be gone, and I was sort of wondering how things were now, and I was feeling like maybe we could have been able to talk for a while longer. Jack threw the ball through the hoop, and then said "Not that anybody in the family fucking cares."

First time that I heard him swear, and I was unsure of what to feel about it. Then again, I knew that at nine years old, he was probably feeling like he was old enough to swear in small doses, as long as adult figures were not around, and trust me, I was nowhere close to being an adult figure, and he had probably felt like as a result, he would have been able to get away with it a bit more than normal with me.

"Why do you say that?" I said, trying to deflect from my shock of the swear, and then Jack was looking right at me, and he was looking like he was trying to decide if I was being serious or not. Then with that, he decided that he was going to just tell me the real reasons this was happening, and he was feeling like maybe if he was going to enlighten me on this, then I would start to understand the way that he was feeling.

"Because everybody is doing their own thing, and everybody is acting like what they are dealing with is so much better and more important. People clearly do not care about what makes me happy. People show more interest in Seth's shows than they show in my games." After Jack was telling me this, I was seeing him looking at me, as if wondering if I was able to process how messed up that shit was. I was sort of able to get it, even if I did not think that I was able to fully put my mind around it.

"I was talking to Todd. He seems to care." I said, and I was so glad that I had a huge amount of older brothers and a older sister, due to the fact that I was able to pick up on their vocabulary, and was having an extremely advanced vocabulary for somebody of my age, and was able to sort of hold a conversation of my own with my older brothers. Just wanted to clear that up, and that was why even at our ages, we were able to discuss things on par with them.

"Yeah, I guess that maybe he does. But he cares more about that Bebe girl, and he seems to be willing to just brush everything off aside, and deal with that, and not be with me, when I feel like I needed some help on this." After Jack was telling me this, I was looking at him, as if wondering why he was having such a huge issue, and I was just wanting to see if maybe I could be able to get him to feel differently.

"I mean, Bebe is attractive, but why the hell would he be more focused on her than us? I mean, we are his brothers, and Lydia is his sister." Jack said, and I was finding it funny how almost all of us had a issue with adding Lydia at the end, and sort of addressing the brothers as a sort of vague concept before we even bring her up. And that maybe that was another thing that would be able to connect the dialogue of us in a way.

"What counts as attractive?" I asked, genuinely curious what Jack was thinking to the subject. He sighed, as if feeling like there was no way in hell he was going to be able to fully place in into such a simple idea, but then I was seeing him looking like he was willing to at least try, and that maybe if he was successful enough, he would be able to help me get it more.

"Somebody that when you first meet them, they take your breath away. Somebody that just make you stop what you are doing, and make you want to look at them more. They sort of stop everything around you as well." Jack describes to me, and I was feeling like the was sort of going to let this take him away, and see what I was going to say now.

"Did you feel that way with Bebe?" I asked, trying to see if maybe I was going to be able to help Jack sort of find somebody who mattered to him that much. Jack was looking worried about what we were discussing now, as if feeling like people were just not going to be taking him serious on this entire thing. But then he was slowly nodding.

"Maybe I'm just jealous to know that he was able to find somebody who seemed to care for him. Who seemed to always be willing to actually make sure that he was feeling a bit valued here. I mean, I sort of feel like if I had gotten that, I would have felt differently about everything. I would have maybe felt like I was not sort of rejected at my school." After Jack had said that, I was seeing him looking like he had wanted to see what I was feeling here.

"You can find somebody you like someday." I said, and I was meaning it, knowing that Jack was a good enough guy to pull something like this off if he had tried hard enough. Eventually, I was seeing him looking like he was genuinely wanting to try and make it seem better for himself, but just could not really find a way to get himself to fully believe in what he was even getting himself into now.

"Yeah, hopefully you're right. I mean, if I was able to do something like that, I would feel like maybe I was getting something right here after all. But I guess that what I am saying does not even really matter anymore." After Jack was telling me this, I was seeing him looking a bit unsure of what to tell me, and I was seeing Jack kind of wanting to talk longer, but just could not fucking find a single way to make what he was saying seem like it was making any fucking sense.

"I mean, if somebody were to actually reach out to me, and if somebody actually talked with me, and made me feel a bit more accepted here, then that would have been all that I had really needed. It would have been all that I had really fucking wanted." After Jack was telling me this, I was seeing him looking like there was no way in hell he would have been able to get himself into some form of feeling better, but just was failing to accomplish any of this in virtually any way.

"How do you get people to like you?" I asked, and then Jack was throwing another attempt or two before he was looking at me, and he was clearly looking like he was wishing with all of his heart and soul that he would have had a good answer to that question, and that he would have answered it well.

…

-Jan 13 1994 9:15 pm- I was remembering the conversation that I had with Jack, and I was letting it sort of come to my mind, and I was feeling like maybe I was going to be able to sort of think about what he was wanting to accomplish here, and that maybe if I was able to remember the good things that were going to come out of hearing what Jack was liking to do, and I was feeling like maybe he was going to have a small chance to make his desires work.

I was feeling like if he ended up getting on the team, then maybe he might be able to use this as a chance to get the girl he liked, and that maybe this was seriously the only thing that he had truly needed. I was honestly believing in all of this, and I was hoping that no matter what was going to happen, he would be able to finally woo somebody, and they would appreciate his effort.

I was almost finding the whole idea to be a bit funny, but at the same time, I was feeling like maybe Jack just was sort of looking for somebody that he would have liked, and that maybe he just needed to look harder and longer, and then everything would have made some sense to it all. I was feeling like maybe when Jack would find that perfect girl, and that one person who changed him, I would be happy for him in my own way.

I was wondering why he even cared so much though. I mean, it was just a girl, and I did not want to be sounding like a loser when I was saying this, but I was feeling like maybe I just needed to be realistic on this whole thing, and that I needed to try and find a way to sort of see what the issue to this was. What the whole benefit out of this really could have been. I was feeling like when I would understand, I would be sort of getting it better.

But as I was thinking about that a bit longer, and thinking about how little I was able to understand it, I was telling myself to just sort of take it more seriously, and that if I took it more seriously, then it would have made more sense. But in a way, I was feeling like I could talk with Dylan on what the whole thing seemed to me, and maybe we could be able to share a bit of the uncertainty, and then we would be able to share a bit of a brotherly moment, and then it would be all great and done.

As I was feeling that something like this might have been done, I was wondering what it would have been like to actually get somebody to truly be liking us in our own way. I was wondering if such a thing could have been done. I was feeling like maybe Bebe would have been the only option, as silly as that may sound.

Eventually, I was sort of thinking about other things entirely, and as I was doing this, I was seeing Seth getting ready to do his own thing once again. I had wanted to see what I would be able to do to talk with him, and see if maybe we could be able to connect a bit better, but I was also feeling like regardless of what Seth was up to, he would be able to spend some time talking with me, and then we could be able to see if we could assist each other.

"Hey Drake, what are you doing up so late?" Seth asked me, and I was utterly confused what he was meaning. Considering what he was doing, I did not want to admit it, but I was sort of feeling like he was being a bit hypocritical, and I was feeling like maybe he was needing to sort of see that before he was going to go on and judge me for doing something like this. Then he was sighing, as if bringing me right out of that.

"I was seeing you going to hang out with somebody." I said, not entirely lying, and then I was seeing Seth looking like he was feeling like this was going to be a bit of a hard subject, and that he was wondering what the point of me asking him this all even was. I was just wanting to see if he was doing well, and this was the reaction that I was getting. To say that I was confused would not have even began to cut it.

"Well, yeah, I was going to be doing something important with Manny. Well, important for me anyways. I think you would not be interested in something like this though. So I would not even really bother with it." After Seth was saying this to me, I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to get this over with, and that the sooner that I left him alone, the better he was going to be feeling here. I was sort of just worried what was happening now.

"What are you guys going to accomplish?" I asked, and then he was looking at me, and I was clearly seeing that this debate was not the way he was wanting to spend his day, and that if I was going to keep this up, then he might as well just forfeit the entire fucking thing, and not even try and make anything out of it. Then he was sighing, feeling like he might as well talk a bit longer.

"Just looking for some things to keep this town more interesting. We have been getting involved with some stuff, and we sort of feel like we can find out more about it if we look hard enough." After he was telling me this, I was seeing him looking like he was wishing to say more, but did not really feel the need to say much on this, if anything at all.

"Can I join along?" I knew that the answer was almost always going to be no, and that he was probably going to be wishing that I did not do this with him right now. But at the same time, I was also clearly seeing him kind of looking like he was not wanting to argue with me, or try and make me feel bad. So with that, he was sighing, and looking right at me.

"I don't think Manny would be interested in bringing you along. He might find you too young and not really able to take care of yourself." After Seth was telling me this, I was looking at him, and I was angry at that statement. I knew that he was probably not meaning much by it, but hearing him say that still hurt in its own way, and I did not even know why I was taking it so badly.

"But you sometimes take Henry along." I said, and I was feeling like using Henry as my talking point was not always going to be the best thing in the world, but I was feeling like I just needed to make my point, and I was feeling like if I was clear on what I was feeling here, and what I was wanting him to understand, then maybe he would take me more serious.

"I can't decide what to do all the time. I mean, he thinks Henry is sort of old enough to handle us on small doses. He thinks Henry has some idea what is going on. I think he would not want to risk a three year old getting in danger as well." After Seth was telling me this, I knew that what he was saying was perfectly valid, but that did not mean that I needed to like it. I was feeling like I was being cheated out on something just because of my later birth.

"What if I promise to behave?" I asked, and then Seth was looking at me, as if making it clear with the way he was looking at me that he was not wanting to talk about this anymore, and that the subject was as close to closed as he was going to be able to get with me. And as I was looking at him, and I was seeing him looking like this, part of me knew that it would be best to leave the subject alone, and that maybe if I did this, I would be able to get him to be more patient with me here.

"I don't think it is going to work. I think it is honestly as simple as that." After Seth was telling me this, I was seeing him looking like there was a minor amount of pity that he was feeling, but that he was not going to be holding down what he was feeling here, and that he had made his point, no matter what I was wanting to say or not wanting to say. I was sighing, sort of giving up on my own.

"Sorry, I just want to go out and do something. I'm bored here." I said, and then I saw Seth almost looking like he did actually have a sincere pity over this situation, as if feeling like maybe if it was really this simple, and if it really was something that could be fixed as easily as I was believing, then I think some of the other siblings would have already tried to make something like this work out, and actually feel a bit natural.

"Trust me, I get it. I was the exact same when I was younger. I was always wanting to do something for myself, and actually be sort of making it all work. But I guess that maybe that is just not going to happen. But I think the thing you need to remember is that soon enough, you will be old enough to do this, and you do not need to worry about this." After Seth was telling me this, I was seeing him looking like he was willing to sell what was going on in his mind to me, and that he was actually sort of believing in it.

As I was looking at him, I was sort of looking down, and I was feeling like it was really still very unfair. Seth was coming towards me, and then he was placing his hand on my shoulder, as if feeling like maybe he could at least try and make me feel a bit differently when it was coming to this.

"Drake, trust me, it will be going by much faster than you might know. I mean, you might be thinking that this is a bit strange, and I know that maybe you are wishing to go on and have some chance to see the world for what it is. But when you're five, the majority of your life is ahead of you. I'm turning twelve this year. I've already had the majority of my life being able to go out here, and enjoy this." After Seth was telling me this, I was seeing him looking like he was truly believing in what he was saying to help me.

"Yeah, we're already almost two weeks through the year." I said, and then I was seeing Seth taking a moment to process that, and I was seeing that even he did not really know what he was going to be telling me here, and then I was seeing Seth just looking a bit uncertain on what he was going to do for the rest of the year.

"I know, crazy. I mean, I did not think that I was already going to be nearly half way through January." After Seth had said that to me, I was seeing him looking like he was feeling like he would use this as a chance to be able to leave, and go on see how this would have worked out. I was feeling like maybe I just needed to give Seth a better chance.

"See you tomorrow." I said, and then I was seeing Seth sighing, and I knew that no matter what was going to happen, he and I were really going to be getting along better, and I was feeling like maybe I was going to need to find a way to make Seth feel like he did not waste his time talking with me, and that he actually got something good here.

"I will just see what Manny wants to do, and I think maybe if this is such a big deal, I will sort of just talk with him a bit, and see how he is feeling." After Seth was telling me this, I was seeing him just kind of wondering what the hell we were going to be doing now. Eventually, Seth was starting to walk off, and he was sort of just leaving me alone for a moment longer. I was sighing, feeling like I just needed to sort of make peace with what was going on now.

As Seth was going to be leaving me alone, and I was feeling like when Seth was going to see me again, I would try my best to sort of push him to tell me some things, but at the rate, something like this was just not even fucking worth it. I was thinking that one of these days, if Seth was going to tell me what Manny and him were doing, I would listen to him, and I would be excited about this, but I was not going to be fucking forcing a damn thing on him, and I was feeling like that was the best that I could have been able to do now.

I was staring at the door once again, and then I was telling myself to just leave the subject alone, and I was feeling like maybe Seth was going to be happy to know that at least I was willing to pretend to be interested in me, even though it was not really pretending, and I was just wanting to sort of see how things were going to go. I was genuinely curious, and I was feeling like maybe Seth wanted to continue, but that he was placing his friends first in a way.

Despite how much I disliked it when my family was doing this, I was sort of able to get over it. I was sort of able to just tell myself that it did not even really matter anymore. But despite what I was feeling, I walked to my room, and I was going to bed, unaware truly how much things were going to be getting messed up in the next few days, and wishing that literally any form of normalcy would have been able to come back.


	11. One Girl With Ten Brothers: Calvin

-Calvin's POV Jan 13 1994 10:35 pm- Despite the fact that I was not even three yet, and barely able to fully have any form of cohesion on a single thing in the entire world, I was still somebody who was able to notice how much there was a small shift in the way things were done at the house after Ridge was brought home. I will admit that for the first two weeks or so, I was pissed at the fact that he was brought home, as I would no longer be the one who got all the attention from my parents and older siblings.

On the other hand, I was able to be happy for the fact that in the eyes of my siblings, as the years would pass on, there would probably be seen to be a larger form of validity to the things I said, or the things that I had felt, and that they would actually be willing to at least partially take me seriously. I was feeling like that might have been enough to make it worth it all.

Because as much as it was nice to be the center of attention, and I would never dream of turning down the offer, I will have to admit that having a different set of social interactions would be worth it at a point, and that maybe I would rather have that than just being treated like a little baby all the damn time, and having not a single person take me seriously in the slightest.

So in a way, I was feeling like I just needed to take it with a grain of salt, and that I was just needing to sort of go with what was being given to me now. Although when in the grand scheme of things, knowing that there was only one left after me, I was feeling better knowing that perhaps my family would have taken me a bit more seriously than they had been before, if such a thing could have even been done now.

I was seeing that maybe I just needed to accept the fact that maybe my siblings and parents were never going to be fully over the fact that I was still a baby in the grand scheme of things compared to them, but at the same time, I was feeling like with each passing year, and the more seriously they would take me, the less that would be a issue, and I was already sort of just looking forward to when there would be a idea of them no longer treating me as a side joke.

I was wondering what I was going to do though to actually make the change a bit more obvious. In a way, I was feeling like there was no need to be so worried about it all, and I was feeling a little bit different on it all. I was just thinking that if I was going to see Ridge more often, and if he and I were going to be living together until he was sixteen at the least, then maybe I needed to try and get to know him a bit better.

But despite what I was wanting to feel, and what I was feeling like I could barely be able to form into words, there was something that I was wanting to sort of admit did make me feel a bit better. The fact that I was aware of the fact that maybe the others around me, the older siblings, really did enjoy having me around, and that when the day comes that this can no longer be accomplished, they might be feeling a bit bad for me.

I mean, I heard the stories on what Todd was going to have to start doing soon. He was talking about leaving the house, and he was talking about sort of actually being gone forever. Despite not wanting to admit it, I was scared for him, and I was wanting him to be happy here, and I was wanting to be able to just come to him when I was older, and needed advice, and actually feel like he and I could connect. But that was just sort of not going to happen, even if I wanted it to.

So with all of this in mind, and with all of what I was wishing for in mind, I was just feeling like I needed to sort of find a way to balance out the two feelings, and that by doing so, I would be able to make it seem like I was going to be a bit more mature on this whole thing. Even though the very idea of being two and mature was kind of out of the range, when I was able to grow older, and look at the truth with a more honest eye and stuff.

And I was also thinking that maybe I did not really need to force my siblings to go on and like me. Maybe they had already made their mind up, and that they already knew what they had thought of me, and that to try and get any other information, or change in mindset, would not have been worth it. I was feeling like I just needed to sort of see what I would have done to keep all of the things in my mind to at least a certain small amount of perspective, and see what the heck they were actually kind of believing in.

I told myself that one of these days, I would see my siblings all again, and we were going to be all older, and more happier, and I was going to be able to get some words out of Ridge even, which would have been pretty epic to see, even if nobody else really knew of it quite yet. I was feeling like maybe when I would see them again, and see what Ridge was feeling, that would have been just enough for us all.

There was a knock on the door, and I was confused as to what it was, so I got myself out of the crib to sort of see what was going on, which was something that I had done quite a few times. More than my older siblings would want to know, and I was feeling like if I had watched enough, I would see what the issue was, and then I would be able to sort of know what was actually going to be going down.

Gabe was the one who answered the door this time, and he was seeing a guy in a black jacket smiling at him, as if looking like this exactly what he had wanted to encounter when he had shown up. "Hello, we were hoping to go on and talk with you for a bit, and that maybe we can come to a understanding."

Gabe looked like this was something that he had wanted to do, and that he was ready to thrown down with this guy, and I was going to just watch and see where this was going. "I was hoping that maybe we could talk for a bit. Since I feel like there are some things that we both want to clear up." Gabe was telling the guy, and the man was looking like he was willing to appreciate the maturity that Gabe was willing to take with this subject, and that he was willing to talk with him, as long as Gabe was willing to talk back, and hear him out.

"Yes, I know that many of my colleagues and I have been having some problems with you, and that maybe we are both sort of wishing to reach a level of resolution to this. I was hoping that maybe the two of us could come to some form of a level of agreement to this." After the man was saying this, Gabe looked like he was willing to suspend his disbelief, and see where this guy was going to go.

"I propose to you that we will effectively remove all watching and investigating of your house, and that we will leave your family alone, as long as you and I work together, and we can be able to discuss some form of agreement on where to be going with these findings you have created." After the man was telling Gabe this, he was shaking his head, as if clearly feeling like this was not going to go the way the man was pretending it would, and was not even going to pretend.

"I know what you are planning on doing. I know you are wanting to believe that I will fall for it. But I will not, and I have already made my mind up on this. I will not give you guys any fucking clues on what I am doing, and I will take care of things myself." Gabe said with a level of anger in his voice I never seen him possess, and then he closed the door on the mans face, not even wanting to give him the benefit of a talk anymore.

"You are making a big mistake, and we want to give you a chance to look at your options again. We believe that a working relation between the two of us could be able to do us much more good than harm. We feel like as long as you are willing to give us a chance, we can be able to get you to understand that we are not doing anything wrong by hoping that you will be able to see our agenda." After the guy was telling Gabe this, he was sighing, feeling like he was just kind of tired of listening to this guy trying so damn hard to get him to talk with him.

"I want to believe that you guys mean well, but I have seen your methods. I have wanted to work with people here, and I was willing to give you guys a chance, but I think that all the bridges here have been started to be burnt. I think that you are just going to have to accept the fact that quite frankly, I do not know if I can trust you." After Gabe was telling the guy this, he wondered what his accomplice would have been saying to this.

"We know that this might not be very conventional of you, and we know that so far at least, you have preferred to go the independent route, but I think even you know how damaging something like this can be to your family, and I never doubted that you cared much for them." After the guy was telling Gabe this, I was seeing that from the look on Gabe's face, he was clearly looking a bit unsure of what to say, and was clearly a bit worried.

"Just give us a chance, and we will show us how you are doing. We think that the one thing you need to give us is a honest chance, and we can be able to start to pull this together, and maybe even laugh it all off." The guy was saying to Gabe, and then he was looking at the man in discussion, and I was seeing Gabe clearly looking like he was not wanting to even debate with something like this anymore.

"I don't really know what to think. You guys have burnt pretty much every single bridge we have given to you, and you are trying to act like I would be willing to just waltz along, and pretend like nothing happened at all. I think that maybe you are as wrong about me as you could be. I mean, I know that I have made issues with my family, but I do care for them." After Gabe was saying this, I was seeing him looking almost happier to admit that he did care for us than ever.

"This is extremely petty, and you know it. You are letting your slight fear of something get in the way of something that you know will be a good working relationship. Please, at least consider our offer before you graduate school in a couple fo months. Unless if we have to take that away from you." After the man said this, I saw that Gabe's mind was clearly running at that statement.

"If you care so much about what I know, I can give you one single clue. But that is going to have to be enough for you guys to just get the hell away from me." After Gabe was saying this to the man, I saw him looking unsure of what to say, and I was seeing that this guy was willing to at least play along, and see where Gabe was coming from, before fully rejecting him at least.

"You have my interest. I would like to hear your clue, and I would be willing to consider." The guy said, and then Gabe was shaking his head, as if feeling like that was just still not going to be enough. As if he was feeling like he needed a more concrete agreement from this guy before he was willing to do a damn thing for him, and that this was not going to be debated.

"You are going to have to agree to my terms before I even think of telling you anything. That is going to be how it works, and I am not going to turn down my statement. If you do not agree, and do not leave my family alone, then I will not even give you this clue." Once Gabe was finished with this, I was seeing him staring intently at this guy, and I was seeing him looking at Gabe for a moment, as if clearly just trying to hide his anger. As if clearly just trying to see what was wrong with Gabe in a way.

"Then, I am sorry to say that maybe we will not be able to work together, which is a bloody shame, since I was able to see the potential in a working relationship." After he was telling Gabe this, I was seeing that Gabe was clearly just glad to be having this guy getting off his shoulder, and that this was the main thing that he had really needed more than it all.

"I am glad that you were able to get it in your head." Gabe said, and I was able to tell that he clearly gave no fucks what the guy was going to be saying to this statement, and he was willing to go even further if he had needed to. The man was just sort of impressed with the level of firmness Gabe imposed, but greatly annoyed with the level that Gabe was willing to take this at the same time, which was a two way street.

"I will bring along a bigger representative, and maybe they will be willing to talk with you about this issue. And maybe he and you will be able to understand where we are trying to come from." After he had said that to Gabe, that was when Gabe was letting a small amount of fear be shown, and that was enough to let that guy be excited for a moment.

Once the door had closed, I was seeing Gabe looking at the guy for another several seconds before he was in the car and driving off. I did not know what the issue was, but when I was seeing him staring at that moment, looking worried that something was on the edge of happening, I was feeling like maybe any form of control that Gabe seemed to exert over the moment was gone, and that he was going to have to find a way out of this now.

Eventually, I was seeing Gabe looking at me, and as I was seeing him almost just thinking that for a moment, he was willing to maybe accept what this guy was telling him after all. If it was going to keep us safe, he was willing to do about anything, and he was willing to go along, and he was willing to basically make this guy know that he was the boss if it had be done. He did not have to like it, but if it was for the sake of the family, he was going to do it, and he was going to accept his new role of protector.

Despite the look he was giving for a moment, I was seeing him sitting down on the couch near the door to the house, and he was placing his hand on the his eyes, as if trying to hold back the feelings he was having, and I was realizing that any form of responsibility that Gabe was willing to exert was all a facade to pretty much just give us a chance of survival. I was thinking that Gabe wanted to try and just keep us away from this as much as possible, and that doing this was only dragging him down a bit more, and a bit harder.

I was willing to almost respect all that Gabe had been able to do, when I was trying to think about it in a perspective that was too much for my mind to comprehend, and I was feeling so fucking lost now. And maybe when Gabe and I were going to talk on this upon getting older, I would hear his perspective, and I would be able to appreciate what he had gone through. And I would be able to appreciate the fact that he was truly feeling like what he had done was for the best, even if it was pushing us away.

In a way, I was too young to understand it all, but I was also old enough, barely, to know that Gabe really did have his heart in the right place. He truly did believe that no matter what was going to happen, it was correct, and that maybe he would be proud of the man he had become because he would be able to know he did something good.

…

-Jan 14 1994 3:47 pm- I was still thinking hard about what I had heard and saw yesterday. I truly had no fucking idea what the hell was even going on, and that was the thing that was scaring the shit out of me. The fact that I was dealing with my older brother probably dealing with something like a drug deal, from what I had seen, and would only learn much later that something like that was probably not really the case. It was just so fucking strange.

I was just curious what Gabe had gotten himself into, even though I highly doubted that I would be able to understand, I had felt like if I had at least tried, I would have been able to sort of get a fucking idea on what I was actually getting myself into, and I would be able to help out my siblings do something better. I was wanting to see if I was going to understand better at least.

I knew that it might have been fucking hard, but I was feeling like it would have been worth the try, and I was feeling like I just needed to get as far as I could given the situation, and see if maybe Todd or Josiah would know what he was doing. They were close enough to his age that I had felt like maybe they would have known, and that they would have been able to give me a fucking clue on what I was supposed to do.

But I knew that even then, at two years old, I would have not been able to help out. The very idea of me doing such a thing would have been laughably stupid, and I would have been going crazy to even assume that something like this had a actual chance of being able to fucking happen and stuff.

I was just going to be standing there, watching hopelessly, as my older brother was going to be doing something that was probably going to be getting himself killed, and I was going to be sort of fucking lost on what to do about it. I was wanting to help out my brother, but I was not going to be able to, and I was going to have to watch helplessly as they were going to be going around, and possibly getting killed, and I would be a person just in the back ground.

I was sort of over being such a small baby, and I was telling myself that if things ever got to the point where I needed to protect Ridge, I would do it, and I would not protest, I would not stop it, I would accept my role as protector, and as somebody who could help his younger sibling, and I would make sure he knew what I was doing for him, but not being a fucking dick about it. Since he was getting older with every day, and soon enough he would be able to talk.

I was out of my crib when Henry was coming along and doing his turn of feeding me and changing my diaper, as well as Ridge. Since there were seven siblings who our parents felt were old enough to do this, they took turns each day of the week, and would loop back when the week was over. Although mom and dad were talking about letting Dylan and Drake start this year, as a in return for letting them play outside a year earlier than expected. But that debate was still six months away, if it were to happen.

"How are you doing?" Henry asked, and he was starting to just give me a bottle, and I was seeing that there was a small part of him that was clearly just doing this because he had to, and that there was virtually no real enjoyment that he was going to be getting out of this. I was feeling like watching him like this might have been kind of funny normally.

"Gabe talk with scary man." I said, and then I was seeing Henry looking at me sort of unsure of what to say, and he was clearly looking like he did not know what he was wanting to say to me, and if he was wanting to really say anything at all. But I was seeing that what I told him was temporarily catching him off guard, which I was feeling like was the best that I was going to be getting out of this right now.

"What did he talk to scary man about?" Henry asked, as he was finishing changing me, and then he was starting to head to Ridge once he threw the diaper out, and then I was thinking about what it was. I had no real idea what the discussion was over, but I was feeling like I had to at least try and tell him, for his sake, and possibly even the sake of Gabe as well.

"Telling him stuff to save you." After I had said this, Henry was starting to give me a sippy bottle, and then I was seeing that there was a rather bleak look on his face, and that I was probably going to need to be very careful with where I was going on this from now on, if I was not wanting to go on and trigger Henry over something that felt so minor. Or maybe it was only minor in my eyes for the moment.

Eventually, I was seeing him thinking about what to say next. "He does not need to worry about me. There are other siblings looking into it more." Henry was saying, sort of letting some form of fear come into his mind, and I was seeing that maybe I was just needing to remain quiet, and that this time, I would just have to let him sort of have the moment, and maybe I would ask more questions on it later.

"Is Gabe safe?" I asked, trying my best to understand if there was something that I was supposed to be getting ready for, and if there was something I might even be able to help out with. I mean, such a thing was sounding insane, even to myself, but I was feeling like as long as I was getting ready for whatever was coming along, I would be able to help out, and I would be able to really see it through in doing something good.

"I don't know, and quite frankly, I don't think I ever will. I need to try and talk with him. Maybe we can sort this out." After Henry was saying this to me, I was feeling like I just needed to try and help out a bit more, but that until I did this, I was going to have to be a bit more careful, and that I was just going to have to be letting him sort of be in his own mindset of fear.

"How can you help?" I asked, feeling like maybe as long as I was showing some form of interest in what was going on, and as long as I was focused on the main thing at hand, maybe just maybe Henry was going to start to open up with me, and then he and I would be able to see if perhaps we could be able to help both of us know more. I mean, I couldn't help, but I was still certain that he would help me, and then I would be ready for more.

"I don't know. I just know what Jack and Seth are scared out of their mind over, and I feel like that is going to have to be enough to start with." After Henry was telling me this, I was feeling like if I even dared to try and learn more, he was not going to be very happy with me questioning more and more, and that for the time being, I was just going to have to be leaving it alone. For his own sake at the very least.

"I think that if I were to try and help them out, maybe they might be willing to finally let me in on it. I think that such a thing might be hard to accomplish, but I do not care." Henry was telling me, and I was seeing him looking a bit uncertain of where he was going to be going here. I was feeling like maybe if Henry finally helped me out, I was going to be a bit more clear on what to say to him. I was feeling like maybe when we were together, we would be able to finally come through.

"The only thing I know, and care about, is just learning the truth, and seeing what the truth has in store for Gabe, and I will see if it will affect how you guys are doing." After Henry was telling me this, I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to say more, but was too scared to say more in fear of others knowing what we were discussing.

As I was wanting to say more, I was seeing that there was a car coming up, and I was seeing from the look on Henry's face that this one was going to be a big deal. I was aware that maybe I just needed to be careful, and that I was going to let him tell me what was going on in a bit, but that for the time being, I would just remain quiet, and I would be sort of remaining done with everything going on, as annoying as this might have been.

"Do not mess around or do anything, and if you just let him stay around, everything would be fine." After Henry was saying this to me, I was feeling like I was just needing to listen to him, but it was going to be fucking impossible. It was going to be fucking impossible to just pretend like everything was fine, and that he was going to be doing well, when he was looking like he was going to be witnessing a fucking war going on or something.

But I was also feeling like if I fucked around too much, and if I asked around, and if I tried to act like I was able to make any form of contribution, then I would have gone crazy. I would have been losing my fucking mind. Henry was looking right at me, and I was seeing him looking like there was nothing but absolute pity in his eyes, which I just could not understand for the life of me.

"What is happening?" I asked, and then I was waiting for a answer, and Henry was just trying to be thinking of what to tell me, and he was shaking his head. I was seeing that there was a guy coming out of the car, and that he was holding something like a brief case. I was having a fear that maybe the conversation with Gabe and that guy last night was related to all of this, and that he was going to be punishing Gabe over something or other.

"I don't know. I think that maybe we just wait. We let the situation be fine without us getting involved." After Henry was telling me this, I was seeing him looking like he was going through a phase of denial as well as uncertainty, and almost in a way, acceptance all at once, and that he was just trying to run his mind through what he was needing to actually do if he was going to make it all come together in any way.

"Does he see Gabe?" I asked, feeling like maybe I was just needing to sort of tie the dots together, and that maybe if Henry gave me a concrete answer for once, I would fucking know what I was going to be getting ready for. I was just sad to know that no matter what was happening, Gabe knew that we were in a war or something.

"Gabe is almost certainly the reason he is here." Henry was saying, and then he was looking at me, and I was seeing that there was a small part of him that was looking almost a bit too sad to know that whatever was going to be happening, I was going to have to witness it, and that I was going to be suffering through a mild trauma as a result of this guy not being able to fucking leave us alone, and be on his own.

"Don't go out." After I was saying this to Henry, he was looking at me, and I was seeing that there was a small part of him that was wishing to do just that, but that there was no way that he was going to be letting this guy do something, and there was no way he was going to be letting anything happen to either Gabe or I, so he was going to be willing to talk for us, and that he was willing to see if maybe he would be able to see what this guy was really needing, and then everything could be all cleared up, and it would be at worst a minor annoyance we would have to go through.

"Even if I wanted to leave the situation alone, I can't. There is something that is about to happen, and I need to see what we are getting into." After Henry was telling us this, I was seeing him looking a bit uncertain on what he was wanting to say. He just looked like anything to say would have been a bit pointless. "Thanks for staying by my side though, and trying to make me feel better." After Henry was telling me this, I slowly nodded, feeling like there was no way that I was going to change what he was feeling on this whole thing.

Eventually, when Henry was at the front door, he was waiting for that man to show up, and I was seeing him just looking like no matter what was about to happen, he was going to be glad to discuss with this man, and that maybe they would be able to get this over with, and that the two of us would be safe after he would have gone on and saved the day for us. I was sort of feeling a bit jealous that I wasn't like Ridge right now. Because with his age of several weeks, he had no fucking idea what was going. Not that I had any idea either, but I was much closer.

There was a knock of the door, and Henry answered it right away, and I was sort of waiting for something to happen, and I was feeling like maybe when I would see how they were doing, I would just get to see if Henry really did know how to help us, or if he was going to be fucking up even worse than helping.

"Young man, how are you today? Is one of your older brothers here?" The guy, who was not the same one as the one from last night, was saying, and even at my age, I was able to kind of figure out that this was a man who would be nice if it was going to get him what he had needed, but if it was going to require him being a rough bastard to do the same, then he was more than willing to go on and make other peoples lives miserable for his own gain.

I was seeing that Henry was taking a couple of seconds to think about the question, as if trying to find a way to pretend like he was not scared of this man, and that he was not expecting shit to go down at any moment. I was feeling like he was willingly taking a moment of caution to make sure that he would be able to probably get out of this at least without too bad of a scrapping or anything. It was honestly just scary to see that Henry was not wanting to take this easily.

"I'm doing alright. I don't know how my brothers are doing." Henry said, and I was seeing him looking like he truly believed that as long as he was keeping himself neutral on this, he would be safe, and that as long as he was willing to give answers that seemed impartial, then there was a small chance that he was going to get out of this alive.

I did not know what was bothering him so much, and I did not know why he was literally acting like he had been going through hell and back. But I was not going to be just standing there like nothing happened if he was going to be actually getting hurt. But I was still trying my hardest to make it seem like I was not scared for him at all. "Well, would you be willing to go on and find one of them? The one with the small amount of facial hair." He was saying, referring to the new hair Gabe had been growing, which was the first time I saw it in my entire life.

"I don't know where he is." After Henry was saying this to the guy, I was seeing him clearly looking like he was having a slightly harder time pretending to be normal on this, and I was seeing that he was clearly just trying to think of ways he could get himself to safety, and I was wondering if perhaps I had needed to help him out. The man was getting to his knees, and staring Henry right at the face.

"I know you are lying to me. I know that you are pretending like doing this is keeping your older brother safe. That you feel like he knows how to save you guys. You surely must come to realize that you are dead wrong." After the man was saying this to Henry, I was seeing that Henry's mind was running at a million fucking miles per hour, and that he was needing to just sort of find a way to keep himself calm and collected, to make it seem alright.

"I am not lying. He doesn't show up, and he doesn't actually talk with me." After Henry was saying this to the guy, he was just scared out of his mind, and by this point in time, there was no way in hell he was even going to pretend to be keeping himself normal, keeping himself happy. I was wanting to help out so fucking badly, but I was aware that even if I tried, and even if I wanted to help, I was going to see my older brother get himself killed.

At that moment, I was genuinely fearing that Henry might be dying at that moment. "You know, I know that you have a feeling of loyalty, and that you want to keep your brother safe, but you know that there is a way that I can force him to help me out. I can take everything away from him, and make him see how his plans to help you guys out are being wasted." The man was saying to Henry, and I was too busy watching at the side of the door, and I was seeing Henry just trying to pretend like he was being fine, and that what was being told to him was probably not really all that rough, but that with each second, that composure, whatever of it was there before, was going away quickly.

"How can you do this?" Henry asked, and I was feeling like he was probably in that mindset that he was still needing to just play along, and pretend like he was not going crazy. That he was not worried. I was seeing that Henry was just clearly sort of trying to keep a normal mindset to this whole thing. Eventually, that was when the guy was grabbing Henry's shirt, and that was when Henry was starting to struggle, and try and find a way to make some noise here.

"I could be able to use you as part of my way of getting to him." He said, and I knew that this man was going to actually kill Henry. He placed Henry against the wall against the house, and then he was placing both of his hands around Henry's neck, and I was just trying to find a way to not be looking horrified, but I was starting to cry for a moment, and I was seeing the guy looking at me, and he was just looking rather annoyed with this, and he was placing his hand to his mouth, to get me to shut up.

"You know, that if I do not get any information from you, I can just snap your neck, and then Gabe will have no choice but to work with me. If he sees you dead, your worthless life coming to an end, he will know that every time he doesn't listen to us, and every time he decides to be selfish, and take things into his own hands, he will be getting another one of you killed. That will be a way to get him to finally take me seriously." The man was telling Henry, as I was seeing Henry trying to struggle, but he was starting to lose some breath here.

"Nobody will really miss you, since you are just a little boy. A struggling, young peppy boy, who is just wasting time and space. If anything your parents will probably be thankful that there is one less person to worry about, and that you are finally away from them. I think that you are doing them a favor this way." After he was saying this to Henry, I was seeing that Henry was able to start to find a way to actually get himself to speak.

"He will never talk with you. He is probably at his friends house." After Henry was saying this, I was seeing that the man was looking a little bit less worried about what Henry had said, and I was seeing that maybe this man was actually starting to believe that he had finally gotten Henry to start to listen, and that maybe he would be able to get Henry to start to see the error of his ways. So he decided to slightly let back.

"Where do his friends live? Tell me where they live, and I will let you live, and you will be able to use this as a lesson to never lie to me again, and to never push me off, and to never try and pretend like you are going to be fine with treating me like garbage." The man was saying, and then I was seeing that Henry was probably going to be safe, and that I was going to have a bit of knowledge on something, as long as I did not say anything about it.

"About three blocks west." Henry was saying, and I was seeing the guy finding it amusing that Henry wanted to defend Gabe as long as possible, but when it came to something such as keeping his life safe, he was willing to expose the most important information, and throw Gabe under the bus, and throw away any sense of honor that he was willing to show for his brother. It was just the funniest thing in the world in his mind, and he was wanting to sort of take advantage of that moment in the future

"Let him go." Gabe was saying, and he had told the guy this, the man did just that, and Henry was dropped to the ground, where he cried in pain from the scratches that he had obtained, and he landed on his right hand first, and he was holding his right hand with his left one, holding back some tears. The man was looking right at Gabe, and he was actually happy.

"It took me until almost killing one of your worthless brothers for you to finally open up and talk with me. I think you really should be more open with working with me." The guy was telling Gabe, and as he was saying that, Gabe was shaking his head, and he was feeling like it was time for him to finally take some form of responsibility to this whole thing.

"I am not going to work with you. Every small amount of desire that I would have had to help you out went through the window you decided to bring my family into this. You do not bring my family into this, and you will not get out of this normally." After Gabe told this man that, I saw him looking stern, and I was seeing him looking like any form of him being a nice and happy young brother was thrown out the window, and was turning into a slowly increasing battle ready man.

"How can you act with any form of certainty that you are going to get out of this safe? You are just a eighteen year old man, who has no experience fighting, no experience talking, and no experience in the business field. You think for a minute that I am going to be falling for what you are trying to say. Nobody believes in you. Nobody thinks you can handle this." After the man was saying this to Gabe, I saw him looking like he was loving to see what Gabe would have said here.

"Because I actually do have something you have been wanting this whole time. And I will be more than willing to use it if it will mean that it will keep my family safe." Gabe said, and despite the fear that I was having, and the even greater amount of confusion, I was wanting to see where this went. This was so generic and soap opera like, but I could not have cared less. I was needing to know how this would end.

"So you are willing to finally admit the truth? I think that maybe it was about damn time." After the man was telling Gabe this, that was when Gabe was slowly nodding, as if feeling like maybe this was the one thing he had wished for, and that almost wanted to do since the first day of this story that we have been telling you guys.

"You're right, it is about damn time, but not for the reasons you expect." Gabe said, as he was pulling out a yellow medal rod from his pocket, and then pressed a red button on it to reveal a strange blue light. I didn't know it at the time, but it was basically on par with the lightsabers that you would see in star wars, which was mind blowing to learn that there were some in real life in the first place. But I did not know this at the time.

"Maybe it will finally require you guys to leave my family alone. Maybe it will require you to leave us be, and just be happier without you for once." After gabe was saying this, the man was slightly laughing, and I was feeling like whatever these people were looking for the entire time had started to finally be solved, and that for better or for worse, Gabe had just walked into their trap just the way it was meant to be.

"I knew that you were never going to keep it safe and that you were going to reveal it some day. I knew that it was only a matter of time before you were going to try and act like you were some great hero, who did not ever have anything to fear." After he was telling Gabe this, I was seeing him almost finding this to be the funniest thing that Gabe could have been doing. Gabe was clearly looking like he was not really in the mood for this game.

He was holding the rod with both of his hands, and I had seen him looking like he was willing to just fight the man who had wanted to kill Henry, and as much as I did not fully realize it at the time, I knew later on that Gabe had every intent on killing this man, and that he was just waiting for him to make a move so that way Gabe could be able to consider it self defense, and that he did nothing wrong in the eyes of the law.

"Are you willing to actually use that weapon though? There is one thing to put on a good show, and to act like you are willing to go out of your way to show people that you mean business, and it is a different thing to actually go through with it. And I think you know deep down you are not going to do it." After the man was saying this to Gabe, I was seeing that Gabe was ready to prove this guy wrong, and he was taking a couple of steps forward, as if feeling ready to prove his point soon.

As he was taking a couple of steps forward, I was seeing that the man was looking a bit unsure of where Gabe was going to be going with this right now. "You are going to be putting everything with your family on the line for no real good reason, and people will have nothing to blame but yourself." After he was done saying this, Gabe was just waiting a couple of seconds longer.

"Well, at least I will get to say that I was doing what the right thing was, no matter what anybody else tries to say." After Gabe had finished this, I was seeing him smiling a faint amount, and then the guy was starting to bring his hand this pocket, probably to pull out a gun or something, to try and fight back.

Gabe did not give this guy a chance. He swung the blade right across the mans chest the moment that he was looking like he would have been ready to fight back, and then the man was falling down to the ground, and he was looking up at Gabe for a couple of seconds, as if feeling like he would still say something to him to make his point.

"Did you seriously think that you were being a hero? Look at what you just did. Take out a man in cold blood, and from the looks on your face, you seem to have no remorse over it. How much of a hypocrite are you for not going along with what I am saying, for a false sense of protection?" After he was saying this to Gabe, I was seeing him looking like he was willing to drag Gabe down as long as he was feeling like Gabe would be falling for such a thing.

"If you are going to try and make me feel and look like the bad guy, it will not affect me. I have done what I did because I felt like it was the right choice." Gabe said, and then the man was looking at the guy a few seconds longer, feeling like if he was going to be willing to talk longer, he would be able to get more info from him. "In fact, I would even try and suggest that I had no choice. Or at least no real good choice."

After he was done saying this to the man, he was waiting for a moment, to see what the remark was going to be from this guy, or if there was going to be one at all. "Maybe if you were like this more, and actually fucking fought harder, from the start, then maybe nothing would have happened to you. Maybe you would have actually been able to accomplish what you had wanted." After he was saying that to Gabe, I was seeing that he was clearly just trying to spread an attempt of irony here.

But Gabe was looking like he could not have cared less. "I will remember how much you failed at the end. You were talking about putting up a good game, and then you didn't even start. You lost before you even entered into the ring." Gabe said, and then once he was done saying that, the guy was closing his eyes, and Gabe shut off the blade, feeling like he was ready to just end this, and that he was sort of over it all.

He was looking at us, and I was seeing Henry standing up, and he was looking scared, but also happy. But also in a lot of pain, and it was from what I would later learn was a broken hand. "Thanks for saving my life." Henry was saying, and then he was slowly walking down the stairs, and he was approaching Gabe, to just take the moment of them being able to be safe, and the moment of them being happy.

"I did what I had to. I will do it again if it means that you guys will be kept safe." After he was saying that to Henry, I saw Henry looking right up at Gabe, and I was seeing him looking like there was no way he was going to be able to describe the way he was feeling, and that he was just going to have to keep the moment as it was for a moment longer, feeling that would be enough at the moment.

"I will remember that." Henry was saying, and I was seeing him looking a bit unsure of what to tell Gabe, and I was seeing that Gabe was looking a bit sad to see Henry here, mainly because part of him was unsure of what the hell he was going to be telling Gabe, almost as if feeling like if he was going to finally open up to Gabe, he would finally just feel like maybe the two of them could be able to talk for a while, and be sort of together now.

"We should look at your hand. It seems like that might be a bit of a problem." After Gabe was saying this, Henry looked at him, as if feeling like there was no real need to lie about what he was feeling right now. "I had to deal with that once. But I was eleven at the time. I can't even imagine what it must have been like at six."

Henry was letting go for a second, to try and prove his point, and his hand was flopping down, and I was seeing Henry looking kind of worried what to do now. Almost as if feeling like if he dared say anything else, he was almost going to be making things worse for us. I was sort of just trying to find something better to say to sort of show that I was hearing their conversation, but I was still just so blown away by what I had seen that I could not even talk if I had wanted to.

"When Todd comes home, we will bring you to the hospital. Until then, I think we need to take care of this body, and wash up everything going on." Gabe was saying, and I was seeing him clearly looking like that was much more important than anything else at that moment. And in the grand scheme of things, that might have been true, and I was feeling like I needed to just be glad Gabe was a fucking hero.

…

-Jan 15 1994 3:31 am- That was around the time when Todd, Gabe and Henry had come back home, and I was seeing that Todd was looking relieved, but also very pissed. I knew that this was going to be a very happy moment, and in a way, I was glad to be able to say that I was too young to understand how important this was and stuff. If I had known what was going on, I would have been angry at Gabe, but also relieved in a strange way, and I was feeling like I would be able to try and see where Todd was coming from at that moment then.

I did not ever know what Todd was feeling, but I was able to kind of have a decent idea when I was hearing the way that they were talking to each other, and that the way Todd was reacting to Gabe, and I was aware that in a way, he was feeling like this debate was going to be a very long one, but it was one that he was feeling every single need in the world to be having with him, to make his point clear, as well as his appreciation at the same time.

"Gabe, I do not claim to know what is going on right now, and to be honest, I don't care. What I do know is that something happened, and that one of my brothers just ended up getting really hurt, and that there is nothing that can be done right now. I just wish that I had a fucking clue what you have been up to, and I want you to for once give me a straight ass answer." After Todd was telling Gabe this, I was seeing Gabe looking like he was almost feeling bad for everything going on.

"It is something that is related to all of those fucking stories with the town, and the monsters, and the rumors going around. They are all fucking true. They are all fucking connected. That is all that I fucking can say. That is all that I feel safe to say, without getting you guys or anybody else killed." After Gabe was saying this to Todd, I was seeing him holding up his hands, as if feeling like he was having a very hard time believing in any of this story in the first place.

"Are you seriously telling me that what you are doing right now is keeping our siblings safe? That is the biggest load of shit that I have ever heard, and you know it. Nothing that you have done has kept them safe, and everything you have done has instead placed them in grave danger." After Todd was saying this to Gabe, I was seeing Gabe looking overwhelmed by this, but that at the same time, in a way, he was just not even caring now.

"If you want to rant at me, and bitch at me for whatever I have done, that is fine, but I know that I have found the right answer. I know that everything that I have been doing has been to bring some form of security to this fucking place. I know what I saw. I know what I am doing. I know what I need to do." After Gabe said this, I was seeing him just looking a bit angry here.

"I mean, for once, I was feeling like what I had done was right. For once, I had felt like I had come close to making a good choice here, and then I am here, learning it might not have been." Gabe said, looking at Todd, this time feeling more subdued here.

"I know you are too high and nightly to see how much this bothers me, and how much I fucking hate it. But I do. I hate being treated like a fucking loser. I hate being treated like nothing I ever do is right. I wanted to make a difference for once, and I had felt like I had been able to do that." After Gabe was done with this, he was sighing, feeling like there was no need to even remotely continue what he had been saying, and that he had made his point.

"For once, I thought that maybe if I took matters into my own hands, that if I was able to be a person who could do things on his own, that you guys would be fine. That you guys would have a small chance of being safe. I did not think that what I was doing was wrong in any way. I genuinely believed that I was doing the right thing. It is only now, looking at everything, that I feel like maybe I could have done more." After he was done with his rant, he was looking at Todd, and he was looking like he was needing to just see what Todd was going to be saying to this whole thing.

"I mean, I know that you are just the brother who always does something right, and that maybe you think that I am a fuck up in every way possible, because I am smart enough to see how you guys feel around me, and I just wanted to show people that I was able to take care of myself. But now that I am here, and I fucked up, maybe that is not the truth." Once Gabe was done, he was feeling like he was not needing to say anything else now.

"Gabe, do you really feel that way about me? That I am some big great hero, and that this is the reason you just go along and act like you do not need our help on anything?" Todd was asking, giving off a minor form of mixed opinions to this, and I was wanting to see what Gabe was going to try and say, since I was interested in this sob story, but I saw that he was not really looking in the fucking mood to do this.

"I do feel that way about you because that is the way everybody treats you. The way that everybody treats you is that you are a guy who can do no wrong. You are a guy who always knows what the fuck you are doing. A guy who can do no wrong because you were just always embedded to be right." Gabe was saying, and then he was looking at Todd, feeling like there was no need to say anything else now.

"I am not that way. I mean, as nice as it may be to hear you say that about me, and that you are willing to believe in this narrative that I am some flawless saint, that is something that I can't even pretend to fulfill. I made many mistakes, and I have had many bad opinions of you, and I wished that maybe I could have been able to get you to see that side of me." Todd was telling Gabe, and he was looking at Gabe, as if feeling like he was wanting to say more now.

"I was always a bit harsh on you. I mean, are you not going to remember that. The fact that I always treated you like a fucking piece of trash, just because you were kind of annoying in a way? I mean, I should have given you more credit, but I did not. I mean, I think that maybe I should have understood that you were different from me, but I did not." After he was done saying that, I was wondering if there was more for him to admit, or if he would stop there.

"But you were always telling the truth. You were always able to be objective, and not lie to me. As much as that may have sucked, it was something that I needed." After Gabe was done saying that to Todd, the two were looking at each other, and I was wondering if they were actually kind of bonding, or just too deeply hating on each other, to just actually look at things rationally, and that as a result, they were still sort of all over the place here.

"I know that telling the truth would have been a better thing than not, but maybe I could have gone at it a different way. Maybe I could have been a little less frank than I was. You know, give you a chance to see on your own. Or just realize that something like this did not really matter." After Todd had said that, I was seeing him placing his hand on Gabe's shoulder, and in the matter of about thirty seconds, I saw him go from crisp, to just looking tired, and just like he needed to fucking go to sleep, and just take a moment to sort of think about what he was doing now.

"I mean, I don't think anybody would really believe that I am a great person or anything like that, but to be honest, I think that maybe part of what makes me so successful is in part because of that. But I guess that people have different ways of doing their things, and I believe that part of what works for you is the fact that you are just a nice gut, and that you do not let anybody get in the way of that." After Todd was saying this to Gabe, he was just looking a bit unsure of what to do now.

"I don't know. If people think I'm just a idiot, and that I can just be thrown around and used, and that I am not that useful of a person, and then put my siblings in danger. If being a bit of a asshole is the only way that I can be able to get people to know that I am not going to be messing around, then I guess that maybe I will have to force myself to change." After Gabe was telling Todd this, I was seeing both brothers looking a bit worried at this.

"There was no way that you could have known what was going to happen. Or at least I am assuming that this is the case, and I want to believe that this is the case because I know for a fact that deep down inside, even if you do not know what you are doing, and even if you make a bunch of mistakes, you do not do it on purpose." After Todd said that to Gabe, he was shaking his head.

"People had been talking to us over and over again, and they have been trying to get me to open up about what I am doing, but I have been telling them not to be doing this over and over again. I told them that I wanted nothing to do with this, and I guess that they are not willing to believe in me. I think that this is something that I can handle." After Gabe was telling Todd this, he had looked at Todd, wondering what his older brother would have said now.

"I don't know what to tell you, if that is true. If you were willing to do something like that, then I think that there might be a big issue. I believe that you might just need to talk with them, and see what they might tell you. If there is something going on, and to be honest, I don't even know what to say anymore, and if I want to know anymore, but if you are needing to talk with them again. can you at least pretend like everything is fine, and that you are willing to be listening to them." After Todd was saying this to Gabe, he was looking a bit scared out of what was going on.

"If it is the only way, then I guess that I will have no choice." After Gabe was saying this to Todd, he was looking a bit annoyed, and there was just a bit of fear in his voice. "I think that whatever is going on with those guys, they are just trying to hide some greater agenda. But maybe if I just hear their argument even once it might be able to work." He was shaking his head on this whole ordeal.

"I mean, what is the worst that is going to be coming out of this whole thing. I think that I will need to have you tell me what the issue is right now. I think that you are just needing to fucking open up when this is all done, because after all that you done, I think you need to just do this." Once Todd was saying this to Gabe, he was looking a bit unsure of what to tell him now. Gabe was looking a bit unsure of what the heck was going on here.

"I don't think that you would really be all that interested in knowing. I think that if you were to find out everything, there would be a small part of you that would just not even believe what is going on. But now I doubt that anybody is going to take me seriously, and now that I know that there is a chance that something is going to happen to you guys, I will probably just never fully forgive myself." After Gabe was done saying this, I was seeing him just a bit unsure of what to even do now.

"You don't know if people will take you seriously or not if you do not even try. I think that the least you can do is at least try, and maybe we can be able to bring this whole thing together." After Todd was saying all of this, there was a just no real way that either of them were going to be coming close to bringing this together. "I mean, if what you are saying about these stories that we heard when we were younger is true actually is what is going on here, I think you just need to fucking tell me what the hell is going on." Todd was saying, and this time, Gabe was actually taking him seriously.

"I have a fear that these things are true. I mean, I do not want to believe in these stories either, and I once believed the shit that dad was telling me was fucking stupid as well, and I thought that he was just doing this for the sake of fiction. But now I feel like I am now going to have to at least consider these things to be true, and now I am going to have to see if I can be able to find a way to bring these things away from my siblings." After Gabe was telling Todd this, he was smiling, as if sort of unsure of what the hell he was wanting to tell him now.

"Todd, I know that this is a bit rough and stuff, and I know that people are not going to believe in me, and that they are going to be telling me that I am insane, but in all honesty, I just don't really fucking care. I have to pretend to be acting like everything is fine, and I have to pretend like things are totally okay, and that all of these events don't make some form or sense, and now I am here." After Gabe had said that to Todd, he was wondering what to do now.

"What do you mean, that the stories make too much sense." After Todd was saying this to Gabe, he was sort of unsure of what to say, and in all honesty, there was that part of him that was actually looking kind of scared on what to tell him now. Todd was sort of just wanting to at least give Gabe a chance, and that maybe something about what he had just said might have been making some sense. "I mean, I think that if what you are saying is true, then I think we need to take this more seriously."

"Think about it. Actually stop and think about it for a moment, and really consider where to go. There are a bunch of things that destroy this city, there are people going missing, the grinding noises, the things in town that make no fucking sense, teachers who are way too trigger happy when you mention something to them, things that literally looked like monsters roaming across town, and I think you know deep down inside that those were probably not just fucking animals." After Gabe was saying this to Todd, he was wondering what to tell him here.

"I mean, I guess that maybe some of this might make some sense, but do you think that maybe you are just tying too many pieces together that are either not real, or just fucking something that you might be blowing a bit out of proportion." After Todd was saying all of this stuff, there was just a bit of confusion here. But there was virtually no fucking way that they were going to be making any form of connection to this now. Eventually, Gabe was just sighing, feeling like there was nothing to even tell him now.

"I know that it sounds crazy, and trust me, I don't like it or get it either, but I am not stupid. I am willing to admit the truth. And I am going to just see what I can do to bring make some sense out of all of this. I will just fight for myself, and try to keep myself as safe as possible." After Gabe was saying this, he was just sort of feeling like there was nothing to say now, and he was walking to his room, and Todd was just looking a bit sad on what was happening.

…  
-Jan 16 1994 5:30 pm- I was just trying to pretend like I was totally fine with everything that was going on, and that virtually nothing else even fucking mattered. I was feeling like that whole thing with Gabe and Todd was just a one time thing, and they needed to talk, and now that they have talked, and gotten it over with, they did not need to go any deeper into this whole thing, and that they were probably already going to be fine on their own. I was almost wondering how this was even happening now.

I was almost believing that in a way, I was sort of just imagining the events that I had seen as either a thing of my imagination or nothing more than one of those 'random memories that you have before you're five years old that you don't really get the context to.' But that was proven to be not true when I was seeing all of the previous telling of these stories that I have been given, and how much I seen the people in my family sort of look like they have been destroyed by this.

It was only when I realized how real this was, and how much fucking shit went down lately that I began to bring it all together, and I sort of believed that I am just going a bit crazy now. But to be honest, I was sort of just wanting to believe that my brothers were fine, and that they did not need to be having me worried about them. That they were just needing to be given some time to be doing things on their own regard.

It had been due to these conversations though, that I had been brought into more stuff that gave me a bit of a better context. I was told by my brothers some of the things that had happened next, that I was sort of there for, even if I was much too young to have a real part to this whole thing. I don't really know how to explain all of this stuff, but I feel like I just need to at least try.

It started when Seth was coming along, and he was writing some material for his shows down for some papers, and that he was just sort of minding his own business. I was making some noise, and he decided that he would go on and try to make me feel better on this whole thing. Seth did not really have any clue what was going on with Henry and the others this time, and that he had just been sort of trying to work on his own, and he was actually sort of just happy to be over the weird stuff from weeks ago.

At least that was the thing that he had told me. He said he genuinely felt like everything had been put to the side, and he was finally feeling like the people who were constantly at our case were no longer going to be dealing with us, and this was why Seth did not mind changing me this time, since he was so excited about that he could not let that bring him down.

Once he was done changing me, that was when Seth was looking along at his older siblings, and he was smiling a bit, and he was feeling like he would have been able to leave soon enough, and that was the thing that had made him happier than anything else in the entire fucking world. Seth was coming up to Josiah and then he said "I was going to be hanging out with some of my classmates today. I was going to head out around six." After he was saying that to Josiah, that was when Josiah shrugged, as if feeling like there was nothing wrong with that, and that in a way, he did not really need to be worried about that.

"Well, I hope that you end up having fun, and that you don't get too distracted from anything." After Josiah was telling Seth this, I was seeing him looking like he was just trying to be all chill and happy for his brother, but in a way, he was just wanting to get his brother to just head on out, and then he would be able to do whatever the hell he would have been able to do.

"I will have a lot of fun. I mean, we are probably going to be going to the park or something. I heard that it starts to get a lot of fun at this point in the year again." After Seth was saying this to his brother, he was seeing that Josiah was just looking a bit unsure of what he was wanting to even say now. "I also think that after all of this stuff going on seeming to come to a halt, I am just wanting to be happy."

"What stuff are you talking about?" Josiah started to become a bit more interested in this, and I was seeing that he was clearly just wanting to see where Seth was going to go from that. Probably just fearing that Seth was onto something that was a bit more dangerous than normal, and that maybe he would try and force Seth into not doing anything too crazy, for both their sakes.

"You know, all the people who have gone on and tried to question everybody like crazy. Nothing has come up in the last couple of days. I am starting to think that maybe that shit is all over." Seth said, and then Josiah was confused, and he was just wanting to find something else to say, but was totally at a loss on where to go from that.

"I think that I have only seen somebody like that once or twice. So I would not know why it is such a big deal. I mean, I am just sort of confused on why you care so much." After Josiah was telling Seth this, he was looking at Seth, as if feeling like he was just needing to see what the fucking point to any of this would have been, and why Seth cared so much in the first place.

"It's just so strange to see that when I am going around, and trying to be happier with my friends, everybody was just trying to get in our way. besides, there was a encounter that I had with one of them, and they really scared me a bit." Seth said, and Josiah decided that he would play along for a bit, and see what Seth was talking about, and see if this so called encounter really was that big of a deal in the first place.

"What did the guy do with you? Did he try to make you give him your comedy script?" Josiah asked, and then Seth was looking mildly annoyed at the fact that Josiah was clearly not caring what was being told to him, and then he was just rolling his eyes, feeling like he needed to at least try and act like this was not all that big of a deal, and that maybe the guy was just playing around because he was worried himself.

"The guy was trying to find Gabe, and was acting like he would have tried to force me to give him the information if he had needed to. You know, a way that a torturer would force his subjects to just tell him the truth, and he would find ways to do it. The only reason I got out of it fine was because I was able to escape, and pretend to not be all that worried about presenting my comedy to them and stuff." After Seth was telling him this, he was wondering what to say now.

"Why the hell would he want to meet Gabe in the first place? That makes no sense." Josiah was slowly conceding, and he was looking at Seth, as if trying to find out what was going on here, and that maybe Seth would have opened up about either joking around, or that maybe Seth was already going to have more of a response to this than he was willing to let on. Almost like this was kind of genuinely worrying to him.

"I don't fucking know. The point is that he was trying to force me to tell him some stuff, that I did not really know, but for some reason, he either did not believe me, or did not want to believe me, because he was still forcing his agenda to me, and was trying to make me give him more info. I was fucking scared, but I was just able to get out of the area by telling him off, you know, the way that I felt like would have made my point." Seth said, and then Josiah was looking at him, as if starting to see that maybe what was going on here might have been a bit worrying after all.

"That is strange actually. I mean, I know that there is more that I can be saying here, but I think that I just need to leave this alone." After Josiah was telling Seth this, I was seeing him just sort of looking unsure of what to be doing now. I was seeing him just clearly looking like he was wanting to get him to feeling sort of safe, but at the same time, the whole idea of safety was almost a laughable one in the first place.

"Josiah, I had actually been scared on the idea that he was going to be forcing me to give him what he had wanted. I feel like he was that person would have been able to make you give him whatever he had wanted, and that he would be willing to do anything to get there, no matter what it would take to get there." Seth was saying, and I was seeing him shaking his head, clearly looking like there was virtually nothing left to say now.

"I think that the best you can do is just not think about it at all. Maybe if you do that, then you might be able to sort of convince yourself that it is no big deal." After Josiah was saying this to Seth, I was seeing Seth clearly looking like there was that part of him that refused to even pretend to go along with this idea, as if feeling like maybe that idea was just going to be making things worse.

"I hope that you're telling the truth. Because if you are not, I don't even want to imagine what that guy would do to try and talk with me again. I don't even want to think about forcing myself to think on it more." After Seth was saying this, I was seeing him looking rather firm on what he had said, as if feeling like there was no way he was going to be arguing on this whole thing, no matter what was going to be taking in order to get there.

"Please Seth, just don't worry about it too much. If you do that, then you are just going to be making things worse for yourself, and I can already see how much it is bringing you down." He was saying, trying to be supportive of his brother, but at the same time, he was feeling like there was no fucking way he was going to get Seth to feel open on this.

"I will have to see what it is like. Honestly, I just wish that I can finally just pretend like everything is fine." After Seth was telling Josiah this, he was walking to his front house door, as if feeling like even talking about this any further was just going to be putting him off, and that he was not wanting to do this anymore. I was feeling bad for Seth, but had no idea what to be telling him now.

"Well, have some fun either way. Don't let anything get in the way of you having a good time." After Josiah was telling Seth this, I was seeing him looking totally sincere when he was saying this. Seth was slowly nodding, as if feeling like maybe he was just needing to try and do it this way, for his own sake, and his own sanity. After Seth nodded, he actually smiled at Josiah, knowing that he was glad to realize his brother did still care in a way.

"I will do my best. I think it is the least that I can do given the situation." After Seth was saying this, he sighed, and then he looked at Josiah, as if trying to find something else to say, to try and make the situation better for him, but decided that he was not going to be trying to do this. "Hey Josiah, don't worry about what I am doing. I think you need to do something better in your life than worry about what your brothers are scared of." Seth said, and then he smiled, as if sincerely meaning what he had said, and was not afraid to say even more.

"I will see what I can do about that. I think that something like this might be a bit harder than you are making it out to be. Like when I see you, and you are acting like this. No offense." Josiah was saying, and then Seth was sighing, as if feeling like he had tried his best, and that if something were to happen, he was not wanting to hear Josiah complaining about how unfair things were, and how much he had messed up.

"Hey Seth, I am sorry for everything that is going on. I know that you are just trying to be taking this as well as you can, from the way you are posing yourself, but I doubt that it is going to matter what you tell yourself. It is already to be worried." After he was telling Seth this, that was when Seth was just feeling like Josiah had needed to make a choice. And that if Josiah was just going to be acting like this, going back and forth, doing a bunch of random things, then he would just not even try and see what his older brother was going through.

"I am going to tell my friends about it. Maybe they might have something more insightful to say, that can give me some clues on where this is going." After Seth had said that, he was sighing, and I was seeing him sort of just looking like he had wanted to say more, but was feeling like there was virtually no point in even trying to speak any further, knowing that Josiah would never get it.

Eventually, when Seth was out of the house, that was when Josiah was seeing me, and then he was slightly smiling, as if trying to find a way to not be worried about what was going on, and worried about what his brother was telling him, and feeling like maybe he would have been able to do more, but that something like this could not have been even fucking remotely possible.

I was feeling like Seth was wanting to just act like he would have been fine with all of this, but that when he was letting his fears be shown to his older siblings, and he was seeing that they were not making fun of him, or making him feel like shit, he was feeling like maybe he was just able to finally go on and speak with them, and see what they might have to say, and that it could have made some form of sense.

"Sorry that you had to witness that." After Josiah was saying this to me, I was smiling, feeling like I was just going to be fine with this whole thing, and that as long as Josiah did not drink the kool aid everything would have been fine. I just did not think that there could have been anything else that I could have said to make the situation any different at all.

"What scares him?" I asked, feeling like what was going on here could have been connected, and that as long as I was patient, and that as long as he was willing to just tell me some stuff, he would have been able to help enlighten me on this, and that I would be able to just sort of brush this whole thing off, and that I would be able to sort of say that maybe Seth watched too many horror movies or something like that.

I just genuinely did not believe, in any form or fashion, that what was getting everybody all worried and hyped up, was going to be that big of a deal. Sure what I had seen last night or something with Gabe and Henry was a bit worrying, but I was convinced that this whole thing was not that big of a deal. I was thinking that maybe this entire situation was having one clear fucking answer.

"Just something with a couple of really strange guys, and he is scared that they are going to be really mean to him, and that they might be getting in his business here." After Josiah was saying this to me, I was seeing him looking like there was virtually nothing to say in the first place. But then I was sighing, feeling like there was just something that was kind of making this a waste of time.

I was thinking that I would just need to let them all play their fucking stupid game, and that I would just show them I was not scared of anything, and that I was courageous. "What do you know?" I asked, trying to pretend like this was all fine and dandy, but that I was feeling like as long as I was careful, we would be all fine.

"Honestly, this is nothing I am too concerned about. I think that people just want to be getting all hyped up over something that is not that big of a deal. I think that maybe you are just needing to focus on your own thing. Let us take care of it, and do not worry about it." After Josiah was telling me this, I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to let the subject go, but that for the time being, I was seeing him looking like he had wanted to say more, but did not want to be taking the risk now.

"Good luck." I said, and then I was saying this to Josiah, he was rubbing my hair, and I was seeing that he was just as worried about this as he was worried about something happening to his show. Needless to say, virtually not at all. But then after all, he was just looking at me, as if trying to find a better way to be making me feel like I was able to be into this conversation, and not feel like I was being let out here.

"I will try." I said, and then Josiah was sighing, clearly thinking that something like this might have been the best that I was going to be able to give him. I mean, he was probably thinking that I had drank the cool aid, and that I was taking this whole thing too seriously. I was feeling like my siblings might have been all a part of one big prank, but I decided not to be saying much on it.

"Good. I think that this whole thing is a bit strange, and that if you even try and understand what is going on, I think you would be going crazy, and you would be trying to act like some mad scientist sort of feeling like you have one big fucking answer to this." After Josiah was saying that, I was looking at him, as if trying to find out I could be able to take advantage of this, but did not want to even bother with this.

"That might be fun." I said, and then I was seeing Josiah looking like there was no way in hell he was going to be able to entertain that idea. There was no way in hell that there was anything fun about the idea of doing what they were doing, but in all honesty, I was seeing that he was aware that if he was going to try and push the subject, he might have been making things much worse for me, and that he was not even going to bother with this.

"It is something you might think is fun at first, until you get onto this." After Josiah told me this, he was rubbing his eyes, as if looking like he was already tired of talking about random shit to us, and that he was wanting to get over this whole thing.

As he was seeing this, I was seeing that there was something that was coming by that made him stop this whole thing, almost thinking that maybe he was just needing to fucking check what was going on. "Wait a second, I think that maybe I can see something." After he was telling me this, I was seeing him standing up, and I was having no idea what the issue was, but from the look on his face, I knew that he was not really messing around either, and that he was wanting to actually be serious about this.

"What is going on?" I asked, and then Josiah was just walking to the door of the house, and I was seeing him slowly opening it up, and I was wanting to see what was going on, but at the same time, I was feeling like, and already kind of dreading that I knew what the answer was, and that he did not need to tell me what was going on, and that maybe I would just have to play along, and pretend like I was being a idiot here.

"Don't worry about it." Josiah was telling me, and I was feeling like maybe he was taking this whole don't worry thing to a new level that might have been a bit much, but at the same time, I was feeling like he was just trying to pretend like everything could have been all fine and dandy.

When I was just wanting to see what Josiah was up to, I was sort of mentally debating two different things, and what I was wanting to do, to sort of just see if what I was assuming had any form of correct assumption. But at the same time, if it really was the exact same thing as I had been expecting, I was feeling like this might not have been worth it.

As he was waiting for another couple of seconds, I was seeing Josiah slowly nodding, pretending like he was alright with this whole thing, but his look was something that was clearly making him start to regret ever coming along and telling Seth that nothing was a problem, and that there was something about him that nearly wanted to apologize to him, and get him to know that this was not a huge fucking deal, and that he should have listened to his brother the whole time.

"What are you going to do about it?" I asked, scared out of my fucking mind on what Josiah was going to do. I was scared for what my brother was wanting to do, and I was feeling like I needed to just make sure that he was not going to do anything that would get him in danger. No matter what I was feeling about the rest of the subject, I was feeling like this was something that I did indeed need to look into, and try and get a answer on.

"I am going to try and find Seth and his friends. Thankfully he told me what they were up to, and I think that I might need to talk with them, and see what I can do to help them out." After Josiah was telling me this, I saw him looking right at me, and then he was looking like he had needed to find something else to say, but that this was just going to be a bit fucking out there, and not fucking going to be accomplishing anything.

"What is going on with Seth and his friends?" I asked, worried about what was going on, and I was feeling like I just needed to find a way to get to know what the hell Josiah was trying to accomplish. I was feeling like no matter what was going to happen, Josiah was going to be acting like everything was fine. I was feeling like Josiah was just not wanting to admit to how scary this whole thing could have been, because that would expose how he was truly feeling.

"I think that whatever they are doing is not safe. I think that they could actually be in danger." After Josiah had told me this, I was seeing that there was something he was wanting to say, but that maybe he was just going to have to leave the whole thing alone. That if he was going to try and get any deeper into this, then he would have not believed in what he was doing. I wanted Josiah to just tell me something, and just give me a answer, but he was not going to do that, no matter what.

What was going on was actually starting to piss me off. He was not telling me anything, and he was just leaving me alone, hanging, and feeling like I needed to know what was happening. But at the same time, if I was getting Josiah to tell me more, then I might have been doing something wrong. "I think that I need to stop whatever I am doing and get to him as fast as possible." After he was saying this to me, I was unable to wrap my mind around anything, and that I was just wanting him to give me a fucking answer, no matter what was going on now.

"Josiah, can I come along?" I asked, and I was seeing him looking a bit unsure of what to tell me. He clearly looked like he was wanting out of this, but that I was not going to leave him alone, and that he was just going to have to find a alternate solution that could have been able to really get out of him here.

"I might have no choice but to let you come along. I just hope that nothing happens that make some regret that choice." After Josiah was saying this to me, I was feeling like I just needed for Josiah to sort of let me feel like a natural part of this whole thing, but I knew that there was no way he was going to waiver because of me, and that he had already made his choice on the whole matter in the first place.

"But you will not tell anybody what is going on. You will let this be a story just between me, you, and Seth." Once he was done with this, I was seeing him holding his finger up, and I was seeing that there was no point in trying to stop him from doing this, and then he was sort of feeling like there was virtually no reason to keep any of this up in the first place. But then Josiah was walking out of the house, and I was following him and he picked me up.

The whole thing was just a bit strange, and that I was feeling like maybe I just needed to try and see what the hell the whole point to this could have been. But at the same time, I was feeling like I did not want to really know where this was going to go, and I was feeling like if I just remained quiet, I might have a small chance to be safe, and I might be able to have a small chance of being able to keep up a composed presentation at the moment.

We were walking along, and I was feeling like the next question I would ask him was going to be a very important one. "What will you do there?" Once I was done asking him this question, he looked at me, as if feeling like he was wanting to find something good to say to me, and make me feel like he was sort of having a actual answer to what I was asking him, but at the same time, this whole thing was going to be fucking impossible to handle.

I was feeling like maybe Josiah was needing to find out more of what was really going on. "I think that I am going to just make sure that nothing is going on. I am just going to be there to protect him, even if he does not want it. I do not care or know what he is going to see, and I don't fucking care. I have no choice but to work like this." After he was saying this to me, I was seeing him just a bit confused, but decided to not even pursue this whole thing any further.

"Just no matter what happens, I am going to do everything I can to make sure that this does not get any worse or harder for him." After he was done telling me this, I saw him shaking his head, clearly just looking like he was going to be doing whatever it took to keep up his sleep schedule and not be afraid.

Eventually, we were at the area where the park would be, and I was seeing that Josiah was getting a very serious posture, and I was seeing that no matter what he was going to do, he was going to be making sure that nothing happened to me, and that nothing happened to him as well. This was all that he had wanted and needed to do at this rate.

"I will see how they are doing, and maybe stick around for a couple of minutes, and when I am done, and I feel like I have fulfilled my purpose, I will be heading back again." After Josiah was telling me this, I decided to not even say anything further, not even sure if I was wanting to talk to him on this, or if I was wanting to know what the issue was, since there was a part of me that was feeling like I just needed to let him be this way.

"Josiah, how are you feeling?" I decided to try and speak to him, and see if I could help him out here, and see if maybe I was going to get his perspective now, and I was needing to just get him to open up, and I was scared that Josiah had a fucking fear in his mind, and that he was going to let this fear get in the way of being a normal person, let the fear get in the way of his rational thinking here.

"I am feeling alright. I think that I need to just not make anything worse for us though. Once I know that he is doing alright, I will head out again, and I will just let him enjoy his time with his friends. I do not want to bother him, and I doubt he wants to be bothered by me, so in order for both of us to happy, I am doing it this way." After Josiah was telling me this, I was remaining quiet, just trying to wrap my mind around what was happening now.

We were looking around, and I was seeing that Seth was hanging around with a couple of people, and when we were both looking, I did not know what was making Josiah look the way he had been, or if I was wanting to waste my time on this, but there was something about the way he was looking, to sort of show that there was a level of happiness with him, even if I did not know why he was feeling this way.

I would later figure out that he was just glad to know that Seth was being happy, and that there was something making him feel better. For the first time, Seth was looking like and feeling like he was not worthless, and that there was somebody in his life would have been able to at least make him feel like a decently funny guy. It was the best they could get now.

…

-Jan 17 1994 9:26 pm- I was thinking that the involvement that Seth adn Josiah had over what the hell I had seen last night had been pretty much going away. I did not think too much on it, and I was feeling like I might be able to just sort of put it all behind me, and that maybe Seth was just doing something that kind of worried Josiah, and this made him feel like he needed to try and be a protective older brother, and that this was the best that he could do.

I was feeling like I did not even need to pretend like I was aware of what was going on, and that I could be able to just put it all behind me. It was something that would have sounded great in theory, and I wanted to do just that, but it was going to be impossible to ever get over it truly compared to what life was like in the future, following everything that had happened.

I was feeling like maybe all of this was just a strange idea, and that maybe given enough time, I would be able to put it all behind me, and just be able to pretend like none of this is really actually happening, and despite the initial thrill this whole idea may have given me, part of me was feeling a bit more realistic, and that maybe this was the worst thing that could be able to happen to us now.

So when I was feeling all of this, and I was feeling like I would be able to just put it all behind me, and I was feeling like virtually none of this was going to even fucking mattered. But this was always being challenged every single fucking day when I was younger, until I was older and was forced to believe it all a bit more than I had ever wanted to do. This was due to the fact that the day after the whole park thing, Seth and Josiah had yet another talk, and this time, Josiah was sounding like he was borderline tears.

"Seth, I never wanted to doubt you, and here I am, acting like what you had said was a big lie, and now I feel like I made a giant mistake doing this." After Josiah was saying that to Seth, I was clearly able to see Seth just looking totally confused what was going on, and I was seeing that there was nothing that Josiah was telling him that made him even remotely able to understand what was going on.

"What are you talking about? This is making no sense whatsoever." After Seth was saying this to Josiah, he was looking a bit confused, and was more just wanting a explanation than anything else. As this was happening, Josiah was looking a bit unsure of what to say, and then he was feeling like there was more he needed to say to get Seth to hear what his issues were.

"You are telling me about the fact that there were really scary people at the house, and that nothing was going on. I don't know what is going on, and I don't know why it is going on. But it is true. I can see that there is indeed something going on, and I think that maybe we need to be a bit more careful here." After Josiah was saying this to Seth, he was looking at his younger brother, trying to find a way to make this sound more presentable in his own way.

"What makes you suddenly so sure this is going on, when just a day ago, you were telling me that I should not be so worried about it?" Seth was asking, and then Josiah was looking like he was aware that the way he was going to have to go at this would have been a bit harder than he would have dreamed, but that he was just feeling like helping his younger brother was the most important thing to talk about.

"Because I saw the guy in the yard, and I slowly remembered a bunch of the stuff that I had to deal with when I saw him. Then I ended up vaguely recalling some other things going on at the town, and I think that something might be going on. I don't know what Gabe knows, or the others, but I think that I need to help you check." After Josiah was saying this to Seth, he was looking at Seth, and he was looking like he was wanting to see what Seth would have said to this idea in the first place.

He decided not to say anything, which might have been a good choice, since Josiah was going to reveal to not be done with what he was saying, and that he was still having a ways to go. "I saw you at the park, since I had felt like I needed to try and tell you that I had changed my mind. But I did not want to risk making you annoyed and angry at me, and I did not want to deal with you yelling at me, and acting like what I was doing was really rude."

That was the part that made Seth look like he was having enough of this whole thing. "You were going around and snooping on what me and my friends were doing. I don't know why you are suddenly caring so much over something so simple and minor, when you were acting like I was acting like a idiot for doing this stuff, and then now you are suddenly trying to act like you were a member of the team?" After Seth was asking this, I was seeing Josiah himself looking a bit unsure of what he was going to say.

"I just wanted to do what was right. What I was at least thinking could have been right. But I guess that maybe you are just unsure of what to tell me now, and that you are a bit upset at me, just because I wanted to do what was best for this house now." After Josiah was saying this to Seth, I was seeing him clearly a bit upset, and I was seeing that the two were just clearly trying to justify their own reactional feelings, despite the fact that both of them had every right to feel this way.

"Sorry for freaking out on you. I mean, I am just trying to find a way to get through this whole thing. But I guess that maybe I just need a moment to get over it. I just wanted to understand what you were doing. I am just a bit scared of everything, and when I find out that you guys are going around, and snooping in on me, and just trying to see what was going on, I did not know what to believe." After Seth was saying this, I was seeing him looking like he was needing to find a better way to go on this, but that this was just impossible.

"I just think that maybe I need to not get in the way of what you guys are doing. But I feel like this whole thing is just fucking impossible. I just feel like I need to find something a bit better for my friends, and I know you guys can handle yourselves, so that is what I am mainly focused on." After Seth was saying this, he had looked right at Josiah, clearly just wishing that Josiah would be leaving him a bit alone on this now.

"I think that there is one thing that we can agree on. And that we are just wanting to be there for our family, no matter what it is going on. I mean, when I see how much things are just gotten worse, and I see how much things in this life are really actually messed up, I can't help but wonder if mom and dad are actually wanting to tell us something else, or if they are going to just sort of brush it all off. If they are going to pretend like we are just sort of making something out of nothing." Josiah had said, clearly sort of wondering what the hell we were even going to be getting out of this now. I was just seeing that in a way, Josiah was just looking tired.

"How much do you think mom and dad actually would know what is going anyways, if we were to try and speak with them in the first place. I mean, I think that if we try and talk with them, they might be fucking pissed at us, and they might be sort of let us express our emotions, but that might just be a way for them to see if we have gone crazy." Seth said, sighing, feeling like he clearly had no business talking any further, and that he was going to risk annoying Josiah now.

"I think dad is clearly aware of something. I mean, you might be too young to remember it, and I don't remember it too well, but I remember our brothers reactions, Gabe and Todd's, and they were acting like they were both relieved and scared out of their fucking mind that was something was going on when Lydia was adopted." Josiah told Seth, and that looked that Seth gave was one of actual horror, as if scared of the fact that Josiah had said that.

"Do you actually believe that something is going on with dad? Do you really honestly believe that he might be up to something? I think that maybe you need to try and be realistic about this." After Seth was saying this, I was clearly able to tell even at two that this was a voice of denial. A voice of trying to repress what was going on. Trying to repress the truth in a way.

"I might not be the smartest tool in the sheed, but I am smart enough to know when dad might be lying to me. I mean, he doesn't do it all the time, but he sometimes does it when he feels like what he is doing is actually for the best to do this." After Josiah was telling Seth this, I was seeing the younger of the two brothers looking like he was just trying to find something to say, at all to show himself as a braver guy.

"I don't know. I mean, maybe what you're saying is true. I think I need to think about this a bit more. I mean, if something is going on with dad, and he does know something, I think we need to get him to tell us the truth." After Seth was saying this, I was seeing Josiah looking horrified at this idea, like it was the worst one.

"I think that we should not do this. I mean, it might help to know what dad is scared of, and I would want to know, and I would want to know what he knows, if anything, but I think that we need to just let him do his own thing." Josiah was saying, and Seth was looking so confused at what Josiah was meaning to this, and why he would even suggest this.

"I think that this is a really big mistake. I mean, if you believe in this, I guess that I can't stop you, but I think that maybe we need to look at all the options first." After Seth was saying this, I was seeing him trying to look natural, but then he was sighing, feeling like there was no need to even try and speak any further, in the fear that Josiah was going to tell him off, and tell him that he was wrong to even believe in what he was suggesting.

"I know you might be acting like this is all fine, to just ignore some obvious facts, and clear as day issues, but I think we need to look at all the options here." After Josiah was saying this to Seth, the two of them were looking like they were just too equally afraid of what to even say next to both think that maybe it was just best not to say anything at all.

"I think that talking with him might still not be a bad idea. I mean, sure he might say no, but I mean, what is the issue of trying at least? At least if we try, then we can know for sure what he is wanting to do." After Seth was saying that to Josiah, I was just seeing him looking like he was sticking rather firm to this whole thing, even if Seth was going to alienate Josiah on this whole entire thing.

"I don't know. I will have to think on it a bit. I mean, I guess that it might not be the end of the world, but I still feel like it might be a bad idea." After he was saying that to Seth, I was seeing him just sort of looking like he was wanting to find something else to say, but was just totally fucking lost on what to do. As if there was some validity to it all.

"I mean, I guess that in a way, it might not be a terrible idea though. I think that maybe if we wanted to try, we can make it all work out." After Josiah was saying this, I saw him looking like there was something that he did not want to say, but he was feeling like he was needing to at least try, and that maybe if he brought up this idea, then Seth might agree with this.

"I think we can finally get Gabe to open up about what he knows. If we get him to tell us what is going on, then maybe we might be able to get to know something, and he might be able to just let us know what is issue is, and that might help us out a bit better." After Josiah was saying this to Seth, that was when Seth looked like he was genuinely thinking that something like this might not have been a bad idea.

"I think it will require a lot for him to open up though. I think if you want him to talk with us, he might be forcing us to just pretty form of a silent oath or something silly like that." After Seth was saying this to Josiah, that was when Josiah was sighing, and felt like there was a form of validity to what he had been saying.

"Seth, don't worry about this honestly. I think you need to just relax a bit. I think that there is something that is happening that you might not want to know, and that if you force yourself into knowing, you might be making a huge issue out of this whole thing." After Josiah had been telling Seth that, there was a look that the two brothers shared, and I was seeing that Seth was just not buying it at all.

"I don't think I will be able to leave it alone. Even if something like this is wise, I think that I could go crazy if I did not know the truth." After Seth said that, I was seeing that he was just looking a bit heartbroken to tell Josiah that, knowing that if he said this, there might be a level of annoyance, and maybe even flat out anger that Josiah was going to be having to Seth here, and he was sort of hoping to avoid it now.

"Josiah, I mean, I appreciate what is going on, and I am appreciate the fact that you are trying to make me feel better, but this is hard for me to do. I think I am going to just have to find out what the truth is here, and see if there is a way I can get out of this." After Seth was saying this to his brother, he was seeing Josiah looking mildly just over it, and that there was no way he would get Seth to change his mind, and that he was not even going to try and do that anymore. Almost as if feeling like this might have been fucking pointless.

I was seeing that the two brothers were looking like there was nothing keeping them sane or together, and that they needed to just hide their sadness, their anger, and their confusion to this. After this was happening, the two of them were going to their room, either to debate this away from everybody else, or to actually go to bed for real, and not be thinking about something like this anymore.

…

-Jan 18 1994 2:05 pm- I was honestly unsure of what the heck was going on with my brothers, and to be honest, I would never want to know. It was scary to know my brothers were almost ready to get themselves killed over virtually fucking nothing, because they had wanted to go along with the idea of finding out some random fucking answer that will make no fucking sense.

But despite all I was feeling, I was feeling like as long as I did not think about it too much, and I just reminded myself that I was a young kid, and barely able to do anything, then I would be able to get away with it all. I decided that I would not make a big deal out of it, for my safety more than anything else.

Eventually, I was seeing Henry for the first time in a couple of days, and I was seeing that his left hand was having some form of white wrapping around it. I was so fucking confused, and I was wanting to know what was going on. But at the same time, I was fearing that if I asked him anything, he would be annoyed and angry at me, and act like I was just getting in his business for no real reason, and he would be telling me to go away pretty much.

But despite what I was wanting to do, and just tell myself that none of this even mattered, I was seeing how much Henry was looking like he was wincing mildly, as if he was in some form of pain. I was feeling like this might have had something to do with the fact that he dealt with that guy earlier, because I had no idea what broken hands were in that time frame.

I was feeling like maybe I was just needing to pretend like I did not want to say anything, but I was feeling like if I did not say anything to him, he was going to be able to not get mad at me, but he would not have anybody at his side, and he would be probably getting in more pain than he would have been already.

Turns out that I did not need to go on and speak to him, and that he was going to have Lydia turning up, and pretty much pressure him to tell her some stuff, and that when she was talking to him, there was a part of him that would be just trying to act not annoyed.

"Hey Henry, what has been going on the last couple of days? I saw that you had a cast, but did not want to bother you." After she had said that to Henry, that was when Henry was looking at her, and he was using his decent hand to rub his eyes, to try and be feeling better about what he was going to tell her, even if such a thing would not have been possible.

"Honestly, I think it might have to do with what the fucking hell is going on in this town. I mean, for fuck sake, I am coming along and I was forced into something with all of my older siblings, and I ended up being the one who paid the price. And guess what, nobody cares since I'm a little kid, and who cares what little kids thinks?" Henry said, and for the first time in my life, I heard him angry, and clearly just trying to not show it too well.

"I'm sorry that this happened. I did not think that something would have happened to you. I was just truing to do something good. I had no intention to hurt you." After she had said that to Henry, I was seeing that the younger brother just did not want to say more, and that he was clearly just trying to hide his annoyance, but that maybe he was also thinking of something.

"It's not your fault. I need to remember that. You were just sort of following along with what our older siblings were doing. If it was your fault, I would hate you. But it wasn't, and I can't." After Henry was saying that to Lydia, she was looking at him, as if worried about the fact that he was openly admitting that he might hate some of the siblings, the ones that indirectly led to something like this happening.

"Lydia, what are you planning on doing now? I have a feeling that there is something going on, and I kind of just want you to get it over with." Henry said, looking right at her, and he was wondering what she was going to be telling him now. She was looking at him, as if feeling like way she was being attacked at was going to be hard to handle.

"I was just wanting to help you out feel better. But I am worried for your sake. Henry, I mean, you broke your hand, and you are probably suffering because of it." After she was saying this to Henry, her younger brother looked at her, and when he was looking at her eyes, he was able to see that she was actually sort of meaning it this time.

"I don't know what to be feeling right now. I feel so fucking angry at the way that people have been going at me, and I feel like I deserved to have something better. But I guess that something like this is just not going to happen." After Henry was saying this, there was clearly a level of annoyance that he was showing, but he was wondering if Lydia would get it.

"Henry, I know that you probably are angry at Gabe, and that he is doing something to really piss you off, but I think that maybe you need to be more nice and fair to us all." After Lydia was saying this, she was looking at him, and Henry was just looking tired of this, and like he was just needing to make her let him go.

"I am not angry at Gabe. He is the only reason why I am still here right now." After Henry was saying this to Lydia, he was looking at her, wondering what to be hearing now. He was angry at her, and he was wanting her to leave him alone, but in a way, he was just not even caring at that moment now.

"I do not even want to know what that means." After Lydia was saying this to Henry, he was looking at her, kind of wondering what the heck she was trying to accomplish here in the first place. Considering the fact that she was all over the place with the way that she was looking at him here.

"Good, because I don't want to talk about it. I am sick of talking about it to everybody." After Henry was saying that to her, she was looking at him, and she was wondering clearly if there was going to be something that she would be able to say to make him feel better. But at the same time, she was sighing, just feeling like it would not even be worth it now.

"Sorry for anything that maybe have happened to you." After Lydia was saying this to Henry, she was finally looking like she was just needing to be leaving this alone, and that maybe if she did not get in his business on it, then it would have been getting so much worse. I was just feeling like I needed to know more, but was scared to do this.

"I don't know what to be feeling anymore. I feel like every time people show up and talk with me, they are going to want to know the story. So glad I am not in school yet." Henry was saying, and then he was standing up, and looking right at Lydia, as if feeling like there was something else that was going on that he needed to talk about.

"I think that when I see my younger brothers, looking sad and like they want to go out and do something, but when I am here, I feel so confused." After Henry was done saying that, he was wondering what the heck was even going on. He was feeling like there was going to be no way in hell Lydia would be able to see where he was coming from.

"You are fine. It is not your fault." After Lydia was saying this, she was done feeling a bit worried, and she was feeling a bit excited to just see how Henry was going to be able to bring it all together. Then he was hugging her for a moment, unsure of what to do.

"Well, thanks for being there for me." Once Henry said that to Lydia, he was looking at her, wondering what she was going to be telling him, and if there was even anything that there was to say. Henry was looking sort of just wanting to get over it.

"I try to be there for my brothers. Even the older ones." After Lydia said that to Henry, he was looking at her, and he was happy to hear her being like this, and he was able to respect her maturity to this whole thing. In a way, he was kind of angry at himself for not being able to respect her much more now.

"Thanks. It makes me feel much better to know that. I mean, you are one of the nicest people I know." Henry said, and then he was scratching his head, as if feeling like there was no more need to speak any longer, and he was sort of done with it all. He was feeling like he was sort of wishing that he was able to be nicer to Lydia eventually.

"Lydia, I think that maybe we should find something that is going on here." After Henry said that to Lydia, he was wondering what the heck Lydia was going to tell him here. He was feeling like she was needing to take it more seriously, and that she was needing to be seeing where he had been coming from.

"You should be with your friends." After Henry said that to Lydia, she was looking at him, and he was sort of just wanting to be more respectful about this, but this was just something that would have been going down a rough path. But in a way, Henry looked worried about something else. As if he was feeling like there was something more important that he needed to be focused on.

"I might as well. Do something with them, and enjoy my day off." Lydia was saying this to him, he was looking a bit happier to know that there was going to be a part of her that was able to just enjoy everything that was going on here. Henry was feeling like if he was wishing to say more, he would have gone crazy, and there was nothing that could have been said now.

"How is Claire?" Henry asked, and he was referring to what he had happened with her family, and he was feeling like he had needed to know the answer before he left her alone. She was looking at him, as if feeling like what she had been forced to remember was something that she was going to hate, and that she had hated the fact that Henry brought it up in the first place.

"She is doing alright, all things considered. I just wish that maybe I did something better. But I guess that complaining about it will not make any difference. I wanted to do something to make her feel better, but I think that time is the thing that heals the wounds." After Lydia told him this, he was nodding, as if there was nothing else to say now.

"I just was worried that she was going to be having a major issue with everything going on. But Lydia, just tell her that I am sorry." After Henry had said that, he knew that it was not going to be making any difference, but in a way, he was just not caring. He was wanting to make her feel better, and he was going to do anything to make this actually work.

"Nothing is going on though. I mean, not anymore." After Lydia was telling him this, he was nodding, feeling like he needed to trust her on what had been going on, and I was seeing Lydia walking out of the house, and I was feeling like maybe once I was going to talk with them longer, and I was going to talk a bit more, and see what the issue was, I would have know what Lydia was so scared of. Since I barely had any idea what had been the subject of debate in the first place, and why Lydia was so sad.

…

-Jan 19 1994 10:50 pm- I was sort of just wondering how much longer people were going to be talking over and over again about the strange things going on at town, but that was just feeling sort of impossible to actually understand what was going to be happening. I was feeling like I just had needed to find a way to keep it a bit safe with my siblings, but I had needed a proper answer for my own sanity, just sort of unsure what to believe now.

As this was something that I was feeling like I needed to just put behind me, I was seeing that my other older brothers were looking like they were sort of just kind of tired, and that there was no real reason to be making a huge issue out of this whole thing. I was seeing that Gabe was heading out of the house, probably thinking that enough time had passed to where he would have been able to get away with it, and not make a big issue with him here.

As Gabe was at the door, I was hearing another one of my siblings, Jack, calling out to him. This was when Gabe was turning around to just look at Jack, and wondering what the point of this was going to be. He had just needed to see what Jack was wanting to talk about, and see if there was something that they needed to discuss in a deeper manner.

"What is going on?" Gabe asked, seemingly fine with this interruption, and Jack decided that he would tell Gabe a small truth that he was too scared to admit earlier, but had felt like he had just needed to fucking get the point across. That if he did not do this, he was only going to make things much worse for him and the others in the family.

"I was wanting to confess something to you. You know, to sort of clear up the air." After Jack was telling him this, Gabe just looked at him confused as hell, and was wondering what Jack was going to try and accomplish about any of this. Then with that, he was just getting ready to get right to the point.

"I did follow you a couple of weeks ago at the town, and I saw you getting inside one of the cars with the men in black. I thought that doing this might have kept you safe, but I realize now how silly that is." After he was telling Gabe this, there was a clearly form of fear that Gabe was having here, and that he was wondering what the hell Jack was trying to accomplish here.

"I was just trying to make sure that nothing to happen to you, and I think that maybe that was just a big mistake. And I know what you're thinking. That this is related to that one time we both had to deal with that guy, and that maybe you think I am just being a bit pointless right now. But there was one more after that." After Jack was telling Gabe this, that was when Gabe had started to look much different to this.

"What did you think you were getting out of this? Did you really think that you were going to find any answers? I think that you were setting yourself up for a big failure just by thinking that in the first place." After Gabe was telling Jack this, he was waiting for Jack to actually respond, but in a way, he was just worried about saying anything at all, and that he was just wanting to help Gabe feel a bit better.

"I was just wanting to make sure that nothing happened to you. I mean, I saw you going around, crazy, and just acting fucking over the top, and like some hero, and I was wanting to see if maybe I could have been able to help you out." After Jack was saying this, he was wondering if Gabe was going to respond at all, or if Gabe was just going to tell him to stop doing this, and leave him alone.

"Well, what did you think you learned by not leaving me alone?" Gabe asked, sort of capturing a half way point in this, wanting to see if maybe he was going to get Jack to open up longer, and see if maybe Jack was just wanting to say more, but was worried how he would have reacted.

"Listen, I do not agree with you constantly going around, and trying to find out what I am doing, but I appreciate the fact that you are caring so much to want to see the truth. I think that you doing this is the best that somebody can give me, even if I do not have to like it." After Gabe said that, he was sighing, feeling like he was just going to have to see what else Jack wanted to even say in the first place, or leave it alone.

"I mean, I was just worried about the conversation you had with that one guy, and I did not feel right not getting some form of information first." After Jack was telling Gabe this, he was looking at Gabe, as if feeling like maybe he was just needing to see what Gabe would have said there.

"Jack, I am going to have everything taken care of. I know that something like this might be hard to believe, and I know that maybe I am not the sharpest tool in the shed, but I am not going to be letting anything happen to you guys. I am going to make sure that no matter what happens, you will have a chance on making it out fine." After Gabe had said that, he was wondering if Jack was going to try and say anything to that.

"I just wanted to see if there was something that I could have said to somebody in case you were in danger. I never wanted to be making you feel like I was pushing you along, and forced to take care of me." After Jack was telling Gabe this, he was wondering if Gabe was going to be listening to what he had just said now.

"I think that if you want to do something for me, and I mean it, is to just stay away so you can stay safe, and if something happens to me, then you will still be safe. I think that this is the best that I can hope for. Is to just make sure that nothing happens to you, and I do not want to make you feel like you are being pushed into this." After Gabe was telling Jack this, he was waiting to see how Jack was going to react to the idea of not doing something.

"Honestly, I just did not know that you were feeling better without having me around, and that you were feeling better being alone." After Jack was saying this to Gabe, there was clearly a small level of hurt being shown here, and Gabe was looking down, as if feeling like virtually nothing that was going to be said would be making Jack feel better, and he was just trying to find a way to get out of this relatively safe.

"I know that you really want to be a hero, and I get it. I want to be a hero in my own way. But I refuse to do it if it means that something is going to happen to you guys. I need to go along and just see what I can do here. But Jack, I want you to promise me one thing..." After Gabe was saying that to Jack, that was when Jack looked at him, as if confused where this was going to go, but wanted to give Gabe a try and make it work out.

"I just want to talk with the guys who are talking with me, and maybe when I clear things up with them, everything will be alright. I just want to see if maybe I can get them to understand what I am feeling, and what I want to do here, and I genuinely want to make sure that maybe the two of us could be able to come up with some middle ground." He was looking like he had no idea where this was going, but did not even care.

"It is the least that I can do, is to try and see if maybe I can get these guys to talk with me, and see if maybe we can agree on some things, to keep you guys safe." After Gabe was done saying this, he was shaking his head, as if feeling like such a thing was going to be fucking impossible, but that he was almost just not even caring what anybody said.

"Be safe, no matter what is going on. I want to see you come home." After Jack was telling Gabe this, that was when Gabe was clearly looking like some part of this was striking him hard. Almost more than he was wanting to admit. But as this was happening, he was looking at Jack, totally unsure where to go now.

"I am going to remember that. Maybe I just need to remember being safe is going to be the best that I can do now." After Gabe was saying this, I was seeing him looking like he was hating the fact that he was admitting his best performance was going to be something that little, and I was feeling like Gabe wanted more.

"What are you going to do if you are not safe?" Jack asked, worried about what Gabe was going to tell him, and then Gabe gave him a long and solemn look, clearly just trying to find a way to make it look like he was not too worried about what anybody was going to be saying about him behind his back or anything.

"I am going to make sure that nothing happens to you guys. I am going to just talk with these guys, and I am going to make it clear with them that I want nothing to happen with you all, no matter what the other stuff turns out to be, keeping you guys safe, and keeping you guys away from what I am doing is all that matters." He said, sighing, and then he was looking at the door, as if almost regretting ending this talk now.

"Honestly, I don't even want to talk about what it would be like if things failed. I fucking hate the fear of failing you guys. But I guess that nothing matters anymore. I just wanted to make you guys happy." After Gabe said that to him, he was sighing a second time in the matter of like ten seconds, and then he was looking at the door, just trying to think on what it would be like to keep his siblings safe, and to make sure that they were going to avoid fear of anything happening to them.

"I really do need to head out now. If I waste another minute, I will be going crazy, and I will feel like I am being unproductive." After Gabe was done saying this, part of him felt small regret for ending the conversation like this, but he was just wanting to make the point clear that he was needing to get out of there, and he was wanting to make it loud and clear that this was his intention, even if Jack would have been a bit offended by this whole thing.

"Hopefully I see you tomorrow." Gabe said, finally feeling like he was done with this talk, and then left before Jack could even say a fucking word more, and then Jack was just watching, as if feeling like he had failed Gabe, and that he could have done more, but that he just did not cut the plate when it really mattered.

"You will see me tomorrow. I will make sure of it." After Gabe said that to Jack, he was walking off, and I was feeling like that might have been the worst thing to say, in the chance that this promise was going to fail, and I was wondering if Gabe was just saying that to tell himself something else, or if he was truly believing that something like this was going to be happening any time soon. But I could not say anything of it at all.

Eventually, Jack was just sitting down on a edge of the couch, and he was looking so sad at what was going on that even at my younger age I was able to tell how much this was going to be getting to him. I wanted to help him out here, but I was feeling like I was going to be seen as a hassle, and that he was not really wanting to listen to me here.

So with that, I was sighing, and decided that no matter what was going on, and no matter if they were needing to hear somebody talk with them, I would not even fucking bother with this at all. I would not even want to pretend like I could do something that could help them out, since it would fail.

As I was coming to that conclusion, I was seeing that maybe Jack was just needing to have somebody to talk to, and that maybe I could bring it up casually to like Henry or something, since he was the one that shared a room with Jack, and I was feeling like maybe if I tried to connect the two here, they would listen to each other, and they were even going to talk, and sort of come to something of a understanding there.

I did not know how likely something like this was going to be, but I did not care. I was feeling like as long as I was going to be speaking to them, and forcing something of a discussion to be made, then I would be doing the best that I could. I was smiling at the idea that I was going to be helping my brothers, and I was wanting to keep that mental image up a bit longer, and that everything could have been alright.

I was wanting to know the truth, and I was feeling like these conversations were all that I was able to do to make sure that I could get that truth. I was wondering what was happening here, and I was feeling like once I was going to get the truth here, and once I got them to finally open up, I would be able to keep things up. But I was feeling like I just needed to see if the truth was even going to be coming up soon enough.

I was thinking that maybe I was going to be leaving this whole thing alone. I was thinking that the moment that this was all said and done with, I was going to be going to bed, and I was going to let dreams of what was happening sort of take me away. I was feeling like maybe something like this could have been the best that I would have been able to do. I was just wishing to see where this could have been heading.

I was just sort of heading to the crib, and I was going to head to sleep, and I was feeling like when I was going to bed, I was going to be having a moment that could keep us happier. I just wished to find a way to sort of get them to tell me the truth, and when they would tell me the truth enough, I would be happier, and I would sort of see how much of it was valid anyways.

…

-Jan 20 1994 4:06 pm- I eventually was sort of wondering what the heck I was going to do now. I was finally just sick and tired of people going around, and just acting like this was fine, and I was feeling like I had needed to finally just get a solid answer on what was even happening. I was wanting to hang out with my brothers, and I was wanting to help them out, but I fucking refused to do something unless if I fucking knew what the hell was going on here.

There was something that was going on that finally started to put us in the test, and that I was just needing to try and make some peace here, and while I knew that this was going to be a rather rough road, but I was needing to just make it very clear that I was not going to be taking no for an answer, and that I was really needing for them to just tell me what their issue was, and then I would finally start to put two and two together.

I was seeing that Todd was going to do something that I was assuming would be another date. I was able to make that assumption because I was seeing him looking like he was on top of the fucking world. I was seeing Todd was probably going to be seeing Bebe or something like that, and when I was seeing him like this, and just looking like he was going to be doing so fucking well, I decided that maybe I just needed to let him be doing his own thing, and that I needed to not get in the way of this.

But despite what I was feeling at that moment, I was feeling like I just needed to get to talk with him for a moment, and I was feeling like when I spoke with him, he might be willing to just tell me what the main issue was, and then I would see what he was going to be doing with Bebe, and if he knew what was going on with our brothers.

And if he did not not, then I might be able to help him learn more, and then I would be able to help him figure out what the heck he was supposed to do to make some sense out of this. I was walking up to him, and then Todd looked at me, just trying to figure out what the heck I was going to be saying to him. I decided that I was just going to be honest with him, for better or for worse.

"Are you going out with Bebe?" I asked, and then Todd looked at me and then he was nodding when he had realized that it was me, and felt like maybe I had a valid reason to ask him since I was not fully aware what he was doing all the time and stuff. He was just looking like there was nothing in the world that was making him more excited than just going out and seeing her for a bit.

"Yeah, going to be seeing her right now. We were planning on maybe just doing some stuff to sort of defuse from everything that was going on, and just take a bit of a break, and I feel like I need that more than anything else in the world." Todd said, and then he was looking at me, and shaking his head, as if feeling like he could give me some advice that would still be sort of looking like it was able to be presented as a joke.

"Don't have eleven kids. You are going to have no idea what you will be forcing the oldest one to get into, and he or she will probably feel like you are just not taking care of them enough as it was." After Tod was saying this to me, I was seeing him looking like he was being totally serious about what I was being told, and that he was wanting to sort of make it sound funny, but the over all point of what he was saying was far from a fucking joke.

"What is the issue?" I asked, trying to make it seem like I did not know what the issue to doing this had been. Todd was looking at me, and then he sighed, as if feeling like that was only going to be the start to talking with me on all of this, but that he did not want to bore the hell out of me on this quite yet. "Why not have so many kids?"

"Well it is really hard to handle with the money. Like really hard. And then not only that, but you will feel like you should be doing more, but are failing to do it. You feel like you should have been there fo your siblings, but that you need to work a job to make sure they are able to have a easier life, and then you just feel like everything is going all over the fucking place. It's just a bit hard is all, and I think you would understand when you have some." Todd said, and then he was smiling for a moment, almost getting over it already in substitute for something more fun.

"Are you and Bebe going to be having a good time?" I asked, with Todd looking at me, and he was clearly looking like that was the plan, and that if this was not happening, he would be more sad than he would ever really want to admit. So when I was seeing him like that, I decided that maybe I should just remain silent for a moment longer. To make sure I did not bother him.

"We are going to have a great time I believe. I mean, there is something about the stuff that we do that makes me feel like I really am connected with what she enjoys, and I feel like she also is connected with what I enjoy. We are connected, and that is what matters." After Todd said that to me, I was seeing him just wanting to say more, but was feeling like if he did say more, I would be lost, and I would be just sort of losing it all.

"What do you believe about the people who come here?" I asked, and then Todd was looking at me, and he was clearly looking a bit worried what I was talking about, and I was seeing that there was a part of him that was just wanting to see what I was talking about, or if I had gone totally crazy here. And if I was lying in a way.

"The men in black." I said, and then I was just feeling like once I had further clarified what I was talking about, I was seeing Todd looking a bit more uneasy at what I was talking about, as if he was really wanting to just not even hear me talk about this, in fear of the fact that I was going to be making this whole thing worse. But he was sighing, thinking he might as well tell me what the issue was to this.

"I think you should not look too deeply into this. I mean, I barely even know what is going on. If I barely know what is going on, then I think you should not bother getting into this. I think you need to be out of it all. I mean, Gabe might have some idea, but you are more likely to win the lottery than have him tell you what is going on..." Todd said, and I was able to hear that there was a minor amount of resentment to what he was saying at that second.

"He will not tell you is what I think the point is. You might want to know, but that is just not going to happen. Anyways, I really was telling you the truth when I was going to be heading out and being with Bebe for a bit, and I was just going to be heading out now." After Todd was telling me this, I was seeing him looking more and more like he was just needing to get out, and once he was gone, he would just put this all behind him.

When he was getting to the door of the house, that was when Todd was looking at me, as if feeling like maybe he could try and find something to say to me that could make me feel a bit better here. Something that could get me to sort of know what I was getting myself into. "Calvin, just tell yourself something. Tell yourself that no matter what happens, our family will always love you, and keep you fine." After he was done saying this to me, I was seeing him looking fine now.

Honestly, I was just sort of wondering if Todd really believed in something like that. I mean, things could always change over time, and maybe he might do something or say something that changes the way he was going to be looking at this, and that he was going to be acting like the idea of loving me would have been a bit pointless in a way. But then Todd left the house, and he was getting near his car.

As he was getting to the car, he was looking at me, and I was seeing that he was just sort of already getting over this all, but then he opened the door, and then I was hearing a call coming in, and when I heard it, I was seeing Todd sighing in anger at this moment, and he was standing up, walking to the phone, where he would just talk with whoever was on the other side.

"Hello, what do you need?" After Todd asked this question to the guy, that was when there was a moment of silence, and he was clearly just trying to see where this was going to head. "I do not know what you are talking about right now..." Todd was saying, and I was hearing that there was now a voice of confusion, as well as just fear coming in his voice, and I was wondering what to do now.

"I don't have any idea what he is doing, no. I think that maybe you are going to have more luck trying to contact him directly." Todd was saying, clearly trying to show a different set of emotions with every single sentence that he was saying, and he was just trying to be making it seem like he was keeping his cool at the moment, but was losing it more.

"I really don't appreciate the tone you are using when talking about my brother. I think that we are going to have a big issue here." After Todd said this, he was wanting to make it seem like it was not that big of a deal for him, but that whatever he was talking about at that moment was showing everybody that no matter what was going on, he was not going to be letting this be a simple little conversation here.

"I am sorry that you are feeling this way. I think you need to let him be doing his own thing, even if such a thing might be rough." After Todd was saying this, he was then sighing once again, and I was hearing him looking more and more like he was just sort of getting over it all, even if he was not wanting to. "Fine, I will talk to him about it next time I see it, if you have not already. But please don't be like this." After Todd finished that, he was sighing, waiting for the guy to finish.

"Alright, I get it. You can stop now. Talk to you later, bye." Todd finished, and when he was done, he looked right at me, and I was seeing him looking like whatever he was now talking about was going to break him. I was seeing him looking just wanting to find something else to discuss, but that if he were to say anything, he would only be making me feel worse about it all.

"Oh my god, now I am really worried about what Gabe is doing now. I feel like something must have happened. But god damn, I think he will refuse to say anything, and that is what scares me." After Todd was telling me this, I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to say more, but was just feeling like if he hinted what he was feeling, he would be considered weak, and I would not take him serious.

"But you said that Gabe is fine." I said, and then Todd was just wanting to say more, but he was feeling like that idea was going to be thrown out the window, and that even pretending that something like this could have bene true was just to be pushing more an dmore lies to us. "What changed this?" I asked, feeling like this would be simple enough.

"I don't know what is going on with Gabe. I want to think he is fine. But I feel unsure. I am needing to talk with him soon. I need to get him to open up with me, and that way I know what he is doing." After Todd finished this, he was shaking his head, and he was just clearly over this whole discussion, and that he was just kind of wanting to do something else with his time here.

"I need to talk with him about many things. Even if he does not want to, I have to at least try. I need to at least try." Once he was done with that, he was looking at me, and he was clearly just wishing to say more, but did not want to do anything that was going to just be going in one ear and out of the other.

"I will talk to Bebe about it. Maybe she will calm me down, and sort of find a way to talk with me on this. I mean, I don't know if she will have the right answers for me, but I feel like she can at least try and make me feel better." After he had said that to me, he sighed, and I decided that even if it was best to mention what happened earlier, I did not want to get in trouble, or involved in something deeper, and I decided to just leave it alone, and give the two oldest brothers a chance to talk things out, and see if they could come to a agreement on what to do now.

As Todd was out of the house, there was something that I knew I needed to try and do for my own sake, as well as his own sake. I needed to try and see what was going on with my brothers, and I was needing to try and be there for them, no matter what was going to happen, since doing anything otherwise was only going to be making things even harder for those involved.

I was then thinking about what the hell that call must have been about. I mean, I did not want to know what was bothering Todd so much, but I was scared that something was going on to Gabe, and I was scared that he seriously was in danger this time, and by doing this, doing what he had been doing, I was worried that something was going to come to him now.

That was the thing that I had felt like I needed to just try and take care of. I needed to try my best to just make sure that nothing was going to happen to Gabe, and even if that meant getting my hand into more than I can handle, I was feeling like I needed to do just that. I needed to do whatever I fucking could to make sure that my siblings knew that I was a person who was going to listen to everything they needed to tell me, even if I was too young to understand it all.

I was then feeling like when I see Gabe next, I was needing to talk with them, and I was needing to get to know what was happening with him, and when I would learn the truth, I might even try and talk to Todd about what I would learn, and maybe this could be able to give Todd some idea on what he is supposed to do. I did not even care if it was snooping. It was the only thing I ever cared for.

I was just over it, and I was going to see what he was needing to tell people, and I was needing to just see what was scaring people out of their minds. I was needing to just know the truth for my own sake, and for the sake of how I was going to present myself to the family in the future. It was the only thing that I could focus on, and I was thinking that as long as I was able to do this, I was going to protect Ridge, and be able to make sure that the one sibling in the family who was younger than me could have all ten of his older siblings be there for him, rather than just nine.

I needed to talk with Bebe, and I was needing to just see what also made her like Todd so much. I did not know what the issue with Todd was, and I did not know why she liked him so much. He was just sort of all over the place, and while I was never going to call him a bad brother, I felt like he needed to give me even more than he already did.

But then I was seeing that along with Todd, I was seeing that Josiah was in his room, placing on his shoes, and I was seeing him holding his guitar, and I was seeing that there was a look of grit and determination on his face. I was not needing to be a genius to know that something was going to go down with his friends, and I should probably be leaving him alone, and just letting him dow whatever he was going to do, for both our sakes.

I was seeing him looking at Seth, who was holding his hands in his pocket, and Seth was almost looking like he was wanting to try and come up with some last minute bullshit excuse to make sure that Josiah did not do whatever the heck he was going to do, but there was a part of him that was just knowing that nothing was going to be done to change what Josiah was going to do. But at the same time, I was seeing Seth just starting to straighten up his back, and at first I thought he was doing this for comfort, but after a moment, I was seeing him stay that way, and I knew something was going to be said.

Josiah looked right at Seth, and when they had done this, I was seeing Josiah looking like there was a genuine look of worry on his face, and I knew that no matter what was about to go down, and no matter what was going to be happening next, Josiah was not ready for this. He was scared to be following down whatever path he was going to take, and he was going to be making sure that nothing happened to Seth to make him go down this path either.

He was placing his hand on Seth's left shoulder, and then he was saying something to Seth, and they were talking in a rather serious look, and I was feeling like no matter what was happening, I was just being useless standing there, and not doing something to help either of them out now. Then the talk lasted for a few seconds longer before Josiah headed out of the room, and was ready to get ready for whatever was next.

Josiah barely even took a look at me when he was heading out fo the house, and was just looking like he did not want to waste any of his time on a smaller thing such as myself. He was looking like he was just needing to get down to business, and that this conversation he might have had with me would have prevented him from doing just that. So with that, I decided not to say anything at all, and just let him go off on his own.

…

-Jan 21 1994 1:46 am- I was seeing Todd coming inside of the house, and as this was happening, that was when I was seeing that Bebe was not really there at his side. Despite this, I was seeing him looking fine, and I was seeing that he did not look like there was any real issue with what he was dealing with. So with that, I was just feeling like maybe they were just leaving after having their night together, and that they did not need to always be at each others side.

But despite what I was feeling, I was sort of wondering if maybe Todd had something else to discuss. But it was going to be coming to a halt before we were able to really discuss anything, or that I would have a chance to discuss anything with him, when I was seeing him just walking away from me, and I was seeing him just going right to his room. And I was wondering what the heck was going on here. So I was walking out of my crib again, to see what was going on.

"Todd, what is happening?" I asked, and I was seeing him stop when he was a couple of steps away from his room, and he was looking right at me, and I was seeing that he was looking like he had a mixed opinion on seeing me here. Like he was pissed at the fact that any of his siblings were up to do this with him right now, and that he had wished that there would have been a chance to just get out of this now.

"I am doing something important." After Todd said that to me, I was seeing him looking like he was already done with this talk, and that he had said all he had needed to, and that if I tried to say anything else, he was just going to be probably borderline pissed with what I was doing, and he was just looking like maybe this was a bit pointless. "I am going to be seeing Bebe again, for something that I think is going to really matter."

After he was done saying this, I was seeing him looking like he had wished to say something else, but that at the same time, maybe Todd was just going to need to have me at least try and pretend like I was able to know what I was doing. "Todd, did you learn anything?" I asked, and then he was looking at me, and he was clearly looking like this was not at all what he was wanting somebody to ask him, at all.

"I can't worry about that right now. There is something more important going down." After he had said that to me, I was feeling like what he had just said to me was kind of confusing. I was wondering how the heck there was something more important than Gabe, or any of us for that matter. Maybe he felt like he was going to be able to start placing Bebe on that pedestal as well now, which was shocking to feel now.

"Can I come along?" I asked Todd, and he was looking at me, as if thinking that what I had just asked him was the most insane thing that anybody could have been asking him, especially his second youngest sibling, who was only two years old. He was looking like his mind was just trying to find the best way he was going to tell me this, and not be angry at me.

"I think that something like this is a terrible idea. I mean, I don't even know if you are going to be safe. I think that I have something that I need to worry about, and that if you are there, then my priorities will be compromised." After Todd told me this, I was seeing him looking like he was wishing to find something better to say, but that he was just sort of running out of options, and that he was just wishing this never happened.

"I can stay in the car if I have to..." I said, and then after I was saying this to him, Todd was looking at me, and he was clearly just looking like he was wishing to say something better. But that maybe if he was trying to find some other comment, I would be angry at him, and he would be finding a way to keep this up. I was wanting to see him argue, but that there was also a pressing of time, that was making this harder for him to do.

"Listen, I do not have to like this idea, and I think this idea is kind of ridiculous, but I think that you are not going to leave me alone on this, and I really do not have the time. You can come, but you need to promise me one thing." Todd said, and then he was holding up his right index finger, and he was looking like whatever he was about to say was the most important thing he was going to be able to get me to hear now.

"You will stay in the car, and you will not make any noise. You will not debate with Bebe and I about this. You will just stay behind, and you will wait until this is done." After he was saying this, it was reminding me of what it must have been like for Gabe to be dealing with this with Jack earlier. Although he was forced into that one, and Todd was not forced.

"I will." I said, and I did not know how likely this was going to be true, but to be honest, I did not even fucking care. I was feeling like when this was all done with, Todd and I could just laugh this whole thing off. I did not even know what the issue with Todd here was, but I knew that any anger I could cause him was not worth it at all.

Eventually, with that, Todd was grabbing me, and he was bringing me to the car, and then he placed me in the back seat, and placed my salt belt on, and he was not even going to try and speak to me here. He was clearly just looking like whatever was happening next was going to be a road he would travel when this was all said and done, and that he did not even want to consider what any of this was like.

"I am going to be driving rather fast, so do not make any issue on this." After Todd was saying this to me, he was driving along, and he was just going for a while, just trying his best to not be making a big deal out of this. I was seeing that Todd was wishing to just keep this all together. I was feeling like once Todd could just calm down, and maybe when I would hear what was going on with Bebe, then I could have a idea what to do.

When I was in the car, and Todd was driving along, I was seeing that there was something in the back seat along with me. Something that confused me at the time, and I was feeling like when I would talk with him on this, he could be able to find a way to help me understand what the hell was even going on here. I was wondering what the heck a baseball bat was doing here, and why Todd was so worried about playing baseball with his friends at night.

I decided that despite what was going on, and what he had told me earlier, I was feeling like maybe I would be able to get him to just tell me what was going on, and that this was going to be enough. I was feeling like I would just get to know what the issue was here, and that the baseball bat was something he would tell me. "Why do you have this in here?" I asked, and then Todd was looking at me for a second, just unsure what to say.

"It is something I will have in here, just in case if I need it." After Todd was telling me this, I was seeing him getting right back to focus, and I was feeling like when he would tell me more, then I would be excited, and I would be sort of still looking at this as a small game to play with him, and I felt like he would enjoy hearing about this all.

"Are you playing with friends?" I asked, and then Todd was just shaking his head, as if feeling like he needed to decide how much he was wanting to tell me, and how much he was wanting to keep me in the dark, and just force me to learn more later, when I was going to be older, and not think about how strange this all was.

Eventually, he parked the car near where Bebe's house was, not even having to wait around and answer my question, at a yellow house, and then he was just looking at me for a quick second or two, and I was seeing that there was just something that he might have wanted to say, but decided to not even bother with this in the first place.

He was walking to the door, and then he was knocking on the door for a few seconds, just waiting for a answer, and after about ten to fifteen seconds, there was a ten year old boy who answered, and to a two year old, that still seemed like a ungodly old age. But even I knew that something else was going on that did not require Todd to speak to a ten year old.

When the ten year old answered, that was when they had talked for a few seconds, before he left Todd alone, and this time, despite the fact that Todd had shown up with little to no warning, he did not actually tell Todd off, and that he was actually going to be doing something to help him out. I was sighing, feeling like maybe this was not going to be worth it at all. Eventually, Todd glanced at me for a second, and decided that he was just already regretting bringing his two year old brother to this, and he only did this out of being forced.

I was seeing Todd looking like there was one single thing keeping him from freaking out, and acting like this was the end of the world. The fact that his friends were here, and the fact that Bebe and his other friends were going to be at his side for a while longer, and they were just going to be getting something accomplished here. I was feeling like Todd must have had something important going on, I just did not know what it was.

Eventually, there was a girl that I would later learn was Bebe staring at him, and they were both looking like this was something they were ready to work on, for some random reason. They were talking for a couple of seconds as Bebe closed the door, and then Todd was waving his hands around, feeling like he had no idea what to tell her, and they were just getting in the car.

Bebe looked at me, and she was clearly wanting to find something to say to me, to try and get me to feel like she was able to open up with me. But she was slowly shaking her head, feeling as if her speaking to me here was just going to be a waste of our time, and that I was probably not going to be listening to her in the first place. Todd Bebe put her purse down, and then Todd was starting up the car again, and he was driving along for a bit longer.

I was worried what Todd and Bebe were going to be getting themselves into, and I was going to be getting some answers when they would be talking rather loudly to each other. "Hey, I think we need to find something to do here, you know about our friends. I mean, this is kind of worrying." After Bebe was saying this to Todd, that was when Todd was looking like there was just nothing he was even feeling like he could have said to make a difference.

"I think that I need to know why Hayden thought that this was a good idea. But I guess that maybe I can't really blame him. After some of the stuff he was telling me, I feel like maybe he was just genuinely over this all, and wanted to see what he could do to help out or something." After Todd was saying this to Bebe, he was just feeling like he needed to say more, but was worried that it was impossible to.

"Do you think that he knows what he's doing? I mean, this is fucking crazy. I mean, I think that maybe there is some valid stuff to what he was telling us about, but that maybe he needed to sort of just think about where this was going to be heading." Bebe had been saying, and I was seeing her strangely conflicted emotions running on through. Like she had been wanting to say more, but was worried on how it sounded.

"I mean, he told me a lot of stuff a couple of weeks ago, and when I listened to him, I guess that maybe he just felt like he had enough. It was something that affected his entire life, but I think that maybe he should have at least tried to talk about it with other people before he went crazy and did something he might have regretted." After he was saying this, he was sighing, feeling like there was virtually nothing to say now.

"I mean, I never really know what Noah was up to though, or who he was friends with. Maybe some of his other friends might have pressured him to do this. I mean, why do you even care so much anyways?" She asked, and Todd was looking at her, as if feeling like what she had asked him was kind of crazy, and that maybe she needed to think that out better, but decided against it.

"Because when I talked with him, and saw what he was feeling, I knew that there was a sincere man who was just trying to hide what he was feeling. He was a man broken by emotion, and he was a man who was wanting to put this all behind him. He's just a guy who needed a better answer." After he was saying this to Bebe, he was wondering what she would have said to that.

Eventually, Todd was parking his car, and I was seeing him just gripping his wheel firmly, and I was seeing that whatever was about to happen next, was not going to be a very easy going thing. I was seeing that whatever he was getting himself into was something that was actually pissing him off. And I decided that for my own sake, that I would not even try and say something to him, for my own safety.

"You will be fine. Noah will be glad to see you there, and he will be glad to know that you are giving him a chance after all. I think that when he sees you there, he will be more glad than anything else." After Bebe was saying this, I was seeing her looking like she was just needing to do literally anything to keep Todd feeling better, if this as even possible. And I was just scared out of my mind over all that was going on.

"Yeah, I will give it a try. Maybe it will be helpful." After Todd was saying this, he was looking a bit worried about what to be doing, and how much he was needing to help out his family, as well as the people who were growing to be his friends, and that no matter what was going on, he was going to go further on it than now.

Eventually, he was getting out of the house, and he was grabbing the baseball bat, and I totally forgot about it by that point, feeling like it was just not even there. When he grabbed it though, I was having a surge of confusion as well as fear running through my mind, and I was worried about what my brother was going to be doing now.

I was wanting to see where he was going to go with this, and I wanted to stop him from doing anything that might have been getting him in danger. But I was feeling like something like this was just not going to be happening, and I was feeling like I just needed to watch and listen to my end of the promise, and make sure that Todd did not feel like I was betraying him or anything like that for what I had been doing.

Then he looked at Bebe for a moment before speaking to her about something that he had felt like was his most important request. "Stay here, and make sure that nothing happens to him. I need him to stay safe, under any cost." After Todd was saying this to her, he was seeing her slowly nod, and she was looking like she had no idea what to say, but did not want to make any real issue on this.

Eventually, Todd was running towards a house, and when he had done this, I was seeing him looking like his growing fear was slowly taking him over, and that there was no sign of looking happy, and no sign of looking like he was going to be taking this normally. I was feeling like maybe I was seeing my brother going through the emotions of what he had been getting ready to do, and that it was not going to be what he preferred to do.

After he was gone for a moment, I was seeing Bebe give me a quick glance, and she was looking like this was the worst thing that she was getting herself into. She was looking like anything that could happen to Todd was going to be a nightmare, and she was also looking like she was aware that she just needed to give on a good face for my sake. I was sighing, feeling like if Todd was in danger, Bebe needed to just forget what Todd told her, and just run in there and save him.

I knew that I was being selfish, and I knew that I needed to be there for her, and that I needed to understand that she was just wanting to be keeping me safe, while also respecting Todd's message, but at the same time, when I was feeling like all of this shit was going on, I was just unable to keep my mind together, and I was just wanting to do literally anything to go in there, and show Todd anything that would indicate I loved him.

"I hope that you do nothing like this." Bebe said to me, and when she had told me that, I was slowly nodding, feeling like I was not going to even try and argue with her on this, and that she needed to just tell me that for her own sake. I was then feeling like maybe when she would see me in a better mood, and see that at least I was still alright, maybe there was some good to be coming out of this after all.

"I mean, I respect what he is doing. He is trying his best to be there for somebody who is getting to know him as a friend. But that does not mean that I have to like it." Bebe was telling me, and then after she was saying this, I was seeing her looking like this was literally the biggest nightmare she was going to be going through. And I decided that I would just listen to her, and I was going to just see what the heck was bothering her so badly, and maybe I could make a difference. As silly as that was.

Eventually, Todd and this gothic looking guy named Noah were both running inside of the car, and both of them were looking like they were a little worn down or beaten up, and I was feeling like any form of comprehension that I could be having to this whole idea was just thrown out the window as Todd was starting up the car, and heading off as fast as possible.

…

-Jan 22 1994 1:35 pm- I was still reeling over what I had just saw yesterday, and I was feeling like I needed to know what the heck was going to be going on. I just needed to know what in the hell my brother was dealing with, and maybe I was feeling like somebody needed to get Bebe to know how she would be able to help him out. I was scared of what I had seen last night, and what I was wanting to express with those feelings.

Eventually, I was sighing, feeling like this nightmare would be over soon enough, and that I just needed to remind myself that as long as my siblings were safe, I could not be able to get in the way of what they were doing. Even if I was feeling like it was incredibly dangerous or fucking stupid what had been going on, I did not want to anger them on the idea of me just trying to push in what I was feeling they needed to do and stuff.

Maybe Bebe was going to have a talk with him about this, maybe she already did have a talk about this with him, and they were going to be coming to some form of a understanding. I mean, I did not think that the chances of that were super high, but I was feeling like I needed to at least give them the benefit of a doubt, and assume that they were able to peacefully resolve this as actual adults would, and not like what I was expecting.

But with all that was going on, I was having a fear that maybe Todd was going to be getting this rather cavalier way of looking at this, and that he would be telling me that I was looking into this too deeply, and that I was just needing to fucking relax, and that if I was going to be getting myself into this whole thing, I needed to have a better plan.

Besides, a part of me was not even sure if what I was seeing was real. I was feeling like that was a relatively valid point that somebody could have been making with me if we were to have this discussion, and as I was feeling that way, I was wondering if there was a part of me saying this just to push off responsibility a bit longer, or if I was actually being realistic with what was going on at this rate. I did not know, or really care.

Eventually, I was seeing Todd on the living room couch, and he was having a ice pack on his arm, and while it did look kind of cool to see him wearing one like that, I did not want to be romanticizing this whole thing, knowing the context behind it all, and knowing why he was doing this in the first place. But I was sitting down next to him, and he was looking at me for a second, just not wanting to say anything at all.

"Is he safe?" I asked, referring to Noah, and when he was looking at me, and seeing that I was looking like I cared for what was going on, he was smiling to hear me just not acting fucking stupid, and not be brushing off what was happening. "Does he know what is going on?" I felt like that second question would not win him over as much.

"He's doing alright, all things considered. But I think that I will need to talk with him a bit. He really seems to not be taking this too well, and I am scared for him." After Todd was telling me this, I was sighing, feeling like what he was saying was a valid statement, and I was just wanting to act like I had more to say to him, but that this idea was just going to be a lie. I was wanting to make him feel better, but that was just not going to happen.

"I feel bad for the guy. I never thought that I would have said that I would feel bad for fucking Noah, but he is not a bad guy. He was just in on a bad crowd, and now he is trying to make up for it. But when I saw him sort of seeing the facts as they were, and seeing what was going on, and I was seeing the look of breaking and eventual acceptance on his face, I feel like I will never witness anything like it in my life.

"What did he do to you?" I asked, and then he was looking at me, as if wanting to say more, but was feeling like maybe if I heard him speak about this man, I would just be totally lost on what was going on, and I would be losing many interest in what was happening as well, and he did not want to deal with that, feeling like in a way, it might have been a waste of his time.

"I don't even think it matters anymore. I think I need to get over it." After Todd said that, I was feeling like he was wanting to not take this matter too much further, and that I was going to waste my time for even trying to do this, and that when he was saying this, I was feeling like he was just running through different things in his mind. I was sighing, feeling like maybe when I would learn more from him, I would know what his issue with Noah was going to be.

"Alright. I just wanted to see if you were fine." I said, and then I was seeing that Todd was just looking like despite everything that was happening, and despite the fact that I was too young to come anywhere close to understanding this, he was able to appreciate the fact that I was willing to be there for him, and that I was willing to speak with him now.

"I have no idea if I am fine or not. That does not even matter anymore, I guess. I think people are just going to want me to do something for them, but I have no idea how the heck this is going to be accomplished. I think that maybe I am just going to have to do my best." After Todd said that to me, he was looking like there was more he was wanting to say, but did not even bother to say anything else.

"I am going to have to talk with Noah and my other friends about what I am doing. What I am feeling. I can't control what Gabe does, but I can control what I do, and I can possibly help point my friends in the right direction." After he was telling me this, I was seeing him looking like he had wanted to say more, but did not want to bother saying much on the fear of what I was getting myself into now.

"Well, do you know what you friends do?" I asked, feeling like as long as I was focused on that, Todd would give me more answers, and Todd would give me more of a ground point that I could be able to work with. If something like this could happen, I needed to try. I needed to see what Todd was so worried about, and what my brothers were going crazy for, and by doing this, I would be able to have some fucking answer to this whole thing.

Despite what he was feeling, I was seeing Todd looking like he was just kind of sick and tired of this. "I want to know what my friends are doing. That would be fucking wonderful. But I think doing this will be the hardest thing that I can do in my entire life." After Todd said that, I was seeing him shake his head, as if feeling like the mere idea of seeing where this was going to go was going to be driving him up the wall now.

"Todd, is Bebe safe?" I asked, and then Todd was looking like, despite how much he did not want to say it, he really did not know. He really did not know what he was going to be getting her into, and that was the one thing that scared him most. Then he was placing his hand on my shoulder, as if feeling like if he was going to try and say something else, he would be going crazy, and be sort of just all over the place.

"I have no idea what the heck Bebe is going to be. I am going to do my best to keep her as safe as possible though. It is all that I can do." After Todd said that to me, he looked like he was wishing to say more, but was just sort of looking like any form of a response he could make was just going to every minor compared to the truth.

"I will see if Bebe might have some back up plans though. In case if she is not safe. But I hope that this is not a idea I have to be going down." After Todd said that to me, I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to continue down this line of discussion, but decided not to be saying anything, and he would let me just remain quiet.

"Just don't hurt yourself." After I said that, I was seeing Todd looking like that was not the thing he needed to promise me, or the thing that he could even promise me. Then he was standing up, and he was staring me directly in the face, feeling like whatever he was going to tell me now would have been a big hassle, and he wanted to say more, but chose not to even bother.

"I am going to actually be heading out now. When I talk with my friends now, I think that we are going to have a long way to go here, and I want to make sure that we are all on the same page. I feel like it is the least that I can be doing this." After Todd was saying this to me, and I was feeling like I could try and say more, and that I could really see where this was going to go, but I did not want to push them down any further.

"I think that when I talk with them, and we can come with some idea where to go, maybe I will help them out understanding why I am so worried about things as much as I am." After Todd said that to me, I was seeing him clearly looking like there was something else he could have tried to say, but that it would have gone nowhere, and been a waste of his time in a way.

"I also feel like anything that my friends know will be important. Every single detail is vital. Fucking vital, and I am going to be hearing everything I can, and I will be making as informed of an opinion as I can." After he was telling me this, I was seeing him looking like he had wanted to say something further, and see what I was feeling, but decided not to be doing this right now, not even to bother with me.

"I am glad you listened to my instructions yesterday though. You were told to stay inside, and you did just that. I am glad that you did not argue with me or anything. That was rather important for my own personal feeling." After he was telling me this, I saw him looking like he had wanted to say something else, but was feeling like something like this was going to be good enough, and decided not even to bother saying anything else to me now.

Then he was reaching the door, and as he was doing this, he looked right at me, and he was looking like he was actually kind of feeling better about something. "Hey, be good, and if you really do find something going on, and you feel like it might be a problem, consider letting me know, and I will see what I can do about it." After he had told me that, I was seeing him looking totally sincere with what he had just told me, and when he was heading off, I was feeling like I needed to try and give him more of this.

Eventually, after I slowly nodded, he headed out of the house, and I was feeling less worried about it this time. For some reason, I was willing to believe that Todd had it in him to stay safe, and I was not aware of how he fought, but I knew that he was able to survive what he had just dealt with, and I was feeling like that might have been a good enough way to know that he was doing alright, and I was wanting to keep him looking like he was on top of this.

I was seeing that when Todd was gone, and that he was going to be trying to keep his friends safe, and that he was just going to be knowing that in order to keep his friends safe, he himself was going to have to be safe, and that was the main reason he was not going to be getting himself to do anything too dangerous. The more that I was realizing this, the more that I was glad to know that Todd was going to have a level of humility here.

After he was gone though, I was feeling like I was just going to have to see where the hell Todd was getting all of this stuff from. I was wondering if he had wanted to have that fight last night, or if he was totally fine. I was feeling like maybe Todd was just sort of along for the ride, as much we all were, and that maybe I needed therefore to cut Todd some slack here. I was sighing, wishing that I knew how to help him out here.

I was sitting down on the couch, and I was feeling like no matter what was going to happen, and no matter what I had wanted to believe, something was going to happen, and there was going to be a ending to this soon. I was truly believing that whatever was going to happen was all going to end soon, and that was the only reason I did not want to be in his business about it, because I wanted to truly believe that he was doing alright. But I was glad to be a brother who seemed to actually care what his siblings were doing, and not brush it off as nothing.


	12. One Girl with Ten Brothers: Ridge

-Ridge's POV Jan 23 1994 2:45 pm- I honestly don't remember a single detail about any of this stuff that is being told here right now. I was just told by my siblings that this story was being told, and I was told that it would eventually get to my turn, and despite only being several weeks old, and not even remotely old enough to remember a damn thing about what was going on, I did not want to let down my family, and therefore I am here, trying my best to be telling you how things were.

When I see some of the stuff that my siblings were telling you guys though, I have to admit that I am fucking shocked. There are so many damn things that I did not know even happened at the time, from stories that were told to me and stuff. I just sort of feel like everything that is being said to me is just a bit strange, and I will try to 'recollect' what was going on as well as I could, given the fact that I just am telling you basically what my siblings were telling me I was doing at the time.

I just pretty much was being taken care of on a constant basis, and I was pretty much just having all of the stuff going on around me just sort of happen, and I was probably the most insignificant person in the entire crew. Even some of the younger ones like Dylan, Drake, and Calvin, had words, and they did see some things, so therefore they must have had some form of a fucking idea what was going on here, but I had nothing.

I was shocked to be hearing about the people in my family that were pretty much just doing some strange war like thing in this house, and I was wondering what the hell they were doing and why they were thinking that something like this was actually a great idea. In all honesty, I just wanted to know what they were dealing with, and why this was happening, but if I were to try and do this, my friends were probably going to go crazy.

But in all honesty, knowing that my siblings were up to some crazy shit, and that they were actually pretty much having their lives on the line, and that they were just not making shit up, this whole thing is a bit strange, and I am just kind of curious as to see how they were all able to survive through these trails well enough, and that they did not get themselves in danger or killed or anything like that.

There was one thing that I was able to get out of this reading and information though. One thing that I can say with mild certainty, even if it was something that I never really took much consideration into. The fact that whatever my siblings and even I over the years, had to deal with, were starting from pretty much when I was first born, and that this was something going on for quite literally my entire fucking life. It is nice to have the confirmation, but also a bit scary.

But it started when I was seeing Seth hanging out with Manny, and while I do not remember when Manny looked like at the time, seeing some pictures of him in the house over the years, and seeing what he had looked like when he was older, I was able to piece it all together that way. They were hanging out one day at the house, and then Manny was looking at Seth, trying to find something to say, to change how this was going.

"Be honest though, do you really want to be leaving this stuff alone? Are you sure that you do not have at least a mild interest in what is going on?" After Manny asked Seth, he was looking at Manny, and despite the context of this question, and what Seth was wanting to say interjection, part of him was clearly looking unsure of what to tell him.

"Maybe I would be lying if I said that I wasn't at least slightly interested in what is happening here. I mean, I do kind of want to know what my siblings are obsessed with." After Seth said that, he was looking at Manny but decided to shrug it off, thinking that maybe this was as far as he had needed to go with that. Seth added in one extra thing in there, to try and pretend like he was having some form of control here.

"I mean, despite that though, I do not want to be getting myself killed over this. I think that if you were to ask me if this was worth my life, I would be laughing at you. It isn't." Seth said that to Manny, as if trying to find a more casual and rational way of looking at this shit, and that he was feeling like the way he was going to speak with Manny now would give this away here.

"Do you think that anybody at school knows about what is going on? I think that this might be interesting to learn." After Manny said that to Seth, that was when Seth actually stopped and he was clearly thinking about that idea, despite the fact that he was feeling like he was setting himself up for something bad here.

"You know, maybe you're right. Maybe I could go on and learn some stuff from our classmates. But I doubt that they would be willing to tell me a damn thing about it. They will probably be pissed at me for even suggesting something like this, or think I am crazy." Seth said, and then he was sighing, feeling like that was not worth his time, or his patience.

Manny still did not really look too convinced on what he was being told. "Seth, if there is one thing I know about you is that you never bring things down, and that you never give up on what you like." After Manny was telling Seth that, there was a couple of moments were the two of them were looking like they were about to get into a debate on this, but then eventually Seth was just feeling like there was nothing else to say now.

"I mean, I guess that I can try to talk with some people about it. But I doubt it is going to be getting anywhere. I think you are more likely to win the lottery than to have me actually learn anything of use." After Seth was saying this to Manny, he was wondering if Manny was actually going to finally listen to him here, or if he was going to just try and debate with Manny longer on this whole thing, for better or for worse.

"Well, I know where one of our classmates live, if you wanted to go and try and see if they would be willing to talk to you." After Manny said that to Seth, there was a moment where Seth was just looking unsure of what the heck to be saying. He was feeling like learning anything was going to be a bit of a big deal, but he did not give a shit anymore.

"I guess that if you wanted to do something, it might be worth a try. When would you like to go out and do something?" Seth was asking, looking right at Manny, wondering where this was about to go. Seth did not want to force Manny into a damn thing, but if Manny was serious about this whole thing, he was certainly not going to shoot down the idea of learning some answers here.

"See, I knew that you were not going to say no forever. I know you too well already." Manny said, giving his now friend a smile, and despite the fact that they started to talk with each other two months ago under different circumstances, and while I think neither Manny nor Seth were really fans of each other, I felt like by this point, it was probably safe to actually consider each other friends.

"Yeah, I guess that maybe you do know me well, or at least better than I thought I would like to admit." Seth admitted, and despite what was going on in his mind, there was almost something about this debate that was going to keep him interested in the time being. They were standing up, and looking at me for a second.

"He is still here though. So I doubt that we can do anything right now." After Seth said that, he was looking at Manny, and then back at me, and then I was seeing that both guys were probably thinking about that a bit longer, realizing that this was actually a very good point, and that neither of them knew what to do now.

"We can just bring him along. I know that it might not be the most exciting thing in the world, but it could work." After Seth was suggesting this, he was looking right at Manny, hoping that this would not bother Manny all that much. There was a look of uncertainty on his face, as if feeling like this might have been a bad idea, or at least a rough idea. But then he was sighing, feeling like there was no reason to not go along with it, and not to throw him down.

"Yeah, screw it. I think that maybe we might as well just try and see where this is going to go. I mean, what's the worst that's going to happen? We are just going to have to change his diaper?" After Manny was saying this, that was when Seth was kind of laughing on this whole thing, finding the idea almost kind of amusing, but decided not to say anything on it, to make sure that Manny did not think that this was just going to be a problem to be made here.

"We should probably at least leave a note though. You know, just to be safe on making sure that my parents don't think something is going on and not seeing him at the house." After Seth suggested this, that was when Manny nodded, feeling like that was a decent point, but was also unsure of why anything would have been happening. He did not want to make any problems with me though, and decided to just listen to me on this suggestion for the time being.

"I guess that this might be wise." After he was saying this to Seth, there was a part of him that was just looking a bit unsure of what the hell was even going to happen in case if he pissed off Seth's parents, feeling like if he pissed off Seth's parents, there was a good chance that they would not be able to hang out or anything like that. Which was something that he was starting to lose some indifference on, and was replacing that with mild sadness in a way.

"I just don't want to take a risk on making my parents angry at me or anything like that. I doubt they were really going to care about me heading out or anything, and I don't even think they care if I hang out with Ridge or anything, but I think that they just want to know before anything else. So I think that I just need to be careful. Especially if you guys are right." Seth told me, and then he was looking at Manny, and he was clearly just wishing to see if Ridge was going to dispute him on this.

I was wanting to say something, and I was wanting to try and have a say on the matter, and maybe get them to listen to me at that moment. But all the words that were coming out of my mouth were something on par with "ga ga" and probably did not come close to even being considered coherent and stuff. Eventually with that, Seth was standing up, and then he was holding me, and I was probably guessing that he was not super excited to deal with this now.

"Do you think that anybody might be excited to actually see this baby here? I think that maybe you need to actually consider that a bit." After Seth was saying that to Manny, they were walking down the stairs outside of the house, and I was feeling like there would be no real reason for anybody to be so worried about this whole thing, and not reject the idea of seeing me here and all that.

"Honestly, I think that they will be alright. I really doubt that it is going to be that big of a deal. I think you just might need to relax a bit, and just give it a chance." Once Manny had said that to Seth, there was a bit of a uncertain composure that Seth was having here, but he decided not to be saying anything to the matter, and he was just wanting to leave the situation along, and make this whole thing better for them.

As they had been going along for a while longer, and they were just sort of having a bit more fun, I was feeling like maybe Seth was going to start to forget about this whole thing, and that he was going to forget about the idea of being so damn worried about some things our siblings were doing, and just fucking have fun with his friends, and just be enjoying the moment for what it was, and not make a deal out of it.

"I think that you have what it takes to be making some great friends, and when you actually do that, you will see that you had all the stepping to be popular, but that you are just not going for it enough. I think you deep down know this." After Manny had said that to Seth, he was wondering if Seth was going to try and say something, or if he was just going to be leaving the situation alone, and he was feeling like they were sort of lost.

"I mean, I guess that this might be true. I mean, maybe when I hang out with some people, that sort of fear has been going away. I never really thought about the idea that I was going to be making friends with most people. I thought that they all hated me, and you decided to give me a chance." After Seth laughed for a moment, he was feeling like he was needing to find more to say again.

"Do you really want to actually know what your brothers are doing? Or is there a deeper thing you are sort of wishing for, trying to pretend like it is a desire for knowledge on that?" After Manny asked this, Seth was looking a bit unsure of what Manny was meaning, and wanted to see where Manny was coming from this statement. Manny decided he would go on further with what he was talking about.

"I mean, I think you are just wishing for something like a story of your own. A nice fucking adventure. I think you are not really caring too much about the idea of learning what your brothers are doing. When you are looking at your brothers, you are just seeing what you are missing out on, and that is why you want to know so badly." After Manny had said that to Seth, he was then waiting to see how he was going to react here. There was just a look of total uncertainty going on.

"I guess that maybe that is true. To some extent. I think that maybe there is some desire to know more about what my siblings are up to, but when I think about what I have missed on, and what I am sort of wanting to have now, I guess that this might be true." After Seth had said this, he was just sighing, feeling like if he had said anything else, it was just not going to be enough, and he was going to have to do something else to show people that he was going to actually desire something bigger.

Eventually, we were at a house, and Seth was still holding me, and then Manny knocked on the door. As he had waited for a few seconds longer, Manny looked right at us,a nd he was looking like this was a good idea, and that he was going to want to totally see how Seth and I were going to adapt to this new person, and if they would like us.

There was a girl who answered the door, and while there was a bit of a let down for a few seconds about the fact that it was a girl and not a guy, once I got over it, I was thinking about the fact that I would be able to possibly get to know her over time, and if I tried hard enough, if she did not work with me, I could be able to get to make some friends with her group, and get to date one of them. I didn't want to use her like that, but I would be a idiot to not go with this idea.

Honestly, I just wanted to see where this was going to go after a couple of seconds, and I was sort of letting the excitement of Todd and Bebe and the fact that my other two older brothers were looking like they were getting to know some people as well, made me feel like there was a chance that I would be able to use that as motivation to just see how far I could be able to get with this whole thing, and I wanted to see how far I could get.

"Hey Manny, you didn't give me a notification to coming." After she said that, there was not a sound of annoyance to what she was saying. She just seemed like she just wanted to give a more matter of fact tone, and she just wanted to see where this was going to go. I was then seeing that the girl was looking at me for a second, before Manny composed himself.

"I just wanted to introduce Seth to you, and I was telling him that he had needed to get to make some more friends. I was feeling like he had needed to go out and just get what he would be able to get with this." Manny said, and the entire time that he was telling me this, I was seeing him looking like he was having a relatively mixed emotion to be feeling on this. "Sorry that I did not come announced or anything." He said, feeling slightly sad at what he was telling the girl.

"I guess that this is not really all that important. I was just kind of curious to know what the idea here was." After she had said that to me, I was seeing her looking at me, and she was just looking like she truly had no idea what to be telling me. Almost as if she was just worried about getting to see what would have happened with her if she had managed to piss me off. If my brothers would be getting on her case here.

"I was told that he wanted to get me to have more friends and stuff. I don't exactly know why. But he was telling me that it might be helping me out getting more popular. I guess that he's not wrong." I said, and then I was feeling like I just needed to see where this was going to go, and if she was actually willing to give me a chance at all. I wanted her to give me a chance, even if she was not a fan on this.

"Well, I saw a couple of your shows, for what its worth, and I think you do got some funny jokes, if for nothing else." After she had said that to me, I was looking at her, shocked at what she was telling me, and I was feeling like what she had said to me was going to be the main thing that was going to be making me feel better, and the main thing that I had needed to carry with me.

"Thanks. I know that I have a lot of misses, but I feel like I have had a couple of hits, and I feel like at least some of my jokes must have been rather funny. Or else the staff would not even give me a chance to go up and try again." Seth said to me, and he was starting to move me a small bit, to make himself feel better about carrying me, and he was wondering what the girl was going to be telling me.

"Do you enjoy what you're doing at least?" She asked, and Seth looked at her, as if feeling like that was the worst question she could have asked, and felt like this was a really obvious thing she could have asked, and that she was just sort of wasting her time. But he did not want to be rude about it, so he decided to just tell her front up.

"Of course I enjoy it. I really like playing with my siblings and making some good material. It makes me feel like I am cared about." After Seth said that, he was just sighing in excitement, ready to continue this up. "Besides, I really enjoy knowing what I say actually gets people excited, and they enjoy the jokes that I am making here." After he was saying that to her, he was wondering what she was going to tell him, but decided not to say much.

"Enjoying what you do is the only thing that matters. You go out there, you have fun, and you show people that you actually have something that enjoys you, and you go with it. I almost wish that I could do that." After she said that to Seth, he was looking at her, confused what she was saying, and was wondering if maybe he needed try and get to know what she was like, and what was her big interests, and he could help her out.

"What do you like anyways?" Seth asked, feeling like he was just needing to see what she was wanting to do, and he was feeling like if he could get on her good graces, she would be willing to talk with him, and then Manny would be able to act like he was doing the right thing, and that he was able to set something up with little to no problem whatsoever. I did not know what was going on, but I was told that I was pretty silent through all of this.

"I like going out, and I have done some skating stuff on my own. It was a bit of fun when I did it. But because I'm a girl, people do not take me super seriously." After the girl told Seth that, he looked right at Manny, as if wondering if he had actually known this. Manny nodded, as if to confirm that this was the truth, and that she was actually pretty good, all things considered, and that I should not be making fun of her too much here.

"I think you need to see her skate around a bit before making fun of her too bad. I mean, I have only seen her do it a couple of times when she would drag me to the skating park, but on the few times she has done it, she has really gone out and shown her dedication to this." After Manny said that, he was looking at her, and he was wondering what she was going to tell me now, or that maybe Manny had already hyped her up enough.

"Well, if you guys are telling me the truth, and she really is this great skater, then you guys should show me." After Seth said that, he was sighing, feeling like maybe he just needed to see where this was going to go. Manny was looking at him, just wanting to see if he was being sincere about what he was saying. When Seth looked at him a bit longer, and they were sort of just unsure what to say, Manny slowly nodded, feeling like this was worth a try at least.

"See, it is really simple." Manny said, and he was looking at Seth, as if feeling like he was willing to challenge Seth here, and when he was doing this, Seth was holding up his hands, as if feeling like there was no need to rub it in, and that he did indeed make his point, and that he could have been able to put this whole thing behind him. The girl went inside of her house, excited to be giving this whole thing a go.

After a couple of seconds, Seth was looking right at Manny, trying to find something to say, and trying to make it seem like he was able to keep up the discussion a bit longer, and more exciting here. "Honestly, I did not know that there were any girls that were interested in that stuff." After Seth said this to Manny, he placed his hand on Seth's shoulder, as if feeling like this was totally fine for Seth to be assuming this.

"That is what you get when you start to go out and see everybody for what they are. I think you just need to give them a chance, and you see them for actually being really nice people." After he had said that to Manny, he was sighing, feeling like there was no need to continue give this any further of a discussion, and that they had both made their points clear, and they could put it all behind each other here.

After a moment, Seth was feeling like he had needed to find something to say now. "I mean, she seems to be a pretty chill girl if for nothing else." After Seth was saying this, he was wondering what Manny would have wished to say here. Eventually, there was the girl coming out of the house with a skateboard that had been pretty used. Seth was able to figure that out when he was seeing that the wheels looked like there was about a tenth of a inch of wheel just sort of gone.

Eventually, she was placing the board down, and looked right at Manny and I. "You guys ready to do something now?" She asked, and them Manny was nodding, as if not wanting to admit that he did find her to be kind of cute, and he was just trying to hide it, in order to make himself look like he was a normal guy, who was not making any issues out of this.

"Yeah, I am ready." After Manny said that, he was sighing, feeling like he was willing to just right to action. And then she was placing the board down on the ground, and she was starting to skate along, and after about ten to twenty minutes, we were at the skating park, where we were going to hang out for a bit.

Once at the skating park, they were hanging out for a bit, and Seth was just letting me sit on his lap, and then he was just patting me on the shoulder. It was a bit strange, but I decided not to be making a big deal out of this. He was just doing this as a form of spreading affection to make me feel better, and to just really get me to not be making a loud deal or anything like that.

As the three much older people were at the park, and just sort of messing around, and trying to have some fun, I was later told that there was a guy who was staring at the three of them on a bench, and as he was doing this, he was clearly looking like he was wishing to approach these younger kids, and he was clearly wishing to just discuss with them what was going on, and the issues he was having with his moment.

I did not know what was going on, and to be honest, I did not really think that I had cared. I was just sort of wanting to see what the issue was, and after a moment, Manny was calling Seth over, and Seth walked over, leaving the girl confused for a couple of moments as he was saying something to him, to make him aware of what was going on as well.

"That guy has been watching us casually ever since we showed up. He seems like exactly the person that your older brothers were dealing with. What should we do about it?" After he asked Seth this, he was looking at him, feeling like there was nothing for him to say, and that he was just sort of lost on his answer, and that he was just wanting to leave the whole thing alone.

"I think that we just need to leave him alone. By just simply leaving him alone, I think that maybe doing that might be the only way to make things better for us." After Seth said that, he was looking right at Manny, as if feeling like there was no real good choice, and that even considering all of these options was going to be a bit harder than he wanted to consider.

"I do not want to force anybody else to know this stuff. I think we just need to leave the subject alone, and let me be a creep if he really wants to be." After he was telling Manny this, he was looking at Manny, and was wondering if he was going to object to that. I was just trying to get a good glance at this guy, and see if I was going to get the fear, or if I was just thinking they were over blowing it, and that they needed to chill out.

"We just need to let the whole thing go. I mean, there is nothing wrong with that. I think we just need to let him do his own thing. Even if it is strange." After Seth said that, the girl was skating for a couple of seconds longer, before stopping, and coming right towards where Seth and Manny were, as if feeling like she could not wait in uncertainty any longer, and just needed to know what was keeping them talking for so fucking long like this in the first place.

"What are you guys talking about?" She asked and then both Manny and Seth stopped what they were doing, and they were looking like they were dealing with something on par with like a parent walking in on them jerking off or something. Both Seth and Manny were looking like they were just needing to pretend like they were not bothered by this whole thing, and that they were just sort of talking about something minor.

"Nothing important. Just about which classmates we think are the hottest." After Seth was saying this, he was looking at the girl, and then he was feeling like doing that might have been a bit of a good statement, and not even entirely invalid. As she looked at him unsure of what to say, she was clearly just wanting to see if he was telling the truth, or if he was just saying that to her to make her get off his ass in a way.

"Alright, if you say so. Although I don't know if I should believe you." After she had told him that, Manny was holding up both of his hands, and he was just trying to make it look like he was keeping his cool, and like this was the one thing that he had dreaded more than anything else. But then she was looking like she did not care any longer.

"Anyways, want to try it out?" After the girl asked the guys this, she was holding out her board, and both guys were looking a bit uncertain of what to say. As they were watching, there was the guy standing up, and he was starting to smoke a cigarette, and when he was finished with this, he was stating to come towards them, but in a way that wouldn't give him away, and he was going to be trying something out here.

…

-Jan 24 1994 1:29 pm- The next day, I was seeing Gabe and Josiah talking with each other a bit. As this was happening, I was looking right at them, and I just wanted to know what the heck was going on with them. I needed to know what their plans were. "Hey Josiah, I am sorry for everything that is going on. You know, everything that you guys are being thrown into." After Gabe was saying that to Josiah, he was wondering what to do now. If there was any need to say more.

"I don't mind as much. But to be honest, I feel like you need to explain to me why you feel like what you are doing is correct. I mean, I know that it is not that much of a deal, and that it really isn't my business, but just because I am willing to give you a break does not mean that I have to be giving you a total break here." After he had told Gabe this, I was seeing him looking like he had wanted to say more, but did not really see the need anymore.

"I know what I am doing is correct because I know it is the only thing keeping my family safer. I know that it might not be seeming that way right now, but to be honest, I just don't really care. If people don't get it, then that is something that I am just going to have to accept." Once Gabe replied with this, he was looking right at Josiah, and there was clearly a look of uncertainty to what he had said. before Josiah could even dream of saying something, Gabe came back with more.

"Listen, I know that what happened with Henry and his arm was my fault. But I did everything that I could to make the situation better. You might not believe it, but I saved him from dying. You don't have to like what I am doing, but it is the only way." Once Gabe had said that, he sighed, feeling like there was just no point in saying anything else.

"What are you doing that is hurting our siblings like this?" After Josiah asked Gabe this, there was clearly some level of inner anger that was being shown, and Gabe was looking down, just trying to make it look like this only slightly bothered him, but in all honesty, seeing Josiah acting like this was the worst thing that could have been going on.

"It doesn't even matter. It really doesn't matter. I now have an answer, and I am going to come to an end with this. I have something that I could discuss, and I am just going to see if I can get these people to understand what my problems are, and hopefully once we do that, we can come to an agreement." After Gabe said that, he was shrugging, feeling like nothing else needed to be said now, and Josiah just looked slightly annoyed with Gabe acting like this.

"If you are going to tell me that whatever is happening to our siblings doesn't matter, then I think you might need to get a new idea of reality. This is really important, and I need to know everything that you are willing to tell me." Josiah said, and then Gabe looked around the rest of the house, and when he was doing this, I saw him looking actually kind of uncertain what to say, and maybe he was wanting to say more.

"I might be able to tell you some things, but I need to make sure that you do not go crazy, and start to tell everybody else." After Gabe had said that to him, he was wondering what the heck Josiah would have been saying now. He was feeling like once Josiah would get the answers, everything would have been thrown away, and Josiah was going to be either going down the wrong path of doing nothing, or he was actually going to start taking this whole thing way too seriously.

Gabe was then getting to the edge of the room. "Listen, I do not expect you to understand what I am doing. I do not really care if you do. I think that asking for you to turn around, and do a one eighty like that would be a bit hard, and would be a fucking lie. But I just need you to trust me on this. I think that when I have a clue on what to do next, and I know what to tell my friends, and tell you guys, I will do that." After Gabe said that, he was placing his hand on Josiah's shoulder, and the way that he was looking at Josiah was really sad.

"I really do trust you. I miss you a lot though, and that is all that matters. I am going to be putting an end to this, and I am going to make sure that you guys do not need to be worried about a damn thing anymore." After Gabe finished this, he was just sighing, and then he was looking at the window for a moment longer, and then was just done with speaking.

"Well, if what you are saying is true, I guess that I will be giving you a chance." After he had said that to Josiah, he was nodding, as if feeling like there was no need to be going down this path any further, but when he was done with this, Gabe was then ready to just get out of here, and when he would be confronting these people, then he would know how to tie it all together.

Eventually, Gabe left the house, and I was trying to crawl in that direction. I was too excited to be seeing what the heck was going on. I was just wanting to see what the hell Gabe had been doing, and once I saw what the hype was, I would probably be able to sort of understand that it was a bit over hyped, as much as they might not like to admit it.

Gabe looked at us, and I was starting to try and stand up, and I was starting to get closer and closer to Gabe, and I was feeling like I just needed to stand up, and I needed to pursue him, and when I finally get the answer on what was going on, everything could finally start to make some sense. Gabe was just sighing, and then that was when Todd was parking his car, and when he saw Gabe, I clearly saw that there was a level of dissatisfaction that had been going on.

Todd parked the car, and when he was doing this, I had a horrible feeling that something was going on at this moment, and then Gabe was stopping, feeling like whatever lecture Todd was going to be giving him, was just going to be a big debate, and that he was just needing to get into this, to just get it over with once and for all. Gabe looked at me, as if feeling like he just needed to get this all wrapped up.

"Todd, what are you doing?" After Gabe asked him this question, Todd was looking like he had wished to be finding a way to get out of this easier. Gabe was sighing, as if feeling like no matter what was going to happen, he was going to be pissing Todd off, and he was fucking tired of pissing Todd off, as if feeling like every time he had been talking with Todd, this would be the response.

"I am going to just hang out with friends. You know, just hang around, just go casually. You know, nothing too important." After Gabe had said that, he was wondering what the hell was going to be said now. He was wondering if Gabe was going to try and say something to change Todd's perspective on this entire thing.

"What do you and your friends do anyways?" After Todd asked Gabe this question, he was looking like there was something about what was happening that was going to just be making this whole situation a bit more annoying than anything else honestly. Then with that, Todd was just honestly more wondering where Gabe had been doing all of this anyways, and he was feeling like just as long as Gabe was honest about this, everything would have been just all fine and making some sense.

"We usually just do some scouting out and stuff. You know, I think that I am done with all the action and stuff. You know, I have had more than enough action. But god damn, I would be lying through my damn teeth if I said that I did not want to know what was going on now." After he was saying that to Todd, he had felt like that honest answer would have given Todd a bit more comfort, knowing that if for nothing else, Todd might be getting better here.

"So Gabe, I know that you have done some things that have really bothered me so far, and I know that I have more than simply just voiced how annoyed I have been with everything going on. But at the same time, I want to see if maybe you can help me out understand what the issues are." After Todd was saying that to Gabe, he was feeling like he would be able to start to break through, and he might be able to get Gabe to speak longer here.

"I know that we have had our differences here, but after everything recently, I have come to accept the fact that I am kind of just tired of everything turning to shit. I just enjoy my older life too much, and I feel like the more that I just simply hang out with them, and refuse to do anything else, the better that things are going to be." After Gabe said that to Todd, he was looking at his older brother, feeling like maybe there was something that would bring the brothers together.

"Gabe, if you really do feel that way, and you really do want to restore things to some form of order, than I feel the exact same way as you do. But do you think that something like this is actually possible?" After he had asked that to Gabe, the two of them looked at each other for a bit, and then Gabe just was shrugging, just kind of feeling lost and like any response would have been a bit pointless, and almost a lie.

"I don't know if it is possible. But I do feel the desire to make it work. I mean, I just wanted to see if I could help. But I guess that maybe something like this is just not going to work. I am not even going to try and make it work that way. Now I am just more focused on doing something that I feel like might be a bit more possible." Gabe said, and then he looked at Todd for a moment, as if waiting for Todd to ask more.

"What do you think is going to be a more possible outcome?" Todd asked, feeling a bit scared, but just more generally curious as to see what Gabe was planning. Then with that, Gabe decided to speak longer, and he was going to change the way Todd was speaking to him, and they might just come to more of a understanding here.

"A more realistic outcome is just to simply focus on just making it so that the people who were getting in my business on this would be able to see that I am tired of looking into. Which I kind of am, and that they do not need to worry about me anymore. But in order for that to work, I am just needing to focus on being more of a family and friend man. Going back to my roots. I mean, I haven't been with Ridge too much. I am missing that. I want to do this." Gabe said, feeling like there was nothing else to even really say now, and that he was going to be wasting some time now.

"I mean, I know that there are some things going on here, and while I can't change what is happening around here, one thing that I can do is to just make sure that nothing happens to our family that makes this whole thing worse for us. I think that as long as we just focus on making things easier for our family, then everything will be going the way that it needs to go." Gabe said, and then he was just looking at Todd, to say more.

"Honestly, I wanted to meet Bebe, and get to know her longer, and I wanted to make things between the two of us seem to work, but I guess that something like this is just not going to happen. I wanted to show Bebe that even if she never knew me in school, she might be able to see me as a possible interesting friend. Yeah, I actually believed in something like that." Gabe laughed at this, as if feeling like that was the funniest thing he could have said.

"To be honest though, I think that she would not be very interested in getting to know me in the first place. I doubt that she would have wanted to be friends with me, and I doubt that she would understand what I think." Once he was done, he was then turning around, feeling like just looking at Todd was just going to be the one thing he had no desire to do, and the one thing he was not even going to pretend would be satisfying for him.

"Gabe, you do not need to worry about what Bebe thinks of you. She thinks you are a decent guy, and I think that she just wanted to meet you, and just get to know what your interests in this subject were in the first place. I think that there is nothing wrong with that." Todd said to Gabe, and then he was wondering what the heck Gabe was going to say, he just wanted to see if Gabe was going to actually listen to him here.

"Well, I guess it does not matter right now anymore. I mean, I don't even know what you guys do, and I don't know if it really even matters though. I mean, I just wanted to be smart. Maybe I am just not meant to be smart. Maybe the idea of being smart is one of the biggest fucking jokes I have ever made in my entire life." Eventually, with that, he was walking along, and just did not even give Todd a chance to try and talk with him, feeling like he had already made his point, and that going any further was just a waste of time. And a waste of him trying to feel better about anything.

Todd looked like he was wanting to say something to support Gabe, but in a way, he was almost wanting to just say the truth. In a way, what Gabe was wanting to do, being smart and all, was the hardest thing that Gabe could have been doing. After all, there are a lot of things that Gabe did that was just stupid as shit, and sometimes Todd did wonder if Gabe actually was dumb.

But despite what was going on, and despite the fact that Gabe was almost telling the truth about himself in a way, Todd was feeling like he needed to just find something to say. "Hey Gabe, just cause you are not the type of smart that everybody would be expecting does not mean that you are actually a really dumb guy or anything. I think that you just have a different way of doing things than most people do." After Todd was saying this, he was feeling like there was no damn way that he was going to be able to believe what the heck he had just said there.

"Todd, don't give that to me. I know what you think of me more than anything else. You have always been going around, and talking about how I was a idiot. Now that I am finally admitting it, you are suddenly pretending like I am being too hard on myself? Give me a fucking break." After he had said that, he was sounding like he was actually broken beyond belief, and that to even try and find something to say was just going to make things much worse for all of those involved.

"That was when I didn't realize how much it was going to bother you. I didn't know you were going to be offended by those comments." Todd said, and when he had said that, to himself even there was that part of him that knew how shallow that was, and he was aware of the fact that there was no way he was going to be able to buy this for himself. But he was just trying to find something to say to make himself feel better about it all.

"Or maybe it is because we finally agreed on something that you are suddenly acting like I might be a bit smart. Maybe that is why." After Gabe had said that, he was laughing, and he was looking right at Todd, and then he was just rubbing his hair a bit, and then he was just looking like he had wanted to say something else, but knew that there was just going to be nothing that even mattered at this rate.

"But seriously Todd, good luck with keeping things together with this family. I have no fucking idea how you are going to do this. I seriously think that if you can do this, you are a fucking hero. You really are something I can respect in my own way, even with some issues that we have had." Gabe was finished, and then he was walking off, feeling like he had made his point now, and that saying anything else was not going to matter.

As Gabe was gone for a couple of minutes, I was seeing Todd just sitting down on the trunk of the car, and I was seeing that there was just something about the way that he was doing this that made it very clear that part of him was wondering what his big mistake was, and he was wondering if maybe he had just needed to do something else with his time. He was feeling like he had made a really big mistake, and while I had no idea what the mistake was, I was probably in that boat because of my age.

He looked right at me, and I was seeing him clearly just looking as if he was unable to even come close to saying anything he would have wanted to tell me. He was standing up, and I was seeing him just clearly looking like he was not able to continue this whole thing up any longer. He stood up, and then he was walking over towards me, and I was confused as to what was going on, I was feeling like maybe I was going to get in trouble, and I was scared on what he would have done.

Josiah was looking at Todd, as if feeling like they were both able to feel the same thing with this guy, and that feeling was that they were just kind of banging their head against a wall in their own way. "Do you think that he is going to be listening to any of us? I mean, all he does is just go off on his own for several hours a day, and doesn't do anything." After Josiah said that to Todd, he was wondering if his older brother had anything to tell him.

"I want to talk to him. I think that talking to him is going to be the only way that we can connect a bit more. I mean, I don't know what to say to him though. I think that when I try to say something to him, I might be sort of just telling him shit that is going to be going in one ear, and out the other, and just not at all sticking with him, no matter what." After he had said that to Josiah, he shook his head, as if feeling like there was no fucking point.

"What did he say to you? Maybe he gave you some clues on what the heck he is doing?" Todd asked, sounding just desperate at this point, and he was just sounding like if Josiah had given him anything at all, then he might have been able to have some form of a starting point. He might have been able to understand what his brother was truly up to.

"All he did was just talk about how he was doing this for our safety. But he did not talk further on this. I think that trying to get him to speak more on this is just going to be pointless." After he had told Todd this, he was hoping that his brother would actually listen to him, and that he was not going to be going through with trying to find out more. There was just going to be nothing he would get out of this anyways.

"I'll talk to him. He is starting to piss me off, but I doubt that he is doing all of this just to annoy us." After Todd said that, he was shaking his head, unable to believe that he was saying that about his brother. That he was not doing this on purpose, and that he was just sort of doing what he had felt like was needed. "Besides, when I talk to him, he might be taking what I am trying to tell him a bit more seriously, and maybe we can come to a understanding."

Before Josiah was able to say more, Todd was opening up the car door. "I am going to be getting inside of the car, and I am going to try and talk to Gabe, and maybe when I do this, he might actually listen to me." After Todd said this, he was smiling, and he was almost thinking that when he would make that type of sick joke, he might be getting himself to believe that this was the truth.

"What do you want me to do?" After Josiah asked Todd this, he was looking at Josiah, as if feeling like this was something that was just not going to happen, and that Josiah was just going need to be on his own, and that Josiah was just needing to be doing his own thing, even if he was not going to be super excited to do this.

"I don't know if you want to come or not. But to be honest, I think that if I bring anybody along, he might just be furious that I am making this whole thing a 'bigger deal' than it actually is." After Todd had said that, he was sighing, and then he was looking right at me, clearly looking like he was wanting to spend some time with me, and make me feel better, but that something like this was just not going to happen.

"I am going to talk to him. I have to talk to him though. Any other fucking thing is not going to matter. I just think that maybe if I do this though, it might be placing my relationship with Bebe at risk, and I hate that." After he said that, Josiah was sighing, feeling like he needed to find something else to say. Something he felt like would slap Todd back to reality.

"Are you going to tell me that your relationship with a girl you met a couple of months ago is more important than the relationship that you have with your brothers? I mean, you are going to be placing your family aside for this girl?" Josiah was sounding kind of mad at this actually, and Todd was holding up his hand, as if clearly just wanting Josiah to know that he was not in the mood for his lecture, and he was wanting Josiah to spare him the bullshit.

"I know her better than I know Gabe. I barely even fucking know him. I mean, I wish that I could say otherwise, but I think that trying to act like he and I are super close is just going to be a fucking lie, and you know it. I think that I just need to talk with him, and I need to see he is feeling." After he had said that, Josiah was just holding back what to say now.

"Don't even pretend like something like this is a shock. I mean, he barely goes around and actually talk with people. All he does is just do things on his own, and pretend like he is some big independent agent, and it is throwing everything away." Todd said, and then he was shaking his head, feeling like the mere thought of what he had said actually pissed him off a bit.

"I mean, I wanted to connect with him back then, and I tried to do just that, but it seems like he is going to brush me off. I don't even care. He just acts like he is so much better than all of us because he has this idea of being on the moral high ground. I mean, I want to help him out, but until he gives me more, I can't do that." Then with that, he sighed, and then got in the car, but the window was still down so he could talk longer.

"But maybe when it comes to our siblings, this might be a good sign for me to do something differently. Maybe I can remember this in the future when I look at our younger siblings. Maybe I can remember this when I think about what to tell them. I guess that maybe I can give him that." Then with that, he smiled, almost thinking that this was going to be a good way to show that he was at least thinking things out a bit.

As he was saying this, he smiled a bit, and then started to drive off, and he was feeling like what he was saying was going to be able to bring some hope to the family relationship. Josiah looked at me, and when he was doing this, I could tell that he was clearly just having a wide array of emotions on what to be doing now.

…

-Jan 25 1993 8:57 pm- When Gabe was home that day, there was something that he had felt like he had needed to do, and something that he was more than ready to take care of, for the sake of his family, and something that he was feeling like was going to be his personal responsibility, and he was going down the hallway, looking for Henry. As he was doing this, even I am now able to figure out what was going on, and what Gabe was trying to accomplish, and to be honest, seeing Gabe willing to do that, and willing to make amends is something I can be proud of.

I was there from behind, wondering if I was going to be able to see what was happening, and I was just wanting to see if I could have a clue what was bothering him so much, since he was clearly acting like something was a really big deal, and I was just wanting to see what was pissing my brother off so much. Something like this was just a bit too interesting for me to not look into, as strange as that might be.

Eventually, it had looked like Gabe got exactly what he was wanting when he had seen Henry nearby, and when he had seen henry there, he was taking a long and deep breath, and he knew that he just needed to get this over with, and that maybe Henry might be willing to give him a bit of a break when he was seeing how much Gabe was feeling bad for this.

Maybe a simple apology was really all that he had needed. Maybe a simple apology was just the only thing that Henry was really needing to sort of make some peace with what was going on, and that by doing this, maybe Henry and Gabe could be on good grounds again. Although it was clear even from me, looking back, that Henry was probably not as hurt as he was once, which was a sign that recovery was going well, and that if for nothing else, Gabe could use that as consolation.

"Hey Henry, I feel like we might need to talk for a bit." After Gabe was saying this to Henry, the much younger brother was looking right at Gabe, and he was just clearly a bit annoyed, but there was also that part of him that had felt like he had just needed to give Gabe a chance, and that maybe Gabe was being sincere, and that he just needed to get this over with.

"I am sorry for everything that happened. I know that it might be a bit too late, and that you are not in the mood for hearing me tell you this stuff, and that I might have burned some bridges with you. I feel bad for everything, and I want to make up for what is going on. I want to make you feel differently. I wanted to make you feel like you were able to be safe. And it turns out I did the exact opposite." After he said that, Henry just remained silent to this.

"I know that you are probably thinking that everything I have done is just one big mess up, that I am a stupid fucking idiot, just like what everybody else feels, and maybe you guys are right. Maybe you guys are telling the truth. But I felt like I just needed to try at least. I wanted to make a different, and now here I am, dealing with the grief of the fact that I ended up making your pain so much worse than it needed to be.

"I know you are not really going to be able to ever forgive me, since I think we both know that if I never snooped into any of that stuff, then you would have been safer, and that was the exact opposite of what was going on. But I feel like I can't really say anything else, without having you believe that I am lying." Once he was done, he had looked at Henry, feeling like there was just nothing else to say now, and that he had made his point.

"Thanks for the apology." Henry said, and he was looking right at Gabe, as if feeling like there was just simply nothing else he was needing to say. he had said all that he had needed, and that if he had said anything else, he was just going to be making a minute point, and that he was wondering why Gabe suddenly cared now.

"I mean, I don't know what you guys are doing, and I don't care. I don't want to know. I want to stay away from the truth. It is the only thing that I can do." After Henry said that to Gabe, I was seeing him just looking like there was virtually nothing else he was going to even want to say could have made it seem like he was being well composed now.

"Just don't get me hurt again. I won't forgive you a second time." After Henry finished this, he had looked right at Gabe, and he was wondering if Gabe was going to be taking this seriously, and when he was looking at Gabe, and seeing him looking terrible for everything, he was signing, feeling like there was virtually nothing else that he even needed to say anything.

"What are you going to do?" After Henry asked Gabe this, he looked at Gabe, and he was clearly just trying to be looking like he was being neutral on this. But there was something about the fear that he had which was showing in great abundance, and then Gabe was just shrugging, feeling like there was nothing he would have been able to tell Henry that would have made him feel better, so he was just not even going to fucking try and do that.

"I literally have no damn clue. If I knew what I was going to do, I would have probably finished my plans up by now, and everything would be safe and happy. But I think that the chances of me ever truly knowing are less than zero percent. As much as I hate to admit it." Gabe told Henry, and then after he had said that to Henry, he was looking at him, and he was genuinely looking sad as hell he was saying that to Henry, and was wishing to find more to say.

"Seriously though, in all honesty, I think that I just have to do whatever I can to make sure that things do not get worse with you guys. That is the main objective that I have. Is to just make sure that no matter what I do, and no matter what you guys are being thrown into, nothing gets in your way of just simply having a happy and normal life." After he had said that to Henry, he was sighing, feeling like in a way, he had truly failed his brothers, as much as he had hated to admit such a thing.

"Sorry for annoying you." Henry said, having a feeling that Gabe wanted nothing to do with him at that moment, and he was feeling like whatever he was going to tell Gabe now was just going to be minute shit compared to what Gabe was probably feeling with the situation in the grand scheme of things. "I never wanted to make you feel like I was getting too deep into your business." Once he was done telling Gabe this, he had felt like he had done all that he could have.

"Trust me, you are not all that bad. You are a nice guy, and your heart is in the right place. That is what matters the most." After Gabe said that to Henry, he was wondering what to tell Henry now, as if feeling like there was virtually nothing else to say, and that if he even tried to say anything else, he was just going to be feeling like there was nothing else to even say in the first place.

"Are you just saying that to make me feel better?" Henry asked, and then Gabe sighed, as if feeling like maybe he was starting to understand what it was like to be Todd, dealing with his younger siblings being told something nice about themselves, and the older sibling actually mean it, but they are convinced that it is a fucking lie.

Despite everything that was going on, Gabe just looked at Henry, and he was feeling like he was just kind of tired of this discussion already, and that the sooner he got out of this, the better that everything was going to be. "But you know something? I think that there is something about what I did that will make me feel like I never truly did anything right."

"What is going on that is making you feel this way?" Henry asked, wanting to just see if maybe what Gabe was telling him could have maybe given him a different perspective. "Do you think that I can be able to know?" Henry asked, and both siblings knew all too well why he was asking that second question, almost as if admitting that maybe Henry really was too young to have a damn clue what he was going to do, and that he was getting himself in trouble looking into this.

"I don't really know if I can properly explain it. The whole thing is just a bit strange for myself. I mean, I just wanted to have a proper answer, but I think that the idea of me having a proper answer to anything might be the most unlikely idea I have ever given myself." After Gabe said that, he looked at Henry, feeling like he was going to be making a big fucking hassle out of virtually nothing, and he had just wanted to put this whole thing behind him entirely.

"I think that whatever is happening though, I think it is coming to an end. I feel like one way or another, our answers are coming, and that is both great, and fucking terrible. I mean, it is going to be nice to just get this over with, but if it means that everything gets even worse, then it will not be worth it." After Gabe said that, he was sighing, as if feeling like the very idea of things getting worse was one of the most asinine things that he could have possibly even suggested, but decided against saying anything at all, to avoid getting Henry worried.

"And when it is done, I am going to hang out with my friends, and I am going to just enjoy the moment. I am just going to be loving every minute of when this is all said and done. I mean, for fucks sake, that is all that I can say." After Gabe finished this, he was just walking along, Henry was following, and I was just crawling behind them, at a much slower pace, having no idea what was going on, but just needing to still know regardless.

"I think that even if you wanted to come along, I could not justify myself bringing you into this. Not because I think you are weak or anything. But because of your arm. You already got hurt. You already got in danger, and now I am here, sort of lost at words, and I think that I just need to make sure things do not get any worse for you." After he was done telling Henry that, he was then rubbing his eyes, feeling like he had just needed to get out, and that once he was out, Henry would truly be safe after all. I was trying to stand up, wanting to move better, but I just could not.

Eventually, Gabe reached the door to the house, and when he was doing this, he had looked right at Henry, and when he was doing this, there was just small sadness in it, and he was aware that no matter what he had said, or what he had done, he was going to be failing his brothers, and he was just wanting to make the whole thing less awful for him, but that doing something like this was just simply going to be a waste of time in a way.

As Gabe was going to he heading out, that was when Henry was wanting to ask one more question, and one that he was feeling like he could have been able to ask, and not have Gabe be mad at his fucking ass over something like this. "Hey Gabe, where did you get that strange thing you used to protect me? I mean, I just feel like if you can tell me what that was, I might find some way to get it." Henry asked him, and then he was scared, and Gabe was looking even worse at this.

"Why would you want something like that in the first place? I think you are getting yourself set up for something awful by doing that." After he had said that to Henry, there was just a part of him that was looking a bit confused on where this was going to go. But Henry seriously looked like he was not messing around to this at all.

"I need to defend myself if something like this happens again." I don't want to be in danger. I hate being weak." After Henry told Gabe this, he was staring Gabe right in the face, and when he had done this, Gabe was looking at him, as if feeling like when he would try to talk to Henry on this further, Henry was just going to reject any form of telling him off. He was not in the mood.

"That is not going to be needed. I will do whatever I can to make sure that nothing happens to you. I mean, you are too young to try to do anything like that. I need to take more responsibility." After he had said that to Henry, he had wondered what Henry was going to be saying to this. The younger sibling was just looking down, clearly looking like this was the response he had wanted the least out of any.

"But you are not going to be here forever. You know this." After Henry told him this, he was staring right at Gabe, wondering when Gabe was going to be taking him seriously. As he was staring at Gabe longer and longer, he was wondering if Gabe was going to finally concede that Henry might have been onto something after all.

"Yeah, I guess that maybe this is true. But in all honesty, I think you need to just remember that everything is going to be happier if you just let me take care of things. If you get involved with this, I do not think I will ever forgive myself." After Gabe said that to Henry, he sighed, and then he was just looking a bit confused on what to tell Henry now, if he could tell him anything in the first place. Or if he was just losing his brother here.

"You never need to be worried. Simple as that. You will never have to be worried about what is going on. I will refuse to ever let anything happen to you." After Gabe had said that to Henry, he nodded, feeling like he was just wondering what the heck Henry would have said there, and if Henry was going to finally see that Gabe was not going to be messing around, and that he was being one hundred percent sincere here.

"Gabe, will you be safe?" After Henry asked his older brother this, Gabe was just looking down, and he was thinking about what the hell he was even going to be telling Henry to this. If Henry was really expecting him to have a proper answer. Then when he was thinking about how he was going to get out of this, Gabe was just sighing, almost as if feeling like this was literally the worst thing that could be going on here.

"I will be safe. I hope that I will be safe. If I am not safe, then maybe that is my issue. But it is nothing you ever have to worry about. I will make sure to that." Once Gabe was done saying that to Henry, he was smiling, feeling like that was the best promise he was going to give Henry, and that when Henry would hear this, then he would be feeling just sort of ready to accept the fact that Gabe was not lying to him. Gabe was not going to be letting anything happen to Henry, no matter what it was.

"Just remember that we love you." Henry said, and that moment was showing to Gabe that he was being honest. He was not just saying that to make Henry feel better, he was saying that because he was a man who wanted to make sure that nothing happened to him, and that maybe when Henry would remember the good things about this family, the former relation with Gabe might be the number one thing to come along to mind.

With that, Gabe did leave the house, and when he was gone, Henry was looking at me, and he was looking borderline resentful for a few seconds, and part of me was wondering what I had done to piss him off. But then he was signing, slowly getting over it, remembering that deep down, it was really not my fault, and that maybe in a way, he had been too harsh on me. As much as he hated to admit something like this.

…

-Jan 26 1994 1:25 pm- I saw Jack just holding onto a foot ball when he was coming along, and I was wanting to see how he was doing, to see if he was going to be playing outside or something. I wanted to fucking play along, even though I had known that it would have been a big mistake for me, considering how fucking young I was, and I was barely able to even move around and I knew that standing up was nearly impossible. That time a couple of days ago was probably a one time thing.

I was seeing that there was virtually nothing going on that was making him worried anymore. He had clearly just thought that this might have been a bad phase, and I was seeing him just enjoying the fact that he was going around, and playing with his siblings. I was happy to know that there was something about his day that actually was still able to keep him going.

But when I was looking at him, and I was seeing that he was probably going to go all out, I was just wanting to see if Jack had any friends that he played with. This was before I had met that Max guy, and before I knew what that was like, which meant that I did not know what it was like to have a friend who was just as good as you in some regards, but so much worse in others.

"Goo goo gaa gaa." I said, and I was trying to get him to form a small talk with me, but those were the only words to come out of my mouth. I was wondering how everybody else was able to form full words, and were able to talk with each other for long discussions of time, and were able to do just fine, but the moment that I was trying to talk with them, it was just going to be impossible. I was feeling like this was a bit unfair.

Jack looked at me, and when he was checking, I had seen him actually look like he was kind of happy to be seeing me. As if he was feeling like checking me for a second was going to be worth it all. But then he looked down, and decided not to say anything else. Instead, he had just walked up to me, and I was wondering what we were going to do. Once he was carrying me for a moment, he started to bring me outside, and now I was excited.

Jack was kicking around the football a bit, and he placed me down before he had done something like this. As I was watching him for a bit, I was wondering what the heck he was going to do. He was kicking for several minutes, and I was just sort of losing interest after about a minute or two, but despite that, I was just just too confused to see what the heck he was doing to not look away, even if the interest had gone away.

As this was happening, and I was just seeing Jack looking kind of angry at the stuff he was doing, as if he was wanting to get better at it, but for some reason, he was just really lacking the will to do this, he was looking around at me, and I was seeing him wanting to say something else. "Hey, don't get yourself hyped up for something when you are thinking that something like this might not work out." After Jack had said this, he kicked around for a few more seconds, feeling like he had felt like a idiot for saying this to me.

"I don't know why I am trying to tell you this. I mean, you probably unable to understand a single word I am saying. I feel like I might be wasting my time." After Jack said that, the football then flew right towards the goal area, and then he was looking right at me, and decided to not say anything to me at all. He was just sighing, just feeling so fucking over this, and he was grabbing the ball again, ready to just keep going on this.

Once he was done playing for a few more seconds, there was something that was making him confused, and something that was making him stop. Something that he was just wanting to say, but just could not find it in himself to do so. I did not know what the issue was, but when I was seeing him like this, I had felt like maybe he was hiding something that was just kind of scaring him a bit. "Do you know what that is?" He asked, and I turned around, just seeing nothing too interesting.

After he had said that, he shook his head, and then told himself that it was not that important. Then he was going back to playing a bit longer, just to pretend like this was not all that big of a deal. I was just watching him a bit longer, and when he had played for a few more minutes, I was seeing that over time, his investment was starting to go away, and he was just sort of thinking about something else entirely, and that when he was doing this, there was just a level of him not even caring what was going on. Eventually, he had looked at the basketball, and started to just play on that for a couple of minutes longer, pretending like if he had just focused on that, then everything would have been fine.

He played with that for a while before he was eventually giving up on that, and deciding that he was not even caring about what he had seen, and then I was just feeling like maybe I did not see anything either. I felt like I might have seen something, but I had no idea what the heck I had seen, so I decided not to say anything on it.

When he was playing for a bit longer, I was just thinking about what was worrying him for a bit, and I was just wanting to see if it was actually real, or if he was just saying that to me, and he was just wanting to see if I was going to react a certain way or something. I mean, I would not be surprised if he was like that. But at the same time, I just wanted to believe that he was not making any real issues.

Eventually, there was a car parking, and I was fearing that when I had seen this car, that it was going to be the one thing that Jack wanted nothing to do with, and when he had seen the car, I saw him looking like he was just getting himself ready to just leave the house. The way that Jack was looking had scared the shit out of me, and I was feeling like when he was doing this something was going to be going down.

Once Jack had placed the ball on the ground, he was coming right towards me, and despite what was going on, and despite the fact that I had no idea what he was doing, I decided that I was not going to be messing around with him at all. I was just going to let him take care of helping me out, in case if he had needed this, and maybe I would deal with wondering what this was later, when I was having a few more years racked up on my life and stuff.

The guy was getting out of his car, and when he had done that, he had stared for just a couple of minutes, and for some reason, I was feeling like that was only making things worse. I was seeing him just looking a bit excited to try and talk with Jack though, and I was seeing that Jack himself had been smart enough to figure out the fact that he was clearly going to just try and speak with this man for a while longer, and see if maybe Jack did have something that he could be able to tell him.

Eventually, he was staring right at Jack for way longer than what I was comfortable with, and he was starting to walk towards Jack, as if feeling like this was the one thing that he had wanted more than anything else in the entire world. Once he was in front of Jack, he was smiling for a while longer, and he was clearly just wanting to talk with him for a while longer.

As Jack was looking at this man, and was wondering what he was wanting to say, I was seeing that his emotions were just a million forms of mixed, and I decided that I was just not going to be making a huge deal on any of this. The man was just getting right to the point, which might have been the best for everybody involved, to not even give us some bullshit on this.

"I don't think that we've seen each other in a while. You were the one that came with your older brother a few weeks ago, right?" After he was asking Jack this question, Jack was slowly nodding, and he was feeling like he needed to play with this guy, and have fun with this guys demented game of questioning for a while longer. The guy was laughing, feeling like he was ready to see what the heck Jack would do.

"Honestly, I was worried that you were going to give me a unjustified level of rudeness, and something that I do not think I deserve. But I guess that you are more well rounded than I had given you credit for." After he had said that to Jack, there was something that I did not get about this. I was feeling like this guy was just saying all this stuff as a sort of way to still sort of bring control over to Jack, to make it clear he was still the one in charge.

"That being said, it seems like we are just going to need to find some things that we can work on together." After he was saying that to Jack, there was something that he was feeling like he would have been able to say to Jack, and that if he had kept this whole game up longer, then it was going to become increasingly clear that he would feel like he could mess around with Jack forever, and that there was nothing to be done.

"I was wondering if perhaps I could be able to talk with one of your siblings, and maybe I could be able to come to some form of agreement with them on these things. You know, since I feel like we have a lot of stuff to discuss, and that I would be kind of wasting my time doing this." After he had said that to Jack, he was looking at the house for several minutes, just trying to take it all in, to make it seem like this was his accomplishment.

"Honestly though, I have a feeling that you are not going to work with me. You are just going to telling me that I am being harsh, that I am being rude, and that I should listen to you a bit more. But to be honest, I think that what you are going to try and tell me is a load of shit. I know that you are letting something prevent you from talking, and I think that I need to know what the heck that is." This guy was saying, and he was just wishing to just push Jack a bit longer, and when he was going to get Jack to talk, then everything would be going just as planned.

"I don't know what is going on. Honestly, I have no idea what is happening." After Jack was saying this, he was holding up his hands, and he was clearly just trying to hide his fear. His perpetual fear that was going on in his mind, and when he was trying to make it clear that he was wanting out of this, that was when the man was just looking at him, as if feeling like Jack was just being a bit of a fucking coward, but did not want to say anything to not risk pissing Jack off.

"Damn it, I know that people always just say shit like this when it is their own lives in danger." After he was saying that to Jack, he had looked right at the younger guy, and then sighed, feeling like there was something he was going to be able to tell him, to get him to actually listen to him. "Tell Gabe that the next time you see him, he needs to see me. I am not going to hurt him. I do not need anything like that. I have different ways." He said, and even to baby me, I knew that something bad was going to be going down, and I knew that Jack was just needing to be safe.

I was feeling like I just needed to not freak out, and that if I did this, he was going to be noticing me, and I had a terrible feeling that he was going to be hurting me, a little baby, if he had needed to, in order to get his point across, and then he would get whatever he had needed to make sure that everybody knew that he was not really messing around at the slightest.

Eventually, Jack was looking at me, as the man was heading off, and I knew that no matter what was going on, he was going to be worried for my own personal sake. I was seeing that maybe I just needed to keep everything to myself. I did not want to hear him, and I did not want to him lecture me for anything, and I did not want to deal with what my older siblings were doing. That would be insanity to be totally honest.

As Jack looked at me, I saw him clearly just wanting to say more, and he was wishing to find a way to make it seem like the way he was going to handle this from now on would have been much better. But then he was just going inside of his house, and I was scared on what his issue was, and I felt like if he was having something going on, then I just needed to be prepared for whatever was going to happen in the next couple of days. And by doing this, I might have been able to accomplish something here.

…

-Jan 27 1994 11:16 pm- I was hanging around, and I was just feeling a bit lost on this whole thing, wanting to find a way to be making this whole thing work out. I was feeling like if I could find a way to talk with my parents, I could be able to make them feel a bit better about what was going on now. It was just the fact that I was genuinely lost on where the hell this would have even gone.

As this was going on, and I was in the middle of falling asleep, I heard Gabe and Jack talking with each other, and I was feeling like I was just needing to see where this was going to go, and I knew that this was going to be pissing them off, but I did not really give a single amount of a shit. I was staring right at them, and I was feeling like no matter what was going on, the next fucking answer was going to be given to me here.

"I got threatened yesterday Gabe. I did not want to tell you, because I did not think you needed to be worried about it, but I couldn't lie about it any longer." After Jack said that to him, Gabe stopped and he was wondering what the heck was going to be happening. I was seeing Gabe looking fucking horrorified, and that if Jack did not tell him what was going on right then and there, he was going to be a bit pissed.

"What happened?" After Gabe asked this to Jack, he was looking right at his older brother for a few seconds, just running the emotions through his head, and there was just a bit of him that wanted to say something else, but was feeling like if Gabe knew what was going on, then he would have been losing everything that had been going on. "Tell me what happened, and I will help you." After Gabe told him this, Jack just sighed, feeling like nothing else even fucking mattered anymore.

"One of the guys who was hanging out with us earlier came to me yesterday, and he was wanting to see you. He was wanting to talk with you. I don't know. I told him I had no idea where you were, which was actually true." Jack said, and he was looking at the ground, just trying to act like he was not making some big fucking crime here. He was just wanting to avoid any fucking confrontation to make this whole thing less awful.

"God damn it, I have no idea what the fucking hell is wrong with these guys. All they fucking do is just get in my business, and act like I need to give them the fucking answers to everything in the world, but it seems like none of this makes any fucking sense." After Gabe said this, he was just looking outside, but I was feeling like maybe Gabe was just trying to make it look normal here.

"Thanks for telling me. I am going to fucking talk with him. And I am going to be making my point loud and clear to this fucking man. I am tired of dealing with him, and I am tired of being thrown around like crazy." After Gabe had said that, he was sighing, and I was wondering what the heck Jack was trying to accomplish, and if Jack actually felt like Gabe could have kept him safe. I mean, I was not a genius, but I had feeling this was not happening at all.

"Can I come along here?" After Jack asked him this, Gabe had looked like that idea was fucking insane, and that if Jack even remotely suggested something like this again, then Jack was really going off the deep rails. But before he was even able to go on and make something like this sound true, Jack started to speak up, and he was going to be making his fucking point to Gabe, no matter what it was going to take in order to get there.

"I mean, this guy is getting in the way of my safety. You do not want to be making me get involved with whatever the hell you are doing. But that is just not happening. Fucking let me come along." After Jack had said that to Gabe, he was holding himself firm, and then Gabe was looking like he had needed to find something else to say. Jack was looking at him, and the sooner he finally answered Jack's command, the better it would have been finally.

"Fine, I guess that maybe this makes some sense." After Gabe was saying that Jack, he was just rubbing his hair, and I was looking at him a bit longer, and I was seeing him just wanting to get Jack out of here, but that was just not going to work. Eventually, Gabe shook his head, deciding that he was going to just get the hell out of here. "Jack, if something fucking happens, I want you to get the hell out of here as fast as possible. I do not care."

Jack looked at him, as if feeling like something like this was a fucking terrible request, and he was going to be making that very fucking clear with Gabe, but Gabe was holding up his hand, and it was feeling like the two of them were going to be getting into some form of a battle, but it had seemed like there was no fucking way out of this. I was seeing Gabe just sort of all over the place, like he was scared out of his mind what was to happen next.

Eventually, Gabe was rubbing his eyes, and he was wanting to keep himself feeling better, but if he was to go on and even try to make that work, he was needing to get Jack to sort of at least try and see where he was coming from. "We are going to be heading out now, and that is all that there is to it." With that, Gabe started to walk off, and Jack looked at him, trying to find something else to say, but did not bother to do this.

I was coming along to them, and while I had no fucking idea what was happening, I was wanting to come along, and I was wanting to help. I was wanting to make them know that I was war ready if they needed to me. I mean, I knew in hindsight how silly that sounded, but at that moment, I did not give a single shit what was happening. "Should we really be letting Ridge come along?" Jack asked, clearly thinking that this was a terrible idea.

"Realistically, I doubt that anything is going to happen to him. I think that if any of us are going to be safe, it will be him." After Gabe had said that, he was shaking his head, as if hating the fact that he was even debating this in the first place, and feeling like this was one of the biggest mistakes that he could possibly be making here.

"Alright, if you say so." After Jack was saying this to Gabe, he was starting to head out of the house, and Gabe was picking me up, and despite all that was going on, and the fear that they were all displaying, I wanted to have some fucking fun with this, and I wanted them to know that this was just a simple little journey, and that they needed to relax.

We were walking along, and then Jack felt like he needed to ask an important question, and one that he was feeling like would have actually started to get them sort of on the same page. "So what the hell are you going to actually do when you see him? Have you been thinking about that a bit?" After Jack said this, he was really hoping that Gabe would admit to how insane this was, even if he had too much pride to like it.

"I have no fucking idea what the hell is going on. But to be honest, I don't give a single fuck. I am going to just do what I can, and if that means that I have to push everything else aside, then I will not give a shit. I will have to just find a way to get out of this on my own, and everything would be fine over time." After Gabe was telling him this, he was looking at Jack, and he was wondering if Jack had any idea what he would have wanted to tell Gabe, or if he was just going to remain silent.

"I know that this makes no sense. But I think that I am just going to have to find out how this is going to work." Gabe was just saying this to sort of sound like he was wanting to see where Jack was going to take this, but at the same time, he was fucking just confused as hell what to feel now.

"You're fucking right, this makes no damn sense. I mean, the things with what you plan on doing right now is the least of my worries. You are telling me about the fact that you are pretty much a wanted man, and for literally no fucking reason, and I don't really know what is going on." After Jack was telling Gabe this, he was wondering where this would have even gone now, or if it could have been possible.

"I know that I should have been doing things better, and that I should have been a better brother. I get that, but there is nothing that I can fucking do about it. I was just wanting to help out as much as I could, and here I am, pretty much throwing every chance of making you safer go away." After Gabe said that, eventually, the two of them were walking towards a small parking lot, which was some thing I did not really fully understand why, but that was where Gabe usually met up with these people, and this was going to be a long meeting.

"Gabe, what are you going to do if he does not show up?" Jack asked, and he was just wanting to find ways out of this. For some reason, given what was happening, I was not able to blame Jack. Even if I had no idea why he was scared, I did not know what my brothers were into, and seeing him like this was something so beyond scary that I did not need to be a genius to know this was going to be a bad turn of events.

"Somebody who works with him, or hell maybe even he himself will show up. Somebody is here every night. I know he is going to be here. Trust me when I say that." After Gabe had said that to him, he was wondering what the heck Jack would have accomplished out of any of this. But he was just needing to see what was scary to him anyways.

"Gabe, what will you talk with him about?" After Jack asked him this, there was virtually nothing else to discuss, and Jack was wondering if perhaps Gabe had some ideas on what was going to be talked about, and even if Jack had no idea what was going to be debated, if Gabe did, then he was going to start to feel better about what was happening, and he would be wondering what to be doing now.

"I will just see what he wants. I will be flat out about it. I will not hide it. I am going to give him whatever he fucking wants, and I will deal with it. I am tired of hiding behind the idea of what is going to happen. I need to just learn the truth, and I need to do this for you guys." After Gabe said that to Jack, he was wondering what the fucking hell was even going to be coming down now. Gabe truly knew himself that if he was not careful, somebody would probably die, and he would do anything to make sure that it was not me or Jack.

"The moment something starts to go down, get Ridge, and get out. End of story. I will not argue with you on this. I seriously can't argue with you on that one at the very least. I mean, for fucks sake, I don't know what is happening, but I really don't give a single shit anymore." After Gabe told him this, Jack was slowly nodding to this, accepting his new duty as protector.

"Alright, I will do that." Jack said, just trying his best to be looking all fine and dandy, and he was just wishing to know how Gabe was this composed, but he decided not to be worried about that, and that if they were going to get out of this, then he would pester Gabe on this more, and see what was going on and see what was wrong with this town, and what he could do about it, if he had any form of extra amount of power.

Before either one of them could debate another minute on this, there was a person pulling up in a car, and as he was pulling up, I was looking at the guy inside, and to be honest, I could not tell the difference if this was the guy that I had heard earlier or not. I did not really give a single shit what was happening, but it did not really matter anymore. I was just feeling like my brother would probably find something for us to do.

I was feeling like when the guy would talk with Gabe and Jack, that this debate was going to be rather intense. I knew that this debate was going to be a fucking nightmare one way or another, and I knew that no matter what I would choose, I needed to just be safe, and I was wondering if either one of my brothers knew what was going to be happening now, and if they had any plans on how to go further from this.

Jack was taking a couple of steps back, and I was feeling like maybe when I would just not make a single noise, I would be able to have a small chance of being able to stay safe. Gabe was placing his hand on something, and I was wondering what the heck Gabe was getting himself ready for. I wanted to talk with them a bit, and see if our conversations would help, but that was just not going to fucking happen, since I had no idea how to talk.

"Hey, I was wondering if you were going to be showing up. Turns out that maybe you do have a small amount of honor after all." The guy said, and then Gabe moaned under his breath to show that this was not something he was wanting to play around with. The guy was smiling, fully aware of the reaction that Gabe was having, and found it actually kind of amusing.

"You are allowed to state your disgust publicly. I am not that worried about what you think of me." After he was saying that, there was something that Gabe was clearly just ready to be talking about, and I was seeing that the words in his mind were just trying to find a way to compose himself, and make his point, without making it seem like he was going to be compromising on what was fucking happening there.

"I was wondering if you would be willing to bargain. Or if I have ruined the offers." Gabe said, and then he was starting to hold something in his pocket, and he was waiting for a bit longer, and he was wondering if this man was going to open up, and just give him something at all, or just brush him off. But Gabe was knowing that deep down, something like this was just not going to happen. The guy seemed to smile though, liking that Gabe was actually pretending to be this dumb.

"What type of bargain were you looking for?" He asked, and then Gabe was sighing as if feeling like there was nothing left at stake, and that he was just needing to be getting through with what he was wanting to discuss with this man. "I mean, if you are being sincere, I will be willing to give you a chance." After he had said that to Gabe, he was sighing, feeling like he was just needing to get right to the point.

"I was wanting to discuss with you on getting to know what you were even wanting me to show you in the first place. I needed to know what your plans were in the first place. I was wondering if maybe you had something that I was able to give you." After he had said that to the man, Gabe was sighing, almost hating what was going on.

"Oh, ok, I will give you some of that. I was hoping that you would be willing to show me what your weapon was. You do not need to hide it, since my associates told me what you did." After the man had said that to Gabe, he looked right at Gabe, hoping that this was enough for Gabe to freak out just a little bit.

Gabe was almost ready to comply, but as he was doing this, Gabe was wanting to say one other thing, to make his point. "I will not let you take this though. This is something that I am going to show you, and then that is all that there is going to be to it." After Gabe said that to the man, the man nodded, as if willing to play along, and think that maybe there was some level of authority that Gabe was able to contain to this.

"If you feel like it is in your best interest, I will listen to you." After he had said that, Gabe was sighing, feeling like there was something to this that might not have been true, but he was just too tired to care, and he was wanting to let the man have a chance. Gabe pulled out a medal yellow rod, and when he was showing the man this, that was when the man looked like he had experienced the greatest orgasm of his life.

"What is that thing?" Jack asked, and the other guy looked at Jack for a moment, and did not say a single thing, but look of anger was undeniable, and that look of sheer hatred, and Jack was scared out of his fucking mind, and Jack was remaining quiet after this. He fucking knew that he had pushed his luck by just simply speaking, and he was needing to be more careful when it was coming to this idea. The man looked at Gabe, ready to discuss some more stuff, and to continue this discussion.

"It's a special weapon. One that we did not know was still in town. And we want to talk to you about maybe letting us have it." The guy was saying, and then he was holding out his hand, and Gabe shook his head, but held up his hand, wanting to explain where he was coming from this time. Hoping his point would be suffice enough once he explained himself.

"I do not want anything to get in the way of my siblings and their safety. I feel the need to keep this with me, and that way I can be able to protect them if I need to." After Gabe said that, he was taking a step back, and he was hoping that nothing was going to happen, but he was also looking like no matter what the outcome was, he would have been war ready, and that he was going to make this guy suffer if he needed to.

"If you let us have that, then we will make sure that there is a greater level of security to this family than you would have if you did not help us." After he had said that to Gabe, that was when Gabe was looking like there was not a single ounce of belief in his face, and that he was going to be willing to show that if he had to.

Eventually Gabe was turning on the blade, hoping to make his point. "I will not be letting this slide. I have one thing that I need to focus on, and that is just keeping my family safe. I do not know if your security offer is true, and I do not want to give you a chance to be showing me that you are telling the truth." After Gabe was saying this, he was looking at the man, and he was feeling like this was going to restore a level of confidence if he kept his presentation up.

"Gabe, we do not want to make things any worse for you. Just work with us here. Once you do that, everything is going to be alright." After he had said that, he was waiting for Gabe to speak up, and I was just too confused at why there was a blue beam coming out of the rod. Jack looked liked this was really exciting, but he grabbed me, and walked a few steps back, listening to Gabe on this piece of advice.

Gabe was holding the blade for a moment, and he was just remaining silent for several seconds before he was finally having the courage to speak up, and find a way to speak with this guy a bit longer. "Stay behind, and do not approach us, or else I will have no choice but to fight back." After Gabe said that, the guy was sighing, wanting to get Gabe to listen, but knew that Gabe was just not going to be doing anything like that.

The man was holding on for a bit longer, hoping to figure out a way to get Gabe to calm down, and to bring down the weapon, eventually, he was looking right at Jack and I. I saw that there was something in his eyes, as if feeling like there was no other choice that he had if he wanted to make his point here.

As this was happening, Gabe was jumping right in front of the guy, then he kicked Gabe down, and then he was continuing his pathway towards us, and right when he was ready to grab me, Gabe stabbed him right in the back, and then he looked down, and saw the blade, and then he fell down to the ground, and then he had died, and Jack and I were just staring right at Gabe, unsure of what to be saying.

Eventually, Gabe looked down at the man, and then he was unsure of what to feel about the fact that he has now killed two different people, and he was feeling like he had a long way to go before he was going to be making up for everything. Gabe stared at Jack and I, and I was wondering what the heck was going to be happening now.

"Guys, I think we need to go home. Build some distance between us and him, and that way we might have a chance of getting out of this." After Gabe said that to us, I was unsure of what to say, but it didn't really matter since I could not say anything in the first place. And we Gabe was walking off, and Jack was holding me tightly, I was wondering where the heck this was going to be going, but as this was happening, I was seeing Jack looking like he was almost willing to piss himself and die here.

As he was like this, the three of us were walking away, and I was feeling Gabe was going to possibly get arrested for this soon enough, or at least that would have been what I thought was going to go down if I was older, and more able to have a fucking idea what was going on. But I did not have a idea since I was so fucking young. But in a way, I was just not even caring anymore.

Eventually, Jack was feeling like he needed to find a way to be making this whole thing work. "Hey Gabe, what are you going to do if this gets any worse? You know none of our siblings will believe you." After he had said that, he was wondering what the heck Gabe would have said to this, and he was wondering if Gabe had a damn clue what he had gone into, and if he was having a plan to go forward. The lack of any response was enough for Jack to pick up on the truth.

...

-Jan 28 1994 1:55 pm- I was thinking about the siblings a bit longer, and I was just thinking about what the heck was going on with them. I mean, they were acting like their happiness was thrown away because of some strange guy, and I was wanting to just know what the heck was the main issue. I was scared of the fact that these guys were pretty much going around like a bunch of chickens with their heads cut off, and I did not know how in the hell I was going to be able to help them out. Which was just really fucking awful.

As I was thinking about all of this stuff, I was seeing that Todd and Gabe were looking at some stuff, almost just trying to almost act like they had no idea what was going on, and that they were just pretending like there was not going to be a level of deep resentment that they were going to be displaying due to the behavior Gabe had, and that Todd did not deeply disapproval or every single thing that Gabe was doing in his own way.

But they were only going to be able to pretend for so long until Todd was just sighing, and he was looking right at Gabe, wanting to just get right to the fucking point. "Gabe, I know that you do not mean for anything to happen, and I know you are just trying to help out our brothers and Lydia and stuff, but I saw you and Jack walking off with Ridge last night." After he had said that to Gabe, I saw that Gabe himself looked a bit scared of where Todd was going to be heading with this, and scared on what Todd would do.

"I was just trying to understand what I could be able to do to help my siblings. That was all that I was trying to accomplish. I did not think that I was doing anything wrong. But I think that things might be over now." After Gabe told Todd this, that was when Todd was feeling like he had enough, and just needed to know what the hell Gabe was talking about. So he placed his hand at Gabe's shoulder, ready to force some info.

"Tell me what the fuck happened." Todd said, and then Gabe looked at him, and when he was doing this, there was something running through Gabe's head, and he was just trying to find a way to be feeling like Todd was not making that big of a deal out of this. "I mean, you are saying that everything is fine, and yet I do not know if you are telling the truth. Just tell me how I can believe in you." After he said that, Gabe sighed, unsure what to tell him.

"I was keeping our siblings safe by being forced into some form of a business deal with these guys. I did not want to agree to the deal, but I knew that it might have been the only way to keep them safe. It was the only choice that I had." Gabe said, and then after he had told Todd this, Todd looked at him, and there was now a look of worry on his face. As if worried about more the safety of Gabe rather than what he was doing.

"Do you think they might be safe? Do you think that it worked?" Todd asked, and this time, there was just a million emotions running through his head, and he was just wondering what was wrong with this town, and believed that for once, maybe Gabe was telling the truth that something was going on, and now that there was more information to show this was true, he was now worried for the way this town was running.

"If they are not, then I will not want to even think about what I will have to do. But I feel like I will have no choice." Gabe said, and then when he had said that to Todd, he was looking at his older brother, and he was just wondering if Todd had any ideas where this was going to go. Todd just sighed, and he was feeling like Gabe might have been pure in motive after all, despite all that was going on here.

"Gabe, do you think that if things get even worse, that I might have to help you out? I mean, I know that you might not like it, but I will be willing to give you a hand if it gets worse. Even if this means making things worse myself." After Todd said that to Gabe, there was a level of uncertainty that Todd had here, almost as if he was wondering if he himself believed in this statement.

"I will say that I do not want you to help, but I might need for you to help. I will do whatever I can to make sure that nothing needs to be done like this, but if it has to be, then I will come to you right away." After Gabe had said that to Todd, that was when Todd was sighing, and he was sort of looking like he was getting ready to just be going forward with this whole thing. "I mean, when I see my friends again, I will have to let them know my progress."

"What fucking progress? I mean, everything is still up in the air, and progress is something that you think is going to be easily debatable?" After Todd asked this to Gabe, he knew that Gabe was going to be partially triggered by this statement, but he was feeling like he was needing to be honest here. He was needing to hear where Gabe was going, and then Gabe was looking at Todd, worried about what to tell him, and what Todd was going to be feeling here with this discussion.

"The reason why I would say progress is the fact that everything seems to be looking like at least I can be able to get them to negotiate with me. I mean, that might not sound like much, but it is better than nothing at all. I was expecting this to go down the drain, but it seems like everything if I just work a bit harder, I feel like it will come together." Gabe said, and then Todd shook his head at this.

"I think that this is just fucking unbelievable. I mean, oh my fucking god, it is like everybody is just going around, and acting like they have lost their fucking minds here. But in all honesty, I just wish that I can be certain on one thing. And I hope that this is something you can give me." After he had said that, Gabe looked right at him, wondering where he was going to be going with this, but decided not to say much.

"Will Bebe be safe? Can you at least give me a answer to that?" After he had asked Gabe this, that was when he had looked down, feeling like that was the worst question that Todd could be asking him, and was hoping that he was not going to be super serious with this. But then Gabe sighed, feeling like he just needed to just give a answer.

"In all honesty, I have no idea what she will have to do with anything. Which means that unless if I have overlooked something really badly, she will be fine. I don't know if that is going to be making things feel better for you. But I just feel like if something is going on, and she is not safe, then I will have to deeply apologize." Gabe knew that he was not going to be getting Todd in love with this idea, but just needed to try and make him feel better.

"But Gabe, do you think that there is something that you might have overlooked? I mean, it might be quite possible that you have." After Todd was saying this, he was wondering if his brother was going to start to own up to everything, or if he was just going to try and find a way out of this. But then Gabe sighed, and the longer that he had done this, the less certain that he was going to be to get him to be calmer.

"I think that I am going to have to have a lot to atone for if she does not come out of this fine. But I must cross that path later, when the time comes. Until then, I just have no idea what to fucking tell you." Gabe was saying, and he was wondering how long it was going to take for Todd to be aware that this was not his fault. Or that at least he did not intend for anything to fucking happen to her or anybody else.

Eventually, before either one of them could talk longer, that was when there was a knock on the door. I am sure that Gabe was already getting on the defense when he was hearing this, almost fearing what was going to be happening, and he was feeling like he just needed to see what these people were going to be up to. "Just stay here, and do not do anything unless if I need it." After Gabe had said that to his older brother, Todd slowly nodded, pretending to be cool.

Todd stayed a couple of feet behind, and when he was waiting, that was when Gabe answered, and despite what Gabe was preparing himself for, even he was not ready for something like this. He was not ready for three guys to be waiting there, and all of them looking like they were ready to break down the house if need be. One of them had a small part of a gun hanging out, as if to show Gabe that if he was to mess up at all, or make any wrong move, he would shoot him.

"We were wondering if you would be willing to talk with us for a few minutes? See if we could be able to clear some things up with you." After the man was telling Gabe this, he looked at Todd, as if worried for what was about to happen. Even Todd was almost just more worried than anything else what was going to be going down. But he did not want to do anything, knowing that they both put the younger siblings first.

"I have already told you guys all that I know. I can't be able to give you anything else. I feel like you might need to find a better solution." After Todd was saying this to the men, he was wondering if they were actually going to be buying what he had said. As he was waiting, the man was just standing there, and they were both clearly looking like they had not wanted to play any of these games with Gabe just yet.

"You know, we were wondering if maybe some of your siblings might know of some of the details. If they are going to be able to help us out." After one of them said this, both Gabe and Todd looked like they were instantly going to be on the protector role, and like everything that had happened before was thrown to the wayside, and that for the time being, they were united.

"You do not need to be worried about what we are trying to talk to them about. We don't plan to do anything to them, and we plan to just get out of here as soon as we are done." After the one who had been leading this whole discussion told Gabe this, that was when Todd was taking another couple of steps closer, wanting to make his point, but not wanting to possibly break any chance that they were going to have against them.

"I do not appreciate you threatening my family." Gabe said, and the entire time that he was saying this, he was sounding like he was barely keeping himself composed, and he was feeling like if this man even dared to try something else, he was going to be making him lose everything that he had ever come close to getting. After he was doing this, the man was looking at his two colleagues, unsure of what to say.

"Todd, what should I do?" Gabe asked, and this was one of the first times that he actually went out of his way to see what Todd would have suggested, and when he had done this, Todd was looking at him, shocked at what Gabe had just done, and he was wondering if there was something like a small trap that Gabe was setting himself up for. But then he shook his head, and decided against thinking anything on it.

"Are you going to be able to handle yourself? If so, I might be going around, and picking up the others." After Todd told him this, Gabe nodded, and that was when they were both sort of feeling like as long as they were on equal ground here, the two of them would have been able to get some things actually accomplished here, and Todd was walking to the room where Calvin and I were, as if feeling like he needed to protect the really young ones first.

Gabe was holding out that rod again, and this time, unlike the time yesterday, he was looking like he had no problem with using it if he had needed to. I was kind of shocked to be seeing him change this much so fast, and that maybe he was getting too used to doing something like this. But I decided not to say anything on it, and I was feeling like he was just doing his best to make sure that nothing was about to happen to us.

"Why do you always jump to fighting? You do realize that fighting is always the worst solution you can be coming up with?" After the man asked Gabe this, there was a moment that Gabe was seeming to think about what he had just said to him, and was slowly shaking his head, feeling like if he let this man talk on, then he was going to only let things get worse.

"I don't want to fight. But when it comes to my family, and it comes to protecting them at all costs, I will do whatever it take to make sure that nothing happens to them." Gabe said, and then he was looking at Todd, wondering if his older brother was going to have any solutions to this, or if he was just going to let Gabe be doing his own thing.

The first man took out his gun and then Gabe sliced his hand out, and then sliced him down, and then stabbed another one, and then made a large gash at the third one, and then he was looking at Todd, wondering what he was going to do now. "We need to get them out of here, or you need to stay here, and let nothing happen to them."

"Will you be willing to tell me what the fuck is going on when this is over? Can you give me that at least?" After he asked Gabe this, he was sighing, feeling like maybe he was going to be able to do that for Todd, but did not know how or when this was going to be coming together, but he was also feeling like after forcing all of this, that maybe Todd did deserve the right to be like this.

"I will tell you everything when it is calming down a bit. I promise that every question you have will be answered." Gabe said, and then he was walking down the street, and Todd was following him, feeling like maybe Gabe was going to be heading out, and that if this was happening, he might need to drive Gabe around, and basically be his watcher, even if such a thing was just going to be a hassle, and something he would have never wanted to do.

Eventually, after Gabe had finished saying that, he was sighing, wondering how much of what he was saying would be true, but did not even care. He was ready for a war, and a war he was going to fight, even if it did compromise his family, or himself in his own way. But he was feeling like this was a war that he had to be fighting for the sake of his family.

Once in the car, Todd looked at Gabe, and the entire time that he had done this, his emotions were running rampant, and he was just feeling like he needed to try and find something to tell him. Something that would make his brother feel like there was some form of agreeable plan here. "Sorry for everything going on. I will listen to your statements more often. But you do need to promise me that Bebe is going to be safe no matter what." Todd said, holding up a finger, to make it very clear to Gabe that he was not going to be taking no for an answer, and then Gabe was sighing, and nodded at this.

"Alright, I get it. You are wanting that to be the main thing we deal with. But I think that we are going to have a boss to discuss things with." After Gabe said that, he was sighing, and looked at Todd, wondering what else was going to be saying. But he decided to just not say anything at all, and decided that he was going to be getting this whole thing done with. As this was happening, I was just wishing to keep this together, and I needed to make sure nothing else happened.

…

-Jan 29 1994 8:10 pm- There was a point in time the next day when Seth was sitting down on the couch, and Josiah was sitting down next to him, and Josiah was wondering what to say to Seth, if there was literally anything to be saying at all. He was wondering if Seth was doing alright, but he did not want to bother him, and make him be annoyed, and make him feel like Josiah was just trying too hard to be protecting him or something like that. Even if it was partially true.

"Seth, are you doing alright?" Josiah decided to ask, feeling like it was better to air on the side of caution than to be doing nothing at all. He was feeling like if Seth was going to be pissy on this whole thing, then it was just going to be something that he would have to deal with, and he would have to try and convince Seth that he knew what he was doing.

"I am doing just fine. I am just kind of thinking about everything right now, and I feel so fucking conflicted and confused, and I feel like that is the only way that I could be able to describe it." After Seth told Josiah this, he was looking at his older brother, almost feeling like he had nothing else to be saying. Almost feeling like that if he were to try and say anything else, he would be sounding like a whiner, and he did not want to be doing this.

"But Seth, what is the main issue? I mean, everybody is going to be here, together, doing everything that we can to make sure that things do not get worse." After Josiah was telling Seth this, he was looking down, trying to find a way to believe in what he was saying. "I mean, is it related to the things that all the other siblings are going through? Which might be a bit insane." Once he was done, he laughed just a little bit, to try and comprehend what was going on.

"I have no idea what the main issue is. If I even try to describe it, everybody is going to be pretending like I am just being a big ass whiny little bitch. Maybe I am, but the truth is that when I see my family being totally fucking insane, and that they are doing nothing that makes even a lick of sense, I am just feeling like I am needing to look at everything that makes at least some fucking sense." Seth was just sighing, tired of this all, and tired of everything just being too hard to actually understand.

"Josiah, what do you think our older siblings are doing that is so important that it has thrown away everything we ever had? I mean, it seems like even Todd in the last couple of days has drank the cool aid, and I thought that at least he would have been able to get over this whole thing." After Seth had said this, he was wondering where this was actually going to be heading. Josiah was scared for him, scared for the general way he was sounding here.

"I don't know what it is. I mean, I would like to know just as much as you do, but fuck I can't force anything onto him. I can't force him to tell me a single thing. But if it is important enough for even Todd to be this upset about it, I can't dare get into the matter. I feel like I need to respect his opinion, and just be letting him do his own thing." After Josiah said that, Seth had to think about what he was saying, if he was even going to say anything at all.

"I wish that I knew what to tell you. I mean, you are probably somebody who had to deal with a lot more on this than any of us have. I know that you were just trying to have some fun with new friends and stuff, but I can't be lying to you, and trying to make it sound better than it actually is. I can't do that, no matter how nice it could be." After he said that, he was shaking his head, feeling fucking confused what to do.

"I feel like you do know what to tell me. I feel like you know exactly what is going on, but you just don't want to say it." After he was saying this to Josiah, he was feeling like it was worth getting into Josiah like this. Even if Josiah was telling the truth, and did not know a thing, which he was still not fully convinced on, he was feeling like if he had made his point, and just dragged it home, it would still be enough to just get through to people.

"Do you think that if you try and talk to Gabe and Todd, one of them might be more honest with you? I think that this is going to be the only bet... To just get one of them to tell you. But if that does not work, then you are just going to have to be leaving it alone." After he had told Seth this, he was waiting for Seth to say something, and he was waiting for Seth to be angry at him, but that was just not happening.

"You know Gabe would be more likely to win the lottery than to tell me a damn thing. Do not even bother trying to entertain that idea. Todd is somebody that might be telling me some things. And that is why I am going to possibly think about giving him a chance." After Seth said that to Josiah, he was wondering what the heck he was going to even say now. Josiah was wondering what was wrong with Seth, not because he did anything bad, but because he had no idea what to tell him at all.

"Josiah, if you did learn something, and you did know what was going on, would you be willing to tell me? Would you be willing to let me know what is happening, and then that way we might be able to get something together." After Seth had said that to Josiah, and he was feeling like this was a loyalty test, he was just going to be pushing to him finally get a fucking answer.

"I will tell you as much as I can. But as much as I hate to admit it, I think that this is something that I won't ever be able to really learn all the answers to. I think that I might have to find a better person to give us the answers and stuff. Which might fucking suck, but I have to be honest." After Josiah said this, he was angry at this whole thing, and Seth was feeling like whatever his brother would do with him was not going to be more important than anything else.

"I can't believe any of this. I am so fucking tired of it that saying that is still not enough to get my point across." Seth finished, and then he was just looking a bit confused at what the hell was going on. Seth was feeling like he was needing to find something else to say, but when Seth was done complaining about this, he was just taking a long and deep breath, and I was wondering what they would have done if this was to be getting any deeper.

As this was all happening, Josiah was smiling, and he was feeling like seeing Seth being way too serious on this whole thing, and Josiah needed to try and understand what the heck would have been said to make the situation come any closer to being better, but this was just something that I was feeling like would not have been all that possible. I was needing to pretend like Josiah was doing well, and that he was wanting to help Seth out, but I think that Seth was just too busy thinking about how messed up things were to try and actually comprehend what the hell was even going on.

Eventually, as this was happening, Josiah walked off and he was going to his room, and he was starting to play his guitar, and after that was done, it was almost like the conversation never really happened. I was wondering how those two were able to get over things so well, and how they were both able to pretend like everything was fine, when they had literally been talking about the thing that had been putting us all find danger so far.

As that was going on, I forgot about things for a bit longer, well not that I really remember any of what I have been telling you, but whatever, until there was a point in time when Gabe was talking with Todd about everything going on. And Bebe would slowly be incorporated into what was going on with the two adults.

"Todd, I know that this is all a lot for you to handle, and I know that you might not believe in everything going on, and I don't even blame you for this. But the thing is that we just got to focus on what is ahead of us." After Gabe was saying this to Todd, he was wondering what the heck he was even going to be telling him now. Everything that Gabe had gone through was a bit hard, but there was nothing else to be feeling at this rate.

"I mean, I still do not want to let you guys know everything. This is just a bit for us to go on through." After Gabe said that, he was just feeling like he was going to have to be very careful, to make sure that he did not piss Todd off, and was worried about what Todd would have said if he was going to be saying even one fucking thing that was going to be a statement he was not going to be a fan of. But Todd looked like he was still sort of unsure on what the hell to be going through.

"Gabe, honestly though, what is going on. I mean, I saw you murder three men in front of me, and you seemed to not care what you had done. I mean, I never thought that you would be that type of person." That clearly had a somewhat negative connotation, and even Gabe was able to figure that out. But in all honesty, when he was looking at Todd, there was just a part of him that was not even caring what he would have said.

"I mean, I am not going to be reporting you or anything, since I knew that you probably had no choice but to do it. Given everything going on. But what do you think they are going to do about it?" After he had said that to Gabe, that was when Gabe had to think about what Todd was asking him. And if maybe he had any form of a response that Gabe would be fine with.

"I don't know what they might be doing about it. If I did though, and I had a way of knowing what I could be getting us ready for, I would be going through as much as I could to tell you everything. I mean, I have a feeling that if I did not tell you everything that was going on, you would probably be getting angry at me, and you would be accusing me or being a liar. Which I guess that I am. But I used to believe that this was a type of lie that was good, a lie that would help you guys." Once Gabe said that, even he was laughing at what he had been saying here.

"Gabe, why were you thinking that it would have been for the best to lie anyways? I mean, I think deep down you know that if you had just told me what was going on from the start, I would have been able to get you some help, and I would have set you on the right path of finding some form of a plan." After Todd said that, he sighed, and felt that was just not going to be enough to convince Gabe he was good on this.

"I don't know. I don't even think it matters anymore. You can't be getting me to feel bad. Since I already feel like I fucked up too much, and if you try and say more to just rub the situation even further, then I think you are really just sort of rubbing salt in the fucking wound." After Gabe was saying this, he was just trying to sound fine, but decided not to continue going on any further with what he had been doing.

Eventually, that was when Bebe knocked on the door, and when she did, that was when Gabe had clearly looked like he was going to be going through hell, and that whatever she would be telling him and yelling at him over was just going to be a fucking nightmare, and that she really needed to give him a fucking break.

But eventually, that was when Todd answered the door, and that was when Gabe was just feeling like any form of response that he would have had would have been laughed at, and been ridiculed, and been totally fucking ruined. As Bebe was on the other side, that was when she was looking at Todd, and she was clearly just trying to find something to say to him, to sort of make him feel better. But something like this might have been fucking impossible.

"Hey Todd, I was coming here as fast as I could when I heard you offering me to come over. I was wondering if something was going on." After she had said that to Todd, she looked at Gabe, who was placing his hand behind his head, trying to find something to say, to make it seem better what was going on, but decided that if he said anything, it would be on par with more lies, and he did not want to be lying to anybody anymore.

"What is going on? I mean, I heard you sounding really serious when you were telling me to come over, and I was feeling like something was about to happen." She said, not even trying to hide how worried she was for Todd, and when she was seeing him looking unsure of what to say, she was feeling like there was a chance she needed to say something even further, but could not even find a proper spot to say anything.

"I think that there is a chance that my family could be in danger, and I was hoping that you would be willing to help." Todd said, and he was clearly sounding awful for saying that to Bebe, to force her onto a level of responsibility that she did not need to be having, and when he was feeling this way, there was something that was running through his mind. He had been wondering if she was even going to believe what he was saying, or if she was to laugh at him here.

"What is going on? I mean, I thought you didn't really believe in any of that stuff you were saying earlier." She was saying, trying to just understand what was going on more. Todd was just trying to find something else to say, and he was hoping that everything that was going on would make him pretend like he was actually having a calm and collected demeanor, but that was just utterly betraying him in virtually every single regard.

"I mean, we got attacked yesterday, and some of the people had threatened the lives of our siblings. Gabe had to fight them off, and even if I do not fully understand what was going on, I feel like he might have had no choice on the matter." After he had said that to Bebe, there was a part of him that was wondering what she would have said to this, or if she was going to say anything on this entire thing.

"What the heck were these people even trying to accomplish in the first place?" Bebe asked, as if feeling like that was a good starting spot, and then Todd was looking at Gabe, as if feeling like that was where he was going to be coming in, and that was going to be the spot where Gabe was going to have to just remain as honest with her as possible.

"They were wanting to know what I knew. I found some stuff out, and they were trying to just force me to tell them what I had known. That is all that I can figure out. I mean, I found some stuff a couple of months ago, and that pretty much started this whole thing." After he was done saying that, he was wondering what the hell he was going to be saying in the first place. Or maybe she would have gotten the point, and she would not say anything to him. Maybe she would not say anything to pester him when she would be able to probably figure out some other details to what was happening on her own.

"And now I am just wondering what the fucking hell I can do to make a difference. To help my siblings out, and to just make sure that this whole thing does not get any worse. But I doubt that you have any ideas." Gabe said, looking at Bebe, and Todd was feeling mostly the same way, and Bebe was just thinking that this was going to be a big mess that we were supposed to clean up ourselves from in a way.

"Maybe we just have to see what the heck they even believe they will get out of you telling them all this stuff. Do you think that maybe if you just simply comply, and tell them what they want to know, they will let you know what the main point of this is?" After Bebe asked this, Todd was looking at Gabe, and he was seriously hoping that he would have said something like this, but he had no real clue where to go.

"I don't think they will want to speak with me on this stuff anymore. We have burnt so many bridges, for better or for worse, that I doubt they are going to be giving this a chance. They do not want to risk making me angry, and they do not want to risk having me do something to all of them, no matter what they might get out of it." Gabe said, and there was a small hint of him that almost sounded proud of this, but also worried.

"I think that maybe they will just be off on their own, and trying to figure this out themselves, and if they do not believe in what is going on, then I don't even think that they deserve to know what is going on in the first place. I think they are too rough, too dangerous with their plans, and I don't want to help them here." After Gabe said that, he was feeling like if he was going to be saying that, he would be sounding smart, but that was just not working, and this time, he almost did not even seem to be angry on it anymore.

"I think that I might be in a spot where no matter what path I choose, I am going to be failing. I think that no matter what I do, I am going to be hurting some people, and I am going to possibly make this whole thing even worse for everybody involved. I think that I might have made a huge mistake, but now I am sort of more willing to just be a man and admit it." After Gabe said that, he laughed a bit and was actually almost finding that statement of being a man to be kind of funny.

"I think that talking with them is still going to be better than nothing. By talking with them, you might be able to convince them to actually give you a chance." Once Bebe was telling Gabe this, she was looking at him, and Todd was feeling like this discussion was going to be the hardest thing that he would have gone through in his life, and felt like he deserved so much better.

"I can't believe that you did not tell me earlier. But on the other hand, I think that maybe I should take some of the blame. I did not believe in you on the few times you did try and get me into knowing what was happening. I brushed you off every single time, and I did not think you were actually telling the truth. So maybe that is partly my fault." After Todd said that, slightly showing his growing feeling of guilt, Gabe was feeling like there was going to be no way out of this, no way he was going to be sounding like he was innocent at this whole thing.

"Splitting guilt won't matter you guys. Stop debating things that are not even going to make a difference. Talk about things that are actually going to make your family work out. I mean, I have no idea what is going on, but quite frankly I don't even think that this is that important anymore. I do know that you need to focus on other things." After she was saying this to the brothers, she was wondering if they were going to be opening up, and listening to her, or just not.

"I know you are not going to like this idea Todd, and I know you are going to be acting like this idea fucking sucks, but please consider where I am coming from here. I think that maybe we should tell dad what is going on." After Gabe said that, he was wondering what Todd would have said to this. He was wondering if Todd was going to actually tell him off, or if he was going to listen to this idea after all.

If I was there, I would have assumed that Todd's face would have been showing one of deep debate, and once where his mind would be running a million miles per hour, and would be having no clear idea what his choice would have been. Then Todd looked at Gabe, wondering what the fucking hell he was going to be saying to this whole thing. "If we tell dad, then everything that we have going for us is going to be thrown away. Everything that could even show some sign of cover is gone." After Gabe said that, he was feeling like he needed to have Gabe at least sort of consider that idea for a bit.

"Yes, I know this, but the thing is that if we can get him to listen to us, and if we can get him to actually consider where we are coming from, he might actually be able to invest some resources into what is going on. He might actually have a answer that we are missing out on. I mean, you got to admit that maybe there is some validity to where I am coming from." After Gabe had said that to Todd, there was a moment where Todd remained silent for a bit longer, before Bebe spoke up.

"If for nothing else, he might be able to confirm or deny if these operations are legal. Even if he just gives you that, you might be able to report these to the police. I think that it might be worth talking to him for that reason." After Bebe said this, Todd actually thought about that point a bit, and he was seeming to actually think that maybe she was onto something there.

As she was looking at him, and wanting to see what he was going to say, Todd was sort of sighing a bit, and he was feeling like he was not going to get himself out of this one, and that he might as well just play along with this being a good idea, even if it was not a good idea in the slightest. "Alright, maybe talking to him might not be the worst thing ever, even if I am not a huge fan of this idea." After Todd said that to the other two, he was looking at Calvin and I, and he was sort of thinking about how he was doing this for the protection and sake of us.

"If something happens to them though, I seriously will never forgive myself though. That much I can say for a certain. I mean, when I look at how the others are doing, I can't be able to think about anything else." After Todd said that, he was wondering what the heck he was going to be saying. He was wondering if he was going to be getting Gabe and Bebe to see what was going to be driving him now, or if he was alone.

"I think that you know this is the right choice. I didn't want him involved, but I think that failing to tell him what the issue is would only be making things worse." After Gabe said that to Todd, he was feeling like what he would say to Todd was just not going to be doing him any favors at all. He was feeling like there was going to be something about all of this that would not be sitting well with him, and that he was going to find a way to blame Gabe for everything.

"Todd, what do you think we should say first though?" After Gabe asked this to Todd, that was when the oldest sibling was feeling like everything going on was a bit much, and that if he was going to even try and come up with some answer, he would have been going insane, and he would have been feeling like he had been treated too unfairly, and that he needed more for his sake.

"I think that maybe I am going to just have to see what the hell he would be saying to any of this, and when I talk to him here, I will bring up these guys, and who knows, I will probably just have to play it slow." He finished, feeling like that was all he was going to say to make himself even sound remotely ready for whatever was going to come up, and he was feeling like any sign of preparation for taking care of us was gone forever.


	13. First Intermission

T.K. Intermission 1: The Bar Meeting

On August 6th of 2020, progress with the project seemed to at least be in a decent starting position, given the magnitude of it. T.K. was feeling like things with his own personal life were just sort of going all over the place, and with the whole new responsibility of having a family, as well as just having a bunch of things that he was forced to re memorizing all over again just because of his random and hard commitment to this project, was just slowly starting to get to him a bit more. In all honesty, he was feeling like this was just one big mistake.

He was standing up after he was done with this, remembering what it was like to have those eleven brothers telling him all of these things about what it was like to deal with learning all of these things over and over again, with virtually no prior context. In a way, T.K. was just sort of forgetting what it was like to at one point have virtually no idea what it was like to be dealing with any of this. And now that he was remembering what it was like again, it kind of hurt him.

Eventually, he was remembering what he was just needing to do now. He had remembered what it was like to be dealing with the whole hell mouth experiment again. Well, not experiment, as much as just dealing with that again. So with that, he was feeling like even if he was hating to do this, that man needed to just talk to him about what he was knowing. This way, he would at least kind of figure out what he had needed to just understand.

Once he was walking along, he was seeing his wife sitting down, taking care of their kid, now a couple of months old, and was already starting to show a huge amount of awareness that he never though a just born kid could have been able to do. But then he was just telling himself that there was no fucking option, and that if he was going to stay here with them longer, he was going to be starting to fall behind and just lose vision of what he reall needed to do.

So once he was out of the house, this time, he was texting Joe, and he was going to just make it clear to Joe that this was not that great of a idea, but that in a way, he was feeling like he genuinely had no choice, and this was the best that he could have done. "Hey Joe, I am meeting that guy at the bar tonight. I told him so. I really can't hold off on this any longer." After he had sent that text, he was then grabbing the box with his weapon from the back, and then put it in the passenger seat.

Once he was in the driver seat, he was taking a deep breath, and told himself to just not be too angry at this whole thing, and that he just needed to be just a bit more careful on this. He was just starting his car engine, and the only thing he really knew for sure was that he was just scared of what people would have said about him.

As he was driving along, T.K. was thinking about what it was like to actually have the eventual conversation with his wife telling her what he was doing, and what his main project really was. As he was thinking about how this was going to go, he was wondering if she was going to tell him that maybe something like this was just far too late, and that she just wished that he was not pushing her aside this whole fucking time.

In a way, T.K. had felt like if she was not wanting to forgive him, and if she was feeling like he had done too much to sort of ruin her chance, then he was going to just accept the fact that in a way, she might have been right. This was when T.K. had finally just accepted the fact that she deserved more dialogue and discourse with him.

As he was done with this, he had parked his car, and then he was taking out a cigarette, and he was just taking a moment to just think about what he was going to do now. He was thinking that there was no fucking way that he was going to go in there without at least some form of kick, and he was just feeling like this was the best thing he could do for himself.

That was another discussion that he was not going to be excited with his wife talking to him about. He was not excited about his wife telling him that he was going to have to just quit smoking and stuff, which was something that he was feeling like he would have never been able to accomplish. He was feeling like he was going to have to just get ready for that.

So with that, T.K. was getting out of the car, and he was just taking a deep breath, and he was staring at the bar, seeing that the only person there was just a guy wearing black while having a drink. The only person besides him was a bar tender who looked like she was only a couple of years older than the drinking age in the first place. Then he was seeing that when he looked harder, there was something of a brief case next to the guy.

It was at that moment that T.K. was convinced that this was the guy, so with that, he had felt like he had finally some clue at least. So with that, he was walking to the door, and got inside, and then he sat down in front of him after a moment. There was a moment longer where he was deeply considering just leaving again.

"So, what are you planning on discussing with me right now?" T.K. asked, and then the guy was smiling when he was hearing T.K. be this open about this and he was just glad to know that T.K. was one of those people that was willing to just skip right to the chase, and not mess around with stupid little details.

"I was wanting to discuss with you some of the things that I am sure you know about this town. You know, the hell mouth. I think that you might have dealt with these things a lot more than you might want to admit." After he was saying this to T.K., there was a slow moment of silence, and T.K. was feeling like he had needed to find the best way to be talking that was not going to expose him any longer.

Eventually, that was when T.K. decided that talking for a while even when he was having no idea was going to be better than nothing at all. "Alright, can you please explain to me what is happening though? I mean, can you please explain to me what makes you think that I am the one who can take care of this whole thing?" T.K. asked, just trying to be sounding patient here.

"The main reason I want to have you help me out is because I saw what you were able to do. I saw how good you were at fighting. I know that you are able to hold up for yourself, when you are needing to. I just think that if there is anybody that knows what is best here, it is you." After he was saying this to T.K., deep down, T.K. knew there was no way to fight him here.

"I guess that maybe you are right here. As much as I hate to admit it. But in all honesty, I just think that maybe if you are going to want to have a better chance to fight this shit off, you are going to need a better starting point. Like a team, or whatever." T.K. said, and then he was shrugging, thinking that everything he was saying was making some sense.

"Trust me, if I was able to get more people to help me out, and more people to give me a chance, I would have reached out to them already. I think you know just as well as I do that there is no fucking way that people are going to listen to us." After he was saying this to T.K., that was when the man was desperately hoping that T.K. was going to listen to him.

"Fine, I guess that you might have me beat here. But listen, I think that you must surely understand how dangerous something like this is going to be. I want you to actually at least have some form of game plan when going forward here." T.K. said, and then he was rubbing his eyes, feeling like if this man refused to do even that, then there was going to be no way that they were going to survive here. Which was the worst thing they could handle.

"I have made a big list of evidence that is showing my theory to be correct. Please, at least give me a fucking chance here. Look at this evidence, and really consider all that I have to say. If you feel like I am onto something, then maybe you can actually be more willing to discuss with me a bit more." After the man had said that, T.K. was for the first time that this man really did know what he was doing, as much as he had hated to admit it.

"Alright, I will check it out, and see what I personally think of it. I mean, I hate to admit it, but I have a feeling that you really do know what you are talking about. I just think that maybe we need to be a bit more careful here." After he had said that to the man, the man was just looking glad to know that T.K. was considering him here.

"How about we have a drink before you leave?" The man suggested, and then after he had said that to T.K., this was when T.K. rolled his eyes for a second, and decided that even if he was not wanting it, there was no real reason for him to reject this idea. So he sat down, and felt like maybe one drink was not bad.

"Anyways, so how are you right now? I mean, I just don't know what is going on. I mean, I want to just write down the story for everybody to know and understand." After T.K. was saying this to the guy, and then he was looking for a second longer, wishing that he was unable to argue with this man, but he was scared.

"Well, I know about this town, and I have been just trying to find a way to make sense out of this whole thing. I just want to finally make some peace with what is happening to all those people. You know they deserve it. Please don't act like they don't deserve it." After he was saying that to T.K., he was just wanting to see what T.K. would have said during this.

"Honestly, I just wish that I had some fucking idea of what I could have done to make everything work. I wanted to find those people, I wanted to make things right. I wanted to do what I felt like mattered. But I think you know just as much as I do, that something like this might be fucking impossible." After he had said that to the man, he did not care how much of a excuse this sounded like, he was being honest.

"But do you think that anybody else was going to actually work on this? Do you think that anybody at this town gives a shit what is going on? I think we both know that this is not true." After he had said that to T.K., this was when T.K. was feeling overwhelmed by the entire thing. He was just not even giving a fuck what was going on.

"Honestly, I think that you just need to be honest. Trying to fix anything in this town is fucking suicide. Trying to fucking fix anything with the hell mouths is fucking suicide. Trying to play the hero is the fucking worst thing in the world. If you think for a fucking second that you can change this stuff, you are delusional." After T.K. finished this, that was when the man continued, and the drinks were brought down, with both casually taking a shot.

"Are you saying all that stuff when you are just trying to justify the idea of not fighting? I mean, you used to be one of the few people who actually seemed to try their best to make things work, and here you are, just refusing to at least give this a try? I think that is insane." After he had said that, T.K. was not wanting to hear that.

"I was just trying to do my best to be helping people out. You know, I just wished that I could have helped you out. I want to do something fine, I want to help people out, but I know that this is just not going to fucking work out." Once T.K. was done with this, that was when he was just done.

"I have a family to try and take care of now. If we had this discussion three months ago, I would have been fine. But now I am fucking asshole for even trying to focus on anything else." After he had said that to the man, this was when the man was just remaining quiet for a second, really unsure of what to say.

"This is your chance to help your family. Keep your family out of this town, and take care of the hell mouth, and you will be keeping your son safe in your own way will make things just fine." After he had said that to T.K., that was when T.K. was just wishing that he had something that he would have been able to say, but T.K. knew deep down he was right about this.

"I guess that maybe you do have a fucking point. I mean, I really wish that you would not say stuff like this. But I guess that maybe there is nothing to say." After T.K. had said that to him, he was just feeling like maybe he was being a fucking coward. Writing about these events, but all of these stories were going to not matter if he never really did anything.

"Alright, I guess that you are right. I hate to admit it, but maybe I am being selfish. Maybe I am being a fucking coward." T.K. had said, and then after he had said that to the man, this was when the man was actually kind of happy to be hearing something like this. When he was done, T.K. was just kind of annoyed with what was happening.

"You are just scared. I mean, I know how scary this shit is. Fucking hell, I wanted to pretend like nothing was happening myself. But I think that this is just never fucking happening." After he had said that to T.K., that was when T.K. was just kind of taking things calmly.

"Sorry for just not having a good way of looking at things. I guess that maybe I am just wanting to find a good way out of this. That is not happening though." After he had said that, this was when T.K. was feeling like both of them had made their points, so he finished his drink, and ordered a super quick shot which he finished in one go, and he was ready to leave.

When T.K. was about to head on out, that was when the man was calling out to him, and despite how annoyed he was going to be annoyed at this, T.K. decided that he was going to just pretend to be patient with this one. He saw it was the brief case from earlier. He smiled, and decided to just grab it, and use it.

When he was looking at the brief case, the man was gulping at this, and he was just making it very fucking clear to T.K. that there was still more to discuss. "Look at everything in that, and when you check it all out, I think you might be able to see what I am meaning. Just give it a chance." After he had said that to T.K., that was when T.K. just sighed, and decided that he was not going to argue with this one, thinking that maybe this guy was onto something after all.

With that, T.K. was just pretending to not be fucking pissed, but he was aware that this man had something that was going to probably change his opinion on this whole thing. "So I will check this out, and I will see what I personally believe about it. Don't be too upset if I can't really have a idea what I feel though." After he had said that, the man was just looking worried for a moment.

"Just make sure you don't do anything too dangerous. I mean, we are all going to need you." After he had said that to T.K., this was when T.K. nodded, and he was just thinking about what to say. This was the one question that he had felt like he desperately just needed to know, for his own personal sake.

"How do you know who I was? Have I met you before? You just look slightly familiar." After he was saying this to the man, that was when the man was looking right at him, and he was smiling, sort of finding something to say, to just kind of make the situation a bit better for everybody.

"I will say that you are not entirely wrong about that assumption. I think over time, you might be able to figure it all out." After he had said that to T.K., that was when T.K. was feeling like there was virtually no way he was going to be getting out of this. So with that, he was walking out of the bar, and he was feeling like he really just needed to piece it all together.

Eventually, when he was telling himself this whole thing, he was driving along, trying to pretend like everything was going to be decent enough. He was feeling like when he finally just had a fucking answer to what he was doing, none of this was going to really make any fucking sense. T.K. just felt like getting to know that guy was going to be the only thing that really was going to help out.

Everything that all of these guys had gone through, and the girls too, about this whole fucking town, was just kind of giving him nightmares. Literally everything going on in his mind was just making him go fucking crazy. There was no way in hell that T.K. was never going to not feel some form of pity for these people.

There was nothing that he would have done to help most of these people, and he was just kind of feeling terrible knowing that deep down, several of these things were all his fault. He was feeling like he had done nothing right. There was just literally nothing that he was telling himself that could have made himself feel any better at all.

When he had parked the car, that was when he was getting out of his car, and he was going inside of his room, and when he went to his living room, there was just a long and serious look that he was looking right at it, and he was just thinking that he needed to just keep his mind calm and collected, that was going to make sense out of this.

T.K. had felt like his wife was never going to be letting this one go. He was certain that she was going to be making it very clear that this was not something that she was wanting him to be lying to her about anymore. As he was feeling like she was being valid here, that was when T.K. was just scared of things.

He knew that his wife was just wanting to know the truth of his adventures. After all his adventures were the only reason that all of this shit was even going on in the first place. In a way, after he was feeling like he had let her down, he was feeling like he was going to tell her the truth, and he was going to be telling her the entire thing, and he was going to make his side of the story very clear.

When they would talk, and when she was going to finally confront him on this, he was going to finally just tell her the truth, and he was going to be making her finally had a true chance on making it all make some fucking sense. There was no way that he was going to be hiding it either. She was going to have some brutal questions for him, and he was going to be giving her what she had wanted to know, even if it was not what she had wanted to hear.

As he had told himself this, and as he was feeling like he was doing the right thing, T.K. was convinced that she was going to be happy with the truth eventually. T.K. was convinced that this man, whoever this familar guy really was, had been the only road of redemption going down the path again. And that was what T.K. desperately fucking wanted.

As he had stared at his computer for a second, thinking of the first disc that Sheldon left behind for his son, he had realized that this was going to be the hardest one to overcome. But then after he was telling himself this, he was telling himself that he did need to at least give the brief case a chance, and see what the hell was inside of this.

As he had told himself this over and over again, this was when he was placing down the brief case on the table, and he had not even realized that he had taken the other box, with the weapon, with him as well. But this time, he was not even going to worry about it. Knowing that this time, he needed the weapon to defend himself.

When he had unlocked the brief case, this was when he was looking at a bunch of different pictures, a couple of real items, and a journal as well. As he was looking at all of these, this was when T.K. had known that even if he was not going to believe in any of this, he had known that there was something going on here that was indeed worth the look.

The moment that he had decided that this man was actually telling the truth, and that this was actually going to give him the fucking answers he had needed, this was when he had looked at a couple of the pictures, and he was just going to deeply examine what these pictures actually meant. The first of which had been a rather easy to understand one.

It was containing a picture of a teenage boy, probably about seventeen years old or so, standing next to a girl who was about fourteen or fifteen years old. There was a girl next to the seventeen year old, who looked the exact same, family wise, as the seventeen year old, probably twins or something. There was a older looking guy who was probably in his early fifties or something like that. This was when T.K. felt like he knew who this was of.

As he had looked at these pictures, that was when T.K. was almost just convincing himself that these pictures were not even worth it. He had been convinced that he had seen this picture before, and in a way, he was feeling like he needed to find some other answers to this. Eventually, he was taking more time to actually look at the picture.

The girl was having like redish or orange hair, and this was when T.K. was starting to realize how important that really was to this whole thing. Considering how few fucking red head people that he had known growing up. Surely, he had met more of them over time, and he had gotten to know a couple. But when he was growing up, being a red head was just a giant fucking deal.

That was when there was another picture that he had decided to be looking at. When he was looking at this second picture, deciding not to think too much of the red haired girl, he was seeing that there was like a forest in the area or something, and in that forest, he had seen that there was a pyramid. This confused the hell out of him.

He remembered being told that the hell mouth in question was the one in Louisiana. In a way, he was feeling like there was no such thing as a pyramid in Louisiana, unless if it is covered up so badly because it was sort of a undercover area. This was when T.K. started to pick it up.

He had known that this was the hell mouth area that he had been told about. He had been aware that this was the area that he needed to be looking into. He wasn't the smartest person in the world, but even he had known that this was the one area that he had desperately needed to be looking into, and that was all that he had needed to keep in mind.

As T.K. had finally realized that this was what he was just needing to look deeply into, T.K. was going to try and look at the other pictures, or even give the journal a read or something, and that by doing this, he was going to finally fucking find a real answer to the millions of questions that were going on in his mind.

Before he was looking at another picture, this was when he was seeing that there was a couple of the items in the brief case right in front of him. This one that he was looking at had been a bloody identification card. This card was showing the name "Trevor Larsen". When he was looking at the birth date of the card, this was when he was seeing the date -August 12 1991-. As he was seeing the picture on the card, this was when T.K. had known that this was not the man he had talked with. So that was out of the debate.

But when he was figuring that this was not the guy in question, that was when T.K. was feeling like he had just needed to know what the hell he was going to justify the fact that there was a random card in here, and probably of a person who had been dead for a few months or something. Considering the fact that the call was from May, and it was in August, and the hell mouth must have been discovered before that.

As he had been really thinking deeply about this whole thing, this was when T.K. was just keeping himself calm and collected, and he was fucking pissed at this shit. T.K. wanted to help understand what was happening, but despite what he was feeling like at that moment, T.K. was finally feeling like maybe if he was wanting to actually have some fucking clue what was going on here, and what he had needed to do, he was going to need to read the journal.

The one fucking thing he had needed to make some fucking peace with was the fact that even if he had wanted to never fucking fight again, he was going to need to do it much sooner than expected. He was going to need to do it for his family. He was going to need to do it to make it seem like he had actually known what the hell was happening. But then before he read the journal, he was hearing a strange noise from outside.

When he heard this, he was genuinely fucking scared for a second. He was staring at the window for a second, and then he was shaking his head, telling himself that this was just not the truth. He was needing to pretend like everything was fine. T.K. was happy for once, knowing that maybe he really was just imagining things.

With that, he was opening up the red journal, and he was just debating if he had needed to just write down these entries for his readers at his story. That way they would know what was actually happening. That way they would know there was one thing that was truly true. And then when he was done with a entry, he would continue the actual story, and maybe write down one of these entries every time he wrote down a real arc in the story, as a sort of break.

"So I grew up hearing rumors about strange monster sightings, and how people believe they are just all fictional stories. I mean, I have nothing to do to either confirm nor deny that these things are true or false. But I feel like if I look hard enough, I might be able to find something that can just finally prove one way or another if they are real or not.

I mean, realistically, there are thousands of stories being spread around the entire world of these monsters. There are a thousand stories that have never been proven one way or another, and if they have been 'proven' then it has been in a way that was just people trying to catch attention. Therefore there is nothing to support it.

There just has to be at least one out there that is true. You know, something that can show that not everybody who makes these stories up were just doing it for attention. I think that maybe trying to prove this might be a bit fucking pointless, and some people would not really get the point of it, and maybe it might not matter too much either. But I just want to know.

And if they are all fake? Then who really cares. At least I would have the satisfaction of finally being the one to prove this one way or another. If they were all real though, then I think that people would be going all over me and they would just try and know how I was able to make something like this work. Which would be rather exciting honestly.

I mean, I know that this is not that important honestly. I know that people can do whatever they hell they want, and believe whatever the hell they want, but I just want to sort of at least try and keep a moderately open mind, knowing that doing this is probably going to be a waste of time. So in all honesty, I just think that I need to not worry too much about getting other people into this whole thing.

I think that there is something that happened in that town up north. I mean, I only hear about it in various stories. Wayside, that is. But every story I have heard about it is just bizarre. And every time I hear something about it, I want to know more and more. Honestly, the fucking thirty story school is the most realistic thing about this. As crazy as something like that might sound.

So when I look at all the options ahead of me, I need to keep my mind focused on the fucking goal at the end. You know, just figuring out what is causing all these stories. I think that if people are just all having active imaginations, then great, but I just know that there is something more to it than that.

Okay, I think I made my point right now. I think that I can just wrap this whole thing up, and I will come back here when I feel like I have gained at least some form of evidence here. Not that it really fucking matters. I think deep down I knew inside that nothing is going to help support my theories."

After T.K. was reading that initial entry, that was when T.K. felt like he was able to piece some of this together. He had known that there must have been some clues that this person had gathered up, and then they died along the way, and then after that, the person that was talking with T.K. at the bar had come along and gave him this stuff, for him to look at, and decide what to do with.

But he was feeling like in a way, if this was really that simple, the person might have been able to figure it all out themselves, and that way it was just going to be a bit of a waste of time. So with that, he was just thinking that maybe he needed to look deeper into this. He was convinced that he had other answers that he had needed to actually look into.

This time, he was feeling like he had heard a noise again, and this time, he was actually trying to listen to what the noise was, feeling like maybe something really was actually going on this time. But as he was waiting, he had realized that maybe he was really starting to actually not have a good grasp on what was going on. In a way, he was feeling like maybe he was really actually losing focus on whatw as happening.

Then with that, he was feeling like in order to just not give off the persona of being paranoid, he was going to just have to focus on what he was looking at again, and with that, he was going to make more progress with this. So he was looking at the journal again, and when he had looked he was seeing something that almost instantly threw him off to a fucking curve. Something that ruined whatever little theory he was having. Especially when he was seeing that it was a random loose piece of paper that was kind of out of nowhere.

"Hey T.K., I know that this message I am leaving for you might be in a random place, but I think that maybe I just needed to put it somewhere. Please don't get too upset when I tell you all of the stuff on here. I just feel like I needed to make you understand that I was not making any of this shit up, and that I really do need your help.

So you are probably wondering how I know you in the first place. Well, first off, you're a famous writer. I think that in a way, when you have that in mind, you need to not be super shocked at this whole thing. But then beyond that, you are probably feeling like you must have known me at least to some extent. In a way, you are correct. We did have some minor interactions here and there, but nothing worth getting freaked out over.

The truth is that we were supposed to work together. We were supposed to be allies, and then things just happened, and kind of ruined that idea. I mean, there is no point in getting angry at it now. We had to do whatever we had to in order to move forward. I do however wish that maybe we had a better way of doing this. I just believe that when we live in a place like Wayside, you got to do whatever you can to just make sure that you can last a little while longer, and make sure your loved ones do as well. And people often times simply just have different methods to do so.

But I think that one thing that I need us to both realize is that we both had the same goal, in a way, and we were both just trying to help each other out, and now that there is the hell mouth stuff going on, a release of all of this, we need to just work together, even if only briefly, and make it seem like we actually know what we are doing to stop this whole thing from getting any fucking worse. Which I think is probably the biggest joke either one of us can be making here.

Besides, I just am so fucking scared right now. I mean, I feel like everything that has happened back in the way has started to come back, and just is so much worse than before, with the monsters and shit, that I feel like I really just can't keep myself calm and collected. I think it is great you are telling the story of what happened before, you know, because of the fact that you are giving the world a chance to really have some idea what is happening here. Even if they do not believe in you, the idea that they might have a chance on getting to know something is great, and will give us a chance to really crack down on people knowing.

I think that I really do have some things that can help me understand what you were looking for. I mean, I know that I made some mistakes in the past. I know that I had done some things that I really wished that I had never done. I mean, there are so many fucking things in this town that are going on that there is no real concise idea what the hell is even happening. But one thing that I do know is that I am done just sitting around.

I think many people have waited too long to have something done about this town, and people have refused to do a damn thing about it. I think that you and I know deep down inside that this is the worst way we could be looking at this shit. I think we both know deep down inside that we should have been more careful, and more aware of what was happening. I mean, I love the idea of just pretending like things were fine. But I think we can't lie anymore.

At the end of the day though, I know deep down it is your choice. You are allowed to do whatever the hell you want. You don't have to listen to me. You don't have to be forced to do what I want here. But I think that you are going to make the right choice. I believe in you, and I have the respect of knowing how you handled things in the day. And when I remember how you always were, and when I remember the things you always tried to accomplish, I think that talking to you will turn out to be the best choice that I can be making when going forward at this whole thing.

Sorry for just dragging on like this, and acting like I have any fucking right to be giving you a lecture on how you should be doing your job. It makes me feel like I am way in over my fucking head. I think that if you really wanted to be honest with me here, and if your eally wanted to know the truth, and if you wanted to just end this whole thing, then I think that going back to Wayside, and not only going back to Wayside, but going to the location I showed on these files and this journal, and slowly taking care of both of these will be the only thing that can make a difference.

Come talk with me when you know you have made your choice. But I think that I know deep down inside that you are a better person than many of us may want you to be. So for that reason, I think we both know what your choice is going to be." After the letter finished that, T.K. was so fucking tired of these things that this guy was giving him lecturing him to make the right choice. He wanted actual fucking evidence. This guy had made his fucking point, and he was just wanting to see what was coming up here.

T.K. was thinking that maybe brute force was just plain and simple not the right way to be looking at this. He had honestly believed that maybe there was something of a better strategy. Not to say that violence was totally not the right answer, or that he needed to just not even consider it. Not at all. He knew that some violence may have to come up. He knew that some violence might have been required. That being said, he wanted to know how to be smart about it. How to know when he had no choice.

As he had been thinking about that, he really started to realize how hard this was going to be. In a way, he was too old for this. He really was going to be out of it if he was forced to do this quest. At forty six years old, there came a point where he was clearly not in his prime anymore. And when he was not in his prime anymore, that was going to be the one thing that was going to throw away any form of validity that he was going to have moving forward on this.

In a way, he was also wondering how the hell he was going to get the fucking truth out, while also staying alive. Back then it did not matter to him too much if he went balls out, and then died in the process. But when he had something to look out for, and he was now aware that if he died, his family was going to be alone without him, that was when he had realized that he really did not have much option to just go crazy anymore.

Then with that, knowing what he was going to really not have much choice in going forward on with much of this, he know realized that he was going to have to find a way to make this seem sense to his family, and make it seem like he was doing the right thing, and that he had known what he was getting himself into. Then with that, he was looking more and more at the information in the brief case, and there was a casette tape on there. This one confused him.

Then with that, he popped it in, and he had felt like this was actually going to be something that was going to get him somewhere. As he was listening to this, at first he was kind of annoyed when it was even more talking from that guy at the bar, but when he was hearing a couple more sentences about it, this was when T.K. realized this guy was not just preaching the idea of fucking fighting, but actually taking it in heart.

"So, you were wanting to tell me about that town? I mean, you seem like you are having a hard time talking about it all the time." After the second voice said this, T.K. took notice that it was a womans voice, and one that seemed more calm and collected, and more willing to just be patient with him. As if knowing that this happened.

"If I try to tell anybody about this town, it goes nowhere. Nobody fucking believes in me. I grew up at the fucking place. Do you know what it is like to have people tell you that you don't know what the place you were growing up at was like?" After he had asked the girl this, T.K. was able to figure out this was a therapy session.

"I am not allowed to give my personal views on that one way or another. I want to know what you know. I want to hear your side of the story. If you really did grow up here, seeing something like this, I think that I should know as well." After she had said that to the guy, there was a deep sigh, and he was clearly just annoyed.

"If you guys are not allowed to give your personal views, then I would like to let you know that you all have failed miserably to do such a thing. I think that I can see from the way you are looking at me that you do not believe in a fucking word I am about to say. But if you really are willing to listen to me, then I think you have to know it's a long one. All of these stories are." The man said, and the woman didn't respond for a second.

"We set up these sessions for a reason. We know that you are having a long time to get used to all of this. We know that you have a lot of stuff to talk about. Other people tell you that a lot of times, you have a stalling problem. But even without that, you often times really do have a story that takes at least a couple of months progress through." The woman said, and the other guy was just taking a deep breath.

"You better make it worth my while though. I mean, I am not going to spill my guts out at somebody just to have them feel like I went through a drug crazed state or whatever, and that I dreamt it all up in a fever dream." After he had said that to her, he was just sounding tired, as if knowing how this was going to go.

"I know that many people do not believe in you when you talk about all of these things. I mean, there are some reports that seem to have an official story behind them, and they are done with forever. But you seem to just insist that this is not the case. I mean, I don't know what is happening here. But I feel like you deserve a chance." After she was telling him this, the man was just remaining silent for a while longer.

"What makes you believe that I am not making shit up though? What makes you so different, and makes you feel like you need to hear my case?" After the guy asked this to her, that was when there was a moment of silence, and almost like she was really unsure of what to tell him. "I mean, I have been doing alright by the reports. Shouldn't that be enough for you?"

"I have seen you come in here for a few months now. I have seen the way you look, I have seen the way you talk. I have seen your regret and your guilt over many things. But I don't know the cause about them all. I feel like you need to have a chance to finally explain." After she had said that, the man was silent for a second, but then replied.

"I guess that maybe talking about this shit one final time might not be the worst thing ever. But can we maybe record this or something? That way I don't have to go through this again, and if somebody needs to know, they can just hear this?" The man asked, not knowing that it had already been recorded up until now.

"I will see what I can do. But I think I know how you should be starting this. Tell me about her. I think you know which one I am talking about. Tell me about Terri. Something seems to connect you with her." After she had said this with the man, that was when there had been a moment of silence.

"Fine, I guess that this is only the natural way of looking at things. I mean, you are right in your own way." The man replied, and then with that, T.K. was ready to listen to more, but this time he was forced to stop when this time he really did hear something that was not just his imagination. He stood up, and opened up the box that his weapon was in. This time, he was going to have it ready and at his side, just in case it were to be needed. And he headed out of his house, to see what was happening.

When he was outside of his house, that was when he was seeing that there was a guy on his front porch. Seeing something like this was already enough to be bothered, and he was wishing that he had a better way of being able to describe it. But despite what he had been feeling on a personal level, there was something just about the current discussions and moments that was making him scared out of his mind about what this man was planning on doing right now.

"What are you here for?" T.K. asked holding onto his weapon he had not used in a long time tightly. Thankful that it was the night time, and that nobody was going to seriously see something like this if it came down to making a move. After he had tried to talk with this guy, this was when the guy was holding up their hand, and trying to talk with him calmly and quietly.

"You know what we are here for. You know that you have the evidence that we require. We hope that you can give it to us, and create as little problem as possible." After the man was saying this to T.K., that was when T.K. knew that there was no way in hell he was going to be able to let this shit slide. He was well aware of the fact that these people might actually be dangerous if they ended up getting ahold of what they requested.

"I am afraid that I can't give that to you, under any circumstance." After T.K. had said that, he was feeling like no matter what this person was going to try and do, he was going to have to just stand his ground. He was going to have to show that this was not the way that he was going to be playing here.

"You said yourself that you will not be able to handle fighting anymore. You know that we are going to be the only ones who will actually take care of this job for you. if you can let us take care of it, your family can be safe, and you can work on your job for a while longer. You know that this is the best way to go at this." After the man was saying this to T.K., that was when T.K. had been certain that this was not the truth.

"No matter what I may be saying earlier, I would rather do the job myself, and I would rather be aware of where we stand than to have somebody who I have no clue about take over for me." T.K. said, trying to be as calm and as collected with this as possible. He knew that this man was going to be his biggest short term threat.

"That man can't be trusted. He has no real desire to be helping you out, and I think you know this." The man was clearly starting to lose some of their patience with this debate, and he was clearly just wanting to get this whole fucking thing over with. T.K. was feeling like no matter what was going to happen, this man was going to never let it go, and that he might have no choice but to fight back here.

"I might not know this man too well, and I am not sure what his intentions are, but I know that at least with him, I can be able to have a moment of understanding what I might get myself into. I can't do something like that with you." After T.K. said that to him, he was taking a deep breath, and he was just wishing that there was a way that this man would have been able to actually talk with him for a while longer.

"Please, don't play this game with me T.K. I know that you are smarter than this. I know that you can think about this logistically. I believe we both know that this is not the way to be going at this." The man was just clearly doing his best to be working at this from a calm stand point. But at this point, T.K. was able to tell that virtually any patience that this man was having had been gone. He was aware that this man was not playing around anymore.

"Can you provide me one good reason to trust that you are the one that I should rely on? I mean, at least with the other guy, I feel like I have something here that I can work with." After T.K. said that to the man, he was wondering if this man was going to even try and find something, or if they were going to just keep this whole thing up, and give him nothing.

"If you give us a chance to show you what we know, you will understand that this is the thing that we need." After the man was saying this to T.K., that was when T.K. was looking at the house, and he was just trying to remain calm and collected, and he was just trying to make it clear that this was not the way that things were meant to be. There was nothing good about what he had gotten himself into here.

"I need to go. If you want to talk about this at some point, I might be willing to talk with you when I am alone." T.K. said, and then he had realized the mistake when he had said that, and then he was just trying to pretend like he had never said that, and he was looking right at the man, feeling like if this man had properly heard that, then they were only going to be making things so much worse for him.

"So, what are you trying to accomplish by telling this story? Are you in a therapy session that you decided to write down? Are you in a state of mind that makes you believe that you have no choice? Are you trying to protect something? Or trying to protect somebody?" The man asked, and this was when T.K. had known that this man had started to be taking this whole thing way too far, and he was not even giving a shit what this man wanted to accomplish.

"What I am doing this for is none of your business. I believe that it is time for you to leave." T.K. said, and he was just staring at the man, and this was when he walked around for a bit, just taking a couple of frantic steps to try and relieve himself of what had been happening. The man was satisfied at this.

The man had known that they were starting to have some impact on the way that T.K. had been perceiving this whole thing, and e was feeling like if he was smart enough, he would use this as a chance to break through to the young man, and ruin his life, but also do so in a way that would make it clear that he was just trying to help out in his own way.

"You know, I have a goal that I need to accomplish. I know that what I am planning might not be the best method to look at all of this. But for fucks sake, I am not going to be letting anything happen to either my family, or my friends, or the people who believe that they can truly help me out with fixing this issue." After T.K. had said that to the man, he was feeling like he was going to be making it work out. He was wanting this man gone.

"You are willing to sacrifice everything to make sure that you do not get in danger, without even knowing that your refusal to do it will make things so much worse for everybody else. Do you not see how selfish you are being here?" After the man asked this of T.K., that was when there was just pretty much any presentation of a good discussion thrown away. There was no way that this was going to be working, and that in a way, T.K. was just wasting his time.

"You are always tied to the idea that you are some big fucking hero. That you know what is best for everybody. You know what has to be done, and you know that this is the only way that you can do it. You know that you need to give me a chance if you want to make this work. But you are refusing to step out and admit that you made some mistakes here." The man was seeming like he was on the verge of just screaming at T.K. now.

"I have given you a offer that you know you can't refuse. I have tried to speak to you, and I have tried to reach out and see that maybe we can work something out. But that is just something that you refuse to work with me on." After he had said this, T.K. was seeing that this man was just looking like he was sort of out of it.

The man took out a gun, and this was when T.K. was feeling like he had no choice. This was self defense now, and if he got in trouble, then he was going to just have to tell them what he had known, and he was going to just hope that they were going to be listening to him here. T.K. was taking out his weapon, and pressed the red button.

Afterwards, he was staring at the blue blade, and he was just remembering how nice it was to have something like this out every once in a while, and he remembered how much he missed fighting, and how much he had wished that he had never given it up. Then with that, he stared at the man, and this time, he was feeling like they were going to be given no fucking chance of getting out of this one fine.

"You still have it. I must admit, I never thought you would keep that after you tried to live your calmer life style." The man said, and then T.K. was just remaining calm and collected, refusing to show him any sign that he was going to crack. If he had done that, he would have lost the battle. It was something he was taught.

The guy fired the gun, and T.K. deflected it, and the bullet flew off into the street, where it did not hit anything due to there being nobody else around. Then when he was getting closer to the man, he was deflecting more and more of the shots, and this time, he was not going to let any emotions get in the way. Eventually, when he was close enough, he sliced the gun in half, and the part where the bullet would be fired went down to the ground.

Then when it had hit the ground, T.K. saw the man clearly looking a bit more worried than he wanted to admit. With that, he struck the man down by slicing their chest. Much in the same fashion that Gabe had done it to that one guy nearly three decades ago. When he had done this, the man was staring right at T.K. and was just unsure of what even to be saying now.

They started to fall down to the ground, and T.K. grabbed the man, partly to lower the noise of the confrontation, and partly to see if maybe he was going to get the guy to talk longer, and maybe actually reveal some stuff that was going to be able to help him out for a while. "You must realize that we do not want to hurt you, or make you lose your family. We just want to make sure that everybody elses has a chance to be able to also live on a thrive." The man said, as T.K. was unsure of what the heck he was going to be saying to this.

"I have other things that I must accomplish. I know that what I do might not be the best way to go at it, and I know that I have made many mistakes, and I know that maybe I should have tried to help out more when there was the chance to do so. But I know that what I am doing now is the thing that can start to put me down the right path." T.K. said, trying to remain calm throughout this entire discussion.

"But if you had listened to us, we might have had a chance to be able to fix this together. If you had just listened to us, you would have known that you would have never been able to work with that man." The man tried to argue, as T.K. remained silent for a second before responding again.

"He just seemed more sincere about his goals. He seemed like somebody who really does want to help. He seems like somebody that I might be able to trust, if I was forced to make a choice. I feel like I just have to choose a path eventually. And I did." T.K. eventually responded, and he knew that this response was not going to be the best, but he did not care.

"Why do you never even give us a chance? What makes you feel like you can trust that man, and what makes you feel like he is not going to turn on you? What makes you feel like your family is going to be safe? Do you even care about your family?" The man was really just trying to throw him under the bus at this point. Not even really caring how he was going to do such a thing anymore. He was just wanting to have T.K. listen for once.

"I know what must be done. I know that is going to be a road that leads me down a lot of mistakes, and I know that it is not a road I should always travel, but it is the only road that I have ahead of me. I think that in a way, you do understand what it is like to have to have a choice that matters more than almost anything." T.K. finished, and he was feeling like there was nothing left to say.

"Well, hopefully you still feel like and maintain that you made the right choice. I have no idea what must be done anymore. I just follow what I am told to do." The man said, and then with that, he was closing his eyes, and had passed away after that, and T.K. was nodding, feeling like this was something he would have heard a lot back then. And in a way, he did forgive the man when he had heard that.

When T.K. was in his house again after burying the body in the back yard, he was just hoping that people would never notice what was happening to it for years to come. At least until it was so decomposed that there was virtually no point in trying to find anything out. Only then would he feel like he was able to feel comfortable with what was going on here. But in a way, he had known that this was going to be the start of something much worse.

There were going to be more after him. That much he knew for sure. There was no way around it. All he was hoping was that there would have been a way for him to defend his family in case things got worse, and when he was feeling like there was nothing he could have done, there was just nothing that he was even really looking at.

T.K. knew that the next time he and his wife talked, there was going to be a long and heated discussion about lying and all that stuff. He knew that she was not going to be very calm with this whole thing, and he knew that she had every right to be pissed with the way that things were. But at the same time, he was going to have to find a way to defend himself if things got even worse.

He was wishing to have known what answers he was going to be needing to actually come up with. But when he had thought deeply about what his wife was going to want, he was aware that she was never going to be provided with what she deserved. He knew that as much as he wanted to deny it, he had let her down, and she was never going to forgive him if things were worse. He was going to miss that trust, now that he was thinking about it deeply.

When he was sitting down on the bed, next to his wife, finally capturing that short moment of intimacy that he was only able to get once every night now, he was starting to remember the fact that one of these days, she would know. She was looking at him, and she was seeing how tired he really was. "Why are you always so tired every single day? You literally look like you have been run over by a steam roller every night the last few months."

T.K. looked at her, and he was just thinking about how much honesty she would have been able to handle before it would be too much for her to really handle. "Honestly, I am just doing whatever I can to make sure that this project works out. I am just trying so hard to write down all that really happened, and in a way, I feel like I am failing that one miserably." T.K. admitted, and then he was looking right at her, aware of what she was going to tell him.

"T.K., are you going to let me in on this? Do you feel like you are going to be able to let me share the ideas with you? I think that doing this might be able to let me help you out." She said to him, and he was looking right at her, and he was seeing that this was clearly what she had wanted. This was the only thing she had felt like she would truly understand.

"Telling you would blow your chances of being safe though. I think that you need to understand that I just want to keep you safe. You know, I think that if you learn more, you are just going to be having a really hard time coping." T.K. said, and he was just not even giving a shit what she was going to be saying to this one.

"T.K., I know that you are worried about how I can handle myself. I know that you want to do what you feel like is best. But I know that if you simply let me in, I can help you out. I see you working so fucking hard every single day, and I see you looking like you are just run down. You look like you are fighting a bunch of wars with yourself. It scares me to see you like that." After she had said that to him, this was when T.K. had looked at her, and he was seeing her looking like she was just wanting to see what he was going to respond with.

"Sorry. I guess that maybe I am just trying too hard to burden myself with things that might not be that important. But when I see how happy you are, and I see how just on top of everything you can be, I just refuse to ruin that. I refuse to let you feel like you have to throw away stuff just to make me feel better." T.K. said, and he was not going to fight with her on this. He was already making his mind up, and he was going to keep up this statement, no matter what.

"I can help you, if you give me a chance." She said, and then T.K. had thought deeply about that. He was honestly thinking about her offer, and he had thought about what he had just dealt with. He had thought about what she was having to handle because of him. In a way, he felt it only fair.

And yet, he was still fighting himself on this one. For some reason, he was still fighting. He was still angry at himself. He was still wishing to tell her something, to make her get him. "You know, all those things I have been saying in my sleep? About monsters, and demons, and the awful sound? Well, let's just say those aren't really nightmares, and that many of those things are real." After he had said that, he had vowed that if she had wanted to know more, he would tell her when he was ready.

"If they are real, then how have you been able to adapt to it all? I mean, what are you even talking about with it being real? Which parts are real?" She asked, and T.K. was sighing, feeling like this was a perfectly normal, and even fair reaction, given the moment. He was feeling like it would have been more strange if she was going to just go right into it.

"Honestly, I have no idea how I could even explain anything to you. None of this makes any fucking sense. In all honesty, it is just god damn insane what is happening here." T.K. said, and he was just taking a long and deep breath, wondering how the hell he was going to explain what he was feeling. As T.K. looked at her, he was just wondering how he could even understand what was happening. She was just remaining silent for a moment.

"But yeah, everything is real. The entire thing is real. I was not making any of it up. That is the thing that is just scary. The fact that out of it all, the whole thing is still real. I think that if you want to understand how insane that really was, you would have had to actually live through it." T.K. rambled, and then he was looking right at her. He was just wishing that he would get her to react at least a little bit differently.

"T.K., do you how this is going to even make any fucking sense when you publish it? I mean, there are so many things you are going to have to explain, that if you try and bring it all together, people are going to be so fucking confused." After she had said that to T.K., that was when he was nodding, and looked right at her.

"I understand that. This is the reason that trying to find a way to talk about it is fucking impossible. I mean, nobody know what I want to talk about. Nobody even wants to give me a chance. Do you not know how annoying that actually is? The fact that nobody I talk with really gets it. I think that in a way, I am just trying to make it heard, rather than get people to believe." After T.K. was saying this, he was just thinking that he was going to be able to leave the subject alone.

"Well, anyways, I think you really are just a bit worried about too many things. If you feel like you need to just write down this story, and you feel like you will eventually want to tell me, I am more than willing to listen." After she had said that to him, he was aware that this was going to be rough to discuss eventually.

"Thanks for the offer. I will remember it when it comes time. But I think you really should head to sleep. You know tomorrow is going to be another rough day." After he had said that, he was feeling like she was going to be annoyed with him mentioning it, but he was feeling like she was well aware of this.

In a way, despite how much T.K. was wanting this whole thing over with, and despite the fact that he was wishing that she had left him alone, he was feeling like maybe he was going to be able to get her to know what he was feeling later on. Maybe when he had felt like she understood a bit better, he would have given her more details, and it would have fucking made some sense.

"Hey T.K., do you think you will eventually let me read it? I mean, I want to really get to know what is happening, and I feel like you telling me might be the best thing you can do. So I think that maybe you should just tell me." After she had said that to him, that was when T.K. was just looking at her, and he was feeling like maybe he would tell her eventually.

"I think that when there is a perfect timing, I will let you know everything. I mean, I have a way of trying to make sense out of it all, and I will just let you know more. I think that I just have to find a way to portray this story in a way that will make people actually believe in me. I also don't even know if you will believe in me." After T.K. said that, he stared at her for a moment, wondering if she was going to challenge this.

"I think that you know that I will probably believe in it. I mean, I have no real reason to think that you are lying to me. Besides, I think that maybe you know that something is going to happen with our family. I think you know that Trent is going to eventually try and read it anyways." She said, and then T.K. sighed at that, knowing that this was the truth.

"Don't remind me. My god, if I try and tell anybody about that, they will lose their fucking mind. I think that I should just wait for that one at least." T.K. said, and then she was looking at him directly in the eyes, as if thinking that this one was obvious, considering the fact that he was still only several weeks old and stuff. "Honestly though, I do not know if I will ever feel comfortable with him knowing that type of information."

"Well, I think that sooner or later, everything will work out. Do you think that trying to talk to him about this will actually turn out?" She asked him, and then he was looking at her, and he was wondering what she was even going to try and accomplish by asking this question to him, or if she was even trying to accomplish anything. He shook his head, and she nodded, just thinking they could have this discussion later. And she was slowly dragging herself to sleep again.

As he was about to sleep, he was getting a text, and this time when he got the text, he knew better than to just reject it, so he was standing up, and he was taking a deep breath as he was walking to the corner of the room. As he was there, he was taking a short read of it. "So T.K., I have been thinking about everything we have been discussing lately. Do you actually think that there are people who really know what is going on already?" This was a text from Joe.

T.K. actually wanting to think about it for a second, feeling like this was the least that he was going to do in this discussion. He was feeling like Joe just really wanting to have something to talk about. "Honestly, I have no idea what is happening here. I just write down what I feel like is going to help people have a clue. I think some people do know though, as scary as that is." T.K. responded in that text, and there was another few seconds of a wait before Joe responded again.

"I think that if people are already figuring this shit out, and understanding what we were all going through, then I think that this story is not as undercover as we expeect. I think that there comes a certain point where we need to be careful. But thanks for answering." After he said that, this was when T.K. nodded, and he was feeling like he was going to give one more response before he himself went to bed, before he would get the bags ready for Louisiana.

"Talk to me soon. I am going to be heading down south as soon as I am finished with my next story arc. I am going to check the hell mouth soon. I think that this man might actually really be onto something." After he was saying this, that was when he was feeling like Joe was going to probably fight him on this, but he did not care. He was going to be seeing if this man was lying, or if this man was actually going to be the key to making this work. He turned off his phone, thinking he would get his response later.


	14. Sheldon Oswald Lee

It was on Christmas Eve in 1992, when there was a fourteen year old boy who was sitting down in a car right in front of his house. He was really wanting to get the hell out of the car, since he did not really want to be associated with this man, fearing that doing so was going to make him sort of become this man.

Despite the fact that he was feeling that way, he looked right at the man who had driven him home, and instead of how much he really was wanting to get out of this car, and moving on from his life, he was really feeling like he was just needing to be giving this man a chance, and see what he was going to try and tell him anyways.

"Cody, I know that you do not like me that much. You deserve to hate me. I know that I have done some terrible things to this town. To you. But I am really sorry. And I know that you are not going to be forgiving me or anything, but you can have thing that I think you need." After the driving was telling the boy this, Cody looked at him with a more interested look, just confused.

"Ken, why would you want to give something to me? I mean, I treated you like total shit, and I think that you deserve better." Cody was saying, and then Ken was pulling something out of his pocket, and that was when Cody was just taking every moment here really carefully, thinking that this one really did matter.

"I don't want to give you something. Your father does. I know that this is going to sound confusing to you, and I know that you probably hate your father for what he did anyways, but I think that you just need to give him a chance." After Ken was telling Cody this, that was when Cody was just taking this very carefully, feeling like he really needed to be careful on every single word.

Ken handed Cody a box, and then Cody was holding on for a second, and then Ken was smiling for a bit. "Your father was a good man. I mean, I didn't know him that much. But in the little bit of time that I did know him, he really did care about you guys. He really was doing his best to make things work." Eventually, Ken was sighing, wishing that he had something better to say, but just couldn't fucking do it.

"I remember the few times that we talked with each other, and he was really trying his best to be making me feel better. He always really did seem like somebody who cared about my well being." Cody was saying, and he was feeling like he was really needed to find something to tell him, but he was just really confused on where to go.

"Cody, I am really sorry for everything that you had to deal with. I mean, I know that nothing I will tell you is going to help you feel any better. But I think that you should really look at this gift carefully, and you should really consider what he wants to tell you, and maybe everything will finally make some sense here." After Ken was telling Cody this, that was when Cody was looking at him, truly unsure of what to even say now.

"Thanks for giving this to me. I mean, I don't really fucking know how to say it. I just want to know what he has planned. But I think that I have no choice but to see what he has planned." Cody was saying, and then he was looking down on the box, just trying to find something better to say, and then he was opening up the car, to head out.

"Cody, just know this. Your father really did care for you. He really did want what was best for you. Even if you do not get it, and even if the whole thing just sounds crazy, he really was just a man who wanted to make everything work." For some reason, despite his dislike for Ken, Cody really did believe in him, and he thanked Ken and then headed out of the car and into his house, where he would see what the gift was.

Once Cody was getting inside of his house, that was when Ken was looking right at the house door, and this was when he was looking at Cody's mother, and he was just smiling a bit longer. He was aware that this was the girl that he had a crush on back in the day, and that was when he was shaking his head, sort of feeling like he was finally accepting once in for all that he was never going to win her over.

Once Ken had eventually accepted the fact that he was never going to win Jenny over, that was when he was starting to drive off, and he was angry at whatever was going on in his mind. He was kind of annoyed with this, and Cody was just looking at his mother, who was both beaming in anger over the fact that Cody was three hours late to coming home from his date, but also understanding and glad.

Understanding in the way that he was able to just enjoy winter break, and the way he was able to finally just get to have the time of his life, and he was finally getting dates. And glad in the way that no matter what, Cody was going to be safe, and that nothing was happening. She was thinking that since this was winter break, and it was his first ever date, so she was going to be letting things slide this one time.

"Have a good night. Next time you are going out on a date, just don't stay out so late. But I guess that there is nothing that I can do about it." After Jenny said that to Cody, she was sighing, and then patted his shoulder, knowing that this was always the hardest time in the year, since this was his fathers birthday, and it was always just hard.

"Sorry, I just got really fucking busy. I did not mean to be staying out so late." Cody was saying, and then he was going to his room to not even deal with his mother lecturing him about swearing. But then again, he was fourteen years old, and getting a fourteen year old to not swear was just going to be the hardest thing that somebody could possibly do.

Eventually, Cody was inside of his room, and he was sitting down, finally feeling like he was going to be careful about what he was going to be looking into with his fathers last gift. There was just something about it that he was feeling like he needed to be super careful over, and not be acting super excited on this.

If it wasn't serious, Cody felt like it would have never shown up. So seeing this was something that he knew was not going to be some fun and light hearted adventure. He was shaking his head, wishing that he was able to just pretend like he was able to just place this whole thing behind him, and see his father for something else, but it was fucking impossible.

So with that, Cody was just opening up the box very carefully, knowing that there was a chance that whatever was in there was going to turn the entire thing really sour, and he was going to have a huge let down perspective on this whole thing. He wanted nothing of the sorts, but he was just ready for this. Eventually, when he was thinking this out, he was seeing that what was in there was a bunch of random cds, which was just confusing to him.

On top of the cds, there was a note for him, and this was starting to prove his theory from earlier. As he was sighing, and as he was thinking about what he was going to be getting himself into, that was when T.K. was just feeling like he was needing to at least read the note first before he did anything else with this.

As he was reading the note, he had come to realize how serious most of this stuff really was, and he was starting to realize that his father was really not messing around that much with this, and that in a way, he was just needing to be careful with what he knew now, and to really just absorb the details.

"Hey Cody, I know that you are probably going to hate me forever for what I am doing right now. I know that you are probably never going to forgive me, but I know that this is something that I have to own up to. I just think that what I can do is help you understand.

Both understand why I did what I did, as well as what the town is dealing with. I think that doing both of these things is going to be able to help you forward with the issues you have. I think that once you know what this city went through, I think you can be able to be a hero.

I think that everything that I did was wrong, and I think that you should never forgive me, for being a asshole who ruined everything for doing what I did. But please, I hope that you are willing to give these discs a chance. Give me a chance. Although I must warn you.

If you pursue this idea of knowing what is going on, then you will probably never live a life of happiness again. You will probably never have a chance to truly have things go easy again. I think that you will have to spend the rest of your life in fear and pain of knowing what exactly is going on here, and I will never forgive this.

That is why you must have a choice. If you just leave this, and do not even listen to these, you will have a chance to be happy, and you will have a chance to truly understand what life is like when you are oblivious, and in a good way. However, if you do, then I hope that you will find peace eventually.

I loved the small amount of time that we had together. I know you are a smart guy, and that no matter what you do, you will pick the thing that you can handle. I think that no matter what you choose, you will truly understand what is best for you, and I think that this is what is most important.

I wanted to let you know, that no matter what happens, and what you choose, and what you may be feeling, that I am proud of what you are doing. I am proud of the man that you were starting to become in the eight years we had together, and the future that you will have. You are going to be much better than me. Please, do not take it down. Just take the moment, and run with it, and for lack of a better term, just go on and live.

I will really miss you and your mother, and I will really miss what time we were able to have. I think that this is going to be the biggest mistake that I have. The idea that I could have done better, and that I could have just stayed for as long as possible, but did not do it. But in a way, part of me is wondering if this was actually as long as possible.

I don't really know, and part of me doesn't really even care anymore. I think that no matter what I may be thinking, I am going to just hurt everybody around me, and I am going to be ruining what I have been setting myself up for. Cody, I think that you will truly possibly be the difference that I was setting myself up for, and the difference this town needed.

And know that no matter what, my best accomplishment, maybe even my only real one, was making sure that you were happy, and that I had you. Thank you for your time. From your father, Sheldon." The letter ended, and Cody sighed.

Cody was sighing, and he knew that no matter what he was going to do, there was going to be something that he was not going to enjoy. But at the same time, part of him was wondering if it even needed to be a question. He needed to listen to these, and truly understand what was going on at this town. And to understand why Sheldon did what he did. So he placed in the first disc, and waited to see where this would head.

…

When the recording started, it was showing a man who was looking in his later thirties, sitting across the table from a much younger woman, about twenty one years of age. As she was looking at him, and him holding both of his hands to his face, trying clearly to remember what to say, when she was just looking like despite what had been happening, she was just feeling kind of bad for everything that she was asking.

"So Sheldon, I have read some of your earlier reports. I don't know how many of them are true, and to be honest, I don't really know if you want to talk about them or not. I can understand, if given what these reports said, if you don't want to. But I genuinely believe that you might be best to talk with me." After she had said this to Sheldon, that was when Sheldon looked at her.

"You're my therapist. What would you suggest I do?" Sheldon asked, trying to both be casual while also to the point with what she was saying. As he had said that to her, she had looked at him slightly unsure of what she was going to get out of talking with him. She sighed, and looked right at him in the eyes, feeling like it was all she would do.

"While I am not legally allowed to tell you what you should do, I am allowed to give suggestions. And I would sincerely suggest you tell me everything that you can, about that town. About those people that you had met back in the day. I genuinely believe that if you told me all of those things, just for the sake of talking, you might be able to start to put it behind you." She said to him, and Sheldon looked at her, just not having a snarty remark this time.

"Believe me when I would sincerely want to do such a thing. But I know that if I do this, I will be selling my soul to a person who might not know what to say to help me out. I mean, I just have no idea how much of this stuff you will seriously want to listen to, I feel like if I try and tell you this stuff, you might just be thinking that I am lying or whatever." Sheldon said, and he was shrugging for a moment, as if to show indifference.

"Have you any real reason to be lying to me though? I mean, I am not going to act like you are somebody who seems like you would never do that. But I doubt that you would do that to me, for no real reason." She said, and then Sheldon looked right at her, and then he was feeling like he could stall it out a little bit more.

"What's your name again? I never got to learn that when I came in here earlier. I mean, it might not make a difference, but hell, I feel like I need to at least know that before I start." After he had said that, she looked at him, clearly uncertain what to tell him.

"Courtney. But that is not really important right now. I was wanting to know what has led you to all of these things. I read all the details about the drug addiction that you had gotten yourself into. I read about the fact that you believe that there is some crazy conspiracy going on in town." She said, and then Sheldon was looking right at her, this time much more seriously.

"Let me tell you right now, that this is no conspiracy. If this was a fucking conspiracy, I would have just left it alone. I would have gone on my merry way. But I saw what I saw, and I can't take any of it back. I know what I am going to have to deal with in the future. If you want to help, you can try..." Sheldon said, and she was looking at him, slowly trying to figure out if he was telling the truth, or just trying to make her feel better.

"Sheldon, that is why I am trying to give you a chance. I want you to try and show me why this is wrong. I am wanting you to try and sincerely explain to me what is happening here. I feel like if you can do that, and you can talk to me about what is going on in your life, and your mind, I will help you out." She had said to him, and when she was telling him all of this, he had clearly looked like he was refusing to believe in such a thing. Almosts like the idea of anybody helping him was just going to be impossible.

"I sincerely believed at one point in time that some people were going to help me out. But I think that something like this is just not going to happen. I mean, nobody wants to believe in a story where they seriously believe that I am just trying to come up with random excuse to what happened to my sister." Sheldon said, and then she had nodded, as if realizing that this was a gate way for her to talk further to him.

"You just mentioned her. I was hearing a lot about her, and I read some of the reports. If they are true, then I think that maybe some of these things could be a bit of a gate way to what is happening here." After she had said that to him, that was when T.K. looked up at her, as if feeling like she did not need to state the obvious here.

"Look, I know that you might think that you get it all. I think you believe in what the papers said. But nothing you read will be able to capture what it was truly like to see it happen in person. Seeing it happen is the entirely different ordeal. And it ruins whatever you think in life." Sheldon said, shaking his head as he had said this.

"Listen, I can't experience what you had went through. I can't even say if I believe in you yet or not. But that is what the point of these talks are. They are to let you try and let me know what is happening. They are your chance to finally let me figure out what is inside your mind. I feel like if you can tell me what is really happening, and you do not hold back, I will really get it." She said to Sheldon, and he was just feeling like he was going to never win her out of this idea.

"Even the memories of this stuff really fucking hurt. To be honest, these memories really fucking hurt." Sheldon said, and he was really feeling like the honesty with that statement was going to be the one time he was willing to open up to her on that extent. As he had been looking right at her, he was just feeling like he had no reason to continue on.

"And I am sincerely sorry about that. I know what it might be like to just think that you are out of it. I think that you have every reason in the world to hate what is going on at this town. I think you have every reason in the world to just reject me. But I think that if you want to have any chance of over coming these demons you have, then you are going to have to tell me about it all." She said and then Sheldon felt like it was time to counter.

"And do you even fucking care if I fight these demons or not? Do you even want me to win against these things? I think that you need to just be honest with me on that one. I mean, if you sincerely feel like you want to help me out understand what is wrong with me, and what happened, then I will tell you more. But I feel like I need to know where you stand." After Sheldon said this to her, he looked right at her, feeling like he needed the honesty on this case.

"I do want to make sure that you have a decent and happier life. And in order to do that, I feel like us talking with each other, and seeing what is happening here, is the best way we can do something like this. I feel like you just need to tell me what is happening. If not for me, then for yourself. And if I believe in you, then you have a chance." She was just really trying to reel him in on this one.

"And what happens if you do not believe in me? What happens if you think my story is a load of shit?" He asked, and she was just looking like there was no real way she was going to answer him on this one.

"Well, if I don't believe in you, then you still had a chance to talk it out. You still had a chance to really get to know what people feel here. You got to finally have a chance to put some peace behind it. I think that maybe that is going to have to be enough to be a good start for you." After she had said that to him, he had looked right at her, and he was just wishing that she did not say that.

"I do want you to have some clue of what is happening, and I feel like maybe talking to you is not going to be the worst thing in the world. But I need to know that you actually can be able to really help me out here." Sheldon said to her, and he was looking like this was the one thing that he had wished she would have been able to talk with him now. As she had looked at him, and seemed calm and unsure, Sheldon started to talk more.

"If I tell you, and you really understand what I am trying to talk about, will you actually do what you can to make sure that I have a chance to fully recover? Will you help me out with getting what I finally deserve?" Sheldon asked, and for once, he was willing to admit that he was good enough for something like this. Which was something she did respect about him.

"I will help you out as best as I can. I mean, I know that I will never have the proper answers here, and I know that you will never be able to really understand what I think here, but I know that you deserve so much better than what you had. I will give you a choice though. I mean, I know what I may feel, but I am not allowed to force you to anything." Once she was finished with this, Sheldon was glad with her admitting to this.

"Well, I do want to talk about it I guess. In a strange way, I do want to see if you are going to be able to believe in me if you hear this out. I mean, I know that you are going to laugh at me probably. Or at least think I fucking lie to you. But maybe talking this out might be a bit better for both of us." When he finished, he sighed, just wishing that he had something better to say, but left it alone.

"See, I knew that there was something inside of you that wanted this. Please, do not hold back. I feel like if you are going to be able to have a chance to move forward, and if you are going to have a chance to put it all behind you, then you will have to talk to me about Riley. Make me understand your sister." She said, and he looked at her for a moment, feeling like there was no way around that being the main talking point, at least intially.

"Shit, I knew that this was going to be where it had started. I mean, I know that you are going to suddenly act like I don't need to start there. But you're right. There is no way that I can talk about this whole thing without talking about her at least for a bit." Sheldon said, really dreading this prospect.

"So Sheldon, do you feel like talking about her is going to be helping you move forward? I think that her case, and what happened to her in general, regardless of what I believe in or not, I think that she is a key to figuring this all out." As she was talking, Sheldon laughed at that, thinking that she knew way too little to be assuming this.

"You are not really getting the full picture. I mean, there is so much more to understand beyond just that, that if I wanted to have you fully get it, you would be hearing a really fucking long story of mine." Sheldon said, and he was looking right at her, as if daring her to take the bait. But she did not, and she was instead just looking at him calmly.

"If I do not get it yet, as you claim, then you need to just tell me the full picture. I need you to try and make me get it. I mean, I feel like the longer that you just make fun of me, and tell me that I am stupid, we are going to just be getting worse here." After she had said that, Sheldon was almost regretting this, knowing that there was no way he was going to make her forgive him.

"Sorry if I said anything that made you feel like I was just trying to be making you feel dumb. That is not my intention. But I do need to have you answer some questions of mine. Do you have any clue what you are going to really be getting yourself into by letting me tell you these things?" After Sheldon asked her this, she was not responding for a moment, knowing that this was a bait.

"I really do not know what I am getting myself into. On one hand, that is a bit scary. But on the other hand, it is important for me to get it. I think that as long as you are willing to tell me everything, and as long as you are honest with me, we can be able to really help each other out." After she had said that to him, he was looking at her, and he was seeing that no matter what he was going to be responding with, and no matter what he wanted to say, she was not going to take no for an answer.

"Well, there is only one real issue with telling you something. This is the only one that I think you might actually understand. The fact that I sincerely do not know where I would even start with this." After Sheldon said this to her, she had looked right at him, and she was just sort of testing him, to see if he was believing in that, or just saying this to stall one more time.

"I think that you do know where to start. And I think that you do want to start there. The move to Wayside is when things changed for you, right?" She asked him, and then he was looking at her, as if thinking for a second about that question, and after a moment of actual consideration, he had nodded, feeling like there was no other place.

"I guess that if you are to fully understand the truth, and if you want to see why I am scared to talk to you about this, talking to you about the one nice bit of my fucking life might be the one good way to do it." After he had said that to her, he was feeling like she was going to accuse him of being dramatic, but in a way, he did not give a single fuck if she believed in it.

"One thing that I do feel like you deserve to know is that this story is a really fucking long one. I think that this is going to be the one thing you really need to consider going forward." He said, and this time, he was not even doing it to get her away. He had given up on that minutes prior, and everything after that was just him wanting to drag it out a while longer. This was the first time he seriously wanted her to actually think things out.

"That is the issue I guess. But that is why we have ninety minute long appointments every week, and that is why we are going to just see what we can learn with the time we have. I believe this is the one way that you can move forward, and these stories are the one way I can get it. It's a compromise. And I believe that you will understand that you need to just tell me the stuff that matter." Once she was done, he took a deep breath, and just let go.

"Alright, well as you said, if we wanted to capture a true start, we are going to have to go all the way back to when we moved here. To that town of Wayside..." Sheldon said, and with that, the following is what he had said when telling her of his first side of the story, and he was doing his best to not leave anything out.

…

This is a rather long story, and one that I am sure many people would not really believe in. And to be honest, I would not even blame them for feeling this way. But it is one that most of us have never heard of before. It started when my parents were telling my sister and I that we were going to be moving up from our town in rural southern Arkansas up to Wayside, Minnesota. Which they described as a suburban utopia.

Hearing about this move really bothered my sister, who was thirteen years old and wanted to still be with her friends, and just live life the way that she had felt would have been the perfect way to be going at it. And moving to a state on the other side of the country basically was just not the way that this was going to be done.

In fact, she was pissed at them, and often times accused our parents of just not caring about what she was feeling, and that they were always just doing things for themselves. And as this was all happening, I was thinking about the new chance that I was going to be getting. To live a life in a place that I could view as a fresh start.

I loved the idea, and I was feeling like this was something that I could use to my advantage. Making new friends that I had felt like would actually treat me fairly. Be at a place that actually felt natural to me. You know, it just felt so much better to be doing something like this. And when I had been considering all that, I was just hoping that some day Riley would have been able to see it that way, and that she would grow to love the idea of moving here as well.

Besides, it was the result of my dad getting a promotion at his job. Of course I was going to be happy for him. I was always proud when he was able to do something like this, and I was always proud when he was able to go on and advance in his level of interest. I just wished that he would have given us maybe a bit more of a heads up was all.

Besides, when you're ten years old, like I was at that time, I was just wanting to go on and experience things for the first time. I wanted adventure. I wanted a journey. I wanted to actually be able to love the idea of going out and doing something that I knew that I was going to probably enjoy doing.

When we were moving out of our older house, and moving up the hundreds of miles upwards, I was more or less neutral on this whole thing, while I was seeing Riley just looking pissed at what was going on. I was seeing that this was the reaction that she was going to be carrying the entire ride up, and I was telling myself that she was going to come around at some point.

When we eventually parked, I was seeing Riley looking like she wasn't angry anymore as much as just wanting to get this shit over with. I was feeling like she just sort of over this stuff already, and she was wondering why nobody ever took her wishes seriously, and why nobody ever took the time to really get to know what she was wanting.

Once we left the car, Riley looked fucking annoyed, and I was feeling like it was going to just be best if I left her alone. I walked up to my parents, who were seeming to be on their own thing, and sort of just zoned out and stuff. "How are you guys holding up?" I asked, and then my father was looking down at me, and he was clearly just happy to be seeing that I was at least willing to show him some interest, and that I wasn't just brushing him off or anything like that.

"I'm doing alright. Just sort of wanting to make sure that everything is going to be fine for now. But I think that Riley will never really get in the hang of this stuff. I can't blame her. I used to be that way when I went to different areas when I was younger." My father said, and then he was looking at me, as if wondering if I had anything that I had wanted to say here.

"Honestly, I just want to see how nice this place can be when we check it all out." I said, and then I was looking at him, and I was wondering if he was going to be just glad to see me willing to talk with him for a while. "But what was the promotion that you got anyways?" I asked, hoping that he was willing to talk about that stuff.

"It was just a consultant type of promotion. I have a lot of paperwork that I have to fill out, and some business deals that I need to make. I wouldn't want to bore you with the details honestly." After he had said that to me, he was smiling at this, and I was seeing that he was just trying to be looking out for me right now. I was smiling, and I knew why he was such a cool guy.

"Do you think that you want me to take the job as well?" I asked, and then he was looking at me, and I was seeing him looking like he was not even sure why I felt like that was a good question, since I barely had the intention span to do anything else. But I guess that he was just more shocked to know that I was showing even mild interest in this whole thing.

"Well, if it is something you truly want to do, then I will not stop you. But I would not understand why you would be interested in taking my job. It's fucking boring." He said, and then he rubbed my hair, as if using that as a way to let me know that his swearing just now was our little secret.

"Anyways, I think that you would like to hear that mom and I went out of our way to find a place near some people your age to move to. We believe that doing that can be able to give you a chance to properly settle down, and just find some form of a groove that you would like. I want to make sure you can have a chance to be happy when you move here." After my father was saying this to me, I was looking at him, and I was so happy that he had told me this. This was the one thing that I had needed to hear, and I was just feeling like he was the most epic person ever.

"Thank you for doing that." After I told my father that, he was looking at me, and I knew that part of him was feeling like there was the right choice being made, but that he was wishing that I was going to follow him on this one. "I am so glad that you did that for me." I was feeling like there was no way in hell that I would be able to thank him enough for this.

"Well, I think that he lives in the yellow house over there. I can't really remember off the top of my head, sorry. I just have a feeling that is correct." After he had said that to me, I nodded, and I was walking on my way over there, and I was just having all the ideas of what I was going to do run through my head, and I knew that my parents were just trying to do what was right for me, and that was all that I could thank them for.

I think that the main reason that they had done that was to make sure that there was at least some chance that I could be able to settle into a place that I could move to for the first time. I was sure that he was feeling like doing this was going to be the only true way to make me feel like I had a proper presence in Wayside and stuff. I mean, in a way, I was thinking that maybe he was right in his assumption.

But as strange as it was for me to be wondering and thinking, I was seriously wondering why they would care enough to be doing this. I was feeling like in a way, they were just sort of trying to have too much power in how my life was going to turn out. Not in a bad way, as I might add, given the situation, but I really just had no idea what the hell I was going to feel here.

When I knocked on the door, I was smiling, and I was just telling myself that this was a new chance. This was my second chance to be making things right, and that was all that really mattered. When I was thinking about that for a moment, I was thinking about what my parents must have gone through to make sure that things were going to be fine.

When I waited for a few seconds longer, that was when some random guy answered, and it was a red headed boy who was about my age, maybe a few months older, and he was looking at me as if wondering what I was doing here, and more importantly, who I even was, since I just had shown up for no real reason.

"Hey, I am the new guy here. My name is Sheldon." I said, and then I was looking right at him, and I was hoping that he was going to use this as a chance to sort of get to know me, and see what I was wanting to talk about. But when he was looking at me, I was seeing that he was just taking some time to see if I was planning on anything.

"So, how are you today?" I asked, and I was just trying to remind myself that being polite was the best way to go at this whole thing, and when he was seeing me trying really hard to open up and do the best I could, I was seeing him just looking more and more like he was fine with seeing me.

"I'm Dakota. I think that I heard about you guys coming here. For some reason, I thought that it was supposed to be tomorrow." Dakota said, and then I shrugged, thinking that maybe it was, but my parents had moved up faster than expected. I decided that I would use that as my answer for the time being.

"My parents just probably moved faster than they were expecting. I mean, I would not doubt it. My father does that a lot so that way when he is on a trip, he would be able to have at least one night where he can relax." I said, remembering that when we were having the discussion about that a year or so ago. He said having a good night rest at your destination before working can be able to give you a good surrounding of things.

In all reality, I think he just wanted to have a extra day to have of a trip, and to see the sights. But whatever he was wanting to do was something that was fine with me, because he was able to do it in a way that seemed sort of natural. "Anyways, so that might be why. My parents are taking care of getting most of the stuff out right now, so they might not be able to meet your parents any time soon." I said, hoping that this would not be a huge issue.

"So Sheldon, now that you are here, do you think that you are going to be excited to go on and check it out?" After he asked me this, I was looking right at him, and I was genuinely having nothing that I could have said to him that would have made me feel like I was not being too stupid. But I felt like I just needed to see things for a moment.

"I am going to be excited to go to this town, and see what it is like. Honestly, I just want to see if it is going to be worth all of the hype or not." I said, and then I was looking at him, and I was wondering what I could have said to him to make this entire discussion feel like it was at least a bit different.

"I mean, after where I lived at one point in time, I am just kind of wanting to have a new chance to see if there is a place that I might actually be able to enjoy." I said, and then I was looking right at her, wondering what the hell the main point of any of this could have really been though.

"Honestly, I think that after some time, you will really enjoy living here. I think that you might just need to give this a chance." Dakota was saying to me, and then I was just sort of unsure of where the heck this was going to head. I was just feeling like there was something that I was needing to discuss with her for a while longer.

"Do you guys have any idea of what I could be doing here, that I might be enjoying?" I asked, hoping that they were willing to at least give me some real answers. I was not really wanting to play around too much, thinking that if I did, I was going to just be making things even more annoying.

"Well, I think that maybe if you just look around for a while, there will surely be something that you will like. I just need to think of something that you might be into." After Dakota was saying this to me, I was feeling like I just needed to find something to say that could make this whole thing better. But I guess that in a way, it did not matter.

"From what I see, it looks like a nice place so far." I said, and then I was looking right at her, and I was wondering what the heck I was even going to be saying now. I was just wishing that if I had any idea what we were going to do, I was just needing to be given at least a couple of places that I could have been looking at. But I saw that Dakota looked like he had some other ideas now.

"I think that when you look around, you are going to just see that this is a rather nice place. Although there are some things about the town that I think that you might not want to really hear about." After he had said that to me, I was seeing him looking like he had wanted to find something to say, but just wanted to remain fucking quiet for some reason.

"What the heck is going on that you would consider to be strange?" I asked, and then I looked right at him, and I was wondering what he was even going to reply to me here. I was just feeling like no matter what he was going to tell me, I was going to just be feeling a bit let down here.

"Just a bunch of missing people and stuff. I mean, it is something that we just have to deal with a lot. It is something that I would not even worry all that much about." After Dakota was telling me this, I was looking right at him, and I was feeling like I was needing to find a way to be making sense out of the whole situation. But I knew that he was slightly scared now.

"Honestly, that just sounds a bit strange. I just guess that maybe it is one of those things that you can't really do anything about." After Dakota was saying this to me, I was looking right at him, and I was seeing that no matter what I was going to tell her, she was just going to be sort of telling me that I was going insane now. I was seeing that Dakota was not wanting to talk with me now.

"Sorry that I brought it up. I was just kind of confused was all." I said, and then I looked at him, and he was looking like this whole thing was just kind of funny. Seeing how I was just trying to apologize for simply just being curious of something that was not even all that big of a deal. But despite what was happening, I was thinking about what we were getting ourselves into.

"Don't worry too much about it. I mean, you were going to be learning about it sooner or later. So I guess that I will just leave you alone about it. But in all honesty, I wouldn't look too deep into this whole thing." After Dakota had said that to me, I was seeing him just looking a bit scared.

"Why do people not want to know what happened to their families? I think that this is a rather valid just thing that people should be looking into." I said, and then I was staring right at Dakota, and he was just looking a bit scared of me saying this, as if hoping that I was not going to be taking this whole thing way too seriously, and that I would leave things alone.

"Honestly, I think that many people do want to know what the heck is happening. But in all honesty, I think that you might just need to be leaving this whole thing alone." After Dakota told me that, I saw him looking like this statement was a good enough one, and I was seeing him looking like he really did not want me to keep going on this. In all honesty, he just looked like if I kept this up, he was going to be scared.

"I will stop talking about it right now. But in all honesty, I just want to know what is happening a bit more. But I guess that if people are just wishing to put this all behind us, then there is no way that I could be putting this all behind me." I said, and then when I was looking at Dakota, I was feeling like I was just needing to find a couple of other things to say.

"I am going to want to know what is happening with this town a bit more. Do you have any people that we live near that you might suggest we go and meet up with?" I asked, and then I was staring at him, wondering what I was even going to be saying at this whole thing. He was just looking like this was the one thing he had never wanted to get to. Like he was not wanting to throw away our friendship.

"Yeah, you can meet up a couple of people around town soon. I think that she will be rather nice to you, and I think that once you hang out with her, everything will just be all fine." Dakota was telling me, and I was seeing him looking like he was just sort of getting used to this all, despite how much he was not wanting to give this up.

"Do you have any idea if she would even want to hang out with me?" I asked, and then Dakota was looking at me, as if wondering what the heck the point of this question was. I was feeling like he was just going to be just sort of hyping up something that this was not that exciting. I was feeling like this was just going to be kind of annoying.

"I think that she would be fine enough. I would not be too worried about it. I think that if you want to worry about her not liking her, you just need to see that she is not all that bad of a girl or anything." After Dakota had said that to me, I was seeing him just looking kind of bored, and that he was not even wanting this to be a debate or anything. Although I just felt like I wanted to just be careful, which was not that important.

"I hope that school is going to be nice enough here." I said, thinking that this was the best thing that I could really hear. I was just looking at Dakota, and I was just wanting to see what he was going to say here. "Anyways, sorry for this whole thing. I just hope that summer is going to be really fun." With that, I just wanted to be keeping this whole thing rather exciting.

Eventually, we were thinking for a second longer, and I was seeing Dakota looking like he was wanting to find something to talk about, to keep this subject up for a little while longer. "Hey Sheldon, do you want to know something really exciting?" After he had asked me this, I was looking at him totally unsure of what the heck I was even going to do now. I was just thinking that there was not anything that I fully was exciting for.

"My parents have something down stairs that they are trying really hard to hide right now. There is a desk that is locked and I have tried to look into it, but I am never told what it is, because my parents are scared that they are going to having me look into their business files and stuff." Dakota said to me, and I looked at him, unsure of what I was even going to tell him, and just had no idea where to be going.

With that, there wasn't anything of real note for about four or so days afterwards, when Dakota was walking up to me, and I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to find something he was going to show me that I would really fucking enjoy. So with that, I was just waiting for him to find something to say. "Hey, today is the day that I can show you the girl that I was talking about earlier. I was telling her about you, and she said that she was willing to give you a chance." After Dakota said that to me, I was looking at him, and I was wondering what the heck he even wanting to accomplish now.

"Oh cool, I hope that she likes me." I said, and then I was looking at him, and I was wondering if something like this was going to actually work out in my favor. But in all honesty, I just felt like this whole thing was going to be a big waste of time and stuff. As we were walking along, Dakota and I were walking along. "So, how long have you known her?" I asked, trying to find something to keep this discussion up.

"A couple of years. She grew up here her entire life, but I only meet her a couple of years ago. She is one of the nicest people that I know, and I think that when you give her a chance, you would understand that she is not so bad soon enough." After Dakota said that to me, I was seeing him looking really fucking excited now.

"Do you guys have any friends that you guys hang out with?" I asked, and I was just wondering what the hell I was even going to say now. I was seeing him looking like he was a bit embarrassed to be talking with me here. Almost like he was thinking that if he was going to be talking about this, I could be able to really learn what she was like a bit longer, and make her feel a bit better.

"Well, we have a couple of friends that we hang out with mostly during the school year. Most of the time, we just take some time to relax, and play around, but during the summer we don't see them all that much." After Dakota was telling me this, I was unsure of what the heck I was going to even say to this whole thing. In all honesty, I had nothing that I had wanted to say.

"Oh cool, I hope that I get to hang out with them for a while, and see if they might like me." I said, and then I was looking at him, and I was just unsure of what the heck I was even going to say now. But in all honesty, I was wanting to find a way for Dakota to actually show me what was going on here. I was seeing him looking like he had wanted to find something to say, but just was wanting to be keeping quiet now.

"Sorry for asking so many questions. I guess that I am just really excited about moving to a new town and stuff." I said, and then I was looking right at him, and I was wondering why I was even so worried about what I was going to say now. "So Dakota, thanks for giving me a chance to go on and see her." I said, and then I was looking right at him, and I was wondering what he was going to tell me now. "I wanted to use moving here as a new chance to get a fresh start." I said, and then I was seeing him looking like he was having some questions that he was wanting to ask me, but just decided against it.

"I wonder what was going on back in the day to be making you act like this so much." After he had said that to me, I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to say something else, but just decided all against it. "Honestly, I just have no idea why you are so worried about something like this." He shrugged, acting like it didn't even matter.

"Yeah, in all honesty, I just was never really all that popular, and I just kind of think that I would not even get anywhere with this." After I said that to him, I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to find so much more to say, but just decided against it, wanting to not really argue with me.

When we were at the girl's house, I was just thinking that the idea of talking to a woman was going to be rather hard for me, and I was just thinking that I was needing to relax for a bit. He knocked on the door, and eventually, the girl was answering the door, and she was smiling at Dakota, and then looked at me, and she was having a mostly excited look on her face.

"Hey, this is the guy that I was talking to you about. I was trying to tell him to be taking things easily, but I think that he didn't believe in me." After he had said that to me, he was looking like he had wanted to find something else to say, but just decided against it, and just decided that he would have left this one alone.

"My name is Ashley. How are you today?" After she was asking me this, I was looking directly at her, and I was wondering what the heck I was even going to be saying now. I was just seeing her look so happy that for a moment, I was feeling like there was no way in hell that I could believe that she was going to have a bad cell in her blood.

"I'm Sheldon. I got moved here because of a promotion that my dad got. I really like the town from what I've seen so far." I said, and then I was looking at her, and I was hoping that praising the town would have been a good starting point. But in all honesty, I was just wanting to see if she was even wanting to be talking about any of this. Or if she was just saying this to pretend like she was cool with me.

"It seems that is the main reason every single person in this town moves here. I wonder what even gets all these people promoted to this place." After she was saying this to me, I was thinking about what to be saying now, but decided against it. I was feeling like I just really just had no idea what the heck was even happening right now.

"Well, any place that can get me out of being bullied and made fun of on a daily basis is going to be good enough for me." I said, and then I was looking right at her, and I was seeing her looking like she had wanted to know more, so I decided that I was going to be just keeping it rather short and to the point, since in a way, I was just kind of tired of talking about this.

"Honestly, I just had a bad time where I used to live. It is not really something that I want to talk too much about. It is just kind of annoying since I never got a real chance." I shrugged, and decided that I was going to be leaving it alone now. As I had said that to her, I was really just hoping that this can be left alone.

"Anyways, so now that you're here, I think that maybe I might be able to find some things that you might be rather into." After she had said that to me, I was seeing her looking like she was wanting to find more to make me feel better, but in a way, was just sort of running out of some ideas here. "Sheldon, I think that maybe you should go and hang out with us today, since we have a really cool place that we are going to head to."

Once he had said that to me, I was looking right at her and Dakota, and I was wondering what the hell I was even going to say now. I was thinking that if this was something that they were already going to let me do, then I was feeling like this was truly going to be the summer of my life time. And knowing that was the one thing that I had wanted more than anything else.

"Well, if you guys want to show me this, then I will love to give it a chance." I said, and then I was looking at her, and I was really excited to check this out. Once I was trying to find more to say, we were just walking along, and I was really having no idea what the hell I was even wanting to say now. In all honesty, I was just kind of scared of what they wanted to tell me, although I was thinking that this was just not going to go well.

As we were going along down the street, Dakota was trying to find something else to say. Since he was probably wanting to find something to be talking about, to keep this up longer. "So Sheldon, do you have any siblings? I can't remember if you told me yet or not." After he had said that to me, I was looking right at him, just clearly having no idea what the hell we were even going to discuss at that moment. But despite what was going on right now, I really had no idea where the hell we were even heading now.

"I have an older sister. Riley. She's thirteen. My parents have been trying to have her come around and like this place so far, but that is probably not going to be happening any time soon. I have no idea if she has any friends or not yet here. After all, we have only been here for a few days." I said, and then I was shrugging, feeling like there wasn't much for me to be saying now.

"Well, I think that she will have some friends soon enough. I would not be too worried about it." After he had said that to me, I was looking right at him, and I was really having no idea what the hell we were going to accomplish right now. "I guess that it really does not matter all that much." Once he finished, I was having no idea what was happening.

"I don't really know what is going on with her, and in all honesty, I am not too worried about her right now. I just kind of wish that she is not going to be taking this stuff too seriously." I said, and I was feeling like there really was not anything to say now. "So Ashley, what the heck are you guys going to be showing me?" I asked, hoping that I would be able to learn the truth soon enough, since it was something that I was dying to know.

"Well, if we tell you now, it won't be as special as if you got to experience it first hand." After she had said that to me, she was looking at me, as if thinking that this was super obvious, and she was just hoping that I was not going to be too bothered with her answer here. In all honesty, I was just unsure what to say, so I decided to remain silent.

"I guess that this might be true." I said, and then I was sighing, just wishing to have known more, but decided to remain quiet, and decided that I was going to just not say anything, even though I was having so many questions running through my mind as well. But I decided that I was going to just remain quiet for a while longer.

"So Sheldon, what types of places have you ever got the chance to experience." After Dakota was saying this to me, I saw him looking like he had wanted to ask something else, but was thinking that I was going to take this as a personal attack, and that he asked me anything else, he was just going to be assuming that I would have taken as an attack.

"I'm not sure actually. I just spent most of my time home when I was not at school, and hardly got many chances to hang out with friends and stuff. In all honesty, that might have been for the best." After I was asking him this question, I was wondering what the hell I even wanted to say now.

"Well, that is a sad way to be living to be honest man. I think that you should have gone out and just had some more fun." After Ashley had said that to me, I was thinking that she was going to going to try and play the sad card here, but I was feeling like she was just needing to be quiet, and that if she was going to say more, I was just going to want to snap for a while. I was wanting them to just understand that I did not have much of a life on my own.

Eventually, we were reaching a forest, and I was looking at both of them, and I was wondering what the point of this was even going to be. I was wanting to just tell them that this was something that I had no real interest in, but I was just thinking that maybe this isn't really possible.

"I guess that this could be fun to check out. I just never expected to go somewhere like this." I said, and then I was looking at them, and I was just hoping that I was not going to regret saying this to them, and that saying something like this was not going to be the worst statement I could possibly be making.

"Well, if that is the case, let's just go in, and see what can be found here." After he had said that to me, I was looking at Dakota, and I was feeling like he needed to stop trying so damn hard to get me to see where this was going to take me. In a way, I was finding this whole thing to be kind of fucking pointless. I was just thinking that a forest was not a place I wanted to head to.

"Have you at least been inside of a forest?" Ashley asked, and I was actually having to think about that. In all honesty, I had no idea when the last time, if any, I had been inside of a forest was. I just was not able to really recall something that in all honesty, was probably not really all that important. So I just remained quiet on this one, hoping that would suffice.

"I really don't know. I think that I might have at one point. But I think that I would not be surprised if it turns out that I haven't. I would really just think about what I could have been doing in a forest anyways..." I said, and I was not wanting to come off as annoying or too analytical or whatever, but in a way, I was just feeling like I needed to be realistic when I was looking at this whole thing. And I knew that surely there must have been one time.

"You worry too much about things that really are not that big of a deal." She said to me, and then I was looking at Ashley, and I was wondering why she kept on never having a proper mindset on what she was feeling here. But I decided that I was going to just keep this one to myself, not to be triggering her, or making her feel like I had been attacking her or whatever.

As she was saying this, we went inside of the forest, and I was just telling myself to be happy. I was just wanting to see if she was going to be happy with hanging out with me, and I was wanting to see if I was going to be happy with hanging out with them. Not that it really mattered anymore.

The longer that we had been looking around, while I was fine with the look and stuff, I was wanting to finally just know what the hell Dakota and Ashley were planning. I was getting kind of annoyed with the way that things were going, and while I was no stranger or anything to longer adventures, I was really starting to wonder what the point to any of this really was.

Eventually, I was feeling like I couldn't take it anymore, and I at least wanted to fucking know where the hell we were going. "Okay guys, I have nothing against you guys wanting to show me stuff. In fact I really like that. But can you please at least give me some hints on what we are doing?" I asked, and I was not even caring if I was wounding whiny or not. I needed to know that this was not a waste of time or whatever.

"Well, we are less than a half mile from where we were planning on showing you. I think once you see it, you will see what is keeping us so reluctant to telling you." After Ashley had said that to me, I was sighing, kind of annoyed with that answer, but I knew that she was going to keep this up for a while, and I was looking at Dakota and I gave him a death glare. The death glare was sending a message of 'this better be worth it or you are wasting my time.'

We walked for another couple of minutes, and the entire time we were walking, I knew that I wanted to make this whole thing work. I wanted to have a good time with Dakota and Ashley. They were going to be wanting to show me something, and I was going to be kind of a fucking asshole for not even giving them a chance. And when I was seeing what they were wanting to show me, I was shocked and I was really happy to be seeing what they were talking about. Since I never saw anything like it in my life.

I saw that it was a giant lake, and it wasn't even just a giant lake. It was a lake with a waterfall, and I was just looking around, and I was mind blown over how wonderful it was. I was just taking a long and deep breath, and I was wanting to say something else. But I knew that there was nothing else that I could have said that would have made any sense of what I wanted to convey.

"I can tell from the look on your face that you are mind blown over how awesome it is." After Dakota said that to me, I was looking right at him, and I was nodding, and I was feeling like there was nothing else for me to say. I was wondering if there were more places like this in town, and I knew that if there were, I just needed to see every single one of them, and enjoy them.

"Yeah, I didn't think that it was actually going to be worth it. I thought you guys were just pulling my leg." I admitted, and then I was looking at them, and then I was finding myself feeling bad for ever doubting them. But in a way, I was feeling like the most important thing that I could do at that moment was just enjoy what I was seeing, and not be worried about things that I was not going to really enjoy.

"So now that you are having some form of an idea on what you want to do, should we play along, and see what we can find here?" Dakota asked, and I was seeing that he had known that from this point forward, he had me on the hook, and that from this point forward, he had won. I hated to see that look on his face, but maybe when I was acting all condescending, that might be a good reaction that he is having now.

"Well, I think that maybe we should go up the waterfall, and jump off of it, and see what type of splash that I could fucking make." I said, and I was looking at the two of them, and I was seeing that they were both looking shocked to be seeing that I was willing to suggest such a thing, and they were clearly wanting to reject this, but neither one of them could find it in themselves.

"I guess that maybe something like this might be fun to try out." Ashley said to Dakota, and she was shrugging, thinking that in a way, she was being a bit over the top about worrying about how this might not have been a smart idea. "I mean, who really cares if we make a big splash or not? What is the worst that can happen?"

Before she would even be able to finish, I was already seeing Dakota walking up the pathway, and I was seeing him looking like he was super excited, and I was feeling like maybe he was glad to have had me suggest this to begin with, and that this way, he would not have to be feeling like he was the only one who wanted to do something like this. Ashley looked at me with a slight smile on her face for a moment.

"He does this a lot of times. He gets a idea in his head, and he just goes all out with it. You will get used to it eventually." After she had said that to me, she shrugged, and she was walking up as well. I was feeling like if these two were always going to be this nice to me, then I would have truly found a good group of friends.

As I was walking near the top, I was wondering if I had always had the desire for something like adventure, and I just never noticed it, or if this was something I was really only gathering because of the fact that I knew Ashley and Dakota now, and this was something that they started to bring out in myself. In a lot of situations, I guess that I was willing to believe in either solution.

"I was here first, so I will go down first." Dakota said, and he was sticking his tongue out at us. I personally didn't really see what was wrong with that logic, so I decided that I was going to be letting him have his moment. As I was seeing him get ready, I was smiling, and knew that when he would make the jump, he was going to find some way to be making it sound really fucking heroic or something like that.

The splash went up about a foot or so, and I was seeing him pointing his thumb up at us when he was done. After he had taken his turn, I was looking at Ashley, and I was wondering what the heck she was going to try and tell me here. "You were the one that suggested it, so I think that it is only fair that you have your turn." After she had said that to me, I was sighing, and I wanted to have her go.

"Screw it, I guess that I can go." I said, and took off my shoes, and then I was looking at the area below me, and I was sighing, and made the jump. As I made the jump, I was really fucking happy, and for the first time, I was feeling like could imagine staying here forever, and I knew that I would not object anymore.

The moment I landed, I was feeling like that was sort of me letting go of the shit that I had to deal with where I originally lived. In a strange way, I was sort of thinking that this was the worlds way of giving me a second chance, and I was in love with that idea. I was looking around, and I was feeling for the first time, I was forgetting it all.

As I had looked up, I was seeing Ashley jumping down, and she was looking like she was not as excited, but that she was still having the moment in her eyes, and I was seeing that this was what she was wanting now. As she was going down, I was seeing her looking like this was the best moment of the world. I was thinking that when I was up here, and she was coming down, and just enjoying the time we had, that this was a fully solid deal. It had only been four days, but I had truly settled in, and felt like a part of wayside already.

It was a week or so after the incident with the waterfall when I was hanging out with Dakota and Ashley, and I was feeling like I just needed to sort of prepare myself for whatever my friends were wanting me to do. I was feeling like maybe my friends were clearly having something else planned, and I was wondering what the hell was even going to come up.

I was at Dakota's yard, and he was looking like he was actually really excited for something or other, and when I was looking at him, and I was going to try and ask him some questions about what was making him super excited, he started to speak up. "Actually Sheldon, my parents are going to be having a really awesome plan tonight, they are going to be making a barbecue. I think that you might be blown away by how good their food id." Dakota said, and he was looking at me excited for a moment.

"That is going to be super exciting. I have never been to a barbecue before. I wonder if it is going to be as exciting as I heard." I said, and then I was staring right at him, and he was looking like he was trying to find something to say that could make the discussion keep up a bit longer.

"I also have noticed that you have something going on in your mind this whole time. What are you wanting to show me this time?" I asked, and then I was looking at him, wondering what the hell he was even going to say next. "Honestly, I think that maybe you should actually let me know this time, and that way I don't be super shocked over anything." He looked at me, and he was looking rather defeated here.

"Oh Sheldon, I think you should just fucking relax. I think that you are going to understand soon enough." He said, and when he was looking at me, I was smiling at him, knowing full well what he had done, and I knew right then and there that he was indeed going to be showing me something. I was wondering what the hell it was going to be.

"I guess that I will give you a chance. I mean, I really am wondering if you are going to actually show me something this time." I said, and then I was looking at the ground for a second, trying not to be looking a bit worried about what was happening. Although the entire time this was happening, I was just wishing that he could have just given me a simple answer.

"Yeah, we are going to be going somewhere tonight. I think that Ashley is really excited about this one. She talks about how awesome it really is, and she thinks that you should be totally ready for this." After he had said that to me, I was looking at him, and I was feeling like I just needed to be careful with what I was going to talk about, just to make sure that he was not going to be making fun of me here.

"Well, at least you are being honest about it this time. That way I am not going to be shocked at a last second reveal or whatever." I said, and then I was looking at him, and I was being a big fucking baby about this for no real reason, and even I did not understand why I was not just letting the whole thing go.

"Sheldon, we were just worried that you were not going to like it. We thought that we might have had no choice." After Dakota was telling me this, I was looking at him, and I was wishing that I was going to be able to be cool with this whole thing. But at that moment, I was feeling like I just needed to be just at least slightly careful.

"I guess that maybe that is something that I can understand. That doesn't mean that I have to like it too much. I just wish that I had a better idea of what I was getting myself into. But I know that you guys are just trying to get me interested here." I said, and then I was staring at him, and I was wishing that this discussion was not even needing to be had now.

"So Sheldon, what did you really think of the lake?" He asked me, and then I looked at him confused, and for a moment I had genuinely forgotten about most of the lake and the falls. Even though I was telling him not to play around with me the way he had before again. As I was looking at him, he was looking really fucking happy here.

"I really enjoyed it honestly. I didn't think that I was going to enjoy it all that much. I thought that you were going to just show me something that I thought was going to be really lame." I said, and then I looked at him, and I was feeling like at least as long as I was honest about it, he might have been able to forgive me a while longer, and would not treat me like a dick here.

"I think you need to get more excited about shit at this town." After Dakota was telling me this, he was looking like he was wanting to say more, but just remained silent about this, and decided that he was going to let me just say what I had wanted, and that he was not going to be rude about anything anymore.

"Well, once we were there, I realized how exciting something like this really was, and I wanted to go and check things out again." I said, and then he was looking at me, and I was seeing him looking like he had guessed that maybe this was going to be fine enough, even if he was wishing for something better.

Eventually, that was when Ashley was showing up, and she was looking at both of us as if she was just on top of the world. I knew why she was going to be like this, and I knew that whatever she was wanting to show me would have been worth it, and that I was going to love it deep down inside.

"So Sheldon, did Dakota tell you about his family tradition?" After she had asked this, I was looking at him, and I was just shrugging, as if thinking that he did not explain much, but I felt like knowing about the barbecue was going to be enough.

"We have barbecues often. Once every month or so. My parents just like to have them in a way to just sort of celebrate things around us." After Dakota was saying this to me, I was looking at him, and I was wondering why his parents even were wanting to do something so damn often, since it would eventually just kind of lose its luster, and not even be exciting anymore.

"Do you think that your parents are just doing it as a way to try and bond with you guys and stuff?" I asked, and I was feeling like it was a valid enough question, and I did not want to make him feel like this was not special. But I was just trying to find a way to keep this seeming like a normal enough discussion.

"Well, I think that when you live in a suburban town, you kind of grow to realize that people respect hanging out with each other, and having events together, and just having a tradition." After he had said that to me, I was seeing that he was looking like he was not even understanding why I was making such a big deal out of nothing, and then I looked at them, wondering what the heck I was even going to be saying now.

"So Ashley, what are you thinking was making it such a great idea to actually go to this place next in the first place?" I asked, and then I was looking at her, and she was looking down, and I was feeling like she was just kind of embarrassed at the fact that I was taking things so damn seriously, and that I just needed to fucking relax a bit better.

"Well, I just wanted to see if you might have been able to see what types of places you would have enjoyed here, and since you enjoyed the fucking lake and stuff, I thought that you would have really liked to go and check this out." After Ashley had said that to me, I was looking at her, and my parents were looking at us, as if wondering what was making us feeling like we needed to not worry about censorship and stuff. So I was pretty much just telling myself to get ready for the rant.

"We are going to be ready soon guys. If you want to just be ready for this." After his parents told us this, I was looking at him and he was smiling for a moment, and I was feeling like he was on top of the fucking world here. With that, all three of us were at the plates, picked them up, and then we were getting the meal.

I was looking at Dakota and Ashley, who were both looking like this was the one thing that they were super excited for something like this. I was seeing that if I was not going to eat this, they were going to be a bit let down here. So with that, I started to eat this, and I was starting to just get full by eating some random food, and I was wanting to just play around with Dakota and Ashley, and just make some jokes, and see if they were having any material they could have on my mind.

"Okay, that was actually pretty awesome. I didn't expect to just be blown away over a barbecue." I said, and then both of his parents were looking at me, and I was seeing that they had wanted to actually say something, to help me feel like there was something that could be making me feel better right now.

"If you want to have some more here, I think that you should be getting ready for the next one. Don't mess around with it too much, but I think that you will enjoy this." After he was telling me this, I was looking right at him, and I was feeling like nothing I could have said would have made me feel like I was being smart about what I had been saying.

"I would be excited for something like this." I said, and then once I was done saying this, I was looking at Dakota and Ashley, and I was just wondering what the hell they were planning on doing now. I was wanting to just hang out with them, and I was wanting to just see what their plans were. But as I had been thinking this, I was remembering that their hearts were in the right place, even if I did not fully understand it.

As we were wrapping up the meal, that was when Dakota had decided that it was time for us to get up, and for us to just get this whole thing over with. I was sort of wondering what the heck we were even going to be doing now. I was feeling like no matter what the hell was happening, I was needing to just be keeping things together, and I was just needing to not be too pestering on this issue now.

The longer that I had been walking along, the more and more I was really just not too sure where the heck this was going. I was feeling like Dakota just needed to not be hiding too many things from me now, since in all honesty, if he was going to do stuff like this more often this was going to start to piss me off for a bit. "Sheldon, have you ever been to a tree house before?" Ashley asked me, and I was glad that I was feeling like they were at least just giving me the answer right away.

"No, to be honest, I just never thought on it too much. I just felt like something like this would have been a waste of time." I said, and then I was shrugging, and I was looking at him, and I was just sort of wishing that I knew why they wanted to show me a tree house. After we had literally just seen a fucking lake and stuff like a week ago. It felt like a real step down to be totally honest.

"Trust me, this one is really cool. I mean, you might not get it yet, but I think that soon enough you will understand why we like it so much." After Dakota was saying this to me, he was looking at me, and I was wondering why the hell he was even wanting to hype me up for this whole thing. But in all honestly, I just felt like there really was no fucking point in trying to argue with them. I felt like I needed to give him a chance.

"So if this tree house is so cool, then why did you guys never show me it first? I mean, I think that this would be the first place you should take me." I said, and I was just feeling like their priorities were going all over the fucking place. But at that moment, I was feeling like Dakota and Ashley did have some explaining that I would want to know. Not that it would matter.

"Because the lake was even cooler. But this is like number two. We didn't think to start from the bottom and move up." Dakota was saying to me, and then I was looking at him, feeling like this whole thing was going to just be a waste of time, and that if I was even going to try and get into this, I was going to be feeling like I was wasting my time now, and that I just needed to fucking leave it all alone.

"Yeah, I mean, I can't argue with how cool the lake was." I said, and then I was looking at him, and while I was finding myself slowly growing on this whole thing, I was feeling like I just needed to have more answers. But in all honesty, I was feeling like Dakota was just going to be sort of letting me down for a while now.

"Well, I think that cool couldn't really cut it, from the way that you were looking." After she had said that to me, Ashley winked in my direction, and I was seeing her looking like she was just glad to be pressing me on and on with this, but I guess that maybe she was just not caring all that much.

Eventually, we were getting near where the tree house was, and I was smiling as I was looking up at it, and I was just telling myself to enjoy this whole thing. I was wondering when I could just go up with this whole thing. I was walking to the ladder to get up, and I was really excited to see where this would head. Dakota called out to me at the end. "Sheldon, if you go up, you are going to be putting yourself in danger." After he had said that, I was wondering what this was for.

I was stopping, and I was looking right at him, and while I was kind of annoyed at this, I was feeling like he was just trying to make sure that I was at least being somewhat smart at this whole thing. So I was just sighing, and started to run through all the ideas in my mind. "Can you please explain what the issue is?" I asked, and then he was sighing, just wishing to leave this alone.

"You are supposed to write your name down on the tree, and that way there is something that will keep you safe." He said to me, and then I was seeing him looking like he was just wishing to be leaving this whole issue alone. But despite what was going on, I had just wanted to leave this all alone. "If you don't write down your name, you are going to be taken away by the monsters and stuff." Then with that, I was rolling my eyes a bit.

"Alright, you made your point. Although I doubt that monsters are real honestly. I think that you are just bullshitting here." I said, and then I was looking at Dakota pulling out a small knife from a pocket. I was looking right at him, and I was just shocked at this. He was coming to me, and then he placed his pocket knife on my hand.

Then when this was done, Dakota was looking right at me, and I was just really wanting to see what was happening. "You do know that you shouldn't just brush off things without giving it a chance. I think that if you want to think monsters are fake, then you just need to see what is happening here." After he had said that to me, I was rolling my eyes, and I was really not wanting to do this anymore. I was starting to write down my name on the tree.

"You should tell me what these monsters are like." I said, as we were walking up the ladder, and I was wondering what the hell was even going on. As we were getting up the ladder and inside of the tree house, I was seeing Dakota looking less excited about what was happening now.

Once we had sat down, I was looking right at Dakota and Ashley, and I was smiling for a while longer. "So Dakota, how are you going to make me understand if these monsters actually make any sense?" I asked him, and he was looking at me, and I was seeing that this was a discussion that he was just thinking would have been rather boring, and that if he was going to waste my time, then I was going to be kind of annoyed with this.

"Honestly, I think that if I tried to explain everything to you, there would be several things you would refuse to believe. I mean, I will just let you know the stuff that I heard, since I can tell you that you are just not willing to let this one go." After he had said that to me, I was looking at him, and I was wondering what his point was even going to be. But I just decided not to say anything.

"Well, I heard that there are some things in this forest, and that is why some parents are just kind of scared to let their kids into this area. Parents sometimes believe that even if monsters are not real, that there are some pretty dangerous and scary stuff here." After Dakota was saying this to me, he was looking like he was wishing that I was going to be leaving this subject alone for the time being. I was just wanting to know so much more.

"Can you explain why people believe that things are happening here?" I asked, and then I was looking right at him, and I was seeing that he was just looking a bit scary, wondering what the hell the point even was. "I mean, if there is something going on, I would not really want to be getting my parents worried about me." I was saying, and he was looking a bit scared about my reaction, and that I was taking this so seriously.

"Honestly, I think that you are just needing to relax and stuff. I mean, I think that there is virtually no chance that something is going to happen, and that you just need to be remembering that these are just stories." After Dakota was telling me this, I was seeing him looking like he was kind of wishing that I would stop taking things so seriously.

"Yeah, I am on Dakota's side on this one. I think that if you are really too worried about this, then you will not be enjoying your time here, and I would not want that for you." Ashley had said that to me, she was looking like she was wishing that I was going to be calming down a bit more, and then I was taking a deep breath, wishing that maybe I could be able to find a way to change this subject and find a way to get them to find something else that they would enjoy speaking of more.

"Well, if you guys are saying so, I will try my best to not be sounding too worried about this stuff." I said, and then I was looking at them, wondering what the hell I was even going to say now. I was looking right at them, and despite the fact that they were being careful about this, I was just wishing that I was going to be able to see where this was even going.

Despite everything going on, I really had no idea what the hell was going to be heading on now. I was just looking right at my friends, and I was just feeling like I needed to find something to properly find some fun with this whole thing. "So guys, what do you feel like can really add or take away some validity to this monster stuff?" I asked, and then I was looking at them, hoping that they were not going to just be acting annoyed here, and that they were going to actually give me some real ass answers here.

"Well, I mean, we all know that monsters are not real and stuff, so I think that everything is all that big of a deal. I think that these monsters are just for fun, and that we just want to be making a bunch of fun stuff going on here." After she had said that to me, I was seeing her looking like she was wishing to be finding something else to say. So I was just feeling like I was going to just be taking this whole thing carefully.

"I mean, all these stories must have some form of truth here. I mean, that is why legends begin in the first place." I looked at them, and then I was seeing both Dakota and Ashley looking like they had no desire to be keeping this whole thing up. I was seeing that neither one of them were thinking that I was actually having that much fun with this whole thing.

"That doesn't really always have to be true. But I think that you just need to be taking this whole thing a bit carefully, and not go over the top about it." After she was saying this to me, I was looking at Ashley, and I was wanting more than anything for her to just work with me here, but I think that she was just wanting to be firm with this now.

"Sorry, I was just giving my personal opinion." I said, and then I was looking at them, and I was just kind of wishing that we were going to be leaving the story alone, and that I was honestly just not even having all that much on this anymore. I felt like they had made their points, and I was just kind of wanting to move on with this as fast as possible.

"Anyways, so Sheldon, do you think that monsters are real or not?" Dakota asked me, and then I was looking right at him, and I was wondering what the point of that question was. It had been one of the strangest questions ever, since it has been proven that these things aren't exactly real. So I wasn't really aware that this was exactly a serious question and stuff.

"I would highly doubt it to be honest. I think that the chances of monsters being real are very small." After I had said that to him, I was wondering if I was going to be letting him down a while, but at the same time, I was just feeling like I needed to actually think about what I was going to do now. I had to at least try and figure out if this was worth all the discussion.

"But you're not saying they aren't real. You said the chances are very low, not impossible." After Ashley brought this up, I was looking at them, and I was seriously wondering what the fucking point of this was even going to be. In all honesty, I was feeling like they were taking this whole monster thing way too seriously, and it was getting kind of annoying.

"I guess that there is always a remote chance that I can be wrong about them. I mean, there is no reason to totally deny them if there is a small chance that they could be real." I said, and then I was looking at them, and I was wondering what they were even going to try and accomplish here. I was just feeling like if they wanted to get more out of me, I was going to actually be putting my fucking foot down and tell them to basically fucking stop.

"Well, if monsters are real, I think that it would be rather cool to see them. You know, I just want to see what the heck is going on. I think that there is something here, eating up all the people going missing." Dakota said, and then he was holding up his hands, and I was seeing him looking like he was really excited to be playing around at this whole thing. As I was looking at him, I was feeling like he was just taking the joke too far.

"Yeah, I guess that if monsters are real, it would be pretty cool. I mean, I never really thought too much about it." I said, and then I was smiling the longer that I had been talking, thinking about what it would have been like if monsters really were real, and then I was looking at both of them, and I was wondering what the heck they were having in their minds. "And if they are real, I am going to go up to them, and I am going to beat their asses." That comment made both Ashley and Dakota laugh, and I was seeing that they were just really having a lot of fun here.

"And then when you tell them to go away, you will be considered one of the greatest heroes in the history of Wayside. Everybody is going to party for you, and love you for the rest their lives." After Dakota said that, he was holding his hands up, and he was looking at us, and I was seeing Ashley looking like she was wanting to say something, but that she was just sort of wanting to see how far we were going to be going with this whole thing.

"You guys are taking this thing way too seriously. If you want to fight the monsters, you just simply got to scare them and show that they exist to people." After she had said that to us, I was seeing her looking at us, and I was just sort of wanting to see what she was going to say at this rate. I was wondering if she really thought that I was going to be able to keep this whole thing together, and just mess around like this.

"I think that monsters are just a little bit stronger than us." I said, and then she was looking at me, and I was seeing her looking like she was wanting me to say something that wasn't super obvious, but at the same time, she was also just looking like she was not wanting to say anything else either. But at the same time, I was just wanting to continue the fun, and just make this whole thing work out more.

"So Sheldon, do you think that you could be able to fight against monsters if you could have wanted to?" After Ashley asked me this, I was shrugging, and then I was thinking that this was a question that was just super stupid. I was feeling like there was literally no way in hell that I could have even tried to fight them, or lasted very long if I did.

"I think the best outcome out of fighting monsters is going to the fucking hospital." I said, and then I was smiling at this idea, thinking of what it would be like to be forced to go to the hospital, where I could not have to go to school for a few days, and that I could be able to get away with no homework.

"At least I wouldn't have to deal with boring classes, so I guess that maybe that would make it worth it." I said, and then I was smiling for a while longer, and I was wondering how much these people had been thinking about this whole thing. "Honestly, I think that I might be willing to do it just to not go to school." I laughed my fucking ass off at that idea, and then I was seeing that both Dakota and Ashley were looking like they had no idea what to be thinking to that idea. As I was about to say something, there was something that stopped my thoughts right there, and I was looking at Dakota and Ashley, this time really kind of scared, and wondering if I was going crazy or not.

It was this really loud grinding noise, that I could not really fully describe, but it was sounding like something was being just, well, grinded up, and it had gone on for several minutes, and my mind was actually hurting by the end of it. There was nothing going on that was making it seem like it was going to be wearing down, and in all honesty, it was actually starting to get really annoying to listen to.

I was wondering what could have been taking so long to just mush up, and I was feeling like if they were just trying to make something like cow meat or whatever, it would have been over with by now. But it kept going for about ten or fifteen minutes. And the entire time that this had been going on, I was seeing both Ashley and Dakota looking a bit scared, and I knew that this was the one time that I should really just keep the comments to myself, and not be saying anything that they might not like.

When it had started to wear down, my mind was running at a million miles an hour, and I was feeling like if I did not know what was going on, I was going to go crazy, and I was just going to have to get it out of my mind by asking at least. "So guys, what the fucking hell was that? It really hurt my ears, and I don't know if I can be able to think about anything else." I said, and then I was looking at them, just trying to wrap my mind around what was happening now.

"It goes off often here. I would not be too worried about it. If you try and find a way to learn what it is, you are going to be going crazy. You are not going to actually know it. So just sort of ignore it. After you hear it the first several times, the noise doesn't bother you too much. Just kind of hurts your ears." After Dakota was telling me all this, I was seeing even him looking unsure of what the hell he was saying. I was seeing that he was just saying a bunch of bullshit, and that he was just probably trying to be making himself feel better about this.

"How often does it go off?" I asked, truly uncertain of what the hell I was even getting myself into. I was looking right at both of them, and this was the one thing that I had hoped that they would have been able to answer me, and not just dance around it for no fucking reason. I needed to know how much I needed to subject myself to this shit.

"It really doesn't happen super often. The fastest it has happened was only twenty eight days after the previous event. The longest that it has happened as far as I am aware is eight months. You never get used to it. The longest I remember was five months or something." After Dakota told me this, he was clearly looking like even he wanted to drop the subject, and I was glad to be seeing that at least we were all just kind of over this.

"Do you know what is going on in there?" I asked, and I was just trying way too hard to get to know everything, and while I was being over the top about this, and even I could admit that looking back, at that moment, I genuinely felt like I needed to know what the hell was happening. It had ruined everything, and I was kind of not even enjoying this anymore.

"Well, if there are monsters, I would assume that they are part of what is happening. But I don't know. In all honesty, I am not even sure if I care." Ashley said, and she was looking right at both of us, and I was seeing her wrapping her arms around her legs, looking like there was nothing else that she was even wanting to discuss was. I saw her just looking like she was totally out of it this time, as sad as it was.

"Sorry, I should have just left the subject alone for a while." I said, and then I was looking at her, and I was feeling like I had nothing better to say, and that if I even tried to say something else, I was going to just be sounding rather insincere, and that nobody was going to listen to me.

"Don't worry about it. Everybody who moves here has to hear it for the first time, so I would just not take it too seriously. That being said, we really should head home now." Dakota said, and then he was looking at both Ashley and I, as he was walking to a fridge, which I didn't even see was in there in the first place, and was rather odd for a fucking tree house to have, and then he pulled out three cans of beer.

"First off, how do you know that was there? Second, why do we have to leave? Third, do you seriously think we should drink it?" I asked, really having no idea what else to say now, and I was seeing Dakota looking right at me, and that look on his face was giving me a 'stop taking this so damn seriously.'

"One of my classmates told me, and I've been here before. We have to leave because of the labyrinth parties. And hell yeah we're going to drink them when we are out of sight." With that, we were heading out of the tree house, where Dakota gave Ashley and I a different can, and as we were walking along, I had one other question I wanted to ask.

"So what are these labyrinth parties that you were talking about?" I asked, and I was looking at Dakota, and I was seeing him looking like he was kind of regretting ever bringing that up, as he was taking a drink out of his beer. As he was starting to drink it, I was starting to just want to hang out with my friends tonight. "I mean, are they like really dangerous or anything like that." I said, and then I was seeing him looking totally unsure what to tell me.

"Every time that grinding noise goes off, the teenagers and adults go on and have a giant party up there. I would not be too worried about it. It's just older kids being dicks, and trying to be funny." Dakota said as he was drinking more, and I decided that I would have a sip or two, and I was wondering if Dakota had some before, given how fast he was just bringing it down, and how much he was looking like he had no real issue with this.

"So now people are celebrating the most annoying thing in the entire fucking world? Why the hell are people willing to do something like this?" I asked, trying to just wrap my mind around this all, but as I was saying this all, I was seeing Dakota looking like he was kind of just wishing that he had never brought this up, since I was taking this whole thing way too seriously.

"Well, I don't know if you could call it the most annoying thing in the world when you hear some of our classmates, and hang out with them. God some of them are the worst." Ashley said, and then I was looking at her, and she was looking pissed at the thought of them, and I was wondering what the issue was, but I just decided not to say much.

"Why are some of your classmates so annoying?" I asked, and then I was just wanting to see what the hell she was even trying to accomplish with this. I was also hoping that I could use this as a way to just sort of get this whole thing over with." I said, and then I was looking right at her, and I was wishing that she would have just given me the real answer here.

"Because they act like they are so much better than us, and they act like we are just losers." After Ashley said that, I was just feeling like I wanted to know more, but at the same time, I didn't want to piss her off, so I was just keeping quiet, and I was wishing that no matter what was happening, she was not going to be too annoyed with what was going on right now.

"Well, I guess that I don't have to hang out with them." I said, and then I was trying to just sound calm and collected about this. I was wanting to find my way out of this. By this point, all three of us had at least one drink, since I was seeing Ashley taking some sips, and I was smiling, as I took another one.

"Have you guys ever drank before?" I asked, deciding to just know what they would have said, since I was going to go crazy if I didn't know the truth. I was feeling like the moment was just going to be too perfect for them to just brush me off. I was feeling like Dakota was probably going to be proud of his answer, in all honesty.

"I drank some stuff from my parents cabinet, and I just always have a shot or two, although I have never had something like this before." After he had said that to me, he was sounding like this was fucking special, and I was wondering what the heck he was talking about here, and I was just sort of wanting to know why he was not wanting to talk about some other things.

"I have never had anything before." I said, deciding that I might as well just tell them the truth, even if it was making me feel a bit like a fucking loser. But as I was saying this, Ashley was looking at me, and she was looking like she would use this as a chance to make me not feel as bad here.

"I never drank much before either. I never really got the point of it. This doesn't taste too bad though." She said, and then she was laughing at that, as if feeling like something like this was hilarious. I didn't know why she was so excited about this, but I decided not to be saying anything else, knowing that she was just sort of wanting to have some fun here, and didn't want me to be ruining anything here.

As we had been walking along, I was then thinking about how I could have been able to keep this conversation up for a while longer. "So if you never really had these types of drinks before, do you think that your parents might be a bit annoyed if they knew the truth?" I asked, and then I was just feeling like what I had asked was valid enough, although it looked like none of them really thought too much on it.

"I would not be too worried about this right now. They can just suck it up if they are going to be angry at this." After Dakota had said that to me, I was smiling, and I was just thinking that the way he was proving his point was hilarious, and I was really enjoying this. But the longer that we had been talking the less certain that I had been here.

Eventually, we were getting near our houses, and by this point, when nearly an hour had passed, all three of us had finished our drinks, and threw them all away on the ground. I didn't want to get in trouble with my parents, so I was just thinking that I could go right to my room, and as I was laying down on bed, I was hearing more cars than usual pass by. Well, usual from the couple of weeks that I had been here. About twenty minutes after I went in my room, I got a knock on my door. I felt like maybe enough time passed to where I could get away with this now, so I gave them permission.

It was Riley, which I was actually glad to see now. "Oh my god, were you drinking? You should open up your window." She said, and then I rolled my eyes, wishing that she was not so fucking loud about this, and then she was looking right at me for a moment or two. "Anyways, now that I know what you are doing with your friends, I think I might have a deal for you."

I knew that she could tattle on me and stuff, so I decided that I better listen to her, so I gave her permission to tell me what her deal was. "I will not tell mom and dad about what you did, and it can be our little secret, if you let me go to that party that is happening tonight, and you never tell them." She said, and then my eyes dropped, scared that she knew of the party, throwing away any fear of having others know.

"You know of those parties?" I asked, and then I realized that she probably knew about them longer than I did, and that I just needed to stop acting like I was so much more aware of what was happening. "Anyways, you want to be going to one of those?" I was just taking this a bit better now, for my own sake.

"Yes, I do know them, and yes I want to go. But I am scared mom and dad would say no. So I plan to leave tonight, and if you never tell them about what I'm doing, I will never tell them your plans. Deal?" She asked, and I was thinking that maybe this was going to be the only way that she was going to be branching out, and living a life of her own, and even if we never got along super well, I did want what was best for her, so I was holding my hands out, and agreed with this.

She shook my head, and she was looking super happy to see me actually be willing to let her have a life of her own, and at that moment, seeing the look on her face, I was seeing her looking like she was actually kind of excited to know me now. As if she was feeling like maybe she had judged me too harshly.

With that, she was closing my door, and I was actually happy to be seeing her looking like she had approved of me for once, and I was wanting to keep this whole thing up for a while longer. With that, I was placing myself fully down on the bed, and I was feeling my friendship with Dakota and Ashley was going to be perfect, and for once, I knew that I was going to just love living here, not just with my friends, but maybe with my family.

It was the first time that my sister had treated me with real respect in weeks, and I was seeing that maybe I just needed to not be making a big deal out of this whole thing. As I was planning on sleeping for a while longer, I was wondering if maybe we were going to be making more tiny little secret deals, or if there was no need to be doing this too much. I knew that this was bullshit, but in a way, I was just sort of curious, and I was just wanting to see where this would have gone.

Eventually, I closed my eyes, and fell asleep, and that was the last major event that happened until the last day of summer break, and by this point, about five weeks had passed since the previous session with the grinder, and I was feeling like I could put it all behind me, and forget about it a bit longer, and not be sort of making this a big deal.

When I was walking around on that final day of summer, that was when I was walking around, and I was seeing there being a guy who was around our age, and he was currently riding on a bike. As he was crossing by me, I decided to introduce myself to him by calling him out. "Hey, are you in the fourth grade?" I asked, and then he parked the bike, and looked right at me for a moment.

"Yeah, are you in the fourth grade as well?" After he had asked me, I was seeing him looking relatively bored and possibly even annoyed, which I could have seen if I was actually thinking logically, but then I was placing my hand to the back of my head, and I was smiling at him for a moment, trying to find something to say.

"Yeah, I was just wondering if maybe you and I were going to run into each other at school." I said, and then he was looking like he was wishing this entire conversation could just end, and that in all honesty, he was just not caring about what I had to say at all. "So, do you know Dakota and Ashley?" I asked, since I was wondering if there was a way that I could be able to get him to maybe join along for the ride.

"Yeah, I know them. But I would not worry too much about getting to have them hang out with me. I know that they are not really big fans of me. I mean, they're nice and all, but the way they act makes it clear." After he had said that to me, I was seeing him looking like he was wishing to leave the subject alone for now, and then I was just sort of wanting to find something I could say.

"Oh, that sucks. Hey, what is your name?" I asked, hoping that maybe asking him this could have made him feel at least slightly better, and I was hoping that no matter what I asked, he was going to at least treat me well. "My name is Sheldon. I moved here a little less than two months ago, and I have been liking it here for the most part." I said, just trying to find a way to keep the discussion up for a while longer, and make the subject seem at least somewhat fun.

"I'm Harold Wilson. My father is one of the most rich people in our class. So if you mess with me too much, I bet that my dad will make it very hard for you to take things easier." After he had said that to me, I was looking at him, and I was seeing that he was clearly wanting to use this as a intimidation tactic. But despite this, I was seeing him looking like he had wanted to say more.

"Oh yeah, do you think that I might be able to meet him?" I asked, and then he was laughing at that question, as if thinking that this was really good material, and I was wondering what the issue was. But I was feeling like in order to not piss him off or anything that I would just leave the subject alone.

"I think that my father is rather picky about who he wants me to know. I mean, if you are cool enough, he might be willing to give you a chance. But I think that you would have to sort of earn that right." After he had said that to me, I was looking right at him, and I was looking down, wishing that he had a better answer. But that was just not going to go in my favor.

"Damn it, I was hoping that this wouldn't have been an issue." I said, and then I was looking right at him, wishing that I had something else to say. But then before I could have been able to say something like this, there was that sound again. A sound that I almost entirely forgot about, but the moment it came, I was filled with both immense dread, and excitement as well, wondering what was going to be coming from it next. The noise wasn't as bad the second time around, and the look on Harold's face was almost one of glee, as strange as that is.

"Hey, want to go to that party tonight? I think that if you want to prove yourself and stuff, you could do it? You know, sort of show people that you have what it takes to get right into the scene." After Harold said that to me, I was thinking about what he had said, and while I did want to go, I was scared that Riley would be there as well, and she would not be so willing to cut me off from getting told twice, and I was just thinking I could get in trouble.

As I had thought on it for a moment, I was thinking that in a way, this would be the perfect way to end summer, and even if something was to come up, and sort of put a taint on it, I could not care less, and that was all that I needed to remember here. "Fuck yeah, let's do it. I hope that maybe it could be as exciting as my sister says it is." I said, and then Harold looked at me, really excited to see this.

"I knew you were going to say yes. I just had a feeling that you would have it in you." After he had said that to me, I was nodding, and I was feeling like this was going to be the moment that everything was going to work out for the best, and with that, I was seeing him looking like he had a different question that he was having in mind.

"Who is your sister anyways? Since you brought her up?" After he asked me, I shrugged, thinking that there was no reason to lie to him, and I was feeling like maybe if I told him, and he approved of her, then there was a chance that he was going to basically think that I was a good kid and everything. Even if chances were likely he didn't know her at all.

"Her name is Riley. She went to the one that happened about five weeks ago." I said, and then I was looking at him, wondering what the heck he was going to tell me here. He shrugged, as if feeling like he really had no idea who she was. "She's the one with the red hair."

That was a comment that seemed to slightly shock him, since I knew that in his mind he was wondering how the hell she was related to me, if we looked nothing alike. I decided that I would not even bring this up as a subject of conversation when I just simply said "Yeah, I know, none of it makes any fucking sense." I said, and then after that, he was shrugging, and I was seeing him looking like he had known there was no point in pursuing the subject further.

"Well, I have a feeling you don't want to talk about your sister too much." After he had said that to me, I was laughing, glad to be hearing him say this himself, and then after he had said that to me, I was smiling, and I was staring at him, feeling like the party was going to be exciting enough to go to.

"So, if we go to the party, I think we are going to have to head out soon. You know, that way we could get there on time. It usually starts three hours or so after the noise happens." After he had said that to me, I was seeing him looking like he was wishing to find something else to say, but just could not find anything else. As we were heading along, I was thinking of what to say.

"What about these parties do you really know?" I asked, and then he was looking at me, and he was looking like this was the question that he was glad to hear me ask. He was looking like this was something that he could be able to just brag about, and then I was wondering why the hell he was trying to just get me so excited for nothing really.

"I just know how awesome they are. I go to them all the fucking time. At least for the last year or so. I just kind of blend in, so that way people don't get to bitch about my age all that much." After he had said that to me, I was seeing him looking like this was something he was proud of, and then I was smiling at this, knowing that as long as he was happy about this, I was not going to be making a big deal out of it.

"Do you think that people even care if people our age show up or not?" I asked, and then after a moment, he was shrugging, thinking that there was nothing to say to this. In a way, he was feeling like I was looking into this too much for my own good, which I had a feeling I was going to be getting a lot of that now, which was kind of annoying, but at that moment, I was just not caring all that much what they said.

Eventually, we reached the tree house, and once there, I just tried to blend in, and I was messing around, trying my best to be playing at the party, and the entire time that this was happening, I was getting some form of dizzy feeling here. Probably from all the shots that I had here and there. But in a way, I was just not able to get a good picture in my head. I wished that I did, because if I did, I might have been able to remember what I saw, and had a good idea what to be doing now. But since I did not, I had no memories of anything at all, and when it mattered the most, I couldn't help around, and I wasn't able to do anything at all.

The first few days of school this year, were actually shockingly very pleasant. Not much stuff going on though. It felt very nice to actually be able to have a life where people weren't making fun of me on a constant fucking basis. I was feeling like when I was seeing the classmates of mine actually treat me well, and nobody actually acting like I was stupid or anything, I was finally feeling like I could have been at peace with all that was going on.

But while I was doing well, Riley was not doing well at all, and everything seemed to be going wrong with her. My point can be shown when Riley was stomping home on saturday afternoon, and when she was inside of the house, she was very angry, and none of us were aware of what the issue was. Even mon seemed to not have very much patience with what was going on, and she was looking like this was something that she was not going to have the time to really deal with here. "Mom, Dad, what the hell happened with Christen?" After she asked this, my father looked up.

"Your friend Christen? Has something happened?" After he asked her this, she was looking at him, kind of annoyed with the very existence of this question, and he was just looking like he was wanting to pretend like he wasn't too annoyed with this, but the look on his eyes were just escaping that, and he was clearly just wishing that he could get a answer.

"She went missing today, and that is all that I know. I was wanting to know if you guys had something." After she had said that to my parents, I was noticing that she had not even paid any attention with me. It was at that moment that I was feeling like I could bring up the parties, just trying to figure something out.

"Did she go to the labyrinth party on Monday?" I asked, and then Riley was looking at me, and I was seeing her looking like she was almost feeling betrayed at my mention of this, and I was feeling like I needed to tread on very thin ice, that way I could still keep some respect from Riley, make sure that mom and dad knew what these were, and still keep what I did almost two months ago to myself. It was overwhelming honestly.

"What is a labyrinth party, Sheldon?" My mother asked, and she was clearly looking like she was not having too much patience for this, but I was glad to be seeing that she was willing to give me a chance at least. "If you know something, Riley has to know, that way she could have a chance to see her friend."

"They are these parties that get thrown at a old treehouse in the forest every time that grinding noise goes off. I only found out about it on Monday, the last time that the noise went off. A guy I went to school with tried to convince me to go, but I didn't want to do something without your permission." I said, and then I was seeing that Riley looked glad that I kept our secret a moment longer, feeling like maybe she could still treat me fair, but I was going to later regret not ratting her out.

"Sure, she might have gone, but that has nothing to do with it. Oh my god Sheldon, don't waste my time." Riley said, and she was just sounding too annoyed to be even looking at the way she was talking with us. I was seeing that my parents were both just kind of wishing that they would have a way to resolve this at least relatively peaceful.

"Well, the last time somebody went missing was only a couple of days after the last party, from what I heard, and I heard that she went to it." I said, and I was just feeling like if nobody was going to give me a chance, or listen to me, I was going to have no choice but to be more aggressive with the way that I was going to try and make my point. Dad was looking at us, and I was seeing that he had enough here.

"Enough you two. I will not be listening to you guys arguing with each other over this whole thing. I want you two to get along for christ sake. Do you know who the name of the last person who went missing was?" After he had asked me this, I looked right at him, and I was having to think about it for a few seconds before I could answer.

"Some seventeen year old girl named Lauren. I barely know anything about it. All that I know is that she went to the party, and that she went missing less than a week later." I said, and then I was glancing at Riley, feeling like if she had been the one to go missing, I would have tied this to the party. Then with that, my father was sighing, and rubbed his eyes, and stood up, ready to us calmly.

"Alright, well, I think that we can call the police, and see what they might be saying about this..." He said, and then Riley cut him off, as if not even wanting to deal with anything like this, and that she was just feeling like he was wasting her fucking time, which was making my father just sort of clearly tired of this.

"Guys, the police already know about this. That is the only reason I heard about this in the first place. I want to know if we can be able to find her, and keep her safe." After she had said that to my father, he was looking right up, and he was just looking like that was the worst idea in the world that she was able to suggest to him.

"If there is a girl who is going missing, then I do not want my daughter to go around and acting like a idiot." My father, and then when I heard that, I realized that he said 'daughter' which didn't include me, and I was feeling like that was my way of getting out of this. So before they had a moment to think, I was running to my own shoes, putting them on, and running to the door of the house, much to the horror all three of them.

"Who knows if Ashley is going to be safe? I want to just see that she is fine." I said, and then I started to run off, and before I was fully gone, and when I was still hearing some of their voices, I had heard my father calling out to me one final time, just trying his best to get me back inside.

"Don't go out. You better not go. Riley is going to need you to stay here in case we have to leave!" After he was done yelling this, or that was all that I heard, I was feeling like there was a good chance that I was going to get grounded here, and in that moment, I honestly just did not give a single fuck. I had felt like this was the only choice that I had heard.

I did partially tell the truth. I did reach Ashley's house, and when I knocked on her door, she looked at me, and she was clearly looking just kind of confused as to why I was panting like crazy for no real good reason. "I was wanting to make sure that you were fine. I didn't want anything to happen to you." I said, and then she was looking at me, clearly feeling out of it here.

"Why are you so worried about me?" She asked, and then I was taking more breaths, just trying to wrap my mind around the moment, and when I was done, I smiled, and then I looked right at her, to make her feel better now. "I mean, did you seriously run all the way to the fucking house just to say that?

"Riley's friend Christen went missing, and I was just wanting to make sure that nothing happened to you. I was just scared that if something happened to you, then it would turn out the same way as her." I said, and then she was looking like she had no idea what the hell she was even going to tell me here. Although she was sighing a bit, wanting to just remain calm here.

"Well, I think that if she is gone, we will just have to make sure that nothing happens to Riley. But I'm personally fine." After Christen said that to me, I was sighing, and I was just trying to find a way to keep my thoughts together and calm, and to the point, with her not feeling like I was just pulling on strings for no real reason.

"I think that this is because she might have gone to the recent labyrinth party." I said, and I was slowly remembering back to the labyrinth party, or at least a small part of it, when I was starting to get inside with Harold, and he was smiling, looking like he was just on top of the world.

I was seeing Harold holding up his hands and he was telling me that this is the stuff that I should be going to more often if I was wanting a solid chance of being fully popular here and stuff. As he was telling me this, I was looking a few feet in front of me, and I was seeing a girl in a white shirt, and when I connected the dots, I think it was Christen.

"Sheldon, what is happening. Can you please focus on what is going on?" After Ashley asked me this, and got me out of the moment, I was looking right at her, and I was scared that I had started to make her worried about me, thinking that I was just being a bit over the top, and that I needed to stop being so dramatic. "You just seemed to be going off there for a moment, and I was kind of scared for a second."

"I was just confirming in my mind that she was indeed at the party. I am like ninety five percent certain that she went. Honestly, I think that if I want to be able to find her, I am going to have to go to that tree house again, and see if I could find something." I said, and then she was looking at me, just looking totally out of it right now.

"Do you seriously want to be going there? Do you seriously want to find Christen?" She asked, and then I was thinking about it for a second, and the longer that I thought on it, the less and less certain that I was here. "I mean, there is no reason for you to be getting so worried if this is something you are not too worried about."

"I don't want to find her. I don't care that much for myself. But I feel like Riley will want to find her, and I don't want her angry." I said, and then I was staring right at her, and then I was wondering what she was going to say to this. I was seeing her looking like she was just sort of out of it when I told her this.

"But if Riley wants to find her, shouldn't you be letting her take care of it?" After she asked me this, I was shrugging, and I was feeling like I just needed to have a moment to think deeper on what was going on. I was seeing that she was just looking a bit tired of this, and I wanted to just find something that could have helped her out.

"I guess you could be right, but I doubt that anybody will try and find her. I think that Riley might complain about it, but I doubt anything will change." After I told her this, I was seeing Ashley looking like there was not much that she even could have said to this. She had looked like I was being a bit dramatic about this. I was seeing her looking like she had wanted to just tell me to stop, but none of that happened.

"Sheldon, you don't need to worry about finding her. I mean, if you really care so much, you would be able to just not really get something. I mean, even if she did go to the party, and something happened because of that, the tree house has probably been cleaned up enough, and there is nothing going on." After she had said that to me, I was seeing her looking like she was wanting me to at least consider what her point was here.

"But what if there is a chance that something is there?" I asked, and she was just rubbing her hair, and I saw that whatever she was going to say next was going to be ruining things for me, and I was not wanting to actually hear it. But in a way, I had felt like I was going to need to hear it.

"Sheldon, if something is there, you are going to be putting yourself in danger, and everything will just be pointless. I think you must understand that there is no point in going along with something that is going to hurt you." After she had said that to me, I was thinking about what she said, and I was actually thinking she had a point here.

"Okay fine. I just hope that the police find her." I said, and then I was sighing, feeling like I was doing something wrong, especially when more flashes of the party were coming to me, and I was feeling like I just needed to try and find a way to keep her safe. But I guess that I would be fine for a moment. And for another while, that was also the last that I had heard or thought of something like this, and it was all fine.

The next relatively important bit showed up when we were showing up to school one day before Winter Break started, and when this was happening, I was kind of wondering what my parents were going to plan on doing. I was wondering if maybe they were going to use one of the two weeks to let us have a chance to go back down south, or if we were going to spend the entire time here. I hoped it was the latter.

As I was inside of school, Dakota came up to me, and he was looking bored out of his fucking mind, which I had grown used to being not associated with me and stuff. "So we are going to be going to an assembly today, and it is going to be the most boring one in the year." After Dakota said that to me, I was rolling my eyes, thinking that there was nothing more boring than the intro assemblies on the first day.

"Trust me, these assemblies are either history lessons or lectures about not using drugs. Trust me, they are not that fun or exciting." After he had told me this, I was seeing him looking like he had wished that I was going to listen to me this time. "I mean, I doubt you want to listen to the history of Wayside."

"I would rather do that than listen to a lecture on drugs." I said, and then Dakota was shrugging in a 'fair enough' fashion. I was not in the mood for this man to lecture me about not using drugs, and to be a good kid or whatever for the rest of my life. I was feeling like if he was going to do that, I might have fallen asleep.

Eventually, we were in the room, and Ashley was sitting down next to me, and to be honest, I had totally forgotten about Riley's friend Christen going missing, and I had totally forgotten about most of the labyrinth stuff and grinder and labyrinth parties. I mean, they were still at the back of my mind. But more in a 'when will it happen next' than anything else.

As I had been thinking about all of this, that was when there was a guy with a white vest showing up, and holding up his fingers and trying to just play around and have fun when he was seeing us. Then when he was done, he had stared right at all of us, and from the smile on his face, I could tell that he was a good guy at least.

"Young children, I am glad that you guys came here for the annual discussion about how this town came to be the way it is today. My name is Jimmy White, and I am currently running for the office of mayor here." After he had said that to us, I was seeing him just looking at us all for a second longer, trying to think of a way to at this properly.

"So to start with, I am aware that most of you will never care for this too much, and I am sorry about this. But knowing the truth of this town is always important for people to be ready in the world." After he was saying that to us, I was seeing him looking as if he was sincerely caring for the way that we were going to handle ourselves, and I was wondering what his plans were going to be if people were not willing to listen to him.

"Well, the town used to be a relatively obscure place that nobody paid much attention to, nor really cared about. Most people just sort of minded their own business when it came to this place, and at one point in time, we were pretty fine with this. But certain situations in town caused us to be forced to be more worried about this stuff." After he had said that, I was wondering what the heck he was tallking about. I was wondering if something happened here.

"The main thing that changed the attitude with our town was when there was a mining accident. Something that destroyed several of the mines here. Most people would say it was an explosion, and some would say it was just a landslide. Regardless, the mines were just unable to keep up going for any longer, and when this had happened, there was a shortage of the one thing that we were able to use at one point in time for revenue. And that is ore." He said, and then I was thinking that his statements were fine enough, since I was ten years old, and didn't think much of it.

"Without the source, most of us started to get poor, and we were forced to look at a couple of options. And that was either move out, or just fight for a way to keep our town safe, where we can be able to live here any longer." After he had said that, this was when he was smiling, and for some reason, this was something that he was rather proud of.

"Some of us decided to stick around. One man here, a person named Sherman Peabody, decided that there was no real good reason to just run away, when there were probably at least a couple of mines working, and not only that, but just other options that could have been able to give us some options." After he had said that to all of us, I was wondering how he was able to repair the town, or if he was just sort of over blowing the story a bit.

"He felt that there was a way we could be able to stay here longer, and with a lot of time, a lot of recources, and even more dedication, he was able to save our town by just simply getting us together, coming up with a plan, and we all worked together, in our own ways, and we brought the town back to the prosperous town we know of it today." He smiled, and was looking like he was almost done with the main part of his story.

"Back them, we would have been lucky to two of three people move here every year, and there was hardly any real way to get people to want to believe that this was going to be worth it. Now with this in mind, we have a person moving here nearly every month, and people who are very satisfied and love this city." When he said that, I shrugged, thinking that I couldn't argue with him.

"People always talk about not having too much pride with the stuff that you have, but trust me, when you recover your town from literally nothing, there is no way not to have at least some pride here, and there is no way to not be happy for the progress that you have made. But we always know that there are ways that we could make this place even better." When he was done with this part, he smiled for the second time, and this time, it felt slightly more forced looking back.

"And for that reason, I am planning on running for the office of mayor this coming election. If I am elected, I promise to do my best to end the small amount of poverty that this town is facing." After this, he threw in one other tiny remark for us "If any of you have any questions here, you can ask us."

When that showed up, there was one question that I had in mind, and he answered two or three other ones that didn't even matter before getting to mine. When he got to me, I was excited, placed my hand down, and asked right away. "Why is there the term 'labyrinth' being used around here?" After I asked him this, he took a second to think about what I was talking about, and then smiled when he got it in his mind.

"Well, young man, the real reason we have the term labyrinth being used around here is the fact that most of these mines were all connected, and many of them went deep underground, and many of them just spanned around, and sometimes, even went to some parts under our town. It was very hard for normal people to navigate. Hell, even for normal workers to do so. That is why it was called labyrinth. Because of the maze like feeling to it." After he had said that to me, I nodded, satisfied with his answer.

When he was done, we had about another five or six questions, and when we were done, about an hour and a half passed during the presentation, and in all honesty, I only remembered the bits I mentioned earlier. Everything else was just not even all that important, and I just think that I kind of have to stick to the main point here, if I want to help the story be told. Eventually, Dakota, Ashley and I were just hanging around.

"Why did he feel the need to tell us that anyways?" I asked, as if that was the only part of this that I really just could not get my mind around. Dakota looked at me, and I was seeing that he was looking bored, and like he was kind of wishing that we were going to talk about something else, that could have been of more interest to him.

Before I could even think about what I would be able to talk with Dakota and Ashley about random and pointless things, that was when the principal was coming up to me, and I was seeing that he was having a very serious look on his face. When he was looking at me, I was scared of what he was wanting to tell me. "Hey Sheldon, I think that we need to talk with you for a moment." After he had said that to me, I was looking right up at him, and I was confused on what was happening.

"Okay, sorry if I did anything that can get you in trouble." I said, and then I was standing up, and then the principal was holding up his hands, and I was seeing that for a moment, I was glad to know that this was probably not the issue here. But I was following him anyways, not wanting to piss him off. If I angered him, any chances of him being calm with me would be gone.

We reached the office, and he was looking right at me, as if angry at something, and I was seriously just trying to understand what the hell was happening. "So Sheldon, take a seat." He said, and then I agreed readily, and then I stared right at him, wondering what the hell was happening. "I have some very important news for you. Something that you might not want really to hear." He said, and then I looked at him, wanting to get to the chase.

"Your sister Riley hasn't been seen all day Sheldon. I think that your parents are going to have to be the ones who will tell you all the details." After he had said that to me, I looked right at him, wondering what the hell he had said. I genuinely thought that he was just making this shit up, and I was scared out of my mind, wondering what happened to her.

"Maybe she went to school earlier than expected, and then..." I said, and then after I had said that to him, he was looking at me, and he was shaking his head. He was looking like he had wanted to say something better, but that was just not going to work. Then with that, I was just telling myself to wait for him to finish.

"No, literally nobody has seen her today. Her room was all dirty and stuff when her parents went in to look after the school called her that she had not shown up today. We have no idea what is happening, and we think that she might be in danger or something." After he had said that to me, I was looking at him, as if giving him a sort of 'no shit' look, and he was just wishing that I was more calm here, and not making a issue out of this.

"Your mother is coming along in a moment, and when she shows up, she is going to take you home." After he had said that to me, I was sighing, and I decided to just listen to him this time, and while I wanted to argue with him more, I knew that arguing with him was going to get me nowhere. So with that, I stood up, and I was just shaking my head.

"Damn it, I can't believe this is happening." I said, and then he was sighing, and I saw he was clearly just looking like he had wanted to say something else, but that if he was going to try and make me feel better, it was going to feel very insincere, or just kind of forced, and I think that even he must have understood this.

"Sheldon, the police are going to do their best to make sure she is going to come home, and that she is going to be safe. Please don't worry too much about it." After he had said that to me, I was seeing him looking like he was just wishing to say something, but that he was going to keep himself calm and collected.

"The police better fucking find her." I said, and I was not even caring if he was going to get me in trouble for swearing or anything. I was seriously just not in the mood, and if he was going to be pissed at me for doing this, he was going to have to remember the context that was going on here. I think this conversation was a one time exemption for my swearing and freaking out.

Eventually, that was when my mother was showing up, and she was walking to the office, and she was pulling me out. As we were about twenty feet away from the school, I was looking right at her. "Mom, there is no way that she is gone. I think that there is something going on here." I said, and then she was shaking her head, clearly not wanting for me to argue with her on this one, even though I was tempted as hell to do this.

"Sheldon, if she was hanging out with her friends, certainly at least one of them is going to tell us what is happening. I think that there is a zero percent chance that she is with friends." After my mother was telling me this, we were driving along, and I was thinking about something that I could have said that would have sounded realistic when looking at this whole thing.

"But maybe she has a boyfriend or something like that. You know, something that can just explain that she was ditching or whatever." I said, and then I was looking at her, wondering what the hell she was going on about. I needed to know what the hell I could have done to help out, and I was thinking that her helping me was just impossible.

Eventually, the car was parking, and she was looking at me, and I was seeing her looking scared, and I was aware that she was just clearly wishing that I was not going to fight her on this one. I was sighing, feeling like as long as I was going to continue arguing with her, she was going to just not appreciate my talks.

"Sheldon, I know that you want to know what is happening just as much as we do, but I think that we need to be smart to look at this whole thing. There is no way in hell we are going to find her if we are going to not look at real clues here." After she was saying this to me, I was just looking down, and I knew that I just needed to be careful. We were inside of the house, and I was seeing her just looking tired of something.

"Dad, do you have any ideas on where she could be?" I asked, just scared for her, and I was wondering if he was going to find a way to talk with me later or not. I was just seeing him looking like he sincerely wanted for me to know more, but that if he was wishing to find something else to say, we were going to be making a big issue here.

"Sheldon, we have no idea where she is, and the sheriff is going to do his best to make sure that he can find her. We need to give the sheriff a chance to find her." After my father said this, I was stomping my foot on the ground, and I was staring at him, and I was just feeling like I was over this shit. I just needed to know what the issue really was here.

"Like the police have found fucking Christen? Or Lauren? When are they going to be found? How is Riley going to be found if they haven't been found after months?" I asked, and then my father was looking at me, and I was seriously seeing him looking like for the first time, he was actually tempted to straight up yell at me. For a second I was scared, knowing that I really messed up.

"They are doing their best Sheldon. Do not go around and tell the police how to do their job. They deserve a lot of credit for the effort they put in here." After my father said this, the sheriff was standing up, smiling, and he was looking like he was wanting to give me a chance to calm down for a moment.

"We are trying our best to find both ladies. We have a feeling that we are getting some clues soon. If you have any, please let us know. I understand you're upset. Let's cut him some slack. We were all ten at one point." He said, and then my parents were looking like they wanted to have something to say, and I was looking at my father.

I knew that I was still obsessed with the idea of her dating. "Maybe she had a boyfriend, and she was going with him to the forest, and she was making out with him, or something like that." I said, and then I was wanting a reaction of some forms from my father, with him being the one I trusted out of the two.

"She would not be interested in pursing that stuff. Trust me, that was not what she was interested in." After he said that, I was holding up my hands, and I was tired of this shit, and I had wanted to talk more, but if literally nobody was giving me a chance, I was not going to waste my time on this, and I was going to go to my room, and just be angry for a moment, and vent without anybody noticing me.

About half an hour passed before I left, and decided to just head on out, and I was going to start looking for her, and I was going to find her myself, and I honestly did not give a fuck what people were thinking of me. I only cared about bringing my sister home, and if people were going to be pissed at that, then that was going to be their fault, and I was hoping that they would eventually get over it.

Once I had left, I knew that if she was somewhere dangerous, it was going to be the tree house, and I knew that I had no time to waste going there. So with that, I was running there as fast as I could, and I was not even going to bother bringing Dakota or Ashley along with me, since I did not want them to be in danger, knowing that if I was wreckless, something would happen to them, and it would all be my fucking fault.

I noticed that my parents didn't even notice that I was leaving, and I knew that this was my chance to be able to do this quietly, and that was going to be my way of making sure that nothing was going to be getting any worse now, and when I had been telling myself this, I was so happy to know that they did not need to worry about something happening to both of their kids.

Eventually, I was wondering if I was being fucking stupid or not. In a way, I was nearly certain that they were going to just be telling me to actually be smart here, and that if I was going to be making any other bad movements, then I was only going to just be dragging things down further. And I was not going to be cool with something like this.

When I was reaching the forest, I was sighing, and I was just taking things slowly, and I was just telling myself that no matter what was going to happen next, I was going to need to make sure that Riley was going to come home tonight, and that if she did not come home tonight, that was my fault, and I would have failed here. Eventually, with this, I was taking a long and deep breath, and I was walking up the path of the forest.

The longer that I had been going up, and the longer that I had been just thinking of what I was getting myself into. So despite what was going on, I was wondering if my parents were even going to have any idea what I was getting myself into. I was wondering if my parents really trusted the police. I did not want to tell them, to avoid controversy, but I did not trust them for a fucking minute, and I was going to make that very clear.

There was only one thing that I was wondering though. I was wondering deep down inside if Riley really did run away. I was wondering if she had some friends that she wanted to be with, and see them again, and that living here was going to just be too much for her. I did not want to think that, but I had to admit that it was possible.

Eventually, I reached the tree house, and when I was there, I was looking at the names once again, and I was feeling like something must have been going on with the tree house, and that when I was going to be seeing what we were going to find in there, I was certain that everything was going to be fine. I was feeling like nothing else even fucking mattered anymore. There was nothing that made any fucking sense now.

I climbed up the ladder to get inside of the house, and then I was shaking my head, unable to fucking believe the situation that I was in right now. I was so fucking over it, and I wanted to get this whole thing over with. Eventually, I was opening the door to get inside, and the entire time that I was doing this, I was just feeling like this was wrong.

As I was looking around, I was seeing that there was a bed in the room, which I had never seen in my entire life, and I was confused to how I never seen something like this. On the bed, there was a couple of pairs of clothes, and I was able to tell this terrible fucking smell. I was fucking disgusted by this smell, and I literally could not contain the disgust I was feeling here.

Eventually, as I was just getting over the disgust here, I was just telling myself that I wanted nothing to do with being here, and with that, I left the house, and I was going to just put this whole thing behind me. As I was walking down the ladder again, I was feeling like something must have been inside. I was going to find a way to expose what was going on in there, and I was going to make anybody who took my sister fucking regret it.

When I was down, I was looking around, and I was seeing that there was a small path forward, and I was starting to walk down the path, and the entire time that I had been doing this, I was just scared of what I was going to find there. I was certain that whatever I wanted to see there was not at all what the reality would have been.

As I had been thinking that in my mind over and over again, that was when I was just reminding myself that this was for Riley, and that no matter what was going to happen in there, if it was going to bring my sister back, it was going to be worth it, and that I just needed to fucking focus on the main things at hand.

When I was walking along, I was hearing some strange noises. Like growling or something like that. I had no fucking idea what I was hearing, but the one thing that I did know was that whatever I was going to find there, I was going to be just wanting it to not be real. I was telling myself over and over again that I had wanted it to not be real, since it was my only real thought.

A couple of moments later, I was also hearing something like a screaming sound. This screaming sound was totally awful, and I wanted it over with, but I was feeling like there was something in there that was going to prove beyond a shadow of a fucking doubt that something was going to happen to Riley, and that was something I just wanted to focus on again.

But I would be lying through my fucking teeth if I did not consider the whole thing to not be worth it when I heard those screamming noises. I was just telling myself that no matter what was going to happen, if it was going to find Riley again, then nothing else mattered. So I kept walking up longer and longer, and just didn't even think of anything else.

There was also something that I just wanted to know. I was wondering if the monsters were real after all. In a way, hearing those noises, and hearing the legends of my friends and all that other stuff, I did sincerely think that something was about to go down, and I was sincerely thinking that for a moment, monsters really could have been real, even if that was just sounding bonkers.

I realized that if these monsters were real, and if these monsters were going to fucking change the way that life was going here, I was going to need to be super careful. I hated what was happening. I didn't care though. I wanted my family together. I wanted my family happy, and I was going to do literally anything that I could to bring this together.

I was wanting to know who could have taken her. Why anybody would have wanted to take her. I really just did not fucking get it. I was pissed at that moment. I was really just wanting to fucking scream at somebody, and blame it on somebody. You know, just play a game that kids play all the fucking time. But there really must have been something going on here.

I was also wondering that if these monsters were real, then what the hell were people doing pretending like nothing was going on here. I was genuinely thinking that is monsters were fucking real, then we needed to literally do anything to prepare ourselves for what was going on. I knew that we needed to just not be stupid.

Before I knew it, I was seeing a giant hill again, and I was feeling like I seen this hill before. I was seeing something that reminded me of those falls. The ones from so long ago, that I had almost forgotten about them. When I looked down, I had seen how dirty my clothes already were, from the bushes I had to fight through.

I was shaking my head, and I was clearly just trying to be calm, and I was just trying to be quiet. I was looking up the hill, and when I had looked up, there was something that was actually catching my attention. Something I could not believe that I never noticed earlier. Something I could not believe that Dakota and Ashley had never at least told me about before hand. And something that I had felt like would have been a good clue.

I was seeing a giant building on top of the mountain, and I was seeing that the building looked at least slightly worn down, and I was wondering what the heck the building was. I smiled though, thinking that maybe I could get some clues there, and that I was just on fire for finally knowing something.

I was just thinking about all of this, and when I looked around, I had seen that there were some things in the area, like another smaller builing up this hill, and I figured I would go there. I also was looking at the waterfall again, and I was wanting to jump down it a second time, and play around a little bit, but I was reminding myself of the big picture here.

As I had started to remember the big picture, I was taking a long and deep breath, remembering that I was probably not going to be having fun moments like these again for a while, which was actually kind of sad when I had thought about it. Eventually, I was telling myself to calm the fuck down, and just remember that when Riley was home, everything was going to be fine enough, and that I was just being a big drama queen.

With that, I was walking up longer and longer, and I was just telling myself that no matter who I was going to run into, then Dakota and Ashley were going to help me out. When they would hear about that building I saw earlier, I knew that they were going to surely decide to help me out then. Even if it was something that was going to be on par with buring the entire forest down, as insane as that might be sounding.

The longer that I had been thinking about that, and the longer that I had been thinking about what the hell Riley must have been thinking to come up here, I was kind of annoyed with her, and I was wondering if she was fucking stupid. In a way, I was angry at her. I was angry at her for thinking it was a good idea to be coming up here in the first place.

I had gotten less than a quarter mile up the pathway, and when I had done this, I was hearing something that I had not heard since the day before the first day of school. You guessed it: That fucking grinding noise. And this time, this was the first time where I was actually angry at it. The time at the tree house, I was scared. The time near Harold, I was actually mildly excited. This time, I was fucking pissed.

I knew that whatever the hell was happening with Riley must have been because of that fucking noise. Whatever that grinder was doing, or whatever it was in general, needed to be destroyed, and I was going to do so the first time that I ever had a real chance to do something. And everybody who was involved with it. They deserved it for killing my fucking sister.

That was the moment when I decided to ditch the entire find Riley thing. She went missing the same day that this grinder went off. Clearly she was brought to it. Every second that I was standing here, I was letting my sister die longer. The police didn't even try. They didn't listen to me or anybody. They probably didn't care. I was the only one who had at least tried to find her. I got the area of the town right, just not the spot.

That was everything that I had been telling myself over and over again, and then I was angry at my fucking parents for not listening to me. If they had listened to me, and took me seriously, and actually not been fucking around with me, then there was a chance that something could have been able to save her.

But something came along, and something was coming to show me that I might have been wrong with my assumptions. Something came along and showed me that there was more to this than I ever thought. And when I was seeing it coming my way, I was aware that there was a chance that my objective might have needed to change again. And this was just something that was making me sad more than anything.

I was seeing something flying down to me, and I was seeing that it was a scarf. This confused me, and I was wondering what a scarf was doing here in the first place. For about all of thirty second, the thought of Riley, and the ending of the grinding noise was just leaving my mind, and I was wondering what the hell I had seen in the first place.

I grabbed it, and when it had finally reached me the grinding noise had ended, and I was holding onto the scarf for a moment. I had realized the scarf less than a second after I had seen it. It was a purple one. The purple scarf that Riley's friend Christen wore every single fucking day before she went missing.

I gripped it, seeing blood on it, and I knew once and for all that this grinding incident was not for Riley. I knew for a fact that if my theories were correct, Riley was alive for a little bit longer. And that I was sadly able to confirm that at least Christen was indeed dead. And I was feeling like the least I could do was provide her family the one thing I doubted my family would get in a long time: closure. And when that was done, I would continue my search.

As I had been thinking all of these things in my mind on a fucking loop, that was when I was hearing a voice calling out to me. "SHELDON! Where are you!?" After the voice was done with this, I was looking around, and I was seeing that it was the officer that was in my parents house, and I was seeing my father looking at me for a moment.

Considering what I had done, I had seen a second or so of seething anger, and I was seeing that he was not cool with the fact that I had decided to play hero when Riley had just went missing. But he was also just really glad to know that I was safe at least, and I knew that in the end, that was the thing that mattered to him even more. So with that, he was running to me, and he was just grabbing me and hugging me, and he was crying.

"Please don't do that again. That scared the fucking shit out of me. Please don't do that again." He said, and then looked at me in the eyes. As I had been looking for him, I looked down, and came up with a rather weak defense.

"I was just wanting to find my sister. I didn't think it was going to be a big deal." I said, and then I looked at the sheriff, and I was holding out the scarf. I had felt like maybe when I could hand him this scarf, he would consider it a favor from me, and he would be more willing to not really just brush me off this time. As I had thought that, I was smiling, thinking that maybe he was going to be happy for me.

"It was the favorite scarf of the last person who went missing, Christen. I know because she and Riley were friends. I saw it come down when I heard that awful sound." With that, my father was holding my hand, and we were walking down the mountain, and I was seeing that there was a forelorn look on his face, and I was seeing that he was just glad to know that at least one of us was safe, and that in the end, that was the main thing he had needed to remember.

It was a couple of days after Riley had gone missing when I decided that I couldn't really play the good boy game anymore, and I just needed to find out the truth of what was going on. So with that, I was feeling like reading something from her journal was going to be able to help me out. I knew what it was because I saw a pink book next to her bed on a small table. Yes, she had that type of notebook, which was super stereotypical.

Eventually, when both of my parents were busy with something, I went to her room, and I grabbed it, and ran to my room with it. As I was sitting down, I was just taking a long and deep breath, just trying to really process what I was going to be doing now. I closed my room door, and then I opened up to the first page, and I was going to read every word if I had to, to get a clear idea of what she was dealing with.

"Entry One: Honestly, I can't believe that we had to move here in the first place. It feels like they just didn't care what we were feeling, and I was feeling like my parents just sort of wanted to do their own thing, which honestly just kind of pisses me off. But maybe there are some good things about this. You know, finally just having a chance to live a new life.

Sheldon seems happy about it for no real fucking reason. I mean, I know he had issues at school and stuff, and often times people made fun of him on a daily basis, but what if that happens to him again. Is he going to just brush those off again, and talk about how he just needs another chance here?

I guess that maybe he really does just want a fresh start. I mean, I can kind of understand it, but I guess that in a way, he will probably be regretting this soon enough. It's not his fault that we are moving anyways. He's fucking ten years old. He doesn't know anything about what is going on, so he shouldn't be the one judged for any of this.

Anyways, I think that my parents really should have at least checked us out, and seen what we had thought about it. I mean, my father is getting a giant promotion at his job, so maybe he genuinely felt like he had no real choice, and that if he didn't move here with us, then he was going to be losing his own chance to get something right here. In a way, I do kind of get it.

My mother seems to just barely talk with some of us anymore. I feel like if she wanted to just move here, she would have just explained that this was what she was wanting, and we just had to deal with it. But I guess that maybe there is a small part of her that wants to stay here. I don't fucking know, and I don't fucking care.

Entry Two: You know what is making me not want to leave or whatever? I think that I am just kind of scared of leaving my friends behind. You know, the people who are really going to be there for me, and just there to try and make me feel better. But in all honesty, I think that maybe the idea of having a fresh start, and having some new friends might be what is important for me.

I mean, I just have a hard time hanging out with some of my friends and not having strange feelings, and to be honest, these feelings are sort of being a bit too much for me. I know that there is no better way that I could be able to explain it, but I guess that the thought of some of them are just really intoxicating. As strange as that might be to admit.

I want to be around them, and I want to have something more. You know, I want to see if I could be able to sort of win them over. I have a feeling like if I tried to explain the way that I was thinking to them, they might be thinking that I am strange, and they might fucking hate me. You know, they would be acting like I am just making a big fucking set of fucking mistakes.

But are these types of feelings mistakes? Are having something that you want with your friends a mistake? I don't really know. I do know though that if it weren't for my parents having stupid dating rules and stuff, that I might be able to get at least some of them to like me back. But my parents are really against the idea of either Sheldon or I dating.

I mean, I kind of get Sheldon, since he's so young, but in all honesty, I just think that I should be allowed to have a fucking chance. If I have something that I want to accomplish, I should be allowed to be given a chance here. Who knows, maybe there are some things that they are worried about, or whatever, but in a way, I doubt that it really even matters.

I feel like in a way, my parents just want to have too much control of me. I mean, I get that they want to not get me in danger, but for fucks sake, I should be allowed to make at least some fucking choices for myself. I want to be able to be allowed to know what I want in this world. But I guess that they don't want to adit this. I mean, I guess that what they are doing is less annoying than the fact that they decided to have a son for no reason, and the fact that they want me to get along with Sheldon.

Entry Three: I am going to have a hard time sleeping at this new place, knowing that I will never be able to see Monica again. I remember when I first met her, and I was just kind of indifferent when I had seen her. Over the months and years though, I started to realize how adorable she really was, and I started to realize what it was like to actually feel something besides confusion.

I was wanting to make sure I had a chance of making her feel special, and making her feel like there was somebody who liked her and stuff. But I think that maybe something like this was always going to be impossible. I guess that something like this was always going to have a big loop to go through.

I remember the one time that I told my father about my thoughts for Monica, and what I was just wanting to do, and when I had done this, my father just simply hugged me, and he was was starting to cry a bit, and I was just confused over what the issue was here, and I was feeling like he was just needing to find a fucking moment to explain to me what was going on.

He told me that just because I was a girl, I didn't have to be ashamed of liking another one. He was telling me that liking somebody is something that should always be celebrated. As he had told me, I was asking him what was wrong with something like this, and he was just telling me really calmly what the truth of the matter was.

He had explained to me that a lot of times, people do not respect it when a woman likes a woman, or a man likes a man. He tells me that it is considered wrong. He told me to just focus on what I wanted, and he asked me calmly, but with focus if there was any guys that I might have liked, and I had to think about it for a moment.

I told him that I had no real interest in guys, and that most of the girls I see at school really just are beautiful, and when I had explained that to him, he was nodding, and he was just telling me that there was nothing wrong with something like this, and that I just needed to be careful about this in the future.

He told me that if I ever met a woman that treated me well, and was there for me, and loved me, he would want to meet her. He told me that it was strange to talk to both me and Sheldon within forty eight hours about girls and stuff. I asked him if Sheldon was normal, since he likes girls, and he's a boy. My father had to think about it for a moment, and told me that Sheldon will inherently have life easier than I do, since he's straight, and straight men and women have a easier time than homosexual ones. But he told me that just because Sheldon was straight, and I wasn't, I wasn't wrong or not normal. I love my father for trusting me.

Entry Four: Sheldon has some new friends at our new town, and he seems to be having the time of his life. Honestly, seeing him happy is something that I never really realized I was wanting to see. Seeing him looking like he was proud of himself, and his life, and his progress, made me smile.

I might not think that most of his friends are all that exciting, and I think that Dakota is kind of gross with all his jokes, but as long as Sheldon is able to live in a place where he feels like he is getting what he wants, I guess that something is coming out of this whole thing. I guess that at least one of us is finally breaking out and living a life now.

I mean, when I see him, and I see him doing something that puts a smile on his face when he comes home, I just sort of wonder if this was the way that he had felt when I was hanging out with friends back at Arkansas and he is just not doing well. I wonder if he was just hating me for not having what I had. I guess that when I have that in perspective, I do kind of feel bad for him.

That being said, I don't want to be too obvious about it or anything. I mean, he is still my brother, and he is still somebody that is more happy than me, and I do just want to not go over the top and act like this is the most exciting thing in the entire world. So when I put that in perspective, I just need to keep some things to myself.

Although I think that I have been having a good time here so far. I met a couple of people. Such as a guy named Benjamin and a girl named Kelly. Benjamin is a strange guy in the way that is a gothic dude, who just seems to have a rather odd taste in things. Well, for goth standards. That being said, he is a cool guy, and I think that I could be friends with him down the line.

Kelly is also really nice. She says that she had known Benjamin for about six years now, and that they have been hanging out every week, and that when they hang out, they tell me of a bunch of stupid shit that goes on in town. With something like grinding noises, and monsters, and people going missing. I have no idea what parts of these stories are true or not. In all honesty, I am not too worried about it. I think that as long as they are just not being over the top with this, I could be fine.

Entry Five: Okay, so I think that there is something true to what these fucking kids have been saying so far. I mean, I heard the grinding noise. I wasn't scared or anything. I was just shocked that these people were telling the truth, and I was wondering what was going on with this. Less than half an hour after the grinder goes off, there was my friends that showed up, and they were telling me of a party that was happening tonight.

I told Sheldon about my plans, which was easy to do so, since when I went into his room tonight, he was fucking stoned. Lucky fucking boy. Getting drunk before I did for the first time. Anyways, I knew that if I made a bargain with him to not tell my parents what is going on, and let me go to the party, I will not tell them anything. He agreed with me, which was a major win.

When I left, I was told that the party was held at the tree house, and I was curious about a tree house in the first place, but I went there anyways, and when I was heading to the tree house, I was just telling myself that as long as the police don't see what we are doing, then there is nothing to be complaining too much about.

Eventually, we came to the party, and when we were there, I saw a bunch of alcohol, and cigarettes, and weed, and people just not giving a shit about what they were doing. I just adapted along well to the party, despite the fact that I was wondering why there was some random woman in a white robe near by. That was a thing that just put me off..." After I was starting to read, and got about half way through the fifth entry, that was when my parents were doing something, and I placed the journal under my pillow, knowing that I needed to wait until later to read more of it.

I was looking down at the journal when I was alone again and I knew that my parents were not looking for me. When I was looking at the journal, I was just confused, and I was wondering what the hell they were even planning at this rate. I was wondering what I even knew about Riley. The confessions that she had made were just kind of shocking to me.

When I was done with this, I was laughing at this whole thing, and I was just thinking that maybe Riley didn't want to tell us these things she had been feeling because if she had told anybody, besides dad, what she was feeling, then people would have just been confused and stuff. I know that I would have been more confused than anything else.

I was wondering what the heck was going on with her in her mind on a daily basis if these were all thoughts that she was having, and I was wondering if maybe I just needed to have tried and been able to talk with her longer, and better, and maybe if I had done something, I would have made her feel better about what her life was like.

I shook my head, feeling like maybe I had made some mistakes, and this was something that I needed to just accept was my fucking fault. In all honesty, I was used to things being my fault, but that did not mean that I had to be a big fucking fan of it. I was just kind of over being a failure in every single sense of the word.

"When the party continued, that was when I was just trying to find a way to figure out if I was insane seeing all of these things were real and not. In a way though, I was feeling like I just needed to be careful about what the heck I was getting myself into, no matter what I wanted to know, if I tried too hard to look along, I was only going to make things worse.

Eventually, I was just hanging out with Benjamin and Kelly again. I was just talking with them, although it had seemed like at least Travis had started to go out of it, since I was now aware that at least he had started to drink something, and I was smiling at the thought that some many people had started to drink stuff, and I was wondering if maybe I could have some.

I had figured that if Sheldon was able to have something, and he was fine as a result, I was feeling like I could fucking have some, and I was going to prove to everybody that I did not need to have them be too worried about what I had been dealing with. I was just grabbing one can from a table, and I was starting to take a couple of sips as I saw the others going off and doing their own thing. The only thing that I remembered was that the woman in the white robes came up to a couple of the girls, and started to walk off, and they were gone after that.

Entry Six: It has been a few days since the party, and while I enjoyed going to it, I literally can't get the fucking woman in the robes out of my mind. I need to know what is going on, and with that, I asked Benjamin what was happening. As I asked him this, he was smoking a cigarette, and he was smiling at the fact that I had shown some interest in what was happening here.

He ended up just telling me that these were people that gathered up some women, and did some rituals and shit. He didn't get the full picture, and when I heard him tell me this stuff, I genuinely thought that he was just lying to me to get me to react. He then told me that there was no reason for him to lie to me.

He mentioned that I thought he was lying about the grinder, and that it turned out I was wrong on my preconception on this one. As I heard him mention this, I looked at him, and I was just kind of annoyed that he had brought this one up, and when I was hearing him mention the fucking voices, I was wondering what I could have even said to defend myself here.

I conceded that he might have been onto something, but then I asked him why anybody would be doing something like this in the first place. I told him that it literally made no fucking sense in my mind. As I was asking him this, he was looking at me, and he was shrugging, and he told me that the thing that was happening here was that people seriously were drinking the kool aid that these monsters were real, and that there was no way I would convince people to fucking stop.

As I heard him tell me this, I was now wondering why people were taking the monsters seriously. I was feeling like that was the only thing that I could actually try and focus on. That was the only thing that I had felt like I could try and wrap my mind around. But I decided that I was not going to keep talking, since I knew that if I kept talking, at least to argue him, he was going to get annoyed, and I would lose contact with the coolest guy ever.

I apologized, and just commented on that I just found it strange, and that I was wanting to just understand better, so with that, we were leaving things alone." With the entry ending there, I was looking out the window, and I was wondering if monsters were real, and I was wondering if Riley was needing help still, or if she was already dead, or if somebody found her now. My mind was running all over the fucking place.

…

After that first session ended, this was when the lady from the start was looking right at Sheldon, and she was clearly trying to be patient with this, but when there was literally nothing to go off of, she really did not know what she was supposed to tell Sheldon. "So that is how Riley went missing? You were just at school one day, and you later found out that she hadn't been seen all day? I mean, do you have anything better?"

"Nothing at all. I was ten years old, and of course I wanted to find her. I needed to find her for my own sanity, but there was no fucking way that something like that was going to be happening. She was too far gone for something like this to really happen. But honestly, I think that many people weren't even really trying to find her." Once he finished, he looked right at her, to see her reaction.

"Surely the police must have at least tried to look for her? There is no reason to assume that the police didn't go on and look for her for a while." After she had said that to Sheldon, this was when Sheldon felt like there was no way she would have possibly gotten it. In a way, he almost felt bad for her, for having so little of an idea on what this town was really like.

"If we were having this discussion when I was a kid, or young teenager, then I would have agreed with you. I would have assumed that there was something that they wanted to find. But that got quickly debunked when I actually started to see how things actually were around here." Sheldon told her, and then looked straight at her in the eyes.

"I am just trying to understand how you started to eventually lose total faith in your towns police after a while. I mean, from the reports that I am reading, there came a point where literally any hint of respect that you were having went out the window. I am just trying to see what contributed to such a thing." At this point, she was just clearly trying to actually get him to talk longer, to see what she would learn here.

"I learned the truth. That was what happened. I should have just remained silent. I should have just listened to my parents when they had told me that the police were going to find her. If I had listened to them, I would have just left things alone, and I would have been a moderately happy man." Sheldon continued, and then he was clearly waiting for her reaction.

"Well, there is something that I am just wanting to ask you. Something about the general presentation of this stuff. Are you just stalling?" After she had asked Sheldon this, he was looking right at her, and he was wondering what her point was. Why she was wanting him to admit to such a thing. He had felt like this was her attacking his way of just being his normal self, as much as he was hating to admit it.

"I mean, I am just trying to tell you as many things that I think matter as possible. I try as little as possible to just mess around and not do anything that helps." After Sheldon said this to her, that was when she was sighing, and felt like he was indirectly answering her question, as much as she was hating to admit it.

"I have no problem with you telling me this stuff, and you are allowed to go at this your own way, and I feel like if you generally feel like this is the best method for you, then I will let you do you. But do you think that maybe you are just dragging this out longer than it needs to be?" After she asked this, that was when Sheldon was thinking hard and long about the question.

"Yeah, you're right. I am dragging this on. I am just going at this longer than it needed to be. But not for the reason that you might be thinking." Sheldon said, and then he looked at her, as if wondering if she was going to take the bait here, or if she was only going to listen to the first part of what he had said, and not even listen to the rest of it at all.

"The main reason I am taking so long at this is because I genuinely want to find a way to make everything tie in together. Yes, if I were just telling you about Riley, then yes, this story, or this session of the story, would have ended the minute she went missing. But I feel like there is so much more to it." Sheldon admitted, not even waiting to have her constantly ask.

"Well, I guess that in a way, that makes sense. But Sheldon, tell me the truth. Do you really feel like some of these things have any matter? I mean, as much as you might have learned from that Harold guy, he seems to be relatively minor in the grand scheme of things. Was going to that labyrinth party really going to make that much of a difference? I mean, you already knew about the missing people. That only just added another detail or two." His therapist asked, as he was looking right at her.

"Sorry about that. I just get scared when telling this story, and I just always get over the top about it. That is the truth. I always just delay the truth, and I always just drag on and on and on. I mean, I want to just talk about what's important. If I did that though, then we would be getting to the real issue faster." Sheldon said, and that was the first time he genuinely put his feelings to words with this woman.

"But that's why we're here. The faster that you get to the real issue, the fast that I can help you out. I mean, if you have something that you feel like you need to discuss, go ahead and discuss it all you want. But if you feel like there is things that are just kind of useless, than I think you need to just kind of move on with it." After she had said that to him, he looked right at her, and he was feeling like such a thing was going to be rough.

"If you think that this is what is going to be best for me, then I guess that I can do my best to do such a thing. Do you perhaps want a redo of this stuff, where I only talk about what matters?" After Sheldon asked this, he was looking at her, and he was genuinely willing to listen to her, but he was needing her approval on the matter, and he was not going to be taking this super lightly now, since he really did want to help her.

"No, don't bother. That would take too long, and I want to know the main things. If however, you want to tell me more when you feel like it, and talk about some good stuff, the stuff that matters, I would love to hear it. I mean, you can do whatever you want, but I just am not going to be trying to enforce it on you anymore." After she had said that to him, he had looked right at her, and he was just refusing to say anything, and decided that he was going to be leaving the issue alone from now on.

"I a sorry for kind of just annoying you with this. I did not mean to do that I was just wanting to do what I felt like could help with making this work. But maybe I am just trying too hard." Sheldon said, and then he was placing his head on the table, and he was taking a long and deep breath, and she was taking a moment of silence, to try and understand what to say.

"Do you have a hard time talking about your sister? Do you think that doing so helps bring back bad memories?" She asked, and this time, she was genuinely trying to be a good helpers. She was just trying to see if maybe there was a small chance that she would have made him feel better. But as she was looking at him, she was wondering if he was even going to be able to listen to her at all.

"I do have a hard time talking about her because I know it's always my fault. It always comes back to me, because I never saved her the one time it fucking matters. I got myself into a heavy addiction because of it. I became weak, and I became unable to actually capture my emotions normally." After he had said that to her, he was wondering if she was going to try and find a way to write this off, or if she was going to act like he really did nothing wrong.

"We will also be talking a lot about your addiction. Trust me, I have a lot of things that I want to know there. But for now, we are well past our time. Thankfully you're the last appointment of the day, so it's not the end of the world, but you need to remember that this is something we got to keep shorter in the future." After she said that to Sheldon, he was standing up, and then he was heading out of the room, unsure of what to say.


	15. The Labyrinth

Sheldon was sitting down on the table again, and he was looking right at the therapist again, and she was looking at him, as if worried about what he was going to be saying now. She genuinely looked like she was worried that he was not in a good spot as well, and was wanting to just see if he was doing alright.

"Hey, how has your week been?" She asked, and then he looked right up at her, almost impressed at the fact that she was showing literally any fucking interest in him. But then he was sighing, and looked right at her, and decided that he was going to be nice, and not just be a total fucking asshole to her.

"I am doing alright. Just thinking about our discussions, and thinking about how messed up it really is that I am sort of going through these memories again." Sheldon decided to just tell her the truth, and she was looking right at him, and she was clearly feeling like she needed to find something else to say, in order to make him feel better, and make him feel like she was sincerely listening to him.

"Sheldon, do you feel like these sessions are going to help you out? If you feel like these are going to be giving you no progress, and you are just going to only be getting worse as a result of this, then we can stop talking about it right now. And I will apologize for even bringing it up." She said, and he was shaking his head as he looked at her.

"I might not want to do these sessions, but I do want to talk with you, and I want to just sort of move forward with this. I am tired of thinking about this all the fucking time, and I want to finally have a chance to move on." Sheldon was telling her, and he was seeing her looking like there was nothing in his mind that he was worried about. She was just looking like she really had no idea what to be telling him now.

"I just feel like talking about this whole thing is going to be the only thing that I can really get myself interested in. I just want to finally be done with this shit, and I am so fucking tired of never having any real resolution. But I think that maybe these conversations, if only barely, could help me with that." Sheldon said, just feeling like he was able to leave it right at that, and be done with this.

"I looked at all the reports, and it seemed like when you were a kid, you really were a sincerely nice guy, and you seemed to just be happy with almost anything out there. What happened to change you so much, and why did you do some of the things that you did?" She asked, and then he was just looking at her for a second, having nothing that he could have said.

"It is honestly because of the town that I grew up in, and what happened. It is a result of everything that I have seen, and why I had to deal with so many issues. I just think that if I had been in a better town, most of my issues would have never come up." He said, and then he looked right at her, wondering what she would say.

"So you believe that because of what happened to you, and what is happening here, that most people become the way that they do? Is it because of what happened to Riley?" She asked, and Sheldon actually looked like he was thinking about how to answer that one for a short moment.

"I think that if it was just Riley going missing, and nothing else happened, I would have been able to eventually move forward, and I would have become a stronger man. But there was so much more to it than just that." After Sheldon told her this, he was looking at her in the eyes, and he was waiting for her reaction. He was waiting for her to try and say something back to him.

"Sorry, I guess that I just wanted to know what it is like. I just wanted to know if you were holding up well enough." After she had said that to him, she stared at him directly in the eyes, and she was just wanting to see what his answer to the next question would have been. "Do you want to continue these sessions, or are you done?"

"I think at least for the time being, we should go forward, I mainly really do want to see how much of this shit you will even fucking believe. I think that when you start to get further along, you might be seeing why I am saying that. I think that you just are not going to be ready for the truth." Sheldon said, laughing at this, and then he glanced at her, and was clearly wishing to see what she would have been saying to this now.

"I don't have a hard time believing in many things. I mean, I have very rarely ever felt like somebody was just outright lying to me." She said, and then Sheldon had looked at her, and he was seeming to think about that for a second, and he was clearly taking that with a slight amount of consideraition before he gave his next remark.

"If you do end up believing in me, you will be the first person, aside from those who actually saw it happen, who will believe in me. I don't know if that is something that you are going to want, but if you believe me, then god damn, I think that I might be finally breaking through to somebody." After Sheldon told her this, and he was looking right at her, looking like that was what he had wanted to say, she nodded, scared of what exactly he was going to say now.

"Sheldon, be honest, why do so many people have a hard time thinking you are telling the truth?" She asked, and she was clearly looking like she had no idea what to say. Sheldon shrugged, and he was feeling like that was the one question that he had wished he had known the answer to. But then he started to think about it for a couple of seconds.

"I think it is because of the fact that they would have never guessed that this was the way that the story was going to go, from the prior hints. I don't even blame them is the thing. If anybody else told me this shit, I would be thinking they lied to me as well. But I saw it happen, and they did not, and that is why they have no choice but to believe in what seems logical." Sheldon said, and he cusped both of his hands together, while glancing at her tightly.

"Sheldon, I mean, the only part that I am having a hard time really getting used to is all of the missing people. I feel like if it weren't for that, I would be able to understand what is happening a bit better." After she had said that to Sheldon, that was when he smiled at her, and he was clearly looking like this was the one thing that he was glad she was doing. She was actually starting to think into it, and she was starting to break it down.

"I think that if this was any other town in the world, that would indeed be the worst part of it all. I mean, people going missing all the time, and nothing being done about it. I think that there is something very wrong about that. But you see, that is only the start of the issues. I think that it was just that, I would have brushed it off as some strange set of events." He said, and then she was wanting to question more, but he stopped her.

"If you want to know more of what I am talking about, and I have no fucking issue telling you this stuff, I think you need to know that there is so much more to this than you imagine. There is a story here. And I am going to be getting to all of it soon. If you want to know more, and I suspect you will, we must make it all the way through." He said, and this time he wasn't even doing it to annoy her. He was genuinely trying to let her feel like she was in this conversation.

"Yes, please go on. I need to know more." She said, and then he nodded, and then he smiled, and he was happy. He was feeling like these conversations were going to be the most interesting part of his week, if for nothing else. He was feeling like when he had gotten her hooked in, he was going to go on for as long as possible.

"Alright, so we last left off where Riley went missing. The other stuff after that is not that important, as I admit myself. So when she had went missing, that was where things in my life started to get much more with." With that, he was continuing his story, and this time, he was much more into it, and not even wanting to argue. In a way, he actually bought into the idea that this was needed for his own personal therapy.

...

So what had started my interest in going further into this was the fact that when I was seventeen years old, a junior in high school, I made a promise that I had failed to keep. A promise that I should have never made, since doing that was going to be making me feel like I was a failure now. Trust me, the one thing that I knew from this was that I was not allowed to make a promise to a girl, if I was not going to be able to keep it.

I was sitting down with my friend Dakota, and we were just trying to find a way to talk about things for a while longer. "So Sheldon, I know that you are probably not going to want me to keep bringing this up, since this is going to be annoying for you." After he was saying this to me, I was looking at him, unsure of what I could even say now.

"I know that you really want me to hang out with you and Ashley at prom, but I think that something like this is just not going to really work out." After he was telling me this, I was feeling like I was going to be kind of annoyed here. "Anyways, are you guys ready for something like this?"

We were smoking a couple of more cigarettes, and I was feeling like I was going to have to see where this was going to go. "Honestly, I just think that if I go to prom, I am going to be really let down, and I feel like I am going to just be making a really damn large mistake." I said, and then I was shrugging, feeling like if I was wanting to talk longer, then things were just going to be turning into him guilt tripping me.

"Sheldon, I know that you are acting like nobody likes you and stuff, and that you are the most hated man in Wayside, but I think that this is just not true. I think that maybe you just need to find something that can get you out of the shell. I know you don't like me always saying this, but come on, after all these years, you need to do something." After Dakota was telling me this, I was just clearly looking unsure of what to accomplish here.

"Honestly, I just can't really get my mind out of the things that I feel like I should have been dealing with, but will never do. I think that when I see people, and try to be happy, there is a part of me that will never stop thinking about the fact that maybe Riley should have been the one instead." I said, and then Dakota was sighing at this.

"Honestly Sheldon, I know that you want to just pretend like things are fine, and that you are not needing to be so worried about this all that much. But in all honesty, I think you need to just move on, and finally just know that maybe this is not what she wanted." After Dakota was telling me this, I was seeing him looking like he wanted me to be honest about this for a moment longer.

"I get what you are saying. I guess that what you're trying to tell me makes some sense." I said, and then I was looking right at him, and I was wondering what the hell he was even trying to accomplish right now. I was feeling like if he was trying to get something out of me, then he just needed to get it over with.

"I just think that you going to prom is going to be really helping you out. You know, just to finally do something that I think can finally help you out for a while." After he was saying this to me, I was looking at him, and I was wanting to find something to say to him, to make things seem on better terms for us.

"I know that you are wishing that Riley had a chance to go on and do stuff with her life and everything. But I think that if you are going to want to do something better for everybody, then you just need to look at things for yourself." After he had said this, I was seeing him looking like he had wanted to say more, but just was not wanting to make things worse for us.

"Besides, I am going to be blunt here when I ask this, but I think that this is something that truly needs to be asked? Do you really believe that she is going to actually be found? Do you really believe that you have a solid chance of bringing her home?" After he had asked me this, I was looking at him, and I was scared of what he was doing. I was wishing for him to stop, but I think that I knew this was impossible.

"I doubt it. I want to believe that she can come home, but I think that the chances of something like this happening are less then ten percent." I said, and then I was just looking at him, and he was clearly looking kind of bad for saying this stuff, but I knew that he had felt like he had just needed to say it, and get it over with.

"I knew that deep down, you were aware of this. I didn't want to be rude, and I didn't want to force it or anything. But I just felt like you needed to be realistic when looking at all of this." After he had said that to me, I was shrugging, and I saw him looking like he had one more question.

"If you are willing to admit this, do you think that you will be ready for prom? Do you think that you might want to go, and find at least some girl for you?" After he had asked me this, I nodded, feeling like I was going to answer a dumb question, but had no idea what I was going to do.

"I mean, I guess that as much as I want to deny something, I guess that giving it a chance is something like I might want to at least go on and check to see if I have a chance here and stuff." I said, and then I was wondering what the heck I was even going to be doing now. I was just really wishing to get out of this.

"I knew that deep down, you were going to want to do something like this." After he was saying that to me, I was seeing him looking truly unsure of what he was planning here. I was seeing him looking kind of scared of what we were even going to do now. I was seeing that nothing else was going to be done here.

"Sheldon, before we go, do you want one more?" He asked, and he was showing me the partially empty pack of cigarettes, and I was smiling when I grabbed it, and I was feeling like no matter what he was going to tell me, I was going to be slightly overwhelmed by this whole thing. "I knew that there was no way you were going to say no to this."

We were getting to the car, and I was sitting down in the passenger seat, and I was feeling like there was nothing else I was going to accomplish here. "So Sheldon, if you are going to find something to take you on the date, I think that you are going to need to get a suit here." After Dakota was shrugging with this, I saw him looking unsure.

"How do you suggest that I am going to do something like this? I mean, my parents are going to think that it is so strange that I might be trying to go on and do something last minute." I said, and then I was looking at him for a moment longer, and I was feeling like I needed to at least pretend to have some form of composure.

"Everything is going to be fine. You know, I think that if you tell them something like this, they might actually be excited for this." After he was saying that to me, I was feeling like he might have had a good chance of being right here. I mean I didn't want to be dealing with anything like this. I was just kind of tired of this debate, having no idea what to say now.

"Well, I guess that I might be able to just gather something up with some money I have." I said, and then I was shrugging, wondering what the hell I was going to accomplish with this whole thing. I was feeling like there was way that I was going to actually get him to understand my side of things, and that going to prom was a terrible idea. But in a way, I was not even caring anymore.

Eventually, we parked the car at the mall, and I was just seeing Dakota looking happy as hell knowing that I had finally pretended to be agreeing with this whole thing for once. "Sheldon, I can't believe that you finally agreed with this for once." After he had said that to me, I was smiling, feeling like I was finally going to make things worse.

"How are you going to tell Ashley about all of this? I mean, I think that Ashley is going to be finding a way to milk this out, and make it the most embarassing thing in the entire world." After I had said that to him, I was wondering if there was literally anything that I could have said here. But in all honesty, this whole thing was just a bit hard to understand.

"I think that this is not going to be that big of a deal. I think that everything will be alright." I said, and then I was feeling like I was just needing to be leaving things alone, and that no matter what we were going to do, he was never going to be feeling like I was taking him very seriously at all. Which was going to be kind of annoying.

Eventually, we left the car, and then I was smiling for a second longer, no longer having any real issues with what was going on now. Despite everything that was going on, I was sighing, feeling like I was never going to make them feel like I had truly moved on from Riley. I don't think that I will ever fully move on from Riley, since I know that something like this was just not going to work.

As we were inside of the mall, I was looking around, wondering why I had never been here in the first place. I was just feeling like nothing else even fucking mattered anymore. "I knew that you were going to like this." After he had said that to me, I was smiling, and I was just keeping this to myself. But I was just not going to be insane.

We were walking along, and we were just hanging around for like half an hour or something, and I was feeling like there was no way that this was going to be a very productive use of my time, but at that moment, part of me was just not even caring.

Eventually, we were reaching a section of the store that had the mens clothing, and part of me was just wished to get out of this whole thing, but I knew that nothing else even really mattered anymore. When I was looking right at the clothes, I decided that I was just going to be looking at some stuff that I felt like would have at least sufficed on a base level. I was just kind of annoyed at this though, knowing that I should have never gotten into any of this.

I saw a blue suit which I knew that I fucking wanted. As I looked at this suit, and was just truly thinking about how much I wanted to just be appealing at prom, I had started to realize how important something like this was going to be. I was starting to pull out a cigarette, and was looking at the suit, and I was actually proud of myself on this choice.

"Are you just going to be staring at that all day for no real reason?" After Dakota asked me this, I was looking right at him, and I was feeling like what he was going to tell me that this was embarrassing, and I was just kind of tired of everything that was happening all around me. I was just trying to keep my mind focused on the more important stuff. The moment I looked at him, I was just seeing that there was a small part of him that looked like he was glad to see me pick so fast.

"Yeah, I think that I am going to be getting this one. You know, I just think that it looks good on me." I said, and then I was looking at him, and then I was starting to walk along. I was looking at Dakota, wondering what I was going to even say now. I was wanting to make some form of a joke though, and that was the only thing that mattered.

"Are you planning on buying anything here? I mean, you might find something that you might want." I said, and then I was seeing him looking at me, as if feeling like I was just asking him a stupid question. Even though I didn't really feel like it was all that stupid of a question, I knew that he was going to just make fun of me here.

"I already have stuff home that I would prefer to use. Honestly, I don't think you need to worry about it too much." After he had said that to me, I was seeing him looking like he was just wanting to get this check out over with, and I was willing to give him that. So we were walking along, and I was thinking about how much fun it would be to just see somebody who would want to give me a chance. Which I had no idea if that was possible.

When I purchased my stuff, we were about to head out, and that was when Dakota was looking right at me, as if thinking of something out of nowhere. The way that he was looking at me made me feel like I was not going to be liking this too much. But before we were able to just get it over with, that was when there was somebody who I really liked that walked by, and I was staring at her for a second or two.

"Do you perhaps want to talk with her?" Dakota asked, almost totally forgetting about what he had wanted to say, and when I was looking at him, I was feeling like I wanted to so badly, but just didn't know if I could get myself to do it. "I mean, what is the worst that can happen? Her saying no wouldn't be the worst thing in the world." After he said that to me, I looked at him, as if wondering if he really meant that, then I sighed, knowing that he was just trying.

"Yeah, I will go and talk with her. I mean, it won't be the end of the world if she says no." I said, and then I was walking to her, and I was sighing, wishing that I knew how to talk to girls and not be sounding like a total loser while going at it. She was about ten feet away from me, so she didn't see the sigh. I took the extra bit, remembering my past experiences.

"Hey Emily. How have you been?" I asked, and then she was looking up at me, and I was seeing that she was kind of shocked to see me here. "I was just about to head out of here, and I saw you, and I was just wondering if you were getting ready for prom this year." I was saying, and I knew deep down what the answer was, but I just wanted to give off the sense that I was trying to have a normal discussion here.

"Oh hey Sheldon... Yeah, I am. But you would be shocked at how hard it can sometimes be to find something that you like here. I mean, not to bore you with the details, but there are just so few good options most of the time." She said, and then she was looking at me, as if wondering what I would want to say here.

"Do you have something that you were wanting to talk about?" She asked, and then she was looking like she was both in a bored stage, as well as just a kind of confused stage, and I was just telling myself that as long as she was not just brushing me off the entire time, I was going to be fine.

"Honestly, I was wondering if you had a date to prom or something. You know, if you were hanging out with somebody, or just going alone." I said, and I was wincing at that statement inside, knowing how terrible it must have sounded. But then I was looking up, and I saw a slightly flattered look on her face.

"Not really. I just have some friends that I plan to hang out with when I am there. No dates yet. And it's only like two or three days away." After she said that to me, she was looking at me in a way that was acting like this was the biggest issue in the entire world. Which to her, at that moment, it probably was.

"Well, I was wondering, since that is the case, if maybe you would want to go out this year with me to prom." I said, just thinking that the faster I said it and got it over with, the better it would be for both of us. As she was looking at me, I saw that she was shocked to hear me say such a thing. Like she was just unable to believe that I had the courage to do something like that.

"Well, yeah, if you want to go and everything, then sure." She said, and then she was looking right at me, trying to decide what to be saying now, and I was feeling like this was either a good thing, or a bad thing. And to be honest, I was just kind of scared to see where this was going to go. But in a strange way, I didn't even care either.

"That's great. I wasn't expecting you to say yes or anything. I just thought that you might have been busy or something." I said, and then I was looking at her, wondering what I was going to say now. I was feeling like I was going to need to say something really nice, or something really awesome, to keep this whole thing up.

"Don't worry about it. Not everybody hates you the way that you think." She said, and I wasn't sure if that was a good comment or not, since due to the fact that she said 'not everybody' showed some indication that at least some people hated me. But then again, this was high school, so that was to be expected.

"Anyways, so what time do you think you might want to be able to meet up?" I asked, and then she looked at me again, as if remembering the most important part of this entire discussion, and she was laughing at that, as if forgetting that this was a conversation about prom, and not a conversation about me.

"Oh yeah, maybe Saturday at six. Give us a couple of hours to grab a dinner, and still be there by nine." After she said that to me, I was considering it, and decided that it would work fine enough, and I decided that it was going to be a better idea than just showing up with like twenty minutes left before the dance and getting to the school with like a minute to spare.

"Alright, see you then." I said, and then I was looking at her friends coming on in the mall, and when they had seen me, they both looked kind of shocked and interested to see me here. Almost like they were just never expecting me to ask any of them out on a dance or anything like that. I admit that it was kind of nice when Emily was giving me that look, but even everybody else in the world was doing it, that was when it was actually getting kind of annoying.

When I was starting to walk towards Dakota again, I was wondering what he was going to say. I knew that he was going o be acting all shocked, and like he could have never expected me to do such a thing. And he was going to be pretending like he was proud of me or whatever. To be honest, I wasn't really going to be the mood for something like this.

"Dude that was awesome. We have got to tell Ashley about that when we see her again. I think she is going to be so proud of you." After Dakota was saying that to me, I was wondering why they would even be proud of me for literally just talking with a girl and basically saying hello to her. I just never got the point of that. But I was shrugging, and I was just looking at her group of friends again for a moment.

"Well, I think that you guys will probably make a bigger deal out of it than it really is." I said, and then I was smiling at him, trying to be funny about it, and I knew that he was going to be kind of shocked at the way that I was dehyping down something that was actually really fucking fun, and really nice for me.

"I mean, you literally did something that you have never done before. I would say that is worthy of the hype." After Dakota said that to me, I was then wondering if we were going to have to have a discussion about that at some point. Since I was feeling like sooner or later, it was time to come clean on that whole thing. But despite everything in my mind, I was just shrugging, and I decided that it was not going to be worth it.

"Well, I think that it is going to be time to go on and see Ashley. Since you were wanting to see her, and we can just hang out for a while." After I was saying that to him, he was nodding, and he was smiling again, and he was feeling like he was going to have to just focus on making this whole thing just the coolest moment ever. We both went to the car, as I was taking out another cigarette, and popped back inside the car and started to light up.

"So do you think that you might go on a date with her beforehand? You know, to just sort of see if you guys can get to know each other for a bit before the dance?" After Dakota asked me this, I looked at him, and I was seriously unsure of what to think of that idea, but in all honesty, I had felt like maybe it wasn't too bad of an idea. I just wanted to find a way to talk with her, and in a way that would seem like it was going to be okay for us all.

As we were driving along for a few seconds, I decided that I would answer his question. "I guess that something like this might not be a terrible idea honestly. I just need to find a way to make the fucking time. I mean, I just hope that she would be willing to actually do something like this." After I said that to Dakota, he looked at me, surprised to see me putting so much thought at it.

"Well, I think that you will just have to find a way to make her take the time to do it. I just hope that you can be able to make it all work. I mean, I know that you sometimes have a tendency to ruin dates and stuff." He said, and then I was looking right at him, as if kind of annoyed at the fact that he was saying stuff like this, but I decided that I was just not going to say anything.

"The thing with Jamie was going pretty decently." I said, and then I was looking at him, wondering what the heck he was going to tell me here. I mean, it didn't go super far, but I feel like things would have if the situation had turned out a bit better in my favor." I was telling him, just letting the memories coming back.

"Sorry for bringing it up. I know that sometimes it is a hard subject for you, and that you don't like talking about it all that much. If you want to just forget that I ever brought it up, then go ahead." After he had said that to me, I was wondering what it was going to take for her to get out of my memory forever. In all honesty, this whole thing was just kind of sad and annoying, how I remembered those things over and over again.

"Anyways, I just hope that this is the one that works for you. I mean, I know how much you wanted to finally have a relationship, and it seems like this one is going to start to work out for you." I was sighing, and I was just trying to make some fucking sense out of everything. "If this is the thing thaat finally works for you, then I really will be proud of you." After he had said that to me, I was smiling, and I was wondering what it was going to be like to hear that again.

Eventually, we parked the car where Ashley's house was at, and he was looking like he was just trying to think of something to say. "I just kind of wish that her mother didn't hate me hanging out with her so much. In all honesty, it is kind of annoying, and I wish that she would give me a chance." After Dakota said that, he was sighing, wondering what to say now.

"I think that she must be having some stuff going on in her mind, and that she might just be having some real issues here." I said, and then I was looking at Dakota, and I was wondering how much he was going to be listening to this. When I was seeing the look on his face, I was seeing that he wasn't really looking all that willing to do this. Not that I could blame him.

"Sorry, I know that sometimes it just bothers you that something like this is going on. I guess that maybe I am just being a bit analytical. If I had a girlfriend that had some parents who hated me this much, then I would be kind of angry at this too." I said, shrugging, sort of understanding where he was coming from when I had been thinking about it longer.

"I mean, I just wish that she was willing to give me a chance. In all honesty, if she would just give me a chance, I would know what it was like to show her that I am not all that bad of a guy and stuff." After Dakota said that to me, I was looking at him, wondering if there was something else that I could say, or if I was just being a bit too deep into this.

"Well, I think that in a year or two, if you are still together, she will at least get to the point where she will be able to pretend like things are fine between you two." I said, and then I was looking at him, and I was seeing that Dakota sincerely did not believe in something like this for a fucking second. But he was in mood to be arguing with me at all.

Eventually, we got out of the car, and I was seeing that at the back of his mind, Dakota was really not in the mood for something like this to happen today. But as I was seeing that look on his face, I also knew that there was a part of him that would have been willing to do something like this if it had meant being able to still be with Ashley, which was the thing that mattered most to him.

"Sheldon, just let me give you one piece of advice when you are going to be seeing Emily. Don't bring up the whole thing with Riley. Keep that away from the discussion. Either she doesn't care, or might not be able to help you out, and she will just think that you are being obsessed with something like this." After he had said that to me, I knew he was meaning well, but at the same time, he was just saying it in a relatively harsh way.

When Ashley answered the door, she was looking at Dakota and I, and I was seeing that there was a second of worry in her face, mainly due to the whole mother thing, but then afterwards, I was seeing the look turn into one of genuine joy. "Hey guys, how are you doing?" After she had asked us this, I was looking at Dakota, and I was hoping that he had a proper response here.

"Well, if you want to know something exciting, Sheldon ended up getting a date for prom night. I am so excited for him." After Dakota said that to Ashley, he was wondering if she was going to react a certain way, or just be excited for me, and act like I overcame some big monster.

"So Sheldon, who is the lucky lady?" She asked me, and then I was sighing, feeling like the idea of calling Emily was going to be a bit of a false pretense, but I decided not to say anything, since in all honesty, I wasn't in the mood for a pep talk. Or something to try and make me feel better as a person.

"Emily. I saw her coming in the mall after I bought a suit, and then I was asking her out, and she said yes." After I had said that to her, I was seeing Emily looking at Dakota, as if letting him know that she knew that something like this was going to work, and that I was just treating myself too harsh.

"Damn, I knew that you were really into her. Do you think that you might be ready for something like this?" After she had asked me this, I was shrugging, thinking that trying to pretend like I was ready was going to be a fucking lie, and that I just needed to try and be honest with her when looking at this whole thing.

"Well, I think that I am going to be as ready for something like this as I possibly could be." I said, and then I looked at her, feeling like I might as well be honest about it at least. She was looking at me, and I was seeing her looking like she had wanted to say something to make me feel better, but she clearly decided that it was not going to fucking be worth it at all.

"You weren't doing all that bad at dates back in the day. I think that you just need to relax a bit, and that you just need to know that not everybody things you are a terrible loser or whatever." After she had said that to me, she was smiling at me, and I was sighing, just thinking that she was just trying too hard to be nice to me.

"Alright guys, I get it, I need to at least give myself some credit." I said, and then I was looking right at her, and I was thinking about how I was going to be finding some ways to get right back into it all. I wanted to make them all happier, no matter what the hell it was going to take to get there.

"Honestly though, I never thought that you would have ever wanted to even ask anybody. I thought that you were just too dedicated to the idea that nobody liked you that you were just never going to let it go." After Ashley had said that to me, she closed the door, trying to think of things to say.

"Anyways, I do have a question that I would be interested in knowing about..." She asked me, and then I was looking right at her, and I knew that I was going to hate this question, and that she was going to make me feel terrible for this. But deep down, I was feeling like if I was going to have any chance to make this work, I needed to hear it.

"What are you wanting to know?" I asked, looking straight at her, wishing to just see what she was just going to ask me, and then we would be able to get this over with, and then we would have been able to just all move on with our lives.

"What are you going to be talking about during the date? Do you plan on bringing up Riley and stuff? I mean, Dakota was telling me about that stuff earlier, and I agreed with him that this is something that should just be left out of the general debate. You know, to make her feel like you are not just more worried about stuff like that." After she had said that to me, I was looking right at her, wondering what to tell her.

"I really don't want to be making any big mistakes. I will not be talking about Riley or anybody else, at least at first. If, and only if, she brings them up anyways, then I will talk to her about that stuff. But to be honest, I am not too sure if something like that is going to be worth it." I said, and then I was looking right at her, unsure what to say.

"I guess that if she brings it up first, then that is fair. But I really doubt that there is going to be any reason she would want to talk about that stuff. I mean, I should just be wrong though." After Dakota was saying this, he was looking like he was just trying to find a way to make it seem like that conversation was going to have been coming up naturally.

"I mean, I do agree that there is almost no way that she would be talking about it herself. But I guess that there might be something going on here. You know, something that might make some sense out of this." I was sighing, and then I was feeling like if she was going to bring it up for whatever reason, I was going to be polite with her, and see where she was coming from, and see why she would even want to be doing this in the first place.

"Sheldon, I really do think that Emily could be a good girlf or you. I mean, from the way that you talk about her, and the way that you act around her, on the times that you do see her, and the times you guys have talked, this just seems like it could just be a good chance. I really would not blow it for some random idea of talking about your siblings." After Dakota said that to me, I saw him looking kind of sad saying that.

Despite what he had been saying, and despite how much it was kind of hurting me to hear him say such a thing, I was aware that he was just trying his best to help me out, and he was just trying his best to be making me happier, no matter what it was going to take in order to get there, and part of me appreciated that.

"I guess that maybe she does deserve something better. I mean, I do want to talk about the things that bother me, but I want this to not be something that goes on and bothers her or whatever." I said to Ashley, and then I was thinking about something else that I could ask. Something that I had felt like I needed to at least bring up, to make sure that I could focus on the main objective.

"Honestly though, all that aside, what are some other suggestions that you guys have for me when going on this date with her? I mean, there is nothing that I feel like I can get out of just talking to her about nothing. I feel like I need to have at least some clues." I said, and then both Ashley and Dakota looked at each other, as if wondering how I was not able to pick up on this one myself, but decided that maybe I really was more gone than they had wanted to admit.

"Honestly, I think the best way you can keep something up with her is just to really listen to her. Hear her side of the story. Make sure she knows that you care for her, and you care for what she can do. I just think that if you show her something like that. A true level of compassion here, she will be really enjoying doing these things, and you will be able to have a better chance of winning her over that way.

"Thank you for the ideas. I think that she does deserve something like that, and I think that I could be able to try and accomplish something like this." I convinced myself, and the more that I had said something like this, and the more that I was talking, the more that I knew that I did find myself wanting to hear her side of the stories, and that this is something I would love.

As I was saying this stuff, and as I was starting to sincerely believe in all of this, that was when I was looking across the streets, and I was seeing something that did actually kind of scare me. So when I was seeing this, I was just closing my eyes, and I was just taking a moment to grief for this woman.

"What are you looking at Sheldon?" Dakota asked, and this time, he was sincerely sounding more concerned than annoyed, and I was seeing that he was willing to put everything aside, and see if I was really doing well. But when he was looking over, and saw what I was looking at, I saw him both looking bad for me, but also just kind of hopeless now.

"Sheldon, I know that you might want to help her out, and I think that this is great of you, but that is something that I think you should be leaving alone. She might be able to take care of it herself..." After Dakota said that to me, I was looking right at him, and I was seeing him sighing, and rubbing his eyes, as if he was aware that even he knew that something like this was just not going to fucking happen.

"I know that you are just doing this for her help..." Dakota said, and then Ashley was looking like she was just sort of in between the two of us. I had a feeling she genuinely wanted to have me help her out, and that she was wanting to help that woman, if it was something she needed, and if it was something that can solve some cases. But at the same time, she was thinking that maybe I really did go too far into this whole thing.

"Sheldon, do you honestly feel like something is going to come out of you helping her out? Or you talking with her? I mean, you got to be realistic here." She said to me, and I was sighing, and I knew that deep down, she was right here, and that if I was going to be getting myself possibly killed over something, I needed to make sure that there was a near guarantee that this was going to actually work out in my favor.

"I think that if for nothing else, she will know that there are people who aren't selfish, and are willing to show her some compassion. That is going to fucking be worth it." I said, and then I was staring right at her, and then I was seeing her looking like she had wanted to try and tell me that this was crazy, but remained silent, and remained aware that there was no way she would convince me otherwise.

"I guess that if you want to talk to her, then it might make some sense. Sorry for trying to get you to stop." After Dakota was saying this to me, I was taking a long and deep breath, and then I was feeling like one of these days, he would feel like he would see where I was coming from now.

With that, I was starting to walk down the stairs of the front of the house, and then I was just telling myself that I needed to just keep quiet, and that when she would see me here, she was going to appreciate what I have been doing, and she was going to appreciate the fact that at least one person was going to show some compassion for her, and I knew full fucking well that this was the only thing that mattered at all.

The only thing that I knew that I could keep myself away from was the idea of doing something that was going to get me out of safety. As selfish as it was, and as strange as it was, considering all that I talk about, I was not wanting to do something that was going to be getting me in any real danger, and that if I was doing this, then I was needing to make sure that there was at least a small chance that I was going to be safe here.

"Sheldon, just make sure that you aren't too rough with it. Be firm with what your intentions are, but be nice about it as well. You know, just show a level of understanding and don't be a dick about it." After Dakota said this to me, I was sighing, and I was wondering why they hated what I was doing right now, but I just kept it to myself this time.

Eventually, I sat down next to the woman, when I was on her front of her house, and then I was wondering what she was going to be saying to this. She was just looking right at me, and I was seeing her just looking kind of bored and annoyed with me right now. "What are you going to do now? Just pretend like things are going to be okay." After she had asked me this, I looked down on the ground, understanding her anger, and understanding why she didn't believe me.

"Honestly, I was just hoping that maybe I could be able to find some ways to help you out. You know, just find a way to see if there are some clues that I could gather up." I said, and then I was looking right at her, and she had looked at me for a second, and I was seeing that her mind was just trying to decide if she was hearing me properly or not. I was holding out my hand to her, and I was wanting her to feel better.

"Do you mean it?" She asked me, and then I was looking at her for a moment longer, and I was just seeing that there was something on her face that was showing me that no matter what I had told her, she was not going to fully buy into this narrative yet, no matter what I was going to say.

"Trust me, if I had no intention of wanting to help out people at this town, then I would say that would make me a fucking monster." I said, and then I was looking right at her, and she was smiling at me, as if glad to be hearing somebody talking sense in this area. But I was just trying to find some way to help her out here, in a realistic way.

"Well, what are you looking for here? I mean, you never knew her before." She said, and then I was sighing, feeling like if this was going to be the way that things were now, I was going to have a long way to go, and I was going to have no fucking choice but to just tell her some of my own personal story, as much as I was hating to do something like this.

"I had a older sister who went missing about seven years ago. When it happened to me, I was so fucking broken from it. I did not take it well at all, and I just felt like everybody in this town was just off on their own desires, and I was feeling like they never really cared for the truth. And that is something that I hope you never feel." I said, and then I saw her looking really fucking conflicted when I had been saying this stuff.

"If you do not believe in me, or even want to go as far as say that I am lying to you, then there is nothing that I can fucking do about that. But I do want to know what happened to her, and see if I can help her out." I finished, just leaving it at that, and wishing that maybe I could make her happier.

"Well, do you think that the police are going to care what happened to my daughter? Do you think that they are going to try and find some justice?" After she had asked me this, I was sighing, and I was feeling like that was a loaded question, and that there was no way I would answer it.

"I am sure that there are going to be at least some officers who are going to be working their asses off to find her. Even if they never find answers for it, they will do whatever they can to assure that if for nothing else, at least all the options were done." I said, and then I was looking right at her, and I was wondering if she was going to be buying it at all. I had a feeling like the answer was going to be a resounding no.

"Do you want to go on and give it a look? If you actually care to help, I guess that I might as well let you have a chance." After she had said that to me, I looked at her, and I was seeing that there was still a part of her that wanted to argue with me, but another part of her was wanting even more to believe me, and that was the part that was slowly winning.

"Where are you suggesting that I can look?" I asked, and then she was pointing to a window up above us, and she was slowly shrugging, looking like there was nothing to say now. Almost like she was just trying to find any way in her mind to buy into the narrative that this was going to be something I could solve.

"That's her room over there. I am sure that if you want to really look for something, you might find a couple of ideas in there. But I would not be getting either of our hopes up." After she was saying this to me, I nodded, and I was feeling like despite how annoyed I was at the way she was acting around me, I knew that this was the way she just felt at the moment, and I couldn't really blame her for feeling unsure of what to do.

Eventually, I went inside, and I was feeling like whatever was going to be found in here, if anything, better be worth it, to make it look like I wasn't doing something really fucking strange, and something that almost any other person might be finding flat out creepy and wrong. I was just hoping that anybody who was going to see this would have just brushed this whole thing off, and that they would not get in my way about this.

I was right in her room before I knew it, and I was looking around, wondering what I was even going to find in there if I had tried. "Hey, I know that I was being kind of rude when I was talking with you earlier. I know that it wasn't really good for me to be acting like this. I guess that I was just unsure of what to think of the fact that somebody like you wanted to help out at all." After she had said that to me, I was looking at her, feeling bad for hearing this.

"You have a feeling that a lot of people don't actually care for this town? I mean, I guess that I get why you feel that way. I mean, I do as well, and there are a lot of things that make me feel like people are just doing their own thing." I said, and then I was staring right at her, and I was wondering what she would have said to me here.

"Honestly, I think that there are just too many stories from what I heard here for me to have any hope. Or at least realistically have any hope. The only thing that I do know what to feel is the uncertainty of what it will be like to ever see my daughter again. But if you can even somewhat give me some clues to helping me find her, I would be forever in your debt." After she said that to me, I looked at her, and I was feeling like there was nothing else that I needed to say for the time being.

"You are going to be fine. I mean, if I was a parent, I would be super upset if I had a police force like this. I mean, I am pissed at the fact that they are like this with my sister. I can't even imagine what it would be like with my children." I said, and then I looked at her, and I was seeing her looking like she was wanting to at least consider what I had been saying, and she was looking sort of unsure of what to even say now.

"What makes you go through it every day? You know, every day she doesn't come home, and you feel like the police are not even trying to find her?" After she had asked me this, I was feeling like that was going to be a hard one to answer, and I was feeling like there was no real proper way to do so.

"I just remind myself that I am not the only one. That there are more people in town than I would want to admit that are dealing with this. When I remember that, things are easier. Things almost seem normal that way." I said, and then I was looking around, wishing that I was going to just leave this behind, and I was wishing that she was going to leave the subject alone now.

When I was thinking about what it was like to know that there were other people like me out there, dealing with their own version of Riley, it was both a good thing and a bad thing. It was a good thing to remind me that other people had it bad as well, but a bad thing in that it made me remember that this type of stuff went way deeper than it ever had a right to.

I had wondered if perhaps having it only happen to Riley would have been for the best for how it was for me in the way that I wouldn't be wondering if there was some stupid and large conspiracy in the town and stuff. "Honestly, I just like to remind myself that no matter how bad this might be, I am not the only one dealing with something like this. And that I could always just grief. I know that I just said that already, but after a few seconds of thinking it out, yeah I would agree."

When I was done saying all of this, I had looked right at her, and I was wondering what she was going to say now. "She wasn't the only one in her friend group like this. She had some friends that went missing as well. I felt bad for them, but I never really put too much time to it, because I had thought that whatever happened with them was just going to stay with them." The woman said, and I was seeing her looking slightly guilty of feeling like this, and that she had wished to not be saying this.

"I guess that maybe you can talk with those people, and see how they are feeling right now. Maybe they would appreciate something like this." I said, and then I looked at her for a short second before I looked at the book shelfs, and I was just looking around on the ground, thinking of the dirty clutter that was around it.

"Does your daughter normally have rooms like this?" After I asked her this question, she looked up at me, and she was clearly feeling like that question wasn't even something that I needed to ask, since I probably knew what she was going to say. Deep down, I had a feeling that she might have been right. And that was the thing that scared me the most.

"She doesn't? And this is one of the first time since she was a young kid that she had her room like this?" I asked the question that I knew the answer to already, and when I had asked her this, she looked down, and she nodded, and I was sighing, and I was wondering what it was going to be like to have a person that wasn't like this. On one hand, it made it easy to figure out. On the other hand, this was a bit strange.

"Shit. They are always like this. God damn it. Things are never going to change around here, I fear." I said, and then I was looking at her, wondering what the woman would have told me now. I sat down on her bed, and then after I sat down, I saw something flying out towards me, and I was confused when I had seen this, and I was having a strange feeling like this was going to be important, so I stopped what I was doing to see what this was.

"What the fuck is that?" I asked, and I was holding it up, and I was staring right at it. I was seeing that it was addressed to somebody. "To mom." I was saying under my breath, and I was looking up at her, and I was wondering if she had anything that she was going to say to try and give me some context here.

"I think that this might be a running away letter." I said, and then I was showing it to her, and then I was feeling like there was a small chance that this letter was bullshit. But if it was not, and she really did run away, then there was literally nothing that I could fucking do about it, and the best that all of us could do was just to move forward, and accept that things were not going to be going the way that we had thought here.

She opened it up for a few seconds, as if hoping that even if it was heart breaking, that it would have been true since at least with this, we would have a answer, and it was going to be a lot less rough than some other answers that would be given. But after a few seconds, she looked at the paper strangely, and I was feeling like there was indeed something I needed to try and know.

"This is not her hand writing. I know her hand writing, and this is not it." After she said that to me, I was nodding, and while I was willing to believe in her, I was feeling like I was needing this to go deeper, and I was feeling like I needed to have proof of her claims. So I stood up, and I was looking at the letter for a second.

I read the first two or so sentences, and to be honest, those sentences were not really even all that important because I had noticed from the little bit that I read that it just seemed a bit too professional, and like a male for me to really feel like it could have been hers. "Do you have other writing that is hers? You know, as proof?" I asked, wondering where this was going, and she was shrugging for a moment, and pointed her head to the bookshelf, as if letting me have permission to look there.

"All I can say is that I find this incredibly strange... You know, to look through a girls stuff to find her." I said, trying to be funny about it, but knowing that she was probably not going to be in the mood for something like this. As I had been saying this, I was pulling out a small folder of stuff. When I opened up the folder, I was seeing a bunch of various things such as drawings, a random school paper or two, a couple of pieces of paper that seemed like a shitty attempt at trying to keep up a journal. The longer that I was looking at all of these, the more that I was feeling like I could find a couple of things that had a lot of long writing, that I could truly use for evidence.

I grabbed one that had three or four sentences, and then I sat down, and started to look at it, and was really looking at it all. I was reading the paper for a while, and I was reading the letter, and there was a couple of smaller things that would debunk it. "Her K's have a curve on them. Her Q's have a slight drop down. The letter that I showed you is rather straight forward. Nothing unique about them." I said, and then I looked right at her, wondering what she was going to be saying now.

"Shit, you're right I think. She really did not write you that run away letter. Damn it, the one tiny thing that I might have thought would have given me a head start is not real." After I had said that to her, I was shrugging, feeling like that was to be expected, but I was still kind of let down by it, since I had hoped that there was something that could have shown me wrong.

"If I can, I will go down to the middle school one day, and perhaps see if there are any leads that I can follow there. I can only do it on a day that I have some free time though." I said, and then I was looking at her, and I placed my hand on her shoulder, and I knew that she was going to hate this, being touched in an attempt at a comforting way. But at that moment, I would not be able to think of anything better.

"Please don't worry too much about it. The police will find her. Despite them not figuring stuff out for most cases, I want to give them a chance at least." After she had said that to me, I was looking at her, and I was thinking that what she had said was fucking crazy. But at the same time, I knew that she was already making up her mind, and that there was literally nothing that I could do to make her feel differently. Besides, I knew that deep down, I was going to have little sway over most things here.

When I was out of the house, I was going down to Dakota and Ashley, who were both looking mixed of concerned and annoyed at what I was doing, and I was seeing that both of them were wondering how much longer I was going to be keeping something like this up, and when I was going to be letting something like this go.

"Sheldon, was it worth it at least?" Dakota asked, and I was seeing him look like he was really just not in the mood for something like this in the first place. I was seeing him looking rather fucking annoyed at the fact that he was not just leaving this stuff alone. I wanted to help her out, and that was the only thing that I just wanted to do.

"Well, I think that something slightly interesting was going on here. I saw her room have a run away letter, that wasn't even in her hand writing." I said, and then I was looking right at them, wondering if they had any advice on what to be saying right now, or if they were even caring all that much what I was doing. But despite the fact that I wasn't going to get any advice or whatever, from the way that I was looking at them, their faces showed some interest in the letter.

"That means that somebody did come in there, and somebody did do something to her, and try to hide it up with something. Shit, maybe something really is happening." After Dakota said that to me, I was looking at him, partially unable to believe that this was the thing that finally put him over the top, while also feeling slightly bad that he had been trying so long to hide from something, only to have it get proven more and more.

"So if that means that there is something going on with her case that means that there is a good chance that something is going to happen to several other people as well. Oh my fucking god, I can't believe that something like this is happening right now." After Ashley was saying this, I was looking at them, and I was feeling bad for bringing this stuff up on the, and I was feeling like maybe this was something that I had gone too far with.

"Okay, well if we want to deal with that stuff, we can wait until after prom. Nothing so bad is happening here that it literally can't wait another two or three days." I said, and then I was looking right at them, and I was feeling like this was going to be the best way that I could make them feel better, and that if they had wanted something else, they were going to have to just look for it themselves. But that look on their face showed that they were glad to be seeing me like this now.

I was wanting to do whatever it took to make my friends happier, and that was the only thing that mattered in my eyes at that moment. When I knew how much they had clearly just wanted to just put this whole thing behind them, and that I wanted them to be happier, I was willing to at least short term put this behind me.

"Yeah, I mean, things can always wait until prom is done. That being said, if I do find something before then, for that woman and her daughter, I will see what I can do to help out, and I will see if I can help her out. But unless if something like this happens, then yeah, things are able to wait for one fucking day." I said, and then I was sighing, feeling like this was the best way that I could talk at that moment. The only way I could talk about it well.

"I guess that maybe you could have been onto something. But what you're saying makes a lot of sense honestly. I think it is for the best to not be making a big issue out of something that is just not that big of a deal." After she had said that to me, I was looking at her, wondering what the hell I was even going to say to her now.

"I'm sorry that I took things way too far, and I guess that maybe I was just letting things get in my mind. I mean, I know that I want to find Riley, and I know that finding Riley is the one fucking thing that I need for my own sanity, or have her death be proven true, but if that is something that is hard for you guys to handle, in a interaction level, then I will do my best to make sure things do not get any worse here." I said, and I looked across the street to the mother again, wondering if she was going to be like this as well.

"I know that you have every right to wish that you can find her again, and I am sorry if we ever felt like we were giving you the impression that we never cared. I guess that we both just want to make sure that nothing gets too hard on you." After Dakota said that to me, he placed his hand on my shoulder and I looked up at him, wishing that I would give him a chance to talk with me.

"I never wanted you to not want her back. I never wanted you to feel like we didn't care for her. We just didn't want this to be something that ate up your life. That was the only thing we were scared of." After he had said that to me, I was seeing him looking like he had wanted to just take more time to pity me, but I knew that we were just wasting our time here.

"I guess that this does make sense. I mean, even when I am looking down the street, and seeing her, I guess that I can see where you are coming from. Thanks for talking with me right now guys. Thanks for being there for me, and thanks for listening to me and dealing with my annoying company." I said, and then I was smiling, knowing that no matter what was going to happen next, we were going to be alright.

"Anyways, I think that we got to just focus on other things, that I think we can be able to work on here." After I had said that to them, I was seeing both of them looking interested in hearing what I was planning on saying here. But neither of them were wanting to worry me too much here. "I think that perhaps we can find a way to sort of just enjoy the rest of the day."

"What do you think that we would be able to do anyways? I mean, I guess that we could go and see if that bone fire we were hearing about is happening tonight." After Ashley brought that up, I was looking at her, totally forgetting about that thing, and I was wondering if she was wanting to do that.

"Do you think that the bonfire could be something fun? I mean, if it works out, maybe I could take Emily there, and we could be able to find a way to make her feel like I am dedicated to this. Or I guess I can, since I doubt you are too worried about something like this." I said, thinking that this would be great.

"Do you think that you would want to do something like this?" After Dakota asked me this, I was seeing him just looking more shocked than anything else that I was willing to hear him speak like this at all. I was thinking that maybe I just needed to fucking own up to the idea that this was something I wanted.

"Well, I would want her to feel special, and feel like I am actually caring about making her happier, and I think that if something like this is the way to be going at it, then you sure as hell can bet that this is something that I want to do." I said, and then I was looking at both Ashley and Dakota, and I was wondering if this might make them proud.

"If you think that you can be able to make her feel special, then I know that doing things like these can help make her feel like you are not just messing around and stuff." Once Ashley confirmed this to me, I was nodding, feeling like I was glad to know that this was something that I was right about. And not just thinking could have been fine.

"See, I know what I think I am doing every once in a while." I said, trying to be funny about it, and not be giving off a strange impression, but I knew that this was not going to be playing well with them. I knew they were thinking I probably had a long ass way to be going.

"But do you think that there is going to be a way that this gesture is going to resonate with her? You know, I think that this is the only thing that might be kind of ruining it." After Dakota said that, I was shrugging, feeling like there were a few things that might have been worthy of thinking of, but I just needed to fucking think about going one step at a time, and not be making any fucking issues here.

"I mean, if it doesn't resonate with her, then I can't really fucking do anything about it. I am going to have to accept the fact that this is the best that I can fucking do, and I just hope that this is something she can respect." I said, and then I was looking right at them, and I was wondering if they were ever going to admit even a couple of fucking things that they liked about my way of going at this whole thing.

"If it isn't something that she likes, then I will own up to it, and I will do my best to be making her feel better, and I will be doing my best to just find something that she will like to do when we get there again. I think that this is the only thing that I can fucking do now." I shrugged, feeling like there was no need to continue this whole thing up any longer.

"Well, I guess that nobody can bring you down for your willingness to just do what you think might be able to help you out." After Dakota was saying this, I saw him looking like he was actually kind of proud of the way that I was speaking, and with the level of clarity that I was bringing right now. Knowing that in all honesty, I was doing my best.

"Well, we are not going to be learning anything and knowing what to do if we do not just get down there and check. The longer we just talk about this, the less we are going to be likely to know what to do." After Ashley said this, I was looking at Dakota, and he was sighing, knowing that she was telling the truth, and he looked at me, kind of wishing that there was another way, but he decided to remain silent.

"Yeah, she's right. I mean, I think we all made our points anyways, so there is no real need to continue going." After he had said that to me, I was seeing him looking like he was wishing to have had more to say, but that in all honesty, we were just sort of wasting time, and that in the end, it was going to be pointless now.

We eventually got in our car, and I realized that we had spent nearly forty minutes at Ashley's front steps, and as I started up the car, I was looking at Ashley and Dakota, wondering if they were having any advice for the bonfires or had any drinks. "Do you have anything that we could perhaps take from your father that we can use for the bonfire?" After Dakota asked me this, I was shaking my head, thinking like something like this was just going to be a fruitless idea, no matter how I tried.

"No, I mean, maybe I can steal some stuff from my parents cabinet... But I have no idea if there even is anything there." I said, and then I was shrugging, thinking that if I could have found anything there, I would have already used it to try and drown myself in anger and grief. But I din't want to say something like this to them, since in all honesty I was just scared out of my mind on how they were feeling about me.

As we were driving about half way there, I was sighing for a bit, and I was wondering what to say now. "I haven't been to one of these in nearly a fucking year. I mean, oh my god. They were always the most exciting parts about the end of the school year. Having those bon fires with our classmates. One of the days where I feel like I can forget about things." I was annoyed with that last bit, since I knew how they would react.

"Sheldon, do you know what you plan on doing when you're there? I mean, do you have anything that you expect you will get out of this?" After he had asked me this, I was shrugging, thinking that something like this was just going to be a bit annoying. And to be honest, I was not wanting any more of these questions.

Eventually, I was parking at the one house in the entire town that I knew with one hundred percent certainty would know the answer to our questions. Harold Wilson's fucking house. I killed the engine when I parked, and I was sighing, thinking that I was just kind of jealous of how he was so much more popular than me and everybody else that I hung out with, and I wished that I could have seen him more.

I got out of the car, and to be honest, I was not even really in the mood for either Dakota or Ashley to try and tell me that this was a bad idea, of that he was going to just be messing around with us. Of course I knew what he usually did when we saw him. But to be honest, I could not have cared less what he felt.

When I knocked on his door, I was smiling, knowing that it was a good thing that he was able to at least be on decent terms with me, and that he didn't totally hate my fucking guts. Which was able to buy me some points when looking at all of my options. He eventually opened the door, and was looking at me.

"Hey Sheldon, how are you tonight? I heard from some people that you finally realized that you can get a date to prom now." Harold said, and he was both sounding kind of proud as well as accomplished with this. I was holding my right hand up, as if wishing for him to spare me the moment.

"I'm doing alright. Yes, what you have been hearing is true. But that is not what I was wanting to talk to you about." I said, and then I looked right at him, and I was feeling like I just needed to fucking get right to the fucking point now. "I was actually wanting to see if you can confirm some things for me?" I asked, in a very serious tone, which got him to stop what he was doing.

"Fine, I will save it for later. What are you looking for?" He asked, in a mildly serious voice, and I was glad to be aware that he wasn't just being a fucking dick and playing around all day or whatever. As I had been thinking this, I sighed, and I was thinking about how I could talk in a decent manner.

"I was wondering when you knew when the end of the year bonfire is? I mean, I just want to be able to get ready for that, so when we get there, I might be able to get Emily to be able to hang out there with me and stuff." I said, and then I looked right at him, wondering what he was going to say now.

"Oh shit, about that... I think that it's held on sunday or tomorrow. You know, since the end of the school year is on Tuesday." After Harold said that, I was sighing in relief for the last part of the statement. I was sick of this school year. Granted I was sick of every school year, but I wanted this one to have ended really badly, and that was something that I was not going to hide, under any situation, since it would be a lie if I didn't show it.

"Honestly I can't wait for school to be over. I just am tired of going to school and then dealing with stupid homework. I have no idea what I plan on doing for the summer though." I said, thinking that finding something to do for summer was going to be the hardest thing for me to do, since I wasn't even sure how deep this whole thing with Emily was going to go, and if she was really wanting to actually hang out with me. I was hoping that she had some interest in going deeper than just prom and a date tomorrow.

"Yeah dude, I think that everybody is like that. But anyways, if you really want to impress her for the bonfire after prom and stuff, you got to just cut the act. You got to just be yourself, but not so over the top about it that people think you are not even being sincere on it." He said, and I was looking at him, relatively confused what he meant on this one, and not even trying to fight with him or anything.

"What are you meaning?" I asked and I was just feeling like he better have a good answer for me, and if he was going to have a abad answer, I was hoping that at least it would be a bad answer that would give me some fucking perspective on the way that people were thinking of me behind my back. So either way, I was feeling like something like this would be vitally important to understand looking forward.

"Some people think that with all the times you talk about your sister and stuff, that you might just be playing the sympathy card, and that you don't really even feel all the grief that you are showing and stuff. I am not saying this is what I think. I am just knowing that some people are thinking it is a an act." After he had said that to me, I was angry at hearing this, and I was wanting to go over and strangle anybody who was saying this behind my back. Then again, maybe they were valid here.

"I guess that they are just unable to understand that I am just annoyed with the fact that I have yet to get a fucking answer." I said, and then I was shrugging, thinking that as long as I at least pretended to be brushing it off, neither Harold nor my friends were going to be taking this too seriously, and neither of them would be worried about the way that I was going to be going forward with this when I was talking with people.

"Anyways, yeah the bon fire is either tomorrow or on sunday. I will let you know which one it is when we are at school tomorrow. But in all honesty, I think that it is not going to be that big of a deal. People will just be doing their own thing, and I know that over time, most people are going to probably not even care." He said, and he was looking at me, and I was seeing that there was a small part of him that was looking scared of what I was feeling here.

"Thanks for the answer. I will see what I can do to get ready. I hope that the bonfire can make things better for me. I think that this is what I will need." I said, and then with that, I was walking back to Dakota and Ashely's car, and I was ready for anything.

"So I was told that it is either going to be tomorrow or sunday. Not too shocking since prom is saturday, and in order for it to be a end of the year tradition, it has to be done before Tuesday." I said, and then I was sighing, thinking of what it was going to be like to go to this bonfire again. I remember the last time that I went to one, and I genuinely felt like I was able to be in love with the world, and when I was finally just knowing that I had a chance.

"Harold told me which one it is going to be tomorrow. I just kind of hope it will be on Sunday. You know, since I think that I might try and take Emily on a normal date tomorrow." I said, and then I was looking at them, and I saw that both of them were looking kind of shocked that I was willing to do that after all. I sighed, feeling like they were needing to both give me at least some more credit, and that they were being fucking ridiculous with the way that they were acting, but I decided not to say anything.

We went along for a while longer, and that was when Dakota was thinking of something to say. "Are you sure that you are going to be ready to go to the bonfire this year? Considering the fact that last year you went, and you started to hang out with Jamie, and we know where that went." Dakota said, and then I was sighing, kind of annoyed that they were still on about that. Even I had started to move on from that, but they were thinking that for some random reason, I was still going to be brought down by that.

"Shit happens. It wasn't her fault what happened to her, and it's been a year since then. I need to move on, and at least try and live a normal life." I said, and then I was feeling like I was needing to just drop the subject. I knew that they were just trying to help me out here, but sometimes this was getting really kind of annoying.

"I know that you say that now, but when you get close with Emily, and when you feel like you are getting somewhere with her, there is going to be a small part of you that will be scared of what happened in the past, and you will just try and find a way to get out of it." After he had said that to me, I was tired of this shit, wondering why Dakota was wanting me to just run away from having a thing. I was wanting to have a relationship with Emily, and find a way to be happier, and that this was the best way to get through with this.

"Dakota, why can't you ever just let me be happy? I asked her out, and she said yes, and I am sure as hell going to at least try and see how this is going to work." I said, and then I was sighing, wanting to have made my point, and when I looked at him, I saw him looking like he was kind of feeling bad for this.

Eventually, we rode in some silence for the next couple of minutes, which might have been the best thing for me, and I was wanting tto just not talk about this any longer, and we were getting close to my house. As I was about to leave the car to just go in, and be annoyed and hate what was going on in my own room, Dakota was placing his hand on my shoulder to stop me.

"Look, I know that you just want to do your best to be happier, and I know that you want to just live a life that you are happy with. Just understand that because you shouldn't be talking about Riley all the time doesn't mean that you shouldn't just enjoy your time here, and I think that if you want to find a way to be realistic with the way you are, sometimes you just got to admit that you might jump the gun." Dakota started, and then he was continuing before I had a chance to argue.

"Before you get angry at me, I do want you to know that I will be really proud of you if you go far with Emily, and I do think that you do deserve it more than you want to admit. And before you go, I just wanted you to have something that I know you will like." After he had said that to me, I was smiling, wondering what he was going to show me.

Despite the fact that I got rather annoyed with the way that he acted on a constant basis, I was glad to see him still willing to have at least some minor form of fun here. He was handing me a roll of weed, and then I was laughing when I saw that and grabbed it. "Harold gave me some yesterday, and I figured I could let you have some. I rolled it up when you were talking with him. Consider this a gift for actually managing to get her to agree." After he was saying this to me, I was smiling, and I felt like maybe we were still on a good spot now.

Eventually, I left the car, and I figured that I would have some of it before I would go to sleep tonight. I knew that there was a chance that Ashley was not going to be cool with something like this, and she was probably going to feel like we were not being responsible and all that stuff. In all honesty, I was just getting myself kind of let down that she was probably thinking that. But she made her point a thousand times, and probably gave up now.

When I was getting inside of the house, I was sighing, just kind of annoyed with what was going on, and I was really let down with the way that Dakota and Ashley to a lesser extent felt about my chances to make something work. And the other part of me that was getting to me was that deep down, I knew that they were probably right in at least some regard. That was the thing that I was wishing to just lie about for the rest of my life.

I was ready to just go to my room, and I was ready to brush things off and just be angry in there, without anybody getting in my way. I was not in the fucking mood for any of this shit. I hated the way that my friends were acting, and I hated the way that they refused to believe that I could have a chance to make this work. In all honesty, I knew that they were just thinking that I was not meaning any of it all that well, and that they were just kind of getting ready for this to end now.

As I was about to head to my room, I was seeing my father sitting down at his chair in the living room, and he was looking really busy on something, and I knew that he might not have the time for this, and I knew that he might be kind of annoyed here, but at the same time, I was feeling like maybe he was just able to take a moment to see what I was thinking, and see if maybe he could help me out here.

I was walking to him, and I was feeling like when I could eventually talk with him, he might be able to give me some advice that neither Dakota nor Ashley had given me. I mean, surely he must have had something that would have helped me out, and that if for nothing else, at least he would have been able to pretend to be listening to me, and pretending to want to give me some advice on how to head forward with this.

"Hey dad, I was wanting to know if you had some advice that I could look for?" After I asked him this, he was looking up at me, and I was seeing him looking kind of shocked to hear me speaking with him. He was looking like he was wanting to do something, but decided to just see what the hell I was wanting to know before he would brush me off here.

"What were you wanting to know?" He asked me, and then I was smiling at this one, knowing that at the very least, he was going to be proud and shocked and just in general happy for the progress that I was going to make here, and proud of the fact that I had finally just gotten to do something on my own.

"I was wanting to know if you had any advice for making a prom date work out? Since I actually managed to get somebody to want to go with me." After I was saying this to him, he looked up, shocked at this news, and I was seeing that there was a part of him that looked like he was wanting to know more. But there was just something that he was wanting to fucking hear first.

"Oh shit, I wasn't expecting that to happen. That's really great though. Do you have any idea what type of stuff that she might be into?" After he had asked me this, I was looking down at the ground, feeling like I needed to find a way to just make it seem like I was actually onto something here. I was shaking my head, feeling like I didn't need to keep up the act, and that I might as well be honest with the fact that I still had a way to go.

"Well, that is the first thing you should do when you see her. When you go on her date with her, create a mission for yourself to get to know her as best as you can. Get to really know more about what she is into. Doing that might be able to help you get somewhere, and you might actually win some respect from here." After he was saying this to me, I was shocked at this, because I could not believe that I never thought this whole thing out.

"Alright, thank you for the advice. When I get to know more of her, what do you think that I should do afterwards? Do you think that I should just give her words of encouragement on her goals, or try to help her accomplish it all?" I asked, and then he was nodding, as if thinking that this was extremely obvious, and was wondering why I was thinking about anything else at all. I didn't want him to be thinking that way with me, but I knew that this was going to be hard.

"Yeah, if you think that it is something you can actually help with, then do your best to just do that. I mean, there is nothing else that you really need to do. Just try and speak with her, and try and find a way, any way to really get to know what she wants to do, and then after you do that, then provide the best support you can for her." After he had said that to me, I was sighing, thinking that such a thing was impossible. But I knew that he was trying to just help me out, and I was going to be a idiot to not at least try and see where this was going to head. So I nodded, hoping that this could help us talk a bit longer now.

"Thanks for the advice. Thanks for doing your best to be looking out for us." I said, and then I was looking at him, and he was looking at me, as if thinking that such a thing would have been obvious, and there was no real reason to thank him for doing something that he should always be doing.

"I want to make sure you guys stay safe. I mean, I will not want to risk losing some of my family again. But beyond that, I always want you guys to be happier, and I think that you finally going out and going on dates with people, and falling in love, will help you with that." After he had said that to me, I was nodding, feeling like what he was saying was making some fucking sense, and I was hoping that we could keep this up.

"I want to make sure that things with Emily work out, and I feel like she deserves a fair chance to have something out there making her feel happier." I said, and then I was looking at him, wondering what I was even going to accomplish by saying this. I was seeing that my father looked like he had no desire to say anything else.

"Well, you are not a bad guy, and I think that if she wants to give you a chance, then that shows that she must find something in you to be admirable." After he was saying this to me, I was looking at him, and when I heard him of all people say that to me, he seemed more sincere, and I saw him looking like he had wished that he could have said more.

"Thanks for that. I just have been liking her for a while, and I do not want her to go out with me if she feels like I am not really worthy of any of this. But I guess that I just need to take it one step at a time." I was saying, and then I was telling myself all of this to just try and keep myself pretending like there wasn't much to say now.

"If you want her to know that you have a thing for her, and if you want her to understand that, then just do whatever you can to make all the conversations with her worthwhile, and just show her that no matter what she might be thinking, you will not be letting her down." After he had said that to me, I saw him looking kind of unsure of if he was wanting to actually talk at this rate now.

"Well, I will see what I can do to make this whole thing work out for the best. I just wish that I knew how to make it seem like this whole thing is relatively natural." I said, and then I was just trying to find a way to keep something going here. In all honesty, I was just thinking that she was going to never really get it, no matter how hard I tried.

"And most of all, if it fails, just remind yourself that there are millions of people who could still be willing to give you a chance. There are still millions of people who are wanting to see if you are a decent guy and stuff. I think that if you look at them all, you will understand that this is not the only chance you have." After my father was telling me this, I saw him looking like what he was saying was perfectly natural.

"That is going to be a really fucking hard to be honest. I mean, there is something about her that is special." I said, and then he was looking at me, and I was seeing that there was a small part of him that was just thinking that maybe he was never going to understand what I was even doing now.

"There are millions of people with something special about them. I mean, I do not want you to feel like you just need to brush her off, but I think that you need to understand that things just don't always happen the way you expect." The way he was saying this really was not making me feel better, and I was feeling like he was really kind of killing it. But I just remained silent as I was hearing all of this.

"I guess that you are probably right. I mean, I know you are right. I do want to try though. I want to give this my best effort. You know, see if perhaps I can work this out." I said, and then he was nodding, as if thinking that this made perfect sense, and that I didn't need to be so worried about the way he was speaking here.

"That is good. Despite all that I say, I do want you to give it your all, and I do want to see you be happy, no matter what it is going to take to get there, and no matter what I might be saying to get there, I do want you to be happy." After he was telling me this, I saw him smiling once again, and I knew at that moment he was telling the truth. And I knew that he was just going to do whatever it took to make sure that I had a proper chance.

"Anyways, I know that you are probably going to be making it all work out, and I know that I do not need to worry too much about what you are doing here." After he had said that to me, I was seeing him shrugging, feeling like there was nothing else to say now, and that he was just glad to know that at least I was willing to go throught with some of my personal wishes, and make sure I was a happier man.

"Thanks for taking the time to talk with me, and see if you could be able to help me out here. It is something that I really appreciate." After I told him this, he was nodding, knowing that there was no real reason for him to be doing something else, and since what I was asking for was still a relatively minor thing, he would have helped me out here.

"Just remember all that I told you, and everything will be fine. Honestly, everything will be fine." After he was telling me this, I was seeing him more just saying it for himself than for me. I was thinking that he was sincerely worried about the idea of what it would be like if it did not work out for me, and how I was going to be taking it all. I was feeling like he did not need to worry so much about me here, but I didn't say anything.

"Well, I will tell you how it goes when we are done with the date and date. I plan on maybe taking her on one tomorrow. You know, so we could both have a chance to sort of just get to know each other." I said, and then he was nodding, thinking that this was a good idea, and something he was able to be cool with.

"That is something I would really enjoy. I mean, I do really enjoy hearing you talk about your own stuff. Even if it is something that might be a bit hard to fit in with the job and stuff." After he said that, I saw him looking down for a short moment, and I was tempted to ask him the question that I had asked a thousand times, and every time it was the same time. But I hoped with age, one day it would be different.

After he was done telling us this, I was walking along, and I was feeling like I was just needing to be alone, and I was just needing to not be making things too hard for me. In all honesty, I was just kind of scared of where this were going to go, and I was wanting to make him know that no matter what the outcome was, I was dedicated to improving myself on the general whole.

"I think that I know how to make things work out." I said, and then I was sighing, feeling like there was not much for me to say now, and that in a way, I was feeling like saying anything else was going to just be a bit of a waste of time for both of us. As I was thinking about what it was going to be like to make Emily like me, I was thinking of how happy I was going to be going forward.

"Hey Sheldon, I was wanting to say one more thing before I left." After I was starting to head out, I was seeing him looking like he was just trying to find something in him to say what was at the back of his mind. "I was just wanting you to know that no matter what happens, I was wanting you to know that I am sorry for all the things that I do. I am sorry for all the lies, and never just letting you know what is going on with me and my work. But that is something that I just never thought was that important." After he said that to me, I was seeing him looking like he was not wanting to say much more. I knew that he was trying to come off as nice and sincere, so I was wanting to leave him alone.

"As long as I get to know someday, I will not be making too much of an issue here." I said, and then I was looking at him, and part of me wasn't too sure if I wanted to know more. But at the same time, I was feeling that for my own personal sake, I just needed to at least get a fucking idea, and I was just needing to know what the heck was going on in his mind. But I decided that I was going to get there someday.

I was leaving him alone now, and I was thinking that it was the least that I could do, and that if he was wanting to talk longer, then maybe the talk would have to wait for a bit, and that I was just needing to understand that he was going to be going through a lot. "I mean, I know that there are probably some important things going on, and that is why I understand that I just need to be leaving things alone." After I was done saying this, I was feeling like there was a part of me that was starting to get it, and I was feeling like he was just a good guy, and that I just needed to fucking just let this shit go, and not be making a fucking issue out of anything. But the way he was looking at me seemed to be showing that no matter what he said, there was something else in his mind he was wanting to adress here.

But he didn't, and from what I would later learn, he would never have the chance to. I was wanting to know what it was at first, but over time, I just sort of forgot all about it, and I was doing my own thing, and I was just focusing on my friends again, since that was something that I knew I could be able to focus on here.

Once I was in my room, I was sighing, kind of annoyed with everything that was going on now I was wanting to know so much more. I was needing to know so much more, but I was never getting that chance, and that was just going to be fucking impossible, no matter what I wanted.

I laid down on my bed, and I was just tired of everything. I was tired of the way that everybody was acting, and tired of the way that everybody was making it seem like this whole thing was not that big of a deal. In all honesty, I was just kind of tired of the way that everybody was going to be treating me.

I was wondering why I was so worried about the way that everybody was going to treat me. I mean, I never really was all that popular of a guy, and in all honesty, I had a feeling that something like that was just never going to happen. I knew that deep down, things like being popular were really not that important, and that I was just being over dramatic for no real good reason.

As I was looking around, and I was just trying to make some peace with this whole thing, I was turning to my side, and I was wondering what was going to happen now that things were getting more serious. I was thinking that people were going to just treat everything I said like it wasn't really even valid. I knew that people were never going to care if I never really properly got over what happened with Riley. In a way, some of them would never even care, or would sincerely be telling me to just get the fucking hell over it.

As I had been thinking all of this, there was something that made me stop, and made me look at what was on my table. I was getting up, and I was walking to it, and I was picking it up, wondering what this was. I saw that it was some form of a letter, and I was curious what this letter was going to contain. I didn't want to be stalling for too long, so I went back to my bed, to read it.

I was seeing the note was from my father. I was wondering why he would be writing this to me, but in all honesty, I was wondering if this was going to be a giant guilt trip, and I was just honestly not really in the mood for this. But I wanted to know what my father was thinking, and what he was wanting to discuss, and I knew that I would not forgive myself if I did not at least give him a chance.

"Hey Sheldon... I know that this might not be the way that you want me to address you, and I know that there are going to be some things that you just wish that I would never say. Because in all honesty, there are a lot of things that both of us have done that we would later regret. But I just wanted to reach out to you, and say some things.

I just wanted to tell you that I appreciate the fact that you are not angry at everything we always do. I know that you wish that I could be able to figure some things out better, and that you just think that I have been leaving you alone for too long. In all honesty, you might be valid with the way you feel. But there is nothing I can change about that.

I know that you have had some friends who would be able to at least help you along the way. I know that in some cases, you trust your friends even more than you trust me. I guess that maybe in some cases, you are probably right with this. But I just wish that maybe I could have a better way to properly address the fact that I want to have so many things to just tell you, but I will never be able to find the words to properly capture my point here.

All that I do know is that when I see your graces, see your effort, see your desires to be doing something different, I just think about the fact that I have done so many things that wish I could have turned back on, but will probably never really even come close to getting the chance to. I just think that if I had a chance to really do a redo, I would have never even considered moving to this place. That way Riley would be here at least.

I know what you think about her case. I know that you believe that she is dead. I know that you believe in a lot of these stories about the monsters and the people going missing. Well, I don't know about believe as much as at least entertain. I know that you are probably wanting to see which ones of these are real and not. But I think that you need to look at things a bit differently.

I believe that if you want to truly know what is going on, you will just have to accept the fact that maybe some of these things will never really come to answer. I mean, I know that you will not like these answers, but I think that we just have to be honest with each other, and we just have to be realistic when we consider all of the options going forward.

Just know that no matter what, I do want what is best for you, and I do want to make sure that you have a chance to live a life that you can be proud of. No matter what is going on here, and no matter what you believe, I do care for you and Riley. And I know that mom does as well. Just never forget stuff like that, even if it is hard to do so." After the letter finished this, I was sighing, feeling like he might have just been trying to get on my good graces, but I supposed that I appreciated the effort.

As I was about to be heading to sleep, I was getting ready to close my eyes when something showed up that scared the fucking shit out of me. I was seeing that there was a read head guy at my window, and I was wondering what the hell he was doing, and to be honest, for a few seconds, I actually was wondering if had actually seen this, or if I was just imagining it this whole time.

"What the fucking hell are you doing over there?" I asked, trying to maintain my composure, and then I was hearing him knock on the window. As I saw him do this, I was wanting him to go away, and I was not wanting to answer him. But there was something in my mind that was telling me that I probably had to do something like this, and that this was the only way I could accomplish something right now.

I slightly opened up the window, and then I was staring right at him for a moment, wanting him to be getting to the point. "What do you want here? I don't even know you? Can you please get out of here?" I asked him, and then he was looking down, as if he was wanting me to be giving him a chance here. Which was extremely rich. But at the same time, when I was looking at him, looking sincerely worried about something, I decided that maybe I just needed to give him a chance here.

"I think that I might be able to help you with finding out more about this town." After he was saying that to me, I was taking a moment to examine him, and I was confused at what he had meant. He didn't look any older than like fourteen or something like that. I felt like the idea of him helping me out was just kind of strange, and I was feeling like he was just making this whole thing up to get me to listen.

"What the fucking hell are you talking about?" I asked, and I was seeing him looking a bit worried about what I had been asking for, and he was clearly just spending a few seconds thinking about how he was going to discuss things with me that would actually get me to listen to him, and not be annoyed or angry at him.

"I have been hearing some things that you might be interested in, and I think will help you out here." After he was telling me this, I was looking right at him, and I was wondering if he was just giving me a load of bullshit, or if he was seriously thinking that he was telling the truth, and that I was probably being too harsh on him for not at least hearing his case out here.

"Alright, well I will give you a chance tell me what you are talking about." I said, and then after I had said that to him, he was opening up my window, and he was breaking into the house. As he was doing this, I was shocked at what he was doing, and I was thinking this man was fucking crazy. It didn't matter if he was only thirteen or fourteen years old. He was actually straight-up breaking the law by doing this.

"What the fuck are you doing? I didn't give you permission to actually go inside of the fucking house." I said, and then while I kind of regretted what I was doing in hindsight, at the moment, I felt like I had no real choice. The guy was breaking the law, he might have had a weapon on him, and everything that I was doing was within the limitations being legal given the context. I brought him to my wall, with his right arm behind his back for a moment.

"You don't have to do this. I am just trying to help you out." The guy was saying to me, and even though I was feeling like this was being fucking much for me, and that I was probably going a bit too far with this, when I was going at that moment, and when I was thinking about what he was doing, I just didn't give a single fucking shit what I was going to be hearing from him.

So with that, I put a bit of pressure, and then I moved the arm up for a second, and broke it that way. When I was done, I let him go, and he was looking at him, and holding his broken arm with his left hand. He was looking at me pissed, and then I explained myself when he gave me that look. "You went into my house without my permission. Frankly I don't give a fuck if you are here for good reasons or not. You pushed this way too far." I said, and then he was looking down, as if thinking about that for a second, and leaving it alone again.

"Okay, I get it. But please, can you at least give me a chance to hear my story out before you brush it all off?" After he had asked me this, I was staring at him for a second longer, and despite wanting to tell him off forever, I knew that I wanted to at least give him a chance here.

"Alright, you made your point. I will give you one minute to try and give me as much information as you can." After I said this, I was feeling like a minute was more than he deserved, but I was wanting to be nice to him, and I was wanting to give him a chance, and see what he was probably feeling here. And a part of me was kind of believing in him honestly.

"Well, I have only been here for a few months, but from the time that I have been here, I have known about several of my classmates who had missing relatives and friends. When I heard about the rate that these were happening, and how insanely high they had sounded, I decided that I wanted to at least look into it, and see where this was going to take me." He said, and then he was sighing, thinking about something else to say.

"Hey, sorry for not saying it earlier, but my name is Todd." He said, and then he was holding his hand out, trying to be pleasant this whole time, and the longer that he was talking to me, the less that he was looking like he was trying to have any bad communication with me. He seemed like he was genuinely just trying to be there for me.

"Sheldon. Anyways, so what makes you feel like you want to come and give me any advice on where to be going here? I mean, you probably don't even know who I am or anything." I said, and then I was looking right at him, trying to get him to show that this was a valid statement that I was making. He was looking down, kind of wishing that he had a better way to be talking here. Knowing that deep down, I was right.

"Well, I never met you, but I have heard about some of the things that you have tried to do, and some of the things you want to accomplish." After he was telling me this, I was looking at him, and I was feeling like whoever the hell was talking about me behind my back needed to have some fucking owning up to do. I was really not going to be cool with this at all.

"If you barely even know anything about me, then I have no interest in keeping this whole thing up. I have no interest in trying to pursue any form of a working connection here. I think that you are really trying to get a lot out of me here, that I want nothing to do with." I said, and then I was looking right at him, wondering if he was going to try and say anything else, or if he was able to at least sort of see where I was coming from now.

"Listen to me Sheldon. I know that you are wanting to find some answers with your sister, and I know that you think that there is something going on here. I think that I can try and help you out here." After he had said that to me, I was feeling like I already had enough of listening to him, and I was not going to let him keep going like this, knowing that he was just trying to get me to be feeling bad here. I was wanting to be nice but firm with the way that I was going to talk to him from this point forward, so we never had any issues going forward.

"I have no idea what you are trying to accomplish here, but bringing up my sister, and trying to use her as a way to get me to tag along with you is a terrible fucking idea. I think that you are making a big mistake for trying to just let me hear this stuff." I said, and then I was looking right at him, and I was not even caring how he was going to think here.

"I am just trying to find a way to make sure that justice is done. I mean, wouldn't you want the exact same fucking thing? Don't you want justice for all the people that go missing? For your sister? I think that you are a good person, and I think that you understand what it is like to want something. So I think that we just need to work together here." After he was telling me this all, I was looking at him, and I was thinking that he had gone crazy.

"You are really needing to understand that I do not want to get you in danger. I do not want anything to do with you if you are only going to get yourself hurt. I think that I just want nothing to do with that. If you get hurt, or hell even killed, then I do not want that on my mind." I said, and then I was staring right at him, wondering if he was going to get it.

"I just think that there is something just kind of wrong about not taking a look at things that look like they deserve at least a check." After he had said that to me, I was looking down on the ground, and I was feeling like no matter what I had said, and no matter what I was feeling, he was going to just refuse to get it. This idea was kind of annoying to consider. But maybe that was making him a good kid in his own way.

"You know, if you are really this way, then you are not the kind of guy that I thought that you would have been. I thought that you would have been somebody who would have actually gone out of your fucking way to try and make a real difference." After he said that, I was looking down at the ground, unsure what to say.

"I just have to be smart here. I mean, no matter what I might be feeling here, I just understand that if I do not plan things out, and I do not find a way to make this work, then I will just be getting myself and other people hurt. And then everything you talk about doing will be thrown out the fucking window." I said, and then I was looking at him, wondering what he was actually going to tell me here, if he had any plans to fight back.

"But isn't being smart when you can look at all of the things going on, and you can understand what needs to be done to make sure that those around you have a chance at being able to be happier? I mean, there comes a point where I think that we just need to look at things from a slightly different perspective here." Todd said to me, and I was getting pissed at him this time, and he was really kind of just pushing my buttons,

"I guess, but if I am going to be running around, and not having any real plans here, and I am just getting myself and others killed, then I think that this is a terrible idea. I think that I should at least try and look at it from a different perspective." I said, and then I was looked right at him, and I was wondering if he was going to just leave me alone. In all honesty, he had just pushed all of my buttons at once.

"And who knows, maybe this is the way that I actually am. Maybe this is the way that I feel like I need to be. But if this is something that is going to piss you off, and make you feel like I am a shitty ass human being or whatever, then there is nothing that I can fucking do here, and in a way, I do not know if I want to change your mind." I said, and then I was sighing, feeling like I could just leave the situation alone, now that I had made my point.

"Well, all that I will say is that if something happens to some people out there, and they get hurt, then you are in no spot to try and get angry. You are in no spot to try and claim that you are seeking justice, but then this happens. I think that surely even you must know that though, so I am not going to be mentioning something like that. Even I feel like I have made my case enough." After he had said that to me, he was getting to the window again, and I was looking right at him, wondering what the hell I was even going to be saying now.

"In all honesty though, despite how much I hate to admit it, I guess that maybe I can kind of see where you are coming from. I guess that maybe I can kind of see why you would not wnat to be making things worse for yourself, considering how hard it already is, and how much you are already dealing with a lot." After he had said that to me, I was seeing him looking just kind of tired, and I had no idea what to say now.

I looked down on the ground and he was starting to head out, and then I was sighing, and I was angry at this whole thing, and I was angry at the way that I was treated. But most of all, I was angry at the fact that I was feeling like there had been some good points that he had made here, and I was wondering if he was aware of this as well.

"Hey Todd, can you talk for a moment before you really leave?" I asked, and when I did this, he was looking around, and he was looking at me, and there was a part of him that looked like he was sincerely willing to give me a chance here. I saw him looking like he was just so glad to hear me being smart for once in this talk, and at least willing to give him a chance.

"Listen, I know that you must be frustrated by everything going on right now. I know that you hate almost everything that is going on here. I get it, I really do. In fact, I agree with it. But I know that not being safe, and just going in head on, is the worst thing to be doing when going at this." I said, and I was sincerely hoping that he was willing to listen to me here.

"But if you want to recover for a couple of days, and if you want to come to me with a plan and some evidence, maybe we can meet at Mezmers after Tuesday? You know, since school will be over by then, and you can show me that you might have something going for the summer?" I asked, looking harder at him, hoping that he was going to sail with this idea.

As I had looked right at him, and I was seeing the look on his face going through all forms of conflicted emotions, I knew that he was going to have a hard time on this one, and I knew that I just needed to not over step his boundaries with this.

"Alright, I guess that maybe this is the closest to a middle ground we are going to get. I guess that I just need to take what you are giving me." He said, and I was seeing him looking like he was sort of willing to do this, but only because I knew he did not want to piss me off here, and make me feel like he was having no plan going forward at this.

"Thank you for at least pretending to understand. I know that this might be a bit rough. But I think that things are going to be fine here." I said, and then I was looking at him, wondering if he knew what he was going to be saying now. I was just thinking that I just needed to fucking relax, and I needed to do whatever it took to keep this whole thing collected.

When he was out of the house, I was sighing, and I was feeling like he was going to be a bit hard on me, and he was going to just use anything to show up as proof of me not being all in on the cause, and to be honest, I was going to be fucking pissed if he was going to be like this.

Eventually, I was calming down, and I was just looking down on the floor, and I was just trying to really think hard about what he must have gone through in the last few months, if he was able to piece this all together already, and if he was able to realize that there was a lot of shit going on here, that was just wrong, and something that could not explain it all.

In a way, I was thinking that he probably would have gone through a harder set of challenges than I would give him credit for, and in that moment, I was willing to cut him some slack, and admit that maybe I was thinking too deeply into something here, and that I just needed to fucking stop, and I just needed to at least find some way out of this.

So with that, I was laying down on the bed fully, and I was closing my eyes, and I was starting to try and doze off in a sleep, hoping that in all reality, nothing else was going to be making this much worse for me. But in all reality, I knew that things were only going to be getting worse when I dreamed.

The dreams were the worst part, because they were the part that always reminded me of why I was not worthy, and why many think that I was just not going far enough. In all honesty, the dreams were the part that I was not escaping from, and I was more often than not staying up to escape from them, and hide from the truth of their reality.

I guess that in a way, that was why I was considering myself to be a coward. The fact that I had just always hid, and I never went at things, and I never looked at things from a good way, and I never really gave myself any credit. I guess that it was all my fucking fault in a way.

In my dream, I was seeing a dark street, and I was wondering what the fucking hell is going to happen now. I was taking a long and deep breath, just trying to make sure that no matter what happens next, I was going to be careful. I was walking down the street, and the entire time that I had been walking down the street, I was kind of scared.

I was feeling like even though the dream wasn't real, there was something that would have been coming up sooner or later, and I was going to have to just keep careful to not make this thing that I was going to eventually see be getting much worse. Even if something that was just going to be impossible.

Eventually, I was seeing that there was a man in some robe, and I was confused what the hell this man was going to be doing, and I felt like I just needed to talk with this man. Finding a way to talk with him, and see what was bothering him, or what he needed to let me know about this town, would be able to just give me a context here.

I was walking down the street as long as possible, and the more that I was walking to this man, and I was seeing that there was no real proper face, the more scared that I really was here. I knew that once I would talk with him, and once I knew what was wrong with him, I was going to be prepared. Despite the fact that there was something that I knew was just really fucking out of my league here.

When I was front of him, he was staring at me for a couple of second, and with each second I had looked at him examining me, the more and more that I knew that I was not going to actually know what he was getting himself into. "What are you doing here? How did you cross the line here?" After he had asked me this, I was looking at him, confused at what the hell he was talking about.

"I am not able to understand what the fucking hell you are talking about." I said, and then he was looking right at me, just unsure of if I was actually telling the truth or not. He was looking like no matter what I would tell him, in a way, he was going to fucking refuse to believe a single word that I had told him.

"You do not need to be here. You need to understand that you are crossing a line that is not meant to be crossed." After he was saying this to me, I was confused at how fucking vague he was about this whole thing. But the entire time that we were talking, I was just trying to find a way to keep him calm, and I was wanting to at least hear his perspective, if he was willing to give me a chance, and see what he meant.

"Please explain to me what you are talking about? None of this is making any sense. Please explain to me why you want me gone." I said, and then I was just wondering what the hell was even fucking happening, and I was seeing that the longer I was looking at him, he was just unsure what he was even wanting to accomplish.

"When you know what is happening in this town, you will know what you have been getting yourself into, and you will understand what your mistakes really are." After he was saying this to me, for a few seconds, I was just feeling like I was never going to really fucking get it, and in all honesty, I was kind of just over this whole thing.

"I am going to be leaving you alone now. I know that you are not going to be telling me anything." I said, and then I was just wanting to get out of this, and the whole thing was just really putting me out of ease. I was sort of just wanting him gone, and I was just thinking that I had needed to know what the hell this man was wanting to do to change my perspective.

"When you know what the truth of your family is, you will be able to help become yourself, and you will be able to make a true difference." The man was telling me when I was few feet away, and I was thinking that this was the most generic thing the man could have possibly told me, and I was kind of just tired of this.

"I am more worried about finding my fucking sister, and I am not in the mood to be listening to a bunch of random fucking bullshit that sounds like dumb ass premonitions." I said, and then I was smiling, knowing that I was able to make this man listening to me, and the thing was that if I died in the dream because of this guy, then it would not be making any real difference.

"What is happening with your sister is connected with everything going on here. If you brush this off, then everything will be your fault if things do not come together." After the man told me this, I was walking down the street for a while longer, and the more I was walking, the more that this guy was scaring me, and the more that I was feeling like he might have been telling me the truth.

Eventually, the longer that I had been walking down, the more and more that I was convinced that soon, I was going to truly find out what was going on with Riley, and I was going to eventually just move on, and I was feeling like if I could get the answer, the more that everything would finally been fine now.

When I woke up that day, I was panting deeply, and I was wondering what the fucking hell I was even imagining. I was wondering what the fuck was wrong with me. I was wondering if Riley was going to be brought home one day. I was going to have to find her eventually, and I was going to make her happy and proud of me for finally taking things responsibly for once in my fucking life.

Once I was done thinking about how things were, I was wishing that I would have been able to put this behind me once and for all. I was starting to smoke a couple of cigarettes, and I was just letting those cigarettes take me over, and I was just so in fucking love with this cigarette, and the more that I was letting the cigarettes take me over, I was just too happy.

Eventually, after I was done with everything, I was closing my eyes, and I was making some peace with everything, knowing that no matter what the fucking hell was happening, I was going to find her. I was going to make a promise this time, and even if I never found her in the next weeks, I would before the end of the year, and everything would make sense once and for all.

…

When he was done with this second bit of talking, he was looking right at her, and Sheldon was curious to see what review she had in store for him this time. In all honesty, he was just wanting to see if she was going to actually believe in this after all, or if she was going to try and call bullshit on him right away. In a way, he was finding himself not even caring. He was just wishing to see how she would have taken this.

"So Sheldon, that house with the missing girl, that was the thing that made you finally feel like looking might have been for the best?" She asked, almost in a way of just wanting to know if she was on the same page as me. As she asked this, I nodded, looking right at her, and I was just seeing that she was looking like she had wanted to have more to say than the little she did.

"So what made the other cases of people going missing not really something that you were too worried about? I mean, I don't really think that it is in my place to try and judge you, but I am just genuinely lost here." She said, and then he looked right at her, and he was feeling like if she was just going to be judging him, and reviewing him, and he was not going to have the patient for something like this.

"I don't know. Maybe it was just because I actually saw her in person, and I was seeing how she was looking. I saw the look on her face, and I guess it was just the fact that I was seeing that she seemed genuinely out of it. I knew that she deserved something, and I knew that me just standing back was absolutely not fucking cool." Sheldon said, and then looked right at her, wondering what she was going to say here.

"I mean, when I was seeing how broken she just seemed, and just saw that she really was not even aware of what she was wanting to talk about or anything, I was just telling myself that something like this, totally ignoring her, was going to be one of the most cruel things that I could have possibly done." Sheldon felt like that was a really funny thing, that he was sounding like that when there were other things that he had done.

"So you just did not even really care what your friends were going to say to this? You had felt like you just needed to do something like this, and see how it would have gone?" She asked, and then he nodded, feeling like there was nothing better to say, and when he was looking at her, he was seeing that her mind was probably running at like forty five million questions a hour.

"I mean, I guess that I did care. I think that I was wanting to take what they were feeling into consideration. But when you saw the look on her face, and you saw how heart broken she was, there was no way in hell that I was going to be down for just brushing her off. Doing something like that would have been fucking cruel. There was just no way in hell I would have done something like this." Sheldon said, and he was just wishing to see what she would have tried to say now.

"So what did you guys do to actually look into this whole thing? Was there anything that you did, at least at first, to really find her?" After she had said Sheldon this, she was staring right at him, wondering what he was going to tell her. He had looked at her like he was genuinely interested in even getting to know why she had cared so much. In all honesty, the whole thing was just strange to him, but he did not say anything.

"I mean, I didn't do much at first. I did a lot later on, as you learn in the reports that you have read, but at first, virtually nothing. I mean, I wanted to have done something to help. I wanted to make a difference, but that was just not going to fucking happen. Not in the way that I was wishing at least." After he had admitted this to her, he had wondered what she wanted to even tell him. She was looking like she had so much in her mind.

"I wanted to go to prom. I wanted to enjoy myself for once in my life. I mean, that might sound selfish, and it might sound wrong, but it is just the truth. I mean, when I found out the fact that there was virtually nothing left for me to do, I just didn't even make a huge issue about this whole thing. I just think that if I had done something earlier, maybe I could have been faster. But that shit is only shit I think about when looking back. At the time, I didn't give a fuck. That is the truth." Once he was finished saying that, he had looked at her, and he was wondering if this was the thing she thought was just wrong.

"Alright, sorry. I was just probably pushing you too hard. I need to understand that for myself. I need to keep that stuff in my mind when I talk with you. But I really am just unsure of what the heck is going on here. Can you please just let me know why you had wanted to promise her that you would find her daughter, but have the promise to Emily in your mind, and just focus on Emily? I think that this is something you can explain." She said, and then Sheldon thought about that for a second, and then nodded.

"I did it because I thought that I could genuinely balance that shit out. I mean, I seriously wanted to believe that as long as I was going to be going at this from a way that helped both of them out, and really made it seem like I was out there for them, they would have felt like I was actually living a normal and good life. You know, I wanted to do the best of both worlds. Only in hindsight do I realize that this was a issue." Sheldon said, as he was wanting to see her face, but even he had no idea what she was going to be saying to this one.

"Alright, so I guess that this does explain some stuff. I guess that maybe I am kind of getting some of this. But please explain some other things to me. I think that the more you tell me about your thought process on this, the better that I will understand..." She said, and then he was nodding, feeling like he had no choice but to listen to her. Besides, even if he hated to admit it, he did admire her effort to at least try and see what he was feeling on most of this shit.

"At what point in time did you really come to realize that you were not going to be able to do both? I feel like that is the only one that I am just really not wrapping my mind around. At least in these sessions. I mean, I get that you wanted to do both, but couldn't. No issue there. The issue is what made that clear." She was just looking for room to write this stuff down, trying to fit as many notes as possible in as few pages as possible.

"I realized it was not possible when it started to get in my real life. When it started to get in my personal life, and it started to become something against me. That is when I had come to realize that there was no fucking way in hell that people were going to let me be able to be happy and be productive. That is the answer for you." Sheldon said, and he was aware that he was sounding rude and blunt, but he was genuinely wanting to make her feel like she was able to see it all, and he respected her too much to spoon feed it to her. She was a very smart young woman, as was shown by the fact that she got hired as a professional therapist at twenty ones years old, and was already considered the best one in Wayside in the singular year she had worked before Sheldon found her. But this was the one patient she was not smart enough to work with, as she knew inside, and Sheldon began to suspect.

She looked at the time, and for both their sakes, and their time, she knew it was time to wrap up. "Sorry Sheldon. I know that you need to go home right now. You're just the most interesting patient I have, and I really enjoy listening to your story." She said, and then Sheldon felt deep down that this was something he could be flattered by. He thanked her, knowing that he helped her week, and she helped his, and was excited to see her next week for once.


	16. The Date

When Sheldon had sat down to get ready for the next session, that was when she was looking at him with a rather serious look on her face. Sheldon knew from the look on her face that this was not going to be a pleasant encounter, and more or less just wished that she was going to just get it over with. "Sheldon, I have some bad news from you."

"Your test came back positive this week." She said, and then she was looking right at him, as if feeling both bad and also kind of annoyed with him not taking this as seriously as he should have. "Are you needing some help with this? Do you even feel like talking about this is helping you?"

"It's nothing like that. I think you just need to get used to this though. This is going to happen a lot in the future." Sheldon said, and then she was looking down, and she was feeling like she was really going to have a lot to deal with when talking with this man. "I mean, all the other people who tried to take care of me with these sessions know this."

"But why Sheldon? I mean, I know that you probably think that something like this is going to help, and that you can get away from everything. But you are killing yourself in the process. I think that there comes a point in time when you must realize that this is not helping you at all." After she had said that to Sheldon, there was a moment when Sheldon looked at her, refusing to say anything at all.

"If you want to know why I want to do this so badly, I think once you hear my story, and once you begin to understand my perspective on things, you will soon begin to regret thinking that I was just doing stuff that wasn't valid." Sheldon said, and then she had looked at him for a second or two longer.

"Are you at the part where you explain to me what you saw when you were that age? Or when you explain what you had thought you seen?" She asked him, and then he was shaking his head, and looked at her for a moment longer, wondering if she was upset about the fact that he wasn't at the point yet.

"I know that it sounds like I am stalling on all of this stuff, and a few things might not come to immediate play yet, but trust me when I say that everything I am telling you is going to come together at some point. I was too dumb to not realize all of the connections when I was that young. I am not making the mistake again." I said, and then she was rubbing her eyes.

"Sheldon, have you ever considered the idea of quitting yet? I mean, I know you explained why you think that you should continue this stuff, but you never have seemed to even consider the idea of quitting?" After she had said that to him, he was looking at her, he saw her looking kind of unsure of what to even say now.

"If I quit, then I will remember everything going on all the time. I will have all those memories coming flushing back, and even if I have made a lot of mistakes here, I will never want to deal with that." Sheldon told her in a rather matter of fact tone, and he was looking at her, waiting to see what she was going to say to him to try and argue with him here.

"But those memories, and confronting them, might be the only way that you will ever make peace with your past." She said, and then Sheldon laughed at that, as if thinking that she had something really funny with that, and decided that he was going to be blunt about the next point, so there was no illusion to what was going on here.

"I will never want to make peace with my past. That is something that is long gone. If I do that, then that will be me conceding defeat." After Sheldon said that to her, he was looking right at her, and he was wondering what she was going to tell him here, as if she was just wanting to try and get something else.

"But Sheldon, why would you not want to make peace with something that happened years ago?" He looked at her, as if wondering if even trying to speak with her was just a lost cause, or if she was going to actually listen to him, if she would stop jumping to conclusions, and would just her his story.

"I can guarantee that if you knew the truth, you would understand why making peace is the last thing that anybody should do. Making peace is the worst option possible, and I think in due time, you will understand that as well as I do." Sheldon told her, and he was feeling like maybe some day, she would understand it all.

"Look, I am sorry for the way that I am acting, and I know that you probably deserve a lot better than the way that I am acting right now, but I think that I just have to help make my spots clear, if I am going to try and make my point clear." After Sheldon said this to the woman, he looked at her, and he was feeling bad for the way he treated her, but knew there was no way around it.

"Trust me, there are patients who have been far worse than you. You just seem to be on edge all the time, and I just feel like part of this is my duty to understand why you just feel like you have no other way. Once you get me to understand, I will be able to help out better. Trust me, I know what I am doing." After she had said that to him, he was just tired of this same shit going back and forth between them, and he actually wanted to progress.

"Listen, I think that neither of us are getting anywhere with these long winded debates. You told me that you wanted to help me figure out how to make peace with my past. I want to do this as well. I want to put this all behind me forever. I am sick of these fucking memories coming back and forth with me. I want to move on." Sheldon said, and then looked at her.

"And you were telling me that telling you this story might be the best way to do something like this. I believe in you. I think that you might be onto something. And that is why I am doing this. You are giving me some hope, and that is something that I think is far more important than anything else." After Sheldon told her this, and looked at her for a while longer, he was seeing her face have a bunch of changing reactions to what he had told her.

"Thank you for saying that. It makes me feel a lot better to know that you are believing in me." After she had said that to me, Sheldon saw her looking happier at this, and she was aware that if this was the reaction that he was having, that at least some progress was being made here, and she was kind of getting to him a little bit.

"I also am just wondering and am rather curious for when we get there, if you are going to believe what I tell you. That is another reason I am sticking it out so long, because I want to see that look on your face when you tell me that I was lying to you." Sheldon waited for her reaction, and part of him was wondering why he even cared if she was going to believe in him or not. It wasn't like anybody else did.

"Sheldon, nothing you have said so far seems like something you would be lying about. From what it looks so far, it seems like you have been telling the truth the entire time." After she had been saying this to him, she was seriously wondering why he was so scared if she was going to believe in him or not. There was nothing going on here.

"That is because you haven't gotten to the worst part yet. Everybody stops believing in me when we get to the worst part. When we get to the parts that finally put the pieces together or why what happened to Riley always gets to me a bit more than normal." After Sheldon told her this, she looked at him, and she was looking glad that he had mentioned this.

"So you do admit that what happened to Riley has a part of this?" After she had asked him this, he was shurgging, as if having little to no interest in keeping up any more debates with her. But his response coming was going to be a flat but clear one.

"Yeah, she does have at least a part of what happened to me. Not everything, as you will later learn, but she does have a part of it." Sheldon finally conceded, and he was looking at her, as if wondering what she was going to be saying to this. She was looking like she was just wanting to know more, but decided to keep this to herself for once.

"That is great. I mean, you telling me this shows that you are making some progress on moving forward. I think that something like this is going to be needed." After she was saying this to Sheldon, that was when Sheldon was laughing at her, and he was wondering what the hell he was going to tell her. "I mean, I never thought that you were going to be saying this so fast."

"I mean, if you want to say that stating the obvious facts are progress, then yes I am making progress here." Sheldon said, and he was looking at her, and he was wondering if she was going to be kind of annoyed at the lack of empathy that he was showing her, or if this was just the way she wanted to keep talking, to keep him up.

"Sheldon, I know that there is something going on here, that you are scared to talk about. And I know that you have the right to tell me which parts of your story are important or not, but I wonder what else is going on, if you claim that what happened to Riley is only a small part of this." She said, looking at him deeply and uncertain of what to tell him.

"Well, I think that going on and just trying to pin point it to the most important thing is going to be impossible for me. That is the truth of the matter." Sheldon admitted, and then he was wondering where this was going to go now. Sheldon had no clue what the hell was going on, and he was wondering if these conversations were going to be helping him out at all.

"What do you think is the most important part of what you are going to try and tell me? I mean, I think you need to be honest with that. Can you tell me where this is going?" After she had asked him this question, he had thought about it for a couple of seconds, and he was actually thinking about what the hell was the most important thing, and he was wondering if such a thing was even there. There was just so many things he could point at, that just one thing was impossible.

"I truly don't know. I think that a most important thing going on is just fucking impossible. But I think that the one thing I can tell you hurts me the most was my inability to keep promises." Sheldon said, and then he was wondering what she would have said to this statement. She just looked at him with a look of empathy here.

…

When it was the next day in school, during lunch period, that was when Harold had sat down in front of me, and he was looking like he was excited for what he was about to tell me. I was hoping that it was relating to the discussion of when the bonfire was, so I decided not to be saying anything, and I was going to just listen to him.

"So I have some good news for you." He said, and then I looked at him, wondering how his answer was going to be good news per se. I was just wanting to have him tell me, and then I would be able to move on with my fucking life. "So I found out that the bonfire will be on sunday evening. That gives you an extra day to try and see Emily if you really want." When he put it in that perspective, I guess I would see how he considered it good news.

"Thanks for letting me know." I said, and then I was just trying to think of more conversations that we would be having here, since I had no real issues with the guy. But damn, it was fucking hard to talk with this man, and not be fucking stupid, since I barely ever had anything in common with him.

"Well, I was wanting to possibly give you some of my weed that I got yesterday." After he had said that to me, I was smiling and mentally laughing at how much I was having now, given the fact that I had been given some by Dakota yesterday. As I had thought this all out, I was thinking about what he wanted.

"What is your price this time?" I started to pull out my wallet, and then he was looking a bit unsure of what he was going to say. Almost like he was trying to run me up for no fucking reason, and I was just thinking that this man better not do this for all of his buyers, for his own sake.

"How about just ten dollars this time? You know, you have to buy a big dinner for her, and some other stuff, so I will cut you some slack this time." After he had said that to me, I was looking at him, shocked that he was willing to do something like this, and I was thinking that he was a great man, and I was willing to fucking consider him a hero if he did this more.

I handed him the ten dollar bill, and he was handing me the blunt. As I had grabbed the blunt, and put it in my pocket, I took out my pack of cigarettes, and I was starting to light one up for me. I let Harold grab me a cigarette. To keep up the tradition we had every time we did a deal here. "So Harold, do you plan on going to prom this year?"

"Of course I'm going to prom this year. I mean, I never reject the idea on going on parties and stuff. This one would never be any fucking different." After he had said that to me, I was shrugging, thinking that perhaps he was right, and that in all honesty, I was probably being a bit fucking silly. "Honestly, I am surprised that you would think I wouldn't."

"Well, I never knew if you considered these to be the same. You know, since these are school parties, and I know that you are pretty much anti anything related to school." I said, and then he was smiling at this statement, as if thinking that maybe I just needed to stop being so fucking over the top with this whole thing, and that I just needed to relax more.

"All I need to do is just get a date for me. Once I have something, then I will be able to find something to keep up the score." After he had said that to me, I was laughing at that, thinking that he was really only caring about something like that. The idea of who would be the one that would be willing to deal with his bullshit this time. It was honestly kind of funny in a way.

"Well, you better not get too attached to this date or anything." I said, and then he was laughing at this suggestion, knowing that the idea of getting attached to a fucking date was going to be the most insane idea of all time. I was wondering if he was ever going to have any remote interest in getting a girlfriend long term or anything like that.

"I think that I would stop being the type of person that I really am if I get attached to something like this. So you do not have anything to worry about." After he was saying this to me, I was thinking about what I was going to bring up now, since in all honesty, I was feeling like I was kind of losing some focus here. "I mean, I do think that just because I am not like that though, that you need to just brush off any form of a connection with people." I laughed at him this time.

"I think that I would never be like you. Even if I tried, I think that you have a certain flair that I would never compete with." I said, and I really did mean it when I had said that, and I wasn't just trying to butter him up or anything. I would have said some things different if I was wanting to do that for the sake or getting weed or something like that.

"Sheldon, I think that you have a greater potential than you might realize. It is only a matter of time if you are willing to go through and actually try it out. But if you feel like this is not really something that you want to do, then I guess that I will leave you alone here. Even if it is a bit of a let down." After he was telling me this, I was laughing at the idea of him being like this. But I just decided to leave things alone.

"Well, I guess I will see how I will take this potential one day. But until then, I am satisfied with what I have. I mean, I am honestly really happy with the way that things have been going the last few days." After I had said that to Harold, I was wondering how true that statement really was, and I was wondering if I was just saying that to be looking at the future well.

"Anyways, I know how much you are taking stuff like what your father says super seriously. I mean, you seriously treat him like he's the fucking gospel or truth or something like that." After he had said that to me, I was looking at him, and I was wondering why he was trying so hard to be saying this stuff to me. I was kind of really annoyed to be honest.

"I don't treat him like a gospel of truth. I just think that he is not this terrible person or anything like that. I think that he just does a lot of good things for my family." I said and then I was looking right at him, and I was wondering if he was wanting to try and ruin this, or if he was just going to let it go this time. I was really hoping it was the latter.

"I mean, you do you. I am not going to stop you or anything. Just don't get too shocked if it turns out that there are not some things that you were expecting." After he had said that to me, I was wondering what I wanted to say. I was wondering what I even could have said, or if anybody liked me at all anymore.

"I mean, it's a bit ironic that you talk like this when you are getting high all the fucking time and stuff." I said, and I was figuring that I might be able to try and bring this whole thing back to some form of comedy. As I was looking right at him, he was laughing at that, almost admitting that I might have had something here.

"Well, when I get high, I see things that nobody else does, because I am opening myself to the world." After he had said that, I laughed, and I was feeling like it obviously made sense where he was coming from, knowing that he was thinking that there was something going on at every fucking corner.

"Of course you think you are getting visions when you get high." I said, and this time, I was actually playing along, and I was really thinking that he was funny. I didn't fucking care though, since I was feeling like he was a decent enough person, when he wasn't talking about changing my life style.

"I just have things that suddenly make more sense. I think that when you get high, you will be able to understand where I am coming from. Surely you will have things change your mind over time." After he had said that to me, I was sighing, thinking about how hard things were goin to be if we had kept this up.

It was after school that day when I decided that I needed to give Emily a moment, and see what she was feeling, and maybe we could hang out for a moment. I knew that she deserved something nice, and I knew that I was wanting to give her something nice, since she was going to be the person that I was wanting to try and commit to here. "Hey Emily, how are you doing?" I asked when I saw her, thinking that maybe as long as I was talking nicely, everything would be fine.

"I was wanting to see if I could find you actually." She said, and she was clearly fucking excited for seeing me again, and I was seeing that the look on her face was to indicate that there was something more exciting here than just accepting me for prom when she felt like she might have had no choice.

"What were you wanting to talk about?" I asked, and I was hoping that it was going to be over something good, and not her like canceling on me or something like that. If she had done that, then everything would have been just fucking terrible, and I would have lost out on what was going to make everything work.

"I was wanting to get to know if you were having any plans tonight. I mean, I was wondering if maybe we could go on and hang out or something in a few hours, just to mess around before prom and stuff." Emily told me, and I was looking right at her, and I was just so happy to hear her tell me this, and I was wanting to find something better to say.

"That would be wonderful. I was wanting to actually ask you out as well, you know see if things can just be a fun evening between the two of us? I might need something like this." I said, and then I was looking right at her, wondering what she was going to be saying to this. The longer that I had looked at her, the more that she was just looking happy to be knowing that I agreed.

"Great. I think that maybe we can meet up at like six or something. You know, that way we can have several hours tonight to just go on and hang out." After she was telling me this, I was nodding, fully agreeing with her, and I was just imagining everything in my mind. I was just thinking about how this was likely to go out and just blow up in my face. But at that moment, I could not have cared less, and I was going to do whatever it took.

"So, do you have anywhere that you would like to go?" She asked me, and then I was shrugging, feeling like there was nothing that I would even want to do, and that in all honesty, something like that was just not the main concern that I was having. And with that, I was just thinking about how great things were going to be.

"I am fine with almost anything. I mean, if you have something that you would like to do, then go ahead and let me know, and I will meet you there." I said, and then I was looking at her, and the face she gave me showed her appreciation for something like this, and she was aware that maybe she was making the right choice by giving me a go after all.

"Alright, so I will tell you what I come up with when you pick me up. Thanks for agreeing with this idea. I think that it could be a lot of fun." After she had said that to me, I was looking right at her, and I was just trying to find something else to say. But the longer that I thought about it, the harder it would be.

"I will see what I can do tonight. My parents very rarely have something that they need me to do. But I always just want to be careful and stuff." I said, and then I was looking at her, wondering if there was something that she was wanting to say. But when she didn't respond, I was feeling like we all made our points.

"If you can't go and do something, I would really appreciate it if you could at least tell me." After she had said that to me, I was nodding, feeling like something like this made perfect sense, and I was thinking that if I didn't do something like this, then I would be the fucking monster here, and I would need to do something better.

"I promise you that no matter what happens, I will let you know what I can and can't do. I mean, that is something that I can fucking promise." I said, and then she was looking at me, as if wondering why I was putting up so much effort to the whole promise thing, and she was wanting to ask something, but decided against it.

"You don't need to worry about making a promise to me or anything like that." She said to me, and then I was taking a deep breath at that, and I was feeling like the way that she had said that was something that I didn't need to be so worried about. In all honesty, she probably just didn't know any better, and she didn't know how seriously I took a promise to a girl.

"Trust me, if you knew the way that I look at things, you would know why I take that stuff seriously. Please don't worry about it right now." I said, and then I was sighing, feeling like I was just needing to leave the discussion alone, and I was wanting to make her feel better. No matter what I was going to say though, I knew that things were never going to be making much fucking sense.

"Alright, if you feel like that is something you are really wanting to be focused on, then I think that everything will be fine, and we will find a way to work that stuff out." After she had said that to me, I was nodding, and I was glad that her arguments only stayed for a moment or two, and she was willing to leave this alone.

"Hey Emily, thanks for giving me some hope after all." I said before I left, and she was looking at me, totally unsure of what to tell me, and she was looking like she clearly just needed to know where I was coming from here. I was sighing, and I decided that one of these days, I would let her know better.

"I mean, I don't know how you feel like me doing this for you is giving you hope. But if you are meaning it, then thanks for saying that to me." She said to me, and then I was nodding, feeling like I just needed to keep calm and collected, and I needed to not break through and just basically have my weaknesses being shown to her, which she would think were dumb.

"I hate to admit it, and most of my friends do not want me to, but I often times let my past get to me, and the past often times makes me sort of just weak inside, and have a bunch of overly emotional reactions here and stuff. It is nothing new, but I would not be too worried about it." I said, and then I was looking at her, looking embarrassed to say all that stuff, and I hoped she was going to not be messing with me too much.

"Do they think that you showing your soft spots is a character weakness?" She asked me, and then I was just remaining silent for a second or two longer. Truly having no idea what the hell I was going to be telling her. I was feeling like if she wanted to know more, there was going to be so many things going on that would just make this hard to cover.

"Honestly, I think that I just don't want to be putting the past behind me, and when I do that, I get too caught up with it, and I hardly look at the future. I guess that this is the best way that I would describe it to you." I said, and then I was hoping that saying something like this would have been enough, and that she would not have wanted any more from me.

"I guess that I get it. Sorry for asking. But yeah, if you want to meet tonight, that would be great, and we can just hang out, and have some fun." After she was saying all of this to me, I was wondering what I was going to even fucking do now, knowing that no matter what was going to happen, I was going to have a long way to go.

When I was going to my house, that was when Dakota and Ashley's advice were just flowing through my mind and I was wondering if what they were telling me was right, and that I just needed to be careful about what the heck we were even getting ourselves into. I was feeling like I just needed to be careful to make sure that nothing got any worse.

I was looking around in the main living room, and I was seeing that my father wasn't inside this time, and then before I was thinking about what it was like to go on and try and see what he would have said as last minute advice, I went to my room, and I was hearing my mother calling out to me when I was only a few feet away. I looked over, and I was seeing her looking like she was just almost proud of me.

"Hey Sheldon, dad was telling me about a date to prom that you were planning on going to tomorrow?" After she was asking me this, I was smiling, and then I was feeling like there wasn't anything that I could have said that would be making me feel better. I nodded, and then she was feeling like she just needed to know all of the details.

"I mean, I never thought that something like this was going to happen to be totally honest. I thought that I was going to never have something like that happen to me during school." I said, and then I was sighing, feeling like nothing else was going to be making much sense now. "Dakota and Ashley just let me know that the best way to be going at this is to just speak with her about various random things."

"I guess that maybe that is something that makes sense. After all, you seemed like you were really kind of having your heart set on the idea of never having any chance of finding some form of love or whatever." After she had said that to me, I was sighing, and I was just kind of feeling like nothing was going to be making any sense. I was just kind of wanting to go and do the date.

"I always just felt like if I did something, then Riley would have been let down or something like that. I always just used my sister and what happened to her as an excuse to not at least try and do something for myself." I said, and then I was wondering if she was going to be happy to hear this.

"I know that you took a lot of issues with what happened with Riley and stuff. It is never easy to think about her. But if it gets to the point where you are literally never thinking about yourself or trying to make yourself have a chance to be happy, then I think that it simply will not fucking be worth it." She said, and I was shocked to hear her admit something like this.

"I don't know. I am going to do what the heck I can to just make sure that things don't get any worse here." After I was saying this, I was placing on my shoes and I was putting my wallet in my pocket, and I was just thinking of something that I would have said. "Honestly, I just think that I am ready to see where this is going to go."

"I think that as long as you are feeling like you are able to connect with her, and if you feel like it is only natural and that this is the way that things should be, then I think that things will be fine enough." After she had said this to me, I was nodding, feeling like I was just wanting to leave the subject alone. I was kind of over this subject, and to be honest, I was getting kind of sick of this one.

"Well, I do know that there is one thing I want to do. I want to help make Emily feel like she is special, and that somebody cares for her. That is all that I care to do right now. If I can accomplish this, and she is happy at this, then I will be satisfied enough." I said, and I was wondering if Emily was going to be glad that I was going to try and make her feel special. Or if she was not going to buy it or something like that.

If she was going to do something like that, then I was going to be super let down, and I was going to just need to try and go at things at a slightly different approach, and then things would have to be just a bit harder to understand. So with that, I was walking out of the room, and I was placing a cigarette pack in my pocket, not caring what my mother had felt here.

"I will see what I can do, and I will do my best here. That is all that I can say. Honestly, I feel like virtually nothing else fucking matters." I was starting to walk along, and in all honesty I was just not even fucking caring all that much what the heck was going on. "And mom, before I leave, I was just wanting to thank you."

"Thank you for helping me out, and thank you guys for making me feel better about all of the shit that is going on here. You know, the stuff that I have had to deal with. And you guys made me feel like there is only something natural about the fact that I feel sad about this stuff." I was done, and then with that, I was just kind of over this, and I was not wanting to talk about it much longer, and I went to my car, and when I was there, I was taking a moment to just smoke something before I left.

When I was inside of my car, I was pulling out one of the rolls of weed, and I was starting to light it up, and smoke it up for a moment longer. The longer that I was smoking the weed, the more that I was already letting it take me over. I was starting to just take a moment to just imagine what it would be like if I did not have to deal with any form of responsibility in the world.

To be honest, something like that felt so fucking nice. The idea of just doing whatever the hell I had wanted. But in all honesty, I was just not even caring if there were going to be any police that were going to get me in trouble. I honestly did not even care about the police anymore, and I was going to do whatever the hell that I had wanted. So with that, I was glad to finally understand the truth, and I was starting to head to her house.

I was driving really slowly the entire time that I was heading there. For some reason, every single thing that was going on around me was just raising up huge amount of awareness, and I was fucking scared of what was happening. I was in a strange area of trying to examine everything going on, but being unable to do so, and just falling back and unable to do anything besides just feel like an idiot the entire time that I was heading towards her house.

I was thinking that if Riley was able to figure it out, and figure out what I was doing on my own time, she was going to be either super angry at me, and want to just rat me out, and just basically treat me like I am a fucking idiot, or she might actually want something of her own, and she was going to ask me.

I was laughing really strangely for a few seconds while I was imagining what that was going to be like, and I was glad nobody would be able to hear me. I was thinking that if they had heard me, by they I mean literally anybody, then I am sure that I would have been getting in a lot of trouble, and I would have at the very least been made fun of for a long period of time.

Honestly, I was just thinking that no matter what the hell was going on, and that no matter what I was doing, people were going to just always find a way to make me feel like a fucking loser. I was always feeling like people were going to make a joke out of me. But to be honest, I was not even really all that bothered by this anymore. I just wanted to be with Emily.

I knocked on her door, and when I did this, she was answering right away, and she was smiling when she had seen me, as if she was just wanting to have seen me before anything. "So Sheldon, are you ready to try and do something?" After she asked me this, I was nodding, feeling like I would have not had it any other way. And in that moment, I was telling myself not to worry what other people would say.

"Have you thought of any place to be going to?" I asked, and then she shook her head, as if feeling like she had really let me down or something like that. I was holding up my hands, as if letting her know that this was not something that I was that worried about, and that I just wanted to make her feel like she had the choices here.

"I guess that we can always go to a place like Mezmers. Sure, not that great of a option, but I guess that it is better than nothing." After she had said that to me, I was sighing, and I nodded, feeling like she was right here, and that I needed to not be so worried about anything going on. I was staring at the car, and the entire time that I was looking at the car, I was wondering if something like this was going to work out well.

"I bet people are going to laugh at us if they see us going there as a first date. They will be acting like we could do so much better." I said, and I was just trying to be funny about it, but then again, I was feeling like if I went too far with it, then she was going to be feeling like I was hitting just sligthtly too close to home or something like that. It was not anything I wanted to do.

"Well, if people are not going to like that, then I guess that they can do better on their first date. I mean, I think that neither one of us are really too worried about something like that." She said, and I nodded in agreement there, just glad to be hearing that she was like this, and that she was not going to be making a deal out of this.

I started to drive the car once she was inside, and she was looking at me. "Were you smoking some weed?" She asked, more in a playful manner than anything else, and then I was looking down on the car floor, as if let down at the fact that she had noticed so quickly. But I decided not to say anything, and I was feeling like she would be getting over it eventually.

"I was wanting to calm my nerves before the date. I guess that maybe I could have at least kept the windows down." I said, and I was doing that, and she brought hers down slightly, and then I was starting the drive to Mezmers, wishing that this was going to be the best date in the world.

Once we were inside of the area, that was when I was thinking about how strange it was going to be to actually go on a date in here. The whole thing was going to just be strange, and I was feeling like no matter what was happening, I needed to just be safe. Eventually, we sat down, and then I was smiling at her, thinking of what I would do to win her over with a good date.

"So how about we both be honest here... How often do we actually come to this place?" I asked, and I was wanting to be funny this time, and when I looked at her, she was looking like she was almost embarrassed to talk about something like that. "The last time that I went here was like probably two months ago or something." I said, trying to remember if I was actually forgetting something or not. When I was relatively certain I didn't, I was then looking at her again.

"I think the last time I went here was like three weeks ago, but the time that I was here last was super embarrassing. You would never have guessed how much I was feeling so embarrassed." After she had said that, I knew that I needed to hear her story, and I knew that no matter what I said, she was not going to be thinking all that much on it. "I mean, I think that if I were to try and tell the story, you might not even believe in me." After she said that, I was thinking that she needed to give herself more credit here.

"What the fucking hell happened? I mean, you look like you are so bothered by this." After I had said that to her, she was looking right at me, and then she was looking like she was just trying to avoid it for a while longer. "I mean, I never thought that I would associate you with that type of stuff. But if what you are saying is true, then I would love to know more." I said, and then I was hoping beyond all hope that she was going to find something to say to make the whole thing seem funnier.

"Well, just the fact that some of my friends were behaving really stupid, and the fact that they did not seem to notice how riciculous they were being. I mean, I guess that they are allowed to do whatever the hell they want. But dealing with it at that moment was just really fucking hard to do." After she had said that to me, I was sighing, and I had felt like I was able to leave it at that. Although I was wanting to know so much more, and I was going to do my best to slightly press at something like this happening.

I was thinking of ways that I could talk with her and actually make it seem like a real conversation, and not just something that I am forcing just for the sake of making it look like we were able to get along here. "So Sheldon, is this the first time you have ever gone on a date at all?" After she asked me this, I was laughing at that question, wishing that she had never brought it up, and I was wishing that she had left things alone now.

"No, I have gone on some before, but I never really got super far with them. In all honesty, I think that the idea of me having any real long term relationship is something that is going to be virtually impossible to do." I said, feeling like I might as well be honest with her at least, and that maybe doing this could have bought some points for her.

"What was the date like? If you are willing to tell me more, that is?" After she had asked me this, I was thinking deeply about that, and I was truly debating the prospect of if I was wanting to do this or if I was wanting to get out of this as fast as possible, and just run away from the past again.

"It was hard honestly. It was something that I never thought that was going to really make me feel fully myself again, especially after some of the things that happened during it, and how much it changed me again." After I said that to her, I was looking at her, feeling like I might as well be honest about it now.

"Well, who was the date with? Maybe you just had some really bad luck, and you never really got a chance to make something work out." After she was saying that to me, I was looking right at her, and I was feeling like no matter what I was going to tell her, she was going to refuse to fully understand this. "I mean, I know that it technically is none of my business, but I guess that I just really want to know."

"I guess that maybe I could be able to talk about it. But I do not want to turn this entire date to about me. I mean, if I did something like that, I would be the worst fucking man ever. I would not want people to just think that I am just only caring for myself." After I had said that to her, she just looked like there was literally nothing left for her to be saying now.

"Trust me, I do not mind. Part of dates is for both parties to be able to get to know each other, and really get to see what works and doesn't work for both of them. I am not going to be bothered by anything like this." After she had told me this, she looked right at me as if looking like she was just wanting to see what if she had told me was going to be getting through to me a bit more.

"Well, her name was Jamie." I said, and then she was looking up at me, and I was seeing that the minute I brought her up, her wheels were turning, and I was seeing that in her mind, this whole thing just got a whole lot more serious, and that this was not a fucking game anymore.

"The one who went missing a week or so into junior year?" She asked, and then I nodded, slowly remembering what it was like for Riley to be dealing with her friend going missing in that regard, and I was feeling like when I was going to be talking about this stuff, then the memories were going to be coming back again, and they were going to run me over.

"Well, if that is what happened, I guess that I can understand why you might not want to be talking about it too much. Every time somebody talks about a missing person they knew, they seem to be really taken back by the entire recalling." Once she was done saying this to me, I was nodding, feeling kind of annoyed that she was saying it that way, but I knew that she was just trying to form a discussion here.

"Honestly, I just think that when I remember how close I was to actually making things work that time, I really feel like I made some big mistakes, and that a lot of the time, these things were my fault." I said, and then before she said something else, I was seeine the waiter coming up, and he was holding up a piece of paper.

"What would you guys like for your dinner tonight?" He asked, not wanting to mention how we were looking way too nice to be having a dinner at fucking Mezmers, and in all reality, he knew we were giving him business, so he needed to just keep things himself. We gave him our answer, and then he walked off.

"I don't ever order their shakes. One time, I tried to order a shake from here, and I barely got anything in the extra tin can. Dakota felt like it was such a fucking rip off." After I said that, she was laughing at that, as if sort of remembering one time that she had something like that happen to her, and she was just finding it kind of funny how I was talking in such a similar fashion.

"Why would you fall for something like that in the first place? I mean, a lot of people tell me that the extras are kind of a rip off." She was telling, and then I was shrugging, thinking that I did not need to really find a way to talk too much about it. In all honesty, I was feeling like maybe I just didn't to believe in stuff like that.

"I guess that maybe I just wanted to see if I was going to feel the same way if I tried it out. You know, give them a chance and stuff. I thought that it was not going to be that big of a deal." I said, thinking that if I could divert the answer and discussion to a slightly different place, then she would be able to leave it alone, and we would talk about something else entirely.

"I mean, I guess that worst comes to worst, it was only a few dollars that you miss out on." She was saying, slowly coming back to the idea that maybe she was able to sort of see where I was coming from, despite the fact that she had no idea how we were going to be able to keep up a discussion for too incredibly long or anything.

"I guess that I also just wanted to be that one fucking guy who could say that I was able to do something else entirely." I said, and then I was smiling, and then I looked right at her, feeling like maybe the more we talked about this, the more that I was going to just get kind of tired of talking about a fucking shake at a restaurant from months ago.

"Okay, I will leave you alone about it. I think that we both made our points when it comes to the shakes here." After she had said that, she was looking like she was thinking of something else to say, to make the situation and the conversation possibly slightly more exciting. Even though I supposed that maybe she was possibly bored of the subject as well.

"Sorry for being so prickly about it. I guess that I just wasn't really expecting to be talking about this stuff for so long. I guess that I thought that I could just move on or something like that." I said, and then I was sighing, feeling like I needed to do better here. I was thinking that maybe the longer that I could talk with Emily, and if I could hear a couple of things from her perspective, I would be able to keep going, and I was going to then earn a bit more of her trust here.

"Don't worry about it. Trust me, as far as dates I have gone with dudes have been, this is far from the worst. I mean, there are some people who are just flat out fucking terrible people, that I want nothing to do with again." After she had said that, I was wanting so badly to know more, and I was feeling like maybe if I was more patient with her, then she might be willing to tell me who those people were, and I could help her here. But only if she was willing to actually do that.

"I guess that maybe I should be taking some time to take this whole thing ore seriously. I mean, if you sincerely believe that things are able to get much worse, than I will just keep things on a slightly better note." After I was telling her all of this, I was wondering what the hell I had even been feeling now. The whole thing was just really hard to comprehend. "But Emily, who are some of the worst people you have gone on dates with?" I asked, knowing I was going to bother her a bit now.

"Oh god, I have no idea what the heck I can be able to describe that. There are so many fucking things that I could be able to describe the bad people that I have gotten on dates with." After Emily was saying this, she was sighing, trying to make things a bit more cheery, although I knew deep down I mentioned the one thing that she was not going to ever want to be talking about here. The one fucking thing she never wished for me to mention.

"Sorry, I never really thought that this was going to be a issue." I said, and I was hoping she was going to forgive me, and that she was not going to be too angry at the fact that I had asked her this in the first place. But I guess that maybe I just needed to stop take this whole thing so seriously.

"I know you meant nothing by it. I guess that maybe I am taking the questions too seriously, and I know that you have a right to get to know, and that I am being a bit of a fucking baby." After she was saying this to me, I was then thinking about what the hell I was even going to do now. I was kind of just tired of this story, and I was feeling like I needed to find something else to discuss, to make things a bit better for me.

"I am just making things so much worse. I just can't fucking ever talk about things that actually make some fucking sense. I just go on and on and I make things so much worse because I never fucking ever shut the fucking hell up." I said, and then I was sighing, and then I rubbed my eyes, thinking of a question that I needed to ask here, even if she was not wanting to hear it.

"If you want to just wrap this up, and just find somebody that you will like more, then I will not fucking blame you." I said, and I was feeling like this was the best way to show her that I sincerely wanted to make her happier, and that I was going to do anything that it would take to do things right. But when she was looking at me, I was seeing her looking like she was just trying to find something to say to make me feel better.

"Don't worry about it. Maybe once we eat our meal though, we should go somewhere else. That way we can talk about other things here." After she had sad that to me, I was looking at her, shocked that she was actually feeling like something like this would have been able to help me out. But I was in no mood to be trying to fight with her, and to be honest, I was feeling like she was being really fucking patient with me, and that she was needing more credit just for that alone. I knew that I just wanted to make her feel better.

"Yeah, that might not be a terrible idea." I said, and then I was sighing, feeling like when things were going to get better, I was going to have a long way to go, and I was going to have to try and look at things differently, and I was going to have to sincerely think about the way that she had been going through so much for my sake.

"Although that all being said, I do think that I have some things that I could enjoy talking about with you. You know, just simply seeing if you have any plans after school and stuff. You know, for summer break and all that. I would think that you would probably have at least something going on." I said, and then I was feeling like no matter what I was going to say, she was going to feel like something was going to be left to be desired.

"Well, to be honest, the thing is that I really do not have that many plans. I wish that I did, but I just kind of want to hang out with friends, and enjoy the experience. I have nothing else that I really would want to do." She admitted, and I was nodding, able to respect that, and able to see that maybe there was things more important to her than just going all out at parties.

"If there are going to be any labyrinth parties coming up, do you think that you might be planning on going to one of them? I mean, I think that I might finally go to one, and just see if it is worth all of the hype and stuff. You know, I think that after all of this time, I might be willing to be at least slightly adventurous." I said, and then she was shocked when I was admitting to this.

"Wow, I never thought that you of all people would have been willing to go to one of these. You seemed like that guy who would always hate going to stuff like this because you are a total buzz kill." After she said that to me, I sighed, and I was wishing that I could have said something else to argue that, but deep down I knew that she was probably right.

"I mean, I think that it might be time for me to have some things showing at least a mildly normal social life. You know, I think that this is something that I have waited too long on." I said, and then I was sighing, feeling like I just needed to find a better way to explain where I was coming from. But at that moment, I think that any further explanation was going to be fucking impossible.

"I bet that in a way, that might feel lightly relieving. Just finally doing something that you will enjoy doing, and finally just no longer worrying about what everybody else is going to say." She said, and then I was nodding at this idea, thinking that maybe that was what I had needed more than anything else in the world. I just needed to finally be out, and I just needed to finally be doing my own fucking thing, and enjoy my own fucking life.

"Yeah, in all honesty, I am kind of sick of not just living the life that I want. You know, I just want to be at least slightly happier with what I am doing. As hard as something like this might be, it is something that I think that I could accomplish, if I were to push hard enough." I said, and then I sighed, thinking that I might as well leave the subject alone once again.

"Besides, I have always felt like that I have wanted to give one of those a chance. I just kind of fucking hate the idea of not doing something just because of past preconceptions that I might have had about the place. I am not really wanting to do that anymore." I said, and then I was looking directly at her, and I was wondering if she was planning on saying anything else, or if she was going to be leaving it there.

"Well, they are decently fun. I mean, they are not very different from normal parties, but there is something about the fact that it is a celebratory thing that makes it kind of fun and nice. I think that once you atcually try it out, and you see what I mean, you might be able to see what I mean." After she had said that to me, I was nodding, and for once I was feeling like I was able to give this a chance, and that I was wanting to see where the hell this was going to go.

"Do you think that you will be going to it, back to my original question?" I asked, feeling like I just needed to see if this was something that would have at least something worth it from the start, or if I was going to have to pretty much find my own way. "I mean, I think it would be a lot of fun if you go." I told the truth, and I was hoping that saying that would appeal to her better.

"Yeah, I will go to it. I think that doing something like that might be a lot of fun. I hope that you plan on giving it a chance as well." After she had said that to me, I was looking right at her, and I was feeling like I just needed to give this a chance, and that by doing this, I might be able to get her to fee like I was not being a big fucking baby or whatever.

"Yeah, sure I think that I should go to it. I mean, I was still kind of not too sure, but I feel pretty sure now. There is no real reason for me to not be doing this." I said, and then I was sighing, unsure of what the heck I was going to accomplish when I had said that to her. I saw her just smiling uncontrollably at this notion, and I knew this was what she had wanted from the start.

"I knew that you were going to appeal to the sense of doing something like this." After she had said this to me, we were eating our meal for the next minute or two, just sort of doing our own thing, and I was just sort of minding my own business, knowing that she was happy, and I knew that was what mattered the most.

"I just wanted to finally have a life that I was going to be happy with. I mean, I just want to do something that is at least sort of exciting." I smiled, and then I was feeling like the idea of going to these parties really would be exciting, and I was feeling like I was one hundred percent sure of something like this. I wasn't just saying that to make her feel better. I knew that this was something that I needed to do, for my own sake.

"I think that maybe your friends are going to be happy to see you like this. I mean, they are always talking to you about what you need to do to be happier with yourself and stuff." After she had said that to me, I was sighing, kind of annoyed that she was bringing this up to me. Despite what I had been feeling, I was just sort of over it all.

"I know that they are going to be happy. But that is only a small part of why I am going to be doing something like this. When I am out doing this on my own, I just know that being happy with myself is the most important thing that I can be going forward with this." I was saying, and then there was going to be nothing else I even wanted to say now.

We finished our conversation up, and then when we were done, I was getting in my car, and we were driving along, and this time Emily was wanting to talk with me about other things. "Hey, maybe we can go to the beach, if you are cool with that." After she suggested this, I was actually pretty cool with this idea.

Once we were driving down to the beach, Emily was saying something that was kind of making it a dead give away why she had wanted to go this direction. "So Sheldon, I love the beach a bit. Since it is one of the few places in town where I can just wipe away from everything going on, and do not have to think about the shit going on in town." After she said that, when I put it in that perspective, I knew that I couldn't disagree with her.

"Yeah, I agree with you. I mean, there are so many things going on here, that just taking a fucking break is great. I mean, this is the one area of the town where I do not have to deal with listening to that god awaful grinding noise." I said, and then I was looking at her, wondering if she was going to be able to process what was so important about that one for me.

"So you just think that being able to have a chance to not be so scared of all that shit might be the thing that might be helping you out the most?" She asked, and then I was nodding, feeling like there was no real way to better describe what I had felt. "I just think that if there is something going on here, that it would be best to just finally learn what the fucking hell it is. That way I might be able to finally put my fears to rest."

"I have no idea what the hell would make you not fear something once you know the truth. I would be the exact opposite. Knowing the truth would make me a thousand times more scared of what the fuck is going on here." After I had said that to her, she was shrugging, and I knew that she was really unsure what to tell me there. Almost like she was just thinking that maybe I needed to be a bit more laxed on this.

"I think that if I know what is happening, then at least I can just get the idea of closure in my mind, and then I could just finally move forward. That is the only thing that really matters to me. I just kind of wish that I would know what the hell is happening, and then by doing that, I might be able to be ready to start to live a normal life. Which I think you will desperately need." She said, and I looked at her, annoyed at her saying this.

"You don't need to say that to me. I mean, I just think that living a normal life is going to be something that I literally am unable to do." I said, and then I was sighing, thinking that the chances if that being true were too much for me to be fully comfortable with. Which was the only thing that I was focused on.

Once we reached the beach, that was when Emily was looking at me, and I was seeing a look of joy in her eyes. I was wondering what the heck was going on that made her so happy all of a sudden. I was thinking about what the heck I was getting myself into when I was thinking that I could do something like this. "So Sheldon, when was the last time that you went out to the beach anyways?" After she asked, I was actually trying hard to think about that one for a moment.

"I think probably some point in the year. I mean, I went there for the annual end of school bonfire, and I think I might have gone once or twice after." After I had said that, I was trying hard to remember if I had or not, and if I didn't, then I guess that the bonfire was my answer, which would have been slightly sad if that was all I did with having a good time.

"Well, if you don't do anything besides the bonfire, you seem to have a pretty underwhelming life." After she had said that to me, I was sighing, wishing that she did not need to rub it in my face, and that she was just needing to find something else to be talking about right now.

"So Sheldon, please go back to what you were telling me about Jamie. I want to know the truth. What was going on with her that changed everything so badly?" She asked me, and then I was looking at her, knowing that this was not going to be something that I was going to be able to get away with for too long. I looked at her, annoyed as hell. But also with a bit of understanding.

"I think that if you knew the truth, you would be let down, and you would be thinking that I didn't do enough. I think that if you knew all the stuff going on, you would never want to speak with me again." I said, and then she looked at me, and I was seeing her looking totally lost on what the hell I was even fucking so scared about, for no real reason.

"Fine, I guess that I will do my best to be going through that as best as I fucking could. I mean, it might be a bit of a let down, but I think that once you get it all, you will understand." I said, and then with that, I was remembering it all over again, and I felt like I was going to just need to at least give her the honor of only hearing the short version.

"So how it all started was like during last summer, when I was just trying to find a way to be living a normal summer life, and I was seeing that even my friends were kind of just wanting me to do literally anything to be making things better for myself. I was seeing that there was a point in time where they were just kind of over it.

I was walking to his house one day, and I had started to convince myself that tenth grade was such a good year that there was literally no way that I was going to blow it on having a sort of lousy summer vacation. I was going to make summer vacation massive, and I was going to make it great, and I would make people know that I was not letting down any time soon.

I was wondering if I had any real plans that could have made something like this actually work out. To be honest, I was kind of feeling like this whole thing was just going to be the only way to turn things around. The only thing that I could have done to make my friends actually like what my progress had been was that I just needed to try and maybe go out on a date with a woman or something. But I had a feeling that something like this was going to be out of my fucking reach.

Eventually, I reached his house, and then I knocked on his door, wondering what the heck he was going to tell me this time. I was feeling like no matter what I would tell him, he was going to have some advice for me, and everything would turn out to be the way that I would want it to be. He eventually answered the door, and I was seeing him looking sort of happy to see me.

"Sheldon, what are you doing right now?" After Dakota asked me this, I looked right at him, feeling like I just needed to see what he was going to try and tell me now. In all honesty, I was feeling like my answer was going to be extremely hard to pin point. "I mean, you were telling me of some of your plans this summer."

"I was thinking about how I was planning on making this the most epic summer in the history of the entire fucking world." I told him, and then he was looking bored out of his fucking mind, and I was well aware that nothing that I would have said would have convinced him yet. So I was just thinking that I needed to be more honest with the way that I was going at this.

"I am actually planning on maybe going out on some dates or something. You know, finally turning things around, and doing something that they actually like." I was saying, and then I was looking right at Dakota, and I knew he was never going to fucking get it. In all honesty, he had looked like he had wanted to say something in support, but his mind was all over the place.

"Oh shit, I never thought that you would have tried something like this." After Dakota was saying this to me, he had looked like he had wanted to find a way to make it seem like he believed in me more. But the longer that he was looking at the ground, I saw him looking like he was wanting to talk about something else.

"You look like your mind is on somewhere else." I said, and then I was looking right at him, and I was ready for him to tell me the fucking truth. I knew that he was my friend, and I knew that he was the only person that really mattered. Well, not the only person, as much as he was the person that I needed to help the most.

Eventually, he was nodding, and figured he would tell me. "I plan on trying to get Ashley to go on a date with me. I really like her, and I feel like something like is would be fucking epic." After Dakota was telling me this, he was looking shocked, and he looked like he had wanted to say more, but decided that he didn't want to drag the situation out, and wanted to see what I thought.

"Oh shit, I knew that you had a thing for her, but I never thought that you were going to finally be going through with it." I said, and then I saw him like he was wanting to find something else to say, but in all honesty, I had known full fucking well that this whole thing was just getting to me hard.

"I mean, I know that I have been talking about what it would be like to finally go on a date with her, but I never went out of my way and did it. I guess that I was always just a bit scared to commit to something like this." Dakota was saying, and I saw him looking like he was just kind of wishing to find something to say, but kept it to himself.

"I mean, if you really feel like you are going to be a good man for her, and that she is going to be something special, then there is no reason to not go for it." I told him, and I was seeing Dakota looking slightly reluctant to be doing anuthing at all. "I think that when you meet with her, and you just try and get her to like you, and show her that you really care, then if she says no, at least you will finally know better." I was shrugging, feeling like I could put it behind me.

"But if she says no, then I think that there is a good chance she will want nothing to do with me. I mean, I would hate to deal with something like this, and I would hate to know that I spilled my guts for her, and then have her not really think a darn of me." Once he was saying this, I was just scared of what he was going to be feeling here.

"Honestly, Ashley is not that type of person. I know that you can be scared to do something with her, and to show her that you care about her. But in all honesty, if she says no, I think that you know that she will still want to keep up a friendship with you." I was just then wondering what he was even planning on doing here, and if he was going to be taking any real measures.

"Just don't be too worried about this stuff honestly. I believe in you, and I think that once you put your mind to something, and you truly know what you fucking want, then you always get what you want. I remember the one time you wanted to go out with somebody back then, and you just simply went with it, and you just didn't hold back." When I mentioned this to him, Dakota smiled, glad for me to bring that incident up once again.

"Yeah, I think that I will fucking do it. I mean, I know that this might be a bit hard to accomplish. But I guess that I am just taking things too seriously." Dakota told me, and I was just feeling like I needed to find something to focus on that I was aware would have been helping me out better, and I was feeling like I needed to stop getting super distracted by other things.

"So Dakota, if you are going to do that, then I guess that I need to give the other thing a try. Giving a girl that I like a chance and seeing what she wants to do." I said, and then I was looking at him, looking like I just wanted to see what he was going to say to this idea. The moment I mentioned what I was planning on doing, I knew that this was going to be a fucking ride.

"Just don't make a fucking scene out of it or anything. I mean, it is really not going to be that important. Please just let me do my own fucking thing here." I was telling him, and he was looking like he had wanted to tell me something else, and I was just kind of not really in the fucking mood for anything like this at all.

"I mean, I think it is pretty exciting that you are finally planning on doing something else here. I mean, I am allowed to be happy for your sake." After he had said that to me, I was just taking a deep breath, and I was not really wanting to have the discussion here, but I guess that none of this was going to matter.

"Hey Sheldon, I think that you need to know what you are going to tell somebody if you really want them to get them to feel like you are really going to be able to reach out to them." After he was telling me this, I was seeing him looking like he had wanted to find something to say to me. However, I was feeling like maybe I just needed to find a way to be my own fucking man.

"I think that getting somebody to like me is going to be impossible. I mean, anybody who will want to fucking go on a date with me is going to probably do it out of fucking pity, and there is no way that they would be willing to do it on their own." I said, and I was trying to be funny about it. But the way that Dakota was looking at me, I was seeing that he did not believe in me too much.

"Honestly, I think that you need to just give yourself a fucking chance. I think that if you just enjoy your time with her, and you just get to really know people, then it is going to be fine enough." After he was telling me all of this, I was kind of annoyed with everything that had been going on. But I just was wishing to make him feel like he was onto something now.

"Okay, I get it. You guys think that I am being harsh on myself." I said, and then I looked right at him, and then I was thinking about what it was going to be like if he was telling the fucking truth here. In all honesty, the whole thing just seemed to be a bit far an dout there. But I was wanting to see if he was actually telling the truth, of it was a fucking load of shit.

"Besides, I know how much you can really adapt well with girls who hang out with you at school, and when you hang out with them, I can see from the way that they are looking that most of the time, they are actually relatively satisfied. I think that you need to just fucking give yourself a chance." Once he was telling me this, I was taking a long and deep breath, and I was just not really in the mood.

"I guess that there is one girl that I want to at least try and ask out. I think that seeing if she wants to go on and hang out with me, then I will be satisfied enough." After I told Dakota this, I was thinking about how annoying something like this was going to be. But at the same time, I knew that I would rather just do this than put it to waste. I was not going to put my one fucking chance to waste. Not wanting to just throw it all away.

"Dakota, thank you for giving me the motivation to see what I can do here. I think that there is somebody that I want to go and give it a chance with. I guess that I am just too scared here." I said, and then Dakota had looked right at me, trying to see what the hell my point was going to be, and he was just looking as if he was wanting to see what I was going to try and accomplish. I saw him almost looking like he was just feeling like I was going to ruin it all.

"Well, I wish you good luck if you actually go on and try to do something here." After Dakota said this, I was seeing him almost looking like he did not want to actually consider what he was going to be doing here. But he was just looking kind of proud to be seeing me to do something at all that he was not going to try and argue with me here.

"I think that as long as I go and just see what I can do here, I will be happier here. I want to just see if she will like me, and if not, then at least I will finally have a answer, and I can move on then." I was telling him, wondering what the hell I was even going to him if it worked, as well as if it failed.

"Anyways, I just feel like life is going to be starting to eat at me if I just brush things off, and not even get myself slightly prepared for fucking anything at all." I finished, and the more that I was starting to walk off, that was when Dakota started to call out to me, and he was clearly looking like he was wanting to finally say something after all.

"Hey Sheldon, good luck on just making things work. Honestly, I think that I know who it is, and I think that as long as you are smart about this, then things are going to be great." After he was telling me this, I was taking this all in, and I was feeling like I was wanting to say something else, but just remained silent here.

"Honestly, I know that everything is going to be fine. I think that you might be right. When I know her, and I think of her, I think that she has given me some fucking signs, that I have barely looked at earlier." I said, and then I was feeling like I was being a bit fucking scared, and that I was just needing to take things carefully here. But the longer that I was wanting to head off, the more that she had just looked kind of all over the place.

"Anyways, if you can manage to do something like this, then I think that I will be able to fucking do it. I just wish that I am not too scared of what Ashley will say. But I think that things will be good." After he was telling me this, I saw him looking like he was wanting to continue speaking, but decided to just remain silent for a moment longer.

When I was starting to head down the way to the sandwich shop, where I was going to ask somebody out, I was just hoping that she was willing to fucking say yes to this. In all honesty, if she was not going to do so, I would feel kind of hurt here, but I did not fucking care. I was thinking that if she was going to say yes, then everything would be fucking great.

I was wondering what the hell my parents were going to say if they had finally known what my plans were right now. If they were actually aware that I had planned on going on dates here, then I was feeling like they were going to be so fucking happy. They were however going to be wondering what the hell I was avoiding showing them about here.

If they were going to be kind of annoyed with the way that I was going to act, I was going to just brush this whole thing off. I was going to just tell them that I was going to be fucking happy. I was thinking that my parents were going to be proud of me, and I was feeling that them being proud was literally the only thing that I had wanted here. It was my one main fucking goal, no matter what it was going to take now.

I was wondering what the fucking hell made me suddenly care so much what they were going to tell me. I was feeling like trying to get them to care for these types of things was going to be a bit pointless. That being said, Riley going missing, and her sort of just leaving us all alone was the main thing that I needed to just go further with my whole life, and that I just fucking keep this one up.

When I eventually reached the sandwich shop, I was sighing, and took a deep breath, I was feeling like I just needed to just fucking see where this was going to go, and I was going to make this my fucking summer. This summer was going to be the one where I was the main character, and that was the only thing that I knew I needed to keep telling myself.

Eventually, I just went inside, and when I was inside of the fucking sandwich shop, I was just looking around, and I was seeing that the girl that I was wanting to ask out was right there, and I was so fucking happy to see her. So with that, I was starting to walk in her direction, and I knew that this was all I had wanted to do, and I was going to make it work.

I went right to the counter, and I was staring right at the girl who was behind it, and I was just smiling for a moment. "So how has summer been so far?" I asked, trying to pretend like I wasn't really here for any big reason, and that I was not just here to go on and ask her out and stuff. I was just wanting to see if Jamie was willing to give me a chance.

"Boring. I fucking hate being here when my friends are supposed to be hanging out and having the fucking time of their life, and I am here working at this job, trying to get some money for housing funds." After Jamie said this, she was looking at me, and I saw her looking like she was shocked to actually say this, and she was almost regretting telling me this.

"What type of funds are you trying to gather up anyways?" I asked, just trying to find a way to make her feel like I could be able to make her feel like she was doing decently. I was really wanting to see if I could help her out. Even if something like this was going to be fucking impossible. That being said, I was wondering if I even could get along with her.

"Nothing important. I just want to save up for college, and I want to actually have a chance to have a cool and decent life and stuff. And saving this money up for a bit during summer might be able to get me a term or two here." She said, and she had looked like she was wanting to find a way to make this whole thing feel better. I was wanting to help her out.

"I should probably do something like this. People have been thinking that I might have the grades to actually apply for fucking Harvard. But in all honesty, part of me is unsure if I even want to go to it anyways." I said, and then I was feeling like I was just needing to find a way to make her feel better. I was wanting to just make her feel like her plans were at least something good.

"You have the grades for Harvard? Damn, that's really cool. I guess all those late nights doing constantly homework and stuff might be doing something nice for you." After she had said that to me, I was seeing Jamie looking like she was scared of something, and mentioned something for me.

"Sorry for not asking you earlier, but are you planning on actually buying something today?" After she asked me this, I was smiling, and I was feeling like now that I was here, I might be able to get something, and I was feeling like doing something like this was going to get her to feel like I wasn't all that bad of a guy.

"Yeah, I guess that I might get something." I said, and then she was smiling, knowing that she was not only going to talk with somebody at least, but that she was going to get some fucking money out of it. So in all reality, it was a better way to spend her time than most days.

I ordered some random item on the menu, and when I was done with this, that was when Jamie was smiling at me, and she was taking my money, and I was feeling like I just needed to at least try and find a way to adapt my way into this. "Do you have some things that you actually like about this shop and working here?"

"Honestly, not very many things. I just like to work here, and get some money. I guess that the money is the one thing that I like about being here." After she was saying this to me, I was seeing her looking like she was wanting to say more. I was wanting to see if we could maybe talk for a couple of moments longer or something.

"I mean, I guess that if you like to get some money here, then you are doing something productive here." After I was saying this, I was feeling like I just needed to try and keep this whole thing up for a moment longer. "Do you have any friends who have at least considered working here and stuff?" I asked, feeling just kind of scared what she would have said now.

"There are a couple of people here who are at least kind of nice. But to be honest, I barely know anybody here, and I just do my best to just get along with these people, and not get in their way and stuff. Not that there is really all that much that I can do here." After she was saying this to me, I was nodding, and sat down on a random chair, just waiting for the food to come already.

I was looking at the wall for a second, and I was feeling like talking to her for a few seconds was getting me some form of a head start, and while I was not sure if this was going to help me out at all. But hearing her talk with me, and I was feeling like this was going to work out much better than I would have ever really considered.

I was wondering how long it was going to take to make this whole thing feel like I could fully adapt to all of this. To be honest, Jamie was just somebody that I was kind of liking, and no matter what the heck was going on, I was wanting to make sure that we were going to be able to get along for a while longer. But I was feeling like I was just taking these things way too seriously. A few seconds later, Jamie sat down in front of me with my order, and she made one for herself, and I looked at her uncertain for a few seconds longer.

"Hey Sheldon, so how have you been doing this last summer yourself? Since you seem to be kind of bored and stuff, so I figured that I might as well get to see how you are doing." After she had said that to me, I was looking at her, and to be honest, hearing her being this open with me was just fucking nice as hell, and I was wanting her to do that.

"Honestly, I was just thinking about how much I want to make this a super exciting summer, and fucking just hang out with friends and shit, and actually be happier here." I said, and then I was smiling for a second, and I knew that for once, I was going to make this whole thing work out for the best, and I would make her just feel like I could open up as well as possible.

"Well, I think that if you want to do something to make things less boring, then I guess that maybe after work is done today, I might be able to go and hang out with you. But only if you are fine with this." After she had said that to me, I was just shocked beyond belief that she was willing to do this already, and I was feeling like this was a fucking good starting point.

"Oh shit, if you really want to do that, then that is great. But I don't want you to feel forced to do this either." I said, and then I was looking right at her, looking like she had wanted to say something else. I saw her just looking like she had wanted to say something else. But that was something I felt like we were going to have to wait to see for later.

"I mean, I guess that I just need something to do myself, and I guess that maybe just hanging out with you, and giving you a chance might be something that I do kind of want to actually do." After she was saying this to me, I saw her looking like she had wanted to find something else to tell me. To be honest, this whole thing was just strange, and I was really just not getting it.

"Well, I guess that this is something that my friends are going to be really fucking excited for. That being said, I might as well find something that we can do." I said, and then I was looking right at her, and she was looking like she had wanted to find something else to say. Eventually, I was just thinking of something to do now.

Eventually, I was just thinking of something to do. "Hey Jamie, is there some place that you might think that I could enjoy? Only if you are into this." After I asked her this, she was shaking her head, as if she was really not too worried about something like this at the moment.

"I don't really know. In all honesty, I never really thought too much about this, I will just do whatever I can here." After Jamie was telling me all of this, I was sighing, feeling like I just needed to see where the fucking hell this was actually going to go here. To be honest, I was wondering what was going on with her.

"I will just wait for you, and I will see what we can do." After I said that to her, I was wondering where this was going to head. I was feeling like I could stand up, and see where the fucking hell this was going to go. I was smiling grabbing the order, and I was going to be hanging out with Dakota, ready to tell him about my hang out with her, and I was feeling like I was going to have to see what the hell he was going to tell me here. He was going to be slightly annoyed. That being said, I was not even caring.

"I will see you soon, if you are cool with that." I said, and then I was just feeling like I was needing to sort of just do my best to be making her feel like she was still having some fucking chances here, and I was just kind of feeling like none of this really even mattered all that much. I was feeling like nothing I would have said would make any difference.

"Don't do anything too exciting without me." After she was saying this to me, I was walking out of the room, and I was just feeling like I just needed to leave this whole thing alone. But there was one fucking thing that I just needed to remember when I was getting to meet her again, and that I was just needing to be fucking polite with her, and remember all the advice that my parents had given to me when it came to dates and stuff.

When I was back near Dakota's house again, I saw him starting to hang out with Ashley, and knowing full well his plans I knew that I did not want to bother him too much, and I was going to be making my point short and succinct. I was just wanting him to be happy to see that I was doing something that was rather exciting for me. "Hey Dakota, I managed to talk with her, and I got some plans with her now."

"Oh shit, that's so awesome. I didn't think that you were actually going to do it. I thought that you were going to just chicken out at the last second or something." After he admitted this, I was looking away, and I was just not wanting him to say anything like that, since it was not a invalid assumption.

"I think that I am so fucking ready for this. I want to make this the best day of my entire fucking life, and I want to show her that I want to make her feel special." I said, and I did a purposely over the fucking top lovey dovey pose, and this was when Dakota and Ashley had both laughed at this pose, and then I was starting to relax a bit, and get more into a normal mindset here.

"Well, don't get to excited though. We don't want to ruin your thunder, but we don't want you upset if something doesn't work out either." Ashley was saying, and then I was sighing, and I had felt like they needed to give me a chance, and that they were just unable to see that I was doing whatever I could here.

"I won't get too excited. I mean, I know how it is like to get my hopes up for something, and not have it work. But she seems to be impressed with some of the things that I told her, and I think that this might be a good chance to do something." I was saying, feeling like the more that I was getting well adjusted with this discussion, while my mind was being more realistic than before I was still feeling like I wasn't too royally fucked quite yet.

"Anyways, so I will let you guys take care of what you were both wanting to do today, and I will just do my best to make things work out with her well." I said, and then I was looking up at the sky, and I genuinely felt like I was going to adapt well into this whole thing. I seriously felt like there was nothing I needed to worry about now.

"Well, good luck Sheldon. I know that we might be laughing and stuff right now, but we really do want you to have a chance of being happy and stuff." After she had told me this, I was sighing, and while I did not want to be hearing too many of these comments, there was something nice about actually hearing them give me some real comments, and not just messing around or anything like that.

As I was starting to walk along, that was when I was having a million things running on through my mind, and all of them were not that positive, and I was just thinking about what it was going to be like if I could actually close this in with Jamie, and if she was going to actually like me once she gave me a chance.

I was at my house, and while I didn't get over the top with preparing or anything, I did put on some nice clothes, and washed up and everything. It was something like a white tee shirt, a blue pair of jeans and a red hoodie. A clothing style I often liked to wear. Eventually, I grabbed some of the money my parents gave me every week, and I was now feeling like I was going to be ready for whatever was about to come next.

When I was getting ready to leave, I was seeing a really excited look on my mothers face, and I was feeling like I could talk with her for a moment longer. "Hey Sheldon, are you planning on doing something today?" She asked, and then I was nodding, looking right at her, and I was feeling like I might as well be honest.

"Yeah, there was a girl that agreed to go on and hang out with me. I think that I am rather excited for this, and I feel glad that she is willing to give me a chance." I said, looking right at her, and I was wondering if she was going to be proud of this answer, or if she was going to be kind of just neutral on this. Either way, I was not going to be too shocked here.

"Well, I think that it would be great if you did something like this. Both your father and I were feeling like we were just unsure if you were actually going to do something like this. So hearing you do this is really great." After she had said this to me, I was sighing, and I was feeling like she better not get her hopes up too high, or else I was going to really fucking let her down. But I decided not to say anything about it yet.

"I was wanting to do something like this the whole time. But I guess that maybe I was just too scared to go on and do it. For some reason, I guess that I was a fucking coward or something." I said, and then I looked right at her, and I was wondering if she was going to react to this one, or if she was going to be leaving it alone now.

"I was just hoping that in all honesty, somebody would have wanted to reach to me, and it worked out. But I think that I just better make it work, and make this hype all worth it." I said, wondering how something like this was going to work. In all honesty, I didn't care though. I just wanted to do it now.

"Well, if it turns out well, tell us how it went, and we will be willing to throw a celebration for you. Since we think that it is great that you are finally having a chance to do something cool here." After she was saying this to me, I was sighing, feeling like no matter what I had said, I was going to be having a long ass way to go, and I was going to just be in a bad spot.

"I think that if it worked out well, you will be able to see it in the way that I walk around and stuff. My posture always goes up when I am in a good mood." I said, knowing that it didn't really seem like much, but I was feeling like it would be able to buy me some time if it had turned out that the chances of her going on a date with me wasn't going to work out that well.

"I would still like to hear it from you. I think that there might be something about actually hearing it from you that will make it different." She said, and then I was sighing, feeling like the way that she was talking to me might have been a bit over the top and I was kind of wishing that she would fucking relax about it. But at the same time, I did appreciate the sentiment.

"Alright, I guess that I can tell you. I just think that you might have a greater chance of being let down than you might believe." I said, and feeling like I had wanted to say more, and I was just really trying to find a way to explain the way that I had felt. But I was going to be leaving it alone this time, and not getting too annoyed with it.

"Just don't worry about anything, and things will be alright. I think that as long as you just remain yourself, everything will be fine. Just don't be too focused on anything, and I think that you probably know how to be doing some of this stuff anyways, so it is not going to be all that hard. After she said that, I didn't say anything, thinking that she was going to be really let down by me if she felt like I knew how to do this.

Eventually, I left the house, and I was just feeling like there was nothing that I was going to be able to accomplish if I was just standing here and I was just talking with them about my fucking plans. I need to go through with my plans, and I needed to just see if she was going to really enjoy seeing me or not. No matter what I was feeling, I knew that this was the one thing that I had wanted to do more than anything else.

After I had waited for a while longer, that was when Jamie had shown up near my house, and while I did find it kind of odd that she already knew where I lived, I decided not to think about it too much, and I was just not in the mood to be dealing with this right now. I was going to ask her later, if I cared to remember.

"Hey Sheldon, how are you doing right now?" She asked me, and then I was shrugging, feeling like I was just needing to have some time to relax, and be happy with her, and I was feeling as if there wasn't going to be anything that I needed to worry about. As long as she liked me, and as long as I liked to hang out with her, then in a way, this whole thing was just sort of meant to be.

"Alright, just spent most of the day getting ready to meet up with you. I just wanted to not look like a total fucking idiot or anything like that." I said, and I was just trying to be funny here, but at the same time, I was feeling like I needed to not let her know that this was a real fear of mine.

Eventually, I had felt like I was ready to go along, and I was feeling like maybe I just was needing to hear a bit about her life, and that would be a good way to get right into things. Just talking with her, and seeing what was in her mind, and what she was doing, one of these days, we were finally going to connect.

We eventually sat down on a bench, and as we were sitting there, that was when Jamie was looking right at me, trying to find something to talk with me about, to make the whole situation seem to be a bit more exciting or my own personal sake. "So Sheldon, when was the last time that you ever been to the park before?" She asked me, as we were looking around all the props that young kids used to play in. I looked at her, slightly embarrassed.

"I was smoking a few cigarettes with Dakota last night actually here. We usually come here a few times a week and just relax here." I said, and I did not want to know what she was going to be feeling to this, since in all honesty, hearing myself admit it was something that I never wanted to do.

"Hey, as long as you are enjoying yourself, and as long as your friends are helping you have a good time, then there is nothing that I can say about it." After Jamie said that to me, I was feeling like I might as well be honest with her about what happened, and how I ended up being here in the first place.

"Honestly, it is because of them that I am hanging out with you right now. Dakota was suggesting that I come on and see you and just see if maybe we could make something of a friendship work." I said, and I was feeling slightly embarrassed to admit it, knowing that they were the only people who helped me out, or her reaction to the fact that this was not originally planned.

"You know, I think that you two are a strange duo that I never thought could possibly work out here. But you guys seem to get along really well, and you guys seem to really enjoy being around each other. I guess that everybody has that one strange friend that connects well." She said, and I had no idea what to be saying to this right now.

"He was just the first person that I met after I moved here. He let me know about various things in town. Such as the missing people and the grinding noise. Not to bring up a strange subject. But the thing was that at the time, hearing it for the first time, it seemed really fucking exciting." I admitted, and I was feeling like there must have been something seriously wrong with me if I thought there was something cool about this originally.

"Well, yeah, I guess that there is something pretty cool about it when you are a kid. I was like that as well, so I can't really even get too upset with that." After she had said that to me, I saw her looking moderately neutral on the whole thing, and she had looked like she did not really care enough one way or another to make a big opinion.

"I mean, I just thought that most of the stories were not even really real in the first place. So I just played along, and I just went and saw how things were." After I had said that, and then I was saying something that I knew was going to be a better statement, and would be able to keep the discussion up about this town, but do so in a more respectful way. "He brought me to the tree house."

"That tree house was one of the most exciting things that I had ever seen at the time, and I remember just being so taken back by it that I wanted to just go right into it, and mess around for hours on end and just enjoy what I was having a chance to experience for the first time." I admitted, feeling like there might have been more to say about it, but that I just had no idea where to go.

"I mean, I heard about the tree house in like third grade or something. But I remember thinking that there was a part of that place that was just for adults only, and that going to it was going to get me in trouble or something. You know, I was scared to go there at one point. It seems pretty silly now." She admitted, and I was laughing at that, knowing that in a way, I could see why she was feeling that way at one point.

"Have you ever gone to it personally?" I asked, and then she shrugged, as if not wanting to get too into the details, but I was pretty sure that I knew the answer. I knew the answer to pretty much any normal high schooler. Hell, even I tried it once, so there was nothing wrong with it.

"I went to the most recent labyrinth party. Trust me, it was pretty fun. But I mean, if you are not super into parties and stuff, I would not suggest it. It is truly something that is only for people that are really into that." After she had said that to me, I was wanting to know more, and I was feeling the need to get to know more about it.

"Everybody tells me about how fun they are and everything. I have been really wanting to go to one, but I always get worried that I might come off as insensitive or whatever." I said, and then I was sighing, feeling like I was being supid, but at the same time, I was just feeling like I just needed to sort of see what she thought about it.

"You know, with all the missing people. But I know that there is a rather decent chance that the parties and those cases have no real connection, and that I am probably just digging up a lot of stuff out of nothing." I said, feeling like maybe when I was explaining it away, and when I had heard about it myself, I sort of got it.

"Oh yeah, I forgot all about your sister. Sorry about that. But in all honesty, I think that it is sometimes good to just release yourself, and have some fun here, and not take things too seriously." After she had said that to me, I was thinking about what she was saying, and part of me was feeling like perhaps she had been telling the truth.

"I wouldn't worry too much about it. I mean, I know that I just need to do something fun every once in a while, and I think that there is that part of me that really wants to do it. I guess that in the end, I am just being stubborn. Like really fucking stubborn, and that I just need to go out, and I just need to be doing my own thing sometimes." I said, smiling after I finished, wondering what she would have said to this.

"Well, I think that you can go to the next one. You know, it will probably happen during the summer, and I think that you might be good at it if you give this a go." She was telling me, and I thought about that for a moment longer. But I was just not thinking too much about it all, and to be honest, I was just thinking that the chances of the party being my great salvation were relatively small.

"I will thank about it. I mean, as I mentioned earlier, I really do not have anything better to do with my time, so I guess that there is nothing wrong with giving it a chance. I went to one when I was like a ten year old kid, when Harold decided to try and bring me to one." After I had said that to her, she looked at me, shocked at this revelation.

"You hung out with that guy when you were ten? Damn, I didn't think that you were just trying to have some crazy fucking adventures or something like that." After she had said that to me, I was feeling like the way she had acted there was a sign that as long as I brought up some other things, and as long as she was continuing to show some interest here, then I could keep this up for a while longer.

"I mean, it was on one of the first few weeks here, and he was a nice enough guy. Of course it was going to be a great combination." I said, and then I was smiling, knowing about the idea of things with Harold being a great combination. I do think that he wasn't as bad as many people made him out to be, though there was something I was missing here.

"I mean, I think that he is a decent enough guy, when he isn't talking about getting high and all that stuff." I finished with my thoughts on this guy, and we were both laughing at that, because we knew that he was always fucking getting high. But anything that could make this discussion keep up, and make me feel connected with her, I feel like was going to be worth it.

A few days later, Emily was coming by my house, just trying to possibly see if I was able to go on and do anything. "Hey Sheldon, do you have some time to go on and help me out here?" She asked, and I was just happy to hear her willing to approach me at all, and I was smiling, feeling like I was really wanting to at least give it a chance, and see what it would have been like.

"Yeah sure, I have nothing else planned today, so I can totally do that." I said, and then I was smiling as I was looking at her, and the whole time I was wondering what she was wanting, I had started to remind myself that it was going to be fine if she was wanting something, because at least if she was wanting to give me some time to hang out with her, and that was the least that I had needed.

"Great. I just wasn't sure you were busy or not. Since you are always busy and doing something." That comment was kind of flattering, because while I appreciated it, none of it was true, and she was going way over the top on trying to make me feel better right now. But for the time being, I didn't mind.

"Anyways, so what were you wanting to do anyways?" I asked, just wondering if this was going to be something that was going to be taking a lot of time, since while I was wanting to hang out with her, and I was totally down with such a thing, I was wondering if perhaps either Dakota or Ashley wanted to hang out, and I did not want to lose track of that.

"I was wanting to see if you can help me on a small little thing that I have been working on lately. You just seem to really be into the whole mechanical stuff." She said, and then I looked right at her, totally unsure where she had gotten that conclusion. But for the time being, I was just glad that she was willing to give me a chance.

"Well, what types of stuff do you work on?" I asked, and I was wondering what she was seriously thinking I could have accomplished, and all of the ideas were running in my mind the entire time that we were heading there, because I seriously was not getting it at all.

"Well, I mainly just work on automotive and stuff. My father fucking loves car work, and when I saw him working on it back in the day, I guess that it sort of just stuck out to me." After she had admitted this, I was nodding, and I was glad that she was throwing me a tiny bone on me getting to know her a bit more.

"Damn, I never thought that you were into that stuff. I thought you were more of a sports girl, to be honest." I said, and then she laughed at that one for several seconds, and I was feeling like she was being a bit over the top about this, and that she needed to fucking relax a bit more.

"Well, I have nothing against sports and stuff, and I do enjoy them here and there, but they are not the main thing that I am into, to be honest." She said to me, and then I was just looking down, kind of feeling slightly bad for how badly I got my impression of her wrong. I was wanting to say something else, but she stopped me before I could start.

"Don't worry about it too much. I mean, if you don't know what I am into, then that should be expected when I barely even know you to begin with." She was saying, and I was glad to hear her saying something that could make me feel slightly better about this whole thing. That being said, I was just wanting to see where this whole thing was going to head first.

"I mean, do you plan on maybe going into college or something like that for car related things?" I asked, only later on realizing how super vague something like this was. But I was just trying my best to see if maybe we could have been able to have some form of a connection here, and that was all that I wanted.

"I mean, I might do something like that. But do I really need a degree to show that this is something that I genuinely enjoy?" She asked, and when she was putting it in that perspective, I was shrugging, thinking that maybe she was having some form of a good point as she had said that to me.

"Besides, I have a feeling that you would have to spend way more money than you might ever be fully comfortable with for something that will only be like a year or two long." I said, and then I was looking right at her, wondering what she was wanting to tell me there. I was not wanting to make assumptions or something like that. But I just felt like it was not a totally terrible conclusion to make.

"I mean, I guess that you are not entirely wrong. That being said, I just guess that I am not all that worried about things that I will probably never really get the ambitions for. I mean, I never really wanted to go to college much, even when I was a fucking small kid and stuff." Jamie said, and I was wondering what the hell was going to be happening next.

"So, do you really think that you plan on going through with the fucking harvard thing, or is that just not happening?" She was asking me, and to be honest, I really had no fucking idea where I could have gone here. We eventually reached her house, and I was just staring at the front steps, and I was just wanting to be confident here, but I was still scared this was a joke and stuff.

"Yeah, I think that I can possibly apply to it. The main reason I would be doing it is to go and get out of this fucking town. To be honest, I am just kind of fucking over this town, and I want to just move forward, and do something else for once in my entire life." After I had said that to her, I was wondering what the hell she was even planning right now.

"I guess that there are a couple of other reasons besides just the missing people that you want to leave. As annoying as something like this might be, that is not something that would make me want to leave the entire town behind forever." After Jamie was telling me this, I was nodding, thinking that maybe she was not entirely wrong yet. But I was not wanting to do anything too crazy here.

"I mean, it is not even the fucking fact that these people are missing. It is the shitty police system that fucking refuses to do a damn fucking thing about it." I said, and then I was feeling like I was needing to see where this was going to head now. I was wondering if she was going to say anything to support or deny the way that I felt.

"I have had a couple of people that I had been close with that went missing and stuff. This whole thing was just hard to handle at one point." After she had admitted this to me, I was glad to be hearing her actually admit to this, and not be acting like I was being a fucking idiot who was just being totally invalid with my feelings right now.

"Yeah, I kind of guess that this was happening. No offense, but I think that something like this was to be expected. I just wish that these things weren't super obvious." I was saying, feeling like there was a couple of other things that I could have said, and I was feeling like I could have at least apologized for this, and that in a way, she did deserve something better here.

"None taken. I mean, I just think that when you put it in a certain perspective, there is no way that anybody could have been able to get through with this. I just wish that maybe you would know how to help figure some of these out. Not that you would do anything about it though." She said, and she was not saying that to piss me off, but I was feeling like she was just trying to express her slight points here.

"I mean, I just do my best to ignore it. I mean, as hard and horrible as that might be, there is nothing that I can do besides just that." I said, and then I was sighing, feeling like I could have said more. Should have said more. But at the time, I was feeling like I was just needing to find a bit more to talk about now.

We eventually reached the garage, and then I was looking around, just trying to find a bit to talk about, and then I was seeing what I could have been excited for right away. Something that I knew was a fucking jack pot. "Is that the current car that you are working on?" I asked, and then she nodded at this.

"Yeah, I have been working on it for a while now. If you want to see my progress, or just check some stuff out, then go ahead. I just am kind of proud of it to be honest." She said to me, and I was seeing from the look on her face, that she was not lying to me. I knew that when this was something she was wanting to talk more about, I was feeling like I could make her happier now.

I got inside of the driver seat, and I was looking at the steering wheel, wondering what the heck had gotten her not just into this, but so deep in it that she had known that this was her one true passion. I mean, if it was what she had wanted to do, there was nothing to stop, this. But I was feeling like I just needed to see if there was more that I could fucking learn now.

"So how many have you fully built before?" I asked, just wondering what we were going to get out of this. I was wondering if Jamie had just made like a million already. Even after only having a couple of conversations with her, I was wanting to just have some time to work with her to hear more things about her.

Jamie sat down in the car next to me, and we were just talking about a couple of other things. "So Sheldon, do you have any other hobbies, besides smoking a lot and hanging out with your friends?" She asked, and then I was looking down at the ground for a short second, unsure if I really did, and that was kind of scary to be honest.

"I guess that I just like to sometimes write in a journal, which creates a sort of imaginative world and stuff. But I haven't done it too much lately, and I always feel stupid when I do it." I admitted, smiling at the self harmful marks, and I always enjoyed doing this, knowing that I just had to make myself feel worse.

"Maybe you can show me it one day, if you are willing to let people have a chance to read them." She said, and then I was looking down on the ground again, and this time, hearing her sound so sincere about it, and hearing her sound genuinely excited, I was feeling like maybe she was right about this.

"I don't know how you would react. A lot of it is a little bit raunchy and stuff." I said, and then I was looking right at her, wondering what she was going to be saying to this. She looked like she was really not all that worried about it at all, and that she was just wanting to see if I had a good mindset.

"Well, I guess that as long as you warned me at least, I shouldn't be expecting anything like super peachy or whatever. But if it is something that you enjoy writing, and if you are having fun, then there is nothing wrong with going for it." She was telling me, and then I was sighing, feeling like I just needed to see where this was going.

"Have you ever tried to make stories before? You know, just sort of expressing your world ideas and stuff? I mean, I am just a bit interested is all." After I had said that to her, she was laughing at the very idea of doing something like this, and was probably thinking that she would never had even considered such a crazy idea.

"If I did something like that, then I think that you know damn well that this is something that I would never get more than a few pages in. This is the thing that I am in love with, and I enjoy playing around on here, and messing with what I can on these engines. See what fucking creation I can make." She said, and then looked at me, as if feeling like she had known that answer was going to be underwhelming, but that she was fine with something like this. I decided to let it go.

The rest of the time together that evening was fucking perfect. Before we knew it, we were already past midnight, and I was looking at her, and the way that she had looked at me showed that she could not have cared less about that issue, and that we would deal with that later.

As I had been thinking about that, and as I had been thinking about what it was like to make her feel like I truly had won her over, I was just sort of thinking about how summer was going to be mine to take for once, and that for once, I never even needed to think about the shit going on with Riley and stuff.

When I was about to leave for the night, Jamie was calling out to me, and I was looking right at her again. "Sheldon, thanks for making my day. You're a cool guy. Don't ever let anybody tell you otherwise." She said to me, and then I nodded, feeling like I could take that with a tiny twinge of pride, and I knew that she was always going to be there to tell me some stuff that I wanted to hear, even if it was not one hundred percent honest.

"Yeah, if you want to meet up again sometime soon, that would be fine with me. You know, that way we would be able to maybe sort some things out." I said, and then I looked right at her, and I was seeing her looking like she was fine with something like this, and that she was just glad to be seeing me willing to be open about such a idea at all.

"And maybe we can show each other some of our friends." She suggested, and I was feeling like that was going to be a loaded suggestion. That being said, I was thinking that there could be some merit to it, and I was thinking that the worst that would happen was that it was a bit strange, and that I had a hard time to get in.

"Yeah, sure we can do something like that. Just let me tell them about our talk, and I think it will be perfect." I said, and then I was feeling like I was going to have a lot of stuff to tell them, and I was going to need to straighten up again.

I walked home that night in perfect bliss, not even caring how late it was in the night, and not even caring if people were going to try and ask me to do something for them. I was going to be on my own accord, and that was the only thing that really mattered to me this fucking time. All I needed to do was just get people to see my good side.

A few days more passed, when I had a chance to meet one of Jamie's friends, I think her name was Natalie or something like that. I remember some of the stuff that we talked about, but in the general whole, the main thing that I remembered was the fact that I was just trying to find my way to talk with them and not look like a total fucking idiot the entire time.

"Hey, Jamie has told me about you lately, and she seems to think that you are a pretty decent guy so far." She said, and then I was laughing at the idea of decent guy. If she was thinking that I was a decent guy, then maybe she didn't really know a whole lot of decent people, and that she was just setting her ideas to the little that she did know.

"Well, I mean, the times that we have hung out, I have had a decent amount of fun so far." I said, and then I was feeling like that would have been good enough to last for the time being, and that she was just needing to examine my every word, and that I was just wanting to make any form of a friendship work out.

"Hey Sheldon, do you smoke some weed?" Natalie asked me, and then I was thinking about all the times that I had done it with somebody other than Dakota. I was wondering if maybe I had done it even on my own too much. So with that in mind, I just simply shrugged, pretending like it was no big real deal here.

"A couple of times here and there. Nothing too big though. I just only really do it with friends." I said, and then she was pulling out a small joint from her pocket and she was just looking like she was glad to know that at least I didn't fully reject the idea of doing something like this.

"Harold gave that to me yesterday. I only smoked weed a couple of times, so I never really got into it. He was telling me that you might like it though. So I decided that I would at least offer you some." She said, and then after she had said that to me, I was staring right at it, and then I was nodding, and I was getting ready to pull out some money to give to her.

"I wasn't the one who made it. I don't really need any money from it." After she had told me this, she was smiling, and was glad to know that I was willing to do something like this for her if the time ever came across. With that, I started to light it up, and I was smiling, thinking about what a friendship would have been like with them, and if I could make it come together.

"So Sheldon, do you always pay people when they try to hand you weed?" She asked nearly ten minutes later, when I had entirely moved on from that little like three second moment. I was shrugging, not thinking much of it at all. I was just thinking that thankfully I never really had to purchase weed all that much, especially from different people.

"I don't know if I ever gotten it bought from anybody besides Harold. I mean, I don't want to get too messy with other people, since I don't want to piss them off if I go in debt." I said, and the way that I worded that made me sound like I was some crazy like drug lord guy or whatever. I was laughing so fucking hard at that I started to cough over it, and then I was seeing both Emily and Natalie looking like they were enjoying the moment.

"Well, surely there might be some point in time when you considered buying from somebody else. You know, just to try something stronger out." She was saying to me, and I was really unsure what I could have said here. Not that it really even mattered.

"I guess that I might have considered it a couple of times, but I never went with it. Something about the whole thing just seems scary if I do. As silly as something like that might seem." After I had said that to them, Emily and Natalie didn't really say anything else, and decided to be leaving it alone now.

"Anyways, I mean, people are nice enough as it is. Harold isn't the greatest guy in the world, but he isn't dangerous, and I know what to be getting ready for if something like this came up." I said, and then I was shrugging, feeling like I might have been able to leave it alone after that. I was then wondering if they had ever considered it, and that was why they brought it up.

"I never know why some people would even get themselves into such a risk in the first place. I think that doing something like that would be a really dumb idea, and I don't want to die super young either." After Jamie had said that to me, I was laughing at that idea, and I had thought that she was probably right, if I was actually being realistic here.

"I think that people just like to do things that they think are dumb and stupid, just to say that they didn't listen to their parents. At least most of the time." I said, and I was shrugging, thinking that could leave it alone with that, and that she didn't need to be saying anything else at all.

It was a day or two later when I was finally waking up, not really taking a big issue out of this. I was going to just claim as much time with Jamie as possible, and I was going to just see where this whole thing was going to lead. I was wanting to make everything with Jamie seem like I was now doing this to be giving her a honest chance right now.

I was hanging out with Dakota and Ashley for a moment, and I was feeling like since it had been a while since I had seen them last, I was feeling like it was about time to try and catch up with them for a moment longer. "Hey Sheldon, have you been really busy with Jamie lately?" Dakota asked, and this time, I was seeing his proud expression starting to take me by storm, and I was wishing that I would have waited for a couple of moments longer.

"Honestly, I have been just capturing the best that I could with her. It is the greatest thing in the entire world, and I feel like when I am with her, there is something that is starting to give me a bit of purpose now." I said, and I knew how fucking cheesy this whole thing sounded, but I did not care.

"I really don't care all that much what people are going to say now. I want to just show Jamie that I will fucking do anything that she wants, and I will make her feel like she might be fucking loved." I was saying, knowing that nothing else was going to make a true difference.

"Do you think that she will ever truly be happy with making this whole fucking thing actually work out?" After Ashley asked me this, I was feeling like their questions on my commitment was just putting me at a level of fucking insanity here.

"I will just give her what she wants, but I am not going to do it in a way that is going to make it seem like I am just her fucking ass kisser." I was saying, feeling like I was just needing to try and say something else, but I was going to leave it alone right now. Things were coming up at a fucking head when Natalie's car was parking, and I had seen her looking at me, tears in her eyes. She left the car, went to me, and hugged me.

"Sheldon, can you help me right now?" She asked, and then I knew that she was clearly scared of something, and that for once in my life, I just needed to be responsible for what had been going on. "Jamie has not been found all day, and she was not at your house, and not here either."

"God damn it. This can't be fucking happening." I said, and then I was feeling like that was all that I could have been able to say to make my point across. As she was taking a moment to try and contain her tears, she was looking at me, clearly just worried for this, and I was feeling like I needed to find something to make her feel better.

"Sheldon, do you know what you are going to do?" She asked, and then I was sighing, feeling like no matter what I told her next, she was going to be feeling like I needed to give her something else, and that in all honesty, I was needing to own up to stuff, and that nothing else even fucking mattered anymore.

"I am going to find her. No matter what fucking happens, I am going to fucking find her, and I am going to bring her home. I don't care what it is going to take. I am going to make sure that she will keep things together." I said, and I was feeling like no matter where else I could have gone now, she was aware that I was going to be on the verge of doing something that I would regret in the future.

"I believe that you can. I believe that you will do what matters." She said, and I looked right at Natalie, and I was having no idea what to be telling her at that moment. I knew that no matter what I could have said to her, she was going to be wishing to have more. She was going to need to have something more. But I was just refusing to give her this.

"I can promise you that even if I do not find her, I will do literally whatever it fucking takes to find some form of peace. I know she will be happier with you guys, and your friend group. I want to give her a chance to get that back." I said, and then I was taking out a cigarette when she was letting go of me, and this time, I was going to try and tare down Wayside if it meant that she was going to come along and be home.

I did not know what was going on, but after a few feet away, Dakota and Ashley were calling out to me, and I turned around to be looking right at all three of them, and I was wondering if they were going to seriously try and get me to stop doing this right now. Which is something I could not fucking believe if they were.

"Sheldon, just make sure that if you feel like you are getting in over your head, that you can come to us, and you can talk with the three of us. We will see if we can get some clues. But don't do anything too dangerous. We do not want another person gone." Natalie said, and then I was nodding, angry at all three of them for trying to down play this. I started to walk along, and I was going to be taking some time to really think every single thing out for a bit.

When I was walking to her house, I was feeling like even if I could not have found her there, I was going to possibly think about finding some possible clues here, and maybe that would have been good enough for a while longer. I had no idea how this was going to even work out.

Eventually, I was reaching her house, and I was just staring at it, remembering how much that path had been in my mind, and how much I was going to have the one great memory of it tainted by this second brutal memory. Then with that, before I could think about it even a fucking second longer, I was going to be walking inside, and I was going to do my best to hold my promise.

My fucking promise was the only thing that really even mattered in my mind. I was just looking around the living room, and then before I could do anything, I was getting exposed to the fact that I was stupid enough to come inside of the fucking house without knocking at all. When I was looking for a bit, there was a voice that was calling out right to me.

"Who are you?" After she had asked me this, I was turning around, and seeing Jamie's mother, and I was feeling like I just needed to find a way to speak with her without making her feel too worried, but also not too confident at the same time either. I knew that no matter what I was going to say, she was going to have to find a way to make this work out.

"I'm Sheldon, I only knew her a couple of times, and not that long. But I felt bad about this whole thing, and I just want to help her out here." I was saying, thinking that when she was going to hear the stuff I had just said, she would have been a bit more patient, and that I didn't need to be worried about how she was going to react.

"I heard about you a couple of times. Sorry for not knowing about any way to present things to you." After she was telling me this, I was then thinking about the fact that I was being really fucking intrusive for no real reason, and that I needed to be more respectful.

"I was wanting to see if I could possibly help find her and stuff. Only if you feel like you are willing to actually give me a chance right now." I was saying, and the more that I had been looking at her, the more that I was feeling like she was going to refuse to be saying anything. We were looking at the floor for a bit, and then I was thinking of what to say. "I will try and find some clues, and see if she has something that can help us out." I said, leaving myself out of here.

"Well, you might not want to try and find something if you know that it is not going to be coming back." After she had said that to me, I was looking right at her, and I was feeling like I needed to find something that could say to make her feel different about what was going on. "But if you can get some clues here, that would be great."

I went in her room, and I didn't even want to deal with her fucking parents trying to tell me that I did not have a right to be looking. I was not in the fucking mood. I was going to do whatever the fucking hell I would to help her out, and that was the only thing that I was needing to be ready for. But she must have had something that could have given me some clues.

When I was seeing her room looking tidy and clean, I was then sitting down on her bed, and I was seeing her having a picture with me on it, and I was shocked that she was having a picture with me already. But I did not care. She was having something to remember me by, and that was the only thing that I wanted to be caring about at that moment.

I was wonder if it even was going to be fucking possible to find Jamie. I knew that the chances of finding her was virtually nonexistent. I was not a fucking idiot. I was just wishing that I would have would have been able to at least put some of these clues together. But in all honesty, I knew that none of this even mattered.

I was figuring that when I was messing around with her room for a while, and just trying to find literally anything here, that there was no way that I was going to find her belongings or anything, that would have made a difference, in this area. So I just sort of felt like I was kind of over this whole thing.

When I eventually gave up in that area, for the time being, I was seeing her mother showing up, and I was seeing her wanting to talk for a while longer, but despite what the hell was going on, I knew that it was fucking time to just put things aside, and see what I could have heard from her.

"Sheldon, I was wondering if maybe you have a idea of things that could have led to her going missing in the first place. I mean, she started to hang out with you quite a bit near the end." She was telling me, and I was feeling like she was just putting to much pressure on me. But I knew that she had wished to find something to keep this up.

"Well, I was wondering if her interest in cars and stuff was leading her to doing some side activities, and that is what can add to it." I was saying, and I was wondering if she was going to be actually consider where I was coming from this time. She was looking at me, and I was seeing that part of her almost seemed to be genuinely considering where I had been coming from this time.

"Shit, if that is something that is going on, then I will be so fucking angry at her. I wish that she would have at least let us know if this is going on." She was saying, and then I was feeling like I was needing to try and defend her, and make the mother feel like her daughter was not doing anything too bad, at least in theory. Which is the truth.

"She is probably just doing something like a normal teenager. I would not be putting it too beyond the realm of understanding. I mean, as annoying as something like this can be, I would not be making her feel bad over it." I was saying, hoping that she was going to at least consider where I was coming from, and not be too angry over this.

"I guess that what you might have been saying is true. That doesn't change how much this whole thing can bother me." She was saying, looking right at me, and I was seeing her looking like she was sincerely hoping that I was not going to be treating her like what she was fearing wasn't valid.

"Anyways, I will try and go down to the garage, and see perhaps if there is something going on down there that I can look for." I was saying, and she was looking at me, and she was looking like she was unable to believe that not only would I suggest that behavior of her in the first place, but the fact that I was suggesting that she was able to keep it here in the first place.

"Well, if you find something there, don't worry about what you are going to do about it. I mean, I highly doubt that you are as into cars and stuff as she was, which would already put you at a disadvantage." She was saying, and I was sort of wishing that she was not going to keep putting pressure on me. But I did not care what was going on, and I was going to fucking fight for her safety, no matter what it was going to take.

I did not want to keep this discussion up for any longer, and I was starting to walk down to the garage, after I placed my hand on her shoulder, as a way to at least try and make her feel better about this. I was getting closer to feeling like I was going to have a big ass investigation on my shoulders, and that if I was not careful, things were going to fucking kill me here.

When I was down at the garage, I was seeing that at least at first, it was a normal area, and I was feeling like I was going to be able to probably be safe here for a bit. I knew that if there was something here, chances were extremely low that something was going to be found in the first place.

I was walking to her work table, knowing that there was the best chance that if something was to be found, that it was going to be there, and I was sort of telling myself that as long as I was going to find at least one or two clues here, then I would try and just deduce some things. Like you know, a certain event or location, and I knew that this would be my starting spot.

I was staring at the table for a few seconds, and I was eventually seeing a small blue piece of paper for a few second, and I grabbed the paper, and was reading the paper. In order to truly find something that I felt like was going to work out, I needed to see every single detail, and I didn't care how hard it was going to be to pull this off.

The paper was mentioning something of a racing event coming up in a couple of days. I knew right then and there, I was going to go to that racing event. Even if this whole thing was a bit impossible to accomplish, me winning a race that is, I just did not fucking care. I was going to just go there, and I was going to just give it a chance, and see what the hell I was even doing.

I was sighing, kind of scared of what the hell this racing event was going to be, and even more certain that if she had went missing over one specific thing, that this thing was going to be a giant fucking piece of evidence that I had needed to be looking at. So when all of this was in perspective, I just was keeping all of my fears to myself.

I placed the note in my pocket, well aware of the fact that if anybody was going to find out what I had seen here, they were going to be trying to abuse my knowledge of this, and make things even worse for me. I was just not really in the fucking mood to be hearing anything that her parents were going to say to me, and trying to throw me off.

I was getting out of the garage, and just trying to brush things along when I was seeing another guy sitting on a table, and he was looking right at me, as if he was wanting to talk with me about something really fucking important. I was just annoyed shitless of what he was going to try and tell me right now.

"Are you trying to find my daughter for me? I think that trying to do that might be really fucking hard to accomplish." After he had told me this, I was seeing him looking like he was all chill about this. But there was something about him that he was not really wanting to just bullshit over.

"I think that something like this is certainly at least worth the try. So I think that I am just going to see what I can do." I said, and then I looked right at him, wishing he was going to just not be fucking with me right now. I was feeling like if he was going to try and tell me that I should not even fucking try and find his fucking daughter, then there was a small part of me that was going to really question what his issue with this would have been.

"I think that you are basically going to be wasting your time if you try and find something here. I think that you are just never going to find something. The police are going to be doing their best to bring her back." After he was saying this, I was seeing him clearly looking like he did not even believe what I had even been saying right now.

"I am not going to be wasting my time if I am going to be pursuing something that I believe in." I said, and then he looked right at me, as if he was feeling like he was not even going to entertain this idea, and that if I was going to suddenly act like the guy who was going to be the hero here, then I was going to just be pissing him off a bit now.

"Well, if you do find her, then I will really appreciate it. So I am not going to try and stop you. I just think that there is a small level of realistic concern now." After he was saying this, I was nodding, feeling like I was totally ready to just prove him wrong. No matter how much he was not going to respect me, and no matter how much he might not respect my plans here, I did not care. I was going to just make it work.

"Besides, I think that Jamie has a lot of really big things that she was into that I believe she might have been getting involved with, and I want to at least try and look that way." I was shrugging, and I knew that no matter what he was going to try and tell me, I was just never going to fully get in with him. He looked at me, as if sort of looking like there was no way that he would have said anything that could change my mind.

"Well, good luck on this. I am not going to start to be too in your business here. I just hope that she comes home. That is all that I ever fucking want. I want her to be home, and that is all that I care about. And if you can do it, then I guess that you are the real hero after all." He was saying, and looked right at me, as if trying to find literally any way to make this whole thing seem at least slightly better for us.

"I am never going to be proud of myself if I do not at least try. You know, I made a promise to people, saying that I was going to find her, and I think that I just need to do my best to keep this promise. Even if it can't work out fully." I was wondering if this fucking promise was going to be something I could keep, or if that is just impossible.

"Anyways, I will have some explaining to do for my boss before I can go to work today." He was telling me, and then I was nodding, feeling like I did need to leave him alone. I walked off, and I was just going to keep this out of my fucking mind. I was not going to listen to anybody lecture me, and I was not in the fucking mood to have people treat me like crap for failing to do something. It was selfish, but I was not going to let people show their basic human emotions, even if it hurts them more.

When I was out of the house, I was really having no idea were the fucking hell I was going to be going with any of this anymore. In all honesty, I was so fucking over the insecurity, and I was tired of everything refusing to come along, and working with me when the things were getting to a fucking head here.

Honestly, when I was walking down the street to get right back to Dakota and Ashley, I had thought deeply about my chances on helping out her friends with making peace on my actions. I was feeling like she was never going to listen to me, and she was never going to actually hear my side of the story, no matter how hard something like this would be for me.

I didn't care for being super secure here, and I didn't care for the idea of pretending like everybody acting like I was going to be walking on super thin ice. I was not going to be the one on super thin ice. The people who had been involved with this shit on what happened to her and everybody else were the ones on thin ice. I was going to make their life hell. And I was going to enjoy it.

As I had been thinking about that for a moment, and as I was thinking about how serious I was going to be from now on, I was finally feeling like I was going to be making my point, and that nobody was going to play around with me too much. I was never going to be the guy who was going to be walked on.

Eventually, I was at Dakota's house, and when I had seen him, I was then wondering what to tell him now. "So Dakota, what is going on with Natalie? Is she doing alright?" I asked, feeling like this was the main thing that I could actually be keeping on track of. If she was doing alright, then I was going to focus on just making sure that this was staying that way.

"Yeah, she went home. We drove her home, to make sure that nothing happens to her. You know, I think that she just needed that extra form of safety. Not that either of us really blame her here on this one." After Dakota was telling me this, I was nodding, understanding what his point was here. I was just glad to finally be making a point to make sure that Dakota was doing the right thing on this occasion.

"Yeah, I agree with you this time. I think that what you are doing is actually rather good. Just don't fucking let people be rude to you for no fucking reason. If you want to try and find more to help her out, then I think you are going to just going to have to not listen to them." I said, and then he was looking right at me, as if feeling like he had no real comment on this.

"I am not really going to be making a giant habit out of this. I feel like this case was different, and something needed. So I just decided to do whatever I could to just make this whole thing work out." After he was saying this to me, I was shrugging, feeling like he was going to be kind of worried about how to talk now.

"Well, I still think it was good of you." After I was telling him this, I was leaving it alone refusing to talk any longer, and refusing to be keeping this shit up. I was seriously pissed at the fact that people were not even working with me anymore, and that not even her parents were seeming to be too worried about it. I mean, her father was basically trying to get me to not be looking.

I could not believe that he was doing this, and I was kind of disgusted with him to be honest. I was not as easily disgusted as I might have been making it out to be on most cases. But this was something a bit different, and I was feeling like he should have known and done better for his fucking daughter. I knew for a fact that if I was her father, I would have done something like this. No matter what it was going to take.

I was seriously feeling like something in this town was going to just be throwing people under its spell, and I was telling myself that no money, and nothing was going to be worth basically not even looking along and doing your best to just help ou the ones who really matter the most to you.

The next day, I was inside of my bedroom, taking out a cigarette, and the entire time that I was smoking yet again, I was just wondering what the hell I was going to tell my parents if they were going to try and get to know what my plans were. If they were going to be aware that I was wanting to try and find Jamie, I was having a feeling that while they were not going to be too opposed at first, after a few days or so, they were going to have virtually no patience for this.

My mother was seeing me on my bed smoking my mind away and she was showing up, and I was seeing that she was clearly wanting to just talk for a moment, to see what she was going to try and tell me. "Hey Sheldon, it looks like something is going on?" She was saying, and then I looked right at her, wondering what she was going to want to tell me. "If there is anything you want to talk about, you can let me know." She was telling me, and I sighed.

"I am planning on helping my friends do something important. You know. I just feel like they need some help here." I was saying, looking right at her, and the entire time that I had said this, she just looked at me, clearly wondering what my intentions were. "So I had a classmate, who I started to become friends with lately, who went missing again."

The moment that I had said this, I saw her looking up in the ceiling, as if feeling like she had known exactly where this was going to go, and she was feeling like she had just wanting to get this over with. And although that look on her face got me uncomfortable for a moment, I decided to just continue and talk a bit longer. "I just think that even if it is not a great idea, I need to know what is wrong with her, and I want to see if maybe I can see her again." I was saying, and then I stood up.

I knew that my mother didn't ever care to be hearing these rants at all, and I was aware that she was finding them to be utterly pointless. She was always probably wishing that I had been the one who was looking for Riley, and not these random classmates that she had never met. Which always bothered me, since those girls were Riley for somebody else.

"I went on a date with her. I started to think that we were going to have a chance to be in love. I wanted to believe no matter what was going on, that I was in love with her. I feel like this is enough for me to have some form of motivation here." I was saying, laughing at this, and I knew that the truth was that I might not have loved her per se, but it was worth discussing.

"Sheldon, do you really think that you knew her?" She asked, and then I was feeling like that was probably the nicest way she had ever gone at trying to get me to go back on this. I was seeing her looking like she was just truly wishing that for once in my life, I was not going to be bullshitting with her over anything at all.

"I don't think that I knew her all that much. But I certainly wanted to know her. I tried my fucking best to get to know her. I wanted to get to know her the best that I could. I failed, but not because we didn't connect. Because I never had a chance to actually see her enough times." I was saying, looking right at her, wishing that maybe she was going to be listening to this at least.

"I mean, I knew about her love for cars and stuff. She was telling me about how she was wanting to be a mechanic." I said, and while I knew that this was not going to impress her, I was feeling like speaking with her in this manner, and open up as well as I would like this, she was going to think that maybe I was having some good ideas right now.

"Sheldon, are you actually going to try and find her?" She asked, and then I was thinking about this question for a moment. I was thinking about what would appease her. I knew that she was going to be getting on my fucking case, and that no matter how much I would try and get her to think differently, none of this would change.

"I think that I am going to at least be friends with her friends. I mean, I think that they deserve a chance to have somebody who can get to know them, and make them have a easier time getting through this piece of shit." I was saying, wondering if me talking like this, and not talking about finding her, would have perhaps appeased her a small amount. She remained silent for a few seconds longer.

"Are you sure that they are even going to be willing to give you a chance? Or are they going to just find you rather strange, and not wan to actually get to know you? I mean, if you feel like you want to actually get to know them, I am going to let you do what you want. You are basically an adult. But why not try and go out with other people, who are still here?" After she had asked me this, I was looking right at her, feeling like I could just not really wrap my mind around all of this. I was feeling like the next point was not going to make her feel nice. But at that moment, I did not care what she was going to say now.

"I am going to do what I can, and if you are going to try and make me feel like I am wasting my time doing this, then I have nothing that I want to say." I was saying, and I was walking out of the room, and I was not even going to be talking with her all that much anymore. I was feeling like she was needing to not be saying this stuff to me, if she was wanting to win me over a bit.

I was getting near the exit of the house, and the entire time that I was doing this, I was thinking about what the heck I was going to say to her to apologize. I had no idea if I even wanted to apologize at all. But at the same time, I had a feeling that I was going to really have no choice, and that she was not going to be very patient with me if I did not say something. I told myself to just phone it in, even if it was not very sincere.

"I know that you are just trying to be having a realistic look at this whole thing, and I know that you do not want me to be doing anything too stupid. But seriously, I just wish that I knew what to be telling you to make you feel better." I was sighing, looking right at her, telling myself that I did not need to worry about appeasing her. So with this, knowing that I wanted nothing to do with this anymore, I just left the house.

Once I was inside of my car, I was rubbing my eyes, and I was telling myself I wanted to treat my mother with slightly more respect. She was doing her best to be making me feel better right now. I was feeling like when I was going to speak with her a couple of times more, I was going to have to understand that I was taking things way too personally, and that she was not trying to make me angry here.

I was driving off, and I was thinking that I will find Natalie. When I was speaking with her next, and when I was going to hear her side of the story, she was going to have to be rather patient with me. She was going to tell me what she knew. I knew that no matter what was going on, she was going to support my desires to find Jamie. I knew that she was going to be a hero, and I knew that Natalie was going to know that I was going to do all that it would take to find her.

Eventually, I was getting near her house, which I only knew the address of when I stole a piece of paper that had the contacts of her friends in her room, which I grabbed as Jamie's mother was not in the room. I felt like I needed to just really see where this was going to help me out here.

I knocked on the door, and when she answered, she looked shocked to know that I had known where she had lived, and I was feeling like I was just needing to find something to say to make her not think too strangely about it. "Jamie let me know in a casual conversation. I would never thought twice on it if it were not for what happened." I said, and then I was hoping that she would buy it. I was hoping she would not care.

"I was thinking that I had a couple of ideas on what we could do here. I think that when you hear my ideas, you might be able to help me out." I was saying, and she was looking totally unable to buy what I had been saying. She was seeing that from the look on my face, that she was just thinking that I needed to get it over with.

"Well, she was planning on going to a racing event coming up soon. I think that maybe I could find out what that event is going to be like, and I think that maybe I could join along for the ride." I was saying, and she was looking right at me, just shocked at the fact that I had known this in the first place.

"Do you think that you could be able to stand a chance on that event? I mean, I am not trying to make you feel like this is a bad idea, but I think we need to make sure you can actually accomplish this before you get too over your head." She was saying, and I was feeling like the fact that she had acted like this was getting me a bit annoyed.

"I think that I am not going to have to do too much. I think that all that I really need to do is just play along with this, and just really give off a convincing role here. The only thing that might throw me off is if there are people who know her there." I was saying, and despite all that I was saying, part of me was truly unsure of what the heck it was going to be like to sincerely assume that this was all fucking connected here.

"I think that if something like this happens, and your cover is blown, than any chance of getting out of this is out of the fucking window." After she had said that to me, I was nodding, and I was feeling like she was well aware of how hard this was going to be. But I did not need to have heer virtually assure this. In all honesty, something like this was going to be annoying.

"Well, I did promise you that I was going to find her, and I think that I need to at least try and see what I can do here." I was saying, and then I was looking right at her, wondering if she was going to appreciate what I had been saying, or if she was not going to even care all that much anymore.

"Yeah, I guess that you did make that promise." After she had said that, I was looking at her, as if just trying to see what the main issue was here, and I was wondering if she was starting to feel like I was making some mistakes or something. I was not caring what she was going to tell me right now. I was going to do things my way, and only my fucking way.

"Sheldon, do you know what Jamie would be doing if you were going to be in this race? Do you think that she would have wanted you to do this?" After she had asked me this, I was thinking about how much she was putting me in a tough spot by asking me this question. In all honesty, I did not even care anymore.

"If Jamie knew what I was doing, I know that she would be glad to know that at least somebody in this fucking town is not a fucking monster, and is actually doing something for her." I was saying, and the more that was saying this, the less certain that I could have been on all that I had said. I was thinking that I just needed to be realistic right now.

"Yeah, you're probably right. I guess that I was just thinking too much on it. Thank you for holding to your promise, and thank you for not taking shit from anybody." After she had said that to me, I was nodding, just trying to think about what the hell I even could have said right now. "But Natalie, I do think that no matter what is going on, you need to just not be letting things get too dangerous for you. I think you need to stay safe."

"This is my friend we are talking about here. I think that the idea of brushing this whole thing off is going to be fucking impossible. I think that surely you understand that I want to just make sure that nothing is happening to her." She said, and then I was looking up at the sky for a second, trying to hide how annoyed I might have been. Just trying to keep it in my mind that I was feeling like this was just going way too far.

"I know that this is your friend. I know you guys deserve something better. I think that maybe I am just being a bit of a prickly loser right now." I was saying, and I was wanting to try and be funny about it. But the way that I was talking made this whole thing seem just a bit insincere.

"No, that is not the issue. You just want to be realistic when you are looking at this, and I think that this is something that I can mildly respect in a way." After she was telling me this, I was then thinking of a way I could be able to get her to feel like I was not really making any big mistakes here.

"I feel like if I can find out what happened with Jamie, and if I can see what I can do to make things better for us, then I think that I might be able to sort of have a good path ahead for both of us. But I think that perhaps this is just one of the hardest things that I can do." I was sighing, having virtually nothing else to say now, and hoping that I could never let them down like this.

"I am going to find that racing event, and I am going to see what I can get from there. I think that this is going to be the best starting place possible. And who knows, maybe if I look deeper after having some clues, then everything will be fine." I was saying, and I was thinking of how lost I could have been if I could actually get some clues, when I had no plans on how I could continue from there.

"Do you think that maybe you should be taking some people with you, and therefore have at least some people to fall back on if things get too bad?" After she was asking me this, I was thinking about it for a moment longer, and I was thinking that the only thing that she was actually trying to accomplish by now was just joining along, and just seeing what my plans were really.

"I might try and take Dakota. If I take Ashley, she will try and tell me off, and tell me that my plans are fucking terrible, and shew ill be taking this way too personally. If I take him, he might have a small chance of finding a way to just respect what I am doing." I was saying, wondering how much she could respect, or brush off this idea. I needed to know what she had felt, for me to be fully comfortable.

"I guess that out of the two, that makes slightly more sense. I am still not a big fan of the idea, but I think that as long as you actually plan things out, and that you keep in mind what is happening, then I will not be able to stop you." After she had said that to me, I was sighing, just wanting to leave things alone. "Anyways, I can appreciate the push you are making right now." After she was saying this, I took out a cigarette, thinking of how good I was going to have to get at driving soon enough.

A couple of days passed, and I was looking around for possibly some other clues that I might be able to go with, that way I did not have to get myself in a life or death race. Something that I really had no desire to be doing. I was just hoping that no matter what Jamie was doing, that she really was off somewhere, and maybe enjoying some time with her family. You know, having a chance to get away from here, and stay away.

If she was gone, and if she was doing her own things, then I was going to feel like maybe something came out right from this. I was not wanting her to feel like she was going to have to be locked into what I was doing. I did not want to ever make her feel like I was never going to be fine on my own. But the way that I was acting, and the way that I was doing things, might have made her feel this way in the little bit we did talk.

Then I was shaking my head at this whole thing. I was feeling like if something really was bothering her with this whole thing between the two of us, she would have at least told me. She would have at least took the time to end it, and she would have moved on. But the fact that everybody was unable to find her. And the fact her family was here, was just making those ideas in my mind just sound very fucking stupid.

Eventually, before I was able to think on it any longer, there was a car that was pulling up, and I was scared to see who it was, when I was seeing the type of car that it had been. I knew that something bad was about to be going down if I was not careful. When the person who was inside went out, he was staring right at me, and I was feeling the fear sink in.

"Hello. I was hoping that we were going to be able to talk with each other for a moment." After he said this, I was unable to believe that I was looking at Jimmy fucking White. I was unable to really pin point why the hell the mayor was wanting to talk with me in the first place. I was feeling like something was about to go down.

"I am not doing anything stupid, if that is what you are wondering." I was saying, unable to care less how that must have sounded. At that moment, I was just trying to get myself out of this. I was wanting to get him away from me, and I was feeling like if I played the innocent role, he was going to believe in me a bit more.

"Well, I was wanting to talk with you about your friend who has recently gone missing, as far as I an concered, and if the reports are correct. I know that such a thing might be hard for you to discuss with a normal basis to your mayor, so if you do not want to talk about it, then I might be able to understand. But I do think that I can help a bit." After he had said that to me, I was seeing from the look on his face that this was not going to be easy.

"It is a bit of a hard subject, because I feel like there are some things that I promised her, that I will never be able to fully go through with." I said, feeling like I wanted to leave it at that, and not be digging too deeply here. I was feeling like if I went any deeper, I was only going to be making things much worse for both of us.

"Well, a lot of people go missing at this town, and I am able to talk with people about it. After all, I am your guys mayor, and I think that it is my duty to get to know you all." After he had said that to me, his look grew to being one of much ore serious demand. I was seeing that from the look on his face, he was not going to be taking no for an answer.

"I think that if you are going to want to talk with some people about what is going on here, and see what they might be feeling, it is going to be best to see her family members." I said, and then I was feeling like maybe he was going to be able to help, if I was just going to stop being such a hard ass, and if I was willing to speak with him more.

"Yeah, her parents. I think that I will see how they are soon enough. But I feel like a possible discussion with you and me is going to be something that I will be able to manage much better." After he had said that to me, I was feeling like what he had told me was just not exactly the truth. But he was doing his best to make me feel better, I could tell.

"Well, I just barely even knew her, and I think that me feeling this way might be a bit strange for a person I only knew for a few weeks. But I feel like when I could have been able to do something to help her out, and something that I could have done to make things better, like forming a more special bond, I think things could have really been different." I said, feeling like I could have left it at that, and been done.

"You're a young man. You guys always feel certain ways over certain people. There is nothing strange about it. As long as you do not let it change things about you too much, then there is nothing wrong with being yourself." Jimmy said, and the way he was saying it made me feel so much better about everything that was going on right now.

"Do you think that it really can be this simple?" I asked, and I was hoping that this man had more words of help for me, and that he was going to just make me feel as best as possible. Hearing him speak like this was something that I never knew that I needed so much, but when he was here, and talking, I knew how much he was helping.

"I don't know if I can call it simple. What I can call it is predictable. You are having your lost princess, and you are trying to free her like a knight in shining armor. In a lot of ways, what you are doing can be considered fair and noble in a way." He said, and I was feeling like there was still more to this than he was wanting to admit. But I was just not wanting to piss him off, so I left things alone, not wanting to disturb him.

"Thanks for talking with me, and helping me feel better." I said, and then he nodded, and then he was looking like there was one more thing that he had wanted to say. I was wondering what it could have been. But his silence made me decide to leave the subject alone, and not be getting in his face about it again.

"If you want to talk again, you can find me at my office, and I will see what I can do to help you out." He said, and then after he had said that to me, I was sighing, and I knew that this was never going to work. But his words, and his at least pretending to make me feel better did at least give me a short term relief here. And I was feeling like maybe I had a chance after all.

Another day or two passed, and when I had started to try and talk with Dakota again, and I was feeling like I just needed to let him know on my plans, and see what he was going to just suggest to help me out. "Hey, so something strange happened recently, and I think that you might find something here." I was saying, feeling like I just needed to find something that could have just made him believe in me.

"Wait, what the hell happened?" He asked, and I was seeing him looking like he just wanted to have me take this seriously. This whole thing was just starting to get to me really badly and stuff." After he had said this, I was seeing him just looking both excited, and scared at the same time. I was feeling like he was not going to be wanting me to just brush this off right now.

"I spoke with the mayor a couple of days ago, and he was telling me about his wishes for me to get better after this whole thing happened. He was sounding relatively innocent here. But the whole thing was just strange." I was saying, and then Dakota was looking right at me, as if wishing that maybe he was going to get me to listen to me.

"Do you think that the mayor might be aware of something going on, and he is just trying to win you over, and make you feel better here?" He asked, and then I was sighing, feeling like there was a couple of things that he could have been doing about this, but I just did not want to say something to make him feel any differently.

"I think that I might try and talk with him, and see what he might know. I think that maybe talking with him is going to be the only way that I could learn literally anything at all." I was saying, looking at him, and I was feeling like no matter what I was going to tell him, Dakota was going to believe that maybe the mayor was aware of some shit now. Which might have been the truth.

"Well, if you want to talk with him, I think that it is important to make sure that what you are doing is not going to be too obvious." After Dakota said this, I was starting to convince myself that perhaps the mayor was lying about what the heck was going on, and that maybe he did already know the truth. But he was just pretending to hide this stuff, for his own personal and poltical gain. This whole thing was just genuinely pissing me the fuck off, and I was thinking that this man was a fucking monster, and I was starting to hate him.

When I was done talking for a bit, that was when Emily was looking at me, and this time, there was a look on her face that was showing one of relatively uncertainty, and I was looking down on the ground, feeling instantly bad for everything that I had been doing, and I had wished that I had never made this about me.

"That is where it all comes down to. I made a promise to her friends, and I tried my best to go through with it, and I did my best to hold that promise to the utmost honor that I could. But every single fucking step of the way, I had been failing, and as a result, I failed her, and I will never forgive myself for this." I said, and then I was sighing, feeling like I could let it go now.

"Sheldon, you did something that you didn't realize you were going to regret. I doubt that you really thought anything was going to come out of this. You made a promise that made sense to you, and you went through with it, as best as you could. That makes sense to me." After she had said that to me, I was sighing, feeling like she needed to not hold me to such high regard. But I appreciated the fact that she was trying at least.

"But if I had worked harder, I might not have regretted it. I never want to know what it was like to her friends. To take this guy that they had started to realize might not be that bad of a guy, and then find out that he was worthless in finding the only person who was willing to give him a chance in the first place. I think that in their mind, their original opinions is correct." I finished, and this time, I did not care fucking less what she had said now.

"Sheldon, please understand me when I say this, that I think that you give yourself too much of a burden to be looking at. I think that you expect too much of yourself, and you let that be your weakness. You let that be the thing that gets to you, because you felt like you should have done more, but in all reality, I think that you know that something like this was going to be impossible." She said, wishing that she would get me to say more, but decided against it.

"Maybe you're right. But no matter what I think, and no matter what I want to tell myself, I always feel like I could have just gone the extra step. I feel like there was literally one fucking thing that I missed out on that I needed to change. But I guess that in the end, I might be a bit harsh on myself." I finished, feeling like I needed to give myself a break, and see it in her perspective. I mean, she was doing everything in her power to make me feel like a nice guy, and I was not even giving her a chance.

"Just remember the next time that you feel this way that you are just one person. You can't do everything on your own. You have to have some people help you out if you are feeling like you could have changed things. I do respect the way that you like to go at this though. It really does show a lot of determination and stuff." She was telling me, and I was feeling like I needed to find something better to say.

"Yeh, I suppose when you look at it this way, you might be right. I just wish that I had something better to say though. But I guess that I just need to relax a bit, and see what I can do now." I was finishing, and the entire time I was talking, the world of what I was getting myself in had been coming through.

"Either way, I will tell you one thing though. I think that when you realize that you had so many people that you originally thought you hated, that turned out did not, I think that maybe this is a sign that you need to really look at things at a different light. I think you just need to see where we are coming from when we are trying to help you." After she had said that to me, I was taking a long and deep breath, unsure what to tell her now.

"Thank you for listening to me for so long. I know that it should have been your turn to at least get a chance to talk, and that is my fault. I am sorry for about that." I said, and for a moment, my mind was treating that like it was seriously the worst crime in the entire world, and that I had truly done something god awful here.

"Well, you're welcome and thank you for taking the time to tell me your story. I mean, I know that you hate the idea of doing that to most people, but when I heard you talk about other things you wished that you have taken care of, I knew that I needed to listen to you, and that I needed to give you a chance." She told me, and I was just remaining quiet at this statement.

"Well, if you want to talk about just yourself next time, and then this way we could be able to actually hear both sides of things, I would be totally cool with that." I said, and I was looking right at her, hoping that she was going to be fine with this, and I was hoping that she was not going to tell me off this time, and that we could actually really hear our sides now.

"Shit, I just realized how late it must be getting." She said, looking at her watch, but she did not even say it in a way that was making her seem like she needed to wrap up. She just seemed to genuinely lose track of time, and this was something she was going to be dealing with later.

"Do you have anything that you are needing to do?" I asked, trying to sound like I was going to be able to help out here. I was not wanting her to get in trouble, and I was feeling like if something was to happen to her, then it would be all my fucking fault, and then I was going to have to accept the fact that I shouldn't hang with her.

"No, but I think that maybe we should wrap up soon. As much fun as something like this might be to talk about." After she had said that, she was looking at she was looking just glad that she did take the time to give me a chance after all. With that, I was standing up, taking a cigarette out and started to smoke it for a few seconds longer.

"I will just probably do somethings on my own for a while. I think that my parents might need me to do something, so I might as well just be smart about this going forward." I said, and I was kind of laughing at the idea of being smart. But there was one thing in my mind that I was curious about. I was curious as to if Emily might have needed something from town as well.

"Well, as long as you don't forget about our plans for prom tomorrow, then I will not be making a big deal out of it." After she had said that to me, I was smiling, kind of annoyed that this was something that I was never going to be let down by. "Hey Sheldon, before you go, I just wanted to tell you something." She was saying when I was already walking up the hill of the beach, with the cigarette already almost out.

"I really am sure that if Jamie heard your story right now, she would not want you to be this angry at yourself, and she would also want you to have some chance of being able to move on." She said, and then I was looking down on the ground, not wanting to hear something like this. The thing was that I knew that there was a chance she was telling the truth.

"Yeah, I guess that what you are saying is possibly true. I think that if it is though, then I might have to come to terms that there are not that many things that I knew about here, and that I should have been planning things better." I was saying, and then I got in the car. She got in about a minute or so later, and when she was inside, she looked at me, and she was looking kind of unsure of what to be telling me.

Once we were both in the car, I was starting it up, and then I was taking a deep breath, thinking that deep down there was a good chance that what she was saying was probably true, and that if it was, I just needed to give myself a bit of a fucking break, and not treat myself like total fucking shit.

We were both in the car, knowing that no matter what Emily and I were going to have a couple of things that we were never going to really want to talk about again. I am sure that she knew that I was going to never want to talk about Jamie again, and that this was going to be something that was needing to sort of just be out of my fucking life for as long as humanly possible.

"So Sheldon, how excited are you still going to be for prom? I hope that this discussion did not ruin your expectations too much." After she had said that to me, she looked really bored right now, and I was sighing, wishing that she would have said something that was not going to make me feel like I was going to throw her under the bus or something like this. I sighed, truly unsure of what to do now.

"Honestly, I am still excited to go. I am just worried that there is going to be a part of me that goes in there, and just constantly gets reminded of the shit that I could have done with Jamie or other people, and things will make me regret this. But I guessed that none of this even matters anymore." I was shrugging, feeling like I could leave it alone.

"Good. I was scared that you had no desire to even give it a chance at all. Which would have kind of hurt me a bit." She said, and her saying that kind of made me feel like I was wrong here. I was a fucking asshole, and I needed to find something to say to make her just do something to make her feel slightly better on a few things.

Eventually, I parked my car at her house, and then I was sighing, feeling like I could have said something better. But for the time being, I was going to be letting it go. I was going to just let her go inside, and I was going to just move on with my life. I was tired of it all, and I was wanting to go home right now.

"See you tomorrow. I am excited for that." I said, and then she was nodding, knowing that this was going to be good enough. She knew that she was going to have to accept the fact that there was going to be more to this than she was wishing. Things were going to be rather black and white, and she was ready to move on from this realization. She kissed my cheek as she went inside of her house.

When I was alone, and heading to my house, the longer and longer that I was just trying to pretend like I was needing to move on here. I was wanting to pretend like this was not going to be what was on my mind at all. I was feeling like I needed to at least try and look into this whole thing. I was feeling like I needed to at least try and look into the town and the house to begin with.

I was thinking that the labyrinth, and looking into the real fucking answers, was the only thing that I had fucking just wanted to be doing here. In all honesty, I just did not give a single shit what was happening anymore. In a way, looking into this was going to hurt my relationship here with her because of looking too deeply. But refusing to look was going to hurt it possibly more because I was going to be angry and out of it.

In a way, no matter what the hell was happening, I was going to be doing something that was going to be putting me over the edge. In all honesty, I was wondering what I would have been able to do to just make it sort of balance out. You know, investigating this town, while also focusing on Emily, and really focusing on my friends and all of that stuff. I was just kind of unsure where this was going to go.

The entire thing was just rubbing me the wrong way. No matter what I was wanting to tell myself, and no matter what I was thinking I could have said to make it seem like I was being rational, I was feeling like deep down something like this was just never going to fucking happen. And that was finally sinking into my fucking mind here.

Eventually, I was getting closer to my house, and I was seeing that the house was totally dark. I was planning on just going inside, and just sleeping it off. But in a way, I knew that something like this was just not fucking happening. I was smoking a cigarette, and as I had been staring at the house longer and longer, I figured that now it was time for me to just finally put my words into action.

There was a small place down town where I would have been able to buy a weapon or something, which I would have used to try and defend myself in case things were to be getting much worse. I was feeling like maybe I could have just purchased something that would have given me some fucking chance of fighting.

Despite everything in my mind telling me not to do this, I was turning the car back on, and I was going to drive down town again, and I was going to buy something that I knew was going to just be a good starting rate. I did not care what anybody said, and I did not care if anybody was going to believe I was being stupid right now, and I was just going to tell them this was the only way.

I reached the store, where I was going to just make my case, and see if he was going to actually be willing to work with me. I was getting out of the car, and I went right inside, and I saw once inside that the guy was looking bored out of his fucking mind, as if refusing to say anything too strange.

"Hey, I was wondering if you could help me purchase something here." I said, focusing on the main point, and he was looking like he was wanting to find a way to argue with me now. To try and tell me that I was too young or some shit like that. But he was just clearly looking like he was aware that it would not be worth it.

"What are you looking for?" He asked, clearly not even wanting to just get to know the truth anymore. I was sighing, feeling like no matter what I would say, he was going to be finding this to be a bit fucking pointless right now. And I was thinking that this was going to be making things tougher to ask.

"I want to purchase a weapon form this store. I am wanting to find something that I could fight with." I was explaining, and I was looking at him, as if wondering if he was going to be giving me the weapon, or basically tell me that this was not something that he would have been allowed to do.

Eventually, he went to the back room, and I was having everything roam my mind, until the man showed me a katana, smiling widely at this. As he was staring right at me, I saw him looking super proud of what he was showing me. I did not really get the mood he was here for, but I was not going to fight him on this one.

"It's yours for fifteen dollars." After he was saying this, I was sighing, and then I decided that I was going to just go with it, and that it was going to be better than nothing at all, and I was placing down the money to just get the sword. The sword was going to be at least something that I could use to fight. Not that fighting was something I expected to do too much, but I was now officially ready to do something like this.

Once I was out of the shop where I purchased that sword, I was staring down at the blade, while smoking another cigarette, and was wondering what the heck I was going to even be doing with it. I was thinking that my friends and family were going to be finding the fact that I was having a sword to be beyond strange. They were not going to be very cool with me having something that looks like it made no sense.

Thankfully a sword was different enough than a gun in the way that nobody really was going to expect what my plans were. I was thinking that something like this was going to buy me some fucking time. The fact that I could just fight a while longer, without a gun or something, which would have given me away.

I was looking around, and placed the sword in the car, and then I started to drive around for several minutes. As I was starting to get closer and closer to my house, the more and more uncertain that I had been that my life was going to going down a very interesting rabbit hole if I was not careful, and if more people knew what I was actually going to be doing. I was just thinking that I just needed to hide my plans if I was wanting any real chance to really go fully undercover.

The longer that I was driving away from the store, and the closer that I was getting to my parents house, I was aware that at least one of them, if not both of them, were going to be getting on my fucking ass about staying out so late, and she was going to be really making it a point that I should have known better.

Eventually, the more and more that I had been wanting to find a good way to talk with them about my life, I was wondering what my parents would have been stating in terms of buying it or refusing it. I was just trying to keep my mind calm and together, and the entire time that I had been keeping my fear together, the less and less certain that I could have been that any of them would be taking my side of the argument seriously at all.

I parked the car, and I decided that I was going to have to tempt fate and just assume that they were not going to be out there, and that they were not going to try and speak with me. I was wanting to believe that they were going to be leaving me alone, and that as a result, if they had left me alone, I would have been able to save myself the pain of them just trying to act like they knew better than me, and that I was just ruining everything once again.

When I got out of the car, and went inside of the house, I was right in that my mother was not around. But I saw that my father was still working on something. Considering the fact that it had seemed like he was always working, I was feeling like I just needed to have some patience with him, and that I needed to listen to his side of the story.

"Hey Sheldon, how are you? Did the date end up going well?" After he asked, I shrugged, thinking that I was going to keep the long Jamie story out of it. Not that he even needed to know the truth.

"Everything went well enough. I just did my best to talking with her, and getting to know her. I think that we were getting along decent enough." I was saying, feeling like the fact that she did not entirely reject me this time, and she had listened to me, and was nice with me, made me think that she was actually not entirely rejecting the stories.

"Well, I am glad to hear that. I was starting to worry that things were not going so well. Considering how long you had been gone." He said, and then I looked at him, and I was wondering if he was having a fear for me, that I was going to be doing something that would have been like self harming. I mean, despite the fact that I did not ever really treat myself well, that did not seem like a realistic conclusion point.

"I just was trying my best to really get to know what her common interests were and stuff. I mean, I did not want her to be feeling bad right now. I was trying my best to be making her feel like I was really actually connecting with her. I think that something like this might have been a bit harder to accomplish than I expected. Since we both had so many different ideas." I was saying, acting like what I had said was some terrible revelation. But I guess that it did not matter.

"Anyways, I think that everything is all good. I am going to try my best to make her and I keep up some form of a relationship. I think that it might be hard to do something like this. But to be honest, I am starting not to care. I am going to just earn her respect, and I think that whatever it takes to do so, I am willing to do it." I was starting to walk to my room, and he was telling me something before I could head out.

"Just make sure that no matter what happens, you do not fall too deep into something. You should always make her feel special and good. But you should never force something to happen so bad that you do not get to treat yourself well in return." He said, and then I was looking at him, wanting to say something to deny him, but decided that he was probably not going to really be in the mood to hear me reject this.

"Dad, do you think that I could really have a chance to make things with her work? I mean, I want to make her know that I can do my best to make sure that she will be happier. But her chances of being genuinely happy despite everything in this town is going to be hard. And I have no idea if I can help out here." I was saying, sort of unsure of what I was even going to say now.

"Well, if you are truly dedicated to her, and if you are truly thinking that helping her is something you are wanting to do, then I think that people will be glad to hear you talking with her happily. But I think that if you are going to make things work, you are going to have to really do your best to make sure that she does not feel too out of it." After my father was telling me this, I was thinking about what I could have been saying right now.

"Thanks for being honest with me. I mean, I know that I really do want to make her feel like I could change her life. I want her to feel like she will be truly given something that she deserves. But you know, I think that I am going to just do whatever I could, and I am going to just be smart about this. If being smart is something that I am able to accomplish." I was saying, thinking about how hard that would have been, now that I was looking at things normally.

"I am sure that she likes you. I think that as long as you do not just take advantage of her, then I think that everything is going to be fine enough." After he was telling me this, I was looking right at him, the way that he had looked at me showed that he was feeling like he was sincerely believing every single word that he had said, and believed that I could turn things around.

"As long as she knows that she makes me feel like I have a chance to not hate the world that I am living in right now, then I think that maybe she will know that I personally think that nothing else fucking even matters now." I was saying, and I was saying that in a good way, and not in a bad way.

"You better let me meet her some day. I think that I would really enjoy meeting her, and seeing what she might be like. If she is somebody that you are so happy with, then I think that she will be a great person, and somebody I can respect." After he was saying this, I saw him looking like he was just wishing to say something. But decided that maybe talking was only going to make things worse for us. This time, I really did go inside of my room, unsure of what to do now.

I was laying down on my bed, as I was taking out a cigarette, wondering what the fucking hell I even wanted to be saying now. I was just going to think about all of the things that I had discussed with my parents, and I was going to be thinking about the way that I was going to make my arguments seem genuine. Not seem like I was just bullshitting the whole way.

Before I was even able to think about it, I was closing my eyes, and I was taking myself in a dream state. When I was in the dream state, I was seeing that there was a blank field. This was when this whole thing was starting to confuse me. I was walking down the street, and then I was seeing that there was a girl looking up at me. She was looking kind of sad to see me. Almost like what she was going to tell me was going to break my fucking heart.

"Sheldon, are you doing it?" The voice asked, and then when I remembered the voice, and who it belonged to, I remembered this was the exact same fucking thing that I had every once in a while, when I was not high or ruined, and the reminder that I had ruined something once again for no real reason.

"Riley, I am wanting to find out the truth right now. I want to find her, and I want to save her." I said, and then I was looking right at her, and she was looking like she was not believing a single word of what I was saying. Almost seeming like she was just finding this whole thing to be a bunch of bullshit. "I want to help those people out. But it is going to be fucking impossible." I said, knowing that she was not going to have any patience with this.

"You promised me that you were going to find out what was going on. You told me that you were going to look for the truth. Are you lying to me?" After she had asked me this, I was looking right at her, and she was looking heartbroken here. She was looking like she wanted to say so much more, but just could not talk any longer without seeing my anger.

"I just try my best to be finding out what is going on here, but I think that I need to be realistic going at this whole thing. I can't do something that I can't really assure will keep us safe." I said, and then I was feeling like she was going to understand if I was going to explain patiently enough. The way she was looking at me, was making this whole thing seem strange.

"Trying your best is not good enough. People are needing more than trying. People are needing you to hold your end to the promise. Are you too busy just smoking yourself to death to actually find out the truth." She told me, and the way she was saying it started to pierce through me, and I was looking down at the ground, unsure of what the hell I could even say now.

"Riley, if I am not safe and smart at how I do this, then I am going to be getting myself killed. I am going to die, and then nothing will ever be done. Do you really think that something like this will be worth it if I end up getting myself killed?" I asked, trying to get her to listen to me, and the way she was looking at me was showing that she did not care for that anymore.

"If you die trying, at least we will know the truth." Riley said, and then after she had said that, I was getting up aruptly, and then I was staring at the wall, feeling like I was just needing to go to sleep, and just pretend like I knew it was just a dream. But that was something that was going to be really hard given the situation.

...

When Sheldon was done recounting the details of the date with his therapist, she was looking right at him, and she was clearly looking like she was thinking of a way to be speaking, and just see if maybe she was really able to see his points in the way that she had thought he was attempting to convey.

"You promised her friend you were going to find Jamie, and you never did it? Is that what the issue was?" She asked, and then Sheldon was shrugging, trying to think of a way to tell her, and do so in a way that would not be rubbing her off in the wrong direction. He was sighing, and he was thinking that no matter what he had said, he was never going to be making her feel better, or like she was getting it.

"That is a part of it. But there is much more to it than what you might be thinking. There is always going to be more than you might be thinking." After Sheldon had told her this, he was looking right at her, and he was wondering if she was going to be taking the bait on this whole thing. But the way that he was looking at her showed that he was feeling the chances of this were fucking barely existent. He just felt sad for this.

"Part of the issue is that I did find her. Not in the way that many people were going to expect that I would have though." Sheldon said, and then after he had said this to her, she was looking at him, and she was feeling like she had needed to see where the hell he was going to be heading here. She was scared of what he was going to say, but she knew that she needed to let him finish.

"What happened when you found her? Do you think that you will be able to speak about that a bit better?" After she had asked Sheldon this, he was looking down, and he was sighing, feeling like there was almost nothing that he could have said that would have made her feel better. But there was something about the way she was looking at him that made him stop.

"I wished that I had been looking harder and earlier, and longer. That is all that I want to say for the time being. You will get it soon enough. Trust me, you will truly get it soon enough." Sheldon said, and then he was thinking about breaking the flow of the story and tell her the truth now. But he decided that he just wanted to wait until the story was naturally there, and that it would make sense to speak on it.

"Sheldon, do you want to tell me what had happened? I mean, I feel like there could be something in there that you might be too scared to admit." She said, and then he was shaking his head. In all honesty, he was not wanting to be speaking about this any longer, and he was feeling like he just needed to go home soon.

"We will get there eventually. But I need to be ready for this. I need to be ready for the worst of it. But we will get there. I just hate what the hell is going on here. I am sorry for just being very vague all the time, and not giving you the answers that you need here. But I think that if I were to go any deeper right now, you would not believe me." He said, and then he was thinking about what to say now, if anything.

"The thing is that I made a girl a promise that I didn't keep. And I remember the fact that I should never make a girl a promise that I don't keep. That is the worst thing that somebody could do, and it is something that I know that I should never have done." After Sheldon was telling her this, he was wondering what she would have said to this. She remained silent, and just refused to say anything that she was probably going to be rejecting here.

"What makes it different between a guy and a girl?" After she asked him this, he was shurgging, and thinking that he would get to that at some point, and that one day, she would understand the true difference between the two, and why he cared much more with a girl than a guy.

"When it is with a guy, it doesn't feel as real when you royally mess up, and when you are in this town, when you don't hold true to a man, it isn't as bad because they are not as brought down here." Sheldon said, and then he was wondering if she was going to ever really get it, or if she was going to feel like he was just being too harsh to understand.

"Do you really feel like you made the worst mistake possible when you failed to find her or something? Is that the thing that you felt like was just what pushed you over the edge?" After she had asked Sheldon this, he was looking right at her, and he was feeling like if he was going to be honest with her, then it was all going to be too hard to describe.

"I think that if I had kept my promise, then I would have been able to respect myself as a person more than I ever did when I have this in hindsight. At least I would have had somebody that I saved, and somebody who was at my side." Sheldon explained, feeling like no matter what he was going to say, and no matter what he was wanting to tell her, there was just going to be a part of her that would understand soon enough.

"I mean, you seemed like a pretty decent guy from the bits that you talked about. I mean, sure you went a little far with the Todd thing last week, but you did mention it by saying that you just felt like he was sort of pushing a line here." After she had said that to Sheldon, he was looking at her, and he was wondering what the point of these comments would have been anyways.

"I will say that there are many things that I regret doing. Many things that if I had a chance on doing to change things up, I would have done differently. But I guess that no matter what I say, the stories will never truly be brought to peace. I remember the time when Jamie kissed me, and the time where I had something with her. Or when I felt like I had something with her." Sheldon said, and he was feeling like the way he was talking would have been a bit strange, and he was thinking he was being dramatic now.

"The main thing that you got to do when you go through life isn't dealing with making choices you don't regret. Stuff like that is literally impossible. If you wang to push through on your life, you got to just simply go far, and just make up for the mistakes that you make, and make sure that you don't make them again." After she said this to Sheldon, that was when Sheldon had no idea what to even say now.

"I don't think I can be able to make most of those mistakes again." Sheldon said, and this one was in such a abrupt fashion, and he said it with such straight forward conviction that his therapist was wondering what the heck he was actually referring to here.

"How will you make sure that you never make those mistakes again?" After she asked him this, Sheldon was taking a deep breath, and he was feeling like when he was going to explain this to her, there was going to be that part of her that was feeling like he was being a bit dramatic here. But he was not in the mood to be told otherwise.

"I made a lot of mistakes, such as trusting people that I should have never trusted, didn't take things seriously enough until it was much too late for me to actually try and make a fucking change. Most of the things that I did were things that I should have known better about, but didn't." Eventually, Sheldon had felt like he had made his point, and didn't want to say more.

"Sheldon, is there something you think you can do to make sure you never trust those types of people again?" After she asked him this, he was looking right at her, and this was a question that he was going to enjoy, and it was a question that he was glad she had asked, since he knew what to say.

"Don't fucking trust anybody. If I do not trust anybody, then it is going to be impossible for me to trust in the wrong person. I think that trusting in nobody just makes things easier. Gets me prepared for failure." Sheldon finished, and then he looked at her for a second and smiled. "See you next week?" He asked, and she nodded in confirmation, and this time, he was excited.


	17. Prom Night

The next piece started up the same way that the other three before hand started, with Sheldon sitting down, and his interviewer greeting him. "How has the last week been? Have you been doing good at work lately?" She asked, and then he stared right at her, and he was unsure what to tell her, almost feeling like he had nothing.

"I think that everything is going decent enough. I mean, I am still sort of just getting into the swing of things of being as high up in my store chain of command. There is also the stuff that I have been talking to you about, and just how much I feel like there is so much that I think you need to know." After Shelon said this, the woman looked right at him for a moment.

"Sheldon, speaking of that, we are going to have to talk about your test results for this session." She said, and Sheldon looked at her, as if just wishing that he was going to have a proper way to react here. He was scared she was going to yell at him here.

"I have honestly been kind of impressed with your results. Are you putting in a effort to fight it off, or is this just a brief thing?" She asked him, as if wondering if he was only doing this because of their sessions.

"In all honesty, I just go through on and off phases. About once a year or so, I find a way to get off of it for a month or six weeks, and I feel like I am making progress, and then I just have one again, and I slip back." Sheldon said, and she was looking at him, as if respecting the honesty at least.

"If you got to smoke at all, can you please just keep it at cigarettes or something? I mean, those at least don't show up negative for the sake of results." After she had said that to him, Sheldon laughed and he was feeling like he would have never heard the day where people were actually wanting him to smoke cigarettes.

"I think that I might want something harder than that. I mean, I still have them, but I just sometimes I want more." After Sheldon said that, he was looking at her, and he was wondering if she was going to be fighting him on this one, or if she was going to just be letting it stay to herself. Not that he really knew what was going to happen.

"I care about your success. That is the main reason I am asking you all these questions. Why I am trying so hard to get stuff out of these therapy sessions. I genuinely think that talking to you is going to help." After she had said that to him, he was looking at her, as if feeling like she was crazy for assuming that at all.

"I think we both know for a fucking fact that I am going to be out of help soon enough. I mean, I wanted to be able to make this work, but fuck, I think that my family is going to have to just get used to the fact that I am not going to change." He said, and he looked right at her, and he was feeling like in a way, he was letting her down, and he was hating that.

"Do you think that you are going to be able to fight it off?" She asked him, and he shook his head, as if feeling like there was no reason to lie to her, and that as long as he was telling the truth, the two of them were going to truly be able to work together at least a little bit.

"I am sorry for saying that. But I need to know something. Do you know if this is going to actually be making me have a better recovery, or is this just a theory? This is not me trying to argue you... I genuinely don't know." After Ken said that, he looked right at her, and was scared of what she was going to say to him.

"I believe that if you don't at least try and see how it goes, then things will never turn out well. I mean, I have no idea what you have been dealing with, but I feel like these talks are going to help." After she had said that to Sheldon, this was when Sheldon was actually thinking about it for once. He was really wanting to see her point.

"But what if things only get worse? What if talking about all this stuff is only making things worse? I mean, right now that is not what I feel. But in the future, what if I am just going to get scared, and I feel like these are just ruining everything?" After he asked that, he knew she was going to be annoyed with this, but he did not care.

"I am a therapist Sheldon. I don't mean to brag or anything, but I think I can figure out when things are just getting worse for people or not." After she was saying that to him, this was when Sheldon was actually thinking about what she was saying, and he hated to admit it, but he was feeling like maybe she was actually right on this one.

"Sorry. I just think that I needed to see what you were feeling. Anyways. you're right. I think that we should continue, at least for a while longer." After Sheldon said that, this was when he was rubbing his eyes, and looked right at her, and he was almost feeling like he was going to be letting her down, and he fucking hated that. She decided not to address this, and looked right at him, ready to talk about something else.

"So Sheldon, how has telling me these events helped you out? You don't need to lie. If they haven't helped you out, you can just tell me the truth." She said, and then Sheldon considered it for a moment.

"It has helped me, but maybe not in the way you are expecting me to tell you. It has helped me in the way that it makes me start to realize more and more that I really have not been imagining all these things as some terrible fever dream." Sheldon said, and then the interviewer remained silent.

"But has our weekly sessions helped you out emotionally? You know, if you feel like these are just not helping you out, or that to be frank, they are wasting your time, then I will stop doing them at once. I never wanted to have you feel like I was just pushing you." She said, concerned for her patient, but wishing to still know more.

"No honestly. Talking to you is actually better than I thought it would be. It helps me remember the truth. You know, remember the details that I missed out on. I mean, I was never the best person in the world. But I did love my family in a way. I still do, in my own strange fashion. But in all honesty, I love my current one better." Sheldon said, and his therapist remembered.

"How are they anyways? You know, only if you're fine with me asking..." She asked, and then Sheldon shrugged, although that was just not the best way to really capture the actual level of small joy that he was having when she was asking him that. It actually made him feel important for a second when she did.

"They are doing alright. I wish that I was able to be there more often, but in all honesty, I feel like these are just really helping me at least make some form of peace. But I think that if you want to know more, I think you need to promise me something." Sheldon said, and then his therapist slowly nodded, and she was looking at him calmly.

"I want you to tell me that no matter what the story becomes, you keep your disbelief quiet. I don't want to tell yet another person, and just have how crazy it all sounds ruin my progress I have again. Whatever little progress I have made." Sheldon said, and this was just him truly showing hos scared he had actually been of this all.

"Sheldon, listen to me when I say that there is no reason for me to not believe in you. I heard the reports. I seen everything. I know what is going on. Or at least pieces of it. What you told other people." After she had said that to Sheldon, there was a second where Sheldon was truly conflicted on what to tell her.

"I know that this is what you believe in when you just read the files. Looking at the files, I think that you would be feeling like there is no real reason to deny it. But when you hear the stories, from the perspective of a fucking loser lunatic, you understand why people brush me off." Sheldon was saying to her, and he was feeling like he had needed to make his fucking point to her.

"Sheldon, if you were making these things up, then people would have stopped supporting you long ago. The way you talk, and the way you act clearly show me that there is not that much to the story that is fake. I hear the way you talk, and I see your face, you are telling the truth. You know what happened with Riley. Or at least have a strong idea, right?" Her bringing up that name up always made Sheldon feel off, like he had failed her.

"What happened to her? I mean, I have a feeling that the official stories were never really true." After she had said that to Sheldon, this was when he was shooting her down. This was the first time in the session that he really was not in the mood to be listening to her, and that she was really just taking things way too far.

"You don't just think that the story is false, you fucking know it. You read the reports. You can figure out how insane it all is. I was able to figure out how fucking insane this story was when I was eleven years old." Sheldon snapped, and he was just staring at her, and he was wishing that she was going to stop this whole thing right now.

"Sheldon, I was not trying to press your buttons when I said that to you. I was just trying to converse normally." After she had said that to him, that was when Sheldon was just trying to find a way to be keeping this whole thing together. He was just needing to know how she was even going to try and accomplish anything.

"Sorry, I am a asshole. I am a miserable fucking asshole, and I ruin every fucking conversation that I have." After Sheldon said that sadly, he was staring right at her, and he was just trying to find a way to be making it seem better. But it was fucking impossible to be doing.

"Sheldon, you are not an asshole. And I feel like you telling me what you know is the only way we can make sense of this. Can you please tell me more? Can you please just tell me about what happened next? Where we left off, you were going to go to prom wiith Emily, and you were talking about how that dream you just had with Riley was starting to make you focus again on the idea of learning the truth." After she said that, Sheldon slowly nodded for a moment.

"Oh, one more thing I have to tell you before we get started. I won't be able to make it to our session two Thursdays from now. So would you would be willing to do a Tuesday and Thursday session next week?" She asked Sheldon, and then after she had said this, Sheldon nodded.

"I mean, I have nothing better to do with my time, and I can always just get a different schedule for Tuesday. But what is happening?" After Sheldon asked that, he was looking right at her, and part of her was just looking like she was scared to answer him.

"I am going to talk with some people on over about an adoption service. You know, my husband and I have been wanting one lately, and I think that you know what it is like. I think that we just want to see our options." After she had said that to him, Sheldon was just unsure of what to say.

"That's great to hear. I mean, if you want to do that, then I wish you guys the best." Sheldon was going through mixed emotions. On one hand, she was just adding fuel to his issues, and she was going to be making things so much worse for him. But on the other hand, she was going to be happier with doing this.

"My husband and I really think that this is the thing that we had needed. We are going to just be gone for one week though. So I just figured that by doing two sessions next week, we could just get to know each others spots a bit better." After she had said this, Sheldon was slowly nodding.

"Well, I hope that you find the kid that you were wanting. I mean, everybody deserves to have a chance to be a parent. And nothing should ever change that." Sheldon said, and this last bit he was sincere about. He was not going tyo let his past experiences get to him, and he was going to make sure that he would not let it affect her family. And with that, they continued onto their fourth session of his story.

…

When I had started to get ready for prom, and I was staring at her, wondering what the heck was even going to happen now. I was staring at my father, and I was really unsure of what the hell I was going to be doing now. I was feeling like I needed to talk with Dakota and Ashley for a while, to make this whole thing work out longer.

I was feeling like talking with Emily was just going to be a really fucking hard situation. In a way, I was feeling like she was never going to truly forgive me for sinking things away from her at that conversation last night. For making it all about me. I made it all about me, and I never even gave her a chance to talk. She pretended like it was fine, but if I saw somebody do that, I would have gone insane after a while.

As I was placing my wallet in my pocket, and I was seeing my father on my door, and I was just looking right at him, and I was wishing that I had something that I could have spoken to her about. The longer that I had been looking at him, I was feeling like in a way, I was just needing to find a way he was the one who was going to have some level of uncertainty when he was looking at me. Trying to decide if he was proud yet.

Eventually, I decided to just look at him, and I was thinking of what to say. "Dad, I am going to leave soon. Sorry for not talking to you more about what is going on. I feel like I want to try and just make this whole thing work. I guess that maybe I am just really bad at talking to you guys and stuff." I said to him, and he was looking at me, and I saw that he was clearly wanting to say something, but decided to just not say anything.

"You're a seventeen year old guy. Of course you are going to have some times where you don't talk with me about stuff. I mean, you got to be a little more relaxed about this." After he was saying this to me, I saw him looking like he had wanted to say something else, but decided against it. Probably thinking that I was just not making too much of a issue.

"Well anyways, I hope that you have a great night. If you want to talk to it after you are home, then I guess that maybe we can just work out." After my father said that to me, he was looking a bit unsure of what the heck he was even wanting to tell me now. "Sorry for just always working and never doing anything. Let's just call it even." He said, and I didn't want to fight him on this, so I just remained quiet for a while longer.

"I am going to meet up with Dakota and Ashley now. I made a promise to them, that I could see them before I was about to go to prom." I said, and then as I was walking by him, he was placing his hand on my shoulder as I was walking by, and he was refusing to say anything that could make sense out of all of this. "I will see what I can do to make this whole thing work."

Eventually, I was walking by, and I was just going down the stairs, and I went inside of my car, and I was smoking a cigarette, just trying to make it seem like I was going to be happier here. I was feeling like I needed to find a way to make Emily seem like I am not obsessed with this entire thing.

I knew that I was obsessed with this entire thing, and I knew that I was needing to stop fucking looking so deeply into this whole thing. But in all honesty, I just wished that I was not thinking about Riley anymore. I wanted to find a way to make Riley just not be in my fucking mind anymore.

I was just thinking that once I was going to drive to Dakota's house, I could at least sort of for the short term forget about this shit, and I was feeling like maybe Dakota and Ashley and all the rest were right about me. I had gone too far on this whole thing. I over stepped my line.

I was feeling like maybe that was going to be the only way that I could over come this whole thing. Was if I had the balls to admit that I was taking this shit way too seriously, and that I was totally fucking stupid right now. I wished that I was able to have a pair of balls, but in all honesty, I really did not, and I fucking knew it.

Eventually, I parked my car, and I was feeling like I just needed to take a moment to fucking stop. I felt like I just needed to take a moment to actually understand what I was actually getting myself into. If such a thing could even have been done. I was wondering if my friends even had the patience for some of the stuff I was doing anymore.

I knocked on his door, and I was taking a moment to actually think about what I was going to say to him. Eventually, Dakota answered the door, and he was standing right by Ashley's side, and she was looking at me, as if wondering if there was something going on in my mind. I was forcing myself to smile, not even to think about what I was getting myself into right now.

"Sheldon, shouldn't you be hanging out with Emily?" She asked me, and then I was shrugging, pretending like I was totally cool, and that nothing was happening at all. Then I looked at both of them, wishing that I had a good way of starting this discussion. But when she had asked me this, I was wondering if I really was making a giant mistake or something.

"I was going to meet up with you, but in all honesty, I was just wanting to see how you guys were doing." I said, and then I looked at them, and I was thinking to myself that maybe I needed to give them at least some space, and that by doing this, everything could have been better.

"Are you excited to go to prom? I mean, we have been spending our entire childhoods wondering what it was going to be like, and here we are. I mean, there is something about this that is exciting as hell." Dakota was saying, and I was wondering why he even hung out with me, when he was always like this.

"I have always wanted to do something like this. I mean, there is nothing more exciting than just finally having a fucking moment to really just be one of the cool ones." I said, and then I was thinking about what it was going to be like to get Emily to not only want to sincerely go to prom with me, but make her feel like this was going to be a relationship or whatever that she was wanting to pursue further.

"Well, how about we go on over and find your date? Maybe she is waiting for you, and wants to see how you are like." After Ashley said that to me, she was looking like she was just wanting to see something else. Probably wanting to see what I even found in her. I was thinking for a moment that as messed up as it was, I did not really know entirely myself. I just knew that she was good for me.

"Yeah, that would be awesome. I am sure that she would love to meet you." I said, and I was honestly feeling this way. I mean, since she never knew them, I was feeling like there was no reason to not give it a chance at least. I was thinking that worst comes to worst, she would just be kind of thinking that they would be strange, and might not want to hang out with them too much.

With that, I was getting in the car, and Dakota was looking right at me, as if this was the most important thing he would possibly ever ask me in the entire world. "Do you have a smoke on you?" He asked, and then I was smiling, finding that really funny for some reason, and I was pulling one out for him, since he asked nicely enough about it.

"You guys use that too much. It smells gross." Ashley commented casually, not even trying to get us to stop doing it, but just trying to be funny about it. I was looking at her, and I was thinking of a slightly funny come back. Or it was funny in my personal eyes.

"We're teenage boys. We always smell bad. If you have a son, you're going to have to get used to it." Then with that, I was starting the car up, and I was thinking that maybe I needed to come up with some better come backs, but at the moment, that was going to be good enough, and I doubted that she was going to actually care all that much what I told her.

"Seriously Sheldon, that is the best that you can do?" After she asked me that, I was smiling, and I was feeling like I just needed to be a bit more careful with this. I was really wishing that I was going to be making this whole thing seem like we were really making it come together.

"Anyways, do you think that Emily is going to have something planned for you when this is over?" Ashley asked, and I was looking at her, and I knew what exactly she was meaning. As she asked me that, I was seriously looking like I had nothing that I could have said that would make it seem like I was actually prepared for this.

As we were driving along, I was feeling like I might as well at least try and make it seem like I was not making any issues out of this. "I think that she might have something planned here. I have no real better way to describe it. I mean, I got to really sell it to her is to just actually make it seem like I know how to make this work." I was shrugging, just not even having any idea what we were going to do.

"I think that she is probably not really in as rough of a spot as you might be feeling like she is. I think that you are just too scared for nothing. I think that if she did not want something, she would have never approached her in the first place." When Dakota finished telling me this, I was seeing him looking like he was really meaning it, and I was seeing him looking like he had wanted to try and find something else.

"I guess that there might be a small chance that something like this might work." I was looking at them, and I was thinking that they were really just trying to butter me up. But in a way, I was feeling like something like this might have been true. I just had no idea what the hell I was even doing by having these discussions with them. I was then thinking about what we had been accomplishing right now. I was just wishing that my friends were not so obsessed with this whole thing. I was really just not getting why they had cared so much if I was going to get laid or not. Did they fuck in the past or something, and just wanted to make this whole thing work for me? I guess it would not be too unrealistic in the scheme of things.

Eventually, when I was parking the car near Emily's house, I was just telling myself that I was wanting to just sort of see how she was doing, and see if she was going to want to hang out and stuff. I was having no idea how things were going to go. But in a way, I was finding myself slowly just not even caring. When she answered my knock, I saw her looking pretty happy to see that I was still here, and that I was actually going to follow through.

"Hey Sheldon, are you ready to be heading out soon?" She asked, and then I nodded, but before I took even a single step, she placed her hand on my shoulder, and I saw her looking like she had wanted to say something to me. I looked directly at her, and I was just feeling like I needed to be patient, no matter what the situation was going to be. "I just wanted to apologize to you, since I think that you need it."

I looked at her, and was just confused to the point of all of this for a second. "I mean, I thought you wanted to talk about those things going on. I never thought that you were going to be having a huge issue with it. I figured that maybe talking about this stuff could have helped you move forward. If I had known how much of an issue it would have been, I would have never said anything." After she had said this to me, I saw her looking really sad at this fact.

"I really am not that worried about it. Seriously. I mean, I know that it was just something that you were curious about, and I was being a total loser for not asking you what you were wanting to talk about. So in all honesty, I feel like I might have been failing you." I said, and then I was looking right at her, and I was wondering if she was going to try and fight with me on this at all. She was just looking like she had nothing to say here, and was just worried to say more.

"But I know that you probably just have a lot of stuff that you don't really enjoy talking about, and me talking about it only makes these things worse. But I guess that maybe you are just not really in the need to talk about any of that. So if you are telling the truth, I will leave it alone." After she had said that to me, I saw her looking like she had wanted to say more, but decided that there was no real need to continue.

"Well, I really do appreciate you trying to talk with me about this. I mean, hearing you actually try and give me support shows me how much you care. But I think that maybe I need to give you something else in return. I still feel like if you wanted to talk about your own thing, and just sort of show me what you were interested in, I would love to hear you talk about that stuff." I said, and then I looked right at her, and I was showing her with that look that nothing was going to make me change the way that I was feeling about this.

"You don't need to worry about me. I mean, I know that you probably want to know a lot about me and stuff. I would love to talk to you about that stuff. But I think that prom is going to be more important anyways." After she had said that to me, I was slowly nodding, and I was thinking that this was something that we were both able to agree on. I was just looking at my car window, and I saw that Dakota and Ashley were both wondering why I was taking so damn long.

"I do want to thank you though. Because if it weren't for you, and if it weren't for that talk, I would just have pretended like I needed to take care of everything myself. I know now, when I think about it, that I am just being a bit silly about this. I think that in a way, I just needed that talk, and I just needed to hear where you are coming from." I kept going, and after a while, I just felt like in a way, we had both made our points, and that we could be able to leave this whole thing alone.

"And I think that maybe when I feel more safe, and more willing to talk about this shit, I will tell you everything about what is going on at Wayside. That I know of. I will also maybe tell you of what some of my insane plans could be." I said, and then she was looking at me, both interested and rather scared of what I was saying. I think she knew that this plan was going to probably be dangerous, and she wanted me to not get into it.

"Are you sure that this is something that you are going to want to do? I mean, from the look on your face, I can see that this is something that might not be all that great of a idea." She said, and then I was looking at her, and I was seeing that she was just more grinning at me, and I was seeing that there was going to be something about this that she had wanted to know. But she was just sort of wanting to see what I was even going to accomplish by going at this all.

"I am not sure that I want to do it. But I am sure that if I can have some people who are willing to hear me out, and not deal with me looking like a retard, I will be happy enough." I said, and then I looked at her, and I was waiting to see what she would have said now. She had looked like she had no real answer to this. So with that, I saw her looking like she was losing whatever interest she did have in the subject, and that she was already kind of wanting to move on.

"Well, anyways, I think that I am wanting to take you up on your offer that I am going to listen to you talk a bit longer about some of the things that you just want to hear me say about my life. I think that we're going to have a lot of spare time soon, due to summer, and as long as you have some time for me, I can see how this can work." She said, and I was wondering if she was already feeling like we were in a relationship, or if she was just thinking that we were going to be friends. I still had no clue.

"I would fucking love that. I think that when you have the time, you should meet my friends. They're already in the car, but I mean, like really get to meet them, and get to know them." I said, and looked right at her, and she was just sort of looking like this was something that was kind of shocking to her. The fact that I felt like this was something I could be so sure would work out, when I had no idea why it wouldn't.

"I never really got along with them all that well. I mean, I always just kind of had a bad impression of them. Sorry." She said, and then I looked at her, confused as to why she would not like them, but felt like maybe she had her own valid reasons, and that I was just being a big fucking baby for no reason. But the way that she was looking at me was showing that she was already kind of wishing that she had never said that.

"Sorry. I should have just kept my mouth shut. I guess that I just never thought about it." After she had said that to me, I was looking at her, and I was wanting to tell her that she was not need to worry about what she had been saying, and that in all honesty, I needed to have her be less strict on herself. "But I guess that if you wanted to know why, and you promise not to lash out, I guess I can let you know why."

"Maybe you can let me know. But please save that for when it's just the two of us." I said, and then she was looking at me, shocked to see me even suggest that I would have done it otherwise. I was just wanting to make it seem like I was not too worried about anything like that, but I just had no idea what to say.

"Well, obviously. I would not be stupid enough to expose that in public. I mean, I like to get to know you, but I would not be making that mistake." Emily said, and then I was seeing her just looking more and more happy to see me again, and I was wondering if she was always liking me, or if she was only liking me after I started to talk with her, so in the last couple of days.

"Hey, I just wanted to say that I really do appreciate the fact that you are going to prom with me. It makes me feel so much better about everything." I said, and then I was shrugging, well aware of how silly I was sounding, but did not really care all that much, and I was just wanting her to know that I was going to appreciate these moments for a long time to come. With that, we went inside of my car, ready to leave.

Once we were in the car, that was when Dakota and Ashley were both looking right at her, and they were seeming to not have much of the possible resentment that Emily said that she might of had with them. I did not know what her issue was with them, but I decided that maybe that was not exactly my business, so I just decided not to say anything, knowing that if I said something, I was going to be making things so much worse than they needed to be.

"How have you been lately?" Dakota asked, just seeming to be genuinely happy to see her, and when he had said that, she was sort of looking shocked at that. Shocked that he was being nice to her, but not letting that be something that was going to take her over. She was thinking that there was a chance that they had heard what she was saying, and that they did not want to be making a issue out of this for the time being.

"I've been doing alright. Sheldon and I were just talking about school and stuff. Just trying to you know, make some small talk." After she had said that, she had looked at him, and she was looking like she had been able to try and make this whole thing seem relatively pleasant. I was wondering how this entire discussion was going to go, after what she had told me, I was just taking a moment to take out another cigarette and start smoking it.

"Hey Sheldon, what is the sword in your car for?" After Ashley asked me this, I was looking at her, and I was just feeling like that was going to be the one thing that I had not wanted to talk about, but now that we were here, I was going to have to find a way to make myself seem like I was ready for this discussion. I did wonder why they had not asked me on this one earlier. Either if they had not noticed it, or if they were waiting until Emily was here for her to understand how fucking insane I really was.

"I just wanted to have it in here because I thought that it had looked nice. I mean, I guess that I might really have no better reason for it. I just wanted it to be a nice prop. But anyways, now that we got that out of the way, what do you think we should do?" I asked, and then all three of them were looking at me for a moment, as if wondering what the heck the point to that question was.

"Well, obviously I know the main point of the night is to go to prom. But do you think you guys could want to just do something first. You know, just to see what it would be like to have a dinner or whatever? I mean, I think that it's a valid question." I said, and then I was shrugging, thinking that I could be able to leave it alone, and that I had made my point now.

"Sorry for not picking up on it. I thought that you were just asking for the sake of asking." After Dakota said that, he was shrugging, as if feeling like he did not really have much that he was able to say to this. "Well, what do you guys really think? I can be kind of cool with almost anything." Once he had said that, I was thinking that maybe it could be wise, but I did not want to force them to feel like we were supposed to do anything.

"Well, we can just go to a quick and easy place, I suppose, and just pick something up for a moment." Emily said, and she was feeling like that was a fair enough question. Then with that, I was thinking about what we were going to do with this. I just sighed, and then I was thinking that maybe we could just get started on this, and get it over with.

I was starting up the car, and we were driving along for a while, and then Emily felt like she could at least try and break the mold, and see if maybe there was something of a nice discussion to be had here. "So guys, have any of you been to prom before? I heard it is usually a blast. I was just curious if you guys had any experience." After she had said that, I shook my head, wishing that I had a better answer, but just didn't.

"I wish that I had gone to some of these. They truly sounded like they were so much fucking fun." I said, and then I was sighing, wishing that I had a better response, and then I was looking right at her, and she was looking like for a short moment, she did have a small amount of pity, but did not want to say anything of it yet.

"I got asked to go on one, but I turned them down when they asked because I had just dealt with a really bad break up, and to be honest, I just was not in the mood for anything like love again." Ashley said, and then I was looking at her for a second, and when I thought about it for a moment, I had felt like I knew what the answer was. I was seeing Dakota get a annoyed looked on his face, as if well aware of who she was talking about.

"Sometimes he can be so annoying. I don't get why he always got in our business." After Dakota said that, he was rolling his eyes, trying to make it look like this did not bother him at all, but when we were all looking at him, I was seeing him looking like he was not even caring all that much that we had known that he was doing a poor job at this.

"What? I mean, I am allowed to have my own personal opinion, right?" He asked, and we were all feeling like we might as well just leave this one alone, not wanting to provoke him for a while, and that if we were going to play around with him, he was not going to be finding it all that fun, and that he wished we would just leave it alone.

"So Sheldon, have you ever been even asked to prom before? I mean, you are the one who asked me." Emily said, and I was unsure if she was just trying to have fun, or if she was genuinely trying to review me here. I was shaking my head regardless, and I was feeling like no matter what the answer was, there was no real need to be lying to her here.

"I wished I had. Would have shown that some people think I'm not so fucking worthless after all." I said, and then we kept driving along for a while longer, and when I drove for a couple of seconds of quiet, I was just telling myself that I needed to not be so fucking bitter for no fucking reason, and that I just needed to give them at least some form of respect here, which was going to be my main issue here.

"How long have you guys known each other anyways? I mean, it seems like there was always at least some form of interest here." Ashley asked me, and I was thinking that maybe she was drawing at straws, and that I was just thinking that something like this might not have been real. But I was thinking that maybe there was a small chance she really was telling the truth, and that maybe Emily did always have at least something there.

"I mean, I knew about Emily for a couple of years. I never really started to have a thing for her until about four months ago or so." I said, feeling like I might as well just be honest, and I was feeling like maybe if I was going to get her offended here, then she was the one with the issues here. She was looking down, as if wishing that maybe that was not my answer.

"I always knew about Sheldon. I think we even talked a few times. But I never really gave much thought about him, to be totally honest, until he asked me out to prom that day. But in the few times we talked, I knew that he was a nice enough guy to make it truly worth while." She said, and then she was shrugging, thinking that there was not much that she had even needed to say here. That she had made her point.

"I am honestly trying to remember all the times that we may have talked with each other." I said, and then I was looking right at her, and I was feeling like I genuinely needed to know what she was heading for. As I was looking for her, she was glancing at me, as if surprised that I forgot about some of these cases. But I decided that I was not going to be making a deal out of this. I felt like it all honesty, it was just not even going to be worth it.

"Mostly just stuff from classes. You always seemed like a really nice guy when we were talking about school work and stuff. I think you even helped me out on a couple of assignments." After she had said that to me, I was thinking about it for a second or two, and then I was starting to actually slowly re-collect these things, and I was feeling like maybe I was making a big mistake by not remembering all of these things.

"Oh yeah. Sorry about that. I really did forget about some of that stuff. I just thought that you would have never paid me any fucking mind." I said, and then I looked right at her, and I was feeling like if I did not focus on the drive, and did not focus on the main things that mattered, I was going to just be making things so much worse for everybody.

"To be totally fair, I never thought that you guys talked to each other either. So I guess that maybe that makes us all even. I thought that you were always just looking at her, and being a weirdo. No offense." After he had said that to me, I looked right at him, and then I was sighing, and decided not to even think about the fact that he was saying all of this stuff to me, and I was feeling like maybe when I was going to just focus on what was at hand, I would talk with them about some of the more special moments I had with her already.

"But yeah, she was in a history project I think one time. And when we were working on the project, she was just telling me that she felt like she could genuinely never understand some of the stuff. Thankfully it was some stuff that I kind of sort of had at least some fucking clue on. But I was feeling like maybe I was just never going to really give her the help that she was needing." I said and I was shrugging at that one.

"I mean, when we were working on the projects, I was even telling him some of the things that classmates said about you. If you remember any of that." She said, then I looked right at her, and this time, I genuinely was sort of lost on what was going on. I really did not remember any of that stuff. Not to say that she was lying. But maybe I did just forget about all of that.

"What were they saying about me? And don't worry about how I would react. I think that I really just kind of need to know." I said, and then I was preparing myself for a verbal ass-whopping of the fucking century. But then what she was saying totally shocked me, and I had no idea what that heck I was even going to say to some of this stuff.

"They were saying stuff like you have been too hard on yourself. That you never really just took the time to actually understand that you're not even a bad guy. You just sometimes take a couple of small little things, that really do not even matter, and you just sort of drag yourself down for them." After she had said that to me, I looked at her, shocked at this, and I was looking at Dakota and Ashley and wondered what they were going to say here.

"Is that true? Were people always saying this stuff, and I just never heard about it?" I asked, and then Dakota slowly nodded, feeling like I had already known this stuff, and was clearly just seeing from the look on my face that he did not really get the issue to what was happening here.

"Yeah, that is what they had been saying about you. I mean, we always knew that you were never somebody to take those types of things too seriously though, and we just thought that you would have never even wanted to listen to that type of stuff. So we just never even brought it up to you. We just knew that if we tried, it was going to be a major hassle and stuff." Dakota admitted, and then I looked down, unsure of what the heck I was going to say now.

I was then just trying to keep myself calm and composed. You have no idea what it was like to be hearing people tell you that there was a large amount of students that either liked you or at the very least thought you were okay, and then you just never knew about these. People were always just actually saying that I was a decent guy. I really felt like hearing something like that was going to be a hard situation to actually deal with.

"But yeah, I mean, we always tell you that you are too hard on yourself, and that you need to stop just treating yourself so unfairly. These are the main reasons that we say stuff like that. We know what people actually really do think, and we think that you just are taking things too seriously." After Ashley had said that to me, I was getting closer to the area that we were going to eat our small dinner, and that I just felt like I was needing to remember these things, while also not at the same time going too far with it, since I knew that I might just go too far with the praise.

Once I was parking, I was looking at all three of them, excessively desperate to just change the subject, and focus on something else that I felt like would have been better for me. Something that I knew I was going to not be too angry about. But as I was thinking that I had no idea if something like this was even going to fucking be possible.

"So guys, I think that I am ready to make this one of the best nights of the fucking school year. Are you all?" I asked, trying my best to be making it sound exciting, while also not showing super interest in what they had been saying earlier. I was seriously just not wanting to have that be the thing that dragged me around, and I was feeling like I just needed to stop being so damn worried about all of this in the first place.

"Hell yeah we're ready. I never thought that you were going to ask." Dakota said, and I was seeing him looking like this was something that he was totally just on the spot ready to get right into. As I was thinking that, I smiled, and I was super glad to know that no matter what, and no matter what we were going to say, he was not going to be taking shit from anybody at all.

So with that, we were heading inside, and I was thinking about the fact that this was going to be a long and personal journey for me to be taking, and that the longer that I had been thinking deeply about this, the better that things really were for me, all because I simply just had the balls to ask Emily that one time.

Once we were inside of the area where we were going to have dinner, we all sat down, and I was just smiling at the whole thing, and I was just so happy for once. I was feeling like Emily was going to like Dakota and Ashley soon enough, and that I didn't even need to be too worried about that discussion from earlier, and that once she understood why I hung out with them, then everything was going to be great.

I sincerely believed that there was no way in hell that she was going to be hating them for too long. And even if it is was something that she wasn't too excited over, I was feeling like soon enough, it was not even going to be all that big of an issue. I looked at Dakota and Ashley, wondering what to say. "So Emily and I were talking about the bonfire tomorrow. Are you guys going?"

"Yeah, we plan on doing. We were actually wondering if you were going to. But from the fact that you brought it up first, I think that we just got our answer." Dakota was saying, and this time when he was saying this to me, I was seeing him more just looking like he was super happy to be thinking of this, and not just wanting to force me into anything.

"Anyways, I think that it could be really good for you to do it. I have no idea what is going on with you two, but I assume that things are fine if you plan on going to this together." Ashley said, and this was her just trying to be all fine with this, but I was wondering if there was a small part of her that was starting to accept the fact that our friendship was not going to be as big of a priority now.

"Well, Sheldon and I have been talking about things that we were planning on doing soon. You know, things that we want to do when we are done with school. I just think that when we think about our lives ahead, both of us are just kind of excited that we are almost done with school and everything." Emily said, and I was glad that she was at least willing to pretend to like the two of them, enough to talk with them for a bit.

"Well, we still have another year of that, so I think that as long as we don't think too much of it yet, we can just brush it off for a while longer." Ashley said, and she was just trying to be saying this to sound helpful, and sound like things were not as in the moment as we were making it out to be. I didn't really feel like that was helping too much.

"I think that this is going to come up super fast though. I mean, it's already been seven years since I moved here." I said, and I was feeling like this was my way of just trying to be able to have at least some form of contriibution to this entire discussion. As I was thinking about that, I was choosing to try and find something nicer to say, that could appeal to all of us.

"Look, I doubt that either of us are wanting to just waste our time talking about things that are going to be shoved in our faces by our teachers on a daily basis next year. So I think that maybe we should just find something else we can talk about." I told them, hoping that we could find literally anything else to talk about, and that I wasn't going to have to be the devils advocate again.

"Yeah, I think Sheldon's right guys. I mean, I doubt that we all wanted to go to prom just to remember that life is fucking short guys. So please, let's just pretend that things are happier." After he had said that to us, I was seeing him looking desperate for some fucking form of peace in our mind. I was wondering if my friends were just wanting to focus on the moment, which to be honest, I was not even able to blame them for.

"There is something that I am kind of interested in though, so I will ask this one first... Are you planning on possibly moving out soon or something?" Dakota asked, and for some reason, I was hearing a slightly concerned tone on his voice, and I was wondering what the hell his point was here.

"Are you talking about the whole missing thing? I guess that it might not hurt to do so. But I think that there is going to be a small part of me that wants to stay around for a while longer, and try and find out if there is something that I can do to not have to deal with that. I mean, I have a lot of friends here that I have no desire on leaving behind, over anything." She said, and then Dakota nodded at this, satisfied with the answer.

"I was just curious to know, since in all honesty, I was wondering if there were a lot of things going on here. I was just curious, but I know that in the end, that is none of my business." After he had said that to her, he was wondering to himself why he even bothered to ask if he had known that it was really not even going to fucking matter what she would have said. Considering the fact that he barely even fucking knew her in the first place. "Anyways, so now that I know, I think that maybe I can focus on other things." I was desperate to change the subject, so I was trying to chip in again.

"But yeah, I was planning on going to the bonfire, and I think that maybe I might even go to that next labyrinth party. I was telling Emily about that yesterday, and to be honest, I think that it could be kind of fun." I said, and I was seriously meaning it when I had said that. I was wanting to go to this thing, and I was seriously wanting to make the most of the stuff that I was going to be doing now. Since I was over hiding now.

"I think that if you go to that labyrinth party, you will just have to give it your all. I mean, that is one of those things that are not nearly as special if you do not go inside knowing that you are just meant to be having fun there. If you do not remember that this is just supposed to be a random meet up, then things are going to be rough." Ashley said, and I was feeling like I did not need to be reminded of this.

"Trust me, I get it. I know that I am just meant to be having fun, and not make a big fucking deal out of things that are not a huge thing. That being said, I do want to just enjoy at least some of my summer. But there are a few other things that I am going to be wondering going forward here." I said, and this time, I was not even caring how they were all going to react.

"I want to know if that mother who had that girl go missing is going to find her, and I just want to make sure that no matter what happens, she feels like people are actually going to try and bring her home." I said, and this time, I was wondering if anybody was really going to be listening to me, and not just brush me off anymore.

"Another one? Oh my fucking god, I wonder if we're going to catch a fucking break for once with these things." After Emily said that, she was sighing, and she knew that there was nothing she was going to be able to do about it, and to be honest, she was just kind of over it. She wanted to have a fucking answer here, but she did not want this to ruin the moment either.

"I really hope that these don't happen too fucking often. I mean, sometimes I just wonder if there really is something going on here. I mean, these theories sound like a lot of shit most of the time, but I can't help but wonder if at least one or two of them are real." Dakota admitted, hating the fact that he was finding himself actually thinking that there was some validity to the things going on here. But he was just hoping to keep that to himself.

"Well, I would not be thinking too deeply about those things. That being said, I do wonder if the police are actually going to be taking the time and effort to really try and find these people. In all honesty, I feel like they don't really have any interest in that stuff, and that is what is going to scare me." Emily said, and this was something that I was actually kind of surprised that she was looking like she was interested in talking about, and not just doing it for our sake.

"I guess that I just always get my mind all curious about random things here and there. But I am just sort of hoping that she can be found. I don't want to have another case in my mind of wondering what could have happened if things turned out slightly different." I admitted, feeling like that was all that I wanted to discuss, and I was feeling like smoking a bit when this whole thing was done, and then I could use that to calm my nerves.

"I mean, I know that there is nothing that I can fucking do about that stuff, and that is the only reason I am not going around and being a fucking idiot all the time." After I had said that, I was trying to be funny about it, and I was hoping that they would have at least found something of minor amusement of me saying this type of stuff.

"Honestly, I think that the idea of saying that there is nothing that you can do about it might be the only thing that somebody could say, and be able to make it seem like there is no chances of going around and acting like a fucking lunatic." Ashley said, and there was a part of her that was looking just so fucking glad that I had the balls to admit this, as opposed to a couple of days ago when I had sounded like I would have destroyed the town for this.

"I don't know. I just think that when I remember the fact that people are going to want to do things on their own, but nothing shows up, I think that I just need to be realistic in that things are going to be kind of a waste of fucking time if I even look into this stuff. That being said, I think that the only thing that I could try and do differently going forward is just try and give off a more understanding eye for those that seem to need it." I finished, and this was when I had felt like I needed to just leave things alone, and that I was going to be going crazy if I did not. But I was being a bit bored now.

"And in all honesty, I just know that there is only so much that I am going to be getting out of pretty much just running into a wall over and over again, and trying to make a difference, but failing every time." I said, and this time, I was trying to be funnier about it, but for me at least, there was still nothing funny here.

I was then just wondering what the fucking hell I was even going to do for the rest of the discussion. This whole thing was just hard to really understand, and to be honest, I was wondering if they were just trying to get to know my true side on things too well, or if they were really just wanting to get to know me a bit further. "I think that maybe we should be heading out soon. You know, don't want to be late for the dance." I said, trying to get back to the main point.

"Yeah, you're probably right. I guess that I just got side tracked in wanting to see what you guys were thinking of it all." After Emily said this, she was looking right at me, and I was seeing from the look on her face that she was kind of feeling bad for this, and that there was a small look of regret in her face right now. I was wondering why she was so worried here.

"I guess that I just need to remember that some of the time, this can be a sensitive subject on you." She was saying, trying her best to be making a slightly good mood out of this. Despite all that they were discussing, I was able to appreciate the fact that she was willing to apologize if she was feeling like she had gone too far here. And that she didn't want to make me feel worse.

In all honesty, despite never openly admit it, I was actually kind of more annoyed with the fact that everybody was walking around me, like a fucking eggshell, and were scared out of their fucking mind to literally go on and tell me anything at all. I was feeling like there was going to come a point where I was just wishing that they would stop fucking babying me, and that they would let me be able to just hear some shit without them being worried about my reaction and stuff.

"I am really excited to go to this dance. I never thought that I would be so excited to go to prom, but there is something about how fun this whole thing sounds that to be honest, I am just wondering if it is going to be living up to the hype, or if it is going to be a bit of a let down." I said, and the whole time that I was imagining the dance in my mind, I was realizing that chances were still relatively good that it was going to be a bit of a let down. But at that moment, I could not have cared less.

We left the area where we were having our dinner, and the entire time that we were getting to the car, and were getting ready to be heading out, I was slowly wondering if this was the type of thing that I had needed in my life. A fucking just good night, and a night where I wasn't scared out of my fucking mind over relatively simple stuff, and things that would have been no big deal otherwise. As strange as it was.

We were getting inside of the car, and I was wondering where we were going to be heading next. "So guys, who do you think is going to win prom king and queen?" Dakota asked, as he was starting up the car in the driver seat, and we were just going along, and this entire time that I was imagining things in my mind, I was wondering what the fucking hell I was even going to be telling people if they wanted to pretend for a second I had a chance to win it.

"I think that Mike and Amber might have a chance to win it this time. They have been going on and on about how great of a couple they are, and they seem to be really happy so far. I think that it would only make sense that they would get in the top three or something." Emily said, and I was unsure for real if she was just trying to have a good conversation with them for my sake, or if she was actually going on and having a good time with this.

"Yeah, I would not be surprised if they pull something off. I mean, you know that they are already sort of in the mood to be making their ego kind of be heard. You know, I respect them and the fact that they have been getting along so well, but there are times when I feel like they don't really get the fact that sometimes it is best to not be shoving it in everybody's fucking face." Dakota was just sort of going into rant mode, and I was feeling like we were needing to just let him have the moment this time.

"Well, I mean, I get how it can be a bit annoying to deal with that. But I think that as long as they are not entirely rude about it, and if they are really happy on it, then I guess that there is a small amount of power to them in a strange way." Emily said, this time in a much more defensive tone, feeling like I was just needing to be seeing where the two dividing lines on this whole thing were going to be going now.

"I mean, I barely know them. I think the only times I ever interacted with them were like in a couple of classes, so I have no idea what the hell I am going to say here." I said, and this time, I was just trying to pass off a much more neutral tone, feeling like doing something like this would make it so that I never had to make a fucking choice.

"I guess that maybe I do need to try and give them some credit. At least they're not horrible people. I never once felt like they had any real bad cells in their body. So I think that maybe things could be much worse." After Dakota said that to us, he shrugged, figuring that things were always a bit more complicated than he would want to admit that they were.

We eventually reached the school, and when we parked, Ashley and Emily went inside of the school, but I asked Dakota to stay with me for a moment longer, so we could talk for a moment longer. "Hey Dakota, I was wondering if you were able to help me out with something. And this time, I really think that it is beyond my comprehension." I said, wondering if he knew what I was going to do already.

"What are you wanting to talk about?" He asked, and while I think full well he knew what I was going to ask him on, he was looking like he was just wanting to at least be nice about it all, and he was looking like there was something that he was just wanting to help me on here. But in all honesty, I was just worried about his reaction here.

"There was somebody who went inside my house last night, and or it was two nights ago actually, and he was forcing me to talk about all of the missing people and stuff. I really did want to leave it alone. I wanted to just pretend like this was not that big of a deal. But he was forcing me to talk with him about the evidence that he thinks he gathered up and stuff." I said, and then he was looking at me, as if also kind of confused on this one.

"Why would somebody ask you that stuff? I mean, you seem to be a bit hot headed on this, and that you wanted to always know more, but I never thought that you were dumb enough to actually go and try and find something out of it. I think that if you want to be careful, you need to just leave it alone." After he had said that to me, I was leaving it alone for a bit.

"To be honest, I feel like I want to just tell him off. But if he is telling the truth, then I wonder if I am really going to have much of a choice here. I mean, he might be trying to find something to force me into this whole thing, and that is what is scaring me." I was saying, and this whole time I was speaking, I was seeing Dakota looking like he had wanted to argue a bit more, but could not find it in himself.

"Well, I think that you should at least be thinking things ot here. I mean, i know that you are not going to be a big fan of brushing off something that you might consider evidence, but I think even you agree that just going into this blindly and dumbly is going to be the worst wy to be going at this whole thing." He said, and then I nodded in agreement, even if the practical and emotional part of my brain was going in a different range of emotions.

"I know that I need to be smart and stuff, but I do really think that if I look at all the evidence here, then I could at the very least get a head start on figuring shit out." I said, and then I was looking right at Dakota, and I knew that he was not going to be super in love with the idea, but I was hoping he would get it.

"I know that Riley is out there somewhere, and I know that me just laying around, and doing nothing is only making things worse. I feel like if I just figure it out, know the answer, I could move on for the rest of my life." I said, and then I was shaking my head, knowing that I was just being all over the fucking place when I was talking about this whole thing, and there was no excuse.

"That being said, when I now truly think about it, part of me doesn't want to do that. I think that it just in general makes me feel bad to be going along with all of this, and then just losing track of every single thing that I was doing. I don't know, I guess that I am just being dramatic here in a way." I said, laughing as if what I had said was hilarious.

"Anyways, I think that we can agree that we should at least wait until prom is done before we even think about any of this. So I am going to go in there, and I am going to try my best to enjoy the night, and not give a single fuck what is happening." I said, and then I was feeling like this was my best moment, and the moment that I needed to really capture usually.

"Yeah, I mean, I will have to listen to your side of the debate. I mean, I don't want to admit it, but if you really do have something going on here, I think that I would be insane to not give it a chance at least." After he had said that to me, I was nodding, and when he was telling me this, I was just thinking that I now had a chance to make things work. We both took out a cigarette, and smoked it for a minute or so, that way if they asked us what we were doing, we could have a real alibi.

We walked right into the school, and when I was going inside of the school, I was reminding myself that I just needed to enjoy myself. I had wanted to enjoy myself more than I had ever wanted to admit, and I was feeling like this was going to be one of my very last chances to ever do something like this.

When we were looking at Ashley and Emily, I saw both of them were looking a bit confused and worried about what had kept us there for so long. "Were you guys dealing with something really important or something?" She asked me, and then I was shaking my head, thinking that it would be true enough. At least for the time being, and that I just needed to focus on the dance now.

"Honestly, we were just having a really long smoking break, and were expressing some plans for summer." I said, and then I was looking at Dakota, as if silently pleading him to let this be the story this time, and when I was doing this, he nodded as if to let me know that he was fine with letting it slide this time, and that he really did not want to make things worse for me.

"Alright guys, well don't mess around too much. We were going to just head in without you guys." After Ashley told us this, we looked at her uncertain of what to say, since she did technically leave us and went in without us. But I decided that I was not going to be pursuing that any longer, and I was just going to ignore it for now.

We were walking along, and the entire time that we had been walking, the better that I had slowly started to feel, and the less that I was feeling a bit overwhelmed by everything going on right now. I knew that for nothing else, we were going to finally have a good night, and that if for nothing else, when I was here, I would enjoy my time for once, and not be scared for no real reason at all. I was not going to be just held back by anything.

"Anyways, so how late do you guys plan on staying after prom?" I asked, hoping to get Ashley and Dakota's plan, that way I would know what I was going to be doing with Emily that night. If I was just going to bring them home, or if they were going to be taking care of it without us.

Despite the fact that I was feeling like saying it would be really bad, I was kind of just hoping that they were going to be taking care of this on their own, since in all honesty, I was just wanting to have some time alone with Emily, and I was wanting to see if perhaps I could make a move on her that would show her how much I was willing to go through with this.

"Wow, there are not as many people here as I thought that it would have been." I was making a sincere comment here, and then I was just looking around, kind of shocked by this prospect, and as I had said that, Emily was laughing at this, and she was looking like she was willing to patiently explain it to me.

"The dance has barely started, of course there are not going to be that many people. You need to wait until more cars show up. Trust me, in the next hour or so, the place will start to get packed." She said, and I was sighing, feeling like I might as well be patient about it, and I was wondering why I even cared so much what it was.

"I mean, I know that it barely started, but fucking hell, I guess I just thought more people would be on time to one of the biggest events of the entire year." I said, thinking that if I explained it this way, people were not going to be pressing me around, and she was actually going to see where I was coming from.

"I think that being on time to stuff is kind of over rated anyways. I think that people need to fucking relax about that stuff." After Dakota said that to me, I was remembering his relatively high amount of tardies at school, and I was feeling like this was a perfectly in character thing to say. But I decided that I was going to be leaving things alone this time, and not actually make fun of him on it.

"Well, I think that some teachers would not be very happy with you saying something like that." I said, trying to be funny, and just play along with it. I didn't care too much what he had felt. But considering the fact that we only had one year left of school, I think that teachers are probably going to be a lot more on our asses about being late or not.

"Oh my god, I fucking love this song. I was wondering if they were going to play something like this or not." Emily said, and when she was starting to dance a bit, that was when I decided that I would start to go along with it, and dance along with her, and just enjoy the little moments that we were having right now.

When I was starting to dance along, even if I was terrible, and even if this was something I was going to be made fun of until the day that I died, I did not even give a remote shit what people were going to be saying. I was in the mood, and I was in the zone, and I was having the time of my life with dancing with a girl who was being incredibly nice to me, and who had actually preferred my presence.

I was wondering why I was so against the idea of asking people out when I had been two for two at this whole thing, and the fact that the more that I learned about things, the more that I was actually well respected at my class, and I didn't know it.

The whole thing was just coming to my mind, and to be honest, I was just wanting to give her a chance with the bonfire, and see if perhaps this was going to be enough for Emily to think that I was wanting to actually go really deep into this whole thing. "Hey Sheldon, do you like to dance with people and all that?"

"Honestly, I never really went dancing before. I think that is why I fucking suck at it so much. Which is something we can laugh about later." I was saying, and then I was still doing my best to keep this whole thing up, and the longer that I was trying to keep things up with her, the less certain that I really was that Emily really wanted to see me continue going here.

"Well, I think that it kind of shows, to be totally honest." After she was saying that to me, I was seeing her looking like she was just trying to have some fun about it, and then I was grumbling under my breath, wishing that she was not going to be rubbing the entire thing in my face, thinking it was kind of in poor taste.

"Yeah, laugh at me all you fucking want, but at least I am having the time of my fucking life right now." I said, and then I was feeling like saying that was going to be the best thing that I would have said to her. She was looking proud of when she had heard me say this. She was looking like hearing me actually be happy was the one thing that she was really wanting to see lately. I wondered why she cared so much about me so fucking fast.

"As long as you are having the time of your life, I have nothing that I can say now." After she was telling me this, I was seeing her looking mostly unbiased as she was saying this, and when she had said all of this, I was just looking at the rest of the dance floor, and everybody was looking like they were just doing their best to be enjoying what was going on. I was almost feeling like there was more that I could have gotten now.

"Alright, well don't get too excited about this whole thing right now. Just focus on what is going on right now." I was saying, and then I was trying to do a smooth limbo, but I was starting to trip when I was getting closer to the ground, and then when I got on my ass, I laughed it off for a few seconds, and stood up as if pretending like this was totally planned. Which it wasn't. But I did not want to make it super obvious.

"Oh my god Sheldon, was that part of your evil plan right now?" After she was asking me this, I laughed for a second or two, but despite the laugh, part of me was kind of annoyed with this, and I was wishing that people were not being too in my fucking face about this whole thing.

"Maybe that is a part of it. But I wouldn't rely on it too much." I said, feeling like I could just play along with it for a while longer, not really wanting to be taking this whole thing too seriously. I was wondering how much Emily was going to try and find stuff to be saying to me to be playing with this a bit further.

"Sheldon, so when you hang out with your friends, did you guys never take the time to think about what it was going to be like to possibly teach you how to dance around and stuff? You know, just find something to get yourself some practice?" She was saying, and in all honesty, I was kind of just not wanting to talk about this for much longer, if at all.

"That is a part of it, as much as I hate to fucking admit it. But I think that this is just kind of annoying right now. I just want to enjoy the fucking moment as much as possible." I was saying, and then I was just wondering where this was going to be taking me. Eventually, Emily was taking a deep breath, pretending like nothing was really getting to her and stuff.

"Honestly, I think that your friends need to show you some extra stuff like this before you just go along and do stuff that you aren't fucking prepared for." After Emily was telling me this, I was just feeling like I needed to let this whole thing go. I did not want to talk about this anymore, so I was just wanting to leave it alone now.

"Well, it is not going to be the worst thing in the world if these things actually worked out slightly better in the long run. But for the time being, I am just going to enjoy the rest of the dance." I said, and I was feeling like if I had left it alone here, everything was going to be fine, and I did not need to continue talking about this any longer.

The next part of the dance was going along normally, and I was just remembering what things were like when I was just with her. I was telling myself that no matter what was happening, I was going to never let anybody judge me too much anymore. I was tired of people judging me, and I was going to make a fucking point of that if people were going to try and do more of it. Eventually, that was when we were getting to the half way point of the dance, when the most exciting part fo several people was coming up. The winner of prom king and queen.

I didn't really care who was going to win king and queen to be honest, so with that, I had walked out to take a ciagrette break, and I was going to just relax for a moment longer, not wanting to deal with something that I was going to be finding mostly boring as hell, and just have some fucking fun here.

As I was outside, and smoking a cigarette, and just letting the moment take me over, I was wondering what the hell I was getting myself into. I was wondering why I went to a random school event if I did not really have full intention of going through with almost anything here. I was just thinking that maybe if this was going to be the way that I was going to be like, I was needing to just wrap up and go home. Let Emily just enjoy a night she actually wanted to go on.

I smoked through the cigarette in a relatively quick fashion, and I was about to head on in when I was seeing a black car showing up, and I was just wanting to see what the car was doing. To be honest, I did not want to know what these people were going to do, but in all honesty, I had a feeling like I was going to have no choice but to know, so I remained there doing nothing. I was feeling like if I just stayed there, and pretended to blend in, then everything was going to be fine.

Eventually, I was seeing two of them walking to their trunk, and I was feeling like either going inside or going to my car would have been a good move. I was feeling like anything that wasn't just staying around and being exposed was going to be better than this. Anything that was not going to make them think that I was just pretending to be cool with things, but really not was going to get me a chance to relax.

When I walked to my car, and got inside of it, and waited around for a bit, taking out another cigarette, and being aware of that sword that I bought earlier, in case if I needed it. I had a feeling that I was going to need it badly soon, and that I was going to need to keep it at least as a option for this whole thing going forward.

Eventually, he was coming closer to me, and then I was telling myself that if he had seen me, I was needing to pretend to be cool, and I was just staring at the wall of the school, and I was feeling like this man clearly knew that I was going to be aware of him, and he was feeling like maybe he was going to at least check me out, and see if I was going to do something now.

He knocked on my car door window, and I knew that this was not the thing that I had wanted at all. I was taking a deep breath when I lowered my window, and then I was looking right at him, wondering what shit he was going to try and say to brush it off as a happy go lucky moment, which anybody who was smart would have known that it was not.

The man was looking at me, and from the look on his face, I could tell that he was clearly just doing his best to be making me feel like I could relax now. "Hello, shouldn't you be at your school dance right now? You know, actually enjoying prom night?" He asked, and then I was feeling like I could possibly bullshit my way out of this if I was smart enough.

"I was just catching a smoking break. I am going to be heading back in as soon as possible." I said, and I was feeling like what I had said would have been good enough to possibly convince them to look the other way here. "I just wanted to see if there were some stuff here that I could use to help me get a little high." I felt like I was now giving myself a good alibi.

"We are just scouting the area, and making sure that there are any people who misbehave. Tell you what, we will look the other way if you just go inside, and just enjoy the rest of your night. We are not in the mood to report on something so little yet." After he had said that to me I was fully aware that he was just saying this to catch my guard down. The level of bullshit here was virtually on par with the fucking level of bullshit I was fed when it came to how my sister went missing.

"Alright, I will be heading back in very soon. Don't want you guys to feel like you are working too hard on your patrol night." I said, just trying to butter him up here, and throw him off guard, feeling like if I was going to just relax here, then nothing else would have really even mattered here. I was then about to leave, when I was seeing the guy get a slightly interested look on his face.

"Nice sword there. What are you using it for?" He asked, and then I was looking at her, wondering what the hell he was going to be doing here. I was angry with this man, and I was wishing that he was going to not be so over the top about pretending to be nice to me.

"I just thought that it would look cool. I did not really think much of it beyond that when I bought it." I said, thinking that I just needed to be careful with the conversation. The longer that I was going to be careful here, the more that I was going to have a chance that he was going to move on. I left the fucking car, and then I was slightly aggressive about it when I partially closed it on his chest, and then I was going inside after I slammed it shut. When I went inside, I was taking a deep breath. I quickly went to a random group of people to go undercover.

I managed to come back in time right for the actual crowning, and then Emily sat down next to me. "This is almost always the most boring part of the night. Listening to the announcement, then followed up by watching them dance on their own for a couple of minutes." She said, and then she looked right at me, seeing the scared look on my face.

"You look like you are in a bad mood. What the fuck was going on?" She asked, and then I was feeling like I was just needing to find a way to bullshit my way through this for a moment longer. "I mean, I can smell the cigarettes, but I doubt that this was the only thing."

I sighed, knowing how annoying it was going to be having those things stick on your clothes for a longer period of time, and I was feeling like I just needed to pretend that this was not going to be all that big of a deal here. "Yeah, part of that was me smoking. But then I talked with some strange men in black. You know the ones that often roam town?"

"Really? That is so fucking strange. What the hell were they even wanting from you?" She asked me, and then I was sighing, just sort of trying to pretend that things were kind of cool here. I was wanting to make it seem like no matter what he told me, I was not going to translate that to conversation. Since it wasn't what he was saying. It was how he was saying it.

"I think they were pretty much warning me not to do stuff like smoking cigarettes and weed at prom, and told me to just enjoy the night. Nothing too strange." I said, and I was feeling like if I ended up leaving out the way he was saying it, and the way that I had felt as he was saying it, I would be feeling so much better here.

"Well, alright. That sounds really silly to be getting you in trouble over though. I mean, they must surely know that there are people who do this stuff all the time anyways, and they are getting you in trouble over it?" Once she had said that to me, I was feeling like I just needed to be slightly careful here, and I was telling myself that as long as she was not focused on these guys doing anything wrong or scary, then everything would be going crazy.

"As long as they are not total fucking dicks about it, then I don't really care too much about it. If they start to be in my face about it, and trying to get me to outright change my behavior, then that is when I will be annoyed with it." I was taking a deep breath, and I was kind of feeling bad for lying, since I had a feeling that these people knew what I was doing with labyrinth investigations, and they must have known that I was planning on doing something dangerous. And I was refusing to drag her into that.

"Well, if you say so." She said to me, and I could see from the way she was saying this that she wasn't fully able to buy what was going on, and that she was feeling like there was a small part of me that was feeling a bit out of it. I was thinking that as long as she was never suspecting anything else, then she was going to be spared the insanity of me acting like I was a fucking warrior or some shit.

"Honestly, I just don't get myself to think too much about it all, and I think that if I get myself too deep in the look of things, then I will just be looking at things too harshly." I was sighing, feeling like as long as I was careful about all that was going on, she was going to be none the wiser, and I would be careful about whatever these people were going to tell me now.

The only thing that I was remembering when going forward on this whole thing was that I just was tired of everything feeling like one big fucking game, and to be honest, I was wondering why the hell I was getting myself so tied down with things that were out of my power. I knew that realistically I was never going to have any chance to make a difference, and that I was being a massive fucking dick the entire time that I looked at everything going on now.

"Hey Sheldon, it looks the colo dance is almost over, if you want to just focus on making the rest of the night work out." Ashley told me, and I was knowing full well that she did not want me to be thinking too much about this anymore, and that she was just feeling like as long as I was dancing, I was going to have no real excuse to do this.

"Yeah, sure, I guess that I could do that." I was sighing, and I was thinking about the fact that no matter what she was going to tell me, and no matter what she might pretend like here, she deserved so much fucking more. She deserved to have somebody who was not caught up in this shit, and not somebody who was just tired and pretending like he was being smart here about shit, who was never fucking careful.

We were getting up, and the entire time that I was walking around with her, I was holding out my hand, and she took it, and then we started to slow dance for a bit. The time that I was looking at her, just dancing with her slowly and carefully, and be happy with her, I just knew that for tonight at least, I had made the right choice.

I was scared about the way that people were treating me before, but now I am more scared that I was going to let her down, and now I was scared that I was going to let simple little things that I didn't need to be caught up in taking me over, and making things so much worse for everybody who was fucking involved here.

I was happy to know that as long as I was focused on this, and as long as I was focused on the tangible presence of friends and people who cared for me, then I was thinking that things would have been totally cool with all of this. The only thing that I cared about right now was just making sure that the memory of Riley would stay around, and stay strong, but would not flow through me, and would not determine the way that I was going to be acting on the whole. I did not want that here, no matter the case.

The only thing that I knew right then and there was that she was too precious to slip up, and that Emily was going to be the only chance that I would have of genuine happiness. I knew that this was something that I needed to keep hold of until the day that I died, and that if possible, not only keep, but make stronger, and just never let it slip.

Eventually, the dance ended, and then I was seeing Dakota and Ashley on my way out with Emily, and I was seeing that both of them were slightly tipsy. Not enough to just totally not function, but enough to where I would not trust either of them driving. "Do you guys need us to take you home? I can call the cab as well." I said, trying to defuse the situation, and look like I was being smart here.

"Okay, yeah that might be wise." Dakota admitted, and I was glad to hear that he was at least smart enough to know that this was not a good idea, to be going home in this state alone. I was looking at Emily, who was shrugging, and I was just feeling like as long as she was keeping it to herself at least, and not making what she had been feeling too obvious, I would not say anything.

Once we brought the two of them in the car, I was taking a long and deep breath, feeling like the longer that I was going to be careful here, the smaller the chances were that things were going to actually be getting too rough here. But the only thing that I knew about what was happening, was that I just wanted to be careful here, and that I was not going to be stupid.

"So how did you guys even get so drunk in the first place? I mean, I think that I took a shot or two here and there, but nothing enough to be getting drunk and stuff." I was trying to be funny about it, but in all honesty I was having no fucking idea what the hell I was going to be doing here. I was just needing to keep myself calm and quiet the entire way home.

"Well, I think that it is even more shocking that they were bringing alcohol in the school in the first place. I am surprised that staff did not take that stuff more seriously. I guess that if we could get away with it here, we will get away with it at the bonfire." Emily said, and she was sounding kind of excited about this, knowing that in all honesty, she was just having a bunch of ideas running through her mind now.

"Well, in all honesty, I am not all that scared of it. I was just confused was all. I mean, I think that I will be fine with not knowing though." I said, thinking that if I just brushed off the truth, and the more that I focused one things that were more important, then this was not going to be a real concern. I was just not really in the mood to be looking at this whole thing too much longer.

Eventually, we were getting closer to where Dakota lived, and I decided to go to his house instead, knowing that since he was slightly closer to twenty one, and a dude, that if my parents or his parents or Ashley's parents were going to get mad, they would feel like at least it was him out of the three of us.

"I guess that maybe this party will be really fun though." I said, trying to be funny about this whole thing, and not be letting my mild fear run through me. I was scared out of my fucking mind though, and I was scared as to why people were going to care about what I was feeling here. "Alright guys, we will leave you here. Emily and I will be going home now." I said, feeling like I was just going to have to be calm about it as possible going forward.

Eventually, when they were both out of the car, I was taking a deep breath, and I was feeling like the idea of doing their job on being smart was a bit strange. Then again, they did this stuff for me more times than I wanted to admit, so me being the hero every once in a while was not a terrible idea, and I just needed to be remembering that going forward.

When I was looking at Emily after Dakota and Ashley had gone inside, I was smiling for a few seconds, and to be totally honest, I was just glad to be hearing her feeling better. I was feeling like we were going to actually finally have some fucking time to just be able to capture a good conversation between the two of us.

"Honestly, I just wonder what type of shit they were even drinking in the first place?" I said, feeling like I just needed to know where this was going to go. I was just sort of scared of the fact that I was going to somehow get the blame if people had found out that they were drunk, and then I was going to be the one who would have to unbury myself out of it.

"I don't know what it would have been. I guess that people were just bringing a bunch of stuff over when they thought that it would have been fun to just get wasted here and stuff. Not that there was really a chance for people to get wasted." After she said that, I was hearing a small part of her kind of feeling a bit sad here.

"I guess that it doesn't really matter all that much honestly. I just was a bit curious was all. Anyways, I think that maybe I should start to bring you home." I said, shrugging, not thinking even a small bit about it at all. "Besides, I think that his parents would be thinking that it was strange if we were just hanging out here for no real reason." I was sighing, taking a deep breath, and then Emily had looked at me really intensely, as if making her point that there was something on her mind.

"Sheldon, I really do need to know something. I really need to know what the heck was on your fucking mind when you decided to get that fucking sword." She said, and I was looking right down on the ground, as if fucking hating to admit that she was probably going to be angry as hell at me for what I had done. I was wondering if this thing was going to the thing that would bring us apart at the end of our brief fling.

"I was just doing my best to be ready for if something does happen to you guys. You know, I know full fucking well that the chances of something happening are virtually non existent. But please don't pretend like there is a zero percent chance that something like this can happen." After I was done saying this to her, I was feeling like this whole thing was probably going to be kind of pushing her over the edge, and she was probably going to tell me that I was being a bit stupid now.

"Sheldon, are you sure that something needs to be purchased to defend yourself? From what I understood, you are leaving things alone, and not making things harder on yourself." I was wishing that I could have been able to argue with her, but I knew that there was nothing that would change her fucking mind.

"I think that defending myself is the only thing that I can do that is going to be correct. I mean, I might not be the smartest person in the world, but I am smart enough to know what the fucking hell is happening here." I was telling her, feeling like I was just needing to not be so fucking over the top when looking at all of my options.

"I mean, I know that you are probably correct to some extent. But I guess that part of me is just in denial here." After she had said that to me, I was seeing her looking like she was unable to believe anything that she had said, and I was seeing her just looking so fucking sad the entire time.

"Look, after what happened to Jamie, and after failing to do anything, I will not let something like that happen again if I have any chance to avoid it. I will do whatever I can, and I truly mean what fucking ever I can, to make sure that nothing happens to you guys. I don't care how much of what happened to Jamie was my fault or not. Even if I had nothing to do with her case, I know that refusing to do anything now will be my fucking fault if I don't at least pretend to make some effort here." I was just taking a deep breath, tired of talking now.

"I mean, I know that there is nothing that I can do in a normal basis. But I refuse to be getting any worse and further down the line if I know that there is something that I can avoid here." I was finished, and the entire time that I was speaking, I was just kind of worried of what the hell she would have told me to try and get me to stop doing stuff, but she decided to stop talking.

"Just make sure that if you plan on doing something further, that you are going to at least be careful and smart about this whole thing." After she had said that to me, I was looking at her, and I was trying to be able to argue with her, but there was something about me that also refused to say anything, and refused to argue since I was tired of this now.

"I am going to just drive off now. I think we really do need to head on home now. I mean, we have been here for nearly ten minutes, and I think that if we really need to have this discussion, we could have it later." I was saying, hoping that the way that I was talking was not going to be pissing her off right now, and that she would be realistic now.

"Yeah, I guess that we can wait here for a while longer. I just worry that there is something going on now." She said, and then I was nodding, starting up the car, and as I was starting to drive along, I was realizing that ironically, the chances of me having a better life would have been if I had left things alone, and I would have just pretended that I would let it go.

I was starting to take out a cigarette, and I was just smoking a bit longer, pretending like the smoking was going to be making me feel better right now. In all honesty, I was thinking that smoking was going to do nothing of the sorts, but I was just thinking that if for nothing else, it could have been able to calm me down for a bit.

The longer that I was taking her to her house, I was wondering if I was going to be able to get her to enjoy these things, and if I was going to get her to actually enjoy hanging out with me anymore, since I knew that there was no fucking chance right now that would have worked in my favor.

"Hey Sheldon, so are you still on for the bonfire tomorrow?" After she had asked me this, I was nodding, feeling like there was literally no reason to not be going on this bonfire. I was wanting to go to that thing so fucking much, that there was no way in the world that I would describe how fucking over I was of not doing things that I actually enjoyed.

"Hell yeah, I mean, that is the only fucking thing that I want to do in the next several fucking days. I mean, I am more excited for that than for starting summer vacation. I mean, I never really thought that I would have said that in my entire fucking life." I was trying to be funny, but at the same time, I had feeling like this was the truth now.

"School is the only thing that I think everybody in the entire world could agree is a giant fucking pain in the fucking ass." After Emily said that to me, I was looking right at her, knowing that she was fucking silly for even bringing this whole thing up, knowing that she was needing to stop bringing stuff like this up, so we could talk about more important things.

"The only good thing about school is that at least it can give me some time with my fucking friends." After I was saying this to me, we were eventually getting to her house. I rubbed my eyes, not really wishing to talk about this any further, and I was wondering if we were having any special plans here.

"Hey Sheldon, my parents are gone tonight. Left early in the morning after they took some prom pictures with me. Do you want to come inside?" After she had asked me this, I was looking at her widely, wishing that I could have found something better to tell her. But my best answer was a simple 'yes' wishing that we could do something here.

"Screw it, I will see what I can do." I said, and then I was standing up, and then I was smoking one more cigarette before we went inside, and then I was looking right at her, wondering if there was perhaps something I could have been able to say to her to make her feel a bit better about this whole thing.

"Are you going to be showing me your parents one day?" I asked, trying to be sounding calm and cool about the idea of confronting her parents, but to be honest the idea of something like this happening was the scariest thing in the entire world, and I was not even going to pretend otherwise.

"Maybe one day. But for now, let's just focus on some other more important things." After she was telling me this, we went inside of the house, and I was feeling like I was needing to be more careful here. I knew that as happy as she was here, nothing else even fucking mattered anymore. We were right in her room, and then she was looking just over the moon right now, and I knew that this was the one moment I needed to go through with.

"Don't let anybody force you to question your worth." She said to me, and I decided not to be saying anything else, figuring the fact that she was wanting to talk with me about this boring ass shit was ridiculous, and I was feeling like I had no desire to be hearing anything right now, since I was just wanting to be capturing a moment with her, and capturing the biggest moment.

We went down on her bed, and then I was taking my shoes off, and I was ready to keep this up for a while longer, and I was wishing to see what she would have done now. I was wondering if her parents were going to hate me for what I had done, and I was wondering if her parents were going to actually like me if they knew that I was the man who claimed her virginity. Although I just reminded myself that I didn't need to remind them.

"Thank you for taking me to prom." I said, and I was wondering what the heck she would have said that to me, but she didn't say anything at all. She was looking like she was just wishing to not be talking about anything like this, and that if she was going to talk about this right now, then she was going to actually be annoyed with me. So with that, I remembered what we were having, and I decided to just give her the night of her life, and be the happiest man in the entire world.

I slept in the bed with her for about three or four hours, and the entire that I was sleeping with her, I was in love with the one thing that I was doing. I was scared of her being sad, and I was scared of her not getting what she deserved. I was thinking that she deserved nothing beyond full respect, and that was the one thing that I was truly ready to admit, no matter what.

When I was finally awake, I was walking out of the house, feeling like as l was walking around, then everything would have been perfectly fine. I was totally careful about being loud, since I did not want to wake her up. That was the only thing that I had felt like sincerely mattered right then and there.

When I was out of the house, I was getting right in the car, and I was starting to drive for a while longer, trying to pretend to be calm and collected, and trying to pretend like I was ready for whatever was really going to happen though. I really was feeling like life was going to be a bitch when I was home, and that my parents were not going to let me have a easy time geting out of this.

When I was getting relatively close to being home, and when I was feeling like I could have been able to see if my parents were going to try and get in my business about what was happening. In all honesty, if they were going to try and find out what I was doing, and why I had been out so late, I was feeling like they were just not going to have very much patience with what had been happening.

I was seeing a car driving by really fast when I was getting close to being home, and when I had seen this, I was starting to get a bit scared, and I was wondering what the hell was even happening. So I was parking my car, and I was feeling that if for nothing else, I needed to just be careful, and wonder who the hell this man was, and if I was going to have to try and help them out.

As I was staring at the car, I was seeing that there was a guy who was getting ready to get something out, and a guy who was clearly wanting to talk with me. I was taking a long and deep breath, hoping that no matter what this man was wanting, he was going to at least be polite about what he was wanting to discuss. I was staring at the street ahead of me again, and I was feeling in my mind that this man was wanting to talk with me for a bit.

No matter what people were going to try and say, I was thinking that people were really not going to forgive me right now, and that people were never going to have much patience with what I had been doing. I was just wanting to put this whole thing behind me once and for all.

Eventually, there was a knock on my car window, and I knew full well what this man was wanting to discuss. I was looking at the man, and to my absolute not at all shock, this was a guy with a black suit, and I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to talk with me about something very important. I was just wanting him to just get this whole thing over with.

"What are you wanting to talk about?" I asked, just trying to pretend to be patient about this whole thing, and he was smiling at the fact that at least for the time being, he had my undivided attention. For the time being, this man was having all of the power on the floor, and I was thinking that he was well aware of this.

"I was wanting to talk to you about some things that happened recently, and we just want to let everybody be warned here." The man was saying, and this was confusing me for a moment, and I knew that while he was almost certainly lying, I was wondering if maybe something did show up.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I asked, and then I was just feeling like as long as I was pretending to be careful, and as long as he was not starting to suspect anything here, the better that things were going to be for all of us.

"There have been some rumors that there are some things being found in the forest, and we just want to make sure that people do not go in there in the short term, and that people stay safe in their travels in the future." After he had said that to me, I was feeling like this man was just giving me a load of shit, and I was not going to hide what I was feeling here.

"Well, can you at least tell me what those things are?" I asked, thinking that maybe if I was smart enough at how I was going at this, the man was going to be able to just exploit me a bit more. He was just clearly aware that no matter what I was pretending to do, he had full control of me, and that no matter what I wanted to act like, I was never going to do anything here.

"I am afraid that something like this is not possible." After he had said that to me, I was looking right at him, and I was unable to fucking believe that he had said this to me. He was wanting me to do everything that he was wanting, but he ws refusing to just give me any fucking clues what the hell was happening.

"Well, with all due respect, I do not know if I want to exactly listen to you if you do not give me some fucking clues right now." I was saying, and then I was looking right at him, as if wishing that he was going to listen to me. I was seeing him actually looking like he was considering this spot right now, and that he knew that no matter what to say now, I would never listen.

"From what I heard, it is going to become a closed off area soon enough regardless, so nothing we say or want to say will even matter." He was telling me, and then I was sighing, angry at the fact that no matter what I was wanting to say, he was wanting to pretend like he was having total control over me right now.

"I guess that maybe I just have to go and look, and see what I can find there. I mean, worst comes to worst, I just get kicked off." I was saying, and I was looking right at him, and he was looking like he was unable to believe that I was acting like this in the first place. He almost felt like I was just being a fucking idot right now.

"Well, if you get hurt or whatever, than don't you dare go around and talking about how something bad happened to you, and how you were never given a chance to turn around." The man told me, and this was him clearly sounding like he was not really going to be too happy with this discussion right now.

"Anyways, why do you even care what the hell I am even doing right now? I mean, that doesn't make any sense. Couldn't I just be doing whatever I want, and not be treated like I am just walking on thin ass ice or whatever." I was saying, feeling like this man was going to be really just tearing me down if he knew the way that I was feeling. But at that moment, I could not have cares less.

"I do care about what happens with you guys because despite what many people think, we are worried about our reputation, and we are worried about the way we are going to look when young kids like you guys don't actually stay safe." He was saying, and then the way that he had said that last bit was making me feel like he was really just trying to make me feel as awful as humanly possible here.

"Sorry for being so rude. But I think that the idea of this place having any form of a good reputation is thrown out the window to any normal person, when they realize people are going missing on such a constant basis." I was saying, and this time, I was seriously not giving a single shit in the world what he was thinking would have been saying to this.

"Just as long as no matter what happens, your friends do not let you go too crazy with this, and that at least they can keep you contained." He was saying, and the way he was saying this was actally starting to scare me a bit more. The way that he had known the fact that my friends were the only people keeping me safe as the only thing that made me strongly consider every word of what was happening right now.

"My friends are just going to do whatever the heck they want, and there is no way that I am going to make them stop doing things. But this has nothing to do withw hat is going on." I was saying, trying to get back on topic, and I was wanting to make it pretend like he was not scaring teh shit out of me now.

"Hey, do you know what your father actually does in his work? I think that if you knew what he is actually doing at his job on a regular basis, you can see why what you are doing is our business." He was saying to me, and then I was starting to feel like no matter how nice this man had been before, he was the fucking one person who was scaring the shit out of me, and that was the one thing that I just needed to remember when I decided to drive off.

"I need to go home. I think that my parents are probably going to be worried where I am right now." I said, and then I was starting the engine up for a while, and I was terrified of this man, and I was feeling like no matter what was going on, this man was actually going to try and so something to me to get me hurt.

The fact that the man was trying to scare me with what my father had been doing, was just something that was making me wonder why he even knew what my father was doing. But it was also making me scared on what he could have been doing, if it was big enough to literally make random ass people well aware of what was happening.

The drive had bee going on for a while, and the longer that this drive had been going, the more that I was feeling like this man was just trying to make me feel scared, and that he really did not know what was happening. At this point, as I had been thinking this in my mind, I was thinking that everything was just making a whole fucking lot of sense.

I did not drive in the direction of my house, at least at first. This was something that I felt like my parents would have understood in the context of what was going on. I was parking the car, and I was taking a deep breath and I took out another cigarette.

I was staring at the trees ahead of me, and I was wondering what the hell was going on that made this guy want to shut down the entire forest in the first place. I was feeling like this was the one thing that I just needed to try and actually get. I was needing to see what this man was wanting to hide. If I knew what this man was hiding, then I was going to possibly see what I could be able to use against them, and I was going to finally have an advantage of what was going down now.

I was then shocked at what was going on, when I was seeing another couple of cars coming in my direction. I was wondering what these men wanted to do with me. I was wanting them gone from my life, and I was feeling like nothing was worth it now.

I was holding onto the wheel as tightly as possible, and I was feeling like this man had been telling other people what I had been getting myself into. I was taking a deep breath as the cars parked right on both sides of me. I was getting out of the car, with the sword in my hand, feeling like this man was ready for whatever he wanted, and that was all that I needed to use as a starting point.

I was then getting out of the car, and this time, I was holding the sword with me. If these men were wanting to hurt me, I had every right in the entire world to try and fight back, and I was not going to hide if this was going to happen.

"What the hell is wrong with you guys? I am just trying to do something on my own. And you guys are getting in my way all the fucking time. This whole thing is really fucking ridiculous, and I am fucking tired of this." I was saying, and I was holding up my hands, placing the sword behind me, and he was seriously looking a bit worried.

"You are going to go in there, and we fucking hate your refusal to fucking listen to us." The man was saying, and then this was when I was seeing the guys almost dropping any form of being polite at all. I was seeing that at this point in time, they were going to be over this.

"Well, I fucking hate your refusal to just let things go, and I think that if you want me to have any chance of working with you, that is when you need to understand that you have been taking this whole thing too far." I was saying, and the way that I said this, made me feel like I was finally making him finally listen to me a bit further.

I was holding the sword, and this time, I was bringing it out in front of me, and the entire time that I was doing this, even I knew how fucking insane this was looking. Even I knew that he was probably finding this hilarious. He probably wanted to say something, but declined.

"Are you seriously thinking that we are scared of a fucking sword? We have guns, and even if we did not, we do not need anything to hold our own against a kid like you." The man was saying, and the way that he was looking at me was showing that he was not going to be playing nice here now.

I was holding it tightly, and the entire time that I was looking right at the two of them, I was seeing that the two guys were looking mildly impressed that I had not starting to wane down, and the small part of them were almost looking like they were actually wanting to get away from me.

There was no way in hell that I was going to be letting them get away with what they had been doing, and they were they were going to suffer the effects of trying to get in the way of my life. That was the only thing that I was feeling like would have made it all come together a bit.

One of them was taking out a gun, and as they were wanting to fire at me, I was feeling like I was never going to be letting them have any fucking chance to do something to hurt me. I was slashing down the blade across his arm. I was going to make sure that no matter what he was going to try and accomplish. I would now be the one who was in the lead here.

I looked right at him, and I was seeing him looking up at me, and there was a level of fury in his face. Something that made him realize that he had gone way too far here, and I was thinking that he was the worst person that I could have imagined in my life. To be honest, I just did not care.

The other guy fired a gun, and when I was hearing the cocking noise, I was feeling like I was only having about one single second to get away from him, and this was when I jumped to my side, and then I was seeing the guy who fired the gun looking impressed at how well I avoided him, and he was almost wishing that I had maybe joined them earlier, and that this would have helped their cause more than killing me.

I stabbed him right in the chest and when he looked at the ground for a second, he was showing literally no fucking emotion here. I moved the blade up a bit more, and then there was blood coming down his nose, and I knew he was dead now. I dragged the blade out, and then he was falling down on the ground.

When he was on the ground, I was seeing the guy with the cut off arm looking right at me, and I was seeing him just starting to try and grab the gun with his other hand. I was smiling at his reaction, and I was going to kill him, even if I did not want to do this. Knowing that now I had no choice but to do this.

I swung the blade as fast as I could across his chest before he could even continue, and then he was falling down to the ground. I was smiling for a second, not because I was glad for killing somebody. But because I knew that I was going to get away with this, and that nobody was ever going to know that I had done it.

When I had said this, I was staring right down at him. I was trying to find something to say to him, to make him feel like I was making my point enough. "What made you follow this crusade in the first place?" The man asked, and I was feeling like I could at least entertain him while he was dying, as morbid as something like this was sounding.

"I am trying to save the people in this town, feeling like I have a chance to do something like this properly." I said, and then the moment that I was saying this, the more that I was starting to see how fucking silly that I was probably sounding. But at that time, I could not have cared less.

"You threatened me, and you were trying to ruin my fucking life. There was no way in hell that I was going to be letting you get away with this. I did what I had to do in order to survive." I said to him, and then I was looking down at him, and he was spatting angirly at me.

"Sheldon, we had no choice but to do things our way. We had no choice but to make our point, since failing to do so would make you live blindly, and when you would live blindly, nothing else would ever really even matter." After the man was telling me this, I was sighing, feeling like I was needing to at least give him a chance with this.

"There is always a choice. Even if you do not see what the choice is, and even if you do not like the choice, it is always there." I was saying, and I was feeling like there was virtually nothing else that I could have even remotely tried to say to make him feel better about this entire thing." I was telling him, feeling like there was something that I had to try and piece together right now.

"You do not understand what things are like here. We do not blame you for your refusal to get it. But that being said, we are failing to understand why you never even tried to be hearing it from your perspective." I said, and then the way that I had been saying this was making it seem like I was just being a bit insane.

"If I did not understand, then I would be thinking that I would need to try and redeem myself But I think that you are the one who is refusing to understand where I am coming from right now." I said, and the faster that I had been speaking here, and the faster that I had been trying to make my point, the more and more that I was feeling like he was a man who was never going to hear my side. Not that I was any better.

"I promise that I will see what I can do to make sense of fo everything. That is all that I can tell you. I think that no matter." I was sighing, and the way that I had said that made me feel like maybe he had won this battle. The idea of letting him win this battle was just kind of pissing me off a bit here. As much as I hated to admit this.

"When you understand what the truth is, you will understand why we are doing things our way, and everything is going to make more sense." After the man said that to me, he was smiling and died, knowing that maybe he was setting the seeds of doubt here.

Right after he had died, I got in the car, and I was taking a long and deep breath, contemplating what I had done. I took out a cigarette, and started to drive off, and this time, when I was heading home, I really was going to do it, and I was going to be happy when I was with them again. It was going to be working out well.

The longer that I was driving on home, the more and more that I had started to think that maybe I really did something wrong here. I was feeling like killing the man might have been a bit much. I was thinking that maybe killing them was something I did genuinely regret. As much as I hated to admit this, I was wondering what the hell I was even going to do now.

I was feeling like in a couple of days, people would either get the message and leave me alone, or use this as a way to start to make my life even fucking worse. I knew that one way or another, things were going to be getting much worse. I was hating what was going on. I was feeling like when I was hanging out with this man, and when I was going to try and pretend like I could move on, everything was going to go down hill.

I reached my house, and when I had gone home, I was taking and long and deep breath, and this time, I was fucking pissed at what was going on, and I was thinking that maybe this man was going to just be taking things to a whole new fucking level. I was never going to let him know that I had pretty much almost got myself killed. By him meaning my father.

I came inside of the house, and I was seeing nobody inside of the house, and that was when I was feeling like I could finally take a sense of relief, and feel like I could be able to actually adapt to what was going on well. I had felt like I was needing to be smart about this whole thing, and that there was something that I just needed to be more careful about at this whole thing.

In all honesty, the fear of what that mayor was doing was getting to me. I was thinking that the mayor was aware that something was seriously going on here, and that the way he was talking to me made me truly unaware of what to do now. I went inside of my room, and despite how much I had been trying to pretend like what Jimmy White knew, or didn't know for all that I knew, was just getting to me really fucking badly. None of this was making any fucking sense, and I had no idea where to begin.

I was smoking another cigarette, and I was feeling like I just needed to remember what exactly made me quit looking for Jamie. To be honest, despite it only being a year ago, some of the events entirely left my mind, and to be honest, I kind of stopped being aware of what was going on, and I stopped thinking about the big picture.

When Jimmy White was talking with me that day, and he was telling me that he had wanted to talk with me if I ever needed to, I think a part that repressed me for a bit was the fact that Jimmy did indeed come to speak with me, and when he was speaking with me, I was seeing him looking both proud and worried of the fact that I had actually gone on and approached him.

I remember coming right to the mayors office and while I knew what Dakota and Ashley would have said to try and help me out here was going to be virtually non-existent, I was probably not really in the mood to be hearing any of it. I was thinking that they did not like what I was doing, and I was just not in the mood to hear more of it.

Eventually, I just sighed, and told myself that he was the only one who had something that I felt like could have helped me out. I walked right in, and I was feeling like no matter what he was going to tell me, I was going to try and pretend like I was cool with the bullshit and the stalling, when I was not cool with it one bit. But I just needed to speak with him calmly.

I opened the door, and then I sat down, and then I was staring right at him, and when I stared right at Jimmy, I was seeing him looking just impressed that I had the courage to speak with me in the first place. He was wanting to just see where my motivation here was in the first place.

"Oh hey Sheldon, what are you wanting to talk about right now?" Jimmy asked, and the way he was asking this was making it clear that I was struck under his spell, and that was something that I was not really able to appreciate. But at the moment, I was finding myself just no even caring.

"I need to have you tell me what the heck you know about the missing people. I mean, I know that what I am saying sounds like I am just being war ready. But I need to know where Jamie is, and I am going to want to know where my sister is as well." I was saying, and the way he was looking at me showed that he was not exactly ready for this.

"I do not know were Jamie might be. I think that the idea of me trying to find Jamie and being your hero is going to be impossible. I think that you just need to relax right now. I think that even if I could have been able to know where she is, you might not be the one who should have been looking around for this. You need to let us look into this already." He said, and then I was shaking my head, not wishing to hear this.

"If I was to believe this, then I would try and understand what you guys are getting yourself into. But in all honesty, I want to believe that you can figure this whole thing. I believe that you can be the one who can change the game for me." I said, and then I was staring right at him, wondering what to even say now.

"Sheldon, I know what it must be like to have little to no hope in this town. I mean, I understand that people are having a real issue here. But it is the reason that I got into the politics of this city in the first place. I wanted to see what I could have done to help out." jimmy White said, and he was looking at me, as if knowing that this was going to win me over a bit.

"I think that no matter how much you want to help people out, you are going to be forced to work hard on this stuff anyways. You are having to deal with bullshit propoganda." I said, and then the way that I was talking with me was getting me slightly worried here.

I was unable to believe that I was actually telling him this, and I was thinking that if the mayor did not like the way I was talking with him, and that he did not like me throwing him under the bus, he was going to make my life a living hell.

"Sheldon, I know that you probably have very little patience with things not going your way exactly, and I do not blame you for feeling like this. But the fact of the matter is that we have to be looking at things that we both know and don't know. I think everybody here would rather have us come to a honest conclusion that actually makes the most sense, and is not something of a rushed statement." Jimmy said, and I was still not buying a fucking word of it. But I decided not to be saying anything on it, to not make him think of me ratting him out.

"I just want to believe and have some hope for this place again. Can you be able to promise me this?" I asked, looking right at him, and then he had looked at me, as if thinking that I was asking for a tall order. What I was asking for was not a tall order. I was asking them to do their fucking job, and I think they knew this deep down inside.

"Sheldon, I think taht the best we can assure you is that all our efforts will be put to making sure that regardless of what crimes have been or have not been committed, that we will bring justice to a close. It might not be the true justice we all deserve. But it will be the justice that we all know had to be done for us all." After he had said that to me, I was sighing, wishing for more here.

"I do not want you or anybody else to feel like we are not here to work with you guys. That is something that we will never try to create the illusion of. If you feel like we have been pushing you all off for too long, we will change the way that we go at things now." He said, and then after he was saying this to me, I saw him looking deeply aware that he had a long way to go to win me over, but that he was willing to do this.

"I'm sorry if I made any issues here. I guess that I just do really get all caught up in this stuff. I think that part of me just wants answers so badly that when I never get them, I feel like I am going fucking crazy. Simple as that." I said, and then the mayor was looking like he was glad to be hearing this. Almost like he had worked something out.

"Whatever issues you are having now, I will do whatever I can to make things better for all those who are involved. We believe that team work is the only true way to be creating a better town for all of us here. I believe that deep down you understand my true wishes here." He said, and then I was not wanting to say anything else, so I was standing up, and I was looking right at him, hoping what I could say would make my point loud and clear.

I was just thinking that the moment that my friends would know about the fact that I was getting this deep into the whole thing with Jamie and stuff, the more and more that I was sincerely feeling like they were just going to have no fucking patience that something like this would have worked out. I was feeling like Dakota and Ashley would have supported me, but wanted to have at least some form of natural look at it.

I was out of the mayors office, and I was wondering when the heck I was even going to have to get him to actually want to discuss with me anything. I was feeling like maybe when I was going to speak with him about what I had needed, he was going to feel like he was not really able to actually have any patience to deal with what I had tried to accomplish at all.

I was smoking a cigarette, and I was just starting to drive along, and I was still thinking about the race that I was getting myself into. I was feeling like when I would actually take a chance to do this race, I was not going to win or anything. Then there was a small part of me that was wondering if it really even was a race in the first place. The longer that I had been thinking about it, part of me was wondering if it was a race to begin with.

I was parking the car, and then I was thinking about what was making me believe that maybe this was not even a race. I mean, she was somebody who had fucking loved her cars, and she was somebody who took these cars super seriously, and there was no way in hell she would do anything to destroy these cars. And while she might not be able to drive in a way that got her in danger or anything, I was still feeling like the whole thing was seeming to be a bit random.

I had been feeling like if this was something that she would have realistically wanted to do, then maybe I already misjudged despite barely knowing her. So with this in mind, I was just telling myself, begging myself to recall every single conversation that I had with her. Just trying to literally recall a single thing that could have brought this whole thing together.

I was going to go back to her house again. This time, I was going to look hard. Or really make Natalie recall details to me. Maybe hearing what Natalie had to say, I would use that as a starting tool. I needed everything to work out for me, and I needed to fucking make my points very clear that this was not something that I was planning to mess around on anymore.

I was feeling like even if Natalie was not going to be super excited to have these discussions, she was going to finally just open and see what the hell we were going to do. I was feeling like maybe this whole thing would work out for the best.

I was starting to drive in the direction of her house, and I was thinking that no matter what the hell Natalie was going to tell me, she was going to be tired of having her friend gone for so long, and she was going to just give me literally everything that I had wanted. It was all that I was convinced about.

Eventually, I parked where she was, and I was thinking about the fact that she was going to be taking me in with open arms. That was all that I had wanted to tell myself. I was telling myself that she was not only going to open up with me, but we were going to have another chance to talk long and deeply about Jamie, and see what we would have been to figure out.

I knocked on the door, and then I was waiting for her to come along. About ten to fifteen seconds had passed before she had finally answered. After a few seconds, I was wanting to give up and when I was only a couple of feet away from my car, she was opening up and I saw her looking just tired.

"Oh shit, sorry. I didn't realize how tired you were. I think that maybe I should leave you alone." I said, and then she was taking a deep breath, looking like she was not even all that worried about something anymore. "I was just wanting to talk about Jamie, but if you feel like you are not in the mood to do so, then I will leave you alone." I almost went inside of the car before she spoke.

"Sheldon, you do not need to worry too much about it. I have been thinking deeply about everything, and just trying to really figure some things out a bit better." Natalie said, and I was wishing to make her feel better. I was wanting her to feel like she could talk with me. But that was going to be really hard if she was not in the mood to just open up more.

"I mean, I just feel like every single time I try to figure something out, and every time I feel like I am starting to put it together, I just feel like I am scared, and lose all my clues. I am wishing to just pretend like I knew what she was doing. But I think that it is more than just that now." I said, feeling like I just needed to leave the whole thing alone.

"Sheldon, do you feel like maybe she was just scared to be telling anybody what she was doing? I mean, I hate to admit it, but do you feel like she knew what was going on, and refused to admit it?" She was asking me, and then I was feeling like what she had said was making some sense. But I was hating to admit it, as much as she was correct now.

"I think that even if she was having some stuff that she did not want to talk to her parents about, I feel like there certainly were some things that I had been missing out of." I was saying, feeling like I just needed to figure out what she could have told me, even if she was not wanting to really have me throw her under the bus or anything.

"Honestly, I think that the only thing that she might have wanted to hide from us if she was going on dates with people." Natalie said, and then I was shrugging, and then I looked right at her. I was feeling like if I was trying to find something here, and if I was polite enough, I could have made it all work out.

"Do you have any memories that she might have wanted to talk to you about, but for some reason or another she might have been uncomfortable with bringing up here." As I had asked her this, she was sort of looking kind of out of it for a few more seconds. She was looking like she was genuinely just wanting to see what I was going to be heading at here. I was feeling like I had finally gotten her attention now.

"I think that she was talking to me about a group of friends that she had been hanging out with, that were starting to worry her a little bit. She admitted that there was somebody who was wanting to know a couple of really small pieces of information that are just seeming too strange for any normal person." She said, and I was feeling like the way she was talking about this, I was feeling like I needed to see where she was coming from.

"What was she getting asked about all the time?" I asked, looking right at her, feeling like this whole thing could help me from figuring it all out. "I mean, if you really feel like there is something going on, you can just tell me." While I did not think much of it, I think that the way that I was saying this was kind of being a bit rude, and that I just needed to be a bit more respectful.

"She had told me that once or twice, she was asked about something like her blood type. She was telling me that there was somebody who had tried to get her to go to all of these labyrinth parties and stuff." She told me, and then I looked right at her, wondering what the hell she was hiding from me right now.

"Has she gone to one of these labyrinth parties?" I asked, feeling like if she was not going to just tell me the truth, then I was going to fucking go crazy. She would just told me nothing. After a few seconds, she walked down the stairs, got in the car, and I did so as well. I gave her a cigarette upon her request.

"Yes, she did go on the one that happened last time. I don't know if you were told that by her or not, but I think that she was really into the whole thing." She was saying, and then I looked right at her, unsure of how the hell I was even going to fucking react to this whole thing. I had wished that this was never a fucking debate at all. I was looking right at her, just tired of it all.

"She fucking lied to me. God damn it, I thought that we were having a real connection here." I said, and then I was just trying to tell myself to be more rational when looking right at all of this. I was sighing, just thinking that maybe she was feeling like it was not going to be all that big of a deal. I was thinking that maybe she just thought it was not that important.

"I think that maybe she just didn't want to make you worried. I mean, I think that she was probably just thinking that it was not even all that important anyways." After she had said that to me, I was seeing her looking like she was sincerely wanting to believe that maybe we were going to take things easier. I was then looking at the wall of the house, and then I was smoking a bit further.

"I am going to just try and not be fucking immature with this whole thing. I mean, she probably had her own reason to be doing this, and that is the only thing that I just need to remind myself." I said, and then I was shrugging, thinking that I just needed to be patient with her.

"I mean, that is probably going to be making a fucking connection here. If you think that there is something going on here, then I will see what I can do here." After Natalie told me this, I was looking right at her, and I saw her looking like she had wished to be not taking this whole thing too seriously,

"I am going to have to go there. I am going to go to that fucking tree house. I am going to find the other mile markers." I said, and then I was taking and long and deep breath, feeling like the idea of going through with finding the mile markers was going to be a terrible ass fucking idea. "Do you know what the mile markers are?" I asked, and then she was nodding.

"I never thought too much of them before, but I do remember coming across one in the day. I think that maybe you could try and find a way to work with it." After she had said that to me, I was nodding, thinking that it was a good thing that she was seeing my perspective now.

"Oh shit, well do you think that you would be willing to show me what the place is?" I asked her, and then she was looking at me for a second, and she was thinking that there was no real response that she was able to give me. But she was just looking like she was just glad to be seeing me piece things together in my own way.

"Yeah, I will show you what I know. I hope that there is nothing too dangerous about it." Natalie said, and then I was wondering what the hell would be so dangerous about a random destination. As I was thinking this, I sighed, thinking about how fucking silly I was sounding right now, and that I just needed to be realistic now.

"I doubt that anything will happen to you. I would rather put myself in danger than do something to you." I said, and then I was looking right at her, and I was seeing her looking like she could not fucking believe that I was willing to tell her this. I was seeing that Natalie was just having a few things she had wanted to say, but just decided to be keep to herself.

"Sheldon, you do not need to be acting like this. I mean, I need to do things for myself. But if you feel like this is the way to be going at this, then I have no reason to try and stop you." She said, and then I was sighing wondering what in the hell people were even trying to accomplish right now. "But I mean, I guess it is natural when to have a lot of friends you care about to look out for." She said, and then I was taking a deep breath, wishing she had never said that to me.

"Natalie, I mean, I have done a lot of things in my time, and I am always doing things that I regret right away afterwards, but the one thing that I will never regret is being there for my friends, and actually being a fucking decent guy. I mean, I wanted to help my friends, and I wanted to keep them safe. That is the one thing I have always done." I said, and then with this, we were driving along, and then I was just trying to not be too worried here.

"You do not need to have a random level of responsibility. I mean, you are just one guy. All of your friends probably are able to do their own things, and you do not need to fight for them every step of the way." She said, and then I saw that she was just clearly trying to break through to me, but I remained silent. I was not going to be having this lecture, no matter what.

...

When the session for explaining prom night ended, that was when Sheldon was looking right at his therapist, and for once, when he was seeing the look on her face, he had known that he had messed up, and he was feeling like there was no fucking way that he was going to be getting out of this one. "Sheldon, I know that you are free to talk to me about virtually whatever you want and stuff. But I think that I am having a really hard time understanding where this is all connecting."

"Well, if it weren't for the fact that I decided to meet up with the guy who gave me the letter, and try and work with Todd, then I would have still had some chance to be happy, and I would have had some fucking chance to do my own thing. I could have actually tried and move forward with my own things for once." Sheldon explained to her, and then she looked unsure what to do.

"But couldn't you have been able to put that all up in just a few sentences? It feels like a couple of sentences would have made your point, and everything would have been fine." After his therapist was telling him this, that was when Sheldon knew deep down she was probably right, but he just did not want to openly admit it.

"I want you to be honest with me, since I know that this might be hard for you to deal with, but are you just stalling right now?" After she had asked Sheldon this, he was looking at her, and he was clearly unsure of what the heck he was going to say. And that is mainly because when he thought about it, the more that he had thought that if he was being honest with himself, he might have been stalling, but that everything would have been for nothing.

"Yeah, most of this session was stalling to be honest. That being said, most of what I was telling you in the first three sessions did have at least some importance here. But the really bad stuff comes up really soon, and I guess that I wanted to just have at least one more somewhat easy session before I got forced to relive those moments." After Sheldon was telling his therapist this, she was sighing, and she was glad that if for nothing else, at least he was being upfront about it, and he wasn't just pretending like he was giving her some super vital information.

"Well, if you are getting near some bad parts, then I will do my best to help you out. I think that as long as you are willing to at least try and help me out learn more, then I will do my best to give you some support going forward. To be honest, I guess that given everything right now, I am glad that you are willing to talk to me at all." She said, and then Sheldon laughed at that.

"I want to see if you believe in me, and if you do, what you might be thinking I should do about it. Even though I have already done everything that I can to make things work out, and have failed." Sheldon was telling her, and she was looking at him slightly worried about where this was going to go.

"I mean, I already explained that. But as much as I hate to admit it, I think that talking about this, opening up to you an hour or two at a time every few days, is sort of helping me put this stuff mostly behind me. So I think that in all honesty, even if I hate to admit it, I sort of needed these." After Sheldon admitted, this, he was looking right at her, and that was when he was feeling like he was going to have a long way to go here.

"I understand that you probably just needed to have some form of voice to listen to you. I mean, I have no idea what you experienced, and I have no idea what you plan to do once you are done with this, but I do know that there is something that is just keeping you held back, and I do believe that once you finally have a chance to put this whole thing behind you, then everything will be so much better for you." After she had said this, Sheldon was just thinking that she had needed to get right to the point.

"I know that you might want to really help me out, and that you might be able to change things for the better for me, but you do not need to worry about that. My life is already set, and it is already going downward. I mean, I have made my choices, and I have grown to accept that I need to understand that in a way, nothing is going to change." Sheldon finished, and then he was looking at her for a moment longer.

"Are you scared that talking about these things will lead you to a relapse? Are you scared that the further down you go, the more and more you are going to just never be able to put this whole thing behind you?" After she had asked Sheldon this, for once when he was looking at her, Sheldon knew that she was wanting to do something that actually seemed like it would help him.

"I have a feeling that talking about things, and never letting people have a chance to hear me out is going to create a situation where no matter what I do, people are never going to really fucking respect me. People will never learn what is happening there, and people will never truly want to do something to help anybody." After he had said that to his therapist, she was looking at him, as if able to appreciate the fact that he had finally said something.

"I don't know what it is that you are so scared of, and what you are wanting to discuss, but I do know that if there is anything that you feel like I could be able to help you with, and anything that you feel like talking with me about this will change things, then I will respect your choice to continue." She said, and then Sheldon was sighing, wishing she said nothing, but knew he couldn't tell her off at this.

"I know that you are having good intentions to be helping me out, and I know that you are feeling like you might have the answers I could use, but for now, I feel like something like this is just not going to happen. I think that I just need to be open about the things that I went through, and I just think that once we start getting to the important stuff next time, you will get it." Sheldon finished, and this was when she was feeling like she was able to ask another question.

"Speaking of important stuff... I know that you are scared to talk with me on any of this, and I know that you want to just pretend like you don't need to show me what is going on in your mind. But I think that as long as we stick to important stuff, I can help you out, and I can do things right. So that is what I want to do. I wonder if you will be able to just stick to the stuff that I know I can help you with from now on?" She asked him, and then he was sighing, truly unsure what to tell her.

"I guess that I can do that. I mean, part of me knows that the deeper we get, and the more that you understand my issues, the more that the two of us can be able to truly put the pieces together. I want to help you, and you want to help me. So I guess that I will do my best to stick to the important stuff starting next time. Even if it is going to pain me to go through those events all over again, I feel like it might be for the best.

"Sheldon, I am curious to know something, and you can answer me honestly on this one... Did you feel like doing all of this stuff might have helped out people in the town? Did you feel like trying to play the hero card was going to be the thing that could get people to actually make some peace with what is happening here?" She asked Sheldon, and this was something that Sheldon never really wanted to consider, but in the end, he was aware that she had just wanted to know if he was getting himself into something that would have really helped. Or if it was just a terrible idea, and he realized only now that it was.

"I thought that I could have made a difference. I wanted to make a difference so fucking badly, and I wanted to help those around me out, and I wanted to make them know that I was going to fucking do anything that it took to make things right. I guess that maybe I just thought that I would have done something that was out of my reach." Sheldon admitted, and he left it at that.

"So you wanted to be a hero? You wanted to do something for the people of the town, and the further you went along with it, the harder and harder that it got?" After she asked him this, Sheldon nodded, having all of the memories coming back bit by bit, and remembering how much he had truly failed the only people that he should have helped.

"I wanted to be a person that I could be proud of. I wanted to actually do something that I felt like was going to be worth while. In the process, I started to go down hill, and I started to make things even worse for me. I ended up only just creating a bunch of shit that I should have never gotten myself into." After Sheldon admitted this, he was looking at her, and he was wondering how much deeper he needed to go before she was happy.

"I mean, I could have just run away, and I could have just tried to live a life that is normal, and a life that is happy, but I didn't do that. I didn't even try and do that. I went so fucking deep into something that I should have never even tried to pretend I had a head on. But who fucking knew what I was getting myself into? Who fucking knew that by doing what I did, I was just failing everybody who even remotely fucking mattered to me? I know that what I am saying sounds like I am just being over dramatic, but I feel like I could have done something better for Riley if I had simply left things alone, strangely enough." Sheldon said, and his therapist knew she needed to know.

"Sheldon, what do you mean? What do you mean by you would have given Riley something better?" She was not sounded like she was going to be letting this one be brushed off, and she was feeling like if he was going to be honest with her on this one for once, then she might be able to give him some fucking help, and he might move forward.

"If I had never tried and make a promise that I would have brought her home, I would never be wondering what she would have felt if I did not. This goes beyond the whole making a promise I couldn't keep. Even without this statement, and even without that idea of choosing to look at things, this was a brutal thing that I did." Sheldon said, getting up, feeling like they could share this whole thing later.

"Sheldon, there was literally nothing you could have done about your sister. You were only ten years old. That shit was going to be out of your power, no matter what you might be telling yourself. I think that in the end, what happened to her was probably going to be happing no matter what." After she had said that to Sheldon, this was when he was mentally wincing inside.

He was reminding himself over and over again that she didn't know any better, and therefore, he needed to not be so rude when going forward at this. But when she knew the truth, she was going to understand why telling him that was a big fucking mistake, and why she should have never told him that. But for the time being he really was glad to hear her willing to make him feel better, and willing to make him feel like he was able to get out of this whole thing fine.

"I think that when you know the full story, you will understand that things are not that fucking simple. You will understand that there is a whole lot more to this than you believe, and that is when things are going to go down hill, fucking fast." After he had said that to her, he was wondering if she was going to know what he was doing. If he was going to make her listen to him. He was scared for her reaction, and he didn't want to hurt her feelings.

"We will get to all of that stuff soon, and you will be fine. That being said, I think we both need to probably head home soon. You know, since I know that you are probably going to have to get ready soon." Sheldon was saying, and then she was looking up at him, as if impressed that he had actually managed to remember this in the first place.

"So next Tuesday and Thursday, right?" She asked, trying to make sure that they were on the same page. After a second of thought, he nodded, feeling like he was needing to just get himself ready for the let down. After he had agreed to her, that was when she was feeling like there was something that he was wanting to ask, and she was wanting to know if she really was ready to be hearing it yet.

"I am wondering what you guys are doing. You know, you and your family... I mean, I know that I don't need to worry about it. But I guess that I am just curious." After Sheldon said this, that was when she was looking like she had wanted to brush this whole thing off, and have him leave her alone about it. But he was being nice about it, and in a way, she had wondered if he really did want to know. She was sighing, and said she would tell him after she got back.


	18. The Twin Sons

Sheldon was looking right at his therapist again, and he was ready to just get this bigger week over with, and despite not wanting to admit it, he was almost happy to be having next week off. That way he would have done time to take a bit of a break, and just not be thinking about it anymore.

"Hey Sheldon, I was wondering if you are ready for the next session? Sorry for the way that I was reacting by the end of last session. I was just having a hard time understanding what I was supposed to be getting out of that session was all." She said, and then Sheldon sighed, feeling like her trying to do damage control was going to be a bit annoying. But he was able to respect the fact that she was being nice.

"Yeah, I am ready. But you're right. I was just scared to continue, so I found a avenue that I figured that I could escape for one more session. That being said, there really is no way in the fucking world that I can hide it any longer, and I hope that you could be ready for what I am going to tell you." Sheldon was telling her, hoping this warning could win her some respect.

"Sheldon, I am always going to be ready. I have been hoping that maybe I could have been able to hear it a bit sooner. But if you feel like you can finally talk about it now, then I think that I can hear you just fine." She was saying, looking right at him, and he was wondering where to be going now.

"Alright, I can respect the gusto that you are holding here. At least it makes me feel like there is something good about this. Some people find it to be a exciting narrative." Sheldon laughed at this suggestion, despite the fact that he was not really trying to be funny. But then he was looking right at her.

"Well, I do sincerely want to help you out. And I think that helping you out is something that I think I would be able to accomplish. If you are willing to give me a chance." She told him, and then he was taking a deep breath, and was wondering why the hell he had been so opposed to everything in the first place, and if he was only making things worse.

"I guess that I do appreciate the fact that so many people are willing to talk with me, and see what I could be able to work with. I just think that the fact that you are so interested in hearing more shows that maybe you are a bit different from the rest. Most other people would give up after the second session, and just pressure me to get to the point." Sheldon was admitting, looking right at me for a moment longer, to try and find something else to get her to get it.

"Sheldon, I do appreciate that you feel like talking with me is helping you out. I do appreciate the fact that you honestly think that maybe we could have gotten something here." She was saying, and despite the fact that she was feeling like he was being over the top with delaying every single thing in the entire world, she knew that the amount of patience he had to be doing this in the first place was a bit better.

"Anyways, I feel like maybe with all of these sessions, part of you might be willing to tell me what you are doing with your friends and stuff when you are leaving next week." Sheldon admitted, and he was laughing at this, wondering if she was ever wanting to tell him anything. Part of him knew that there was no real way she would have told him anything yet. But he was wanting to know more about her now.

"Well, I think that I have to fully trust the fact that you are telling the truth first. And so far, it has seemed like there is nothing to show that you have not been." After she was saying this to Sheldon, this was when he was feeling like nothing else would get her favor, and that he was just sort of wasting his time with trying to win her over in that fashion.

"Anyways, so do you remember where we were at last time?" Sheldon asked, mainly just to make it look like he was actually needing some help, when in all honesty, he was mainly just doing this to throw her off guard, and see if she really was paying attention to this thing the whole time. He was really feeling like he just needed to see where to go now.

"We left off when you had finally gone home from prom, and you had decided that you were going to meet up with Todd on Tuesday, and decided that hiding from something wasn't really worth it." After she had said that to him, she had looked like she was wanting to see what he would have said to this. He was sighing, feeling like that was going to be a really fucking bad start, as much as he hated to admit it.

"Shit, I forgot all about that. Alright, thanks for letting me know about that. This is where things really do start to go a bit crazy. I feel like I would just let you know one final time before we started." After Sheldon was saying this, he was sighing, and he was feeling like the story was going to be a really fucking rough one. But if it was the only way that it was going to win her respect, and the only way that she would take him seriously, then he would have talked.

"If you need some support in these next sessions, I will do the best that I can to help you out. Just don't hide anything, and I will see what I can do to help out." After she had said that to him, he was sighing, feeling like the lies were never going to help out, and he was going to just leave everything alone from now on, and he was going to let it all out.

"Thanks for the offer, I appreciate it." Sheldon said, and then he was feeling like he was sort of letting her down by not telling her all of the details yet. "Honestly, I just wonder why I am being punished for doing something that I had felt like was going to be helpful. I wanted to be a assistant, and somebody who helped those in need. And instead, I ended up just making things so much worse." Sheldon was sighing, feeling like nothing else mattered anymore.

"Sheldon, I think you realize at this point that sometimes things are not fair. Sometimes people get punished for doing something right. I think that surely you get this." After she was saying this to Sheldon, part of her realizes he was being a total idealist that had no real chances of making things work out, and that she was thinking that his plans were just not even all that fucking realistic.

"I mean, I fucking knew deep down that the chances of me finding anybody who had gone missing was virtually gone. I think that I knew deep down that I was not going to have a really good chance. But I think that I was truly convincing myself that a small chance was a better chance than no chance. You know, I had started to convince myself that I might have truly made a difference if I tried." Sheldon said, wishing that he would have said something better, but left it alone.

"I guess that maybe I was being a bit worse than their parents in a way. I actually had convinced myself that I could have made a difference. I convinced myself that it was my fucking duty to make a difference. By doing this, I ended up only hurting those around me. In a way, it is almost fucking ironic." Sheldon sighed, and the longer that he had been going on here, the less and less certain that he was feeling like she would have listened to his anger and total loss of direction.

"Sheldon, there is nothing wrong with thinking that you would have made a difference if you had looked hard enough. In a way, you might have felt like you would have been able to do it. And the only thing that might come off as bad about that is that some people might have thought that you could have done it. But is that really do bad, to let them think that somebody would have made a fucking difference?" She was asking, trying to help him out.

"You will see why it is a big deal. I will continue now, and I will tell you what happens next, and I think that you might get it." Sheldon said, and this time, hearing him say that was almost liberating, and now that he was ready to continue, part of him wanted to do it, and see what he would feel now.

...

When I got off of bed that day, I was looking around, just trying to find things to do now. In all honesty, I was wondering if these people were really going to actually help me out for a bit longer. In all honesty, I was just wanting to see if I could be able to meet up with my friends before the bonfire, and see if maybe Emily had some suggestions here.

I had no idea what to be feeling here. I was looking right at my father as I was about to head out that day to be doing my own thing, and then he was looking up, proud at me or something. Almost like he was wanting to tell me something, but decided that he was going to keep it to himself for some random fucking reason.

"Hey Sheldon, how did the night go? Or do you not really have much of an idea?" He asked, and I was looking at him, and I knew that he was not going to buy it if I just tried to brush him off. I was feeling like even if he was not wanting to be talking about this for too long, I might as well be able to give him some fucking clues here, for his own personal curiosity.

"Well, she seemed to really enjoy it." I said, and then I was looking right at him, wondering if he was going to figure it out from here. Considering the look on his face, and considering the fact that he was a smart guy, I think that he figured it out in a few fucking seconds, and the look on his face showed one of extreme enjoyment.

"So Sheldon, do you think that you might be doing something like this again?" After he asked, I was wondering if he was referring to just another date, or if he was thinking about something else entirely. I mean, I knew what he knew about Riley and stuff, but I was not really thinking that he seriously believed that I was going to be following in that lifestyle choice of hers.

"Well, I think that if she is willing to go at it again, and give it another round, then I am more than willing to do another fucking go." I said, looking at him, wondering if my father was going to be satisfied with this answer. He was nodding, and from the way that he was looking, I figured that he was not really wishing to be finding something else here. And that he was going to be fine with leaving it alone.

"I think you were probably having some plans right now, so I will not be getting too in the way of that right now. Just wanted to see if you were wanting to talk for a bit and stuff." After he had said that to me, he shrugged, and I was feeling like he probably really did not have much interest in this whole thing right now, and had just wanted to see what I had wanted to say.

"Yeah, I was going to be off doing something with my friends. Although I do enjoy catching up with you every once in a while, if you are willing to do it again." After I was telling him this, he was smiling, and I was seeing him looking like me telling him that was actually mostly making his day, and I was feeling like seeing this was the only thing I could have accomplished.

"Just don't do anything too dangerous. Not that you will be able to hold back on stuff like drinking and everything. Just make sure that if you do, then you are not going to be doing anything too over the top about it." He was sighing, and I was wondering if he had similar discussions to Riley about this, or if he was just saying something to make me feel better about what had been going on right now. Eventually, I was sighing for a moment longer.

"So Sheldon, I know that you are probably going to go to that party at the beach tonight. Just want you to know that if you do, then I hope that you don't do anything too stupid." After he had said that to me, I was wondering what the fucking hell I was going to be saying to that. I was wondering if I was going to be able to get away with lying about this, or if honesty was the best policy here.

"Shit, I was hoping that it was not so obvious." I said, and I was trying to be quiet about it, and while I was not wanting to have him figure it out, in all honesty I think that probably just being quiet would have been for the best, and that I did not need to be saying anything at all.

"Oh my god Sheldon, I was able to hear that. Seriously though, I really don't care all that much. Every teenager at this town does it. I used to do stuff like this when I was your age. Just don't break any laws or anything like that, and there is really nothing that I want to about it." After he had said that to me, I was seeing him smiling at this, and he was looking like he was honestly kind of having the time of his life.

"Okay, I really am heading out this time." I said, and then I was starting to walk off, really wanting to do something else. I was wondering how I was going to avoid burning bridges here, if something like this was even fucking possible to do at all.

Once I was outside of the house, I got in the car, and I started to smoke a cigarette for a moment, figuring that I would just take the moment to relax for a bit longer, before I would go on and get out of here. I was thinking that I would save stuff like weed and alcohol for after the party, or at least during the party.

As I had started to calm down for a bit, I was feeling like I was ready to go out, and just have a good night. I was not going to be letting anybody get in my way, and I was going to see if there was a small chance that I would be able to get my friends to possibly tell me if there was more plans or not, and if I was going to have to possibly pick up something else, just to be safe.

I started to drive along, the whole time I was doing so, I had been smoking the cigarette, and was just enjoying myself for a moment as I was getting close to where Dakota had lived, and when I knocked on their door, I was taking a couple of seconds to be thinking about what I was going to do now.

When I knocked on the door, I waited for a moment longer, to be polite, and when Dakota answered, he had looked at me, and I was seeing that he had mostly slept it off, which was good to see, and something that I wanted to see so that way nobody was going to strongly suspect that something was going down, and we would be able to hide from it for a moment longer. Hide from having to tell the truth, that is.

"Sheldon, sorry that you had to deal with us being all like that last night. But at least it seems like it didn't get too in the way of you doing your own thing with Emily." He said, and I was wondering how would have known, and then he was pointing to my neck, and then I was sighing, realizing that I did not need to even ask what it was. I was unable to believe that I had not taken the time to hide a fucking hickey or something.

"Anyways, so now that you are here, what are your fucking plans? Are you planning on picking up Emily, and then we could possibly mess around for a bit or something? Ashley just got up like half an hour ago, so she might still be slightly out of it." After he said that, he was smiling as if it was the funniest thing in the world that she was still tired. I was shrugging, not thinking anything of it, and kind of wishing that we could talk about other things for a moment longer.

I was wondering if Dakota and Ashley were finally going to be proud of me, and not be trying to fight me off this time. "So Sheldon, now that you are really looking like you are having something going on with Emily, what do you feel like you are going to plan on doing right now?" After Ashley asked me this, I was then thinking about it for a moment longer.

"I think that I am just going to see how the bonfire will be going tomorrow, and I think that if it works out, I will go further on this, and make everything truly work here." I was telling her, and I was hoping that my answers were going to be enough to slightly impress the two of them for a couple of moments here.

"Sorry, the bonfire tonight. I forgot about that already. I just hope that Emily and I really can get something going on here. She is a nice woman, and I am going to do whatever it is going to fucking take to make her know that I think these moments are truly special." I said, and then I was looking right at both of them, wondering what to tell them now.

"Well, anyways, if you want to do this, then I will fucking do whatever it will take to make sure that things are going to be alright with you." After Dakota was telling me this, I was looking right at him, uncertain of what he was going to try and accomplish here. I had wished that Dakota was not going to do something like that literally, since it made me feel like a fucking baby.

"I don't really know how much help I am going to need here. But I guess that I can appreciate the effort a bit." I said, and then I was wondering if I was going to say anything else. To be honest, I was just wishing that I could have found something that would have made her feel like they were going to leave things alone now.

"Anyways, there is nothing that I will have to do. Just don't get wasted, and no labyrinth talk, and not talk about Riley. Do all of those things, and I will have a chance to make life work out well." I said, and then I was shrugging, pretending like this was all that I had wanted to say, and I was feeling like the idea of pretending to be neutral would have won me a couple of fucking points here.

"I guess that you really do have the size of it down. So I will leave you alone here." Dakota said, and then we were wondering what to say for a moment. I was feeling like I was just needing to keep myself quiet, and not have Dakota mention the fucking hickie again, or else that was only going to be making things so much fucking worse, for no real reason.

"Anyways, how many people do you think were really paying too much attention to the fucking annoucement on who is king and queen?" I asked, trying to be funny about the whole thing, and I was not really wanting to be making this whole thing be too all over the fucking place. "I mean, I would love to know how many people were actually worried about something like this."

"There is some exciting stuff about this. Just have some fun dude. People are having some fun with this, and I think that you should just not really ruin it for them for no real good reason." Dakota said, and I was shocked to be hearing him saying this, knowing that he was fine with this. Knowing that he was actually wanting to see where this was going.

"Wow, I was not expecting you to give such a shit about something like prom king. To be honest, you should have won it, because of how loyal you have both been." I said, sort of wondering if saying this would have made them feel a bit better about the fact that they did not get the title.

"Honestly, I just was wanting to have a small chance of winning. I mean, I knew that I was never going to fucking win the whole thing, but I wanted to at least try." After she had said that to me, I looked at Ashley, and I was knowing that she deserved some form of a good treatment here. Knowing that she was really wanting more.

"I mean, I think that after you guys have been together for so long, I think that you guys would have at least been put into consideration." I said, feeling like maybe buttering them up like this was going to be making them feel so much fucking better, and I was going to win them over.

"Well, it seems like a lot of people are really bitter about some things with us." Dakota said, and while I knew he was being honest, I was wondering what the fucking issue was here, and I was wondering why people hated them being together so much. But I decided not to be saying anything, to not piss them off here.

"I think that some people are wishing that I hung out with them instead of you guys." I said, and I was trying to be funny about it. But knowing what I knew now, I was wondering if maybe there was a small amount of truth to this statement, and I was wondering if these people really did want me to hang out with them instead. Even though I really did not get it.

"Sheldon, you are a really nice guy. Literally every woman not named Ashley Miles in our class wants to get in your fucking pants." Dakota said, and then I was looking at him, thinking that he was possibly taking it over the top, and that surely there were some people who fucking hated me, and not been cool with me right now.

"Anyways, before you make things too strange here, I think that I have some plans right now. I am planning on just hanging out with her friends for a bit, and just really win them over. You know, make her friends actually like me, and then by doing so, I think that I could feel like I am really in this." I was saying, and I was feeling like my plan made a fucking lot of sense, in my own mind.

"Sorry, I was just trying to make you feel better. And then I ended up ruining it." After Dakota was telling me this, I was shrugging, feeling like I was needing to find something better to keep this discussion up. I was wishing that Dakota and I were not going to be too into this whole discussion for too long.

"I wouldn't exactly say you ruined it. I think you just made things a bit harder for me to really live up to." I was saying, and then I was wondering where the fucking hell this whole thing was even going to be heading. I was wanting to make him just buy that I was totally cool with all of this, but in all reality, that was not fucking true.

"Well, thank you for trying to make me feel better here." After Dakota was telling me this, I was smiling, feeling like I was going to have to figure out where this would have worked. "Sheldon, anyways, I think that you actually do have a good plan and I think that you are going to actually have to just go through with it, and not be brushing it off as something you do not want to be doing."

I knew that doing that was a terrible plan, and that if I was wanting to make her happier, and make Emily love me, I was going to work harder here, and I was going to truly just do whatever she was wanting for me, and I was going to truly win her over, the best that I was going to here.

"Well, I think that if I can sort of make her friends like me, then I think that she will sort of feel like not only am I a good due, but I will be a good friend, and I was going to finally be making people see that there is more to me than they can ever expect." I was unsure of how something like this was going to work. But I was feeling like the longer that I was talking like this, and pretending like I knew what I was doing, the better it would be.

"Well, now you are really showing that you really do want to get people to know that there is a good side to you. I think that you are just making your points." Dakota was winking at me, and I was sighing, thinking that he was kind of taking this whole thing a bit too far, and that it was a bit annoying.

"I never said that I didn't. I just felt like there were other things that I needed to worry about first." I said, shrugging, feeling like saying something like this was still going to be true enough for them to be leaving me alone, and not to be making it feel like I was trying to be over the top humble or any shit like that, which we all knew was a fucking lie.

"Alright, I will stop now. I was just doing my best to be funny here again. But anyways, so do you think that if you get their approval that you will start to not hang out with us anymore?" Dakota asked, with a twinge of worry in his voice, and I was sighing, feeling like I just needed to be fair to him, and give him a fucking chance to be happier with me around.

"I really doubt that me bullshitting my way into their good graces will make me stop hanging out with you guys. That idea is fucking insane, and we all know it." I said, trying to be funnier about this. But the reality was that if they were really this scared of it, then maybe I just needed to be more careful about where I was going here, and not be too over the top now.

"Alright, I just was not too sure, so I was wanting to just make sure that we both knew what was going on here." He said, and then he looked right at Ashely again, and this time, I was scared to what they were going to be feeling if they had been sincerely thinking that I was not telling the truth, and I was wondering how I would get them to fucking calm down, and relax and see it on a different perspective.

After that, I was keeping in my mind that in the future, I needed to be careful to not piss them off, while also still being allowed to fucking do my own thing. That whole concept was insane, but I was not really in the mood to be fighting it right now, and I was just going to do whatever it took for them to not be fucking ridiculous at this.

I went to my car, and then after I was about to start to get in, that was when Dakota asked me another question that put a stop to my mindset. "What the heck were you doing that made you go outside for nearly fifteen minutes yesterday? I mean, it is none of my business most likely, but I was just worried about you, and was wondering if maybe I needed to talk with you." He said, and then I was wondering how I would get myself out of this one, and keep it sounding like I wasn't just deflecting from the moment.

"I guess that I would be able to tell you guys. But a little bit ago, and I did tell Dakota this part, but somebody approached me the day that the most recent girl went missing. He tried to get me to help him figure out what is going on with labyrinth and stuff." I said to them, and I was wondering if they were going to be willing to handle this part at least, given how I usually was, and figure out that it was not going to be worth fighting me here.

"What the hell were you doing? Now people are aware of the fact that you are not leaving this shit alone, and they are going to kill you because of it. Was this fucking worth it?" Ashley asked me, and I was shocked to be hearing her so angry at it, and I was thinking that at least she would have appreciated the honesty about it. Then I looked at Dakota, hoping he had something to say to help me out here.

"I was not trying to do anything this time. The fucking man was coming to me, and he told me his entire plan, and I was feeling like there was somebody who at least had the balls to try and figure out what was going on, and I had felt like that was enough to be giving him a chance at least." I told her, hoping that she would forgive me in a bit.

"But now that you know that other people are willing to go on and check this out, you suddenly feel like you need to somehow figure out how to fix things? You are not going to be able to fix something that is too far broken." Ashley said, and this time, Dakota was raising his hands to settle the argument, feeling like for once, it was time to take my side.

"Look, I can get being annoyed by this. I really do. And I think that we should have never had to get to this point. However, he did not start anything this time, and he did have a plan here, and I think that it is fair to at least give him a chance to see if this man might be telling the truth, or pulling a fast one on him." After Dakota said this to me, I was seeing him looking like he could not believe that he was defending me on this.

"And besides, I think that if there are actually some clues here that somebody found that is making it absolutely impossible to refute this, and something that can really paint this as a valid truth, then I think that we are going to be stupid to not at least give it a look. I think we need to at least let Sheldon have a chance." He was saying, sighing, unable to believe he said all that.

"Okay, sure, but what happens if it turns out to be really dangerous? What if it turns out that something like this will get Sheldon killed? All because he didn't leave things good enough alone." After Ashley said that to me, I was seeing her looking down at the ground, and I was feeling like there was that part of her that was regretting the way she had spoken the moment she started.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to react that way. I just was taken aback, and I was wondering what the fucking hell to say there. But I think that if you are really feeling like this is something that you can look at, and you feel like it might not be getting too in the way of anything else in your time and life, then I have no way of trying to stop you on doing what you feel like is important." She said, unsure of what to even say to this.

"I get it. I mean, there are parts of me that wonders why I still bait fate like this. But I am scared that if we do not look into some things that are clearly in the forefront, then I think that there are some massive mistakes we are making." After I said that, I was wondering if saying shit like this was going to butter them up a little bit, and make them feel like they are getting through to me a little bit more.

"I just think that something happened with Riley, and I think that there are parts of that story that are just total bullshit, and if it makes people feel like I have grown obsessed with this, then there is nothing wrong with being obsessed with my fucking sisters missing case. That is the least bad thing to be obsessed over." I finished, and this time, I was being relatively firm on this, not taking any more shit now.

"Do you think that if something had happened to Riley, you would have been able to know the truth by now? I am not even asking that to put you off... This time, I am actually asking because I sincerely do not know what you believe in here." After she asked me this, I was shrugging, and I was feeling like there was no real reason to try and fight her on any of this now.

"If it was any other normal town and world, then yeah, you are right. But I live in a town where people act like this is the most normal thing in the world, and that is something that is sort of showing that there is more to this than any of us could have expected, and I am not going to be sitting around, pretending like it is no big deal." After I was saying this, I was wondering how I would get them to really get it, and not be a fucking dick while at it.

"Okay, well if you do not believe that Riley really did go back down to Arkansas, then how do you think her case ended up?" Ashley asked, and this time, I knew it was out of genuine sympathy, and not out of annoyance, and not out of her just trying to bullshit her way into my good graces again.

"I think that something may have taken her. I think that she might have been taken, and then as a result of this, her chances of ever being able to come back to town were thrown out the window, and even if she is alive, then she will probably never be found again." I said, finally letting that idea sink in for a second, that even if she was alive, she was most likely never coming back regardless.

"Sheldon, do you think that if something had taken her, then people would have tried to do something about it? I think that surely somebody would have noticed that she would have been gone, and at least tried to figure out all the evidence?" Dakota asked, slowly going back to his old ways, and I was not able to fully comprehend how he could ask this.

"I think that if something had taken her, it would have been smart enough to not be found so easily. I think that something like this is super obvious, and the only way out of this now is to make sure that is that even if she is dead, to finally resolve it, and if she is not dead, then I plan to expose whatever took her to the whole world and make the point very clear to anybody who would listen." I was saying, thinking that I was on a role now, when I really was not looking back.

"I guess that if you really believe in something like this, then there is nothing wrong with at least giving it a chance." Ashley was saying, feeling like there was going to have to be some level of fake at least support she would throw me, and then make it seem like I was finally sinking into her for a while, like I knew how to make a difference.

"Thank you for just listening to me, and not fighting with me too much longer after I decided that I was going to make my point here." I said, and despite the fact that I had said that, I knew that I was going to have a long way to go before I fully earned their way back into being cool with me right now.

"Well, I know that even if we do not fully get it, that this is a very passionate subject for you, and that you deserve to have some form of chance to make the point, and to get people to know that this is something you care for." Ashley was finishing, and she had looked like she was sort of coming to accept the fact that despite how much I respected both of them this was not something I was going to be arguing with anymore. Not at fucking all.

"Well, that being said, I do hope that there is a chance that having this bonfire can be able to make me feel slightly better her, and that maybe doing this can just sort of brush this whole thing aside. I think that something like this might be for the best, unless if there is nothing I can fucking do about it." I was taking a deep breath, wondering how else to go at this whole thing.

"I think that the one thing we all fucking need right now is a chance to fucking let loose at that fucking bonfire. And I always know that Emily is going to love it if you are there, so I think that maybe we just need to see what we can do to sort of just act like a fucking normal ass human being." Dakota said, and this time, he was at least trying to play it off nicely, and not give off a bad impression or anything.

"Honestly, I am just kind of wondering if she will even want to see me soon enough. I think that if she knows that I am still at least sort of on this whole thing, she will be kind of scared of what I have been doing, and she will just tell me that she wants nothing to do with me." I was saying, aware of how dumb I sounded, but could not have cared less.

"She will want to see you Sheldon. I mean, she might not be super excited about the whole heist shit, but the idea of you just simply wanting to figure things out from your past, is going to be fine. Nobody is going to be angry at this whole thing. We just need to see where this can go." After Ashley had told me this, I was looking right at her, glad to know that she was at least trying to get me to feel like I did not burn some serious bridges with my behavior.

"Thank you for saying that. When I hear that from you guys, and hear you guys at least trying to be taking this to a level of making me feel better, it makes me know that I am friends with the right people." I was saying, aware of how silly I was sounding, but I did not give a shit what I was wanting to do.

"Let's not be too worried about it right now. We can talk about this stuff later, when we feel like we have settled down enough, and figured out a way to just relax, and how to talk without having a mini labyrinth war about it." Dakota was saying, mostly attempting to sound funny. But I knew that a small part of him was being serious here. Thankfully, the good news was that there was almost no more talk about this for the next couple of days. Not until Tuesday. While there is nothing of importance of Monday and school day Tuesday, there is some important stuff about the bonfire.

So when we were getting to the time that the bonfire was about ready to set, we all got out of our cars, and Emily didn't show up at the same time as we did, but this did not bother me as much as I thought that it could have, since I knew that she had her own things to deal with, and I was just hoping that we were going to meet up at some point regardless.

I was looking right at Dakota, and I was feeling like no matter what was going on, I needed to apologize to him. I felt like he deserved so much more, and despite everything that was going on, I had wondered if I was making a lot of big mistakes, and that I really was pushing this thing beyond any doors.

The longer that I had these sincere thoughts in my head, the longer that I was getting angry at myself for just taking this to such a level that it was literally not even fair for those around me. I thought that I was doing something smart, and something good. But if they were all hating me for it, then that was clearly not the case.

"So Sheldon, what do you plan on doing before Emily shows up?" Dakota asked, and then I was shrugging, feeling like any ideas of hanging out with too many people for too long was just not going to happen. But I was just kind of wondering if I had any real idea on what I was now going to have ahead of me. But despite this, I was just walking down the hill to get to the beach.

"Did you know that I actually hung out with her down here while I was going on my date with her?" I asked, trying to find a way to just focus on something more fun. Something that would have been able to make it seem like we were sort of actually not being forced into a discussion that was just kind of contrived in a way. This seemed slightly more sincere.

"Oh yeah, how did that end up going?" Ashley asked, and I was seeing that at least she was seeming to be honestly interested in this, and when I had seen this, I knew that this was my time to be going forward with this, and actually not be playing around, and that I was now going to have a good and sincere conversation.

"It was really nice actually. We just talked about various things, and were able to just take a chance to reflect a bit on life as a while. I really felt like it was something that I wanted to do." I said, keeping it calm and collected, thinking that this discussion was all that I had needed.

I was seeing about a dozen classmates here already, and I was feeling like I would adapt in well, so I was feeling like I would just talk around with people for a bit, and see if perhaps I could see if there was any chance at least one or two classmates of mine would want to hang out for a bit.

In my mind, I needed to truly keep all options open, and I needed to at least make it look like I was not going to just sit around and be dumb all the time. I looked right at Dakota and Ashley, wondering what their suggestions would have been to start with.

"Are there any classmates here that you would want to hang out with mostly?" I asked, thinking that as long as I was being open and upfront about it, they were going to respect the fact that at least I was willing to talk with them about this whit. I wanted to make this friendship not die, no matter what it was going to take.

"Well, shit... Maybe if you can find somebody that you already know, that would be best. I mean, I doubt that you want to spend a lot of time hanging with Harold or anybody like that though. Considering all the stuff you say about him, I think anybody with brain cells know that is a bad combination." After Dakota was telling me this, I sighed, feeling like I was needing to be careful from now on.

"Oh shit, I think that I know her over there." I said, and I was pointing in the direction of a woman that I had not seen in years, and when I had seen her, I knew that she was going to be my best chance to just talk with somebody normally, and away from any bias here.

I walked right up to Nicole Senicourt. If it weren't for today, I might have already moved on, and one day pretended like she had never fucking existed, and that she was just sort of a back of my mind memory. But seeing her made me finally realize how much she probably grew, and how nice she was looking, and how much there was a small chance we would connect.

"Hey, how are you today?" I asked, and this time I was much more connected, and I was much more willing to talk, and I was not going to be a fucking loser this time. I was actually feeling relatively proud of the way that I had presented myself. I just wished that she would have been fine with it herself.

"I'm doing alright. Just love going to these annual events. You know, just enjoying the sights, and hanging out with people who are really able to just not deal with the bullshit around me. Plus, to be honest, I can use some time away from home." She said, and then she was shocked to be saying this much, and already felt bad she did this to a total stranger.

"Sorry, I don't even know you, and I am already doing this. I probably sound stupid right now." She was saying to me, and then I was sighing, feeling like she was needing to give herself more credit. But at the same time, I was not really wanting to talk about anything like that, and just get to hear her out a bit more.

"It is not a big deal. I over talk all the time myself. I mean, it is a really bad weakness of mine. So I would relax about it if I were you." After I had already said that to her, she was looking at me, and I was seeing her looking so glad to be hearing me not be throwing her under the bus, and making fun of her or anything.

"Thanks. Well anyways, who are you anyways?" She asked, and I was not shocked by this, since while we did talk somewhat often in my first year here, that was seven years ago. Well more than enough time for a normal person to not be thinking about this anymore. I introduced myself, and we were looking for other things to possibly discuss.

"Sheldon. I vaguely remember a class or two several years ago with you, but I doubt we ever interacted much, if at all." I said, and then I was starting to rub the back of my head, just trying to find a way to keep this discussion up for a moment longer. "I remember that the governor was your father, or something like that." After that, she nodded, as if wishing that we leave it at that.

"Honestly, that stuff would probably be too boring to ever talk about, and to be honest, I don't want to think too much about what I got to miss out on." After she had told me this, I was thinking that she had probably meant the idea of having a normal life. So as I was thinking about this, I was just feeling like if I was wanting to have any chance to get heer to respect me, and not hate the talk, then I was going to have to pull my shit together.

"Sorry, I will let you go. You seemed to be having a much better time when you were alone anyways." I was saying, and I started to look around, thinking about what the two of us were ever going to talk about on a normal basis. In all honesty, I felt like the idea of us getting anything of substance would have been impossible. I just decided that I did not want to waste her time.

"If you ever wanted to talk about something else, and something that you might enjoy talking about, then I would be fine with doing so. I just think that talking about him is a sensitive topic, and something that I like to steer clear from." After she had finished, I was feeling like even if I wanted to talk a bit longer, and see how she was doing, that something like this was going to be impossible to actually accomplish.

"Well, I guess that I can ask if you have ever been to these parties before? Have you been to a labyrinth party?" I asked, thinking that even if she was not a big fan of talking about her father and stuff, she mentioned nothing of the idea of talking about random things in town. So I felt like it could have worked, if I was as respectful about it all.

"I been to the freshman bonfire, but skipped the sophomore one. I never been to a labyrinth party before. I always seem to be finding myself busy on those days. That being said, I think that I might go to one some day, just to say I done it. I almost went to one in eighth grade." Once she finished this, I was wondering what had made her stop. Maybe she would have told me. Maybe she would want to talk about it, and just give me some final clues on what was going on here.

But before I would be able to say anything, that was when Harold was showing up, and I was feeling like this was the worst time in the world to be doing his fucking shit. But then I was sighing, and told myself that as long as he was giving me something, then I would be fine. "I should head back to my friends. Thanks for talking to me, Sheldon." She said, giving me a slight wink, and I was feeling like I could just go home now.

"Are you trying to pick up some other girls now? Trying to be a team player?" He asked, and then I was sighing, feeling like that was not a good topic of discussion to have right now. In all honesty, if Emily had heard something like this, and got in my business about it, then everything that gave us a slight chance of working out would have been thrown away entirely.

"No, I was just trying to create friendly discussion here." I said, and I was getting kind of annoyed that he was going to be doing something like this right now. I was wishing that he was not going to try and throw me under the bus for literally just talking to me for a fucking moment here.

"Whatever, it's really none of my business anyways. So I will leave you alone about it now." He said to me, and then I was sighing, feeling like that was going to be the best way he could have gone at it. Knowing that if he was wanting to make things worse for me, then I was going to be the one who would have to pay for having to deal with him.

"So Sheldon, I heard that you smoked some of my dope lately, and that you enjoyed it a bit." After he had said that to me, I saw him looking like he was ready to have more discussion on this, and he was clearly hoping that I was going to take the bait, and see if I could give him a bit more business here.

"Yeah I did. But I really don't have the money to stretch on this right now. I should just get a job or something. That way I can have money to go on dates, and have some money to provide you with some purchases and stuff." I was saying, and then I looked right at him, wondering if he was going to be cool with this.

"Well, if you do get one, I can give you an entire week supply for say, ten percent of what you earn that week." He was suggesting, and I knew that if he kept this thing up, he was going to find a way to make himself a rich powerhouse in this town or something. Even if he was doing that shit, if he was happy and having fun at it, then I guess that I had no reason to try and prevent him from doing this, and he could just continue doing it.

"I'll thank about it." I was thinking that while the extra supply would be great, the idea of throwing away one tenth of my earnings every single week would be a bit much. Then I was thinking about something else entirely. Something that I was shocked totally escaped my mind, and then I was looking right at him, hoping I did not regret this.

"How do you even get all this in the first place? I mean, the fact that you have so much weed just seems a bit random, to be honest." I said, and then he was looking down, as if not wanting to admit anything like this yet, and knowing that if I found out the truth, he might be thinking that I would abuse the hell out of this.

"I have various sources. Plus it also helps that I am able to grow some of it in my own. Anything that I sell with that I get to keep for myself, and every time I give some of mine to somebody else to sell, I get part of the profits. In all honesty, I think that you can get the picture. And I don't want to bore you with the details." He said, and then I was sighing, thinking this was a rather funny way to be going at this, and that I just needed to let him have his moment.

"Well, don't go too overboard with this whole thing, and just make sure that whatever you do, that people don't start to abuse the idea of buying even more." I said, and I was feeling like whatever I was saying here would not have gone through with him, and that to be honest, he would not have fucking cared at all. I was thinking that he was just not in the mood to listen.

"Well, you are being too fucking careful about this right now. I mean, I know what I am doing well enough."He said to me, and then I was shrugging, thinking that whatever he told me next was going to not even matter. I don't even know why I said what I did, since I barely even knew the fucking dude, and I think that he was somebody who knew more about that then I could ever dream of knowing.

"Besides, I have a really famous and powerful dad. If I get in trouble, surely I will get out of it." He said and as much as I hated to admit it, I was thinking that there was a good chance he was telling the truth, and that if he had known what his parents could and would do to get him out of trouble, even if for selfish reasons, then I was fucked.

"I guess that you might be right. Not that I ever thought too much about it. Since I don't really have the idea of messing with you and your parents too high on my list." I said, and then I was trying to be more funny about it all and I was trying to just make him find at least some form of amusement from it, I was feeling like I might as well be honest here.

Eventually, we went our own ways, and the party went on about another ten minutes or so, all of which I spent more time with Dakota and Ashley, before a wave of students showed up, with Emily being one of them. As she was here, I was sighing in relief. Knowing that she was still fine, and that she was coming here. Part of me was scared that she would not come here in the first place, and that if she was not coming, then something would have clearly shown that I made some mistakes.

"Hey Sheldon, glad to see that you didn't flake out on coming here." After she had said that to me, I was smiling, knowing that something was still keeping her happier, and that as long as I did not think too much about what I could have missed out on, and focused on what was here, then everything would have been fine enough. I was sighing, just wishing to find literally anything to discuss.

"Do you have any idea how much I was wondering if you were going to just quit at the last minute or something. I was fucking convinced that you were going to just quit on the idea of coming here, and not even let me know." She was saying, and then I was sighing, feeling like even if it was a valid assumption to make, I did not want her to say it.

"I get it, I am not really the guy that people would have expected would do something. But you don't need to be so in my face about it." I was saying, partially to fake annoyance, and partially because I did not want to be ranted at here, and I was not in the mood to be hearing anything else on it right now.

"Anyways, so I wonder if the turn out is going to rise up soon. I mean, I think that it is strange that we have not had nearly half of our class show up here already. Considering the fact that this is considered the biggest event of the year." Emily said, and I was nodding in agreement when I was thinking about how strange the whole thing was. But I was still convinced that more people were going to show up at some point, and that in a way, I just needed to be focused on what I could actually deal with right now.

"Well, I think that maybe there are some people who are still heading on here, and need some fucking time." I was suggesting, not really sure if either I believed in that, or even fucking cared. In all honesty, I was thinking that if there were not as many people here, there was going to be a growing smaller risk of me looking like a total dumbass, and making things even worse for myself. Which I totally felt like was worth it.

"Yeah, I mean, I know that it is not that important. But like I said, it is just more strange than anything." After she had said that to me, I was then thinking about what I could have talked about, to make this whole thing seem at least slightly more appealing to me. You know, not like I was coming here because part of me was feeling forced to. Which in all honesty, I did not feel too forced to do this. But my mind liked to make things dramatic.

"Hey Sheldon, so how does the beach look when you are not on a casual date during the night here?" She asked, trying to find a way to make me feel better about this I had thought about it for a moment, not incredibly sure where the hell this would have even gone. I had wanted to find a way to properly answer her question, but the nature of it made me stop, and start to think things out a bit better here.

"It does have a bit of a different feel to it. I mean, when some people probably are passing by, they are probably pissed at us that they can't come here, and that we are taking too much of their time away. Not that I can blame them. But I am glad the two of us had a chance to just come in here on our own time, and not deal with the issues of classmates all in the area last friday." I shrugged, thinking about what to even say now, and if I was actually sounding nice about what I had been saying right now.

"Well, I think that the different feel does make it a bit more special. So Sheldon, do you think that maybe we can come here again sometime soon?" She asked, and then I was shrugging, feeling like the idea of fully sticking to that might not have been the best idea yet. Considering the fact that I was starting to focus more and more on labyrinth. But I knew she deserved some form of a chance here.

"I think that maybe we can try and fit in it every once in a while." I said, trying to make it seem like this was something that I felt like would realistically go down. I felt like if she had known what my goals now were, she was not going to be very cool about it, and she was not going to hide the way that she had felt. And I was feeling like it could have been perfectly valid to be thinking what was going on. "But yeah, no reason that we can't do it sometimes."

"That's good to hear. I really just love coming out here, and just not messing around with bullshit, and just enjoying the time that I have with friends." She said to me, and then I was seeing her looking like she was wondering if I was going to say anything else here. I was seeing her just looking like she was willing to be leaving it alone, just this once.

"Well, I think that I do see where you are coming from. I just wish that I knew how to fully set my mind on some things like this." I was saying, feeling like I was needing to be more polite about it all. But deep down, I was thinking that I just was starting to not really have much of a stand on anything here. Which was something that did not terribly shock me at all.

I was then seeing somebody in the distance that I had thought I didn't have to see again at least for a while. Hopefully even never But when I saw him, I was feeling like I just needed to see what was going on, and just kind of get it over with before he was going towards me about it.

Eventually, I was feeling like if I talked with him at least, and just gotten it over with, then we could move on from this, and maybe he was going to see why this was a terrible idea. I was hoping that I could appeal to his sense of logic, or try and find one in the first place, and maybe the two of us could work with something that can actually help us out here.

"Hey Todd, what are you doing here? You're not a student, right?" I asked, and I was meaning not a high school student. He was looking around the area, and I was seeing that in his mind, he was not even thinking that something like that would have been worth discussing, and that I needed to focus on the actual main points at hand.

"What are you wanting to talk about anyways?" I asked, trying to pretend like I was not annoyed greatly by this, and I was also kind of wondering if he was at least making an actual plan here, and if he was, if I could have been able to actually support where he was going from. Even if I did not get it at all.

"I believe, and I think that you might enjoy this, but I think that I am finally having some plans that can probably be able to help both of us out when it comes to fuguring out what to do about this town." Todd said, and then I was looking right at him, and that was exactly the response I was not wanting to hear. That was exactly the thing I was scared he was going to tell me. That he somehow knew what he was wanting to do. But I looked at him, deciding that I needed to give him a chance at least.

"Okay, well I need to just at least hear what your idea is before I jump onto thinking it is great." I said, and I was not even wanting to sound like an asshole. But there was no way in hell that I was going to do something with him if he was not at least putting some actual thought into it. I was not a fucking idiot.

"Besides, you agreed to talk to me about the stuff going on here on Tuesday. We still have another two days before that." I was saying, hoping that this could at least slightly appeal to him, and that he would have left the situation alone. The way he was looking at me showed that this was not exactly his wishes here.

"I know we agreed on Tuesday. But part of me is worried that you would not have gone through with it if I did not sort of force you along to it." After he had said that, I was sighing, thinking that maybe he did have a good point there. As much as I hated to admit it. But then I was thinking long and deeply about what to say now.

"I am planning on just talking with as many people in the town as I can that show at least some knowledge on the subject. I think that if I can do that, and force them to let me know more, without having them just brush me off, then I think that maybe that will already be enough to get a start here." I was telling him, and I was seeing from the look on his face that he had clearly felt that was just not going to be very smart here.

"Do you think that they would even want to give you a chance here? I mean, some of them probably know more than just a little bit, and if they know that you know something, then I think that they will not be willing to give you much of a chance of being able to actually get out fine." After Todd said that to me, I was shrugging, thinking that something like this would be a road I would cross later when I got there.

"They better give me a chance here. I am not going to be down if they are not going to at least let me try now." I was saying, looking right at him, and I was thinking that while Todd might be right on this one, and while I might be retarded right now, I was feeling like I just needed to give it a chance, and I was not even caring how it was going to go.

"Well, if you sincerely believe that this is for the best, then I will just let you be doing what you want, but I am not going to be letting you complain if it turns out that nothing goes in your favor." After he had said that to me, I was looking right at him, and I was seeing that even if he was trying to hide it, part of him was greatly angered by the way that I was acting right now.

"I mean, I want to be smart about what I am doing right now. I wish that I could have found a way to make things easier for me, and I wanted to trust you right now. But I am stuck here, and I am going to find it absolutely inexcusable to just go in head on. But I will give you a chance on Tuesday, and I will see what you might say. But I need you to take some time here to examine everything right now." I was telling him, and I saw him just looking like he was almost ready to give up on this discussion right now.

Eventually, despite the fact that I was seeing him wanting to fight me, I was seeing him looking like he really was not in the mood to try and fight with me right now. So he was just shaking his head, and then he had looked like he was just kind of wishing to just let this whole thing go. "But please at least give what I believe a chance when we decide to go on and hang out and meet up. I feel like you would really be helping me if you can do this."

"Alright, but I will be rather careful about this whole thing. I just think that I need to look at all of the options, and then when I find one that I finally feel like is a good solution, I will just find something to work this whole thing out." I was sighing, feeling like if we were going to keep this whole discussion up, then it was just going to be a giant waste of time.

"Todd, I do appreciate the fact that you care so much about this. I really do appreciate the fact that you want to be a hero here, and that you think you can just turn this whole thing off. But I think that if you end up dead or something, then I will never truly forgive myself, and I will hate myself for everything that I know I should have done, but failed to do.

"Sheldon, I know that you care for what is going on here, and I know that you want to make a difference. That is the main reason I am always here, and I want to work with you. If you did not care, and if you did not like me, then I would have left things alone for a while longer." After Todd told me that, he was clearly looking like he was still just kind of hoping to tug at my strings.

"You know, I really don't want you to tug at me or anything like that right now. I know that you believe that you can make me feel differently, but I think that something like this is just beyond my realm of interest." After I was done with this, I was clearly just willing to let this whole thing go.

"I know that you just are right here. I know that you are always right here. But that is the thing that I refuse to really look at, knowing that if I could just get to know more, then everything will just be a total fucking mess." I was shrugging, feeling like I needed to move on with this whole thing, since I was kind of just over this.

Eventually, the rest of the party was going by smoothly, and despite how much I would refuse to admit it, I was really having thoughts of what Todd was wanting to accomplish in my mind, and I was wondering if maybe he was onto something. But despite what I had been telling myself over and over again, I was convincing myself that I needed to fucking focus on the job at hand.

I loved my friends, and I was going to fucking have a great night with them. I was not going to be dragged by bullshit, and I was not going to be treated like a fucking idiot for just not going something super obvious. I was going to enjoy the time that I had with them, knowing that even if I wanted to deny it, there was a good chance that things were never going to be the same again, and I did not have to deal with that.

I remember when I was sitting down next to Emily, and I was looking right at her, and I was smiling so fucking hard the entire time that I was looking right at her. "I can't wait for summer. I love this place. I love this town. I want to just be here forever." I said, with a little bit of drunk and high influence sinking into my head the entire time that I had been here. As strange as it was, spilling my guts to her was the one thing that I was good at.

"You were just talking a moment ago about how much you fucking hate this place. What changed it all of a sudden?" She asked, hopefully in a joking manner, and then I was looking down, wishing that she was not playing around with me. I wanted to just be with her, and I wanted to make her proud here, and show her that I loved her.

"I think that when I am with these people, and I party with you all, I remember how much I love this fucking town. I think that there are more things here worth it than I ever want to admit." I said, and then I was shrugging, thinking that as much as I loved banter with Emily, this was something I did not wish to discuss, and this was something that I was wishing that she was going to drop right now.

"Well, don't get too emotional with me. I think people are going to be making fun of you over it." She said, and I was laughing at her, and she was looking like she was being serious, and then I was sighing, thinking about how that was the least of my worries, and that I needed to focus on other things that I had felt like were more important for me.

"Honestly, I think that me being emotional is going to be the least of my worries. I think that if people are going to be making fun of me for being emotional, then I think that you need to relax, and know that I am just doing my best here." I was saying, shrugging, thinking that no matter what I had said, it was going to sound a bit insincere, as much as I hated to admit it.

"Alright, if you say so. But don't get too angry if you find out that people are not taking you seriously." She said, and this time, she was holding my hand, and I was aware that no matter how annoying she might be finding some of this stuff, she was not going to be too angry at this, and that she was going to support me at least for the time being.

"I just think that it is so good that things are finally starting to turn around for everybody here. I mean, summer is here, I am starting to have a happier life, and I have some friends who are at their peak of life." I was saying, thinking that as long as I kept up the lie, and as long as she did not see how scared I was over this shit, she was never going to notice how much I wanted to hide under a cover, and pretend like life did not fucking have any real issues here.

"Yeah, honestly, I am fucking amazed at how well you got right into it. You seemed like somebody who I thought was never going to be into any form of normal adaption of life. But you seem to be coming into things just ready at the go, and I really do have a lot of respect for that. I guess that I might have been just not ready for you to genuinely enjoy life." She was saying, and I seemed to actually consider what she had said for once to really hit me.

"I mean, life is too short for me to be scared over everything all the time. I think that as long as I remember to just keep my head high, and fucking just enjoy things, then everything will be good for me. I just don't want to have anybody making fun of me here, and that is the only thing that counts." I was shrugging, thinking about what I was saying.

"Do you enjoy things as they are? Do you think that you are getting what you want here?" She asked, and then I was thinking about what she had asked, and at that moment, given what was having, and given what I was thinking about with the future, I was nodding. I had felt like I could be honest with her here, and I was thinking that as long as I could envision something here for myself, and a life I could love, it was all that mattered.

The rest of the bonfire was smooth, and I went home that day, wondering what to do next with my time. Monday passed by with virtually no events at all, and Tuesday ended the school year on a relatively boring note. After this was done, I knew that now I was going to have no choice but to go on and meet Todd at the diner, and see what he was planning on here, and see if he had any plans on how to actually make this whole thing work.

I was wanting him to have a good plan. I was hoping that his plan was actually going to be making sense, and I was hoping that he was not just feeding me bullshit on a platter. I was not in the mood for him to be acting like I was being stupid, and that I should have not been getting too dangerous on things. I was feeling like if he had some good ideas, I would listen to him. But if he had nothing, then this was a waste of time.

When I arrived at the diner, I was thinking of the promise that I made to my friends that I would see them after I did something important. I was hoping that if they would know what I was wanting to do, they were going to finally just give me some fucking pointers. But at the same time, I was wondering if something like this could even be worth it at all.

I sat down wondering what I was going to tell him, and wondering what I was going to say to make my point if he was going to be pretending like his idea was making some form of sense here. I mean, I knew that I needed to be nicer to him on the whole. But if he was not going to have a real idea on what he was going to do, then that was going to be hard.

I was taking out a cigarette, just thinking that I would need something to make me more relaxed, and something to take my mind off of the things that were happening. Todd was a good guy, from the little I seen him. But I was not going to be in his scheme, unless if he proved himself to me. I was not going to fucking even pretend to want to listen to him if he was going to just preat me like shit.

Then again, I was doing the exact same shit to him, and I was thinking that maybe I had no real basis on what to be acting like right now, if I was going to be looking at him, and looking at him so straightly, and telling him that nothing he ever planned was going to be for the best. I was wondering if he was going to be hurt by this.

Eventually, Todd showed up, and he ended up sitting down right across from me, and he was looking directly at me. "Sheldon, I can understand why you would feel like I am having a terrible plan right now. I know that you might be thinking my plan is just fucking irresponsible." He said, and then I was looking at him, as if finding it mildly amusing that he was putting it this way.

"But I know that even if you do not want to admit it, that we have somethings in common. But I do have something that I was promising somebody I could do. I promised somebody that I would find their mother. And I do not want to look at her in the eyes, and not do my best here." He was saying, and I was looking right at him, wondering why he even cared so much.

"Why are you willing to go on a suicide mission to do something you know you are not going to win from? Are you seriously thinking that something like this is really going to fucking work?" I asked, looking right at him, hoping he was going to at least ponder what I was saying here.

"I was wanting to help out, because I know that if I help her out, then she will truly look at me as a loyal friend. I know that being a friend is the least that I can fucking do right now." He said to me, and then I was sighing, thinking that logic was just not fucking happening with this guy, and that I was going to just need to either give up, or just tell him straight facts.

"I have been wanting tofind my fucking sister for seven years. I have been wanting to see her come home, and to know that it was me who did it. You know what happens? Nothing. I have never been able to bring her home. She is gone. I have wanted to see if she had a chance of returning, but I think that something like this is just destined for failure. I mean, I hate it. But I am not going to fucking lie, and try and tell you something you want to hear." I told him, seeing his face looking rather solemn.

"Listen, I am totally fine with helping people find missing people out and stuff, and helping the truth be figured out. But for fucks sake, if there is not at least some fucking path that you have here, then I will never be able to truly get on board with this." I was finishing, feeling like even if I was being a dick about it, the point was made, and he heard where I was coming from, and he was never going to try and get me to see reason Ironic when he was the one who was refusing to look at things logistically.

"I just want to make sure that you have evidence? Do you have at least some real evidence here?" I asked, hoping that at least if he could hear this from me, he would be more willing to open up a bit.

"Well, I think that some clues that I might have here are some stories that I heard about Sherman Peabody and his contributions to this town, and how much he had turned this whole thing around. I think that if we want to use some proper clues here, we got to get to know him, and get to know those people who were directly affected by his choices." After Todd said this, I was thinking for a second, and the name Sherman Peabody had come back to me, and then I was feeling like perhaps if we listened to him here, I could have some distant memories coming right back.

"I guess that maybe that is not too bad of an assumption to make here. Maybe you can find some clues here that will help me out." I was saying, and I did not want to be making him feel like he was the one who would have to do all the work, but I was thinking that I was needing to just think about the connections here. Since in all honesty, as much as I hated to admit it, I was kind of annoyed that I did not figure this out faster.

"I totally forgot all about him, and I think that if we want to do something that is considered valid, then I think that maybe trying to go on and see if he is alive in the first place, and if he is, then perhaps we can see if we can learn literally anything from him. If he is not alive, then while that is no real shocker, I think that we are not having a perfect set up here." I was rubbing my eyes, feeling like I just needed to at least put it together.

"Yeah, I have no idea what to do with him. Do you think that talking with him might be the biggest turning point here?" Todd looked at me as he asked me this, and I was looking at him, unable to believe that he was asking me this when just a couple of minutes ago, he was trying to call the shots and stuff.

"I have no idea if he is even alive, so of course I have no fucking idea if talking with him is the best idea to be going with. But I think that there are a couple of people who might know what he actually did, and I am going to talk with them for a while, and I am going to try and force some information with them. Even if they are not going to like this, I know that I have no choice." I said, thinking about the one person who helped sparked my interest in this in the first place.

"Well, who do you think could be a good idea to start with?" After Todd asked me this, he had looked at me, and I was seeing him looking like he was truly desperate to get my opinion on this. I was thinking that I needed to just find something that could make him feel better.

"I think that talking with the girl who was doing school presentations might be a good starting point." I said, and then I was looking at him, hoping that he would agree with my idea here, and the way he was looking at me showed that he was clearly just lost on what I was even speaking about now.

"Who the fucking hell are you talking about? I have no idea who that even is." Todd said, and then I was looking right at him, truly unable to really put his mind together here. I was then thinking that maybe she stopped presenting at one point in time, which I think will only be making things so much fucking worse for everybody involved here.

"Well, she might have left then. But back in the day, she was somebody who would present to the younger class every year to tell the history of Wayside, as a way to be getting people interested in what we are like here. I just think that maybe she knows something that I am missing here." I told him, finishing up the cigarette that I was currently smoking, and looked at the menu for a moment longer.

"Well, if you feel like she is willing to talk with you, then I think you need to find a way to talk with her, and maybe she will talk to you about this." After Todd was saying this to me, I was feeling like this whole thing was a terrible fucking idea, and I was feeling like this was going to be putting me on the radar, and that Todd was just only making things so much fucking worse for everybody who was going to be involved.

"Well, I will see what I can fucking do. But I doubt that something like this is going to be a great, or even good idea. You know, I think that some people will only be making things much worse. If you think that she might know something, then I think that there is a good chance that she will reveal to somebody what we are going to be doing here." I was saying, looking at him, wondering if he was going to be listening to me.

"But that being said, on the chance that she is not involved, I guess that maybe I could see where she is coming from, and I could be able to give her a chance here. And I think that I can see if she has any intention of talking of these truths with me at all." I knew that this entire thing was bullshit, and that this woman or man, depending on who I talk with at the moment, was never going to hear my side.

It was another few hours later when I parked in front of Dakota's house, and then when I parked, I was thinking about what I was going to tell Dakota and Ashley in the first place. Both of them were probably annoyed with me, and I know that none of this was going to change their opinion. But maybe they were going to be willing to listen to me.

I knocked at his door, and the whole time that I was getting ready to see him, I ended up thinking about what the hell I was going to even tell him now. I was thinking about what it was going to be like on the very high chance that he wanted to have nothing to do with hearing me. I was thinking that if he was going to brush me off, then he was going to just make me feel like I had no real fucking allies at all. Which was the worst.

When he answered the door, I was seeing him looking like he was just happy to see me again at all. "So Sheldon, how do you feel about the fact that school is over now?" After he asked me this, I was finding myself wishing to talk about this. But the harder that I had bee wishing for this, the more that I was reminding myself that the more important stuff was talking to him about my plans.

"I know that you are going to want to kill me over this, but I plan on going on and actually finding a way to go deeper into the investigating of the things going on in town. You know with Labyrinth and stuff. I know that you are not very excited about that idea, which is why I think I deserve a chance to explain myself." I was looking right at him, and he was looking like this was the exact opposite of what he wanted to discuss.

"Before you instantly tell me off, I feel like I need a chance to actually explain myself for a bit." I was saying, looking right at him, and I was seeing him looking like this as the one thing that he had never wanted to hear. I was seeing him actually looking like despite the fact that he was trying to hide it, that he was getting fucking annoyed as shit with me.

"Do you have anybody that you actually could be able to get in touch with? I mean, you are going to be acting like you are having some great ideas, but then you don't even have a plan." He said, and then I was holding up my index finger with my right hand, much in the way that my father would sometimes do, and I was doing this to show that I indeed did have a idea.

"I am going to find a way to talk with that woman who did presentations to our classes back in the day. I am going to try and get her to tell me what is happening, and see if she has any information that she would like to let me know. I think that maybe if I could be able to get to talk to me a bit, I might have some good clues now." I was looking right at him, and I was actually seeing him stopping before he talked this time.

"Oh shit, maybe that one is going to work. Maybe that is going to be a idea that would work out if you were able to go at it the right way." After he was saying this to me, he had looked right at me, and I was feeling like as long as I was still going to be going like this, and as long as I was going to appeal to his sense of smart ideas, then he might be willing to go on and listen to me more.

"But Sheldon, this time, I am not even trying to stop you. I am just trying to raise a sign of awareness. What if Labyrinth really is fake? What if labyrinth really is just something that you are getting in your head, and there is nothing of truth to it?" He asked, and then I was sighing, feeling like that idea was not really one I was worried for.

"If labyrinth isn't real, then I guess that maybe I got my hopes up for nothing. Maybe I got myself imagining things. But that is something that I think we both know if not happening. I think that we both know that there must be at least some things going on there that are real." I was saying, and when I looked at him, Dakota looked like he had no way to fight me.

"Do you at least have any real way of getting this woman to listen to you? Or do you think that she is going to just tell you that something like this is fucking insane? Which lets be clear here, it fucking is." After he had said that to me, I was looking right at him, and I was feeling like he found a way to ruin the moment, even when I was feeling like he was willing to talk with me for a moment longer.

"I think that I will just talk with her about my interest in the history of the town, and see if doing something like this could appeal to her slightly more. If I can get her to think that I am in this entirely for history, she will be drawn in. She will be listening to me, and she will be giving me everything that I want. It is going to go great." I was looking right at him, and he was looking like he was refusing to argue with this. Mainly since he knew I was right now.

"Well, I guess that if there is one way you can do it, it would be that. I think that maybe you will have to be ready for her knowing what you might be trying to accomplish though. She might be able to see through the veil, and if she does, then I am really being serious when I say that I have no idea how you will save yourself." Dakota told me, and I was wondering what Ashley would have said if she was hearing me talk with him about this.

"Yeah, I know that some part of it would be total deception. But at the same time, if I want to do something smart here, then I think that total deception is going to be the only way, even if it does kind of make me look like a bit of a piece of shit if people do find out what I am doing here." I was telling him, and he was shocked at this whole idea, almost too afraid to hear me get too against myself at this rate.

"Do you think that you might be able to find a way where she will not be able to see where you are coming from? Where she will sincerely think that you are just in this for the history?" Dakota asked, and I was shocked to see him willing to be talking with me about this in such a great and in depth matter at all. The whole thing just seemed crazy after everything so far.

"I think that just as long as I tell her that I want to know more about some of the things going on here, which is true in a way, and I get her to just tell me what the stories are like, she will really get it already. I think that she will get it one of these days." After I was saying this, I was wondering how much of a hole I was going to dig myself with these lies, and how much I could get away with this time around.

"Anyways, it is still relatively early enough in the day to maybe if I looked hard enough, I could talk with her today, and if I can't talk with her today, then maybe I could be able to do it tomorrow, when I have a bit of a idea." I was saying, and then I wondered if it was a smart idea to wait it off for another day, or if I could just go in right away.

"Do you really think that you need to go in running like this? Are you just trying to get yourself killed before the end of the summer if this stuff is true?" After Dakota asked me this, I was sighing, still at the idea that he was not buying my stuff. I was feeling like he was never going to buy into it. But at the same time, I was not too shocked with something like this. Even if I was a bit annoyed with it all.

"The only reason I am so into the idea of just going in right now is that I know that if I do not do that, and if I just flake off, then nobody is going to be able to get the job done, and I will just keep pretending like to myself that it is not going to be all that big of a deal." I was saying, and then I was taking a deep breath, unsure what to admit.

"I have wanted to learn so much about this in my own time, and I know for a fucking fact that if I do not just do something about it right now, then I will never do anything, and it is going to be something that is going to just be pushed back and back and back forever." I said, and then I looked right at him, wishing that he fully got it now.

"I know that some people would tell me that leaving this alone, and that maybe my instincts are right. But I guess that I am one of the most stubborn people alive." After I said that, I was just trying to be funny about it a bit, and I was just hoping that my way of talking to him could appeal him having a small amount of fun here. But I did not care.

"I guess that maybe I should have expected that answer. I mean, I know that you are somebody who never turns down the truth. For better or for worse. Be safe though. I will help you out if you really need it. But I think that I need to make sure that nothing happens to Ashley. As long as it is going to keep Ashley safe, I will be willing to help. Do you think that there could be anything that will put her in danger?" He asked, and I saw that for once, with his eyes, he needed me to give a no bullshit answer.

"I have no idea if she is going to be in danger or not. The best thing that I think I can do to increase the chances of her being safe is to never tell her anything. Keep her out of the loop forever." I was telling him, wishing that the honesty at least could have given him some amount of respect from me.

"Thank you for seeing it my way. Thank you for answering honestly at least." He said, and then when he was done, I was seeing him looking like he had wished to find something to argue with me on, but decided that he was going to just let things go for the time being. "But Sheldon, I do have something that is scaring me a bit." He said, and then I looked at him, and I knew that this was a valid fear.

"Is there a chance that something comes up, and something turns things around bad that possibly telling her is the only way to keep her safe? I mean, I hate to admit it, but I think that something like this might come up." He said, and then he was clearly scared at the idea. And I did not even blame him at all.

"I think that if something like this were to happen, then I would feel truly sorry for both you and Ashley. I will do whatever it takes to keep her safe from this. But if something comes up, and her knowing, or hell even helping, is the only way to change it, then fucking hell, as much as I hate to admit it, maybe I need to just let her in." I was saying, but then finished with a better remark.

"But I am going to make sure that if I go that route, then that is like a last resort." I said, and then I was looking right at him, and I was seeing him looking like if for nothing else, he was able to appreciate the fact that I was willing to play it up as something that I never wanted to do, and that I was willing to play it up as something I could regret.

"Alright, well thank you for saying that to me. Hearing me tell you this is going to make me feel better here." After he was saying this, he had looked at me, as if wishing that maybe hearing me tell him this was the one thing that made his day better. I was thinking that getting him to feel better was the only way that I was going to be getting him to even remotely live with my plans.

"I mean, I have no real reason to even remotely consider doing something that is going to get you guys in trouble." I said, wondering what the chances of something like this getting my friends in danger really would have been. Much too high, and something that I was going to be living with for the rest of my life it went wrong.

"Are you sure that you would never do anything like that?" The way that Dakota asked this was sort of something that made it seem like he was wanting to be funny, but hearing him say it like this, in a somewhat piercing way, was showing that he found it anything but funny, and that he was wanting to make his fucking point here.

"I would never do anything like that in purpose, if you think that this is something we need to debate. I mean, I am not the best guy in the world, but I am sincere when I say that. I know that doing something to hurt you guys is the one thing that I will never forgive myself for if I could be able to avoid it, and then fail." I was saying, seeing him just having a million things in his mind.

"Anyways, despite everything going on, I do wish you the best in case some things do really start to turn up. If things really do start to turn up, then I will see how I could help you out. If not, and it turns out that labyrinth is a myth, I will just hide the I told you so, and learn to be a good sport about it, for both our sakes." He said, and then I was looking at him, seeing him looking like this was the closest to funny he was going to be here.

A hour or so passed before I decided it was time for me to meet up with Emily. I knew that even if she was going to be mad at me not seeing her for extended periods today, she was going to possibly appreciate the fact that at least I could take the time to tell her in person, and not just flake out on her entirely.

I knocked on her door, and she answered within mere seconds, and then I was sighing, looking right at her, thinking that I just needed to get it over with, and hopefully if I did this, she was going to be able to let things go, and not be too annoyed with this."Hey Emily, how are you today?" I asked, and then she was looking so happy that I knew that telling her this was going to be a bit of a hard feat.

"Doing alright, thank you." After she had said that to me, I was looking right at her, wishing that I would have found literally anything to make her feel differently about this. I was then just telling myself the longer and longer that I had been watching, that I just needed to fucking get this over with.

"I don't think that we will be able to do anything today. I know that you were probably wanting to meet up today for a bit and stuff, but I am going to be really busy. With something that is of personal interest." I was saying, and the moment that I had said that to her, I saw her instantly looking at me, and she was clearly wondering what the issue was that I was refusing to tell her.

"Sheldon, I don't want to pry too much into your own things, since I know that it is probably very important. But would you be willing to at least let me know what is going on?" She asked, and the moment she asked me this, I was looking right at her, feeling like there was going to be a large portion of me that had no idea what to be saying right now.

"Just some searching and hunting. Nothing too big. But there is one thing I want to clear up." I was saying, and then she was looking right at me, and I was seeing her looking like she was not down with this whole thing. She was clearly thinking that this was a terrible idea, and that she had no idea how to say this well.

"Is this about Jamie?" After she had asked me this, I was thinking about what to be saying, and I was feeling like if I was going to tell her the truth, she was going to be mad and worried for me. If I lied, she was going to be very let down, and she was feeling like I should have just been more open with her.

"Yes, part of it is related to Jamie. Part of it is me wishing that I had done something better for her, and the fact that she is down somewhere, and that I never did anything. But beyond that, part of it is an obsession." I finally admitted, feeling like as long as I was honest with her, she might be willing to hear me out, and she might be willing to not brush this whole thing off.

"Do you want to possibly get some help? I mean, I am not going to try and tell you not to do this. I mean, it is all your choice. But that being said, I do genuinely think that maybe talking with somebody about this could be able to help make this whole thing a bit better for both of us." She was saying, and I was looking right at her, and I was feeling like I knew that she was probably onto something, as much as I hated to admit it.

"I don't know. Maybe some day. But right now, I just want to talk with somebody, and see what they might be saying here. I think that this is something that I could want to do." I was saying, hoping that no matter how long I was going to talk, she was never going to hear me out. I was aware that she was feeling the exact same way about the issue that many of the others did.

"Anyways, it is not that important. If you really are worried about me, I can go on and talk to you about it when I come home tonight or early tomorrow." I was saying, hoping that if I could be able to get her to look at it from this perspective, and hear me out genuinely, then everything would have been for the best. Everything could have made some fucking sense.

"I guess that maybe that will be fine. I just wish that there was something about it here. I guess that I am just a bit worried is all. But thanks for at least not being stupid about it. Thanks for not lying to me. I really appreciate that." After she had said that to me, I was seeing her looking like me being honest was the one thing that was going on here that was making me feel like I could have been able to win her over a bit.

"Cool, thanks for listening to me. Now I am going to be seeing what I can do, and I think that the worst thing that I can do is just go around and talk about what I want to do, and then never fucking do it." I said, looking right at her, knowing that if she was going to be like this, I was wondering if maybe I was still wrong for being like this, or if I was finally making some good ideas here.

"Sheldon, whatever you do, just make sure that you come home tonight. I really do not want you to be the next missing person." After she was telling me this, I was looking right at her, and I was seeing that the entire time that I had been looking at her, that deep down inside, she was slightly desperate to know that I was actually planning on doing something smart this time.

"I will be coming home tonight. Nothing I plan on doing is going to be too stupid this time. I mean, I want to know shit, but I do not want to be stupid right now." I was saying to her, and after I had said that to her, I saw her looking like she was clearly not fully buying it. I was feeling bad over this, knowing that she was never going to fully buy my stuff again. But I was thinking she would forgive me eventually.

"Well, I hope that if something interesting or worrying pops up, you come over and talk to either me or your friends. I think that when you talk with your friends though, I just can't be sure if you are planning on fully bringing me into this." She was saying, and the entire time that she had said that to me, she had looked like she was taking this way too seriously. I was thinking that I was needing to let her get some ideas going on here.

"I will see what it comes down to. I mean, I think that I will just have to be looking at everything first, before I make a bunch of stupid fucking mistakes here." I was saying, and the idea of me making a bunch of fucking stupid mistakes was almost amusing to her. I was thinking that no matter what she was thinking, I had been letting her down.

"I really do need to go on right now. I need to get this whole thing over with. This whole thing is just scaring the shit out of me, and this whole thing is just making me a bit more worried that something is going to happen to you guys. And if I get something to happen here, then I will just do whatever I can to bullshit my way out of this." I was sighing, and then I was getting in the car.

Eventually, I was starting up my car, and then I was driving along. The longer that I had been going down the street, the less and less that I was actually certain that any of this was going to work out. I was less certain now more than ever that whatever I was doing was just dangerous, and that I was wrong for getting them all involved with this.

I eventually reached the office that this woman worked at. When I was driving there, I was remembering everything that she had told me during that presentation seven years ago, and where she worked came to my mind all of a sudden. As it had come up to me again, I had finally remembered what she did during her time working, and I remembered that I just needed to butter her up.

I went inside, and then I was looking around the offices, and then her desk manager was calling out to me. "Hey, where are you looking for?" She asked, more just wondering what she was going to have to do, in order to get this over with, and then I was thinking that maybe this whole thing was going to be a bit harder than I was expecting.

"I am looking for the girl that used to do the school presentations to the younger classes around winter break. I don't know if she is still doing them, but I have some questions I want to ask her, and I think that she is the only one who can help me out." I was saying, and she had nodded, almost feeling like she was unable to believe anybody was willing to speak with her at all.

"We hardly ever get visitors around here. I am sure that she is going to love your interest in the subject." After she had said that to me, I was nodding, and I was feeling like interest was exactly the word I would use to describe what was going on. Interest, and not the idea of vengeance and stuff.

As I was about to try and speak more, that was when there was a calling to me. I was feeling like whatever the hell she was wanting from me, I just needed to get to know what she was wanting. I did not want to hold her up, and I did not want her pieces of the puzzle to be gone forever. "Hey, I remember you. I think you were that new kid who moved in." She said, and then I was nodding, wishing that there was something better I could say now.

"Yeah, I feel like I have some very important material to discuss with you, and I think that maybe you are the only one who can figure it out." I was telling her, and then she was nodding. She almost looked excited to hear me speaking like this at all. I was telling myself that whatever she was going to tell me, it would not be to tell me that she was closed, or already with somebody. She eventually nodded, and that approval was all that I needed.

"Well, come on in, and you can tell me all your questions, and I will do my best to answer them well." She said, and then I was sighing, thinking about how she was too nice for me to drag her into this mini war that I was going to be fighting here. I went inside, and told myself that she would not need to know the details, and therefore she was safe.

"So, what were you wanting to know about?" She asked me, and then I was sighing, thinking about what the heck she was going to tell me. I was feeling like if she did not have any fucking clues here, then I was going to be as deep in the hole as I once was, and therefore, none of this was going to mount to anything.

"I was wanting to know more about the truth of the mines. You know, you were telling us about how they shut down. I was remembering how you had brought up that they were destroyed, and that the only reason the town was not destroyed was that a man, Sherman Peabody I believe, had been able to get the town united under something." I was saying, looking right at her.

"That is a really good starting point. The truth is that this is indeed what happened. People were really looking for some form of a solution, and Mr. Sherman was the only one who was even remotely willing to pretend to listen to our fears, and he was the one that decided to just fix everything up, and take things to a improved level." She was saying to me, and I was shocked that I was having virtually no real starting point here.

"So I was wondering how he was able to get everybody together into one fucking idea, when in all honesty, it is seeming impossible to do this. I mean, honestly, it is impossible to get people to agree on a pizza topping. But the way you describe it makes it seem like he brought the entire town under some spell." After I had said this, I was looking at her, hoping she was going to be seeing why I was having some issues with this.

"Well, the thing is that he has a unnatural level of charistma. He got everybody to really hear him out. He was able to make his point well heard, but not be rough with it. He was a great guy, who had done thousands of things to help this town. People knew that he was going to be the guy who would solve it all within minutes." She said, and then I was feeling like there was still more.

"Okay, sure, but can you explain to me why he was the figurehead for this movement, and why nobody else did anything to work it out? Do you think that maybe other people would have done it if they knew what to do?" I looked at her, hoping she would get where I was coming from.

"Well, he was not the only one who figured out how to make this whole thing work. Honestly, there were other people who helped out here. You know Jimmy White? He and some members of his family helped put here." She said, and then I was shrugging, not thinking that what she was saying was too shocking at all.

"I am not shocked by this honestly. I think that there is more to this than that though. No offense, but I think that there are more things that I need to know." I was telling her, and the moment she was looking at me, she was looking totally unsure what the hell we were even going to be doing with this.

"Well, the fact is that when there were those people at the family who died, the truth of the matter is that Jimmy wanted to help settle the dispute. Hell, he even tried to sue the governor for the whole case of that boy dying. Well, I guess young man. He was twenty four years old after all. Jimmy knew he was going to lose the case, but he was wishing to get people on the radar." She told me, and then I was looking at her, nodding slowly.

"Can you please explain to me why the fucking hell Jimmy and his family cared in the first place? I mean, why would he even want to sue the governor. I mean, I just think that there is no real connection to be made here." I was saying, and I was sincerely doing my best to be making sense out of this whole thing. But this whole thing was fucking impossible, and I was feeling like I just needed to know where this was going.

"They knew that the governor was able to change and stop this whole thing, but he did not. He felt like in a way, the governor was to blame, and that the governor was the one who could have really changed the luck of this town. But when he did not, Jimmy felt betrayed by him, and that he neglected the one thing the political leader of a state is supposed to do." She said, and then I was sighing, wishing to know more, but unable to get it.

"So Jimmy literally went against the entire fucking establishment, and he was actually trying to get some real results from this? Does he not realize that by doing this, he might have just made things so much worse for everybody involved?" I asked, thinking that maybe Jimmy did have some good intentions, but that his way of going at this was so bad, and that he needed to have at least came up with a war plan to get himself out of this.

"Well, going against him did win in a strange way. Sure we lost of lot of stuff on the short term, but he got people to hear about the case, and realize that we needed aid, and we ended up getting it more than ever." She was telling me, and I was still trying to convince myself that this was a good idea, when I was convinced that it was not.

"Okay, so what he did turned out to sort of be a blessing in disguise is what you are telling me right now?" I asked, and I was feeling like what I had asked was a valid question, and then I was just feeling like there was still a couple of details that I wanted to know. No, needed to fucking know.

"Well, yes, in a way, if you had to wrap it up like this, that would be the best way to do it. But the thing is that, soon after this, despite some issues that we were having in our towns fertility issues, due to the mine shut down, we ended up getting a lot of reproduction problems." She said, and despite the fact that this was sort of out of left field, I was having a strange feeling this was vital to the big picture.

"What were some good signs that came up that were showing the issues people had with having kids?" I asked, just wishing that no matter what else was going to come, this was going to be the one time she was going to be giving me a straight forward answer, and not a fucking lie.

"The fact of the matter is, that there were a few first signs. Such as the fact that the family of the man who died, had a child eleven months after his death. A daughter who you currently know of as Mrs. Baker. She was completely incapable of having any sort of kids, no matter how hard she tried, and it got to the point where she was having to look at adoption." She said, and then I was nodding, vaguely remembering something like this from earlier.

"How many people were looking to adoption? Was adoption the thing that brought the thing together in this town? Was this the great idea that Sherman created?" I asked, and then I was looking right at her, mentally begging in my mind that this was correct. I was feeling like I was literally living a real fucking case of close but no fucking cigar.

"A lot of people were wanting adoption. Almost within a year after the mines had shut down, people have been looking into this. That is the thing that brought this town together. Not only was that part of what Sherman wanted, but he had something nobody predicted. The ability to literally bring every single business back to working here. He was able to literally save the entire towns economy with his own things." After she had told me this, I was sighing, feeling like this was the main thing that I wanted, and this was the main thing that I had needed.

"Thank you for the help. I think that I might go and try to talk to Mrs Baker about this. I mean, I know that it might seem a bit out of nowhere to be doing this, but I think that I just need to really know where she is coming from here. I think that she of all people will be able to give me some clues here." I was saying, feeling like if I was going to make this whole thing work, she was never going to get it.

"Sheldon, some of this might be a bit of a sensitive subject for some, so I would suggest that even if you do want to know more, that you do not drag others into this." She was saying, and the way that she was looking at me almost showed me that she had known that even if she was wanting to say this, and even if she was feeling like she had needed to try and stop me, that there was no way in hell she was going to be able to get me to listen.

"I know that. But I think that there are some things that are happening at this town that I have got to fucking know, and I am not going to be leaving the truth alone until I got it." I said, and then I was looking at her, and she was looking at me, as if feeling like this was the worst idea in the entire world.

"Alright, well, if people start to get upset at you for doing this, then do not bring them back to me. As far as they are concerned, I had nothing to do with this." She said, and then I was looking right at her, and the way she was looking at me clearly showed that this was not going to be a debate, and I was nodding at this.

"Alright, I will keep you out of this. In all honesty though, thank you for your help and your time. It does help quite a bit." I was saying, and then I was sighing, taking out a cigarette, and wondering what the hell I was getting myself into, and why I was doing anything like this to begin with.

"Thank you for telling me that. I really do enjoy helping out young and curious minds. You know, if you ever have any more questions, I will do my best to answer them as well as I can." She said, and then I was wondering if this was a blessing or a curse. I was shaking my head, and I was telling myself that even if I was scared of it being a curse, none of this was going to be one, and I was feeling like I was going to just have to really win her over now. Eventually, I was getting out of the room, and then she was stopping me one final time before I was gone. This time, I could tell that she was really having something more just innocent to ask me, and this time she was just wanting me to play along.

"Sheldon, what brought you so interested in this in the first place? Would you mind letting me know?" She asked, and then I was looking right at her, and I was feeling like this was the one time that I needed to fucking lie to this whole thing. I was feeling like no matter what to do, I was just taking a deep breath now.

"I want to know what happened to some people. I have a feeling that there is something that is being hidden. I feel like there are some form of lies going on around here, and I think that I do not appreciate the lies that are going on right now. I just think that I need to know that if for nothing else, even if my fears are true, then I can just get over it." I was looking right at her, and that look on her face was seriously one of fucking fear.

"Sheldon, do you not realize how fucking impossible something like this is going to be? I think that this whole thing is just fucking impossible. Besides, which people do you really feel like you need to know the truth about?" She asked, and then I was looking right at her, feeling like this was going to be a hell of a time now.

"My fucking sister is who. I know that there is something going on with my fucking sister, and anybody who tries to lie to me and deny it is fucking crazy. There is no way that the story they told about her is true. No way whatsoever." I was saying, wondering if she had any plans here, to try and stop me or lecture me on how dumb I am. I was not in the mood to hear it. But I was realizing that I was going to have no choice but to hear it.

"I heard about that. I guess that if I had something like that to my siblings or whatever, I would be wanting to know the truth as well." She said, and I was feeling like her telling me this was just not going to be helping me at all. She was telling me that she was pretty much a normal fucking person. She wasn't an enemy, but that did not mean I could trust her.

"Yeah, so now that you get it, I think that you can understand why I am going to tell you the next step. I do not want you in any way to try and stop me. I am going to do this my way, and I know that this is the only way that matters." I was telling her, and she was looking really fucking worried about how deep I was going to take this, and that she was worried if I was going to be a big person now, and trying to take on the world.

When I got out of the building, the woman who was examining me was just worried about what the fucking hell was even going on. I was feeling like I was just needing to be coming through to all of this. I was sitting down in the car, taking out a cigarette, just trying to piece together what the hell we were even fucking doing.

I was telling myself that I was needing to see Mrs. Baker, and I was going to force the information to be given to me. I was going to see what the hell she was going to tell me. She was going to finally make the story come to life, and I was going to finally know why these things were happening. She was going to help me fucking know what was happening.

I was starting to drive up a little bit at a time, trying to figure out what the hell I was even going to be doing. None of this even was going to be making any fucking sense. I was thinking that if I was going to get her to talk with me, I was not only going to have to pull a crying over Riley card, but I was going to have to be full on sincere, and make my fucking point.

I was realizing that no matter what the hell we were going to do, I was going to make this woman really listen to me, and I was going to just try and know the truth. The truth was the only thing that mattered. I didn't care what the fucking hell was even going on. I was going to be going on and doing something super fucking stupid, and I knew that this whole thing was never going to get me anywhere at all.

I eventually parked at her house, which I only knew because of the fact that I heard all of these places around town when I was a kid and stuff. I was thinking that this was going to appear beyond strange, and she was probably going to tell me off. But I knew that trying was the only acceptable answer, so I got up.

When I got answered, I was blown away by who I saw there. I was seeing a red haired boy, about thirteen or fourteen years old, staring up at me. He was looking like he had virtually no interest in this entire thing, and that he was wanting to have me go away already. I was seeing him looking like he had virtually no interest in this entire thing. "Are you here to see my mom?" He asked, and I nodded, with my mind running at a million miles per hour, and I knew I might have fucked up.

"Can I talk with your mother for a bit? I think that I need to see what she might be able to tell me about certain things that happened here." I said, and then I was smoking a cigarette, and then I was looking right at him, wishing that he was not going to brush me off right now. I was feeling like he just needed to be honest with me right now. I was needing him to just open up here.

"Sure I guess. I mean, I have no real reason not to tell you off." After he had said that to me, I was seeing him looking like he was almost bored out of his mind with this discussion. I was seeing him looking as if the moment that he would leave me alone was going to be the best moment of the entire fucking day.

Eventually, I was looking down the street, thinking about what the hell I was going to even discuss with her. I was thinking about the way that I was going to have to find a way to really make my point clear. She would have ruined my entire day, if I did not word things properly, that this whole thing would have brought back really fucking bad memories.

"What are you even wanting to do this for anyways?" He asked me, and then I was looking right at him, as if kind of annoyed with him right now. I was just feeling like I needed to at least answer him one or two questions if I was wanting to actually try and win him over.

"I had a slight interest in hearing some stuff about the towns past, and I know that she might be the only one who could be able to answer my questions properly." I told him, and the way he was looking at me was just sort of impossible to really go through with.

"My mother does not like to talk about this stuff. I think that if you will try and talk with her here, then she will just brush you off, and tell you that this is not acceptable at all." After he was telling me this, I was seeing him looking like he was just trying his absolute best to protect his mother. It helped show me some of the loyalty that he was trying to have with his family, as a thirteen year old who had no idea what was going on now.

When I was inside of the house, I was thinking deeply about what the heck was going on right now. I was going to try and find a way to not be feeling like I was going to fucking going crazy. I knew that this whole thing was going to ruin my entire reputation.

I sat down in the living room, thinking about what the hell I was even going to be talking to Mrs. Baker about. I was feeling like I was just needing to find a good argument that was going to finally win her over. I was feeling like no matter what I was going to talking about her over, I was going to just make this whole discussion at least sort of sound like I was not just trying to force her into something.

Eventually, a few moments later, that was when Mrs. Baker left the room she was currently in, and she was sitting down, and looking right at me, as if kind of fucking annoyed with this whole thing. She was actually probably pissed at what I was going to be asking her.

"What are you wishing to discuss?" After she asked me this, I was looking right at her, almost kind of pissed at the fact that she was not at least pretending to care for my questions. I was wondering if maybe I was just expecting too much, and if I just needed to head the fucking hell out of here. I was sighing, ready to just get this whole thing over with.

"I want to talk about what your family was going through when it came to the mines." I said, and then she was looking right at me, sort of unsure of why I was even caring so much about this in the first place. I was just wishing to say what I had wanted to ask in a way that was nice but firm.

"Why are you caring so much about that in the first place? It just seems to be so fucking random." After she had asked this to me, I was sighing, feeling like she was just more confused with the tone rather than annoyed.

"I was talking with the girl who liked to do those history presentations, since I am just trying to figure out more the town, and see what I can learn, and she told me about you and stuff." After I was telling her this, she was looking at me, clearly unsure of what the hell we were even going to say now.

"Well, I guess that a lot of the stories are true after all. But that is something that you might want to really know. I mean, everybody comes in here, and everybody asks me what I was doing about my life. It just gets kind of annoying." She said, and she was looking right at me, kind of wishing that I would get the clue here. I was feeling bad at even bringing this up now.

"Sorry if I asked you a question that you are not really into." I said, and then I was smiling at her, but feeling like I just needing to put this whole thing together. I was wondering if I should have just left this whole thing alone. "I can just walk out right now." I was about to say, and then she was holding up her hand, as if to try and make her point right now. That this was not a real issue.

"It is not your fault. You probably didn't know any fucking better. But that being said, I am not going to be doing this to many people anymore. I am just wanting to move on." After she was telling me this, I was looking right at her, and I was seeing her looking like she had wanted to say something else. But she just decided to remain quiet again.

"Who was that boy at the door? I was told that you were unable to have children, and that you just were affected by the infertility of the town." After I said this to her, she was looking at me, and I was seeing her looking a bit shocked that I was not going to be able to piece this whole thing together.

"Brad is my adopted kid. I wanted to have a kid, and I knew that I couldn't have any. So I looked into adoption." After she was saying this to me, I was seeing her looking like she was wishing for this discussion would be dropped. I was seeing that the look on her face was one of mild annoyance. But she did not want to make me feel bad.

"Are you the only person who went through this whole thing?" I asked, and she was looking right at me, as if she was sort of wishing that I was actually going to be finding something that I could have asked that she would have felt like was a valid question, and not just something anybody can figure out.

"No, there are hundreds of people who adopted kids in their time here. There was virtually no way in hell that we were going to have any fucking chance to actually live a regular life here. I mean, many of us had no choice at all." She told me, and I was feeling like I just needed to see where this was going.

"Well, I was wondering about just that right now. I was wondering what about this one specifically was different. I mean, everybody looks at your adoption as something totally fucking different?" After I asked her this, I was looking right at her, wishing that she would have wished to take this one seriously. I knew from the way that she was looking right at me, was aware that I was getting somewhere.

"Honestly, I want to know the truth about the case of Brad and the others. I mean, I know that your older brother died in the mines and stuff. But I feel like there is more to the story of his adoption than just this." I was saying, wishing that no matter what the hell she was going to tell me, she would not have been too bothered with what I was doing. "I just think that there is so much more to this than I could ever imagine.

"The truth is that you are right. This is much different than normal cases in the town. You know how there are barely any red heads in town? I mean, I think that you must have noticed this." After she had said that to me, I nodded for a moment. I was feeling like she was just kind of wishing for me to get this whole thing over with.

"Yeah, I noticed this. But I think that virtually everybody in this town has noticed this right now." She was telling me, as if feeling like no matter what I was wanting to say, there was virtually no fucking way that I would get this to work. "I mean, what does this have to do with Brad? I mean, sure he has red hair, but still."

"That is the thing that you are not getting right now." She said, with a tone of impatience, and I was seeing her clearly looking like she was wondering if I had been putting things together at all. I was seeing that this was not something she was wishing to play around with too much.

"They are all fucking related. Every single one of them are related. That is the thing that makes them different." She said to me, looking at me in the eyes, and I was seeing her looking like she had wanted to say something else. I was then piecing it together, and then I was feeling like this whole thing was making some form of sense. I was seeing her looking like she was a bit over it.

"I guess that now when you put it that way, it does make sense. That means that the red head fourteen year old boy that I was talking with earlier, Todd..." I said, and then I was piecing it together. When I was thinking it all out, and I was thinking of what the truth held, I was feeling like despite how much I wanted to deny it, life was never going to be the same now that I knew the basic connection of them now. Not just related, but twins. But who were the real parents was what confused me.

"Now you are getting it. I can see it in your eyes. So now that you are starting to get it, I think that you understand why they are so fucking important. They are grandchildren of Sherman, and they in a way are currently the last people in a big family line. But even if it weren't for that, it wouldn't diminish the importance of him in my life." She said, referring to the fact that he was still her kid, regardless of who his fucking parents were. I was feeling like I needed to get back on point though.

"If you do not want to talk about this stuff anymore, if it is making you feel bad doing so, the I will stop right now, and I will leave you alone." I was saying, staring right at her, and I was feeling like maybe if I said something like this, she would have been more sympathetic over the way that I was talking to her, and she would actually have bought it.

"Honestly, I am not all that worried about what is going on right now. I mean, you are wanting to know something, and as long as you are not aggresive about it, then I have nothing with telling you more." After she had said that to me, I was sighing, and I was feeling like there was a lot more that I could have said to make her feel better. But that for the time being, anything that I could have said was just all pointless right now.

"Anyways, you were talking about the cases that the town had filed and the fact that you had to deal with the whole infertility issue here." I said, trying my best to be getting back on point, and she was nodding, knowing that I was not going to be playing around too much, and that I was wanting to just know everything that I could get.

"Yes, my family had to deal with this much more than the others in the town. I mean, I kind of get it in a way. My parents had lost their son, who had not had any children. And while I hate to admit it, I know that the only reason I am alive is just so that way they can pretend they could have somebody to replace the kid they lost. But I know that I failed to do it in every way possible, with me being a woman being the least of the issues. The fact that I could never have children hit them hard, since they knew they were never having grand children. Which really did get them hard." She said to me, and then I was feeling like the next question was obvious, but I felt like I could still ask regardless.

"Couldn't they have just had a third kid down the line, when the issues were dying down a bit, and fertility was coming back? I mean, infertility hitting water and shit only applies for like five or ten years." I said, feeling like even if she rolled her eyes at it and stuff, that this was a valid enough question.

"They were much to old to do something like this. My brother was already twenty four when he died, meaning that they would have at least been in their early to mid forties, and that is if they had him as soon as they left high school. It just wasn't happening." She said, and I was expecting that answer, but did not want to leave it off the table.

"Well, okay, I guess that I do get that. But did you really want to have that kid? I mean, you seem content with having him now, but at the time, was it really something you actually wanted, or was it something you were only doing to appease your parents?" I asked, not wanting to give off the impression that she never liked Brad or whatever. But I felt like it was a valid question in my own regard.

"In a way, I did want to have the kid. At first, I never wanted a kid. But that was only when I was a kid and teenager. But as I grew older, the idea of never having any at all, and the sadness that was coming out of being locked into something, was getting to me more and more, and I decided that I was going to just do it after all." After she had said that to me, I nodded, as if expecting this to be the answer.

"Alright, so it was a desire that came over time. Thank you for letting me know. So you feel like you have a desire to tell Brad about the whole thing we discussed with Sherman." I asked, feeling like it was wrong to not let the kid know of his family heritage, and while I was thinking even to myself that I was being strange for getting so involved with this, I felt like this was a decent question to ask.

"I think that if I tell him that stuff, he will not be very happy with me. He will be probably feeling like he could accuse me for only adopting him for the power or whatever." After she had said that to me, I was looking at her, and she was looking kind of angry at the very idea of this. She clearly did not to even have anybody suggest this.

"I guess that maybe that does make some sense. Even if I do not totally get it, I feel like I am able to not be too in your face." After I had said that to her, she was just grabbing her hands together, and she was closing her eyes. This was when I was feeling like I just needed to head out, and that if I did not leave her alone, she was not going to be very patient with me anymore. And that was something that she deserved better than.

"I think that maybe I got the point a little bit. Sorry for trying to make you tell me the things that were probably out of the zone of comfort for you." I was saying, and I was feeling like there was virtually nothing that I could have even tried to really understand. Eventually, the woman was looking at me, and I was seeing a couple of tears in her eyes.

"Do you know what it is like to have everything in your life just be impossible to accomplish? I wanted to do so many things here, but none of those things are ever going to happen. You know, I just wanted to be happy with my family, and I believe that is never going to work." She said, and then I was feeling like maybe she was being smart enough here.

"I guess that maybe I really do not get it. I mean, I have been wanting to do a lot of things on my own, but these are not things that people have been trying to force onto me. These are all things that I have been trying to force onto myself." I said, and while I was aware that these were not the same thing, I was just wanting her to sound like she was getting it.

"I think that trying to learn more about this town is going to be the hardest thing that you can ever do. I think that maybe you should just not worry too much about all of these things right now." Once she told me this, she was the first person telling me this that I was feeling like was actually being sincere about her desire to make me feel better.

"I will just fucking see what I can be doing right now. I mean, I doubt that I will ever be fully happy with anything here. But I guess that maybe I am just being somebody who is too focused on every tiny little event to look at the big picture." I was saying, and then this time, I really was going to be heading out. I was going to talk with Dakota, and I was going to see what he could have said to try and help me out now.

As I was right on the exit of the house, that was when Brad was looking out of his room, and he was looking at me, and I was seeing from the slightly sad look on his face, that he was clearly well aware of what we were talking about, and this was starting to make me regret ever having a talk with them in the first place.

Eventually, I was sighing, and thinking of something that I could have said to make him feel better. "Sorry for all that. I will leave you guys alone. I should have never come here." I said and then after I had said that to Brad, he was looking like he had no real opinion of this, and then he was closing his door for a bit.

I left the house, and I was taking out another cigarette, feeling like I was starting to really bury myself deep into this whole thing. The entire situation was rather confusing, and I was feeling like in a way, what I had done was something that I could never forgive myself. I pretty much got her to admit that Brad was a fucking accident, and I feel like that was a mistake.

I started to drive off to Dakota's house, and I knew that while Dakota would not be super into the discussion right now, at first, he was eventually going to get over it, and eventually he was aware that he would have to see what was making me feel so fucking certain that this whole thing was a good idea.

I was feeling like no matter what the heck Dakota was going to tell me, and no matter what would make sense in a normal way, everything was going to finally just make him know that I was actually correct. I knew that Dakota would not fight with me, if he knew what I was planning, and knew how I had been planning this.

I parked the car at the house, knocked on the door, and Dakota didn't even have to make me wait for more than another ten to fifteen seconds before he answered this time. When he answered my knock, he looked at me, and I was seeing him looking like he was actually kind of interested in seeing what my progress right now was.

"Sheldon, did you find something that you really feel like is actually going to make your evidence make some sense?" After he asked me this, I was seeing him looking like he was actually finally starting to show at least some genuine interest in what I had wanted to say. I was sighing, finding something that I could have told him to make him get it.

"I think that I found something that is going to make it at least make some fucking sense. I mean I think that you might find some interest in the way that Sherman Peabody is pretty much the first in a long line of family and that all the red heads in the town are pretty much connected with him." I said, and while he was looking like he was not wanting to argue with me, he was wanting me to be a bit more calm here.

"Sheldon, I think that saying every single one of them is connected with him might be a bit over the top. I mean, I think that there are certainly at least one or two that are not at all related to him." He was saying, and I was looking right at him, feeling like this Dakota was just needing me to be able to finish talking.

"No, Mrs. Baker said so. She has an adopted son named Brad, and he is a red head, and is a grandchild of Sherman. But only she and I and Sherman knows this, and of course probably Brad's real parents. So like five people out of thousands in the town." I said, and I remembered how it was like to talk about Brad, and not be sounding like I needed to be careful with what I had been saying, knowing at the time that I barely knew who he was.

"Well, do you think that maybe she is just told this, and that maybe she just think that he is related." After Dakota was saying this, I was feeling like I made a terrible mistake bringing this up first, and that I did not slowly get into this subject talking about the things that I felt like really mattered.

"There are other things that I think are more important for us to be talking about right now." I was saying, looking right at him, and while I was kind of regretting the way that I had said this, I was feeling like I was just needing to make my point right now, and not be just taking this too hard.

"One of the things that I learned is that when the mines had started to collapse, and when Mrs. Bakers brother died during that, this was when Jimmy White was starting to create lawsuits to bring back the body, as well as give the town a lot of money here." This made Dakota rather interested and for once, really wanting to know more.

"Wait a fucking second? What the heck is Jimmy even wanting from that? I mean, I get that maybe he might have wanted to get the whole thing a bit of publicity, but I think that there are more things to this than we really know." Dakota was saying, and then the way that he was saying this made it clear that he was finally getting it.

"I mean, that really does make no fucking sense, and I fucking agree with you. But that is the thing. He was wanting to basically start to save the town this way, and I think that strangely enough, this might have been the thing that got people to listen to him, and pretend like he is the man who could have been the answer for us all." After I was telling Dakota this, he had looked at me, as if thinking that something like this was off, but didn't want to argue too much.

"I wonder if he really cared, and if he was literally just doing this for the scene. I mean, as much as I think that something like this might sound like a asshole assumption, I think that it is a relatively valid question here." He was saying, and while I saw him wanting to look like he was wanting to be more respectful of Jimmy, but that there was no way right now.

"I mean, I think that he might have started with some good intentions, but right now, he might have just lost any interest in doing something good now. I think he just doesn't like what this town is doing, and I guess that maybe this does really make some sense." I was saying, looking directly at him, and I was feeling like there was so much more that I could have been trying to discuss right now.

"Well, I think that you finally got me into something. I really do want to know what the hell is happening right now, and I think that maybe we need to try and talk with some people who might have known him to get a clue." He said, and I was seeing him looking like he had wanted to say more, but decided against it.

"I think that I am going to talk with Sherman, and see if maybe there is a small chance that he might be able to tell me what I would want to know." I was saying, and the more that I talked here, the more that I was feeling like what I was going to say was probably going to sound stupid.

"Well, if you are going to do this, and if you actually think he is going to talk with you, then damn I will actually want to listen to him. I think that as much as I want to deny it, I am interested in knowing more." He was saying, and then I was kind of excited that he was finally going to give me a chance.

"Do you have any idea what you could tell him that might be able to get him to actually want to have this discussion?" After Dakota asked me this, I was looking at him, as if wanting to find something to make him possibly believe that I had a couple of good ideas. But I think we all knew that was a level of bullshit.

"I am going to just ask him a few simple questions. You know, make it seem like I am just wanting to see what he was looking at when he was doing this. You know, learn his intentions, and I think that maybe if I could learn his intentions, he might be a bit more willing to have this discussion." I was shrugging, feeling like this idea really made a whole lot of sense.

"Do you think that he actually had good intentions? Or do you think that he might have been using something to gain personal power?" He asked, aware that what he was saying might have been on par with seeming heresy. But I did not care too much here, and I was thinking he had been well aware of this.

"I have no idea. I am going to listen to him, and I am going to see what he might be wanting to tell me. I think that as long as he is honest about it, and as long as he really makes me get it, then everything will be making a whole lot of fucking sense." I was saying, wishing that I could have said something else, but decided against it, and decided that I was going to just listen to him talk a bit longer, and hear his side of it all.

Eventually, I was seeing Dakota thinking about what to say now. "Should we tell Ashley about this? Should we be telling Emily about this? I think that maybe we should at least consider this." He asked, and then I sighed, scared on what to say here. Having no idea what I wanted to tell him.

"I think that Ashley is a given. There is no way we should not tell her." I said, thinking that this was not only making sense, but would make Dakota feel even better here, and he was going to be feeling like I was finally doing things right here. "But Emily is something that I think is a entirely different issue here." This was making Dakota look less certain here.

"Sheldon, I think that if you want to make Emily feel included in what you are doing in your life, then I think that you will eventually have no choice but to tell her the truth. I mean, there is nothing that I can say to stop you, but for fucks sake, at least consider this stuff now." Dakota said, and in all honesty, I was feeling like I was not sure if I was wanting to make her feel included.

"I think that making Emily feel included could be a giant mistake, since doing that will make her in danger, and I do not want her to be in danger, since while I am not perfect here, I am good enough to know that this would be fucking evil." I said, feeling like what I was saying had been making some fucking sense here." When I told him this, I knew that Dakota could not fucking buy this at all.

"Well, if she does not like what you are doing, and makes you feel like shit for what is going on, then I will have to tell you that maybe you kind of had it coming." After he had said that to me, I was having no intention of listening to him say stuff like this. I was not in the mood to be treated like luggage right now. But I was feeling like maybe I was just being a fucking baby about this.

"Anyways, I will see what Sherman says, and then I will make my choice then." I said, and I was feeling like this might be a bit better, and might make him feel like I was actually listening to him, and that was something that I was going to finally make more progress to make him not hate my guts on this plan or anything.

I was then feeling like for once in my life, I was actually keeping a fucking hold on what I was doing. I was feeling like what I was doing was not fucking crazy, and that maybe I was actually having a real game plan that will keep my friends safe. The only people who really mattered right now where the friends, and those who dealt with my ideas all the damn time.

"Sheldon, I know that you really do have a plan this time, and that you do not need for me to constantly lecture you all the fucking time. I mean, I think that you are actually starting to put together something that can work out. I never thought that I would say that about your thing with this business." After Dakota was saying this to me, I was looking at him, wondering what the hell he was even feeling right now, and if I could make him feel better.

"I just think that going at this with a fucking charge is not going to be helping anybody out. I think that I want to be making a difference, and if I want to be helping others out, I need to focus on what is actually going to be driving us forward." I was admitting, much for the shock of Dakota on the look on his face.

"I mean, honestly, I just believe that if you had done something like that, then people would just be sharing the same graves as you." After Dakota said that to me, I was nodding, and I was feeling like there was no better way to be going at this whole thing, so I just needed to be careful here.

"Sheldon, I think that if you do meet with Sherman, and if you do try and talk with him, we just need to actually go at it in a way that can benefit all of those involved. You know, just make sure that nothing actually falls to the ground or whatever." Dakota was just looking like he was feeling bad for even having this discussion in the first place.

"I mean, I just hope that this does not sink too much time and effort into my life. I mean, I am scared that things are going to be taken too far if I am not careful enough." I said, and the only time that I was willing to show my fear was during this conversation. Since I did not want to be coming off as week or anything.

"Well, I just think that Ashley is going to be just as against this, if not even more than you are. I mean, the way that Ashley is going to react is the thing that is going to be scaring me a bit more." I said, and then I was sighing, feeling like I had made a bunch of big mistakes to be dealing with all of this in the first place. But I just needed to find out what Dakota was going to tell me if he had any ideas on how to win her over.

This was when Dakota was sighing, and I was thinking that maybe he did have something that he had wanted to say, but did not really want to be saying it now. "I think that maybe we should be more careful if we want to talk about this with her. I mean, she is near, and I think that she will figure out what we are discussing soon enough." Dakota said, and I was seeing him sort of looking like he was just kind of refusing to say more.

"I did not want to be making you believe that I was just trying to be making anything any worse. That is not what my intentions were." I said, looking right at him, wondering if perhaps the two of us were going to be driving each other further apart, for no real good reason.

"I think that we might as well just tell her right now, and get this whole thing over with." I said, and then I looked right at him, seeing that part of him was just looking glad that I was seeing him looking a bit better here. He was looking like he was genuinely excited for the time being.

"Yeah, I guess that you might be right. The only reason we have not done it is because we keep having a really long debate." Dakota said, and then I was thinking that his mind was starting to short circuit from this entire idea, and that part of him was wishing that I had remained quiet for once in my life, and not been making things worse.

We were walking down the street, and Dakota was grabbing a cigarette that I let him have after he was seeing me holding out the pack. As he was grabbing it, I saw him looking like he was just trying to find something better to be saying. "Honestly, I think that we are just probably over rating what this man is like. I think that if we want to be realistic here, there is no way that Sherman will be that big of a threat." After Dakota told me this, I saw him looking like this was actually making some sense.

"It's not him I am worried about. That would be fucking silly. It is the people that he knows that I am worried about. Those are the guys that I am wanting to make sure do not get too involved with hurting us." I said, and then I was sighing, unsure of what I was going to even accomplish by trying to say anything else.

"Sheldon, I hate the fact that we are so worried about something that should have never been a issue in the first place. I mean, realistically there is no real reason we should be so worried about this. I mean, all we are doing is just looking into something that is a valid question." Dakota said, and I was wanting to agree, but deep down I knew this was not the case.

"There is way too much more to it than that. I think that this is the thing that makes things so much worse." I said, and then I was sighing, thinking that maybe I was just being too fucking prickly right now, and that I just needed to not be such a fucking ass right now. I knew that Dakota was having nothing he wanted to say.

"Dakota, I think that there is something that is actually being hidden here. I mean, it might sound vague, and it might sound silly. But that does not change that I think we need to be careful." I was thinking that I knew that this was sounding silly. But that was just too hard to really fucking put words to.

"If something is going on here, then we need to make sure that nothing is actually going to be getting us caught. That being said, I think that you do already know that, so I am not going to be getting too deep into it all." Dakota said, and then I was seeing him shrugging right there.

We eventually reached the house, and then I was knocking on the door, thinking that Ashley was going to be furious with what I was doing, and I was telling myself to just be prepared for that more than anything.

As she had answered, that was when Ashley was looking right at me. I saw her looking right at me, and like anybody who was just assuming we were going to be doing nothing more than a casual conversation, she was looking really happy.

"What are you guys wanting to do today?" She asked, and then Dakota had looked right at me, and I was seeing him just sort of giving me a look telling me to get it over with, and not be hiding from what I was wanting to do any longer.

"I am wanting to look into the secrets in the town, and by starting to do this, I am planning on talking with Sherman Peabody." I said, and then the latter part of this was what had confused me. The first part she probably didn't get too shocked by.

"How are you even going to be able to talk with him in the first place? I mean, I think that this is going to have to be a good first piece to look at." After Ashley said that, I was sighing, thinking that maybe that was a good first point here.

"Well, I think that if he really is at the senior center, he will be willing to just listen to me. I bet he doesn't really actually care about any normal visitors." I said, and then I looked at her, thinking that what I had said had made a decent amount of sense.

"I think that if you are going to talk with him at all, then we just need to have a real fucking plan here." She had said to me, and then I was nodding, thinking that she was being very fucking valid here. But I just needed to keep it all together.

"I mean, I think that I made a mistake not talking to him last year when Jamie went missing. If I had done this, then not only would I have a head start, but I think that I could have found a way to get him when he was at a slightly better place." I said, and then I had looked right at them, wondering if they were actually going to listen to me here.

"Do you really think that one year would have made any realistic difference?" Ashley asked, and then I was sighing, not wanting her to tell me off here. But in all honesty, I was feeling like maybe she was actually right here. I was telling myself that maybe she was just wanting me to at least think about things in a better light.

"I mean, I don't know. That being said, I could have been able to work, and I think that it hindsight, any small detail would have been able to be a big fucking improvement." I said, and then I was shrugging, thinking that what I had been saying was a perfectly valid way of going at this whole thing, and I hoped she would get it.

"Damn it, I mean, I want to argue with you, and try to make you understand the insanity of this whole thing, but I think that this whole thing is fucking impossible." After she had said this to me, I was sighing, and i was thinking that no matter what was happening, I could have been more respectful when going at this.

"I mean, I think that Sherman will be a innocent discussion. if you do not want to come along with me, and if you do not feel like it is a good idea to go on this with me, then you can just leave me alone." After I had said that to them, I was looking at both of my friends, and I was hoping that they would have respected me making it clear that this was not a real issue.

"Alright, I will just see what I can do. I mean, you are probably having some ideas on how to be going through with this, and I have no real reason to believe that you don't. So I will see what we can find here." After she had said this to me, I was seeing her looking like the one thing she had wished I never did was take this whole thing so damn serious.

"I do think that the one thing that I can fucking do is just help the people out, and just see what people can actually let me know. I mean, I love this town, and I have grown really attached to it. That is why I want to know so bad. So I can see if I can make a difference." I said, and then I was looking right at them, wondering if they could get it.

"I mean, I think that the only mistake that I have made so far was just not putting everybody in the know all. If I had done that better, and just kept everybody together, then I guess that maybe I would have been perfect at this. But I just could not think of actual logic here." I said, tearing myself down again, but this time in a needed method.

"Sheldon, I mean, you do not need to tell Emily about what is going on. I would just highly suggest that you do. But if you do not want to, then I think that you do not need to feel forced to do this." Dakota said, and then I was unable to believe that he was suddenly trying to make me feel better here for no reason.

"I do need to tell her everything. I need to let Emily know that I am not totally insane. But I think that to do so, I would have to be taking her suspension of disbelief way too far. But I think that no matter what I try and say, there will always be a flaw." I said, and then I was thinking of the last thing that I could have said.

"The fact that I always act like I need to be doing things alone. and yet I know that I do not need to be doing this at all." I said, and then looked right at them, thinking that the way that I had said this might have realed this whole thing in, and that if I had just looked at things in a better matter, then any form of patience they were losing would never been fully gone.

"Do you feel like if you tried harder to let people into the whole thing with you, then results would have been better?" Ashley asked, and then I nodded, feeling like there was no real way to really go at this whole thing. But I was feeling that the honesty was the one thing that would have saved a bit more respect when going at this. Maybe this would make them see that I was sincere. That I was not trying to just get points.

...

When Sheldon was done speaking this time, that was when Sheldon looked right at her, wondering what she was going to say here. "Sheldon, are those kids some of the main reason that you looked into some of these things? The way you put so much time into focusing on them, and making your point, really makes it seem that way." She asked, and he nodded at this question.

"But how does all of the adoption services really tie into the town having a bad supply of materials? I think that this is the main thing that is confusing me so much." She was just trying to piece it all together, and Sheldon looked right at her, looking as if any of these questions were just sort of going to deafs ear.

"You do not know the whole story yet. Trust me, if you know the full story, you would know that it has everything to do with it. There is not one single bit of information that is not tied to this. Everything relating to adoptions and towns finances have something to do with it. I never realized it at the time. But knowing it now, I can't think about how I did not notice it earlier." Sheldon was finishing, just not even all that worried about how he was coming off now.

"I guess that this is the truth. I mean, I know from the way that you are telling the story, we are getting really close to the stuff where your addiction sort of gets kick started. I mean, I know that only because of the reports that the other therapists have left behind. But do you really want to talk about those?" She asked, and then Sheldon was nodding.

"Yeah, we will be getting to on that Thursday. But when you take what happens there, as well as everything else that comes along after it, you would know that I have no fucking choice but to start to doing what I did. It was the only way that I was able to start to have any chance of not hating myself or anything else in the future." After Sheldon finished, he was having some mental flashes in his mind relating to what he had seen.

"Are you sure that you want to talk about that?" After she asked him this, he was looking at her, and he was finding this question kind of funny, knowing that she probably never really got why he was thinking that the question was so awful. "I mean, nothing about what has happened so far seems to even be all that big of a deal. It seems like everything tha has happened has been just you doing a strange mystery investigation over terrible events." She said, and then he was sort of nodding, thinking that her statement was not entirely wrong.

"I never wanted to talk about it. But I want even less for the story to never be told, and I never want people to not have a chance to know what the issues here are. I mean, and I think that I trust you enough to know that I am not lying to you, and would never be dragging you along for such things." Sheldon said, finally showing his confidence he had in her a bit.

"I mean, I think that when I also talk about things here with you, and put it all into words, then I feel like I can see some of the things that would end up happening, and I can almost enjoy laughing at the obviousness of I, and how I never figured out the clues until it was too late. In a way, as horrible as it is to admit, I kind of enjoy how stupid I was here." Sheldon was smiling at this, and he was aware of how much it had sounded like he was just being a bit fucking stupid. But in a way, he was not even caring if she was angry at his stories here.

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, I only have a couple of theories about what is going on. But I am just trying to see how it all connects to missing people. There are so many of them, all the time, that the idea of learning more is just fucking impossible here." Sheldon slightly laughed when she had said to Sheldon, he knew that she was having every excuse to not know the truth, since she had not been there.

"I guess that it is all a subject of opinion here. But you know, I am just kind of hoping that maybe the two of us could be able to pull something together here. I hope that you are different from most of the other people who I told this story to." After Sheldon was telling her this, he was wondering when she was actually going to react to this.

"You do know that I legally am not allowed to get too involved with the lives of patients outside of this room?" She asked Sheldon, and then he was thinking for a few seconds on this, and knew that as much as he had hated to admit it, and as much as he had not wanted to have these facts shoved in his face, that she was right yet again.

"I know, but sometimes it just makes me feel better to pretend that things like that are allowed. Not that it really matters. Part of me is just tired, and part of me just feels like the lack of any real outlook is going to be the best way I can go forward with all of this." He was saying, and he was wondering if he was going to actually get her to listen to him here.

"If you feel like you want a good set of plans, then I think that you can always talk about it with people that you trust. You know, people that act like they have a real clue where the hell they are going here. But Sheldon, you do not have to do this all alone. You are totally allowed to just go on and get people to really help you out." After she had said that to Sheldon, he was shaking his head at her, and he knew that her statements were wrong. She was wrong on this one. Because he knew what the others around him would have been acting like if they had known.

"There is no way in hell that even if you believed in me, that anybody will fucking believe in me. Nobody is going to just listen to the guy with a drug addiction, and I feel like I am losing you more and more with every single session that we are having right now. I know that the longer we talk, the more that you are just wishing to just have me grow up and do something." Sheldon told her this, and he was feeling like he was just wishing to see her try and defend this one off, but the look on her face showed otherwise.

"I think that you are not giving yourself enough credit. Most of the time, I have been at least mildly interested in your stories, and I have been wanting to just see where this whole thing goes." She said, and she was smiling for a moment, feeling like when she was going to say it like this, the longer that Sheldon was going to feel like she could win him over.

"Please don't try and butter this whole thing up. I mean, I know that you are trying to make me feel better, and I know that you want to find a way to make me feel like what I am doing actually makes some fucking difference, but I know for a fact that this is not working." Sheldon was standing up, taking out a ciagrette, and placed it on his ear.

"Why do you feel like I am simply just trying to butter things up for you? I mean, I know that you are trying to pretend like you are a big guy, and you are just a man who is broken, and it is my job to help fix the damage." His therapist said, and Sheldon closed his eyes for a moment, and rubbed the eyes, trying to figure out where this was heading.

"Well, if you feel like you can repair a damn thing in the world, I would love to see you try. But I think that both of us know deep down that I am not going to make a real difference here. I think that we both know that no matter what you tell me and what I tell you, this is just a bunch of times of me talking to you and nothing else." Sheldon finished, and then he was placing his hand on the door, and opened it up to leave.

"I am very sorry that you feel that way." After she was saying this to Sheldon, she was going to try and say something else to make the subject a bit better. "Maybe when we get to our session on Thursday, you can explain to me what is going on with the little pieces here and there. You know, that way I can probably understand a bit better." She was telling him, and then he was heading out of the room, and unable to believe that he was going to be dealing with this again in just a couple of days.


	19. Awful Sound

Sheldon sat down, and he was looking at his therapist, and when he was looking right at her, and this time, he was wondering what the hell he was even going to try and say now. "So we are not going to be seeing each other for another two weeks." Sheldon said, looking at her, and this was when he was feeling like he was just wanting to see what she was thinking here. He was just worried that she was just using this as an excuse to get away with from these.

"Yeah, this is a really important situation with my family. I really wish that I could see more of you though, since I have been rather interested in where your story goes, even if we do have a lot of arguments about this." She was telling Sheldon, and he was feeling like when she was finally going to know the truth, her feelings on this whole thing was going to be blown over.

"Well, to be honest, I think the moment that you know the truth, you are going to hate ever getting involved in this. But if something is going good for your family, then I am really happy for you." Sheldon was saying, and despite the fact that he was unsure if she was going to go through on this, he was just wishing more than ever that the story could be told, and when she would know, he was hoping she would comfort him a bit more.

"Yeah, I don't really wish to get too into details with my family and stuff, and what my plans were, but I think that I am going to just keep most of it to myself right now." She was telling Sheldon, and the moment that she had said this to him, he was looking right at her, and there was a small part of him that was wondering what he would have been able to do to push for more truth.

"Hey, out of simple interest, but have you ever had any other patients tell you stories about this town, and the missing people?" Sheldon asked, and he was really hoping that even if she was not allowed to go into details of the sessions, he would have just wanted a simple yes or no. He was feeling like a simple yes or no would have been perfectly fine.

"I don't really think that I have seen a single person who has given me stories like this. I mean, part of me is wondering why you would be the only one who would have any idea here what to tell me. But I know that you are just interested in talking with me, and as long as we work together, then I believe we will be fine." She was saying to Sheldon, as if just hoping he would seep in some information here. But he didn't say a single thing, and her plans were not going as expected.

"Because I am the only one who would not only survive through this, but be sane enough to just drown away my anger and guilt so I would never have to deal with it as much." Sheldon said, and then he was looking right at her, knowing that this statement was going to make her want more info, but he did not care.

"Sheldon, what are you talking about? What guilt are you trying to bury, and what guilt are you trying to get away from?" She was asking, and she was not only wanting to know more, but had genuinely felt like he had needed to just fucking tell her the truth, and by doing this, she would see if he was hiding something deeper.

"There are a lot of things. Even beyond the promises that I never kept, there was the guilt of the fact that I have seen things that I should have never fucking seen." After Sheldon was telling her this, he was feeling like the fact that he would have done more, and him doing more would have been what he could have used to accomplish something of value.

"Sheldon, do you feel like you could have seen something that would have made a true difference, and that when you see somethings that you say 'you should have never seen' you just have no real way of getting out of this?" After she had Sheldon this, he was sighing, and then he was feeling like while this was a repetitive question, each time the conversation was had, something was just changing a bit.

"I have no real way of pretending like I never saw something. I have no way of ever acting like what I saw wasn't all that important either. I did see something, and it was important, but the worst thing is that when I look at what is realistic, I know that I am making things worse by beating myself up for doing this, angry at myself when I know that I am never really going to be making any actual difference." Sheldon admitted, finally feeling good for saying the truth.

"I am not able to make a difference, and yet I act like I am the only one who can change things. I mean, people have to do their own thing, and I am one person against a full town. So no matter what I say that I could or should do, if I do something, I will be getting myself killed. And part of me is just scared of dying, despite all of the stuff that I say." Sheldon admitted, finally making things feel differently when he admitted this all at once.

"When you talk about being one man against the entire fucking world, do you really have any idea if this is something that you should have done? I mean, you act like you are the only man with a solution, and I assume you will get to that later, and why you feel like this, but until then, I just want to know why you are unable to get people to help you out?" She said, and then Sheldon smiled, and he was glad she asked this.

"Yes, that is a great question, and I appreciate the fact that you are asking this, but the thing is that I know that if I get other people to know the truth, they are going to die. People are going to fucking die when I try to let them in on this, and I am going to never feel right by getting people into this, no matter what." After Sheldon was saying this to her, he was smiling, and this was when he had felt like maybe he was actually doing something good by keeping them away from all of this.

"So what you are doing is some form of actually trying to keep them all safe, and keeping yourself the one in the firing lines, and by keeping yourself the one in danger, everybody else has a chance to live?" She was asking, and he was nodding, as if glad that she finally figured it out, and that she was finally making sense out of it all.

"Yes, this is the one fucking thing that I am just trying to really do to make things better for us all." Sheldon was saying, and he was feeling like even if he was not going to be a good person, this was something that he had known was going to actually really make some real difference right now. "I mean, everybody does something that they feel like is the best answer, only to have it turn out to be the exact opposite of the truth." After Sheldon was telling her this, he was wondering if he was going to make her really fucking get the point, or if she was going to flat out refuse to this.

"Sheldon, do you think that you are going to help me understand why the heck you are so deep into this in the first place? I mean, if you genuinely feel like you are the one behind it all, and the only one who can make a difference, then as much as I think it is hard for you, but I think that you are going to really not only open up about the truth, but just admit what is so wrong that we are just all over the place." She was saying, and then Sheldon was thinking about what he was doing, and how close he was to getting to that part.

"I got deep into this because I simply didn't leave good enough alone. I wanted to know more. I needed to know more, and I just felt like I could keep finding excuses to keep going. I felt like if I was able to do it for my sister and others, then people would understand." Sheldon admitted, sighing at this discussion, aware that it was his fault.

"It is not your fault that people go missing at this town. It is not your fault that peple have never been able to find the truth." After she had said that to him, he looked at her, unable to believe that she was trying so hard to make him feel differently about this. He knew that she was wrong, and he wanted to say so, but he did not want to be an asshole about it.

"I have seen how bad it can really get. I have seen how bad it really actually is. I mean, I want to act like you are right, and maybe in some ways you are. But where I am right now, and where I am going, I have a whole lot of things that I need to answer for." After Sheldon gave her this vague ass answer, he was looking at her, hoping she had something she would want to tell him.

"How much did you feel like your efforts could have made an actual difference?" She asked, and then he was feeling like deep down, this was going to be a loaded question, and if she was going to ask him those things, then he was never going to give a true answer. Sheldon felt like no matter how he was going at this, she was never aware of what it was like to live through this.

"I think that my efforts could have at least given some people a chance to get away in time. I feel like my efforts are actually the only thing that could have made the difference for several people." Sheldon said, aware of how fucking narcissistic he was sounding, but in a way, he was thinking he was telling the truth, and the truth was much more painful than literally anything else in the entire fucking world.

"Sheldon, are you going to go back and try and figure something out? The way you talk, and the way you act, makes me feel like you are planning to do something like this coming up. I have nothing to say to try and support or deny this idea, since it is what you want to do. But are you thinking that not doing this is the only reason things have not improved?" She asked, and he was nodding slowly at this.

"I think that with the stuff that I know now, and the stuff that I have prepared for, there is no way that I am going to do any worse than I did the first time. I think that I am going to be ready for whatever comes along, and I am going to be giving everybody who tries to stop me hell. I am not going to be beaten around, and I think I know what to do." He said, and then he sighed, ready to confess the nest bit.

"I think that I am ready to tell you the next part of the story, and you can start to see what the first real set of mistakes kick in." He said, and before he was able to see her ask, she was sighing, and nodded, and left it at this. "I hope that you are ready for this." Sheldon said and then he sighing, unsure of why he was so worried about this.

...

So the next day, when Dakota and Ashley and I were planning on meeting up to talk to Sherman, I was thinking about what the hell he was going to tell us. I was wondering if he was going to find a way to defend himself, or if he was actually really having some valid points to be making right now. Dakota was starting to drive up to my car.

I was walking to the car, and that was when Dakota placed his hand on my arm, and I was seeing him looking right at me, as if wanting to make his point right now. "Do you think that you should at least talk to Emily about this, and just talk with her for a bit? I mean, I think that if you are going to do this, you need to at least be in touch." He said, and I was seeing him looking like he was just kind of tired of this.

"Yeah, I think that maybe that might be wise. I just don't want to leave her hanging, and I think that she might deserve better." I said, and then Dakota nodded, glad to know that at least I had the balls to admit that he was right on this one. But after I was taking out a cigarette, starting to smoke it, I was wondering what the heck I would have even told him.

I sat down in the chair, and he was starting to drive off for a bit. I was seeing Dakota looking like he was trying his very best to be keeping some form of patience to this whole thing. I was wondering if Dakota was even wanting to be talking with Sherman, or if he was feeling like something like this was a giant mistake, and that we could have done something else.

"Sheldon, what are you even going to be telling Sherman in the first place? Are you really certain that he is going to even want to talk with us at all?" Dakota asked, and then I was shrugging, thinking that him wanting to do this was not really happening, but I could force it to him.

"I am going to force him to tell me stuff. I mean, I think that over time, he is going to be giving us what we need to know. I mean, I really believe that no matter what he might be feeling, and what he will want to say when we are here, he will appreciate us talking to him, and he will brag about his accomplishments and all of that stuff." I was saying, feeling like maybe when I placed it this way, he might be able to get it.

"Sheldon, I think that you forcing him to say something might be the worst way to be going at this. I know that you are just wanting to know more, but I think the way that you are acting here is going to be getting us nowhere at all." Dakota was telling me, and I knew deep down he was right, but I refused to admit this.

"The worst way to be going at this is not to be going at this at all." I said, and then I was seeing he cigarette starting to dwindle down, and in all honesty, even I was wondering why I was acting like this right now. Why I was arguing with him. He was just trying to help me out, and I was here, being a fucking dick.

"I will just listen to you, and I will let you finish. But I think that we are going to justs ee what he might have to say. I mean, I want to help you out, and I do think that there are some valid questions. But I just want to make sure that we are not going to fight in a bunch of wars and stuff." Dakota said, and then Ashley was finally saying something to try and calm us down.

"Alright guys, we do not need to be taking this to such a big level. I think that maybe Sherman has had to deal with questions like this before, and I am relatively certain that he is going to let us know what we want to know if we are being patient and polite here. I mean, I have no real idea why he is going to have any issue here." She was saying, and then I was nodding, glad to hear her mildly taking my side right now.

"I think that maybe we can just get him to explain what his final solution was, and what he had done to get to that solution. I think that as long as we ask questions patiently here, and if we are going to possibly learn more about what he thinking, them maybe everything will be fine enough." Ashley was saying, and as we were driving along, that was when Dakota was getting closer to Emily's house.

"If she tells you that she really needs to hang out with you or something, or insists on coming along, then I think that it might be best to just listen to her. We are willing to wait for this for a while." Dakota said, and this time, I was seeing him not even saying this to make me stop doing this, but he was just really sounding like he was more worried about the relationship than anything.

"I guess that I will see what she might tell me. I think that I will just decide what I might be more comfortable with when we get there." I said, and then I was seeing both Dakota and Ashley looking glad to at least be hearing me suggest something more like this after all.

When I was out of the car, I was sighing, and I was wondering what the hell I was even going to tell her in the first place. I was thinking that I just needed to ask her some honest questions, and see what she was planning on telling me. I was wanting her to feel like no matter what, we were going to have at least some form of a connection here.

I was knocking on her door, and Emily opened the door to look right at me. She was then smiling for a second or two before she was seeing the look on my face, and this was when she was looking more serious about this whole thing. She was feeling like she was needing to at least hear what my plans were, for both of our sakes.

"Are you wanting to do something today?" She asked, and then the way that she had asked me this made me stop right then and there, and I was wondering what the fucking hell I was even going to be saying at all. I was taking a deep breath, and I was just feeling like I just wanted to get on her good graces.

"I do want to do something today. But I am finding myself busy lately, and I do not know if I can be able to find something here." I said, and then I was looking right at her, and the way that I had said this was getting her to be sort of unsure of where I was going, and part of her was looking kind of annoyed on what this surely would have meant.

"Sheldon, is it related to the town? Are you sure that you really need to do something here?" She was asking me, and then I was looking down on the ground, and I was feeling like the way that she had asked me this was going to be making me feel so fucking guilty. I was needing to drag back, and I needed to let her be happy and not be making things worse.

"Yeah, you're right. It is related to that." I said, and then after I had said this, she was looking right at me, and I was seeing her looking like she could not believe that I had admitted this. On one hand, she was able to appreciate the honesty. On the other hand, she was clearly feeling like this was just taking things way too far.

"What are you doing this time? Where are you actually going this time?" She asked me, and then I was sighing, and I knew that there was no way she was going to get it. I was feeling like I just needed to make her get it. But I was wondering if she was wanting to understand this at all.

"I am going to talk to the man who started this all." I said, and the moment that I had stated this to her, she was looking right at me, and I was seeing that her mind was short circuiting. I was feeling like she was going to finally feel like she was going to be placing her foot down here, and tell me to fuck off.

"Sheldon, are you sure that he is even alive? I think that he might not even be alive, much less able to talk to you guys. I think that this is becoming an obsession. I think that you just need to let this go." She was saying, and then I was feeling like if she was going to be saying this over and over again, then I was going to be relatively pissed off here.

"If he was dead, then surely there must be a news report coming along with this right now." I said, and then I was looking right at her, and she was finally looking like she was wanting to just try and argue with me right now. But then she was taking a long and deep breath, wishing to fight with me, and wishing to get me to listen to her. But just knew that none of this even mattered now.

"If he is still alive, then I am relatively sure that people are not going to be super happy for this right now. I guess that as long as this hobby does not get too dangerous, I have no right to try and stop you. But can you please just not let this whole thing ruin you?" After she was asking me this, I was looking right at her, and then decided that I was wondering if something like this even could come together.

"How about this... When I am done talking with him, I will come right back to you, and then we will hang out with each other. I think that if I do not get anything from him, we might not really really get a real answer anymore. I believe that if we do not find anything from him, we can just finally let the story die." After I said that to him, she was nodding, and I was feeling like she would settle with this for a while again.

"I guess that we might be able to deal with this for one more day." She decided, feeling like going back at this one final day was not going to be the worst thing in the entire world. I was hugging her for a second, and then I was starting to walk down the pathway, and I was going to just finally talk to Dakota and Ashley about the approval, and that I was going to get them to really listen to me right now.

I was getting right in the car, and then I was just not wanting to talk any longer. Dakota started up the car, and then he was feeling like he might as well hear what I could say to this. "Are you thinking that she might be fine with this right now?" She asked, and then I was thinking that Ashley was just being rather patient right now.

"Yeah, we did agree that I was going to look into this. I promised her that if nothing comes up form this, then I was going to at least take a break. Even if I do not stop this whole thing, I think that taking a break is the very least that I can fucking do." I said, and then I was holding up hands to the side, and this was making me feeling like what I was doing was actually for the fucking best.

"Do you think that Sherman telling us anything can get us to learn more about what is happening in the town?" After Dakota asked this, he was thinking about how he was actually going to have this discussion. He was thinking that this was going to be the most important talk that we were going to possibly have right now.

Eventually, we parked at a fast food place where Dakota was laughing and looking at me, and this was something he was clearly doing to steel up his nerves. "Let's just talk some things out, make a plan, and see what we can do from there. Surely with a plan, things are going to be fine, right?" He asked, clearly just lying for his own sake.

I was taking out a cigarette, and we were starting to drive off for a while longer, and I was feeling like I just needed to find a way to keep Dakota and Ashley safe. I knew that keeping them safe was going to be the only thing that really fucking mattered and stuff. I knew that they were never going to be cool with what was actually going on. "I think that you guys should probably just stay behind, and I talk with him. I do not want to possibly do something that could get you guys in danger." I said, trying to sound slightly responsible.

"Sheldon, we might not be a very big fan of what you are doing right now, but we understand that you are really wanting to do this, and we would rather help you out with this investigation than get yourself killed by talking with people. I mean, I doubt that Sherman himself will be too dangerous. But I would rather not take any risks." Dakota told me, and then I was taking a long and deep breath, not wanting to do this.

"Well, I guess that if this is something you are wanting to do, then I think that we are both fucking insane after all." I said, and then I was looking right at him, trying to be funny, and trying to make him feel like he was going to be slightly endeared to this. But the way he was looking at me made it clear that this was not something to have fun with.

"Sheldon, I know that you are just trying to be funny, and I know you want to sound like you are just some heroic dude that is making everybody ammused, but we are both worried about you, and we are both worried that something is going to happen if you are not careful enough here. I mean, I think Dakota might be right." Ashley said, and then I was feeling like death was probably the least bad outcome.

"After everything going on right now, maybe that is the best outcome." I said, and I was well aware of the fact that these people were never going to be happy with what I was saying. I did not care though. I was wanting to make them all understand that this was my duty. This was the path that I was wanting to take, regardless of the possible outcome of it.

"Sheldon, do you really believe in that?" Ashley asked, and then I was sighing, feeling like no matter what I said, I was going to be telling them something that was not going to be of very much comfort to them. But in all honesty, I was just not really all that worried about it at the end.

"I don't fucking know what I fucking believe in anymore. I don't fucking know, and to be honest, I don't really care. This man probably knows something right now, and I am going to see what he can let me know. And if he has nothing to tell me, then that is a damn shame. I guess that I will have to see if perhaps he can at least point me to somebody who knows." I was sighing, thinking of perhaps Jimmy White. The more time that passes, the more certain I was he knew.

"Are you going to try and talk to people that you are just suspecting of knowing something? I mean, I think that if you are going to be going on a wild goose chase, you might as well be smart about it at least." Dakota said, and then I was nodding, feeling like this was something that I was able to actually give him. Maybe when he heard what I thought, he would relax.

"I am going to talk to Jimmy White, and I am going to see what he might be able to tell me. I think that with his help, or his words, I will be able to figure out where I can have a good starting point right now." I said, and then this was when Ashley was looking like she was now finally feeling like what I was doing was suicide.

"Jimmy White? Sheldon, come on. There is no way he is going to tell you a damn thing. Even you must surely know this. Even you must surely know that something like this is just suicide." Ashley said, and then I was rolling my eyes, not wanting to hear her lecture when it came to this.

We were getting near the stretch of road where the senior center was, and I was sighing. "I think that I should let you know about when I met him last year, and he seemed to be willing to talk with me about this stuff. He seemed to be fine with helping me out." I said, and then I was shrugging, thinking that maybe his help was the only thing keeping me from having no fucking clues.

"Sheldon, why the hell were you talking with him anyways last year? Was it related to what happened with Jamie?" Dakota asked, and I was seeing him looking like he was actually kind of feeling sad about this one, and that if this was the truth, then he was not going to be having too much of a protest over it. Knowing how much she was special to me in just a few short weeks.

"I was wanting to see if he had any clue what to do about Jamie. I wanted her home, and I wanted her safe. He seemed like a good starting point. I wanted to make sure that all the options were in check. I did what made sense." I said, and then I was looking at both of them, hoping beyond all hope that they were going to be fine with this answer. I needed it. I needed them to understand me.

"Well, did he have something to tell you? Did you get something out of it at least?" He asked, and I saw him just looking like he had been just more impressed and scared that I was willing to do this at all. I was sighing, thinking that no matter what I did, he was going to be having some real issues here.

"I did not get any information about missing people or anything. But what I can assure of you is that given the way he was acting, and given his presentation of the matter, he must have known something. He knew what I knew, and he was wanting to just make sure that I never got any deeper when going at it." I said, and then I was looking directly at them.

"I am assured that even if he does not want to tell me a damn thing, that this man is the man who can be the key to everything going on. And if he does not tell me more, and tries to get away with this, then I will just break into his office." I said, at this point getting extremely close to the senior center.

"Sheldon, that is going to get you in prison if you end up getting caught. Are you really sure that you want to be doing this? I mean, is prison really going to be fucking worth it?" He asked, hoping to get me to see this perspective at least. I looked at him, slightly considering it for a second.

"Maybe it will not be worth it. Maybe nothing about this will be worth it. But I guess that I am no longer worried about being worth it right now." I said, and then I was taking a deep breath, finally willing to own up to what I should have said, and if I was being realistic, what I should have said this whole time,

"I mean, I think that as long as I finally have some answers on what is going on with Riley, and as long as I finally feel like the answers are going to be making some sense, then I will be fine, and I will be able to move on once and for all." I said, and then I was feeling like this was really going to be a fine least that I can ask for situation. Although neither Dakota nor Ashley looked too sold on it yet.

"Sheldon, are you sure that you even want to truly know what happened with Riley? I mean, I guess that in theory I could see why that would see like such a great idea. But I am scared that if you learn the truth, and if something were to truly show that she liked died or something, that you would not be fully ready for it." Dakota said, and this time, I was actually for once at least considering wat he was saying. I was at least listening to what he said, but in the mind I was telling myself not to think on it.

"I do want to know what happened to Riley. I think that even if she did die, at least I would be able to say that she was gone, and at least I could move on, and I would be happier knowing that if for nothing else, I can put it all behind me forever." I said, and then I was looking at the senior building, and decided to focus on the point.

"I will go in there. I will talk with him, and see what he has to say. I am not going to hold off any longer. If he tells me the truth, then maybe I will find something that I can work with. Besides, I doubt that anything too bad will be coming out of a simple discussion." I said, and even I knew that this was going to be bullshit. Even I fucking knew that this was not working.

"Besides, I think that Sherman will want to see some people visiting him. I doubt that he really has much of a family or friends who see him. I think in a way, this might be a blessing in disguise for him, and that is something I can use to my favor." I said, and then I was looking at both of them, wondering if they were going to try and argue with me here.

The three of us were inside of the senior home, and then I was seeing that there was a middle aged woman behind the counter, and she was looking right up at us. She was looking like she was not really all that interested in what we were doing, and just needed for us to tell her what was going on. That way we were able to go right in, and just hang out with Jimmy.

"Who are you planning on seeing today?" She asked, clearly not that excited, and she was pulling out a notebook. Mainly so she would be able to just write down the records, and then move on with it. I was taking a deep breath, and I decided that I would just be honest, and have either Dakota or Ashley save me if it didn't work out.

"We are wanting to see Sherman Peabody. I think that I need to talk with him, and see if he has anything that he can tell us." I said, and then I was seeing the look on her face just showing one of utter perplexment, and that she was refusing to really get it all. But then she was sighing, unsure of what she was going to tell me.

"Are you related to him or the sheriff?" She asked, and then she was looking directly at us, as if thinking that this was the only question that really mattered. I shook my head, and then she was sighing, as if feeling like this was the worst way that any of this could have gone, and she just could not believe it.

"The reservations say that only Jimmy White, sheriff Garret Garner, and Dexter Peabody are allowed in. However, the contract expired last weekend, and none of those three have come along and tried to talk with him since. So I guess that technically you are allowed to go in there, but only for the time being. So take advantage of it while you can." She said, and then I was sighing, feeling so glad that this was happening right now.

"Thank you. We are going to be quick about our talk. We do not want to bother him for too long." I said, and then I was rubbing my eyes, feeling like maybe if I had so fucking fast about this, then everything was going to be good. We were walking inside of the room, and we were about to head inside, this was when Dakota spoke up.

"I think it is so strange that Jimmy is allowed in. Maybe there is a rule that the current mayor and sheriff have to have permission in case something happens? I never even heard of Dexter Peabody." Dakota said, just trying to understand it all, but had no real clues on what he was even going to be getting out of this. In all honesty, I was not able to blame him for being relatively confused at this whole thing.

Once we went inside, I was feeling like I just needed to know what this man was hiding, and I was going to have to be respectful about it. But I was not going to be hiding what my clear intentions were, and I was going to make it clear that I was not going to be taking no for an answer. "Hey, I have some questions for you." I said, hoping that maybe if I was just getting right to the point, he might be able to respect that a bit.

Sherman popped his head up, and the way that he was looking at me showed that this was not something he was going to be very cool with. He was clearly just showing that he was not going to be playing any games with me right now. "What do you want to know?" He asked, clearly just sounding like he was wanting to get this over with, and not wanting to do this.

"I was wanting to know about the things that you did to help the town get saved and stuff." I said, and then I was feeling like maybe if I was going to be calm and collected, and I was going to see what he was wanting to tell me. I saw him looking a bit confused on what I asked, as if he was unable to believe the fact that I had asked him something like this. When he thought it was obvious.

"I did what I had to do. I had no choice. I knew that many people were not liking the way that I went at this. I knew many people did not like the way that I had proposed my idea, but I had no choice. I had to do what I did, and I knew that the results financially outweighed any issues that we were going to be having here." He said, and he was looking kind of angry at me, and then Ashley decided that she was going to try and interject a bit here.

"Why did people feel like wh you were doing was wrong? You brought the town back from nothing. As far as I am aware of, you did what you could to make sure we had a chance to live." She said, and then the man was laughing at this, as if feeling like the way she was talking was kind of cute.

"You really do know nothing, don't you? Everybody hated it because they were preaching the ideas of ethics and morals. They thought that we were going to just drive things down. They thought that we were going to ruin the town. We did the exact opposite. We saved the town. We made it remotely liveable. We made it something that we were going to be able to be proud of." Sherman said, and he was starting to stare right at us, intently, which I think was more scary than I could have ever thought it would be.

"What was making them preaching the ideas of morals and ethics? What is with the grinding noise? Do you know what that grinding noise is?" I asked, thinking that maybe I could be able to find a way to focus on the main question. He was looking at me, and I was seeing his glare of great disappointment, and I was wondering what he was hiding right now.

"Are you serious young man? I think that everybody knows what the heck is going on with that. It was the final solution that we made to make things perfect. We know what we had to do. I had no choice. I did everything that I fucking could to save this town, and I did anything that I felt like was going to make a true and good difference." After Sherman said this, I was looking right at Dakota and Ashley, and I was wondering what they were going to say.

"You keep saying that you had no choice, but you are hardly letting me know what you had no choice about? Do you think that you can let me understand what made you feel like you had no choice?" I asked, feeling like maybe if I was going to let him answer me properly, the man was going to just let me understand, and he was going to just enlighten me.

"I was having no choice but to place the town first. I thought that I was going to be able to find something that could have saved us from the financial despair, and the lingering fear. But the water was not working, the people were not coming, and our population was dwindling, and I was feeling like I could have found something that could have made everything work out at all." Sherman said, and I was seeing him looking at me, and I was seeing that the look on his face made it very clear that he was hoping that maybe I was going to just see what he was thinking.

"Do you think that if you were able to make things different, then you would have gone and done things the way that you feel like you should have?" After Dakota asked this, that was when Sherman looked at Dakota for the first time in this entire thing, and then he was taking a long and deep breath. Almost like he was disgusted at the very sight of him.

"Do you know that Jimmy is the only reason that this is even a possible issue? He had to come along, and he had to take it and fuck it all up. He started to take what was one great and working, and he decided to muddy it all up. He thought that there was a different spin he would have been able to give it, and he went all out with it." Sherman was telling Dakota with a level of straight up venom in his voice, and Dakota looked like he had wanted to interject, and ask him what the context was. But Jimmy was quiet.

"What did Jimmy do that was so bad?" Dakota asked, and then he was just trying to understand the context of why Sherman went on that tirade. The tirade made no fucking sense, and I was thinking that in all honesty, his mind was just trying to really piece things together a bit better.

"He had to come along, and he had to start doing things his own way. He believes that he is some great businessman, and that he knows what he is doing. I think he wants to believe that he is the one person who can do things so much better for everybody else. He wants to just take things in, and he was just wanting to be the leader.

"But he didn't become mayor until several years later, by which everything that you had done was already set in stone, and everything you had done was already accomplished. There was no need to go around and mess it all up." I said, and then Sherman looked at me, as if thinking that maybe I was smarter than I looked, despite not wanting to admit it right now.

"Of course, that would be the thing any normal person would naturally assume. But he was thinking that there needed to be a more open approach. A more honest and a more direct approach. He thought that we were doing things wrong, and he decided that he was the only way that could have been able to keep things going." Sherman said, and I was seeing that the look on his face was just still showing one of shame in what things had to become.

"The man just wanted to do things his way, and he did not give a single fuck what he was doing. He only wanted to do things because he had felt like they were more exciting his way. Surely you must understand what I did at one point in time did mean something. What I did actually made a difference. People just did not appreciate things enough to take things slowly." He said, and then I was thinking that getting out of here was probably the best thing any of us could do.

"I think that we should be best to head out right now. Don't want to bother you too much with anything." I said, and this was just me trying to get him to think that we were not wanting to force anything onto him. If he was gone, and we were off doing our own thing, then surely he was never going to be thinking of this too much. For all I knew he probably would forget us already.

"When you see him next, tell Jimmy that things are meant to be done my way from now. Not his way or the way of those who pretend like they care for what is good, only to use things for themselves. Tell them that they are driving things down if they are not careful." After Sherman said this, I was scared of what we got ourselves into, and I was finding myself at a loss of word.

I was standing up and I was just thinking of something that I could say that would make him feel like I was still not thinking too deeply over what was going on, and that I did not find anything too strange there. "Thank you very much for all that you have done, and thank you for speaking to me. I think that we got a great result from all that you did." I said, and then I was just feeling like if I said anything less, he was never going to really get it.

"Young man, I think that I might know you from somewhere." Sherman said, and the moment he said this to me, I was looking right at him, and I was just trying to find my way to understanding what he was saying. I mean, we never met, and I think that unless if he found the wrong person, I was not really even wanting to know more.

"I think that we have never met each other before, so I think that this might not really connect to anything." I said, and then he was looing at me, and I was seeing him looking truly unable to find a way to understand what I had said right now. He was thinking that I had been pulling his leg, and that he was surely well aware of our previous connections.

"You helped me start this whole thing. You heard my plans, and you were telling me that it was one of the only ways that things could make any sense. You told me from day one that this was the only way that people really were going to recover from what was going on. You are dare trying to tell me that things are not the way you remember them?" Sherman asked, and both Dakota and Ashley looked at me, as if truly unsure what the hell to say now.

"What did I say exactly?" I asked, thinking that maybe I could play along, and see what he was going to tell me. I was thinking that as long as I played along with him, and pretended like he was telling the truth, and as long as he believed in what I was saying, then I was feeling like maybe this was going to be where the connections were going to be created now.

"You were the one telling me that the only way we were going to be able to help the town move forward was if we were going to just create a business. You said that we needed to create a business, and make a vision. You told me that this was the only way that things were going to come together."

"Well, to be honest, I never thought that you were going to be listening to anybodys idea. I thought that you were going to tell us all that there was something else that we should be doing. I never thought you were going to be so willing to hear our ideas, so fast." I said, and then I was sincerely feeling like we were needing to just see where this whole thing was going. He clearly thought that I was somebody else, and this was going to be the only thing driving me forward now.

"Do you seriously think that I was going to let this town die? I was never going to let anything like that happen. I was never going to let something that was perfect be fucking ruined. Do you really think that I never cared for this place? You need to understand that I am somebody who loves this town more than anything." He was telling me, and I was feeling like I might have just ruined whatever starting point we were having now.

"I never think that you were going to let things die. But I think that you would have never gone through with the ideas that we were proposing. I thought that you were going to just say that you were better than that." I said, and I did not know if this was the correct way to be going at this, but from the way he was talking, this seemed like the perfect way to be responding. I was thinking that maybe if I buttered him up slightly, he was going to feel a certain weakness, and feel like he was able to believe that I was being sincere here.

"You never once had a moment of thinking that I cared for many people. You went as far as to tell me that you thought that I am just the man who makes things go a certain way because it is good for myself." Sherman said, and then he was looking at me, as if unable to believe that I was saying this, and he was finally looking like I was starting to blow my cover. As if he was feeling like maybe I was not the man he expected to be.

"I am just growing up, and I am sort of able to the fact that I did many things stupid. I mean, I now realize when looking back that you did so man things right." I was done, and this was when Sherman was sounding like he was finally near his breaking point, which I was honestly surprised that it took that long for him to start to freak out.

"You try to tell me that I was the one who did something great, and then you tell me that you think I never cared, and now you are acting like I am correct? You seem like the exact man that I knew, and you are bringing back all of the worst memories that I had." He said, and then I was starting to feel like it really was time to leave. Thankfully Dakota and Ashley both agreed with this take.

"We are all going to be heading out now. We are sorry for making you so confused and stuff." Dakota said, and then he was just looing really unsure what the hell we were going to be able to discuss when we were out. I was feeling like whatever this man was telling me, and whatever the hell Jimmy had in store for him, I was just feeling like nothing else even fucking mattered.

We left the room, and I was just trying to figure out what the hell Jimmy White had done that made this whole thing with Sherman so pissed off. I mean, I never knew that the two could have even known each other. There was such a massive age gap between them that it made no fucking sense at all.

I was feeling like I just needed to speak with Jimmy White, and this time, I was not going to be hiding along. We were close to leaving the center when the woman behind the counter looked at the three of us, and she was looking horrified at what we were doing, and I was feeling like if this woman hated me, or at least annoyed with me, then I was feeling like there was a good chance that this whole thing was going to be blowing over for me. That was just not something I was wanting to deal with.

We were inside of the car, and I was looking at both Dakota and Ashley, trying to think of literally anything that I could have said that would have made all of us feel less worried about what we had just dealt with. "Do you think that Sherman is even remotely able to know what the hell he is talking about?" I asked, trying to understand what I had seen right now. I saw both Ashley and Dakota looking scared over this.

"I mean with Jimmy White and stuff, he seemed angered greatly. I feel like there is more to this than any of us could imagine. If the mayor is that hated by him, then surely something is going on that neither one of them want to talk about in detail." I was saying, and then I was sighing, just telling myself that I needed to be fucking over this whole thing. I was needing this man to actually make some fucking sense right now.

"I think that after a point, he was just getting things mixed up. I mean, I genuinely don't think he even knew what he was saying near the end of that all. I think that maybe he was just saying what he thought was making sense in his mind." After Dakota said this, I was seeing him looking like he was actually sort of unsure of what to say, and decided to remain quiet.

"I mean, I also really do not get at all what he was talking about with me and my plans and everything that I had said to him. This is making no fucking sense, and I am so fucking lost right now." I said, and then I was feeling like whatever the hell this man was aware of, and whatever the hell he had done to this town, was more than just a simple revival and stuff. I was feeling like I just needed to know what the hell he meant.

"I think that maybe you might just really look like somebody who once lived here or something. That is the best that I can come up with." Dakota said, and he was looking like even he was just trying to find his way to making some sense out of this one. But he decided to just be leaving it at that. As if feeling like he was going to go crazy right now.

"Honestly that would make no sense. The only person I might think of is my father. But he is not even somebody who is from here. I think that trying to get him to talk would be pointless, so I am not going to waste some time with that." I was saying, feeling like I was going to have to really learn about my family history if I was going to be making any sense out of this. I was wanting him to fucking just let me understand what was happening.

"Who fucking knows anymore? I mean, I just think that I need to fucking see what I can learn here. I think that I am going to just have to be patient with what is happening right now. I need to learn what his issue was, and I guess that when I get some good grasp at this, then it is going to all make some fucking sense." I was then feeling like I was just needing to be more casual, and that I needed to at least pretend to be looking normally here.

"Do you think that you can see what people who knew Sherman would be willing to finally just open up, and then tell us what the hell is going on? I think that if you let him know that you are just doing some form of a history project, then he might be fine with letting you know more." Ashley said, and then my mind was just reeling with a couple of questions. I was feeling like one would make the most sense.

"Who is this he we are talking about? I asked, and then I was looking right at her, and was feeling like I was not going tyo be taking any bullshit. I was needing to know what the hell was going on, and what the hell my friends were not telling me. I was goin to make them tell me, god fucking damn it.

I was taking a deep breath, and I was feeling like no matter what the hell I was going to be doing, I was going to have a long ass way to go in order to not only make sense of what is going on here, but feel like what I am getting into is going to be any way safe or smart. "Guys, I think that even if talking to Jimmy might be a dumb idea, I think that it is the best thing that I could do. And I think that I have no fucking choice."

"Are you thinking that going to talk to him is going to be something that will net you literally anything? I mean, you saw the way the man was acting. He was clearly acting like Jimmy White was the devil or something like that. I mean, I really did not get it. I never thought much of Jimmy, but I never thought he was flat out evil?" Dakota said, just trying to be taking his time on this one.

"I think that maybe if I hear why Sherman thinks he is the devil, I could be able to really learn why the hell people feel one way or the other so bad. I think that maybe if Jimmy can explain what they both hate each other, everything will make some sense." I said, and then after I had said this to them, part of me was genuinely thinking that everything was going to be totally cool right now.

"I think that he might do whatever it takes to paint Sherman as the one who is wrong, and will do anything to be making you think that you were wrong to ever assume anything otherwise." After Dakota was telling me this, he had looked like he was wanting to say something else. But just could not really keep it all together right now.

"Well, I think that no matter what the hell is going on, and no matter what he might say, it might be worth a fucking try." I said, and then I was sighing, not really too sure why I was feeling like I was needing to just pretend like what I was doing was some great fucking idea right now. So I decided to just leave it alone.

"Well, just don't let either one of us get involved with what Jimmy White might be saying. I think that if Jimmy might be seeing what you are feeling, then things are going to just be so much fucking worse." Dakota was saying now, and he had been looking like he was finally making some sense out of what was going on in his mind.

"I guess that I do need to be at least sort of careful. I am unsure if something like this is even going to be possible though. I wish that it could be though." I said, and then I was sighing, wishing that no matter what the group of us were thinking, I was never going to be able to get Dakota and Ashley to actually admit it if they were really thinking that it could possibly be a good idea that we do something like this.

"Anyways, so do you have any idea what the hell Dakota and I are even going to be doing right now? I think that the two of us are going to be kind of just in the side lines if we never really get any ideas here." After Ashley said this, we were driving closer and closer to Jimmy White's office, and as we were almost there, I knew that what I was going to be saying was going to be coming off as god damn suicide, and I was ready for this.

"I think that you guys just need to either pretend like nothing is happening, or if you are unable to do that, then you just try and preach the messages that I might be gathering up here. If something really is happening, then we just need to get those around us to be hearing our points, actually take us seriously." I said, and then I was feeling like a monster right now.

"Sheldon, when do you think that it could be possible that you know if you have already gotten all the answers or not? I mean, there is a small chance that you might be coming along, and you might already see that everything is together. So I think that we just need to fucking look at this right now." Dakota said, clearly just trying to be sounding calm and collected, but that was just never going to be happening.

"I will know that I have gotten all the fucking answers if I get the proof that I need to know that the girls are either dead or just missing. I think that once I finally get a real answer here, and I finally know what is happening, then Iw ill be feeling better here." I said, and then I was sighing, not even aware of how much it was going to never happen like this. But I did not give a single shit what I was saying anymore.

"Would the proof for Riley be enough to satisfy you?" After Dakota asked me this, I was sighing, and I knew that what they were asking was a valid question, and I knew that he did not mean anything by it. But at the same time, I was feeling like I was never going to be saying anything that could even appeal to him.

"It would be a good starting point. Knowing what happened to Riley would at least make me feel like there is some hope of putting this whole thing behind me, and just finally fucking knowing what the hell is going on here. But I feel like there is more than just Riley at stake right now. I know that there are other people who have gone on and gone missing, and I need to make sure that they are all given a chance." I was telling both of them, as I was looking at Jimmy's office, sure of what I needed to do now.

"You can't finish everything yourself. I think even you know this. Even you know that there is no way in hell that you are going to turn everything around, and that even trying to do this is fucking insane." After Dakota said this to me, I considered this for a moment, and I was feeling like while he had a good point, I just needed to see where this was going.

"I am not trying to finish everything myself. Even I know that this would be impossible, and that doing this will get me killed. I am just trying to start everything myself." I said, and then I was sighing, feeling like what I said was bullshit, and if they were aware of me as a person, they would know that I was telling the truth.

As I was starting to get out of the car, I was looking right at Dakota and Ashley, and I knew that they were not going to be cool with what I was going to suggest, but I felt like I had no choice for their own sake, and to keep them having a chance to stay alive. "I am going to need both of you to get the hell out of here. If Jimmy knows what is going on, then I need you guys to pretend to be safe." I said, and then this time, Dakota and Ashley looked like they had no protest.

"Just stay safe, and don't be too aggressive with him, no matter what happens. I think that he will end your life if he knows what is happening. I think that even you can't stall out your luck on this." Dakota said, and then I was nodding, feeling like he was right on this, even if I hated to admit it. I was thinking that Dakota needed to fucking be happy for once.

"I respect you guys too much to put yourself in any form of danger. I think that no matter what happens, you guys need to get the hell out of this mess as fast as possible, and stay out of it. I mean, I feel like a monster for even bringing you into this whole thing." I said, and I knew that they were never going to believe that, and that was just fine this time.

"I mean, we did let you go there, and we did drive you around. So I guess that maybe our interest did show itself more than I would like to admit." Dakota admitted, and then I was sighing, not really sure if they were wanting to bullshit with me too much. But at that moment, I did not care too much at all. I just needed to get Dakota and Ashley to see that I was not a bad guy, and that I loved working with them, no matter what.

With this, I headed inside of the building, and I was not going to be playing around anymore. I was going to be making things work out, no matter what it was taking. I just needed to pretend like I was going to actually be smart here. Which was going to be fucking impossible.

I was wondering if Jimmy White was even going to want to talk with me, or if he was going to find a way to be acting like what I was doing was something evil. I was thinking that I was going to have to keep his entire game play in perspective, and know that he was going to be a tough team player here.

While I did not think that he was going to be the monster that Dakota and Ashley made him out to be, I did believe that he was going to be able to use a bit of his political poweress to make sure that no matter what was happening, he was going to be the one coming out on top. Which was going to throw everything to the edge.

When I was inside of the building, I looked right at the people who were also in their offices, and some of them were looking around, scouting their prey, and I knew that they were not going to be letting things go. I was then sighing, and knew that they were going to be the hardest hurdle to overcome here.

I did not get to have too much of a chance to really look around though, as when I had come inside, I was hearing a voice calling out to me, and then I was looking right at Jimmy White. The way that he had looked at me made it almost seem like he had known that no matter what was going to happen, he was going to be the one who would win this war. He was never going to be in any fear of what was happening right now.

"Hey Sheldon, are you needing to talk to me about something?" The way he was initially sounding threw me off, and made me feel like I was needing to just walk out of here, and pretend like I was never even trying to do this. But then I was remembering that I just needed to try and pretend like I was going to have a fucking head here. So with this, I sighed, and then I was walking right up to him, trying to keep calm.

"Yes, I was remembering the offer that you made me last year. The one where you told me we could work out something about the missing people, and maybe talk about some things that have been bothering me lately about all of that." I said, and then I was seeing him looking like he was not wanting me to have brought this up, but that he knew that I was never going to get him to let go. So he was sighing, and nodded, and let me in.

"Oh yes, that offer. I almost forgot about that one to be honest. But now that we are here, what are you even thinking that I could be able to help you out with?" Jimmy asked, and the way he was wording it almost made me stop. I was wondering for a second if I was having the wrong guy, and I was feeling like maybe I was needing to be leaving him alone, and not be forcing him to do anything at all.

We were staring right at each other, and the door closed behind us, and then I was feeling like I was needing to be finding something to talk about here. "Honestly, I was wondering what clues you had for me, and if you have been able to find anything. Be honest with me, and don't try and hide something here. I feel like I need to honestly know." I said, and then he was looking right at me, scared at the way that I was wording this, and knowing I was going to work into authority,

"Honestly Sheldon, I have not been able to really find much at all. I mean, I have been looking around, and I think it is important to try and see what is happening. But I am getting lost over and over and over again, and I think that we are just going to be making a big mistake just thinking that there are any straight forward answers." He said, and then I was sighing, not wanting to hear it.

"I know that there are no straight forward answers. What I do not know is why after all of this time, I am not getting anything here? I mean, after a while, I thought that surely you would have given me something." I said, placing my hands down on the table, and looked right at him for a moment.

He looked like he was not going to be cool with me going around, and talking to him like I was running this place. He was just taking a deep breath though, and looked like he was just kind of sad for the way that I was trying to be making things work out so well. But I felt like we were messed up here.

"I mean, I just feel like you are not really holding up to your promise that you made to my parents and I back when Riley went missing. If it was literally any other person, I would not have minded as much. People make mistakes, or make promises they have a hard time keeping. I am guilty of this myself. But I know this, and I try and make up for it no matter what." I said, and then I was seeing him just looking like he was unable to believe what I was wanting to do.

"I made a lot of promises. I have a lot of regrets. These promises and regrets are things that I am going to have to live with, until the day that I fucking die. I knew that I had no fucking choice but to do something like this, but when looking at it now, I really do not know if something like this was possible." Jimmy said, and I was angry at the fact that he basically admitted that he had no intention of doing a damn thing. This did piss me off when I heard this.

"I believed in you. I had hope in you, and you are here, telling me that this is just something you never were going to do, and basically tell me that I am a fucking idiot for thinking that something like this would work?" I asked, and this time, I was not going to be playing nice. I was going to make him feel like shit for this now.

"You really are not getting how hard something like this really can be. I mean, I had to look at every single possible route, and I had to look at all of the real options. I knew that when I started to look at things from a objective stand point, it was just not going to fucking work out." Jimmy said, almost feeling like maybe making me talk about things from a practical stand point, he would appreciate the fact that I was not taking shit.

"It must be hard to do something, but dealing with my sister is also really fucking hard. I mean, when I think about what my sister must be doing, and thinking about what she would have done had things gone differently, it is not easy to be taking things easier." I said, and then I was feeling like as long as I was taking a pity route, and just really going all in, he was going to be feeling bad, and he was going to actually start stepping up.

"Your sister is one person out of hundreds. I mean, it is really sad. And it is fucking devastating. But surely even you must understand that I am looking at every single fucking person who went missing, and I am having o somehow make sure that all of them either come home, or have their death proven once and for all? It is going to fucking be impossible." He said, and then I was sighing, not wanting to hear it, but knowing that I had to.

"I guess that maybe this does make sense. But do you think that if you look hard enough, you could literally find anything at all that can help me feel like the answers are here?" I asked, and then he was shaking his head, feeling like no matter what he was saying, and no matter what he had wanted to say, I was just going to be brushing it all off anyway, so it was a waste of time.

"Sheldon, I know that everything that has happened, and your age, makes you want to just tell me that I am not doing enough, because I am the mayor, and it is easy to blame me. But I am never going to give up. I am going to be fighting until the day that I leave office. I think that this is the only acceptable way here." After he had said that to me, I was looking at him, and I wanted to believe in every single word he was saying, and I wanted to listen to him. I wanted to get him. But deep down inside, I knew that something like this was just not happening.

"Can you please just promise me that if you do know what hapens to Riley, one way or another, you will just let me know. That way I could be able to make at least some attempts at peace with it? You know, just to finally move on?" I asked, and then I was looking right at him, and I was seeing him looking like he was slightly unsure of how he was going to be going forward with this whole idea.

"I will let you know everything that I can find, and I will let you know as soon as I might find it. I think that this is the least you deserve." Jimmy said, and then the way he said this, and the look he gave me, and the fact that he always sounded like a man of great conviction, I was thinking deep down that there was no way he was going to lie.

"If you are telling the truth, and you are really wanting to help me out, then you are going to be the hero of the day." I said, and he was looking at me in a way that was showing he was able to appreciate me calling him the hero. Jimmy was looking like no matter what the hell we had been saying o each other earlier, and no matter what our older opinions were, we both really did want to have the best results, and we were going to unite for this one bit.

"Yes, I do want to help you. I think that helping you is the one thing that I can actually be proud of. I think that every single time I can help solve a case here, and just put it to a rest, it is the one thing that makes me feel like I did make the right choice after all." Once Jimmy said that, I looked at the window, wondering if the trust I placed in him was proper, or if it was something that I was wrong by doing. My mind literally could not fucking decide what I was doing, and I just was out of it the whole way there.

"I will see what I can gather. I am not going to stop you from doing whatever you can to make things work out. But I am not wanting you to try and stop me from finding out what I can here. If you leave me alone, then I will leave you alone." I said, and this was when I was seeing the look on his face, and the way he had looked at me was making it very clear that he was feeling like I was being incredibly stupid right now.

"Sheldon, just make sure that no matter what you feel like you are finding, know that everybody here is willing to help you out. People are willing to change things for you, and help you where you need it. All you need to do is just ask for some help, and people would be willing to give it to you." After he had said that to me, I had looked right at him, unsure of what to believe.

"I will do whatever I can to make sure that nothing hapens to my fucking friends. My friends deserve much more than what I am doing to them. I am aware of this." I said, and then I was sighing, feeling like no matter what I want to do, and no matter what I may be feeling like I need to do, I would never fucking let something fucking happen to my friends.

"I am going to go on and see my girlfriend right now. I am thinking that she might be wanting to see what the heck I am doing right now. And hell, she might need it." I said, and then I was thinking about her, and her words were running through my head, and I knew that no matter what was going on, I just needed to fucking man up and own up to what was going on here.

"Do you know what she might be feeling if she had known everything that you are doing? She would probably not be very happy with this right now." He said, and then I was looking right at him, and I was not going to be letting him pity me here. I was thinking that despite this though, maybe him bringing up this point is going to be a great starting point when going forward.

"I think that she knows that what I am doing is fucking insane. She fucking hates it. But she is willing to not get too deep in what I am doing. She knows that I am doing whatever the hell that I need, and she knows that I am doing it because it is what I believe is correct." I said to Jimmy, and when I was going to be leaving the area, I was going to be letting her know what I found out, and then when she would know, I was going to follow through with my path now. Emily was going to know that I was going to do whatever it took to make her happier.

The longer that I had been walking and the longer that I had been considering all that I had ever fucking said, I was wondering what the hell this man was thinking of me. I was wondering if he was hating me. I was wondering if he was sick of me, and if he was sick of my acting like I was the fucking hero here. I mean, I had not done a single thing to help out a single person, and here I was, acting like I was the one to tell him how to do his fucking job.

I was thinking that Jimmy White probably had next to no respect for me. I was thinking that no matter what he was doing to present himself as a guy who was unbiased, he was just thinking that I was needing to be looking at things differently, and that I just needed to actually fucking plan things out slightly differently.

I was sighing, and in a way, as I had been thinking about Jimmy, and as I had been thinking what it would have been like if he was an ally, and if he was going to respect my style or not. I was thinking that no matter what he was going to tell me, and no matter what he was wanting to tell me, I was going to have to really fucking win him over. I was going to have to do more than say I was going to do something. I was going to actually have to do it.

No matter what the hell Jimmy wanted to tell me, and I knew that he wanted to tell me something, I was going to just pretend like nothing was going to bother me now. I knew that I needed to at least pretend that I was going to just forget it all. I was wondering why I even wanted to do so much to change my path now.

Eventually I was getting close to where Emily's house was, and I was feeling like I was just genuinely unsure of what the hell I was going to tell her on the event she does ask me what is going on. If she did ask me what was happening, and asked me to be truthful to her, I was going to finally break down, and just tell her all that I knew.

I was feeling like Emily was either going to be my ally, or she was going to be my enemy. She was either going to help me out every single step of the way, or she was going to tell me that I needed to grow up basically, and just act like I was actually a normal guy. Which was going to be highly subjective, but I think you get what I meant. I stopped thinking these things though as I knocked on her door.

She answered the door, and the way she was looking at me was showing one of total relief. I was confused what she was so worried about. But I did not want to be making any real issues here. I was seeing her looking like she had so many fucking things that she had wanted to say, but just remained unsure. "So Sheldon, did you actually go on and meet the guy?" She asked, and then I was sighing, and nodded along.

"Yes, I did meet him. I talked with him, and got some information from him. You know, information that I felt like I just needed to know." I said, and then I was sighing, feeling like no matter what she wanted to tell me, she was never going to find the words to actually say it. She was going to be lost at words.

"What did you really think that you were going to be hearing from him?" She asked, and I was feeling like she did not answer what I had said on purpose. I was sighing, kind of annoyed with this, and feeling like she needed to listen to me here, and not be brushing me off. But I decided to just remain silent.

"I thought that I was going to hear his perspective on the matters when it came to what he was doing. I mean, literally everybody was saying he was the one who brought things together. I thought that maybe he was going to be the one who would actually give me some amount of context here." I said, and then I was looking at her, and she was looking as if she had wanted to have a million things to say, but could not find any way to actually say it.

"I think that doing that was just going to be a failure no matter how you went at it. I doubt that you were going to really have any fucking clue how to go at this. So no matter how you tried to talk with him, he was going to just never talk with you." She told me, and then I was feeling like she did indeed know what happened, and I was feeling like I just needed to hear her out.

"You know, I think that what you are saying is probably right, but in all honesty I was not going to take the risk. If there was even a slight chance I could get the answers here, and see what he would have been willing to tell me anyways, then I was going to just have to go at it the best that I could." I said, an dthen I was feeling like this woman needed to hear me out.

"You do realize that with this mini quest you are setting up, that you are putting yourself on every single radar in the entire town? I mean, I am not going to stop you from doing this. But I want you to actually think about what you are doing here." She said, and then I was thinking that no matter what she said, she was never going to take things carefully.

"I know that no matter what I am going to do in my life now, I am never going to have a chance to properly settle down. I am never going to have a chance where this was going to just end. I think that no matter what is hapening, my parents are going to be annoyed with me. I might be losing what little respect people had for me. Not for what I want to find. But for what I am doing to try and find it." I said, and then I was taking a long and deep breath, and I saw her looking like she had wanted to tell me more, but left it alone for once.

"Do you really think that it all matters though? Do you think you are worried about your parents?" She asked, and then I was nodding, knowing that this was a valid question, and that even if I wanted to pretend like she needed to leave me alone, I was aware that she was just trying to get me to be honest here, as much as I hated that.

"I think that the way that my parents feel about me is something that is affecting my ideas less and less the more that I go at it. I think that as time progresses, I am just kind of wising to make them nothate it all. But that is something that I am not all that worried about anymore." I was saying, looking right at her, and I was feeling like if for nothing else, the honesty was something she might respect in a way.

"Are you thinking that if you try and talk to your parents, and see what they would have to say, that they might support you? I mean, the might support the idea of finding their daughter? I think that surely that might be able to get them to convert to helping out." Emily was saying, and I was feeling like that would be a perfect world, and a world that I would love right now. But it was in no way in hell the world that I wanted to think we could live in.

"I think that they might support me if they feel forced to. I mean, I think that as long as they want to just avoid doing something dangerous, and as long as they want to avoid getting everybody killed or hurt, then they will avoid it." I said, and then I was sighing, thinking that in any other world, this was valid, and even preferrable. But in this world, a world where I was always wondering what the hell the issue was, I was kind of feeling over all of the bullshit honestly. But none of it was even going to be making any fucking sense at all.

I was just trying to find out what I was even going to want to do right now. "I think that I am going to try and talk with somebody else about what I found. I know the promise that I made, but there is something that I think I need to do. This is the man who helped me get into this whole thing after all." I said, and then Emily looked right at me, and she was looking at me like I was fucking insane for trying to do something now.

I was thinking that Emily was going to not have a whole lot of patience with this. But in all honesty, I was just not going to care. I was thinking that this went far beyond what Emily would want me to do, and far beyond what I think would be nice for anybody to do. I was going to talk with Todd, and see what he was saying, and see if he had any advice for me.

"I know that even if I do not see him, he is going to force the two of us to have a conversation. I think on this one, I really have no fucking choice right now. I just think that after he is done talking with me, then everything will be fine though. Or at least something I can start to move forward with." I said, and I was at this point trying to find a way to justify this whole thing for myself. I knew that what I was doing was insane and dumb, and I knew that Todd might be in on this, but I didn't even care.

"How far have you even tried to do this? Sheldon, when are you going to have a normal life here? Just please, do things regularly." She said, and then I was sighing, feeling like no matter what I wanted to do, I was never going to do this. I was never going to have a chance to do this. Not for lack of wanting to. Because no matter how much I wanted to, it could never fucking happen.

"It just sort of all found its way to me. That is the crazy thing about it. Not that I wanted to do it. I just think that maybe I could have never gone out of it, even if I had tried with all of my fucking might to." I said, and then I was looking totally fucking lost right now. I was feeling like she was going to be pissed, and hate what I had been doing right now.

"I will hang out with you as soon as this is over. You know, I don't know when this is going to be, but I think that it is going to happen much sooner than we expect." I said, and then I was feeling like I was just saying this more for myself than for her. But deep down, I was thinking her chances of me moving on are very fucking slim.

"Who is this guy anyways?" She asked, and I was feeling like if I was honest about it, and if she had heard just how unlikely it would be that something big would come out of this, she would be willing to play along with this, and pretend like his was not going to bother her all that much. "I mean, do you think that he might be dangerous?"

"Oh trust me when I say that he is easily the least dangerous person possibly able to get involved with this. I think that if I must get involved or see anybody here, it needs to be him." I said, and then I saw her looking like she was not totally buying it. But she was also looking like she was able to maybe give me a chance, and that deep down, she was thinking that maybe I did know what I was getting myself into more than she wanted to admit.

Emily hugged me, and she was sighing, and just taking a long and deep breath, and feeling her do this, and hearing that desperate undertone was making me feel a bit differently here, and that was what she was probably wanting here. "Sheldon, I think it is time to accept the fact that there is nothing you can change here. I trust that you know what you can be able to do." She said, and then I was sighing, really unsure of what was going on now.

"Sorry for all of this. Sorry for not letting the past go." I said, and then I hugged her back a bit, and I was just taking in the moment to just be with her. I was just taking the moment to just remember that no matter what we were getting ourselves into, she was always going to be at my side, and taking time to at least try and be there for me.

"I know you're right." I was finishing, and the more that I was saying this, the less I wanted to admit that I was just thinking about this stuff way too much. But when I was thinking about what I wanted to accomplish, and what I wanted to do with her, I was thinking that Emily was going to love me one day. Even if it was down the road.

Emily let go of me, and she was placing both her hands on my shoulder, and she was thinking about what she was wanting to be saying next. "I was mainly wanting you to admit this. I was not really all that worried about anything else. I just wanted to see you admit that there was a different road you could have taken." She said, and then I was looking right at her, feeling like she was just taking things too far if that was seriously all she wanted to accomplish.

"I will come back some day. I will go back to normal. I will live life again, and I will enjoy just being alone with you guys." I said, and then I was looking right at her, and she was just looking at me, as if trying to see how much of it was true. She was looking like she had wanted to believe this.

I was then starting to walk down the stairs, taking out a cigarette, unsure of what to do now. I was then just feeling like I needed to find a way to make Todd just give up what he was knowing. I was not going to be taking this easily. Todd needed to just man up and tell me what the fucking hell was going on. I was thinking that maybe if he had done that, then everything would have gone along easier.

So with that, I was then looking at Emily one final time. "Trust me, I am just as over this as you are. I am going to do everything that I can to just move on after this is done. I think that once I can finally move on, then everything is going to be better for us all." I was saying, thinking of what I was even going to try and accomplish right now. I just needed to find a way to actually not only make the promise, but go through with it.

"Alright, I will trust you." After she had said that to me, I was then thinking about what the hell we were going to actually do when this was over. I was then thinking that when I would meet her again, and I was going to just finally make it seem like I had been able to put the worst of everything behind us all. I needed to make her proud.

I started to walk along, and I was remembering what my father was telling me about the fact that I needed to treat women properly. I needed to make them know that I cared for them. That I was feeling like they were the only people who made everything better. I was thinking that while this must be hard, I did not fucking care anymore.

I was feeling like when I remember what my father said, and I remember the way that I should have been, I was feeling like I was a fucking asshole. I feel like I had ruined everything for no real good reason. I should have left things alone, and I was feeling like I just needed to be nicer to her. But I guess that maybe something like this would have never happened.

I was feeling like even if I was not going to be able to drop everything and act like a woman was my queen, I needed to at least pretend like I was actually listening to them. I was feeling like it was the best that I could have done. And that maybe over time, we could be able to bury the hatchet just a little bit.

I was thinking about what Todd was going to tell me. I was thinking that Todd needed to just tell me what the hell was happening, and I was thinking that if he was aware of what was going on, then I just needed to make sure that Todd di not let things get too complicated. I was tired of everybody acting like things were normal and stuff. But I guess that none of this really even mattered.

If Todd was wanting to be a team player, I was going to make my point clear to him. I was going to be making him aware that no matter what he was wanting to tell me, and no matter what he was thinking he would have been able to get away with, I was not going to be playing any more games. He needed to just tell me the truth.

Todd was aware of what we were getting ourselves into. I mean, he might not have known about the Brad connection, but that was something that he would understand if I told him the truth. Surely Todd was smart enough to make the connection if it was spelled out to him. But then I was wondering if he was even going to be caring all that much about this. I was thinking he would just brush this whole thing off.

I was wondering why Todd would be doing all of this anyways if he had known full well what I was getting myself into. If Todd knew what was happening, and if he was wanting to create some team work, then I was not going to be letting things go easily. I was thinking that even if he did not like it, he was going to see what the heck I was feeling, and he would probably take things easier, and almost sympathize with me now.

I mean, I knew that Todd was going to make some half ass excuse to make me feel like I was being the hero and stuff, and I knew that he was going to try and say something to get on my good graces. But I guess that none of this even mattered. Todd would want to use me, and he was going to do just that if he had needed to. I was thinking that deep down, I was just going to be a part of the plans. That idea kind of pissed me off.

I was eventually getting to a paid phone area, and I was remembering what Todd told me to do if I wanted to meet up with him. I was placing in the number, and I was just starting to be a bit impatient, and I knew him well enough to know that if I was wanting to discuss anything with labyrinth, he was going to pretty much drop what he was doing, and pretend like what we were doing was super fucking important.

"Hey Todd, I have some things I want to talk to you about." I said, feeling like if I was going to get him to be on my side, I needed to at least try and be nice to him. I needed to get him to feel like we were actually going to be making a real bond here. I needed to actually win some trust over.

"Oh yeah, like what?" Todd asked, and this was him sounding like he was not really all that happy to be hearing from me right now. I was wondering if I really soured him, and I was sighing, feeling like I was probably going to be losing the one person who was willing to tak with me about this stuff if I did not start owning up to being an asshole, and start improving myself.

"I am sorry for the way that I treated you earlier, with all of your beliefs. I mean, you deserve so much better than this. I think that perhaps I was just scared of it all. But I think that I have some things you would really think are worth looking into." I finished, feeling like maybe that would be good enough to actually get him on speaking terms.

"Don't worry too much about it. I mean, I get it. I was going full force at you, and you were probably not really ready for something like this. I mean, if somebody did that to me, I would be kind of annoyed with them as well." Todd admitted, and I was thinking that this was going to be the closest thing he was going to be getting to admitting that he was wrong. Which I was going to have to fucking live with here.

"I really think that you would probably like to hear about the people I talked with today, and the stuff that they were both telling me." I said, and I was letting the stuff I did run through my head again, and I was feeling like no matter what was going on, Todd was sure to respect where I was coming from right now. "I actually think that I might have some pretty damning evidence, and that you might want to hear it out a bit." I said, thinking that this was going to surely get him somewhat more into it all.

"Who did you talk with?" Todd asked, and he was sounding like he was sort of just wanting to know, but at the same time, he was just kind of scared of where this was going to go I would not even blame him for saying this and acting totally disinterested, but I just had to really get it to sail home.

"I talked with both Sherman and Jimmy White. I also talked with a couple of people in the town about the establishment of the mines. I think that I might be finding something relatively interesting here." I said, and then I was thinking that either Todd was going to love this answer, or totally hate it.

"Oh wow, I was not expecting you to actually talk with either of them. I think that you should probably be careful with this though. You know, since that might be really dangerous." After Todd was saying this to me, I was rolling my eyes, well aware of how this was probably the. In all honesty though, at the moment, I did not care.

"I was thinking that I just had to find a way to get at least one of them to open up with me. The way that Sherman talked though, just seems to be rather strange to me. And something that is still bothering me." I said, and then I was sighing, feeling like I really should not be having this talk where people were probably going to hear me. But I was feeling like at that moment, I could not have cared less.

"What was he talking about?" Todd asked, and I was feeling like due to the fact that at least he was listening to me, that things were gong to be fine and dandy. I was thinking that as long as he was willing to at least listen to me, and as long as we were finally getting both our voices heard, it was going to be all that mattered.

"He was just saying a bunch of things that genuinely made no sense. Such as how I was the one who was supposed to help him out, and how people were ruining all that he had set up. They had ruined his town, and his name. He was talking about Wayside as if he is the only one who knows what is really going on here, and the only one who can make a difference." I said, and then I was shrugging and wondering what he was wanting to tell me now.

"What was he even trying to accomplish? That makes no real sense. I guess that maybe old people really are fucking crazy." Todd said, trying to be funny, and then I was sighing at the prospect of the idea that no matter what we were going to do, nobody was going to be with us. Everybody wanted us to fucking die.

"Well, I think that maybe if we meet each other again, I can try and talk it all out. I mean, I had some friends who were there with me, and I think that they might be able to clear up some of the things that I might have missed." I said, and then I was wondering if he was going to be down with this idea, or if he was thinking that my friends needed to be left out.

"Yeah, I think that it could be good if we see each other again at some point. Do you really think that he was aware of what he was saying, and telling the truth, or that he really was off the rocker." Todd said, and then I sighed, hating the fact that I was forced to decide what I thought was going on.

I was truly unsure of what the heck I was even going to tell him. I mean, in a way, I was feeling like Sherman must have at least had some idea what he was doing. But I was feeling like whatever he was trying to convey here, was just making no fucking sense. In all honesty, I feel like he wasn't really even paying attention.

"I think that maybe he genuinely thought that I was somebody he knew. But I have no idea who that man would be. I barely lived here, and my father moved here after several years. I think that he ould have been the obvious choice at first. But when thinking about it, even that does not make much sense at all." I said, thinking about what it was even going to be like here.

"That is strange. Maybe he is sort of just really out of it now. Which if that is the case, then I think that we might be getting ourselves in some deep trouble. So I think that maybe we just need to start taking some time to really think things out a bit better." After he had said that to me, I was thinking about what Todd was saying. In all honesty, I had no real idea.

"Honestly, I just think that if there are some people who know what is going on, then I think I just need to try and reach out to them. I think that speaking to them, and seeing what they know about Sherman is going to be the best way to earn the information." I was saying, thinking of who I would even try and approach about all this.

"Let's meet up later today. I think that maybe we can talk about this a bit better, and we can actually see what is happening right now. I think that we both have our ideas what is about to happen, and I think we would both like to talk to each other about it." Todd said, and then I was sighing, aware that there was no way out of this one, no matter how much I wanted.

I was sitting down in my car near my house before I was going to be hanging out with Todd, to see what he was going to be saying. I was scared out of my fucking mind at what my father was going to tell me if he knew that I was hanging out with these guys. I was thinking that he was telling me that I needed to let it all go.

I was feeling like no matter what this man was going to tell me, and no matter what Todd was feeling, he was just probably scared of what he hell was even happening. I was thinking that Todd was just wanting to hang out with me because with somebody at his side, then he was going to feel like maybe he was not totally fucking insane, which we all knew he was.

I was taking out a cigarette, and I was seeing my mother coming out of the house. I was feeling like whatever she was going to tell me, I was not really in the mood to hear it. She was going to tell me that I was being ridiculous, and that I needed to just accept the fact that people were not going to like what I had actually been doing. I was just wishing that maybe my mother would leave me alone on this one.

My mother was walking to my car, and I was feeling like I was just needing to pretend that I was not going to be too worried on this whole thing. I was thinking that no matter what we were going to discuss, I was needing to finally tell her that I was doing things on my own, and that she needed to leave things alone.

When she had come up to my car, I lowered the car, and I was looking right at her, wondering what the hell I was even wanting to tell her now. "Hey mom, I was just planning on hanging out with some friends today. Just thinking about some really important things." I said, looking right at her, and she was just looking kind of unsure of what to tell me right now.

"Sheldon, you have seemed to be really busy with something all summer, and we are worried about you right now. I mean, I know it is none of our business what you are doing, but we are wondering if you know what you are actually doing." She said, and I was starting to think for a short second that she really was worried for me.

"Honestly, I just think that this is really important. The longer that summer has gone on lately, the more and more just hard for me to be thinking about literally anything else at all." I finished, and I was not even going to care what the hell she was going to be saying right now. I had wanted to make my point, and I was going to make it clear to her where I was coming from right now.

"Sheldon, what is so important that you need to constantly hanging out with your friends? I mean, surely you realize how strange this sounds." She asked me, and then I was looking right at her, and I was just feeling like no matter what she was going to tell me, I was just kind of telling myself to fucking relax, and not be making any big scene on this.

"I guess that if I try to explain this, you might be thinking about how fucking crazy what I am doing is, and you will just never support it." I said, and while I felt like she would appreciate the honesty, she was never going to appreciate putting my friends in danger, and doing something that seemed to be relatively pointless in general.

"Sheldon, why do you never talk with us about your plans anymore? You always told us what your plans were, even if you feel like we were never going to agree with them." After my mother had said that to me, I was seeing her face looking genuinely like she was just fucking sad, and I was feeling like no matter what I told her, she was literally never going to get it, so I would not even bother trying.

"I think you just answered your damn question mom. You know that I am going to be doing stuff that you are not going to find worth it, and that is something that I am going to truly fucking not feel like is worth it. I feel like I just need to be doing my own thing." I said, and then I was just sighing, feeling like I needed to be careful here. I was feeling like that maybe I was going to talk with Todd, and I was going to make him understand my perspective.

"Sheldon, is what your dad said about you looking into the missing people true? I mean, I think that you need to just leave things alone right now." After she had said that to me, I was looking right at her, and then I was feeling like maybe I could just tell her the truth. But that was not going to fucking fucking happen. I was going to keep her out of this.

"Probably not to the level that dad tries to make it out to be." I said, and then I was feeling like that was going to be a good enough response. I was not going to be playing along with this anymore. I was taking myself out of context, and then I was just going to find something to make the whole thing just a bit better.

"Are you even feeling like this is going to be worth it?" She asked me, and I was looking right at her, thinking that she would never fucking get it. I was not going to be wasting my time with this, and I was going to just be going through my plans, no matter what she was wanting me to do.

"Mom, with all due respect, I have no interest in getting with this argument with you. I am going to do whatever I can, and I am going to make sure it is done well." I said, and then I was sighing, feeling like she was going to be pissed at the way I was talking to her, and I did not even blame her for this. But she needed to get away from me.

I started up the car before she even had a chance to interject. I was going to be making my own destiny, and I was going to show people that I was not going to be playing around anymore, and that when I was out there, working hard, and learning everything I could, I was going to make the others around me know my plan to really kick ass.

I eventually was gone, and I was feeling like that if she was on my side, and a good guy, then I was really burning her bridges, and I was aware that I did need to make peace with that soon enough. I was hoping that until then though, it would not really be a big deal. I was hoping after an hour or two, she would move on, and pretend like I was not a fucking good guy, but that I was not really doing anything terribly wrong either.

I was unsure of where and how to meet with Todd, and I was feeling like I was being a bit of a fucking dumb ass with that bit. But at the same time, I was honestly thinking that maybe Todd was not even going to have any plans, and that all he was going to be saying was just going to be said to get in my good graces. Would not shock me too be honest.

I was wondering if I had treated my mother too harshly. I was wondering if I should have been better to her about it, and if I should have maybe done it in a way that could actually get her to understand where I was coming from, rather than be abrupt about it, and be so cold while I was going at it.

I mean, I was not the best person in the world, but I was self aware of when I was making a bunch of mistakes. I mean, my parents were always there for me, and they were always trying to make sure that I had a easy time when I was going out, and trying to be making my own life. And now that I was here, and I was basically telling them to be fucking off, and let me do things my own way. Even now I was thinking I needed to be a better sport on it.

I was taking out a cigarette, and then I was thinking that perhaps I was going to go to the phone booth near the diner that he and I talked at earlier, and when I was going to be there, I would tell him that I would be ready to meet up, and then whatever it was that he had wanted to talk about, the two of us could just do it, and get it over with.

I was tired of not having any idea what the hell I was wanting to do, and I was feeling like even if I did not like the plans and the direction that Todd was trying so hard to go down, I was feeling like he was having better than nothing. So I was thinking that no matter what the heck was going on, Todd was just needing to be keeping in touch with me. I was thinking that if Todd was going to have some plans, then he just needed to fucking be straight forward when going at this whole thing.

I felt like when I was actually being honest when going at this whole thing, I was just being a fucking mess at this whole thing. I was feeling like this was the one thing that I could have never been proud of here. I was thinking that the way that I had been treating my parents really was the thing that put me over the top that I had been taking this whole thing way too far.

I mean, I could have just told her that I had made a promise to try and find a friend that had gone missing, and that I had given up at one point, and now that I felt like I had a clue again, I was going to just give it one more chance. If I had sais something like this, I think even she would have been able to understand, and she might even have cut me some slack.

I mean, she might have found it strange, which it really was, but I think that if she had wanted to be wanting to know so much more, this would have been the only way that I could have gone at it with her not being annoyed with the way that I had seen her. I doubt that she would have supported it, but she would have accepted it all.

Eventually, I was getting near the diner, and then I was taking a long and deep breath. I was then going to the phone booth, stomping off the cigarette that I was currently smoking, and decided that I was going to just get right to the point. Todd would surely not hate what I had done. Todd would surely be on my side if he had known what was getting to me. I put in his number, and I was just scared with each second that he did not answer, and wondering if something had happened to him.

When there was an answer, I was sighing, and I was feeling like I was just needing to make my point for Todd. "Hey Todd, I was wanting to meet up with you soon at the diner, if you are alright with that. I mean, I want you to only do what you are comfortable with." I said, and then I was sighing at this prospect, telling myself that I needed to fucking own up to what I was doing, and admit that I needed to do something differently.

"Yeah, I think that we can be able to meet up. I just need to make sure that nothing is going on right now." He said, and the way that he had said that actually scared me. I mean, if he was feeling like something was happening to him, then I needed to just be careful what I was actually doing right now.

"Do you have something going on that I need to know?" I asked, and did so in a way that pierced him. I was thinking that the way that I had asked him was going to be making it very clear that I was not going to be messing around here. He needed to just tell me the truth, and then I was going to see what I was needing to do to make it better.

"Oh, I just think that we need to be safer and smarter on this whole thing. Something about this whole thing is starting to make me feel really unsure." The fact that Todd of all guys was telling me this sent chills down my spine, and I was feeling like if even he was the one telling me this, and if even he was thinking that something was going on, then I just needed to fucking see what was happening right now.

"Oh god, if you are saying this, then I think that something is happening, and I think we need to not be stupid about what we want to do right now." I said, letting the fear of some form of punishment coming towards me. I was then taking a deep breath, and thought about long and hard what this guy was wanting to do. I was wanting Todd to just tell me.

"Yeah, I think we just need to make sure that no matter what happens, nobody really pays attention to this. I will come there, but when we are there, we need to discuss a new meeting area." He said, and then I was sighing, and while I hated to admit it, I was thinking that he was telling the truth. But for now, we needed to just work with what we were having right now.

"Thank you for your hard work." I said and then I was aware of how stupid that sounded, and then I was sounding like what the hell I was going to say to make that sentence make sense in his eyes. But I was glad to hear him not be asking me anything about it, and just leave it alone.

"Thanks I guess. But I feel like there are some other things that are more important than that. But I think that perhaps we have a lot of time to really think about what our life is like right now." After Todd was telling me this, I was wondering if Todd was scared, or if he was actually just trying to be thinking about things normally. I was feeling like no matter what the hell Todd was wanting to do, I just needed to actually plan it all out.

Eventually, the call ended, and then I was going right inside the diner. I was needing to somehow find a way to pretend like this stuff was not scaring me right now. I was needing to find a way to pretend like perhaps Todd was just getting caught, and after he got caught, he now realized that maybe I was right about all that I had said, and when he had realized that I was right, maybe he was going to be letting me take the lead, and that maybe I was going to be the one who would take control of operations.

If something happened to Todd that scared him this badly, then while I was going to be kind of annoyed with this, I was needing to be patient with him, and I was needing to at least pretend like he was in the spot that was of the victim, which he really wasn't. Or at least in the way that I was imagining things, he was not. But I guess that I was just needing to have the pieces all brought together now.

I was taking out a cigarette after I placed in my order, and then I was thinking about all that I had said. I was thinking that life was scary, and that my friends and I needed to be respectful to Todd, and needed to be respectful in general. I was unsure of how something like this was possible, But no matter what the hell I had been feeling, I was thinking that if Todd would just give me the pieces, it would finally make sense.

I was just telling myself that I could just simply ask him what the hell was happening right now. I was thinking that maybe Todd was going to talk to me, and I was going to just talk with him and ask him what the heck was even happening. I was thinking that even if Todd was wanting to talk to me, he was going to be considering what to say now.

I was thinking that once Todd would just tell me what he was doing, I was going to be patient with him, and I was going to be polite with him, but I was going to be making it very clear that whatever happened to him was why he needed to not be going at things so fucking brashly.

Eventually, I was seeing Todd coming closer, and when I was seeing him come inside, I was sighing, feeling like I just needed to get right to the fucking point. I was thinking that when I was going to be talking with him next, he was going to just be hiding things for a while longer, and I was aware that I was not going to be very patient with him on this whole thing.

When he was seeing me in the distance, he was coming towards me, and I was wondering what I was going to say to make it seem even remotely like I had my shit together. I mean, I did not, but I wanted to give him the impression that I was going to be calm and collected the entire time.

He sat down at our table, and I was seeing him just looking like he had some really important things that he was needing to tell me. I was looking directly at him, wondering what the hell he was wanting to tell me. "Hey Sheldon, I am sorry for being so distant during that phone call. I was just trying to figure everything out on my own." After he had said that to me, I was sighing, unsure of what I was even going to accomplish now.

"Don't worry about it too much. But I guess that this does mean that you are starting to see what I mean when I am telling you that we need to be fucking careful." I said, and then I was looking right at him, wondering what the hell I was even going to tell him. I was thinking that even if he was not very happy with me saying this, he was going to understand.

"Sheldon, you really do not need to rub it in my face. I get it, I should have done things differently." After Todd had said that to me, he was then thinking about what the hell we were going to be doing now. I saw him looking like no matter what he was wanting to tell me, he was not going to be having a lot of patience when we were talking.

"Honestly, I think that we need to possibly look into more details when we are here. I think that when we find more details of this town though, I think it might be best to be keeping all of this together. I think that we have something to go with here, and we just need to hide." I said, and then he was looking right at me, just kind of wondering if I was the one who was going crazy now.

"What, are you seriously going to be going around and just trying to act like this is a great idea when all you did was just whine about what I was doing earlier. I mean, fucking hell Sheldon." He said, and then I was looking right at him, and I was not really in the mood to have him tell me anything else. I was seeing him looking like he was just really unsure of what to feel.

"I mean, if I had nothing at all to work with, then I would have left things alone. But I mean, oh my god, I feel like there is something that Sherman was telling me, and something the mayor was trying to hide, that I would be a idiot to not be looking any deeper into this whole thing." I told Todd, and he was looking like he was truly unsure of what the hell to tell me.

"No idea of what I am doing, but if you really think that you are finally having a clue on what the hell we are doing, then I will leave you alone." After he had said that to me, I was then telling myself that no matter what the hell Todd was thinking of this, I was feeling like we just needed to be careful just a bit easier.

"I think that when I know what the hell the two of them are hating each other for, then I am just going to see why they are trying to hide things so badly." I said, and then I was thinking that whatever was going on between the two of them was sincerely going to be the answer, and that the answer was all that I had wanted right now." I was really just terribly unsure of what the issues were in the first place. I was feeling like when I was going to talk with Todd would know why I was so insistent on this whole thing, then he was going to think that either I was going crazy, or he was going to start to have a better level of patience than with me.

"Hey Sheldon, are you actually going to be doing this investigation, or are you going to be just looking for something else first, until you know better?" He asked, and then I was thinking that the way he was asking this was one with a just uncomfortable feeling. I was feeling like what Todd was doing was just trying to find a way to be getting out of this whole thing on my own.

"I am going to see if there are any connections between Jimmy and Sherman, and people who know them both, and know what they are both feeling here. I feel like when I get to know both of them, then everything will be making a whole lot more fucking sense." I said, and then he was looking at me, just tired of me right now.

"Who do you think would even connect them in the first place?" He asked, and then I was looking at him, as if confused as to what I was going to do. To see if I was even going to be in the know all of things. I was thinking that Todd was just tired of these debates, and that he was not even wanting to stop me.

"I think that maybe I am going to hang out with the sheriff a bit for this one. I mean, surely he might be finding a bit of information and stuff." I was saying, feeling like maybe he was going to find a way to make this whole thing seem more comfortable. I was thinking that maybe when I would talk with the sheriff, he might be giving me the only pieces of information that matter.

"I doubt that the sheriff is going to have a good set of information to talk about this. I think that he would probably just reject you if you even wanted to talk about this." After Todd was trying to tell me this, at this point in time, I was feeling like I was never going to have any real interest here.

Eventually, that was when I was just trying to be trying to pretend like maybe what Todd was saying was right. "I think that there might be a couple of things that he might be willing to tell me. I think that this might be a bit strange for him to be asked, but I think that as long as he sees me showing some actual interest in here, he might be willing to just cave in and say some stuff." I was saying, and I was feeling like what I had said was not even making any real sense.

"If you feel like you can really find something out about this, then go ahead. I think that something like this might be a bit pointless right now. I think that there is a chance that he might be involved with what the heck is going on. I think that we just need to actually not talk about big issues here." He said, and then I was wondering if he even wanted to be having this discussion at all. I was thinking that no matter what the hell this man even wanted to accomplish.

"There are no other people that I can think of who might be willing to talk with us." I said, and then I was looking right at him, thinking that maybe when I said this, everything would make some form of fucking sense. I was thinking that the way that Todd was talking showed that he might have known something here.

"Well, if this whole thing does not work out at all, then do not blame me or get angry at me if it turns out to be this way. I think that this might be a bit of a bad idea. But I am not going to be telling you how to be going at this whole thing. That would be a waste of time." Todd said, and he was sounding kind of pissed when I was hearing him say this.

"Todd, you need to fucking relax. I am going to do whatever I need to, and I am going to at least be smart when going at it all. I think that failure to plan things out at least a little bit is going to be the only way that I will be failing at this." I said, and then I was looking right at him, and he was just looking like he was not really in too much of a mood to hear it.

"Yeah, I guess that everybody just has different methods. I guess that maybe I just need to be having a bit more patience here." After he had said that to me, I was seeing him looking like he had wanted to say more, but decided to just not talk at all. I saw that this was probably for the best. If he was going to try and talk more, and say something else, then I was not going to be really able to hear him.

"Todd, I think that when you actually help me out, and not tell me what I am supposed to be doing, then perhaps it will all be just fine." I said, and then I was looking right at him, hoping that he was not going to be too bothered by what I was saying here. Maybe he was going to actually let it all sink it.

"I guess that maybe I am just scared that doing this is going to be getting us killed. Not that my ideas are even any better and stuff." After Todd said that to me, I saw him looking like he was trying to be having some form of mild amusement here. But I saw the way he was looking at me. He was refusing to say something in fear of how I would react.

"I mean, if you are so scared of getting killed, then you probably should have never gotten into this. But Todd, I think that talking about what we could and should have done is going to never help us out at all." After he had said that to me, I saw him just looking kind of tired now.

"Do you know where we are able to find something?" Todd asked, and then I was thinking about things for a while longer. I was feeling like maybe there was one clue and place that I could have gone to. Might not be a obvious one, but it was going to be something at least.

"The fucking tree house. I think that I remember seeing a few things there when I was a kid. I think that maybe we need to go and give that one a fucking look." I said, and then I was looking right at him, and Todd was looking like he was unable to believe that I was thinking about getting involved with this.

"Sheldon, are you sure that it is going to be safe going there? I mean, I know that you probably know more about that place than I do, but I heard a lot of shit about that fucking place, and from what I heard, I think that it would not be wise?" He was saying, and then I was sighing, knowing that he was telling the truth. But that was the thing I was refusing to say on.

"I don't think that anything with this town is safe per se, but I think that if we want to have a clue what to be doing, then I think we need to go there. Trust me when I say that this is a good idea." I said, and then I was seeing him looking like he truly had nothing that he even wanted to be saying in protest anymore.

"If you really believe that it would be a good idea to go there, then I will keep everything to myself." Todd said, and I was seeing him sounding like he was just wanting to keep something else to himself, but refused to say it, in fear of how I was going to be reacting from everything now.

"I mean, worst comes to worst, it is just a slight waste of time." I said, and shrugged at this idea, and then he was looking like he had felt like I had already been putting a lot of thought on this, and that he knew arguing with me was going to just not even get us anywhere, so he wouldn't bother.

"I guess that maybe you're right." He said, and then he shrugged at this statement. I was seeing him standing up, finally feeling like arguing about tiny details like this would have made no fucking sense, and that I just needed to be keeping things together. I just felt like we were needing to not take things too seriously.

"Todd, what do you think we can do to find out more stuff if we find nothing at the tree house? I mean, surely you have at least some fucking ideas." I said, and then I was looking right at him, feeling like he was surely going to have something to tell me here. He shrugged, not giving me much response. But the look on his face was telling me he did have something, but wanted to wait until we were in the car.

Once we were in the car, I was then starting up the car. "Tell me what you are thinking we can do while we are heading to the tree house. I will listen to all of your ideas, no matter what." I said, and then I was looking right at him, and I saw him looking a bit unsure of why the heck he even agreed to any of this. I was wondering if he was worried about dying, and that the idea of this becoming a death wish. I mean, he was probably right, but I refused to admit it at that moment, not wanting to concede defeat.

"I was thinking that maybe we could check a certain house out. I think that maybe if we can go there, we might find something, and I think that this would be the best way to have a good starting point." After Todd said this to me, I was feeling like that was a strange suggestion, and I decided not to say anything, thinking that what he was doing might have been a bit of his own business.

"What the hell were you doing that made you know what that house was in the first place?" I asked, and then I was looking right at him, wondering what the hell he was actually doing. I was feeling like he had no real right to be lecturing me about this stuff when he was going off and doing his own thing.

"I am just looking into leads, and I am listening to what people are telling me or talking about when we are at school, and I just try and see what I might be able to gather up mostly." Todd said, and then he was looking right at me, as if hoping that maybe I was actually going to be listening to this a bit better. The way he looked at me made me really fucking unsure now.

"Fine, I will not try and tell you not to be doing that stuff. It just seems strange is all." I said, and then I was sighing, feeling like maybe he was just trying to find a way to be making me feel differently. But that was just still sounding a bit fucking crazy, and I was just trying to understand what his fucking goals had been were.

We were driving along for a while, and I was just trying to understand what the fucking hell was going on. I mean that this whole thing was just fucking odd. I mean, as much as I wanted to pretend like everything was fine, it was not fine. Something was going down, and I was aware that Todd was going to be doing a lot of shit behind my back, and I was not going to be cool with it.

"So Todd, when we see this person that you are telling me about, or this house I should say, do you think that it is actually going to be giving me any fucking clues?" I asked, and I was feeling like I just needed to actually hear where he was coming from. I needed to actually get him to talk to me here, and talk to me like I was not fucking dumb.

"Well, I think that even if it does not actually work out for a bit, and even if we do not find anybody, then I think that everything is going to be fine. I think that the effort is more important than anything." Todd said, and the way he was saying it made it sound so honest and so perfect. I was feeling like maybe he was right on this one, and that I just needed to give him a chance.

I was thinking about what the heck my friends and I were doing, and I was wondering if Todd was going to be getting along decently with them. I mean, oh my god, I was thinking that if they did not like Todd all that much, then things were really going to be hard to handle. I mean, part of my journey was the idea of forming a social connection with him. I was feeling like no matter what was going on, I needed to focus on that.

"Sheldon, I know that we both have different methods of going at this, but I think we can both agree that just working through this whole thing together is going to be the best way to go at this. If we do not work together, and if we do not just understand where we are both coming from, then things are going to get much worse than they already are." Todd said, and then I was sighing, as if well aware of this, and did not need for him to be telling me this.

"I think that the idea of different methods is the least of our fears. I mean, I think that even if we had the same methods, the idea of doing this all alone is going to be getting us killed regardless. So I think that if we were to have any chance at all, we need to try and get more people to actually join our side. But I have no idea how something like this will actually be possible." I said, and then I looked right a him, hoping he would listen to it.

"I think that the idea of getting more people to go along with this crazy idea is going to be the thing that will eventually get us killed. It will only be a matter of time before somebody opens up and gives us away. So I think that if we were to try and actually be smart, we might need to try and be independent agents for a while." After Todd said that to me, I was sighing, and I was feeling like maybe what he was saying made sense. That did not mean that I had to be in love with it though.

"Todd, I know that we are going to be getting ourselves in a lot of shit, and it might be flat out appealing to just be independent, and not be getting people on our sides. But I think surely even you know that if we do things alone, and just not actually get at least a small group together, then nothing will ever truly work out. Sooner or later, one of us will get killed." I said, hoping he was going to listen to logic of reasoning. I had hoped I could convince him just a bit.

Eventually when we were close to the tree house, something happened neither one of us were really ready for. I was looking up just in time to see a large truck driving by, and swerving in our direction, and I was trying to get away from it, but before I could, I ended up driving to the light poll.

As I was sitting down in the car, and the ringing going on in my ears, and the fire that had been created from the crashed part of the car, I was getting out of it, to try and find something to do. I was looking around, and I was genuinely in a fucking daze. I stared up at the sky, and I was wondering what the hell was going on at all.

Todd was getting out soon after, and when he was out, I was seeing him looking like he was holding his arm, trying his best to make it not fall over and stuff. I was feeling so bad for what I had done. I had almost killed Todd, and it was all my fault. I was looking at the other car, which had been put to a stop in a curved fashion in the middle of the street. I was looking over, and I was seeing no fucking person in the car. I was aware of the fact that whoever did this got out before anybody would notice what had happened, and was now probably well gone and away.

I sighed with annoyance, knowing that even if people were going to be on our side on this one, and did want to help us out, there was no way in hell that would happen. I barely got more than a second to look at that fucking man before he nearly killed me. I was sighing, and looked around, wondering what the hell Todd knew about this place, and I was wondering if he was going to be able to help me out at all.

"Sheldon, how are we going to explain ourselves out of this one?" Todd asked, and for once I was thinking about the question he had asked. I was thinking about what the hell Todd wanted me to do. I was thinking what he had wanted me to do was fucking impossible. He was asking for so much from me, and I needed to have something work out for both of us. I needed him to help me, but I needed him to trust me more.

"I got some things that I need to check out. You need to go to the hospital, and you need to take care of yourself. I do not want anything to happen to you, and that is the only thing that really matters." I said, and then Todd was looking like he was ready to argue and protest. Then he sighed, and decided to leave it alone.

"I am not going to be taking no for an answer. You need to take care of yourself. You are in a far worse condition than me." I said, and then with this, I started to walk off, and Todd was refusing to say anything, and after about twenty seconds, he went his own way, to go to the hospital.

I was thinking that maybe I could just go to the store or the hospital, and get some pain pills. I mean, Todd was in a much worse condition, and that was why he needed to go to the fucking hospital. All I needed was just a couple of days to relax, and be doing better. I was feeling like if I was just resting for a while, then things would have been fine.

But that did not change the fact that I was just wanting to make that person who did this to me pay. I was well aware of the fact that this man had done it on purpose. I saw the way he was driving, and I was seeing that there was a look of fucking malice on his face. I knew that he was wanting to kill us, which was probably as a result of all the investigations we were doing.

I had been right this whole time. I knew that something like this was just going to kill us. I knew that if I had not just left it alone, then everything was going to just go so much worse. But I guess that I was just fucking stubborn, and that I had wanted to make everybody feel better about what was happening. But I guess that something like this was just impossible.

I was wishing that I treated Todd better, and I was wishing that I did not let him come along with me. I was feeling like maybe if I had just told him that I was going to be independent, and that this was going to be done my way, then I would never have gotten distracted during the drive. If that man did run me over, then I would have been the only one affected, and Todd would have been safe for a while longer.

I was telling myself that everything that happened with Todd really was my fault, and that there was no fucking way around it. But I guess that maybe if he had not wanted to get so fucking dirty with this investigation, then maybe I would have been able to get away with this for a while longer. Which might have been the best way to go at this whole thing. I was thinking that if my parents knew about how I got this boy almost killed, then they were never going to forgive me.

I was just telling myself that they were also going to be worried about the fucking car. I mean, I destroyed that, and it was going to be placing several thousand dollars in my debt. I was angry at what I was now able to confirm was going to be a big fucking money that my parents had needed. I was just thinking that my parents were not going to fully buy the narrative that I was run over by a guy doing it on purpose. Especially since a part of me was wondering if this really did happened.

Eventually, I was getting near my house, and I was feeling like whatever they were going to say or do, I was needing to just let them know what had happened, and this way, the frustration, and the lectures would be over with, and then we would be able to repair what I had done.

I was going to my room when my father was seeing the condition that I was in, and he was getting up right away, and looking right at me, as if trying to just keep his calm and composure right now. "Sheldon, what the fucking hell is going on? Can you just tell me the truth?" He asked, and then I was sighing, feeling like that was going to be hard.

"I am going to be honest with you, but I got in a car crash about an hour ago, and I walked right home." I said, and then I was looking right at him, wondering if he was going to be patient and supportive, or if he was going to just try and find a way to make me guilty over what he had just heard.

"What even was going on that made this happen?" After my father asked this, I was seeing that there was a look of utter anger in his face, but he was aware that yelling at me was not going to be doing anybody favors, and that he was just needing to be patient when he was going at this whole thing.

"I was just hearing of a party that was going on, and I was wanting to see if I was able to go to the party. I was just super excited to go and check it out. You know, I guess that maybe I was just getting too excited." I said, and then I was looking right at him, wondering if he was going to be listening to this, or just telling me off for doing something so stupid.

"I guess that I could understand why you would be doing something like that. After all, better that than you wandering around town and trying to figure out some obscure town secrets." My father said, and he was just trying to not let that annoyance show clearly. I mean, I was just wishing that things were fine enough in the long run.

"I just think that every time I do something that is good for myself, I do something that fucking ruins it." I said, and then I was looking right at my father, finally feeling like I was needing to just be real with him, and that lying to him on how I was feeling would only be getting so much fucking worse.

"I am sure that I can pick up the remains of the car. I am going to just figure out what to do. I will get some pain pills from the hospital. Just relax and rest as much as you can." My father said, clearly just trying to find a way to fix the problem, and not be making me sound like I made a bunch of mistakes. The past was the past, and we needed to recover.

"You do not need to be so worried about this right now. I know that I am not going to be able to do anything crazy, and that I need to just fucking be smart about what I am doing now." I said, and then I was looking right at him, and I was seeing that he was not really in the mood to be hearing something like this.

"Sheldon, you almost died here. There is no way in hell that I am going to be brushing this whole thing off. Please just let me do my job as a fucking parent." After my father had said this to me, I was looking right at him, feeling like maybe I was just thinking about what he was needing to do here. I was just kind of tired of what was going on here. I did not want to be making my father feel like he had no trust.

Eventually, I was walking to the room, and I was feeling like maybe resting for a bit was the only thing that I could have done that would have made things a bit better for me. I was laying down on my bed, and then I was just closing my eyes, and I was wondering if Todd was going to be safe. He was the only thing that I was focused on. I knew that I made a fucking mistake by bringing him here, and that was the only thing that I knew for sure.

I was thinking that if Todd was in danger, and if Todd was on the verge of death or something like that, then this was entirely my fucking fault. That was the one thing that I had known from day one. But I guess that maybe I was just being a bit dramatic right now. That I just needed to fucking be realistic here.

I was thinking that my father was going to be on my side if things turned around. I knew that my father loved me. I knew that my father was going to fucking respect me more than anything else. I mean, I had many things that I doubted, but I never doubted his loyalty to me and my family.

I don't really fucking know how something like this was going to work out. That being said, I was feeling like when I was going to talk to him about anything with this town, regardless of how honest or valid it was, he was certainly never going to actually listen to me here. He was feeling like I was taking this whole thing too far. I was hating to admit it. But I guess that deep down, I would never argue with him. I almost killed somebody over it.

I was sleeping on and off non stop for the next fucking days, and I would only have minor talks with Dakota, Emily, and Ashley on a phone call to the house phone, and when I could talk with them, it would only be for like ten or fifteen minutes before I needed to sleep again for my own sake. I learned on the third day that Todd was released from the hospital, which was what I had wanted to hear. I was so fucking happy to hear that he was safe on this.

When I had found out that he was out of the hospital, I was feeling like this was my chance to be able to make some peace with the way that things were going on. This was going to make me feel like I was going to be a good fucking guy. But then if Todd was done after three days, and probably would start tomorrow or the next day, I was feeling like maybe I could find a way to start going around and looking around.

It was on the fourth day when the thing that took me to the next level showed up. The thing that finally made me feel like I could be able to bring it all together. The fucking awful sound. It had started to come along, and the longer that I was hearing the grinding going on, the more that I had known that the party was going to be tonight.

I was going to be going to the fucking party, and I was going to be seeing what the hell this party was going to help me with. I knew that this party was going to be the only thing that could give me a fucking chance once and for all with knowing what the actual truth would have been.

I was going to leave, and I was going to fucking leave, and no matter what was going on, I would make everything safe. I had wished that everything would be making sense. I was aware that I needed to just be safe, and that no matter what we were doing, then everything could have made some fucking sense.

I was taking out a cigarette when I was finally grabbing the pack, and I was laying down on my car staring at the sky, just trying to make things seem to make some sense. I was smiling, and the entire time that I was staring at the sky, I was thinking that Harold was not going to like me being there. But I had a feeling he would forgive me.

I was going to finally figure out the truth of labyrinth. Labyrinth was going to be the one thing that I had fucking needed. I was tired of everything going on here. When I had finally finished the cigarette, I was getting in my car, and I was going to be with my friends, and when the party was done, I would finally meet with Todd, and see what he was feeling here.

...

When the session was over, this was when Sheldon was looking right at his therapist, and he was sighing, unsure of what the hell he was even going to tell her. "I know that you are still going to be having a hard time with any of this. This session that I had with talking to Sherman left me with so many more questions than answers that the idea of getting these answers actually scared the shit out of me." Sheldon said, feeling like he was finally feeling like he could be honest.

"Did you think that talking to Sherman was the first thing that started to let you be going down the rough path?" After she asked this question, Sheldon shook his head, feeling like that was just not going to be a proper way of looking at it. "Or do you think that this was just something that sped things all up?"

"I don't really know if it sped things up, but it certainly made me feel like I was out of my fucking league. That much I could fucking assure." Sheldon said, and there was clearly that look on his face that was looking fucking wondering what the hell he was even going to be saying now.

"Have Dakota and Ashley tried to get you to stop doing things after this? Did they think about getting you to leave this alone?" After she asked this, Sheldon shook his head, finally feeling like this was the best way to go at this whole thing.

"No, they knew that after this interview, and the car crash, that there was no other way. That I had to do whatever I did, and make this whole thing actually work out." Sheldon said, feeling like this whole thing was actually making things actually come together.

"I mean, I think that any chances of leaving this alone was gone after this. I would say the Sherman interview was genuinely the point of no return, and the point that I just needed to be accept that I had gone too far." Sheldon said, and then he was thinking her discussion was fucking going nowhere.

"Sheldon, did you try and go after the man who crashed your car? Do you seriously feel like the whole thing was on purpose?" She asked, and then Sheldon laughed at this, and this was when he was feeling like she was being fucking hilarious at this whole thing. Knowing she would not get it.

"I don't need to feel like something when I fucking know so. There is no way in hell that this was not on purpose, and you think that this would have been just fine and dandy if it wasn't? That person knew what Todd and I were doing, and tried to kill me." Sheldon said, feeling like he was finally willing to just leave it alone, and keep it that way.

"But did you find him?" She asked, and then she was feeling like this question was more important than he would understand. After a second, he was sighing, and then he nodded. Smiling for a tenth of a second.

"I did find him, and that was the best thing that could have possibly happened to me. Finding the fucking man who did this was the only thing that I could say actually went in my favor. But that is not the only thing that I could fucking say to this." Sheldon was sighing, and then he was placing his hand down on the table, looking at her for a bit.

"Sheldon, what did you do when you found him? I mean, I am scared to know, but I think that I need to know." She said, and then Sheldon was looking at her for a second or two longer, and decided that no matter what she would say, she was just never going to get it all.

"I did what I knew I was wanting to do. I was going to fucking kill him, or at least make people know what was happening. I was not going to let this man go away with his good name. I was not going to let the people who knew him have their good name." Sheldon was saying, feeling like he was finally going to be capturing something he actually wanted for once.

"Sheldon, I mean, I think that maybe what you might have done was correct in the context of what was going on, but does that really mean that you wanted to kill the man?" She asked, and then he was really feeling like while she was not going to make anything happen here, since what was done decades ago was done. But at the same time, she just could not understand.

"All that I did was for the correct sake of my life. I did what I had to do to defend my friends and Emily. There was no way that I was not going to do something once it became fucking clear what the truth was. But I mean, I feel like you are going to never fucking get it." After Sheldon told her this, and after he had finally made his point, she was looking just gone.

"Emily seems like somebody who you were not all that invested in as time went on. I mean, I know you do not want to admit this, but I think you just need to be honest." She said, and then Sheldon nodded, not wanting her to say it, but she was right.

"I do not want to have you admit it, as I feel like it is just wrong when you say it, but you are right. There was a point in time where I barely even fucking thought of it at all. I barely even cared after a certain point, and in a way, I feel like this was sort of just messed up a bit." Sheldon said, feeling like he was needing to just let this whole thing go.

"Are you sure that not talking with Sherman would have been able to keep you safe? I mean, you did a lot of things that I am sure that people would consider really wrong, and many people would think you were the one responsible for many thing." After she had said that to him, this was when he was sighing, feeling like he was well aware of this, and he did not need her to tell him all of this stuff.

"I am well aware of this. I mean, I am sure that some people still think that I am the devil here, and that I did so many things wrong. I mean, there is no way in hell many people really think that I am the one who actually was being smart. But I guess that nobody is going to find a way to really even listen to me. Many people hate me, and it is that fucking simple." Sheldon said, smiling at this whole thing.

"Sheldon, do you think that you would have even wanted to find a way to get these people to not really hate you? I mean, I think that sooner or later, they are going to just be ready to assume they know what you are doing, and that is all they really believe." After she had said this to him, Sheldon was feeling like he would have just needed to not even listen to any of these anymore.

"I am not wasting my time with people who have already decided that I am the villain. And in a way, depending on who you ask, I really am the villain, and there is nothing that I can fucking do about it." After Sheldon said this, he laughed for a moment, thinking of how funny it was he was dealing with this.

"Why would you be the villain? I mean, to more than a select few, there was nobody who would be feeling like you did anything wrong." She said, and then Sheldon shook his head, and then he was rubbing his eyes, feeling like she would never have listened to him, no matter what.

"The fact of the matter is that people treated me like the fucking villain because they drank the fucking coolaid. People have been thinking that I am the one who did everything wrong, and given the stories of the town, there is no way in hell people are going to tell me off." Sheldon said, and then he was laughing at this idea, wondering what the hell she would have said.

"I mean, if you wanted to have actual logic used when describing what is going on here, then there are so many solutions that could have been made, that could have worked just as well, if not even better, but were never used. And I am not going to do anything about it at all." Sheldon said, and then he was sighing, wishing that she was needing to just understand that for once, he knew what he was discussing.

"So Sheldon, what exactly was going on there that makes you say this?" She asked, and then Sheldon was sighing, feeling like maybe this was going to be the worst way to be going at this. Knowing that she was never going to have any fucking way to fully understand his attitude on what he was thinking right now.

"Oh we will get there sometime. I mean, oh my fucking god, once we get there, you will see that there are so many ways that could have done the job, but done it so much better." Sheldon said, and then he was stopping to think about what he was saying, and despite all that he had said, he was wondering if perhaps he could have done things the same way if he was in their position. Then he shook his head, pretending like that was impossible.

"I guess that this is all going to be a part of the thing that made you sort of lose any hope that you had in life and stuff?" She asked, and then Sheldon nodded, feeling like he would give her that one at least. But despite the fact that he was feeling like there was no real need to talk about any of this. "Sheldon, you can tell me if the two things are related or not?"

"Oh they are related. I think that there is a lot of stuff that I think I could say are related to this. But I do not want to spoil the reveal or anything, and I think that soon enough, you will be able to get it all. So there is no point in speeding things up right now. With this, he was taking out a cigarette, feeling like he would be able to leave this whole thing alone.

"Oh, and don't feel bad for me when you do know all of the clues. I mean, once you know all of the clues, you will understand that I did things that I thought that I had to do, and I did it because I felt like I had no real chance. But I guess that none of this really even fucking matters." Sheldon was saying, just thinking about what was going to be happening right now. Sheldon was really thinking that her reaction was going to be priceless and he was really excited to see the horror on her face.

"I seen what happened to you, and all of the issues that you are facing. I think that it is going to be really hard not to feel bad for you. I mean, this clearly destroyed your entire life, and I think that you probably deserve so much better than what you got." She said, and then Sheldon took that for a moment, and while he was glad to be hearing her not tearing him down or anything, he was wondering how long something like this was going to last.


	20. Party At Harold Wilson's House

Sheldon was staring right at his therapist, and the entire time he had been looking right at her, he was just trying to find something to say to make the whole thing seem just a bit better. Sheldon was really wanting to find something he would have said before this whole thing could have some together just a small bit. "So Sheldon, what are you feeling right now? You seem to be bothered by something." She said, and then Sheldon was just sighing for a while.

"Honestly, I am just trying to find some way to talk right now, and I just feel like no matter what I want to say, that there is no way that I will properly understand it for myself. I guess that maybe I am just being a bit problematic right now." Sheldon was saying, and then he was genuinely feeling like there was nothing else that he would say that would make it any better. "Do you feel like you can really help me out?" Sheldon asked, trying to really understand her.

"I feel like if for nothing else, talking to me about this might be able to help you out. I am feeling the look on your face, and I am seeing that even if you hate to admit it, that you are looking at least somewhat happy to be talking with somebody now." She said, while aware that saying anything else might be sounding like she was giving herself too much credit.

"I guess that you are right to some extent. I mean, talking to people right now, and just seeing what some people might want to say, and seeing if they are going to take me seriously, always helps me out. And so far, from the way you are looking at me, it does not seem like you are brushing me off too much." Sheldon said, hoping he would not eat those words.

"There is just something from the way that you talk, and the way that you just seem so lost and out of it, makes me aware deep down that no matter what you might want to say, you are not lying. I just wish that I was able to help you out better." She was saying, as if finally conceding the real issue to these sessions, as much as she hated it.

"Honestly, I am not even all that worried about it anymore. I am just feeling like talking to you, and just seeing how you can feel about this all, is honestly enough for me." Sheldon said, finally admitting that now the conversations were now just here for the sake of his own sanity, rather than trying to prove his point to her. Since he had relatively given up on this.

"So Sheldon, have you given up on trying to get people to understand you, or have you just given up on trying to get something out of these sessions?" After she was asking Sheldon this, that was when Sheldon was just feeling truly unsure of what he was able to even say. There was nothing he could say now.

"I just think that every single time I look at the evidence that was presented to me, and I see the evidence that is just hard to turn down, I feel like I am just making things a thousand times worse than if I would just leave things alone." Sheldon was just rambling, and he was aware that no matter what he was saying, she would never really get it at all.

"Sheldon, have you tried to talk with people in a more personal space about this?" Do you think that maybe if you talked with them a bit more, you might get to know what they feel?" After she had asked Sheldon this, that was when Sheldon was just genuinely feeling unsure of what he was going to tell her. He was always scared of what she was feeling about him on a constant basis.

"I think that if I tried to talk with a single person about this, they are either not going to believe me, or they are going to tell me that I am needing to fucking focus on what I have ahead of me. Nobody is going to fucking care what I believe, and I have more than accepted something like this. I just wish that I had some greater levels of courage though. But that is not happening." Sheldon said, feeling like he was needing to leave it alone now.

"If you do not try though, then you will never know if they are going to buy it or not. I mean, you should at least give them a chance." She was telling him, and he was aware of what she was trying to accomplish, and in the end, no matter what he was wanting to say or do, he was not really in the mood for her to be saying stuff like this. He was not in the mood for her to tell him how he was allowed to feel.

"I think that I know how my family feels about this. I wish that they were more open to this than I think they are. If they were, then everything would be fucking great. But that is just something that I feel like will never fucking happen, no matter how much I try." Sheldon was saying, and then he was looking right at her, feeling like no matter what he was saying, he was wishing to treat her with more respect. But the way she was acting like she knew his family in a way he didn't did bother him.

"Alright, if you are sure that this is the case, then I will leave it alone. I mean, this is really not going to be worth getting angry or creating a debate." She was saying, as if feeling like she truly had no desire to go on and ruin something that was going decently at this point, and for no real reason. She was feeling like she had finally started to break through to him, and did not want to make things even worse.

"Anyways, I know that us debating this is not really going to be getting to the main point, which I am sure you are just wanting to do right now... Do you want to start to tell me the story of what happens next?" She asked him, and then after this, Sheldon was slowly thinking about it, and he was slowly nodding, as if thinking that this was the only way to make things less hard for them.

"Yeah, I think that I might be ready for something like this. But only if you feel like you are wanting to do it." After Sheldon was saying this, he was looking right at her, and he was seeing her looking like she was just waiting for him to speak, and he was thinking that stalling this whole thing out was not going to be helping either of them out at all.

"I thnk that maybe we just need to fucking make some more progress here. I think we are both ready to keep this whole thing going, and that maybe over time, I just can sort of see what pieces I am missing. That is the only thing that I am absolutely certain of right now." Sheldon was telling her, as if feeling like no matter what he was going to say, this whole thing was going to be sort of coming out of this as a giant ass waste of time.

"How much closer do you feel like you have gotten with telling me your story?" She asked, and then Sheldon was shrugging, feeling like there was no way in hell he was going to be able to give a proper answer there. No matter what he was going to say, or how far he was getting, there was parts of him that felt like he was still never going to finish up any time soon.

"I feel like we are at the stuff that really shows the point of no return. I feel like every single day from this day forward, every single choice I make, the things were only getting worse and worse. I fucked up so badly, and you will see why I am saying that as we get on later with this." Sheldon was saying, and then he was staring at her, wishing that she was going to try and speak out, but also leave it alone.

"Have you ever gotten this far when talking with your previous therapists and offciers?" His therapist asked, and then he was shaking his head. While they technically made it chronologically further before, none of them ever listened to him this well, he never really did this good on the details, and he did not feel like he ever made any real progress before. So this was why those were so fucking different. She nodded, unsure of if she believed in that or not, but was feeling like if it was the truth, she needed to be taking it with a certain level of pride.

"Every time I even fucking tried to talk with somebody, they always shoot me down. They always treated me like I was wasting their time. They always told me to tell them the truth. I was telling them the truth. But they refused to even pretend to be seeing this. I was so fucking pissed at this." Sheldon admitted, thinking of how angry his previous therapists made him, and how much he was refusing to hide it.

"Well, those are in the past now, right? You are not too worried about the way that they feel, are you?" She asked him, hoping that the answer would be no, thinking that despite everything going on, and despite the fact that in all honesty, his anger seemed justified, she was hoping that he was not going to fall down over this

"Yeah, they are in the past now. Trust me, I do not even want to give them the time of day. I think that if I even thin about this any longer, they are going to be getting more attention than they ever deserved." Sheldon said, and then he was feeling like that was the last time he even wanted to be thinking about them at all. Once he was done with this, he had started to look at her for a bit.

"Do you feel like you will ever get enough people to believe in you when you try and tell them the truth? I mean, surely at least some people are willing to hear you out, right?" She asked him, and then Sheldon was thinking about this for a moment. He was hoping that she was not expecting him to seriously answer this question. It was all too much for him to really fucking handle.

"I mean, I think that getting people to believe me is entirely different from getting people to listen to me. I might be able to get some people to listen to me, and want to give my story a chance, but that does not mean that they actually believe in me. I think those are two different things." Sheldon told her, and then he was wondering how else he was going to speak here.

"I mean, I remember the disbelief that my friends were having the entire time, and more or less they were there the entire time, and they had witnessed every single fucking moment of this. They had witnessed what I was dealing with, and they were still acting like what I had been saying was fucking strange." Sheldon was saying, and then he was thinking that if he talked longer, it could start to bring her together.

"Well, they seem to be worried about you being obssessed with this. I mean, I would probably be as well. But unlike them, and maybe this is because of hindsight, but I do sort of see why you are this way." She said, and then Sheldon was slowly nodding, thinking about Riley once again, and thinking about how he should have just let it go.

"I think that as much as I hate to admit it, that I should have just left the whole thing with Riley alone. I mean, if I had done that, and if I had just accepted the stories for what they were, I might have been able to have a somewhat normal life. I can't believe that I am saying this right now, knowing that I tried really hard to find her, and make peace with what happened, but part of me feels like I just needed to leave it alone." Sheldon said, and then he was sighing for a moment.

"If I had accepted that Riley had died, or something like that, then I might have been able to have some form of happiness, and I might have been able to sort of put this whole thing behind me. I just think that if I had said that Riley was dead, and that I just needed to let it go, then I would have cried about it, and I would have moved on. Her being dead was almost much better than what could have happened." Sheldon was saying, trying his best to besounding neutral about this.

"Does Riley dying really make you feel like you would have been happier? I mean, from the way that you are looking at me, and the way that you are acting, I believe that you are saying the exact opposite of the truth." After his therapist was telling him this, she was feeling like there was something that she was getting close to him with. She was pushing him hard, and she was making him just try and pretend like he was listening to all of this.

"I don't know if it would have made things easier or not, but I like to pretend like it does. At least if it did make things easier, then I knew what I could have done to sort of make at least some peace with it all. But to be honest, I just wish that maybe we never moved to Wayside after all." Sheldon was saying, and then she was remembering the fact that he had actually moved there, and was not from there.

"If I had just stayed in Arkansas, I might have had a rough time going through school, but I would have gone through it, and Riley would have never gone missing, and I would have had a normal life, and I would never have lived in that fucking town, where things are just getting worse and worse over time." Sheldon shrugged, thinking that he was sounding normal, and sounding perfectly reasonable this entire time.

"Oh that makes sense. You wish that if you just stayed down there, and that had your father never gotten that promotion, then at least some form of sign of going back to normal would have come back again?" She asked, and then he was slowly nodding, thinking that while what he had said was not very realistic, it was still what he would have preferred.

"Yeah, exactly. I mean, I just thought that for a while, it was something that was not really related to the move. I mean, I guess that it all does not really matter at the end of the day anymore." Sheldon was saying, and then he wa slooking at his therapist once again, and this time, he was really feeling ready to be speaking with her now.

"I am really thinking that now that I am more ready to be speaking about this, if you are willing. Now that I started to express the way that I was feeling a bit better, I can do whatever it is that you want." Sheldon told her, and he was feeling like she was not going to listen to him too much. But he was needing to offer it to her.

"Yeah, we can do it, if you are truly ready for this." She said, and then Sheldon was nodding. He was in no mood to be hiding any longer, and he was in no mood to be wanting to pretend like nothing else was fucking mattering. He was then taking a long and deep breath, and now just thought about what he was going to say to continue the narrative in a interesting way.

"Well, the next part of the story happened after I heard the grinding noise when I was home, and I was just wondering what it could have been. I was listening very deeply to it, trying to get it." Sheldon was telling her, thinking that maybe she remembered, but he was wanting to just catch her up to speed once again.

"Yeah, and you were saying that ow that you heard the noise, you were planning on going to the next labyrinth party, because you felt like that party was going to give you at least some context to this whole thing going on in town..." She said, remembering what he had said, and she was feeling like they were able to pick up with this. Sheldon nodded, as if thinking that he was needing to stop being such a idealistic young man.

"I thought that maybe I could have been able to find out more clues with the party, and I was feeling like if for nothing else, going to the party might have been able to just put me in the right spot." Sheldon was saying, sort of feeling like when he mentioned why he was doing this, and how he could have gotten himself to think this way, in a way, he was appreciating the fact that at least he was trying, unlike the others, and he was always proud of himself on that regard.

...

So when I was hearing the noise, and was sincerely pissed at everything going on right now, and pissed at whoever made that fucking machine, I was just telling myself that this party was going to be important. I was needing to go there, and I was needing to make my point that I was not going to be taking no for an answer anymore.

I was standing up, and I was smoking my next cigarette, and I was thinking about what it was like if Todd and the others knew why I was fucking planning this. I was going to see if Harold was willing to actually talk with me. I was feeling like it was impossible to even imagine such a thing, but I was thinking that if I could get it work, everything would be fine. So I was walking down the street, just feeling confused and tired.

I knew that virtually all of my fucking friends were having no more patience for this, and I was aware that they were not going to be happy if they were aware of why I was doing this. But at the same time, I was just thinking that perhaps my friends were going to not even need to hear what I was doing. I was thinking that they needed to just not know the truth at all.

As I was walking to the front door of my house, my father called out to me. "Are you sure that enough time has passed that you can go out there again?" He asked, and I was feeling like it was a relatively valid question. But I was not wanting to give a proper answer, since doing that was going to admit that once again, I was doing something wrong.

"I am just going to hang out with my friends. I am not going to be doing anything crazy. To be honest, I am one with all of the crazy stuff for now. Don't want to be making things even worse." I said, and then I was looking at him, and I was wondering if he was going to actually buy what I had said. The look on his face showed that he was unsure of what to say to me.

"Sheldon, what type of party were you even planning on going to in the first place when you left?" He asked, and I was feeling like he was clearly just trying to find a proper discussion point now. "I mean, I guess that it is not my business. But I just want to make sure that you were not doing something dangerous." After he said that, I was sighing a bit longer.

"Just one with my classmates and stuff. I never really thought much on it. I just thought that it could be fun to see my classmates after the summer started." I was saying, thinking that I could just leave it all alone. I could be fine with saying this, but I was not needing to be saying anything else.

"I just think that I needed to have a chance to have some form of happiness this summer." I was shrugging, and then I was feeling like I could just leave it alone at this. I was not wanting to have any discussion on this now. So with this, I was looking at him, and I was wondering what he would say now.

"Alright, I was just kind of interested in seeing what you were doing. I mean, I just wanted to make sure that nothing was happening that was putting you in danger. Or at least not willingly..." He said, and I was seeing that from the look on his face, he was still not really looking like he was too hapy with this right now. So I was just remaining silent now.

"I never thought that something was going to happen here. I thought that I might be able to just stay safe now. I guess that maybe nothing will make any difference." I was placing my hand on the door, and I was just wanting to get this shit over with. I was tired of this, so I guess that I just needed to leave the whole story alone. I wanted to make it seem like nothing else even fucking mattered anymore. I was just wanting to go and see that party.

"I am going to be heading out soon. I am going to be seeing my friends. I am sure that everything will be fine. I mean, they are going to make sure that I don't do anything too stupid." I said, and then I was sighing, wondering if I was actually going to be true. I was thinking that it probably was, so I was needing to not feel like I was lying to him or anything at all.

"Just make sure that they keep you safe, and that they don't let you do anything too stupid." After he was telling me this, I was sighing, and at this point, I was getting kind of annoyed here. All he did was just refuse to let this go, and I was feeling like there was a chance that he lost all the respect that he was having for me.

"I will tell them that we are not going to be doing anything too crazy tonight." I said, and then I was then looking at him, and I was seeing him looking like he was just feeling so much fucking better about what I was saying. I was glad to be seeing him actually looking like he was buying what I had said. All that I just needed to do was bullshit longer, and everything was going to be fine. I was so proud of myself here.

"Alright, well I hope that you have fun regarless." He said, and then he was shrugging, as if feeling like he was just wanting to see me feel better about everything. "Anyways, I will just see what we can do to help you out." He sighed, almost not even wanting to say anything else. But he was just tired, and I was smiling when I looked at him.

"Hey dad, thank you for helping me out right now. Thank you for understanding." I said, and then I was looking right at him, and he clearly looked like he was just sort of shocked to be seeing me taking the time to be making him feel better about what he was getting himself into. "I mean, I know that you are doing everything you can, and I respect that so fucking much."

"Wow, thank you. I really am just trying to help everybody at this house out as long as I can. I mean, it is hard to do such things, but it is something that I really enjoy seeing. Seeing you and your mother happy." He was telling me, and then I was shrugging, thinking that I would just leave it alone now.

"I feel like I am not doing enough to show you guys that I respect what you have been doing." I was shrugging, thinking what I was telling him was both true, and also just me sort of bullshitting to make him feel better about what we were doing. I was then staring at the ceiling for a moment longer.

"See you later. Probably see you again tomorrow." I said, thinking about how often these talks were, and then I was walking out of the house, and then I was sighing, feeling like this entire time that I was doing these discussions, I was feeling like none of us were actually making any fucking difference here. No matter what the heck my father was feeling about me doing these investigations, I was just telling myself to be taking things calmly and easily for both of us to have some chance to be happier.

Eventually, I was feeling like when I would see Dakota again, I was going to have to just admit that maybe I was wrong about all of these investigations, and admit that maybe I was taking this whole thing too far. I mean, as much as I hated to admit it, there was probably at least some level of truth here.

There was only one real issue that I was having here was the fact that I needed to see what the hell they could have done now. I was feeling like when I was seeing Emily again, and she was going to be asking me how I was, she was not going to be having much patience here, and she was going to be kind of annoyed with the fact that I was acting like this all the time. She was going to tell me that I was making a big mistake. She was going to not support me, and maybe that there is some level of truth to that all.

As I was driving longer and longer, the only thing that I was telling myself that I just needed to be patient, and that I needed to try and do my best to be utterly respectful to Emily. Yu know, just make it seem like I was going to repair our relationship as well as possible. She might not like what I was doing, but I was wanting to I was really wanting to just do what I was sincerely feeling was right for the toThe only issue that I was thinking could really come out of this was dealing with the fact that she was going to ecuse me of being a fucking snake, and she was going to act like I was needing to do something better for all of us. So I was just thinking that I was being careful about what we were going to do now.

I was thinking that Emily should have known that I was wanting to be making this whole thing work, and I was wanting to make her happy, and that I was refusing to admit that I didn't care or whatever she might be feeling. But I was thinking that she was not going to be taking any of that shit. She was going to be annoyed with me, and she was going to make her mind up, no matter what is going on in my mind.

The only issue that I had with Emily was making sure that I was never going to be taking things too far. I was thinking that she was probably not going to be feeling too upset with me, and that she was going to be able to forgive me. I was thinking that sooner or later that I was just needing to think about what it was going to be like if she was not going to be super forgiving now.

I was just focused on the road, and the entire time that I was focused on the road, I was telling myself to be calm and collected, and I was telling myself to just remember that if something really was happening at the town, that she was going to sooner or later give me credit for being the only person in the entire town who was willing to give me anything.

That was all that I had wanted. I was worried about what it would have been like if nobody actually wanted this. I was tired of having people pretending like they were not even going to take nothing from this town, when in all reality, taking shit from this town was the only fucking thing this town was good at. I mean, people were taking shit from this town all the fucking time, and nobody was doing a damn thing to change it.

I was feeling like I needed to be more calm, and that I needed to be more respectful going forward, and that I needed to always hear their perspective. But that was getting harder and harder, and I was aware that people were not in the mood for any of the fucking excuses at all.

Eventually, I was parking at the lot of her house, and then I was smoking another cigarette, wishing that I was never having this debate, and that was something that I was thinking that I was going to have to be making some fucking peace with. The cigarettes were always the thing that were making me feel better about what I was doing going forward.

I got out of the car, and then I was closing the door without slamming it, and then I was walking to her door, and I was sighing, feeling like when I was speaking with her, as bad as lying was, maybe I would be able to get out of this by just milking the hell out of feeling bad, and that I was super hurt, and that I was feeling immense regret.

If I could get them to believe right away that it was true remorse that I was thinking, then surely they would give me at least some fucking bit of a break. You know, it was something that I was thinking that I was really going to have no choice on. When I knocked on it, I waited only a few seconds before she saw me. "Oh god Sheldon, I was scared out of my fucking mind on how you were doing." She said, and then I was nodding, feeling sincerely sorry for that, and not bullshitting.

"The fact of the matter is that I just was not too sure if this was going to be all coming back. But to be honest, I am so fucking happy to be seeing you here right now. I was worried that things might have happened to you as well." I was saying, remembering the fact that it was entirely myself that had brought these things to my friends, and I was remembering once and for all that it was my fault that they were in any danger in the first place. So I was remembering to just be quiet now.

"Don't worry about that. This is a rather random thing that you can tell me." She said, and she was looking right at me, and she was clearly wanting to just see if she could find something for me to say. But I was looking down, and I was thinking that being quiet was the only way that things were going to come together. I was tired, and I was feeling maybe when I would Emily, and I would see if something was going on with her, I was needing to be more polite now.

"So, what are you worried about right now? I see from the look on your face that you are here for more than just a random update." Emily said, and then I was feeling like the way that she had said that showed that this was not something she was going to take lightly. I was sighing, and I was feeling like maybe I was deserving this type of treatment. I wished that I never got it, and I wished that it was never a issue, but I knew that was not fucking happening.

"I was just wanting to see how you were doing. I mean, I know that I did not talk to you much when I was in recovery, and I know that doing something like this might piss you off. I feel sorry if I am getting you angry. But that being said, I just want to make you not feel too awful." I was saying, just trying my best to be showing any form of damage control.

"Sheldon, I am not worried about the fact that you did not speak to me much. I am sure that you were just focused on your own thing, and I am not going to be upset with you doing your own thing. Just make sure that no matter what happens, you never get yourself too incredibly hurt right now." She was saying, and then I was sighing, and I was feeling like she was needing to stop giving me that feeling that I was doing right. In all honesty, I was not, and I was aware that I was not.

"I know that I was just doing what I felt like I had to. But I still feel slightly bad for the whole thing. I mean, I know that I could have at least told you that I was in too much pain to be doing much. I feel like that would have at least been something. It would have shown that I was thinking of you..." I said, and then I was shrugging, thinking that I would leave it alone now.

"What are you going to do now though?" With that grinding noise, I know that surely you must be having some plans right now, and I just want to make sure that you are ready for what you are doing." She told me, and then I was sighing, as if feeling like maybe that comment and question was going to be stinging me a bit.

"I am going to go to that party that is happening tonight, and if I see something, I will go further. If I do not, then I will leave it alone, and I will not be making a big fucking deal out of it at all. I just wan to give it one more chance, to sort of see if there is something I am missing." I was sighing, and I was just wanting to find a way to make her feel like I was not trying to pull something out of nothing, and the story might make her feel like what I was doing was almost right in a way.

"Honestly, I am not surprised that you are doing this. If anything, I am kind of shocked that you are going that little into it. I thought that you were going to try and basically pull something out of nothing." After he was telling me this, I was looking right at him, and I was feeling like he was not going to be very nice about this, as annoying as that might be.

"I just think that I need to be smart, and I need to look at things harder, but that I am going to just have to leave it all alone. To be quite honest with you, I just think that no matter what is happening, and no matter what we are feeling, to not see every single option ahead of us is going to be a massive fucking mistake." I was then feeling like when I was done saying that, I could now leave it alone, knowing I made my case.

"So Sheldon, in a realistic level, how much do you think is going to be coming up here? Do you feel like you will find something here, or that you might even have a chance?" After she was asking me this, I was shrugging, and then I was feeling like no matter what I told her, nothing else was going to matter. She would not get it.

"Honestly, I think that the chances that I find something are relatively minor, and I just need to be realistic when I look at this. But I think that perhaps minor is still better than nothing. So I will just see what I can fucking find, and if there is something, I will be both happy and angry that I was right. But you know, I have gotten to the point where I had expected virtually every single outcome, no matter what." I was sighing, and then the moment that I was finished with this, I was just sort of feeling like I was making some peace with it all.

"Well, I think that I might join you here. You know, I want to make sure that you do not do anything too dangerous. No offense, but I am not sure that I fully trust you right now, and I think that I am just needing to be careful." She was telling me, and I was feeling like if this was happening, I was just needing to own up to it if something happened to her. But I was thinking on the relatively spot light, and then felt like I was needing to be fair.

"I doubt that anything is going to happen. But I feel like I am going to have to keep a open mind, and I will do that no matter what." I said, and then I was just feeling like no matter what the fucking hell was happening. I was then thinking that if I was in her spot, I would feel like Emily just needed to stop doing this.

"But Sheldon, what if something does happen? Do you feel like you need to have somebody at your side, and to make sure that you stay safe?" She asked, and then I was looking right at her, and I was feeling that was a terrible idea. I was thinking that she needed to not fucking do that, and that she needed to let me run my show, and that I was gong to have to not let this get worse.

"I will see what I can fucking do. I mean, that is the only thing that I can fucking say to this." I was saying, and then I was shrugging, and the only thing that I could have said that would make her feel any differently was if I was going to start to take some fucking ownership. "Please just stay safe, and I will tell you what happens, if anything, later, when I know better.

"Thank you for just trying and do your best to be there for me, and I support the fact that you are trying to be helpful, but I think that if something does happen to you, I will never fucking forgive myself, and I will be feeling like a fucking monster, and that is all that there is to the issue." I was saying, and I was thinking that I could have just left the whole thing alone, and that I did not need to be saying anything else now.

"I guess that maybe that does make some sense, as much as I hate to admit it. And I appreciate the fact that you are just trying to own up to things, and do what you feel like is right." She was telling me, and then I was glad to be seeing her looking like she was able to finally make some fucking sense out of it all.

"So Sheldon, do you feel like what you are doing is good for everybody? I mean, do you feel like your answers are coming along better now?" She asked, and I could not tell if this was a atagonistic question, or one she was genuinely unsure of right now.

"I guess that we will be seeing more when we get there. You know, I will keep a open mind, and see what is going to come along, and see if what I am doing is very smart or not." I was saying, and then with that, I decided that I was going to be able to just sort of let it go, and not be sounding all that worried about it now.

Eventually, I was sitting down, and I was near Harold's house, when I was staring at the building when I was smoking abother cigarette. I was just feeling like I was needing the courage to go on and confront Harold, and make him understand very well that I was not going to be playing around. I wanted him to understand that this was something that really was getting through to me a bit. I was going to just speak to him, and see what he was needing to tell me.

I was walking to his door, and then I knocked on it for a couple of seconds, and when he answered Harold was looking right at me, and he was looking terrified. He was wanting to just tell me something, but I was feeling like I just needed to keep my point, and that no matter what he was going to say, he was going to have to accept how serious I was going to be now.

"What is bothering you?" Harold asked, and I was feeling like that was the most polite way he was going to ask this, and then I was thinking of the way that I could get him to understand what my point was. "You would not be here for something else I would believe."

"Nothing too much. I was wanting to know what your plans for the party were." I was saying, and then he was looking right at me, and I was seeing him looking slightly more excited again, and if he was wanting to go on and actually go on to tell me these plans. Maybe he had no real plans.

"Oh yeah, the grinding noise went off. The party is going to be tonight. I mean, if you want to go to my house instead, and just hang out here, and maybe this can get your mind off of things." He was saying, and then I was looking at him, as if not wanting him to give me any of that bullshit. I was seriously not in the mood right now.

"Listen, you need to understand right now taht I am not in the mood for this. You are going around, telling me that you are not going to the party. I know for a damn fact that you are, and I think that you are just wasting my time saying you're not." I said, and then he was sighing, as if aware that I was getting to him now.

"Okay, yes you're right. I am going to that party. I was just feeling like I was needing to make sure you didn't do something that got you hurt or killed. I mean, if you are killed, then I would be losing some of my business, and that is not going to help me out." He said, and then I was looking at him, just annoyed to all shit.

"Not today Harold. I mean, I need to really get to know what is happening here, and I want to see if there is something that I can figure out here. I know that I am missing something, and I think that I need to just go to that tree house party." I said, and then Harold was looking at me, and I was seeing him looking somewhat scared now.

"Dude, fucking relax. You can do whatever you want, and I am not going to do anything to stop you. But seriously, what is so fucking serious that you need to be doing all of this anyways? I mean, I think you can explain that to me at least." He said, and then i was sighing, not in the mood tonight.

"I want to know if I can be able to go on and learn more about labyrinth. I mean, for fucks sake, I think that I can genuinely pull out some shit from that, if I looked hard enough." I said, and then I was looking right at him, and I was wondering if he was going to try and debate me here.

"Sheldon, going to a party is not going to help you magically figure it all out. Surely you must understand this. I mean, I am not going to tell you that what you want to do is wrong. But I am going to tell you that you need to actually think things out." He told me, and then I was looking at him, as if thinking what he was telling me was rich.

"Oh Harold, come on. I think that we both know that you are not that worried about all the people who are going missing. You just want to worry about what you can do to further make progress on your drug dealing." I was saying, and I was feeling like I was not giving him enough credit. But at the same time, I was feeling like what I was telling him was perfectly realistic.

"I think that I care far more than you say that I do. That being said, I am not going to be running around and acting like I am some fucking white knight. And the fact that you are thinking that you can solve everything is just hard to imagine." He said, and then I was just thinking that deep down inside, he might have been right with what he was telling me right now.

"I am just wanting to do what is best to keep things together and safe. I mean, I know that everybody is going to be acting like I am just making a big group of mistakes. But I am going to keep fighting for as long as possible. I think that you must surely understand that I am just going at things my own way." I was telling him, which was clearly not getting to him at all.

"I get that you want to bring some justice to the entire town. But that idea is a farce, and you fucking know it. There is nothing that is going to magically solve this all. You know that deep down inside, that no matter what you are doing, things will never be finished up." He was telling me, and then I was looking up, just wishing that he would leave it alone.

"Well, regardless of what you are telling me right now, I do have a goal in mind. And I think that going to that party might be helping me get some clues out. I think that you might want to have me not do this, and I understand that it might be a bit much to have me do it all. But I want to do something that I know is going to be right. I am wanting to do what is right for once in my life." I said, thinking of how messed up I made everything.

"What do you mean by doing things right for once in your life? I mean that does not make much sense." He was saying, and then I was looking right at him, and I was unsure if he was taking a fake interest, or if he was genuinely wanting to know more. So I was sighing, and I was thinking that maybe one of these days, I might be able to open up further here.

"I just think that I am making a lot of mistakes, and I am just thinking that if I thought on how to do a good job, then these mistakes would not fucking happen. You must understand that I am just feeling like I could have at least spent more time speaking with people, seeing what they had felt." I said, and then I was looking right at him, wondering what he was wanting to say in dispute.

"Well, I think that you just need to not bring those up around my friends, and people who might be showing up to the party. I think that many people are not going to want to hear all of these things. It kind of makes the whole thing more depressing and stuff." He was saying, and I was thinking that perhaps he might have been right, so I was thinking that maybe I just needed to respect that.

"Don't worry, I will not have too much interest forcing them to be hearing things that they will have no interest in knowing. I think that something like that would be god damn social suicide, and I am well aware of this." I was saying, and then I took out another cigarette, and then I was handing Harold one, because I was in a good mood.

Harold and I started to smoke a cigarette within the same time as each other, and then he was looking right at me for a couple of seconds. "I mean, you do what you want, and I guess that in the end, I do respect your grit. You know, the amount of effort that you are putting here, and that you care a lot about what you are doing. But I think that you are going to just have to find a way to be going at this on your own.

"Honestly, I just want to be feeling like I did something right for once. I think that it all comes down to this. I want to do something that I feel like is going to be really doing something right." I was then feeling like I had made my point, and now that I finally made my point, I was just staring right at him for a few seconds longer wishing that I could have spoken better now.

"I think that I just want to know what happened with my sister, and finding out what happened with my sister will make me feel so much better about everything. You know, I think that in the end, when I see that she is still not home, and still not having any answers, I just feel wrong, and I feel like it is entirely my fault." Then with that, I was starting to walk to my car, and then Harold was calling out to me again.

"So does this confirm that I am going to be seeing you at the party tonight?" He asked me, and then I was looking right at him, and then I was nodding, as if feeling like he did not even need to be asking me this question. I was thinking that him asking this was just his way of trying to be polite. I was thinking that if he genuinely did not understand this earlier, then that was going to be his fault for not understanding better.

"Yeah, you will be seeing me at the party tonight. And I will see what I can find there. You know, I just think that it is something that I really want to do. Thank you for listening to me, and thank you for just not telling me off for once." I was then feeling like I was going to be able to leave it all alone, and that I had no need to even speak further.

When I was in the car, I was rubbing my eyes, and I was tired, and I was angry, and I was never in the mood for this anymore. I was wanting to be happy for once. I was wanting to fucking make my fucking point. I was going to expose all the things that were behind my sister being gone, and I was going to learn is labyrinth was true. You know, it was the least that I would do, and I was thinking that I was not going to give up until all of the answers were together.

Then with that, I was driving to the phone booth, and I was thinking that maybe I would talk with Todd for a bit. I knew that it would be bad timing, but I knew that if anybody would help, Todd was going to be the only one who was even willing to pretend to be giving me any clues. So that was all that I was focused on here.

I was going to head to that tree house before I would be heading to the party, and I was feeling like going there might have given me some form of a goal on where I was supposed to go. I was thinking that if for nothing else, I might be able to get this whole thing together. I was thinking that maybe if I was actually patient, an dlooked around enough, I would have found at least something there.

Despite all of this stuff that I was telling myself, deep down I knew that something like this might have bene impossible. Because I was feeling that there was no way in hell somebody was going to be stupid enough to actually leave something there. I was probably going to be going there, and I was probably going to be wasting my time. I was aware of this, but I was not going to be wasting my time at all.

I was telling myself that no matter what my friends were going to tell me, and that no matter what they were wanting to tell me, that something was hidden there. I was thinking that there was no other reason that this was such a popular place in town. Surely something about the house was attracting some people there. I was just telling myself to think about how calm that I had needed to be now.

I was wondering what Dakota was going to tell me if he was aware of what I was doing. He was going to be telling me to stop fucking doing this, and he was going to tell me that the police were up to something. But when I was thinking of all of these statements in my mind, there was a ever so small part of me that was wondering if he really was right, and that I was making something out of nothing. I mean, the idea would be possible, as much as I was hating to admit it.

The only thing that I was not super certain of was the fact that I was wondering if there was any plan by the people who were throwing this party. I was wondering if the people who were throwing this party were going to be trying to scout out some people, and learn what they would be able to use from us. I was thinking that something like this was quite possible.

I knew deep down that Harold was the one throwing the party, and I was going to be heading right back there when I was done with this. But when I was going to get there, I was just going to be looking around for like five or ten minutes, and I would be done, and then I would go to that place. The only thing that I was not sure of was why he was basically wanting me to get away from his party, and I was thinking it was much more than him not wanting me to be ruining the fun or whatever he was saying earlier.

When I was out of my car, I was smoking another cigarette, and I was slowly climbing up the tree house, thinking that if I was patient, and if I was not going to be bothered by this whole thing, I was looking around, just to make sure that nobody was around to witness what I was doing. Once I was relatively sure I was alone, I was taking a long and deep breath.

Once I was inside of the tree house, I was stomping the cigarette out, just in case somebody might notice me being here just by the smoke alone. Yeah, I know in hindsight that was dumb logic. But at the moment, I was fucking desperate, and I was fucking scared out of my mind.

I walked inside, and then I was looking around, just trying to stay as calm and collected as possible. I was seeing all of the tossed around clothes, and now when I was much older, I was able to figure out how fucking obvious the clothes were. I was then shaking my head, wondering why some people couldn't just do it in their car or something like that. Even that would be better than this.

After that brief moment of me relatively judging these people who were doing that, I was telling myself to be getting serious again, and then I was looking around, and I saw that there was a bed that was not only on there, but it was looking like it had been placed in a very precise way. As if covering something up in a distance.

I was walking to the bed, feeling like if I was wanting to be smart, that there was going to be something down below that bed, and that I was just feeling like a fucking idiot for not noticing this earlier. Then again, I am sure that many other people were doing something here all the time. So chances were that other people might not have noticed either, and that I was just needing to be more fair for myself here.

I was pulling the bed, and then I was seeing that the bed was covering up something that was both terrifying, and not that scary at all. It was a bunch of messages, and notes for people. I was confused as to what the point of these notes were, but I was thinking that I might try and write them down. I needed to at least read them all first.

I was shocked at what I was seeing, and I was shocked when I was seeing several of these notes also erased up. I was thinking that maybe the erased ones were even worse than the other ones, and that whoever was doing these notes wanted to cover up what they were doing. I was laughing at this prospect, kind of finding it to be at least relatively amusing. Then I was trying to actually focus on what really mattered.

"The gates of hell are coming." The first message said, and honestly that message alone, taken without any context, would seem like something some random teenager who was trying to be funny would say. I rolled my fucking eyes, not in the mood for it anymore, and I was focusing on my other notes. Although I wondered why they would write it under a bed.

"The only way out is to not fight." That one was a bit more scary to me, and I was wanting to not see that one. I was staring at the ceiling, and I was feeling like maybe I just needed to look at these a bit harder. I started to tell myself to be more calm and collected, and not be focusing on what that note was...

"Those noises are true." When the third note said this, I was feeling like you would have to be stupid to not realize that it is talking about the grinding noise. Everybody who had any common sense would have been able to figure that message out. But I was wondering what they had meant by 'the noises are true.' I thought that the fact you could hear them was proof that they were indeed real.

"Run away. Run so far away." I was laughing at the basicness of this one. Helped got the point really across. I was sighing, and I was just thinking that I might as well be quiet, and I was remembering taht I was needing to look at the other notes. Surely at least one of them would be a clue.

"There is no single answer." After the note said this, I was just really confused, while also hit with something of a obvious revelation. But at the same time, I was feeling like I was needing to fully understand the meaning before I go on, and start speaking like it is the thing that is going to help me out here. But I was feeling like one way or another, that was a start.

"There is no turning back." Another one said, and out of them all, this one was the one that was getting to me the least, and the only one that I did not care much for, and the only one that I was feeling like was just sort of a waste of my time.

"It hurts so much." That note was actually giving me a somewhat omnious feeling, and then I was feeling like perhaps I was going to have to remember that one, or that one was going to have a relatively obvious meaning once everything was coming together. But I was not going to brush it off.

"Mile Marker Three." The one that I was feeling like might have been the most important said. As I was looking at this note, I was then feeling like everything was going to be coming together. I was thinking that this was an actual clue, and I was sighing. I was then feeling like I just needed to learn about these 'Mile Markers' and then that way I could be able to actually get something to help me out.

I was standing up when I was done with these, and then I was placing the bed back to the side, and then I was sighing, and I was just thinking that I was needing to be careful here. I was thinking that if somebody saw these notes or knew that I saw them, then I was going to be in so much fucking trouble.

I was taking out another cigarette, and then I was starting to smoke it for a few seconds before I was thinking about what I was going to want to be doing now. I was shaking my head, and I was tired of everything. I was wanting to act like I knew what I was getting myself into. I knew that this was bullshit. I had nothing of a idea on what was happening in this creepy ass place, and I was aware of that now more than ever.

I then was thinking about what I might have been able to locate as these mile markers, and I was thinking about possible clues as to what they were meaning. Were they actual miles, or were they just destinations to meet up at? I mean, I guess that I could see it go either way, and I was feeling like I just needed to consider the prospect both ways.

I was starting to head out of the house, feeling like I would rather be safe than sorry, although I was finding the mere idea of doing something like that to be relatively comical. The idea of being safe, and not doing something that I was going to regret was getting more and more fucking impossible. I was wanting to pretend like I was having a clue what I was doing, but in all honesty, I was thinking that I was probably just as clueless, if not even more, than what I had been before.

The only thing that I was thinking about right now was seeing if maybe somebody would be able to give me any fucking clues what these meant. If I could get some clues here, and see if they were real places, I might have been able to get something done here, and I might be ready for something else.

The only thing that was holding me back was the uncertainty of who was going to actually have the time for me when it was all said and done? I mean, I knew it was only a matter of time before people would finally tell me that they were having enough. I was thinking that Emily was just about there, and then I was thinking about what it was going to be like if she was never even going to want to speak to me again, or whatever, because I was a obssessed freak who would not let things go.

Once I was down inside of my car, I was then starting it up, and then I was thinking that when I was at the party, I could scout out a bit that way. I was aware that the answers were probably not going to come up. But what did I even fucking care anymore? What good were these leads if I was not even going to be giving them all a chance? I think that doing something like this was just going to be a giant mistake, so I was not going to fall for it.

I was aware that Harold either had no idea, or would not have told me regardless. I mean, I was smart enough to figure that one. Harold was going to tell me that I was just wasting his time, and for all that I knew maybe I fucking was. All that I fucking knew was that I was not going to be in the fucking mood to just wait around, and just be oblivious. Surely at least one person at the party might have figured something out now.

I started to think that once I was done with the party, I might go to that one lady that I talked with before the whole crash. The one that made me start to learn about Sherman and his kids. I was thinking that maybe speaking with her might be able to clear up yet another few things. I mean, I was feeling like it was going to be worth it. Although I guess the idea of worth it or not was entirely up to how things would really play out.

The only thing that I was certain of was that something related to that tree house was connected to the people in town, and that something about this tree house was going to give me some fucking clues as to what we were getting ourselves into. I was feeling like every time that I had bee there, even for a hang out, was now going to be permanetly soured, and I was going to have to pretend like it was all fine, when it was not.

I was tired of having so many of the pieces, but not all of them. I felt like I was getting more of the pieces than almost anybody else, and that I should be proud of my progress. But that was not true. I was angered at myself, and I was angered at the way that I was just getting absolutely nothing. I was thinking that as long as at least one piece was missing, I needed to understand that might be the most important one, and that I just needed to be careful.

I was almost back at Harold's house, and as I was getting closer, I was seeing some cars in the area. I was feeling like this was the clear sign that things were kicking up. I was sighing, and I was thinking about how much I did really want to go to this party, and how much it would have been so much fucking fun.

I was sort of just sitting arond, and I considered the prospects one final time, and I was feeling like I was needing to really put the pieces together. I was then telling myself to fucking go out, and to fucking just take the time to be there for my friends. My friends were going to be happy to see me, regardless of what I was planning, and I was going to take advantage of it all.

I went right inside, and then I was just taking a long and deep breath, and I was seeing that Dakota and Ashley were already at the party, and I was smiling, aware of the fact that their life had not been all that affected that they had been. I was then going right up to them, pretending like I was not going to have a hard time having this discussion.

"Hey, how are you feeling right now?" I asked, just trying to be happy and patient, not really trying to find anything to make this whole thing any differently. Despite everything that I had been feeling, I was telling myself that these conversations were the only thing that really fucking mattered. No matter what I was wanting to do, I needed to try and remain silent here.

"We're doing alright enough. Nothing is really all that important. We are wondering if you were planning on going on and looking at a bunch of information, or if you were going to leave it all alone." After Dakota was sayng this to me, I was wanting to argue him, and deny it all, I was sighing, and I was feeling like I was just needing to leave it alone. I was thinking that I needed to be calm and collected here.

"I don't think that I would be dumb enough to do it so openly. I think that I am just sort of curious to see what is even here to begin with." I said, amd then I was staring at the other people here, and I was seeing that there was about two dozen people here, and I was feeling like I was just looking right at them, trying to find something to help me.

"Is the party just starting? This seems like a rather small turn out, I suppose." I said, thinking that there was something genuinely strange about it all, and then Ashley and Dakota were looking at each other, as if wanting to just brush this question off, but neither of them looked like they were feeling like that was a terrible question, so it had looked like they were willing to can it.

"I suppose that it might be. I guess that I never really thought on it at all." Dakota was saying, and then he was shrugging, as if not really even caring about it anymore. He was looking like his interest in this about went as far as it could go, and that I was just going to be wasting both of our times now.

"Anyways, I know you are not liking it when I constantly ask about this, but do you know who went missing this time." I was asking, and I was feeling like surely this must have been considered a decently valid question, and that surely they were not going to throw this one away. Ashley looked like even she was unsure of what to say.

"I don't know though. I mean, I guess that you might be able to ask around. I never really been paying too muh attention to that." Ashley said, and I was seeing that there was a small amount of guilt as she was saying this, so I was remaining as calm and quiet as humanly possible. "But Sheldon, do you feel like the person who went missing here might have any connection to what is going on at the party?" She asked, and then I was shrugging for a while.

"I never really would assume that. I would never think that Harold would do something like this. No offense to him, but I guess that I would ever really take him to be the super attaching type of guy." I was saying, feeling like I was able to just go on and leave it alone at this, and they were both looking like they were willing to let it go.

"Well, I guess that I will just let the subject go. You seem like you are not all that invested, compared to what you would be normally." After she had said that to me, I was sighing, and I was not wanting statements like this to be made, since I did not want to come off as heartless. But I guess that there might have been a minor level of truth with this.

"I guess. Well, sorry for bringing it up. I'll drop the subject, for the time being at least." I said, and then I was looking right at them one final time, as if feeling like I was just going to have to find a way to speak with her for a while longer. "Anways, what are you guys going to be up to after tonight?" I asked, at least trying to find something to say to bring this whole subject to some level of normalcy. Neither Dakota nor Ashley were even all that worried about it.

"Sheldon, what are you going to be doing right now?" She asked and then I was sighing, feeling like I was having no idea what my plans were going to be, and I was thinking that even coming up with a different answer was going to be one of the biggest wastes of time in my life. So I was just looking right at her for a few seconds longer.

"I don't know. I think that I will just try and enjoy myself. I guess that it is the least that I can fucking do." I was sighing, thinking that saying something like this might be the only thing that I could have said that would have made it any differently. So with that, I was walking down the area, just trying to find any way to continue my search, and not have people suspecting the fucking hell out of me.

I was starting to walk around, and I was finding a random cup of alcohol in the area, and then I was grabbing it, and then I was shooting it down as fast as possible. As I was looking around, I was smiling for a few seconds, and then I was then looking around, trying to find literally anything that I might have been excited about.

Then when I was looking for another drink, I was seeing that Emily was doing something, and then I was feeling like I might as well try and apologize for not picking her up. One one hand, she probably did expect something like this. But at the same time, I was telling myself that this was the least that I could do. Maybe she would not hate me for doing this afterwards.

"Hey Emily, sorry for not seeing you earlier. I know how terrible it might have been." I was saying, and then I was looking right her, as if hoping that something that lifeless of a apology might have been a good starting point. But at the same time, I was not in the mood for anything like this anymore. "I just think that I got too distratced, and I should have come and pick you up. It was the least that I could have done, and I was failing to do that." I was shrugging, as if feeling like I could have left it alone.

"It's not really all that big of a deal. I mean, you are off doing your own thing, and I am not going to try and get you to stop doing things. I mean, I guess that you are just always going to be doing things that are going to be considered a bit off." After she had told me this, I was sighing, wishing that I could have found something better.

"But seriously, out of interest, what were you doing before you showed up? I mean, I thought that you would have just been here the entire time or something." She was saying, and then I was shrugging, as if feeling like there was virtually nothing that I could say now. I was then sighing, thinking that I just needed to leave it alone.

"Honestly, I was looking at the tree house. I was feeling like maybe if I looked hard enough, I might have found something at the fucking tree house, that might have helped me out." I said, and I was aware of how stupid I was sounding, but I was thinking that if I was real with her, she might be able to respect it a bit further.

"That is a really strange place to be looking around. I mean, I know that it is none of my business, but what you were feeling like you might have found at the tree house in the first place?" She asked me, and then I was sighing, feeling like I was just needing to be a bit more careful now. "What are you thinking could have made any difference? I am just trying to wrap my mind around your logic." I laughed at this, and held my hand up.

"Okay, you made your fucking point. The thing is that people go to that tree house so much, that I guess that I might have found something that might have shown up, and that by looking there, that I might have seen if there was some clues as to the value of them all." I was saying, and then I shrugged, and I was refusing to mention the notes, as i was feeling like those were something that I was just needing to never mention.

"Okay, I guess that I will neve rreally understand the logic of this, but I guess that I will just leave it all alone. So in all honesty, I was feeling like maybe I was taking this whole thing too seriously." Emily was saying, and then we were leaving things alone, and I was just thinking that maybe I was just needing to make a fucking plan.

"Anyways, I just think that I am going to have to work harder with all of this, and I think that I will want to have some idea on what I am going to have to see as good starting points. But I think that if I found nothing today, I might as well consider today a flush, and leave it all alone." I was shrugging, and then I was tired of everything, and I was telling myself that I was going to focus on making Emily feel like I was not going to be putting her in any danger, at least for today.

"Hey Sheldon, so are you going to be picking up your efforts tomorrow again?" She was asking me, and then I was shrugging, as if feeling like I was probably going to, but I was feeling like I might as well give her the illusion that I had no desire to do something like this. Since that type of response might be making her feel at least a bit better here.

"Well, honestly, I will see what I might do. I will probably do something, but I am not going to act like it is a certainty." I was saying, and then I was thinking that I might as well leave it alone. I was tired, and I was needing another cigarette, where I might as well take a bit of a fucking break now.

"I guess that I should have expected something like this. I mean, I know how seriously you are taking this investigation, and I know how much it means to you, and how much you feel like you need to understand everything. I am not going to try and stop you from doing what you think is right. That is just not going to ever work, regardless..." Emily said, and then she was looking right at me, as if feeling mold annoyance at this.

"I mean, I just wish that I could have said something that you might have wanted to hear better, but I think that it is just not going to ever work out that way. I mean, I know that you wanted me to let it rest and part of me wanted that as well. But I think that this would be impossible in my current life." I said, and looked directly at her for more information.

"That being said, I feel like I have nothing, and I feel like I am not going to ever find anything, do in a certain way, even I know that it is only a matter of time before I just give up, and feel like I wasted my time. I will just see who might be more patient with me though, which is the best that I can fucking do." I was shrugging, and I was feeling like I needed to leave it alone now.

"Honestly, I just feel like I need to be happier here. I think that when I look back, nd I already realize that in a way, I threw away like three weeks of summer, part of me wonders what the hell I am thinking. That being said, that will be a different discussion for a different time." I was sighing, and felt like I could just leave it at that, and not be worried anymore.

"How do you feel like you are going to be happy? I mean, I know that things are always going to be changing, and everything that can answer that question is just hard to understand. But I guess that I will see what is happening now." After Emily was telling me this, she was looking more and more like she was just wanting to have a proper answer, to either confirm or deny her fears. I was feeling terrible for not having that for her.

"I mean, being happy always is something that changes up depending on the day. But I think that if you want to really look for something that can give you a relative meaning or purpose here, then I guess that almost anything can make you happy at some point in time." I was saying, and then I shrugged, and then I was thinking about all that I just said, and I was thinking that maybe I was finally realizing a bit more of her perspective, when I was seeing some people that I never wanted to see again up stairs.

"Sheldon? What is going on? You look like something just steamrolled you over." She asked, and I was looking right at her, and I was feeling like she was just trying to be funny, and that she was thinking that I was going to appreciate her trying to make me feel better here. But at the time, I was just not really in the mood.

"I never actually expected them to be here. I can't believe that they were dumb enough to do this." I was shaking my head, and then I was wondering if maybe I was the one being dumb instead, and that maybe I was just needing to find a way to get the fucking hell out of here. Emily was still looking at me as if I was just totally out of it, and I was seeing that her patience was not too high now anymore.

"What are you talking about? Is this related to what you have been looking into?" She asked, finally taking this seriously, and no longer playing around I was seeing her looking like she was wanting to say something else. But she was just too worried to do so and maybe I was able to sort of see where she was coming from, in her perspective.

"Yeah, it is entirely related to that. Trust me, I was not expecting anything to happen today. I really genuinely was willing to not think too much about it today. But I think that something like this will be fucking impossible to do right now." I was saying, and at this point in time, my mind was running at a million miles per hour, and I was just thinking of how I could get her safe.

"Sheldon, do you need to leave? I mean, I know that I have had different opnions on this so far, but I know what it is like to be scared of something. If you need to just leave, I will not stop you." She said, and then I was holding up my hand, and I was feeling like I just needed to show that I was rejecting that idea, for better or for worse, before she even had a chance to further with it.

"I am not going to leave. I think that I need to stay now. But I think that you should leave. You know, I do not want anything to happen to you." I was saying, and she looked right at me, and I was seeing that she was looking kind of pissed at this idea, as if feeling like she was wanting to just have me just say something else.

"Sheldon, what the heck is getting you so worried in the first place? I mean, even if they are going to do something, we are in a public area. I think there is no realistic chance that they will do something to you." She was saying, and I was sighing as if glad that she was able to feel that way, and I was thinking that on this one, she was probably right. But I was thinking that I needed to be looking at every single outcome first.

"I wish that you were able to look at things as nicely as I do. But I think that something like this might just be impossible. That being said, I do thank you for trying to show some support for this all right now." I was saying, and I was just thinking that in order to get her to be fully happy, I was needing to butter her up as much as possible.

"I mean, I know how hard this whole thing must have been for you, and while I do wish that this was something that you wre never really all that into, I guess that I have no way of judging you, and you have nothing to be sorry over." She was saying, and then with that, I was giving Emily a small kiss on the cheek, and I was seeing her shocked and happy at this one, as if she was totally blown away by it all.

"Trust me when I say that I will not let this continue to get in the way of us having something together. I will do anything in my power to put this behind me soon enough, or to know the truth. But right now, that will ave to wait until I know what these guys are doing here." I was telling her, and then I was shrugging, wanting to pretend like this was any other meet up. She was nodding, as if gettimg my cue, and she was dropping the worried look for my request.

Eventually, when she was looking like she was sort of getting it, and she was sort of feeling like she was aware that this was the way that I was wanting to do things now, she was looking more and more like she was just willing to give up even trying to get me to change my ways here.

"Sheldon, all that I will say is that I wish you great luck. You know, I think that you might really need it." She was saying, and then I was smiling at this one, and I was able to appreicate the fact tahts he was trying to be happy, and she was at least trying to pretend like what was going on was totally normal. I was thinking this was for the best.

Then with that, I started to walk up the stairs, and I was sighing, wishing that I had a better way of going at this whole thing, and I was thinking about what it was going to be like if I was Emily. As I was thinking that, I was sighing, and I was feeling like she was really having a great level of patience to deal with me on a regular fucking basis at this rate. But I would get to that later.

I was glad to know that I was no longer needing to worry aboyt what Emily was going to be doing. I was not going tyo have her get in the way, and I was going to be making sure that no matter what was happening, she was going to never supect a thing with me. But I just needed to see what those guys were doing first.

Once I was getting near the top of the stairs, I was looking right around, and I was seeing that most of the people in the party were just sort of not only doing their own thing, but looked like they could not have cared less that Iw as even there. Almost like I did not even fucking exist in their eyes. That was a fucking blessing, let me tell you right now. That was the best thing that I could have going for me right now.

I was smoking another cigarette when I was at the top, to calm myself down, and then I was seeing that the two guys were going right inside of a office. I was feeling like this office might have been the most important place in the entire house. Or at the very least, the one place that was disturbed the least. Because no way in hell they were going to talk to people who could hear normal discussion at any point.

I knew deep down that there was a good chance that I was just making shit up, and that I was blowing things out of fucking proportion, but at the same time, in a way, I was finding myself just not even caring at the time. I was wanting to know the truth, and I was going to do anything to finally know it all.

Once I was finally standing next to a wall that I felt like I might have been able to bullshit at long enough, I was standing here, and I was doing my very best to be listening in, and pretending like what I was doing was natural. I was not wanting to make it clear that I was listening to people. And I was thinking that maybe Emily was right. They would not do anything to me if they knew what place we were in, so that gave me some amount of assurance.

The one thing that I was able to say in my favor for the time being was that at least I was going around, and I was not running around, and pretending like I was some fucking hero. I was actually looking like I was being smart. I was sighing, and I was just telling myself that maybe I was actually needing to be more sneaky when going forward. At least with stuff like this, I might be able to give off the impression that I was no longer obssessed.

I was sighing, and I was feeling like no matter what was going to be said, I was not ready for it. I was scared out of my fucking mind out of what these guys were going to be discussing about the fucking town, and the girls who just vanished. "So do you know the new reports on the next person who was taken away this time?" One of the people asked, and I was taken back by the way he was asking this question, with the way that he was saying taken away. I mean, I was thinking that I just needed to understand what the hell he was even meaning.

"All that I know was that she was a freshman at the local community college. I think that this is the only thing that you need to know as well. Since getting to know too much information might be putting things at risk here." The guy was saying, and he was clearly just sounding like he was wanting to see what the the rman was going to even say now.

"I know that it is none of my business, as everybody always tells me, but I just can't help but be slightly curious. You know, we are always trying to make sure that things are going to go well, and I think that it is best to sort of have a clear idea on what we are always going to be getting ourselves into." The other guy was saying, just trying their best to be sounding like what they were saying was neutral, and not all that pushing towards a agenda.

"Honestly, I think that people are just more on edge with everything that is going on. You know, people are starting think that there is more to what is happening here, and our bosses are just getting slightly worried about that. I think that they also have every right to be, given the circumstances." After he had said that, he was shrugging, as if feeling like there was no need to further add more to this.

"I guess that maybe you could be right. I mean, I guess that I just wnat to make sure that nothing will be making things even worse for us. I thinkthat if we are not too careful, then we night be getting ourselves killed doing this at all." He was saying as if feeling like what he was saying was making perfect fucking sense.

"Well, I think that the only thing that would even possibly come up as a point of discussion anyways is what to do about some of those high school kids who are starting to learn more and more about what is happening. Our bosses are getting really scared of them, that they might expose something." After he had said that to the other guy, I was certain that I was exactly the guy that was being talked about here. And I was proud to be the target of what they were discussing here.

"I was hearing about that as well. Strange how a high school student can cause so much trouble here. It seems almost like pure fiction in a way." The guy was saying, and laughed at this, but the other guy was not finding it funny at all. As if they were sincerely worried about what was happening here.

"People might be laughing about it now, but trust me when I say that these kids can be really dangerous if they put their mind to it. I mean, I have seen how some of them go at their searches. They do not leave anything behind, and they fucking are so through with it all that it is honestly disturbing." The second person was saying, as if feeling like they were sort of lettingg up for once on this whole thing.

"Do any of the officers have any updates for us on what is happening as well?" The first voice asked, and it was so fucking clear by this point that this first voice, at least comparatively, was just sort of a newer guy, and was wanting to know everything thatw as happening, and I was feeling like maybe I could use that as a starting point here.

"No, I am afraid not. You know, I am afraid that they might be slacking off at their jobs now. You know, we brought them into this, thinking that they might have been able to truly make a difference, and yet they have added virtually nothing but dead ends to this whole thing. The only good thing that they provide is the sense of certainty that nobody who questions this will be taken seriously." As one of the two voices, could not figure out which since they were purposely talking quieter now, said all of this, I was feeling so much fucking ice just rnning down my body.

I didn't know if I was more shocked at the fact that they were discussing this all so openly, or more shocked at the fact that I was never able to figure out that something might be going on. I was feeling like perhaps I was making a giant fucking mistake, and that I should never trust them to begin with from now on. But at the time being, I was telling myself to just remember that this discussion was more important than anything else.

I was then thinking that if I listened any longer, I might not have been earning too much information, so I was feeling like I might be able to leave it alone. But I was feeling like there was something that I was just going to have to be looking into rather soon. You know, seeing if I could at least make any real connections here. Who might have been willing to speak with me here. And who might have been willing to take me seriously.

Once I was feeling like I had just needed to get out of there, I was walking down the stairs, and the longer that I was away from there, and the further away, the more it would look like I was having nothing to do with it. You know, I was just thinking that I could still take a calm and realistic approach when going at it all.

I was seeing that Ashley and Dakota were both looking like they were just wanting to see what was happening to me. I was seeing that neither of them were really wanting to pushing me on telling them what the issue was. But for god sake, I was feeling like that might sincerely have been the best thing in the world that they could have been doing.

The longer that they were not going to be incredibly involved with what I was trying to get away from, and the longer that they were thinking that it was nothing, the better that things were going to be for them both, and that was something that I knew for a fact that I could use as a sincere justification if they were to try and ask me what was happening. It just made so much more sense to be keeping them out of this one, especially since it had seemed like more truth was coming forward.

"Sheldon, are you doing okay? You look like you are not in a very good mood." Ashley was telling me, and then I was looking at her, and the way that I was shooting a glance at her was showing that this was not the time for me to be messing around with her, and that I was just wishing that I could get some time to actually think things out.

"Just heard a really strange conversation, and it is making me feel a bit uncomfortable." I said, and then I was looking right at her, as if feeling like I was able to just leave it alone at this. I was seeing her looking like she was wishing to say more, but just remained silent here.

"Do you think that it is going to be helping you out for a while?" Dakota asked, and I was shocked to be hearing them having at least any form of pretend interest in what was happening. I was glad to be seeing them at least willing to pretend, but that was still something that I was feeling like was going to be a massive mistake. It was just getting a bit worrisome for me.

"Yeah, I think that I might be finding something. I think that I might be willing to leave it all alone though. I think that I might not feel too right telling you guys what I am finding." I was saying, and then I was smiling for a few seconds, as if feeling like the longer that I might pretend like everything was fine, the more that I could get them to not be feeling too different.

"Honestly, I am going to just try and be careful here. Sorry for not keeping you guys more in on this. But I just think that I might have to try and find something else, or just leave this place for the night." I was saying, and then I was wondering if they were going to try and tell me more, or if they were going to try and respect what I was saying more.

I was starting to smoke a cigarette here, and then I was seeing that Dakota was just looking like he was sort of confused, and I was seeing him looking like he was willing to support me, and support what I was doing. But he was just wanting to see if I could finally get him to hear things.

"I mean, I know that you are probably going to do whatever you want, and that nothing I will say or want to say would change anything, so I am not going to try and stop you on this. All that I will say is that I just hope that you are going to be safe while going at this at least. Do you think that you can be able to at least give me that?" Dakota asked, and then I was sighing, and then I was slowly nodding at this.

"Yeah, I can at least do that. You do not need to be too worried about anything like this. Thanks for trying to be supportive here." I was saying, and then I was looking right at him, wanting to see what he was going to be saying right there. I was seeing that there was a small amount of uncertainty that was going on with it. So he was just sighing, and refused to be saying anything here.

"Alright, well it seems like you do not want to be talking about this too much. Maybe you're a bit worried about what can be exposed if we do this. So I will leave you alone here." He was saying, and I was glad to be seeing him dropping the subject for once. This time because he was actually respecting me, and not because he was wanting to play with me here.

I was seeing that the door was open again, which was showing me that at least there was a good chance that at the very least those guys were no longer talking up there. I was feeling like I was needing to just go on and perhaps see if there were some notes up there or what not. I was also remembering to be careful in order to make sure that nobody was wanting to question me if they were in the room as well.

So as I was walking up the stairs, I was just telling myself to be careful, and I was thinking that I would only be in there for a couple of minutes. I was glad to be seeing Harold looking like he was having the time of his life. I was willing to just use that as a minor exploitation of the fact that I would go in there, and know that he was not going to try and stop me.

The only reason why I was thinking that Harold being in a good mood was a great thing was the fact that when I was hanging out with him next, he might not be too angry with me if I was doing something that was going to be considered wrong. He was going to just tell me to be relaxed, and remind me that I was not going to be making a big deal out of it all.

Eventually, I was inside of that room, and I was just seeing a big desk in the middle of the room, and I was feeling like there was a good chance that the desk was going to be where I was needing to be. I was walking to the desk, and then I was sitting down, and I was taking a calm and deep breath. Feeling like I was just needing to be as careful as humanly possible.

I was seeing a drawer, and then I opened up the drawer, and I was willing to be careful here. I was seeing that there was a blue file. I was opening up the file. The file was a list of dates, and when I was looking deeper, I was even noticing that there were a bunch of notes here.

I was looking around, and the entire time that I was opening up these notes, I was just scared out of my mind, and I was feeling like I was going to get caught any second. But if I stole them, then I was having a feeling that I was going to be tied to the theft. I was thinking that as bad as this was, this was the easier and safer route.

As I was looking deeper at the names, and was taking some serious time to be looking at this, I was seeing that one of them was a name that was somewhat familiar with me. I was seeing that it was only a few weeks ago, and I was shocked when I was starting to realize that there was a good chance that this was the fucking person who went missing that started my interest in this.

Almost hard to believe that if I had no interest in looking into what happened to this eighth grade girl, then any chances of her being saved would have been thrown away, and any chances of me trying to sicnerely look into this whole labyrinth thing would have been gone.

For better or for worse, this girl was literally the only reason that I was looking into any of this in the first place. And I was thinking once again, that I was needing to be looking into this as much as possible. I was needing to be making it all worth it.

I was then feeling like I was needing to find out what Harold knew about this person. There was going to be no fucking way around it. I was needing to know what he had known, and maybe if he was going to be easy on me, he might have become somewhat of a ally here. As hard as that might have been to imagine at first.

I was taking a long and deep breath, and I was walking around, after I basically slammed the fucking note back in there, to just make it look like I was doing nothing to it, and I was looking around as much as possible, to see what Harold might have been doing. I needed him to listen to me that this was not a joke.

When I was looking around hard enough, I was seeing that he was talking with a couple of women. When I was staring down at him, and I was seeing him so fucking happy, I was angry, and I was feeling like he surely must have known better than to do this. But then I was remembering to calm down and remind myself for a couple of things.

I was reminding myself that in all honesty, he might not have known any better, and that maybe this was something one of his parents were doing. You know, I was feeling like maybe he was needing to just give him a chance. And maybe there was something that I was needing to remember when I was looking at him, and something that he was needing to remind me of.

Maybe he really was happy with those girls right now. And if he was happy right now, and if he was doing what he had wanted at this party, his fucking party, then what the fucking hell was I to try and stop him from doing something that I knew he was going to favor instead? I mean, I was feeling like I was needing to actually keep that in mind before I talked with him here.

I was sighing, and while I still wanted to speak with this man, and I was still very much in the mood to hear what he was wanting to tell me, if he did want to tell me anything, I was feeling like I just needed to give him a chance. I was needing to let him have his moment, and I was needing to remember that I was not him.

He was in no way forced to be having as much of a desire to learn more here than he does. I mean, I would not understand having no interest in the subject, and I would not understand how somebody can be that indifferent here, but at the same time, it was entirely up to him, and I was having no fucking right to stop him from being himself.

In a way, as much as I was hating to admit it, I was willing to concede the fact that maybe in a way, I was wishing that I was like this again. I was thinking that if I was this way, and just as careless, that maybe something like this would be a good thing, and it would remind me of the days when I was happier and not as worried about things that were all going on around me, which almost seemed like a blessing now.

I was down in the main room where the party was at, and I was just waiting around for a few minutes, just trying really hard to pretend like I was going to not be giving off any bad impressions here. So with this, when I was seeing Harold was looking like everything was coming to a halt, I was going to just head to where he was at, and I was going to be making Harold talk right now.

When I was seeing that over time, Harold was talking less and less with those girls, and I was seeing him looking like he was still on top of the world, I was feeling like I was just needing to talk to him, and I was going to be making my point, to make him just be honest with me, and tell me every single thing that he fucking knew, no matter what.

Once I was sitting down next to him, I was sighing, and I was feeling like I was just needing to be patient, and I was going to have to be calm when I was speaking to him. I refused to be giving my cover away, and I was refusing to make it so fucking obvious what I was going to do.

"Hey Harold, I was wondering if I could be able to speak with you for a bit." I was saying, and I was feeling like I was needing to get him to be listening to me. I was seeing that no matter what he was wanting to say, that I was going to be making my point that I was not to be fucking around no matter what the case was.

"What are you wishing to discuss?" Harold asked, partially interested, but mostly annoyed, and I was feeling like I was just needing to be as patient as possible with him, and I was needing to be making it look like I was nit suspecting him, no matter what the fucking case was. "Sheldon, are you scared of something?"

"I was wondering if you had known some of the things that are in that office over there." I was asking, and then I was looking right at him, and he was scared out of his fucking mind when he was looking at me. He was clearly looking like he was wanting to just let this whole thing go. I was thinking that maybe it was my fault, but at the same time, I was just not even caring anymore.

"That is my fathers office. Nobody is ever fucking allowed up there. What the fucking hell were you doing there?" He asked, and I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to say something, but then I was holding my hands up, and i was wishing that I was going to get him to listen to me, no matter what he was personally feeling here.

"This is not time for you to be worrying about what your father was doing. There were a couple of people that went in there. I was just thinking that I could have found something." I was saying, and then he was looking like he was clearly looking like he had no idea what I was even wanting to accomplish right now. Well he knew, but I was thinking that he was refusing to truly process the fact that I had been actually doing this.

"Sheldon, why were you feeling like you were even needing to go in there? What were you feeling like my father was doing right now?" He asked, and I was seeing him just looking pissed now, and I was seeing that as long as I was not making my point here, I was not going to be getting him to listen to me, and that I just needed to speak quietly here.

"I was just trying to find something that might have brought some fucking context to this town. I was just trying to see if there was something that I might have been missing. I know you might not like that, but I was just keeping my fucking options open." I was saying, and then he was just clearly looking like he was wishing that I had never even brought up this, and that he was unable to ever forgive me here.

"Okay, fine, I guess that maybe that makes some sense, as much as I hate to admit it. But Sheldon, please explain to me what you were able to find?" He was saying, and I was seeing him looking like he was geting increasingly worried about what I was saying here. I was wanting him to not be playing any more fucking games, and I was going to see what he was going to be telling me here.

"Come talk with me in my car, if you want to know more. I think that surely you must understand what I am just trying to accomplish. I want to make sure you are safe." I was saying, and then I was relatively certain that he was not going to be understanding what I was doing, but at the same time, I was just not even caring.

We were both getting up, Harold not excited at all, and then we were going to my car, and the entire time we were walking, Harold was just feeling like we were feeling like we were wasting our time. Once in the car, Harold was looking right at me, as I was taking out a cigarette, and was ready to be speaking to him now.

I was then staring at Harold, and I was feeling like I was just needing to be as calm and collected as possible, to be making it so that way he was going to be getting the point. "Honestly, I think that maybe your father is aware of something that is going on here. I am aware if you want to deny it, or try and act like what I am saying is false, but I feel like something is happening here." I was shrugging, and I was waiting for Harold to be shooting me down.

"Involved in fucking what? I mean, I feel like I need to know what is happening here." After he was saying this to me, I was glad to be seeing him looking like he was willing to at least give me a chance to explain myself for a while. I was needing to find something to tell him, and I was needing to say it in a way he was going to understand, even if he fucking hated it.

"Involved with the people who are going missing. That is what I believe that your father is getting involved with. I think that he is going to try and find something to force you into this. You know, I think that he really could be taking a bunch of notes with information on all of this." I stared right at him, and then Harold just looked at me with total uncertainty.

"I guess that maybe something like this could be happening. But even if he is involved, there is nothing that you can fucking do about it, and I think that you are going to be setting yourself up for fucking suicide, knowing what he is able to accomplish." He was saying, and I was shocked to be seeing him at least trying to look like he was willing to see what I was believing.

"Sheldon, I know that you are really dedicated to something like this, and I know you want to know what happened to these people, and I can respect that. Whatever works for you. But come on, at least try and see what I am feeling here. You are doing something that is going to get yourself killed." After Harold was saying this, I was sighing, and I was needing to sell my point again.

"I saw pieces of paper in his office, and I was seeing a bunch of notes that were all related to something like business details, and fucking notes on that fucking case." I was saying, as if thinking that the more firm that I was going to be here, the better he would get it now.

"What types of notes were you finding anyways?" Harold asked, and I was seeing him looking like he was at least trying to be making me feel better here, and I was able to respect what he was saying. But I was wanting him to understand that there was no other fucking way now.

"They were pretty much all fucking information on deals that were being made. Well maybe not deals. But there were accounts of every single person who had gone missing, and they all have ea strange number next to it." I was shrugging, as if feeling like maybe I could have left it alone at this. "But in all honesty, I just feel like I want to know what those numbers are, so that way there is nothing that I am left unsure of." I was sighing, just trying to find something else to say now.

"Harold, I do not know why you are so worried about what I found. I mean, I guess that maybe because of the fact that it was your father, so I need to try and be respectful, but I don't really know what to be telling you right now." I was shrugging, and I knew that what I had said was just rude, but in a way, I was just not even caring anymore.

"I just think that we need to all be careful right now. You know, I mean, I know that sometimes it is going to be harder to just brush everything off, but I think that when you look at everything as one big conspiracy, you need to just chill out." He was saying, and I was feeling like I could see why he was feeling this way, and I could maybe respect the honesty.

"Sheldon, I think that if you can find out what the numbers are, and you can fucking find out what you are worried about, I guess that maybe I will see what I can help you out with. But I need proof. That being said, I do think that there is a chance that I can see why people are worried that things are going on here. After all, my dad is relatively shady." He was saying to me, and I was looking right at him, as if feeling like I was needing to see where he was coming from.

"So you do admit that something is going on with your father? I mean, I an not too sure what to be saying right now. I was just kind of shocked is all." I was saying, and I was feeling like maybe I was needing to be giving him a bit of a break, and he was just looking like maybe there was a part of him that regretted what he had just said now.

"I mean, I never once said that I thought he was pure. I know for a fucking fact that he is not. I know that he has done many bad things, but I just feel like there are more to it than the idea of him being this evil businessman." He was saying, and even with what he was saying, I could see that deep down, from the look on his eyes, he really was not sure of what he was saying, and did not know if he believed it himself.

"I guess that maybe that makes some sense. I mean, I think that there are things that my father is saying that is starting to scare me a bit. I mean, I feel like I need to give him a chance here, but at the same time, I just really have no idea what to be saying. I just think that I will want to see what he could be telling me here." I was sighing, knowing full well that what I was saying was pretty much throwing my father under the bus.

"Well, I think taht for both of our sake, it might be best to give this discussion a rest for the time being." After he was telling me this, I was sighing, feeling like I was just trying to find a way to make him see what I was even fucking feeling now. "But Sheldon, are you going to ever try and see what he might know, if he might know anything at all?"

"I guess that if I want to be as objective as possible, I will have no fucking choice. You know, I will have to do something if I feel like maybe I can see what people are really all believing in here." I was saying, and then I was shrugging, feeling like I was just needing to make him understand that I was not wanting to hurt him.

"Well, I guess that maybe I can wish you fucking luck. You know, I will just can find a way to be making it work. You know, I think that even if I do not agree with what you are saying all together, I do appreicate what you are wanting to accomplish, and I guess that I will just be leaving things all alone." Eventually, he shrugged, and left things alone.

I was looking ahead, and I was seeing a couple of grls alking by in the area, and I was seeing that they had saw where Harold was, and I was seeing that they were both really fucking excited to be seeing Harold. I was shocked to be seeing some people happy to be hanging out with him at all, but I decided that I was going to leave him alone.

"I better be going. If you want to find something that can help you out, then be my guest, and I will not stop you." After he had said that to me, I was sighing, and I was feeling like I was making a big fucking mistake, and I was thinking that I could have just done so much better to help him out now.

Once Harold was out of the car, I was feeling like I needed to be happy that he was willing to give me this much, and then I was starting up my car. I was not really wanting to do this, but when I was seeing who was coming out of the house, I was feeling like I just needed to get the hell out of here. I was needing to fucking save myself for once. So with this, I was starting the car, to get away from those two men.

I was starting up my drive, and I was feeling like I was just needing to get the heck out of here. I did not even care where I was going, as long as I was just not going to be in that area. As long as I was not there, then there was a good chance that I could be safe, and those fucking assholes were not going to be putting me in danger.

I was smoking a cigarette, and the entire time that I was smoking this cigarette, I was reminding myself of how hard it was going to be to pretend like to those people that I was innocent. They were not going to be buying what I said, and I was fully aware of that, no matter what I had wanted to even say.

Eventually, I was reminding myself that these guys were not going to fucking kill me, and that as long as my father and mother were around, and as long as they were important figures in town, I was going to be safe. I was feeling like the way that I was going to be feeling about them now was fucking rude. The idea of virtually exploiting them. But in a way, I was almost just not even giving a shit now.

When I parked the car, I was sighing for a while, and then I was seeing the other cars getting closer to where I was. I was feeling like they were not going to try and speak to me, and I was feeling like no matter what I was going to say, they were not going to be playing around. I was needing to just be honest with them, and maybe they might be able to respect the honesty of what I was doing at the moment.

He was coming up to me, and I was sighing, and I was just rubbing my eyes for a while, and I was telling myself that no matter what the hell I was even going to be telling them, they were not going to listen to me, and I almost felt like maybe I was just needed to wander away, and that would have been the only way to fucking save myself.

Eventually, he knocked on my window, and then I was lowering the window, and then I was staring right at him when I was done, and then I was feeling like I needed to just be patient with him, and not be showing any fucking signs of weakness. "Young man, have you been up to much trouble lately?" The guy asked, and then I was staring right at him, and I was wondering what his point was, and I was wondering what he was thinking he could try and steal from me. But I was sighing, and I felt like I just needed to look like I was not going to be broken.

"I was just hanging out with some friends. Nothing too big of a deal." I was saying, and then I was staring right at him, and I was hoping he was going to buy what I had just said. I was hoping he was not going to be acting like I was just lying or whatever. "I was going to be heading home rather soon, so I was not too worried about it." I was hoping beyond god they would buy it.

"Are you going out, and trying to force people to tell you things about your friends?" After the guy asked me this, I was gulping, and I was feeling like that was not the proper reaction, and I was feeling like if I did not start bullshitting enough, they were going to be aware that I was not ready for something like this at all.

"I was just kind of curious about their friends. I mean, I guess that maybe I was just one stubborn bastard." I was saying, and then I was hoping he was going to be leaving this whole thing alone. "I was just wanting to see if they knew anything about what was going on, and I guess that maybe I was just letting that get in the way." I was sighing, and felt like I could have left him alone.

"You do not understand what you are saying. This place is dangerous. You do not need to be making things any worse for you and your friends." After he was saying this to me, I was staring at her, and I was shocked at what he was saying, and I was sighing, feeling like I was just needing to be calm and rational, and remember where I was going now. But then I was wanting to just make him feel like I was safe.

"I know that this place is dangerous. You know, I just feel like I want to help my friends out in feeling like they could be able to get some closure to what is happening out at town." I was sighing, and then I was looking at him, wondering if he was going to be buying what I had just said. Looking at his face, and looking at what he was clearly wanting to say, I was feeling like I was needing to just try harder now.

"That is not going to work. Just try and stay safe, and do not do anything that is going to be getting yourself in trouble." After he had said this to me, I was sighing, and I was feeling like no matter what he was going to be telling me, I was thinking that he was up to something. I was fully aware that I was not to buy any of his fucking bullshit for a second.

When he was saying this, I was shocked at this, and I was just looking down on the wheel, and I was aware that he was probably just wanting to make himself look good for me, and that he really did not feel good about helping me out. That being said, part of me was able to appreciate the fact that he was willing to at least pretend like I was fine here.

Eventually, once they were gone, I was starting to grip my wheel tightly, and I was just fucking pissed at what he was saying. I was taking out a cigarette, and then I was sighing, and I was feeling like I was just needing to get the hell out of here. I was then feeling like I could follow them for a while, and I could go on and see what they might have been willing to tell me now, and I was going to see if they were really going to actually do something. I was scared, and I would see what they might say now.

I was starting to drive along for a while, and I was feeling like perhaps when I was going to be speaking to him if he did catch me, and when I was going to be confronting him again, and then I could just sort of bullshit my way out of this. I was thinking about how hard that something like this could be. But I was thinking about how much I was needing to just give this whole thing a chance before I did something.

Eventually, when I was driving along for a while, and I was seeing that there was a certain path that these guys were taking. As I was driving in this direction, I was feeling like I was just going to have to be rather fucking careful here. I was seeing the car going to a somewhat open clearing near the forest, and I was aware that there was no chance that they could be here for no real good reason, and that they must have had a plan.

When I was parking the car, I was starting to follow for a while, and I was seeing the two men waling to the clearing, where there were a lot of trees in the area, and then I was seeing that when they were in the clearing, there was virtual total silence. And I was seeing that these guys were clearly going on to wait for something, and I was wondering what they were waiting for.

I was taking out another cigarette, and I was hiding behind a tree, and I was going to be making sure that I could decrease my chances as much as possible of ever getting caught. When I had been thinking about this all, and I had been thinking about what these guys were up to, I was just trying to tell myself to be calm and collected, and that surely there was a good fucking reason behind it all.

Eventually, another car was parking, and when this car was parking, I was seeing that the two guys in the car that followed looked glad to be finally seeing these guys ready and just about to get the business discussion over with. I was feeling scared out of my fucking mind, but I was feeling like this was getting increasingly closer to the jack pot that I was ready for. So with this, I was just telling myself to be calm and collected, and hear all that they had wanted to say.

Once the guy in the second car got out, they were getting right to the discussion, and they were not fucking bullshitting around at all. "The transaction was a great success, and the money will be here in eight days." After the voice from the second car said this, I was not totally confused, and I was wondering what the fucking hell was going on, and I was wondering what these guys were even trying to accomplish now.

"How much did the transaction come out to?" The guy who spoke to me earlier said, and I was clearly just wondering what the hell these guys were talking about when they were saying the transaction. What were these guys doing, and what dirty business were they trying to be running behind the scenes, and I was wondering what the point to any of this even was. I was getting annoyed, and I was fucking angry at what these people were clearly just trying to accomplish.

"It came to about eighty thousand dollars. Not a great amount, but enough to hold us over until the next one, which is in three weeks." After the voice that srated this whole discussion said this, my mind was just feeling like this was entirely changing the fucking view of the game. These people were aware that something was happening, and I was scared of what the men wanted to do, and I was just thinking about what these guys did, and I was just confused as to what was going on here that was making the fucking transactions so expensive.

Well, I was now aware that there was something going on here that was virtually giving this entire town a shit ton of money, as I was relatively certain that this was pretty much the only thing providing some fucking closure on what had been happening. I was thinking that I was going to be seeing what these men were not telling me. Although I did know one thing for sure now...

No matter what these guys were going to try and tell me, I was not going to be ever giving them any fucking hope. They were burning their bridges too far beyond hope, and I was going to be a independent man going forward, and I was going to fucking hear what these men were doing in my fucking presence.

"Alright, well now that we got a good idea on what we are supposed to hold off of, do you think that there is any chance that those kids are going to be finding out what we have been doing lately." After the guy was saying this, I was feeling like this was the worst thing that could be hearing. I was thinking that maybe they were aware of what I was doing, and they were just trying to be hiding the fact that this was knowledge known to some.

Let me be clear here. I did not need to believe that Harold knew what was happening here, and I doubt that he had any involvement here. I was thinking that no matter what Harold and I were thinking on a regular basis, and no matter if we were fans of each other or not, I was sure that he had nothing to do with this. I was feeling like I was just needing to look at his father.

The only thing that I was certain of doing was that I needed to go on and speak to that man. I was needing to see what this man was going to tell me, and if he knew what happened to these people. I mean, I literally already knew the fucking answer, but I was feeling like I was needing to be giving him a chance to show me if he was wanting to work with me or not. I was thinking that if he was going to work with me here, we could be allies. If he was not, then I was going to be making him aware that this was something that would drive us apart.

"The kid has no real information to be going off of. No matter what he might be feeling like he is finding, nobody is going to be feeling like they were needing to be listening to him. He clearly know what he is doing, and I think that it will only be a matter of time before he understands that he is just wasting his time, and will be letting people take care of it themselves." The third voice, and the second from the first car, said, and I was feeling fucking furious here.

"I don't know. I think that it will be for the best to at least be careful with him going forward. Make sure that no matter what we are feeling, nobody is going to actually listen to him. If he starts to get people to believe in what he is saying, that might be the worst thing that could be happening to us." The guy who had just shwon up had said, and then I was sighing, and I was feeling as if I could not hear this anymore. I did not want to be hearing them talk about me anymore.

I did not care if it really was about me or not, I was just feeling like I had no desire to be hearing it anymore, and I was aware that no matter who it was, that they were aware something was happening, and that they were going to fucking work hard to be making it so that nobody could take what was said seriously. I was realizing that regardless of if it had anything to do with me or not, that this was something going on for a long time, and had been dragging things down to us all.

What I was hearing next made me just fucking leave the area. I was hearing one of the people going to one of the cars, and pulling something out of it. I had no idea what they were pulling out, and I had no idea what even was happening anymore. I was sighing, and I knew for a fucking fact that this was not going to be something I could mess around with. I knew that these guys were working with something, and if I saw it, I was going to be getting myself killed now.

There was no way in hell that I was going to stay there any longer. I was thinking that no matter how much I was wanting to help people out, and no matter how much I was wanting to sort of keep things together and know the truth here, I did want to live as well. I was thinking that my life at that moment was more important than anything else in the world.

I was going to be heading out to the fucking car, and I was going to just drive off. I was going to be going home, and I was going to stay there for as long as possible. And when I was feeling like there no more excuses, I was going to leave the huse, and I was going to continue my investigation, and I was going to head towards Harold's father, and I was going to hear what he was wanting to tell me, and if I could help him out.

Once I was in the car once again, I was rubbing my eyes for a bit, and I was then thinking that I was just needing to be careful now, no matter what we were going to do now. As I was driving along for a while, and as I was scared out of my fucking mind over what we were even doing now. I was then just feeling like my parents were not going to ever support me. Nothing could ever fucking work, as much as I was hating to admit it.

I was aware of one fucking thing. That no matter what my wishes were, nobody was going to fucking listen to me, and nobody was going to be willing to help me. I was fucking alone, and I was going to be on a one man mission going forward, no matter what I had wanted to be doing now.

...

When the session was over, and Shedon was done speaking, he was looking right at his therapist, and he was wondering what she was going to tell him this time. He was feeling like he was really in no fucking mood to be hearing her tell him how he was doing the right thing or whatever. He was not going to hear it.

"Sheldon, how long d you wait before you decided to go on and continue to look? I mean, I know that it is none of my business, but I am just kind of curious if you did lay low, or if you went right back to things." After she was telling him this, Sheldon was sighing, and he was feeling like she was never going to be listening to him. He was hating the truth of it as well.

"The truth is that I did not even wait more than a couple of days. People were wondering why I left the party early, and people were wondering why I was just wanting to get out of there without oing anything to hang out or whatever. You know, I wanted to give them a good answer, but that was just not going to fucking work. But I knew that by that point, I had gone too deep." Sheldon said, and he was thinking that anybody who said he had not gone too deep were just people who did not really know what he was getting himself into now.

"Did you try and speak to any of your friends about it? I mean, you were saying that you were feeling virtually alone here, but with everything that you had heard, surely they would have helped you out if you had offered, right?" She was asking, and then Sheldon was looking down on the table, and he was feeling like there was no way he was going to be getting out of this, no matter how hard he was trying.

"I mean, maybe you're right. I think that there is a chance that I could have tried to get them to listen to me. But I think that with something like that, you just got to be playing by luck. And trust me when I say that I was not one fucking lucky bastard. But I do think that if I had tried to get them to listen, then maybe it could have worked." Sheldon admitted, and then he was looking right at her, as if feeling like he was just needing to see what she could have said here.

"I mean, it had looked like some of your friends were starting to be more willing to open up a bit. I think that they were willing to slowly give you more of a chance, if you had actually gotten something here..." She had said, and then he was thinking about it a bit longer. She was probably right. But then he was thinking about what he was needing to speak of next.

"Sheldon, what are you going to not tell me this time? I see that there is something that you are just not wanting to tell me, and I think that it might be important enough for you to just let me know what it is, that way we can work on making it better." After se was telling Sheldon this, Sheldon was feeling like if he was going to be speaking to her any further, he was needing to understand what her stakes were here.

"I think that there is nothing that I am hidingh now. I mean, I know that sooner or later, you will pick up on it. What I am doing right now is just making sure that what I do tell you is going to be told to you in a orderly fashion that you can understand the point of what I am trying to tell you." Sheldon was saying, as if he was wishing to make her feel like he was really still looking at this from a great perspective.

"Oh, okay. That is not a response that I was expecting you to give me. I was expecting something there. But if there really is nothing, and you are just sort of in a rough spot, and that you are slowly working for it, then I will just let you continue, for the time being." After she was telling him this, Sheldon was tired of everything going on, and he was just staring right at her.

"I mean, the thing you might not understand is how much I hate it when people act like I was lying all the fucking time. People act like I am either just a liar, or somebody who was pretending." Sheldon was saying, and he was wondering if she was thinking that he was lying to her, and if she was going to be joining in on what those people were saying to him. He tried to pretend like he was not worried on what they said, but that was impossible.

"I mean, there is no reason to be lying. I mean, unless if you are just trying to pretend like something is going on for the sake of making a story. But I doubt that you have that level of a imagination." She said, and then Sheldon was looking right at her, and he was finding it really funny how she was telling him this, and that he had no fucking imagination. In all honesty, that was not even beginning to fucking cut it.

"I mean, I think that if I was having this good of a imagination, and if this was just a story for the sake of being a story, you might have seen me going to Hollywood, and you would be seeing me trying to be making a name for myself. But that is something that even if I wanted to pursue, I would be fucking lost on. There is no way in hell that I am getting any fucking career, and that is something that I made peace with." Sheldon said, and then he was feeling like she was just lost on what to tell him.

"I will just try and find a way to be making my story make fucking sense for you guys. I think that you might fucking be lost right now. I mean, there are some things that are going on here that might be a bit hard to understand." Sheldon said, and then he was looking right at her, as if he was wanting to test her, and see how patient she was going to be with this, or if what he was saying was going to actually affect her.

"No the story is not that hard to understand. I mean, you are giving me small doses that I might be able to understand. What I am having a hard time understanding was the fact that you are finding all of these things, and yet you keep saying that there is no people that will be willing to believe in you. I mean, there is no way that something will just be thrown under the radar, if you were able to find all of this proof." She was saying, and then Sheldon laughed at this assumption.

"You are giving these guys way too fucking much credit. I think that deep down, you might see how something like this is just not fucking possible. I mean, when you have a conspiracy, yes it is something that will be bound to be broken some day. But if it is solid, and if it is something held together, that breaking point will be held off for a long ass time." Sheldon looked right at her, and he was hoping deep down that she was not going to be acting like what he was saying was crazy.

"I mean, I would have tried to take pictures of these notes, and I would have maybe even tried to sneak in with a friend, if I was aware that something like this was coming up." After she was saying this to Sheldon, she looked at him, and she was clearly just wanting to see if he was going to be thinking at all on what she was telling him.

"I guess that maybe I could have done something like that. But I will be honest when I say that this was something that I was not thinking too much about. I was just trying to figure out if something was going on, rather than how I could expose it. Maybe I knw now that the two things are much more connected than I ever wanted to admit. But for now, at the moment, I think I refused to admit it." Sheldon told her, and then he was shrugging, as if feeling that was a shitty defense.

"I guess that maybe I should be more nice to you. I mean, in all honesty, you were at least trying to go on and make it work out. You were always just wanting to do whatever you could, and mabe there was always a point where something like this could just never work out. But I am sorry that you felt this fucking out of it." After she told him this, Sheldon was sighing, and he was feeling like she would never fucking understand it at all.

"I mean, I think that the one thing that I really regret was not making it more clear that I was wanting Dakota and Ashley to be helping me out. I was always pretending like they were not that needed in my fucking plans, but in all honesty, I wished that I was able to be getting their fucking help. You know, I just wish that I could have talked to them about how much their help would have mattered." Sheldon was telling her, as if he was just sort of preaching to nothing now.

"You were just wanting to make sure that nothing happened to them though. I mean, I understand that you wanted to be helping others out. I understand that you are just wanting to make sure that they at least were safe, but do you think, and I say this with respect, that keeping them safe, might have been doing more harm than good in the general whole?" She was asking him, and then he was sighing, as if he was just unsure what to tell her there.

"I guess that maybe to some extent, that I could have made that sacrifice if I had to. I mean, I would have hated making it, and I could have felt like a fucking monster, and I could have tried my fucking hardest to make sure that they would never have noticed it. But I guess that in the end, I would have made it, to make sure that nothing would change." Sheldon was saying, and then he was sighing, genuinely hating the fact that he was willing to admit something like this to her.

"Sorry for bringing up that hypothetical. I guess that maybe with the way that you were speaking of it, that I might habe been able to speak of it in a deeper sense. But I guess that maybe you might not have liked something like this. I do think that maybe I could have gone at it in a different way. That being said, I just think that something like this would still have been a terrible world to be living in. Having to choose what you would want to do with your friends." After she was saying this to Sheldon, he was shrugging for a moment longer.

"Honestly, I am just shocked that you are this interested in seeing what I believe. I mean, I wish that I could have given you more. I just think that when you ask me all these decent questions, and all these questions that I need to genuinely think on, then I guess that maybe I am just sort of finally feeling like somebody is able to really make me believe it all." Sheldon was saying, and he was going to just find something to change the way that things were.

"I think taht when I see all the ways that you were going at it, I just sort of feel like I might have been able to see where you were coming from, and I am just trying to see what I could have done if I were in the same spot. You know, I just think that something like this would be for the best. That way we could work together on making it all work out a bit easier." She was saying, and then after she was telling him this, Sheldon laughed at this, as if finding it kind of funny now.

"I think that if everybody was like this with me, then I would have been able to get this throgh much faster and better than before. I wish that I had people that were able to respect the way that I was wanting to go at it as much as you did." After Sheldon was telling her this, he was wondering what he even wanted to be saying now. "I just think that I should have been able to not trust the people that I did go on and trust too much. I think that when I was hanging out with them, I got to get weak around them, and that was why I made the mistake."

"Who did you feel like you trusted that you never should have?" After she had asked him this, he was wanting to just tell her the truth, and tell her the one person that took things too far, and the one person who abused what they had set up with. But he was feeling like if he had done something like this, she would have never understood, and defended them.

"Trust me when I tell you that you will know soon enough. I trust that much to you. There is no way that you will not be able to figure it out one day. The only thing that I could have done at the time was just be alone. But there was something that was making it feel like this almost had to be done." Sheldon said, smilin at her, and he was feeling as long as he could defend himself, then maybe he was going to be getting out of this relatively fine.

"I will leave it alone, and I am sure that you got something to explain it all one day, so I will respect your wishes that you will be hearing me leaving it alone." His therapist was telling him, and there was something in her mind that she was feeling like she just needed to try and get to know. Something that was sort of making her feel like he was needing to know the truth of the story.

"I guess that in a way, even though you are saying that you believe me right now, and you are saying you support me right now, I just think that when you get to the end, you will literally be like every fucking other person who has spoken to me, and you will be telling me that I was lying." Sheldon was telling her, and he was feeling like he was needing to be nicer to her about it, but he was not fucking ready for it at all.

"I have believed everything that you told me. I have no reason to be thinking that this would start to change. I think that the only thing that I am still missing out is understanding the addiction. I mean, I feel like I still need to try and piece that together, since that is just something that I feel like I am getting nowhere with. How that fucking addiction started up in the first place." She was saying to him, and then he was feeling like he was going to have to try and tell her something else, to get her mind out of this, but decided that the addiction was to come up.

"Honestly, that addiction will be making all too much sense one day. I think that when you understand what started that addiction, and you understand why I just never went back after I started, I think that even if you do not agree with why I was doing it, and if you do not agree with my method, that you will understand why I was feeling that was genuinely the only thing that I could have done to be making it any different." After Sheldon was telling her this, the one thing that he was wondering was how he could have gone through with making it seem like he was being more polite.

"Do you think that the addiction was something that you genuinely needed?" She was asking him, and then he was sighing, as if feeling like that was going to be a hard one to answer. That was going to be the hardest one to be telling her, since he was feeling like he was needing to be perfect with this response, no matter what he was going to be saying. He was needing to make sure that the response was going to be to the point.

"Yeah, but I think that there might have been different ways that I could have done it. But at the time, I was feeling like there was no other way." Sheldon was telling her, and then he was standing up, feeling like he did not need to be speaking any further on it, and that he would leave it alone now.

"See you next week." Sheldon said, and he was winking at her, as if feeling like seeing her again was going to be the best part of the week, and it was going to be the only part he was going to genuinely enjoy. It was the only thing every week that gave him a momentary relief of the outside world, which was sometimes even fucking worse than the stories he was going through with her, as hard as that was to imagine.


	21. Alliance

Sheldon was sitting down on his seat the next session, and when he was looking right at her, he was sighing, as if feeling like he was just wanting to get this whole thing over with. "Hey, what are you up to right now?" Sheldon asked, and she was looking right at him, and she was looking kind of sad for him, and wanted to be helping him out for a while. Then she sighed, and was just feeling totally defeated.

"I am just trying to look through your previous files, but I am having a hard time really understanding what is going on here. You seem like you really cared for the people here, and it seemed like you were really fighting as much as you could. But the way that you talk about this, and what happens in the case files, always make me unsure what made you feel down that path." After she said that Sheldon was just taking a deep breath.

"It is because you do not have the full puzzle right down for you. I think that if you had the full puzzle, you would understand what had fully happened. I mean, I have made a lot of mistakes, and many of them were gravely wrong, but none of them were out of any form of malice and I always wanted to do what was best." Sheldon was shrugging, not caring what she said.

"If I do not have the full puzzle, what is it going to be showing me? I want to just understand what the issue was. I mean, I know that you got into all of those drugs, and that those drugs really just dragged you down, and ruined your life. But the worst thing you did here was cigarettes and a little bit of weed, at first." She sighed, and then Sheldon was nodding.

"Well when you face despair, and when you hate yourself, and when you hate the way that life is going, going on and doing drugs is sometimes the only way to be helping yourself out now." Sheldon was sighing, not even caring anymore, and he was certain that she was just going to be brushing the whole thing off. "I want to explain in a way that you understand, but that is impossible."

"Sheldon, none of this was something that you would have been able to stop. I think that surely you understand that much more than you admit here. I mean, I am not going to try and tell you how you were supposed to feel, but I think that surely you understand that there was only so much that you would have been able to accomplish." She was then just looking like there was almost nothing else to say now.

"None of the bigger ordeal was something that I could have stopped, you are probably right about that. But I could have stopped some more isolated cases, and I should have stood up, and I should have been fighting harder, and I was always scared. I never fought the way that I should have, and everybody else paid the prices." Sheldon shook his head, knowing that nothing else was even going to matter anymore.

"At least you seem to understand what your limits realistically were. I guess that maybe that is something that I can appreciate and be happy for." After she was saying this to him, Sheldon was just shrugging, and had nothing else that he was going to saying to her. He was thinking that she was just more happy than not that he was not going around, and acting like he was fucking superman, when he clearly had nothing to prove by doing so.

"I mean, I wanted to be acting like I was going to be the man who could have changed the town, and I wanted to be the man who could have changed the course and fate of this place, but the longer that I lived here, the more and more that I was just thinking about fighting for what I think is right for people that I was close to." Sheldon was sighing, and just felt like every word he was telling her would fail to resonate.

"Alright, so you were just wanting to do something that you felt like was a still somewhat realistic idea." She was saying, as if thinking that perhaps when she was looking at him, and seeing how much he was just finally explaining everything to her, that she was going to have to reluctantly appreciate the fact that she was so open about it.

"I mean, I just think that all that I could have done was just go on and just try and make my friends happier, and I could have tried and just reach out to them, but they werenever going to believe that what I was saying was sincere, or they were going to constantly accuse me of only caring for these investigations." Sheldon said, and then he was thinking his response was fair enough as he was going.

"Alright, I mean, I would never go on and know what you were going through at the time, and I guess that I would have never tried to understand, and that is maybe the main issue that I have here. That is I was the one in your shoes, as much as I hate to admit it, I think that I might have been able to go on and leave it alone." She was shaking her head, feeling like this was the worst way she would have spoken to him right now.

"I think that maybe if you had lived there, that entire perception would have changed. I mean, I am not going to be acting like what I am saying is the fact, since you might have been perfectly fine and content with leaving it alone. But I think that I would have just gone insane if I were to ever even try and do this." When Sheldon was speaking these words out loud, he felt like he could not even muster any more emotions.

"Perhaps that is true. I don't know if I want to comment on that one way or another, but I think that maybe something like this could be realistic." After she told him this, she was taking a longer and deep breath, just thinking that the argument here was not going to go anywhere, and she was accepting this now.

"So Sheldon, what happened next? You were telling me how you were at the party, and you were hearing those discussions, and you were telling me that you were trying to see what that conversation was all about." After she said this to him, he was sighing, and then he was thinking about how that was a shitty place to be starting.

"Yeah, that did happen next. I guess that maybe I could tell you what I was doing now. I just think that when I have the pieces together, the one thing that I regret was that I did not find a way to photograph this whole thing, or record it all." Sheldon was slowly nodding, and this time, slowly with a form of confidence coming towards him.

"So after that started, I was left with just a extreme uncertainty of figuring out what the plans were going to be, and I was just thinking about what I could do to just finally bring it all down." Sheldon said, and this time, as he was going, he was slowly building up his role, and he was getting more into it all.

...

After the party was done that day, I was pretty much resigning to the fact that nothing else fucking matters at all. I was just kind of tired of everything that was happening, and the fact that with each passing day, the fact that more and more it was becoming obvious nobody cared for the greater good of this town, and that more and more, there really was a genuine conspiracy going on. You know, that wasn't just people bullshitting and trying to make stuff up.

I was tired of the fact that I was feeling like I was pounding my head against the wall. But at the same time, despite everything going on, and everything that I had been feeling, I was telling myself that I needed a chance. I was taking out a cigarette, and I was feeling like I was not even going to bother telling my friends. They were convinced nothing was going on, and for better or for worse, I knew that I would not take that away from them.

I was sighing, and then I was really just thinking about the fact that is for nothing else, I was feeling like I might be able to go out and reach Harold's father, and when I was speaking to this man, I was going to be making it very clear that I was no longer taking shit. I was going to be making him own up to his crimes, no matter what he was wanting to say here.

I was one hundred percent convinced that even if I was never going to budge on the over all business of the fucking town, I could make a budge on making it clear that this was not going to be the way we were playing this game at all. I was going to bring one man down at the bare minimum. I was proud of myself for finally coming to something like this.

The only thing that was scaring me was the idea of if there really was nothing wrong, and if there was nothing wrong, then I truly was going to be fucking ruined. There was no way in hell I could even pretend to be wording it any other way. I was going to have nmy entire life gone, and I was going to have to just try and repair it all from there.

I was telling myself that the chances of this happening were less than one percent, given the fact that I had seen everything that were noted earlier. I was not going to get too high struck myself on this. I was thinking that the man was aware of the fact that my parents were also big business dealers, for whatever was going on here, and I was thinking that if anything was to happen, they would find a way to get to my parents, and I was not wanting anything to happen to them.

Despite the issues I sometimes had with my parents, I never wanted anything ill to come of them. I was never wanting anything to come along and just see that I was really a broken man who had wanted to find something, and then had it all taken away. You know, something like this was just going to fucking break my heart, as much as something like that is just silly to be saying.

Eventually, when I was done with all of this set of thinking, I was hearing a knock on my car window, and I was looking up, kind of confused as to what was happening, but I was wanting this person to just make their point, get it over with, and then I could be able to go back to my anger and my planning.

"Hey Natalie, I was not expecting to be seeing you here." I told her, just trying to think that maybe as long as I was polite with her, and as long as we were going to be on good terms, I did not need to bullshit my way out of this too much. But I was needing her to just make her fucking point.

"I was wanting to talk to you about that party, since it looks like something about it was really bothering you, and I was wondering what you were thinking." She was telling me, and then I was looking up at her, as if feeling like I was needing to pretend like she was not saying anything strange at all. In all honesty, I was wanting her to stop, because if she did not stop, then she might be putting herself in danger.

"I think that I will be able to find something out. You know, knowing this town, I will find something. I just need to expand my search, and I need to just be looking at things from a better perspective, and I think that maybe if I did something else, maybe I might be able to get things done easier." I was shrugging, thinking that I was just needing to be not giving her any crap, since she would see it anyways.

"Sheldon, I mean, as much as I hate to admit it, I think that there is a small chance that maybe there really is nothing going on here. I mean, everything going on just feels like it is all turning out to be meant for nothing." Natalie was saying, as if more so speaking about the insanity of what was happening here. She was sort of over this whole thing.

"I think that the chances of nothing happening here are literally zero fucking percent." I was telling her, and I was remembering the conversation that I was hearing last night, and I was just letting it come back to me, and I was now more certain than ever that something really had been happening.

"What makes you so certain of this?" After she asked me this, I was laughing, and I was thinking that the way that I was going to be saying this was going to be confusing her beyond belief, and she was going to be acting like I was just playing around, and acting like I just needed to be playing with her. But the more that I was thinking on it, the less certain I was.

"I heard a conversation last night when I was getting ready to head home from the party. The longer that I was at the area, listening to the talk, the more that I was hearing things about some transaction. Clearly something is being done here. There is clearly at least a business." I was telling her, and I was wondering if what I was saying would be breaking through to her at all.

"That is strange, and I guess that maybe with the fact that people are having these discussions without doing so publicly might show that they do have some form of goal on what is happening. But that does not mean that there is anything that explains what is happening to all the people who are missing here." She was saying, and the way she was looking at me was showing that in her mind, she was already piecing some stuff together, and I was seeing the look on her face going to some form of denial.

Clearly she had her own theories on what was happening, and I think that I needed to know what those theories were, and I was slowly gathering some of my own, but I was thinking that I was just in some form of denial here. "I mean, there is no way that they can get away with all of this stuff for so long. I think that surely sooner or later people would see it for what it was." She said, and I was nodding, as if thinking that what she was saying was innocent enough.

"I feel like I need to keep every idea in mind though, and I think that means that even if you do want to admit it, the chances that maybe the worst are happening is much more true than we might want to be admitting." I was telling her, hoping that maybe she was going to be just willing to hear me out. She clearly had no idea what I was saying, and she clearly did not care.

"In all honesty, I think that there are not that many options on what is going on right now. I think that there are only a few fucking things that might be going on, and that is something that I think we need to be keeping our mind out for." After Natalie said that to me, I was seeing her looking more and more like there was a small part of her that was starting to accept the chances of these things happening, and that was the thing she was hating.

"I am sorry that I had to be bringing all of this stuff to you, and I think that you deserve so much fucking more than what I gave you, and I think that you understand that I am not even trying to hide it all. I just think that when all of this is coming together, the more that I understand that maybe I made a bunch of terrible mistakes here." I was shrugging, as if thinking that the one time that I was looking at her, and the one time that I was just trying to just speak with her on relative certainty, it was going to make it clear that I was no longer scared.

"I know that you never wanted to be hiding something from me. And I appreciate that. I think that this is the thing that is scaring me the most. The fact that you are learning so much of what is going on, and you have no idea how far you can go before it becomes too far." After she was saying this to me, I was seeing her looking like she was not even angry at this, as much as just stating the facts of the matter.

"If you do not want to helping me anymore, than I understand what will be making you feel that way, and I will be understanding what you are coming from. I am not going to force you into doing something if you feel like it is not going to fucking make her feel safe or better. I think that you have every right to just leave this whole thing alone." I was feeling like this offer was the best that we would be able to get here. I was thinking that maybe the way we were talking about this was showing that we were no longer going to be working together, for better or for worse.

"I will see how things are. I feel like you are onto something, and I want to make sure that no matter what that is, that you are able to be fully ready for it all. That is something that I can promise you. That being said, I am going to just see what the hell the issues are. I think that once I know a bit better, than I might be able to put things together." After she was telling me this, I saw Natalie looking like she was having one final mental battle here.

"Thank you for listening to me." I was saying, and then she was hugging me for a second, just trying to be making the harder discussion feel more and more comfortable, and then I was nodding. Then with that, she was heading out of the car, feeling like she was going to be mad at me. I was thinking that if this was going to be going the way that I was fearing, she was never going to be feeling like she would want to discuss anything with me anymore.

I pounded my steering wheel, and I was feeling like the fact of the matter was that she was not going to be supporting me all that much anymore, and when I was having to make peace with that, I was just tired, and I was angry at the way that I had done this.I think that she had every right to be angry at me, and that she was just being nice here. But at the same time, I was just wanting her to support me.

Then with that, I was thinking that I needed to be giving up on the mere idea of speaking to Dakota and Ashley. Not because I think that they were trying to be shooting me down or anything. But because I think that they genuinely did not want to know, and that if I was telling them more, they might just not be taking it too well, for various reasons.

I was trying to pretend like the way that I was going to be continuing this search was a good position, when it really was not. I had no fucking idea what I was fucking doing, and I was getting more and more aware of such a thing, and I was getting more scared of the fucking fact that Harold and his family were never going to agree with me,

Well, I might have a chance at convincing Harold, and getting him to listen to me, but his parents, and his friends were going to be thinking that I was a fucking looney, and that was going to be throwing the entire idea out the window, for better or for worse. That was the one thing that I was accepting more and more.

I heading towards the police station, and the entire time that I was driving there, I was smiling at the fact that I could not believe that I was getting this desperate. In a way, the fact that I was no resorting to the fucking police, and the fact that I was finally feeling like in a way, I was having no choice, was just getting to me a bit better. I was thinking that perhaps when I was thinking about the fact that I was always rejecting the police, I knew that they were never going to help me out at all.

I was thinking that maybe there was a small chance that the police were really the good guys, and that I was just needing to give them a chance here. You know, maybe they were really trying their best. Or at leas some of them were. You know, I just think that I was needing every single chance and option that I could possibly get.

As I parked at the station, I was getting out of my car, and I was taking out a cigarette, and I was smoking it for a couple fo second, and after three or four puffs, I was already letting the impatience getting to me, so I just stomped it off. And after I was done, I went right inside, and I was seeing that there was only one person who was not having their office being in use by somebody who was wanting to complain about something random.

So I was walking right up to him, and then I was sitting down in his room. I was staring at him as he was looking at me, and I was seeing a million emotions running throughout his head. "Hey, I was wanting to ask you a couple of questions, and I was hoping that maybe you would be able to give me some idea." I was saying, and he was looking entirely unsure of what to say.

I think that in a way, he was aware that he was needing to greet me and act like he was going to be there to help me out. But maybe he was tired, or he was just not wanting to be saying the same sentence a million times. Then again, when I look back, I think he was probably only a few years older than me. Like maybe twenty one or something like that.

"What are you wanting to discuss." After he asked me this, I was sighing, and I knew that I needed to make this the perfect pitch, and I was needing to be making my point rather clear before he was going to just tell me off. "I don't have many cases, so whatever you want to tell me, I can get to it as soon as possible." I could not tell if he was saying this to make me feel better, or if he was just saying this because it was the first thing on his mind.

"I was wanting to talk to you about the missing people in town. I think that I might need your help here." I was saying, and then when I was telling him this, he was looking shocked at the fact that I was actually approaching him over something that was not related to simple house issues. "I mean, I don't know if you have any ideas what is happening, but I think that I am just running out of options here." I was sighing, wanting to fucking fight, but had no desire now.

"Oh shit, I don't know if I will be able to help you with that. There are almost no leads that we have right now, and I think that there is nothing that I will be able to help you out with." After he was telling me this, I was seeing him looking like he was really hoping that I was going to accept something like this. But he just looked unsure what to tell me now.

"Well, I was wondering if you know anything about a girl named Riley Lee, or a girl named Jamie." I was saying, and I was seeing him looking like the name Riley was slowly getting to him a bit, and I was seeing that he was clearly running through the motions, and I was thinking that maybe I just needed to harness on this a bit better. I was thinking that maybe now that I was having some material here, I would bring him down.

"I don't know what happened to Riley, but I do know about her. I went to school with her a small bit. Do you know her personally?" He asked, knowing that such a thing was several years ago, and that this whole thing was just kind of strange, so the only way for him to be able to know what to tell me, he was aware that it was personal.

"I was her younger brother, Sheldon." I was saying and then he was slowly nodding, and I was seeing that the pieces of the puzzle were connecting a bit, and I was seeing that he was just finally putting it all together. "I think that I might have been able to help find her, and I wanted her to come home, but I never made any real progress." I was shrugging, thinking that I might as well just come straight about it all again.

"I think that I might have met you once or twice. I was her friend Benjamin. I hung out with her for a few weeks before she went missing. Sorry about all that. You know, I am sorry about everything that could have been done, but never has been. Do you want to give me some ideas on what happened?" He asked, and then I was sighing, and I was thinking that I was needing to come up with a genuine answer, if I had one at all.

"I think that somebody fucking took her. You know, I think that in all honesty, she was the victim of some form of a fucking scheme, and that she is going to be found dead. I think that she is probably dead. I just want the fucking ruth." I was saying, and then I was looking right at him, and I was seeing Benjamin jst looking like he was clearly having no idea of what to tell me.

"Honestly, if you feel like she might be dead, do you think that this is more of just a chance of you wanting to finally see what is happening, so that way you can make some peace with it all?" He was asking me, and then I was slowly nodding, and as much as I was hating to admit it, I was thinking that he was sort of getting it all.

"I just think that I need to find a way to finally know the truth of what happened to her, and that way I might be able to make some fucking peace with it all. I am just tired of not knowing the truth. I just want to know what is happening to this town/" I was sighing, thinking that I could have just left it all alone, just feeling fucking lost.

"Do you have any possible evidence on what might be happening to her? Do you think that you could at least have a start?" After he asked me this, I was seeing him looking like he was just trying to find a way to be making it seem like he could change this, but he was looking totally lost.

"I remember on the night that she went missing, and I started to look for her. I went inside of the forest, and I was wandering around for a really long fucking time, and I saw there was this giant tower or some shit. As I was about to go up to it, I saw a purple scarf I believe, as the grinding noise went off." I said, just thinking that nothing else mattered anymore.

"What was the scarf like? I don't think that I can help you with the building thing. I think that something like that might be hard to really check out, considering how far up it is. But do you really remember what the scarf was?" He was saying, and I was feeling like the building was rather important, and I was wishing that he was not brushing it off like this. But I refused to be saying anything to this at all.

"The scarf had blood on it. It was of her friend. Courtney or something like this. Maybe Christen. It was one of those two. She went missing a couple of months prior to Riley, and when I saw the scarf with blood, and the grinding noise going off, I became nearly certain that she at least had died." I said, thinking that I needed to take this as calmly and carefully as possible.  
"Sheldon, how much did you know about her social life, and how much did you know about what she was doing on her own time." Benjamin told me, and I was seeing him just looking like he was just trying his best to be sounding patient here. He was clearly just not in the mood for something here. Probably not in the mood for any bullshit, and I was fine with this.

"Well, I think that she might have had a liking for her friend Christen. I mean, I think that was why they were always hanging out on such a regular basis." I was saying, looking right at him, and Benjamin gave me a perplexed look for a second, but then he was going right back to taking some notes.

"She was telling me that there were some things that she was worried about. Such as the fact that she was thinking that she was wanting her friends to come home, and she was very anti police. Trying to find the girls, and them failing all the time." I told him, and I sighed, hoping he was not going to be taking too much offense to this, and I was thinking he would be fine, since I was just simply relaying information to him.

"You know, I think that she was also relaly angry at my dad lately, before she went missing. Blaming him for all the problems going on at home. Mainly due to the fact that he was gone for like fourteen fucking hours at a time. You know, she felt like he was no longer caring about us, becuase of all the work that he was doing." I was feeling like she needed to treat my father better, but that almost did not matter, and that maybe she could have been right.

"Do you feel like there is a small chance that she might have run away?" After Benjamin asked me this, I was shaking my head, fully aware that there was no way in hell she had done that. She would not have done that. I think that she had virtually nothing to help her out, no matter what.

"She had no fucking plans. There is no way in hell that she ran away. I mean, I don't think that Riley might have been the smartest woman in the world, but she was smart enough to at least make a plan if she was needing to." I was saying, just tired of this discussion, and I was thinking that he needed to give me something else.

"I am not saying that she did, since I know nothing about what her plans would have been like, but I doubt that it would be wise to be calling off the shots as easily as you are. I think that she mighht very well have done this. But if she did, I would be wondering why." He said, and then I was just feeling like Benjamin was fucking refusing to be working with me, and that was all his fault.

"I feel like you are not taking this very seriously, and I want to trust you to help me oyt in finding her." I was saying, and this time, I was not caring if I was sounding rude. I was wanting to make it very clear to him that this was not something that I waa fucking with anymore.

"I am just looking at all the options. You know that there is a lot of shit going on here, and there is no way we are going to be able to just go around and just be acting like chickens with our fucking heads cut off." He was saying, and then I almost laughed at this, thinking that maybe he was at least trying to be lightening things up. But I did not really feel the need to be entertaining this at all.

"All of those things going on in town are the perfect reason to be taking this thing super fucking seriously. I am fucking convinced that if we do not do something, we will just be finding out that she is dead, and there is nothing that can be done about it." After I said that to him, Benjamin looked like he was just trying his best to process this all.

"I understand that she might be dead, and I understand why you might be hating us if such a thing is to happen. I will do my best to be finding her. Since you are asking me to bring her home, I will be doing whatever I can to do this. But if she is gone, then I will still find out what happened to her, and bring you some conclusion." Benjamin said, and this time, when I was seeing him saying this, I was almost buying what he was telling me.

"Please do that. I want her back so fucking badly, that I will do anything to make sure that she comes home." I was saying, and then Benjamin was almost finding this statement to be admirable, the fact that I was willing to be sticking to her this much. But she was my fucking sister, and there was no other fucking option, in my fucking mind.

"Thank you for your patience, and thank you for telling me about her. I remembered when she went missing, and I was rather sad at this fact. But there was nothing that I could fucking do aboyt it. I mean, I was just some worthless high school student, and I am just some worthless officer who nobody takes seriously." He said, and then I was looking right at him, wanting him to be against beating himself up so much.

"If you can find her, or even just proof that she is dead, then I will be so much happier. I mean, that is going to already still be more than what I have. I don't want her to be dead, but at least it would be something." I said, and then I was shaking my head at this prospect. I was just not wanting that, but I knew that it was that.

I was standing up, and I was ready to be heading out, thinking that talking to literally anybody, even the fucking police, was a fucking waste of time. Then he was calling out to me one final time, and this time, I stared right at him, and I was seeeing that Benjamin was just looking totally out of it, and was really looking sad.

"Sheldon, I know that what I just said is not going to be satisfying you, and that you want her back. You have every right to be feeling this way, and I am sorry that I can't be able to give you a better promise. But as long as you give us a chance, and give me a chance to see what I can fine, I will really appreciate it." After he was telling me this, I was sighing, and slowly nodded, just not wanting to be fighting anymore.

"I think that if you can promise me that you will even just fucking try, then I will be happy. You know, I know that I can't be living in this uncertainty anymore. I have been having this thing eat my fucking mind for years, and I am at the point I literally can't fucking take it anymore." I was shrugging, just thinking that I could leave it all alone now.

With that, I was not wanting to argue anymore, and I was feeling like I was just pushing my luck speaking to him right now. He was never going to be wanting to find her, and I was well aware of this. She was never going to be coming home. Even if Benjamin was going to try and find her, nobody else was going to fucking find her, and even try, and it was just going to be him.

When I was out of the room, I was seeing a couple of officers looking right at me, as if thinking that what they were seeing was the funniest thing in the entire world. I was not really in the fucking mood to be dealing with them, and I was never going to be seeing them eye to eye.

I knew who some of these officers were, and some of them were just too far down for me to be thinking that they were actually good guys. I thought that every single one of them was going to be out there to just further drive this narrative that everybody was evil.

The main reason I was thinking Benjamin was going to be a man that I could trust was the fact that I was thinking that he was still relatively young, and you know, I think that he might at least have been able to fucking get the hell out of this on his own. I hated the fact that I was using him like this. But at the same time, I was feeling like I had no fucking choice.

I was sitting down in my car, and as much as I was hating to admit it, I was wondering if I was putting Benjamin in danger by making him do such a thing like this I was feeling like I was needing to just give him some time, and I was hating to admit it, but I was thinking if he did not want to be looking into this, I was feeling like I was needing to give him a honest to god chance.

I was wanting to keep Benjamin safe, even if he was not wanting to help me out, since doing something like this might be getting him to fucking believe that I was a fucking good man. You know, I needed to try and get him to think that I was a good man, since if I did that to him, and made him have trust in me, we could be able to work together for a while longer.

I was thinking that in all honesty, my best fucking idea was to just bullshit about this whole thing as long as fucking possible. You know, maybe Benjamin really did have some clues on what happened to her, and he was scared of telling me there, for the idea that maybe the other police were going to be finding out. You know, as much as I was hating to admit it, I was thinking it might be the case.

Eventually, I was driving all the way back to where Harold was living, since I was certain that if I could meet him, and fucking talk to him, and work with him, then he might be able to believe that something was going on with his father. You know, I was feeling like I was just needing to be taking the chance. Harold was the only man that I wanted to fucking work with here. You know, since I think even Natalie was not wanting to help me out much anymore.

I parked the car near where Harold's house was, and I was seeing that there was still a lot of garbage here, and I was laughing at this, thinking that maybe Harold needed to clean this shit up before anybody was going to be coming here again. I was smoking another cigarette, and then I was getting out of the car, and slammed the door shut, thinking that no matter what he was going to tell me, I was going to be forcing the info out of him, and he was going to work with me.

As I was starting to walk towards where he was, I was seeing that the door was wide open, and I was thinking that maybe there was nobody home. So I was thinking that maybe I could just walk inside, and see if perhaps Harold was going to not be here. Or his father, or really anybody, and then I could just fucking get everything that I wanted.

When I looked around, I was seeing that my idea of nobody being here was just going to not work. I was seeing that Harold was sweeping up the area for a while, and then he was looking right at me, and I was seeing him clearly looking like he was having no fucking patience with this. "Hey Sheldon, are you still going to be trying to find out what is going on with my parents?" He asked, and I was hearing him not even invested here.

"Yeah, I was. But do you know anything about what is going on with this house. Do you think that I might be able to find some information if I just wander around, and look for stuff?" I was asking, thinking that maybe some of the trash could have been able to help me out. The way that Harold was looking at me was showing that this was indeed not what he was wanting at all.

"I mean, I technically am not going to stop you from looking around. But seriously, I think that you just need to be careful here. I think that if you find something going on here, then just don't be doing anything too crazy. I feel like you are never going to be listening to people anyways, no matter what they want to tell you, so I am not going to even waste my time." Harold said, and I was seeing him just looking like he lost all hope in humanity now.

"I just think that I can use whatever I can find. If anything is to come up, I will make sure that you never have to be connected to it all. If you feel like that might be helping you out..." I was saying, and then he was laughing at this, as if thinking that I was wasting his time here, and that I was just needing to fucking stop. Or else I might actually be pissing him off.

"You know, if you are going to find something, I will not give you the chance of bringing it to me. I think that you might be thinking about what you are doing, and I support that you are sticking to your beliefs. But I love living, and I am going to keep doing this as long as I can, and I will do anything to denouce any involvement that I am having to this." Then with that, I was nodding, as if feeling like he was not needing to tell me this right now, and that he had made his point earlier.

As I was looking around, I was looking up at the room where the office was, and I was becoming more and more convinced that I was needing to be going back to that area. I was thinking that no matter what was happening, I needed to know what the hell this man was hiding. I was going to go up there, and I was going to be making it clear to Harold what was going on, even if he was hating it all.

So with that, I was starting to walk up that set of stairs, and I was thinking about why the hell I was even trying so fucking hard to be looking in this area in the first place. I was thinking that I was just baiting the fucking fire by doing this. Maybe doing that was fine though. I want to fucking just look at everything, and I was aware that if I left anything out, I was going to be putting down everybody who was living here.

Once I was in the room, I was just looking around the whole area, and I was just amzed how even with everything going on today, and what happened yesterday, that it was still looking relatively clean and fresh. I was confused at how the hell this was even fucking happening. Then with that, I was just thinking about the fact that I was needing to not be focusing on that.

I was then telling myself that maybe I could look in that drawer again, and that by doing his, I could pull out the info, and then show Harold, and then by this point, there was no way at all he was going to be able to fight me. You know, I was thinking that maybe this was the best way to go at it.

The next thing that happened was what was making me feel like that maybe I was being careless around here, and that I might be pushing my luck to be a bit too hard. I sat down, and I was ready to be pulling out the drawer. As I was doing this, I saw that there was not all that many things in that drawer. I was not even seeing the basic list of names that I had once seen earlier. I was scared out of my fucking mind on what I was seeing, knowing that he had known what I had done.

I was pulling out some other files out of those, and then I was just trying to find whatever the notes were saying, and see if these things were going to help me. The first note was saying something about how a deal that happened about three months ago went, and I was seeing that there was a bunch of statistics when I was looking around.

In all honesty, I was just fucking pissed. I was not in the mood, and I was not wanting to pretend like I was in the mood. So with that, I stood up, and then I was walking out of the room, and I was ready to be giving up, and I was just thinking about if Harold had known the whole time, and was pretending like he did not know. Considering how this happened less than a day after I told him all of this.

I was just staring at the house for a moment, and I was growing a level of fear in my mind, and I was going to fucking burn this place down one day. With or without him in it. I was thinking that I would gather up all the info that I needed, and then I was going to just set a match down and make it all go down to the ground. And if I was going to get arrested for it, then I would fucking be proud of being arrested.

I stomped the cigarette that I was smoking down, and I was driving for a while, getting close to my house when I saw something in my car. I was confused what I was seeing in my car, and then I was telling myself to fucking calm down, and just fucking read it. I was taking a deep breath, and parked it. I was wondering if such a thing was a bomb. Which was stupid, but my mind was scared.

I grabbed my item, and I was thinking about how if this was going to be a good piece of evidence, I might as well try and use it to find myself some info, and fucking work hard to see what it was all meaning. I opened up the box, and when I was seeing what was in the box, I was just relatively confused at it all.

I saw that it was another small notebook or something, with some pages ripped off, and I was thinking that I was going to have no choice but to be looking at these later, and then when I was done, I was seeing that there was indeed a message for me. I was sighing, and told myself to just fucking read the note. The person who messaged me was probably going to make it very clear that either they wanted me dead, or they were wanting to work with me.

"Hey Sheldon, I know that you are going around, and I know that you are trying to basically be superman right now. But I think that the matter is that you just need to be aware of some of the other pieces of evidence that are being presented, and I know that you would never reject any of them. I know that you are that type of man who refuses any chance of not having some investigation being completed.

I respect what you are doing, and I believe that in all honesty, this case that you are creating for yourself is probably the most noble thing that anybody in this town is doing. But while you are doing this, many people who know you are going to be scared that you will get yourself killed. And that is something that I think even you know is a real possibility.

I think that after all of this time, I will try and finally help you figure out what you might be able to do to bring more of this together. I believe that surely you understand why people want to act like nothing is happening, and I know that you understand why this is not the best way to be going at this. And that is something that we will work together to change.

You might no know me too well, but you have tried to get me to see your ways at this, and you might want to pretend like you are fine, and that you can be safe doing this all on your own, you know that this is not safe. I compiled a bunch of evidence that I believe will be getting you a head start, while also not getting me killed. I think that as long as you have this, you can see my contribution, and I stay safe, and you find the truth. In all reality, we are both getting what I want.

I know many people are going to call what I am doing the move of a fucking coward, and maybe they are right. But at the same time, I really do not care. I guess that in a way, I am only just fulfilling what people knew about me from day one. Although I think that people do not understand the fact that I really do see how fucking important this fucking thing is.

The only thing that I wished that I could have done was just find a better way to be speaking what I was thinking, and not be finding a way to be acting like what you are doing is fucking stupid. What you are doing is not fucking stupid, and I am not going to pretend like it is. I think that I was worried that if I confronted my fears, and if I tried to work them out, I would be just giving people the bait to continue thinking that many of them were just too obsessed and had no better idea what to be doing.

I have spent years trying to find out the truth, and I have spent years just pouring my heart and soul into things that I know will prevent me from facing the truth. I guessed that no matter what I am doing, I was doing something related to what was happening here. I guess that in that regard, you and I might be the same. Even if you hate to admit it.

But Sheldon, let me ask you a question that I know will actually make you be thinking for one in your life. Do you think that you are actually the right person for something like this? Do you think that you are really going to be making the fucking changes that need to be made here? I think that in all honesty, even if we want to act like we are the only people who can make a difference in the world, the fact of the matter is that maybe we really are not. Or maybe we are not the only ones."

When the note ended, I was having a few theories on who it was, and I was feeling like all of these were perfectly valid ones. And I was feeling like no matter what I was getting myself to look at, there was at least one person who was willing to work with me. Even if their methods were totally different from mine, they were the same thing in the terms of gaining what was best for the town.

Who was even aware of how much I wanted this to be done. I mean, no matter what I might be showing out loud, and to the town, I am not showing truly how much it was bothering me nearly as much as I was showing. I was fucking hating this so much that I was letting it pretty much dictate my life. At least in public, I made it look like I had other things I liked to be into.

The note was making me feel better and worse at the same time. I feel like no matter what I was saying, I was both glad and fucking pissed at what was going on there. You know, glad that people were not as into hiding from this as I wanted to think, and pissed at the fact that some people really did want to know the truth, but were going out of their way to keep it under the rug.

I was then looking at the notebook, and I was going through a mix of emotions. None of what I was looking at was really keeping me from just being confused, since there was still almost nothing that gave me any clues on to who it was. Not because of how fucking vague it was. Because of how much stuff was in there, and how much it was all covering.

I wondered deep down how much this person was caring about all of this information on their own, and how much they went out of their way to actually learn the truth, and how much they were able to hide their interest. That was the thing that was getting to me. I was just wondering how they had kept it hidden all day long.

The first piece of paper that I read was explaining the fact that there was a building that was under construction, as well as literally the exact idea of where this building was. As I was looking at the date this file was made, I realized this file was made about two and a half years ago, and this file was about a building that had been finished.

When I was also looking at it, I was pissed at what I was learning. This was a place that I would go to hang out with my friends. If something was going on here, and I had never noticed, I would never have forgiven myself, and I would treat myself like I deserved to die, which I did.

The way that I was heading there was making me remember what it was like to be hanging out with Jamie, the one time that we were there and the one time that we were just once again being with each other and just enjoying the company we were having with each other. And how I was feeling like I might have been truly in love with that woman.

"Hey Sheldon, how are you? You seem like you are in a really good mood." She was saying, and I knew she was just clearly fishing for the compliment that I always gave her. But if it makde her feel better, it was going to be something that I would not have any issue with giving her. We needed to capture every moment of happiness together.

"I am always in a good mood when I am around you. You always make me feel like a better man." I was saying, and then I was taking out a cigarette, and I was starting to smoke it for a moment. As I was holding one out to her, she took it, and I was seeing her looking like she was feeling like this might have been a terrible choice. "I know that you think that I don't need to do it as often as I do. We have had that discussion a thousand times." I said, acting as if what I was saying was to just shut her up, in a relatively playful matter.

"So Sheldon, do you want to go and watch a film today?" She asked me, and then I was staring right at her, just trying to find a proper way to talk to her, and give her the answer she wanted. "If you have no interest in it, I guess that we can find something else that we can do. But I think that we could both enjoy something like this."

After seeing the genuine look of interest in her face, and like she was really wanting to go on and see it, I was slowly nodding, and I was thinking that maybe I was just needing to let her have this one. If I was going to deny her this movie, and if I was going to make her feel like she had no right to want want this, I feel like I could be the worst guy she would meet.

"Yeah, I think that maybe we can go on this date. I think that you better be the one picking the movie though, since I have no idea what the hell are even free to be watching, and I think that you are the only one who can help me here." I was saying, and then I was looking at her, as I was driving along, she was just looking like this was clarly all that she had wanted, and I was not going to be making this any worse.

When I was parking the car, for a moment, I was looking at all of the options, and then I was wondering what Jamie was so into movies for. You know, just doing nothing besides watching adventure that you were wishing that you would rather go on, and knowing that there are people out there who are having a better time than I.

"Let's go to that one." She was pointing at a poster of a guy who was looming over a girl and they were both looking like they were about to kiss. The guy was having a well groomed mosutahce, and the woman was wearing a red dress I believe. I wasn't paying too much attention, but I was thinking that as long as we were hanging out, I could fake some interest here.

We got out of the car, and we went inside of the teather, and we were watching the movie. It was alright enough, and I guess that maybe I did not really need to tell you the process of us watching a movie to be getting to the next point of the story. Maybe I was just losing track of where I was. After the movie was played, Jamie was looking at me, and I was seeingher clearly looking like she was havng a devious look on her face. As if she was considering this the whole time.

"Now that you know what type of stuff I am into, do you want to possibly go on a little bit of a journey?" She was asking me, and then I looked right at her, almost wanting her to just not make me do something I clearly had no comfort in doing. But then I was wondering if there was a small part of her that was interested in knowing what was happening to all the people in town.

"What are you doing?" I asked, and I knew what she was doing. I was just feeling like I was needing to be making some form of a conversation to her. And as long as I could get her talking, and just explaining her process here, I would be able to just think about how great it was that she was even willing to give me a chance.

"I know you were telling me about the one time you were wishing that you could find some people who were missing, and you were telling me about your sister. You were wanting to know everything about the clues of her. And I was wondering if perhaps you would want to actually look for her?" She asked me, and then I was staring at her, fucking scared out of my mind on what she was even wanting to tell me.

"I think that if you want to go around, and find out what is happening to her, you need to be careful, and I think that there is a chance that you need to just not be doing anything that might be putting yourself in danger." I was saying, and she was looking right at me, as if feeling like what I was saying to her was actually kind of pissing her off.

"There is no fucking danger of just having fun. Oh my fucking god Sheldon, fucking relax here." She told me, and then I was looking right at her, thinking that she was fucking insane. I was thinking that this was easily the most dangerous thing that we could have been doing in the world. But then again, she was telling the truth, and she was right.

"I should have never fucking told you." I was saying to her, feeling like what she was telling me was just going to be the worst thing that she ever said. I was feeling like maybe Jamie was going to be using this as a chance to bond with me, and I was thinking that maybe something like this could have been keeping it all worth it.

"You're right Sheldon. You should have never told me. But you did, and now that you have, I am going to make sure you do everything you can to make you feel peace. Since you are my friend. And friends help each other out. And this helps both of us here." She told me, and then I was looking at her, trying to figure out where she was going with that last comment, genuinely unsure of what she was saying.

"What do you mean, that it will be helping us both out?" I asked, looking right at her, as if just trying to figure out what the hell she was wanting to say. I was feeling like whatever she was going to tell me was going to be something I would fucking hate to hear. But I was thinking that maybe I was needing to fucking hear it, for my own sake.

"I want to fucking live. You know, I want to do something that I feel like will actually be exciting, and will actually make me feel like I am doing something fun, and something that can change it all." She was telling me, and I was looking at her, as if feeling like what she was telling me was fucking crazy. I was refusing to be feeling like she was actually wanting to do such a thing, and that maybe she was just playing with me.

"Jamie, having a fun social life, and being friends with people who matter closest to you is living. It might not feel like the best type of living, but it is there." I was looking right at her, and she was clearly looking like she had wanted to find something to tell me, but refused to say anything further.

"You are the one who is going around, complaining about things not going your way. I think that maybe you will be letting me do the same every once in a while." She was telling me, and then I was pissed, not at her, but the fact that I was giving her these double standards, and she was entirely right about it all, and I was feeling like I was having the right to tell her what to be doing.

"Okay, sorry. I think that maybe you do need to know that despite how much I want to know the truth, I will never do something that I am sure is going to kill you." I was staring right at her, and then I sighed, as if thinking that maybe it was fucking time for me to be finding something that she would want to actually talk about. You know, make the whole thing easier for her to be digesting.

"Alright, let's make a deal, that I think will be helping both of us." She said, and as she was looking right at me, I was seeing her looking like she was well aware of the fact that I was not going to be saying no to this, since I was wanting to see if maybe we were going to be fucking working something else out. "I help you out, and I just see what we can find, and if something happens that scares both of us, I will stop right there, and I will never be looking further into it." She was telling me, and then I was sighing, wishing that maybe I could be looking at her for a while longer.

"I guess that maybe this is going to be better for both of us than I want to fucking admit." I was said, and then I was just thinking about how determined she was to this whole thing, and I was wishing that she never wanted to be looking here at this shit. But if this was something that she was genuinely wanting, then I was never going to be stopping her.

"Thank you for your patience. If I were to try and talk to anybody else about this, they would be thinking that I was crazy." She was saying, and then I was looking right at her, and I was just feeling like maybe I was needing to be finding a way to retort this. In all honesty though, I was just so happy to see her not getting killed without me, that I had nothing to be saying now.

"I think that in some cases, you might be crazy. That being said, I think that maybe this is a good crazy, and a crazy that might work with us here. I love to see people who are willing to look at the fucking truth, and you are giving me that." I smiled, and then I kissed her on the cheek, which made her blush for a quick second, and she was clearly looking like she had nothing to tell me.

"I mean, if you really are crazy, then I think that maybe we are both crazy. I know that no matter what I am, I am fucking stupid." I said, and then we were walking along, and she was thinking of what to be saying next and she was clearly looking like whatever was in her mind, she was just thinking of the way to be suggesting it to me, without making me feel like I needed to try and pamper her to a level of safety.

"Well, I think that there is a certain building that I think we need to check out. I mean, when I go there, and I see everything that is happening, there is always a slight chance that something is just throwing me off." After Jamie was saying this, I saw a million thoughts running through her head, and I was seeing that she was just wanting me to be taking her as seriously as fucking possible right now.

"What is it about this place that scares you?" I asked, feeling like maybe with the way that she was telling me this, I was needing to be taking her much more seriously, and that if she was going to tell me something, I needed to be holding onto every piece of evidence that was fucking possible. "I mean, aside from the forest, there is nothing too scary about this town. At least just as places themselves."

"Well, in all honesty, the main thing that scares me about the place is how fucking perfect it seems. It seems like the place that everybody likes to be going to hang out at. The place that everybody feels like is just able to make us all go there when we have the time." She was saying, and despite the fact that I was refusing to admit it, some ideas were running through my mind, on what she was suggesting her.

"Are you saying that there is a chance that when people go there, that they might be taken when they are too busy hanging out?" I asked, and then I was looking at her, hoping that she would either confirm or deny what I was saying. And that she was not going to be giving me any further bullshit here. She was looking down, as if feeling like she had wished that I never mentioned that idea out loud. But that she was thinking it.

"Yeah, I guess that maybe in some way, there is a chance that this is happening. You know, I think that we certainly must consider it at least. I just think that if we do not look at all of our options, we will be making too many issues here." I told her, as if thinking that her answers were going to be the only thing that would be making me feel like I would still have any fucking chance on making her know that I was at her side, no matter what.

"Jamie, now that you are saying all of this, what do you really think is happening? I mean, I think that perhaps you are believing that something is actually going down. So I need to hear it out." I was just thinking of all of the options here, and I was just saying a bunch of words all at once, trying to be containing all of my fucking fears to a contained level.

"Well, I think that if people really are being taken here, and there is something that is truly casuing this, we genuinely need to be considering why these things are happening, and just going to all of the obvious places that are around." After Jamie said this, I was just thinking that no matter how much I wanted to pretend like she was giving me a load of shit, I was never going to be trying to be acting like what I was doing was normal, when in all honesty, I knew that we were both just lying through our teeths.

Eventually, we were getting closer to what I would see was the newly built skate park that all the teenagers would be going to. The park as well as the hang out place that was made near it, where we would just act like we would properly waste the hours of the summer. Or the weekends, and a lot of the times, just the after school days where I was not even having to be dealing with the constant ordeal of homework. But when we were getting there, I was just telling myself to be there for Jamie, no matter what.

When I was done thinking about things for a while, I was sighing, and I was wondering if maybe going along with her urges might have been at least part of the reason that she had gone missing. I could not believe or fucking accept that something like this was the true issue. But for fucks sake, when I look at this, I feel like this might have been the case.

I felt like maybe if I had just remained quiet, I might have been keeping things better, and I might have been better here. But I guess that maybe I was a asshole, and that I deserved to die. I was going to have to go on and apologize to her family soon enough, and if they were going to believe me, I would be able to get out of it if I explained that I had no idea how bad it would have been getting.

Once I was going inside of the building, I was just checking it around, and it was rather empty besides a lot of skateboards, and I was seeing one other thing in the building that was starting to prove my point that maybe Jamie was right, and that something else was going on here. I saw that there was a bed that was laid down, and was already in use here.

As I was walking to the bed, I was letting the prospects that something like this might have been my first clue that I was going to be needing. I looked around the area, pretending like I was keeping myself safe, and that I was being smart here. I was shaking my head, scared out of my mind, and lifted up the bed when I finally was feeling like I was the only one in the area.

When I was lifting up the bed, I was seeing that there was something like a latch being hidden. I was looking at it confused, feeling like perhaps if there really was something to hide here, they would have used more than just a fucking bed here. I was then shaking my head, and then I lifted up the latch, and I was seeing that there was a small flight of stairs that would have started to go down.

I was about to start heading down when I was seeing some police come by, and I was seeing that they were getting close to parking in this area. I was wondering if perhaps they had known that I was breaking into this place, or if they were going to be investigating this place themselves. Either way, I knew that this was a dangerous idea to be going down this further, and then I was just thinking about if I should continue going, or just leave and never come back.

I felt like maybe I could get a couple of minutes to look around, and then if there was nothing, I would just leave, and pretend like nothing happened. Surely they were not going to care too much if I just spent a couple of minutes looking around, and if I was going to get in legal trouble, I would just tell them that I wanted to find my fucking friends and that I might have taken it too far. But that the intentions were good.

Once I was looking around, I was seeing that it was just a relatively dark area. I was just confused when I was looking around, knowing that there was literall nothing going on. I thought I ould be hearing some noises when I was in the area, and when I heard these noises, I was feeling like I was getting a little bit overwhelmed here, and that was when I was just telling myself to get the fucking hell out of here. I was needing to get something like a fucking gun at least. At least if I was having some form of a weapon, I might have fucking kept myself having a chance.

I was starting to get up the ladder, and then I was telling myself to be going to my fathers stash again, and to take his gun. Once I would take his gun, then I might have some chance of fighting when I would go back down there. Then I could be showing my friends what I found, and show them that I was not going insane. That I was working to find something that could prove that something indeed was actually going on.

Once I was up the ladder, I was closing the latch, and I had wondered if Jamie had gone down there one time, or if she had done something else. At least if something like this was happening, then I might be able to see if this really was a good head start. I mean, there would be no reason somebody would suggest that I go and check this place out, if there was nothing going on here, after all.

I looked around, and I was seeing that there were still the cop car in the area, and then one of the officers was getting out of the car. As I was seeing him getting out of the car, I was aware that I either needed to hide, or that I needed to run away, and that neither one of these options really seemed like a good idea. I was looking around, and I saw that there was a small window in the area, and I went to the crates to slowly climb myself out of it. All that I knew about this place was that I needed to come back here when I had the chance, and look harder again.

I jumped out, and then once I was out of the area, I went back inside of my car, remembering that it was here this whole time, and that if they had known whose car it was, then I was already in trouble in the first place. I mentally slapped the front of my face in annoyance, taking this fact into consideration.

Then I started up the car, driving along for a while, and I was just taking a bunch of heavy and deep breaths. Just basically telling myself to focus on what was ahead of me. I was tired of fucking running, and I was tired of fearint the police. I was just not even sure which ones I could trust, and if there any that I could trust. I was feeling like in a way, I was not even able to go on and trust Benjamin. Thinking that there was a small chace that he really was just using me for something.

As I had been thinking about that, I wondered why the heck I was even getting all of my hopes up so much. The only thing that I had been really certain of was the fact that perhaps Benjamin was just not wanting to have that discussion with me. Since he knew what was going on, and he was just wanting me to speak to me, and see what I could have said.

I smoked a cigarette for a few seconds when I was in the car, and I was shocked to see that the police were not leaving yet. At first I was thinking that maybe people knew that I had gone there, and that they were coming to try and talk to me. Then I was lowering the window, to let the smoke out, and I was hearing tthose noises again. This time, they were even fucking louder than before. I knew that no matter what I thought earlier, those men were not trying to speak to me.

I was shocked to be taking this into perspective. Knowing that they were not here for me, and that they were up to something else, and that whatever they were up to, ight just very well have been more important than literally anything that I was doing to them. Either they were actually taking their job seriously, and I was judging them wrong. Or they had been behind this shit the whole time. I knew for fucking sure that it was going to be one of those two.

I started up the car, and I eventually, was thinking that I had finally pushed this whole thing too far. I finally understood one fucking thing. I understood the fact that I was needing to possibly talk with my parents again, and even if they did not take me seriously, I was wanting them to be giving me a chance. I was wanting them to be taking me seriously, and to at least hear out what I have to say. I was feeling like if they were going to be giving me this at least, I would have felt so much better.

I knew for sure that if Riley was still alive, and if she was still here, then she might have been down there. She would have been down there, and she was going to be the only thing that I could change. I also felt like no matter what was happening, I was just not ready for anything that I had been doing. I needed to have something to defend myself. A gun or something could have fucking helped me at least a little bit.

I could not believe that I had actually finally gotten so close to figuring out the truth. I felt like I was having the answers right here, and that I just needed to be objective, and not to waste any of my time here. As long as I was willing to do that, and willing to defend myself, then I might be making the message clear for all of those around me. I would kill somebody if they were going to try and do something to me.

Eventually, I reached my house finally. I was going to grab the gun, and when I would have gotten it, I would run out, and I was going to just use it to defend myself. Maybe if I asked my parents, and asked him politely, he might be able to tolerate the idea of me doing something like this. Maybe he would even want to help me out. I knew that something like this was never happening. But my mind was running a million miles.

I was smoking another cigarette before I would go inside, and I was wondering why my dad had so many guns in the first place, when he was never going to need them. You know, I was feeling like if he was needing to use them to defend himself, then surely even he was aware that something was happening. And if that was the case, I was unsure why he was constantly lying to me about all of this. And that was going to just make me lose almost any form of trust that I was having with him.

I got out of my car, and I was going to be speaking with him. I was going to ask him point blank if he had thought any of this was real, and I was going to tell him to spare me any of the lies, or anything. When I would speak to him, and demand him to be fourthright, he might be willing to just cave in, and tell me what was going on. He might be willing to just tell me what was happening, and that was going to be just enough.

I went inside of my house, and when I saw that there was nobody in the house, I was sighing in relief. But I was also a bit let down. I was relieved in the way that I would be safe to take any one weapon I wanted. But I was let down in the way that I was thinking that perhaps I could not be able to speak to my father, and just talk to him, and make him open up to me. I was thinking that maybe for him, it would be better that way, for now.

I saw that his office was still closed, so I went inside of it, and I was seeing that when I saw the small safe where he kept his stuff, I saw that the only type of weapon that he had multiple of was a small pistol. I grabbed the pistol, and I fully loaded it, and then I grabbed two extra full sets of ammunition. I was feeling like that would be more than enough, especially with my sword. Which I had just remembered I had. I would have to use both as well.

I put the gun in my pocket, and then I was putting the ammunition in my other pocket with my money and cigarettes. As I was seeing this, I was finally feeling like I was going to have a chance to be able to defend myself. Then with this, I was nodding, I closed the door again. Then I was going inside of my room, pretending like I might be able to just get out of this fine.

The only thing that I knew right now was just keeping myself down under enough to possibly keep myself safe for another few days while I came up with a real ass strategy. You know, while I actually did something that was going to possibly help me out. No matter what I had wanted to say, I was thinking my friends were going to just come in to support me. If they knew that I was in any actual danger, and that I was in fear of dying, then they would be coming along to help me.

I was aware that Dakota would lecture me, and tell me that what I was doing was wrong, and that I should have never done something like this. But at the end of the day, they were going to be helping me out. They were going to be finally stepping up, and making it something that could bring us together. Dakota was my friend, and he was never going to let me face something alone, when he was aware that it was more than just a simple little disagreement.

Eventually, I also had to consider something else. Who the fucking hell sent me that stuff, and who the fucking hell was going to be my ally, or at least trying to pretend like they were. I was feeling like that question was going to be much more important than anything else, as it was the only thing that I could never even begin to have an answer for.

Then there were all the missing variables that had been brought up recently. Such as those notes on the tree house, that meeting I found earlier, the notes, and some extra pointers people had given me here. I was feeling like literally no matter what I was wanting to do, there was going to be too many things that I had even wanted to do. In all honesty, I was feeling like I was just needing to find some fucking plans that could actually bring some things together.

Then I was thinking about what I would even tell people if they were aware of what I was wanting to do. If I was going to try and tell them all of my plans and stuff, they were going to just brush me off, and they were going to pretend like either I was insane, or that I just needed to be quiet about what I was doing. I did not get it, and in all honesty, I was not caring.

I was smoking a cigarette, and I was having no idea why I even fucking cared what people were going to be telling me what I was giving them the impression of. In all honesty, they were going to be annoyed with me, and that was something that I was just going to have to accept. I went to Dakota's place, and when I parked the car, I was just rubbing my eyes, just tired and annoyed with everything going on in my life.

I went to his door, and knocked on it for a moment, and when he answered, I saw him looking like he was just wanting to see what the issue was. I saw him clearly looking like he was just so happy and on top of the world, that when I was seeing this, I was just telling myself to once again get the hell out of here, and just not be speaking to him about anything in the town. So with that, I was just feeling like I needed to let him start the conversation.

"You look like you are bored out of your fucking mind." After he had told me this, I was laughing, as if thinking that despite all the emotions that you could be able to use to describe the way that I was feeling, bored was the one that I could never fucking use, since there was too much shit going on to ever make it boring.

"Well, I think bored is the only word that I can never use when talking about the things going on at this town. You know, I think that when I think about words to describe this situation, I am just feeling more defeated than anything else." I said, and then I was looking right at him, feeling like maybe the way that I said that was going to just make him be buying what I had been telling him.

"Sheldon, why are you worried about feeling defeated? I mean, despite everything that I have said about what I feel on this here, you never felt defeated. You know that feeling defeated is just something that shows that you hardly care anymore." After he had told me this, I was unsure if I was going to be calling this hardly caring. But at the same time, I had no idea what it was either.

"I think that after all of this time, I literally have no idea on where to be going. I think that after all of this time, there is literally nothing that I can fucking do. You know, that is why I feel like no matter what I want to do, I just can't decribe it at all." I was telling him, and I was hoping that maybe Dakota was going to spare me some sympathy, and that things were going to be alright. "I think that maybe I was too busy turning everything into evidence, when none it really is."

"Oh that is not true. No matter how much I hate to admit it, I know that much of this is evidence, and I think that you probably are just tying everything together much more than I want to admit. But that does not mean that I have to be liking it. But the truth is that this is the case." He said, and then I sighed, not wanting to hear it.

"Dakota, I have like five hundred fucking discussions, and that each one of them actually fucking connect, and they are all different reports on shit. I thought you of all people would be telling me not to be thinking too much on this. And here I am, doing the exact thing you want, and you are getting angry at me?" I asked, as if feeling like this whole thing was too much to handle.

"Sheldon, that is the issue. They are all different reports, because they all go different ways, and you surely understand that this is just the way that lives are being lived. You know, I just think that your investigations are having a hard time connecting to things. But that is because you are just trying to answer everything. But what do you think matters the most?" Dakota asked, and I knew what to tell him this time, no waiting.

"I want to know what the hell I could do to make sure that I know the answer to Riley. Simple as fucking that. I want to know what happened to Riley, and that is why I went to a police officer to talk to him about it just a couple of hours ago." I said, and then Dakota looked right at me, and I was seeing him looking blown away by what he was saying.

"Sheldon, what the hell is your plan with talking to the police? You know, I think that maybe when you talk to them, you are going to be submitting to what they want. I mean, all you do is talk about them and hate everything that you do." After he was telling me this, I was sighing, and I was wanting to just talk to him straight up, and not be making any real issues on this whole thing.

"I talk to them because there was one officer that I know that I can work with. He was a man who knew Riley for too long, and I think that perhaps when I speak to him, he might be willing to give me some ideas on what had happened to her. I feel like perhaps I just need to have my options open, and I trust him. Even if I do not trust the others." I said, feeling like perhaps that was a fucking stupid idea, and that was something I was aware of. He was staring at me, and I was seeing him refusing to understand what I was saying.

"Sheldon, you know that getting close to some people is going to be the thing that is going to be really easy to have them turn on you? I mean, I think that you understand that, so I am not even going to bother lecturing you on this." After he was saying this to me, I was nodding, and I was thinking that Benjamin was wanting to know what happened to Riley, and that I was going to be finding her. And that he was the only way to be helping me.

"I think that he is too young to be a part of anything. So I think that in all honesty, we can just ignore some idea like this for the time being. But I think that when we finally can just bury the hatchet, Benjamin and I can finally make things work out for the best. You know, I think that perhaps he is the only person is going to give me any hope. You know, hope is the only thing that I want." I was saying, thinking that I could have just see what he was needing.

Dakota was slowly nodding, just feeling like there was nothing else to be doing for the time being. "So Sheldon, when you speak to him for the time being, do you think that maybe he is going to be talking to other officers? I mean, I think that perhaps you understand that at this point, something like this would be making some sense." Dakota asked me, and then I was thinking about it for a little bit while, as if thinking that maybe I could have made a giant mistake, and that this was the worst mistake.

"Okay, I guess that makes sense. I never wanted to admit it. But you might be right on this. I can't fucking believe that I never thought on this for too long. Maybe that was all my fault, and I feel like maybe that is my entire fault." I was letting the gravity of the situation sink in, and I was feeling like I was the biggest retard that I had ever met in my life.

"Sheldon, what are you really going to be doing to speak to him? You know, if you are going to be working with him, do you think that you are going to be prepared for every possible outcome?" He asked me, and then I was rubbing my eyes, as if thinking that he was just needing to be fucking quiet here, no matter what I was wanting to tell me. I was thinking that I could just try and explain it all a bit better.

"I think that I am going to be trying to work with Benjamin for a while, and that is the only thing that I can be sure of. I already am working with some other people, and I am actually starting to think that maybe I can work with Harold as well. You know how crazy that sounds, but I think he might be a decent guy." I said to Dakota, and he was giving me a look on his face, as if thinking that what I had said was just perplexed.

"What, I think that the idea of Harold Wilson of all people wanting to work with this is just a dumb ass idea, and I think that you are aware of this. You know, I think that you just need to try and be realistic when looking at this, and not be getting too comfortable here." He was saying, and then I was just thinking that while he was right, he needed to be given a chance.

"You know, Harold needs something to make him feel better. You know, I think that if I can speak to him, and make him feel like he has a friend here. I feel like I made a simple mistake totally judging him, but that there is nothing that I can do about it." I was saying as if thinking about the fact that for better or for worse, he was possibly going to be my best chance to fucking work with me, and be my ally here.

"Alright, if you say so. But if it turns out that he is nothing like you are trying to give him credit for, then you do not need to try and give me any fucking bullshit here." After he had told me this, I was sighing, and I knew that no matter what the heck Dakota was going to tell me, I was thinking that there was just nothing wrong with admitting that I could have been wrong with how I was looking at people.

"Well, regardless of what you are doing, just make sure that you are going to be having some real back up stuff, and that one of these ideas do include flat out quitting." After he had told me this, I was not wanting to hear him tell me this. But at the same time, I was thinking that he was being fair enough, and that I was just needing to be giving him a chance to help me now. I was tired with being a failure, and that was all that I was thinking now.

I had no idea what the hell I was even going to be doing, and to be honest, I was just sort of used to the idea that Dakota was not going to be helping me out at all. Nothing against him. After all, I had started to think that maybe he would have wanted to do something like this. But he was off doing his own thing, which made me a lone agent.

I sat down in my car, and then I was just telling myself to calm the fucking hell down, and just pretend like what was happening was all normal. You know, every town in the entire world had missing people. There was literally not a single place on earth that did not have missing people in it. So I was just thinking that people were needing to relax with this now.

As I was about to leave, that was when Dakota was coming up to my car, and then I lowered my window, wondering what he was going to want to tell me. I was seeing a couple of seconds of him looking unsure of what to be tell me, or at least unsure of the wording. But then he was sighing, just thinking that he better just find a way to make this feel different.

"Sheldon, no matter what is happening, and no matter what I have been saying this whole time, I really do support what you are trying to accomplish. I am sorry for doubting your methods on trying to reach out to people like Harold. I think that perhaps I was just unsure of what you were saying when you came out to him. It just sounded like you were sort of going through cement." Dakota said, and then I was just taking a long and deep breath, unsure of what to say now.

"Thanks Dakota. I guess that I think that there really is something different here. I am going to be speaking to my intel again, and I will see if he has something to say." I was saying, and then I was taking out another cigarette, and then I was seeing Dakota walking back, and then he was giving me a thumbs up, and then I saw him gulping, as if hating the fact that he was going to be telling me this. So I knew that it must have been good.

"If I find something that can help you out, then I will do my best to bring the info to you. I don't know what I might find. But I guess that maybe there is something out there that can help me out." After he had told me this, I was seeing him looking truly unsure of what the heck he was even wanting to tell me now.

"Thank you for saying that. I really need the assurance that you will try and bring me something." I said, and then I was sighing, as if feeling like what he had said to me was going to be blowing me away. In all honesty, I was thinking that what Dakota was telling me was only going to translate to a week or so of him doing this.

Just as I was about to leave, I was then thinking of something that was slightly confusing me, and then I was looking right at him. "Dakota, I know that this might not be all that important, but I am just curious... Where is Ashley? I did not see her once this entire conversation." I was saying, and then Dakota nodded, as if feeling like what I had brought up a fair enough response, even if he was not wanting to admit it.

"I have no idea what she is doing. You know, I think that she might be doing something with her parents. So I am not going to be too worried about it." Dakota said, and then there was that part of me that was telling me that this was a terrible idea, and that maybe I was needing to go on and check up on how she was doing. That coudl have given me at least some fucking idea on what to accomplish now.

"Alright, thanks for letting me know." I was saying, and I was not terribly sure of how much that I meant this. But I was feeling like maybe saying something like this was just going to be making it seem like I was not too worried, even though I was worried out of my fucking mind.

With that, I started up my car, and then I was driving along for a while, and I was just telling myself to be calm, and that I was just over reacting. I was just telling myself that Ashley did not need to spend every minute with us, and that if this was going to be the way that I was acting right now, then I was more fucking clingy than fucking Dakota, and that was saying something.

I was then thinking about what I was going to be saying to Todd, and I was wondering if Todd was even up to anything right now. I mean, I knew that he was probably at least looking for something, so that was not the issue. But there was something else that was bothering me. I was bothered by the fact that there was nothing that I could even say that would be giving me any closer to the end. I guess that I was wanting to just see if he was holding up a bit better.

Eventually, I parked my car, and I was about to head on right to the phone booth, to be making a call to Todd when I was seeing another car coming right up at me. This car was nothing that I had seen before, and then I was looking right at him, confused as wall hell, I was just wondering who was wanting to even speak to me now.

I saw that it was Natalie, and when I was looking right at her for a moment, I was shocked to be seeing her, and I was wondering what the point even was. "Hey, what are you up to?" I asked, as if feeling like being respectful was going to be the only thing keeping me from wondering why she was trying to reach out to me. "I am just making a call with somebody."

"Are you willing to talk for a while?" She asked, and then I was staring right at her, and then I was thinking about the call that I was wanting to make with Todd, and I was wanting to just fucking talk to her, and see if she was having any clues for me. With this, I was nodding, and then I was holding up my hand as if feeling like I was needing to say something else.

"Just let me make this call first, and when I am done, you can tell me what is happening." I said, as if thinking that she better be finding something good for me. I was wanting to work with her, and I respected her. But when I was seeing her every ten seconds, I was wondering what she was wanting. I was wondering why she would not just tell me that she liked me, and then we could just get it over with.

I was telling myself not to be making the jokes right now, and that I needed to just hear her out. Natalie was going in her car, and I was wondering if I ever seen her using that car before, and I just was never paying attention, or if this was a new car that she was wanting to just start using right away.

When I was putting in my number to be speaking to Todd, I was waiting for a few seconds longer before he answered. Once he answered the call, I was feeling like I just needed to speak to him as calm and collected as possible. You know, just to make it very clear that I was wanting to be helping him out here. "Hey Todd, I was wondering if you were having anything that you can use to help me out." I was saying, and then I was thinking that maybe I was just needing to give him a break now.

"Sorry, I have been just trying to help something with my friends. I am sure that they really do have something though, so I am going to try and learn what their thing is. You know how that is probably." After he was telling me this, I was sort of sighing, and I was wishing that he never had said that to me, and I was wishing that he could have helped me out better. But I guess that he was up to things in his own life as well. You know, I was just being ridiculous here.

"Todd, do you think that you are actually making any progress here? I mean, I know that you are wanting to know the truth, as much as I do. You know, this whole thing is just starting to worry the shit out of me. I found some notes that I am certain will be helping us out." I said, and then Todd had no response to what I had just said.

"I do want to make progress. Do you have any idea what the hell that note is for? You know, just trying to figure out where we can be able to get a start." After he was saying this, I actually had to be thinking about it fr a few moments longer, and I was thinking about what the hell I was even going to tell them. You know, I was not wanting Todd to just be brushing me off as trying to find something that wasn't even going to matter.

"Well, it is a item that is related to a bunch of reports of the people who had gone missing. I think that maybe I just need to find a way to know who the person who gave me that even was. I think that maybe if I can go on and meet him, and learn why he gave me that info, everything is going to go by much better." I said, just thinking that there was nothing else to even say now.

"Oh shit, I wonder who could have wanted you to read that in the first place? Do you think that maybe they are just trying to throw you off right now?" Todd was asking me, and then I was shrugging, as if thinking that something like this was quite possible, even though I did not want to admit anything like that.

"I know, right. I think that when I am going to try and reach out to this person, I am going to have to be very honest with this, and see what the man wants to tell me. Maybe if we work together for a while, he will just tell me what the issue is, and everything will be fine." After he told me this, he was shrugging, as if having nothing to say now.

"Well, no matter what is happening, you better take advantage of that. You know that you are not going to be having any chance to reject anything like this. But I guess that you might already know something like this." After he was telling me this, he seemed to look entirely uncertain of what to be telling me now.

"Yeah, I am well aware of something like this right now. You do not need to be telling me anything like this. But honestly, I think you just need to be safe while I am doing this. I think that since these people could possibly know who you are now, this is not going to be something easy to handle." I said, and then I was nodding, as if feeling like something like this was going to be the only way we could have gone out of this.

"You think that I don't know that? I mean, in all honesty, there is not a very high chance that they are going to want something with my friends or something like that. It is the fucking fact that no matter what I do, I am always going to have to realistically look at something like this, and just try to see what is going to be worth it all." After he was telling me all of this, I was seeing him looking terrified, and I was wanting to just try and pretend like nothing was scaring me.

"I think that something like this might be my biggest regret. You know, just trying to make sure that nothing fucking happens to my family and nothing to my friends. If something is to happen to any of them, I will fucking feel like I will be the biggest fucking liar in the entire world. Nothing I would ever do would be making me feel any better." I was shrugging, having nothing I was wanting to say now.

"Sheldon, you can't fucking change what is happening in this town, even when you want to do something like this. You know, you are just going to have to accept the fact that people really want to be doing their own thing, and i think that you might be able to understand that." He was telling me, and i was tired of the defending me shit. But I was not caring anymore.

"But I want to change this whole thing. I am tired of how fucking shitty everything is going, and I am tired of always making people angry at me. I want to be happier, but I want to just make peace with my life. Do you have any idea how something like this really is?" I asked, and then I was feeling like I was done making my point, and I might as well just leave this whole thing alone, and not be too worried about anything like that anymore.

"Well see you Todd. One last time before I go, but are you sure that you never found anything? I mean, literally any details might be able to get me something here." I was saying, and then I was thinking that when I could say that, he was just going to tell me the truth, and that there was going to be no more lies. I feel like he was lying to me, and that he was just needing to tell me what was happening.

"I think that when you are pushing me, and there is something in my mind, that there might be one or two things that you might want to know." After he was telling me this, I was sighing, and I was wondering why he would have never told me this in the first place. But I was just telling myself to pretend like I was not having a giant issue now.

"I remember my friend Jenny telling me that her mothing was a few months pregnant, and that she was having a kid. But the thing is that she was telling me that there was no bulge in her stomach, and she said that she had no memory of her parents having sex recently. Which if you know what that means, I think you might pick up on something..." After he was telling me this, it was taking me a moment to try and get it, but I was sighing, as if feeling like maybe something could come here.

"Do you think that she might be adopting the kid, and that saying that she is pregnant will be a easier way to be getting her to understanding this?" I asked, and then Todd was not having much to say for a couple of seconds, but that when he said this next bit, I was now feeling like we were really onto something, and that this was how to make it work.

"That would not be the part that would make me confused. The part that makes me confused is what Jenny told me a few days later. She was telling me that she had heard her parents talking about how it was only a few months along, but that the kid was coming soon. No kid comes along after just a few months. This clearly must be a fucking lie." After he was telling me this, I was nodding, feeling like this might be making a lot of sense here.

"Thank you for telling me that. I will see what I might be able to learn by looking into this." I was saying, as if feeling like there was something that I could just get out of this. "I will try and see if there are other similiar instances of this, and see if maybe I might find something." After I said this to him, I was feeling like there was nothing else to even fucking say now. "Talk to you later." This time, I did hang up, and i was tired of this discussion now.

Once I was done with this discussion, I was sitting down next to Natalie in her car, and I was looking right at her in the eyes. "Seriously, if you have something that you know here, I think that it is going to be best to just not be looking at this right now. I think that you are actually doing something that you are not yet ready for." After I said to her, just wishing that she had nothing else to say, and that she knew that I would be right.

"You did not do all that much that would get me worried. I mean, you are just wanting to know what is happening here, and I think that something like this is totally fucking fine. But in all honesty, do you actually know what you are telling me? You tell me not to be looking for my friend. I forgave you for everything that you couldn't accomplish. You are doing your best. But you need to never tell me not to care about my friend." After Natalie was saying this, I saw her looking like this is not something she was gong to be debating now.

"But I almost got a fucking guy killed a couple of days ago because he was wanting to look with me. Have I fucking told you that? There was a guy who wanted to search with me, and he was wanting to know the truth as well. I felt like I needed his help, so I did not try and stop him. But the fact of the matter was that when that car crash happened, and I barely survived, and he was in even worse condition, I finally realized my mistake." I said, finally letting go of what I was feeling.

"Sheldon, that was a terrible event, and it should have never happened. But to blame youself for something that happened out of your power, to some degree at least, is just insane. You are just trying to throw yourself under the bus for things that really do not matter." After Natalie said that to me, I was just not in the mood for this.

"Why are you not letting me take responsiblity for the mistakes that I have been making? I mean, I know that you are not going to respect what I am doing, and I know that you think I am taking this too far. I guess that maybe I am just trying to understand what the issue is now though." I said, rubbimg my eyes.

"If you hurt yourself, and you tell yourself all of these mistakes, and that it is all your fault, then I think that perhaps you are only going to be telling yourself something that is just taking away the blame from the guy. But in all seriousness, what were you even doing that got you involved with that car crash in the first place?" She asked me, and then I was sighing, as if having nothing that I even wanted to be saying at this rate.

"I was learning what Sherman Peabody wanted to fucking tell me. I knew that if Sherman Peabody was still alive, and able to speak, that he was going to be the only one who would fucking help me out." After I said that to her, she was just looking right at me, and I was seeing that Natalie was having a mlillion thoughts running through her head at once. "If you do not get it, then that is fine. But I think that if I had spoken to him, there would have been something that he could have told me. And I was aware that he was the one who brought prosperity to the town."

"Okay, I guess that it does make some sense. I thought that it just might have been really unsafe to do that was all. But you have every right to be doing what you feel like is right." Natalie said, and I was seeing her slowly calm down, and she was slowly looking like she was thinking that this was not so bad after all.

"Everything about what I am doing is unsafe. Nothing new here." I was telling her, as if feeling like what we were discussing was not entirely unneeded and that we were both just wasting our time with this. Eventually, I was sighing, as if feeling like there was no need to go any further on this discussion at all.

"But to go back to what we were discussing earlier, do you think that perhaps you want to tell me what that is. You looked like you were having something that you just found out, and I want to know." I said, and then I was seeing her slowly nodding, knowing that what I had said was a great for this general discussion. But that she had nothing she even wanted to say anymore.

"I was wanting to tell you that I had actually found something, and I think that you might be seeing that these clues are going to be the best place to be going here." After she was telling me this, I was looking right at Natalie, and I was feeling like whatever she was wanting to tell me, she was just needing to tell me now, and let me know.

"What the fucking hell did you find?" I asked, and I was staring right at her, as if feeling like whatever she was wanting to tell me, she was just needing to be getting right to the chase, and that way, even if I was going to be pissed at what she was doing, I could still be able to work some fucking miracle when going through this whole thing. "I better calm the fuck down, and just listen to you." I said, not even sure if I was buying it.

"Well, I found something that related to some people who were only going missing a couple of years ago. I mean, I was wanting to just ignore the subject. But then I found out that the people in question were only a few blocks away from where I live, and she was a person who helped out my parents quite often back in the day." Natalie said, and then I was just trying to figure out what to be saying now.

"How old was she when she went missing?" I asked, as if feeling like the question was a relatively valid question, and I was feeling like if she was at a relatively advanced age, then maybe I was going to be able to use that as a starting point going forward. "I mean, if she is fully developed and stuff..."

"Why the fucking hell would it matter if she was fully developed or not? The whole thing would fucking suck, no matter what." She was telling me, and then I was looking right at her, and the way that I was looking at her, I was demanding that she was just not going to be pushing it any further. Then I sighed, as if feeling like maybe I was just needing to give her slightly more respect here.

"Just a theory that I have been making lately, and I think that if there is a good chance that she might be older, then fuck..." I said, and then I was shaking my head, taking out a cigarette, and then this was when Natalie was just calming down, and she was thinking that she could have a better answer for me.

"Twenty three years old when she went missing. Is there something going on that I am missing?" She was asking me, and from the way that she was speaking to me, I was seeing her looking like she was just wanting me to be real with her. I was then thinking that she deserved every right to be feeling this way, and that she was just needing to understand that I wanted to tell her the truth, but that for the time being, I needed to be safe.

"I think that if you were wanting to know what I might be thinking, you would be sick. Trust me when I say that. So don't even mention it ever again. I think from this point forward, I really do fucking want you to be taking this as a chance to just stay away." I was saying, and I was not even caring how rude she was going to be finding my statements. I was feeling like what I was telling her was perfectly valid now.

"Alright, I guess that maybe you are going to be serious when you are saying this right now, so I guess that I might be leaving this alone now." After she was telling me this, I saw her looking tired and bored, and I was seeing her looking like she was wanting to find something else to be saying. Although the way that she was wanting to talk made it clear that she did not even want to be discussing anything anymore.

"I am sorry for just always hiding things from you, and I think that you just need to understand that I never have any bad intentions here. But I guess that maybe this is just the reason why we will never be able to probably fully work together." I was starting to put my hand on the car opener, and then Natalie was looking like the question she was going to ask me better be one that I was going to just tell her flat out on.

"If you feel like I won't be able to take this seriously, and that you just are feeling like this needs to be your show, then I will not try and stop you from doing this. But I just wish that maybe we were able to work together better." After she was telling me this, I was sighing, as if feeling like there was no way that we were going to be having a fine discussion here, and that it was entirely my fault. No matter what I wanted to say.

"I know that what I am doing is wrong Natalie. You do not need to be worried about that. You deserve better than what I am doing right now. I guess that maybe I am just too worried about certain things to be feeling like what I am doing is actually fucking smart at all." I was saying, and then I was probably going to be having nothing else that I was needing to tell her now. I was thinking that I just needed to go on and leave it all alone, once and for all.

"Let's just hope that nothing is going on so far..." After Natalie was telling me this, I was seeing that this was her way of basically telling me that she would really hope, for my sake probably, that there was nothing that was going on, that I was pretty much acting like she was not really ready to be handling, for whatever reason.

"Nothing that you need to be worried about. Nothing that you need to be scared for, I am absolutely certain I can promise you." I said, not wanting to make her angry, and not to be raising suspicion on what I had been feeling right now. "I mean, I know from the death glares that you are giving me, that if I were to be lying to you on anything at all, you would not be a happy fucking camper. I guess that maybe something like this would not be too shocking." I said, and then I was smiling, wanting to lighten the fucking mood here, but I saw that she was just no longer wanting to have anything be passed along.

"I can promise you one thing though... If it turns out that I can find out what happens to Jamie, even if it turns out that she died, then I will let you know instantly. I will never hide something like that to you ever. I think that if I tried to do something like that to you, I would be the worst person ever. I would be the one person who ruined everything." I was thinking that I did ruin Jamie's life, and that I was not needing to deal with the guilt of ruining Natalie's life as well.

"You better tell me. Once I find out what happened to her, then I will already feel so much better, and I can finally fucking have at least something addressed for once." Natalie said, and this time, I really did leave, and then as I was walking back to my car, and going toward Dakota's house, just on a hunch, I was having more memories of Jamie coming back.

Once I was driving back, I was remembering one of the days after Jamie had gone missing, and I remember smoking weed on top of my car, in the middle of the empty high school parking lot. Almost just not even caring what the police wanted to tell me. You know, at the time, I genuinely could not have cared less. I was just wanting to do my own thing.

I was tired of just wanting to find her, and having no ideas where she was, and I was feeling like at this point in time, I was just feeling like I needed to find a way to pretend like I was not going crazy right now. Honestly, I had felt like if Jamie was actually out there, doing something, she would have at least told me something. She would have at least told me what she was doing.

I wanted to help her, and I needed to do whatever it would take to help her. But the entire time that I was smoking, I was feeling like I was just having a bit of a moment where I could just brush it off for a while longer, and you know, act as if nothing wrong was happening at this rate. The only thing that really annoyed me was just wanting to feel like I had total and complete pity here, whole also just trying to keep my genuine feelings together.

I knew in all honesty, nobody was really wanting to give me any clues on what the real issues were, so I was just focusing on what the hell I could have done if I was going in that race. But in all honesty, I was thinking that this race might not really have any genuine clues what I was doing.

The race was just something that Jamie wanted to do. The people who were around the race with her might have been the bigger issue. But the race was not going to be something that I was needing to be all that worried over. After I was thinking all of that, I was laughing, just thinking that I was wasting my time feeling like I had any idea what I was doing.

When I was smoking more and more weed, I was feeling like perhaps the weed was going to be the only thing actually giving me any real progress here. I was going to just tell the person that I was not really all that worried about anything, and that I was going to be heading out, and pretending like everything was all fine.

I was going to just head home, and I was going to just pretend like nothing else ever mattered. I was going to maybe speak with some of her other friends. I was going to just speak with Jamie's parents once again, and this time, when I was speaking with them, I was going to demand what the hell they knew about her friends, and I was not going to be wasting my time here.

I mean, I wanted to help them out, and I wanted to help their fucking daughter, and I was wondering if they really actually captured the gravity of what I was trying to accomplish. I was wondering if they really understood that I was wanting to be a fucking hero here. Or if they were going to just pretend like I was only wanting to find Jamie for personal purposes.

The only thing that I wanted to do was just ask them if they were going to trust me, and I was going to tell them to give me a totally honest answer, and if they were not wanting to trust me, then as much as I was going to hate to admit that they might be right in saying this, I was going to just feel like maybe I had made a bunch of real mistakes here.

The only issue that I was going to have with confronting them, was the fact that they were aware that I was hardly even somebody who had a lot of time in her life, and she was going to be somebody who was just sort of there. Her parents would have barely known me, and they were going to feel like perhaps I was not a real friend. That I was somebody who was only pretending to be her friend, for whatever reason. I mean, they were be having a very valid feeling.

But in all honesty, even if I was only friends with her for a few days, I was possibly one of her best ones, and I really earned her over, and I was thinking that I was going to have to keep that in mind for a while longer. I was thinking that I would tell them that this was the way that Jamie had wanted things to be. I was going to tell them that Jamie had wanted to be there for me, and that she wanted me to be there for her.

I would also tell them that I was the only one who was truly dedicated to the idea of finding her, as well as anybody else here. She was going to be needing me if she was going to have any chance of being found. When I would tell them all of this, they were going to be probably seeing that I was not bluffing, and that I was entire honest.

As I was getting closer to their house, I was just telling myself that I was needing to take one final chance to really calm myself down for a while longer. I was taking out a cigarette, feeling like maybe I was going to be wasting my time here. For all that I knew, maybe these people were not even going to be here, and not even all that interested in hearing what I wanted to say, and not give me a chance at all.

I left the car, and then I walked up to the front door, and knocked on it to see if anybody was around. I was taking several seconds to be telling myself to fucking relax, and that this was going to be all that big of a deal. In all honesty, I was feeling like this was going to be perfectly fine. The only thing that I just needed to do was present myself in a fair fashion.

When they answered, I was seeing the mother looking at me rather confused, and she was looking like she was just wanting to see what the purpose of this even was. "Sheldon, what are you doing here? I thought that we told you that we have no idea where she could be." After she was telling me this, I was sighing, and I was wondering why she was being so stubborn about her own daughter. Which just made no fucking sense.

"I know that you said that. I understand that you probably do not want to speak to me. But I want to help you guys out, and I feel like perhaps this is going to be making you feel a lot better. I am going to be trying to see if I could speak with her friends. I truly believe that her friends might have at least something that can help me out." I said, feeling like maybe she was going to just give in, and actually respond to this right now.

"Do you really think that her friends would have known something, and refuse to be telling us anything? I mean, I know that people are stubborn, but when it comes to their own very friends, I think that you are just not giving them nearly enoygh credit." After she was telling me this, I was then thinking that she was needing to be relaxing, and that I was just needing her to understand that I was wanting to give them a chance.

"Yeah, I do believe that at least some of her friends are willing to help her out. I have no fucking reason to believe that her friends are not wanting to help me. Or at least some of them would be wanting to help me. You know, I just think that I want to give them some credit, and see if there is some light at the end of the tunnel." I told her, and I was seeing her looking like she had no desire to be giving me the bullshit at all.

"Well, if you feel like some of them are going to be willing to help you out then are you going to be able to try and actually reach out to them?" After she asked me this, I was nodding, and then I was feeling like I was just needing to be patient with her. No matter how annoying something like this could have been.

"All that I need to know is which ones talk with her the most often. Do you have any clues on where I could go and who I can talk to?" I was asking, and i was not going to let anything that she was telling me let me down. I was needing her to just tell me the truth. I saw her calming down, and I was seeing her looking like she was just wanting her daughter back so bad that she was willing to give me anything at all.

"Well, there is Natalie, and she was the one that told you that she was missing in the first place. So if you feel like you can speak with her, go ahead. I think that you can go ahead and speak with Michael. You know, I guess that he might know something. I don't really trust him. But I guess that maybe he deserves some chance." She said, just sighing, and I was seeing her looking like she was just not even in the mood to be fighting this any more.

"I never spoke to Michael. I guess that anything could be a better lead than nothing. It's a start I guess." I said, and then I was sighing, feeling like everything that was going one was just going to be too much for me to really handle. "I mean, you know, I can understand why you feel like you should never be trusting anybody. I felt the same with my older sister when she went missing. But for fucks sake, I knew that I needed to give some people a chance after a while, or else I was going to be losing all hope."

"Well, your sister had only been here for a few months before. So if somebody were to go around and do something to her, there would be nothing of a betrayal here. So that is totally different. When it is somebody who had lived here for nearly fifteen years, and then something happens to her, the betrayal is so much fucking worse." After she told me this, I was seeing her looking right at me, as if wanting me to possibly see what she was feeling here.

I looked for her for a few seconds, and I was just unable to believe any of it. I was feeling like what she was telling me was just going to piss me the fucking hell off. I was sighing, and then I was wanting to argue with her so badly. I was wanting to tell her that none of this excused what happened to her.

But then I was just telling myself to breathe, and I was just thinking that despite how much she was really pissing me off with this, that she was right deep down. So I was then slowly nodding, to tell myself to forget it and accept it all. "I guess that maybe you might be telling the truth. I just never wanted to be looking at it like that. But this whole thing is just impossible to believe."

"I guess that maybe that might be true. I hate to admit it though. You know, I just wish that you were not telling me the truth. The whole thing is just hard to imagine. But I guess that I always have a level of hatred for what was going on here." I said, finally feeling like maybe what she was going to finally start to work with me for a while longer. I needed to find her, and just get this done with, one way or another.

"Regardless, I know that you probably do not trust me, and I know that you probably hate me for some reason or another, and I am not going to be trying to stop you from feeling like this. I am going to try and see if she has more friends. I am sure that you might have some others that you have in mind. Could you?" I asked, trying to be as civil as possible when I was speaking to her.

As I was starting to walk off, I was looking at her one final time, and I was gulping, feeling like this question was going to be a terrible idea. I was wanting her to not feel offended by this. But I was feeling like I was needing to just get it over with. And if she was going to be angry, at least she would just finish it, and be done with it. "What does your husband believe about all of this? Do you feel like he might have any ideas on what the hell is happening?" I asked, feeling like I was needing to be patient with her.

"He is really having a hard time. He barely does many of the things that he wants to do anymore. I see him crying some nights. Needless to say that I think that he might have a hard time going through this all." After she said that to me, I was then nodding. I had no idea what to be saying besides that. I rubbed my eyes, feeling like there was virtually nothing that there was to say now.

"Thank you. I will keep that in mind. Thanks for talking to me." I pretended to me happy to talk with her, when I was feeling like I had wasted my time, and I was feeling like there was virtually nothing to do to make her feel like like I was going to be a ally. For better or for worse, I knew that she was not wanting to help me. I knew that she was going to tell me off, and I knew that even trying to speak to her was going to be a waste of time now.

Once my flashback ended, I was just feeling like I was needing to try and keep my cool when I was speaking with people about my friends who were going missing. I should not have been too upset about what people were feeling here. But my god, when I was hearing Jamie's fucking parents being like this, I will not lie when I was saying that some of that was making me lose some hope in humanity as a whole. I was wondering what her parents were even feeling right now.

I wanted her daughter to be safe, and I was willing to do whatever it took to be ensuring this. But then again, I guess that maybe they had sort of resigned to the fact that she was probably gone. I was not like this when it came to Riley, and I was wondering if maybe that was just a difference of a defeatist attitude, or just her being realistic when looking at this all. I was shaking my head, and I was thinking that no matter what I was going to talk to Dakota about this time, I was hoping that he was not going to be annoyed with me random approaching him now.

But when I was getting out of my car, and I was seeing Dakota looking down, and I was seeing him looking tired and sad over something, I was feeling like I was just needing to go on and see how he was doing. I sat down next to him, and I was feeling like now was the one day that I needed to be patient, and I was going to be seeing what the issue was, and I was going to do my best to be making sure that nothing about it was going to be getting any worse.

"Dakota, what is happening? Would you be willing to tell me, and I can see if I can make it better." I was saying, as if feeling like asking him this way might be able to relieve some of the tension here, and he might be able to just talk to me, without being angry at me, and just want to tell me what was happening.

"Ashley is gone now." He was telling me, and then he looked right at me, and I was seeing him looking like he was just wanting to see how I was going to react. I was scared of what he was meaning, and I was having a million thoughts in my fucking head as he said that.

"Do you mean, like she is dead?" I asked, and then he was shaking his head, as if feeling like that was either going to be the best or thr worst option that was laid out to us. I was feeling like I was just needing to have him spare me the bullshit right now. "Or do you think that she might have gone missing? You know, to labyrinth?" I asked, and then he was staring at me violently for a second. As if he was wanting to punch me right in the face. Then he sighed, as if feeling like he was incapable of being angry.

"Sheldon, we do not even know is labyrinth is real, and her going missing is entirely your fault, I believe. if you had just stopped with this obsession, she might have been safe, and nothing would have happened to her." He said, and Dakota was looking absolutely pissed at me, and I was feeling like as much as I was hating to admit it, that he was right on everything that he had just said. But the next bit was what shocked me even further.

"I know that you do not have any bad intentions when looking at this stuff. I know that you are just trying to do your best to be helping others out, and that you want to be a hero of your own. And I think that maybe time is here to start to show it." He was saying, and I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to see what I was going to be telling him right now

"If labyrinth is real, and if there is something true about all of the shit that is going on here, then as much as I hate to admit it, she is going to be there. Ashley, Riley, Jamie, all the other people who have gone missing, and did not ever come home, are going to be down there. I wanted to deny it. But it is the fucking truth, and I accept that now." Dakota told me, as if finally accepting the truth of what he was saying, and he was looking like he was sort of finally getting through his stages of grief when it was coming to the truth of this town.

"I knew that the whole time. I knew taht you were just not wanting to admit it, because of what something like this was going to be meaning. I do not blame you for feeling this way at all." I was saying, and I was feeling like if I could make him feel better about what he was talking to me about, then things were going to be fine enough.

"I knew that you were aware of this. I think that was the part of me that was just not wanting to admit it. If I admited that something like this was real, and that it was going all around town, then I was going to have to admit that the perfect image of this town was a fucking lie. I think that I would fucking hate something like this." With that, he was sighing just focusing on reality once again.

"I just wish that something like this was not happening. But there is no way around it, and I think that by now, you understand and accept this." I was saying, and I was looking right at him, as if wondering if he was going to say more. But then he was slowly nodding, just kind of getting over it all, once and for all.

"So Sheldon, I think that for better or for worse, I am going to have to take the idea of helping you out seriously, and I am going to be making sure that no matter what happens here, we are going to be able to find her. And if we can find the others here, then that would be great. You know, I just want her back, and I know you want everybody else back." Dakota told me, and he was rubbing his eyes, and he was going to just clearly try and keep himself calm and collected. I did feel bad for him, knowing what was going to be coming, and how he was supposed to pretend like this was not bothering him at all.

"Good to have you in. I mean, I wanted your help this whole time. I did not want how it got to that point, as I never wanted this from Ashley. I am so fucking sorry for all of that, and if you hate me as a result, I will take credit and ownership over that. But until then, we will focus on her, and we can deal with all of that later." I said, just trying to pretend like I was a good guy, and that I was having some fucking plan here after all.

"No matter what is happening now, we are going to just be making things worse if we debate all of that right now. We are going to need to just find a way to speak to her parents,a nd just force as much information out of people as possible. You know, we are no longer going to have a choice. We are going to have to be agressive with this whole thing. No matter what the results are." I was saying , and I was feeling like the pressure of something like this was finally just coming through to me, for better or for worse.

As I was seeing him getting in my car, he was taking out a thing of weed. "One last time, before we get into serious mode. You know that this probably never going to happen again." After he was telling me this, I was nodding, accepting something like this. I was accepting the reality of whta he was telling me, and I was telling myself to make him feel like I was comitted to this whole thing. I was going to make sure that this was the last time.

I took the weed, and I started to smoke it a little bit. I was just taking it in, and I was just enjoying it for a while, and I was feeling like whatever the hell we were going to do now, our friendship was probably over, and I think that this was both of our ways of just sort of accepting that this might be our last hurrah.

...

After he was done with his next session, he was looking right at her, and he was sighing, and he was aware that no matter what he was going to be telling her, she was going to be blown away by the stuff that he was getting himself into. "In hindsight, I feel like I was a bit aggresive with the way that I was going at it, and that I should have been more careful. But I was passionate about the subject." Sheldon said, and laughed a small bit.

"Sheldon, you were basically going on a revenge story, and you were trying to send a message to these people, correct?" After she asked him this, he was slowly nodding, glad that she was able to figure this one out soon enough, and that he did not have to be spelling this one out to her.

"Yeah, I pretty much was trying to go fucking rambo. I think that maybe doing something to that extreme might have been a really bad idea. But at the time, I was just really into it, and I was really just wanting to fucking pull out all the stops. Maybe I went a bit far, but I never once I felt like at the time, I was making the wrong choice.

"I mean, do you feel like the alliances that you were making with certain people were going to be the correct ones? I mean, over time it seemed like you were having more and more of a problem with reaching Dakota and Ashley, and you were thinking that hanging out with Harold, and earning his trust, was the only way that you could have made things work." She said, and then he was nodding, as if feeling like what she had said was the truth.

"I think that Dakota and Ashley were just going too far into the denial of it all. I mean, I talked with him later about it, and he was clearly admitting that he had known that if labyrinth was real, she would be there. And he was slowly understanding more and more that it was real. He knew it, he just did not want to admit that everything he believed as a kid was not the way that it really fucking was." Sheldon said, and when he was thinking about it, he really did feel bad for him in a way.

"Do you think that if you tried to get him to join earlier, and had you been more calm and patient with it, and you were more open to hearingw hat his side of the arguments were, he would have listened to you earlier?" She was asking him, and then he was nodding, feeling like there was nothing at all he was needing to say to be debating her on this.

"Do you think that trusting Natalie could have been the wrong choice, considering how deep she was slowly getting herself into this whole thing?" After she was asking him this, Sheldon knew the answer to this one and he did not need to be too worried about what he was wanting to say now.

"I don't think that I should have been trying to get her to be going for her ambitions here. That is the thing that I will always regret, and it is the thing that makes me feel like I just want way too fucking far. She deserved better than this, and I did not give her the chance for this to happen." Sheldon said, and this time, he was genuinely pissed at this prospect.

"Do you think that Natalie would have supported you, and would have helped you, if she knew how deep this would have gone, and how deep you were going to be going?" She asked him, and he was shaking his head wildly. He was refusing to believe that she would have fallen for such a prospect. He was refusing to believe that she would have done such a thing.

"I mean, she would have wanted to know what happened with her friend, and she would have done everything that she could have in order to find her, but she would have rejected my way of going at it. Or at least I hope that she would have. I mean, I don't know what the truth of the matter is, and I think that something like this does kind of scare me." Sheldon was saying, letting that reality sink in, the fact that maybe what he was doing made no difference.

"Her friend was pretty important to her, and I think that she would have done anything to be going for it all. I think that in all honesty, she would have done everything at all. I mean, obviously I do not know what she would have done, but I think that there is more to this than you want to admit." After she was telling him this, Sheldon nodded at this, and he was actually thinking a bit deeper here.

"I guess that it is something that we will never fucking know. You know, I wish that what I say is the truth. You know, I think that if it was the truth, then things are so much more simple. It would give me the idea of what I did wrong. But maybe there is something to what you say that might be right. And I guess that maybe this is what scares me." Sheldon stood up, and then he was looking right at her for a moment. "See you next week." With that, he headed off.


End file.
